The Complaint Dept: Recent Episodes
complaintdept
Happy Thanksgiving! Here's an unreleased gem from last year's Thanksgiving party. It's just as awkward as a family gathering.
Here is episode 2 of 2 after our long break. This week, Toner brings in airports and the massive pain in the ass the accompanies going to them. Also, we get to hear him tell, what is undoubtedly the funniest drunken hookup story I have ever heard. I bring in The Teal Pumpkin Project. This is a movement to suck the last remaining drops of fun out of Halloween while simultaneously making a bunch of blowhards feel altruistic. Win win!! Then we continue State of Confusion which I have rebranded as State of Collusion because this is all a sham to make me go camping.
We're back and bringing 2 episodes with us!! Episode 17 is the lost episode that we hinted at in Episode 18. In this episode, I bring in people who called people sheeple. These people are better known as self-absorbed, conspiracy theory assholes who think they all know something that the rest of us don't. Toner brings in the trifecta of Apples to Apples/Cards Against Humanity/E-Cigarettes because he was completely unprepared and had absolutely nothing to talk about.
After a short, unintentional, sabbatical, we're finally back in business. This week, Toner brings in the proper response to someone saying thank you. Then he proceeds to sound like a pompous fuck for 15 minutes. Then in defends roofies. I bring in the most objectively horrible piece of clothing, foot prisons a.k.a. close-toed shoes #freethefeet. Then Nick thought it would be cheeky to have me defend Shark Week. Real clever, Nick. Also, Nick brings in a new segment/competition.
This week, Toner goes off about his hate for Confederate heritage. Yeah, take your love for a bunch of traitor losers and shove it straight up your sanctimonious ass. Then I bring in 2 complaints! We go back to Kyle's etiquette school and teach you idiots how to be go co-pilots on long car rides. Stop fucking falling asleep and being a shitty navigator. Then, against Toner's best efforts, I get to bitch about one of my longest complaints, Shark Week. How many years do you have to watch the same fucking thing about sharks until you have finally gotten bored with it?
Episode 14 is here baby. This week, Toner brings in the internet virus otherwise known as clickbait articles. Then he defends the "safety" technology that we call red light cameras. I bring in the archaic, real life Oregon Trail simulation that is camping. Guess what people, sleeping in a shitty vinyl dome with a bunch of people and shitting in the woods is not fun. Then I aptly defend 7 sex tips from Cosmopolitan such as jiggling jiggling balls like dice and giving your man's unit what can only be described as an indian burn
We got quite the doozy this week. I bring in people that comment on shit they know nothing about/monday morning quarterbacks because I couldn'
So this week, I'm speaking to all women out there on behalf of all men. PLEASE stop inviting us to your baby showers. Coed baby showers are the worst. Toner brings in Silk Road. I can't believe I'm about to say this but he actually brought in a bunch of research as well as a good explanation. I, on the other hand successfully made myself out to sound like a dipshit libertarian. Nick talks about some stupid aliens.
So this week, I'm speaking to all women out there on behalf of all men. PLEASE stop inviting us to your baby showers. Coed baby showers are the worst. Toner brings in Silk Road. I can't believe I'm about to say this but he actually brought in a bunch of research as well as a good explanation. I, on the other hand successfully made myself out to sound like a dipshit libertarian. Nick talks about some stupid aliens.
This week, Toner actually changes my opinion (completely shocked) about Free-to-Play Games. Toner then defends beer koozies, otherwise known as a dress for your beer. I bring in another scam. This time, itâ??s the ripoff known as promise rings. Then I defend vows of celibacy. Nasty Nick finds out that brains were just laying around on the streets.
This week, it is all complaints, all the time! We our proud to have our first guest, Jodi. In addition to having Jodi on, Nick also brings in his first complaint. That's right. On The Complaint Dept, we don't just give you a taste, we give you the entire fucking cake factory. Nick brings in the centuries long con known as weddings. Jodi talks about the scourge that is sweeping across the country anti-vaxxers. I wish we developed a vaccine to eradicate these dumb fucks. Toner is sick of being sized-up next to 18 inch dildos. I call out the current "health" trend/pyramid scheme, It Works Global.
One episode away from double digits. Basically the most unimpressive milestone ever. This week, Toner complains about the massive annoyance that are songs that have stupid dancing directions. Then he valiantly defends his weird infatuation with farting in crowded places. I prove that you are all suggestible morons that have been suckered into thinking gift cards are acceptable gifts. Then I defend the awesome clothing known as man thongs.
Double Disagree to Disagree week!!! Toner complains about people saying "my best friend". Yea I know, I'm still waiting for a real complaint too. Then he defends Westboro and tribal face tattoos. I bring the hypocrisy known as gluten sensitivity to light. Then I defend Jar Jar Binks and Lars Ulrich (I'm still sick to my stomach from these)
The Brisket Bandit has been caught!!!!! Yes, I am as sad as you all are. In other news, I talk about that shitty excuse of a Joker that Jared Leto was prancing around as. Toner talks about his distaste for making Vs. movies.
So this week, Toner bitches about copper mugs. Yeaaaaaaa. Then he defends dumbass selfie sticks. I bring in the biggest waste of time in all of "science", cryptozoology. Stop looking for mythological creatures you fucking idiots. Then I defend the much maligned 911 conspiracy theorist. Nasty Nick, beloved audio engineer, tells us about 2 guys who went on an awesome 11 mile journey that every man should have on their bucket list.
On this week's episode, I bitch about how Easter Egg Hunts have become an "everyone gets a trophy" horseshit then defend (without a satirical slant) bleeping out swear words (again zero satire involved) Toner complains about the misuse of jumbotrons and defends the worst clothing item in history, the dreaded onesie. Nick, the audio ENGINEER, satiates everyone craving for more bandits with an all bandit news segment.
So Episode 4 is here along with the website!!!!!!! Below is the link to the website that you can use to listen to the podcast. We are also finally on iTunes so you can subscribe to us on TalkShoe and listen to us through iTunes. This week, Toner expresses his dislike for Airbus and their ability to go on autopilotâ?¦.similar to how he was on this episode. Toner then defends the horrible Indiana Religious Freedom Act. I talk about the scourge of all the wallets of frequent bar goers, bar tabs I then defend minivans (super exciting). Nick brings in news about the bane of my existence, Sasquatch
This week I fight for my right to scalp tickets. Then defend some ball... Toner proves that he's too unintelligent to realize where the exits of the plane are, mourns the loss of Skymall, and defend karaoke. NIck teaches us that you can jerk off into a co-workers coffee and legally get away with it
This week, I fight for equality for all of us allergy sufferers and prove their is obvious practical uses for chop sticks. Toner proposes a reform of the death penalty and defends his love for the bullshit that is corned beef. Nick stumbles across another bandit that we all are huge fans of.
Sweater vests and the plague that is not understanding proper movie theater etiquette. Also, some news about my current favorite fugitive "The Brisket Bandit"