99: a journey – Prolificate: Recent Episodes
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How do you know when you are at the end of something? Have you ever been to a “going away” party? Do you know how there’s that sadness initially because something is ending? A person is leaving the company, or moving away somewhere else? It feels to me kind of like a closing up. A book where the last page has just been read. Sometimes at those moments, though, my mind wanders and I think for a minute that it’s also kind of exciting. Because the person is about to begin something new. What if the new thing is about to be the best experience of that person’s life? What if they’re about to meet the person they’re going to spend their life with? This episode, we’re exploring the divine name, Ya-Fattah. In the book, Physicians of the Heart, the authors say that Fattah means to open something with something else. Like a key. They say that even in the midst of despair, with this key, we can awaken to love and ecstasy. What’s that about? Love and ecstasy? I gotta admit that those aren’t words I use very often… and in the midst of despair? Come on. But what if that really is what it’s all about? Being able to expand ourselves – to stretch our own beings enough to be able to hold those two extremes at the same time. Love – even the ecstasy kind of love, right their with despair. At.The.Same.Time. As Barack Obama used to say: Come on now. As part of my seminary training, I served as a chaplain in a local hospital. Some days were quiet and sweet, but other days I saw things that I will never be able to un-see. People in their most despairing states. As the chaplain you’re right there with the first responders when someone comes into the trauma center. In fact, sometimes the chaplain is the last responder. When there’s nothing else to be done, and life or death are not in human hands anymore. I remember taking all that emotion and grief and despair on myself. Even though it wasn’t my own emotion, it didn’t matter. Emergency workers talk about the sponge effect. Just by being in a traumatic environment, you soak it up like a sponge soaks up water. On the evening of one particular horrific day of greeting a stream of life-flight helicopters arriving non-stop and accompanying families who were living through the worst days they’ll ever have, I was exhausted and heading home. I got in the elevator with a young man and woman. The woman was in a wheelchair with a new baby. As I smiled at the glowing pair, they lit up and I learned that this newborn, who had been very sick, was finally getting to go home to a bright future. I managed to hold back the tears until I got outside into the fading light of dusk, and then it all came flowing. The sponge was being wrung out. All the grief and fear and upset was in there, and the joy and hope and beauty of new life was in there too. Is that Al Fattah? Or is Al-Fattah the key to my being able to hold — not either/or, but both/and? Not to have to choose between joy or grief, but to grow and stretch ourselves to be vast enough and strong enough to hold both. Despair and beauty. Sorrow and gratitude. Pain and laughter. You know it’s a 30 minute walk home from the hospital and I cried the whole way that night. And I also laughed and smiled. When I got home, she asked, “so how was your day?” “Fine.” “Mmmhmmm. Big day, huh?” I think she [my beloved] knew. I think you do too. Carl Sagan used to say that you are made of star stuff. Our bodies contain every element that has been here since the beginning of time. We are also made of stories and emotions and something deeper and more vast than any word could ever describe. I hope you’ll remember this vastness when you need it. Next time you’re feeling lost or without hope, look around you for the joy. Next time life is easy and sweet and good, also look around you because there maybe someone who needs a hand. That’s how we can get along — by reminding each other. Until next time,
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I’m a minister and – One of the things I hate most about religions is how they get used to justify hurtful actions and words. An example: “Why did this bad thing happen to me?” or “why is this innocent person suffering so much?” You might hear “oh they didn’t lead a good enough life – or they’re being punished for this or that.” I think that’s just plain wrongheaded. Even more, I think it’s a lazy or cowardly way to hide from the difficult truths that find us – all of us – at one time or another as human beings. If I am a hypocrite, it’s easy for me to find a passage of scripture or a bit of ancient wisdom to take – probably out of context – and explain why someone else just isn’t deserving – or good enough. I have yet to find someone who does this to themselves though. This episode, we’re working with the divine name Al Darr. This one is challenging and interesting to me because it is evidently the only one of the 99 names that produces failure or brings out harmful behavior. Think of the thing you are most ashamed of or embarrassed by. (This is a safe place – it’s only me and you – and I’m not going to judge you or tell anyone). Take a minute to call forth the lowest of your lows if you feel able. Got it? I just did mine and I’m pretty sure it’s worse than yours. This is kind of hard, but I know you’re with me, so we’ll do this together, OK? If you believe there is a god or a divine source of all — and if you believe as I do that this source is synonymous with Love (capital L) you might get stuck here. If God is Love (capital L) — and if I come from God, — and if I do something evil or unforgivable… does that mean that some part of God is evil? Does God create everything? Even hate? I’ve done some things that I cannot forgive myself for. Some things that I regret. I felt overwhelmed by something dark and shameful and powerful, and several times, I have thought things or done things or avoided doing things. Each time, I did harm. I left this world worse through my actions. I think that THIS is Ya Darr. I knew better, but I didn’t do better. Is this what it means to be human? Some Christians and Jews call this original sin – the notion that we are all flawed and only by following the right recipe – either believing a certain thing – or by doing a certain thing – can we overcome this weakness. I do not believe in this original sin. Of course, by not believing in it, I make things harder on myself. I choose not to hide behind scripture like a little child hiding behind mother’s skirt for safety when my misdeeds are discovered. I choose not to point at someone or something else and say “he made me do it!” or “I couldn’t help it… I’m just a bad person”. I believe that we are called not to hide from or distance ourselves from the painful legacies we leave when we mess up. Rather, Love (with a capital L) calls us to step out from behind protection of our scripture and our shallow, easy understanding of God or of human nature, and come back into the light of relationship with each other. Maybe everything is sacred. Perhaps we humans, supposedly atoms of cosmic dust brought together from the Universe, and made in the image of the Divine, really ARE pieces of God. Perhaps there is only you and there is only me and there is only God and it is all the same thing. If that is so, then it must all be sacred – even the scary bits. You did that thing I asked you to remember just a minute ago. You did that – and yet you are still worthy of love. You caused harm and now you are called to do better. The same is true for me. I ask you to remember this the next time the darkness comes. I think that is what it means to be human. Not to deny the darkness or the light in us, but to learn to hold both in reverence and care so we don’t get pulled too far one way or the other. Perhaps in a sort of dance. Dear one, I hope you’ll join me in admitting your humanness. I hope you’ll join me in striving to embracing it – because it is all sacred and YOU are all sacred, and so it goes. If you like this podcast, please support it by sharing and becoming a patron. Sign up at patreon.com/prolificate for five or twenty dollars a month. Also, I love to hear from you – if or how the show helps, ideas, and questions are all welcome. Links to get in touch are in the show notes in your podcast app or here at prolificate.com/contact.
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When I was little, I remember wanting more than anything, the protection of my mother’s lap. If life seemed scary, or out of control, or I knew that my little 7 year-old self had gotten in over his head, mom represented safety and care and love. If I’m honest, I still crave that safety sometimes. Though I’m lucky I can still travel acrosst the country and see Mom, (and she would probably even welcome me into her lap), that isn’t always an option. This episode of 99 is about the name Ar Raqib – which translates loosely as “The Watchful One.” Watchful in the way a mother watches over her children while they sleep. Think about that for a moment…. A Mother or Father or maybe even a loyal pet – lovingly watching over you while you sleep. Let’s do a visualization. You’re on a journey – a long, difficult one. You’re out in the wilderness trekking in search of your life’s purpose. You’ve left the familiar comfort of your home, after dark, and started walking. You are now far enough away that when you look back, you can no longer see the light from your front window. All around you is darkness. There are strange sounds, and strange smells, and it seems like danger is lurking in the shadows all around you. You’ve walked so far now that you are getting tired. You need rest, but are hesitant to stop. You fear that if you close your eyes, whatever is lurking in the darkness will come out to find you. But then you remember, your faithful dog Wilson. You can’t imagine a more gentle creature than Wilson, who adores you, but at 150lbs and standing taller than your waist, you feel completely safe with him around. You spot a natural shelter formed by low-hanging pine branches over a little depression in the ground. A soft carpet of pine needles welcomes you as you sit, and then lie down to rest for a bit. The last thing you remember seeing through your fluttering eyelids is Wilson, curled up on the lip of the sheltered spot. He is resting easily next to you, and you drift off to sleep knowing that he is the Watchful One. Not all journeys are literal ones. In your life, you have probably faced terrors and worries all your own. Here’s the thing. Your guardian is always with you. The love of your Wilson the dog, or of your parent, or beloved isn’t limited to only them. If your parents are no longer around – or if you never had parents who filled that kind of role, you are not cut off from that kind of love and affection. We each carry that kind of love with us. It’s part of the package that comes with being born like you were. Want to know how you know it’s there? You just have to know how to listen for it. I like to use a strategy taught to me by Lena Gardner, Director of Black Lives of Unitarian Universalism. Lena sometimes works with audiences of white people who want to confront their own internalized feelings of racism. I bet you can imagine that feelings come up during this work – powerful feelings and emotions and reactions. Lena offered a tool at one such workshop I attended. She said that when I’m caught off guard by some powerful feeling I was having was to simply ask, “WTF? The question: WTF? = Wasn’t That Fascinating!? Developing this practice can help us re-flect before we re-act. It can help reset the tone of a conversation. We can take advantage of a brief opportunity to short-circuit old habits and patterns – and to make mindful choices based on our values, rather than emotionally-driven responses to life’s challenges. WTF? The next time you feel yourself getting angry, or frightened, or overwhelmed. Try it. Wow… Someone said some words, and I felt rage just now. Or Shame or Guilt…. Wasn’t That Fascinating… I wonder why I’m experiencing that? If you listen, you might hear a still, small voice from inside that is your guardian – your watcher. The voice of your guide telling you that you’re safe, and that you need to go deeper into this particular darkness. That it’s time to explore, to shift your perspective to a new view. Your inner watchful one is there and wants what is best for you. Are you ready to start paying attention? That watchful love – that mother’s love, or guardian’s love is a tough love. It gives endlessly, and it also pushes you to move beyond the limits you thought you had. Notice it, my friend. Learn to listen for the voice of this inner love. Rest in its protection, and trust in its guidance. If you like this podcast, please support it by sharing and becoming a patron. Sign up at patreon.com/prolificate for five or twenty dollars a month. Also, I love to hear from you – if or how the show helps, ideas, and questions are all welcome. Links to get in touch are in the show notes in your podcast app or at prolificate.com.
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Welcome to 99 – brought to you by Prolificate.com, where I offer interfaith inspiration, mentoring, and support. I’m your host Andrew Chirch – Interfaith minister and spiritual coach for real people like you. The idea for 99 comes from the Islamic teaching that there are 99 names for the divine, and each one has its own meaning. Each week, we meet up for 9-minutes to explore teachings from ALL the world’s religions to help us make sense of our lives. One of the things I’ve been learning lately is how to be a chaplain. If you’re not familiar with what a chaplain does, it’s a helping role. You’re there—usually employed by an institution—to provide spiritual care for folks. My chaplain training happened in a hospital – a big trauma center. I got to be with a lot of people who were either actively dying, or at least having one of the worst days of their life. … and so I learned some things — about myself— and about what people really want most at the end of their lives. This episode, we’re talking about the divine name, Ya Mumit which means literally “the one who brings death.” Now before you click skip on the audio recording, or head over to Netflix because death is off limits, I want you to know that I’m a happy guy. I’m actually full of joy right now as I share this. And part of that reason is because of what I learned in that hospital. Now, in the Islamic Sufi tradition, there are lots of matched pairs of words. Things like creator and sustainer, bringer of joy and bringer of sorrow, expansion and contraction… that sort of thing. This is no different. Al Mumit is the one who brings death, and it’s part of a matched set with Al Muhyi – the one who brings life. Before I go any further, I want to share this lovely tradition I learned about recently—some hospitals play a little snippet of Brahm’s lullaby over the intercom system every time a baby is born, no matter what else is happening at the time. When I heard about this tradition, my mind was blown. Hospitals can be hard places – for patients, for loved ones, and also for staff. I imagine a nurse, exhausted from being yelled at and overworked. She’s just had a patient die – someone who she really liked and had looked forward to seeing every day. It’s the end of her shift and someone else is pressing their call button for the hundredth time that day, when over the intercom comes the sound – “Lull-a-bye, and good-night, dah dah dee-dah, da dah da..” A reminder that amid all the bad news, there is also new life, new hope, and new wonder coming into this world. I imagine her taking a deep breath, wrapping her arms tightly around her chest, and finding some strength to head back in to see what her patient needs. Beginnings and endings. They go together. Why do we like one more than the other? One of my favorite Hindu deities is Kali. Her name means “Time” and she is the great destroyer. Look up a picture of Kali—she looks really scary at first. Midnight blue in color, holding a severed head and wearing a skirt made out of severed demon arms! But here’s the funny thing… in the Hindu culture as I know it, Kali isn’t really considered evil. In fact, Kali is revered and worshipped because of what she makes possible. She does the things for us that we’re too afraid to do on our own. I think of her as kind of a living paper shredder. Anything I’m ready to give up and leave behind goes to Kali. She is fierce and fearless… unafraid to give herself fully to the task at hand. I know that you’re probably not a big fan of dying. If that’s true, it’s certainly understandable. This week’s divine name, though, Al-Mumit, is an invitation to think about it in a different way. In our lives, we are constantly being born and also dying – constantly. The living cells that make up our bodies are constantly dying and being replaced by new ones. Old habits, old loves, old fears… they have a way of dying away and making space for new loves, new jobs, new hopes, no? Think of the favorite thing about your life right now. Got it? Now think of all the other things that had to go away so that your favorite thing could come into your life. Think of the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced. Got it? Now your assignment this week, should you choose to accept it is to play connect the dots…. between that hardest or worst thing that ever happened to you, and something good in your life today. I look forward to hearing about your journey! Seriously, drop me a line and tell me how you connected the dots and if you learned anything through that exercise. See you soon. Until then, I’ll be dancing with Kali. If you like this podcast, please support it by sharing and becoming a patron. Sign up at patreon.com/prolificate for five or twenty dollars a month. Also, I love to hear from you – if or how the show helps, ideas, and questions are all welcome. Links to get in touch are in the show notes in your podcast app or at prolificate.com.
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If your life were a story, what would that story be about? Nothing like a deep question to start us off, right? What got me thinking about this is a couple of things. As I record this episode of 99, it is the Jewish season of Pesach – Passover, where it’s customary to have a special meal called a seder, which is really an excuse for a bunch of people to get together over food to tell a particular story, and it was at one of these seders that I came across a little gem that inspired me. Before I do that, though, a reminder that the whole reason for this series (99) comes from Islam. We take one of the 99 names of the divine each week and explore its meaning in our own lives. This week, the name is one of the most famous ones – Ar Rahman. It means endless love. (I know… great song by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross). Ar Rahman includes that kind of endless love, -and- like lots of things in Islam, it’s even more expansive than that. I’ve heard this kind of love described as – get this – a container SO big, that it’s infinite. This name for the divine is said to be written on the very heart of Allah. Imagine an ocean made of love….. now imagine discovering that this ocean is so big, that it doesn’t even have a shore. Expansion. Forever. Cool, right? So back to the Seder. Here’s the quote I came across by Isaac Bashevis Singer: “When a day passes, it is no longer there. What remains of it? Nothing more than a story. If stories weren’t told or books weren’t written, humans would live like the beasts, only for the day.” (now maybe living for the day wouldn’t be so bad after all, but I digress). He goes on, “Reb Zebulun said, ‘Today we live, but by tomorrow, today will be a story. The whole world, all human life, is one long story.’ …To the storyteller yesterday is still here as are the years and the decades gone by. In stories, time does not vanish.’” So back to my original question: If your life were a story, what would that story be about? In the spirit of Ar Rahman, what part does love play in that story? A mother’s love can be this kind. Think of yourself as in the womb, protected, nourished, surrounded by this ocean of compassion. Not all of us have positive associations with mother’s love… if that is true for you, then any caregiver or compassionate presence you’ve ever felt… allow yourself to bathe in that for a moment. Feel its magical, curing power. Where is that in your life? Let me read that quote again, “When a day passes, it is no longer there. Today we live, but by tomorrow, today will be a story…. All human life, is one long story.” This is both the tragedy and the beauty of being human. Our whole life is a series of todays…. Of “right nows.” Of “this moments.” You’ve made the choice to invest in yourself by joining me right now, so you already know you care. No matter what story has already been written in your life, here you are. You’re writing this little chapter into it. What other chapters do you want to include in your story? When tomorrow comes, what do you want today to be about? One more thing. In spirit of Ar Rahman – this infinite loving presence – you are that. There is this infinite loving presence in you and in everyone else… yes… even aunt Becky. Or all kidding aside, even in the person you can’t stand…. Or can’t understand. Now com + passion means literally, “to suffer with.” Like another great song says, “We all need somebody to lean on.” Or we need someone to be with us when we’re suffering. You have the chance today to write that into your own story. Who can you be there with that could use it? The guy on the corner asking for change? How much do you really know about him? What if you bought a couple of sandwiches or coffees and came back and shared one with him while you talk for a minute? Or what about Aunt Becky (I don’t know who Aunt Becky is, or why I’m picking on her) but seriously – what if you call that person who is probably lonely or who you haven’t said “I’m sorry” to? If all this seems like too much, then maybe you’re the one who is suffering. If that’s the case, this may sound silly, but I see you. Just rest. Know that you are loved. Know that Ar Rahman says that even more than lov-ed, you ARE l-o-v-e. You. Are. Love. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter what the story that your life has written so far. Part of that story has always been love – and will always be love. Just call on me brother, when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that you’d understand… If your life were a story, what would that story be about? I know one part of that story. And I can’t wait to hear what else you decide to include.
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Do you have one of those people in your life who will sit you down when you need it? I didn’t think I did until one day, he sat me down and said, “Andy, in Spanish, we have this saying called Cura da Alma…. care of the soul. How are you caring for your soul?” If anyone else had asked me this, I would have gotten kind of offended. “How do you know we even have souls?!” or “that’s none of your business, thank you very much.” Instead, I knew right away what he meant. Because in that moment, he was doing it. He was caring for me in a way that bypassed all the defenses and excuses and b.s. and went straight to the soul of the matter. This week, we’re starting from the Arabic word Ya- Muqit, which in Islam means the quality of the Divine that makes sure we get the sustenance we need. It’s a sort of practical sustenance, though… not foofy or extravagant. One of the other meanings of the word’s root means the fat in the camel’s hump… which is where they store up energy that allows them to be so self-sufficient in harsh climates. This theme is about sustenance… something I talk about quite a bit. Well, it deserves all this attention because it’s really what helps us survive. Phyiscally, our bodies need nourishment with decent sustenance. Sure, a trip to the donut shop is tasty (and I’m a big fan of donut shops), but we both know that isn’t sustenance. You eat like that regularly, you begin to live with a body that is perpetually unwell. What my mentor was saying was akin to that. If you live your life habitually feeding your soul with junk, you will get soul-sick. Are you getting stuck on the word “soul”? I get it. I’m talking about that part of you that makes you ….. You… The part of someone that goes away when they die. You know… how we can have a funeral and bury a person’s body and all, but really, that isn’t the person. The actual “person” is already gone before we bury them. That. That part of you. Now I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here. How do you feel about the word “Religion”? What does it conjure up for you? Is it about buildings and power structures and rules and someone telling you what to do? This is where I think we can cheat ourselves. Religion means literally “to re-bind” ourselves. Re: as in “to do over and over” (Like the insructions on the back of the shampoo bottle – you know – “lather, rinse, and repeat”…. it’s the same root – “re” – “to do again” and “ligio” which means “to tie” or “to bind” Like in ligament or if you watch crime shows, you’re heard the word “ligature” which means something used to tie… So Re-Ligion – to to tie ourselves or to bind ourselves to something over and over. Thinking about it this way, I would go so far as to say that everyone has a religion. Everyone binds themselves to SOMETHING. What is YOUR religion? To what have you bound yourself? Is your family your religion? Is work your religion? Is money your religion? Here’s a quote by Radhanath Swami: Religion is meant to teach us true spiritual human character. It is meant for self-transformation. It is meant to transform anxiety into peace, arrogance into humility, envy into compassion, to awaken the pure soul in man and his love for the Source, which is God. Now in some ways, it doesn’t matter what you believe about the nature of existence. What does matter is that we choose mindfully. The question isn’t so much WHETHER religion is right for you…. it is “WHAT religion have you chosen – and is that the right one for you? I think the reason my mentor sat me down that day was exactly this—he could see that my religion had shifted toward discomfort or struggle. I had made a spiritual practice out of noticing when something made me uncomfortable and then exploring that discomfort by walking straight into it. While this has made me strong in many ways (it’s like a continual spiritual workout or maybe crossfit of the soul), he could see that I had taken it from a spiritual practice and had begun to bind myself to it. Spending time at the gym is a good thing, but spending 24/7 at the gym and never resting begins to cause problems. It begins to wear you down. So this is me sitting YOU down, lovingly. Imagine yourself in a quiet, comfortable place, and someone who cares about you very much asking you that question. Friend, what are you doing for cura da alma? How are you caring for your soul? It’s good to challenge yourself if you’ve grown too comfortable or lazy spiritually. If you are too UNcomfortable spiritually, if you beat yourself up, or if being around unkind or abusive people is your religion—I invite you to find a place of rest. I wonder what this brings up for you. If you feel like it, drop me a line at my website and share what your non-traditional religion is. To what beliefs or habits have you tied yourself? Where can you go for Cura da Alma? Part of my own care of the soul is right here. Sharing with you every week. Thank you for that.
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Think of a time you felt aware of your good fortune – or of being given a gift. I don’t mean aware, like “oh, someone just handed me this gift and so I’m aware of it.” I mean the kind of awareness that pervades your whole being. As if you’re a sponge and you’re drinking up this warm, sweet water that permeates you every. which. way. Get me? Sometimes I like to poke fun at abundance thinking… as if all I have to do is picture success and it’ll happen – kind of like the character Harold Hill in The Music Man – you know, a con man – if a lovable one. But this week’s topic, based off the divine name Ya-Majid, is all about divine super-abundance. It’s about both being blessed with a gift – AND – this full-body sense of awareness of that blessing. What if we take a moment to drop into that feeling? I think of it as a feeling of awe or wonder – maybe when I see a newborn puppy or a baby… Or maybe the kind of wonder I’ve felt on a perfect summer night, looking up at the night sky and realizing the impossible vastness of the universe – and the equally impossible fact that I’m somehow a part of it. The soft grass on my skin, the honeysuckle smell in the air… your whole body is telling you that the world was made for you. (Focusing on the feeling. The warm, sweet water that pleasantly soaks through your whole self.) (coming back now)…. That’s nice, isn’t it? What always makes me wonder, is why I forget that feeling. Of course I forget it when there’s a crisis -one of those life’s moments where your whole world shifts under your feet. But even in the everyday… School, work, chores, just life happening. We forget the sweetness and the abundance. In fact, we’re encouraged to forget… if I am too satisfied, then I don’t need to buy the new barbeque grill, or the vacation package, or the Netflix subscription. I’m supposed to want to work harder at a job I might not like so I can buy more things to fill a house I bought to impress people who really don’t care. (ehem…) Wait… that’s not abundant thinking, is it? Whether it’s some catastrophe or whether it’s just the day to day humdrum numbness that hypnotizes us so that we sleepalk through years or entire decades…. we can forget to allow ourselves to notice – the abundance that Ya Majid is talking about. But there is redemption, my friend. Any time we want it. We only have to wake up and ask for it. Here’s a quattrain by Omar Khayyam, the Persian Poet: “Come, fill the cup, and in the fire of spring Your winter garment of repentance fling. The bird of time has but a little way To flutter – and the bird is on the wing.” I remember a time when I was sleepwalking through life. I was driving 45 minutes each way to a job much like the one I just mentioned. Caught in rush hour traffic, I was tense and brittle-feeling, creeping forward through this traffic jam, I finally rounded a corner far enough to see the Cincinnati skyline open up in front of me. The sun was just coming up, and something magical happened. As I sat there with my knuckles white from clenching the steering wheel so hard with frustration, my breath caught in my throat. I was at first irritated that I’d forgotten my sunglasses and couldn’t see through the glare on the windshield. Then something took over and before I knew it, I had pulled onto the shoulder, then off onto the grass beside it. I turned the car off completely and got out. The sun was illuminating the whole valley. The Ohio river wandered like a ribbon under the five bridges connecting Cincinnati with Kentucky. I felt like I could see everything in incredible detail – from horizon to horizon. The anger melted away and I started to cry. I was sitting on the hood of my car, tears streaming down my face, and a feeling of pure unadulterated joy and gratitude coursing through me. Where is your own joy? Look around you and notice all the abundance in your life? Can’t see it? Look harder. I promise you it’s there. If you’re going through a tough time, I’m with you. Know that you are not alone. Your suffering matters, and is so real, and completely valid. And. Don’t waste the suffering. One of the things suffering does is expand us – like the hand of a potter stretches the wet clay on the wheel and turns it into a container. That stretching is painful. And it’s what increases our capacity for the other. The sunrises, and the babies, and the full-body hunger of new love, and the sweetness of holding hands after 50 years together. And of ice cream, and music, and on, and on, and on. My friend, be a sponge. Wring out whatever is in there, and allow yourself to experience the abundance flooding back in. Be swept away, if only for a moment. This life is many things. And one of them is pure sweetness.
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The bounty of the harvest can be seen at the bottom of the well. This is an adage I found in a Sufi book I consult often called, “Physicians of the Heart.” This week we’re exploring bounty or abundance of gifts. Where does it come from? Do you work hard? Do you TRY hard? What about the times when you’ve been successful in life and things seem easy? What about the times when things HAVEN’T seemed easy, even though you’re working as hard as ever? The abundance of the harvest can be seen at the bottom of the well. Let’s unpack this a little. What I think this bit of wisdom is saying is that there is hope for us… if we work to bring the water from the bottom of the well to the surface, and then we use it to water the soil in the garden we’ve prepared and planted, then eventually that garden – or those date palms – will grow and bear fruit. At the end of this little line of reasoning, we’re able to pick the dates and enjoy their sweetness as our reward. Now in Sufism, which comes from Islam (depending on who you ask), one of the practices I’ve learned about from my own teacher is called Dhikr. It’s a sort of meditative practice usually done in a group that involves singing and dancing along with specific words that are being repeated over and over and over. The word will be repeated dozens or even hundreds of times so that after a while, you kind of lose yourself in it. Now I’m not Sufi or Muslim, so take this with a grain of salt, but in my experience, single words in Arabic hold massive amounts of meaning – whole paragraphs and even books of information can be contained in even a single syllable. So if you take a word like the one that inspires this episode- Razzaq, which means “The one who gives us the gifts we need to earn our own keep” – and you make a Dhikr out of that word, saying it over and over for a few minutes or longer, this can become a beautiful meditation on abundance. I love this name of the Divine – Ar Razzaq – because it’s quality – the gift giver is exactly what I need and long for. I am able-bodied, gratefully, and have been given lots of gifts over my life… experiences and skills I’ve picked up along the way. What I love more than anything is to find a match – someone who needs what I have to offer. That perfect balanced relationship… I’m given rewards -money in this case in gratitude for my gifts. In return, I use my skills and my time, my experience, etc, to do something useful… Kind of like taking the water from that well and using it to water a garden, then selling the harvest to earn what I need to live. What about when things don’t work out, though? Are you enjoying the fruits of your work? Do you feel appreciated? Paid fairly? I have a friend that says they’re paid too much. They admit feeling guilty sometimes because there are so many people who don’t have enough to get by on, yet this person – who works very hard, mind you – makes quite a bit of money. Here is a quote from New Thought author Michael Beckwith: “There is a lie that acts like a virus within the mind of humanity. And that lie is, ‘There’s not enough good to go around. There’s lack, and there’s limitation, and there’s just not enough.’ The truth is that there’s more than enough good to go around. There is more than enough creative ideas. There is more than enough power. There is more than enough love. There’s more than enough joy. All of this begins to come through a mind that is aware of its own infinite nature. There is enough for everyone. If you believe it, if you can see it, if you act from it, it will show up for you. That’s the truth.” Now, to be fair, try saying that to a hungry child – or to one of the patients I meet doing interfaith Chaplaincy at the hospital. It’s important to acknowledge that there is suffering. There is injustice and there are people who simply can’t get enough – water from that well. or some folks aren’t allowed to keep enough of the harvest they worked to make possible. Having said that. Do you have faith? Faith in what? or Who? If so, how does it sustain you when it seems like that harvest will never come? I have a theory that people pray when things are bleak and scary, but when things are plentiful, not so much. I know I do this. What would it be like to pray or give thanks when things are good? What would it be like to wake up in the morning and take a moment to scan your body from head to foot and feel wonder at all the things that have to happen JUST for you to wake up for another day? Will you join me in a practice of gratitude this week? Each day, I’ll be looking for one thing in my life that just works. Food on the table, friends that look forward to hearing from me, you listening to this. The bounty of the dates can be seen at the bottom of the well. My friend, may we both remember to see that bounty before we complain about how much work it is to lift that water to the surface.
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In Arabic there is this word, Ya Wadud, which translates as Divine love. To me, this kind of love is the most powerful, least disguised, and even a little scary. The kind of love this is talking about includes sexual intimacy. (I know, right?!). If you’re like me, using the words sex and love and the divine in the same sentence feels a little off limits. I mean, growing up in European-centered culture, the divine is code for “God” and whether I believe this or not, the face of God is culturally programmed to be an old white guy with a beard. Eww. Let’s back up for a minute. This series isn’t about God – especially the old white one. It’s about you. We’re exploring these traits in each of us and how they inform the way we interact with the world. So, this love – this sexual longing and hunger. Let’s spend a moment with Rumi, one of the great Sufi mystics and masters, who wrote: Desire I desire youmore than foodand drink My bodymy sensesmy mindhunger for your taste I can sense your presencein my heartalthough you belongto all the world I waitwith silent passionfor one gestureone glancefrom you” Have you ever felt this kind of longing? I have. It feels intoxicating and dangerous and scary, but in a thrilling way—like you might just throw it all away for one chance- for a moment with the object of your desire. The scary part, for me, is wondering – “what if I did throw everything I’d ever worked for away for this moment… AND IT WAS WORTH IT? What then? One moment of love and passion so intense that it’s worth everything? Yeah, I’ve thought about it. Ya Wadud is about tapping into that energy – connecting with it, rather than pushing it away. What if you could have that moment of love? Of lust? Of connecton so powerful, it sweeps you away? …and you didn’t have to give anything away. Except Your heart? See why this is scary stuff? Here’s another poem by Mewlana Jelaladin Rumi: Be helpless, dumbfounded, Unable to say yes or no. Then a stretcher will come from grace To gather us up. We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty If we say we can, we’re lying. If we say No, we don’t see it, That “No” will behead us And shut tight our window onto spirit. So let us rather not be sure of anything, Besides ourselves, and only that, so Miraculous beings come running to help. Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute, We shall be saying finally, With tremendous eloquence, Lead us. When we have totally surrendered to that beauty, We shall be a mighty kindness. At this point, my friend, are you hopelessly confused, or uncomfortable or intrigued? Good. That’s one of the invitations Ya-Wadud has for us. What does it mean to surrender to the deepest, most primal emotions inside us? What would it be like to allow ourselves to REALLY feel all the emotions that live in the deep, dark places we don’t want anyone to see? Love. A love so sweet, and so unconditional, that it knows. It knows all the things that human beings have ever been ashamed of. It knows all the things you’ve ever longed for. And it’s still there. Waiting patiently for you to open yourself and let it out. Rumi says that “when we have totally surrendered to that beauty, we shall be a mighty kindness.” Do you think he knew that the more we’re able to love ourselves unconditionally – the kinder we become toward others too? Do you think he knew that you long for – hunger that person? and that this hunger is a normal and natural thing, perfectly worthy of being loved too? What if, instead of trying to control our emotions, and viewing them as a sign of weakness…. what if you were able to let them flow and FEEL their power. Be mindful if you are in a position of power over someone. This is not permission to harm. Rather, it’s an invitation to welcome ALL of you, and one piece of this lesson is about relationship: exploring, and inviting, and accessing this intimate, profound, and powerful connection to the divine IN YOU – through another person. It’s also about accessing this connection in THEM… My friend, a spark of the divine lives in YOU. It lives in each of us. This is an invitation to get out of your own head, and experience the divine with all your senses… sight, smell, taste, touch, sound. I have one more quote for you. This time from the historian and activist Howard Thurman who said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs, is more people who have come alive.” The body is more than a vehicle to carry the mind around. It is also a sacred temple of great joys and a pathway to the very heights of your being. Welcome home.
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I want YOU to want ME. That’s a great song by the band Cheap Trick. It’s also the source of so much misery I can hardly believe it. Those words may be the source of anything that’s wrong with us as a society. Ok. I might be exaggerating a little, I’m also serious. See this week’s episode gets its start from the qualities behind the word, Al Mu’izz, and I’m using a translation of that word that means something like “giver of praise or self-esteem.” It’s one of the 99 names of the divine and it’s talking about a quality of G-d that gives us self-esteem. If you’re new to this series, you may not know that I never make assumptions about what you believe – or If a belief in a God has any part of what keeps you going. Whatever you believe, where does your assurance and comfort and self-esteem come from? Have you always felt confident and assured from as far back as you can remember? Are you a compulsive pleaser—needing to be liked at almost any cost? Are you defensive and guarded—just sure that people will hurt you if you give them a chance? Think about where those parts of your personality come from—where they got their start. It’s possible you were just born lonely, or confident, or whatever. And it’s also possible that part of this is a sort of programming, from your earliest time in this life. Maybe it was a mother figure, although not everyone has one of those. Maybe it was a group that made you feel secure and loved. Maybe your religion or spirituality is such that you can feel the love of a god. I’m convinced that we’re all just searching for someone to love us. Now sure, that may be overgeneralizing just a little, but think about it – this seeking of external validation -could explain a LOT. It could have something to do with a divorce rate that seems so high. If two people decide to marry young, before they’re fully figured out who they are, there’s a good chance that at least one of them will be seeking approval and love and validation from someone other than themselves. This might be fine if it’s not the only source of love and validation, but what if it is? It could have something to do with the rate of addiction we face: Drugs, alcohol, social media, food, sex, video games, religion — all are things that can provide pleasure. If our relationships with these things are healthy, they can be part of an overall picture that works. What about when we use them to make up for something that’s missing, though? What about when we feel out of balance though? When there’s something missing – like a giant hole in us that we can’t seem to fill, no matter what we put in it? For me, it was – and is – an addiction to work. I used to work 70 or 80 hours a week, moving up the corporate ladder. I learned that I could be successful in that environment, and the rewards felt good. Money, recognition, promotions, nice cars, a big house, and the trappings of success. At some point, though, I recognized that I was out of balance. Instead of being my own source of self-worth, I found ways to be useful enough to other people, that they would then tell me how great I was, or how nice, or how smart, etc. I eventually figured out, though, that this was just a way of distracting myself from the uncomfortable truth. I didn’t know how to love myself – how to find a wellspring of worth, and hope, and value INSIDE me. I never knew that there was a way to find a deeper and inexhaustible supply of love and praise that was always there – and I could access whenever I wanted! Now don’t get me wrong- I don’t suggest you quit your perfectly good job and sell all your belongings and set out on a pilgrimage of the soul like I did five years ago. In fact, I’d recommend against it. While I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything, I can tell you that the answer I was looking for all this time was right there all along. Also – it’s not as if I have life all figured out… Hot Mess is my middle name. But I’m learning how to be okay with hot mess – in fact, I’m learning to LOVE it… because it’s MY hot mess, and I’m learning to love ME. What’s yours? Have you found the source of your own strength and courage? – the one that you carry with you and that never runs out? Are you still in search of it? Or maybe you haven’t even thought about it until now. Whatever the case, remember – we humans are meant to be in relationship with each other. We NEED each other. At the same time, it all starts with you. If you can’t love yourself and have to try to meet that need from OUTSIDE you, it may never work. If that’s the case, I send you comfort. But you can send you comfort too. In unlimited amounts, any time you wish. You just need to find the keys to that castle inside you.
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