Helping Children Smile Again with Amanda Seyderhelm: Recent Episodes
AMANDA SEYDERHELM
Whether it's the grief of bereavement, the strain of divorce or the uncertainty of a new home or school, loss and change affect children in countless ways. Teachers and parents frequently find themselves ill-equipped to help children struggling with the difficult feelings that these situations, and others like them, bring. Helping Children Smile Again offers guided support for teachers, health professionals and parents through interviews with experts in the fields of education, healthcare and parenting.
"If you can't say it, sing it" is not only Sophie Garner's mantra, it's the title of her new book, a journal going deeper into supporting children in navigating their emotions through creative expression.
Having started her professional career with the National Youth Theatre of Great Britain (1991-1992 Maggie May and Amphibias Spangulatos), a determination to succeed and share her passions emerged, leading Sophie to become the first artist to play the London O2 Arena, setting a standard to beat by artists who followed in her footsteps. And others soon noticed Sophie’s talents, giving her opportunities to travel across Europe and the Middle East with her four studio albums, and allowing her to support artists including Mcfly, Sugababes and Will Young.
A strong leader, inspired and trusted, Sophie fronts and manages several professional bands, writing, coproducing and sharing her expertise with as many students as she can, strengthening the talent, confidence, writing and vocal technique of the artists of our future.
A natural educator and full of energy, Sophie’s passions and goals stem from believing in the true, holistic and deep effects of music, and sharing the gift of music, as a therapy and a life skill, to help others learn to comfortably express themselves, allowing her students to grow in confidence and develop socially.
Sophie is a great communicator and easy to follow, which allows students to excel creatively, and this is what Sophie thrives on. She opens up her musical log during our magical conversation.
About Sophie
Sophie began her career as a professional singer straight after leaving school 30 years ago. She was the very first artist to play London's iconic O2 Arena!
She is a vocal coach, choir leader, and expert music specialist working with schools, adults with brain injury and dementia. Sophie has a master's degree in her specialist area of the benefits of singing on wellbeing and mental health.
During lockdown, she became the published author of 'The Creative Songwriting Journal' and 'If you can't say it sing it!' Sophie is a public speaker and facilitator and is now working with schools and businesses throughout UK, providing her powerful and unique songwriting workshops, teacher training and presentations.
Connect with Sophie
www.sophiegarner.com
Twitter: @sophiegarner1
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and LinkedIn
Help shape the content of my podcast - Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts
"The Heping Children Smile Again podcast has been massively beneficial in helping me unlock how to open discussions with a child going through bereavement – thank you Amanda!." <-- If that sounds like you, please do rate, review, follow and share my podcast. Your feedback helps shape the content and allows me to support more people battling grief.
Can there be anything called ‘good’ grief especially when it follows from the death of a child?
Surely grief is that most abject of conditions in which you are thrown into an endless darkness, where despair overcomes hope, and longing for the loved one lost is a pain beyond endurance? How can this be good?
Jane Harris and Jimmy Edmonds have created THE GOOD GRIEF PROJECT in order to share their experience of grief and to help others to find an active and creative response to the expression of their grief.
Their son Josh died in a road accident in Vietnam in 2011 while he was on a six month tour of the Far East. He was 22.
Some see grief as a passing phase – a moment in which the trauma of loss recedes into time and that the emptiness of one’s heart gradually heals. New events and new memories will, they say, overwrite those of the one we loved and the history that s/he inhabited.
Is that normal?
Is that what we call a good grief?
Or is grief, especially the grief for a child, something more akin to a state of being, changing over time, but a new condition, a new narrative if you like, that we will live with for the rest of our lives.
THE GOOD GRIEF PROJECT is their way of addressing this.
My conversation with Jane Harris explores the project which is based on ideas that flow from the concept of ‘continuing bonds’, of not wanting to cut off from the deceased, but of building a new kind of relationship with your child.
About Jane and Jimmy
Jane is a psychotherapist, bereavement specialist and supervisor with special interest in family relations.
She is responsible for film production, public speaking and delivery of mindfulness and arts based workshops and courses.
Jimmy is a documentary film editor with over 100 credits on various TV productions including BAFTA winning ‘Chosen’ for Channel 4 and his own personal film ‘Breaking the Silence’ for BBC 1.
He’s responsible for film and website production and delivery of photography based courses.
Connect with The Good Grief Project
https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/
Facebook: @thegoodgriefproject
Twitter: @goodgriefproj
Instagram: @thegoodgriefproject
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and LinkedIn
Help shape the content of my podcast - Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts
"The Heping Children Smile Again podcast has been massively beneficial in helping me unlock how to open discussions with a child going through bereavement – thank you Amanda!." <-- If that sounds like you, please do rate, review, follow and share my podcast. Your feedback helps shape the content and allows me to support more people battling grief.
Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one will know that you never stop grieving for those you have loved, and what an important journey it is to find a way to live with that loss.
Child Bereavement UK has been helping families facing that journey since 1994 and that is why I'm delighted to be in conversation with Ann Chalmers, the Chief Executive of the charity.
If you have been concerned about how to talk to bereaved children, and what questions to ask, this conversation will be a helpful guide. We talk about the importance of not making any assumptions and keeping the conversation as open and honest as possible.
Instead of 'getting over grief', Ann talks about the ways in which we learn to live with our loss, to grow around it, which allows us to accommodate our grief in a healthy and connected way.
Asking for help when you are bereaved can feel daunting, which is why Child Bereavement UK have so many accessible resources available to choose from via their website, www.childbereavement.org to make starting your journey a little easier.
About Ann ChalmersAnn has been involved in multi-disciplinary training of professionals in the area of loss and bereavement for over thirty years. She holds a BACP Accredited Diploma in Psychotherapeutic Counselling and a University Accredited Diploma in Bereavement Counselling, and has provided counselling for individuals, couples and staff within the NHS and for children and young people within the voluntary sector. She has been Chief Executive of Child Bereavement UK since 2003 and has been involved in all aspects of the charity’s training, consultancy and service development work. She has contributed to a number of professional publications and books, and has presented nationally and internationally for the charity.
Learn more about Child Bereavement UK
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/childbereavementuk
Twitter @cbukhelp
Instagram @childbereavementuk
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/childbereavementchar
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and LinkedIn
Waiting can be stressful. While the waiting lists for child mental health assessments get longer, our anxiety ramps up. Parents and children wait in limbo. Feeling helpless. Do professionals hold all the answers? What can we do ‘in the meantime’ period while we wait for a professional assessment?
According to Safeguarding expert Kayla Shepherd, staying in this anxious state can disempower us, and keep us focused on our losses. The key to coping with our anxiety while we wait, is to understand both the risk and protective factors our children are facing as they struggle to process big changes like bereavement, moving house, moving school, losing friends. These keys will help us to feel less frightened. Taking action at home, and at school, enables us to stay in a solution-focused state which is key to counteracting feelings of helplessness.
Kayla is Managing Director of Safety Mode Ltd and Chair Of The Board Of Trustees at Andy's Angels. She leads safeguarding training courses about the risk and protective factors, teaching parents how to open difficult conversations with teenagers, how to assess whether your child is becoming addicted to online gaming, and maintain a sense of connection and belonging.
She also set up a Grief Play Cafe for children in her community following the death of her husband which brings grieving families together to share their stories.
A rich conversation full of practical strategies you can implement immediately.
Don’t let the waiting period derail you.
About Kayla and Safety Mode Ltd
Kayla is an experienced instructor having developed her career in childcare and training. After managing several local nurseries, Kayla developed a passion for training and mentoring.
In 2016 Safety Mode Limited was born, offering dynamic training and mentoring for businesses, parents and individuals, Specialising in First Aid, Safeguarding and First Aid for Mental Health for children, young people and adults.
Please find our free awareness of children's mental health Facebook lives on our Facebook page here: (1) Safety Mode Limited | Facebook with guest speakers talking about Sleep, risk factors of children's mental health, how to build self-esteem and confidence in children and how art and music can support our children and young people's mental health and well-being.
LinkedIn
www.safetymode.co.uk
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and LinkedIn
The world is in crisis, from climate change, the Pandemic and now the Russian war in Ukraine. We are feeling the impact of this collective trauma in our bodies, and seeing anxiety levels rise higher than ever. Our sense of belonging is being questioned at all personal and public levels, and our feeling of being disconnected from ourselves and the Earth continues as technology and algorithms seem to be taking over our life choices.
It's time to put our wellies on and step outside into the mud as an antidote to the high tech indoor environment, and as a nurturing guide to express and calm our turbulent feelings. Of course, playing outside not only creates a close attunement with Nature, but it also allows children to transition and progress through what Sue Jennings calls the three play stages:
1/ Sensory - roll around in the grass, make mud pies.
2/ Constructive - 'I can take these sticks and make a magic wand'.
3/ Narrative - My wand gives me power to create a new world!
Kate Macairt has supported the forest school and outdoor education movement through her work as a teacher of Art and Play and Creative Arts Psychotherapist. She shares her 18 years experience with us and argues that it's time for us to reconnect back to ourselves through playing and creating in Nature because it's not enough for children to learn about war in the classroom, we have to help them feel, learn and express their feelings about war and other tumultuous change.
Kate has generously created an ebook - How nature can help us manage difficult times - for listeners of my podcast to download.
About Kate
Kate has been working with children and young adults for over 15 years as a Therapist and previously 18 years as a Teacher. The discovery of Play Therapy persuaded her to re-train and she moved from Creative Teacher to Creative Play Therapist. Kate’s passion and love of Mother Nature and spending time outside has infiltrated into her role as Teacher of Art and Play Therapist.
Kate supports the Forest School and Outdoor Education movement and she has worked for Circle of Life Rediscovery for several years. She helps facilitate at North Devon Forest School, and together with Ali Chown is a founder of the Collaboration of Outdoor Play Therapists. (COOPT). She founded Creative Spark in 2009 which provides Creative Play Therapy, SandPlay Therapy, Training and Clinical Supervision.
Instagram @katemacairt
For more information about Landplay outdoor play therapy training which is happening - April 2nd and 3rd 2022 visit www.creativesparktraining.co.uk or email creativespark.kate@outlook.com
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and LinkedIn
A child loses a parent every twenty-two minutes in the UK. Childhood bereavement brings with it a whole series of challenges for the children involved - challenges they will deal with all their lives.
What to say to a bereaved child stumps many teachers. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing, and tend to say nothing.
Phoebe Gilbert was 9 when her Mum died. She is now 23, a University graduate starting her first job at www.nudgeeducation.co.uk which offers bespoke intervention for anyone, anywhere, chronically disengaged from education. Her Father, Ian Gilbert, founder of Independent Thinking, co-authored a book with his three children as a personal account of the way educational institutions tried and succeeded, tried and failed and sometimes didn't try at all to help William, Olivia and Phoebe come to terms with the death of their mother. The book lays bare the 'lessons' they have learnt, the hard way, from their Mum's death.
Phoebe and Ian join me for a conversation about their personal loss.
As Phoebe says, 'Remember that for young men and women, such as myself, our loss is part of us. It is part of who we were, who we are and who we are becoming.'
We talk about there being no one specific framework for loss, and how professionals must be prepared to adapt to whoever is in front of them.
A conversation full of hope.
Independent Thinking on LossWritten by Independent Thinking founder Ian Gilbert together with his three children, Independent Thinking on Loss is a personal account of the way educational institutions tried and succeeded, tried and failed and sometimes didn’t try at all to help William, Olivia and Phoebe come to terms with the death of their mother.
Ian, William, Olivia and Phoebe encourage educators to view death and bereavement as something that can be acknowledged and talked about in school, and offer clear guidelines that will make a difference as to how a school can support a bereaved child in their midst.
Purchase Independent Thinking on Loss https://www.independentthinkingpress.com/books/teachingskills/independent-thinking-on-loss/
USE CODE ITL25 to get 25% off
Independent Thinking:
Twitter @ITLWorldwide
Instagram @independentthinkingworldwide
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/thisiangilbert/
Web www.independentthinking.com
Nudge Education:
Instagram @nudgeeducation
Web https://www.nudgeeducation.co.uk/
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
The Covid Pandemic has been a collective trauma. A crash course in learning how to cope with uncertainty and change. If we were anxious pre-Covid, this suddenly escalated for children and families to a frightening level and threatened all aspects of our wellbeing. Were Mummy or Daddy going to die and leave me alone?
We were also worried about our health. We didn't have the vaccines. We didn't understand how this was going to work. We didn't understand the impact emotionally, the fear of this unprecedented unknown.
Dr Tina Rae used her skills and 30 years experience as a clinical psychologist to support parents and carers who themselves didn't feel regulated, felt heightened levels of anxiety, and were having to support their children, to be that nurturing, supportive, safe base for children.
We reflect on the Pandemic through a post-traumatic growth lens. Looking at adversity and learning - what can we learn and take forward? Some of the strategies and reflective practices parents used to survive, are useful to keep within our wellbeing toolkit because they lead us to be compassionate towards ourselves, and others. That's all good for our collective mental health and wellbeing.
We talk about:
1/ The importance of focusing on the present, what we can control.
2/ Finding social connection through social media.
3/ Changing the way we respond to things out of our control.
4/ Doing good for other people.
5/ Creating daily magic moments.
6/ Thoughts are not facts, find the evidence to reframe.
7/ Practising gratitude.
8/ What we've learnt about resilience.
9/ Journaling as a reflective, expressive practice.
10/ Being a therapeutic base within yourself.
This conversation is full of inspiration.
About Dr Tina Rae
Dr Tina Rae has 40 years’ experience working with children, adults and families in clinical and educational contexts within local authorities and specialist services. She is currently working as a Consultant Educational and Child Psychologist in a range of SEMH and mainstream contexts and for Fostering agencies as a Consultant Psychologist supporting foster carers, social workers and Looked after children. She was an Academic and Professional tutor for the Doctorate in Educational and Child psychology (University of East London) from 2010-16. She is a registered member of the Health and Care Professions Council, a member of ENSEC (European Network for Social and Emotional Competence) and a former trustee of Nurture UK.
Tina is a member of the editorial board for the journal Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties and for the International Journal of Nurture in Education. She is also a member of the Advisory board for Fresh Start in Education.
Twitter @DrTinarae
YouTube @DrTinaRae
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-tina-rae-82666330/
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
When a child is struggling to express their feelings verbally, music therapy can be a suitable medium through which they can 'drum out' their feelings.
Listening to and creating music is a powerful connector to our feelings and emotions, and helps us to bypass our internal critic which can often override these. In these musical moments, real clarity can be gained about our lives as the child, and the child inside us comes out to play.
Music Therapy is an established psychological clinical intervention, delivered by HCPC registered music therapists to help people whose lives have been affected by injury, illness or disability through supporting their psychological, emotional, cognitive, physical, communicative and social needs.
Music Therapists draw upon the innate qualities of music to support people of all ages and abilities and at all stages of life; from helping new born babies develop healthy bonds with their parents, to offering vital, sensitive and compassionate palliative care at the end of life.
Central to how Music Therapy works is the therapeutic relationship that is established and developed, through engagement in live musical interaction and play between a therapist and client. A wide range of musical styles and instruments can be used, including the voice, and the music is often improvised. Using music in this way enables clients to create their own unique musical language in which to explore and connect with the world and express themselves.
About Marion
Marion Barton is a Music Therapist with Shooting Star Children’s Hospices. She works with children with life-limiting conditions, their siblings and bereaved siblings. Marion has been a Music Therapist since she graduated from the MA in Music Therapy at Roehampton University in 2011 with the Department of Psychology Prize for her dissertation project studying the impact of spirituality on therapists’ work with palliative clients. Marion’s research has been published in the British Journal of Music Therapy and she has contributed her time as a peer reviewer for another journal. Marion has worked with a wide range of clients during her time as a therapist, but has always held a special interest in palliative care and supporting children with emotional and behavioural difficulties including bereavement.
The hospice website is: https://www.shootingstar.org.uk/
British Association of Music Therapy Website is: https://www.bamt.org/
Connect with Marion on LinkedIn
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
The pandemic has taught us the true importance of emotional connections. While we protect our bodies from infection, emotional bonds protect our minds from poor mental health and the disconnection that comes with isolation.
Within the Western culture, we are very good at saying “I think”, but not so good at saying “I feel”. We are also not very good at listening to someone talk about distressing feelings. Rather than empathising we may try and solve the problem to remove the feeling as quickly as possible.
In this episode, Karen shares the background to 20 Dreams, an innovative card game that is designed to encourage people to explore different feelings and the language used to describe those feelings.
The 20 Emotion cards have been carefully chosen from research that explores the variety of human emotions to help reduce inhibitions surrounding talking about feelings as it normalises the feelings language.
Karen Stallard, the creator of 20 Dreams game, is an Integrative Arts Psychotherapist, she loves working with dreams in the therapy room and is fascinated by the role dreams play in our lives. After waking up one night from a strange dream Karen was inspired to create 20 Dreams, a card game that would reward the right hemisphere of the brain by tapping into emotions and creativity. Karen realised that it could also be an excellent resource for therapists and educators. So whether you are a Therapist, English teacher, Drama teacher or Senco teacher, our storytelling card game - 20 Dreams might just be what you need in your toolbox.
About Karen
Karen Stallard is a Registered Psychotherapist with UKCP, registered Counsellor with BACP and registered Art Therapist with HCPC.
Karen’s career journey began as an actress with a passion for the performing arts, storytelling and communicating creatively. She then trained to be a member of the clergy of the Christian church, working mainly in pastoral care particularly within mental health, this led to training as a full-time counsellor and psychotherapist.
As well as running her private practice Feeling Found, which is based in Highbury and Islington, London, Karen is also the co-creator of 20 Dreams – a card game that can help reduce inhibitions when talking about feelings.
https://feelingfound.com/
About 20 Dreams
20 Dreams is a crazily creative card game that challenges your imagination, tests your dream telling skills and stretches your emotional intelligence to bring you endless entertainment and hilarious outcomes!
One quick explanation and you are off!
https://www.play20dreams.com/
Twitter: @20dreamsgame
Instagram: @20dreamsgame
Facebook: @20dreams
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
What happens when the dream of marriage dies, and the reality of divorce sinks in? Where does all the love and pain go, and how do families begin to process the grief of this loss and change? How do they navigate not only new custody arrangements for their children, but also their divorced relationship?
We all remember the divorce movie, Kramer vs. Kramer, which highlighted what happens when a couple allows anger and hurt to drive their conversations. The only good thing that came out of this was the realisation that a child's needs matter, their feelings do count, and must be taken into consideration. But how do we avoid having a Kramer vs. Kramer moment to 'get this'?
Sue Atkins, The Parenting Coach, ITV expert, and author of the new and award-winning book, The Divorce Journal for Kids, talks with me about her toolkit that she uses with her clients. Here are just 6 of her top tips:
1/ Plan how to tell your child. Don't drop a bombshell because they will remember that.
2/ Keep a routine as much as you can. Consistency is the key to calm.
3/ Hold the child in mind - put a photograph of the child on the table, in front of you when talking to your ex.
4/ Remember this is not an event, it's a process.
5/Express feelings safely - draw and doodle your feelings in a journal.
6/ Self-care isn't selfish it's going to maintain your sanity!
About Sue
Sue Atkins is an internationally recognised Parenting Expert, Broadcaster, Speaker and Author.
Sue offers practical guidance for bringing up happy, confident, resilient children and helps parents create happy childhoods, free from finger pointing or judgement.
Sue also specialises in supporting families through divorce & created the Award Winning ‘Divorce Journal for Kids’ is designed to help children express, explore and understand some of the strong emotions that they may be feeling and to help them process the divorce for themselves. She has also created a series of Divorce Conversational Cards for parents to help start the difficult conversations about the changes that families face when they are going through divorce.
Connect with Sue
www.thesueatkins.com
Twitter: @sueatkins
Instagram: @sueatkins18
Facebook: Sue Atkins The Parenting Expert
LinkedIn: Sue Atkins
Sue on Pinterest: Sue Atkins Parenting Expert
Sue on YouTube: Sue Atkins Parenting Expert
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Andrew Cowley, author of The Wellbeing Toolkit and co-founder of Healthy Toolkit (@HealthyToolkit), talks about his new book, The Wellbeing Curriculum - the ultimate guide to help primary schools develop a practical, principled and values-driven wellbeing curriculum for their pupils.
Schools are responsible for giving children the tools and emotional resilience to cope with the changes and challenges they will face in the future. Developing an explicit wellbeing curriculum for primary-aged children is crucial: when taught how to make good life choices and care for their physical and mental health, children will thrive both at primary school and beyond. The Wellbeing Curriculum covers a range of issues from self-awareness, looking after others and building trust, to exercise, healthy eating, cyberbullying, leadership, diversity and empowerment. It offers practical ideas for embedding a wellbeing curriculum into lessons, assemblies, PSHE and RSE sessions and as part of the school ethos.
Andrew talks about why it's important for schools to adapt their pastoral approach, and put pupil wellbeing at the heart of the curriculum.
About Andrew
Andrew is a former Deputy Headteacher and co-founder of the Healthy Toolkit blog and Twitter account. The purpose behind the blog is to promote changing attitudes and outlooks and offer practical ways to support teachers with their physical and mental health.
The Wellbeing Toolkit, promotes strategic and values-led staff wellbeing and the upcoming book, The Wellbeing Curriculum, develops a holistic approach to wellbeing for primary school.
Connect with Andrew Cowley
https://healthyteachertoolkit.wordpress.com/
Twitter: @HealthyToolkit
Instagram: @healthytoolkit
Read Andrew's books
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wellbeing-Toolkit-Andrew-Cowley/dp/147296165X
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wellbeing-Curriculum-Embedding-childrens-wellbeing/dp/1472986415
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Dr Amber Elliott, Clinical Psychologist and author explains why children who have experienced early trauma need something different - therapeutic parenting - a kind of everyday 'superparenting' which champions empathy over punishment.
Trying to parent children who have trauma-triggered behaviours is tough, and none of us are perfect. Taking this as a starting point, Dr Elliott provides us with a ten-step process to transform your parenting. From developing self-acceptance and ideas for building motivation through to creative ways to think about structure and routine.
She has given us the keys to unlock meaningful connections with ourselves as well as our children, so we may build relationships based on the firm foundations of trust and safety.
Connect with Dr Amber Elliott
https://thechildpsychologyservice.co.uk/
Twitter: @DrAmberElliott, @TCPS_UK
Instagram: dramberelliott
Read Dr Amber Elliott's books
“Why Can’t My Child Behave: Empathic Parenting Strategies that Work for Adoptive and Foster Families”
“Superparenting! Boost Your Therapeutic Parenting Through Ten Transformative Steps”
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Visit my website to download my free eBook 10 Simple Play Therapy Techniques You Can Use To Help Your Child With Grief, Loss and Change
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Today’s episode looks at the connection between mood and food in children through the lens of storytelling. My guest is a teacher and nutritional consultant Jayne Avery, author of The Secret of the Golden Cauldron.
Talking about food, the rights and wrongs, can be an emotive topic for parents. While some choose to be organic, vegan and plant-based, others might not be in a position to make that choice. Some might be in a position to, and still decide, for whatever reason, not to. But, what is scientifically proven is how eating sugar can affect a child’s mood, causing highs and lows. If the lows are aggravated by other factors such as bereavement and grief, so too a child’s confidence and self-esteem may change. This episode focuses on the important role food plays in this dynamic between environment, behaviour and mental health.
Jayne thoughtfully explores the different ways food affects mood through the characters in her book, for example:
The Crystal Lady represents the white light we get from the sun, the light that helps plants to grow - PHYTO POWER!
White light splits when it passes through a prism or a water droplet, becoming a rainbow.
The different colours of the rainbow help give fruit and vegetables their beautiful colours - PHYTO POWER!
By making the topic playful and fun, children are introduced to the real issues in a way they can understand and make sense of.
Ultimately, what difference can food make to a person’s mood?
Connect with Jayne
https://www.jayneavery.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JayneEAvery
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/helpchildrentosucceed/
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive my free guide: 7 steps to helping children cope with loss and grief.
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Teacher and author Fiona Clark's new book A Practical Guide to Creative Writing in Schools: Seven Creative Writing Projects for ages 8-14 is not only well timed, it is also rooted in psychobiology.
We talk about the research of Dr Daisy Fancourt, Associate Professor of Psychobiology & Epidemiology at UCL which shows that the cognitive strategies the brain uses to regulate our emotions are when we are taking part in creative activities.
Fiona's creative writing programmes in schools increase children's confidence with their English, as well as enable them to discover strategies to cope with their feelings during difficult times. The projects cover topics such as identity, cultural heritage, tolerance, empathy, morality, dreams and much more.
Connect with Fiona
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/fclark1/
Twitter - @spiralglass
Facebook - @thingsnobodytellsyou
Website - https://spiral-glass.com/
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive my free guide: 7 steps to helping children cope with loss and grief.
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
When Mark Lemon was 12, his father was killed. Even at such a young age, he knew he had to make peace with himself in order to have a future.
But how to do that at such a tender age, before puberty, and without a male role model? He talks about a special teacher, and the synchronicity of finding people who became 'teachers', guiding him through some very dark and angry times. But it was the milestone of becoming a Father himself that reconnected Mark to a deep sense of love that he traces back to his Father - his love that never dies.
It's exactly this love and continuing bond that Mark has nurtured and expressed through writing several children's books, and by becoming a grief and mental health speaker and bereavement ambassador for Winston's Wish. I can imagine how warm and captivating he is when sharing these stories with children in Schools, which is part of his vision for helping others with their loss.
Mark's latest project is his podcast, Grief is my Superpower. I believe Mark's superpower is his ability to give people hope, whether he is speaking to a group of people or, responding to a DM of someone feeling alone. We all need hope.
Connect with Mark
Instagram - @marklemonofficial
Twitter - @lemondropbooks
Facebook - @lemondropbooks
Website - www.lemondropbooks.co.uk
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive my free guide: 7 steps to helping children cope with loss and grief.
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Flora Baker was only twenty when her mum died suddenly of cancer. Her coping strategy was simple: ignore the magnitude of her loss. But when her dad became terminally ill nine years later, Flora was forced to confront the reality of her grief. She had to accept that her life had changed forever.
We talk about Flora’s book, The Adult Orphan Club, in which she draws on a decade of experience with grief and parent loss to explore all the chaotic ways that grief affects us, and how we can learn to navigate it. Written with the newly bereaved in mind and packed with practical tips and advice, this book guides the reader through every step of their grief journey and opens up the death conversation in an honest, heartfelt and accessible way.
Whether you’re grieving your own loss or supporting someone else through grief, The Adult Orphan Club will show you that you’re not broken, and you’re not alone.
Flora Baker is a freelance writer and blogger. She runs the award-winning website 'Flora The Explorer' where she writes about her travels in over fifty countries, and has written for a range of publications including the Independent, Telegraph, National Geographic Traveller, Coastal Living, and Hello.
Connect with Flora
https://www.instagram.com/florabaker/
https://twitter.com/FloraBaker
www.florathexplorer.com
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive my free guide: 7 steps to helping children cope with loss and grief.
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
My podcast guest this week is Ruth Caroline, founder of Living Family Grief. A platform that has been created to share the reality of living family life and being bereaved; as a child, sibling and a parent.
Death and grief have played a large part in her life. Having lost her older brother Tom, as a teenager, to melanoma cancer in 1999, she experienced a profound loss in her formative family life. Twenty years later, she was blessed with her own family. Devastatingly, her son Tom, a twin, became unwell with Hepatoblastoma, a form of liver cancer, and died just before his 8th Birthday.
Tom died in 2019 and Ruth is now navigating the path of living as a bereaved parent. It is a delicate form of parenting and one that requires a deep level of physical strength. Because of both of the bereavements she has experienced, she has an insight into the complexities of grieving as a whole family and has an understanding of some the challenges children may face.
We talk about the extraordinary continuing bonds between her brother, son and the whole family, and how her own Mother, tapped into her intuition which resulted in her son's diagnosis. She shares generously and openly about what it's really like to navigate grief's complexity, the layers of secondary losses, feelings of responsibility, and the meta-emotions of guilt, shame and overwhelming anxiety - none of it linear! Wrapping itself around this living family grief is Ruth's writing, which is helping to open up a more public conversation:
In Ruth's words:
"Death and loss is devastating. It can have a rippling effect in how people react. Some may rise up to the surface, and some may temporarily disappear out of sight. Through both my losses, I've witnessed and experienced something very profound; that there is a very real and overwhelming love and positive reaction that can come from others when you lose someone. They say what you put out into the universe comes back to you, perhaps the same applies for the people we lose; perhaps their love comes back to us. Perhaps that deep sense of love shines through in the people that rise up to the surface, towards us and love us, deeply."
This was a deeply moving conversation, and I do hope you will listen here.
Connect with Ruth Caroline
@livingfamilygrief
Connect with Amanda Seyderhelm
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive my free guide: 7 steps to helping children cope with loss and grief.
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my books - Isaac and the Red Jumper (for 4-10 yr olds) and Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
@TheKidDecoder on Twitter
@amandaseyderhelm on Instagram and Linked In
Have you felt lonely during 2020, or even before that? I know I have.
While loneliness can subjectively come and go like sadness and happiness, there are people who live with loneliness much more chronically, and for whom it's a form of marginalization. Over the last year, we have seen more people withdraw from wider society, and loneliness has become a personal crisis for people who experience it.
My podcast guest this week is Alex Smith, founder and CEO of The Cares Family, a group of charities, bringing people together to reduce loneliness and build connection across divides. In 2018, Alex was appointed one of 20 inaugural global Obama fellows selected from 21,000 applicants from around the world. He contributed to the development of the world's first ever loneliness strategy, which was launched by the former prime minister at the Cares Family event.
Loneliness, like grief, can make people feel invisible, and we talk about the importance of being a neighbour, sharing our stories, nurturing our own sense of community in relationships, that helps us to foster a sense of connection and belonging, all of which help us cope with, and accommodate the pain of loss.
You will hear the story of Fred, the 84 year old man who inspired Alex to start The Cares Family, and how their intergenerational relationship brought them both out of isolation.
This conversation was inspiring, and enriching, full of depth and humour.
Connect with Alex Smith
https://www.thecaresfamily.org.uk
Twitter: https://twitter.com/alexsmith1982
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexsmith1982/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alex-smith-60a7a133/
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
After a year of loss and isolation, we need tools to reintegrate.
This podcast interview with integrative GP Dr Rosy Daniel looks at grief through a holistic, and regenerative lens.
Actively taking a role in the changes loss brings moves us away from being a passive bystander.
Accepting that no aspect of our life is unaffected by the loss frees us to discover new inner and outer resources.
Attending to mind, body and spirit reconnects our fragmented selves, and heart.
Start by asking yourself:
1/ How do I feel?
2/ What do I need?
Holding the pain of loss, and the uncertainty of change is one of the hardest tasks of grieving.
1/ Can I hold my pain alone?
2/ Who do I need to witness my pain?
Different types of help may be needed at different stages. Grab a metaphorical basket, and fill it with blankets to soothe, protect, and prepare you.
Listen to my conversation with Dr Daniel here to learn about the specific toolkit for regenerating health after loss, and receive a special gift to start you on your regenerative journey. The gift is announced at the end of the podcast so be sure to listen right to the end of this episode!
Dr Rosy Daniel is a GP by training who has specialised in holistic healthcare, with emphasis on the mind-body connection and focus on moving people out of passive dependency on medicine into proactive health creation.
She is available for:
- Medical consultations – see www.drrosydaniel.org for information about her practice
- Health Creation Mentor Training – see www.healthcreation.co.uk/training. To explore your learning wishes contact support@healthcreation.co.uk
- Online Vocational Training for doctors, nurses and health professionals – see www.healthelearning.online for her Health and Wellbeing Trust charity
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
Grief is something I’ve been growing the muscles to carry.
In some ways it’s a back alley experience.
We try to keep the front of house shiny and bright. Fresh flowers in a vase.
We grievers will use all the words we have, and they all mean the same thing: I am not who I once was.
Today is my forty-seventh birthday. My parents are dead. It’s a pandemic. I don’t leave the house much. I write, teach, talk, about grief all day long.
My grief is a verb.
A permanent low hiss.
And I am not who I once was.
But of course, we never are.
Powerful writing from my podcast guest today, Meghan Riordan Jarvis, Trauma Therapist, author and founder of www.griefismysidehustle.com and Grief Mates, her free writing workshop.
Two therapists talking about grief - it's bound to get personal, as we do in this episode as we discuss many aspects of what grief feels like, for us as well as our clients - the distinctions between being isolated, lonely and alone with our grief, and how writing and other creative and expressive arts can literally move energy out of our body onto the page to help us feel known to ourselves, and to whatever form our grief gang takes.
Each grief is unique, and the desire to connect and be known is universal, and this episode offers insight about how to do some of that through writing.
Contact Meghan Riordan Jarvis at www.griefismysidehustle.com
@meghan.riordan.jarvis on Instagram
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
Teaching parents how to separate adult emotions from those of their children, their own pasts from their children's presents is the foundation work of Dr Rebecca Hershberg, clinical psychologist and parenting coach. So often, she says, we don't even realise the two have become linked, or fused, and yet our parenting choices - conscious or reflexive - are dictated by what 'our' nervous system knows based on past experience, and not on the child in front of us.
This fusion can be a problem when dealing with big emotions and feelings, where the potential to be triggered escalates, especially around any kind of loss, and after a bereavement. In this episode, Dr Hershberg explains the importance of learning not only to see, but to feel the difference, and then act upon it, over and over again.
This is the key to healing, and to breaking the generational cycle of parenting that may not have been the most helpful (however well intentioned), and she gives some excellent practical examples of how to challenge this cycle including using Worry Boxes (in all weathers!), the Fear Frog, and exactly what to say to a bereaved child that keeps both you, and your child calm, and regulated.
You will not want to miss this episode!
Dr. Hershberg is a clinical psychologist who specialises in early childhood social-emotional development and mental health, and is the founder of Little House Calls Psychological Services, PLLC. She has held an Assistant Professorship in the Department of Paediatrics at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, through which she taught both paediatric residents and medical students. Dr. Hershberg is the author of the Tantrum Survival Guide (Guilford Press), and has been published widely, including in The New York Times, and on Parents.Com, TODAY Parents, Modern Loss, Big City Moms, and the website of the Child Mind Institute. She lives in New York with her husband and two children.
www.littlehousecalls.com
Instagram @littlehousecallsConnect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
The topic I am asked most about in my trainings is suicide. There is so much fear, and shame attached to suicide, as well as myths that I was delighted to talk to Chris Paul in this episode who founded and runs a suicide peer support service for men about what we can do to help someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as someone who is bereaved from suicide.
Chris and his team of volunteers provide a safe space for men to talk, and offload their concerns, where there is no pressure to be anything other than themselves. Chris believes it is this unconditional acceptance which enables people to find acceptance within themselves.
We cover a lot of bumpy ground - what language is OK to use in the space, why suicide rates have risen, and continue to rise amongst men, and the creative interventions that are helping men to face life transitions, addictions, and bereavements which are sometimes behind the brave mask men who are suicidal feel they have to wear to protect others.
It's easy to feel Chris's compassion, and deep empathy for this work, and he is generous with his advice which I hope will be helpful to anyone concerned with this issue.
http://www.manoninverclyde.co.uk
Twitter @manoninverclydeConnect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
Children come to therapy with monstrous feelings - monstrous grief, monstrous rage, and longing. I talk to Dennis McCarthy, dance and play therapist about how the stories of children, and their monstrous feelings are transformed through play.
These monstrous feelings are unacceptable, unfaceable to themselves, as well as to the world around them. McCarthy invites children (and adults) to draw themselves as a monster which helps legitimise their feelings, and creates a dialogue between therapist, child, and monster which takes them into a cave 'where the wild things are', a place where words are often not needed in order to understand the child's world.
He talks about why our task is not to translate but to accept what children discover through their drawings, and play, because this richness exists in its allusion to, its insinuation which children instinctively understand.
Essential listening as an introduction to McCarthy's trailblazing work, and his upcoming webinar training on April 20th
For more information on Dennis McCarthy visit https://www.metamorfosinstitute.com/about
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
The pandemic has raised the bar around our fear of death and dying, and how we approach death and dying is as important as how we are birthed. Kathryn Mannix talks about why the contemplation of one's own death is a complex affair, and how when people are asked about their mortality, they are able and willing to answer, and when they share that burden they often discover, from within themselves, new insights and ideas that help them to cope.
She shares some of those insights from her book, With the End in Mind. We hear about Vronnie's story, and how she faced dying, and leaving her daughter alone, and how she prepared for that. When I read Vronnie's story the first time, it made me reflect deeply on my own Mother's death, and has stayed with me. It will stay with you too.
While facing death can make us fearful, learning how to prepare for it, and hold 'the end in mind', can also take away some of the fear.
This is a special episode with a master storyteller.
Dr Mannix has spent her medical career working with people who have incurable, advanced illnesses. Starting in cancer care and changing career to become a pioneer of the new discipline of palliative medicine, she has worked as a palliative care consultant in teams in hospices, hospitals and in patients’ own homes, optimising quality of life even as death is approaching. She is passionate about public education, and having qualified as a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist in 1993, she started the UK’s (possibly the world’s) first CBT clinic exclusively for palliative care patients, and devised ‘CBT First Aid’ training to enable palliative care colleagues to add new skills to their repertoire for helping patients.
www.withtheendinmind.co.uk
Twitter @drkathrynmannix
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
Bereavement charities have had to adapt quickly to the rising need for support during the pandemic, and Harry's Rainbow have done an inspiring job posting out Positivity Boxes to every grieving child in the post, along with the range of crafting activities.
I talk to founder Odette Mould about her journey to set up Harry's Rainbow after her beloved son Harry suddenly died aged 5, and her recommendations for how to support grieving children in the early days of bereavement.
Find out more about Harry’s Rainbow
https://www.facebook.com/HarrysRainbow
https://twitter.com/harrysrainbow
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-harry-s-rainbow-charitable-trust/
https://www.instagram.com/harrys_rainbow_/
Odette also has a personal blog where she shares her journey
https://www.10yearstoolong.co.uk/index
Connect with Amanda
If you are supporting a bereaved child, or know someone who is, you can purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
https://twitter.com/TheKidDecoder
In this episode I talk to dramatherapist Dr Joan Moore about how dramatherapy gives fostered, and adopted children who have been through so many changes and experienced multiple losses along the way, of important relationships, belongings, pets the ‘stage’ and metaphoric distance to play out stories, and make meaningful change.
She explains how dramatherapy gives caregivers/parents and those in education the tools to support children more effectively than just talking to them.
Drama therapy is an embodied practice that is active and experiential. This approach can provide the context for participants to tell their stories, set goals and solve problems, express feelings, or achieve catharsis.
Drama therapy uses play, embodiment, projection, role, story, metaphor, empathy, distancing, witnessing, performance, and improvisation to help people make meaningful change.
Dr Moore is the author of the book Therapeutic Stories for Foster, Adoptive and Kinship Families and the forthcoming book that will cover resolving past trauma in children under 5 and will be published by Routledge.
Joan E. Moore is an author, dramatherapist, play therapist and adoption support provider with foster, adoptive and kinship families. She works mainly in the family home, applying her "Theatre of Attachment" model of life-history therapy. Joan has written several books and articles and completed a doctoral study at Leeds Beckett University, which focused on using story and drama to support these placements and is described in Narrative and Dramatic Approaches to Children's Life Story with Foster, Adoptive and Kinship Families, published by Routledge. She supervises creative arts therapists and delivers training. Having a background in social work with children and families and Youth Justice, Joan has undertaken Expert Witness Assessments of siblings, children's care needs, parents, and assessments of prospective adoptive parents and foster and kinship carers.
Connect with Dr Joan Moore: http://www.adoptedchildtherapyservice.co.uk/index.php
You can read my book, Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change: A guide for professionals and parents (Routledge).
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram @amandaseyderhelm
Anorexia is all about loss. Not just of weight, but of connection to self, and the social context. Male anorexia isn’t talked about as much as female anorexia, so when I discovered Samuel Pollen had drawn on his personal experience with anorexia to write his debut novel, #theyearididnteat - a harrowing, funny, moving, up-lifting story about Max: a 14 year old boy who has anorexia, I knew I wanted to interview him for my podcast (next week), and ask him about the role his creative process has played in his life, about grief, and gender stereotypes
The book has just won the Lancashire Book of the Year, and received praise from the critics:
‘Strikingly honest and much-needed’ said @Eviesimm
‘Best new children’s and YA’ @theGuardian
Advice Sam Gives to Schools:
1/ Early intervention - learn how to spot an eating disorder. When they are dealt with early there is a better chance of recovery and people moving forward with their life
2/ Understand the demographics, 20% of eating disorder sufferers are men. A young man that is distant and unengaged and is struggling would they explore that this could be an eating disorder?
3/ Eating disorders are still seen through a diet and gender specific lens. It is an issue with self, and the way people are engaging with the world around them.
You can connect with Samuel
https://samuelpollen.com/
https://www.instagram.com/samuel_pollen/
https://twitter.com/samuel_pollen
Books we discussed
Countless by Karen Gregory
Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne
Sign up for my newsletter on my web site https://amandaseyderhelm.com/
We all have times when we struggle to prioritise our emotional needs, and it can leave us physically and emotionally exhausted, unable to sleep well, and feeling irritable. It's what trauma expert Dr Eric Gentry calls 'compassion fatigue' - a sign that our internal emotional backpack is overflowing because we are struggling to prioritise our own emotional needs. The pandemic has highlighted this struggle in bold!
In today's episode I outline the 4 steps of an exercise called, 'unpacking your emotional backpack' which is a helpful way to prevent compassion fatigue. It allows you to have difficult conversations without experiencing a strong emotional reaction of fear, shock, anger or worry because you remember something bad that has happened in your past.
1/ Untangle your feelings and make sense of them using 'The Drawing Check-In' exercise.
2/ Communicate compassionately - learn the sequence of I feel, need, value, and tell me.
3/ Get to know yourself - and unlock your scripted psychophysical suffering.
4/ Evaluate self-care - do you know what your body is really telling you?
Sign up for my newsletter on my web site https://amandaseyderhelm.com/
You can read my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change
The one thing children of divorced parents have in common is a struggle to accept the loss of the family unit. While there may be good custody arrangements in place, the child still has to learn how to manage the transitions each time they leave one home to stay at the other. These are small losses for them to cope with emotionally and often get overlooked.
This is definitely the moment to learn how to use the three As:
1/ Acknowledge the child's struggle.
2/ Accept them where they are, and what they are telling you about their feelings.
3/ Action to support them process these feelings.
In this episode I talk about what happens when you move too quickly into the action stage, and how you can use a visualisation game to help children express their feelings, and start to make sense of their loss.
Connect with Amanda
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram **@amandaseyderhelm
Purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change**
The death of a pet is a very challenging event in a young child's life, and they need guidance from their teachers, parents or grandparents to help them make sense of this loss.
In this episode I talk about how you can help grieving children cope with their feelings, and the role monsters play in helping you both understand their fears.
The 6 stages of help:
1/ Creative expression. make time to draw, paint, play with clay freely. Making this space gives the child permission to express their feelings without pressure or exception, and to represent their fears safely.
2/Routine. The loss of a pet is often a child’s first experience with death, and the circumstances of the death, whether it was from old age or a sudden accident, will affect the way a child grieves the loss. Maintaining a regular routine helps a child cope with increased anxiety.
3/ Acceptance. A child’s age and developmental level affect how he or she understands death, and a child’s grief looks very different from an adult’s.
4/ Keep it real. School-age children will often have questions about the animal’s death, and the back-and-forth that ensues may open up larger conversations about love, loss and what happens after we die. Be honest about what happened.
5/ Rituals. For many children, it is also important to have a goodbye ritual. Create your own rituals, like having a small memorial service, scattering the pet’s ashes, planting a remembrance tree or creating a photo album. In school, you could be making a memorial stone or, a 'shared text' exercise which I talk about in more detail on the podcast.
6/ Signposts. Increased anxiety can manifest in different ways in children: loss of appetite, loss of sleep, lack of interest in playing games or attending school, lack of interest in being sociable, and these are some of the signs to look out for in children, because this is their way of flagging up their anxiety. However, it’s not the issue per se that we need to focus on, doing so may only make this worse. For example, getting tough with the child about finishing their food may only exacerbate the issue for them. What they want is for us to help them acknowledge their feelings which are driving their behaviour, so the sadness and loneliness they may feel as a result of losing their pet is acknowledged and processed.
The Dying Matters is an excellent resource to help you talk about death and bereavement www.dyingmatters.org
For more information on supporting children through grief and loss, you can Purchase my bookHelping Children Cope with Loss and Change Stay Connected
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram @amandaseyderhelm
Tantrums are common when a child feels disconnected from their parent. It can be their way of crying out for a closer connection. During the grieving process a child’s fear of being abandoned or lost intensifies, and this manifests in separation anxiety – when the parent leaves the room or, the home for a short period of time, they may have what we call a tantrum.
This is probably my number 1 referral issue, and as I write in my book, Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change, tantrums are really just signals – a child’s way of flagging up to an adult that their emotional needs are not being met.
In the episode, I talk about the 10 ways of looking afresh at tantrums. As always, this means looking below the surface, and understanding what’s really going on.
Here are 3 top tips for handing a tantrum:
1/ Re-establish your connection.
Spend what GP Dr Rachel Pinney called ‘special time’ with your child using a skill she called, ‘creative listening’. Special time enables you to connect with your child, and helps them to feel secure, and safe. This is time well spent because your child’s emotional temperature, which has raged during their tantrum, will start to come down, as they feel that connection with you.
Aim to set aside up to 1 hour each day (30 minutes at the least) playing with your child. Listen to what they want to play with, and follow their lead. Praise them often, which reassures, and comforts them.
2/ Avoid making punitive threats of all kinds!
• Stop being silly, stupid, annoying, aggravating etc.
• If you do that again, X will happen.
• I’m going to count to 3.
• Mummy/Daddy would be so cross to see you doing this.
• Everyone is looking at us, stop embarrassing us.
3/ Helpful phrases are ones that help you to maintain your connection:
• I’m right here.
• I know it’s hard.
• I’m listening.
• I love you.
• I’m with you.
With thanks to Patty Wipfler and Tosha Schore, authors of Listen: five simple tools to meet your everyday parenting challenges for inspiring parts of this episode.
Copyright Amanda Seyderhelm
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram **@amandaseyderhelm
Purchase my book Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change**
The way children grieve will be determined by their attachment style. Research completed by Dr Colin Murray Parkes shows us that the attachment style and vulnerability that is evident in childhood continues into adult life, and may have an impact on the way individuals react to losses such as bereavements in adult life.
Teachers can provide children with the secure base that makes them feel safe enough to face the struggles associated with loss, and change that can make them feel very unsafe.
1/ Learn to recognise a child's attachment style so that you can offer them the support they actually need to build a secure base for them.
2/ If a child does not have a secure attachment style, the loss will trigger other endings, so your response needs to be sensitive to this.
To help guide teachers with supporting children through grief I have created a free 7 step download Seven Steps to Help Teachers Help Children Cope with Grief, Loss and Change.
You can also read my book, Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change: A guide for professionals and parents (Routledge).
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram @amandaseyderhelm
Covid has put the kibosh on the performing arts, but Ben Ballin and Richard Holmes of The Big Brum Theatre-in-Education company have reimagined this experience online for schools. They talk to me today about the challenges of performing their first monodrama about lockdown life, and how this created opportunities to explore an opening up of the self for children and teachers, which has helped teachers to know, hear, and listen to their student's feelings of displacement, recovery, and grief in profoundly unexpected ways.
How can we connect with ourselves first, and be social in a world that is making it difficult for us to be our natural human self?
During this conversation we explored why drama, and story are the tools teachers can use to safely, and democratically begin to understand, and make sense of the individual, and shared experiences of their children, and themselves.
As well as his work as an Educationalist for Big Brum, Ben is a consultant to the Geographical Association and leads primary geography networks for Shropshire, Staffordshire and the London Borough of Havering. He is a Fellow of the National Association for Environmental Education.
Richard Holmes joined Big Brum Theatre in Education Company in 1999, first as an actor-teacher, and director of Big Brum’s Youth Theatre. He specialises in working with young people of all ages and abilities, and was appointed Artistic Director of Big Brum in 2017.
www.bigbrum.org.uk
Twitter @Big_Brum
Instagram @bigbrumtie
Your podcast host is Amanda Seyderhelm who teaches Schools and organisations how to talk to children about bereavement, loss, and change through a therapeutic storytelling programme. She is a certified play therapist, and author of the picture book for bereaved children, Isaac and the Red Jumper, and the professional guide Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change published by Routledge.
Download Amanda's free guide 7 Steps to help Teachers help Children with Grief, Loss and Change
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Linked In @amandaseyderhelm
Instagram @amandaseyderhelm1
It's not yet mandatory for schools to have a bereavement policy, which is odd because according to research done by Child Bereavement UK, 1 child in every class is bereaved.
In view of the Pandemic death rate tipping over 60k people, I was curious to find out if this had prompted change, and who better to talk to than Kate Owbridge, Executive Head Teacher at Ashdown Primary in East Sussex, whose school bereavement policy was recommended to me by one of its parents.
Teachers are also facing an unprecedented challenge in the classroom. Without a bereavement policy, they need support and guidance to help children cope with grief and loss so they are not left with lasting anxiety and fear.
We talk about 3 key considerations:
1/ Child-centred framework - why it's important to have this at the heart of any policy, which enables all school staff to respond empathically to bereaved children.
2/ Flexibility and creativity - why being flexible, and creative is key to helping bereaved children feel safe enough in school to grieve, knowing that staff care enables them to respond in the moment to their needs.
3/ Parental relationships - why and how her school works so diligently to build good relationships with parents, a two-way dialogue that helps staff stay informed, and parents in the loop.
If you are looking for advice about what really works in school in relation to bereavement, and much more, you won't want to miss this episode.
And you can download my free guide - 7 Steps to Help Teachers Support Children with Grief, Loss, and Change here.
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
LinkedIn @amandaseyderhelm
Twitter @TheKidDecoder
Email hello@amandaseyderhelm.com
If you are bereaved, then you know how language is the key to expressing our grief. The hardest part is trying to make sense of our loss, and to reshape our life that has irrevocably changed. Rather than letting go of our old self, it's possible to expand and make room for our grieving self. My guest Sasha Bates, author and psychotherapist has written a book, part memoir, part guide, called LANGUAGES OF LOSS following the unexpected death of her husband, Bill Cashmore. Her career as a psychotherapist is brought into sharp relief as she tries to make sense of Bill's death - slowly uncovering the many 'languages' needed to help her express what had felt like an inexpressible loss.
We learn that grief isn't something we get over, grief is something we learn to accommodate within ourselves, and express through the languages of our mind and body.
We talk about why grief isn't something we recover from, and how being able to find an ongoing sense of presence can provide a form of internal safety - an internalised secure base, which creates an anchor to enable exploration.
Join me as I talk to Sasha about the experience of writing her new book, 'that came into existence initially as a life save for my sanity - a way for me to get my muddled thoughts and feelings down on paper and to try to keep my therapist self alive enough to help my grieving self get through this. And now I'm told it might do more, that others might benefit from reading it too. Another sense of purpose is born.'
This will be of interest to anyone who is bereaved, or supporting a bereaved friend or loved one.
www.sashabates.co.uk
Instagram, Twitter and Facebook @sashbates
Sasha Bates is an integrative psychotherapist and writer, with an MA, a Diploma in Counselling and an Advanced Diploma in integrative psychotherapy from The Minster Centre in London. In private practice she has gained a reputation as an embodied therapist - an earlier training as a yoga teacher having given her a good understanding of the mind body connection. Her first career was as a filmmaker, writing and directing programmes as varied as Watchdog, Live and Kicking, Bookworm, QED, One Foot in the Past, and Location, Location, Location and Grand Designs.
Sasha now teaches workshops about grief to other grievers, and to therapists, and has written a further book on grief, due to be published in June 2021.
She has also set up a theatrical bursary – The Bill Cashmore Award – in conjunction with the Lyric Theatre Hammersmith, aimed at helping young people gain experience of theatre and giving them the opportunity to produce their own work. She is a Quaker and a member of the Green Party.
Podcast host - Amanda Seyderhelm teaches Schools and organisations how to talk to children about bereavement, loss, and change. She is a certified play therapist, and author of the picture book for bereaved children, Isaac and the Red Jumper, and the professional guide Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change published by Routledge.
Connect with Amanda on social media:
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Twitter @The KidDecoder
Instagram @amandaseyderhelm1
Maisie Davies is Barnardos Senior Policy and Research Officer, the UK’s largest children’s charity.
She leads policy work on mental health and wellbeing for the organisation, authoring key reports such as Time for a Clean Slate - which makes the case for putting wellbeing at the heart of the education system, and co-authoring In Our Own Words with 10 young people on the impact of COVID-19 on children and young people’s mental health.
Maisie and I discuss the impact of Covid-19, and lockdown on children and young people, in particular Black, Asian and minority ethnic children, and how they have coped with their numerous losses, and what frontline practitioners say is the impact on children, young people and families they work with – especially mental health and poverty.
Useful links:
See, Hear, Respond information page - https://www.barnardos.org.uk/see-hear-respond
Boloh information page - https://helpline.barnardos.org.uk/
Time for a Clean Slate report page - https://www.barnardos.org.uk/time-clean-slate-mental-health-heart-education-report
In Our Own Words report page - https://www.barnardos.org.uk/mental-health-covid19-in-our-own-words-report
Contact Amanda Seyderhelm on Twitter @TheKidDecoder
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
During lockdown, Women’s Aid charity has reported a significant increase in calls to their helpline from women and children being abused. With mental health services being stretched beyond their limits, the risk is that families will remain both invisible and unsupported in their need to not only get safe, but also process their trauma.
In episode 02 I talk with Catherine Lawler, a children’s therapist specialising in domestic abuse, and a training consultant for a Safeguarding Children’s Partnership about how these losses can become visible in a way that enables healing to be processed.
Lawler is the co-author with Abigail Sterne of the therapeutic story, ‘Floss and the Boss’ to help young children understand about domestic abuse and coercive control, and the accompanying professional guide, Helping Children Learn about Domestic Abuse and Coercive Control (Routledge, 2020). Their book, ‘Domestic Violence and Children: A Handbook for Schools and Early Years Settings was published by Routledge in 2010 and formed the basis of training for Operation Compass where key trained adults in Schools receive prompt police notifications about abusive incidents.
Twitter @CatherineLawler
Twitter @TheKidDecoder
Www.amandaseyderhelm.com
Juliette Ttofa is a specialist educational psychologist and author with a long-standing interest in the complex issues surrounding trauma, attachment needs and emotional resilience.
In this episode we talk about how she uses the expressive arts to support children and young people in their schools, particularly in relation to her new book, The Girl Who Lost the Light in Her Eyes: A Storybook to Support Children and Young People Who Experience Loss, a beautifully illustrated and sensitively written storybook which has been created to be used therapeutically with children experiencing loss. Telling the story of a young girl who searches high and low for the light that is missing from her eyes, it encourages the child to move through the grieving process in order to find colour in the world again.
Juliette talks about how her own story and experience as a teacher led her to supporting young people through loss, and the value of introducing therapeutic story to children.
www.sparkleinthelight.co.uk
@JulietteTtofa on Twitter
www.amandaseyderhelm.com
@TheKidDecoder
www.routledge.com