Varinka Poetry: Recent Episodes
Nisha V Chettri
There was a time when the glooms of loss draped my days like a heavy curtain of bygones pulling me back to the memories of a love that no longer served. I know, each morning was a hesitant awakening, and April’s cold was more like a reminder of absence. Absence of somebody, absence of love. But the heart, like the seasons, it knows how to heal.Slowly, the sun began to rise differently, it started throwing new light through the windows of my soul and it illuminated the corners I had once forgotten that it even existed.I started to see the beauty in the mundane more mindfully,the way the wind creased the leaves, or the hushed ballet of dust flicking in a sunbeam… it only warms my heart now. And these little moments, once left unnoticed, became small celebrations of my life. I rediscovered laughter, a sound that had once appeared unfamiliar, it now bubbles up unexpectedly in the company of my friends. Their voices are warm and inviting and fill the spaces left empty by GOODBYES.With time, I learned to cherish the lessons of lost love. I embraced the wisdom it had to teach me. The pain, which once was a steady companion, became a faraway echo, and it only reminds me of my resilience. I stood taller and kept taking deeper breaths knowing that I was capable of moving forward…of building something new…Of building something more beautiful. The past is a story I tell with gentle reverence, but it no longer defines my present. I am here, in the now, with a heart open to possibilities. I am not embarrassed to say that. The world is vast and it is filled with promises, it only awaits my exploration. I step into it with a lightness I had forgotten it could feel, I am ready to write the next chapter of my life: maybe we can call it SEASON 4: EPISODE 1- of joy, love, and laughter. It's a new day, a new day as in a new season. and I am whole again, not because I have forgotten, but because I have learned to cherish the strength within. Moving on is not erasing what we experienced in the past but it is an evolution, more like a testament to the enduring spirit of the heart. And as I walk forward, I carry with me the best parts of the lessons and wisdom I learnt from my past. I am just myself again. I am still learning to laugh and learning to love.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Phyl Kay said ‘if you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning,You watch the sunset too often it just becomes 6 pm, you make the same mistake over and over again, you stop calling it a mistake.’Then,I tried reading your messages repeatedly until their meaning was lost between the words left unwritten. I started walking the trails of Orange Village every morning, and now it is just another trail that leads to somebody’s destination. I, time and again, listened to the songs you sent earlier that once reminded me of our love, and now it is just another song by an amazing artist. I scribbled poems about you over and over again, until it meant it was just a great composition to my readers. I revisited the memories we made over and over, but now I don't even remember your face accurately. I re-imagined us as belonging to each other so many times and see, it's nothing. It means nothin… it meant nothing. I whispered ‘I love you’ a great deal of times, without you being on the receiving end, for a month and more, and see, nothing. it is valueless. Phyl Kay said ‘if you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning.’ButI only wish you said ‘If you do something over and over again, it will only renew every essence of living and loving all over again.’--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
. No, I am not into backpacking. At least, I am not into exploring the world with a half-lover-half-friend-half-something-half-nothing. I mean, who are you? I am not into travelling to the interior of confusion. I just terminate the journey that isn't worth taking. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Season 3 of Varinka Poetry is here! Get ready for an unusual blend of prose snippets and storytelling, a departure from Varinka's usual poetry. Love, V. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Maybe I told you I love you by leaving the notebook by your office space And maybe you told me that you love me by whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Maybe, I told you I love you in the silence we both have created And maybe you told me that you love me by making calls and speaking endlessly. Maybe I told you I love you with tears when you were departing to a different place.And maybe you told me that you love me by making a brief visit just to take a glimpse of me. Maybe I told you I love you when I was angry at you for not understanding what I meant. And maybe you told me that you love me when you kept asking me if I was okay when I was not. We both had a different love language.I could not understand yours And you could not be fluent in mine.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Hemingway said, ‘stare at something long enough till you can write exactly what you feel.’And then there were moments when I stared at you, long enough, till you were uncomfortable. But I was only looking at you so that I learn the arcs and lines of your face that had stories one after another. Like the mole resting perfectly between your eyebrows slightly tilted to the left. The lone stand of hair on your forehead to which I always say ‘can I pull it off?’The eyes held an ocean of profoundness along with the pain of longing. I have stared at you enough even in those fleeting moments and I have memorized the texture of your skin and the lines of your emotions. I know how you smile, how you frown. I know how your eyes turn moist when you look at me. I know how busily you blink it to dry the ocean of pain within your eyes careful enough not to let the ebbs of tears flow down. I know it all. I have stared at you long enough so that I engrave you deeply in the depth of my soul. I stared at you long enough, because I was not done looking at you. I stared at you long enough because I knew I couldn't look at you forever. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
To my dearest daughter. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
You don't even know how to approach it correctly. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Journey with you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
He is just pure magic, you know!Nothing more. Nothing less--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
I could say so much but I choose to say, just celebrate ‘being alive.’--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
I have spent sleepless nights trying to learn from my demons that losing sleep this way is not worth it, but the demons arrived every night with assorted ideas.Some nights they told me that love is worthy of all the fears- but they would eventually chuckle to say that if love is more about losing peace, then it is not worthy at all.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
About those who only give trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Yearning --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Wish to forget. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nisha-v-chettri/message
Reading and rereading a letter has to do so much with euphoria. Isn't it?
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some people come to our life and leave- they leave, Like storms, so capable, that it breaks us down.
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I have started finding loneliness so conveniently, In the blank pages of my notebook that I stare for long hours, and in the endless promotional emails that I receive, Sometimes I casually find loneliness in a town full of people, Sometimes I find it in the podcasts that I listen to while I walk. And sometimes I find it in a tiny gap between hope and despair. Searching for solitude, I have found something so hollow, so deep that I am so afraid of drowning deeper and deeper never had I imagined that I would reside here someday.
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We scribble sentences and build a home out of metaphors.
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I have lost count, of days. why isn't it important? I have forgotten all those prayers. -insinuated to save lives. I lost the significance of loving -truly and unconditionally I am just that person trudging - Yearning to keep up I stopped living When my father died.
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Periods should be a non-issue
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Where can I find the freshness of the breeze, that gently tickles my face
I have longed for years, to sit on the edge and stare at the mountains
I still want to feel more. More ecstasy
More Love
I can’t stop breathing deeper, rejuvenating my body
I can’t stop feeling better,
refreshing my mind.
I want to know more, about universe about love
Like I want to know more about the throbbing heart
That melts when I look into the eyes of the truest form of love.
I want to feel the forest of emotions cascading- at a moment when he turns his face just to look at me, for the very first time.
There, I would notice the fine details of his freckles, like the brown leaves in autumn, ready to fall...
It was randomly designed to a shape of love, Perhaps, meant to be in love-in such a way!
I have longed for years, To sit on the edge and stare at the mountains
I have longed for years to sit behind the truest form.
I can’t stop breathing deeper.
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A poem- for my unrequited love.
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