Recovery Rebirth Podcast: Recent Episodes
Vivacity Ventures LLC
What Is Recovery?
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we attempt to define recovery. One very straightforward definition is “an improved quality of life”. However someone improves their quality of life, it must be self directed, people can’t be coerced or coddled into recovery. Recovery should look at root causes, look for a future episode on this topic.
Dom provides an overview of the concept of a recovery coach and the components of recovery: self-directed, empowering, a holistic approach, focuses on the person’s strength, peer support, focuses on the person’s strength, a sense of hope.
Jillian reflects on her early days in recovery when she felt disempowered and had a victim mentality. She shares t her experience with recovery, which has included learning to implement boundaries not being emotionally reactive when triggered by someone’s addiction. She observes that recovery is not allowing others behaviors/choices nor her own maladaptive coping mechanisms (rooted in codependency) dictate her life. It’s no longer operation on autopilot.
Recovery is a lifelong process. Just as people exercise their entire life to maintain their health and fitness, recovery has to be maintained to sustain recovery. Just as people have coaches in sports, recovery coaches understand “the game” and are honest about where you’re lacking and help hold you accountable. A good coach also helps you remove obstacles and problem solve.
We touch on harm reduction, an incremental approach primarily focused on saving lives. Medically assisted treatment (MAT) is another component of harm reduction. Removing barriers to housing and breaking stigmas is also crucial to recovery! We also discuss the concept of micro moves that lead to dramatic change and an improved quality of life.
You are not alone and recovery is possible! We’re rooting for you! #WeDoRecover
Resources
Recovery Rebirth Episodes
Boundaries
https://www.vivacityventures.com/boundaries/
Recovery Sponsorship and Accountability
https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovery-sponsorship-and-accountability/
Coping with Homelesness
https://www.vivacityventures.com/coping-with-homelessness/
We’re baaaaaaaack! Hello beloved listeners, we apologize for the unplanned hiatus. Life got very lifey & our regular recording/release schedule was disrupted. We hope you’ve been well while we’ve been away. In this episode, we update on what’s been going on in our lives the last several months.
Jillian talks about transitioning to life as a single empty nester, work overwhelm, navigating dynamics on a family vacation and the recent ending of the healthiest relationship she’s experienced. She reflects on her recent relationship & absence of her typical maladaptive coping mechanisms, (e.g. the compulsion to rescue/ fix). For the first time, she experienced emotional safety & open, honest communication. Healing instead of being wounded in a relationships was unprecedented. She still struggles with letting go, a core trait of codependency. But having a support system through recovery is allows her to accept more and suffer less. As always, the tools of recovery are helping her to accept life on life’s term.
Dominick provides an update on big life changes, including moving and taking a new job after over 20 years of being self-employed. He was reaching a point of burnout and exhaustion with work and his living environment was becoming increasingly unsavory. The fact that he works from home meant there was no escape from an undesirable environment. After some very intentional prayer, he made some drastic changes. Today, he’s living in a serene environment and working for a holistic treatment center. He avows that these blessings coming to fruition were in part to him strongly & consistently putting his desires out to the universe.
We underscore the necessity of recovery housing as access to safe and affordable housing is central to thriving in life.
Thank you for your patience & grace while we were away, we look forward to continuing the conversation about myriad topics through the lens of recovery. We’re excited to share resources to support your recovery journeys, just as you support ours. We’re rooting for you!
This time of year can be a joyous occasion or it can be a trigger for stress and anxiety. The Recovery Rebirth Podcast is sharing our take on the Holiday Season.
Many people also struggle with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) during the winter months. It’s no secret that many in recovery are already prone to anxiety and/or depression, the lack of sunshine can amplify feelings of sadness & hopelessness. This can also be a time of year where we feel acute sadness about loved ones we’ve lost through either death, estrangement or separation. The rates of relapse & suicide are sadly higher during what is supposed “the most wonderful time of the year” In reality, it can be the most stressful & depressing time of the year.
Our families of origin can be a tremendous source of anxiety and stress during the holidays. Some of us find our family of choice through our recovery programs. We find safe spaces to share our experience, strength & hope among others who understand & don’t judge us. Unlike family gatherings where we may experience anger, resentment & shame, we can feel acceptance, serenity & support with our recovery families.
We also touch on the pitfalls of social media during the holidays. It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives to others. Social media isn’t real life. It is not an accurate reflection of the full scope of what’s going on in other people’s lives. It’s often the carefully curated highlight reels that we see. A social media break can be an excellent form of self-care for those of us prone to the “compare & despair” mentality.
We talk about strategies to combat stress during the holidays (or any time of year) Simplifying and not doing things out of obligation is one way to reduce stress at the holidays. We realize it’s easier for some people than others to simplify during the holidays, but encourage you to simplify wherever possible.
Remember, there are always meetings available, even on the major holidays, where you can be among fellow travelers. It’s a safe space to connect with folks who share & understand your concern, frustration, resentment & feelings of hopelessness. The holidays are a great time to practice boundaries & also letting go of things outside our control (spoiler:most things are outside our control!). It’s also a prime opportunity to connect with our Higher Power or God of our Understanding.
We’re wishing you a serene & joy-filled holiday season full of memories you’ll cherish for years to come. No matter what the holiday season may hold, we lovingly suggest you to take it One Day at a Time. And please remember you don’t have to get through it alone. Recovery is a “we” program.
Resources
Websites
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/recovery-101/https://www.aa.org/
https://al-anon.org/https://www.swmichiganal-anon.org/
https://coda.org/Previous Episodes
https://www.vivacityventures.com/suicide/https://www.vivacityventures.com/dealing-with-anxiety/https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovering-from-grief-part-1-of-3/https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovering-from-grief-part-2-of-3/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we delve into relapse prevention is a prevalent topic in the world of recovery. While people often think relapse only happens with substance use disorder, anyone in recovery can fall prey to emotional/mental relapse. We highlight the phases leading up to relapse and myriad behaviors that foretell relapse could be imminent (e.g. neglecting self-care, being filled with resentment)
We underscore the difference between a slip and true relapse. Early in recovery, it’s easy to slip back into the addictive behavior, while relapse is having a sustained period of sobriety and falling back into addictive behaviors and using people, places or things in an addictive way.
Stress and boredom can trigger relapse. Some people relapse even when things are going well in their lives. Addiction can flare up at any time.
Regardless of the addictive behavior people are struggling with, there is hope for sustainable recovery.
We’re rooting for you!
Resources
Recovery Rebirth Episodes
Triggers
https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovery-from-unworthiness/Red Flags in Recovery
https://www.vivacityventures.com/red-flags-in-recovery/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss overwhelm which often leads to burnout. We all experience episodes or seasons of life where the deluge of stressors is too much for us. In these times, we could really benefit from self-care, but are also most likely to neglect ourselves because our reserves are depleted.
Jillian reflects on her experiences with overwhelm, including her first panic attack. She also talks about the overwhelm she felt while in a relationship with an active alcoholic and acting like an “emotional drunk” prior to recovery.
Dom shares about the anxiety he’s experienced since he was a child, including panic attacks. Being self-employed and running three businesses can cause him overwhelm and concerns of impending burnout. Being a perfectionist and having incredibly high expectations of ourselves, amplifies anxiety.
A sign of burnout can be lack of enthusiasm for activities you typically love to do. Some of the self-care options we discuss are deep breathing exercises, taking a break/walking away from your desk at work), and walks in nature. When you’re in a calmer frame of mind, writing down affirmations we can revisit when our anxiety/stress flares up again.
If life feels overwhelming, pause, see how you're feeling, take a break and see if you can identify the source of the overwhelm. We hope this episode can offer some insights and resources that will help when you find yourself overwhelmed and approaching burnout. While we are proponents of living One Day at a Time, in times of extreme overwhelm, sometimes we need to focus on one moment at a time. You are not alone in this recovery journey! We’re rooting for you!
Resources
Self-Care/Self-Compassion
https://self-compassion.org/
Breathing Techniques
https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/breathing-exercises-for-anxiety
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/breathing-exercises-anxiety/
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324417#:~:text=The%204%2D7%2D8%20breathing,the%20practice%20of%20breath%20regulation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEmt1Znux58
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7uQXDkxEtM
Recovery Rebirth Episodes
Recovery from Unworthiness
https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovery-from-unworthiness/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss a concept foreign to many people entering recovery–boundaries. Many of us have never seen this behavior modeled within our family systems. We may be shocked to hear “no is a complete sentence” We may believe that boundaries are somehow “selfish” and find that our loved ones in active addiction believe the same because we’re no longer enabling them. We often experience resistance and manipulation from people who benefited from our lack of boundaries. Trust us when we tell you boundaries are in fact necessary to healthy, balanced relationships.
We discuss the difficulties for those who identify as (recovering) people pleasers with setting boundaries. We clarify the difference between boundaries and walls; which can be difficult to discern, especially when we’re learning this new skill. Having boundaries isn’t telling others what to do, it’s simply letting others know what we’re not willing to accept. We believe that setting boundaries is a wonderful form of self-care/self-love.
We share our individual experiences with learning to set boundaries. Sometimes we set the boundaries with others; e.g. not being around our loved ones when they are active in their addictions. Other times, we set boundaries for ourselves, for example what we eat or how much time we spend watching shows or on social media. We also underscore five different types of boundaries.
We have found that our relationships are more authentic and healthier as we set and maintain boundaries. A lack of boundaries can lead to burnout and significant resentment. Resentment is often a cue that we need to set a boundary. On the flipside, honoring our boundaries can bring a great deal of peace.
If you are struggling to set boundaries, we hope this episode will help you to find the courage begin. May you experience the improved relationships and increased peace that naturally flow out of this process. We’re rooting for you!
Resources
Books
“Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”--Henry Cloud & John Townsend
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself”--
Articles
https://www.wellandgood.com/how-to-stand-up-for-yourself/
https://www.wellandgood.com/tips-for-creating-boundaries/
https://www.wellandgood.com/best-podcast-moments-2021/
https://www.wellandgood.com/holiday-party-boundaries/
Podcasts
Boundaries Me
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-boundaries-me-podcast/id1488880049
Beyond Bitchy
https://open.spotify.com/show/5NffpSb1tuzmVuq9B71feX
Recovery Rebirth Episodes
Triggers
https://www.vivacityventures.com/triggers/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss a fairly ubiquitous term–triggers. In the world of addiction & recovery, triggers can cause us to relapse & fall back in our addictive behaviors. Triggers are also discussed in psychology, especially when treating PTSD. A trigger can be defined as something that causes an unexpected emotional response.
Jilian explores her triggers, which are rooted in her fears of abandonment & rejection stemming from her relationship with her mother. These fears manifest as codependency, people pleasing, and love addiction among other behaviors when she’s triggered.
Dom delves into his fears of financial insecurity borne out of his childhood experience of observing his parents wrestle fears of financial scarcity. He observes that even when things are going well money-wise, the old fears of scarcity can resurface.
Sometimes the thought that something could go wrong is enough to trigger our fears & the cascade of maladaptive coping mechanisms we’ve developed. When triggered, we experience four trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. When in this state, our amygdala (brain’s fear center) is activated & our prefrontal cortex (center of reasoning) goes offline & we feel helpless or out of control. We talk about how certain songs or smells can trigger painful memories. We also ponder the perspective that “triggers are our teachers”.
We discuss techniques & tools to calm ourselves when triggered such as grounding ourselves in the moment. Repeating the Serenity Prayer can be a powerful tool, especially focusing on the things we can change. Meditation, visualizations, and journaling are other tactics to overcome triggers. Reminding ourselves that “It’s not happening now” when painful memories come flooding back can re-center us. We touch on Dr. Joe Dispenza & Brendon Burchard’s approaches to creating a new vision for the future since triggers are tied to our past.
We hope you will hear something in this episode that will help you navigate triggers & transform them into learning opportunities rather than being paralyzed by fears. Please see resources below for additional information.
Resources
https://psychcentral.com/addictions/5-tips-for-managing-triggers-during-addiction-recovery
https://www.betterup.com/blog/triggers
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-triggers-and-coping-strategies-2797557
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/fight-flight-freeze-fawn
https://www.valentaonline.com/trauma-response-fight-flight-freeze-fawn/
https://drjoedispenza.com/
https://brendon.com/
Recovery Rebirth Episodes on Trauma Recovery
https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-1-of-3/
https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-2-of-3/
https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-3-of-3/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we explore the concept of recovery capital. The major aspects include: personal, community, and social. Whether it’s improving access to housing, healthy food, recovery coaches, etc. recovery capital supports sustained, long-term recovery. The continuum of care is a crucial aspect of recovery.
We highlight the discrepancy in access to recovery for communities of color or other marginalized communities. As William Cope-Moyers says, “addiction doesn’t discriminate, neither should recovery”
We discuss the importance of peer support.during recovery–people who understand our lived experience. We also talk about the positive impact to the economy by supporting people in Recovery capital is measurable in other tangible ways, which increases opportunities for funding. Historically, the funding has been focused on prevention vs. treatment and sustained recovery because there has been more data to back up the efficacy. Recovery capital offers the ability to measure the data.
Resources
https://recoverycapital.io/
https://facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/2019/10/08/recovery-capital-its-role-in-sustaining-recovery/
https://r1learning.com/blog/2020/recoverycapital
https://www.chestnut.org/Resources/4c4bb112-3d59-4984-98cb-3b637378965a/Recovery-Capital-Scale.pdf
https://www.naadac.org/assets/2416/whitewlcloudw2008_recovery_capital_a_primer.pdf
https://recovery.gloo.us/rci
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Clean-Overcoming-Addiction-Treatment/dp/0814715826
Podcasts
https://open.spotify.com/show/1gw27uGEHw3QDT5BkifWBR
Recovery Rebirth Podcast -- Sponsorship and Accountability with mentions of recovery Capital
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cudml2YWNpdHl2ZW50dXJlcy5jb20vZmVlZC8/episode/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cudml2YWNpdHl2ZW50dXJlcy5jb20vP3A9MTIzOA?sa=X&ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwjwwOjSjeb_AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQLA
Catastrophizing means that a person fixates on the worst possible outcome and treats it as likely, even when it is not.
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we continue our conversation about health issues, focusing on catastrophizing–the tendency to focus on the worst case scenario. Many people in recovery had chaotic home environments. We were always waiting for the other shoe to drop and sometimes our worst fears have come to pass. But, many times we suffer needlessly about things that never happen. Living in fear and scarcity mindsets can cause us to catastrophize.
Jillian discusses her fears about an upcoming surgery and strategies she’s used to calm herself down when her anxiety spikes. Dominick touches on his fears surrounding finances which he observed in his parents and has followed him into adulthood. We also talk about fears of abandonment, a common theme in our podcasts.
Studies have shown that catastrophizing is a type of trauma response. Sometimes we can struggle to accept that good things can happen or compliments from others. This can be because we’re so used to bad things happening or don’t feel worthy of praise.
The Serenity Prayer is a helpful recovery tool when we’re in a doom spiral. A gratitude practice can support a healthy state of mind. Focusing on the outcome we want vs. what we fear will happen can help us feel more in control of our fate. Some people believe strongly in the Law of Attraction, that what you focus on you will draw to yourself.
We encourage you to let your faith be stronger than your fear and to live One Day at a Time.
Resources
Recovery Rebirth Episode 016
https://www.vivacityventures.com/dealing-with-anxiety/The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment–Eckhart Tolle
https://eckharttolle.com/power-of-now-excerpt/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we continue our conversation about health issues, focusing on chronic pain.
Jillian shares about her recent experience with a major surgery, anxiety that ensued and her recovery process. The surgery didn’t go quite as planned which impacted her recovery time. She found that her mind was frustrated with her physical limitations after surgery. She was able to spend a few weeks with her daughter who came to support her in her recovery, which was a tremendous blessing.
Dom details his experience developing shingles, which has been a very painful, protracted condition. He’s been experiencing chronic pain for a month. And unfortunately, with shingles, there aren’t any great treatments for pain, it’s a matter of waiting it out. While unrelenting pain has tested his sobriety, he’s leaned into his program. And he’s working with his healthcare practitioners who are aware that he’s in recovery.
It was yet another opportunity to practice acceptance of something we were powerless over, in this case, our bodies. While we try to live One Day at a Time, during the physical recovery from our health issues, sometimes it’s been one moment at a time.
We also discuss the issue with access to pain medication due to the opioid addiction crisis. So people suffering from chronic pain who can’t get opiods will turn to street drugs and overdose. Taking painkillers away completely isn’t the answer, there needs to be a balanced approach with the prescribing.
If you are dealing with chronic pain while in recovery, we encourage you to reach out for support from friends in recovery and your healthcare provider. Please don’t let the pain cause you to turn to a temporary “solution” that could put your health at far greater risk!
Resources
Pain Management in Recovery
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/opiates/pain-management
https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/sma13-4671.pdf
Shingles Treatment
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/shingles/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20353060
https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2005/0915/p1082.html
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/21561-gabapentin
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we explore health issues we’ve experienced while in recovery.
Jillian details health concerns she’s been navigating for the past 18 months & an impending hysterectomy. She shares her anxiety surrounding her first major surgery & general anesthesia. She talks about her propensity for catastrophizing & fears related to dying young since after brother died at 49. In the midst of her anxiety & fear, she reached out to her sponsor, attended extra meetings & sought additional support from friends/loved ones. It can be tempting to isolate when we’re fearful, but it’s important to connect with others during these times.
Dominick shares about significant back pain he experienced for 6 months when he was well into sobriety. He always shares with his healthcare providers that he’s a person in long-term recovery in case pain management comes up. He recalls the medical tests and physical therapy appointments while trying to determine the source of his pain & best treatment. He kept anxiety at bay during the wait & see period thanks to the tools of recovery. He believed that the God of His Understanding was protecting him which gave him tremendous peace of mind.
We discuss feeling powerless over our bodies & anxiety that accompanies feeling out of control. We note the pitfalls of consulting Dr .Google which can cause us to dive headfirst down the rabbit hole of catastrophizing. Leaning into our recovery community has helped us both navigate our health concerns with more serenity. We underscore the power of the mind when it comes to our health. Focusing on the outcome we want rather than feeding our fears is crucial. Having a daily gratitude practice is one way to improve our perspective. Repeating the Serenity Prayer is a simple & powerful way to soothe ourselves during times of crisis as well.
If you are facing health concerns, we encourage you to focus on what you can do: see a healthcare professional, seek therapy & support from loved ones, both in and out of recovery. Most of all, no matter what we’re facing, it’s crucial to live life One Day at a Time. Staying in the day can help allay worrying about tomorrow. We’re wishing you much peace & good health!
Resources
Heal Documentary
https://www.healdocumentary.com/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we expand our discussion on social media addiction into fantasy addiction. From childhood, we are fed unrealistic concepts of love & romance. Whether a myriad of childhood movies of princesses being rescued or romantic comedies that never show the mundane, unromantic parts of life (e.g. arguing over bills, bodily functions, stressors of parenting, etc.) We can get caught up in an ideal or people’s potential vs. who they truly are.
Jillian shares her experience in recovery through Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Her sponsor observed that she had a fantasy addiction. Love addiction has a foundation in codependency. This manifested as trying to rescue/fix men with addiction, dysfunction, personality disorders, etc. Believing that we can “love someone into being well” is a fantasy! And it sets us up for frustration, heartache & resentment. When we try to be someone’s savior or become their Higher Power, it creates an unhealthy hierarchy in the relationship. In healthy relationships, we are equals who accept each other as is–flaws & all.
Treatment center romances & people hooking up early in recovery (known as 13th stepping) is a common phenomenon. We trade one addiction for another. It’s easy to understand how this happens since we’re in a very vulnerable place early in recovery. It’s easy to bond with others going through the same thing. But we must put our recovery first & not get sidelined by romantic obsession.
Oftentimes, these maladaptive approaches to relationships are rooted in trauma. We’re drawn to people who remind us of our childhood trauma & re-experience trauma by feeling rejected or abandoned by partners unable to meet our needs. We can also mistake chaos/drama for excitement/passion. As we heal, we will attract healthier partners. Jillian’s insight: don’t allow your wounds to pick your partners! Recognizing & healing our patterns is the key to breaking the cycle. Two key terms are: petition compulsion & euphoric recall.
The physical aspects of the relationships are addictive due to the dopamine & oxytocin hits we get. This is what keeps us coming back to relationships that are otherwise damaging & hurtful. Much like a slot machine, we get the intermittent reinforcement of sometimes winning (dopamine hit) & we ignore how much time/energy we’ve squandered to get that brief hit.
Like any addiction, recovery is possible & support is available! Please see the resources below to support your recovery journey.
Resources
Sex & Love Addiction
https://gettingstartedinslaa.com/
https://slaafws.org/onlinemeetings/https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/Characteristics-of-Sex-Love-Addiction.pdf
https://www.jodiwhitelpc.com/Fantasy Addiction
https://slaavirtual.org/fantasy-addiction/Trauma Recovery
https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-1-of-3/https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-1-of-3/https://www.vivacityventures.com/trauma-part-3-of-3/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we discuss social media addiction. Addiction is defined as a treatable chronic medical disease. It involves the brain, genetics, environment & life experience. Just like any other addiction, social media addiction can involve compulsive behavior that can negatively impact our lives.. 75% of Americans are estimated to be addicted to their phones. With such staggering numbers, this addiction warrants further discussion.
According to statistics, the most addictive social media platforms are: Facebook, Youtube, WhatsApp, and Instagram. Social media can be a slippery slope & many of us fall prey to the “compare & despair” mindset. We compare the banality of our lives to others’ highlight reels. Young women are particularly susceptible to the validation addiction fed by social medial.
Push notifications & the accompanying sounds can cause us to have a Pavlovian response. Social media addiction falls under the process addiction category; like gambling. Both of these addictions are driven by intermittent reinforcement which gives us just enough dopamine boosts to keep us hooked.
We discuss a couple of alarming & informative documentaries focused on social media: The Social Dilemma & The Great Hack. These films showcase artificial intelligence (AI) which was initially a benign marketing tool intended to connect us to people & interests through algorithms. Sadly, the application of AI has become increasingly malignant. Consider how social media has caused political divisiveness in recent years.. Algorithms that helped to curate targeted advertising for products/services also play into our confirmation bias. This ability to hone in on our biases was leveraged during major Amercia elections in in the last several years.. .
Contrary to the original intent to connect us, of social media is causing us to become more disconnected & divided. The political polarization & proliferation of conspiracy theories are prime examples of the darker side of social media. Cyberbullying is a example of how malevolent social media can be, even leading to suicide in extreme cases.
We invite you to ponder how social media might be impacting your life. Do you feel more connected & fulfilled or do you find yourself falling into the compare & despair mindset? Are able to set your phone down & be emotionally present with loved ones? Or do you feel the compulsion to check your phone when you hear an alert for push notifications. Social media isn’t inherently bad, it all depends on how use it. If the compulsion to chedk social medial begins to negatively impact our relationships, jobs, etc. it’s a good time to pause & assess if we might be developing an addiction. Like any addiction, recovery is possible & support is available!
Resources
Documentaries
The Social Dilemma
https://www.thesocialdilemma.com/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaaC57tcci0The Great Hack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX8GxLP1FHoSocial Media Addiction Statistics & Recovery Resources
https://truelist.co/blog/social-media-addiction-statistics/https://influencermarketinghub.com/social-media-addiction-stats/
https://www.healthline.com/health/social-media-addiction
https://www.addictioncenter.com/drugs/social-media-addiction/
Process Addictions
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/behavioral-addictions
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/assets/info/amh/if-amh-ydt-digital-technology-what-is-process-addiction.pdf
https://www.tpoftampa.com/process-addictions/#:~:text=Common%20process%20addictions%20include%20shopping,cause%20legal%20or%20financial%20problems
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we discuss a crucial component of 12-step recovery: sponsorship, accountability partners & recovery coaches. Dr. John Kelly’s (Harvard) research provides data to support a substantial increase in 12-step recovery success by having accountability partners.
We share our experiences with sponsorship/accountability partners. These relationships have enriched our lives &deepened our recovery. The beauty is there is no hierarchy in these relationships, it’s simply two people supporting each other in their recovery process. Oftentimes, these are long-term relationships which is crucial to sustained recovery. Some people utilize multiple 12-step recovery prorams or combine them with therapy. A huge advantage of 12-step recovery is the accessibility & affordability.
Another opton is recovery coaches, who focus on an improved quality of life.They offer non-clinical assistance to support recovery, typically on a paid basis as it’s a vocation. They connect people with resources: therapy, a sponsor, housing, etc. These coaches are also peers who are in sustained recovery themselves.
We touch a bit on recovery capital the the end of the episode. It’s a way to quantify the effectiveness of the success of recovery. There is a company called Gloo that had developed software to measure recovery capital through the recovery capital index. This index measures: personal, social and cultural capital.
We hope this episode will help connect you to vital resources to augment your recovery & enrich your existence. Recovery is possible & most rewarding when it’s a shared journey!
Resources
Dr. John Kelly
https://scholar.harvard.edu/johnfkelly/home
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/team/john-f-kelly-ph-d/Does Alcoholics Anonymous Work? Scientific Review From Dr. John Kelly
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/media/does-alcoholics-anonymous-work-review-john-kelly/Pathways to Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cIVZbGB6o0Recovery Coaches
https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/programs_campaigns/brss_tacs/peers-supporting-recovery-substance-use-disorders-2017.pdf
https://www.careofsem.com/recovery-coaching/Recovery Capital
https://recoverycapital.io/
https://www.wefaceittogether.org/data/recovery-capital-index
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast we discuss how punitive treatment toward addiction (e.g. incarceration) is ineffectual in treating addiction and can actually exacerbate the issue. This approach fails to get at the root of the problem. If we focus on treating the cause (trauma) and not punishing the symptom (addictive behavior), people are far more likely to heal and recover.
Through recovery we can begin to view our loved ones’ addiction as an illness not a moral failing. We are also better able to separate the person from their disease. Remembering that people battling addiction are sick and suffering helps to not take their behavior personally or judge them. Many people in recovery, regardless of their program, experienced varying levels of trauma in their childhood. As a result, maladaptive coping mechanisms are developed, including using addiction, to escape from their problem.
We discuss treatment courts as an alternative to incarceration for people exhibiting addictive behaviors. Yet, if someone violates in treatment court, they are often sent to jail. We ponder increasing treatment if someone is presenting symptomatic for addiction vs. punishing them. We contrast treatment for other diseases, like diabetes or cancer, where people are given the medication/treatment they need along with love and support from family/friends. Why can’t we treat addiction/substance use disorder with the same level of compassion that we do other diseases?
We are clear that we don’t believe violent behavior should be tolerated. We’re talking about the myriad non-violent crimes that lead to incarceration. The punitive approach does not move people toward the solution. It also separates families and perpetuates generational incarceration which has a huge impact on the national economy.
We envision increased funding for treatment and addressing the root causes (e.g. childhood trauma) of addiction/substance use disorder. Creating a continuum of care, like we do for people receiving other forms of healthcare, offers people recovering from addiction/substance use disorder a better chance at arresting their disease. We encourage folks to consider the long-term impact of punitive treatment vs. positive support. Investing in the solution, such as recovery coaches and treatment centers will yield more healthy, happy, productive members of society.
Resources
TED Talk: Everything YouTthink You Know About Addiction is Wrong | Johann Hari
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast–our one year anniversary show–we discuss the varying stressors during the holiday season. The holidays can be especially difficult for people in recovery. Whether we’re trying to stay sober from our addictions or obsessively worrying about & trying to control a loved one’s addiction.Navigating addiction & codependency amplifies the usual holiday stress. finances, overscheduling ourselves, feeling pressure over obligations (e.g. sending cards, baking, buying gifts)
Many people also struggle with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) during the winter months. It’s no secret that many in recovery are already prone to anxiety and/or depression, the lack of sunshine can amplify feelings of sadness & hopelessness. This can also be a time of year where we feel acute sadness about loved ones we’ve lost through either death, estrangement or separation. The rates of relapse & suicide are sadly higher during what is supposed “the most wonderful time of the year” In reality, it can be the most stressful & depressing time of the year.
Our families of origin can be a tremendous source of anxiety and stress during the holidays. Some of us find our family of choice through our recovery programs. We find safe spaces to share our experience, strength & hope among others who understand & don’t judge us. Unlike family gatherings where we may experience anger, resentment & shame, we can feel acceptance, serenity & support with our recovery families.
We also touch on the pitfalls of social media during the holidays. It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives to others. Social media isn’t real life. It is not an accurate reflection of the full scope of what’s going on in other people’s lives. It’s often the carefully curated highlight reels that we see. A social media break can be an excellent form of self-care for those of us prone to the “compare & despair” mentality.
We talk about strategies to combat stress during the holidays (or any time of year) Simplifying and not doing things out of obligation is one way to reduce stress at the holidays. We realize it’s easier for some people than others to simplify during the holidays, but encourage you to simplify wherever possible.
Remember, there are always meetings available, even on the major holidays, where you can be among fellow travelers. It’s a safe space to connect with folks who share & understand your concern, frustration, resentment & feelings of hopelessness. The holidays are a great time to practice boundaries & also letting go of things outside our control (spoiler:most things are outside our control!). It’s also a prime opportunity to connect with our Higher Power or God of our Understanding.
We’re wishing you a serene & joy-filled holiday season full of memories you’ll cherish for years to come. No matter what the holiday season may hold, we lovingly suggest you to take it One Day at a Time. And please remember you don’t have to get through it alone. Recovery is a “we” program.
Resources
Websites
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/recovery-101/https://www.aa.org/
https://al-anon.org/https://www.swmichiganal-anon.org/
https://coda.org/Previous Episodes
https://www.vivacityventures.com/suicide/https://www.vivacityventures.com/dealing-with-anxiety/https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovering-from-grief-part-1-of-3/https://www.vivacityventures.com/recovering-from-grief-part-2-of-3/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss an incredibly serious topic that could be triggering. Suicide & suicidal ideation is all too common for people in recovery. Suicide can be described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
In researching this topic, we were surprised to learn that rates of suicides didn’t increase sharply during the pandemic, unlike relapse rates which soared. We also discovered that the rates of suicide among men, especially middle aged and older men, are approximately four times higher than those for women in the United States. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, according to the CDC.
We share our personal experiences and those of people close to us who have lost friends and loved ones to suicide. We discuss some of the warning signs that someone may be pondering suicide: losing interest in activities, isolating or withdrawing from friends/family, giving away possessions, etc. It’s common for loved ones left behind to be consumed with guilt or wonder what they could have done to prevent their loved ones death. They are left with many questions and no answers. It’s a very complicated type of grief to lose someone to suicide. .
There are many reasons people may feel that they can’t face another day. Addiction, depression, loss of a loved one, or break-up/divorce. Mounting financial stress can also cause people to feel hopeless. Housing or food insecurity are real concerns facing many folks in our society today. We know that life can be brutal some days & it can be tempting to give up. But we also know from personal experience it can also get better. We’re grateful we were willing to see what tomorrow held when today seemed impossible to survive.
We implore you to reach out for help if your feeling helpless rather than withdraw & isolate. You matter, you are worthy & your life has so much purpose.
If you or someone you know is feeling hopeless, please check out the resources below. It is our hope that they will offer you hope!
Resources.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-273-8255
Crisis Hotline
2-1-1
Websites
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
https://afsp.org/
https://afsp.org/suicide-prevention-resources Emergency Resources
https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/ Support Groups
Suicide Prevention Resource Center
https://www.sprc.org/
CDC Suicide Prevention Guide
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention/index.html
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/988
https://www.samhsa.gov/childrens-awareness-day/resources-suicide-prevention
National Institute of Mental Health
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention
State of Michigan: Department of Health & Human Services
https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/safety-injury-prev/injuryprevention/programs/suicide-prevention-a
Gryphon Place (Kalamazoo Area)
https://www.gryphon.org/
TED Talks
https://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm_break_the_silence_for_suicide_attempt_survivors?referrer=playlist-let_s_end_the_silence_around_s&autoplay=truehttps://www.ted.com/talks/dr_anjali_chhabria_suicide_a_cry_for_help
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we mull over what it means to be restless, irritable and discontent; which can be warning signs of imminent relapse. We discuss the red flags that alert us that we’re veering off our path in recovery. Even after we establish a good stretch of sobriety, we can fall prey to the pitfalls that take our focus off of our recovery. A strong indicator is when we start taking others’ inventory, or focusing on others shortcomings. Or thinking we’re experts on others’ lives or where they could improve their recovery program. This is common for people struggling with codependency.
When we find ourselves focused outward, it’s a good time to check in with ourselves and our recovery. Being mindful to stay in our hula hoop or stay in our lane is vital to our recovery. It’s also crucial to the health of our relationships to keep our hands off of others’ recovery and lives. Our unintentional advice giving or micromanaging others’ lives will surely breed resentment;. We ponder the important distinction between recognizing others’ red flags and recognizing our own. We also discuss the differences in red flags for those with substance use issues and people with codependent tendencies.
Depression and anxiety can be red flags that we’re slipping in our recovery and are common co-occuring conditions with addiction. We talk about the propensity to stay busy, even being addicted to busyness, so we don’t have to sit with ourselves and our discomfort.. Being alone early in recovery can trigger our restlessness and anxiety.. As we grow in our recovery, we learn to be comfortable by ourselves. Loneliness can transform into solitude, communing with our Higher Power is an essential component of this transformation.. We use the analogy of recovery serving as a life jacket to keep us afloat and prevent us from drowning.
We discuss the importance of staying connected to recovery, including attending meetings regularly, even when things are going well. A crucial aspect of recovery is sharing our experience, strength and hope because it can be helpful to folks newer to recovery. We too were that newcomer full of anxiety, fear, resentment who desperately needed that message of hope. This encouragement is still needed for those of us in long-term recovery because life will keep happening on life’s terms. We encourage you to keep coming back and taking life One Day at a Time.
Resources
Websites
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/recovery-101/https://www.aa.org/
https://al-anon.org/https://www.swmichiganal-anon.org/
https://coda.org/
Books
“Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book”
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss what it means to hit rock bottom. Experiencing rock bottom can manifest in many ways: emotional, physical and spiritual. For some people, it’s a combination of or all of these. It has been said that people change when the pain of staying where they are becomes greater than the pain of changing. Whether people are battling substance abuse or emotional turmoil related to codependency and other maladaptive coping mechanisms, recovery can be a matter of life or death. Physical rock bottom can be a point of no return ranging from overdose to suicide. But emotional and spiritual rock bottom can be an opportunity for enlightenment and a new way of life. Many people find recovery during or just after one of these dark nights of the soul.
Jillian experienced rock bottom after betrayal from her ex-fiance two weeks into her recovery journey. The pain was excruciating but thankfully led to a powerful awakening and self-awareness needed for deep healing to begin. She was willing to do whatever it took to avoid such acute pain again. Gradually, because of the support and tools of recovery, she was able to shift from viewing herself as a victim of others’ behaviors to acknowledging that she allowed unacceptable behavior. Recovery has taught her boundaries which protect her from the pain and resentment she so frequently experienced in the past. Most importantly, she’s learned to focus on her behavioral patterns that have hurt her and others.
Dominick’s rock bottom began with several emotional rock bottoms. He recounts the negative impact of his drinking on his job, relationships and finances. After a DWI and spending a night in jail, he began to contemplate suicide. It took the physical rock bottom in the form of a health crisis and being near death for him to accept he had a problem. Shortly after, he got help and found 12-step recovery. He truly believes his Higher Power intervened to save his life. He’s now committed his life to helping others who are battling addiction.
A common challenge with alcoholic-codependent relationships is the codependent tendency to fix or rescue which can prevent the person struggling with alcoholism from feeling the consequences of their actions. This can interfere with the recovery process because hitting rock bottom may be what people need to recognize how dire their addiction is and to seek help. We touch on the difference between enabling and helping which we’ll delve into in a future episode.
It’s easy to isolate when we're in a state of despair and anguish. We encourage you to stay connected to other people in recovery and to get help.
Please check the resources below for online and in-person support.
Resources
Websites
https://www.211.org/
https://www.samhsa.gov/
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/recovery-101/
https://www.aa.org/
https://al-anon.org/
https://www.swmichiganal-anon.org/
https://coda.org/
https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/location/
Recovery Centers/Clinics in Kalamazoo Area
https://communityhealingcenter.org/recovery-services/
https://www.pinerest.org/locations/kalamazoo/
https://www.recoverymi.org/
https://skywoodrecovery.com/
https://victoryclinic.com/
Recovery Institute of Southwest Michigan
https://www.recoverymi.org/
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss anxiety, an increasingly common human experience. The COVID pandemic has had a profound emotional impact on humanity. Even for people who are generally unaffected by anxiety, the unknowns of a pandemic caused us collectively to be more anxious. For those of us already affected by anxiety, the forced isolation of the pandemic amplified our anxiety.
Anxiety is a ubiquitous and it’s an especially common experience for many people in recovery due to our dysfunctional family systems. It can be described as a constant state of vigilance. It’s a whole spectrum of negative emotional & physical experiences. can range from low-grade worry to a full-blown panic attack where we feel like we’re going to have a heart attack or die. We can feel disconnected from reality, like we’re losing our minds. Anxiety can also manifest as insomnia and disrupt our sleep, which can make us more anxious. The quandary with anxiety is the same thing that causes us to feel anxious–our brain–is what we need to use to calm and soothe ourselves. Trying to think our way out of anxiety is incredibly difficult when our amygdala is activated.
Romantic relationships can be a source of anxiety when we select partners whose traits trigger our childhood trauma (e.g. fears of abandonment) Also in recovery, many of us can be adrenaline junkies or addicted to chaos. When life becomes more serene through the recovery process, we can find ourselves getting anxious when things feel too calm. We can have a difficult time sitting with ourselves.
Some ways that we counteract anxiety include nature therapy, practicing yogic breathing & listening to meditative music. These are good ways to calm our sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and employ our parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) Some therapeutic treatments that are used for trauma recovery & can help with anxiety are: EMDR (Eye movement desensitization & reprocessing) & NET (neuro-emotional technique)
We hope you’ll find some resources within this episode to assist in allaying anxiety & support a more peaceful, serene life.
Resources
Social Media Pages
The Wisdom of Anxiety
https://www.instagram.com/wisdomofanxiety/?hl=en
The Anxiety Healer
https://www.instagram.com/theanxietyhealer/?hl=en
Videos
Meditative Mind Youtube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/c/TheMeditativeMind
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we explore many types of grief separate from death. Some of these include: breakups, betrayal and infidelity, miscarriage, loss of a job or loss of a pet. These losses can be incredibly painful and feel like death at times.
We share our experiences with relationships and job loss. Like many people in recovery, we struggle with fears of abandonment and rejection. Loss of a relationship or job can trigger our deep-rooted, painful feelings of unworthiness. We have a separate podcast on unworthiness that we encourage you to check out if you also struggle with these agonizing emotions.
We discuss some of our unhealthy coping mechanisms; like obsession, during periods of acute grief. We also share healthy coping mechanisms we used to work through our grief such as, 12-step support groups, therapy, biking, and dancing.
Grief is a process which is far from linear. Often it’s more like a tangled ball of yarn. It is our fervent hope that through this series, you will find resources to support you in your grief walk.
We encourage you to reach out for help and support, you don’t have to face your grief alone.
Resources
Support Groups
https://www.griefshare.org
https://www.hom.org/our-services/grief-support-groups/
Books
Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses–Al-Anon Family Groups (available through Amazon)
Websites
https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-stages-of-grief/
https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief
TED Talks
The journey through loss and grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/jason_b_rosenthal_the_journey_through_loss_and_grief
How to support yourself (and others) through grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/nina_westbrook_how_to_support_yourself_and_others_through_grief
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we share our experiences with death of family members..Jillian talks about the death of her brother and Dominick discusses the death of his parents. Death is the ultimate loss and many of us in recovery can struggle with complicated grief when an addicted loved one dies. Oftentimes we’ve had to have very strong boundaries to protect ourselves and to prevent damaging our relationships. While boundaries are necessary, we can feel crushing guilt for having had such strong boundaries at times and wonder if they felt more like walls to our loved ones who have passed.
We’ve both had experiences dealing wtih difficult relatives while grieving the death of our loved ones which enflamed our anger. Those of us in recovery often have difficult family dynamics. We both know the agony of waiting for our relatives to die after they were taken off life support. And we both felt the peace knowing our loved one was no longer suffering, even in the midst of our grief.
We touch upon grief-induced anxiety and coping mechanisms we’ve used when our grief is acute. Some effective strategies were reading affirmations, connecting with others in recovery, and practiing gratitude on the days where we start to notice progress. We also talk about the maladaptive coping mechanism used to distract ourselves from grief.
If you have lost a loved one to addiction, we offer our heartfelt compassion, comfort and support. We hope you will find some solace in our stories. Whether in recovery or not, people are rarely taught how to grieve–death remains a fairly taboo topic in our culture.. We encourage you to explore the resources below. We have found support groups to be particularly powerful in recovering from grief.
If you’re still hurting years later, you’re not alone. Griief has no timeline and we each experience it in our own way. It is possible to move through the stages and finally arrive at acceptance. It is our hope that you move closer to acceptance and peace with each passing day. Like everything else in life, we have found that moving through grief is done One Day at a Time.
Resources
Support Groups
https://www.griefshare.org
https://www.hom.org/our-services/grief-support-groups/
Books
On Death and Dying–Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
On Grief and Grieving–Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
Websites
https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-stages-of-grief/
https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief
TED Talks
The journey through loss and grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/jason_b_rosenthal_the_journey_through_loss_and_grief
How to support yourself (and others) through grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/nina_westbrook_how_to_support_yourself_and_others_through_grief
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we begin a discussion on grief. Grief is an unavoidable part of the human experience. We all experience grief over the course of our lives, whether it’s heartbreak or death. In recovery, we encounter with a wide array of grief and oftentimes complicated grief due to the complexity and difficulty of relationships.
We delve into the Five Stages of Grief devised by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Kübler-Ross groundbreaking has written several books on grief and death, the first being the seminal On Death and Dying. We also make very clear that grief is far from a linear process. Grief has no timeline.
We discuss how we’ve learned to feel uncomfortable emotions through recovery vs. repressing or stifling our emotions. This can help to get us unstuck from stages such as denial and depression. While we may never get over a tremendous loss, we can get through it. We can integrate our grief as we heal.
We can experience many types of grief: death, the loss of relationships, the loss of someone to addiction whether through death or a lifetime of active addiction, and even anticipatory grief.
We talk about multiple resources to support us in our journey toward acceptance. Whether it’s grief support groups, therapy, antidepressants. While grief is an individual experience, we don’t have to go through it alone.
Resources
Support Groups
https://www.griefshare.org
https://www.hom.org/our-services/grief-support-groups/
Books
On Death and Dying–Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
On Grief and Grieving–Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
Websites
https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-stages-of-grief/
https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief
TED Talks
The journey through loss and grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/jason_b_rosenthal_the_journey_through_loss_and_grief
How to support yourself (and others) through grief
https://www.ted.com/talks/nina_westbrook_how_to_support_yourself_and_others_through_grief
Many of us are in survival mode in early recovery, lacking healthy coping mechanisms or tools. As they say, nobody comes into recovery on a winning streak! We discuss the importance of keeping it simple, for example, not getting overzealous with to-do lists and setting ourselves up for failure. We acknowledge the reality that sometimes One Day at a Time is too big a hurdle in the beginning stages of recovery–sometimes recovery is moment-to-moment. While in survival mode, repeating the serenity prayer and detaching from things outside of our control (which is most things) can help to ground us.
The safety net of recovery assisted us in our transition from survival mode to establishing some stability. Being among people who understand firsthand our struggles and can provide their experience, strength and hope can help us to stabilize. Learning to implement boundaries and limiting our interactions with and detaching from people who threaten our recovery is crucial. Additionally, looking at our role in our suffering and taking accountability for our actions elevates us from a victim mentality. Staying focused on ourselves and not taking others’ inventory is vital to our recovery.
Once we got to a place of stability, we were able to start focusing on and achieving goals that languished for many years. We talk about experiencing the fruition of dreams that seemed unattainable when mired in active addiction and codependent, maladaptive ways of living. We start to experience significance. Another key aspect of significance in recovery is becoming a source of support for others in their journey. This is one of the greatest gifts of recovery! We have to give it away to keep it. We get to bless others with the same compassion and love we received from fellow travelers in our journey from survival to significance.
On this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, Dominick and Jillian talk about fear as a universal human experience. We’ve all been scared when we’re startled or while watching a horror movie. These kinds of fear quickly subside and we return to our (ideally) calm state. But some fears are persistent and hijack our ability to have a relatively serene existence. When we’re living in a state of hypervigilance, expecting the worst to happen, it’s difficult to enjoy our lives.
For many people in recovery, fear is an ever-present companion. Whether we fear abandonment, losing a loved one to addiction or relapsing ourselves, fear can loom large for many of us. Anxiety is closely tied to fear, especially for those of us who’ve experienced trauma; specifically in childhood. PTSD can distort our perception of actual danger vs. perceived danger. Unfortunately, our body responds the same way whether a threat is real or perceived.
While many people are familiar with the fear of failure, we touch on the lesser talked about fear of success and what holds us back from pursuing our dreams. As the famous Marianne Williamson poem notes, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” (link to full poem below)
We discuss the emotional and physiological effects of fear. Our sympathetic nervous system takes over, our amygdala is activated, adrenaline and cortisol are released. When we’re in this fearful state, our prefrontal cortex (center of logic) also shuts down.
Lastly, we touch on strategies for dealing with sustained fear. By facing our fears, we can better understand what drives them and disrupt the fear-based patterns in our life (e.g. self-sabotage) When we aren’t in an elevated state, we can start to look at some of our lingering fears that have shaped unhealthy patterns. Sometimes a change of scenery, like going for a walk in nature can help us to return to a more serene state.
While fear is unavoidable, it doesn’t have to dictate our lives.There are many acronyms in recovery, including some related to fear. Through the process of recovery we can change our mindset from: f*ck everything and run to face everything and recover!
Resources
Your Body on Fear | What Happens in Your Body When You're Afraid
The Psychology of Fear
Our Deepest Fear-Marianne Williamson
http://www.appleseeds.org/Deepest-Fear.htm
Overcoming Fear (essentiallifeskills.net)
On this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we build upon our previous discussion on relationships, taking a deep dive into attachment theory/attachment styles. We also dig deeper into analyzing our patterns, rooted in our childhood traumas/wounding. We share some elucidating insights gained through looking at ourselves vs. focusing on the behavior of our romantic partners. Many of us can be on autopilot while dating, completely unaware of our unconscious patterns. We aim to become aware of these tendencies and approach relationships from a place of being conscious of and healing self-defeating, painful patterns.
Jillian reflects on her long standing pattern of being attracted to unavailable and avoidant men because it’s a familiar dynamic from her relationship with her mom. While these relationships were unhealthy, they evoked the drama (experienced as excitement) that she was used to growing up. On the flipside, she traditionally finds secure, stable, available men boring. Or if someone is super interested, she tends to run. She also shares an enlightening quote “if it’s hysterical, it’s historical” (Quote credit to Mark Groves and recovery meetings)
Dominick reflects on his experience with his mother being his caregiver then the role reversal when he was older and the impact on his relationship template. He recalls wanting closeness in relationships but fearing getting too close because of the belief that “everything you love leaves you”
We discuss John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, pioneers in attachment theory research. While a primary attachment style may be formed in childhood, our attachment style is on a spectrum and can vary based on the people who we’re in a relationship with. Some people may trigger our anxious side while others cause us to withdraw. There is no right or better style,
Primary Attachment Styles
Secure–not afraid of intimacy and are also not codependent. Feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Anxious/Ambivalent–usually experienced inconsistent caregiving as a child. They fear rejection and abandonment, have a hard time feeling safe, and often mistrust their partner. They are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
Avoidant–subconsciously suppress their attachment system and have a tendency to push people away when someone gets too close. Equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Two avoidant subtypes:
Dismissive—keep people at an arm’s length, emotionally aloof.
Fearful/disorganized—simultaneously crave and fear closeness/intimacy; hot and cold.
Resources
Books
Attached
Avoidant
Healing Your Attachment Wounds
Websites/Podcasts
https://www.drmorgancoaching.com/
https://www.jodiwhitelpc.com/
https://www.jodiwhitelpc.com/podcast
Attachment Theory Resources
Quizzes/Articles
https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079587715/whats-your-attachment-style-quiz
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5e77d82d29386e001428f8f1
https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment-styles.html
http://labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
Websites/Podcasts
Attachment Theory Overview
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment#attachment-styles
Dr. Morgan Anderson Coaching | Let's Get Vulnerable Podcast
https://www.drmorgancoaching.com/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-get-vulnerable-relationship-and-dating-advice/id1496034764
Tracy Crossley | Freedom from Attachment Podcast
https://tracycrossley.com/
https://tracycrossley.com/podcast/
YouTube Channels/Videos
The Four Attachment Styles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23ePqRkOKtg
Brianna MacWilliam
https://www.youtube.com/c/BrianaMacWilliam_Attachment_Romantic_Relationshi...
We continue delving into the topic of relationships and learning to have healthy relationships through the recovery process. We reflect upon our childhood experiences and how they set the template for our romantic lives and relationship patterns. By understanding the origins of these patterns, we endeavor to get to the root of the issue and to form new behaviors and healthier patterns.
We discuss our fears of abandoment based on our childhood experiences of losing parents to mental illness and death. We also talk about the impact of divorce within our family systems. Despite having somewhat different childhood/family dynamics, we share some commonrelationships struggles.
We touch on attachment theory, something Jillian’s really been geeking out on the last few years! According to attachment theory, our relationships with our primary caregivers (usually parents) influence our choices in romantic partners and relationship patterns.
We ponder some important questions about relationships. Hat tip to the Mark Groves podcast which has been a valuable relationship resource for Jillian in the last few years. We also discuss the concept of viewing relationships as teachers thanks to our growth and healing through recovery.
Jillian shares her mantra: relationships are the supplement, not the source of our happiness. Dominick underscores the need for strong communication and allowing people time to sufficiently heal rather than forcing a relationship. We hope you hear something that will support your journey and enhance your relationships.
Relationship Resources
Websites/Podcasts
https://markgroves.com/
https://omny.fm/shows/mark-groves/playlists/podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mark-groves-podcast/id1282044290
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/
https://amyyoungcoaching.com/podcast
https://www.drmorgancoaching.com/
https://www.jodiwhitelpc.com/
https://www.jodiwhitelpc.com/podcast
Attachment Theory Resources
Quizzes/Articles
https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079587715/whats-your-attachment-style-quiz
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5e77d82d29386e001428f8f1
https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment-styles.html
http://labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
Websites/Podcasts
https://tracycrossley.com/podcast/
YouTube Channels/Videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23ePqRkOKtg
https://www.youtube.com/c/BrianaMacWilliam_Attachment_Romantic_Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5weiD_1MALL7AE9OhOEAPw
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ
Relationships can be challenging even for those of us with a strong sense of self-worth, a template for healthy relationships and conflict-resolution skills. But many people in recovery lack these fundamental building blocks for healthy relationships. Dating and relationships can feel like walking through a minefield for folks in recovery.
In this episode, we discuss our dating patterns and the childhood experiences that informed them. Both of us have had deeper awareness of these patterns through the process of recovery. Whether it’s being drawn to unavailability or the compulsion to rescue, we’ve realized none of these approaches has yielded fulfilling, mutually beneficial, and enduring relationships.
Being blinded by physical chemistry can make us oblivious to potential red flags. The spark can actually be a warning sign! A gradual dating process is a newer concept for us in recovery vs. hitting it off and hooking up. But without a solid foundation built on compatibility, respect, reciprocity, and trust, relationships are likely to implode.
We both observed our parents divorcing when we were young which inforrmed our perspectives on marriage and influenced how we approach relationships. Jillian also saw the ripple effect through her extended family system (aunts, uncles and grandparents) There was no template for working through conflict and staying together.
We also touch upon the Five Love Languages and the work Dr. John Gottmann, who along with his wife, has studied couples and relationships for decades. We dig into what the Gottmans call Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, or destructive behaviors within relationships. They are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Through their research, the Gottmanns have been able to predict with 90% (or greater) accuracy whether a relationship will fail based on the presence of these corrosive behaviors.
Resources
“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”--Gary Chapman
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
The Gottmann Institute
The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse (in relationships)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o30Ps-_8is
In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss how we’ve been affected by homelessness, either personally or within our family system.
Struggling with self-worth is a common denominator for many people in recovery. Some resources discussed in this episode are Brené Brown, well-known shame researcher and Kristin Neff who is one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion.
The Recovery Rebirth Podcast, wraps up its trauma series, focusing on adult trauma and PTSD.
The Recovery Rebirth Podcast, hosted by Dominick and Jillian, continues to delve into discussion on trauma and how it shaped our life experiences. We talk about divorce, parental abandonment due to mental illness and death, bullying, and other adverse experiences from childhood. Such experiences caused us to develop maladaptive coping mechanisms. These strategies seemed to work when we were young children in survival mode. However, these tactics failed to help transition into high-functioning adults.
The correlation between trauma and romantic relationships is a focal point of this conversation. Our childhoods didn’t provide us a template for what healthy relationships look like. As a result, we hurt ourselves and others as we fumbled through relationships.
We touch lightly on attachment theory/attachment styles that are formed in childhood. Many people in recovery suffer from insecure attachment styles. But these aren’t static and we can work toward a more secure attachment style.
Lastly, we talk about our healing in recovery and how we’re learning to have healthier relationships; both platonic and romantic. We acknowledge we still have work to do, but are grateful for the growth and transformation that is possible through recovery. The 3 A’s: awareness, acceptance and action; is one recovery tool that can help us break our unhealthy patterns. Regardless of the type of trauma experienced, we want to share the message of hope that recovery is possible.
Resources
Books
“The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma”—Bessel van der Kolk, MD
“Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma”—Peter A. Levine
Articles
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/11/05/776550377/cdc-childhood-trauma-is-a-public-health-issue-and-we-can-do-more-prevent-it
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean
Websites
https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/
https://traumahealing.org/
Videos
Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris https://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime
Joelle Maletis
https://www.ted.com/talks/joelle_rabow_maletis_the_psychology_of_post_traumatic_stress_disorder
Recovery/Therapy Options
https://beckinstitute.org/trauma-treatment/
https://www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/60392/counseling-trauma-victims-4-brief-therapies-meet-test
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-treatments-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder#1
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/index.asp
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)Prolonged exposure (PE)Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)Neuro emotional technique (NET)Support Groups (12-step programs, grief support, abuse survivors, etc.)
The Recovery Rebirth Podcast presents "Trauma" related to addiction and maladaptive behaviors. Trauma is the gateway drug. Parts 2 and 3 coming soon so please subscribe to the podcast.
In this episode, we delve into the complex, vast topic of trauma. We realized quickly that we could not do this topic justice in just one podcast, so we recorded three.
In this initial podcast, we discuss different types of trauma, detailed below. We also discuss “big T” vs. “little t trauma”.
We talk about the links between trauma and addiction, codependency and other maladaptive coping mechanisms we utilize when we have unprocessed trauma.
We also touch on epigenetics, which is essentially how trauma affects not only the individual experiencing the trauma, but their ancestors. Here is a simple definition:
ep·i·ge·net·ic/ˌepəjəˈnedik/ relating to or arising from nongenetic influences on gene expression.
We talk about how trauma affected our relationship patterns and choices in partners. Repetition compulsion can compel us to enter relationships that mimic the dynamics of traumatic childhood experiences (e.g. parental abandonment) This reinforces damaging narratives such as “I’m not worthy” when we feel abandoned or rejected.
We share our personal experiences of childhood and adult trauma. Trigger warning: personal shares include topics of sexual and physical assault.
Resources
Books
“The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma”—Bessel van der Kolk, MD
“Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma”—Peter A. Levine
Articles
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/11/05/776550377/cdc-childhood-trauma-is-a-public-health-issue-and-we-can-do-more-prevent-it
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean
Websites
https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/
https://traumahealing.org/
Videos
Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris https://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime
Joelle Maletis
https://www.ted.com/talks/joelle_rabow_maletis_the_psychology_of_post_traumatic_stress_disorder
Recovery/Therapy Options
https://beckinstitute.org/trauma-treatment/
https://www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/60392/counseling-trauma-victims-4-brief-therapies-meet-test
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-treatments-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder#1
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/index.asp
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)Prolonged exposure (PE)Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)Neuro emotional technique (NET)Support Groups (12-step programs, grief support, abuse survivors, etc.)
2020 and 2021 were unprecedented for many of us. Most of us have never lived through a pandemic of this proportion. People’s work and home lives were upended. Unemployment, working from home, virtual learning, shopping with masks and viewing our fellow citizens as potential contagions. Fear, anxiety, forced isolation and the scarcity mentality, and hoarding took a huge toll on our collective mental health. We were all plunged into survival mode and our amygdala was fully activated. Add to that a highly contentious election year, protests and riots. The nation was painfully divided during a time when unity was vital to our collective well-being.
For those of us in recovery, it was easy to backslide into our maladaptive coping mechanisms and character defects. Relapse and overdoses spiked during this time. The face of recovery during the pandemic adapted as we could no longer gather in-person. Thankfully, countless virtual meetings sprung up out of necessity. Still this was a huge adjustment for those of us who looked forward to the fellowship we experienced through our meetings. In this episode, we share how the pandemic and the political and social vitriol impacted our jobs, relationships, mental health and recovery programs.
In this inaugural podcast, Dominick and Jillian, share their perspectives as people in long-term recovery from alcohol, substance use and codependency. We provide a synopsis of the life experiences that led us to addictive and self-sabotaging behaviors, our pathways into recovery, and the new life possible as a result.
While our backgrounds may be different, we have the common experiences of losing parents at a young age; through death and abandonment. We have both struggled with overcoming fear-based behaviors and using maladaptive coping mechanisms as adults that helped us survive the chaos and turbulence of our childhoods.
Regardless of the substance(s) or behavior(s) that people use to numb out and escape their pain, there is a common solution to the problem. We are thrilled to share the message of hope for others who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are not alone and recovery is possible! #WeDoRecover
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