Hi, This Is Heidi: Recent Episodes
Heidi Benjaminsen Life Coach
Certified Life Coach Heidi Benjaminsen shares tools, tips and stories to help you create confidence and live a happier and more fulfilled life. Deliberately choosing what you want to think and believe about yourself is the secret. You can create anything in your life if you believe you can. So why not believe your worth is infinite and your dreams are actually achievable? The world needs you to shine, sparkle and share your talents. No more hiding from your destiny! Let's do this!
Confidence and self-worth are key to us identifying and changing our racist behaviors and attitudes. We need to be willing to admit mistakes, weaknesses and flaws in order to change and be a better version of ourselves. Just like the kintsugi art of filling pottery cracks with the most precious materials, we can heal our racist past and make ourselves and our relationships much more valuable. This work will require confidence!
We get a lot of insight into our own behaviors, desires and those of our children when we understand The Motivational Triad - the 3 most basic motivators that our brain defaults to. Our brain wants us to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy - because it wants to keep us alive. This worked well for our ancestors but today it is working against us. Learn more about the 3 motivating desires and how to override these desires with our higher brain.
The most heated exchanges with our children are usually about their grades. And this is because we make their grades mean SO much about them, their future, their potential and even how good a parent WE are. Getting mad doesn't motivate them to change and it blocks us from really seeing what is going on. Learn practical tools on how to calmly talk to your child about their grades so they see you love and support them.
We often hear another person or listen to their words with the intent to reply to them. When in reality, we need to be listening with the intent to UNDERSTAND them. To see, acknowledge, witness their point of view. Heidi teaches you why this is hard work, what our brains naturally want to do, and then tips to really listen. Everyone has something to teach us (including our teenagers!), if we are willing and open to really listen to them.
It's easy to see our children as if they are the glass half-empty... only seeing what they AREN'T doing. We think good parents always push their children to reach "their potential". It sounds good, until we end up shaming our children for not being able to meet some arbitrary standard. All because we want to feel like successful parents. Listen to hear different ways to see your child's potential and love them exactly as they are.
When we fear our children failing or feeling any disappointment, we are seeing them through a perfectionist lens. Learn why it's true that "A Perfectionist walk a tight rope over the valley of low self-esteem. "Our vision of our child could be distorted by our own definitions of success and failure - and what they mean about our worth and value. Learn to separate your own sense of self from your child's accomplishments.
Our brain wants us to think that worrying about our children is necessary. Instead, all of the thoughts of what COULD go wrong in their life or what danger they MIGHT encounter is actually robbing us of feeling the real emotions of today with our children. When we look through Lens #3 thinking so many worry thoughts, we miss seeing exactly what is going on today. Learn how to clear off this lens to really enjoy the present and reduce worry and anxiety!
When we think my child is difficult, we feel judgement, criticism and negativity. And those feelings make us act and say negative things to our child. It doesn't help that the medical world likes to throw labels like 'disorder' on our children. Heidi will teach you the warning thoughts that you are seeing your child through this distorted lens. She shares critical questions to help clean off the lens. When we honor our children are unique and will bloom in their own season - we see them different.
When we see the world through the Lens of thinking I Am Right, we create judgement, criticism and frustration because we only see a very narrow viewpoint. Heidi explains the distortion of this lens, the confusion it creates as we parent our teenagers and how to clear up the distortions of this lens. We create more calm and confidence when we expand our vision and understanding.
When our children turned into teenagers, no one told us that we need to change the lenses through which we see them. Our parenting lenses are cloudy and distorted, which create the frustration and anger we feel. Heidi gives an intro to her transformative 5 Clarifying Lens Method which helps mothers create the calm and confidence they want.
We say words out of habit that create emotions in our body that we might not like. Heidi walks us through three words to evaluate in our thoughts and conversations. Listen to find out the dangers of saying HAVE TO, SHOULD and WRONG too often. Changing small words will remove judgement and obligation from our lives and replace them with curiosity and desire.
Everyone feels the victim of the COVID-19 virus sweeping across the world now. And we're unsure how to get mad at this villain so we're getting mad at other people. Our teenagers even make us the villain. Learn what victim mentality is and how to change into a hero mentality. We have SO much more power right now than we realize!
When faced with challenges, people either OVER function or UNDER function. And we do either one to AVOID feeling anxiety and heightened emotions. This becomes a problem when resentment grows and our relationships become dysfunctional. Listen to know which one you are (we're all one - neither is better or worse!) and how to minimize the stress and anxiety you are feeling now. It could be... you need to practice feeling! Others need to practice doing!
We need to force our brains to separate out what is the math of life, the real facts of life. Then see the drama that we and the world add to interpret the facts. We THINK a lot of the drama is just true. But it isn't. When we become aware of the emotion around the facts, we get to decide HOW we want to interpret what is going. We have the power to change what we feel and how we act, even when we think we have so little control. Listen for great examples!
During times of stress, anxiety, and sadness we are conditioned to reach for comfort food to provide a quick moment of pleasure. We want to escape the negative feelings in our body and we crave sweet and salty foods. In our current situation of being at home 24 hours a day, it's important to understand WHY we are reaching for those foods to limit the negative effects of over-doing it. Heidi helps you understand why you want them and gives you tools to reach for other non-food solutions to our stress.
Last week schools shut down, sports were cancelled - life as our teens have known it was ripped out from under them. Seniors are now anticipating possibly no prom, graduation, - no visits to pick colleges, etc. They are experiencing a disappointment and frustration that hasn't been collectively experienced before. Learn how you as parents can support them, and even make this a positive memory.
Right now there is a lot of uncertainty in the world. We don't know how long schools will be closed, stores and restaurants limited, work closed or everyone working from home. Travel is halted and we don't know when life will resume as we knew it. Our brains don't like uncertainty. Listen to find out why and how you can manage the uncertainty in your life.
VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE! This episode will help you manage the feelings of chaos, uncertainty and stress you may be feeling as the world deals with the effects of the coronavirus. Do not suffer needlessly. Know what causes the chaos and how to separate facts from the drama of the situation. Listen to hear important tools so you choose how you respond. Choose the type of example you want to be for your family as well.
Nothing positive comes from comparing ourselves to other people. We create insecurity and shame, disappointment and guilt - all needlessly generated if we don't manage the thoughts in our brain. Listen to find out why we compare ourselves and how to stop ourselves from going down this negative spiral. Heidi teaches great tips to get you out of the compare despair universe and into your own world of confidence and peace.
Unlike conventional wisdom, nothing outside of us hurts our feelings or makes us happy. We do that on our own, which is amazing news! Heidi explains the concept of emotional childhood and adulthood. Its life changing to stop blaming things outside of us for controlling our emotions - and to have awareness then take responsibility for controlling every emotion we feel. The good and the bad emotions!
Our brains feel like worrying about the future will solve a problem that may happen. Worry feels very necessary and almost like a way to show we love people. The problem is that worry isn't any of those things. Worry robs us of peace we could feel today and it doesn't solve anything. Worry blocks us from living today, being in the present and having confidence we can handle any problem or emotion that comes our way.
Perfectionism isn't about achieving a high level of excellence. It is a fear of what other people think of us, it is fear of failure and fear of what we think of ourselves when we make mistakes. Learn more about what perfectionism is, and isn't. And better yet, learn tools and exercises to help you overcome perfectionism.
Everybody is worthy of love. Everyone. The amount of love we feel towards another person measures OUR capacity to love, NOT anything about that person. If anyone doesn't love us, it says nothing about us. We can love others and not love their actions. Learn how you can choose to love someone and how it can change your life.
Our ability to love others is only equal to our ability to love ourselves. Only we have the power to change the way we talk to ourselves, how we offer kindness and compassion to ourselves. Heidi teaches you WHY we need to develop self-compassion and tools to help you center your mind, heart so you can love yourself more. Which then leads to a lot more love for others!
Everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change the toilet paper roll. Heidi teaches how big change always starts small and why we might resist it. Priming our brain with little small daily changes creates a new identity that we can change and makes our brain more open to new ideas, solutions and makes future changes much easier.
Emotional maturity involves understanding why and how we "mirror" or reflect the emotions of others around us. Heidi teaches us how mirroring can show empathy or connection. But it can often bring more negativity into our lives if we aren't careful. Listen to hear several examples of what it is and how to control your emotions (and then how you act!).
Before you set a goal, ask yourself two very important questions. The answers to these questions will help you plan how you will actually achieve the goal and give you the necessary fuel to help you overcome the obstacles that come along the way. This episode includes a bonus interview with my nephew Rhys Edwards. Learn how he is working towards a big goal - some good insight for everyone!
Many people keep repeating the past over and over because they don't take the time to look forward, to look to their future self and ask who they want to become. Creating a future of our dreams requires us to use creativity and imagination. Listen to Heidi as she will walk you through exercises to picture your future self, and how this future YOU can advise you on what to think and feel TODAY to create the future you want! You either create it or it happens by accident - what do you want?
The new year is a great time to evaluate what you WANT to bring with you into 2020. Are there any people, stories you retell yourself over and over or habits you'd like to leave in 2019? We can only change and improve when we create space for new and better in our lives. Listen and evaluate what you can leave in the past!
Heidi shares with you four of her favorite thoughts that can help you make shifts from negativity and victimhood to feeling empowered, in control and the hero of you life. They are small tweaks in how you see the world, how you view other people - who are really trying the best they know how. It's wonderful to see a full life as evidence of blessings instead of burdens. A few small changes can steer us in a completely new direction! Try them on!
We want a perfect holiday dinner, to give the best gifts, for other people to be happy with everything going on. We set ourselves up for major disappointment and resentment with extremely high holiday expectations. Heidi gives you tips to examine what your expectations are, information for what you can and can't control and steps to manage your expectations. Because it will absolutely be perfect!
Forgiveness isn't what you think it is. It isn't apologies or being around someone again. Forgiveness is changing how we feel. Plain and simple. This change comes when we are ready to change what we think about a person or situation, which creates a new feeling. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves and it doesn't affect the other person (unless they want to change how they think!). It is the truest test of our character and can change our life!
Many people find themselves in a state of "overwhelm". Did you know overwhelm is 100% created in our minds? It isn't a real thing. It is the drama we create about the facts of our life. It is our thoughts spinning in our heads like the spinning cup rides at amusement parks! Get off the ride! Heidi teaches you what overwhelm REALLY is and how to avoid it.
There are two tips of pain that we experience in life - clean pain is the natural occurring consequences and emotion of things that happen in life. Dirty pain is the optional suffering we inflict on ourselves - when we tell ourselves we are bad or something has gone wrong because of the clean pain. Understanding the difference allows us to access resiliency, gratitude and positive energy even through the pain. This is a must listen!
Are you a Good Mom? Find out what the definition of a good mom is and why it matters that you consciously define what you expect from yourself. Your children's moods, grades, accomplishments, etc do NOT determine if you are good or not. Hear how you can build up your confidence that you are the BEST mother for your children without needing anything or anyone to tell you!
Gratitude is a choice. We have to intentionally choose to find the good and train our brain to acknowledge the positive in life. A grateful mind can heal our bodies and help us live longer. Listen to hear the 2 components of gratitude and surprising side effects of being grateful.
Learn 5 ways that Joy is stolen from us and 5 ways to increase the Joy we feel in life. Joy Thieves include worry, comparison, perfectionism and more. Joy increases when we practice gratitude and see our life through the lense of abundance, not scarcity.
Your identity and what you believe about yourself has the greatest affect on what you accomplish in life. Real lasting change doesn't happen in our habits or actions - it happens when we change what we believe about ourselves - when we can start identifying as a person consistent with the results we want to have in life. Heidi teaches you why this is so important with her own experience and how to make these changes for yourself!
James Clear "Atomic Habits"
www.heidibenjaminsen.com
We all love to say yes, which comes at a cost if we commit to too much or neglect parts of our life that really are important to us. Learn WHY it is so important to prioritize your time and learn HOW to say NO when you need to. Without explaining yourself. Because only YOU can decide what is important to you!
Do you have someone in your life who is difficult, toxic or annoying? Everyone does - the good news is they don't have to change at all for you to feel different around them. Listen to several fantastic tools Heidi teaches for how to manage your emotions around these people and show up the way you want to feel and act around them. Once you can ask a few questions about this person, you'll start seeing them in a totally different light!
We are generally aware of how we are feeling, but often we don't know what is creating that emotion in our body. It isn't something outside of us or a situation creating the emotion - it is always one of our 50,000+ daily thoughts creating the feelings we experience. Heidi walks you through several scenarios to show you the important of slowing down and being conscious of the (optional!) thoughts you are thinking that are creating the emotions you feel on a daily basis.
Heidi teaches a great mental tool to help you maintain emotional control - and get out of everyone else's brains! We don't have to interpret the things people say or do as meaning anything about us - even when directed at us. Heidi goes through several examples of how applying this mental trick relieves mental stress and allows us to show up as a higher version of ourselves.
We have 50,000+ thoughts a day about circumstances around us and our life. Our thoughts are optional but seem so true and real and unchangeable. Gaining awareness of our thoughts and how we interpret the world is the most empowering things we can do. This awareness allows us to have true emotional control and create our dreams!
Self-confidence is the fuel and energy of our growth, success and goals. Without it, we are stuck in the past reliving what we know we can do. Self-confidence is our belief in ourselves, regardless of our wins or losses, it is our ability to feel any emotion (especially the emotions of growth like discomfort, nervousness, fear) and no one can take it from us. Learn how to squash your self-doubt and increase your self-confidence to show up as the person you want to be.
Most people believe negative emotions like sadness, grief, loneliness, embarrassment, shame, etc are bad and should be avoided. This isn't true. Negative emotions are necessary for our growth and to fully experience this life. We need these emotions to comprehend the positive emotions. Heidi teaches the purpose of negative emotions and how to allow them (not resist, react or avoid).
In life there are three lanes - 1 - our lane, 2 - other people's lanes and 3 - God's lane. Knowing what happens in each lane gives us power to control our lane and release control over things really not in our responsibility.
Heidi shares the foundation coaching tools she uses in her practice. This tool was developed by Brooke Castillo, founder of The Life Coach School. Heidi defines Circumstances, which trigger Thoughts which create Feelings, which fuel Actions, which create Results in our lives.
She gives examples of each and clearly explains how thoughts and feelings are different from facts or circumstances in life.