Dryline Farmer: Recent Episodes
Dryline Farmer
A weekly podcast with an aim to entertain its audience with an on-the-fly comedy and commentary style of production.
Part two of our, uh, two part series with Brian Jensen, "The Voice of Texas Tech Football". Brian throws in a story about swimming to Alcatraz and the legend of John Hinkley.
Brian Jensen, "The Voice of Texas Tech Football" joins Brent and Landon to talk all things Texas Tech Football. You're gonna love it.
You've heard him for 23 years as the "Voice of Texas Tech Football", now hear him like never before as Brian Jensen joins Brent and Landon to talk everything from Texas Tech to swimming at Alcatraz.
OMG we talk farming? Yeah we actually do this week. Marketing, weather, and most of all, bitching farmers. Just to keep it real.
Brent and Landon break down their five favorite Seinfeld episodes. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Our favorites stories of weird stuff please steal. And later, what was caught on camera at the Amarillo Zoo? A Werewolf? A Beaver? Cue the Beavis and Butthead laughs.
A new cancer treatment has a 100% success rate, so we wondered, how would society act in a cancer free world?
In honor of the new Top Gun sequel, Brent and Landon look back on a movie that changed lives. And killed a goose.
Ramblings of poker and weed make the rounds through the podcast this week. We "suck" at both?
The Moving Iron Podcast guys join us to talk Ukraine, a little Oscars, and how weak we are in our triggers.
The state of Wyoming has come up their own smartphone app to help out with all your roadkill needs. Because you know, a guy's gotta eat.
Brent rambles on about the ablation performed on his crappy heart. And, can farmers ever just be happy???
We cover it all from The National Corn Growers Contest, Bob Saget, German Veterans Day and more! (We're really versatile)
The Biden administration has finally released its crackpipe relief program: "No Crackhead Left Behind"
The new infrastructure bill will require all new vehicles to have anti-drunk driving monitoring equipment in your car! Cheers!
A Milkman fathers 800 kids and his child support is absolutely killing him, Also a mom unknowingly hauls her son's pot brownies to the senior center. That's awesome.
This week, Brent and Landon delve into the murder machine that is the Disney Corporation. They have single handedly killed off more cartoons than Doc Brown in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
We are back in full force and almost exclusively talk about everything except Christmas. Casey Seymour and Aaron Fintel join Brent and Landon to talk Casey running laps at the local graveyard, 90's fashions, and Brent's "elliptical".
Brent delves into his new favorite show What We Do In The Shadows. And later he talks the infamous Slim Jim caper.
The annual tradition of pardoning the Thanksgiving turkeys takes place yet again and we have the trial of the century that got them off the hook! Or chopping block, however you want to look at it.
Here's a little preview of an upcoming episode where we dig into the different things you can learn from YouTube. (I haven't told Landon yet)
A school board tells the parents to stay the hell out of their kids' educations and the parents couldn't agree more.
Taylor Moore, a former CIA analyst turned author and speaker debuts his first novel, "Down Range".
Today's culture calls for political correctness in its news and entertainment outlets. Obviously we don't do that, so here's how we would promote movies if we were in charge.
Everyone seems to have their own service dog whether they really need one or not. We feel these dogs are actually needed.
Brent and Landon count down, kind of, some of the greatest fights in sports history. Surprisingly, Landon was only involved in a couple of them.
The podcast catches wind of a car and freezer dealership offering virtual test drives for all of their used inventory. We, of course, have the exclusive advertisement that "Bob's Used Cars and Freezers" put out this past week.
What if we just showed up to the Olympics and said, "We can do that."? How would that work out?
This week on the "Dr." Bill Slozenger Show, a caller has questions about his upcoming divorce with serious financial implications.
The podcast ran across a Senior Citizens "Lunch With Benefits" fundraiser and we just couldn't help ourselves.
We found 10 people to give a testimonial on the interesting reactions they got from the COVID vaccine. Brought to you by Tommy Dee's Nutz and Screwz.
Yet another undercover tape revealed. This time from a sketchy FFA chapter in the North East.
An anonymous caller gets on "The Danny Dollar Show" and has a very concerning financial dilemma.
Our first episode of the Short Bus series involves the found footage of a no nonsense cattle judge giving his reasons at a summer jackpot show.
Sometimes you get mad enough to throw a small child through a window. Probably not a good a idea, but you can't say you haven't thought about it. Here's the things we would riot over.
Drive thrus, passing, road rage and all the other great experiences of life are discussed this week with our panel.
We are excited to announce the discovery of newly found footage of the infamous Daughters of the Southern Revolution Thrift Store Fashion Show!!
Somehow Brent got asked to emcee a charity fashion show/auction. The "Daughters of the Southern Revolution" host their very first charity fashion show.
This week Brent and Landon take a psychic test and it goes pretty much as you'd expect.
Life is stranger than fiction as they say and that couldn't be more true than the current dumpster show our crap fire our globe is in right now. So we try to decipher which movie we are living in.
Bigfoot sightings amuse and astound the 15 people that have seen him. Or her. We really don't know.
There's just some things in life we wish we could do without. And here are those things.
Well, you know, the guys meant well, but ended up talking about their dreamy childhood years of the 80's. Video rental stores, radio station contests and console tv's. You know, important stuff. Then they get to the passing Winter Storm Uri.
A Texas Panhandle police chief gets himself caught up in a Lifetime Movie worthy performance of infidelity and fraud. Also, mullets and cold weather. It's a dream of an episode.
If we had our way, you would no longer be able to make big orders in the drive thru. This ain't Thanksgiving. Just one of our "Executive Orders".
President Trump handed out pardons this week as he left office, so the natural thing to do was for Brent and Landon to hand out their own "pardons".
Brent talks with Tom Tenseth. A hunter, truck hustler, Dairy Queen aficionado, and biker hooligan.
Things really hit the fan today in DC. Civil war to unlikely, hopefully, but if it did take place would that finally get us back to $8.00 corn? Casey Seymour says "Corn in teens".
Scientists "reanimate" a mummy's voice. Neehhhhh. Yeah, that's what it sounds like it. Nehhhh.
A famous televangelist has his very own "Inspiration Cube". We discuss that and all the products "You Might Also Be Interested In". And for all you sophisticated types: above ground pools.
We return with Jehovah's Witnesses and entries straight out of the Urban Dictionary. Listener discretion is not only encouraged, it's strongly recommended. We actually beg you to.
There were certain things in the wild West you just couldn't unsee. And this episode you won't be able to unhear, so keep the kids away from the volume.
This week Brent and Ashtyn go over each state's "worst attraction". We skip over Texas, because, you know, Texas doesn't suck at anything.
This week the panel goes through a list that assigns each state their best quality and what they're know for. It's really not that impressive. And the first ever forecast from an unlikely source! Well, it's pretty likely actually.
We try to talk about a group of teachers protesting a return to school, but we become more interested in talking about our junior high showers and how each of us will die.
Brent gets into it with people on Facebook by defending the honor of the Rangers' new stadium. Landon mocks. And Ashtyn talks about Kanye.
If you get light a fart on fire and it smelled like lemon, would anyone smell it? Yeah, that line makes as much sense as trying to get cows to toot less.
You can grow your own baby now without the icky job of carrying it around for nine months. Hey Ladies! We also cover a high speed chase once again occurring in Deaf Smith County!
Ashtyn joins us this week to talk Netflix and then somehow we devolve into marriage talk. Yeah, we were surprised too.
May God forgive us, we had the hosts of The No Sh#t Show on this week and the bleep button started to smoke. Regardless of what Conrad says, he's grumpy, and Michelle is really nice.
Ashtyn Carr, intern from the Global Ag Network joins us to help out getting our cult off the ground!
We dive back into our spam filters this week and also mock the metric system and their stupid increments of "10s".
We talk our first dances which occurred in the '90's at churches, so you can just imagine what that all leads to. And of course, more corona virus stuff. But it's funny because it's true.
Join Brent and Landon as they celebrate their 100th episode with an analysis of the YouTube love affair with Couples Court!
This week in honor of Covid-19, which we talk nothing about, (we promise) we discuss which pandemic movies have any basis in reality or not.
An actual true story of some genius in Texas that dressed up as Santa Claus and tried to rob a bank in 1927. We know it's March so get off our butts about it.
We bring you a new segment called "Listen to the American Bitch!" And of course we have to talk the Corona Virus and how it affects OJ. We'll put an explicit rating on this one just to be safe.
Tillable and Ag Twitter went at it like Joaquin Phoenix and Russell Crow in Gladiator this past week. We act like the mindless peasants in the Coliseum cheering them on. Also: Dick Pound and Hot Pockets are in the news.
Former mayor "num-nuts" Bloomberg has an interesting opinion on farmers and their Forest Gump level intelligence. And farmers don't think he talk too good. We talk slow in this episode.
Arguing on Twitter can make your life worse. Well maybe not worse, but certainly not better. We list the things more productive than getting into a pissing match on Twitter. And we of course, have to talk about the $300,000 steer that blew up Twitter.
This week, we go fishing through our spam filters and see if we can find our important tax documents. Also, don't miss our sponsor this week, Dutch Oven Perfumes!
Month by month, Brent, Landon and Casey offer their predictions on how certain big time events get affected by immature and demeaning people.
We start the show with football talk where Casey and Landon reveal their poor football picking skills. And later we finish up our awards show with some "best and worst of" awards!
And the categories are: Worst Year of the Decade, Person Who Was in the News But Shouldn't Have Been, D-Bag of the Decade and many more!!
This week, Brent interviews Jerry Donner, manager of the Scottsbluff Fertilizer COOP and they talk about farming and the Nutcracker. At least a little bit...
Apparently taping fruit to the wall is considered fine art now because a banana taped to a wall brought over $100,000 in Florida. And later, we go over just the headlines scrawled out across the Drudge Report. (We don't read the stories.)
The podcast has hit a new low, well at least we hope this is the lowest point. "Perineum Sunning" is apparently a thing now, and we're just the geniuses to talk about it. Also, Brent and Landon go on the crime beat.
Join Conrad for his first installment of "Conrad's Optimistic Blathering" or (C.O.B.) !!
Brent and Landon again have on Casey Seymour from the Moving Iron Podcast and this time they're talking movie sequels. Yeah, not a new subject, but we could really give a damn.
All those movies and TV shows we grew up with and loved would most likely be shunned or not even aired in 2019. We make a list.
Brent reveals his strategies of fighting identity theft. Landon and Casey find it amazing that he hasn't actually made it easier for identity thieves to steal his crap.
Ricardo and Diego are out again with another terrible attempt at music. They take on the sexy subject of MFP's. Betsy Jibben would be proud.
Ricardo and Diego visit Mel Gibson, Mike Tyson, Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson in "Celebrity Prison". Somehow they make it out alive. Also: Brent and Landon talk harvest, weather and The World Series.
We talk about The Great Bingo Caper of 2019 and we DON'T talk about how STD's have "snuck up" on Americans. But in the first segment Brent covers his trip to Vernon, TX. He thinks he's Chris Columbus.
Chicago has money problems. But who doesn't? Well they're trying to balance the budget on the back of The Magic School Bus and little Johnny and Susie who rented it out 10 years ago. Also, we talk the one game Wild Card MLB format.
Landon calls in to help Brent delegitimize a poor, defenseless teenager bemoaning to a bunch of elites at the United Nations about climate change.
It's Tri-State Fair time in the Texas Panhandle! We talk turkey, well, actually we talk chicken. Namely the chicken show. We're pretty sure these birds are from another planet from another time. And later, Landon goes on about his neighbor going "number one" for the whole world to see.
Casey Seymour is back on to fill in for Landon (TWSS) and joins Brent to reflect on 9/11 and then discuss something far less serious. Cannibalism. Some D-Bag "scientist" thinks we may need to turn to this great diet to combat climate change.
How we get from discussing song remakes to Subway sandwiches, we forget. But sometimes that's just how life unfolds.
From Total Recall to IT to True Grit, we talk the good, the bad and the ugly of movie remakes. See what we did there?
We talk a little bit about the recent insane crop report, but to be honest, we talk about almost everything BUT that.
It's a yeasty and hoppy podcast this week. We talk beer and what that beer says about you and everything that you have going on in your life.
This episode is for mature audiences even though it's a very immature episode! For real, probably better leave the kids in the house for this one. We talk "the wave" we give each other on the highway and what it says about the person. But first, we talk the "Clean and Jerk" and "Snatch" weightlifting competitions. (That's the immature part)
President Trump doesn't drink any alcohol. At all. But what if he did? What would the world be like? Would the sky turn orange? What would his tweets be like? Probably awesomely crazy. And later, we discuss Adrian Peterson's financial woes.
Casey Seymour rejoins us to talk the Ukraine, Amarillo Sod Poodles (which he knows nothing about), The Talbott Brothers, Vlad the Impaler and Tacos. Landon is on remote in his pickup where he does a fair job of paying attention.
A meth head squirrel, an ice cream licker and a fat man walk into a bar.. Or hardware store. But this is no joke, this is honest to goodness real life. That's what makes it so awesome. And later, the special guest you've been promised!
Brent talks with Harlan Cunningham about his run-in with a lady and her dog at a summer steer show. The charges were dropped, but not at first... Also, you won't want to miss our newest sponsor, "The Drip Oil Advocates".
It's really anything goes on this week's podcast. Pitchers getting hit with a ball, sprinkler fails and idiotic lawsuits.
There are far too many things in the world that should've "evolved" by now, thereby nullifying any reasonable argument for evolution. Just go to any state fair. Also, cell phone charging sharing.
In what started out as a lame joke, we have an episode about the pros and cons of being in a prison, in space. Also: Humble Bragging rules. (You're not as humble as you think you sound.)
We talk about Brent's jury duty, the $2 billion Monsanto judgement, and a dude turning himself into a spider. And that dude has a baby. Baby girl, not a baby spider.
We're, well, at least Brent, is all over those who hate on a little different style of today's country music. But we also talk about how Beethoven was a serious Mack Daddy, if that helps.
We only put "Easter Bunny" in the title because it came to mind first. We talk about a lot of other stuff too.
Brent has run across some interesting sales strategies just over the last two weeks. He discusses them with Casey Seymour, host of the Moving Iron Podcast. We also talk about Jehovah's Witnesses, if that helps.
It's March Madness, so we sit back and just talk basketball brackets. Ricardo has some interesting picks..
The Yeti Company is truly a genius at marketing their products. We don't know whether to bash them or the people that buy their crap. How long do you need to keep your ice anyways?
Brent screwed the pooch, no pun intended, and spliced together the wrong stuff. So here is the real episode of "The Pig Wagon Man and A Dog's Love is Binding"
So, dogs get very attached to each other when its time to get down. Also, Brent interviews the Pig Man that drives the Pig Wagon.
Apparently Brent and Landon just start googling crap on the internet and come up with the subject of Bob Crane and Bob Kraft. No relation.
Fecal Transplants are now a thing that are helping many people with intestinal issues. That's great, but we think it sounds a little funny.
Reluctantly Brent interviews Casey Seymour about his Big Iron. Fortunately most of the interview is about The Moving Iron Podcast. @MovingIronLLC
All people need a little stress relief, especially farmers. We take a page out of "The Purge" playbook and show you our purge plans. Mentions: @HopeFloeck @LassMike @wolfcreekfarms @BeckyBorron
We think everyone can agree San Francisco sucks at being a city. Now they are implementing "Safe Injection Sites". Yeah, that should help.
Wine and milk by themselves are pretty innocuous. How do you fix that? Just add people. People. They're the worst.
The border wall is a serious issue being talked about recently. We make it not serious.
Is your New Year's resolution already blown to hell? We figured. And we can tell you why!
We perform our first ever Mystery Christmas Theater. Everyone sit back, and if you have recorded "A Christmas Wish", follow along with us!
It's not original to say there's too many college bowl games out there, but it is original the way we say it. And later not to our surprise, there's some crazy Ag Twitter people out there.
We "name shame" some lady that got all bent out of shape when someone dared to make fun of her kid's name. You know, the name the lady gave her. We also talk about castration, if that helps....
A woman in sumo suit. Another woman in a candy suit. That's just the beginning. We cover some interesting news headlines on this week's episode.
Everyone has an opinion on handicap spots and country music singers. Including us. Mentions: @globalagnetwork @jerodmcdaniel
Even though y'all will hear this the day after, we are still calling it an Election Night Special. That's just how we roll.
Check out Ricardo and Diego as they go trick or treating in the #AgTwitter neighborhood. Mentions @sf28430 @girlstalkag @AshleyLArring @jerodmcdaniel @victory_shriek @cropsandclucks @delaneyhowell07 and many more!!
A news story scribbled out by some genius says that milk is a sign of white supremacy. Ok, sure, why not? Mentions: @annalaca1 & and some nutty Ag Twitter people.
Someone has come out with a dating site for those who voted for Donald Trump. Of course we're covering this. And we talk a little farming too...
Check out this special, exclusive release, with our very special and very secret reporter! He gives the numbers from this week's USDA Quarterly Stocks Report!
We start out talking #Harvest18 and then sink into a conversation about Farm Journal's cover story "Meatless Meat". Uh, no thanks. Mentions: @GoddessofGrain @girlstalkag
Yes, we theorize why some random sun spotting observatory got suddenly shut down by the police, FBI and the Men in Black. But in all honesty we go all over the place on this week's podcast. Mentions: a lot!
This is the real deal! No acting! Brent interviews the creators of The Global Ag Network- Delaney Howell and Mike Pearson! We cover everything from ag podcasting to Mike's crappy attempt at cattle containment. Mentions: @delaneyhowell07 @Pearsoncattle @globalagnetwork @AgNewsDaily
This week, we bring you our first ever remote broadcast from ASSCON 18! We interview those insiders attached to the "Save the Animal Cracker" movement. You might even be able to donate!
If everyone had a statue, it would probably would deserve to be pulled down at some point. Well, we came up with some statues that need to come down immediately.
We dole out tips and advice for the tourists counting ears and pods throughout the Pro Farmer Crop Tour 2018. We think these tips on counting ears and pods will make it a bullish harvest season! Mentions: @delaneyhowell07 @theTedSpread @GoddessofGrain @sf28430
We actually talk about some serious farm news in our first segment. But then it really gets dark when we talk about our own personal hells.
We finish up our conversation about so-called food delicacies. This time we bash foods in our very own country. Also, Brent almost passes out working on a sprinkler.
You've seen the "Temple of Doom". They had some choice items on the menu that would make the foods we talk about look like a nice meal out on the back patio. Mentions: #AgTwitterMeetUp
There are things in life that are disappointing and none more than Brent's rain gauge throughout this epic drought. Today we discuss those things that are actually LESS disappointing than Brent's rain gauge.
Brent and Landon discuss the farming nightmares they've had over the years. Real and imagined. Also, Brent's Well from Hell and "testicle talk". Mentions @MovingIronLLC
Today we hand out some financial advice when it comes to showing up at the bank for an operating note. We're not discussing debits and credits, if that's what you were thinking.
The Podcast has launched its own dating site for the paranormal in all of us. Paraspeed-date.cam Brent complains about his "Well From Hell".
In case you missed it, here is last week's political commentary from The Dryline Farmer Podcast. It's literally less than two minutes, you've got time!
Today we rank the 4 Golden Girls from 1980's comedy gold. It's a geriatric smorgasbord of perms and old lady perfume!
Wanting to get some ink around your neck? Your job prospects may be limited. Also, Ricardo does an impersonation. And a guy nearly dies from a dead rattlesnake.
We continue last week's conversation on Amarillo's debacle of a team naming contest for their new AA baseball team. There were five finalists. We go over the names that got rejected. Also, Miss America talk. That's right.
Amarillo is getting a AA baseball team and has launched a contest to name the team. They narrowed it down from 3000 entries to five truly magnificent finalists. Truly magnificent.
We touch a little on last week's episode with an experiment. And this week, we launch a new segment, "What Planet Are You From?" This episode gets a little colorful, so we are putting an explicit rating on this one. It's not real raunchy, but it's getting there.
We change gears and do some wicked fat shaming on morbidly obese people who get paid to be a TV show. Hate us if you want.
In case you missed it last week, here is the weather report and an ad from one of our newest sponsors!
Today we talk about a farmer that takes his boots off in the tractor, not to get comfortable, but to not get dirt anywhere. OK.....And later, a numskull from NYC says farmers have never bought their own farms. OK, whatever you say, genius.
Here is Radar Ricardo's report from last week's podcast. He can't take a little criticism apparently.
We continue last week's content of undesirable personalities and add to it. The Lady Cusser. The Free Luncher. You know the types. Brent also talks about Cattle Roundup Rage that people acquire. Mentions: @lesleyraekelly @sf28430
We've all met that farmer. The Pessimist. The Optimist. The Cusser. Today we break down some of these folks and see if maybe, just maybe, they'll take a look in the mirror. We put an explicit rating on this episode just to be safe.
We know people have pet chickens. Is it a love that is better left unsaid? We think so. Mentions: @MGigger & @JessicaDomel
After a night of too much drink, a farmer picks a fight with his pet pig, and loses. Loses bad. Also, @wtx_trading gets called out by Radar Ricardo.
Brent gets all dramatic and talks about the end of the streak. Also, Brent ends ups talking about something completely different than what he planned.
There are lots of great country songs out there. One of these is really bad, and the other two we talk about are just kind of bad. They really only have a couple bad lines in them, to be honest.
This week, Brent and Landon rewrite some of those well known movies based around the great American farm. Not what you would expect. Also, Brent goes on a rant about....people.
Today we go into the extraordinary and complicated world of the physique of the American Farmer. Not ALL farmers. Just a few that we felt needed to be pointed out.
Today, we break down all those tough guys and girls who think they are getting disrespected just because someone put too much salt on their hot dog. Also, our first "sketch" for the podcast!
A very immature commentary on the world of breastfeeding men. You can just imagine what we come up with.
Brent gives a quick insight on why he is supporting the most hated team in the Super Bowl. Go ahead and hate him.
Today Brent goes on about the ridiculous personalities of Reality TV show judges. Also, he comes up with is own ideas for Ag Twitter reality TV show judges.
Brent goes on a rant about sports coaches and their self congratulatory post game interviews. Also, Maybelline Connell joins the show from the CME.
Check out our podcast this Wednesday as Brent tears into Pro and College Football coaches as he dissects their "Holier-Than-Thou" press conferences. Stop it, already. You guys are not the Peace Corps.
This week Brent "starts a conversation" about farming in shorts. Why would anyone do that? Also Brent tries to predict what some certain Ag Tweeps might turn out to be if Agriculture and Ag Twitter completely dissolved.
Brent goes after your bad gift ideas and does his own version of The 12 Days of Christmas.
This week Brent gets into the perils of this year's cotton harvest. Also, he hits up his favorite Ag Twitter forums. #FRANhappyhour Also Dan Glee and Radar Ricardo return from vacation!
Get a grip and listen to Brent shuttle through his painful standup experience. Brent also gets warm and fuzzy in Ag Twitter.
Brent finishes his observations on tattoos by giving his predictions on what they will look like in 40 years. Also, he says the dictionary is full of crap.
Brent abandons reason and his own safety to comment on tattoos, tattooing and the people who tattoo themselves. More Ag Twitter to talk about too!
Join Brent as he tills through the world of "Agri-pop culture". Some of the talk will be farming stuff, the rest, will not be farming stuff. Simple enough?