Pause Purpose Play: Recent Episodes

Michaela Thomas

Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you.

In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships.

The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work.

My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.

Do you ever feel like you're so busy trying to keep up that you can't actually think?

When you have ADHD, a busy brain, or you're juggling work, family and everyone's needs, it can feel impossible to find the mental space to make decisions. Ironically, the harder you push for clarity, the harder it becomes to find it.

In this solo episode, I share why slowing down isn't the opposite of productivity - it's often the fastest route to clear thinking, creativity and problem-solving.

Using the story of hosting my very first Summer Reset in my garden (complete with an impulsively purchased hot tub!), I explore what happened when I stopped rushing, trusted the process and allowed my nervous system enough space to think differently.

In this episode we explore:

Why your brain struggles to solve problems when you're stuck in threat mode
The psychology behind slowing down to gain clarity
ADHD, creativity and why spaciousness matters
How regulating your nervous system improves decision-making
Why "having a go" often works better than waiting until you feel ready
Practical ways to create moments of mental space in everyday life
The surprising power of walking, showers and quiet reflection for unlocking new ideas
How perfectionism keeps us stuck - and what to do instead

If you've been feeling overwhelmed, mentally blocked or like you're constantly reacting rather than creating, this episode is your reminder that sometimes the most productive thing you can do is pause.

✨ Join the September Summer Reset in Leighton Buzzard (limited to just eight women):

https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/hot-tub-reset/

🎧 Enjoyed this episode?

Please follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who could use permission to slow down today. It helps more people discover Pause Purpose Play and supports the podcast to reach those who need it most.

Have you ever looked at your child and thought, "They're incredibly bright... so why are they finding school, friendships or everyday life so hard?"

If so, this episode is for you.

I'm joined by Emma Hetherington, founder of Kind of Extraordinary, to unpack what it really means to be Twice Exceptional (2e) – when a child is both gifted and neurodivergent, such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia or another learning difference.

We talk about why these children are so often misunderstood, why their strengths can hide their struggles (and vice versa), and why so many bright neurodivergent children fall through the cracks.

As both clinicians and parents of twice exceptional children ourselves, this conversation is packed with practical examples, personal stories and plenty of reassurance that you're not imagining things.

In this episode we explore:* What Twice Exceptional (2e) actually means * How giftedness is also being differently wired, or neurodivergent * Why gifted children can also have ADHD, autism or dyslexia as part of neurodivergence * How bright children can mask their struggles at school * Why schools sometimes miss both giftedness and neurodivergence * The "spiky profile" that many 2e children have * Perfectionism, anxiety and burnout in bright neurodivergent children * Why 2e children ask "why?" about everything * Parenting strategies that build connection instead of conflict * How to better understand and advocate for your child

Whether you're parenting a gifted ADHD child, wondering if your autistic child is also highly able, or recognising parts of yourself in this conversation, I hope this episode helps you feel seen.

Resources & Links✨ Join my free Nervous System Reset to help you move from overwhelm to calm (without having to sit still!): www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset .

Connect with Emma:
www.kindofextraordinary.co.uk
Instagram @kindofextraordinary
TikTok @emma_kindofextraordinary

💛 If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the podcast, leave a review and share it with another parent who needs to hear this conversation.

Parental burnout isn't the same as feeling tired after a difficult day.
It's an evidence-based psychological syndrome that can develop when the demands of parenting consistently outweigh the resources available to meet those demands.
In this episode, I'm exploring what parental burnout actually is, why ADHD and neurodivergent families may be at greater risk, and the hidden role that perfectionism can play in keeping us stuck. If you've ever found yourself thinking, "I don't recognise the parent I've become," this episode is for you.
In this episode, we explore:* What parental burnout is (and how it's different from everyday parenting stress) * The four signs of parental burnout, based on the research of Professors Moïra Mikolajczak and Isabelle Roskam * Why ADHD parents and parents of neurodivergent children may be particularly vulnerable * How perfectionism quietly fuels parental burnout * Three practical, evidence-informed ways to begin recovering from parental burnout * Why support is scaffolding, not failure

If this conversation resonates, I hope you'll remember one thing:
Parental burnout isn't a sign you've failed your children. It's often a sign you've been trying to be a good parent for too long without enough support.

🥘This episode also mentioned Simmer Eats - not a paid affiliate, but genuinely a useful resource I treat myself to. As someone who knows that ADHD brains often struggle with meal planning, cooking and decision fatigue, I'm delighted to partner with Simmer Eats. Their high-protein, chef-made frozen meals have become a genuine staple in my freezer for those days when I need something nourishing without the mental load. You can save 50% off your first order using my link: www.simmereats.com/r/michaela-SJU 💛Free nervous system reset
If you're feeling overwhelmed, constantly "on", or like your nervous system never gets a chance to switch off, I've created a free guided Nervous System Reset to help you pause, regulate and reconnect with yourself.
Join it here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset
If you found this episode helpful, I'd be so grateful if you could follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with another parent who might need to hear that they're not alone.

When your child is excluded from childcare, after-school club or wraparound care, the practical impact is obvious. But the emotional impact is often hidden.
In this episode, I'm talking about the shame, grief and isolation that many parents experience when the support they rely on suddenly disappears. Because for families raising neurodivergent children, losing childcare isn't just an inconvenience – it can remove one of the few opportunities parents have to work, recover or simply catch their breath.

If you've ever received that difficult phone call, been told a setting "can't meet your child's needs", or found yourself wondering, "What happens now?", I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone.

In this episode, we explore:* The hidden emotional impact of being excluded from childcare or wraparound care * Why parents often carry shame when their child is struggling * The difference between a child whose needs exceed a setting's capacity and a child who is "too difficult" * Why losing childcare also means losing vital support for parents * Letting go of self-blame when systems aren't able to meet your child's needs * Why grieving the loss of support is a completely valid response

If this episode resonates, I hope you'll remember this:
Your child's needs are not a reflection of your worth as a parent. Sometimes families need more support than the systems around them are able to provide. 💛Free nervous system reset
If you're carrying the emotional weight of parenting and your nervous system feels constantly on high alert, I've created a free guided Nervous System Reset to help you pause, regulate and reconnect with yourself.

Join it for free here:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

If you found this episode helpful, I'd be so grateful if you could follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with another parent who might need to hear that they're not alone.

Ever felt guilty for using after-school club, holiday club, childcare, or asking for help?
In this episode, I'm talking about something many parents carry quietly: the guilt and shame of needing support.
Whether you're the last parent at pickup, relying on wraparound care to make life work, or trying to parent an intense, sensitive, or neurodivergent child without a village around you, this episode is for you.

I explore why support isn't failure, why childcare can be a form of scaffolding rather than a sign you're not coping, and why taking care of yourself is often one of the most caring things you can do for your child.

Because your child isn't in childcare because you don't care.
They're there because you do.

In this episode, we cover:* Why modern parenting was never meant to be done alone * The guilt many parents feel about needing childcare and support * Parenting intense, sensitive and neurodivergent children * Why support is scaffolding, not failure * The impact of burnout on family life * How childcare can help you recover, regulate and reconnect * Releasing the shame of not being able to do it all yourself

If you've ever wondered whether you're a bad parent for needing a break, I hope this episode offers a gentler perspective.

If you're a woman navigating ADHD, perfectionism, burnout, or the pressure of holding everything together, I'd love to invite you to explore how we can support you.

To get my latest unhinged musings and get inspiration for how you can better meet your own emotional needs, make sure to get my Friday newsletter here:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter

In this episode of Pause, Purpose, Play, we dive deep into the powerful connection between shifting hormones and neurodivergence with Dr Fionnuala Barton, also known as The Menopause Medic. We explore how the natural fluctuation and decline of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can drastically worsen ADHD symptoms both across the monthly menstrual cycle and throughout perimenopause. These hormonal shifts often show up unexpectedly as heightened anxiety, cognitive changes, and intense brain fog, leaving many women struggling with word-finding, memory gaps, constant distractibility, and zoning out. Left unmanaged, this combination significantly increases the risk of complete burnout. Dr Barton explains why these symptoms frequently intensify during the luteal phase right before a period, and emphasizes that it is never too early to seek medical support, even for those under the age of forty-five. Throughout our conversation, we cover the vital importance of ruling out overlapping factors like iron deficiency and Premature Ovarian Insufficiency. We also demystify the medical side of hormone health, discussing sensitivity to contraception, the trial-and-error process of finding the right HRT delivery method, and how to distinguish between PMDD, traditional PMS, and perimenopausal tracking. We talk about practical, everyday strategies that support your brain and body without the pressure of perfectionism. Dr Barton shares foundational lifestyle habits centered around quality sleep, consistent hydration, and steady nutrition packed with complex carbohydrates, protein, fiber, calcium, omega-3s, vitamin D3/K2, and creatine. We wrap up with actionable advice on how partners can step in to provide meaningful support, making this a must-listen episode for anyone navigating the intersection of ADHD and hormone health.

Do you look like you’re coping on the outside… whilst feeling overwhelmed underneath it all?

Many high-achieving women with ADHD go undiagnosed for years because they appear successful, capable and “high functioning” externally — whilst internally battling chronic overwhelm, perfectionism, anxiety and exhaustion.

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, Clinical Psychologist and ADHD specialist Michaela Thomas explores why ADHD gets missed in high-achieving women, and the hidden cost of masking, overcompensating and holding everything together.

Inside the episode, Michaela explores:* ADHD masking and overfunctioning in women * why intelligent and successful women often get missed * the “good girl” adaptation and perfectionism * ADHD burnout and nervous system overwhelm * the difference between coping and truly thriving * why many women don’t seek support until later in life

Because many women with ADHD were never truly “fine”.
They simply became exceptionally skilled at hiding the struggle — from others and from themselves.

If this episode resonates and you’d like to explore ADHD assessment further, head on over to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhd to learn more about compassionate online and in-person ADHD assessments for women.

In this episode, I’m sharing a more personal reflection on what it’s actually like to move through grief when your brain is already wired for intensity, sensitivity, and self-questioning.
Because one of the things I’ve noticed…n is how quickly grief can get mislabelled as avoidance.
You might think:
“Why can’t I just get back to normal?”
“Am I slipping?”
“Do I just need more discipline?” But what if that’s not what’s happening at all?

In this episode, we explore:* The difference between avoidance vs readiness after grief (and why that matters) * How your nervous system processes loss (and why you feel so tired) * The productivity pressure ADHDers carry, to push through and perform * What it means to listen inward instead of overriding yourself * Gentle ways to support yourself when you feel raw, slower, or not quite ready

Want support with this work?
If this episode resonates, this is exactly the kind of space I create inside my coaching work —
where we move away from burnout and pressure, and towards self-trust, nervous system safety, and sustainable ways of living and working with ADHD.

Join me in person at Golden – 15th May in London
A space to connect, unmask, and be around women who get it—without having to explain yourself.Golden In Person Event May 2026

I explain that “time optimist” isn’t my term but a gentler Swedish alternative to “time blindness,” reframing chronic lateness and overcommitting as optimism about what fits into limited time rather than moral failure. From an ADHD and executive-function lens, I describe how difficulty sensing time’s passage, prioritizing, task initiation, distraction, and hyperfocus can lead to double-booking, missed deadlines, and “deadline dancing,” even when people care deeply and feel shame. I discuss how stress can worsen planning and focus, how punctuality varies by brain wiring and socialization, and why rigid professions can be harder than flexible work arrangements. I connect time optimism with procrastination, perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, and self-criticism, especially under modern pressures. I share practical supports like visual timers, time tracking, adding buffers, tolerating being early, reflecting on how rushing feels, and using self-compassion as motivation to change.

In this episode, Michaela explores the difference between trying to fit in and truly belonging, especially for ADHD and neurodivergent women who’ve been labeled “too much”—too sensitive, intense, chatty, or emotional.

She reflects on how our bodies often sense when something is off in social settings, from subtle exclusions to polite but insincere connections, and how this can fuel overthinking and rejection sensitivity. Michaela also shares how things change when you’re with the right people: less replaying conversations, more ease, and the start of unmasking—not by force, but in the presence of safety.

Events mentioned in this episode:

Sweden ADHD Women’s Retreat (11–14 June)
A small, curated space (only 5 spots) for rest, reflection, and connection
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/shine-retreat-2026/
Golden – London (15 May)
A brunch-style in-person event to pause, reflect, and connect with like-minded women
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/golden-in-person-event-may-2026/

In this episode, Michaela Thomas talks about the common feeling of not fitting in—especially for late-identified ADHD women—and how it can create a constant background self-monitoring of how we come across.

She shares a personal moment of feeling “too much” on the school run while wearing bright pinks, and how small daily flickers of self-consciousness can build into a belief that we’re different and need to adapt by overexplaining, overapologizing, shrinking, or camouflaging to feel safe and accepted.

Drawing on Brené Brown’s distinction between fitting in and belonging, Michaela explores how these coping strategies often come from past experiences of criticism, misunderstanding, or exclusion, and how the cost can be exhaustion, social burnout, loneliness, and losing a sense of self. She close with a compassionate reframe: you don’t need to change who you are to belong—you may just need the right people and spaces, including my London meetup on May 15.

Join Michaela:

Golden – London (15 May)
A brunch-style in-person event to pause, reflect, and connect with like-minded women
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/golden-in-person-event-may-2026/

If you feel constantly “on” - ticking off tasks, replying to messages, holding everything together - this episode is your reminder that your best thinking doesn’t happen in the busy… it happens in the pause.

In this solo episode, Michaela Thomas explores the power of deeper reflection - and why creating space (not more productivity) is often the missing piece for ADHD brains.

From a simple walk through London to imagining a retreat in Sweden, this episode invites you to rethink what rest, creativity, and problem-solving really look like.

In this episode, Michaela covers:

Why constant busyness blocks creativity and insight
The role of the default mode network (DMN) in ADHD — and why mind-wandering is not a flaw
How “being away with the fairies” might actually be where your best ideas live
The hidden cost of executive functioning overload (yes, even by 9am…)
Why rest doesn’t have to mean being still or silent
How movement (walking, swimming, singing) can unlock reflection and emotional processing
The power of unstructured space vs over-planned routines
A reframe on retreats — from “doing” to being, connecting, and allowing

Events mentioned in this episode:

Sweden ADHD Women’s Retreat (11–14 June)
A small, curated space (only 5 spots) for rest, reflection, and connection
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/shine-retreat-2026/
Golden – London (15 May)
A brunch-style in-person event to pause, reflect, and connect with like-minded women
https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/golden-in-person-event-may-2026/

When neurodivergence isn’t properly understood at work, even highly capable people can end up struggling without the right support.

In this episode, Michaela Thomas is joined by employment lawyer Jodie Hill, founder of Thrive Law, to explore reasonable adjustments, psychological safety, and how employers can better support neurodivergent staff to thrive.

Drawing on both legal and psychological perspectives — from Jodie Hill’s work in employment law and Michaela's work delivering neurodivergence training and compassionate leadership development — they explore what happens when capacity is mistaken for capability, and how to build compassionate, psychologically safe and neuroinclusive workplaces where people don’t just cope, but truly flourish.

In this episode, they cover:
the difference between capability and capacity
what reasonable adjustments really mean in practice
why unsupported neurodivergence can look like underperformance
the role of psychological safety in disclosure and support
common mistakes employers make
when a role may be the wrong fit and how to handle that with compassion and lawfulness

A powerful conversation for both employees and employers, especially during Neurodiversity Celebration Week.

If your organisation is looking to better support neurodivergent staff, Michaela delivers psychological neurodiversity training, leadership development, and culture change programmes through all-staff training and executive coaching. Read more on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

To work with Jodie and her team at Thrive Law, head to www.thrivelaw.co.uk

If this episode resonates, do share it with someone navigating neurodiversity at work.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela welcomes clinical psychologist and knitting enthusiast Dr. Mia Hobbs.

The conversation explores the therapeutic benefits of knitting, especially for those dealing with perfectionism, mindfulness challenges, and ADHD.

Dr Hobbs, co-founder of Creative Restoration and host of the Why I Knit podcast, shares her insights on how knitting can be used as a tool for self-care and mental well-being.

The episode delves into the common traps knitters face, such as perfectionism, and emphasises the importance of engaging with creative activities. It also touches on the social and psychological benefits of knitting, making it a metaphor for life and a means of active rest and relaxation.

Connect with Mia Hobbs:

creativerestoration.org

Many ADHD leaders are brilliant in a crisis.
Quick thinking. Pattern spotting. Calm under pressure.
But what if the same brain that thrives in urgency is also quietly creating it?

In this episode, Michaela explores:* Why ADHD nervous systems light up in chaos * The link between dysregulation and “micro-mistakes” * Shame loops around small accidents * The difference between responsibility and self-attack * Why slowing down sharpens your leadership rather than softening it

If you’re tired of constantly fixing fires - this conversation will help.
🌿Join Me in Sweden — Shine Retreat 2026
Ready to step out of reactive mode and into steady, sustainable leadership?

Shine Retreat 2026 is a restorative, psychology-informed immersion for high-achieving women who want to burn bright without burning out.

Regulate your nervous system.
Reconnect with purpose.
Lead from clarity instead of chaos.
Swim in a lake, sit in a sauna, wander in the woodlands and just... be.

👉Learn more here and put down a deposit to secure your place - only 6 spots available!

Are you under performing… or are you under-supported?
In this episode, I reflect on delivering neurodivergence training to managers and unpack a powerful workplace question: when someone isn’t meeting expectations, is it capability — or context?

Through a compassion-focused lens, we explore:* The difference between equality and equity * Why clarity around feedback and expectations matters deeply * How rejection sensitivity can distort workplace communication * Why ADHD is an explanation, not an excuse * The shame–overwork–burnout cycle many high achievers fall into * How psychological safety improves performance for everyone

Neurodivergent performance may not look neurotypical — and that doesn’t make it wrong.
Whether you're a leader supporting staff or someone quietly masking and overworking to hide your struggles, this episode invites a shift: from blame to curiosity, from fear to compassion.

Want to build a more neuroinclusive workplace?
I deliver talks and training across the UK on neurodivergence, psychological safety and compassionate leadership.
Connect with me:LinkedInWebsite
Let’s help your people thrive — not just survive.

When a child can’t get into school, it’s often labelled as “refusal”.
But what if it’s not won’t… it’s can’t?

In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan to unpack Emotion-Based School Avoidance (EBSA) — what it really is, what it isn’t, and how parents can navigate this incredibly complex space with compassion.

In this episode, we cover:* What EBSA actually means (and why it’s not about defiance or manipulation) * The difference between “won’t” and “can’t” * Early signs to look out for (tummy aches, shutdown, irritability, “fizzing” bodies) * Why children often seem fine at weekends or in holidays * Burnout in children — and why “push through” can backfire * The emotional toll on parents (work pressure, guilt, exhaustion) * Why making home “less fun” is not the answer * The tension between attendance targets and emotional safety * How to respond in the early stages to prevent escalation * The spectrum of EBSA — from subject-specific avoidance to full shutdown * Practical ways to seek support (schools, councils, local offers) * Why education is not one single narrow path

Key reminder
If reassurance alone fixed this, EBSA wouldn’t exist.
Sometimes the bravest parenting move is softening, pausing, and prioritising safety over forcing attendance.

About Dr Carolyne Keenan
Carolyne is a Registered Counselling Psychologist specialising in anxiety, family stress, and Emotion-Based School Avoidance. She offers 1:1 support, consultations, and runs a 12-week programme for parents called Survive EBSA.

Carolyne's website: www.carolynekeenan.co.uk

If this episode resonates, please share it with a parent who needs to hear:
It’s not defiance. It’s distress.

A Therapist’s Reframe on Six “Healthy” Wellness Habits on Social Media
Many wellness habits shared online are well-intentioned. But when taken to extremes, they can quietly feed pressure, perfectionism and burnout.
In this solo episode of Pause Purpose Play, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas offers a gentle therapist’s reframe on six “healthy” wellness habits often promoted on social media - not as a takedown of influencers, but as an invitation to explore with what actually supports psychological health in an evidence-based way.

In this episode, Michaela explores:* Why constant optimisation keeps us stuck in performance mode * The myth that being “regulated” means always being calm * How overfunctioning gets mistaken for resilience * When self-care tips into self-absorption * The difference between assertiveness and aggression when setting boundaries * Why attacking your inner critic often backfires

This episode is for anyone who’s doing all the “right” things — yet still feels exhausted.

✨ Ready to step out of performance mode?
If this resonated, you’re invited to The Reset — a short, therapist-led nervous system reset as a mini-course you do on your own, designed to help you slow down, soften, and create steadiness without self-criticism.
👉 www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

What if “eating well for ADHD” isn’t another set of rules - but a way to support your nervous system, mood and focus with more self-trust and less perfectionism?

In this episode, Michaela chats with clinical neuroscientist and nutrition researcher Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas about the gut–brain axis, why food matters for ADHD (without turning it into a restrictive fixation), and how self-care for ADHD is more about regulation than optimisation.

You’ll hear about:

Why nutrition impacts ADHD (building blocks, blood sugar, hydration, cravings)
The gut–brain–nervous system link (and why ADHD isn’t “just in the brain”)
Why perfectionism + restriction can make ADHD symptoms worse, not better
Practical, ADHD-friendly approaches: good-enough meals, shortcuts, and flavour “dopamine”
The permission slip: you can be ADHD AF and still feel fabulous

About Dr Miguel

Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas is a clinical neuroscientist, applied microbiologist and nutrition researcher specialising in nutritional psychiatry and the gut–brain axis. He’s the author of the upcoming book ADHD: Brain, Body & Mind.

Want a calmer, steadier nervous system — without forcing yourself into rigid routines?

Join the Reset here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

If you’re an ADHD or neurodivergent woman, the pressure to be “acceptable” can feel relentless: capable but not chaotic, confident but not difficult, adaptable but not too much. This episode explores why patriarchy amplifies perfectionism for neurodivergent women - and how real male allyship can help reduce that pressure.

One for your partner to listen to!

Episode overviewI’m joined by Lee Chambers, founder of Male Allies UK, to talk about what authentic male allyship actually looks like — beyond performative support or social media statements.

We discuss:

Why perfectionism becomes a survival strategy for ADHD women
How patriarchal norms punish difference and reward masking
The invisible load of caregiving and emotional labour
How men can be allies without centring themselves or creating more work for women

Why this mattersPatriarchy doesn’t just disadvantage women - it narrows who we’re allowed to be. For neurodivergent women, that narrowing is sharper, harsher, and more exhausting.

ResetIf this conversation stirred something, tiredness, recognition, or that familiar “oh… it’s not just me”, you might benefit from Reset, my gentle, science-informed experience for women who are burning out from trying to hold it all together.

It’s a chance to pause, soothe your nervous system, and reconnect with yourself - without needing to fix or improve anything first.
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

If you've been diagnosed with ADHD, and your partner wants to know how to better support you - this episode is for you. If ADHD is creating tension, misunderstandings, or repeated arguments in your relationship - this episode is also for you. In this solo episode, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas shares what she would want a partner to understand if they were sitting together in the therapy room. This episode isn’t about excuses or blame. It’s about understanding how ADHD affects nervous systems, emotions, communication, and relationships — and what actually helps, rather than makes things worse. In this episode, we explore: Why ADHD is not an excuse, but is* an explanation * Why “trying harder” often leads to more shame and burnout, not change * What happens when someone with ADHD is stuck in rumination or emotional collapse * Why logic and reassurance don’t land when the nervous system is dysregulated * Rejection sensitivity (RSD) and how tone, silence, and facial expressions can be misread * How past relational wounds can be triggered in the present * The common “parent–child” dynamic that can develop in ADHD relationships * How to support your partner without taking over or eroding their agency

A free resource for couples
If this episode resonated, Michaela has created a free guide called Balance Your Relationship.
It’s designed to help couples step out of blame and back into understanding — with compassion for both partners. Download the free guide here:
http://thethomasconnection.co.uk/relationshipbalance/

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas welcomes Joseph Pack who discusses strategies for managing ADHD without medication.

Joseph, founder of 'Drug-Free ADHD,' shares his journey of overcoming ADHD by focusing on lifestyle changes instead of medication. The conversation delves into various approaches, including breath work, cold and hot water exposure, diet adjustments, movement, and the critical importance of quality sleep.

Joseph and Michaela emphasise that these methods are not meant to replace medication but to offer alternative solutions for those who cannot or choose not to use medication. The episode concludes by highlighting the need for a nuanced and individualised approach to ADHD management.

Connect with Joseph:

Website: www.drugfreeadhd.org

Instagram: www.instagram.com/josephpackcom/

In this episode of the Pauses Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas speaks with Matt Buff, founder of the wellbeing and supplement brand Get Dopa. They discuss Matt’s journey through understanding and managing his ADHD, overcoming perfectionism, and the importance of self-compassion. Matt shares his experience of burning out in a high-pressure corporate job, discovering his ADHD, and subsequently creating a brand to support busy minds. The conversation highlights the importance of integrating pauses, purpose, and play into one’s life, maintaining self-awareness, the role of supplements in enhancing daily function, and the significance of building a balanced and fulfilling life. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their strengths and practice self-compassion, creating a life that suits their unique needs.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, clinical psychologist Michaela Thomas discusses the pressure and myths surrounding the 'New Year, New Me' mentality. Michaela advocates for setting compassionate, intention-driven goals instead of rigid, outcome-based resolutions which can often lead to self-criticism and burnout. She explains the importance of being gentle and realistic, especially for neurodivergent individuals, and suggests focusing on manageable, long-term changes. Michaela also introduces her online course, the Compassionate Couple, and shares a special discount offer in honor of her birthday.

In this episode of the Pauses Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas discusses the challenges and tensions that arise during festive holidays and offers advice on maintaining compassion and connection with partners, especially in neurodivergent families. Michaela highlights the importance of self-compassion, meeting emotional needs, and understanding the dynamics of relationships. She talks about her book, 'The Lasting Connection,' and its accompanying online course, 'The Compassionate Couple,' which aims to help couples strengthen their bond. Michaela reflects on the book's release during the COVID-19 lockdown and expresses her desire to revive its message by engaging in more public discussions and events. She concludes with a special Christmas discount code for the online course.

Already feeling stretched by the festive season?
This episode is your invitation to slow down and protect your energy.In this solo episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas explores why the holiday season can feel so overwhelming and draining, especially for women with busy brains, ADHD traits, or perfectionistic tendencies - and how to move through it with more intention and self-compassion.

Michaela introduces the idea of balancing what drains you with what sustains you, and shares how using a visual schedule can help you manage energy more realistically, plan ahead, and reduce burnout.

Rather than striving for a “perfect” Christmas, this episode encourages lowering expectations, setting boundaries, and prioritising rest before you reach exhaustion.

Michaela also shares more about Golden, her immersive in-person experience for high-achieving ADHD women who need space to pause and recharge, reconnecting with their purpose and values.

The episode ends with little permission pieces in reflections from women who attended the previous Golden event - gentle reminders that you’re not alone and that slowing down is allowed.

✨ In this episode:* Why the festive season can feel especially draining for busy, ADHD brains * The concept of drains vs. sustains and why energy matters more than time * Using a visual schedule to plan with compassion * Letting go of perfection and choosing rest * Permission slips from other women just like you

Join the next Golden event on the 30th of January in London, grab your ticket here:

https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/golden-in-person-event-jan-2026/

If you’ve been wondering what actually happens in an ADHD assessment, or you’re thinking about booking one but feel unsure about the process, this solo episode walks you through everything you need to know. Michaela breaks down what to expect before, during and after an adult ADHD assessment, based on her clinical process at her psychology practice The Thomas Connection. Whether you’re exploring a diagnosis for yourself or supporting someone you care about, this episode brings clarity, reassurance and practical guidance. In this episode you’ll learn:
• What happens before the assessment
Why a clarity call can help you feel safe and informed, what forms you’ll complete, and how childhood history fits into the picture.
• What the initial screening session is really for
How clinicians decide whether full ADHD assessment is appropriate, and why ruling in or out overlapping conditions is essential.
• What a full diagnostic assessment looks like
A gentle, structured interview process (usually spread over a month if virtually, or all in one day if choosing the home retreat option in Michaela's home), how your life story is explored, and why input from someone who knew you as a child can be helpful.
• What gets assessed — and what doesn’t
The difference between ADHD traits, burnout, anxiety and perfectionism…and why good clinicians never diagnose from a single questionnaire.
• What happens after the assessment
What your diagnostic report includes, how to share it with your GP for medication or shared care, and what support options like therapy, coaching or community groups look like whether you receive an ADHD diagnosis or not.
• Why a thoughtful assessment matters
How a proper evaluation offers clarity, validation, compassion and a personalised plan, and a lens to see yourself through rather than just a label. • Who this episode is for:
Anyone curious about ADHD assessment, already booked in for one, or supporting a partner, friend or colleague through the process. Book an ADHD assessment clarity call with Michaela here:
https://tidycal.com/michaela-thomas/adhd-assessment-clarity-call

Have you ever wondered whether running is helping your mental health… or draining it?
In this episode, we dig into the real relationship between running and wellbeing - when it is helpful and when it is less helpful, or even outright harmful, to push the body through running exercise and marathons.

I’m joined by Counselling Psychologist and passionate runner Dr Chloe Bedford for an honest, compassionate conversation about the complex dynamics between running, identity, and emotional regulation, especially for busy, perfectionistic, or neurodivergent minds.

We explore both the light and dark sides of running - the clarity, calm, emotional regulation, and resilience it can bring… and the perfectionism, guilt, pressure, and burnout that can creep in when movement becomes another place we strive or push too hard to beat a personal best or complete a particular race despite it making us ill or injured.

Dr Chloe Bedford is a Counselling Psychologist working with adults, teens, and children struggling with their mental health. She has over 15 years experience of working in both the NHS and private practice. Chloe has spent time working in a specialist eating disorder service for teens and through this, as well as her own love of running, developed an interest in the complex relationship we can have with our bodies, eating and exercise.

Chloe is an enthusiastic runner, and has run many half marathons and 10kms. One day she dreams of making it to the start line of a marathon, but as a mother she accepts that this might have to wait.

Together, we unpack how to approach running in a way that supports your wellbeing rather than drains it.

We also talk about how fitness culture, social media, and societal expectations shape our beliefs about what running “should” look like - and the liberation that comes from choosing your own pace, your own goals, and your own rhythm.

This episode is for you if you’ve ever:

Used running to cope or regulate your emotions
Slipped into all-or-nothing thinking around movement
Felt guilty when you “didn’t do enough”
Compared yourself to others or felt pressure to perform
Wanted a more compassionate, sustainable relationship with exercise

Chloe brings both psychological expertise and lived experience to help you create a version of running - or any kind of movement - that genuinely supports your mental health.

Chloe is acutely aware of the benefits that running has had on her own mental well-being, as a psychologist, as a mother, and as a human. She shares her experience and the science behind how it can help, along with other mental health information, on her Instagram account (@the.running.psychologist), in the hope that this might help others.

Connect with Chloe: www.marathonpsychology.com

Black Friday is basically engineered to hijack an ADHD brain.

Countdown timers, flashing banners, urgency emails — it’s the perfect storm for impulsive buying and dopamine-driven decisions.

In this short solo episode, Clinical Psychologist and ADHD specialist Michaela Thomas shares three quick, compassionate strategies to help you navigate Black Friday with intention, self-trust, and calm, rather than getting pulled into impulsive spending.

You’ll learn how to pause before you buy, check your emotional state, and create a tiny, intentional “YES list” that keeps you grounded instead of overwhelmed.

Whether you’ve overspent before or simply want to approach the season with more steadiness, this episode offers practical tools you can use today — without shame, restriction, or perfectionism.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

Why Black Friday is especially triggering for ADHD brains
How urgency and dopamine hijack your decision-making
The 10-second pause that protects you from impulsive buys
How to spot when you’re “emotion spending” vs. choosing consciously
How a micro 3-item “intentional yes” list keeps you grounded
How to honour your needs and your values during the sales

If you struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation or burnout…

You’re not alone — and you’re not broken.

These tendencies are part of your wiring, not a personal flaw.

You might need support in learning to slow down for long enough to notice how you feel so you can regulate your emotions and nervous system.

Connect with Michaela:

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Website: thethomasconnection.co.uk

Join the newsletter for tools on slowing down with compassion on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter

What happens when midlife hormones, ADHD traits, and the demands of running a business all collide?

For many women, it’s the beginning of a powerful - and often messy - transformation and evolution.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas speaks with Candice Mason, founder of Mother Cuppa Tea, about the realities of female entrepreneurship, hormone upheaval, and navigating neurodivergence in midlife.

Candice shares her candid journey through endometriosis, peri-menopause symptoms, and building a product-based business from the ground up. Together, Michaela and Candice explore the pressures of social media visibility, the emotional load behind brand growth, and the overlap between ADHD traits and entrepreneurial resilience.

You’ll hear:

Candice’s journey into launching Mother Cuppa Tea and being loved by Fearne Cotton!
How ADHD shows up in entrepreneurship - the strengths and the struggles
Why self-compassion matters when you’re juggling hormones, business, and visibility
Behind-the-scenes realities of running and growing a wellness brand
Candice’s recent win - being selected by Mary Portas for a high-impact pop-up retail opportunity

This is an honest, warm conversation about ambition, identity, and wellbeing - and how to build a business without burning yourself out.

💛 Connect with Candice:
Website: www.mothercuppatea.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/mother_cuppatea

✨ Connect with Michaela:
Website: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

📘 Download Michaela’s free guide:
👉 Calm the Overwhelm – your grounding companion for busy, neurodivergent minds
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

What if the way you’ve been taught to succeed is the very thing burning you out?

In a world that glorifies overwork, perfectionism and endless productivity, it can feel almost radical to rest, slow down, or say “no”. But that is where your business freedom lies.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas speaks with Jo Hooper, founder of the Me First Method, about the mental health impact of patriarchal and capitalist work cultures — and how to build a business that supports your wellbeing instead of sabotaging it.

Jo shares her experience of hitting breaking point in the corporate world, navigating multiple breakdowns, and reshaping her life and business around rest, boundaries and ease. Together, they explore how to step away from hustle culture, value your time and energy, and give yourself the permission slaps you need to reclaim your life.

You’ll hear:

How patriarchal and capitalist structures fuel burnout
What meaningful, self-honouring boundaries actually look like
Why ease, rest and slowness are essential for long-term success
Practical ways to make your business easier to run
How to stop proving your worth through productivity

This is an honest and compassionate conversation about redefining success on your own terms — and choosing spaciousness over self-sacrifice.

🎙️ About Jo Hooper

Jo Hooper is the founder of the Me First Method, helping powerhouse women build businesses that support their mental health. After a decade in the corporate world — and two breakdowns — she rebuilt her work around rest and sustainability. Known for her Permission Slaps and belief in slow, spacious living, Jo now helps women work less, live more, and rediscover joy in their businesses.

🔗Connect with Jo

Website

Instagram

Download Michaela's free guide to Calm the Overwhelm here

You can be passionate about your exercise or sport, and still burn out from it. Have you ever pushed yourself so hard to “do better” or beat a personal best, that the joy disappeared?

For many perfectionistic or ADHD minds, exercise can be too much of a good thing, so how to balance that is exactly what this episode unpacks.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas speaks with Dr. Josephine Perry, Chartered Sport and Exercise Psychologist, about the complex relationship between ADHD, high performance, and perfectionism in sport and exercise.

Together, they explore how the drive for achievement can become both a strength and a struggle — especially for those with busy, high-achieving minds. Whether you’re an athlete, a coach, or someone using exercise to manage ADHD, this conversation offers insights into balancing motivation, wellbeing, and self-compassion.

Dr. Perry shares her practical ‘coins system’ for tracking energy expenditure and understanding when you’re pushing too hard, offering strategies to prevent burnout, injury, and loss of joy in movement. Michaela brings her signature compassionate approach to exploring how ADHD traits such as hyperfocus, impulsivity, and perfectionism can show up in exercise habits — and how to turn these into sources of balance and fulfilment instead of exhaustion.

You’ll hear:

How ADHD and perfectionism affect motivation, recovery, and performance
The fine line between discipline and overtraining
Why self-compassion is the missing piece for sustainable success
How societal pressures and body image ideals shape our relationship with sport
Ways to bring more joy, purpose, and play into your training or movement routines

About the Guest
Dr Josephine Perry is a chartered Sport and Exercise Psychologist who works with high performers in sport, stage and a range of sectors where people will be working outside of their comfort zones. She specialises in those struggling with performance anxiety and those who have ADHD. She is the author of 6 books including Performing Under Pressure, I Can: The teenage athlete's guide to mental fitness and, most recently, ADHD in Sport: Strategies for Success.Connect with Dr Perry:

performanceinmind.co.uk

josephineperry.co.uk

Download Michaela's free guide to Calm the Overwhelm here:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

(A compassionate nudge for busy, neurodivergent women and perfectionists)

You know you should prioritise yourself — but what does that actually look like when you’re juggling ADHD, business, motherhood, and perfectionism?

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, Clinical Psychologist and ADHD specialist Michaela Thomas explores what real self-care looks like beyond bubble baths and quick fixes. She shares the three types of clients she sees — from those running on empty to those beginning to create balance — and how each can benefit from more compassion and support.

You’ll also hear real success stories from Burn Bright members who learned to set boundaries, manage their energy, and finally put themselves on their own to-do list.

If you’ve been thinking, “I’ll prioritise myself later,” this is your gentle (but firm) reminder that now is the time.

🌿 You’ll hear about:* Why self-care feels so hard for perfectionists and ADHD women * The three types of clients Michaela works with — and where you might fit * Real-life examples of women who learned to prioritise themselves * How to choose between therapy and coaching for the right kind of support * A final invitation to join Burn Bright before doors close

Ready to stop running on empty?Inside Burn Bright, Michaela helps ADHD women in business find balance between ambition and rest through support, systems and self-compassion.

✨ Book your clarity call now: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

You’ve seen the posts - “If you’re not up at 4am journalling and hitting the gym, do you even want success?”
Michaela says: that's the pressure of perfection coming from the patriarchy - let that stuff go.

In this short solo episode, Clinical Psychologist and ADHD specialist Michaela Thomas shares why you don’t need to burn out to build something brilliant. She unpacks how hustle culture is ableist, unsustainable, and particularly harmful for neurodivergent women and mums with ADHD, whose energy is already stretched thin.

You’ll learn how to redefine success on your terms, protect your nervous system, and build a business that feels balanced - not punitive.

Ready to build success without self-sacrifice?Inside Burn Bright, Michaela helps ADHD women in business find sustainable success through support, systems and self-compassion.

✨ Book your clarity call: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Doors close for applications 24th of October and the programme starts 5th of November!

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas discusses the importance of prioritizing self-care, especially for perfectionistic individuals and those with ADHD. She categorises her clients into three groups based on their progression in self-compassion and self-care and explains how each group can benefit from her Burn Bright program. Michaela provides real-life examples of women who have benefitted from prioritising themselves, setting boundaries, and managing energy, ultimately leading to a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle. She invites listeners to consider their needs and offers guidance on whether Burn Bright or therapy might be the best fit for them.

00:13 Understanding the Struggles of Prioritizing Self-Care

01:31 The Three Types of Clients

03:09 The Importance of Prioritizing Yourself

05:28 Success Stories from Burn Bright Members

07:48 Why ADHD Women Struggle with Self-Care

08:51 Final Invitation to Join Burn Bright

10:03 Encouragement to Take Action Now

Ever swing between unstoppable energy and complete inertia - buzzing with ideas one day and paralysed by overwhelm the next?

In this episode, Michaela explores two sides of the ADHD experience she calls the Meerkat and the Sloth. One can’t stop, the other can’t start - and both are trying to help you.

You’ll learn why these shifts aren’t inconsistency or failure, but signs of an ADHD brain managing energy and safety. Michaela shares how to move from shame to self-compassion, and find balance between overdrive and standstill.

You’ll hear about: ADHD as attention regulation*, not deficit * The Meerkat (hyperfocus) vs Sloth (inertia) modes * Why rest and action both deserve compassion * Tools to steady your energy and find your rhythm

Ready to build compassion for all of you?Inside Burn Bright, Michaela helps ADHD women in business find the sweet spot between ambition and rest - with support, systems and self-compassion.

✨ Book your clarity call: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Doors close for applications 31st of October and the programme starts 5th of November!

Are you “too well” to get help for ADHD?
In this solo episode, I shine a light on one of the most overlooked faces of ADHD — the women who look like they’re “coping” but are really over-functioning themselves into burnout.

You’ll hear why being told you’re “too well” or “not struggling badly enough” can be just as invalidating and harmful as being dismissed entirely, and why support is still essential even if you appear to be managing.

What you’ll learn in this episode:
"The many faces of ADHD" as the theme of ADHD Awareness Month
Why I don’t use the label “high-functioning”
My friend’s story of being told she wasn’t “struggling enough” for referral for assessment
The hidden shame of women with ADHD who look like they’re coping
* Why coping isn’t thriving - you still need support even if you're holding it together

👉 Book a free call with me to explore my 6-month group coaching programme, Burn Bright:
https://tidycal.com/michaela-thomas/burn-bright-clarity-call

Doors close end of October, with the programme starting on Nov 5th!

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas explores the concept of 'musturbation' and the harmful effects of forcing oneself to achieve goals out of obligation and fear. She highlights the importance of shifting from a mindset of 'should' to one of 'choose,' promoting self-compassion and conscious decision-making.

Michaela encourages listeners to replace self-critical thoughts with intentional, value-driven choices, improving their mental well-being and productivity.

The episode also includes practical exercises to reframe 'should' statements and an invitation to a free masterclass that Michaela is running on 9th October on how to Burn Bright Without Burning Out, specifically designed for ambitious women with ADHD.

Sign up for my Masterclass: http://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/adhd

What if the very parts of you you’ve been trying to hide are the ones that make you most human - and most approachable?

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I explore the beauty of embracing imperfections and chaos, no longer hiding your true self, inspired by the K-Pop Demon Hunters movie and its powerful soundtrack.

We live in a world that pressures us to appear perfect - polished, put together, and always “on.”
But the truth is, it’s in the cracks and the broken pieces that real connection and authenticity live.

I’ll share why unmasking matters, how music and movies can help us see ourselves differently, and how you can begin to show up more fully as YOU.

I also talk about the Reset experience and the Golden in-person event in London, where you can find tools, community, and support for navigating ADHD, perfectionism, and self-acceptance.

Episode Breakdown

00:16 The Pressure of Perfection
00:40 Embracing Chaos and Unmasking
01:06 The Power of Music and Movies
02:42 The Beauty in Brokenness
06:13 Join the Reset Experience
08:09 The Golden Event

🔗 Links for reference:

The Reset: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset
Golden in-person event in London: https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/goldeninpersonevent/

In this episode, clinical psychologist Michaela Thomas explores the connection between rest and creativity, challenging the hustle culture notion that constant productivity leads to success. She emphasises that great ideas often come during moments of relaxation, not while grinding away at tasks. Michaela delves into the neurological basis for why rest enhances creativity, especially for neurodivergent individuals. She offers practical tips for incorporating short breaks and restful activities into daily routines to foster creativity and maintain mental well-being. Listeners are invited to join 'The Reset,' a free seven-day program designed to help regulate the nervous system, ultimately fueling productivity and innovation.

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

Have you considered whether you're ADHD or whether it's just parenting in modern life, or if it's the perimenopause? Maybe you're struggling because you are affected by all of the above!

In this heartfelt episode of Pause Purpose Play, Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas welcomes journalist Georgina Fuller, writer of the Telegraph article featuring the ADHD assessment she had with Michaela earlier this year.

This is an honest conversation about the realities of being a neurodivergent woman raising neurodivergent children, and finding out your own diagnosis of ADHD in the midst of the chaos.

Georgina shares her personal story, the impact of public writing on neurodiversity, and the importance of self-compassion in the face of stigma and online criticism.

Plus, Michaela introduces The Reset, her upcoming nervous system reset experience, designed to help ADHD women find gentle, effective practices to make small shifts towards healthier habits for their rather overstretched nervous systems.

Resources & Links

Read Georgina’s article in The Telegraph: Do I have ADHD? At age 47, I took the test to finally find out

Connect with Georgina: MuckRack profile or search for her work online

Free reset for busy ADHD brains: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset

ADHD assessment clarity call: Contact Michaela via Instagram or her website

Do you feel frazzled, fizzy, reactive, or on edge? Your nervous system might be dysregulated.

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, I talk about something I know so many of us struggle with – regulating our nervous systems. You’ve probably seen all the advice flying around on social media – ice baths, cold plunges, endless hacks – but a lot of it isn’t grounded in science, and even more importantly, it isn’t tailored to you.

Instead of chasing trends, I want to help you find regulation practices that actually work for your unique brain and body. For me, that looks less like forcing myself into an ice bath, and more like something simple and soothing – like warm water and slowing down with my breath. Breathwork is one of the most powerful (and free!) tools we all have at our disposal.

And if you’d like a little help bringing your nervous system back into balance, I’ve created something special: The Rest to Reset experience. It’s a free 7-day reset, designed to give you practical, manageable tools to regulate your nervous system – without adding pressure or overwhelm.

✨ Join The Rest to Reset experience for free here → www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset
We start 22nd of Sept!

Ever felt weighed down by shame, self-criticism, or parenting guilt as a woman with ADHD? You’re not alone.

In this vulnerable episode, Michaela welcomes Kristin Carder, host of the hit podcast “I Have ADHD,” for a frank and compassionate conversation about the hidden struggles of ambitious, neurodivergent women.

Together, they discuss how ADHD shows up as internal chaos, why criticism and rejection hurt so much, and what it takes to forgive yourself and repair with your kids.

If you battle perfectionism, loud inner criticism, or regret how you’ve parented in the past, this episode offers comfort and practical support.

Discover why compassion beats shame—and why it’s never too late to start again.

Highlights:

Kristin’s personal ADHD journey and how it shaped her podcast
The reality of rejection sensitivity and harsh online feedback
Why self-forgiveness is crucial for ADHDers and parents
Simple strategies for softening your inner critic

About Kristin:
Kristin Carder is a certified ADHD coach and host of the “I Have ADHD Podcast.” Learn more: https://ihaveadhd.com/

Kristin Carder: From Rock Bottom to Global ADHD Mentor
https://enaid.app/kristen-carder-adhd

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ihaveadhdpodcast/

Find Michaela:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaela-thomas/

Interested in Michaela’s Burn Bright group coaching for ADHD women?
Doors are open for the Oct 2025 start: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

You want to be the best version of yourself for your kids.

You want to do parenting “right.”

But nobody told you about the pressure, the invisible comparisons, or the harsh self-talk that creeps in at the end of a long day.

And no one ever told you it doesn’t have to be this way.

In today’s episode, Michaela is joined by her friend and fellow clinical psychologist Dr. Tess Browne to get real about:

The difference between mum guilt and mum shame
How comparison, social media trends (hello, “18 summers”!), and well-meaning advice can trigger self-doubt and parental anxiety
Why imperfect parenting is not only OK, but essential
How compassion for yourself leads to real, positive changes (not more self-criticism)
The pressure of summer holidays, screen time debates, and the “shoulds” that make us second-guess our choices
Releasing the myth of the “perfect parent” and giving yourself permission to just be good enough

Because you, your kids, and your messy beautiful life all deserve it.

Connect with Dr. Tess Browne:

Website: www.drtessbrowne.com

Instagram: @drtessbrowne

Upcoming Autumn Retreat: Day retreat near Cambridge, 4th October (see Tess's website for details)

Connect with Michaela:
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

If this episode resonated, follow the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes on compassion, neurodivergence, and working mum life — and please share it with a friend who needs a reminder that “good enough” really is enough.

You’re doing better than you think.

In this podcast episode, Ron, an author and business leader, shares his journey from a challenging academic-focused upbringing in Kenya and a transition to Canada to becoming a successful entrepreneur. Ron discusses his career path in finance and accounting, his evolution into a corporate leader, and his eventual shift to entrepreneurship. He delves into the motivations behind writing his book 'Love Mondays,' emphasising the importance of finding joy and fulfilment in one's career. The conversation touches on the concept of Ikigai, the significance of aligning one's work with personal values, and the importance of being present and intentional with one's time. Ron also offers advice for those contemplating a similar shift from the corporate world to entrepreneurship, underscoring the need for reflection, small steps, and gradual transitions. The episode concludes with Ron's thoughts on the balance between work and leisure and the importance of finding joy both in and outside of work.

Connect with Ron on LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ronmonteiro18/

Order "Love Mondays" by Ron Monteiro on Amazon

Join the waitlist for Burn Bright: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Maybe no one saw the signs when you were a child.

Maybe you didn’t either - not until the burnout hit, the wheels came off, and everything started to feel unmanageable with the school admin, your next big work deadline and the brain fog of perimenopause.

This episode is for the women who have spent years masking, pushing through, and wondering why life still feels so hard.

You got the grades.

You looked like you were coping.

You held it all together on the outside.

But inside?

You were overwhelmed. Overthinking. Hiding the chaos.

And no one ever called it ADHD.

In this episode, I talk about the fear so many women bring into ADHD assessments — the worry that it won’t “count” if nobody noticed it when you were a child.

We’ll explore:

What childhood ADHD symptoms actually look like — especially in girls and high achievers
Why ADHD often goes undiagnosed until adulthood
The emotional rollercoaster of being “on it” one day and burnt out the next
How masking makes it harder to recognise (even in yourself)
Why it’s not too late — and you’re not too much

Because this isn’t about how well you performed.

It’s about how you felt.

And if the signs were there all along - you deserve to understand them now.

Book a call with Michaela to talk about ADHD assessment, therapy or coaching:

Michaela Thomas - ADHD Assessment clarity call | TidyCal

DM Michaela on Instagram with your questions: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas interviews Dr. Kara Davey, an award-winning clinical psychologist, discussing the complex relationship between ADHD and trauma. They explore how trauma is both common in ADHD and can be distinguished from it, emphasising the importance of a thorough assessment. Dr. Davey shares her own experiences with late ADHD diagnosis following a traumatic stillbirth and how both personal and professional paths led to her passion for this field. They also discuss the challenges late-diagnosed adults face, especially women, and how postnatal periods can trigger or exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Michaela and Kara underline the significance of a compassionate and detailed assessment process and delve into the effectiveness of EMDR therapy for trauma, particularly within the neurodivergent community.

https://linktr.ee/drdaveyADHDcoaching

https://linktr.ee/alwaysinmyheart

https://www.drdaveycoaching.com/adhd

https://www.karaclinicalpsychologistinsussex.co.uk/about-us/

Ever felt like you can run a team, lead a business, or write a book - yet somehow can’t manage to return a library book or put your laundry away?

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, I’m digging into the hidden paradox so many women with ADHD face: outward success with chaos underneath the surface.

You’ll hear personal reflections and real client stories that reveal how executive dysfunction can sit alongside brilliance, not in opposition to it.

I’ll walk you through:

Why some of the smartest, most capable women struggle with the "simplest" tasks
The emotional toll of being misunderstood (by others and yourself)
How I approach ADHD assessments with both compassion and clinical conscientiousness

If you’ve ever wondered, “How can I be this competent and still feel like I can't do adulting?” - this one’s for you. Let’s explore what’s really going on beneath the surface, and why a deeper, more personalised understanding of ADHD can be a game changer... because you can be smart and successful, and still ADHD.

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub to join other brilliant ADHD women

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas welcomes the founders of the Evolve Journal, Sam and Freddie Titcombe. They discuss the development of the Evolve Journal, a tool designed to help people live with more intention, clarity, and consistency by focusing on manageable progress rather than perfection. Sam and Freddie share insights on building healthy journaling habits, the importance of self-kindness, and the value of stoicism in daily life. The conversation highlights the balance of emotional reflection with practical goal-setting, addressing how to manage ADHD traits and the challenges of maintaining consistency. They also touch on the four fundamental pillars of happiness—health, wealth, relationships, and freedom—and provide practical tips for integrating them into daily life. The episode concludes with advice on giving yourself permission to make mistakes and continue striving for growth.

Join the waitlist for the next Burn Bright cohort here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Find the Evolve Journal here: https://www.evolvejourney.co.uk/

In this solo episode, Michaela explores the discomfort many of us feel when receiving compliments - especially when we’re wired for self-criticism, perfectionism, or modesty.

Sharing a personal story from LinkedIn, she unpacks why our inner critics hate being seen and how we can respond with compassionate curiosity instead of avoidance. This episode is for anyone who’s ever cringed at being praised and wants to learn how to receive kindness more fully - without shame or self-doubt.

You’ll hear about:

Why compliments can trigger our inner critic
How upbringing and culture shape our ability to receive kindness
Michaela’s personal experience of public praise on LinkedIn
The two-step process of compassion: sense-making + action-taking
How to lead with vulnerability while staying grounded in your values

Resources mentioned:

Follow Lauren O’Carroll on LinkedIn
Learn more about ADHD coaching for women: The Thomas Connection

Work with Michaela:
Feeling called to be more visible - but scared of the inner backlash? Get in touch for 1:1 coaching or find out more about my programmes for neurodivergent women leaders.

When You Can’t “Just Do It”: Motivation, Self-Discipline & Self-Compassion

You want to do the thing. You care. You’ve got the vision, the list, the intention, and proof that you have done stuff like this before, because you DO achieve things.

And still… nothing. You get stuck procrastafaffing with some irrelevant stuff until you've nearly run out of time. Maybe even feeling ashamed of how hard it feels to "just" start.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “Why can’t I just do it?”, then this episode is for you.

Inside, Michaela explores:

Why motivation is so unpredictable for ADHD and burnout-prone brains
The limits of “just push through” thinking and the myth of self-discipline as force
Why self-compassion is not weakness, but a legit performance strategy
What’s actually happening in your nervous system when resistance takes over
Practical ways to get moving again, encouraging yourself with kindness, not shame

You’ll get some evidence-based reframes here:

You don’t need to hustle harder or push through
You need to feel safer - in your body and your brain

Because we can't "just do it" with ADHD, we need to do a little dance with it, creating momentum through taking action and building on that energy step by step, rather than waiting for motivation to magically occur.

Links & Mentions:

Join The ADHD Club: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas explores the themes of anxiety, permission, and growth, particularly for those navigating compassion, ADHD, and perfectionism. Michaela stresses the importance of honouring one’s energy and sensitivity while addressing anxiety gradually and compassionately. Using an example from Polly Lavarello's journey, Michaela illustrates how embodying leadership and facing anxiety can lead to significant growth. The episode also touches on Michaela’s Burn Bright coaching program, aimed at helping neurodivergent women grow without burning out. She encourages listeners to pursue growth gently and at their own pace.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas talks with Lauren O'Carroll, an ADHD parenting coach, founder of Positively Parenting, and a mom of two. Lauren discusses the challenges of ADHD parenting, sharing her experiences and expertise on navigating executive dysfunction as both a parent and individual. She emphasises the importance of self-compassion, acceptance, and trusting oneself as a parent. The conversation delves into emotional regulation, the impact of neurodivergence on family life, and the need for community support. Lauren also touches on her upcoming book and membership program aimed at helping neurodivergent families thrive.

Do you want another baby, but not sure if you can cope with it all again?
Perhaps you're highly sensitive, or neurodivergent, and it was all too much first time?

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas is joined by Natalie Brunswick, a trauma and perinatal therapist, to discuss the complexities of deciding whether to have another baby after experiencing a difficult first journey - especially if being highly sensitive and neurodivergent.

They delve into fears rooted in past trauma, the balancing act of desire to have another child, versus fears of not being able to cope, and the importance of self-compassion and robust support systems.

The conversation emphasises the distinct needs of neurodivergent parents and the critical role of emotional healing and preparation in making informed parenting decisions.

Resources and strategies are shared to help listeners navigate their own parenting journeys, no matter where they are in the decision-making process.

IG: @nataliebrunswick

https://www.nataliebrunswick.com/

hello@nataliebrunswick.com

In this engaging podcast episode, the host welcomes James Brown to discuss a wide array of topics surrounding ADHD, including personal anecdotes, challenges of ADHD in modern life, and differences in how ADHD presents in men and women. The conversation sheds light on issues such as positive illusory bias, cognitive inhibition, emotional dysregulation, and the complexities of ADHD diagnoses. They delve into the difficulties that come with ADHD in relationships, the stigma and societal misconceptions, the importance of emotional acceptance, and the lifelong need for adaptive support. The episode is insightful, evidence-based, and filled with humor, making it a must-listen for anyone interested in understanding ADHD from personal and scientific perspectives.

James is a career science communicator who co-founded The ADHD Adults Podcast and the charity ADHDadultUK, and is co-author of the book ADHD Unpacked

www.jbhd.uk, www.ahdadult.uk, www.theadhdadults.uk

In this episode, the host finally sits down with Anita Cleare, a developmental psychologist specialising in child development and parenting, particularly for working parents. Anita shares her journey from setting up local family services to working with corporate sectors to support working parents. The discussion covers key parenting challenges, such as dealing with teenage behavior, balancing boundaries and autonomy, and the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with children. Insights are provided on the common misconceptions parents have, the impact of striving for perfection, managing neurodivergent children, and the necessity of repair in parent- child relationships. Anita emphasises the importance of understanding and empathy over strict control and highlights the role of parents as partners in their children's developmental journey.

Instagram: @anitcleare_parenting

X: @thinking_parent

Facebook: ThePositiveParentingProject

LinkedIn: Anita Cleare

www.anitacleare.co.uk

anita@positiveparentingproject.co.uk

https://www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas interviews Jess Rad, an award-winning speaker and advocate for gender equity and neurodiversity in the workplace. The conversation delves into the intersectionality of neurodivergence, hormonal imbalances, and perimenopause, particularly for women business owners and parents. Jess shares her personal journey, including her late diagnosis of neurodivergence, the impact of premature menopause, and her experience as a parent carer. They discuss the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-advocacy, as well as the need for allyship and systemic change. The episode also highlights Jess's initiatives like the Womenhood, a community-focused organisation, and her Neuro Curious events. Resources for additional support, particularly for those dealing with child-to-parent violence, are provided.

https://capafirstresponse.org/

Jess Rad LinkedIn

WomenHood Insta

WomenHood LinkedIn

Jess Rad Insta

Please tag all of them.

https://www.thewomenhood.com/

hello@thewomenhood.com

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas explores the consequences of executive dysfunction, inspired by a humorous yet insightful experience involving buying a pin that reads 'Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own executive dysfunction.' Michaela shares personal anecdotes about managing ADHD, perfectionism, and everyday mishaps, such as locking herself out of the house. Through stories of handling emergencies and finding humor in chaos, Michaela emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and practical strategies to mitigate the impact of executive dysfunction. She also highlights the value of seeking support and building systems to improve daily functioning.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, Michaela Thomas, a clinical psychologist and expert on ADHD, compassion, and perfectionism, challenges herself to create an 11-minute solo podcast episode before her next coaching call. Michaela openly discusses the exuberance associated with ADHD and her encounter with Jessica Chivers, a chartered coaching psychologist. They shared their experiences and the importance of vulnerability in discussing the realities of running a business. Michaela emphasises that success isn't solely measured by income but by sustainable practices that allow freedom and flexibility. She highlights the need for support systems, self-compassion, and strategic decision-making. Further, Michaela encourages listeners to join the waitlist for her program, Burn Bright, which is designed to help business owners achieve success without sacrificing well-being.

In this solo episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas discusses the importance of self-compassion and resilience when life gets tough, particularly as a neurodivergent parent and businesswoman. Michaela shares personal struggles following her eldest child's diagnosis and emphasises the need to build supportive systems that allow flexibility in balancing professional and personal responsibilities. She highlights the challenges of parenting neurodivergent children and the pressures of running a business. Michaela also mentions future podcast topics and guest appearances, urging listeners to go easy on themselves and providing resources for further support.

00:00 Welcome Back to Pause Purpose Play

00:35 Guest Episodes and Shoutouts

01:31 Navigating Neurodivergent Parenting

03:00 Building a Business That Supports Life

04:40 The Challenges of Parenting and Self-Compassion

06:16 Upcoming Podcast Episodes and Plans

09:32 Seasonal Affective Disorder and Personal Reflections

12:06 Final Thoughts and Support Systems

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas interviews Dr. Amber Johnston, a specialist in clinical health, pain management, and neuropsychology. Together, they explore common questions about the brain, debunk myths such as the '10 percent brain usage' theory, and discuss the differences between ADHD, neurodivergence, and giftedness. They delve into the science behind synaptic growth, neuroplasticity, and how individual experiences shape our brains. The episode provides insights on maintaining brain health through good habits, managing stress, and the importance of novelty for cognitive growth. The conversation also highlights the significance of compassion in addressing personal challenges and the relevance of understanding one's own neurological makeup to foster better mental health.

00:10 Meet Dr. Amber Johnston

00:32 Debunking Brain Myths

00:39 Understanding Brain Function

01:49 The Science of Habits

02:52 Revisiting the Brain's Complexity

04:40 Blood Flow and Brain Activation

08:34 Neuroplasticity and Brain Growth

12:23 Forming New Habits

20:57 The Role of Novelty in Brain Health

23:44 The Complexity of IQ and Intelligence

25:01 AI and Human Intelligence: A Comparative Analysis

25:56 The Role of Algorithms in Shaping Our Perceptions

26:58 The Function and Limitations of AI

28:11 Giftedness and Neurodivergence: A Deep Dive

33:23 The Impact of Early Attachment and Trauma

38:35 Balancing Stress and Eustress

40:00 The Importance of Intentional Rest and Play

In this special episode of 'Pause Purpose Play,' Michaela is interviewed by her friend Dr. Claire Plumley as they celebrate the podcast surpassing 200 episodes. Michaela discusses the inception of her podcast during the COVID-19 pandemic, the impact it has had on listeners, and her motivations for starting it. The conversation explores Michaela's journey, her experiences with ADHD, and the challenge of balancing planning with spontaneous creativity. They talk about Michaela's various projects, including Burnbright, her associate practice, and other ventures. Moreover, Michaela shares personal anecdotes, reflections on her favourite episodes, and strategies she employs for self-care and emotional regulation. This episode offers listeners an intimate look into Michaela's experiences and the evolution of her podcast, along with valuable insights for entrepreneurs and content creators.

Understanding and Combating Burnout: A Deep Dive with Dr. Debbie Sorensen In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host Michaela Thomas, a clinical psychologist, explores the multifaceted issue of burnout with guest Dr. Debbie Sorensen, an expert in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) for burnout. They discuss how striving for perfection and chronic stress contribute to burnout and emphasize that burnout is a complex issue influenced by both individual and systemic factors. Michaela and Debbie share personal stories and professional insights on identifying burnout, the importance of self-compassion, and making sustainable changes. They also highlight the varying ways burnout can manifest and the need for flexible, compassionate self-care practices. This episode offers valuable tools and mindsets for anyone looking to understand and combat burnout in their own lives.

00:00 Introduction to Burnout and Guest Speaker

04:30 Debbie Sorensen's Personal Burnout Story

08:18 Identifying Burnout Symptoms and Risk Factors

18:52 Cultural and Systemic Factors in Burnout

37:01 Different Types of Burnout

39:46 Understanding Burnout Patterns

40:58 Balancing Work and Personal Needs

41:43 Setting Boundaries for Sustainability

42:34 The Importance of Self-Care

43:05 Navigating Emotional Engagement

43:53 Recognizing and Addressing Burnout

45:20 Psychological Flexibility and Self-Awareness

46:29 Finding What Recharges You

48:54 The Role of Compassionate Motivation

52:17 Avoiding Prescriptive Wellness Routines

55:46 Final Thoughts and Permissions

Join me on this episode where I share an amazing conversation with Dylan Holloway, a talented singer-songwriter and transgender man, who shares his journey to authenticity and his passion for music.

Dylan opened up about the struggles of living inauthentically and the freedom he found after embracing his true self. We explored his hit song "Lemons," his powerful anthem "Chosen Family," and how music helped him find solace and connection. Plus, Dylan's story of duetting with his past self is not one to miss.

Dive in to hear this inspiring journey of resilience, compassion, and the transformative power of authenticity!

01:35 Dylan's Journey to Authenticity06:16 Navigating Identity and Acceptance09:27 Musical Breakthrough and Success11:54 Living Authentically and Neurodivergence18:34 Relationships and Acceptance24:47 Upcoming Projects and Music26:32 Music as a Lifeline29:17 The Power of Heartbreak Songs29:42 ADHD and the Creative Arts31:45 Chosen Family: A Love Letter to the Queer Community34:58 A Vulnerable Revelation45:28 A Message of Authenticity Dylan Holloway, better known by his rockstar alias ‘Dylan And The Moon’. Award-winning musician and proud transgender man on a mission to inspire more people to live their most authentic and happy lives.

www.dylanandthemoon.com

In this candid episode, I sit down with Polly Lavarello, an experienced business coach (and my own mentor!), to explore the unique challenges and joys of navigating business as neurodivergent entrepreneurs.

Polly shares her journey to discovering her own ADHD through her children, how it reshaped her approach to life and business, and the scaffolding she’s built to support her unique brain and role as a parent.

Together, we delve into the importance of boundaries, self-compassion, and structure for those with ADHD and neurodiverse minds in the entrepreneurial space.

02:02 ADHD Awareness: Personal Journeys and Parenting

03:30 Navigating Neurodivergence: Self-Diagnosis and Validation

04:21 Balancing Business and Parenting: Strategies and Challenges

08:49 Building a Supportive Business Structure

12:35 Setting Boundaries: The Key to Success

18:41 Self-Awareness and Efficiency in Business

25:27 Shiny Object Syndrome: The ADHD Entrepreneur's Pitfall

29:49 Acceptance and Self-Compassion

30:19 Asking for Help and Soothing Shame

45:34 The Power of Long-Term Mentorship

47:17 Navigating ADHD Challenges in Business

About Polly Lavarello Polly is an evergreen scaling strategist for highly-skilled and booked-out business owners ready to play their way to a simple evergreen business model that adds space to their calendar and spice to their bank account.

www.pollylavarello.com

https://www.instagram.com/pollylavarello/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/pollylavarello/

Join me as I dive into a topic close to my heart - how you can be a perfectionist, even if you’re what some might call a "hot mess."

I'll explore the tension between striving for perfection and managing the beautiful chaos that comes with ADHD and I share my personal journey from unmasking my ADHD to recovering from perfectionism.

This episode is unscripted, which I think beautifully embodies today’s theme: that done is better than perfect.

00:21 Understanding Perfectionism and Chaos01:44 Navigating Perfectionism with ADHD03:04 The Reality of Perfectionism04:17 Self-Criticism and Perfectionism05:56 Perfectionism in High Achievers07:19 Perception vs. Reality of Accomplishments08:12 Verbal Processing and ADHD08:55 Revealing My Hot Mess Moments09:37 Embracing Imperfections10:46 Inspiring Despite the Chaos13:42 Finding Your Tribe Through Vulnerability15:25 Join the ADHD Club If you want to dive deeper into embracing both your chaos and your accomplishments, come join me in the ADHD Club, where a group of inspiring women lets it all hang out - imperfections and all. You can sign up at www.thethomasconnection/adhd-club and be part of this empowering space.

In this episode, I welcome guest Michelle Minnikin and we delve into the multifaceted realities of societal conditioning, gender expectations, and the unique challenges of living with ADHD. Listen in to hear Michelle discuss her new book, and the impact of 'Good Girl' conditioning and ADHD on women's lives. 01:41 Embracing ADHD and Personal Growth03:46 Discovering Good Girl Conditioning05:25 Coercive Control and Societal Expectations06:41 Strategic Exhaustion and Daily Struggles10:19 Imposter Syndrome and Workplace Challenges20:46 Rebelling Against Good Girl Conditioning28:21 Hope for the Next Generation29:03 Navigating Personal Relationships30:29 Household Dynamics and Gender Norms32:34 ADHD and Neurodiversity34:23 Self-Compassion and Personal Growth39:39 Male Allies and Shared Responsibilities39:47 Practical Advice for Women42:11 The Power of Asking Michelle Minnikin is a North East-based Chartered Organisational Psychologist, coach and author of Good Girl Deprogramming, available now from all good bookstores in paperback, e-book and on audible. https://www.linkedin.com/in/mminnikin/ https://www.instagram.com/goodgirldeprogramminghttps://www.tiktok.com/@michelleminnikinhttps://www.michelleminnikin.com/

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play I dive into the joy of bringing playfulness into our lives and businesses, especially for those of us navigating ADHD.

I share how embracing a playful mindset can lead to creativity and success, and why soothing our minds is key to achieving our goals.

Plus, learn about my group coaching program, Burn Bright, and how it could be your next step. Tune in for all the details and let's have some fun together!

01:04 The Importance of Deep, Sustainable Change02:29 Embracing Playfulness in Business and Life06:34 The Power of the Soothing System08:51 Unlocking the Power of Play09:47 Burn Bright Program Burn Bright is my transformational 6-month group coaching programme that helps you continuously calibrate what you need for your brain and your body, to balance your business with your busy ADHD brain. https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

In this episode I invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery as we explore the essence of purpose in our lives.

I share personal reflections and insights from the 'Sustainable Success Challenge,' where we delve into understanding our 'why' and celebrate the unique perks and challenges of entrepreneurship for those of us with ADHD.

01:20 Understanding Purpose and Pain03:02 The Entrepreneurial Why04:28 Setting Boundaries and Protecting Energy05:24 Flexibility in Business for Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs06:50 Insights and Actions for Sustainable Success08:03 Personal Reflections and Podcast Direction10:45 Burn Bright doors are open! Burn Bright is my transformational 6-month group coaching programme that helps you continuously calibrate what you need for your brain and your body, to balance your business with your busy ADHD brain. https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I'm diving into the wild world of ADHD and entrepreneurship and sharing some golden nuggets from my Sustainable Success Challenge. We'll chat about why pausing is crucial to avoid burnout and how those quirky ADHD traits can be both your superpower and your kryptonite in business.

Plus, I'm inviting you to join me for some amazing upcoming events - whether you're more of an online binge-watcher or a face-to-face lunch enthusiast. Let's explore this together and find the balance we all crave!

00:26 Sustainable Success Challenge Insights02:35 Invitation to In-Person Meetup04:14 Challenges of ADHD in Entrepreneurship09:05 Balancing Passion and Practicality10:57 The Importance of Pausing and Self-Compassion11:44 Upcoming Events

In this episode I'm joined by Ross White, fresh off the release of his fantastic new book, 'The Tree That Bends: How a Flexible Mind Can Help You Thrive.' We dive headfirst into the pool of psychological flexibility, discussing its unique edge over concepts like grit, toughness, and resilience. Ross unpacks the importance of balancing our 'get,' 'threat,' and 'reset' modes to keep burnout at bay. With practical tips, playful metaphors, and Ross's authentic vulnerability, this episode offers a refreshing approach to thriving in both work and life. Grab your headphones and get ready to bend without breaking! 00:48 Exploring Psychological Flexibility03:15 Defining Resilience, Toughness, and Grit09:04 The Metaphor of the Tree10:15 Modes of Operation: Get, Threat, and Reset14:24 Momentary and Bold Moves18:16 Personal Experiences and Vulnerability23:49 The Comfort Zone vs. The Transforming Zone28:06 Navigating Career Breaks and Sabbaticals35:58 Balancing Productivity and Longevity41:32 The Role of Attention and Mindfulness46:01 Anchoring Statements and Staying Present

In this special episode of the 'Pause Purpose Play' podcast I decided to step out of my comfort zone and record live on Instagram! Join me as I chat about the scary but oh-so-important idea of feeling safe to slow down while still aiming high. With my trusty 'I'm not perfect' jumper and my ADHD quirks in full swing, I dive into how pushing through nonstop isn't the answer, how to avoid burnout and share practical tips for regulating our frazzled nervous systems. Plus, I'm inviting you to join my upcoming 4-day 'Sustainable Success Challenge' for female business owners starting September 24th. 01:48 The Importance of Slowing Down03:10 Sustainability and Success04:08 September Reset05:14 Embracing Imperfection06:58 Interactive Q&A09:33 Practical Tips for Nervous System Regulation11:11 Upcoming Sustainable Success Challenge

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, I dive into the vibrant world of creativity for those with ADHD. I chat about how our brilliant, busy brains are naturally wired for imaginative thinking and how we can harness that spark. I share my own quirks and experiences to remind us that done is better than perfect and why it's more fun to create than to endlessly scroll through raccoon videos. Plus, I'll sprinkle in some tips on how to allow yourself the joy of being a little more imperfect! Join me, and maybe even sign up for my free Sustainable Success challenge if you're ready for more creativity and less comparison in your life. 00:31 The Role of Creativity in ADHD01:42 Perfectionism vs. Creativity04:35 The Impact of Consumption on Creativity08:59 Commitment to Creativity15:43 Upcoming Sustainable Success Challenge!

Dive into the whimsical world of curiosity and discover how it can transform your personal and professional life! Int his episode I take you on an adventure through the curiosity mindset, the beginner's mindset, and compassionate curiosity. 00:00 Unlocking the Power of Curiosity00:57 The Beginner's Mindset01:19 Compassionate Curiosity01:54 Applying Curiosity in Life02:19 Access to Work Grant Challenges03:15 Personal Experience with Access to Work04:08 Upcoming Events and Workshops

This week I'm joined by the brilliant Dr Claire Plumbly, who shares her exciting journey of writing her first book on burnout, diving into how chronic stress can really take a toll on our minds and bodies. With practical tips on managing burnout, recognising internal pressures, and practicing self-care, this episode is packed with useful advice! 01:28 The Concept of Burnout01:44 Writing the Book: Inspiration and Challenges02:26 Understanding Burnout as Trauma06:15 Recognising Burnout Symptoms08:04 The Three C's for Nervous System Health12:27 High-Functioning Burnout13:29 Practical Tips for Managing Burnout32:13 Entrepreneurship and Burnout38:31 Connecting with Others and Finding SupportDo you feel overwhelmed? Too busy to stop? Resisting slowing down?

Then you need a break, before you break!

Download my free guide to help you spot the signs of overwhelm, learn simple ways of slowing down, and understanding what’s getting in the way of you giving yourself the permission to rest and recover.

https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm/

About Dr Claire Plumbly: Claire is a Clinical Psychologist & Director of Good Therapy Ltd, a psychological therapy centre based online and in Taunton, Somerset. Her private practice specialises in trauma-related issues and Claire herself has a specialism in sexual assault; early life traumas, and of course burnout.

Her debut book ‘Burnout: How to Manage Your Nervous System Before It Manages You’ is out in the UK this summer. It will show you how to harness the power of your nervous system, despite the persistent demands of modern life.

We're diving into a topic close to my heart: the chaotic world of unfinished projects that seem to plague us ADHD-ers. I share a laugh-and-cry kind of story from our amazing ADHD Club, and together we explore some fun and practical ways to finally get things done. I also chat about the importance of self-compassion, managing impulse control, and why taking breaks is your secret weapon against burnout. Plus, stick around till the end because I've got a special freebie to help you tackle those dreaded Access to Work forms! So, if you want to turn your chaos into calm, hit play and let's get started! 00:00 Welcome and Introduction01:07 Understanding ADHD and Unfinished Projects03:52 Real-Life Example of ADHD Challenges06:29 Strategies to Tackle Unfinished Projects11:14 Community Support and Encouragement15:05 Final Thoughts and Upcoming Events

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I dive into the often daunting task of form-filling for ADHD business women. I offer four handy tips to break down this overwhelming task into manageable and even enjoyable chunks. I explain the crucial importance of these forms for accessing things like government support and business funding, and provide practical, compassionate strategies to tackle them head-on. Join me in turning this 'boring beast' into a more playful process and stay tuned for the next episode that promises more tips! 00:46 The Importance of Filling Forms
01:54 Why ADHD Brains Avoid Forms03:07 Tips for Tackling Forms: Chunky05:56 Tips for Tackling Forms: Funky07:48 Tips for Tackling Forms: Junky08:59 Tips for Tackling Forms: Monkey10:44 Conclusion and Next Episode Teaser

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I kick off a three-part series to help my fellow ADHD entrepreneurs tackle dreaded business finances. After a lightbulb moment with my ADHD assistant, Zoë, I realised many of us hate dealing with invoices and forms. So, tune in to get given five ways to approach your finances with an ADHD brain! These tips will help you manage cash flow, reduce stress, and keep your creativity flowing. And hey, if you need more support, check out my latest masterclass on sustainable ADHD business success. Let's make this fun and get you paid!

00:48 The Struggle with Forms and Finances

01:29 Understanding ADHD and Executive Functioning

02:24 The Importance of Invoicing

04:09 Why ADHD Brains Struggle with Business Finances

05:07 Five Solutions to Improve Invoicing

05:23 Solution 1: Gamify Your Invoicing

06:18 Solution 2: Change the Context

07:17 Solution 3: Reward Yourself

08:03 Solution 4: Automate the Process

10:03 Solution 5: Outsource the Task

13:14 Conclusion and Masterclass Information

How do you balance your business and life with an ADHD brain?

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, host and Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas, returns from a podcast break to discuss the importance of clarity and self-care to have balance between work and life, prioritising family right now.

Michaela explores themes of compassion, perfectionism, and ADHD, sharing personal insights on balancing family life and professional responsibilities. She introduces a framework for sustainable success, focusing on support, systems and self-compassion.

You’re also invited to catch a replay of a masterclass on how to balance your business and life with an ADHD brain, here:
Balancing your Business with an Ambitious ADHD Brain - The Thomas Connection

The doors are open NOW to Michaela’s ADHD membership community, The ADHD Club for ambitious women with bright and busy brains. Join here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub

00:14 Reasons for taking a break from the podcast

01:00 Clarity and Family Priorities

02:17 The links between ADHD and perfectionism

03:06 Support, Systems and Self-Compassion

03:49 The Venn Diagram Framework

12:38 Permission to Seek Support

Having trouble sleeping? Join for some useful tips as Clinical Psychologist Michaela Thomas chats with the brilliant Dr. Ranj Singh - NHS Doctor, Furniture Village Sleep and Wellness Ambassador and TV presenter - about sleep, anxiety and wellbeing.

Discover how sleep is linked with hormone regulation, anxiety, stress, burnout - and even ADHD.

Dr. Ranj shares his top tips for better sleep hygiene, managing stress, and sprinkling some self-compassion into your daily routine. Plus, hear how Dr Ranj handles criticism from social media trolls with grace, and why dancing like nobody's watching might just be the lift we all need.

Ready to give yourself permission to have better sleep? Tune in now!

Connect with Dr Ranj Singh on Instagram: @drranj

We cover:

01:06 The Importance of Sleep

04:22 Short-term and Long-term Effects of Poor Sleep

07:44 Improving Sleep Quality

13:40 Self-Compassion and Sleep

18:05 Purpose and Meaning in Life

24:41 Navigating Social Media and Comparison

28:00 Balancing Inspiration and Pressure

29:33 The Reality of Imperfection

33:19 Finding Joy in Social Connections

38:34 The Power of Authenticity

44:46 Handling Criticism and Social Media

48:19 Final Takeaways and Self-Compassion

Think your sleeping problems are linked with ADHD?
Take a look at Michaela’s ADHD membership community, The ADHD Club:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub

Welcome back to the Pause Purpose Lay podcast with me, Michaela Thomas. In this episode, we explore how to snack well with ADHD by understanding interoceptive cues, common sugar cravings, and the importance of self-compassion. We discuss the challenges ADHD individuals face with food, the impact of ignoring hunger signals, and practical tips to avoid energy crashes and binges. Additionally, I explain how to give yourself permission to snack and manage your energy levels. For those interested, I am offering access to my recent workshop recording on this topic. Join us as we navigate snacking strategies and move away from shame and self-criticism.

https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play Podcast, I discuss the impact of self-kindness on productivity and success, particularly for individuals with ADHD. I address common concerns about self-compassion leading to laziness and explain how being kinder to oneself can enhance effectiveness, reduce burnout, and foster a growth mindset. I also outline three key points: the benefits of kind self-correction vs. self-criticism, the importance of setting boundaries, and the role of rest and recovery in achieving high performance. Plus, I let you know about an upcoming masterclass focused on balancing business and ADHD.

Links:

https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I tackle the often-neglected concept of rest, especially for individuals with ADHD and perfectionists. I present rest as the best-kept secret of high performance, crucial for achieving more and preventing burnout. The episode explores the resistance many feel towards allowing themselves to rest, labelling rest as an act of rebellion against the pressures of a perfectionist, patriarchal society. Through listener questions and personal insights, I discuss the importance of rest for both mental and physical well-being and introduce the Pause Purpose Play Mini Mastermind designed to help ambitious women find balance, meaning, and fun. The episode emphasizes that resting and recovering are essential for achieving ambitious goals sustainably, without falling into the burnout trap.

https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/pause-purpose-play/

This episode features a deep and personal conversation with Holly Matthews, a TV actress turned self-development coach, about the themes of bravery, authenticity, and dealing with grief. Holly shares her journey, starting with her early career in television, her approach to living with bravery and courage rather than confidence, and how writing a bold letter as a child kickstarted her acting career. She discusses the importance of having awkward, gray-area conversations, embracing life's nuances, and how she challenges herself to live boldly. Holly also opens up about the impact of her husband Ross's death from brain cancer on her and her children, how she navigated grief, and how the experience reinforced her determination to help others feel 'more happy and less crappy.' The conversation touches on dealing with ADHD, the value of asking for what you want, and the importance of dropping the ball sometimes to manage the juggle of life's challenges. Holly also provides insights into dealing with online negativity, emphasizing the power of seeing oneself through others' eyes and maintaining authenticity in the face of criticism.

https://www.iamhollymatthews.com/

https://www.instagram.com/iamhollymatthews/

https://www.tiktok.com/@iamhollymatthews

To be one of Michaela's inner circle women in her transformational group coaching, Burn Bright, apply now: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

This podcast episode features a heartwarming conversation between myself and Rachel Maloy, a facilitator of Singing Mamas groups. We discuss the profound impact that singing can have on mental health and well-being, especially for mothers. Rachel shares her personal journey of battling severe anxiety and depression after her son's birth and how discovering Singing Mamas became a pivotal moment in her recovery. She emphasizes the importance of singing as a form of emotional release, community building, and self-care. The episode also includes snippets of Rachel singing, along with a discussion about the benefits of singing for both adults and children, highlighting how it can improve confidence, mental health, and provide a sense of belonging. Rachel encourages listeners, especially mothers, to give themselves permission to prioritize their well-being through singing, exemplifying that everyone can sing and it is never too late to start.

www.singingmamas.org

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

Edited by MyPodcastAssistant

Today's episode was a live conversation between host Michaela and her guest, Kylie, discussing the impactful journey and benefits of investing in one’s well-being through the BurnBright program. Kylie shares her initial hesitations, the significance of building trust through engaging with Michaela’s content, and how making a substantial investment in the program led to personal and professional growth. They delve into the advantages of group coaching over individual sessions, highlighting the community support and the value of shared group experiences. Kylie's transformation from a corporate role to becoming a business owner underscores the program’s pivotal role in helping her find purpose, create space for personal growth, and achieve a sustainable balance between ambition and well-being. Michaela emphasizes the importance of commitment and how the program’s structure, including recorded calls and a supportive online community, facilitates profound personal transformation. The conversation concludes with a call to action for listeners to consider enrolling in BurnBright to explore their paths toward well-being.

To be one of Michaela's inner circle women in her transformational group coaching, Burn Bright, apply now:www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Spaces are limited to six and doors close for this round on the 19th of April!

In this Pause Purpose Play podcast episode, I discuss the challenge of accepting compliments and feeling proud without feeling icky', especially for perfectionistic, high-achieving women. I touch upon the cultural and personal barriers to embracing one's achievements and discuss my personal journey with pride and vulnerability, including my reflections on receiving the award and feeling out of place yet proud at the ceremony. I also share my intention behind the podcast to help women see their own light and strengths. Finally, I announce the upcoming round of her Burn Bright program, emphasising my ethical approach to participant selection and my passion for genuinely helping others.

To be one of Michaela's inner circle women in her transformational group coaching, Burn Bright, apply now:www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Spaces are limited to six and doors close for this round on the 19th of April!

In this episode, I address the common habit of rushing through life, particularly among individuals with ADHD and busy parents. I discuss the negative impacts of constantly being in a rush, such as increased stress, reduced productivity, and potential dangers. I emphasise the importance of slowing down to improve effectiveness, focus, and mental health. I also talk about Neurodiversity Awareness Week, the concept of neurodivergence, and how rushing is often glorified in modern society. The episode delves into strategies for reducing the need to rush, including pausing to assess what's helpful or harmful, and the benefits of rest and recovery. I also highlight my Burn Bright program, which gives women permission to pause and manage the urge to rush, ultimately leading to a more productive and less stressful lifestyle.

Email Michaela to get the on-demand recording of the Spacious Year challenge videos:

info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

To be one of Michaela's inner circle women in her transformational group coaching, Burn Bright, apply now: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Spaces are limited to six and doors close for this round on the 19th of April!

In this podcast episode, Ross, a specialist in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in the workplace, discusses the principles of ACT and its application in both professional and personal settings. ACT, a practical and experiential form of therapy, is explored through its foundational skills of noticing, being active, and open, aimed at enhancing psychological flexibility. Ross shares insights into how these skills help individuals navigate the relentless modern workplace, reduce burnout, and lead more fulfilling lives by aligning actions with personal values. Through metaphors like 'passengers on the bus,' Ross illustrates how to manage internal dialogue and foster a healthier relationship with one's thoughts and feelings. The episode emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, kindness, and taking meaningful actions towards what truly matters, offering listeners practical strategies for improving well-being and effectiveness in their daily lives.

To be one of Michaela's inner circle women in her transformational group coaching, Burn Bright, apply now: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Guest email: ross.peoplesoup@gmail.com

In this episode, I introduce the concept of three flows of compassion – towards others, from others, and self-compassion – and how fears and societal norms can block these flows. I share personal anecdotes about her experiences with vulnerability, such as asking for votes for an Inspirational Modern Woman Award and the implications of unmasking my ADHD in a professional forum. Tying my story to the broader theme of International Women's Day and inspiring inclusion, I emphasize the importance of courage over confidence and becoming a beacon of change. Through sharing the positive feedback and support I received, I aim to inspire listeners to embrace their vulnerabilities, challenge societal norms, and prioritise self-worth and self-compassion in their pursuit of personal and professional success.

This podcast is the concluding part of my Spacious Adventure series. I discuss the concept of courage, reflecting on my experiences of solo travels, and the idea of courage as more important than confidence when stepping out of your comfort zone. I share my approach to planning, balancing structure with the freedom of spontaneity, and the importance of understanding one's limits and comfort levels in creating new experiences. I also underscore the significance of having a support system and planning one's journey in a nuanced manner and invite you the listeners to join a free four-day challenge titled 'Your Spacious Year' starting on 19th March 2024, and also the option of joining a retreat in Vietnam planned for March 2025.

Join the free challenge here: https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/spaciousyear/

In this third part of the Spacious Adventure series on the Pause Purpose Play podcast,I discuss my return from Vietnam, and the need to retain insights and habits cultivated during travel. I highlight understanding one's emotions upon return, resisting guilt or negativity, and practising compassion for oneself. I share the importance of avoiding immediate immersion back into the grind but gradually easing back and giving time to process the adventure, thereby adding more richness to one's daily life. I also provide tips for soothing systems and practices to retain emotions and experiences from travel. I reveal my nomination for the Inspirational Modern Woman of the Year award, highlighting the representation of neurodiversity and mental health it brings, regardless of my winning the award. I also announce a four-day free online challenge to help listeners create their spacious year with more mindful moments, beginning on 19th March.

Vote for Michaela in The Modern Woman of the year award:

https://modernwoman.co/award-vote/

Join the FREE 4-day challenge to create your spacious year:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/spaciousyear

In this episode, I dive deeper into my 'spacious adventure' concept with a focus on energy management. I revisit my experience in Vietnam and describe the balance of achieving upregulation (fun, excitement, and exploration) with downregulation (comforting familiarity, relaxation) to avoid burnout. In this context, I touch upon the impact of Novelty on the ADHD brain and the need for conscious downregulation practices like meditation and yoga. I also emphasise the need for spaciousness, a balance between novelty and comfort, for true restoration. I end the episode with an exciting announcement for a future 'spacious adventure' in Vietnam and invite you the listeners to sign up.

In this episode, I discuss my liberating solo trip to Vietnam and the associated lessons learned about self-compassion, balance, worthiness, partnership, and the importance of letting oneself experience fulfilling adventures.

I emphasise that my husband's support and understanding played a critical role in enabling this journey. I also suggest that listeners consider what their own 'spacious adventure' might look like and encourage them to give themselves permission to pursue these adventures.

I also tease you about an upcoming retreat in Vietnam and invite you to join the next session of my group coaching program, Burn Bright.

In this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast, I examine the concept of resilience, drawing attention to its misuse and negative implications in toxic work environments. I explore how resilience may sometimes lead to burnout, arguing that the idea of 'bouncing back' isn't always helpful. Instead, I also suggest interpreting resilience as self-compassion, which allows individuals to learn from their difficulties. They should be aware of their environments and assertively seek conditions that enable their wellness, rather than accepting detrimental situations due to misinterpreted resilience.

In this episode of the 'Pause Purpose Play Podcast', I discuss the challenges faced by women with ADHD, specifically those women dubbed as 'lost girls' who have been misdiagnosed or unrecognised in their childhood. These challenges include dealing with the sense of overwhelming chaos of ADHD amidst other life responsibilities and the coping mechanisms often developed, such as perfectionism and people-pleasing. I also talk about my personal experience with ADHD, the importance of self-compassion, and how to manage ADHD-related overwhelm.

In this episode, Dr Nilesh Satguru, a GP and self-mastery expert, discusses the importance of compassion and self-mastery in the professional and personal journey. He shares his personal experience and struggles as a GP and how a patient's complaint led him to discover compassion and its transformative power. He emphasised how cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, controlling time and environment, and nurturing inward reflection can drive fulfilment, resilience, and peace. The podcast also touched on forgiveness, emotional resilience, and how self-compassion can help people thrive despite adversities.

In this episode I discuss the themes of perfectionism and compassion, focusing on ADHD and neurodivergence. I illustrate how hyperfocus, a trait often associated with ADHD, can lead to potential burnout and mental health issues, alongside the societal pressures faced by modern women. I call for understanding and compassion for neurodivergent individuals due to the additional challenges they face. I then present a key tip concerning creating spaciousness around challenging tasks and situations to mitigate post-task depletion, assisting in sustainable success. I also give listeners a personal insight into my strategies for managing my hyperfocus and energy during a recent event. Lastly, I extend an invitation to you dear listeners to join my newly-formed ADHD Club, a compassionate community for women.

In this in-depth conversation with Selina Barker, author of 'Burnt Out'! We discuss the significant issues of burnout and perfectionism. Selina details her journey with burnout, the lessons she learned from her workaholic father, and her experiences as a life and career change coach. The conversation explores how societal and individual pressures often contribute to burnout, with a specific focus on women, particularly mothers. Selina emphasizes the importance of managing one's energy and taking regular breaks. The conversation also delves into dealing with the 'shitty committee', a term used by Selina to represent the inner critic and self-critical thoughts, and how understanding this can assist in preventing burnout.

In this episode, we discuss the pattern of burnout seen in individuals diagnosed with ADHD, and how it could be relevant to anyone feeling overwhelmed or overworked. I emphasise the importance of compassion, stepping out of an 'all or nothing' mentality, and learning to correctly interpret the body's cues. Various stages of burnout are described including the 'meerkat' (over productive, driven) and 'sloth' (paralysed, slow) phases. I ask you to understand that ADHD intensifies the burnout cycle. I share my upcoming plans for providing ADHD assessments, coaching, and opening the ADHD club - a supportive, compassionate space for individuals diagnosed with ADHD. And finally, I have suggestions for reducing burnout, such as flexible working and accepting oneself.

The ADHD Club is now open! To learn more about the membership and ADHD assessments, go to: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhd

https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhdclub/

In this episode, I talk about the societal pressure to make vast changes in work, body image, and parenting as a new year begins. I emphasize the importance of self-compassion and being realistic instead of pushing oneself to perfection. I also introduce the distinction between values and goals, explaining that goals should be driven by one's values for sustainability and long-term adherence. We address the frustrations of unrealistic New Year's expectations and the harm of 'shaming and blaming'. My episode ends with a message of self-acceptance and a note of gratitude.

In this episode, I discuss the gamut of emotions that the festive period can trigger, especially for those with traumatic histories or those who are living in non-traditional family setups. I also provide reassurance and practical advice for anyone feeling alone, including professional resources such as the Samaritans hotline. A key focus is on the importance of self-compassion and the acceptance of imperfections during the holiday season. Towards the end of the episode, I gift you a few things to help you through the festive period.

In the previous episodes I have talked about festive perfectionism and festive burnout – basically from doing all the things, and trying to do them perfectly.

This week, I want to continue the theme by thinking about comparison culture at Christmas.

If you feel upset after you’ve seen other people’s pretty Christmas photos, with their kids in matching pyjamas and being all smiles in front of the tree, whilst your kids are murdering each other in the background in your own house, and you draw a deep sigh about the chaos, then this is for you.

I’ll keep it brief, as I know you have a lot on in December. My operations manager and I were reflecting on that over text message this week, with her saying ‘December is a joke’ and me replying ‘December is a joke that isn’t funny’.

I’ve connected with several people through my act of rebellion against a gingerbread house in a recent Instagram reel – yes, I gave it the finger. No, I’m not a Grinch. Go check it out, for the lolz, as the kids say.

The overwhelm is REAL. I’ve noticed that part of that overwhelm and perfectionistic pressure around the holidays is also linked to comparison culture. I was recently interviewed about perfectionism in the Christmas dossier for Psychologies magazine, so you can check that out too for more inspiration around how to let go of perfectionism at Christmas.

Links:

Connect with me on Instagram to see the flippant gingerbread house: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Put your name down on this link to be the first to know about the ADHD membership: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/adhd

Link for advert: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

Do you feel the pressure to have a 'perfect' Christmas?

In this episode, I discuss the concept of festive perfectionism.

This refers to the pressure people put on themselves to achieve a perfect holiday period with perfect crafts, baking, decorations, and activities.

I share tips on how to let go of this pressure and embrace imperfections to find joy and connection in the holidays. Plus I encourage listeners to evaluate what really serves them during the holiday season and to allow themselves to not do everything perfectly.

00:00 Introduction to Festive Perfectionism

01:33 Observations on the Rise of Festive Perfectionism

03:30 Areas of Festive Perfectionism

04:11 Crafts: Embracing Imperfections

05:53 Baking: Tolerating Mess and Imperfection

07:39 Decorating the Tree: Letting Go of Symmetry

08:46 Activities and Days Out: Avoiding Overstretching

09:30 Conclusion: Choosing What to Perfect

To calm the overwhelm you might feel right now, download this free worksheet, Calm the Overwhelm: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

The festive season is a period often riddled with people-pleasing pressures - no wonder you might feel close to burnout.

So, today we're unpacking strategies for maintaining your well-being, amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday commitments.

If you're feeling overwhelmed with the endless to-dos and social expectations that come with this time of year, this episode is for you.

We'll explore how to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and say 'no' when needed, ensuring you enjoy the festivities without sacrificing your peace of mind.

Get ready to learn how to navigate the season with joy and balance.

Here are the highlights:

(1:25) Prioritizing self-care during the holiday season

(3:20) Managing workload and setting boundaries

(7:17) Taking time for yourself this Christmas

(9:21) Managing holiday stress and perfectionism

Find out more:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

Download this free PDF on how to calm the overwhelm - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

Today, we’re delving into the importance of self-care, especially when you're not feeling your best.

In this episode, we're exploring how to balance your needs with your daily demands.

I’m offering practical advice on giving yourself permission to rest and recover.

Whether it's a common cold or a more pressing health issue, we must listen to our bodies and adjust our activities accordingly.

So, get ready to learn how to care for yourself in a way that respects your body and your busy schedule.

Here are the highlights:
(1:14) Self-care and prioritizing physical health
(5:32) Managing physical health conditions while maintaining ambition
(9:02) Self-care during illness
(13:16) Self-care and permission to prioritize needs

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

Welcome to this episode where humour, resilience, and the rollercoaster of motherhood take centre stage.

Today, we're thrilled to have the incredibly talented Emily-Jane Clark, a comedy TV writer and author, whose witty perspective on life's ups and downs is both refreshing and relatable.

Emily's journey through postnatal depression, anxiety, and OCD, coupled with her unique approach to tackling these challenges through humour, offers not only laughter but a deep sense of connection.

In this episode, we delve into how humour can be a powerful tool in dealing with life's complexities.

Get ready for a blend of heartwarming insights and laughter-inducing moments!

Here are the highlights:
(3:19) Writing, motherhood, and mental health
(11:28) Societal pressure and insecurity in motherhood
(19:59) OCD habits and their impact on anxiety
(22:46) Using humour to cope with dark topics
(29:17) Managing OCD and anxiety with personal insights
(39:20) Writing children's books with humour and purpose
(42:02) Coping with motherhood and mental health

Emily's website: https://www.emilyjaneclark.com/

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

“Good enough” is not a curse word.

“Good enough” is not a sign of failure.

“Good enough” is workable.

“Good enough” will set you free.

In today’s episode, we’re reflecting on how much time we’ve wasted on things that don't really matter.

All because we didn't allow ourselves permission to do things just “good enough”.

Join me today as we discuss how “good enough” will save you time, energy, and potentially money.

Here are the highlights:
(1:41) Imperfections and self-compassion
(6:28) Avoiding burnout for female entrepreneurs
(9:20) Embracing imperfection during the holidays
(13:55) Letting go of perfection and embracing “good enough”

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

When thinking about your capacity, consider looking at your energy levels as a battery.

This is all about energy management.

You don’t want to be running on empty.

You want to be at capacity, doing all the things that matter most to you.

This is especially important if you feel overwhelmed or rundown.

So, join me as we discuss what drains your battery and energy.

Here are the highlights:
(1:58) Energy management for busy people
(6:20) Burnout prevention for ambitious women
(8:02) Managing energy and self-compassion
(12:14) Setting clear boundaries

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

Women come to me saying they have no energy.

We have demands on our time, pressures on our capacity, drains on our energy and expectations on our performance.

No wonder we feel frantic and overwhelmed when we juggle that much.

That's why I don’t do morning routines.

But there are things we can do instead.

So, join me as we discuss energy, nervous system activation, and how to soften rigid rules into something more manageable.

Here are the highlights:
(1:42) Managing energy levels in ADHD
(5:26) Avoiding burnout for female entrepreneurs
(6:57) Flexible self-care options
(9:59) Morning routines and self-care

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

People pleasing goes hand in hand with perfectionism and compassion.

And most of the time, people pleasers struggle with saying no.

They spread themselves too thin by agreeing to things they don't want, or have the capacity to do.

It can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, irritation, and even burnout when we repeatedly ignore our own limits, in order to please others.

So, join me today as we discuss people pleasing, saying no and setting boundaries.

Here are the highlights:
(1:43) People pleasing and setting boundaries
(5:33) Burnout prevention for women in business
(7:33) Setting boundaries in relationships
(10:32) Prioritizing self-care

Here is the link to my workshop - People Pleasing in Relationships.

Not every perfectionistic person has impostor syndrome.

Not everyone who is bothered by impostor syndrome has perfectionism.

But there is an overlap between the two.

The fear of being found out as a fraud can make us feel that we’re not good enough.

So, today we're talking about impostor syndrome with my guest Jill Stoddard.

So, if you’re bothered by these feelings whenever you do something new, this episode is for you.

Join us.

Here are the highlights:
(3:08) Imposter syndrome impacting successful women
(13:29) Those feelings of self-doubt
(22:57) Vulnerability and imposter syndrome
(28:30) Burnout for women in leadership
(36:58) Growth and midlife clarity
(44:12) Imposter syndrome impacting success
(46:56) Your inner self-criticism

Find out more:

Order Jill's book Impostor No More here:

Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career: Amazon.co.uk: Stoddard, Jill A.: 9781472148773: Books

Jill's website: https://jillstoddard.com/

Are you a perfectionist?

Perhaps you put a lot of pressure on yourself?

Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed with lots on your plate?

There are many ways the pressure of perfection can affect us.

So today, I’m discussing letting go of that pressure.

Join me, as we give ourselves permission to make progress over perfection.

Here are the highlights:
(1:10) Perfectionism and inner work
(4:49) Overcoming perfectionism and burnout
(8:29) Perfectionism and progress
(11:18) Improving relationships, health and wealth

Find out more:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright
info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

This episode has a little twist.

Because today we’re talking about nutrition.

I'm bringing back my fabulous guest, Thalia Pellegrini, a registered nutritional therapist.

You might think nutrition is just about food.

But there's so much more to it than that.

So, join us as we discuss nutrition, and learn how to nourish ourselves while being more self-compassionate through what we put on our plates.

Here are the highlights:
(2:52) Nutritional therapy for women’s health
(10:09) Food and our mental health
(18:41) Burnout prevention for female entrepreneurs
(26:01) Healthy eating habits
(34:19) Nutrition and psychology for better health

Find out more:

Thalia's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thaliapellegrini_nutrition/

Thalia's website: https://www.thaliapellegrini.com/

Join the transformational group coaching programme Burn Bright before the 27th of September to see a full recording of this episode: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Welcome to today’s bonus episode.

Things can get stressful at this time of year, with our kids going back and starting school.

We have a lot going on.

So, today I’m opening up about my experiences over the last few days.

Join me, to hear how I used mindfulness tools to stop, breathe and notice.

Here are the highlights:
(2:06) Being spontaneous
(5:44) Tricky transitions
(9:35) Compassionate responses
(13:42) Gaslighting yourself

People pleasing, setting boundaries, trusting yourself.

These are just a few topics I’m touching on today.

I’m joined by Natalie Costa, an award-winning coach, speaker, author and founder of Power Thoughts.

So, if you’re someone who has a mean inner critical voice, or you’re a bit of an overworker, then this episode is for you.

Join us.

Here are the highlights:
(2:18) This episode is for YOU
(7:27) Bringing toxic work culture into your own business
(16:06) How the nervous system is impacted by the programme
(20:07) The power of self-compassion and mindfulness
(29:26) Feeling scared about your worth
(36:58) How to find Natalie and her work

Find out more:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to ask Michaela about Burn Bright.

Natalie’s website: www.powerthoughts.co.uk

Natalie’s Instagram: www.instagram.com/powerthoughtsnc

Natalie’s previous episode on Pause Purpose Play: https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/power-thoughts-with-natalie-costa/

It’s easy to obsess over removing every imperfection.

We all know how hard it is to let things go when we don't feel that they’re ready.

So today, I’m answering your questions about letting go of ‘perfect’.

Join me, and let’s make more progress.

Here are the highlights:
(3:14) Just doing it
(6:45) How to burn bright
(9:39) Letting go
(13:24) Life coaching

I provide both coaching and therapy, and can identify which intervention is best suited to you and your current life circumstances, in a way that life coaches cannot.

I am so passionate about this that I am running a free masterclass about it on the 13th of September at 12.00 called

No Regrets-Build the life you want to live.

https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/noregrets

The other exciting news is that the doors are now OPEN to Burn Bright for this round’s applications.

I won’t open the doors again until January 2024, so if this is for you–make sure to book a call with me in September.

Register your interest on

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

and I will answer any questions you have.

Application form for Burn Bright : https://info859178.typeform.com/to/xteAuHmx

Email me questions:info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

The focus of this episode is connection and compassion. If you are a high achiever or constantly busy, you need to be aware of the connections you are making every day and how they are affecting your life.

I want to help you understand how to connect with yourself, with others, and with your work so that you live life with a sense of pride and meaning.

So join me as I give you some journal prompts to help you connect with what truly aligns with your values.

Here are the highlights from this episode:

(01:56) Connection over perfection

(03:09) Live life in a way that matters to you

(06:18) Regrets about not living authentically

(07:19) Authenticity also feeds connection

(10:27) What is the thing that matters most to you?

You can find my FREE masterclass - How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out HERE.

You can book a clarity call with me, to work on shame through compassion HERE.

The next intake of Burn Bright starts on the 4th of October, read more here:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

In today’s episode, I’m going to be talking about how you miss all of the shots you don’t take.

If you don’t ask for something you’re never going to get it.

I share stories about when I went out of my comfort zone to ask for what I deserved and how it has had a positive impact on my life.

Here are the highlights:

(06:32) Ask!

(08:23) Burn bright without burning out

(09:55) Why do women struggle with this?

(13:22) How to ask for what you need

(16:07) Have everything good, and then some

You can find my FREE masterclass - How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out HERE.

You can book a clarity call with me, to work on shame through compassion HERE.

The next intake of Burn Bright starts on the 4th of October, read more here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright

Today's episode is all about the pressure of perfectionism!

I'm joined by Thomas Curran, a psychology professor at the London School of Economics and the author of The Perfection Trap. Thomas has spent a lot of time uncovering how societal pressures are a big driving force of perfectionism. Today, Thomas explains how personality traits are linked to perfectionism and how this can impact mental health.

We’ll delve into some of the pressures that lead to it and debunk misconceptions surrounding perfectionism and look at how it affects our lives and overall performance.

Highlights:

(12:38) It’s about trying to repair what you think is an imperfect self

(14:59) Success is like a bottomless pit

(19:27) Perfectionistic fantasies

(26:01) Looking at the world from a different lens

(28:26) It’s not healthy to be obsessive

(36:20) Trying to overcompensate

(41:25) You have to exist in a period of unknown

(55:00) It’s about leaving something in the world

You can connect with Thomas here

Twitter: @thom_curran;

LinkedIn: thom-curran

You can find my FREE masterclass - How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out HERE.

You can book a clarity call with me, to work on shame through compassion HERE.

Today we’re exploring an emotion.

That ‘cringe’ emotion.

That hiding-behind-a-pillow emotion.

That fear-of-being-judged-by-others emotion.

Shame.

Join me today, and learn to soothe shame with compassion and connection.

Here are the highlights: (2:12) Shame and guilt (5:20) Fitting in (10:43) Peace with the past (14:20) Burning bright

You can find my FREE masterclass - How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out HERE.

You can book a clarity call with me, to work on shame through compassion HERE.

In this episode, I will share something I haven't shared on this podcast before.

My hope is that you will feel seen. I want to boldly unmask what has been happening in my life and how I am evolving because I know you might be experiencing something similar.

Join me as I open up about self-worth, self-compassion, and neurodiversity.

Highlights:

(02:04) An evolution of growth

(04:17) It’s nobody's fault!

(06:40) Sense of liberation

(07:54) 5 hours of free coaching

(12:08) Things you need to get started

(13:15) Realise that you are not alone!

If you want to be part of the ADHD/perfectionism focus group and receive a free 1:1 session, reach out to me on info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

If you want to join my waiting list to be the first to hear about my offerings for perfectionistic, anxious ADHDers, enter your details here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/ADHD

Burn Bright masterclass:

https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright

As mothers especially, we lack compassion for ourselves, and we don't implement self-care even though we know it's good for us and, better yet, that we deserve it!

We should not ignore our needs because we are meeting everyone else's. All this does is drain us. We can choose to change!

This episode looks at the necessary self-care and then looks at the tips for inviting more nourishing self-care into our day-to-day routines.

Highlights:

(02:08) You have no time for you when

(08:51) Which version of yourself will your children see?

(09:53) What are your warning signs?

(10:38) Yes but…

(11:04) Get a pocket of pause

(11:37) Doing self care can be small!

(13:54) Create your own rhythm

You can download my free worksheet, Calm the Overwhelm, here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

Join us at the event I am hosting together with Sam Dhu, a recent guest on the podcast. Read more here: Nourishing You » Powered by ThriveCart

Order my book, The Lasting Connection – develop love and compassion for yourself and your partner here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Sometimes life can be tough. We all experience hard knocks, and it always feels everything comes at you at once.

It can be overwhelming – I get it, and I am hear for you!

In this episode we are going to talk about how you can tackle those hard knocks with compassion and strength, so that you come out of the other side better than ever.

The brutal truth is that hard knocks are not easy to just grin and bear. They challenge us and they can get the worst out of us. Just remember: you can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.

Let’s get through this together!

Highlights from this episode:

(03:43) Reframing hard knocks as learning experiences

(05:32) Hard knocks at work

(09:5) Finding your feet when technology fails you

(11:26) Speaking to yourself with grace

https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/nourishing-you/

Do you give yourself the permission to look after yourself?

In this week’s episode, I’m having a deep chat with my old colleague and friend, Sam Dhu.

Sam is an amazing psychotherapist, coach, business owner and a nurturing mother. She's all about helping women realise their worth and thrive, not just survive.

We're tackling self-worth, permission, societal pressures and letting go of perfection. It's not just about the pay check, it's about meaningful work that truly makes you happy.

Plus, we have a special announcement about our upcoming event in central London on August 12th!

Can't wait for you to hear this episode! Let's dive in.

https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/nourishing-you/

Highlights:

(7.30) The link between perfectionism and self-worth.

(10.17) The cycle between stagnation and procrastination.

(15:57) The connection between success and worth.

(19:37) You don’t need to be exceptional to make an impact.

(25.48) The inner critic and inner bully.

(29.05) The importance of self-compassion and self-worth.

How do you prepare for a period of stress?

And more importantly, how do you recharge your batteries after a stressful event?

It is so important to know how to decompress, so in this episode I talk through some of the things you can do to bookend those stressful periods, whether it’s a one-off event or a high pressure job.

Highlights:

(01:51) Practice what you teach

(04:07) Making space for rest and recovery

(05:42) Burn bright without burning out

(07:23) The three questions to ask yourself

(09:16) Stress peaks vs periods of stress

Come along to my beautiful in person event with my friend Sam Dhu, Nourishing You, in London on the 12th of August: https://thethomasconnection.thrivecart.com/nourishing-you/

Watch the replay of the FREE masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, founders, and CEOs wanting to create more impact in the world, with less impact on themselves!

How to Burn Bright, Without Burning Out (thethomasconnection.lpages.co)

How do you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror? Today I want us to address the pressure that comes with looking perfect.

For example, society has made us believe being thinner will make us happier but it doesn't!

Let’s take a deeper dive to understand why.

Highlights:

(00:59) More content with yourself

(02:25) The Model Manifesto

(06:32) Time consuming

(09:08) Sense of preoccupation

(10:17) The good girl narrative

What happens when perfectionists come to the realisation that they want to change?

In this episode, I want to explore perfectionism and why it takes time to change. I also explore how patience is key to sustainable and long-lasting change.

Here are the highlights: (01:00) Patience is key.

(2:56) What gets in the way of living a meaningful life?

(4:57) Finding a new path to the jungle.

(7:02) Give yourself time.

(12:39) Shedding the skin.

You can find Matthew’s website and book HERE.

Michaela's book, The Lasting Connection, can be found here:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Michaela's online course for couples:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thecompassionatecouple

Watch the replay of the FREE masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, founders, and CEOs wanting to create more impact in the world, with less impact on themselves!

How to Burn Bright, Without Burning Out (thethomasconnection.lpages.co)

Today I'm joined by relationship coach and author, Matthew Fray.

Matthew wasn’t always a writer.

It all started with a blog post.

Matthew wrote one post online about how his wife left him because he left dishes by the sink.

But it wasn’t really about the dishes.

Join us today to hear how Matthew leans on the lessons of his own divorce to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did.

Here are the highlights: (3:11) Matt’s blog (5:13) Dishes by the sink (11:20) A hard pill to swallow (19:56) Relativism and pain (25:00) Ended relationships (32:56) Awareness and compassion

You can find Matthew’s website and book HERE.

Michaela's book, The Lasting Connection, can be found here:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Michaela's online course for couples:

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thecompassionatecouple

Watch the replay of the FREE masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, founders, and CEOs wanting to create more impact in the world, with less impact on themselves!

How to Burn Bright, Without Burning Out (thethomasconnection.lpages.co)

I want you to think about the kind of life you're trying to create.

What would life be like if you were more compassionate with yourself?

Why would you want to let go of ‘perfect’ when society demands that of you?

It’s all about letting go of the pursuit of perfection.

Join me today to hear how all this can help you create a more spacious life.

Here are the highlights: (1:29) Just keep going (2:50) Stepping out of perfectionism (6:05) A compassionate mind (9:45) Who do you want to be (11:40) Compassionate minds

In this episode, I want to talk about procrastination and how you can feel compassion for yourself for your own avoidance.

So let me ask you, have you recently procrastinated again? Have you wasted time scrolling on your phone? Maybe you've gotten down a rabbit hole on Instagram.

I share my tips on how to end procrastination and become more productive.

Here are the highlights:

(3:51) All art is unfinished.

(7:51) Systems processes and focus tools.

(10:06) Boom and bust cycle.

(11:47) Why perfectionism can feed procrastination.

(13:23) The seven steps to breaking procrastination.

Today we’re looking at fear of failure and making mistakes.

This is a big one.

We all hate it. We all try to avoid it.

Recently, failure has become more discussed and socially accepted.

We see podcasts and books on the topic, yet we don't feel less cringy when we mess up.

So, join me for this episode as I outline my tips on tolerating the fear of failure and making mistakes.

Here are the highlights:
(2:05) What is the problem?
(4:13) Get comfortable with the uncomfortable
(5:53) Self-worth
(7:36) Forgiving yourself
(8:51) Human brains are tricky

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaela-thomas/

Today we’re thinking about performance, pacing, permission and pressure.

Lots of P words.

I like P words.

Ask yourself, why does your productivity and performance fluctuate?

Why do you procrastinate?

Well, join me for today’s episode because I'm bringing you my three tips on sustainable productivity.

Here are the highlights:
(1:57) Pressure doesn’t equal productive
(4:37) Pacing before burnout
(7:39) Consistency is key
(9:19) Meditation goals

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This is the story of my why and my vulnerability.
Purpose often comes from a story of pain and today I want to tell you about mine.
I hope that the experiences I’ve gone through will remind you that you are not alone!
You too can start to live your purpose and start to feel free!

Here are the highlights:
(02:21) Purposeful work
(03:22) The worried well!

(03:39) Vitality and joy
(03:59) Good girl conditioning
(04:54) I couldn't do it anymore!

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

If you have a strong inner critical voice, then this episode is for you!

Sometimes, your inner critic can be full of fear and doubt. It can be angry or subtle, driving a commentary in the back of your mind.

In whatever form it takes, the inner critic is difficult to ignore.

Today, we'll talk about the forms it takes, why you have it, how it protects you, and what to do about this voice.

Here are the highlights:

(05:00) Mantras of meanness
(05:55) What shape does it take?

(06:27) Why do we do it?

(07:48) Fear!
(08:22) The punishment doesn’t fit the crime

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Welcome to the Pause Purpose Play podcast.

This podcast is for you if you're a high-striving, ambitious working woman.

If you want to burn bright without the stress of juggling work with life.

It’s about stepping out of overthinking and embracing imperfection for more fun and freedom.

So, join me to hear my tips on navigating this tricky life using pause, purpose and play.

Here are the highlights:

(00:28) Burning bright

(00:49) Pause Purpose Play

(1:00) What to expect

(1:20) Taking the leap

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

What gets in your way when it comes to implementing change?

How does your inner critical voice stop you from improving your life and being kinder to yourself?

Today, we're exploring the stories that show up in our minds.

Here are the highlights:

(02:35) All-or-nothing patterns.

(03:27) These stories can be rewritten.

(04:17) Compassion

(05:31) Action taking!

(09:25) Long lasting change

Today we're talking about difficult conversations in the workplace.

Lots of us have people-pleasing tendencies, and we may not like conflict.

This can make it difficult to set boundaries or say no to things.

Our nervous system can kick in and freak us out.

So today, I'm talking to Louisa Clarke.

She’s guiding us in setting boundaries whilst acting in line with our values.

Here are the highlights:

(2:50) Meet Louisa
(5:08) Power dynamics
(12:38) How to say no
(17:19) Not a people pleaser?
(23:25) Trapped in resentment
(29:52) Giving permission

You can find out more about Louisa via her website HERE.

You can connect with Louisa on LinkedIn HERE.

Why is that you overthink your every decision? You consider every angle, so you end up not taking action? Or you take action only when you have to, to meet a deadline? Maybe you want to dot all the i's and cross all the t's, until it's perfect?

What is overthinking costing you, in terms of energy levels and productivity? Could you be spending that time more wisely?

Last episode, I mentioned that I will be talking about procrastination today. And this is such a big topic, that I decided to make it a series. Overthinking is definitely part of procrastination, so let’s start there.

In this short episode, you’ll learn:

a way of noticing that you are stuck in overthinking
a simple tool to interrupt overthinking and indecisiveness
an easy step to take to get you started on an action

Please rate and review this podcast - to help others discover it!

Download my FREE guide to calm the overwhelm:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Do you know anyone in your life that you think could do with being a bit kinder to themselves? Someone who could do with slowing down a bit or maybe not working so hard?

Responding to others with compassion can not only help them to feel better, but it also helps us feels better - as doing good, feels good. It can also help us to be more compassionate to ourselves.

In this short solo episode, I look at what treating others with kindness, care and compassion does to our brains, and I invite you to try it too.

Find out more about my book, The Lasting Connection at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Change is hard. Have you decided to change any of your habits this year? Want to be healthier in some way, or shave off some of your annoying sides?

Well, my friend: If nothing changes, nothing changes.

In this solo episode, I look at how we can change our habits by embracing failure, so make sure you have a pen and paper handy, because I have six tips for changing habits for you at the end.

To watch my free masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out, go to: https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Can a little pause really make a big difference? What does pausing add to our lives - and why don’t you want to do it? I’ll be discussing this and more with my guest today, Chris Johnson.

Chris Johnson, PsyD., is the founder of Q4 Consulting, Inc. and the Core Presence Institute™. Her passion is cultivating exemplary leaders, collaborative teams, healthy workplaces, and thriving communities.

In this episode we talk about -

Making peace with pausing, accepting that you need to rest
Why pausing is important for us in our work
The double-edge sword of pausing, feeling both calming and scary
When pausing, we notice thoughts and feelings we want to avoid
Mindfulness and pausing is not a panacea for feeling good
The benefits of pausing - in our work, relationships and wider life
Permission to allow yourself to pause and take a break
Pausing helps us move into flow and productivity
Passion, pleasure, potential and purpose being linked with pausing
Why pausing matters for leaders
‘Permacrisis’ – permanently being in crisis from pandemic, political unrest and cost of living crisis
Ways to pause and the power of being here now
The resistance to stop being linked from rushing, urgency, impatience, busyness
Martial arts, yoga, dance and other body based activities into mindfulness and pausing

You can find out more about Chris at www.q4-consulting.com or email her at DrChris@Q4-consulting.com

To watch my free masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out, go to: https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

This podcast is produced by Emily Crosby Media.

Follow your passion!

But do so sustainably, so you're not flirting with burnout.

As it is easy to overdo it when you are passionate about making an impact. Too much of a good thing is still too much. This short solo episode covers:

Tips for following your passion sustainably, the importance of downtime for a purposeful life, and how you make wise decisions about protecting your capacity and harnessing your energy, to better utilise your potential.

Remember: if you burn out, you cannot burn bright.

To watch my free masterclass for ambitious female entrepreneurs, How to Burn Bright Without Burning Out, go to: https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Do you work too many hours or push yourself to achieve things even at your own detriment?

You want to be successful, but maybe you’re not clear on what success looks like for you, and confuse it with what the patriarchal definition of productivity looks like – clocking up at least 40 hours a week.

This solo episode was an experiment – recording an Instagram live mini training onto the podcast at the same time, with any free flow imperfections that brought, so turn the volume down a bit for better audio.

The session focused on your relationship with five factors which influence how you get stuck in a rat race at work and in your business – your relationship with success, with yourself, with productivity, with achievement, and with comparison with others.

Listen to this episode to learn more about:

How do you define what successful means? The inner work we do helps us level up in our business too
Masculine energy and definition of performance rules, meaning working 40 plus hours a week to be ‘productive’.
Corporate hangover – need to be constantly doing something to be productive, face time at the office
Attaching your self-worth to achievement, then you will feel like a failure when you make a mistake
Comparisonitis and how understandable it is

When you DO address these patterns, you can start to build more enjoyment.

As it is SO common to get stuck into these patterns of overworking, please share this episode and talk to your friends about it. It is possible to unpick and change these patterns.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

Are you passionate about changing the world? About bridging the gender pay gap, or otherwise minimising the marginalisation of women? About doing good in the world, wanting to help others? Perhaps you want to do SO MUCH, that you get so overwhelmed you end up taking no action at all?

Then listen up, as whatever impact you want to have, you need to consider how you minimise the negative impact on yourself in the process, to avoid burnout.

In this episode, I speak to inspirational Keri Jarvis, who is a Developmental Coach, Intersectional Feminist & Community Activist.

In this episode we talk about:

Feminism as equity for all
Our inability to escape marginalization
Outwitting the patriarchy is a scam
You can’t mindset away systemic factors
Lack and scarcity
The programming behind ambition
Your perception is real - women do more
The systemic issues with self-care as burnout solution
How we can make an impact, achieving changes to the systems with less impact on us
The danger of ‘saviouring’ - being the best at changing things is a patriarchal capitalist norm
Our worth is not in our productivity
Taking messy, imperfect action to do good
Not being perfectionist about helping
The effects of overextending yourself
Rest as resistance against the toxic productivity narrative
Play as following our body’s urges

You'll find Keri at https://kerijarvis.com/

Keri referenced the book Rest is Resistance by the Nap Ministry - https://thenapministry.com/

Find out more about my transformation 6 month group coaching Burn Bright at https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Working mothers are more vulnerable to burnout today, juggling the demands of work with caring responsibilities.

I know what it's like to run a business and to navigate two young kids. It's not easy, and it's not perfect.

I hope that this solo episode will help you realise and recognise some of the patterns in yourself which might mean that you're on the path towards burnout, or help prevent you from replicating patterns of previous burnout.

To avoid hitting burnout and creating a work/life balance serving both your well-being and your bank balance, sign up to my free webinar How to Burn Bright without Burning Out on 10th February at 12.00 (replay available after this date) https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

In this episode, you’ll learn more about why striving for perfect in your business burns you out – and what to do about it. We’ll cover three big problems female entrepreneurs face when juggling their business with their home life – and also think about three common patterns of perfectionism which make make business owners struggle.

Sign up to my free webinar How to Burn Bright without Burning Out on 10th February https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.

In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the pain in.

Tamu Thomas is a Qualified Social Worker & Somatic Coach. She helps high-achieving women feel emotionally safe so they can recover from toxic productivity & under-living.

We cover:

Overfunctioning impacts your body
Somatic coaching, whole body approach
Conditioned to over-productivity
Appreciate the joy in every day
Negativity bias blocking present joy
Taking care of pain, fear, sorrow
Toxic productivity and unrealistic expectations
‘Hack’s for overfunctioning dismiss humanity
Showing up for ourselves with trust
Western culture treating people as machines
Fight/flight - got to be productive
Freeze - overwhelmed
‘Not enough’ness, proving your worth
Resistance to slow down, preparing for sleep with bedtime routine
False sense of control from over working
Working with yourself, not on yourself - you’re not a project
Harmony improves productivity in a nourishing way
Polyvagal theory and feeling safe

Tamu can be found at www.livethreesixty.com and @livethreesixty on Instagram

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do we heal difficult experiences from our childhood?And how to they impact us as adults, in our relationships?How do painful childhood experiences shape our attachment styles?

In this, my most popular episode, I talk to Thais Gibson about attachment styles, trauma and the unconscious mind keeping a score of what we've been through, giving rise to protective behaviours, which can ultimately still be changed. Thais Gibson is an author, speaker and co-creator of the Personal Development School, best known for her contributing work and research on Attachment Theory and the impact of attachment trauma on our adult romantic relationships. She overlaps attachment trauma challenges with personal core wounds, limiting beliefs and emotional patterns at the subconscious level to give us deeper insight into ourselves and our relationships.

We talk about

4:58 Thais' story9:15 Bringing a high achieving attitude to recovery11:30 Noticing a critical inner voice13:30 Thais' recovery from addiction16:42 Healing attachment pain from childhood18:10 Internalising our upbringing21:00 Patterns in attachment styles - 22:44 Securely attached - 24:54 Insecure dismissive - 27:42 Anxious preoccupied - 30:22 Fearful avoidant35:43 Steps to combat protest behaviours44:54 The benefits of inner work54:31 Why we self-sabotage

Find out more about Thais at www.personaldevelopmentschool.com

Thais Gibson on Youtube

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

When is enough enough? If you find yourself burnt out from the corporate environment, trying to be all things to all people, should you stay or should you leave? Is it worth holding on and hope for thing to improve, or are the gestures that organizations make towards mental health awareness not enough? These are the issues I’ll be tackling today with my guest, Fiona Kearns.

Fiona Kearns is a business psychologist who helps people get rid of self doubt, to feel confident about playing huge in life and work. She loves the thrill of helping clients manage their impostor syndrome to become confident, visible and more impactful.

In this episode we talk about:

Coming back after burnout
Boundaries and strategies for being sustainable in work
Women needing to be ‘less nice’ and push back
Finding who can support you at work
Documenting your experiences, collecting evidence to protect yourself
Victim blaming and gaslighting
Compassion and validation of your emotions
The ‘golden handcuffs’ forcing you to stay
Job sharing to focus on results and working optimally in less time
Strategies for being sustainable at work
Add fun back in outside work to reclaim your life
Are organizations changing for the better?

You'll find Fiona under Kearns Consultancy.https://kearnsconsultancy.com/

Find out more and join the waitlist for Burn Bright at https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Do you feel overstretched by constantly reaching for your stretchy goals? Are you scared to retreat to your comfort zone for fear of playing it small?

In this episode, I explain the zones of comfort, confidence, challenge and compassion, and how moving between them when you need to, can help you reach your goals without burnout.

This is going to be a short episode, but if you're able to get a pen and paper out, try to jot down a few things as you're listening., because this could be potentially life changing. If you can find the way to address these different zones differently in your life, in your work, in your business, in your job, in your parenting, with your friends, whatever it might be, this could potentially change your life.

Find out more and join the waitlist for Burn Bright at https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Are you hooked on the idea of the perfect diet? If only you could eat right, everything else would fall into place? This week’s guest, nutritional therapist Thalia Pellegrini, believes that you can give up striving for the perfect diet, and learn to nourish yourself instead.

In this episode we talk about:

The pressure from the nutrition industry to have a perfect diet - what even IS a perfect diet?
Thalia’s experience of becoming a mother and how she navigates children and sugar
What happens when we eat too much sugar, plus managing blood sugar and breakfast
Making peace with whatever food you are eating, with self-compassion, and why what we eat has nothing to do with will power
Adding nutritious foods in, rather than cutting things out and making them taboo

We also talked about eating intuitively, vegetarianism and the perimenopause.

Find Thalia’s free five minute breakfast recipes at www.thaliapellegrini.com

Instagram @thaliapellegrini_nutrition or email thalia@thaliapellegrini.com

Find out more and join the waitlist for Burn Bright at https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, Michaela explores why overworking doesn't make you more productive. Why more doesn’t always mean more. Why overworking and powering through so often leads to burn out.

If you have been doing really long hours, maybe working on the weekends pushing through into the evenings, this episode is for you.

Find out more and join the waitlist for Burn Bright at https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/burn-bright/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

If you’re overwhelmed by busy-ness and the need to do all the things, then this episode is for you.

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, Michaela chats with Chris Lovett about the benefits of minimalism in life and work - and how breaking up with 'busy' helps you create more impact through renewed focus.

We cover:

Minimalism is about having only valuable items and experiences
Value and use rather than joy
Improved productivity and focus
Passing things on/doing good gives you a dopamine kick
Ripple effects of the act of letting go
Link between letting go physically and mentally
Reframing success to move away from more stuff
Attachment to urgency and rushing
52% of people have felt burnout post pandemic
Lying to yourself about the need to plate-spin
Mental benefits of getting rid of the internal clutter
Being a disruptor and rebel
Having the skill of saying no
The leader of the future won’t be busy
Patience with change
Pushback allows you to have the conversation
Stop helping people at your own detriment
Tips on how to get started
- Use your out of office
- Try an experiment
- Don’t go to every meeting you’re invited to
- Have a lunch break
- Ask more questions
- Leave your emails for longer
Permission to stop

Discovery of LESS: How I Found Everything I Wanted Underneath Everything I Owned, by Chris Lovett

www.lessisprogress.com

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

Chris Lovett is an author, executive & simplicity coach, speaker, career mentor and minimalist. Discovery of LESS: How I Found Everything I Wanted Underneath Everything I Owned, by Chris Lovett www.lessisprogress.com

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Discovery of LESS: How I Found Everything I Wanted Underneath Everything I Owned

Do you say no? Can you set boundaries?

This re-released episode is one of my most listened to, because setting boundaries to protect your energy is so difficult.

I talked to Naketa Ren Thigpen, about how setting boundaries helps us create balance in our lives.

Naketa R. Thigpen, LCSW, is the go-to relationship advisor for fast-scaling married women entrepreneurs and power couples seeking to balance love and success without dimming or apologizing for their spirited ambition.

We talk about

3:55 Being a recovering perfectionist 6:30 Naketa's life experience 8:39 Giving high striving people permission to slow down 10:30 The effects of the pandemic on high striving people 13:42 The connection between our relationships and our businesses 15:42 Community not competition 16:38 Creating balance 17:40 Shedding old expectations 21:41 The boundaries Naketa sets for herself 23:18 Friendship expectations 26:45 Sharing from personal experience 27:18 Writing the book 'Selfish' 29:08 Reclaiming the word selfish 34:45 Feminism 36:18 Talking from a scar, not an open wound 41:23 A message to Naketa's younger self 44:22 Being a woman of colour in business

Naketa's website - https://thigpro.com/

Find Selfish here

Book a call with me about my group coaching programme Burn Bright here:

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Selfish: Permission to Pause, Live, Love and Laugh Your Way to Joy

Taking a break is hard.

I have had a podcast break. I’ve been working on something behind the scenes: Burn Bright, my high touch group coaching programme for ambitious women who want to make an impact, with less impact on themselves.

I am all about finding balance over burnout – no more late nights working to clear your to do list, no more ‘doing all the things, all at once’ and feeling so wired that you struggle to switch off even when you’re NOT working.

As I needed to create this programme fully embodying what I teach others, I had to cut myself a bunch of slack and give myself a break with the podcast.

Therefore I will be re-releasing some of my most loved episodes, to celebrate having reached the milestone of 100 episodes!

To celebrate my successes without the second guesses.

Let me know in the comments if you ever give yourself this permission to temporarily pause something, to protect your energy and focus!

Find out more about Burn Bright here - https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Stopping when you’re really busy is hard - there is just too much to do! Right?

But if you’re getting overwhelmed, to the point where you’re not actually getting anything done (hello procrastination!), that’s the time for you to take a break. To protect your energy and ultimately also help you reach your goals better when you return from the break.

You’ll be more productive when you are rested, and have bigger impact.

In this short solo episode, I share some vulnerability around how I had to take a break in the middle of launching my new group coaching programme, Burn Bright, as I otherwise would have been replicating old patterns of perfectionism and burnout. I needed some rest and recovery, so I took it, knowing that pushing through is not the answer. It wasn’t easy, I had to set a gentle boundary with myself, like not taking my laptop with me on my holiday and staying off social media.

If you struggle with this, and want to know how to take a break before you break, register for my Masterclass “How to burn bright without burning out” here: https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/

Email me for more details about my coaching programme Burn Bright - info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Being a pioneer, doing things differently and breaking the mould of what is expected of you can be linked with both success AND big feelings of worry around failure.

In this episode, I talk to pop princess and coach Harriet Starling, better known as Starling, about how how we can follow our purpose in a sustainable way without the burnout. We talked about how receiving criticism meant she has ‘made it’ - and feeling worthy even when the music industry fed her messages around not being enough.

In this episode, you’ll also hear Starling’s amazing song Every Single Time performed, and understand why it is a mantra for enoughness.

We cover:

Play is doing something without a desired outcome
Inspiration to create
True inspiration is to do things differently
Passion and multi-hyphenated
You can’t be two things in a world that wants you
Owning it, all of you
Feel liberated to break rules and moulds
Stage fright and learning to sing
Change the paradigm
The power of delegation
Follow your passion sustainably
Where focus goes, energy flows
Receiving criticism means you’ve ‘made it’
The patriarchal pressure of body image and ageism in music

Find Starling on Instagram: @starlingsworld and her music on Spotify under Starling

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

If you’re ambitious, like me, you may have a long to-do list and plenty of goals you want to reach.

Being ambitious is fine, I am all for having drive and passion, or a big picture vision you want to fulfil.

In this short solo episode, I talk about the dark side of your drive and ambition – the ways it has a negative impact on you.

I cover:

Perfectionism as an umbrella term and a set of behaviours
The clinical problems linked to perfectionism
how our creativity comes from a place of rest
how striving for perfect has a negative impact on your wellbeing
Adrenal fatigue and cortisol
Being too busy to downregulate the nervous system
The balancing act between burning bright and burning out
What’s fuelling your drive for achievement
Lack of satisfaction or joy from your achievements
Dopamine and your rewards for striving
Fear of failure and other fears fuelling your ambition
The inner critical voice feeding overproductivity

I would love it if you could join me for a free masterclass, “How to burn bright, without burning out”. If you listen to this episode after the 21st of July, still head to the link and you’ll be able to see the replay recording of this live, free training.

Link to masterclass:

Burn Bright webinar opt-in (thethomasconnection.lpages.co)

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Too busy for self-care… Too many things on the to-do list… Work is never ending… Dealing with the mental load… No wonder you’re overwhelmed and frazzled.

There are lots of pressures on you, coming from every angle, but there are also pressures coming from within you. Internalised high standards around always achieving more, always doing your best, never cutting corners, never failing.

You may feel like you have tried LOADS of things, and yet still feel stuck in perfectionism, procrastination and overwhelm.

Constantly trying to be productive means you are never switching off, never resting.

In this episode, I share three things which may help you shift out of the overproductivity trap.

I also tell you about my upcoming free masterclass, How to Burn Bright, Without Burning Out.

There’s a reason why you’ve signed up to a bunch of things which WOULD be helpful… if you actually did them consistently – you need clarity as to why you have that pattern, so you can gently choose another way and spend your energy more wisely.

So you can burn bright, without any of the burnout.

Link to my free, live training on the 21st of July:

https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, we explore how generational trauma and self-criticism is ‘handed down’ from our parents as a blueprint for how we then parent ourselves. I talk to transformational coach and host of the Motherkind podcast, Zoe Blaskey, about her recovery journey from perfectionism and alcohol. We discuss how inherited patterns aren’t our fault, but it IS our responsibility to notice and become aware of them. With gentle, compassionate noticing of our self-critical thoughts and perfectionistic behaviours, we have a choice of which thought to believe in and which action to then take. We also let go of the pressure to parent perfectly, embracing the fact that we WILL ‘mess up’ our kids.

How almost breaking from becoming a mum lead to creating Motherkind
The cycle of ‘Hurt, heal, help’
Pain leading to a deeper level of understanding and purpose
Recovery journey - a daily practice
Perfectionism as a survival tactic that doesn’t help in the long term
Motherhood made negative coping mechanisms resurface
Parents handing down a faulty road map
Developing an internal kind parental voice
Clarity in values makes hard stuff worth it
Journalling gives choice over which thoughts to listen to
Can’t change until you’ve sat with the pain for long enough
Generational cycles of trauma
Choosing one thing to change - trusting yourself
Constant state of flux instead of ‘balance’
Boundaries have costs

Find out more about Zoe at www.motherkind.co

Instagram: @zoeblaskey

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Remember trying to turn one of your weaknesses into a strength for a job interview, and casually saying “I’m a perfectionist”, as if it’s a good thing?

You could say that there are a lot of good things which perfectionism can be associated with.

There are also a lot of drawbacks to it, and the same parts of perfectionism which serves you well in life, can also end up costing you your health and relationships.

Tune into this short solo episode about the pros and cons of perfectionism, to see how it affects you, and see if you are striving for excellence or perfection.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Sweet sleep - a good night’s sleep refreshes you, a bad one frustrates you. If you lie in bed tossing and turning, worrying about how knackered you’ll be in the morning without the perfect night’s sleep, then this episode is for you.

I spoke to Dr Guy Meadows about how to get a good night’s sleep, how to stop struggling against ‘bad sleep’, and what to do when you just can’t sleep due to young children or anxious thoughts.

Dr Guy Meadows is a leading figure in the area of chronic insomnia, pioneering the use of

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness treatment. He has

worked with thousands of insomnia sufferers over the last 10 years at his

London-based clinic and around the world, and has set up the Sleep School to help

stop insomniacs needlessly suffering around the world. Guy is the author of The Sleep Book – How to sleep well every night.

We cover:

Insomnia and its causes
Circadian rhythms, sleep cycles and sleep drive
Why the world isn’t sleeping well
Myths around sleep
- The 8h myth
- Deep sleep is the best sleep
- Sleeping through the night
Sleep helps us be focused, motivated and problem solve
Biological sleep needs and genetics
The majority of us wake up unrefreshed
Deep sleep, light sleep and REM sleep
Why we sleep, and why we wake
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
The struggle with insomnia = fight/flight boosts alertness
Physical/mental aspects of the sleep conditioned response
Insomnia as a heightened sense of awareness
The steps to sleeping well
1. Accepting the discomfort
1. Open to difficult thoughts and feelings
1. Live your life to lesson resentment
Start living a valuable life _with_ insomnia, to feel more content
The links between sleep and mood
The science of sleep and the brain
Changing what you can, accepting what you can’t
Letting go of the rigid rules around sleep
The benefits of rest if you can’t sleep
Quiet wakefulness vs. active wakefulness
Pause pockets

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried meditation, but can't make it a habit? Do you struggle to 'get it right'?

Over my years of working with high-striving, perfectionistic women, I've found that they often share a pattern of wanting to meditate, but finding it hard to keep up.

In this episode I talk about why that can be, and how you can meditate without making it complicated or difficult for yourself.

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm to download my free guide to taking a break before you break

I'm releasing some slots for 1:1 coaching - for more information, email info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’.

In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional failings” affecting mothers.

We cover:

The social construction of motherhood and being ‘a good mum’
The anger/guilt trap in motherhood
Maternal regret - ‘shouldn’t have become a mother’
Putting more pressure on ourselves is counterproductive
Matrescence - transitional experience of becoming a mother
Self-compassion can’t stop misogyny or racism
Steps to let go of motherhood guilt
Questioning the internalized markers of success as a ‘perfect mother’
The bar of being a ‘good father’ low, the bar for ‘good mother’ extremely high
Mummy wars of shaming and comparison with other mothers
Dealing with judgemental comments for your choices

Dr Sophie Brock provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother, and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program.

To connect further -

https://drsophiebrock.com/

@drsophiebrock on Instagram and Facebook

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it?

What stops you from trusting offers of help?

I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help offered.

The difficult thoughts and feelings showing up when someone offers to help you come from the inner critic, that mean inner voice you have telling you off for things.

Listen to this short episode to dive a bit deeper into what is behind your reluctance to trust offers of help, and get three affirmations you can use when help is offered and you resist taking it.

I also cover how people pleasing is a part of this too.

To learn more about how to let go of people pleasing in relationships, head to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing to take my mini workshop

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?

Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child?

If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.

This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too.

We cover:

Pressure on girls to be ‘good’
Super mum myth, perfect mother myth
Navigating the highs and lows of motherhood
Loneliness and isolation of Western motherhood
Postpartum depression increased due to lockdowns
Pressure to be perfect and joyful
Feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and failing
Allowing new mothers permission for recovery
‘Hard to measure’ achievements in motherhood
Adjust to slower tempo, striving less
Transition, matrescence
Maternal rage and what it masks
Allowing compassion for self
Unmet needs and being out of capacity
Stigma of anger in mothers = failing
Judging yourself for anger intensifies it
Unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental or intentional harm of baby
Support sources for intrusive thoughts and maternal OCD
Permission to look after yourself means unlearning old beliefs

Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood

by Dr Caroline Boyd

www.drcarolineboyd.com

Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following -

FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776

http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health

https://maternalocd.org/

https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.

It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you.

In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it.

In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you.

The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask

Drop me an email to info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

So much pressure to be the perfect parent. Never losing it, always calm and gentle.

This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human!

Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure?

Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family therapist. Anne’s new book ‘Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience looks at how our child’s emotions grow and develop and what we can do as parents to support this.

Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them
Helping our children to feel safe
The emotional demand on parents
‘Good enough’, not perfect, emotional nurturing
Give the emotion a space, a voice
The ‘should’ and pressure to be ‘calm and ‘gentle’
Using shame to control their behaviour backfires
Acknowledging emotions softens them
Balancing fear and courage, anger and sadness
Compassion for your own emotions
Five steps to help your child cope with big emotions

1 Aim for simplicity

2 Encourage acceptance

3 Respond with compassion

4 Increase playfulness

5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’?

I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it.

Because you don’t FEEL good enough
Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.

Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?

This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management.

Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022.

Journey of burnout and overworking
Health as the first wealth, not a side hustle
Begin before you’re ready, to gain confidence
Failure a stepping stone to success
Mindset of an eternal student, of always learning
Can’t achieve if burnt out and no energy
Rewire your energetic state
“Not to do”list and boundaries
Making peace with people not liking you
Shifting thoughts and beliefs, for new actions
Pronoia - belief that life is working for you
Disconnecting from work to replenish energy
Journaling to live with more intention
The role of rest and silence for creativity
Energy management, not time management
Productivity using high energy periods
Using kindness to manage energy fluctuations
Negative self-talk as energetic blocks to flow
Energisers and drains, impacts how we see ourselves
Lucky breaks come from making good choices

Order Simon's book, Energize, here

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

None

Have you ever freestyled a presentation? Or do you check and check, overprepare, perfect those slides until you feel ‘confident’?

Imagine how much more time and energy you would have, if you allowed for imperfection.

Your performance would improve, as you would be more relaxed and less likely to be overwhelmed and overworked.

Newsflash: If you spend loads of time overpreparing and perfecting a presentation, it may be more of a confidence issue, rather than a competence issue.

In this episode, I use an example of a recent presentation I did about perfectionism, where I consciously didn’t prepare and also embraced imperfections through a mistake I made.

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.”

I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.

In this episode, I dive into perfectionism, overworking, shame, high standards and fear of failure, and how we experience more joy when living an imperfect life, with a fellow expert on perfectionism: Jennifer Kemp.

Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist, author, and busy mum, who works with clients who are struggling with perfectionism and the mental health problems perfectionism facilitates and maintains. She is the author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, integrates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), behavioural, and Compassion-Focused approaches in her therapeutic and consultation work.

We cover:

Perfectionism as a set of behaviours
High standards as rigid rules
Musts and shoulds create pressure
Fear and avoidance of failing
Self-criticism for mistakes
Perfectionistic standards running in families
Hope that we can change these patterns
Short term relief vs. long term costs
Checking and reassurance seeking
Anxiety about being good enough
Costs from overworking and avoidance
Perfect, unattainable goals lead to failure
Shame drives perfectionism, as discomfort we want to avoid
Willingness to be uncomfortable with anxiety around mistakes
Self-compassion as antidote to perfectionism
Being a recovering perfectionist
Perfectionism as umbrella to depression, anxiety and eating disorders
Stepping out of the comfort zone
Living an imperfect life that matters, following values that light you up

Find Jennifer at https://jenniferkemp.com.au/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

If you want to do good, being overwhelmed by the situation may mean that you do nothing at all.

If you constantly watch the news, you may freeze in anxiety and worry.

Especially considering the impact of two years pandemic on your nervous system.

Don't beat yourself up if you feel numb or indifferent, or so anxious that you can't watch it.

Want to help? Make sure to look after yourself, so you can mobilise what you have.

In this episode I share six tips for how you can cope with uncertainty.

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you frequently jump on things and then overwork yourself, regretting doing this activity?

Ask yourself this:

Is this a wise choice of how to spend my time?

Is this activity driven by my values or by my pressure to achieve?

Is this going to light me up, and refuel me through my passion?

Will doing this drain my energy further, or replenish it?

Can I do a smaller version of this, rather than going all in?

Can I take any shortcuts?

What would it look like if it was easy?

Some of you may know I had my second baby in September, and recorded lots of podcast episodes before that, whilst I was still pregnant.

Instead of jumping into recording lots more podcasts now, I am making some wise choices with my time, taking some shortcuts.

I am still here, you will still get more episodes, but as and when it suits me and my baby.

Do sign up to my newsletter to be aware of when the next episode hits, www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you experience persistent, or chronic, pain? Or you have a loved one who does? You might know how hard it is to pace yourself on a ‘good day’, overdoing it and then ‘paying for it’ the next day. Especially if you have high standards for yourself, then you may just push through the pain rather than being kind to yourself.

In this episode, I speak to Dr Romy Sherlock about chronic pain and perfectionism, as they often go hand in hand.

Romy Sherlock is a clinical psychologist specialising in working with people with chronic/persistent pain. She spent 8 years leading an NHS pain psychology service and set up Retraining Pain, a multidisciplinary team to help people with persistent pain.

We cover:

What chronic pain is
Injury or illness causing pain
Overprotective nervous system
Biopsychosocial model of pain
Life and identity before/after pain
Changing your relationship to the pain
Complete recovery vs. Adjusting to it
More than ‘issues in the tissues’ or ‘all in your head’
Pain as threat detection
Making rehab less scary
The stress and anxiety of pain
The link between trauma and pain
Perfectionistic tendencies and self-criticism
Overdoing and pushing through vs pacing
Pain experience in women
Hardwired to want to achieve and fit in
Feeling like a burden
Acceptance isn’t resignation

Find Romy Sherlock here: www.retrainingpain.co.uk

Resources mentioned -

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

When The Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté

Living Beyond Your Pain by JoAnne Dahl and Tobias Lundgren

Explain Pain Handbook by Professor Lorimer Moseley and Dr. David Butler.

www.livewellwithpain.co.uk

www.tamethebeast.org

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you ever been told that you have a lot of potential?

That you could ‘go places’? Do big things? Maybe you have big dreams?

Yet you find yourself stuck, not making progress or levelling up like you want to?

When we doubt our own ability, or aim for perfection, we hold ourselves back from utilising our potential.

You then keep yourself small, preventing yourself from getting to that next level that other people think you could reach. How does that make you feel? When there is a gap between what others see in you, and what you see in yourself?

It can be helpful to remind yourself of how others see you, and tune into those kind and supportive cheerleading voices. If you get too stuck inside your own head, you’ll believe what your inner critic says about your ability, and you’ll hold yourself back from utilising your potential.

Try to speak to yourself like others speak to you, reminding yourself of the capacity others see in you.

To learn about the other reasons why you may not be utilising your potential, tune into this short solo episode now!

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What pulls us away from acting in line with our values? Difficult thoughts and feelings showing up, causing us discomfort and leading us to avoid doing things in line with our values. Drinking too much, eating three tubs of ice cream, skipping classes or party invitations – all this avoidance helps us avoid discomfort in the short term, but takes us further away from a meaningful life.

In this episode, I speak to Dr Nic Hooper about how this dance between avoidance and willingness shows up students. If you’re not a student or a parent of a student, this episode is still for you, as Nic shares principles around how us humans can build a thriving life and become unbreakable.

Dr Nic Hooper is an expert in clinical psychology and a senior lecturer at the University of the West of England in Bristol. Nic is also a co-director of Connect, which is an organisation that offers a psychological wellbeing curriculum for primary school children. In 2017, inspired by his students, Nic began to write a book of life advice to his son, Max, which was to be given to him on his eighteenth birthday. Over time, that book slowly transformed into The Unbreakable Student.

We cover:

Writing a book in a vulnerable way
Therapists as human beings facing suffering
The power of sharing personal stories
The six ways to wellbeing
- Exercise
- Challenge self
- Connect with others
- Give to others
- Self-care
- Embrace the moment
Thoughts/feelings stopping us from doing wellbeing behaviour
External validation and being liked
Values as a guide for behaviour
Receiving criticism and trusting self
Ways of managing unwanted thoughts and feelings
Becoming familiar with discomfort
Messing up and gentle returns
Leaving a legacy behind

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you set a New Years resolution?

Did you wake up with anxiety on New Years Day? Thinking you need to change your habits, lose that weight, get into shape?

There is so much pressure to be perfect in our modern society.

It’s a new year, but you are STILL you. With all your quirks and imperfections, with all your flaws and mistakes. With your mood swings and your bad habits of reading on the toilet and eating the last of something without putting it on the shopping list.

In this brief solo episode I discuss New Year's resolutions, reviewing some psychological research as to whether they actually work, and how you can set yourself kinder goals.

You are still you, it's time to learn to be okay with the you that you are, rather than trying to get rid of everything about you.

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Becoming a father, a dad, can be a painful experience. One in 10 men experience anxiety or depression within the first 6 months of the birth of their baby.

In today’s society, there is still a stigma around men talking about their mental health, opening up vulnerably about their emotional experience of fatherhood.

In this episode, I speak to Elliott Rae about his experience of PTSD following the traumatic birth of his daughter (trigger warning), and how this led him to his purpose of making an impact around fathers’ mental health, gender equality, masculinity and representing a diverse picture of fathers.

Elliott Rae is the founder of MusicFootballFatherhood (MFF), the parenting platform for dads to share the ups and downs of parenting and promote a positive representation of diverse fatherhood. Elliott’s first book is called ‘DAD: untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity’.

BBC article: ‘I got PTSD after witnessing my daughter’s birth’ - BBC News

Book: DAD: Untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity

(DAD: Untold stories of Fatherhood, Love, Mental Health and Masculinity: Amazon.co.uk: MusicFootballFatherhood, Elliott, Rae: 9781527290242: Books )

www.musicfootballfatherhood.com

Insta: @mffonline_, @iamelliottrae

We cover:

PTSD from a traumatic birth
Lack of support for new dads
Avoiding talking about it
Accepting what happened
The need for community groups for dads
Screening for mental health problems in fathers
Liberation from toxic masculinity
“Boys don’t cry” - socialised pressure
Black fatherhood, diversity and inclusion
A wake up call around workaholism
Being present in the moment

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

DAD: Untold stories of Fatherhood, Love, Mental Health and Masculinity

Are you a people pleaser?

Maybe you have heard that term, floating around on social media or maybe someone has said that you are a people pleaser?

This episode is for you if you ARE a people pleaser, or if you LIVE with one.

Being a people pleaser can make you a martyr – looking after other people’s needs and sacrificing your own.

When you silence yourself, not expressing what you really think and feel about things, it damages your relationship, in more ways than one.

You don’t make your partner ‘happy’ if you always do what they want, as an attempt to please them.

Why? Your partner won’t love it, because they end up with an angry, resentful partner with a low sense of worth.

Because they don’t get to fully KNOW YOU – your wishes, urges, fantasies, dreams, wants, and needs.

A healthy relationship is one balancing the needs of both partners.

Tune into this short bite-sized solo episode on any podcast platform.

To learn more about how to stop people-pleasing, to balance your relationship, sign up to my 60-minute mini-workshop here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.

In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the pain in.

Tamu Thomas is a Qualified Social Worker & Somatic Coach. She helps high-achieving women feel emotionally safe so they can recover from toxic productivity & under-living.

We cover:

Overfunctioning impacts your body
Somatic coaching, whole body approach
Conditioned to over-productivity
Appreciate the joy in every day
Negativity bias blocking present joy
Taking care of pain, fear, sorrow
Toxic productivity and unrealistic expectations
‘Hack’s for overfunctioning dismiss humanity
Showing up for ourselves with trust
Western culture treating people as machines
Fight/flight - got to be productive
Freeze - overwhelmed
‘Not enough’ness, proving your worth
Resistance to slow down, preparing for sleep with bedtime routine
False sense of control from over working
Working with yourself, not on yourself - you’re not a project
Harmony improves productivity in a nourishing way
Polyvagal theory and feeling safe

Tamu can be found at www.livethreesixty.com and @livethreesixty on Instagram

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What do you base your self-worth on?

If your self-worth is based on achievement, you’ll feel good about yourself as long as you are achieving. If you fail, your self-esteem will plummet.

You may think of yourself as confident in one area of your life, and not in others.

What then happens when you make a mistake in that area?

Inevitably, you will. Your self-esteem and confidence will then come tumbling down like a house of cards, as you have built it on you always achieving high standards and reaching your goals.

In this brief solo episode, I discuss what happens when you attach your self-worth to your achievements, and how following rigid rules sets you up for disappointment.

If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Leadership is an important part of every workplace. What sort of leader have you got in yours? If you are in a leadership position yourself, what sort of leader are you, or do you aspire to be?

Understanding the different parts of you at play is important, and can help you understand why you might hold yourself back with impostor syndrome, doubt and self-criticism, thinking you must be an all-knowing guru to provide value as a leader.

In this episode, I speak with business psychologist Wendy Kendall about how we can let go of the guru leader, and make space for people by letting go of power.

In her corporate practice, Wendy has worked with over 3000 global leaders. Wendy founded the training and coaching company Inspiring Psychology Practices where she helps psychologists in private practice create businesses where they feel inspired every day and respond to the string of recent crises.

We cover:

Creating balance and meaning in work life
Restorative and regenerative practices
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.
Pressure to be the guru, the expert
Knowledge and power
Diversity and inclusion in practices
Imposter syndrome in female leaders
Leadership and hybrid working after the pandemic
Showing care and compassion in leadership, letting go of power
Internal Family Systems model
Your inner leadership team, self-leadership
Regenerative leadership empowers others
Edge effect abundance and cross pollination

Find out more about Wendy at her website www.inspiringpsychologypractices.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Struggling to slow down, to take a break?

I see people be so reluctant to press pause, that they get forced to come to a full stop when their body says no.

The first step to able to take a break is to realise that you are struggling to do it. Perhaps you are caught up in overworking, living your life in the fast lane?

If you are constantly busy, you may ignore your body’s signals that you need a break.

In this brief solo episode, I discuss overperformance and simple steps you can take to slow down and take a break, before you break.

If this episode has been helpful, make sure to download my freebie, Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm and work your way through the checklists around signs of overwhelm, steps you can take to slow down and what is getting in the way of taking a break.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried to change an unhelpful habit or behaviour, and got stuck? Perhaps you WANT to change and DON’T WANT to change it at the same time, feeling ambivalent and resistant to do something about this problem. Then you beat yourself up for it.

In this episode, I speak to Dr Stan Steindl about compassion and motivation for change.

Dr Stan Steindl is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice at Psychology Consultants Pty Ltd, and an Adjunct Associate Professor at School of Psychology, University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. He is also co-director of the UQ Compassionate Mind Research Group.

He is the author of three books: Compassion in a T-Shirt (2020), The Gifts of Compassion: How to Understand and Overcome Suffering (2020), and The Gifts of Compassion: Personal Practice Workbook (2021).

We cover:

Compassion to others, and to self
Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
Ambivalence about changing behaviour
Arguments for/against changing
Supporting autonomy to make a choice
Fears, blocks, resistances to compassion
Changing alcohol habits with Compassion Focused Therapy
Rolling with resistance, “yes...but”
Self-determination theory, not liking being told what to do
Being helpful, not harmful, to self and others
The strength and courage of compassion to do hard things
Giving up self-criticism to self-compassion
Short-term gain, long-term pain
Threat system - fight/flight
Soothing system - calm and controlled
Setting compassionate intention

Find Stan at www.stansteindl.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you see the value in going slow? If you don't, it's not your fault.

You may never have been shown what going slow looks like, if you have had a parent or care giver who was constantly on the go, never sitting down to relax. You may then have learned that this is how you must be, to have value and worth.

You may have been praised for doing a lot and being productive, so going slow feels like failing.

You may fear that if you slow down and take care of yourself, you won’t meet your goals.

Maybe you have been criticised in the past, for being ‘lazy’ if taking a break.

Taking a break isn’t lazy - it’s worthwhile because it tells your brain that YOU are worthwhile.

Do you struggle to slow down like this, giving yourself a mindful moment?

You can download my worksheet Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm which we will also talk more in the next solo episode hitting the podcast in two weeks.

Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss it!

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you work in a toxic workplace? Where you are pushed beyond your limits, rather than being looked after? Where you constantly strive for recognition and yet doubt your own abilities, thinking you’re not good enough? Perhaps you have hit burnout and yet cannot make yourself leave, and think it’s all your fault that you ‘can’t cope’?

In this episode, I explore how the internal pressure we put on ourselves to never fail is combined with the external pressure to perform in toxic workplaces, together with Fiona Kearns. We explore how you can recover from burnout due to toxic workplaces, and regain your confidence.

Fiona Kearns is a Business Psychologist who helps people get rid of self-doubt, own their skillset and feel confident about playing huge in life and work. Fiona is the author of ‘How to Increase your Confidence’ and she specialises in helping leaders fulfil their potential in business. She loves the thrill of helping clients manage their imposter syndrome to become confident, visible and more impactful.

We cover:

‘Coping’ with toxic workplaces
Losing confidence and doubting self
Recovery and forgiveness around burnout
Burnout in the working environment
Managers lacking people skills
High performance does come from whipping
Challenges in a toxic workplace
Scapegoat culture
Obsession with being busy not focused on wellbeing
Work wellbeing impacts overall wellbeing
Women missing out on opportunities
Dealing with imposter syndrome
Competence vs confidence
Quickest route to reclaiming confidence

Find more from Fiona at www.kearnsconsultancy.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you take the time to show appreciation for your partner, even if you also are irritated with them? Do you practise gratitude and kindness in your relationship?

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 24 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this last episode based on the book, I cover gratitude and kindness for couples.

Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you feel bad about the way you look? Does seeing yourself in the mirror trigger thoughts like “I’m not good enough, attractive enough, thin enough?”

Do you compare yourself to other people, thinking they look better than you?

You’re not alone.

In this episode, I speak with psychotherapist Holli Rubin about body image, and feelings we have about our bodies, and how unrealistic ‘body positivity’ can be for those with a negative body image.

Holli Rubin is a psychotherapist, body image specialist and mental health practitioner with over 25 years’ experience where she has been commissioned by the Government Equalities Office and is part of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image.

We cover:

Connection between our physical selves and our emotions
The lens we view our appearance with
Body image isn’t vanity
Feelings about our body aren’t fixed
Social media/imagery feed our comparison
Questioning the images we see - retouching
All bodies have imperfections
Body neutrality rather than positivity
Mindset shifts around what our bodies do for us
Cosmetic surgery and body dysmorphia
The transmission of negative body image from mother to child
Embracing changing body shape in pregnancy

Body dysmorphia NHS guidance

Mind guidance on body dysmorphia

Find an IAPT service

Find out more about Holli on her website www.hollirubin.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How are you towards your partner when you are running low on energy, feeling depleted? Hardly 'your best self'. Looking after yourself helps look after your relationship too, by reducing reactivity and bringing more calm and connection.

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 23 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this second to last episode based on the book, I cover self-care and self-compassion as a way to top yourself up, so you can also be there for your partner.

Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you worry that you don’t play enough with your child, or feel bad if playing with them bores you? Or do you play with your children until you’re exhausted, leaving little time for yourself?

In this episode, I talk to Susie Robbins about the importance of play for our wellbeing - both for adults and for children. You’ll get easy tips on how to play without putting pressure on yourself to make it Pinterest Perfect - it is about connection, not perfection, and quality over quantity.

Susie Robbins is an advocate for play. She believes in the power of play to help young children learn, to communicate and to make sense of the world around them. She has seen first hand how activity based learning can create a love for learning and deepen a connection between adult and child.

We cover:

Reengaging disruptive children with activities

Self-worth and pride increasing with play

Supporting learning through play

Social media pressure to play ‘perfectly’

Parents feeling like ‘failures’ in play

Making chores and everyday life into playful moments Reducing battles through playful games and challenges

5 minute play is enough - time limited play

Connecting through play and shared activity

Alleviating stress/anxiety for adults playing

Play DNA - reignite playfulness from childhood

The pleasure of play protects our energy

Unrealistic expectations on children’s attention span

Sensory play tips

Permission to be a parent, not childcare provider

Facilitating independent play

Find Susie on Instagram at @resolvetoplay and on her website www.resolvetoplay.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you been hurt by your partner? Perhaps they have made a mistake which you struggle to forgive them for? Or you have messed up and struggle to forgive yourself? Blaming and shaming yourself, or your partner?

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 22 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this third to last episode in the couples series, I cover forgiveness as a way to let go and move forward.

Subscribe now to not miss the last few of the solo episodes focused on couples relationships, before we continue focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you experienced a difficult past? Perhaps you went through a challenging childhood, which has shaped who you are today, and the way you speak to yourself.

In this guest episode, I spoke to Dr Natalie Bodart about to develop compassion for our past, and how we can change the narrative, or story, we tell ourselves about what we’ve experienced.

Dr Natalie Bodart is a clinical psychologist and founder of The Bodart Practice; a holistic psychology practice in London, supporting people in creating a fulfilling life where they feel present and connected again, and to enable people to deal with the past, live in the present, and build the life they want.

We cover:

Our unique story of the past
What makes us human
Challenges as opportunities
Storytelling and narratives
Disconnecting from our story creates conflict
Retelling and healing a traumatic journey
The meaning of our story
Fear and avoidance of the past
Compassion for ourselves
The reward of not repeating past patterns
Validating our experience of shame
Making it safe to talk
Mind/body connection
Self-acceptance and asking for help
Hope as antidote to fear and sadness
Re-parenting ourselves

Find Natalie at The Bodart Practice

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

Are you or your partner going through challenges to do with your physical or mental health? Odds are that this will also put a strain on your relationship, perhaps altering the balance of giving and receiving care. If either of you is experiencing physical or mental health issues, your relationship is more likely to be distressed.

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 21 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this episode, I cover the third of three threats to relationship connection; health issues.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you lost someone you loved? Someone dear to you passed away, and you are dealing with the loss and grief afterwards? Or you are grieving things which never got to be, due to the pandemic? The loss you experienced can even be linked to something traumatic.

In this episode I speak to Dr Marianne Trent about grief, loss and trauma, and how to cope with it in a way which gives you the permission to move forward with your life again, towards joy.

Dr Marianne Trent is a Clinical Psychologist and author of The Grief Collective: Stories of Life, Loss & Learning to Heal. She weaves a compassionate approach through all of her specialist trauma, grief and eating disorders work with clients

We cover:

What is grief?
Grieving things that never got to be
Traumatic loss
Yearning for the absent
Loss of self-referencing
Grief and trauma combined
Permission to feel joy again
Not wanting to move forward
Difference between grief and depression
Bereavement counselling/grief therapy
Processing transitions
EMDR therapy
Talking about our grief and not being okay
Grief/loss in the pandemic
Compassionate leave and kindness to self
Crying as help seeking

www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk

LinkedIn

Youtube channel

Instagram @goodthinkingpsychological

Twitter @goodthinkingps1

The Grief Collective on Instagram

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Download the free 4 min audio meditation, Self-Compassionate Break, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you and your partner argued more since you became parents? Is it hard to juggle it all, making you feel resentful about who does what in your home? Perhaps you are less satisfied with your relationship now that you are also managing the needs of a baby or several children?

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 21 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this episode, I cover the second of three threats to relationship connection; parenting.

Subscribe now to not miss the final episode, on how health problems can cause stormy seas in your relationship.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you feel anxious when you do new things, not feeling confident? Are you hard on yourself, thinking that you're not good enough if it isn't perfect? Perhaps old beliefs hold you back in life.

Then this episode of the Pause Purpose Play podcast is for you. Chloe Brotheridge is hypnotherapist, mentor and coach at www.calmer-you.com and the host of The Calmer You Podcast. She’s the author of The Anxiety Solution and The Confidence Solution.

We cover:

Meditation calms your brain and anxiety
Anxiety tool kit
Rebooting old beliefs
Imposter syndrome not a sign of ‘not good enough’
Beating us up means we stop trying
Three phases of moving from anxiety to confidence:
Limiting beliefs, - Clarity on what you want, - Taking action
Being brave and being scared goes hand in hand
Courage comes before confidence
Socialisation of women to have low confidence
Over-protection of girls = need to be perfect and put others first
The different ways perfectionism shows up
Embracing the mess
Permission to be a beginner at things

Chloe’s books: The Anxiety Solution

The Confidence Solution

www.calmer-you.com

Download your free 4 min audio to give yourself a Self-compassionate break, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Confidence Solution: Seven Steps to Confidence

Have you been on the receiving end of an infidelity, having been cheated on by a current or previous partner? Perhaps you yourself have been unfaithful to someone you loved?

Then you know how the trust gets shattered and how it leaves you feeling a full range of emotions, from sadness, anger and anxiety, to guilt and shame.

If you haven’t experienced infidelity, tune into this episode to understand the risk factors for this happening in your own relationship.

This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 21 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

In this episode, I cover the first of three threats to relationship connection; infidelity.

Subscribe now to not miss the following two episodes, on how parenting and health problems can cause stormy seas in your relationship.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Why do we feel so bad at times? Why can’t we just be happy all the time?

Because we haven’t been taught how to understand ourselves, and what it means to be human, and instead chase constant happiness and think we have failed when things aren’t ‘perfect’.

In this podcast episode, Dr Soph, Clinical Psychologist and Author of ‘A Manual for Being Human’, talks about how we can understand ourselves and show compassionate curiosity for the full register of emotions we experience across our lifespan.

Struggling against our emotions
Feeling safe and secure in childhood
Identity forming in adolescence
Internalising bullying to an inner critical voice
Pressure from the media to be perfect
Unhelpful coping strategies making emotions worse
Taking control vs. accepting and surrendering
Micro aggressions and prejudice
Shame vs. guilt
Self-correction vs. self-criticism
Tips for coping with emotions
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique

A Manual for Being Human by Dr. Sophie Mort

@drsoph on Instagram

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To download the free 5 min audio of the guided meditation Self-Compassionate Break, go to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

A Manual for Being Human

Do you struggle to be in the present moment with your partner when it comes to sexual intimacy? Do you find it difficult to talk about your desires, fears or needs when it comes to sex?

In this episode, I explore the physical intimacy, not just through sex, and explain why quality not quantity is key to a lasting connection.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 20 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Does your brain run a million miles an hour, and it's hard to stop? Do you have cycles of either procrastinating or being hyperfocused on a task, to the point of burnout?

In this episode, I talk to Michelle Minnikin about her experience of the ups and downs of living with ADHD.

Michelle Minnikin is a Chartered Psychologist and Coach. She’s the Captain of Work Pirates and Co-Founder of Inspiration North. She was diagnosed as having ADHD just before her 42nd birthday and suddenly her world made sense!

We talk about

06:00 Thriving off rules, structure and routine 12:05 Struggling with organisation

12:58 Fulfilling potential and recognizing strengths

15:18 Hiding coping strategies

17:59 “Good girl” conditioning

19:10 Using up energy to “fit in”

21:37 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria = the pain of criticism

22:30 Neurodiversity

23:26 The diagnosis stopped feelings of ‘being rubbish’

26:00 Anger over being mistreated

28:53 The strengths of ADHD

31:29 ADHD in men and women

33:40 Calming the brain with medication

35:50 Coming to terms with your true self

43:48 Playing Big

Michelle Minnikin | LinkedIn

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

If we want to both survive and thrive in our relationships, we need to allow the time and space to heal from hard times, as well as take the time to turn up the fun and build intimacy together in the good times.

In this episode, I explain the balancing act between enjoying your time together through shared activities and repairing your relationship when things have been tough.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter nineteen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Catherine Hallissey is a chartered psychologist, parenting coach and mother-of-five young kids. She's the founder of Reclaim Parenthood, an online parenting membership. She helps parents use the power of relationship and connection to address parenting challenges, create more peace and harmony at home and help children become more confident and resilient.

8:00 Restraint collapse and comparing home and school behaviour 9:45 Overcoming triggering behaviour 11:54 Vulnerability over shortcomings 14:38 Past experiences affecting your parenting style 15:54 Embracing imperfection in ourselves 18:54 Healthy repair of ruptures 22:40 Rejection and forgiveness 25:08 Self-compassion and parenting 27:42 Self care for ourselves 29:00 Amplifying good moments with our kids 30:58 Revenge bedtime procrastination 32:56 Finding the balance between having time for yourself and getting enough sleep

Find out more about Catherine atwww.catherinehallissey.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you ever tried to have a date night that turned into a disaster? An attempt to do something you once enjoyed together that ended up with an argument instead?

Without reducing the negatives in our relationships, it can be hard to increase the positives.

In this episode I explore turning a mirror on ourselves, to find the things that we are doing too much of, not enough of, and those things we are doing right, to help us turn down the heat in our conflicts.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eighteen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk to Bec Milligan about combining EFT and good nutrition to rebalance your busy life.

Bec is a Nutritional Therapist and EFT (emotional freedom) practitioner with a special interest in guiding busy women from borderline burn-out back into balance, supporting both the physical symptoms and emotional triggers that the pressures of a fast paced, juggling it all life can have on the mind and body.

We talk about -

6:31 Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

11:09 Bec’s personal journey

15:59 ‘Optimal’ health

18:20 Living in the moment

20:24 Rejecting not being good enough

23:15 Not punishing yourself with healthy choices

25:35 Adding good stuff, rather than taking away the bad

28:03 A process, not a diet

29:02 Micro changes you can make

Regulating sleep, eating and waking
Eat the rainbow
Tap it to tame it

36:40 The social value of less nutritious foods

39:06 Eating healthily most of the time

40:24 Seeing your symptoms as signs

41:53 The inability to slow down

45:59 Fad diets

Find Bec on Instagram @becmilligan_

and find out more at https://www.becmilligan.com/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you need to be fully compatible to have a lasting connection in your relationship? Having that 'click' and being a 'perfect match'?

No, what's more important than chemistry and compatibility is compassion and connection.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter seventeen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk to Lara Sheldrake about how overworking and hustle culture has an negative impact on our success, and how accepting imperfection and being kinder to ourselves is more helpful in meeting our goals.

Lara is a speaker, mentor and the founder of founder of Found & Flourish, an online membership, media and events platform for women in business. She has been listed as a top influential female founder and business leader in f.Entrepreneur and in Startups Magazine.

We talk about: 3:00 Lara's journey from burnout to flourishing 9:00 Resistance to work from friends and family 12:39 Calibrating for perfectionism 13:01 Being forced to slow down by the pandemic 15:24 Blend, not balance 19:00 Learning from burnout and being kinder to self 21:00 Change the narrative around 'successful' 23:51 Workaholism and 'hustle culture' 25:50 Busy does not equal productive 33:07 Embracing perfectionism as an imperfection 34:59 Overcoming people-pleasing 39:48 Play - mindfulness by doing 46:36 Lara's take away for you

Find out more about Lara www.larasheldrake.com

and Found and Flourish www.foundflourish.co.uk

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do you reach a compromise in your relationship?

What are the things you fight about over and over?

All couples have perpetual problems, and feel like you keep going around in circles and not reach productive problem-solving. Rather than seeing the other person as the problem, you need to see yourselves as a team who together solve the problems between you.

In this episode, I talk about how to make decisions as a couple, without one or both of you feeling you have sacrificed rather than compromised.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter sixteen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do we heal difficult experiences from our childhood? And how to they impact us as adults, in our relationships? How do painful childhood experiences shape our attachment styles?

In this episode of Pause Purpose Play, we get to know more about attachment styles, trauma and the unconscious mind keeping a score of what we've been through, giving rise to protective behaviours, which can ultimately still be changed.

Thais Gibson is an author, speaker and co-creator of the Personal Development School, best known for her contributing work and research on Attachment Theory and the impact of attachment trauma on our adult romantic relationships.

She overlaps attachment trauma challenges with personal core wounds, limiting beliefs and emotional patterns at the subconscious level to give us deeper insight into ourselves and our relationships.

We talk about

4:58 Thais' story 9:15 Bringing a high achieving attitude to recovery 11:30 Noticing a critical inner voice 13:30 Thais' recovery from addiction 16:42 Healing attachment pain from childhood 18:10 Internalising our upbringing 21:00 Patterns in attachment styles - 22:44 Securely attached - 24:54 Insecure dismissive - 27:42 Anxious preoccupied - 30:22 Fearful avoidant 35:43 Steps to combat protest behaviours 44:54 The benefits of inner work 54:31 Why we self-sabotage

Find out more about Thais at www.personaldevelopmentschool.com

Thais Gibson on Youtube

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The pursuit of perfection gets in the way of connection, both in how you put pressure on yourself to BE the perfect partner and to FIND the perfect relationship.

If you get hooked by the perfect images from social media and romantic films, and compare yourself to that, you will feel disappointed. To compare is unfair and leaves you in despair.

In this episode, I talk about how letting go of perfection in ourselves, and our relationships, can lead to deeper connection.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter fifteen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we learn about finding compassion for every one of our selves, and write a letter to our partner, expressing that compassion for every part of them as well.

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you feel the pressure to look perfect and or feel bad about the way you look? Perhaps you wish you looked like the perfect models or influencers on social media?

Today's guest is Amanda Thomas, a fashion, beauty and portrait photographer shooting for fashion and beauty brands and ambitious big thinkers. She is passionate about how beauty comes from within and radiates out, and believes that rather than filters and retouching, tapping into a positive frame of mind is what makes you look beautiful.

We talk about

3:02 Amanda's photography career 4:42 Nurturing female entrepreneurs 10:41 The effect of confidence on a photo shoot 11:46 Beauty is in how you feel 13:30 Generating intimacy during a shoot 17:02 Working with fashion models 18:38 Retouching and pressure to conform to beauty standards 21:40 The move towards a more 'natural' look 23:25 Filters and their impact on our perception of beauty 27:15 What Amanda has learned about beauty 29:07 Finding balance and pause

Find Amanda's work here

Follow her @amandathomasphotographer on Instagram

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What is a compassionate couple, and how do you create an atmosphere of compassion in your relationship?

What would your day-to-day look like, if you could communicate and resolve issues with compassion?

If your partner is reluctant to address problems in your relationship, tune into this episode to understand that all couples have problems, it's human. If you do address them, you can be having a more rewarding everyday interaction.

To learn more about how to do this, check out my new course The Compassionate Couple, here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thecompassionatecouple

To download the FREE workbook, Balance your relationship, go to: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/relationshipbalance

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Mindfulness and meditation can feel fluffy, or like something which is "good for you", but you don't have time for in your busy schedule.

In this episode, I chat with Shamash Alidina about what mindfulness actually is, how you can practise it in a way which suits you, and how starting small with everyday simple activities is a great way to create a new habit of everyday mindful moments.

Shamash Alidina is the author of 10 books including mindfulness for dummies. He’s a mindfulness teacher trainer and ACT coach and loves the combination of mindfulness, kindfulness and playfulness.

We talk about

10:04 What is mindfulness? 13:04 Four attitudes of mindfulness 14:08 What is meditation and what is the benefit? 21:33 How to fit meditation into a busy life 22:44 Starting with one mindful breath 24:30 Why we find it hard to maintain practice 26:35 Returning to practice with kindness 28:45 Working mindfulness into your daily life 31:20 Mindfulness and perfectionism 32:58 Doing 80% of a task 35:11 Apps to help 38:48 Purpose, meaning and values 41:25 Play using mindfulness

Check out Shamash's book Mindfulness for Dummies and his mindfulness courses on his website, www.shamashalidina.com

Apps mentioned: Self control app, Forest

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you struggle to get your point across to your loved one?

If you don't talk, how will you understand each other?

It's not just what you say to your partner that matters, it's also how you say it. How you listen and speak with your loved one can determine how effective your problem solving and decision making is too.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter fourteen of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we learn about the communication ball game and how to start up conversations better.

Order my book here

Join the waiting list for The Compassionate Couple here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you say no? Can you set boundaries?

In this episode, I'm talking to Naketa Ren Thigpen, about how setting boundaries helps us create balance in our lives.

Naketa R. Thigpen, LCSW, regarded as the #1 Balance & Relationship Advisor in the World has become the go-to for fast-scaling married women entrepreneurs and power couples seeking to balance love and success without dimming or apologizing for their spirited ambition.

We talk about

3:55 Being a recovering perfectionist 6:30 Naketa's life experience 8:39 Giving high striving people permission to slow down 10:30 The effects of the pandemic on high striving people 13:42 The connection between our relationships and our businesses 15:42 Community not competition 16:38 Creating balance 17:40 Shedding old expectations 21:41 The boundaries Naketa sets for herself 23:18 Friendship expectations 26:45 Sharing from personal experience 27:18 Writing the book 'Selfish' 29:08 Reclaiming the word selfish 34:45 Feminism 36:18 Talking from a scar, not an open wound 41:23 A message to Naketa's younger self 44:22 Being a woman of colour in business 51:21 Naketa's take away for you

Naketa's website - https://thigpro.com/

Find Selfish here

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Selfish: Permission to Pause, Live, Love and Laugh Your Way to Joy

How can we survive and thrive after the worst possible happens?

How can we reconnect with our purpose, when tragedy strikes and our path is forever altered?

Heidi Herkes shares a journey of overcoming paralysis in the hope to inspire and empower. She talks about how challenges are what makes life interesting but overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

In this episode we cover -

4:53 The physical and mental effects of Heidi's accident 6:10 Reconnecting with hope 7:16 Darker moments 8:28 Worrying about the life long impact of disability 9:03 Innovation in technology to help live with disability 10:37 Prejudice and representation 12:27 Reconnecting with creativity 14:47 Changing the outside changes the inside 15:41 Finding your purpose 16:08 Positive mindset 17:52 Toxic positivity 18:38 Sex with a disability 21:32 Emotional impact on Heidi's relationship 22:42 Knowing your worth 26:32 Coping with lockdown 28:42 Inspiration for others 30:55 Heidi's take away for you

Find Heidi at

Instagram @heidiherkes

Website www.heidiherkes.com

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What matters to you? In your life and in your relationship? Are you acting like the person you want to be? And the partner you want to be?

In this episode, based on chapter 13 of my book The Lasting Connection, I discuss values and meaning, and how we can close the gap between our values and our behaviour by making conscious choices to act in line with our values.

Order my book here

Join the waiting list for The Compassionate Couple here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about learning to accept the darker parts of ourselves and our partner, learning to be compassionate towards every part of you.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter twelve of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we learn about finding compassion for every one of our selves, and write a letter to our partner, expressing that compassion for every part of them as well.

Order my book here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried to make changes to your life? Drink less, get into shape, or other things to improve your health? How often have you berated yourself when you can't keep it up, when you fail to reach your goal?

This week, I'm speaking to Shahroo Izadi about how kindness is key to achieving our goals and changing our habits.

Shahroo is a Behavioural Change Specialist, speaker and bestselling author. Her approach is influenced by the experience that she gained working in the addiction treatment field. She has since been dedicated to highlighting what those in long-term recovery from substance misuse can teach the general population about motivation, self-compassion and self-awareness.

Her first book, The Kindness Method, was released in June 2018. She was named as one of Red Magazine's Smart Women of 2018 and selected for Marie Claire’s 2019 verified Power with Purpose List, and in November 2019 she was given the ‘Thought Leader of the Year’ Award at House of Lords. Her second book, The Last Diet was published in the UK in 2019 and USA in 2020.

We talk about:

4:09 Shahroo's mission: The Kindness Method 5:59 Shahroo's weight loss journey 8:34 Accepting natural weight fluctuations 10:30 External validation from weight loss 14:20 Changing your attitude to your body 16:15 Evaluating your emotional toolkit 17:45 The diet industry 18:19 Perfectionism 21:20 Common sticking points over change 24:29 Acting as if you like yourself 26:59 Dealing with our instant gratification world 30:00 Treating change as an experiment 30:47 Creating a path of least resistance for yourself 33:00 Controlling what you can change 34:33 Considering motivation for change 36:12 Creating change in relationships 41:00 Authenticity and vulnerability as practitioners 46:22 Shahroo's take away for you

Find Shahroo at Website: www.shahrooizadi.com Email: contact@shahrooizadi.co.uk Twitter: @shahrooizadi Instagram: @shahroo_izadi

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you get angry? We all do, it's human. If you are hard on yourself for your anger, or want to find ways of relating to your anger differently, tune into this episode with Dr Russell Kolts.

Dr. Russell Kolts is a clinical psychologist and Professor at Eastern Washington University, USA. He has worked with anger issues in combat veterans, sexual assault survivors, children and adolescents, and the developmentally disabled.

In addition to teaching at the university, Dr Kolts runs a practice focused upon mindfulness and the purposeful cultivation of compassion in the Buddhist tradition. He has volunteered at a local state prison where he has worked with prisoners in addressing anger using meditation and the cultivation of compassion.

We cover:

5:30 Compassion focused therapy

6:25 Expressing anger towards people we love

7:57 The compassionate approach to anger

10:10 Avoidance of our problems

12:41 Working with his own anger

13:40 Modelling to our children

15:48 Motivation for change

16:37 Letting go of shame

17:49 Shame vs guilt

18:48 Self-compassion

19:22 The challenge of asking for help

19:50 Why seek a therapist

21:25 Anger directed inwards

22:40 Anger as a secondary emotion

25:05 Compassion towards others

26:27 Russell’s take away for you

Book - The Compassionate Mind Guide to Managing your Anger

Russell’s TED talk: Anger, Compassion, and What It Means To Be Strong | Russell Kolts | TEDxOlympia - YouTube

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Are you hard on yourself for mistakes you make? Do you beat yourself up for your shortcomings?

In this episode, I explore why we listen to our inner critic, what function it serves for you, and how we can calm that voice inside ourselves.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eleven of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we dive deep into how to soothe the inner critical voice, by developing compassion for why you have it, where it has come from and what is protects you from.

Order my book here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you take time for you, to nourish yourself as a mother?

This week, I am speaking to Sara Campin. Sara is a mum of two, a personal development coach and founder of Nourish, a new wellbeing app for mums offering bite-sized wellbeing & calm in your pocket.

Sara is a passionate advocate of all things that nourish the mind and is on a mission to empower mums to look after their mental health & wellbeing by making self-care easy and accessible for them. The Nourish app is a curated library of on-demand videos, audios and quick reads across mindfulness, breathing, yoga nidra, psychology and more, all tailor-made for mums by a team of wellbeing experts.

We talk about

3:11 The Nourish app

3:56 Sara's own struggles with motherhood and mental health

7:30 Taking time for yourself

9:44 Sara's ongoing challenges with anxiety

11:31 The impact of perfectionism on motherhood

13:51 Failing at routines

17:45 Creating a safe space to share in

20:26 The effects of the pandemic on mothers' socialisation

22:10 Mothers' mental health and family mental health

24:44 Sara's advice for her past self

28:17 A toolkit for challenging times

29:30 Prioritising self care

36:39 Sara's take away for you

Try the Nourish app at www.thenourishapp.com

IG/Fb/Tw: @thenourishapp

Order my book here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How connected are you to your body?

This week, I'm excited to welcome Dr Sula Windgassen, who is not only my guest, but also the newest member of The Thomas Connection.

Dr Sula Windgassen works in the NHS as a health psychologist, providing psychological interventions for a range of physical health conditions including IBS, inflammatory bowel disease, multiple sclerosis and painful bladder syndromes. Sula has experienced the impact of persistent bladder and pelvic symptoms herself, and is a passionate advocate for women’s health.

We talk about

4:10 Sula's own health challenges

6:21 The vicious cycle of ill health and mental distress

6:42 Mindfulness

9:14 What is health psychology?

11:29 The bio-psycho-social perspective

14:36 Stress

15:47 Health conditions without 'physical proof'

18:15 IBS and perfectionism

20:30 The brain-gut axis

22:31 Gut intuition

25:59 Boom and bust patterns

29:37 Acute and chronic stress

32:24 Anxiety and mindfulness

24:16 Dealing with discomfort in mindfulness practice

36:24 How Sula pauses

38:00 Shoulds and musts

40:32 Being over doing

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, on my website

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the distinction between self care and self compassion, and how we need acts of self-care to be driven by a compassionate motivation in order for them to be helpful, not harmful. Looking after yourself out of fear or disgust is not driven by self-compassion.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter ten of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

Are you able to accept help when it's given?

In this episode, I talk about how hard it can be to notice when care and support is given, and how we can be blocked in accepting or even more so, asking for that support. I cover why cultivating an inner mentor can help you become kinder to yourself and others - and allow you the permission to let all that love in.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter nine of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every few days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book, The Lasting Connection, here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode I speak to Alexander Rozental about procrastination and perfectionism.

Alexander Rozental is a Licensed Psychologist in Sweden, with a PhD from the Department of Psychology at Stockholm University, and he is presently a Post Doctoral Researcher at the Centre for Psychiatry Research at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm. Alexander has published research and a book on the subject of procrastination and perfectionism.

We talk about -

05:11 How Alexander got into this area of study 05:46 Using CBT to combat perfectionism 07:56 Why do people procrastinate? 09:09 The connection between perfectionism and procrastination 11:50 The effects of procrastination 15:09 A model to change this behaviour 20:01 Using apps to limit distractions 21:20 Goal setting and sub-goals 23:58 Does Alexander procrastinate? 26:27 How procrastination can affect couples’ relationships 28:56 Alexander’s take away for you

Do you procrastinate because you feel overwhelmed? Download my free guide to calm the overwhelm here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

Order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In today's slightly more vulnerable and personal episode, I'm celebrating pub day! It's finally here - my new book, The Lasting Connection, published today!

I will tell you about my journey into writing, and how I made space for writing this book as part of my business, to not run the risk of burning out in the process.

Order my book at Bookshop here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about cultivating a garden where you and your partner can grow into the best versions of yourselves, by letting compassion flow out from yourself.

This isn't easy when we are under pressure, but doing small acts can create a climate of warmth, trust and respect.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eight of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, I talk about understanding the different versions of your 'self' that show up in your relationship, and cultivating a compassionate self.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter seven of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this week's conversation I talk to Sophie Burch about taking care of our mental and relationship health before and after birth.

Sophie Burch aka The Mamma Coach is on a mission to put mental wellbeing more on the map in pregnancy, birth and parenting. She has 14 years as a mother to 4 boys (including twins), as a perinatal therapist and coach, and a birth trauma and PND survivor. Her experience has shaped who she is and awakened her to a life of compassion and deep empathy for everyone from pre-conception through parenting to menopause. Her approach is simple: to allow people to feel held and heard, safe and worthy of love and self-acceptance.

We talk about:

4:10 Sophie’s own story and mental health struggles

9:15 The birth of Sophie’s twins

13:36 The ripple effect of taking care of your mental health

15:55 Teaching practitioners as well as parents

19:40 Working within our current pre and post-natal systems

20:34 The experience of fatherhood

22:07 Post-natal depression in fathers

25:00 The pressures of the patriarchy

27:15 Nurturing ourselves

30:34 The challenges of parenthood for over-achievers

31:36 Intrusive thoughts

32:03 Loss of identity

33:35 Expectations and perfectionism

34:50 Recognising that you are struggling

35:48 The effect of parenting on couples’ relationships

38:08 The importance of a compassionate relationship while parenting

39:40 Resentment and unrealistic expectations

43:40 Preparing for stormy seas together

46:26 Modelling compassion to our children

48:39 the Nourish app

50:29 How Sophie pauses

51:50 Visualisation

53:10 Play - dancing and bouncing

55:18 Sophie’s takeaway for you

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Instagram: @themammacoach

Facebook & Twitter: @themammacoach

Website:www.themammacoach.com

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

It's not just the absence of something negative that makes for lasting connections - reducing your arguments, hostility or criticism. You also need the presence of something positive, something good. A feeling of closeness, a bond, feeling content in each other's company and feeling safe.

One of the first steps towards a lasting connection, is understanding your emotions. If you don't get them, how will you communicate them to your partner?

In this episode, I talk about how the emotions systems; the Threat, Drive and Soothe Systems, impact on your relationship, and how you can work with your responses to deepen your connection with your partner.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter six of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

If you don't notice your partner, how can you improve your connection with them?

If you don't notice your own feelings, thoughts or urges, how can you express what you want or need in your relationship?

In this episode, I talk about how practicing formal or informal mindfulness can help you to calm your time-travelling brain, connect with the world around you in the here and now, and connect more deeply with your partner.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter five of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, I talk about the characteristics that make or break a relationship. I invite you to consider which attributes your current or past relationship has, and to examine your intentions to help you move forward with strengthening your bond.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter four of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this week's conversation I talk to Dr. Tracy Dalgleish about how our attachment styles affect our relationship dynamics, and how we can change the patterns we fall into with our partner.

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist who helps individuals and couples navigate the challenges we all face in our relationships and within ourselves to create a more meaningful life through therapy, wellness seminars, and her work outside of the therapy room. For over 15 years, Dr. Dalgleish has provided direct clinical services as well as researching, writing, and speaking about relationships. She provides psychological assessments, diagnosis, and individual and couple therapy for a variety of difficulties, including depression, anxiety, postpartum difficulties, stress and burnout, and relationship difficulties.

We talk about:

5:59 Interdependence

9:26 The 4 S's of social attachment - safety, security, seen and soothed

13:05 Turn taking in relationships

15:14 Incompatibility in attachment styles

19:50 Secure attachment

20:16 Anxious attachment

20:40 Avoidant attachment

21:39 Fearful or disorganised attachment

25:58 Being on the same team, when you're differently 'flammable'

29:40 Common cycles couples all into and how to break them

32:54 Toxic masculinity and emotional expression

36:48 Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations

39:52 Pervasive myths about relationships

41:00 When to go your separate ways

46:17 Tolerating relationship calibrations

49:03 How Dr Tracy pauses and plays

52:25 Dr Tracy's takeaway for you

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Instagram: @Dr.TracyD

Facebook & Twitter: @DrTracyD

Website: https://www.drtracyd.com

Podcast: I’m Not Your Shrink https://drtracyd.com/podcast

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, I talk about the strains on connection that modern relationships experience, including hardship, pressure to be perfect and globalisation, and the antidote to all this disconnection - compassion.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter three of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, I discuss how different couples have different levels of 'flammability'. Understanding how flammable you and your partner are, and what your triggers are, can help you to nurture your relationship towards the glowing embers stage - where you can roast some marshmallows instead of burning your relationship house down.

You can expect these special episodes, celebrating the launch of my new book, The Lasting Connection, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

What makes a relationship last? Basically, if you can own your own stuff, and tolerate your partner's stuff, you've got a pretty good start.

In this episode, I ask 'what is love?' And discuss why love is not enough, you need compassion too, in order to have a strong relationship.

You can expect these special episodes, celebrating the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, two couples experts get together talking about the hardship of having sex after having had kids, with the sleep deprivation, change in roles, breastfeeding, exhaustion and possible resentment getting in the way. Don’t worry, we lift you up by also providing hope around how you can reconnect again sexually, with emotional and physical intimacy.

Catherine Topham Sly is a BCAP accredited counsellor, writer, and speaker who specialises in relationships, and particularly the challenges of staying connected with your partner while raising a family together. A communication and intimacy specialist, Catherine offers research-based therapy, coaching, and online courses, supporting parents to reconnect and stay close after having kids.

We talk about

4:58 Insight and connection

6:33 Physical and emotional intimacy are two sides of the same coin

8:26 Different triggers for sexual desire

10:42 The effects of rejection

11:07 How to break the cycle of rejection

12:26 Avoiding people pleasing

13:43 How much sex are people really having?

15:31 Performative vs connective sex

17:58 Reconnecting after a traumatic birth or the early days of parenthood

19:42 The benefits of reconnecting

21:20 The effect of the coronavirus pandemic on relationships

24:40 Talking about our values

26:39 Advice to expectant parents

28:52 The effects of breastfeeding on libido and intimacy

30:36 Hope for couples who have gone through a long period without intimacy

32:41 Returning to sex

34:26 Getting out of the habit of touching

35:36 Sex doesn't have to be penetrative

36:26 When it's time to go our separate ways

38:22 Seeking help when it's needed

41:03 Setting good habits in a relationship

You can follow Catherine on Instagram @insightandconnection and on Facebook @insightandconnection

Pre-order my new book on Amazon.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

Welcome to the first of 24 short solo episodes of the podcast, to celebrate the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection which will be released on 11th February 2021.

In this episode, I talk about what it means to build a lasting connection, and how I will guide you through the topics covered in the book over the next few weeks.

You can expect these special episodes to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The Lasting Connection: Developing Love and Compassion for Yourself and Your Partner

In this episode, I talk to Jo Love, an award winning Mental Health Advocate and campaigner. She shares her experience of mental illness including depression, anxiety and burnout alongside evidence-based strategies that helped her recover and go into a career of helping others feel less alone in their suffering.

4:12 Jo's painful story of mental illness

7:12 Suicidal thoughts and postnatal depression

9:09 Realisation and diagnosis

10:12 Going to the GP

12:41 Ongoing recovery - flourishing vs languishing

14:12 Warning signs before pregnancy - type A personality

20:52 Jo’s purpose - post-traumatic growth

24:52 Medication as a sticking plaster or a catalyst

26:00 Jo’s experience with CBT and talking therapy

27:51 The slow sunrise of recovery

29:10 Feeling like herself again

31:12 Figuring out which therapies work best for individuals

33:26 Thoughts that came from depression

35:17 Law and people pleasers

37:12 Re-examining childhood values

41:47 Average equating to failure

44:24 Perfectionism in motherhood - a ‘good enough’ mother

47:07 Holding standards loosely

48:06 Teaching vulnerability to our children

Find Jo at https://www.jolove.co.uk/

And on Instagram @jo__love__ and @therapyismagic

If you have been affected by any of the subjected covered in this podcast, please refer to the links below -

Mind provides advice and support on a range of mental health subjects, and details of local help and support in England and Wales.

0300 123 3393 (weekdays 9am - 6pm)

Visit the Mind website

The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123

Visit the Samaritans website

You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

2020 has been a tough year, with so much tension on our shoulders.

How much pressure comes from the outside, of furlough and financial strain and loved ones struggling? And how much pressure comes from the inside, adding pressure onto your burden with your own expectations to be perfect?

Pressure to home school perfectly, pressure to get everything done on the to do list despite being demotivated, pressure to get fit with Joe Wicks despite wanting to lie down on the sofa, eating chocolate. Pressure to make the most of the lockdown, learning new things, renovating the house or learning to bake banana bread and cultivate sourdough.

In this episode, I reflect on a few things I have seen in my clinic over the past year, some of the lessons on life and love I have heard my clients come to. The main thing being things being the space to reflect on what really matters when the busyness and engagements in the diary have been dropped.

I have seen clients start to consider even childhood experiences and be reminded of earlier traumas and losses. We are all in a collective trauma, with a universally shared stress response.

We also set up the upcoming couples relationship specials we will be doing on the podcast after this episode, before entering the second season in February.

To release from 2020 and gently move forward into 2021, let me guide you to find what matters to you in this workshop - Lessons on life and love from 2020: https://lessons-on-life-and-love-from-2020.eventbrite.co.uk I am giving away lots of spaces to those in financial hardship from COVID, message me to apply.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, Dr Rebekah Shallcross and I tackle some big questions – what is the antidote to the oppression of womxn, what is a true ‘choice’ vs what we do because of hitting upon the barriers set up by white heteronormative patriarchy, and how does the pressure of the patriarchy impact womxn’s mental health? Although a tough topic, we also bring some light and humour to this, considering how to break the 'good girl' narrative through allowing ourselves the permission to be non-productive and rest.

Dr Rebekah Shallcross, or Bekah, is a qualified Clinical Psychologist, Researcher and Feminist. In 2020, she founded The Feminist Therapy Centre (FTC) which aims to offer an alternative to main stream mental health practice that is often based from the viewpoints of a white, male, heteronormative majority that dominates the highest positions of power within society, including the field of psychology.

Through her work, Bekah uses a Feminist Therapy theoretical perspective that aims to liberate and empower those engaging with the service at both a personal and social level, both within and outside the therapy setting.

3:45 Why feminism and psychology?

7:35 The antidote to oppression is recognising it

8:05 Internalised patriarchy

9:12 Why the white heteronormative patriarchy is a problem for everyone

10:45 Patriarchy is even bad for men

13:25 Can choice exist when oppression creates so many barriers?

13:55 True choice comes without expectations

14:41 How flexible is flexible working?

18:08 The pressures modern women face

19:23 Structural inequalities in parental leave

20:20 A solution to the problems of shared parental leave

21:15 Becoming the default parent - 'shefault'

25:55 How the coronavirus pandemic has affected women

28:37 Why women shouldn’t need to teach feminism to men

32:20 Avoiding the emotional labour of education

36:05 You don’t always have to be productive

41:29 Bekah’s takeaway for you

Bekah recommended Bear Hebert and Dr. Sarah Coxon during our conversation.

The Feminist Therapy Centre

Instagram - @dr_bekah_shallcross

Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

Are you a rule follower? Thinking you 'must' or 'should' do things?

In this episode I consider the ways in which rigid following of self-imposed rules can harm ourselves and others. Then I suggest a loosening of the rules so that they serve you, rather than you serving them.

I also look at whether you have a different set of rules for yourself, than you do for those you love, and what happens to your wellbeing when you have stricter rules for yourself than for others.

Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you dream of working for yourself, but procrastinate starting or thinking you won't be good enough?

In this episode I talked to Polly Lavarello about the struggles and benefits of entrepreneurship as a ‘company of one’, and how perfectionism used to hold her back from finding freedom, balance and purpose.

Polly Lavarello is the go-to Facebook Ad Strategist for coaches and online course creators. Also founder of the Launch Pad, an online membership to support female entrepreneurs to promote their online businesses authentically, sustainably and powerfully.

Polly used her experience working in a marketing agency to successfully build her own business from scratch after having her first child, and for the following six years has continued to help other female entrepreneurs to create thriving businesses of their own.

6:28 The change in life balance that comes with motherhood

7:50 Being an example for her children

8:15 Managing the balance as an entrepreneur

9:28 The life-changing influence of community

10:14 Why is it hard to make time for yourself?

12:30 The benefits to being an online business

17:49 Polly's feminist drive

19:03 Struggling with perfectionism

22:42 Pause - planning the month around hormonal cycles

23:25 The mistake of multitasking

24:30 Actually switching off - using do not disturb, nature and cooking

26:13 Moving away from reactive working and setting goals

28:30 Managing mental overload

31:17 Support through coaching and group coaching

39:30 Finding play that suits you

41:28 Polly’s takeaway for you

Instagram: @PollyLavarelloDigital

Website: www.pollylavarello.com

The Launchpad

Feeling overwhelmed? Need some easy steps to find calm? You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you recognise the signs of overwhelm in your life?

Do you know what to do to slow down?

Do you know what's getting in the way of you taking better care of yourself?

In this episode I explore the physical and mental signs that you might be suffering from overwhelm, and with the help of a visual metaphor, the stress bath tub, discuss methods to cope with stress without reaching the point of overwhelm and burnout. Helping you to follow your ambition without drowning in it.

Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm

I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this powerfully vulnerable and honest episode with Mandy Lehto, we explore the ongoing journey of healing from overachieving and not feeling good enough. Mandy shared her own experience of this work in progress, of trying to no longer base her worth on achievements and praise, and instead on feeling worthy for being who she is, imperfections and all. We explore the signs that her body was saying no to more striving, as well as the wake up call she couldn’t ignore. We finish by thinking about how imperfect people are more likeable and get a deeper connection with others than seemingly perfectly put together people.

Dr. Mandy Lehto is a personal and executive coach and writer in London.

She has a doctorate from Cambridge University, and in her former career, was a Director at a global investment bank in the City.

She has written for, or featured in, Psychologies Magazine, The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, Top Sante, The Huffington Post, eFinancial Careers, and on CNBC.

She’s a recovering overachiever, who’s on a mission to help women to identify less with their doing, and more with their being.

5:15 How striving for worth didn’t serve Mandy

8:03 Over-achieving is the only addiction we get praised for

9:19 Mandy reaches breaking point

11:41 The trap of taking on healing with the same over-achieving attitude

14:41 How Mandy became more aware of her inner critic

15:31 Surrendering to feelings

21:51 Realising that perfection gets in the way of connection

27:01 What would Mandy tell her younger self?

34:53 Avoiding competitive self-care

37:41 How to soothe the inner critic rather than escape it

39:41 Exercise that does suit high achievers

41:46 The changes that middle age have brought about

43:49 Playing through writing

Instagram: @MandyLehto

Website: www.mandylehto.com

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Notice how hard it is to slow down, in a world which promotes rushing

We are caught in an illusion that rushing saves us time, makes us more productive and wins us greater success – in fact, it’s the polar opposite.

In this episode, I'm going to bust some productivity myths around rushing and set you straight on why it helps to rush less.

I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I'm speaking to leadership coach Katy Murray (Katy Catalyst) about how to step up to your ambition, passion and potential - without burning out.

Katy leads Catalyst Collective a boutique consultancy focusing on Equity Inclusion and Diversity. She coaches change making leaders and entrepreneurs 1-1 and leads the Mastermind Change Making Women.

02:39 Katy explains how she works with leaders and change-makers

04:07 How to step up without burning out

05:39 Katy's experience of getting close to burn out

06:45 Making yourself find a sustainable pace

07:35 So much of our learning comes from mistakes

10:05 How resilience can help us in these difficult times

13:15 The need for leaders to relearn self-compassion

15:08 Thinking about your wider network

16:20 Creating a new, less isolated, form of leadership

18:13 Toxic gratitude

19:12 How Katy finds pause in her life

22:40 Three questions to ask yourself every day

26:05 Lowering expectations to create space

29:44 Setting expectations, with the example of email auto-responders

32:20 Two questions for clarifying purpose and acknowledging success

37:23 How Katy finds joy and play in her life

40:27 Finding play in the workplace

44:30 Katy's gift for you

Connect with Katy on Instagram and Linked In

Sign up to Katy’s newsletter Catalyst Notes for coaching prompts, #PowerPractices, + practical leadership tips.

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

In this episode, I expand on a metaphor for how we all cope with stressful times differently - as we are all sailing on the same stormy seas right now, but we all do so in differently equipped boats. This can help you step out of blaming and shaming yourself for your reactions to our current circumstances.

Here I consider why it is that you can validate your loved one's feelings, and provide helpful suggestions, whereas you might be harsh on yourself. As the UK enters a second lockdown, I invite you to treat yourself with the same compassion that you would extend to a friend.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

This week I’m talking to Clio Wood, a Women's Health and Sex Positivity Advocate, and the Founder of &Breathe - award-winning wellbeing and fitness retreats for pre/postnatal, parenthood and peri-menopause. Clio created &Breathe following the birth of her daughter in 2014 and her experiences with trauma, postnatal depression, and painful sex/pelvic floor issues and is passionate about helping other women be their best selves.

02:11 Clio tells the story of her traumatic birth and recovery

07:23 How the transition to motherhood affects your relationship

10:31 Dealing with the focus of recovery being on the baby

14:41 Some little-known practical help that is available to new parents

15:43 The importance of a birth debrief

19:53 Why Clio chose to include mental wellbeing in her retreats

24:02 Taking time to do the inner work

25:29 Different experiences of pregnancy and birth during the Covid crisis.

30:11 Why we shouldn’t second guess our reaction to being isolated after birth

33:20 How Clio takes the pressure off herself

35:46 The lessons Clio has learnt from the effect of Covid on her business

37:50 How Clio incorporates play into her life

43:58 Escaping the Pressure Pandemic

44:46 Clio’s takeaway for you

Website www.andbreathewellbeing.com

Instagram @andbreathewellbeing

Join the Pause Purpose Play group on Facebook

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I’ll talk about how busyness kills productivity and how flexibility saves it, through softening rigid rules and SHOULDs into softer COULDs.

I discuss the different reactions I hear from clients to a full to-do list, and three actions you can take to find a more sustainable pace in your work.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's episode, I talk to Suzy Reading about self-care in tough times. Suzy is a mother of two, an author, Chartered Psychologist and Coach. She specialises in self-care, helping people manage their stress, emotions, and energetic bank balance. It was her life experience of motherhood colliding with the terminal illness of her father that sparked her passion for self-care which she now teaches to her clients, young and old, to cope during periods of stress, loss and change and to boost their resilience in the face of future challenges. Suzy's first book ‘The Self-Care Revolution’ published by Aster came out in 2017, 'Stand Tall Like a Mountain: Mindfulness & Self-Care for Children and Parents' and 'The Little Book of Self-Care’ came out in 2019 and her new book ‘Self-Care for Tough Times’ came out in 2020, during the COVID-19 lockdown.

03:55 Suzy busts the myth that being tough on yourself gets you through tough times

05:44 Overcoming harsh self-criticism with self-forgiveness

08:23 Making healthier choices when talking to ourselves kindly

10:14 Self-compassion and the nourishing action of self-care

13:54 How 'compassion' supports us in a way that 'resilience' doesn't

16:30 Not letting maternal guilt stopping us from nourishing ourselves

19:42 Pressure and success in motherhood - the Nourish app

23:28 The toxicity of the compensatory crutches we use to cope

26:50 What to do when you realise your current habits are unsustainable

31:11 Suzy's micro movements approach to change

31:58 Making daily habits more nourishing

33:02 Suzy shares a physical exercise to help with posture

43:16 We talk about the power of visualisation if you are not able to physically play during hard times

44:26 Suzy's takeaway for you - to let guilt slide from your shoulders

Website www.suzyreading.co.uk/

Instagram @suzyreading

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Stand Tall like a Mountain: Mindfulness and Self-Care for Children and Parents

Self-care for Tough Times: How to heal in times of anxiety, loss and change

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The Little Book of Self-care: 30 practices to soothe the body, mind and soul

In this episode, I talk about the problems that come from trying to please all the people, all the time - and how this is especially problematic in your relationship.

Do you struggle to say no to others, even when saying yes means less time with your family, or less time for you?

Do you find it hard to ask for your needs to be met?

Or are you living with someone who finds it hard to articulate what they want?

Do they constantly run around doing tasks for others, until they burn themselves out?

It takes courage to balance your own needs with those of others, especially resisting the urge to people please, but with a small steps approach, we can overcome that sense of obligation and learn to ask for what we need.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk to Executive Coach and founder of Wisdom for Working Mums, Nicky Lowe about when her body told her in no uncertain terms to pause. She experienced burnout in a corporate career, following her high standards and need for striving.

Nicky is a qualified and accredited Executive Coach who is an advocate for achievement orientated, motivated, ambitious women who also want to be amazing mums. She's spent the last 15 years being invited by some of the world’s largest organisations to support their leaders as an executive coach. Many of these are working mums and this led her to contribute to the book “Mentoring for Working Parents” based on her experience. As a busy working mum of 2 she knows only too well the challenges of combining motherhood with the work that fulfils her. Her passion is helping women combine their work and motherhood in a successful and sustainable way - without losing their sanity or wellbeing!

03:30 Nicky finding herself trapped as a ‘corporate prisoner’ and retraining as a coach

05:45 Hitting a brick wall of exhaustion as a new mum - adrenal fatigue

09:30 How Nicky turned a painful episode into a life change

14:30 Finding the balance between motherhood and work on our own terms

20:00 Consciously choosing to pause as an ambitious woman

21:20 Redefining self worth away from productivity

24:45 What Nicky does to rest and recover

29:30 Recalibrating needs as circumstances change

32:15 How Nicky allows herself to play

35:40 Finding joy in imperfect play

Website: www.wisdomforworkingmums.co.uk

Instagram:www.instagram.com/nicky_wisdomforworkingmums/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/wisdomforworkingmums/

This episode focuses on how a lack of problem-solving can get you stuck going around in circles in your life, and your relationship, but even if you’re not in a relationship, this episode is still for you. I will tell you about getting started, continuing and completing problem-solving, guiding you through a step by step approach to productive problem solving, if you stay with me to the end of the episode. I know you have lots to do, but if you keep addressing your problems the wrong way, you’ll have even less time to do those things.

You can't solve your problems when you're overwhelmed, exhausted and stuck. ⁠ ⁠- Hands up if you've kept going in an argument with your partner long after any chance of resolving things.⁠ ⁠- Hands up if you've kept thinking about something you NEED to solve, and it just goes around and around in your head.⁠ - Hands up if you feel so overwhelmed and anxious by the problem that you don't even START to find a resolution. ⁠ ⁠- Hands up if you often don't even notice how much time you've wasted on trying to figure something out. ⁠⁠

Imagine how your relationship would be if you could approach your problems together.

In this episode, I talk to actor, personal branding coach and host of Dreaming and Doing podcast, Nicky Raby, about her career, how we find the courage to pause and reflect on what we want from our careers. We touch on making mistakes in business and finding play through flexibility. And we finish with Nicky's one piece of advice for you.

Nicky is a huge advocate of the portfolio career; she’s an actor, personal branding coach, writer and speaker. She is passionate about supporting other women (and men!) to create a business and life that defines their version of success. She trained at Mountview and continues to enjoy a thriving career across theatre, television, film and commercial work. She has worked with Stylist Magazine, Nat West, MTV, Google to name a few.

Her podcast ‘Dreaming and Doing with Nicky Raby’ regularly features on the top 100 business podcasts on iTunes and is heard worldwide. She has worked with over 1000 clients to help them consolidate their personal brand and become visible so they can do more of what they love and get paid for it.

She has a son and a daughter and lives in London.

03:00 - The power of a portfolio career

05:41 - How Nicky has navigated the mindset behind self-promotion

08:30 - Allowing yourself to be a work in progress

12:00 - The limiting beliefs of ‘enough’

14:14 - Handling criticism in your career

18:46 - Achieving success without burnout

22:15 - How does Nicky pause? - pausing through movement

26:16 - Doing more of what you love

29:35 - Making mistakes in business

33:55 - Finding play in her work - flexibility

38:48 - Investing in yourself

44:08 - Nicky’s gift for the audience - finding the right answers

Website: www.nickyraby.com/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/nickyraby Facebook: www.facebook.com/nickyraby/

A tricky lesson from Eastern philosophy is about the impermanence of things, of how everything changes rather than stays the same. This is a hard pill to swallow in the Western world, where we focus so much of our time and efforts around chasing and clinging onto happiness.

Especially now, as we have spent almost half a year in the global pandemic of the Corona virus.

But these lessons are valid regardless of what pain or hardship we find ourselves in.

Join Michaela Thomas this week, as she talks about how hard it is to just let things be as they are, and reminds us that this too shall pass. Then join in with an exercise to Stop the Struggle.

In this episode, Natalie Costa, performance coach, author and founder of Power Thoughts, talks about how we support our children’s emotional wellbeing, to build greater confidence and resilience by noticing their inner critic and also sitting with their big feelings.

We end this episode thinking about how we can support children returning back to school in September, after the Coronavirus crisis.

Natalie Costa provides a teaching and coaching service designed to give children the ‘power’ over their own thoughts. With a background in psychology and having spent 12 years within the educational sector as well as becoming an accredited Performance Coach, Power Thoughts was born - which blends her past experience and deep understanding of children and their needs, now providing them with the tools to help them cope and thrive in the modern world.

Natalie has been featured in national press and TV, such as Stella Magazine, BBC Breakfast, The Sunday Times, The Telegraph and Good Morning Britain and had co-authored two books called "Find your Power" and "Stretch your Confidence”.

3:50 – Natalie’s busy mind, and what she does to take a break from productivity

7:02 – Switching off through pausing and being still, versus switching off with creativity

10:20 – Rewriting the belief that it has to be hard work to be successful

12:04 – Finding purpose, fulfilment and opportunity in an evolving start up business

15:30 – Helping children to be aware of their internal dialogue, their inner critic

18:10 – Becoming mindful of Big Feelings, locating them in the body

19:54 – The power of breath and Take Five Breathing exercise

21:45 – The internal weather report of feelings, to get the power back and self-soothe

24:39 – How we create purpose and meaning for children, what lights you up?

28:35 – Working on our own confidence and inner critic alongside our children

29:40 – Coping with negative thoughts with the compassionate voice we use with friends

33:20 – The power of modelling to our children all the feelings, not trying to be perfect

35:16 – Returning to school after COVID-19, having done the best you could in a crisis

37:40 – The life lessons from lockdown around resilience, adaptation and dealing with grief

41:10 – The importance of play for both adults and children, helping them soothe feelings

Website: https://www.powerthoughts.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/powerthoughtsbync Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/powerthoughtsnataliecosta

It's hard to get started. When we fear something, we are more likely to procrastinate. The inner critical voice shows up and has an opinion. It’s fearful of failure, so naturally it would show up when we're trying to do something new. Something which means stepping out of the comfort zone.

If you only look at where you currently are, and seeing all that you haven’t yet mastered, you’re likely to feel daunted. Stuck. Overwhelmed. Looking up at the next mountain towering over you.

But life isn’t just one mountain, it’s a mountain range of peaks and valleys. Of challenges and of rest.

If you also look back down, you’ll see that you’ve already wandered really far, climbed a few peaks on this mountain range already.

So the secret to getting up the next mountain, is to start the climb.

Join Michaela Thomas on this first episode of The Pause Purpose Play podcast, covering how hard it is for ambitious professionals to get started, have support, appreciate their achievements and also knowing when to slow down and take in the view.

Welcome to this new podcast. I hope you’ve tuned in because in one way or another, you’re looking for some more pause, purpose and play in your life.

This trailer covers what Pause Purpose Play is all about - finding balance over burnout so you can follow your ambition without drowning in it.

The first season has 12 episodes, with a mixture of solo episodes and guest interviews, to help you find more joy and vitality.

The solo episodes cover psychology concepts such as procrastination, impostor syndrome, the inner critic, joy, connection and compassion.

The guest interviews dive deep into the guests' zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work.