Avoiding Anger – The First Step The Gemara states in Masechet Shabbat (118b) that if a person properly observes Shabbat, then “even if he worships idols like in the generation of Enosh, he is forgiven.” Even if a person is steeped in idolatry like the generation of Enosh, the first generation to worship foreign deities, he can earn forgiveness through the proper observance of Shabbat. It emerges from the Gemara that Shabbat observance is the antithesis of idol-worship, and is thus capable of reversing the adverse spiritual effects of idol-worship. Several pages earlier (105b), the Gemara teaches, “Whoever tears his garments in anger, breaks utensils in anger, or discards his money in anger, should be considered in your eyes like an idol-worshipper.” Anger, the Gemara tells us, is associated with idol-worship. It thus follows that Shabbat, which stands as the counterforce, so-to-speak, to idol-worship, is a time when we must make a special effort to avoid anger. The Gemara proceeds to explain why unrestrained anger must be regarded with such severity: “For this is the craft of the evil inclination – it tells him today to do one thing, tomorrow to do another, until it tells him, ‘Go worship idols,’ and he goes and worships.” The yetzer ha’ra (evil inclination) does its work by causing a person to lose control over himself, and this is done most effectively through anger. Once a person loses restraint, to the point where he erupts in fits of rage, he comes under the control of the yetzer ha’ra , which can then gradually lead him to worship idols. The message being conveyed is that once a person surrenders to the yetzer ha’ra , even just slightly, by giving in on some minor matter, the battleground shifts, and the yetzer ha’ra then launches the next struggle, targeting a matter of greater severity. If the person continues surrendering, one step at a time, he can eventually end up worshipping idols. And thus the Hovot Ha’levavot teaches that one should not take lightly even small victories over the yetzer ha’ra – because the yetzer ha’ra does not take its own small victories lightly. To the contrary, it builds on each small victory in its quest for a much more significant victory. In a recent article in Yated Ne’eman , Rabbi Elchanan Jacobowitz tells of a conversation he had with Shalom Mordechai Rubashkin when he was in prison. On the first day in jail, the guard threw him his meal, and Mr. Rubashkin looked at it and saw it was not certified kosher. The next day, the warden saw that the inmate had not eaten his meal, and he asked him, “What’s wrong? You don’t want to eat?” “I do want to eat,” Mr. Rubashkin replied, “but I can’t.” “Why not?” the guard asked. “Because the food is not kosher,” Mr. Rubashkin explained. “So you don’t want to eat.” “I do want to eat, but I can’t.” This repeated itself after the next two meals were served. Both times, the guard asked Mr. Rubashkin why he didn’t want to eat, and Mr. Rubashkin replied that he wanted to eat but couldn’t because the food wasn’t kosher, and they spoke in circles. For about 40 hours, Mr. Rubashkin had not eaten a meal. Finally, the guard returned with a double-wrapped meal with kosher certification. Mr. Rubashkin said that this is how the yetzer ha’ra works. The kosher food was there the whole time, but he had to go through this test. The yetzer ha’ra was testing him to see if he would break. Mr. Rubashkin further reflected on the question he struggled with when he was first sent to prison. How strictly and unyieldingly should he insist on continuing all his religious customs and practices? Should he perhaps take a more flexible approach given his circumstances? He answered this question for himself when he recalled a story he heard as a child of two chassidic boys who sailed to the United States together from Europe. They befriended one another on the boat, and then bid each other farewell and parted ways at Ellis Island. One remained fully loyal to his chassidic upbringing as he grew and became an adult, whereas the other abandoned Judaism altogether. Some thirty years after arriving in the U.S., the two men happened to meet one another. After engaging in small talk and finding out about each other’s life, the non-observant man asked the other, “Honestly, I really admire you for sticking with your tradition all these years. But tell me, do you really need to wear that enormous, silly-looking kippah on your head? Can’t you wear something normal?” “That’s a great question,” the other fellow replied. “The yetzer ha’ra asked me that very question the morning after I arrived in New York. I thought about and realized that if I listened to the yetzer ha’ra and changed my kippah , the yetzer ha’ra would throw another challenge at me the next day. it isn’t going to stop. As soon as it pushes me one step away, it will begin its work pushing me to the next step. I realized I was much better off just fighting the same fight every single day, which is much easier than constantly having to fight new fights. And so I’ve been fighting this challenge of the kippah every day for the last 30 years, and I haven’t lost yet.” After recalling this story, Mr. Rubashkin decided that he was not going to change anything. Every small custom that he observed when his life was normal would continue to be observed in prison. If we meet challenges without surrendering, we become stronger and greater. Some have suggested that this is the reason why we eat boiled eggs at the Pesach seder – because unlike other foods, which get softer the more they are cooked, an egg gets harder. The egg thus symbolizes this special quality of the Jewish People, that the more we are “cooked,” and put to the test, the stronger and more resolute we become. This is the message being conveyed by the Gemara in its comment about anger. The easiest way for the yetzer ha’ra to get us in his clutches is by getting us angry. We are naturally driven to anger, and once we become angry, we lose control over ourselves and come under the control of our sinful inclinations. What can we do to avoid anger? How do we fortify ourselves to withstand the natural tendency to become angry at people who disturb us? Rabbi Ades said that the answer to this question is found in the Ramban’s famous letter of admonition, where he writes: תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת לכל אדם ובכל עת, ובזה תנצל מן הכעס שהיא מדה רעה להחטיא בני אדם. “Accustom yourself to always speak all your words softly, with all people and at all times, and you will thereby be saved from anger, which is a negative trait that causes people to sin.” If we get in the habit of always speaking in a soft, calm, gentle tone, we will be far less likely to become angry. Once a person’s anger is triggered, it is very difficult to tell him not to become angry. The trick is to train ourselves in general to be mild-mannered and calm. As Rav Ades explained, a person’s tone when he speaks is the thermometer, so-to-speak, of his mood, of his feelings. When a person is feeling upset and agitated, then even when he is asked a perfectly innocent, neutral question, he is likely to respond in an angry tone. And so by ensuring to speak softly, we accustom ourselves to feel calm and collected, and thereby avoid angry outbursts. Shabbat is the time especially suited to accustom ourselves to speak בנחת , to maintain a calm demeanor in all our interactions. If we continue waging this battle against the yetzer ha’ra , we will avoid further battles, and we will remain free from its control and protected from its persistent efforts to make us fail.