Mind Your Mind - Joseph Tropper: Recent Episodes
Joseph tropper
Mind Your Mind is a weekly podcast of 10 supercharged minutes aimed at making your life better. It's filled with compelling discussions and practical solutions to increase your productivity and healthy living. Check it out today.
Episode NotesWe all like to say that we are okay. But are you really? I don't mean to cast doubt on your wellness. Join me as I explore what is trauma, have you experienced it, is it impacting you now and most importantly, how can you help yourself?!
Feel free to get in touch at josephtropper@gmail.com
Episode NotesI'm back and ready to talk mental health with you!
If you're enjoying this podcast, please send me an email at josephtropper@gmail.com to let me know 1) what you like 2) what you want to hear more about 3) if you want to join me in a live conversation to ask questions or 4) If you want to talk about working together.
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human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.[1] For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting.
Babylonian Talmud (500 AD) notes the human tendency toward projection and warns against it: "Do not taunt your neighbour with the blemish you yourself have."[7]
Victim blaming: The victim of someone else's actions or bad luck may be offered criticism, the theory being that the victim may be at fault for having attracted the other person's hostility.[22] Projection of marital guilt: Thoughts of infidelity to a partner may be unconsciously projected in self-defence on to the partner in question, so that the guilt attached to the thoughts can be repudiated or turned to blame instead, in a process linked to denial.[23] Bullying: A bully may project his/her own feelings of vulnerability onto the target(s) of the bullying activity. Despite the fact that a bully's typically denigrating activities are aimed at the bully's targets, the true source of such negativity is ultimately almost always found in the bully's own sense of personal insecurity and/or vulnerability.[24] Such aggressive projections of displaced negative emotions can occur anywhere from the micro-level of interpersonal relationships, all the way up through to the macro-level of international politics, or even international armed conflict.[19] Projection of general guilt: Projection of a severe conscience[25] is another form of defense, one which may be linked to the making of false accusations, personal or political.[19] Projection of hope: Also, in a more positive light, a patient may sometimes project his or her feelings of hope onto the therapist.
1- Ego Defence accept your own imperfection 2- List positive and negative fears 3- Be accountable to another human being 4- Practice seeing things as they are
Summary: From childhood to present, all experiences contribute to the person you are now. You might not realize it, but somehow, you’re carrying a form of emotional baggage in your life. Why burden yourself in carrying these pains, frustrations, and traumas? Learn to let them go as Joseph teaches us his 3 steps to shedding this baggage. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:24 – Today’s episode is about the 3 Steps for Letting Go of Emotional Baggage ● 00:36 – Thank you for your comments and questions! Connect with us at Mind Your Mind ● 01:09 – Joseph talks about what emotional baggage is ● 03:42 – Close your eyes and think about how much emotional baggage you’re carrying ● 04:12 – Come up with a number/amount of your baggage ● 05:06 – Step 1: Identify what’s in your baggage ● 06:26 – Step 2: Understand WHY you’re carrying it o 06:51 – Habit o 07:19 – Wanting the other person to admit their mistake o 07:50 – Mixed Feelings ● 08:52 – Step 3: Shed the baggage! ● 10:18 – Think about how much you’ve shed from listening to this episode ● 11:25 – Connect with us at Mind Your Mind
3 Key Points:
- Recognize that everyone carries their own emotional baggage.
- Emotional baggage weighs you down!
- You don’t have to carry the baggage; give yourself a favor and let go of it!
Summary: Feeling down from time to time is normal in a person’s life and this feeling might be a result of an internal or an external trigger. It’s not always easy to just shrug off how you feel and sometimes you just have to give yourself time to feel that emotion before moving on. Today, Joseph shares with us the 9 ideas to positive thinking. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:25 – Today’s episode is about starting positive thinking ● 00:43 – “We all feel down sometimes” ● 01:26 – “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Green ● 01:47 – The 9 Ideas to Positive Thinking o 01:54 – #1 Tune in to your heart and breathing o 03:41 – #2 Call a friend or expose yourself to social interaction o 04:13 – #3 Think about your past successes o 04:58 – #4 Sing, dance, or do yoga o 05:17 – #5 Take responsibility for your life o 05:52 – #6 Get some fresh air o 06:02 – #7 Surround yourself with positive people o 06:44 – #8 Despite all challenges, you’re still here o 07:25 – #9 Think about your goals in life ● 07:42 – Talk to a therapist, coach, or a trusted friend/family member ● 08:15 – Connect with us at Mind Your Mind
3 Key Points:
- Feeling down is normal in a human being’s life.
- Things almost always pass, whatever you’re experiencing now, it won’t last forever.
- Get support when you need to — don’t be afraid to connect with others.
Summary: Humans are social creatures and being lonely is almost inevitable in a person’s lifetime. What people often don’t realize is, there’s no need to feel the loneliness — there are always people around who are willing to connect. Today’s podcast episode is about the 6 steps on how to get out of loneliness. Tune in as Joseph lists down these 6 steps and his tips in overcoming this feeling. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:27 – Today’s episode is about the 6 steps out of loneliness ● 00:42 – Loneliness is REAL ● 00:54 – “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty” — Mother Teresa ● 01:13 – Loneliness is something that people experience ● 01:54 – Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings ● 02:25 – Step 2: Self-Talk ● 03:39 – Step 3: Find meaning and focus ● 05:01 – Step 4: Look at your social setting o 05:37 – Social media does NOT take the place of friendships ● 05:56 – Step 5: Have a default reading, walking, and talking list ● 06:35 – Step 6: Do something kind to yourself or to another person ● 08:01 – Loneliness is NORMAL ● 08:14 – Connect with us at Mind Your Mind
3 Key Points:
- Acknowledge that loneliness is a normal thing that people feel.
- Changing the negative self-talks to positive ones can make a huge impact.
- Reach out to people and find social connections.
Summary: How deep have you explored yourself? That’s one question any person should reflect about. Sometimes people don’t realize that the way they act and react to different things are caused by internal factors — these may be past experiences, prejudice, and sometimes instilled beliefs. Today, Joseph shares about the 4 lessons we all have to know in the search for ourselves. Listen to know what these 4 lessons are and how these can help us in moving forward with our lives. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:25 – Today’s episode is about 4 lessons in the search for self ● 00:43 – Every day is an example of finding ourselves more ● 00:51 – The focus of this discussion will be based on Alice Miller’s works ● 01:33 – Joseph talks about Alice’s book, The Drama of the Gifted Child ● 03:00 – Lesson 1: There is a deep root of hurt in every one of us o 03:30 – In his work, Joseph sees child-parent dynamic where parents are powering giants over children o 04:28 – Understand that all people have this deep root ● 04:49 – Lesson 2: How are future events after childhood are influenced by our childhood traumas? o 06:18 – Parenting skills usually comes from past experiences ● 06:45 – Lesson 3: Break free o 07:21 – Start by recognizing your hurts o 08:30 – Human beings are not capable of giving unlimited love ● 08:49 – Lesson 4: Emotional freedom o 09:58 – Tap into yourself ● 10:35 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Understand that in every person, there is a deep root of hurt that can be affecting the way this person acts/reacts.
- Childhood traumas are not easy to deal with. Mourn over your traumas and be willing to let them go.
- No person/parent is perfect — accept the fact that no one could ever give us unlimited love, safety, and security the way we want to receive it.
Summary: In this episode, Joseph lists down the 4 questions you should be asking yourself. Life can be short and it’s a huge reason why we should live it the way we really want to. We’re all given just one life and one chance, and it’s up to us to make the most out of it. Listen as Joseph shares questions you should start asking yourself to know whether you’re living the life aligned to your purpose or not. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode is about the 4 questions to ask yourself ● 00:34 – “The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates ● 01:11 – The 4 Questions to Ask Yourself o 01:31 – What is my purpose? ▪ 01:43 – “Everyone wants to have something they want to live for” ▪ 02:46 – Even if you don’t think you have any idea on what your purpose is, you do — you just have to look deeper ▪ 04:04 – Take a moment to think about your purpose o 04:36 – Will it matter tomorrow? ▪ 05:06 – This will determine how you react o 05:36 – What is my legacy? ▪ 06:53 – Write what your legacy is and work towards that o 07:40 – What do I feel loved for right now? ● 08:40 – Send Joseph a message for your questions ● 09:00 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Examining your life is important in knowing what your purpose is and where you want to be.
- You’ll always know what your purpose is, you just have to listen to your inner voice.
- Before reacting to any situation, think if it will still matter tomorrow.
Summary: In this episode, Joseph talks about the apology. Interaction and relationships with people make mistakes and hurting others is inevitable. Even if hurting another person is not the intention, we have to realize that we all have to give and take. Listen as Joseph shares the 6 ingredients to help you deliver that true apology. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:24 – Today’s episode is about the 6 ingredients to true apology ● 00:39 – It’s not easy to own mistakes but we all have to learn to apologize ● 01:01 – “Never ruin an apology with an excuse” – Benjamin Franklin ● 02:01 – The 6 Ingredients to True Apology o Rewind – take a pause and understand what happened o Remove Excuses – recognize that you have to be vulnerable in apologizing o Remorse – people want to hear an apology with 2 parts of remorse: regret and pain o Responsibility – own your mistake o Repair – make it up to the person o Repeat – be willing to constantly apologize and try to stay away from things that can hurt other people ● 09:10 – “It’s not easy to apologize” ● 09:38 – Amazing things happen when you apologize ● 10:11 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Being vulnerable to admit a mistake and give an apology isn’t easy but very rewarding.
- Learn to remove excuses when apologizing.
- Be willing to constantly apologize when you make a mistake.
Summary: In this episode, Joseph lists down the 5 ways to overcome blindsightedness. While it’s true that people can never see everything in all things and situations, there are ways to get feedback and overcome blind spots in our lives. Sometimes, we just don’t know what we don’t know. Tune in to learn what 5 ways can help you avoid blind spots and how to do them. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:24 – Today’s episode is about the ways to overcome blind spots ● 00:43 – “We all have blind spots in life” ● 01:22 – A quote from the book, Blindsight says, “To this day, I still don’t know what went wrong” ● 01:50 – Expect a discrepancy ● 02:37 – Joseph shares about the eye doctor story ● 03:47 – Be empathetic and sympathetic ● 04:36 – 5 Ways to Overcome Blind Spots o 04:40 – Ask a kid ▪ 05:04 – “Kids say things as it is” o 05:55 – Watch a video of yourself o 07:14 – Ask a co-worker or associate o 08:30 – Find a friend o 08:54 – Write down the 5 biggest complaints of those in your inner circle they have against you ● 09:45 – “You can learn what went wrong” ● 10:34 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes 3 Key Points:
- All people have blindsightedness — we don’t see everything clearly in all situations.
- Learn to expect discrepancies.
- The way you see the world is not the same way others see it.
Episode Notes Summary: In this episode, Joseph talks about the 7 mythbusters about boundaries. Boundaries are set for a reason, and setting your boundaries as a person, should be on your terms. Having boundaries should not be a problem, it’s simply setting limits for yourself and for others in an appropriate and respectful way. Listen as Joseph shares what these 7 myths are, and what truths about boundaries you should know. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:22 – Today’s episode is the 7 mythbusters about boundaries ● 00:54 – “You best teach others about healthy boundaries by enforcing yours on them.” – Bryant McGill ● 01:14 – Myth #1: Boundaries mean that I’m selfish o 01:28 – This myth is what parents impose on children o 01:47 – Parents SHOULD set healthy boundaries o 03:18 – “Boundaries do not mean you’re selfish if they’re executed properly and appropriately” ● 03:30 – Myth #2: Boundaries mean that I’m a rebel o 03:46 – Pushing boundaries doesn’t mean you’re a rebel ● 04:15 – Myth #3: I will lose popularity o 04:43 – Healthy boundaries mean not doing work or taking responsibility that isn’t yours o 05:03 – Make sure to acknowledge other persons’ feelings if appropriate o 05:14 – Relationships sometimes push boundaries o 05:40 – Dealing with people with mental or emotional issues can confuse us with boundaries ● 06:04 – Myth #4: Boundaries mean that I am angry o 06:28 – “Every relationship has its expectations” ● 07:45 – Myth #5: Others will hurt me with their boundaries ● 08:09 – Myth #6: I will hurt others with my boundaries ● 08:27 – Myth #7: Boundaries are not changeable o 08:38 – Boundaries can be changed and modified ● 09:26 – Let other people know boundaries by enforcing yours ● 10:06 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes 3 Key Points:
- Boundaries bring almost a negative sense to people but it actually promotes otherwise.
- Setting up your boundaries don’t mean you’re selfish or you’re angry it’s just putting the line in between what’s okay and what’s not okay for you.
- Having healthy boundaries is the way to teach other people to set theirs.
Episode Notes "Life is the flower for which love is the honey." – Victor Hugo
Summary: Sometimes our lives get too much of the negatives, stresses, and unhappy experiences that we forget to make the most out of it. What happens in our environment affects how we live that we unconsciously forget what things are really meaningful to us. I will share with you 4 Reasons to love and appreciate your life. The 4 P’s to Love Your Life Today – Focus on: o Positive o Present o People o Purpose Put another way, it’s up to you how you prefer to remember them: The 4 G’s to Love Your Life Today – Focus on: o Gratitude o Grounding o Group o Goals
Focus on Positive and Gratitude. Look on the beautiful things in your life to appreciate it. “Focusing on the things that we have really helps us understand things” The brain is trained to look at the wrong and to try to fix things. The Tell-Tale Brain talks about how the brain categorizes things in order. Spend time thinking of the positive and thank God, the universe, or what you believe in for what you have. Positive thoughts make big changes.
Focus on the Present and Grounding. Not being in the present moment distracts us and prevents us from enjoying our lives. “The greatest gift you can give yourself is to be present.” Mindfulness is focusing on what you’re doing.
Focus on People and Groups. “We need to fill our life with love.” People become more generous and loving when they’re with people who make them feel good like family and friends. Socially isolated people tend to be less happy
Focus on Purpose and Goals. People with goals in life are more effective
3 Key Points:
- You only get to live once – make the most out of it.
- The way you see life depends on the things you focus on.
- Live a happier, more fulfilled life by focusing on the things that matter to you most.
Resources Mentioned: ● The Tell-Tale Brain – Book Joseph referenced on how the brain categorizes things Sponsored By:
Episode Notes Summary: In this episode, Joseph lists down Dr. Murray Bowen’s 6 Family Dynamics. Families, just like individuals, are different in their own ways. Conflicts are not a rare occurrence with parents, spouses, siblings or children. Recognizing these family dynamics and what affects families both internally and externally will help us get a better grasp understanding them better. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:22 – Today’s episode: 6 Family Dynamics of Dr. Murray Bowen ● 00:40 – Dr. Murray Bowen’s family systems have a lot of insights that can be very helpful ● 01:15 – Dr. Bowen (1913 - 1990) was a very famous American psychiatrist during WWII ● 01:44 – He was a trailblazer who changed a lot of things in the norm ● 02:03 – Dr. Bowen’s 6 Family Dynamics o 02:19 – Triangulation – the smallest amount of conflict starts here ▪ When a person brings in a third party (maybe children) to avoid issue or to turn attention to o 04:22 – Differentiation of the self – main goals of therapy and life is to be autonomous and mature o 05:27 – Emotional cut-off – avoiding topics and closeness to people who can’t provide it to you o 06:02 – Family projection process – when emotional problems of a parent is transferred to a child o 07:17 – Sibling positions – how birth order impacts personality and development o 08:08 – Societal emotional process – external societal influences that create progressive or regressive behaviors ● 09:00 – Once you start recognizing the patterns and dynamics of what’s going on, it would give you the chance to better understand your family members ● 09:13 – If you need help or coaching, reach out to Joseph at Mind Your Mind ● 09:27 – “Remember, you can only change yourself” ● 09:48 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Understanding your family dynamics can often help you live a harmonious family life.
- Society is a huge impact in influencing your family which creates either progressive or regressive behaviors.
- You can’t change the way people are but you can change yourself.
Resources Mentioned: ● Dr. Murray Bowen – An American psychiatrist who helped in the army during the WWII and created family theories that are still being taught today.
Episode Notes Grieving is a normal part of life. It’s actually not just about losing someone we love, it’s also about losing our jobs, our hopes, our dreams, and our aspirations. Today, Joseph educates us with the 5 Stages of Grieving based on Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ approach, what these stages mean, and how it affects us as individuals. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode: 5 Stages of Grieving ● 00:28 – Joseph will expound upon Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief and approach ● 00:43 – Grief counselling is not just for someone who beraves death of a loved one but for people who lost jobs, hopes, and dreams ● 01:14 – Grief is a state where a person is faced with his own vulnerability ● 01:56 – Elisabeth Kubler Ross (1926-2004) is a Swiss-American psychiatrist who has a great heart and an amazing compassion to people ● 02:29 – She developed the 5 Stages to Grief model in a very compassionate and sensitive way ● 02:42 – Her book, On Death and Dying, was published in 1969 ● 03:10 – With David Kessler as co-author, Elisabeth wrote, On Grief and Grieving ● 03:26 – The 5 Stages to Grief o Denial o Anger o Bargaining o Depression o Acceptance ● 03:39 – These stages are not necessarily what people go through in order ● 04:33 – Denial is when a person still cannot believe or comprehend the fact of the loss ● 05:34 – Anger can be from regret and abandonment ● 06:09 – Bargaining comes with “if only” and “what if” thoughts ● 06:50 – Depression is NOT just about feeling sad, it’s the time when what happened sinks in to the person affected ● 07:48 – “Help is always available at any time” ● 07:59 – Acceptance means there’s already an understanding and that they’re ready to move on in life ● 08:52 – All stages of grief apply to so many parts in life ● 09:02 – The Grief Recovery Institute has a 5-step process of writing a letter o Write a timeline of happy moments and memories o Write a letter of what you miss and your regrets o Write general thoughts in memories o Say Goodbye o Share with others when you’re ready ● 10:35 – Very often, people remember losses with sad feelings and they forget how the life and experience was lived happily ● 11:58 – Celebrate a person’s life or the happy experiences you’ve had ● 12:30 – Don’t forget to reach out if you need help ● 12:53 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Grief is part of every person’s life.
- Remember that you don’t have to be alone in your grief, help is always available.
- Understand that every person goes through grief in a different way and stage. Resources Mentioned: ● Elisabeth Kubler Ross – Swiss-American psychiatrist who created the 5 Stages of Grief ● On Death and Dying – Elisabeth’s book ● On Grief and Grieving – Elisabeth’s co-authored book with David Kessler ● The Grief Recovery Institute – An organization with a mission to disseminate information on grief
Episode Notes Summary: Giving and receiving love requires its own set of rules. Today, Joseph opens with the principles of Gary Chapman who argues that love is communicated in different languages. One may feel love when they receive gifts. Others may need words of affirmation or physical touch. Whatever the language may be, if we aren’t approaching each other with this knowledge of what one needs to feel loved, then we may be missing the mark in our efforts to love one another. Tune-in to find out how love is communicated and how a few kind actions in our relationships can make a huge impact. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:25 – Today’s episode: 6 Ways to Give and Receive Love ● 01:17 – “Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.” – Brene Brown ● 01:54 – 6 Ways to Give and Receive Love o 01:57 – Learn the Love Languages by Gary Chapman ▪ Gift giving ▪ Quality time ▪ Words of affirmation ▪ Acts of service ▪ Physical touch o 05:01 – Explore your foundations o 05:35 – Start expressing love slowly o 05:53 – Be brave and vulnerable o 06:04 – Work on your own self-love o 06:33 – Embrace love as universal, versatile, and natural ● 07:27 – Adding sincere love in your life will change everything ● 07:40 – Try making small changes to see huge changes ● 07:44 – If you need coaching, reach out to Joseph at Mind Your Mind ● 08:23 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Not everyone receives love the same way—learn the love language of your cherished ones so you can communicate love in their way.
- Love is a universal thing — all people have the capacity to give and receive love.
- Small actions can make BIG changes.
Summary: In this episode, Joseph talks about how YOU can get your loved ones to seek help. When someone dear to us is struggling with emotional or mental issues, the family or close friends can often be the main source of support. However, being the sole support system can sometimes be very difficult—especially if the one supporting is not well-equipped or does not have their own support systems in place. Tune-in as Joseph describes 5 ways to approach a loved one that is struggling with mental illness and how you can encourage them to get the help that they need. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode is about the ways you can get your loved one to seek help ● 00:35 – Dealing with a loved one who needs help can be exhausting ● 00:58 – Today’s quote: “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer ● 01:45 – Two books that are helpful: I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! and You Need Help! ● 02:40 – 5 Ways to Get Your Loved One to Seek Help o 02:43 – Do your part to improve the relationship ▪ 03:02 – Know you can never take responsibility for their problems ▪ 03:19 – You can’t change everything about you o 04:39 – Find what motivates them ▪ 05:11 – Try to speak their language, find a common ground o 05:33 – Don’t criticize, blame, or apologize ▪ 05:51 – Find areas that will help them understand that you care about them ▪ 06:22 – For certain mental illnesses, people have no clue what is wrong with them o 07:07 – Find areas to agree on ▪ 07:17 – LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner o 08:06 – Get your own support ▪ 08:15 – “You can’t force your loved ones to get help” ● 09:01 – Joseph reminds people to help themselves first ● 09:20 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- We are only able to help someone if we can help ourselves first. Remember that you have your own needs to fulfill before trying to help others.
- Trying to help a loved one can be frustrating and exhausting – make sure you have your own support system.
- Don’t start from a point of blame and criticism, find common ground and aim to partner with them in their journey.
Resources Mentioned: I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment using the LEAP method: Listen, empathize, agree and partner by Dr. Xaviar Amador.
You Need Help! Step-by-step plan to convince a loved one to get counseling. Dr. Mark Komrad
Summary: In this episode, Joseph lists five practical ways we can control our anger. It is natural to feel anger in a stressful situation such as a fight with a partner or loved one. But yielding to our anger and its consequential actions rarely results in good; instead, it can perpetuate a fight and even worsen it. Tune-in as Joseph explains the five D’s that we can employ to manage our anger in those heated moments. By utilizing one of these suggestions, the hope is that we’ll be able to reach a peaceful solution rather than give way to a shouting match. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode is about anger management ● 00:30 – Ways to deal with you and your loved ones’ anger ● 00:48 – Anger is a natural reaction which is elicited to grab other people’s attention ● 01:00 – Anger is our body armor against feelings of fear, sadness and hurt ● 01:25 – “For every minute that you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of your peace of mind” ● 01:41 – The 5 ways to control your anger: o 02:20 – Decibel Lowering: Shouting leads to hyperarousal, and it is likely that you will be shouted back at. Lowering your decibel causes your partner to mirror you and it stops the conversation from spinning out of control o 03:19 – Delay: Amygdala, a part of the brain that helps us experience emotions kicks in faster than our logical brain. This is a problem. Calling a timeout when you experience anger lets your logical brain take over o 05:06 – Distract: Quarantine a sensitive issue that is likely to cause a fight and talk about it at a more appropriate time o 06:18 – Define feelings and a solution: When angry, the reptilian brain kicks in which does not permit you to arrive at a logical solution. It is wise to clearly express your feelings and prescribe a solution instead of succumbing to anger o 07:09 – Diffuse: Cut your losses instead of worsening a fight; instead of making angry comments which are likely to further escalate a fight, it is better to diffuse the situation ● 08:17 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
Summary: In this episode, Joseph opens Part Two of our attachment series. Adult, romantic relationships are where we truly see the ways in which we attach to our partner. One who is secure in their attachments will behave differently than one who is considered to be avoidant in relationships. Joseph refers to the work, Attached, as a guide for this discussion. Tune-in to hear how the three types of attachment—secure, avoidant, and anxious—affect one’s relationships and the ways in which we can work towards healthier relationships in each of these instances. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode is Attachment: Part 2 – Adult Romantic Relationship ● 00:35 – Check out Episode 22 for Part 1 ● 00:59 – “We do as we have been done by” – John Bowlby ● 01:05 – “We learn how to treat others the way we are treated” ● 01:39 – Once we become conscious of our actions, we can make changes ● 02:02 – People who work on security in a relationship are able to make changes ● 02:24 – The book recommended as a resource for this topic: Attached ● 03:02 – Main 3 types of attachment – secure, avoidant and anxious ● 03:20 – A secure person in a relationship: o Reliable and consistent o Can makes decisions together with you o Has a flexible view of the relationship o Communicates well o Has healthy dependency o Relationship is not viewed as hard work o Closeness breeds closeness o You’re introduced to friends and family early on o They don’t play games o Available and doesn’t control you ● 04:13 – A person who is avoidant in a relationship: o Sends mixed signals o Values independence above all o They devalue the partner o They use distancing strategies to try to pull close o Puts boundaries in a relationship o Has unrealistic romantic views o They fear being taken advantage of o Has a rigid view of relationships o Uncompromising o Difficulty talking about issues o 4 things that are common: not ready to commit, not pursuing the relationship, phantom x, there is someone called “the one” and you’re not it ● 06:08 – An anxious person in a relationship: o Craves closeness o Expresses fear of rejection o Unhappy when not in a relationship o Expects their partner to guess and know what they want o They act out o Makes things about themselves and the relationship o Lets you set the tone o They are preoccupied o Afraid small things might ruin the relationship o They are suspicious and distrustful ● 07:24 – 50% of people are secure, 25% are avoidant, 20% are anxious and 5% are mixed ● 08:18 – The most common relationship dynamic: an anxious person marrying an avoidant ● 08:29 – Many secure people marry other secures ● 09:32 – Avoidant vs Anxious dynamic has a big spectrum of dysfunctional situations ● 09:44 – When one partner realizes the pattern, they shift the entire relationship ● 10:23 – Advice on the avoidant type: o Show more concern o Focus on the problem at hand o Don’t generalize the conflict o Be willing to engage o Communicate feelings and needs ● 11:13 – Advice on the anxious type: o Wear your heart o Focus on your needs o Be specific o Don’t blame o Be assertive and non-apologetic in a healthy way ● 12:12 – There is a tremendous amount of work that can be done in your relationships ● 12:29 – Do the research, understand how you and your partner behave, and make the change ● 12:59 – Joseph shares about a patient who wanted to leave her spouse ● 13:37 – Life gives us experiences and it teaches us so many things ● 13:41 – Learn from your past and present for your future ● 14:11 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- The way we treat others can be indicative of the way we have been treated.
- Be aware of you and your partner’s tendencies, so you can make changes for the health of your relationship.
- It’s always best to meet your partner halfway; each one needs to do their part.
Resources Mentioned: ● Attached – Book Joseph highly recommends on the topic of attachment
Summary: In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Joseph opens Part 1 of the attachment series. He takes us to the beginning—our childhood—and explains how our early experiences with our caregivers dictate the ways in which we attach. Joseph draws on the resource, Attached, to provide a basis of understanding for today’s topic. Listen as Joseph explains the causes for attachment development, the 4 types of attachment, and a breakdown of the 4 types of attachment using children’s reactions to stress as an example. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:23 – Today’s episode is Part 1 of an attachment series ● 00:35 – Part 1 will be about childhood and personality; Part 2 is about adult, romantic relationships ● 01:04 – To Joseph, all people are on a spectrum in regards to the different types of attachment they can experience ● 01:29 – Most of the material that will be quoted in the podcast will come from the book, Attached ● 02:07 – There are 3 causes for attachment development: o 02:12 – Predisposition o 02:33 – Primary caregiver o 02:43 – Life experience ● 02:46 – Attached states that it takes about 4 years to change one’s attachment style, but research proves it can change in a lot less time than that ● 03:32 – 4 Types of Attachment: o 03:36 – Secure o 03:43 – Anxious/preoccupied o 03:49 – Avoidant/dismissive o 03:52 – Anxious-avoidant combined ● 04:12 – “What cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self.” – John Bowlby ● 04:23 – Through research, we observe how children react with their caregiver o 04:53 – The secure child gets upset, wails, but does well to calm herself o 05:23 – The anxious-preoccupied child will show tremendous distress, protest and will get angry o 05:58 – The avoidant-dismissive child will ignore mom on the outside, but on the inside he still feels extreme levels of distress o 07:06 – If you have secure parents, you will develop into a more secure person o 07:39 – Our personality develops in this childhood stage ● 08:34 – How your personality develops manifests in how you get attached to things ● 09:11 – Don’t put yourself in a box, instead look at the patterns! ● 09:36 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- One’s attachment is expressed on a spectrum—there are different types of attachment one may identify with.
- It takes time for people to change their attachment styles, but each person is capable of changing.
- Our personality developed as a child; we learn how to attach from our early experiences with our caregivers.
Resources Mentioned: ● Attached – Book about attachment that Joseph highly recommends
Summary: In this episode, Joseph breaks down self-parenting into 4 steps. Nobody is perfect in this world; in fact, we are all flawed and our parents are no exception to this rule. So what do we make of the hurt and pain that was caused by our parents? Moreover, how can we learn to self-parent ourselves and fill in the gaps from our childhood? Tune-in to hear the 4 steps of self-parenting that are essential to our well-being. Joseph will explain why we need to love ourselves, the importance of setting up healthy boundaries in relationships and the value of self-reflection and more when it comes to parenting ourselves. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:22 – Today’s episode is about Self-Parenting in 4 Steps ● 00:47 – Learning to self-parent is an essential quality all people must learn ● 01:26 – “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” – Frederick Douglass ● 02:06 – In an evolutionary psychology perspective, emotional self-care takes place through different processes ● 02:55 – Our vulnerability (especially as children) opens up room for hurt and mistakes from parents ● 03:30 – As we go through the list, look at your own life ● 03:49 – Step #1: Self-Love o 04:13 – Someone with no self-esteem is easily swayed to think of themselves as failures o 04:41 – Love yourself for who you are o 05:01 – Appreciate who you are ● 05:15 – Step #2: Healthy Boundaries o 05:20 – Some boundaries parents set are either too heavy or too soft o 05:59 – How do you interact with others? o 06:34 – Relationship dynamics are all about boundaries o 07:28 – Have a healthy boundary on give-and-take ● 07:42 – Step #3: Self-Reflection o 07:59 – Sometimes people do things without thinking o 08:20 – Parents with severe blind spots is very tricky for a child o 09:14 – Self-reflection means being aware of your own blind spots ● 09:45 – Step #4: Self-Soothing and Self-Regulation o 09:58 – “We need to learn to take responsibility for our behaviors” ● 10:55 – The most functional homes still have missing pieces ● 11:34 – You don’t have to keep falling off track ● 11:40 – Be your own parent by self-parenting ● 11:46 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- Our parents are not perfect and neither are we – being hurt by our caregivers is an inevitable part of our human experience.
- Creating healthy boundaries with others is one way we take care of ourselves.
- You don’t have to rely on parents OR our past to dictate how we respond to life—you can self-parent yourself.
Summary: Are you ever hard on yourself? Do you have a tendency to blame yourself for things that are—quite literally—beyond your control? Well, you’re not alone. Lots of people are guilty of being overly critical of themselves. But for you—not anymore. In this episode, Joseph highlights the four most common denials and self-criticisms that, if left unchecked, can ruin your life. Listen to learn how you can keep these four psychological toxins from poisoning the well of your mind. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:22 – Today’s episode is about the 4 denials that can ruin your life ● 00:37 – Humans are the only creatures that can engage in harsh introspection o 01:17 – "You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." – Abraham Lincoln o 01:27 – “You can’t fool yourself all the time” – Joseph Tropper ● 02:07 – The bigger you are as a person, the bigger your blind spot ● 02:33 – As a training therapist, Joseph found it helpful to record (with patient consent) sessions so he could go over the sessions repeatedly and assess himself ● 03:29 – 4 Denials We Live with: o 03:39 – Denial of our abilities ▪ 04:01 – People are good at things because they practice ▪ 05:03 – We deny our own abilities ▪ 05:27 – Ask yourself what your abilities really are o 05:59 – The look-at-yourself-first approach ▪ 06:30 – Look at yourself first before blaming anyone else o 06:43 – Denial of the self – we are not aware of our own needs ▪ 07:13 – “There’s this general understanding that the more of a martyr you are, the more you give of yourself and don’t take, the better the parent you are” ▪ 07:22 – You need to take care of yourself and teach your kids to do the same o 07:40 – Denial of the spirit ▪ 08:08 – If you’re part of a religious group, embrace the spiritual connection ● 09:09 – Ask yourself questions and look at yourself ● 09:28 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes
3 Key Points:
- You can fool yourself all the time – but deep down you usually really know what the truth is.
- You weren’t made to be martyr—learn to take care of yourself.
- More often than not, it’s not that you don’t have the ability, it’s that you haven’t practiced enough.
Summary: In this episode, Joseph explains the defense mechanisms that are built into us as human beings. Though they are intended to protect our ego and state of mind, they often end up damaging our relationships and pulling us further into blame and anger. Tune-in as Joseph uncovers the 7 most common defense mechanisms we all use to protect ourselves. His greatest hope in opening this discussion is that we become aware of our defenses and understand our ability to develop healthier ways to respond or deal with emotions, especially when involved with difficult interactions. Time Stamped Show Notes: ● 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast ● 00:22 – Today’s episode is about the 7 defense mechanisms we all use ● 00:45 – Defense mechanisms are ways to protect our ego ● 01:00 - “Defense mechanisms protect us but also blind us at the same time” – Joseph Tropper ● 01:11 – Defense mechanisms tend to blind us from our own parts ● 01:51 – The 7 defense mechanisms we all use: o 02:05 – Denial or “cognitive dissonance”—we deny negative things said about ourselves to protect our ego o 02:57 – Regression: an adult could have a 5-year old temper tantrum; they regress to an earlier stage of behavior instead of dealing with a problem the adult way o 04:21 – Disassociation: we zone out from things we don’t want to focus on because those events or situations hurt—how much am I present in the moment, and how much am I disassociating from the moment? o 05:33 – Compartmentalization: we ignore one piece of information that doesn’t relate to rest (ex. compartmentalize one bad action of parents that doesn’t fit into our perfect view of them) o 06:49 – Projection: we project past experiences with people into our new relationships and then try to protect ourselves from perceived threat o 08:12 – Reaction formation: when you oppose something that you actually endorse o 09:00 – Intellectualization: “don’t feel, just think”—this is when you blame other people for our problems or the situation that we contributed to ● 09:39 – “We are complex human beings”—they are mechanisms that are built-in to protect us, but they often blind us ● 10:02 – Therapy, or any outside perspective, can help guide us to better be aware of our blind spots ● 10:44 – Please leave us a comment on Mind Your Mind and a review on iTunes ● 10:55 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Defense mechanisms are built-in ways we try to protect our ego—the problem with these mechanisms is that they often blind us from our behavior.
- Speak to an outside party who can call out our blind spots and help us to become aware of them.
- There are harmful ways designed to protect ourselves, but often fail us; our defense mechanisms have a way of hurting our relationships.
Summary:
Trauma, unfortunately, is an experience had by most. Each of us have traumatic events that have happened either in childhood or in our adult life that form or shape part of who we are. The key is to not let our traumatic experiences and feelings dictate the rest of our lives. Tune in to hear how the treatment for trauma is NOT one-size-fits-all and how talk therapy can even present negative consequences for your overall healing and treatment. In this episode, Joseph shares four steps that can help you recover from your trauma and explains how your healing only begins with a willingness on your behalf.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:22 – Trauma Part 2 – Recovery
- 01:00 – “Trauma is a fact of life … but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence” – Dr. Peter Levine
- 01:08 – We all have experienced trauma
- 01:34 – There is so much help that can be given to you and there’s so much that you can do about how you feel
- 02:31 – Selecting a therapist and modality
o02:47 – A lot of therapists don’t have specialized training in trauma
o03:42 – Oftentimes, recounting trauma can retraumatize you
o04:13 – EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a method Joseph suggests
o05:09 – Talk therapy makes trauma worse
o05:35 –TraumaHealing.orghas a tremendous amount of information on Dr. Levine’s form of treatment
o05:44 –Sensorimotor Psychotherapyby Dr. Pat Ogden, is another modality Joseph recommends
o06:27 – Yoga is very effective in treating trauma
- 06:41 – Stabilization
o06:58 – Rushing your healing and progress will backfire
o07:04 – Going at a slow pace is the fastest and best way to treat trauma
- 07:10 – The work
o07:29 – “Hysterical is historical”
o07:41 – Whenever you decide to do the work, be willing to do it
- 08:13 – Healing and repair
o08:17 – So many things will change as you take your life back
o08:37 – Healing and repair puts you in touch with your resources
- 08:41 – Again: “Trauma is a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence”
- 08:56 – 4 Books that Joseph wants to share with you:
oThe Body Keeps the Score
oWaking the Tiger
oIn an Unspoken Voice
oSensorimotor Psychotherapy
- 10:48 – Visit us onMind Your Mind
3 Key Points:
- Choose a method of healing that will suit who you are and what you need.
- Heal at your own pace – the worst thing you can do for yourself is to rush things.
- Be willing to do the work; it all begins with you.
Resources Mentioned:
- TraumaHealing.org– Website about trauma healing with information from Dr. Levine
- Sensorimotor Psychotherapy– Dr. Pat Ogden’s website aboMind_Your_Mind_Ep_018ut how sensorimotor psychotherapy can help with trauma
- The Body Keeps the Score,Waking the Tiger,In an Unspoken Voice,andSensorimotor Psychotherapy– 4 books that Joseph recommends
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph opens the first installment for the 2-Part Series for Trauma. Joseph defines trauma, discusses the importance of conceptualizing what it is to us, and expresses just how common it is to experience trauma. He refers to the work of Dr. Peter Levine, an expert in the field of trauma, to describe the symptoms one may experience if one has experienced trauma. Tune-in to see if you can relate to having any of these symptoms and how acknowledging your own trauma is the best way to face it head-on to get the help you need.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:23 – Today’s episode is the first installment of the 2-Part Series for trauma
- 00:41 – Trauma is a word that is very stigmatized
- 01:22 – Disclaimer: trauma work can be a real trigger for people
- 02:08 – 1.9 out of 2 people experience trauma
- 02:11 – Trauma can be described as so many things
- 02:20 – It could be a feeling of overwhelm mixed with a feeling of helplessness
- 03:04 – It’s important to conceptualize what trauma is
- 04:05 – Trauma is something happens to ALL people
- 05:03 – Dr. Peter Levine's symptoms that one has experienced trauma:
o05:18 – Hypervigilance
o05:28 – Intrusive Imagery/flashbacks
o05:48 – Extreme sensitivity to lights and sounds
o05:56 – Hyperactivity
o06:00 – Exaggerated emotional and startle responses
o06:20 – Shame and lack of self-worth
o06:48 – Reduced ability to deal with stress
o06:58 – Difficulty sleeping
- 07:17 –Waking the Tigeris Dr. Levine’s book on trauma
- 07:41 – Disassociation is also a symptom of trauma
- 08:06 – When it comes to trauma, be honest with yourself
- 09:13 – Next week’s episode will be about ways to deal with your feelings and experiences with trauma
- 09:37 – Please leave us a comment onMind Your Mindand a review oniTunes
3 Key Points:
- Almost everyone will experience trauma in their lives.
- Conceptualizing trauma is important for yourself.
- You have to be honest with yourself, especially when it comes to asking and receiving help.
Resources Mentioned:
- Dr. Peter Levine – An expert in trauma
- Waking the Tiger– Dr. Levine’s book on trauma that Joseph recommends
In this episode, Joseph teaches usDr. Bernie Siegel’s 4 Self-Healing Lessons. Not everyone would agree that mind and body connection is considered a mental health topic, but it truly is. The state of your mind and what you believe often precedes what your body will do. This is precisely why healing begins in the mind. Tune-in as Joseph discusses Dr. Bernie’s self-healing lessons and the RIGHT way healthcare givers can advocate and encourage their patients in their healing process.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:23 – Today’s episode is 4 Self-Healing Lessons byDr. Bernie Siegel
- 01:05 – “We all know that there’s a mind and body connection”
- 01:51 –Dr. Bernie Siegelwas born in New York
o02:03 – He retired from his practice in 1989 and since then, he’s talked to patients and caregivers about mental health
o02:20 – In 1978, he originated what he called the Exceptional Cancer Patients, which he still runs in part
o03:01 – One of his famous books isLove, Medicine & Miracles
o03:14 – His big complaint is that “as doctors, we are not trained to communicate and understand the power of our words as they relate to a patient’s ability and desire to survive”
- 03:36 – Majority of medical school students when asked to draw a picture of where they see themselves in 5 years produce a picture focused on thier own prestige instead of client interaction and care.
- 04:24 – It’s true that doctors must have boundaries
- 04:42 – The distance doctors create with their patients most often lead to poor medical care
- 05:00 – Here are the 4 Self-Healing Lessons byDr. Bernie Siegel:
o05:03 – 1) Our desire to live brings life
o05:53 – 2) Pay attention to dreams and art
o06:42 – 3) Love is healing
o07:15 – 4) Our inner strength and knowledge are vital
- 09:23 – Whenever Joseph works with his clients, he lets his clients know that he believes in them
- 09:49 – When you believe and advocate for yourself, you’re on the path to better health
- 09:56 – Check out Dr. Siegel’swebsite
- 10:25 – Experience has shown all of us that the mind and body connection is real
- 10:44 – Please leave us a comment onMind Your Mindand a review oniTunes
3 Key Points:
- Doctors need to learn how to communicate with their patients WITHOUT the barriers of superiority.
- As caregivers and doctors—SHOW that you believe in your patients and that you care about their health.
- What your mind believes, your body follows.
Resources Mentioned:
- Dr. Bernie Siegel– Doctor that created the 4 Self-Healing Lessons
- Exceptional Cancer Patients– Group that Dr. Bernie formed for cancer patients
- Love, Medicine & Miracles– Dr. Bernie’s book that Joseph recommends
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph talks about trip planning. Trips are highly anticipated events in our lives. They bring promise of adventure, exploration, or just rest and relaxation. What people often forget though are the stress and hassles that come along with a trip. These can include entering a new culture and language, different people’s travel styles and/or expectations of the trip itself, and family or individual needs while traveling. Listen as Joseph lists ways you can cut down these potential stressors in order to have that vacation you’ve hoped for.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:23 – Today’s episode is the trip planning session
- 00:31 – “A lot of people run into problems when they travel”
- 00:40 – Couples and families have these issues
- 00:52 – Frustration comes from different agendas each person may have
- 01:31 – You can get this episode’s printout atMind Your Mind
- 01:52 – “To travel is to take a journey into yourself” – Danny Kaye
- 03:18 – Write down your plans
o03:25 – Go easy on the travel days
- 03:55 – Identify triggers
o04:00 – Money
o04:06 – Work and other stress
o04:10 – Travel styles
o04:25 – Vacation ideals
o04:41 – Being outside your norm
o04:50 – Interacting with others
o05:00 – Kids and family needs
- 05:12 – Expectations
o05:24 – Set 3 goals you want to accomplish
o05:40 – Write down your 3 fears
o05:57 – Write the best and worst case scenarios
- 06:28 – Dividing your time
o06:42 – Keep travel days light
o07:00 – Plan the days in between with others
o07:17 – Talk about your basic priorities
- 07:48 – Troubleshoot how you can get back on track
o08:11 – Have a Reset Truce
- 08:49 – Plan ahead of time; at the same time, you don’t have to map everything out
- 09:26 – Please leave us a comment onMind Your Mindand a review oniTunes
- 09:44 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Planning your trip ahead of time will save you from a lot of stress and unexpected hassles.
- Identify the triggers of your trip so you can mentally (and physically) prepare for these potential stressors.
- Communication is of utmost importance when planning a trip, so be open to taking suggestions.
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph ends the hypnosis series with 3 hypnosis superscripts, including one that helps cure a headache. Joseph invites you to participate in these exercises so that you can experience deep relaxation and rest. These superscripts will encourage you to clear your mind and expel any negative energy and stressors—bringing you to a whole new place of peace and relaxation.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s episode is Part 2 of the hypnosis series – 3 Hypnosis Superscripts
- 00:49 – Joseph encourages you to be in a quiet place to participate in the exercise
- 01:46 – Don’t operate any heavy machinery during the session
- 02:10 – Let your brain and body relax
- 02:30 – First superscript – Imagine yourself standing on top of a staircase
o02:42 – There are 10 steps leading down and as you walk down, you notice these sensations in your body
o03:09 – As you continue to walk down, you go into a deep sleep, feeling relaxation and comfort
o03:17 – At zero, you will be in a deep sleep
o03:27 – Joseph counts down 10-1
o03:40 – Deep sleep and relaxation
o03:49 – There’s a light coming from the door
o03:59 – You find yourself in a place of escape
o04:12 – Sit down and notice all of your senses
o04:34 – Exercise 1 is just deep relaxation
o04:37 – Take 3 deep breaths, expelling negative energy and stress
o05:25 – Take the feeling and anchor it
o05:37 – Come up with an anchor word that describes how you’re feeling right now
o05:53 – Think of a person, place or thing that will be your anchor
o06:07 – Your anchor word will be your post-hypnotic suggestion that will make you feel relaxed and comfortable
- 06:33 – Headache Cure
o06:43 – Imagine a dial from 1-10
o06:54 – Imagine you put your hand on the dial going down while you feel your pain subsiding
o07:17 – Deep sleep and relaxation
o07:21 – Use your right hand to massage your left shoulder and say, “It’s okay, it’s not my responsibility”
o07:48 – Use your left arm and rub away the tension on your right hand
- 08:10 – Family of Origin
o08:14 – Close your eyes and relax – ask yourself to consider the feelings and thoughts of your childhood
o08:31 – Think of how it impacts you today
o08:44 – Count from 3-0 and go into a deep sleep and relaxation
o08:55 – Imagine yourself standing in the doorway, seeing the steps going up
o09:01 – As you walk up, your body grows more awake
o09:15 – Joseph counts 1 to 10
o09:36 – Eyes open and wide awake
- 09:45 – Please leave us a comment onMind Your Mindand leave a review oniTunes
- 09:55 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- An anchor word that describes how you feel at the end of a meditative exercise can help bring you back to that place of peace and relaxation.
- Superscripts for hypnosis guide you into a calmer state of body and mind.
- When participating in these series, try to find a quiet place and allow your mind and thoughts to relax and guide you.
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph teaches us about hypnosis and dispels the myths around its practice. What is hypnosis? Does it work? If I get hypnotized, am I still in control? Listen to find out the origins of hypnosis and how hypnotherapy can help those who struggle with smoking, alcoholism and phobias to name a few. Joseph also discusses the myths of hypnosis including whether or not you can control someone in a state of hypnosis and if one can get “stuck” in hypnosis.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:31 – Today’s topic: Hypnosis Part 1
- 00:35 – Send your questions toMind Your Mind
- 00:46 – This will be the introduction on hypnosis
- 01:05 – Part 2 will provide a demonstration of three Hypnosis Superscripts
- 01:30 – Hypnotherapy has been around for hundreds of years
- 01:37 –Dr. Franz Mesmermade hypnosis famous
o01:51 – In his time, hypnosis was called animal magnetism
o02:09 – He mastered this art and passed on his own development of hynosis
- 02:28 – Many psychologists use hypnotherapy andDr. Sigmund Freudwas one who slowed down the growth of hypnotherapy
- 03:19 – Hypnotherapy has been revitalized and used to effectively help clients with smoking, drug, alcoholism, fears, and phobias
- 04:08 – “You could use hypnosis not as a cure, but a means of establishing a favorable climate in which to learn” – Milton H. Erickson
- 04:27 – 4 Myths of Hypnotherapy
o04:28 – #1 It doesn’t work
o05:57 – #2 It works miracles
o �� 06:19 – #3 You can control someone else
o07:14 – #4 You can get stuck in hypnosis
- 08:03 – If you decide to go under hypnosis, always check the person’s credentials first
- 08:14 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Hypnosis is only effective when the one being hypnotized chooses to participate.
- Hypnosis cannot work miracles; but, it can create a more favorable climate to bring out that which is inside of you.
- One word of caution—check the credentials of the one that is hypnotizing you.
Resources Mentioned:
- Dr. Franz Mesmer– the person who made hypnosis famous
- Dr. Sigmund Freud– the person who made hypnotherapy growth slow
Summary:
In this episode, Joseph gives us 5 ways to financial sanity. Our everyday lives are riddled with expenses—some planned, some not. So, it’s no surprise that one can easily find oneself in a hole of debt without much recollection of how one ended up there. This needs to change. The average American has $18K in debt, and living in a state of financial strain can directly affect our state of mind. Listen as Joseph encourages us to take control and responsibility over our finances and offers some practical tips and advice that will help us work toward living a debt-free life.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s topic: 5 Ways to Financial Sanity
- 00:57 – Difficulties in finances lead us to depression and anxiety
- 01:32 – The average American has $18K in debt
- 01:53 – A $10K debt can double your chance for divorce
- 02:12 – This segment is in response to Chris’s question – send your question or comment toMind Your Mind
○02:36 –Joe, I can’t seem to get on top of my finances. Perhaps this is the wrong place to ask for help, but can you give me some tips?
○02:44 – This is actually the right place to get help
- 02:52 – Getting out of debt is 80% behavior and 20% knowledge—you know what you need to be doing, but your habits keep you down
- 03:40 – Speak to a financial adviser
- 04:08 – Joe’s favorite quote regarding money: “A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went” – Dave Ramsey
- 04:32 – #1: Take responsibility
○05:27 – Change your mindset in thinking that this is outside of your control and that you’re a “slave” to your debt
- 05:51 – #2: Get on a budget
○06:32 – Get Dave Ramsey’s app,EveryDollarand track your money
○06:50 – Read Dave Ramsey’sThe Total Money Makeover
○07:23 –Financial Peace University
- 07:36 – #3: Start a Debt Snowball
○07:56 – Write down all the debt that you have, listing them in smallest to largest order. Pay off the smallest debt first and then knock the rest down in order
- 08:34 – #4: Reach out for accountability or help
- 09:26 – #5: Celebrate your successes and set clear goals
○09:33 – As you start getting out of debt, you’re going to love the freedom that living debt-free gives you
- 10:14 – Live with freedom; debt holds us down, but it does NOT have to
- 10:28 – When you make that commitment to work on getting debt-free, amazing things can happen for your life
- 10:45 – Thank you for listening!
- 11:08 – Please leave us a review oniTunes,share us with a friend, and let us know if you’ve made a change for the better with your finances after tuning in!
- 11:14 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Life happens and it’s very normal to get stuck in debt, BUT it’s your choice to STAY there.
- Living debt-free can give you a new sense of freedom over your life and finances.
- Get accountability if you need some extra help and guidance – don’t be afraid to reach out to others for support.
Resources Mentioned:
- EveryDollar– Dave Ramsey’s money tracker app.
- The Total Money Makeover– Book that Joseph recommends to read.
- Financial Peace University– Dave Ramsey’s course that Joseph recommends to enroll to.
Summary:
Self-esteem and self-love is an undeniable, human need. How well we perceive and much we value ourselves affects all aspects of our lives, including our mental health. A low self-esteem can result in depression, anxiety, and essentially get in the way of us living our lives. So how do we “work on” our self-esteem? In this episode, Joseph lists 5 Tips for Loving Yourself. If we can learn to appreciate and accept who we are—our values and what we have to offer—this can pave the way to a positive self-esteem and a healthier life.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s topic: 5 Tips for Loving Yourself
- 00:51 – At the core of mental health concerns is a lack of self-esteem
- 01:32 – We all need self-esteem and self-love
- 02:01 – People with anxiety or depression often have low self-esteem
- 02:14 – Learn how to love yourself
- 02:25 – Dr. Glenn Schiraldi’s book,The Self-Esteem Workbookis worth checking out
- 03:01 – "Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on." – Maxwell Maltz
- 03:11 – Low self esteem gets in your way
- 03:29 – This episode is in response to Jenny from Maryland,“How do I work on my self-esteem? I just seem to constantly get pushed down at work and home and can’t keep my head up above water”
- 04:22 – We have to be realistic, we have to know who we are
- 04:49 – The 5 Tips for Loving Yourself:
o04:51 – Define your role model
o05:50 – Appreciate both your outer and inner world
o06:49 – Respect yourself and others
o07:18 – Think about your values
o08:08 – Polish your acceptance; work on accepting yourself
- 08:58 – You can download this list and other materials atMind Your Mind
- 09:15 – Self-esteem is something that could impact your life
- 09:19 – “When we have a better understanding of our identity, we accomplish more and we feel better about what we’re doing”
- 09:34 – Please leave us a review oniTunes
- 09:44 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Our self-esteem has a direct impact on our mental health—therefore, it’s worth working on.
- We need to learn how to love ourselves: this includes respecting, understanding, and accepting who we are.
- Appreciate who you are and what you have to offer—this is the starting point of a healthier you.
Resources Mentioned:
- The Self Esteem Workbook– Book that Joseph recommends to read for self esteem and self love.
Summary:
In Episode 010, Joseph explains to us the 4 disasters of relationships and the 7 master skills to overcome them based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, an expert in the field of marriage research. Challenges in marriage and relationships are a given and can easily overwhelm us, especially if we’re left without some practical help and advice. We can all relate to feelings of contempt and times when we’ve been critical of our partners—2 of the 4 disasters that can really hurt a relationship. The good news is that we CAN change the course of our relationships. Tune in to find out Dr. Gottman’s 7 master skills that will overcome the 4 disasters and in turn, improve our marriages and relationships.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:25 – Today’s topic: 7 Relationship Master Skills to Overcome 4 Disasters
- 00:52 – Joseph will be referring to the works ofDr. John Gottman, an expert in marriage research
- 02:13 – “Friendship fuels the flames of romance, because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.” – John Gottman
- 02:34 – Understanding the 4 disasters and applying the 7 master skills will help your life and relationships
- 03:22 – The “Four Horsemen of Gottman’s Apocalypse” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling
○03:29 – Criticism is attacking your partner’s personality or character to prove them wrong
■03:46 – Criticism is the opposite of intimacy and closeness
○04:16 – Contempt is attacking your partner's sense of self and looking down on them
■04:45 – Contempt is sulfuric acid for love
■05:35 – This destroys relationships
■05:42 – Look at yourself because contempt is a contagious disease
○05:56 – Defensiveness is seeing yourself as the victim
○06:28 – Stonewalling is withdrawing from the relationship or conversation to avoid conflict
■06:43 – Stonewalling shows disapproval, distance, and disconnection
- 07:05 – The general solution is to take notice of these four disasters in your relationship
- 07:12 – Here are the 7 Solutions to counter criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling:
○07:19 – #1: Share clear hurts and requests – “When you insulted me in public, I felt very sad and alone. I want you to tell me you’ll make an effort not to insult me in public again”
○08:00 – #2 Use a soft startup, start from a place of unarguable truth, and listen generously
○08:28 – #3 Shift to appreciation
○08:42 – #4 Claim responsibility
○08:52 – #5 Rewrite your inner script
○09:08 – #6 Practice becoming non-defensive
○09:35 – #7 Help your partner reach their dreams
- 09:41 – Joseph shares Dr. Gottman’s story of how he tried to publish his marriage book
○10:00 – After several rejections, he ended up with one publishing executive who asked him to give him practical marriage advice in 30 seconds
○10:19 – Dr. Gottman said “Honor your wife’s dreams” and the executive walked out
○10:30 – A few days later he got the call saying he got the contract
○10:43 – Dr. Gottman found out later that the executive went straight home and had a meaningful conversation with his wife about her dreams—his advice made an impact
- 11:21 – We all enter relationships with the idea that we’re going to help each other; but when we really honor each other’s dreams, it can repair and change a relationship for the better
- 11:39 – Get rid of the 4 negative horsemen
- 12:06 – James says,“My spouse speaks to me with contempt and says that I do the same to her. How do I get her to stop saying this?”– Start looking at yourself and see where you get triggered. Be curious and ask how you can work on it.
- 13:22 – All 4 disasters destroy marriages
- 13:46 – Please don’t forget to rate us and leave us a review oniTunes!
- 13:53 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- The 4 disasters WILL destroy your marriage; so take notice of whether or not they are present in your relationship.
- The solution is to start a conversation from a soft place with your unarguable truths—this sets you and your partner up for success.
- Always look at yourself FIRST, before confronting your partner about how they treat you.
Resources Mentioned:
- Dr. John Gottman– An expert in relationships and marriage research
- Download PDF – A PDF summary of the 4 Disasters and 7 Masters Skills by Joseph Tropper
Summary:
In Episode 009, Joseph lists the 10 tips for emotional regulation. Every day is filled with its stressors and we’re left with the question—how do we respond? Do we let our emotions guide or lead our response or do we have control over our emotions? Emotional dysregulation—like getting upset—is a very common occurrence for all of us. In this podcast, Joseph will give us a more rounded view of how to perceive our emotions and the ways in which we can better regulate them—for your benefit and for the benefit of your relationships, too.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:28 – Today’s topic: 10 Tips for Emotional Regulation
- 00:55 – There are different levels of emotional dysregulation
- 01:13 – “Emotions come and go, but they feel so strong”
- 01:23 – Emotion comes from the root “motion” which means movement, they are there to guide us, push us, and motivate us to action
- 01:48 – Be aware that emotion comes from the amygdala – the body’s alarm system
- 02:30 – We can slow emotions down in order to decipher what’s worth reacting to and what needs to be controlled better
- 02:50 – “Emotions are a temporary state of mind, don’t let them permanently destroy you” – Anonymous
- 03:00 – 10 Ways to Keep Yourself Emotionally Regulated
o03:11 – Want to print out this list? Go toMind Your Mind
o03:34 – #1 Buy time and take a break
o04:38 – #2 Identify your needs
o05:07 – #3 Call out what’s going on
o05:35 – #4 Break it down
o06:14 – #5 Distract yourself
o06:37 – #6 Choose the higher road
o07:29 – #7 GIVE in regards to relationships—be Gentle, Interested, Validate, be Easy
o08:13 – #8 DEAR MAN—which describes how to be objective in difficult times—Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce & Mindful, Associate, Negotiate (Dr. Marsha Linehan)
o09:24 – #9 Accept yourself while rising to the challenge
o09:54 – #10 Seek outside help
- 10:26 – The more time you have, the more you calm down
- 10:35 – Quarantine the issue – don’t exaggerate it
- 10:51 – Learn from your past mistakes and past successes
- 11:25 – Send your questions toMind Your Mind
- 11:33 – Question from Brittany in UK, “Joe, I find myself having extreme mood swings daily and feel out of control to manage them. Will therapy help me?”– Joseph believes in therapy. When you’re working with a therapist, ask them about their past experience. Identify the behaviors that you’re doing that are getting in the way and causing the mood swings. Discuss what’s at stake that will encourage you to make a change.
- 12:41 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Our emotions are a part of us and act as signals to us, but they can, with training,be regulated and not become out of control.
- You DON’T have to react in the heat of the moment and emotion – give yourself time to process.
- Our past successes and failures are our greatest teachers – if there are triggers in a relationship that cause dysregulated emotions, STOP that behavior and do what works.
Resources
- Calming the Emotional Storm - book with solid tips and skillshttps://www.amazon.com/Calming-Emotional-Storm-Dialectical-Behavior/dp/1608820874/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491445932&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=calmiung+the+emotonal+storm
- DBT Skills Workbook - Joseph’s favorite book on emotional regulation.https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1491445922&sr=8-3&keywords=dbt+skills
Summary:
In Episode 008, Joseph discusses 5 comprehensible steps to becoming a great parent. Challenges and struggles are normal when it comes to parenting and oftentimes we are left to our own devices to figure out what works best for our child. Joseph provides parents with 5 clear steps that can help us become great parents according to the fundamental needs of our children. He also refers listeners to three key books that can assist us in this parenting journey that is a continual, learning process for us all.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:28 – Today’s topic: 5 Steps to Becoming a Great Parent
- 00:42 – Parenting challenges are always there
- 01:08 – 1 in 7 children in the US are struggling with one type of diagnosable mental, behavioral, or developmental issue
- 01:29 – ADHD is a growing problem for many kids
- 01:36 – Anxiety and depression are also becoming more present in children of younger ages
- 01:57 – “A baby is born with a need to be loved – and never outgrows it.”–Frank A. Clark
- 02:10 – Joseph believes in the attachment theory – from cradle to death, we need to be loved and appreciated -John Bowlby
- 02:28 – “People’s greatest inspirations have been their parents”
- 02:48 – #1 Start now and start early
o02:52 – Many excellent books on parenting come from Dr. Haim Ginott
o03:19 –How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Mazlish and Faber
o03:40 –Between Parent and Childby Dr. Haim Ginott
o04:33 – Many of us think passion and love for parenting already make us a good parent
- 05:27 – #2 Validation
o05:35 – Focus on your child’s needs more than your own embarrassment and meet them where they are at
- 06:12 – #3 Be an example
o06:31 – You can’t tell a child not to copy you
o06:41 – Show by example and let your children be involved
o06:49 – “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me and I learn.” – Benjamin Franklin
o07:22 – Don’t blame yourself
- 07:32 – #4 Provide safety & security
o09:04 – Our children look towards us
o09:16 – Parents need to provide their children a safe and secure environment
- 09:55 – #5 Keep learning
o10:08 – Always be open to change
- 10:16 – 3 parenting books Joseph recommends:Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,Between Parent and Child, andHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
- 10:54 – Lindsay says, “My teenagers fight all day. Brad who is 14 is the worst – he’s always complaining that his brothers and sister get more treats, attention and rewards than he does. He picks fights with them and ruins the atmosphere. What should I do?”– Focus on Brad’s needs. There are 3 Fs in parenting – be firm, be fair, and be friendly
- 12:58 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Always place your child’s needs before your own embarrassment—especially when it comes to reproaching them in public.
- Engage with your children as they learn best through being included and getting involved.
- Be firm, fair, and friendly to your children as you address their concerns, needs, and frustrations.
Resources Mentioned:
- Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Childby Dr. Gottman
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Mazlish and Faber
- Between Parent and Childby Dr. Haim Ginott
Summary:
In Episode 007, Joseph reminds us of just how important sleeping is for our mental health and gives us 14 ways to sleep like a baby, tonight. Sleep is often one of the first things sacrificed to keep up with the day-to-day demands and tasks in life; thus, the one thing we take for granted. Joseph explains why we must value our sleep when it comes to our overall lifelong physical and mental health and lists 14 things you can do today, to help you get that much needed sleep.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s topic: 14 Ways to Sleep Like a Baby Tonight
- 00:29 – Many of the issues people have come from sleep deficiencies
- 00:57 – Some ideas can be implemented immediately
- 01:17 – A study kept people awake for 24 hours straight
- 01:31 – At the end of 24 hours, a lot of psychological issues were reported
- 01:54 – 60M people in the US have some type of sleep disorder
- 01:59 – 50% of people have snoring issues
- 02:06 – 37% of people report falling asleep every day
- 02:18 – 5% of people fall asleep while driving
- 02:34 – Sleep Apnea is sometimes caused by obesity
- 02:45 – 40% of all adults have some type of sleep deprivation
- 02:59 – 100K deaths occur each year in hospitals due to medical error, and sleep deprivation is in the top 3 most significant contributors to this
- 03:27 – Young children are not exceptions either when it comes to sleep issues
- 03:39 – 30% to 40% of children in the United States have sleep deprivation issues
- 03:53 – Bad sleep habits start at a young age and normally continue into adult life
- 04:12 – “It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning, after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” – John Steinbeck
- 04:30 – 14 Ways to Sleep Like a Baby Tonight:
o04:31 – #1 No food, sugar, or soda 2-3 hours before bedtime
o04:40 – #2 No caffeine past noon
o05:09 – #3 Allow yourself to slowly wind down before bedtime
o05:30 – #4 Fill your day with productive activities
o05:48 – #5 Practice relaxing breathing techniques before going to bed
o05:56 – #6 No smartphone usage 1 hour before bedtime
o06:17 – #7 Create a peaceful environment 1 hour before sleeping
o06:32 – #8 If you can’t sleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed, drink milk or write a little—then try again
o06:53 – #9 Count down from 100
o07:06 – #10 Make sure you have a comfortable temperature in your room
o07:17 – #11 Drink chamomile tea
o07:22 – #12 Take a warm shower or bath
o07:27 – #13 Clear your mind
o07:39 – #14 Discuss your concerns with your doctor
- 07:51 – Get the list atMind Your Mind Online
- 08:19 – Mark from Seattle asks, “How much sleep do I need?”
o08:25– Sleep depends on your age
o08:31 – Infants need 12 to 16 hours
o08:39 – Children ages 1-2 need 11 to 14 hours
o08:48 – Kids ages 3-5 need 10 to 13 hours
o08:53 – Children ages 6-12 need 9 to 12 hours
o09:03 – Adults need 7 to 9 hours
- 09:24 –CDChas a lot of resources on sleep issues
- 09:38 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Sleep is one of the most sacrificed things in our life—this needs to change.
- Children are not exempt from sleep issues, often the sleep habits they develop when they’re young persist into their adult years.
- Sleep deprivation can be one of the underlying causes of many mental and psychological conditions including anxiety, depression, hallucinations, and bipolar symptoms.
Resources Mentioned:
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention– Where you can find resources on health and sleep issues
Summary:
In Episode 006, Joseph teaches us The 4 Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People. Unlike the explicit lessons we learn in school, the real world calls for a more specific intelligence than book smarts—EQ. In the work environment, every single person faces social issues and challenges that only their EQ can solve. Listen as Joseph describes the 4 habits of people that are emotionally intelligent and provides practical advice on how you can begin to work on your EQ today.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s topic: The 4 Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People
- 00:58 – Emotional intelligence is a hot topic from the ‘90s
- 01:25 –Edward Thorndike, a famous psychologist in the ‘20s, already identified and defined social intelligence
- 01:41 – Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligencetook social intelligence to another level
- 02:00 – 80% of your adult success comes from EQ
- 02:20 – 75% of careers are derailed because of emotional intelligence issues
- 02:39 – John Mayer and Peter Salovey’s definition of Emotional Intelligence: Having proficiency in 4 specific areas: identifying emotions, using them, understanding them, and regulating them
- 03:00 – “What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definitive set of emotional skills–your EQ–not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests” – Daniel Goleman
- 03:33 – #1 Great Conversation Skills
o03:40 – Making other people feel comfortable in the conversation
o03:46 – Stop overthinking
o04:27 – Whatever job you do, you’ll be talking to people
- 04:52 – #2 Read Social Cues
o05:05 – Figure out why waiters and waitresses get bigger tips (due to social intelligence)
o05:28 – Socially intelligent people read social cues
o05:44 – Be non-confrontational and respectful
- 06:18 – #3 Have Self-Efficacy
o06:22 – Respect yourself
- 06:52 – #4 Understand Human Motivation
o07:07 – They know how to harness that power and use it
- 07:22 – First practical solution to work on your emotional intelligence: empathize with other people and validate them
- 07:45 – Second: seek first to understand then be understood
- 08:34 – Submit your question online atMind Your Mind
- 08:46 –Alice from Ohio asks, “My best friend since childhood has constantly been ignoring my calls, but then when she finds out I’m with another friend, she gets angry with me. How do I deal with this?”– There’s a big imbalance in your relationship – be cautious. Sometimes people grow apart and have different needs. Communicate about the issue.
- 11:19 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Emotional intelligence or EQ is what brings you more success in your adult life.
- It’s important that you understand emotional cues and empathize with people.
- Always have respect for yourself.
Resources Mentioned:
- Edward Thorndike– Psychologist from the 1920’s identified emotional intelligence
- Emotional Intelligence– Book that took social intelligence to another level
- Mind Your Mind– Tune in and submit your questions
- Dale Carnegie– Book on interpersonal relationship development by world famous author
Summary:
In Episode 005, Joseph lists 6 ways to let go of the past. Dealing with pain and resentment is never easy for any one person; but, you have a choice to either hold on to the resentment or free yourself from it and move on. How exactly does one do this? How do we let go of the past? Listen as Joseph teaches us the importance of acknowledging our feelings of resentment, the reasons why we need to let go, and the means by which this is possible.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:25 – Today’s topic: 6 Ways to Let Go of the Past
- 01:01 – When people have resentment and pain, it leads to poor choices in life
- 01:33 – Holding on to the past makes us learn from the past
- 01:51 – The adaptive part of holding on to the past can also backfire on us
- 02:22 – “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” – Carrie Fisher
- 02:40 – #1 Resentment is an addiction
- 03:21 – #2 We cannot change the past
- 03:58 – #3 It’s an illusion of strength
- 04:22 – Real strength comes from moving forward
- 04:33 – #4 Be aware of your needs
o04:36 – HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired – address your needs
- 05:18 – #5 Stop blaming yourself BUT do take responsibility
- 05:34 – We all make mistakes
- 06:01 – #6 Meet halfway or get away
- 06:41 – If you’re feeling resentment, call it out
- 07:21 – Hear the other person’s hurt instead of their insults
- 07:54 – Mark from Wyoming asks, “If I’m unable to forgive my dad for what he did to me throughout my childhood, will I always carry the resentment with me?”– Forgiveness is a spiritual and religious choice. To forgive someone is your own personal choice. The resentment is what you have to let go.
- 09:02 – Engage in self-validation to acknowledge your hurt
- 09:16 – It’s hard to overcome resentment, but we can do it—it is possible!
- 09:47 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- In the end, holding onto resentment will just cause more suffering for YOU.
- Resentment may be the result of your personal needs not being met. HALT—are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?
- People make mistakes—be accountable, take responsibility for your own actions, and move forward.
Summary:
In Episode 004,Joseph Tropperdiscusses the 13 ingredients of healthy couples. Joseph uses the analogy of baking—you wouldn’t replace tar for chocolate, or vinegar for milk in your recipe. You need to focus on choosing the right ingredients to create that sweet, final confection. These 13 ingredients have negative counterparts and just being aware of the choices you have is where it all begins. Listen as Joseph shares the 13 ingredients for a healthier relationship with your partner and the importance of evaluating what you bring to the table. Joseph will show you how you can improve your relationship now.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:25 – Episode 4 is about the 13 ingredients that create a healthy couple
- 00:56 – This episode is for couples who want to enhance their relationship
- 01:20 – 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce; although these statistics lean towards teen marriages
- 01:40 – Once age at the time of marriage increases, the statistics for divorce lower
- 02:05 – The most important things about these ingredients are two-fold:
○02:10 – Consistency in doing them
○02:30 – Putting the right ingredients in
- 03:34 – 1: Have a 1-2 hour weekly date
- 03:45 – 2: Compliment each other more than you criticize each other; at a 4:1 ratio
- 04:10 – 3: Daily repair conversation frequency
- 04:30 – 4: Give each other time to repair or have emotional time-outs instead of letting fights escalate
- 04:43 – 5: Give love and show acceptance to each other
- 04:57 – 6: The importance of being happy rather than being right
- 05:18 – 7: Laugh together often
- 05:28 – 8: Validate the 10% where you two agree rather than fighting the 90% where you disagree or see the other as wrong
- 06:08 – 9: Make time for intimacy
- 06:21 – 10: Celebrate each other’s success
- 06:32 – 11: Encourage individualism and autonomy
- 06:46 – 12: Give and receive trust
- 06:58 – 13: Seek help when needed
- 07:10 – Putting the ingredients, time, and energy into your relationship will make it work
- 07:23 – Get a print-out of the 13 ingredients atMind Your Mind
- 07:42 – “A wedding anniversary is a celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity—the order varies for any given year.” by Paul Sweeney
- 07:57 – Get out of that negative mindset
- 08:07 – Pick one from the healthy list and reinforce it, and pick from the unhealthy list and fix it
- 08:41 – Denise asks, “My spouse is the problem, he’s unreasonable and has issues. We have one child and have been together for over 5 years. I’m not perfect, but it’s 90% him.”
o09:00 – Joseph’s response is to seek help for yourself and focus on your part
o09:21 – Put yourself into the relationship as much as you can; because if you pull out, your spouse will pull away as well
o09:31 – If you want to fix it, find a support team or therapist to help you have a conversation with your spouse about the issues you face
o09:45 – Look at the list to see if you’re doing the things that allow for connection
- 10:16 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Be aware that there is a positive and negative way in dealing with the problems in your relationship—then, choose the positive.
- It’s important to say 4 compliments to your partner for every 1 critical statement, something that usually sets apart the masters from the disasters.
- Being consistent and putting the right ingredients into a relationship is key to keeping it healthy, long-lasting and enjoyable.
Resources Mentioned:
Mind Your Mind– Download the PDF 13 Healthy Couple Ingredients
In Episode 003, Joseph teaches us 5 Ways to Kick Anxiety. In the US, about 22% of the population is affected by anxiety. Unfortunately, it’s not only adults who experience anxiety, 1 in 4 children suffer as well. Acknowledging anxiety is always the first step to overcoming it. Listen as Joseph shares the types of anxiety expressed today, and how we can combat anxiety in other ways besides medication.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s episode is 5 Ways to Kick Anxiety
- 00:35 – Anxiety is an uncomfortable topic
- 01:07 – “Prevalence of anxiety in the United States population is 22%”
- 01:17 – “4% of the population can be classified as severe”
- 01:30 – It is common for children ages 13-18 to have anxiety
- 01:40 – “1 in 4 kids suffer from anxiety”
- 01:50 – “Only 1 in 3 people seek treatment for anxiety”
- 02:10 – Unlike anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications work quickly
- 02:27 – Check medication for addictive properties
- 02:51 – Different forms of anxiety are:
o02:55 – Panic Disorder
o03:16 – General Anxiety Disorder
o03:33 – Social Anxiety Disorder
o04:00 – Hoarding
o04:16 – Phobias
- 04:25 – The 5 Ways to Kick Anxiety
o04:30 – Write down your worries
o04:51 – Create an anxiety, worry-free period in the day
o05:33 – Take care of your body
o05:59 – Do activities that help you relax
▪06:19 – Joseph suggests to readCalming the Emotional StormandDBT Workbook for Anxiety
o06:52 – NAP: Notice, Accept, and Pass
- 07:33 –“Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”– Arthur Somers Roche
- 07:55 – Practical Solutions
o07:59 – Start with mindfulness
o08:07 – Joseph encourages to checkThe Tapping Solutionby Nick Ortner
- 08:27 – Today’s Question comes from Sarah, from Oregon: “I had a hair-pulling habit that I got help for 5 years ago. And now, it just came back”
o08:42 – It’s important to point out that even though you’ve worked through this habit in the past, something might have triggered that anxiety again and old habits die hard
o08:57 – Good news is that you can try doing what worked for you 5 years ago and it should be able to help
o09:06 – Address the things that might have triggered your habit
- 09:30 – Anxiety is extremely impairing and these 5 tools are a great starting point to help—if you need more help, do not hesitate to seek it
- 10:03 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Anxiety is prevalent in the US; however, it’s still one of those uncomfortable topics for people to discuss and we need to break that stigma.
- It is very common for children to experience anxiety.
- You can try to combat anxiety without having to take medication as a first resort, but be open to meds as well from a trusted and competent specialist.
Resources Mentioned:
- Calming the Emotional StormandDBT Workbook for Anxiety– Books Joseph recommends to help with relaxation
- The Tapping Solution– Website Joseph encourages to visit for practical solutions in combating anxiety
In Episode 002, Joseph shares with us the 6 Steps to Overcoming Sadness and Depression. It’s known that 1 in 5 adults have experienced some kind of mental health issue. Specifically, when it comes to depression, only 28% of individuals are actually helped by medication. This begs the question: what are the other ways one can combat depressive feelings and thoughts? Listen in as Joseph lists 6 steps you can start doing today, to either prevent or overcome those feelings of sadness and depression.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s episode is Overcoming Sadness and Depression: 6 Step Process
- 00:32 – “1 in 5 adults in America have some type of mental health issue they’ve experienced”
- 01:01 – 50% of adults will not talk to their doctor
- 01:29 – Everything is on a spectrum in terms of depressive feelings and thoughts—the question is how pervasive these thoughts and feelings are
- 01:39 – Getting diagnosed by a qualified health professional is very important
- 01:50 – Podcast Disclaimers:
o01:51 – This is NOT medical nor legal advice
o02:03 – In anything I say, there is no judgment
- 02:45 – Joseph describes depression as inactivity
- 03:09 – To get out of depression, “the inactivity needs to be combatted with activity”
- 03:22 – Joseph recommends the book,The Depression Cure
- 03:33 – Regardless of all the resources mentioned, it is always wise to check in with a doctor
- 04:18 – Our body was never designed for this post-industrial environment we now live in
- 04:47 – Only 28% of patients are actually cured with medication
- 05:07 – The 6 Steps to Overcome Sadness and Depression are:
o05:17 – 1) Eat brain food
o05:43 – 2) Don’t think, “do”
▪06:03 –Feeling Goodis a great book for dealing with a negative mindset
o06:21 – 3) Exercise
o06:44 – 4) “Let there be [natural] light”—try the happy light product by Verilux
o07:12 – 5) Get connected socially
o07:40 – 6) Healthy sleep
- 08:24 –“Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.”– Ronald Reagan
- 08:50 – Exercise, be active, and have accountability
- 09:30 – Q: Sam from California asks, “I’m just a negative person. How do I know I’m suffering from clinical depression?”
o09:51 – A: Having a negative outlook in life may be your personality
o09:56 – Is there impairment in your social, work, or family life? If there is, you need to seek help from a healthcare professional
o10:12 – Negative attitude and perspective can be worked on
- 10:23 – In closing, depression is REAL and it can run in the family; seek help, be active, apply a therapeutic lifestyle change or program
- 11:17 – Remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel
- 11:34 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Getting diagnosed by a doctor, psychologist, or therapist is very important when it comes to having depressive feelings and thoughts that are pervasive.
- Depression is a state of inactivity; combat it with activity.
- It is strongly advised to combat depression with a program that engages your natural recovery skills and changes your environment and negative mindset as medication alone only helps about 28% of patients.
Resources Mentioned:
- The Depression Cure– Book written by Stephen Ilardi that talks about battling depression without drugs
- Feeling Good– Book written by David Burns that deals with negative mindsets
- Verilux– a company that creates light lamps to help with depressive symptoms
Summary:
In Episode 001, Joseph describes “The 8 Dimensions of Wellness” and encourages us to do a self-check. What is our level of satisfaction in each dimension? How do we increase our satisfaction? How important is it to take care of ourselves first? In today’s busy world, people tend to drown in their daily tasks and responsibilities, putting aside their own personal well-being. Tune in find out what these 8 dimensions mean for you and how to take those first steps in self-care.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:26 – Today’s topic: Where do I Start? The 8 Mental Areas to Mind
- 01:06 –The Wellness Initiative Programby SAMHSA, a US government organization, begins our list:
o01:27 –Emotional—Coping effectively with life and creating satisfying relationships
o01:32 –Environmental— Maintaining good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well-being
o01:42–Financial— Satisfaction with current and future financial situations
o01:50 –Intellectual—Recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills
o02:04 –Occupational— Personal satisfaction and enrichment from one’s work
o02:09 –Physical— Recognizing the need for physical activity, healthy foods, and sleep
o02:15 –Social— Developing a sense of connection, belonging, and a well-developed support system
o02:21 –Spiritual— Expanding a sense of purpose and meaning in life
- 02:32 – Joseph gives pointers regarding the emotional dimension
- 03:10 – As you go through the list, rate yourself on how satisfied you are in each dimension
- 03:37 – The goal is to get an 80-90% satisfaction rate on each dimension
- 03:55 – Stable and safe housing is important
- 04:13 – Do you enjoy where you live or your surroundings?
- 04:37 – Financial dimension has two parts: your current financial situation and your future financial goals
- 05:27 – It’s important to learn and expand on one’s knowledge and abilities
- 05:35 – Occupational is divided into 2 categories: compensation and fulfillment
- 06:12 – Health is a gift, but we must do our part
- 06:41 – “We have to take care of ourselves. If we don’t get enough sleep, we don’t function.”
- 06:52 – As humans, people need to be part of a group
- 07:16 – Having a support team is also essential in our social dimension
- 07:23 – People also need to have a sense of meaning for their lives
- 07:34 –“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Jack Kornfield
- 07:40 – Take care of yourself FIRST
- 07:43 – How do we make this practical?
o07:45 – Start with the social and physical dimensions if you don’t know where to start
o08:06 – The 10% challenge: How can I raise my satisfaction level in a particular dimension by 10%?
- 08:28 – Sam from California says, “Joe, I just don’t have time to take care of myself. Great ideas, but how do I do it?”– Keep listening! Tons of suggestions are coming your way as the podcast keeps going. Quality vs. Quantity – give yourself 5 quality minutes of meditation and relaxation.
- 09:11 – Jessie from New York says, “My spouse interrupts my ability to relax.”– Take responsibility on your part. Try to touch base with your spouse and ask him to help you with your needs and vice versa.
- 09:51 – End of this week’s podcast!
3 Key Points:
- Health is a gift and we should NOT take it for granted, do your part in the 8 areas.
- If you’re confused about where to start with your well-being, focus on the social and physical dimensions of your health first.
- Challenge yourself—how can you increase satisfaction by just 10% in an area of your health and well being?
Resources Mentioned:
- The Wellness Initiative Programby SAMHSA – basis of the 8 Dimensions of Wellness
Welcome to Mind Your Mind! My name is Joseph Tropper and it is so nice to meet you! This podcast was designed with you in mind. It’s meant to tackle the hottest topics of self-care and help you take the best care of yourself. I want to help you get motivated, deal with stress, and enhance your relationships.
Qualifications
To begin I would like to introduce myself and explain why I am qualified to help you take the next step. I have 15 years of experience as a life coach, hypnotherapist and licensed mental health professional. I hold a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and have been in full time private practice as lead therapist and director for the past 4 years. I’m a proud husband and father and these two roles shape so much of my life perspective. I have specialized training in couples counseling, trauma (EMDR therapy) and anxiety and want to help you move forward in life.
Why This Podcast?
Clients often ask if they can record my sessions. I am concerned for their confidentiality as well as quality assurance. This podcast gives me the opportunity to think over my thoughts, edit them and make sure they are expressed in a clear and helpful manner. Additionally, my aim is to impact and help as many people as possible. While I find private practice extremely rewarding, it takes much concentrated effort to impact the 30 to 50 clients that I can work with at a time. This podcast can be listened to by many people who can benefit from its practical advice. You can listen in while you are going about your daily activities. I especially encourage you to come here when you take your daily 30 minutes jog or walk!
Love To Hear From You
I want your insights and questions. Please visit our site to submit your questions and I will try my best to answer them on the show. Visit mindyourmindonline.com and click on Ask Joseph to type or record your questions.
Name Explained
Mind Your Mind is called after the mind for two main reasons. Firstly, it emphasizes the importance of putting yourself first and advocating for your own needs. Secondly, it references the concept of mindfulness which is very helpful in centering and caring for self.
Show Format
The show is divided into 7 main parts outlined here:
1-Opening - intro to the topic
2- Facts - cold facts about the topics
3- Quote - My favorite quote
4-Opinions - my own take and ideas, the main crux of the material
5- Practical Solutions - how do I make my life better
6- Questions - submitted by listeners, first about podcast topic, then about any topic
7- ClosingRecap - summary and call to action
Quick Disclaimers
The material contained in the podcast recordings, summaries and articles are for self-help purposes only. No legal, medical or specific mental health advice is offered. Listeners and readers are encouraged to collaborate with people whom they trust as well as qualified professionals for the application of anything discussed here.
Human Strength and Vulnerability
I want to share with you a poem that is very dear to me. I wrote it as a summary about the work that I do with myself and with my clients. It expresses my view on life and mental health. I took the background picture myself while on vacation with my wife and family in Hawaii.
Let the Journey Begin
It’s great to have you here and I hope to hear from you to learn more about the topics you love and wish to hear more about. Wishing you only the greatest success as you learn toMind Your Mind!
Resources Mentioned:
- Mind Your Mind– The podcast title and website
●Human Strength and Vulnerability – Poem written by Joseph Tropper
Mind Your Mind Podcast is for busy people like you who want to enjoy life and free up their time and emotional space by learning valuable tools for self-care and mindfulness. The show’s weekly topics are filled with compelling discussions and practical solutions to increase your productivity and healthy living.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
- 00:24 – Joseph Tropper is a mental health specialist
- 00:29 – Are you tired of not feeling good about yourself?
- 00:40 – Good News! You’re normal!
- 00:50 – Joseph will help you Mind Your Mind
- 00:53 – “Your mind will answer most questions, if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” - William S. Burroughs
- 01:00 – Topics are straight to the point
- 01:10 – Self-care starts here
- 01:20 – Your questions are welcome! Submit them toMind Your Mind
- 01:32 – Joseph looks forward to helping you!
- 01:40 – Never miss an episode ofMind Your Mind
3 Key Points:
- Mind Your Mind Podcast is filled with valuable tools for self-care and mindfulness.
- Not feeling the greatest about yourself? Good news, you’re normal!
- Taking care of YOU starts right now withMind Your Mind.
Resource Mentioned:
- Mind Your Mind– Joseph Tropper’s podcast