Be the Best Divorce Lawyer Podcast

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Hi everyone, it’s Val. I had a very interesting interview with a clergyman for 30 years and presently, a pastor who has gone through a divorce. Ken Gordon talks about the responsibility of fathers during and after divorce. He has written a book entitled “Divorced But Still Dad: Faith Principles of Understanding the Role of a Father During and After Divorce” At the start of the interview, Ken told me that he was wearing a sweater with a big “D” on it. He explained that there seems to be a social stigma on the people going through or after a divorce. People in the community seem to be judging those who failed in their marriages. And throughout the whole process of divorce, the mental and emotional well-being of the children have been left out. He questioned “How do we leave something alive?”. What he meant by that was how can parents prioritize their children while battling through divorce. How do they make sure that their children still have a better future? When Ken was writing his book, he encouraged his 12-year-old daughter to write a chapter of it, specifically, for dads. When he read it, it brought tears to his eyes. He realized that he was not able to intentionally recognize the thoughts and emotions of his children. It was an enlightening experience that provides a glimpse of how your children will also feel when divorce comes to your doorstep. For him, the biggest advice he would give to dads going through a divorce is to remember that they should be a dad no matter what. “Don’t divorce your children just because you divorced their mother”. Secondly, he advises people not to stay in a marriage just for the benefit of their children. It is futile to hide or lie so that the kids will not be hurt. They already see and sense that there is something wrong. By being true to themselves, parents are teaching their children how to be real in relationships. How to constructively handle failure and disappointment. How to be a victor and not a victim of their circumstances. I couldn't agree more with Ken on this. What does it teach the kids if you stay in a relationship that is not healthy anymore? Do you want your kids to be living the kind of life that you no longer want? It can cause mental destruction because what we don’t heal in our lives, we pass it on to our kids for them to deal with and that can become a challenging situation for them. Basically, this is unfair to the children. Let kids be kids, as I always say. Ken’s daughter realized later on why her father did not engage in mudslinging against her mother – “My father allowed me to remain a child”.

Toward the end of the interview, he cautions about what the children see of people’s relationships post-divorce. Part of the children’s self-esteem embodies who the parents are. If they see their parents going from one relationship to another, it affects how they view themselves as well. People can also make a difference in what they say about the person they are divorcing. The demeaning words children hear about the other spouse affect how they see themselves Here is the breakdown of this episode: (03:35) Overcoming divorce's stigma and prioritizing children

(05:07) Divorce doesn’t care who you are

(07:22) Children's perspective in divorce

(11:20) Don’t stay married for the sake of the children

(12:47) Empowering children to navigate relationships and emotions

(14:52) Therapy's transformative power in building the children’s strong foundations

(20:06) Allowing children to be children amidst divorce

(22:47) The ripple effects of encouraging judgment in children

(24:41) The importance of individual relationships with the children through divorce

(26:02) The effect of your post-divorce relationships on the children’s self-esteem

(26:58) The impact of what you say about your spouse on your children’s identity I really admire Ken for his conscientious efforts to let his kids be kids and himself, be their dad. During his divorce, he lived near his children. He made sure that his belongings in that house do not send a message to his children that he was doing better without them. He ensured that his kids’ bedrooms at his house had everything that the bedrooms at the other house had. It’s so easy to get self-absorbed and be swept away by all the turmoil of divorce. It’s so easy to fight back and forget about leaving a living legacy in the children’s lives. But one thing remains true, there are ways to make divorce better. This is Val. See you in the next episode!

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About Ken Gordon

Rev. Dr. Ken J. Gordon, Jr., is the pastor of the House of Light Church in Birmingham, Alabama. He and his wife founded the church in 2018 after relocating to Alabama from the Philadelphia/South Jersey area. A certified chaplain and licensed counsel-or, Rev. Gordon graduated with a BA in international law and military affairs from The Citadel in Charleston, South Carolina. From James Dussault University Pentecostal Seminary in Columbia, South Carolina, he earned an MA in church administration, doctorate in communication, and PhD in Christian counseling. From 2018 to 2020, Rev. and Mrs. Gordon hosted the Commitments with Ken and Leslie Show, a weekly radio show focused on helping people who are divorced or going through divorce to find hope, healing, and help. It also provided insight and inspiration to fruitful and dysfunctional relationships. He is a highly sought-after speaker on engaged fatherhood, effective leadership, and community engagement. He is the author of numerous published articles plus the award-winning books "Divorced But Still Dad – The Faith Principles of a Father's Responsibility During and After Divorce", "The Love of a Father - Faith Principles of the Power of a Father's Love", and the Amazon Best Selling book "Bad Dogs - A Black Cadet in Dixie". He is also the author of "Pancake Dad!" and "Ice Cream Dad!", the first two of his 12-book "Engaged Dads" children's series. Read more about Rev. Gordon at www.dadsoffaith.com.

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Hey, it's Val from Pathway Legal. Our mission is to help you avoid lengthy court processes whenever you can. The court should be the final frontier, the very last resort. We believe in the power of mediation and alternative dispute resolution.

But sometimes, the court is unavoidable. Like when it comes to fighting for your child's custody. In today's episode, I'll be diving deep into the nuances of child custody cases, the evidence you'll need, and the scenarios where getting custody is in the child's best interest.

We've identified seven scenarios where fighting for custody becomes a necessity. These include Parental Alienation, which includes one parent turning the child against the other, slandering the other parent, hindering parenting time, or making false reports to the authorities. Cases involving child abuse or neglect. Cases that involve domestic violence or high-conflict situations between parents.

In each of these scenarios, there's a vital piece of evidence known as the "Hear the Child Report" or "Views of the Child Report." Through professional interviews, these reports can bring to light behaviors or situations that are harmful to the child. It can be heartbreaking to hear children say things like "I wish my dad wouldn't speak so badly about my mom," or "I wish my mom wouldn't be so angry at my dad all the time." These reports can provide key insights into a parent's possible alienating behavior.

In the province of British Columbia, recording a conversation without the other party's consent is legal, as long as one person is aware of the recording. This can serve as vital evidence in cases where one parent is instilling fear or anxiety in the child against the other parent.

Now, in scenarios involving child abuse, neglect, or domestic violence, the best evidence comes from police reports or reports from child welfare authorities. They're unbiased, factual, and carry a lot of weight in court.

As the child grows older, their own preference can also become important evidence in deciding custody, which is often revealed through the "Hear the Child Report" or "Views of the Child Report."

Lastly, when the parents are in constant conflict, the custody battle might become necessary. "Missile texts" or "missile emails" full of insults can serve as strong evidence of such hostile environments.

This episode is packed with insight:

(01:37) The unusual remedy (04:14) The seven paths to child custody (05:18) Parental alienation and the road to custody (09:14) The crucial evidence of parental alienation (11:49) Going the extra mile and presenting unconventional evidence (13:13) The power of documentary evidence in abuse cases (15:11) Domestic violence as the grounds for custody (17:17) Letting your child's voice be heard (17:50) Weaponizing words such as missile emails and texts

We'll delve into these seven scenarios and the types of evidence that can support your case. It's not common for one parent to be entirely excluded from their child's life; in my 25 years of practice, I've seen only two such cases. But if you find yourself needing to fight for custody, this episode will guide you on what evidence to gather.

I hope you never have to use this information, but if you do, I trust it will empower you in fighting for your child's best interest.

This is Val. See you in the next episode!

Work With Me! About Val

She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.

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Hello everyone, it’s Val. I had a wonderful conversation with a divorce coach who has a very compelling life story. Leslie Holthoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old, she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology and is currently, in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She helps people through the divorce process and their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.

In our profound discussion, Leslie drew a distinction between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach. She pointed out that while the therapist reflects on past decisions and events, a divorce coach helps navigate the present, and more significantly, who you want to become post-divorce.

Leslie said being a divorce coach means being present when things get tough. In times when the client is emotionally overwhelmed, a divorce coach is there. A divorce coach will help keep emotions in check. They will also help the clients make logical decisions based on who they want to be.

"Who do I want to be when the divorce is over?" is a critical question Leslie encourages everyone to ask.We all know that divorce can get so ugly. The person's choices and actions through the divorce will impact who they are in the end. Leslie admits to losing herself amidst her own divorce, struggling to lessen the pain, only to spend a long time rediscovering her identity. This personal experience guides her conversations with clients, emphasizing that they have the power to shape their post-divorce selves.

It was quite a challenging and difficult journey for her. Part of her healing waswriting a book and publicly discussing her experience. She made the best out of a bad situation and helped others in return. Because of what she went through, she deals with her clients with compassion. She has advised them to carry themselves in a way that they will be proud of in the end.

Aside from this interesting insight, Leslie also talks about winning a divorce outside the arena of the courtroom. For her, if a couple shows up in front of a judge to fight over custody of their kids, they have already failed. A courtroom battle is only a last resort and must be avoided at all costs.

I could not agree more with Leslie on this. Sometimes, lawyers drag their clients’ families to court. As always, these lawyers lackdispute resolution training and mediation skills. Court should be the last refuge and avoided whenever possible.

Leslie also shared invaluable advice for step-parents on nurturing the bonds between the children and their biological parents.As a step-parent or parental figure, a person's role goes beyond being present in the children's lives. This duty requires fostering the children’s relationship with their parents as well.

Toward the end of our conversation, she advises her clients that mudslinging does not help a person become better in the end. It is really important to try to build a positive relationship and just start with something small. These small and kind gestures toward the “ex” go a long way. It will also create an environment in which the children can become better individuals.

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(02:40) The difference between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach

(04:11) Embracing the journey of self-discovery after divorce

(08:17) Winning divorce outside the arena of the courtroom

(12:04) The vital role of step-parents in nurturing bonds weakened by divorce

(41:36) Small gestures in building positive relationships through the divorce

In essence, Individuals may find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of negative emotions and attempts to minimize the damage. Leslie’s experience highlights the fact that she lost herself in the process. A common pitfall that many people face during divorce.

Reclaiming oneself and finding personal fulfillment after a divorce can be a long and challenging process. However, based on her own journey, it is possible to rebuild and reshape one's identity beyond the dissolution of a marriage.

A huge thanks to Leslie for sharing her powerful journey and for her dedication to guiding others towards decisions they will be proud of. For those interested in learning more about her experiences, I recommend picking up a copy of her book “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.

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About Tracy Leslie Holthoff Martin

Leslie Holhoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology. Presently, she is in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She has used her past experiences to guide others through the divorce process and improve their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.

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Hey there, everyone! This is Val. I have some exciting stuff to share with you in this podcast episode. Have you ever considered what it means to truly parent? And, did you know there's a lot more to it than just being there for your child's every whim and need?

Let's dive into the world of parenting, custody, and the fascinating realm of alternative dispute resolution. Picture this: You're a loving parent, facing a disagreement with your ex-partner about how to raise your children. Sounds tough, right? You might be asking yourself, "How do I resolve this without putting our children in the crossfire of a courtroom battle?"

Now, let's take a step back. What is alternative dispute resolution anyway? It's a way of resolving disputes outside the traditional courtroom. It's a process that invites creativity and personalization to find solutions that courtrooms often cannot provide. Have you ever thought about how this could impact your family?

Imagine being able to resolve disputes in a way that works best for your unique situation. Instead of engaging in an emotionally draining, adversarial court process, you'd have the freedom to come up with solutions that really work for you and your children. Sounds like a dream, doesn't it? But here's the best part - it's not just a dream. This is the reality of alternative dispute resolution, and it's why I am such a staunch advocate for it.

Let's take the case of Elsa and Elmo, two loving parents with diametrically opposed ideas on parenting. They could have ended up in a bitter court battle, but instead, they chose alternative dispute resolution. The result? They found a way to co-parent their spirited children peacefully and productively. This is the power of choosing a process that allows for flexibility, adaptability, and empathy.

Doesn't this story make you think? It shows us that being a great parent can mean many things, and it's not always about winning or losing, but about finding the best way to nurture and guide our children's development.

Now, I'm not saying getting custody of a child is an easy decision. It's not. It's often complicated and emotionally charged. And sometimes, you might need to seek custody for very real and important reasons, like if the other parent is unavailable, unable to care for the child, or if there is a high level of conflict. But remember, every situation is unique, just like Elsa and Elmo's.

And here's my point: instead of resorting to a combative approach, consider alternative dispute resolution. Not only does it often result in a less stressful process, but it also allows you to create the best possible outcome for your children. Isn't that what we all want, after all?

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(01:52) What is the court's perspective on parental responsibilities

(04:28) The importance of mediation in conflict resolution

(05:18) The role of alternative dispute resolution

(13:02) The serious considerations of child custody

If you're dealing with a custody dispute or just want to learn more about these processes, stay tuned. We've got plenty more to discuss on this journey. And remember, parenting is an adventure, not a battle.

Stay strong, everyone! Until next time.

Much love,

Val

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Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE

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Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:

Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=

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Hello everyone, It’s Val. In today's episode, I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to interview Tracy Coenen, a financial fraud expert and a forensic accountant for more than 25 years. She finds money. Particularly in relation to people who are going through the separation and divorce process. She talked about the financial infidelity “red flags” including the concept of financial abuse. Tracy has a program called “the Divorce Money Guide” as an alternative for making the “money-divorce” scenario uncomplicated.

As the interview began, Tracy highlighted the significance of her role in the divorce process. She emphasized that people usually grapple with two major concerns during a divorce - the fate of their children and the future of their finances.

Tracy proceeded to define the concept of financial infidelity, explaining that it encompasses a variety of elements, from secret spending to purchasing items a spouse would not have approved. Essentially, it is dishonesty concerning how money has been spent.

It was also very enlightening when Tracy mentioned the common “red flags” that could be telltale signs of financial infidelity. In her work with individuals going through a divorce, she found that most people initially didn't realize these signs were cause for concern. This prompted her to make a “Red Flag Assessment” for people to take and evaluate if they are at risk of financial fraud in their marriage.

I mean, just think about it. What if the money is being used to control the spouse?

Although there is a lot of overlap with financial infidelity, Tracy defined that when money is used to control the spouse’s behavior, even spending recklessly from the family’s shared funds, this is already considered financial abuse.

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(08:10) What is financial infidelity

(11:06) Financial infidelity “red flags” you should watch out for

(14:13) Super easy way to do forensic accounting of divorce money

(17:07) The things you should look for in your bank and credit card statements

(22:10) What is the difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse

(23:57) How to see the signs sooner through the red flag assessment tool

(25:32) Your alternative option to the very expensive forensic accounting

(29:11) The first step you should take before telling your spouse about divorce

As a summary of my interview with Tracy Coenen, finding out the “red flags” has been painful. But, as Tracy said, for the most part, her clients would later realize that with a number of suspicions and questions they have, they just needed to know one way or the other. If you want to learn more about discovering the red flags sooner, check her website at fraudcoach.com.

I would like to extend my gratitude to Tracy Coenen (who told me that I could be a forensic accountant) for this delightful conversation and for offering alternative ways of discovering all the assets people are entitled to and having more control over their divorce.

Much love,

Val

Work With Me! About Val

Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, Be The Best Divorce Lawyer and The Better Divorce Project.

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About Tracy Coenan

Tracy Coenen has been retained for forensic accounting engagements a number of times and has served as an expert witness in both state and federal courts. As a solo practitioner for more than 20 years, she has the privilege of working directly with her clients and performing nearly all work on their financial investigations.

You can contact her directly at tracy@sequenceinc.com or visit her website at fraudcoach.com

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Hey everyone, it's Val here, and today we'll be discussing the benefits of hiring an alternative dispute resolution (ADR) lawyer to handle your family law matters, and why this approach could save you time, money, and stress.

First, let's talk about what alternative dispute resolution is. ADR is an umbrella term that includes various methods to resolve disputes outside of the traditional court system. We'll be focusing on four main ADR strategies: negotiation with lawyers, mediation, mediation-arbitration, and collaborative family law.

But why should you even consider using an ADR lawyer in the first place? Let me tell you a story. When my marriage ended after 18 years, things were tense at the beginning. But instead of going through a traditional court process, we resolved our matter through negotiation with lawyers. Now, several years later, we're friendly with each other, and it's great for our kids and our entire family.

Now, I want to ask you a question. Why not keep your hard-earned resources, your family's resources for your family, your future, your children, and even your ex-spouse, rather than spending all of your resources on lawyers? ADR tends to cost less than the traditional court method. And that's just one reason to consider hiring an ADR lawyer. Do you really want to hate your ex forever? ADR can help you avoid long-lasting animosity and foster a healthier relationship post-divorce, especially if you have kids.

But what about privacy? Courts are public proceedings, and going through a separation and divorce is a highly personal thing. Do you want your personal information and intimate details out there in the public eye? ADR can help you maintain privacy and avoid your dirty laundry being aired in public.

Now, let's discuss creativity. Courts are bound by the law, and the law isn't creative. ADR lawyers can help you come up with unique solutions that make sense for your specific situation. For example, maybe one parent stays in the family home until the youngest child finishes high school, preserving everyone's finances and stability.

Another advantage of hiring an ADR lawyer is that the traditional court route can take a long time, sometimes months or even years. With ADR, you can resolve your issues more quickly and get on with living your future life. And finally, the most significant benefit of using an ADR lawyer is stress reduction. Going through traditional court is stressful for everyone involved, so why not save yourself a whole lot of stress and hire an ADR lawyer to resolve your matter?

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(3:26) Can alternative dispute resolution lawyers help you reach a fair settlement?

(4:52) The pros and cons of lawyer negotiations in divorce proceedings

(6:03) The power of four-way meetings in divorce cases

(8:07) How can mediation help you reach a legally binding settlement?

(9:27) The benefits of involving lawyers in the process

(11:34) How collaborative family law streamlines divorce resolutions

(14:23) The financial advantages of alternative dispute resolution

(15:42) The impact of alternative dispute resolution on family dynamics

(18:16) How alternative dispute resolution helps couples navigate divorce challenges

That's it for today's episode, folks. I hope you now have a better understanding of why hiring an alternative dispute resolution lawyer for your family law matter can be a game-changer. Remember, you have options, and sometimes the best solution lies outside the courtroom. Thanks for tuning in, and I'll catch you in the next episode!

Much love,

Val

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Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE

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Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:

Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=

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Hey everyone, Val Hemminger here, and welcome to another episode of the podcast! Today, I'm incredibly excited to share with you my conversation with the amazing Hashondra Smith. In this episode, we dive deep into her personal journey through a tough divorce, and how she managed to emerge from it stronger and more resilient than ever. We'll be discussing the importance of honest communication, self-love, and the strategies she used to reconnect with herself and her children during this difficult time. So let's jump right in!

You know, divorce is one of those life events that can be completely overwhelming and all-consuming. But as Hashondra shared with me, it's crucial that we take a step back and focus on ourselves during these trying times. Hashondra revealed the importance of honest communication with her children and allowing them the space to work through their emotions. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to give your children the space they need, especially when you just want to make everything better for them?

Hashondra also discussed the incredible impact of self-love and self-appreciation on her journey. As she put it, when you disconnect from your partner and focus on yourself, you'll often discover that you can live without them – it's just a matter of figuring out how. So how did Hashondra foster that self-love and self-appreciation? Affirmations, daily self-talk, and giving herself grace. She spoke her desires and dreams into existence, even when it felt like her life was falling apart.

And what about the advice she'd give to someone going through a similar situation? Well, Hashondra believes in asking yourself tough questions and answering them honestly. Are you scared of the work it takes to start over? Or is it the fear of living without that person? It's important to be brutally honest with yourself and face your fears head-on.

Now, imagine someone who's listening right now, in the midst of their own divorce or separation, wondering how they'll ever make it through. What pearls of wisdom would Hashondra share with them? She encourages them to focus on themselves, increase their self-love, and be honest about their feelings. And if you're curious about how she managed to transform her life using these strategies, you'll definitely want to listen to our conversation.

Hashondra is not only a shining example of resilience and self-love, but she's also an incredible life coach and consultant. If you're interested in learning more about her work and how she might be able to help you through your own challenges, be sure to check her out at www.hashondra.me

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(3:22) Can talking, listening, and gracing ourselves transform our divorce experience

(7:40) How can a long-term plan help you navigate life's challenges

(10:35) The importance of balancing goals and personal growth

(12:35) How do you find grace in life's most challenging moments

(14:19) What does life look like beyond your relationship

(15:18) How to find accountability and strength through shared experiences

(26:36) The power of disconnecting and focusing on yourself

(28:42) How honest affirmations can transform your life

So there you have it, folks! An inspiring conversation filled with valuable insights, practical advice, and a whole lot of heart. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did, and I can't wait to hear what you think! Remember, sometimes the hardest moments in life can lead to the most beautiful transformations – so don't be afraid to face your fears and embrace your own journey to self-love and happiness. Until next time!

Much love,

Val

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Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE

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Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:

Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=

About Hashondra

Hashondra Smith, a renowned author, speaker, and certified life coach, has made a significant impact worldwide over the past 20 years.

As the co-owner of thePinkGroup, a branding and marketing team, she first made her mark in the publishing world with her book "ATTACHED" in 2017. The book is a poignant exploration of her experiences as a teenager grappling with the emotional consequences of losing her virginity.

In 2022, she released the sequel, "unATTACHED - the Final Season," chronicling her 20-year journey to find her authentic self in the realm of romantic love. Hashondra's books, events, and music tackle uncomfortable yet relatable topics, leaving her audience with invaluable tools for life transformation.

Hashondra is also the proud owner of DONT OVER THINK ME LLC and the founder and president of the Manifest A Deliverance Foundation INC. Her ventures aim to foster personal growth and help individuals achieve their life goals, a mission close to her heart as she openly shares her struggles with overthinking.

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Today we're diving into the world of divorce lawyers. Divorce can be a challenging and emotional time, and choosing the right lawyer to represent you is crucial. So grab a cup of coffee, and let's explore how to find the best divorce lawyer for your case.

First off, let's talk about why it's essential to have a good divorce lawyer in the first place. You see, the right lawyer can help you navigate the complex legal landscape, protect your rights, and ultimately achieve the best possible outcome for you and your family.

You might be wondering, "Val, where do I even begin when looking for a divorce lawyer?" Great question! Start by checking online reviews. These reviews can give you valuable insights into how a lawyer operates, and if they're a good fit for you. But remember, nobody's perfect – so one or two negative reviews shouldn't deter you. However, if you see a pattern of dissatisfaction, it's time to look elsewhere.

Now, when meeting a potential lawyer, make sure they have a clear communication plan regarding case strategy, billing practices, and how they'll communicate with you throughout the process. After all, you don't want any surprises when it comes to the cost of your divorce. Are they transparent about their fees? Do they have a clear retainer letter? These are essential questions to ask!

Here's something you might not have considered: How do you feel when you meet your divorce lawyer? This is a crucial aspect, as you'll be working closely with this person during a vulnerable time in your life. You want to ensure that you resonate with each other and feel comfortable sharing your fears, hopes, and expectations.

Now, for my friends in British Columbia, I have a list of five questions you'll want to ask a potential divorce lawyer to make sure they're the best fit for your case:

Are they qualified to practice collaborative family law, and do they have dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation skills training?
What are their billing practices, including hourly rate, retainer expectations, and payment methods?
How much experience do they have practicing family law?
What is their plan for getting the case started and reaching a resolution?
How do they communicate with clients, and will they go to court if necessary?

Here is the breakdown of this episode:

(2:22) Why should you check websites before hiring a lawyer

(3:53) The importance of hiring the right lawyer

(5:54) Why is it essential to check if the lawyer has a dispute resolution training

(8:01) How online reviews can help you choose the right lawyer

(9:41) How communication and transparency in billing practices play a crucial role

(12:09) The importance of hiring a skilled mediator

(17:27) Why is it crucial to hire a lawyer who is willing to go to court

Remember, folks, choosing the right divorce lawyer is crucial for a successful outcome. Keep these tips and questions in mind as you search for the best divorce lawyer for your case. That's it for today, and I hope this information helps you on your journey to finding the right legal representation.

Much love,

Val

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Welcome to today's podcast episode where I'll be sharing the top 10 advertising mistakes that many lawyers, including myself, have made in the past, so you can avoid them and set yourself up for success.

So, you're starting your law practice or trying to grow it, right? You're excited, but let me guess, you're also overwhelmed with all the marketing advice out there? Don't worry, I've been there too. In fact, one of the biggest mistakes I made was spreading myself too thin with advertising. Instead of trying to be everywhere, just choose one advertising medium and master it. Trust me, it's better to do one thing well than multiple things poorly.

Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: digital marketing. Yes, we can't ignore it any longer. Gone are the days when word-of-mouth was enough. While referrals are still great, it's crucial to have a solid digital marketing strategy in place. And speaking of digital marketing, don't be polyamorous with your social media! Focus on one platform, like Google My Business, and make the most of it.

Another common mistake is trying to be a jack of all trades. While it's tempting to offer every legal service under the sun, it's better to specialize in a specific area and target a particular client base. This will help you become an expert and attract the clients you really want to work with.

Have you ever hoped and prayed for great reviews? Well, don't just wait for them to happen. Instead, when you have happy clients, don't be shy to ask them for reviews. This will help build social proof and attract even more clients to your practice.

Now, I know we're all smart and capable as lawyers, but don't be a know-it-all! Seek guidance from experts, get mentored, and learn from those who have been where you want to go. This will only help you grow faster and become a better lawyer.

Lastly, let's talk about your brand. It's not just about your business card, font, or logo. Your brand is how you deliver service to your clients and what they can expect each and every time. Think about what sets you apart, what kind of transformation you want to provide, and let that shine through in every aspect of your practice.

Important Takeaways:

(4:25) The importance of marketing your business

(5:31) Overcoming marketing overwhelm in family law

(6:16) The critical role of a professional website in growing your family law practice

(10:14) Delivering what the client wants and become more client-centric

(12:05) Why focusing on google my business should be your first social media strategy

(13:38) Why focusing on a niche is key to success

(16:29) The benefits of gathering feedback from thrilled clients

(18:07) The drawbacks of being a know-it-all lawyer

So, there you have it! These are the top advertising mistakes that many lawyers make. I hope you found this helpful and can use these insights to grow your practice and better serve your clients.

Much love,

Val

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

With an extensive experience of over 20 years of having her law practice, Val understands what it takes to become a great lawyer who can manage the client's expectations and achieve what is in their best interest while maintaining a positive mindset with no lawyer stress.

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Work with me and discover how to run a successful law practice. https://www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com/work-with-me

Download my Divorce Lawyer Survival Guide

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Hey there! I have the pleasure of interviewing Steven Fretzin, a renowned business development coach and author who is helping countless lawyers grow their practice and achieve their goals. In our conversation, Steve shares some fantastic insights and strategies that can transform your law practice and help you become the authority in your field. Want to know how? Let's dive in!

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the demands of running your law practice? Steve emphasizes the importance of not going it alone. He suggests finding mentors and learning from their experiences. Ask yourself, are you tapping into the wealth of knowledge and experience available to you?

One of the key takeaways from our conversation is the need for a solid business development plan. Steve highly recommends the book "Traction" for creating a detailed roadmap to success. Do you have a plan in place, or are you winging it?

We also discuss the importance of learning business development and marketing skills. Are you dedicating time to mastering these essential skills that can make all the difference in your practice? Steven's best-selling book "Business Development Isn't Rocket Science" offers 250 ways to grow your law practice with less time and energy.

Steven also highlights the power of automation and delegation. Are you using tools like Calendly and Clio to streamline your practice and save precious time? Think about what tasks you can delegate to virtual assistants or other team members, freeing up your time to focus on higher-value work.

Lastly, we touch upon the importance of self-care. Steve passionately believes that taking care of yourself is paramount to being a successful lawyer. Are you giving yourself the time and attention you deserve? Remember, your well-being directly impacts your clients and your practice.

Important Takeaways:

(4:40) The power of client referrals

(6:27) Leverage strategic partnerships to generate consistent referrals

(17:39) The importance of a business plan for divorce attorneys

(22:23) Efficient strategies for business development in divorce law

(23:55) The importance of proactive review requests in divorce law practice

(30:24) The benefits of using auto-schedulers in divorce law practice

(36:25) Business strategies for improved work-life balance

To sum it up, our conversation with Steve Fretzin is packed with valuable insights and actionable tips to help you become a successful and happy lawyer. Don't miss out on the opportunity to learn from his expertise and transform your law practice! Tune in to the complete video to learn more.

Much love,

Val

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

Websites & Socials

Be The Best Divorce Lawyer
LinkedIn
Instagram
Facebook
YouTube

Work with me and discover how to run a successful law practice. https://www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com/work-with-me

About Steven

Acting as a kind of “business development therapist,” Steven Fretzin coaches and trains lawyers in the most modern-day business development skills, providing precise tips, fresh ideas and actionable tasks that drive tangible results.

The host of the BE THAT LAWYER podcast, Steven, has been featured in the Chicago Tribune, Crain’s and Entrepreneur.com and has appeared on NBC News and WGN Radio. He has written three books on legal business development, is a regular contributor to the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin and has published articles in Attorney at Law magazine, the National Law Review, the American Bar Association and the Illinois State Bar Association.

Contact Steven Fretzin at: https://www.fretzin.com/

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Are you thinking of starting your own law practice? Hey there, it's Val, and I'm here to share some essential tips I've learned along the way to help you avoid the mistakes I made and set you up for success in your law practice.

So, you've got the legal expertise, but do you know how to build a thriving law practice? One of the first things you should do is make sure you're in control of your time. Are you making the most of your day? Are you prioritizing tasks effectively? Time management is crucial when you're starting your law practice, so learn to master it.

Now, let's talk communication. Are you a great communicator? I made the mistake of not being an effective communicator early in my career, and it cost me. Make sure you're always available to your clients, be it through email, phone, or in-person meetings. Remember, great communication inspires trust and confidence in your clients.

Next up: processes and systems. Do you have checklists and systems in place for every aspect of your practice? Trust me, having these systems will ensure that nothing falls through the cracks and will make you look like a well-oiled machine in the eyes of your clients.

Paid advertising can be a great way to attract clients, but are you relying solely on it? Don't forget to focus on the organic side of things, like Google My Business, to create a balanced approach to client acquisition.

Starting a law practice is a challenge, so surround yourself with mentors, coaches, and consultants who can help guide you along the way. Remember, you may be a great lawyer, but running a successful law practice is a whole different ball game.

Important Takeaways:

(2:19) Overcoming the Employee Mindset

(4:02) Importance of Marketing and Networking for Success

5:21) Utilizing Resources and Timing Your Practice Launch

(7:40) Building a Client-Centered Practice and Leveraging Client Referrals

(9:28) Why Specializing Your Practice Can Help You Stand Out in a Crowded Market

(13:07) Building Effective Workflows and Checklists for Your Law Firm

(17:40) How Choosing the Wrong Web Design Company Can Hurt Your Law Practice

(20:29) Harnessing the Power of Google My Business

(21:47) The Importance of a Balanced Advertising Strategy

(23:06) Securing the Right Mentorship for a Successful Law Practice

So, there you have it! My top tips for starting your own law practice. I hope these insights help you create a thriving, efficient, and successful practice. Here's to your success!

Much love,

Val

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

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Hey there! Val here, and today I'm excited to share with you the 10 reasons why family law is the best practice. I know that being a family law lawyer can have its ups and downs, but despite all that, I truly believe that this area of law is the most rewarding and fulfilling practice out there. Family law is all about connecting with people. As family lawyers, we have the unique opportunity to connect with our clients during one of the most important and vulnerable times in their lives. We get to know them on a personal level and build meaningful relationships with them. It's not uncommon for me to fall in love with my clients and miss them after their case is concluded. It's this connection that makes our work so incredibly rewarding. Another reason why family law is the best practice is that it's almost never boring. With each new client comes new interests and experiences. I recently had a client who was really into cars, and through working with them, I learned a lot about cars myself. It's a small example, but it goes to show that family law keeps you on your toes and constantly learning. In addition to being intellectually stimulating, family law is also recession-proof. Whether the economy is doing well or not, people will always get divorced. It's just a fact of life. And as family lawyers, we're able to weather any economic storm. Lastly, family law offers flexibility. This is something that's become especially apparent during the pandemic. With technology and remote work, I'm now able to practice from anywhere. I've been able to travel to places I would never have imagined while still being able to work and help my clients. Important Takeaways:

(3:34) The emotional rewards of practicing family law

(5:40) Why family law is a recession-proof practice area

(6:40) The versatility of family law practice

(7:19) The ever-changing landscape of family law practice

(7:42) Resolving matters outside of court

(10:23) Marketing strategies for building a successful family law practice

I hope these reasons have convinced you that family law is the best practice out there. Despite its ups and downs, it's an area of law that's incredibly rewarding, emotionally fulfilling, and intellectually stimulating. So if you're considering a career in law, I highly recommend giving family law a chance. And if you're already a family lawyer, take a moment to appreciate the amazing work you're doing for your clients.

Much love,

Val

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

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Work with me and discover how to run a successful law practice. https://www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com/work-with-me

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Hey there, are you a lawyer who’s tired of feeling overworked, stressed out, and unhappy with your career? Or do you know someone who is? Trust me, you’re not alone. In this episode, we’ll dive deep into why lawyers often struggle with happiness and what you can do to turn things around. Important Takeaways: (4:36) How dispute resolution training can help you navigate intense situations (8:50) How to maintain work-life balance as a family lawyer (11:29) How treating your law practice as a business can improve your financial future (13:35) The power of saying no to unreasonable requests (16:56) The importance of prioritizing business tasks and client work in law practice (22:26) The benefits of checklists and workflows (30:31) The importance of resilience in legal practice

Ever felt like your clients are never satisfied, no matter how hard you work? And how about that fear of getting reported to your governing body? I’ll discuss these issues and more while also exploring some powerful strategies that can help you take control of your time and stress levels. You might wonder if there are simple yet effective tools that can transform your legal practice. The answer is yes! I’ll talk about how incorporating business principles, like using checklists and delegating tasks, can make a world of difference in your daily life. These tools not only help you avoid embarrassing mistakes but also allow you to focus on what you do best - lawyering. Here is a breakdown of the 10 pieces of advice that I will share with you:

Strive for a healthy work-life balance to prevent burnout.
Address financial struggles proactively and seek professional guidance.
Enhance time management skills to optimize your efficiency.
Learn to cope with stressful clients by setting boundaries and managing expectations.
Streamline business practices for improved productivity and profitability.
Understand and comply with governing bodies to avoid unnecessary fears.
Automate and delegate administrative tasks to free up more time.
Cultivate gratitude and recognize the positive aspects of your job.
Focus on constructive feedback and learn from negative experiences.
Reject the idea of overwork as the norm and prioritize self-care.

Ready to break free from the belief that being an unhappy lawyer is just how it is? Tune in as I share my personal experiences and insights that will show you it doesn’t have to be this way. Together, we’ll uncover the secrets to becoming a happier, more fulfilled legal professional. Don’t miss this eye-opening episode! Let’s uncover the path to a happier, more balanced life in the world of law.

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

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Hey there! Are you a family lawyer looking to grow your practice without wasting your valuable resources? I get it, and I'm here to help! In this video, I will share three tips for growing your family law practice efficiently and effectively.

But before we dive into those tips, let me share some of the ridiculous mistakes I made when I first opened my family law practice. First, I made the mistake of advertising that I did all kinds of law, making me look scattered and not an expert in any area. I also sponsored events where my potential clients were not hanging out and spent thousands of dollars on a buggy and slow website that nobody could find. And to top it off, my advertising looked exactly the same as everyone else's, which made me just another goldfish in a sea of goldfish.

But I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm here to share with you the three strategies that have worked wonders for me in growing my practice.

You need to stand out and be different. Think about what makes you unique and authentic to yourself, and use that to your advantage. Don't blend in with every other lawyer out there. Instead, focus on what sets you apart and makes you memorable to your potential clients.

Secondly, don't be afraid to ask for a review when you have a happy client. Those satisfied clients can be your biggest advocates and help bring in new business for you. So make sure you have a system in place to ask for reviews and make it easy for your clients to leave them.

Lastly, don't underestimate the power of Google My Business. It's free and can help you show up at the top of the search rankings when potential clients are looking for a family law practitioner in their area. So make sure you optimize your Google My Business page and ask for reviews there too.

Here are some of the key takeaways from the episode:

(2:13) Why Advertising All Kinds of Law Can Hurt Your Law Practice?

(3:56) How to Ensure Your Advertising Reaches Your Target Audience

(4:19) The Importance of having a Fast, Responsive, and Effective Law Firm Website

(7:00) Why Blending in is Bad for Business

(9:22) How to Stand Out in a Sea of Look-Alike Lawyer Ads

(10:42) How Reviews Can Help Lawyers Attract More Business

(12:23) Why should you optimize Google My Business Page for Your Law Practice

By following these three tips, you can grow your family law practice efficiently and effectively without wasting your time, money, and energy. So what are you waiting for? Start implementing these strategies today and watch your practice thrive!

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

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Be The Best Divorce Lawyer
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Hey there, today is all about the top 10 ethical business practices for divorce lawyers. As a lawyer, it's essential to not only know the law but also to act with integrity and responsibility. In this episode, I'll be sharing some of my personal experiences and insights on the ethical practices that have helped me become a better lawyer and better serve my clients.

One of the most critical ethical practices that I emphasize is confidentiality. Divorce cases can be highly sensitive, and it's crucial to protect your client's privacy. I'll be sharing some practical tips on how to maintain confidentiality and set up secure communication channels to help you build trust with your clients.

Communication is also a key aspect of being an ethical divorce lawyer. You should engage in clear and timely communication with clients and other lawyers, setting realistic expectations and building trust with other professionals.

Being punctual is another crucial ethical business practice that I cannot emphasize enough. I'll be sharing some personal stories about why being on time is so essential, not just for your clients but also for your professional reputation.

The 10 ethical practices for lawyers that I have highlighted can help with providing the best possible representation to clients, maintaining professional relationships with other lawyers and professionals, and ultimately upholding the integrity of the legal profession.

Watch the episode till the end; that’s where I talk about the importance of putting your client's interests first and using your judgment to refuse instructions that are not in their best interest. This last bit may look like a tough decision to make, but it's vital to maintain your professional integrity and act responsibly as a divorce lawyer.

Here are the top takeaways:

(1:15) The importance of confidentiality in family law matters

(3:01) Why tough conversations matter

(6:52) The importance of transparency in legal billing

(7:35) The role of communication in legal practice

(8:50) Managing relationships with other lawyers

(12:22) The benefits of mediation skills for lawyers

(15:40) How being on time builds credibility and respect

(19:38) How to develop reliable legal practice habits

(20:03) How lawyers can refuse client instructions without compromising ethics

It's not just about following the rules - being an ethical divorce lawyer means going above and beyond. Tune in now to learn more about the top 10 ethical business practices for divorce lawyers and how they can help you become a better lawyer and better serve your clients.

Work with Val to start growing your family law practice now!

About Val

Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Company". With an extensive experience of over 20 years of having her own law practice, Val understands what it takes to become a great lawyer who can manage the client's expectations and achieve what is in their best interest while maintaining a positive mindset with no lawyer stress.

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Be The Best Divorce Lawyer
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Contrary to the statistics, you do not have to be at the mercy of lawyer stress. Find your way to the peaceful possibility for your life and your law practice starting right now.

⏰Chapters:⏰

(00:00) Intro (10:53) Provide legal services based on dispute resolution (11:55) Incorporate efficiencies by making use of checklists and following SOPs (14:25) Have a great marketing plan to attract the right client (15:01) Utilize the best software to maximize the efficiency of your law practice (15:31) Use the software to its maximum potential (15:43) Take charge of your time and use it strategically (18:47) Turn your clients into raving fans by having seamless and organized processes (19:27) Expand your team to get extra help in becoming productive (21:16) Implement the "who, not how" concept

Let’s face it. The statistics are grim. Lawyer stress is a big problem in our profession. Study after study states that our profession has high rates of mental disorders and substance abuse. Sadly, many lawyers think it is just the way it is, and there is nothing we can do about it. I say bogus to that!

The problem is most lawyers do not know that there is a better way. The statistics are, sadly, very illuminating. Despite most bar associations saying they are doing something about it, the lawyer stress statistics continue to rise.

We can’t wait on our governing bodies, or bar associations to help with our stress. Managing our stress and creating a happy and peaceful existence is up to us, nobody else.

Are these some of the things that cause you lawyer stress?

Conflict: Many lawyers (hello, this is me) don’t even like conflict, yet they are embroiled in it all day long.

Long hours: Many lawyers think there is no choice but to work long hours. Spoiler alert, this is a myth created and perpetuated by our dysfunctional profession.

The need to be perfect: Making mistakes can be profoundly embarrassing. I know because I have made about a kabajillion of them.

Not enough time for self-care: A very wise person once said to me that if you really hate your job, there is no amount of self-care in the world that is going to make you happy or remove your stress.

Deadlines: Deadlines don’t need to freak you out if you organize your calendar and schedule in a way that ensures you have scheduled your time so that you get everything you need to be done.

Client demands: Are your clients a source of lawyer stress for you, or are they a source of joy? If clients are too demanding, that is often a symptom of your client relationship management.

Billing pressures: Ask yourself, where do these billing pressures come from? Are they from you? Your firm? The managing partner? Are you in competition with others? Or is it that you do not have a proper billing system in place?

Disciplinary Proceedings: Despite us attempting to do our best work, there is always the possibility (remote or not) of a client complaint or disciplinary proceedings.

The usual advice for combating lawyer stress:

We have all heard about these strategies to beat lawyer stress but how many lawyers do you know to implement any of them?

▪ Have a regular exercise routine ▪ Yoga ▪ A healthy diet ▪ Meditation ▪ Avoid unhealthy habits (drinking, smoking, taking drugs, eating junk food, binging on television), you know the stuff that most lawyers engage in to reduce stress and relax! ▪ Laugh more ▪ Connect with others ▪ Get enough sleep ▪ Keep a journal ▪ Get counseling

Sure we all know this list. The question is how many of us have the time, energy or inclination to actually incorporate any of this stuff?

The problem, my friend, is this. NO matter how much you incorporate self-care, meditation, exercise, eating well, and sleeping well, no amount of self-care is going to beat your lawyer stress, expand your happiness, save your health, or improve your relationships if you walk into a stressful, chaotic, high-conflict law practice each and every working day of your life.

Val Hemminger

️Links & Resources️ ✨

Note: some links are affiliate links; I will make a small commission when you sign up using my link. Thank you for your support.

Clio: https://www.clio.com/web/be-the-best-divorce-lawyer/?referral_code=AP-BBDL

Book a free breakthrough call with me, and we will explore where the bottleneck is in your business so you, too, can start living the life you desire. https://www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com/

#lawfirm #lawyer #businesscoach #divorcelawyers #lawfirmmanagement #lawfirmowner #lawpractice #businesssystems #businesscoaching #legalmentor

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Lawyers must be familiar with a wide range of tools and technologies, such as case management software, data processing, legal research tools, and template software to manage client data, run client cases efficiently, and communicate effectively with clients. If they are not doing this, they are not being ethical.

Do not underestimate the financial and emotional cost of litigation.

When a lawyer has a “Scorched earth” strategy in family law, they are not being ethical.

In the last 30 years alone, there have been tremendous shifts in the meaning of what it is to be an ethical divorce lawyer. When you prioritize the best interests of your clients and their children, you will turn them into raving fans that will refer clients to you, and this, my friend, is great for your bottom line. When you facilitate positive and fair outcomes for not only your clients but all parties involved, it enhances your reputation.

Val Hemminger

Book a free breakthrough call with me, and we will explore where the bottleneck is in your business so you, too, can start living the life you desire. www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

#lawfirm #lawyer #businesscoach #divorcelawyers #lawfirmmanagement #lawfirmowner #lawpractice #businesssystems #businesscoaching #legalmentor

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Is Lawyer Work-Life Balance a Myth?

You are freaking right; it is!

The concept of lawyer work-life balance creates a false zero-sum game that causes us to feel unhappy while at work and guilty when not. There is a better way to approach this dilemma, and it is much more interesting than you think!

Lawyer work-life balance assumes that we are either at work or living life. Isn’t work part of life? And don’t we live while at work?

To be human, and a human that happens to be a lawyer, we have a lot in our lives. Here are some of the boxes we can tick off to create a fulfilling life:

Our profession (yep, time spent at our job)
Our families
Our pets
Our spousal relationship (if we have one)
Our personal time (pleasure)
Our physical exercise
Our nutrition
Our intellectual pursuits
Our sleep
Our financial health
Our emotional pursuits (connecting with others, friendships)
Our spiritual pursuits (what that means for you)

If we are thinking about lawyer work-life balance, does it mean that if we are working, we then have to fit everything else into our off time? Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted and disheartened. Transparently, that is the wrong way to approach it. There is no such dichotomy or either/or scenario.

If you are like me, you probably have to admit that you spend more waking hours “on the job” than any other activity in your life, but this does not mean that you have to buy into the lawyer work-life balance myth, that is, that you are either working or doing everything else, that is “living.”

Well, if I think about a typical “day at the office,” this is what I experience:

I continuously connect with my team and clients when I am working.
Of course, working includes me earning my living, which relates to my financial health.
I spend time with my dog because I have a dog-friendly office.
I not only enjoy the people I work with, but I also enjoy the physical space of my office environment.
I almost always stop on the way to the office and go for a walk in the woods with my dog.
I have transformed how I see my career/work from doing a job to a calling.
As for intellectually, I often listen to thought-provoking podcasts such as my current favourite, Tim Ferriss’ or audiobooks while walking or driving.

So, a lot of boxes were ticked off for my workday.

The question to ask yourself is, what can you incorporate into your work day to make your work life more whole and complete?

For Lawyer Work-Life Balance, do as Tiffaney did:

Not all law offices are the same.

I am reminded of my former paralegal, Tiffaney. She was a master at lawyer work-life balance in that she always made great efforts to enjoy all aspects of her work, her work environment.

After Tiffaney moved on from family law and chose to work in a different legal area, she was jolted when joining a new law office. Although she was pleased about this new area of law, she was not initially pleased with her new work environment. She noted that there were few personal conversations, most lawyers always had closed doors, and there was an overall chilly personal atmosphere. The lawyers and staff rarely chatted or joked. They certainly never socialized with each other.

Tiffaney was not prepared to spend 40+ hours of her life each week at “work” while missing out on deeply held values that made her life fulfilling. Those values included human connection, having fun, and enjoying herself, She made it her personal mission to transform her new law office. It worked!

Here are some activities I cluster together when I am not at the office that help me tick off the boxes, thus creating my fulfilling life:

For me, community is essential. Twice per year, I invite my neighbours to an open house at my house.
I get a lot of pleasure from cooking. It fills me up (haha, I had to say it). My housemates spend time together, cleaning up afterward.
I go to bed early. I am up almost always at 5 am, 6 am at the latest. I have an enjoyable dedicated spiritual and manifestation practice that I do each day.
Movie night. I love to laugh, and watching action adventure comedies is my favourite genre. That is why whenever a new one comes out and I hear about it, I get one of my favourite close girlfriends to come over. We cook food and watch a movie together.

Here are some other ideas for you:

You might like to go out and eat great food and go with friends.
Movie night?! Laughing is good medicine. Can you gather up some friends and cook together before the show? Or maybe you want to be intellectually stimulated by watching a great documentary.
I know of a “drinking club with a running problem.” This is a group of serious long-distance runners who also love to socialize. On weekends they run from one pub to another, thus getting in their socializing, having a lot of fun, and logging their miles.
If you are a church or other organization member, you might utilize that membership as a source of leads for your law practice.

Much love,

Val

Do you want to learn more about how to run a successful law practice and not end up stressed and burnt out in the process? Visit my website: www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

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So, you are starting a law practice, and you want to grow it to be a successful law practice, right? Well, you are not alone. As you read this, you may be in the same place I used to be. You want to grow your family law practice efficiently, yet you don’t want to waste your valuable resources making the wrong decisions.

When starting a law practice, I focused on almost all the wrong things. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

When Starting a Law practice here is the #1 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t Focus All Your Time, Energy, Expense and Effort on Your Business Card and Logo

When Starting a Law practice here is the #2 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Getting the wrong website – don’t have an inefficient, slow, ugly website that nobody can find.

Here is my law firm’s website now, which works great: Pathway Legal
Be the Best Divorce Lawyer (where I show other lawyers how to reduce lawyer stress and grow their family law practices)
The Better Divorce Project (where I show people going through separation and divorce strategies for success)

Here is my affiliate link to Solo Build It (a very unsung hero in terms of website efficiency and usability) if you wish to learn more about how to have a great-looking, quick-loading website.

When Starting a Law practice here is the #3 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t Count on Google Advertising as your sole source of leads.

When Starting a Law practice here is the #4 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t Get Convinced to buy advertising spots or sponsor an event where your potential clients don’t hang out!

When Starting a Law practice here is the #5 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t Be a Jack of All Trades and MASTER of None!

When Starting a Law practice here is the #6 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Focus on having a nice clean and well-presented office as opposed to expensive desks and marble, etc.

When Starting a Law practice here is the #7 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t Think You Will Save Money By Building your Own Website.

When Starting a Law practice, here is the #8 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t forget to optimize the great software you have.

By the way, Clio rocks.

When Starting a Law practice, here is the #9 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t spend a ton of time, energy, and money making sure your social media accounts everywhere are up and running

I suggest Google my Business! Google My Business is a sleeping giant source of potential clients who want to hire you.

When Starting a Law practice, here is the #10 Costly Mistake To Avoid: Don’t wait, hope and pray to get good reviews . . . Make them happen!

Now you have it! The (partial) list of my mistakes and what you can do to avoid them.

Much love,

Val

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Grow Your Family Law Practice Efficiently and Fast:

Without Wasting Your Valuable Resources

You want to grow your family law practice efficiently, yet you don’t want to waste your valuable resources making the wrong decisions. I get it! I knew I had to learn about family law marketing, but I had no idea where to start. I was overwhelmed with marketing information and ideas but had no efficient strategy. I was busy focusing on being the best divorce lawyer but was flailing huge at my marketing efforts.

In this episode, I'm going to teach you some strategies that will help you successfully market your family law practice. It is a sure-fire 3-step strategy that will grow your family law practice. It does not take much time to set up and pays you dividends. You want your family law marketing efforts to keep working for you repeatedly. You want your family law marketing to work, and this is how. Let's dive in!

Do you want to learn more about how to run a successful law practice and not end up stressed and burnt out in the process? Visit my website: bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

Much love,

Val.

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Grow Your Family Law Practice Efficiently and Fast:

Without Wasting Your Valuable Resources

Do you want to learn more about how to run a successful law practice and not end up stressed and burnt out in the process? Visit my website: bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

Much love,

Val.

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Running a successful law firm is all about being very smart and working hard, right? Well, not quite. If you want to do right by your clients and enhance your reputation, you’ll also need to manage your firm like any other business. In other words, you'll need to focus on systematizing the heck out of everything, working on your business, and investing in your firm.

To have success in life as a lawyer in private practice, you have to nurture, yep, nurture, your successful law practice.

Because I want you to avoid the costly mistakes I made, In this episode, I am providing you with my top strategies for your successful law firm practice management.

Are you feeling stressed and frazzled by the prospect of managing your law firm? Don’t fret. At Be the Best Divorce Lawyer, we’ll give you the knowledge you need to improve your relationships with clients, manage your finances, and beat stress. Working in the legal industry doesn’t have to be about burnout, worry, and working yourself to death.

Don’t hesitate to jump on a quick call with me to discover more about the Be the BEST Divorce Lawyer Academy. I am here to help!

Much love,

Val.

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What if your law firm's client relationship management system was not just about the software you use but about your actual relationship with your client? When I say relationship, I mean your one-on-one, human contact relationship. I mean, as in your personal relationship with your client.

If you are in private practice like I do; you not only have to worry about your caseload, but you also have to worry about billings, profit margins, keeping your "bar" or Law Society happy, and let's not even begin with staffing issues, and the relationships you have with other lawyers. On top of everything else, you want to ensure you do great work and have clients happy with their results.

How do you create happy clients and do it on a consistent basis, you ask? Well, let me tell you. It is easier, quicker, and much simpler than you think.

That is why I developed a system to keep on top of my workload and keep my clients ridiculously happy with my work at the very same time. When I say my clients are raving fans, I am not kidding.

What do our family law clients want? They want the best divorce lawyer possible, and the best divorce lawyer for them is someone who:

Understands them and what they need; and
Someone that will move their case always forward toward an effective conclusion.

in this episode, you'll discover the simple client relationship management strategy has been life-changing for me, my family, and my clients.

Much love,

Val

Grab my "Step-by-step checklist for a stress-free trial" on my website: bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

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Family law marketing does not have to be overly complicated or time-consuming. It also does not have to rob you of your valuable cash.

Family Law Marketing – Avoid the Biggest Mistakes Most Lawyers Make

Lawyers can make some pretty big family-law-marketing mistakes. Let’s not let that be you. I get it; you want to attract great clients. Don’t cause yourself financial stress and waste your valuable time by making the wrong decisions.

Here are my best tips for family law marketing:

Dare to Be different in your family law marketing: Don’t be one fish in a huge school of hundreds of thousands of fish
Don’t be a Jack of all trades and Master of None to Succeed at Your Family Law Marketing.
Don’t not Market – Your Family Law Marketing Has to Start Somewhere
Your place to start with family law marketing is a professional-looking website
Getting Google to LOVE you is one of the Most Powerful Family Marketing Strategy You Can Implement. And the best news is, you use it for free!
Bonus step: For that extra punch of standing out, use video for your family la marketing efforts.

Will you Ignore this Family Law Marketing Opportunity?

Now let me ask you this. Even though there is this massive family law marketing opportunity, are you still worried about having a face for radio? Are you still feeling resistant? I get it. Here is one more thing. The only person concerned about your double chin is you. Your potential clients want to see your face and if you use video they will already know, like, and trust you even before they meet you. The video pays dividends by delivering clients to you over and over again. So, you may want to ask yourself what is more important, your vanity or becoming a successful lawyer?

So, my question is this. What is more important to you? Growing and scaling your law practice so that you can reach more quality clients? Or staying hidden so your clients don’t find you?

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Prior to starting my articling position, I had only met a real lawyer once or twice, and both of those times were brief. My idea of the necessary qualities of a successful lawyer came from the stereotypes I saw on television. I believed in all the stereotypes. I had a very narrow definition of what it meant to be successful.

I had no idea what qualities made a successful lawyer. That is why I decided to share with you what I have learned over the years.

Stereotypes aside, here are the top 6 qualities of a successful lawyer (what it really takes to be successful in this profession):

You take radical responsibility for everything that occurs in your life and your law practice. In order to grow a successful law practice and succeed, you must take full responsibility for absolutely everything that happens within your law practice. Being a successful lawyer is not just about being smart and hard-working; it is about ensuring that you take responsibility for things to run smoothly. Everything is up to you. If you can't figure something out, get help from someone who knows how, but does not pass the buck or make excuses. As the saying goes, "the buck stops with you."
You are never too busy to do your job. We all get busy and overwhelmed. However, this is no excuse for missing deadlines, or not preparing for your upcoming hearing. If you are too busy, increase your rate (somewhat and reasonably), and take on less work. That way, your clients will be happier.
You schedule the important activities in your life and law practice. I am sure you know how easy it is to get sucked into your email inbox and go from one fire to the next all day. As you know, for people getting divorced, everything is a dire emergency. In order to take hold of and control your legal practice and embrace the qualities of being a successful lawyer, you must manage and control your schedule and prioritize the tasks that are important. In my law practice (and life), I schedule absolutely everything that is important. I schedule my client's work, catch-up time, and even my exercise. If I do not, it does not happen. What is scheduled, becomes prioritized and happens.
You take dispute resolution training, a lot of it, so much so that you are a qualified mediator. Although law schools are now touching upon the importance of interest-based negotiation and other dispute-resolution strategies, they have likely not gone deep enough to make you a great negotiator. Lawyers with in-depth skills-based dispute resolution training make better lawyers. They represent their clients better, and they negotiate better. They are better at court hearings. When I admire the qualities of a successful lawyer colleague of mine, it is always the case that they have dispute resolution training. The other great tip is that when you have this training, your job is much less stressful and way more enjoyable. In British Columbia, where I live, the Centre for Conflict Resolution at the Justice Institute is THE place to learn these skills.
You have a growth-oriented mindset. One of the qualities of successful lawyers (and others) is that they always have a passion for growth and learning. They never know it all already. They always know there is more to learn and expand upon in terms of skills and knowledge. This growth mindset can be applied not only to your area of practice but other areas in your life, including your outside interests. Grant Cordone, a very successful entrepreneur, says you must be obsessed with learning and serving in order to succeed.
You are obsessed with serving. I don't know about you, but when I first started decided to become a lawyer and ultimately began practicing law, it was all about me hoping to have a great lifestyle for my family and me. Although I don't think there is anything wrong with that, over the years, things began to change. When I shifted my thinking by putting my own thoughts aside and diving deep into how I could give this person the greatest amount of assistance and advice within the hour we had together, it was not only a more enjoyable process. I started getting hired virtually every time I met with a new potential client. The qualities of a successful lawyer include being obsessed with serving our clients.

If you do not have the qualities of a successful lawyer as I have listed above, do not fret. I have great news for you. We are not static creatures. We are humans that can grow and develop right up to the point we leave the planet. Think about how you can embrace the qualities of a successful lawyer so that you can create a successful law practice and life of meaning.

Your future is bright, my friend.

Val

Do you want to learn more about how to run a successful law practice and not end up stressed and burnt out in the process? Visit my website: www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

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How to Avoid Becoming an Unhappy Lawyer

Avoid becoming an unhappy lawyer by applying these strategies to your law practice. You too can have work-life balance.

For more information on how to successfully run your family law practice, visit: bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

Unhappy Lawyers are Everywhere, But You Don’t Have to Be One of Them!

Are you a chronically unhappy lawyer? Or are you starting your own law practice and don’t want to end up like so many of your burnt out lawyer colleagues?

I know. We have all seen them. The unhappy lawyers we see at the courthouse, at meetings, in courtrooms, or at mediations. They are overwhelmed, grumpy, unkempt, and have no idea about lawyer work-life balance. Let’s not let that be you.

This is why I want to share some simple strategies that will result in a game-changing approach to your family law practice. When I incorporated these strategies, It changed everything about my business, my finances, my health and my relationships. It also created very happy clients. I am not exaggerating when I say that this approach saved my life.

Here is how you avoid being an unhappy lawyer and effectively run your law practice without it taking over your life:

You incorporate efficiencies wherever you can by using checklists, precedents and standard operating procedures.
You attract great quality clients to your law firm, clients wanting to pay you, who listen to your advice and appreciate your guidance.
You protect and use your time strategically so that you always have the energy not only to do great work, but to have a life with room for enjoyment.
You turn your clients into raving fans every time.

Your #1 Key to Not Being an Unhappy Lawyer: Efficiency, Efficiency, Efficiency

Your key to lawyer stress management (aka not looking stupid, not going broke, not falling flat on your face, and not having immense struggles) is to reduce the number of surprises and unpredictability in your law practice. This will ensure you being the successful lawyer you want to be.

Even the most successful attorneys have much to deal with. There are client crises, unexpected curveballs, deadlines we can’t forget, talking our clients off the ledge, and dealing with bully lawyers. It is no wonder why lawyers are so unhappy. Gosh, I always joke about the fact that I am a divorce lawyer and I don’t even like conflict!

So, what do you do? You systematize everything predictable in your law practice. If you do something more than once (like client intake, for example), create a system or process around it. Create and use checklists, templates and protocols for everyday tasks, allowing you (and hopefully your team) to handle routine matters quickly and efficiently. Here are just some of the systems, checklists and templates we use in our law firm practice management system:

We use cloud-based law practice management tools (If you are not using Clio yet, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to start using it. It is head and shoulders above what I have used in the past. Bye bye other software companies who were not client-service based, you know who you are).
We systematize everything we can when it comes to law firm client communication.
We use law firm email templates whenever possible.
We systematize our lawyer agreements with clients (retainer letters).
We even have a precedent (thank goodness we have not had to use it often) for terminating the lawyer-client relationship
We are consistent about the family lawyer cost per hour for our clients

I know! Systematizing everything can be boring! If you are like me, you find it dull to think about systems, checklists, precedents and templates. And yet, the fact that I did this for my practice has created unimaginable freedom in my life. I am no longer an unhappy lawyer.

If you are starting your own law practice, you cannot underestimate the huge impact it will have in terms of reducing your lawyer stress and lawyer burnout.

When the routine is locked in and taken care of, you not only engage in the lawyer stress management systems that will save you and your law practice, but you can also then focus on the exceptional:

the exceptional aspects of your work
the exceptional aspects of your personal life,
the exceptional aspects of your relationships,
and everything else that is exceptional.

Think about this:

where will your life be a year from now if you don’t systematize your world?
And where would it be if you did?!

Your #2 Key to Not Being an Unhappy Lawyer: Attract Quality Clients by Making Your Marketing Process Easy and Without Spending Tons on Advertising

Did I mention that I do not spend money on online legal marketing? I used to. I used to spend a lot of money. The problem was that it was expensive and the minute I turned the ads off, the flow of clients dried up too.

There is a better way. As I write this, I have completed five different client matters in the past week. To say my clients are thrilled is an understatement. I am so glad. But guess what?! I don’t let my relationship end with my client right there. We ask them to write a review or do a video testimonial. It is part of our procedure when closing a matter.

In our successful law practice, almost every time we have a new consultation they say they came to us because either of a personal referral or because of our online reviews. The small amount of time and energy it takes to ask a happy client pays you repeated dividends of new clients coming to you because they want to hire you.

Your #3 Key to Not Being an Unhappy Lawyer: Protecting and Using Your Time Strategically:

Protecting your time strategically is key to your successful law practice and being a happy attorney. Do you ever notice that when you are dealing with administrative tasks, you wish you could be doing client work and earning money, but then when you are doing client work, you wish you had more time to do the necessary administrative tasks of your law practice? On top of it, when you take a day off, you quickly check your work emails because you have a lot going on and want to ensure things don’t blow up with your clients over the weekend.

Why lawyers are so unhappy is because of being overwhelmed with too many things to do. The hours in your week are probably never enough to do your client work, administrative tasks, or spend time with your family.

The problem is that you are trying to pack in too many types of things to do with your time in one day.

That is why happy divorce lawyers are skilled at ensuring they do not get the types of things they are doing mixed up. They have different kinds of days where they dedicate different types of tasks and they protect those days fiercely.

At Be the BEST Divorce lawyer we call these types of days free days, leverage days, and bumper days.

A free day is just that. It is free. There is no email to check, no client calls, no client texting, nothing to do with the office, and I mean nothing. You are 100% focused on yourself, your family, and your interests. It will energize you in a way you never knew could happen. I know this was the most challenging type of day for me to put into practice because I was not used to just stopping, relaxing, and having a free day.

A leverage day is when you are working with clients, writing articles for your social media, and being overall focused. When you are doing client work, it is not the time to worry about your trust accounting audit, it is the time to be with your clients. Schedule this day with client appointments. It is all you do on a leverage day.

Finally, there are what I call Bumper days. A bumper day is a day where you get all the stuff you need to do for things not to crash in your life or your law practice. It is how you avoid having a disorganized law practice. On bumper days these are some of the activities I do:

I run errands

If I need to be trained on how to use software, I schedule it on a Bumper Day

I instruct my team on projects

I communicate with my bank,if I need to

I review my firm score card

Your #4 Key to Not Being an Unhappy Lawyer – Keep on Top of Your Work Load and Turn Your Clients into Raving at the very same time!

Once lawyers get those quality clients, many lawyers get so overwhelmed that they do not know how to keep on top of their workload. Maybe you are one of these lawyers. You have so much work to do that at least some of your clients are feeling ignored, and this reduces their trust in you.

What if I was to tell you that two very simple and life-changing strategies will increase your client's trust in you, turn your clients into raving fans, and will reduce your workload and stress at the same time?!

Drumroll please . . .

Do your client work with your client present.
Always set the next appointment. Schedule your client work with your client.

Avoid Being an Unhappy Attorney by Handling Your Workload and Keeping Your Clients Happy at the Same Time:

Do your client work with your client present:

Clients want their lawyers to understand them and to be heard.

That is why, from the very start of a relationship with a new client, I make it clear that we will do most, if not all of the work on their matter with the client present. Yes, that is right, they will be with me in the office, on the phone, or on a Zoom call.

By the time we walk into the resolution process such as mediation or arbitration, the client is well aware that we understand their case and will do our best to resolve it.

Always set the next appointment. Schedule your client work with your client:

What do you your family law clients want? First of all, they want to get their matter resolved. Nobody likes to live in the purgatory of not having their family matter resolved. That is why clients want to see their cases move forward. So, whenever I finish up an appointment with a client, I always make sure another one is set until the matter is fully resolved.

The way to do that is to set the next appointment. It is a simple discipline that keeps you on top of your workload and has your clients happy at the same time.

I remember years ago, when I first started implementing this strategy, a client said to me, “You know, Val, every time I come to see you, I end up with a bill, but I also know that my case is progressing and moving forward every time we meet.” That is when I had the lightbulb moment and implemented this discipline.

So, there you have it. Your key strategies to avoiding falling into the trap of being another unhappy lawyer. These strategies I have developed in over 25 years of practicing law. They are all keys to the Be the BEST Divorce lawyer method.

For more visit bethebestdivorcelawyer.com

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From Distressed to Peaceful Possibility in 5 Days or Less

You ever come across something so powerful, you think, holy crapola, I have got to tell (insert every person on the planet that you love) about this!!

Well, that is what the Breath and Wonder technique is all about.

Yep, your clients need this! The people you love need this.

If you caught this week’s podcast you will see that I interviewed my friend Deni Mariscal. In this episode, I dived into the Woo lot more than usual, however, with the eye to concrete results.

I interviewed Deni Mariscal, my dear friend, and practitioner of Energy Healing and the Art of Awakening Through Wonder which is a method nothing you have ever heard of or learned about before.

Emotions have defined energy, a field of their own, complete with shape, density, and texture. Science has now proven this. Emotions are an integral part of a person’s overall energy flow, and if they are held tightly they disrupt this flow. This technique is a simple yet powerful way to relieve the tension around tightly held emotions, in order to speed up the healing and to make it last.

It works well for our clients that are traumatized. It makes us better lawyers.

It allows our clients to free ourselves from the drama in our lives...

https://www.denimariscal.com/workwithdeni

Here is the thing... Most people rely on intellect and neglect the emotional body...so what happens is you might experience some temporary mindset shifts if you go to therapy or the next best thing . .. ..but it's usually never long-lasting…

The mind is a beautiful tool...but there are deeper seeded issues that go beyond what the mind can comprehend.

Our clients (and us) carry emotional memories in our bodies, particularly when we have gone through a very stressful or traumatizing experience. For people going through a divorce or separation, those same unconscious memories stay with us and continue to give us the same experiences over and over again, even though the initial trauma is long in our past.

Can you imagine what our clients’ lives would look and feel like if they were able to break free from the hurt and pain of their marriages and separation?

Reprogram your unconscious mind so you can confidently move towards what you want in life.

Transform and Transmute the emotional trauma that holds you back from living a peaceful and fulfilled life.

Unleash the full potential that is currently slumbering within you.

In this Episode:

About Breath and Wonder technique [00:03:35]
Emotions are an integral part of a person’s overall energy flow [00:17:18]

Resources:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/denimariscal/

Website: https://www.denimariscal.com/workwithdeni

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/from-distressed-to-peaceful-possibility-in-5-days-or-less-season-2-ep-38

Libsyn: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/22052273https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/21965870?_ga=2.264866700.2063683289.1643643333-1324640518.1639588207

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5Vbbl8ckBBnMkWhX12syiihttps://open.spotify.com/episode/4uHxrNpMWn6Z0g37lzsnZD

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-distressed-to-peaceful-possibility-in-5-days-or-less/id1509091497?i=1000550351744

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Use your words!: Your Shortcut for Better Relationships

As lawyers, we communicate a lot, all the time, in many different ways. We write letters, send emails, phone (yes pick up the phone sometimes!) with other lawyers, our clients, our team, and other professionals in our industry. Sometimes we even text about a file matter. I do.

Words have meaning. Words have power.

Communications have come a long way since my first law job when we addressed every letter (no email yet at that time, it was that long ago haha) with “Dear Sirs/Mesdames” and signed the letters with “sincerely.” Not exactly warm and collaborative or inviting.

The thing to remember is that even when sending a quick email, the proper salutation is not only important and appropriate, it is often your first opportunity to influence the narrative, particularly between you and your “opposing” counsel. Proper salutations are important even when texting.

The same is true for the sign-off of your communications.

You can use each and every one of your communications on a matter as an opportunity to drive the culture of your conversations, that culture being one of respect, and cooperation getting closer rather than farther away from resolving and finalizing your client's matter.

I sign a lot of my communications these days with 5 red hearts. Even some of my communications with other professionals, lawyers, and clients.

Just like please and thank you, proper salutations and closings are small and simple investments. Those small and simple investments will help you and they will help your clients. It is your opportunity to frame the narrative in a way that can be useful and collaborative rather than unnecessarily combative.

Such language is helpful in all of our communications, whether that be with our clients, other lawyers, court registry staff, our own team, other professionals on our team, and yes, even with our own families and ex-spouses.

Sometimes I have clients ask me why I am not rude and awful in my correspondence like the other lawyer as is sometimes the case. I am transparent with my client about the fact that leaning into a cooperative way of speaking can save them time, money, and ongoing stress. Usually, that is enough to get their buy-in.

Lawyers, no matter how busy we are, have no excuse to not use niceties.

Also, remember that it is likely that the recipient will likely not be the only person who reads your email. Emails are shared, cc’d, and often end up attached to an affidavit.

I often start my emails with a “Hello and then their first name.” Unless the lawyer has been in practice for 30 plus years, and if they are, I then tend to address them by their Mr. or Mrs. pronouns as in their correspondence. I use their correspondence as my guide. If Harold Turnham signs off as “Harold” I will call him “Harold.” If he signs off as Mr. Turnham, I will address him as Mr. Turnham. I am going with their lead.

Now, back to my salutations.

I then take a moment to say “I hope this email finds you well.” or “Happy New Year” or “I hope you had a restful weekend” or “I hope you are enjoying this beautiful weather we are having.” The whole point is that it is a nicety, albeit an authentic one.

If I can’t stand the other lawyer, I find it a bit more difficult to be authentic in my nicety, but I get there.

Yet, you can go a lot deeper than a proper salutation or greeting.

You can utilize your email and other communications as your opportunity to connect with other counsel, your clients, and other professionals that you deal with on a day to day basis. These touchpoints can help guide you towards the desired outcome not only for your client but will be less stressful for you.
I first noticed this strategy when reviewing medical records between doctors. They would always (seem to very sincerely thank) the other doctor they were communicating with for the referral. I have always noted doctors to be very busy, and yet, they do appear to take the time for the niceties.

Even in legal correspondence, the line between professional and personal, or formal and informal is most often blurred particularly if we practice law in a small city where all the lawyers know each other, or we deal with counsel on a repeated basis. Remember that your opposing counsel is human, even if they irritate you to death, being respectful in your communications with them has great power.
This past week, I have been dealing with a lawyer I have never met.

I have invited him to communicate with me by way of telephone on numerous occasions. I have suggested appointment times we can talk and he will not get on the phone. He says he prefers to communicate by way of an email. It is not useful or efficient at all. He also does not bother to greet me in any way in his communications and his sign-off is a standard “regards, NAME.” He is not signing off at all. He keeps writing these short, little emails, that do little to increase the sharing of information between us. His communications are bringing us farther apart in terms of our communication and farther apart in terms of a potential settlement.

Our communications will certainly result in us being in court rather than having even the slightest opportunity to discuss the matter and resolve it.

I compare this to a different situation I had this past week.

This past week I have been dealing with another lawyer in my City, who I have never had a file (very unusual because the family law lawyers in my city all tend to know each other and have many dealings with each other). Of course, I asked another colleague about what they were like to deal with because I have seen them in court on numerous occasions with high-conflict files and I wondered if the files were high-conflict because of the lawyer or because of the parties.
Again, I have been careful in my communication to ensure we have transformed the narrative to cooperative and collaborative communication. We then got on a call with one another, had a very enjoyable conversation and have created a plan that will guide us to resolution with this family. This was a very good use of my client’s time and their resources. It was a very good use of .an hour of time.

Signing off on communications also every bit as important.

Here are some great ways to sign off on your letter:

Respectfully yours
Kind (or Best) regards
Sincerely yours
With regards
With many thanks
To your continued success
All the best
Sincerely
Best wishes
Cordially

Again, it is another opportunity to guide the narrative in a non-combative and productive way. It is your opportunity to save your client money and stress.

Here are some examples of my sign-offs:
I am looking forward to working with you on this matter to see this matter resolved for the benefit of this family.

BEST,

Or,

Talk soon and have a great weekend.

Kindest regards,

Or,

Enjoy your holiday and I look forward to hearing from you upon your return.

All the best,

Or,

I am looking forward to the scheduled mediation and seeing this matter resolved for the benefit of both of our clients.

Wishing you all the best,

One associate lawyer I work with within my law firm signs her emails always with “in kindness.” I love it. And I love it that she means it when she says it.

You get the idea.

So, my invitation to you is to take that extra beat to bother with the nicety. This reduces the stress for you and models excellent behavior for your clients. It gets them to what they want, that is their matter being resolved, more efficiently.

Booyah,

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Val

In this Episode:

As lawyers, we communicate a lot, all the time, in many different ways [00:01:00]
Words have meaning. Words have power. [00:01:42]
Proper salutations are even important when texting in my view. [00:04:00]
Such language is helpful in all of our communications [00:05:50]
Lawyers, no matter how busy we are, have no excuse to not use niceties. [00:09:24]
You can go a lot deeper than a proper salutation or greeting [00:12:16]
This past week, I have been dealing with a lawyer I have never met. [00:16:19]
Signing off on communications also every bit as important. [00:22:14]
Take that extra beat to bother with the nicety. [00:24:13]

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/use-your-words-your-shortcut-for-better-relationships-season-2-ep-37

Libsyn: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/21965870?_ga=2.264866700.2063683289.1643643333-1324640518.1639588207

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4uHxrNpMWn6Z0g37lzsnZD

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/use-your-words-your-shortcut-for-better-relationships/id1509091497?i=1000549558895

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For The Stressed Out Lawyers Only

One of the students that I have worked with has just opened up their new firm.

Because they did foundational work over a number of months, they hit the ground running!

They have only been open for less than two weeks and have already paid off their law firm’s overhead and their living expenses for the month. In fact, people are already finding them organically without using paid advertising…

All with super simple strategies!

That’s why I thought I gotta share this a bit more.

Learn more about the BEST Method here…

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1LrwruxjB9Ad8TupFEL7S7W5bgRVZDuYWl_6wjb4h3Uo/edit?usp=sharing

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/for-stressed-out-lawyers-only-season-2-ep-36

Libsyn: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/21875807

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1qR5i0Jcp9qrI2rVVmbH4q

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/for-stressed-out-lawyers-only/id1509091497?i=1000548841418

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Crush Your Stress and Create Freedom in 4 Easy Steps

You ever notice that when you have a whole day ahead of you to do “whatever” not much gets done.

I think of my sisters, all retired. They say they don’t have time to do anything. All of their days are rolled out in front of them.

Having stuff booked in your calendar creates freedom!

It also reduces stress,

Of the B.E.S.T. Method this relates to the T, Time Saving Techniques.

Time-Saving Techniques:

BEST Bucks: This is where you serve your clients and create cash flow for you and your law practice. It is all about generating money from your work on client matters.
BEST Leverage: Make no mistake about the importance of this kind of activity. You won’t get anywhere without this. Most lawyers do not do this. This MUST be scheduled and you must protect that time.: This is where you create materials, etc. that will launch your firm forward like creating content, and putting yourself out there.
BEST Bumper: A bumper is a device for absorbing shock or preventing damage (as in a collision). Administrative Tasks. Dealing with the shit/steps in your business. Cleaning up little messes with your business or your personal life.
BEST You: spiritual practice? Exercise? Cooking? Taking a class? Making out?

So, create your time appointments and make your life and law practice wonderful starting today.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

Having stuff booked in your calendar creates freedom [00:02:34]
BEST You [00:06:49]
BEST Bucks [00:10:45]
BEST Leverage [00:16:55]
BEST Bumper [00:21:30]

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/How-to-Become-a-Manifesting-MoFo-in-3-Easy-Steps-s02-e34

Libsyn: https://bethebest.libsyn.com/crush-your-stress-and-create-freedom-in-4-easy-steps

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6csFZPr6ZHNRf4NkIhvrFz

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crush-your-stress-and-create-freedom-in-4-easy-steps/id1509091497?i=1000548151430

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How to Become a Manifesting MoFo in 3 Easy Steps

The universe moves its own building blocks – quantum particles – around depending on the information it receives and the certainty of that information. It is as scientific as it is spiritual. - David Cameron Gikandi

This stuff works. I mean it.

My method for manifesting great things in my life has been created by me using a mishmash of a bunch of stuff I have learned from quantum physics, Abraham Hicks, and my day-to-day strategies. This stuff takes discipline and it can be outrageously fun. In fact, if I wake up grumpy, low, or discouraged, I do this process because it completely changes my state. I completely changed.

I do this exact process probably 5 x per week. It works amazingly well. And the things I want to create in my life are showing up and are showing up with greater and great speed.

The kinds of things I have manifested are:

I have balanced financial circumstances allowing me to be in expanded service and prosperity while my assets and I grow; saving funds; generating income.
Life-changing refinance.
My days are freed up - I am free to focus on writing, marketing, expanding, and creating (ooooh, so close).
I have sorted out a personal Profit First method for reducing past expenditures; I have the confidence and structure to pay everything down and create a lasting and abundant and prosperous future.
An honorable separation agreement with my ex-husband.
2 great road trips to the East Kootenays!
I live in co-housing.

This is what I want for you too.

Now, remember, you don’t have to believe in ANY of this stuff to have it work, -- Just like gravity, whether you believe in it or not, it works.

I used this very technique to transform my life and create some very cool experiences.

The universe/quantum field/ etc. is really made up of thinking stuff. Some people call that thinking stuff God, some call it Allah, some call it the Universe, and others call it the Quantum Field. Regardless of your belief system, science has proven it exists.
The law of attraction works. The problem is most people have zero idea about how to make it work effectively.

I challenge you to do this exact process for 60 days in a row. Booyah, see what happens.

You may have watched the Secret, and you are like, what the hell? Why don’t I have my new Tesla since I have asked for it?! The thing is that people often use the message of the SECRET incorrectly. The problem is they keep “wanting” or “needing” something. That is the best way to continue to create the want or the need.

People focus on WANTING something. What does the universe deliver back? Yep, you got it, you continue to WANT something.
Now that we have sorted out the universe, let’s get to my process.

Step one:

Write down an expansive list (keep adding to it all the time) setting out all the things you want to create in your life. If you ask for one thing, BORING. Ask for a hundred things or even more. When I first started my list, I struggled to come up with 100 things. Now I have 300 things (by the way this is not mostly THINGS as in BS consumer items although I do have some of that, experiences, ways of living, peace, joy, happiness. I have to say a big fat thank you to David Cameron Gikandi who wrote A Happy Pocket Full of Money: Your Quantum Leap Into The Understanding, Having And Enjoying Of Immense Abundance And Happiness.

Step 2:
Download a timer app on your phone that repeats. Set it for 30 seconds to repeat 40 times (thus creating a 20-minute practice).

Step 3:
This is thanks to Abraham Hicks and the book called Ask and it is Given. I have revised the 17-second task to 30-seconds so I have time to read the thing I want to manifest and then dig into the great feeling. Turn on your timer app, read the first thing on your list, experience what it FEELS like to have/be/experience that thing you want to manifest. Pretty soon those things start showing up in your life. What I have asked for has expanded also. My daily experience has improved a lot too. The coolest thing is that when I look at my list, I don’t even differentiate between what I have and have not manifested.

I invite you to dive into this fun process!

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

I created a method for manifesting great things [00:00:27]
These are the kinds of things I have manifested [00:04:23]
I used this very technique to transform my life and create some very cool experiences [00:12:55]
Step 1 [00:15:22]
Step 2 [00:20:36]
Step 3 [00:20:44]

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/How-to-Become-a-Manifesting-MoFo-in-3-Easy-Steps-s02-e34

Libsyn: https://bethebest.libsyn.com/how-to-become-a-manifesting-mofo-in-3-easy-steps

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2HlI740BRQSt4YZ1OaPtVm

Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-become-a-manifesting-mofo-in-3-easy-steps/id1509091497?i=1000547434903

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Fu*k Being Normal It Will Kill You

“I know you guys are students and poor, but please give if you can!”

This statement was said at a rally I attended during my undergrad. I remember nothing about the rally or what it was for, but I do remember that comment.

I have never been able to shake the sheer arrogance of that statement.

Being a full-time student felt like the most decadent existence ever.

Because I had been booted out of high school and commenced my undergrad as a “mature” student, I had spent the five years before working in bars, restaurants, and sketchy diners. “Do you want to talk about poor?!” I thought to myself, “Sister, you have no idea . . . “

I remember a friend saying to me (someone who I met at one of those sketchy bars), that the kind of people I hung out with would change. I thought no way, that’ll never happen.

Pimps
Sex -workers
Drug dealers (ed buzz)
Hungry, dry heaves
Lived with a sex worker, could not go home

The kind of people I hung out with did change. In a huge way.

I was the first person in my hugely extended family to go to university. I am the first lawyer.

Even though I live a life I never imagined possible . . . and I am beyond grateful for that. I cannot and will not shake the working-class background I have. Strong work ethic, strong family ties to the Hemmingers who adopted me out of foster care, and there were not a lot of high school graduates. My Mom, a profoundly loving woman, did not read until she was 70 years old. My Dad only went to school until grade 6. His help was needed on the farm.

My background comes out in the way I speak, in the way I present myself, and, of course, all of this was exacerbated by my undiagnosed ADHD. I simply did not know how to BEHAVE as a proper middle-class person.

My background has made it so that my working-class and middle-income clients relate to me. I relate to them. The fact that I did not know how to use a proper dinner fork, or have the right table manners, ended up being a gift. The fact that I had no idea about financial literacy, on the other hand, sucked!

My working-class background has also been an issue, because, well, for one thing, the Law Society of British Columbia does not like me. They have been gunning for me for ages. Almost 7 years ago now, I broke some trust accounting rules. Unlike many of my colleagues, when I was in financial trouble, I did not have a backup of savings or family money to help me out. So, I broke the rules. Despite my apologies, many days of hearings, huge remorse, shame, guilt, terror, and fear, I have also applied to the Supreme Court of British Columbia due to the Law Society’s bias against me. We are waiting on that decision. But the Law Society does not dislike me for the reason of me breaching trust accounting rules alone. I have a very big hunch that they don’t like me because I am not a “normal” lawyer.

“Oh, here is Crazy Val” – guttered. It hit me that perhaps I really do not fit in that well with these people who I thought were my colleagues.

What is not “normal” about you? And isn’t that part of your charm.

Daniel Esenman says in his book, Breaking Normal: ReWild Your Inner Child and Set the Truth Free that not making waves, conforming to what (we think or assume) others expect is often simpler, and making compromises becomes second nature. In reality, everyone is unique, everyone is weird in their way of being, once freed from all judgments. Regaining the strength to assert your difference, with sincerity and vulnerability, will liberate you and push back the limits of what you believe is possible. Will you have the courage to do so?

I am told that even though I run a thriving law practice and have been practicing for 25+ years, I am weird too.

How am I weird and not your typical lawyer? Well, here are some things:

What makes you not normal? Are you a bit WEIRD?! I freaking hope so.

For the love of PETE, don’t tamp down your weirdness

If being a great lawyer is being “normal” then no thank you. But if being a great lawyer is connecting and honoring your clients and their changing families, billing them fairly and transparently, getting great results, and keeping families and their children out of the combat zone, then I am glad you are great at what you do!

Waive your weird flag and be your authentic self.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

The sheer arrogance of that statement that I have never been able to shake [00:00:32]
I remember a friend saying to me that the kind of people I hung out with would change. I thought no way, that’ll never happen. [00:01:41]
I simply did not know how to BEHAVE as a proper middle-class person [00:04:25]
I have a very big hunch that they don’t like me because I am not a “normal” lawyer [00:05:58]
I am told that even though I run a thriving law practice and have been practicing for 25+ years, I am weird too [00:10:01]
Waive your weird flag and be your authentic self [00:11:45]

Listen to my Podcast:

Blog: https://www.valhemminger.com/blog/Fck-Being-Normal-It-Will-Kill-You-s02-e33
Libsyn: https://bethebest.libsyn.com/fuk-being-normal-it-will-kill-you
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3H28GDTahLWXkP0QJkx88O
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/be-the-best-divorce-lawyer/id1509091497

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When the WORST Happens!

Well, what is the WORST that can happen? I mean really?!
For lawyers, it can be that you are deeply embarrassed in front of your colleagues. I have way too many stories where I have deeply embarrassed myself, oh so many.

Finances that came crashing down . . . that was my worst too.
Yet, I had the opportunity this week to see a new absolute worst!
I did a launch this week and nothing, and I mean NOTHING worked despite huge best efforts.

Through my Be the BEST Divorce lawyer programs, I have been building this community of like-minded divorce lawyers. That is, other divorce lawyers that want to do great work, have great clients, make a great living, all the while being ethical and honoring the people we serve.

We all know the family law industry is broken and that brokenness impacts families in a huge way.

So, I decided to do a quick little 5-day complimentary program on Facebook to attract more of those like-minded divorce lawyers. PLUS, I love serving my community and students. I feel as if I can impact and help our suffering industry a lot more if I am able to run my programs rather than continue to do the one-on-one divorce lawyer-type work that I have been doing for more than 25 years.

My Big Ass fat promise was that I would roll out the B.E.S,T. Method, the 5 Proven Strategies for having lawyers create multiple 6-figure law practices in 2022 (doing all of it without gouging their clients and also being ethical).

Yeah, and then Facebook, Facebook that I invested a shit ton of money on blocked me from participating in the community I created . . . my new leads were not given a confirmation email, then my automated emails did not go out to everyone, the leads were tremendously expensive (more than 10x more money than expected). The problems went on and on. I mean NOTHING worked. My email campaign Guru who runs launches all the time for people said he has NEVER seen anything like it. I have invested a ton to create new customers and I have zero, and I mean zero engagement. I can’t post in my own Facebook group for a number of weeks!

Why?! Facebook won’t tell me. (I have a hunch though . . .it happened to do with my cheeky C-Word article from last week!).
So, yes, that happened. In the digital business world, that is considered a pretty big disaster! I and my entire team have put a ton of work into preparing for these 5-days of training. I have invited my current students and others. I have invested resources and time and energy and yet, I can’t even post in my own group or community!

Now, in the past, this would have caused me to flip out. I mean flip out totally!

I admit I did stick my head under the covers for an extra hour yesterday am pouting, well, just a little . . .

Then I gave my noggin a shake. Here I was in my comfortable bed, in my comfortable home, with my outrageous terrier at my feet.

Was it really that BIG of a disaster?

Not compared to a lot of all the things going on on this planet and what has gone on with my law practice. Time to get just a weensy little perspective!

Reminds me of that great book I read once and I am often reminded of called The 5 Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them:

Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not fair.
Pain is part of life.
People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Well, I think this little snafu is that I can accept that despite my best planning things don’t always go according to plan! Also, that, well, life is not always fair.

What I would add here is that things always happen for us, not to us.

Sure, when we run a well-functioning and profitable law practice and business, we have our checklists and we have our strategies, but what happens when life throws you that curveball?
What do you do when you get that inevitable curveball thrown your way?

Here are some ideas:

Remember, everything happens for you, not TO you. Get your ass out of VICTIM mode.
Remember, what's the worst thing that can happen? Really think about that because chances are, even if you are freaking out, it is not the absolute worst that can happen.
Think about what you can learn and improve for next time?
Remember, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has snafus, even the most organized lawyers.
Don’t suffer in silence . . . there is support out there for you . . . reach out, I am here.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

I had the opportunity this week to see a new absolute worst [00:01:20]
My 5-day complimentary program on Facebook is a disaster [00:02:36]
Not compared to a lot of all the things going on on this planet and what has gone on with my law practice. It reminds me of a book I read once [00:06:48]
What do you do when you get that inevitable curveball thrown your way? Here are some ideas [00:09:22]

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The C-Word

The C-word is sexist and it is insulting.

No, not C-U-N-T as the British say it to each other quite lightly.

No, not CUSTODY – had to say it (a bit of family law humor).

The C-word I am referencing is defined in dictionaries as an older woman primarily attracted to younger men for sexual relationships.

The C-word is a fucking sexist and derogatory term.

Despite the fact that she is a mega-star, founded her own production company, has completed a triathlon in less than 3 hours, established a non-profit organization, was the first Latin actress to earn over $1,000,000 for a role, and the only woman voted twice as the “sexiest woman of the year,” not even Jennifer Lopez (“Jlo”) is not immune from being called the C-Word. Even J-Lo gets called the C-word by popular media. Why? Because she has had the audacity to show up at famous people's events with a younger man.

It reminds me of years ago when I was at a nightclub with a friend of mine (she was in her 40s at the time) and a guy made a cat-growling sound very loudly in her ear.

Dictionaries define the C-Word as an older woman (“older” being defined as over 35 years old, don’t even get me started) who wants to take on younger sexual partners.

Yet, thanks to a recent experience, I realize that I don’t even have to pick up younger men to qualify as being a C-word. I qualify as a Cougar because I am a woman in my 50s, and a woman who dares to do something other than binge on Netflix 365 evenings per year.

I like to get out and about. I like to meet people.

I did this just recently in Austin, Texas. I was there for two weeks on a workcation.

I went out and about a lot. I danced. I listened to live music. I ate at great restaurants. Bonded with and talked with people everywhere I went. I loved my Austin experience and am so grateful that people seemed to genuinely want to connect. It is an interesting and fun city.

I have often joked that I am a Cougar, not really appreciating the profound offensiveness of the term. My friend Geofry says I am not a Cougar, but a Jaguar, because I earn my own income.

So, it is a warm early December evening in Austin, Texas. I had gone out on my own (as I do) to dance and listen to music. As I was waiting for my Lyft, I was chatting with a young guy. There were lots of party-goers all over the street place as people were spilling out of bars, and laughing and being raucous in general. I love that kind of gregarious fun energy. I would guess this guy to be in his early 20s or so. He was friendly enough. We covered the usual chit-chat like “where are you from” and “What brings you to Austin.” That type of thing. Then, out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere he grabbed my hand (not aggressively or anything but with a kind of certainty) and guided it towards the crotch of his jeans. He leaned into me and shouted into my ear “Grab my cock!”).

Now, I can’t blame a guy for trying. I was not even offended.

It was my Lyft driver that offended me.

When I yanked my hand away with shock, making it clear that there would be no such grabbing, he released my hand instantly. He then grinned at me and shrugged his shoulders as if to say “What is a guy to do?!” I suggested he should be a bit less of a pig dog and off he went.

Like, whoa!

Here, this young guy and we are having what I think is a very brief and friendly conversation and then I am to put my hand on his (don’t get me to say it again) without so much as a heartbeat or breath in between.

My Lyft arrived a couple of minutes later. I jumped into the Lyft and started out with “You are not gonna BELIEVE what just happened!” and then recounted the story.

Now, this is where I got offended and realized how effed up and misogynist our world can be.

My Lyft driver’s response to the story!? (and I wrote it down in my notepad so I would not forget and remember EXACTLY what he said).

“I don’t wanna come across as insulting or anything, but you do give off that Cougar kinda vibe.”

WTF?!

I don’t have a lover.
I am not looking for sex.
I like to engage with people.
I like to go out.
When I am in a new city, I like to explore it.
I am not looking for a younger man to have sex with.

So, that makes me give off the “Cougar kinda vibe.”

So because I like to chat and dance and goof around even though, dare I say it, I am in my fifties, does it make me deserving of this misogynist term?

What do you think?

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

The C-word is sexist and it is insulting [00:00:20]
The C-word is a f*cking sexist and derogatory term [00:02:27]
How did this happen? [00:04:35]
I can’t blame a guy for trying. I was not even offended. It was my Lyft driver that offended me. [00:07:58]
So because I like to chat and dance and goof around even though, dare I say it, I am in my fifties, does it make me deserving of this misogynist term? [00:10:04]

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Who Are Your Rat People?

“Find your rat people” said a guy whose name I have completely forgotten.

Although I cannot remember the guy who taught me this concept, I have totally remembered the concept itself and the way he taught the concept.

Essentially, he was saying, find your “niche.”

Your Niche is your specialized segment of the clients you want to attract.

Essentially, drilling down from being a “Lawyer” to a “family law lawyer” to a “Family Law lawyer who acts for (name your kind of rat people)”

Let me explain!

As he was teaching this concept he was holding a couple of huge and very playful rats. He is a marketer who happens to LOVE rats. Not everyone loves rats. But he does and he has a couple of big fat friendly ones that he holds and cuddles on his videos. For some people, that is the grossest thing in the world. People who are terrified and grossed out by rats, are not is rat people. Guess what?! Those are not his people anyway.

For others, the rat thing resonates. Yet, for some it does. Yes, some people LOVE rats. Although I do not relish them wandering around in my kitchen, my oldest stepdaughter used to have two big fat ones for pets. They were intelligent and, well, kinda cute.

For example, the rat people for my law firm, Pathway Legal, tend to be the middle-income types. My client-base (and this has a lot to do with not only where my office is located but the kind of person I resonate with and the kind of person who resonates with me) are not working-class folks, but they are not the wealthiest in my city either. Because I know my rat people, it means that how I dress, the way I decorate my physical office, and the way I talk, is all in alignment with my rat people.

My rat people are not someone else’s rat people.

One of my rat people is a small business owner who owns a piercing and tattoo establishment. He is a single Dad. He has tattoo sleeves, tattoos on his neck, and piercing all over his face and ears and goodness knows where else. Although he certainly one of my rat people, he is not a rat person to a friend of mine who is a partner in a very different kind of law firm. I will call my friend Marky Mark.

Marky Mark is my close friend. I care for Marky Mark deeply and completely respect the work he does. Marky Mark’s firm’s rat people are not my firm’s rat people. We have completely different niches even though our firms practice in the same area of law. My tattooed and pierced single Dad would never and I mean never, go to Marky Mark’s firm for legal help. Marky Mark’s law firm’s rat people are the “old money” folks in my City. Marky Mark’s rat people tend to be wealthy, and have often come from wealth and privilege for generations. Marky Mark’s firm thrives on being all tradition all the time. It is what we would call a “good old boy” law firm. He still uses words like “secretary,” for example. Although he now has female partners, his female partners are also what we would think of as privileged “good old boys” in terms of historical family wealth and tradition. Marky Mark’s firm is the kind of firm that comes to mind when we think of old tradition. Marky Mark’s firm’s interior design demonstrates to his rat people what they want and expect. It is all mahogany walls and reproductions of the Magna Carta in the lawyers’ offices. They even have a reproduced photograph of the Queen in a gold-coloured frame in their reception area. Yes, it is true. Queen Elizabeth, the one from England, not our Queen since 1867 when Canadians gained our full independence from Britain. Yet, when I have been in Marky Mark’s reception area, there she is. Marky Mark’s old-fashioned office works for his rat people, that is, his older and very wealthy clients. My rat people don’t go to Marky Mark’s firm and his rat people do not come to mine.

So, who are your rat people and how do you communicate with them that you are their rat person and they are yours?

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

“Find your rat people” said a guy whose name I have completely forgotten [00:00:20]
Allow me to explain this [00:01:20]
My rat people are not someone else’s rat people. [00:06:07]
Who are your rat people and how do you communicate with them that you are their rat person and they are yours? [00:07:17]

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Stop Being a Better Lawyer - It Will Get You Nowhere

Back in the olden days when I was an articled student and baby lawyer, I was told that the best way to develop a successful law practice was by doing uncompromisingly great work. Be better than the next lawyer and you were sure to succeed.

That might have been the case in the 1990s and before, but to succeed you have to do a heck of a lot more than great work.

Being better than other lawyers, that is more prepared, more researched, and more knowledgeable than other lawyers may get great results for your clients, but being better is not what it takes to succeed.

Okay, um fine, you want to do great work for your clients. At the same time, there are oodles of smart lawyers doing great work for their clients.

I have always tried to be more prepared than my opponent. I have tried to be more organized. I know I have worked harder.

However, just because you are somewhat better (or even a lot better) than another divorce lawyer, this does not mean a bunch of clients are going to come rushing to you beating a path to your door ready to hire you. Forget it. It is not going to happen.

Sure, a client who you did a great job for, where you did better than the other lawyer, may refer a friend or colleague to you one day, eventually. Great . . . but can you afford to wait until that happens? Nope, you can’t.

One of the best quotes I've ever heard is: "different is better than better" - Mike Michalowiz:

Different stands out in a sea of noise and information.
Different stands out in social media.
Different sparks curiosity.
Different makes people stop and notice.
Different has been talked about forever in marketing circles.

Most lawyers DO NOT GET that different is better.

Instead, most lawyers do exactly what I did when I first opened up my own practice. I did the same type of marketing as everyone else. I had marble signs, and columns in my yellow-pages ad (oh yeah, back then everyone advertised in the yellow pages too . . . you essentially had to out pay the next guy in order to get a good position amongst the hundreds of lawyer ads). I also joined the other lawyers who looked exactly the same as each other. Think everyone scales of justice, stuffy-looking law libraries, pillars of parliament, stuffy suits, city skylines. . .

Lawyers effectively become one of a sea of goldfish, one of a field of jersey cows, one of a field of daisies. You get the idea.

I have three thoughts for the kind of marketing that every other lawyer does. It is:

BORING
STUPID
AND A COLOSSAL WASTE OF YOUR RESOURCES

Don’t waste your resources, whether that be your time, effort, or money, or all three. Don’t waste resources by BEING the same as everyone else.

BE different.

I LOVE different.

By the way, communicating your niche is about communicating your brand. Your brand is about a TON more than your logo, your fonts, and your colors. It is about who you are and how you show up, how people will notice you, how people are treated when they are in contact with your office, your approach to legal matters, and the way that you engage with your clients.

Here are some lawyers daring to be different:

There is one lawyer I know of who is a practicing witch. She makes no bones about the fact that she is a witch. Now, to be clear, she does not have the word “Witch” written on her business card, however, there are enough hints around her brand. She has a witch hat on her letterhead and a broom as a bumper sticker on her car. This particular lawyer’s rat people will recognize those symbols and be attracted to her.

I have one very cool coaching client who happens to speak Mandarin. Up until recently, there was nowhere in her advertising that stated this very important fact. The fact that she speaks Mandarin is now clear on her website and business card, and other parts of her brand.

When you walk into my law office, it feels nothing like a “law office” -- I would describe the vibe as almost spa-like in terms of the colors, and photos of nature. We play jazz music. Some people describe it as “holy” and calming. Over and over clients say to me that they were first intimidated about coming to see a lawyer about their divorce. They say they were pleasantly surprised to discover that our law office looks nothing like a law office. They say they feel welcomed. Our website does not have stuffy images, but instead, there are members of our team, goofing around and having fun. It is because our brand is about being approachable and friendly.

I know of another lawyer who wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and tails to each and every court appearance. He stood out like you would not believe. People never forgot him, ever. He did not blend in. He also took on very unpopular cases. People either loved him or hated him. There was no way in between. The point is, everyone noticed him.

I know of another lawyer (you know who you are!) who is into astrology and reading Tarot and has been on a spiritual (not religious) journey. At this point, this lawyer is not exactly sure how much of this she wants to put front and centre in her marketing. I am hoping she dares enough to be different.

I know of another lawyer who only works for Men and another just for Dads . . .

What makes you different from other divorce lawyers?

What makes you stand out?

Being different is going to attract clients to you, not just being better than the next person at your job.

And when I say different, I mean different in the way that makes you unique but still authentic to you!

What is authentically you that is DIFFERENT?

How do you BE different?

In this Episode:

Being better is not what it takes to succeed [00:01:40]
Why this is one of the best quotes I've ever heard [00:04:11]
Most lawyers DO NOT GET that different is better [00:05:30]
Three thoughts for the kind of marketing that every other lawyer does [00:07:21]
I love being different [00:07:50]
Here are some lawyers daring to be different [00:08:48]
What makes you different from other divorce lawyers? [00:15:13]

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Attention Type “A’s” - Here is How You Avoid Falling Flat on Your Face

Ashrita's ever-evolving bio:

As a Certified Hypnotherapist and Personal Power Coach, Ashrita helps high achievers clear their unconscious fears so that they can get out of overwhelm and into consistent action.

Ashrita has created the proven AAHA (Awareness, Acceptance, Heal, and Aligned Action) method, she focuses on subconscious reprogramming, brain habits, emotional mastery, and overall well-being that helps high-achievers break through any limitations from the inside out.

This helps create a massive impact on their personal and business with a ripple effect on their families and community.
This allows the high-achievers she works with to create the impact and life they really want. She believes that our world needs leaders now more than ever to lead by example and help heal the planet.

Ashrita was born in Nepal and received her undergraduate degree in Sociology from Boston College and a Master's in Education and Leadership from the University of Massachusetts. She was the first person in her family to graduate college and receive her Master’s degree.

As a free gift to the Be the Best Divorce Lawyer Audience, Ashrita is sharing her wonderful hypnosis audio that, if you use it regularly, will reduce your anxiety like a hot damn:

Here is Ashrita’s free hypnosis track on releasing anxiety.

You can find more about Ashrita on Instagram at ashrita_coach and at www.ashritatiwari.com.

In this Episode:

Ashrita’s Journey. How did she come to this kind of area of exploration [00:02:56]
Introducing the AHA Method [00:09:07]
Getting to know Hypnotherapy [00:12:33]
Hypnosis is not what you think it is. [00:16:01]
Prioritize your well-being and self-care. [00:19:25]

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3 Steps to Leveling up Your Life With Karen Turpin

Awareness
DeClutter
Make micro-improvements

In this episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Karen Turpin who has been a hypnotherapist, healer, psychic medium and spiritual teacher for almost 25 years.

In that time she has worked with thousands of people from all over the world.

She started to notice that there are so many people into spirituality and personal development who are broke and she realised that no matter how hard they tried, they just couldn't get ahead... so she developed a unique way of working with them that combines spirituality, energy, psychology and subconscious reprogramming.

The result? They were finally free to create a happy, fulfilling and (most importantly) a wealthy and abundant life.

She created Abundance Bootcamp to help female entrepreneurs to finally (!) let go of what’s been holding them back financially so that they can become as wealthy as they’ve always dreamed of becoming, and most importantly have the confidence to follow their passion and do what they came here to do.

In this Episode:

Awareness [00:02:09]
DeClutter [00:26:14]
Make micro-improvements [00:36:36]

Resources:

Her website is: www.karenturpin.com
You can join her FB Group - Abundant and Successful Female Entrepreneurs
Or check out Abundance Bootcamp. so that you can create a life of Unlimited Abundance.
Here’s a link for a Special Freebie:

Money Mindset Class - https://www.abundancebootcamp.com.au/specialmoneyclass

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Why NOT doing Dispute Resolution Training is a Disservice to Your Clients and Their Kids

I was reviewing some correspondence on one of my client files. I saw one of many examples of why lawyers who are in family law must do dispute resolution training. I mean, I wonder why we are even allowed to do family law if we do not have this training.

When I say dispute resolution training, I mean mediation skills development, dealing with high-conflict cases, negotiation skills training, conflict resolution training, interest-based negotiation skill development, etc. You know, like all the stuff we did not learn in law school.

Some people call such training ADR, as in alternative dispute resolution. There is nothing alternative about it.

I have been dealing with a lawyer. He seems like a nIce enough person, however, he does not realize the damage he is causing to this family. He is causing damage because his positional communication and threats to go to court are helping nobody, including his client. His communications cause my client a huge amount of stress. At the same time, if he goes to court, he is going to get nowhere and that will cause his client huge disappointment.

My client left her relationship while pregnant due to family violence and the controlling nature of her baby’s father. The baby’s father wants to have parenting time with the child and do so on an unsupervised basis. The father says that although he had some problems in the past, he has now worked on himself, done courses, and attended training to abate future family violence. The problem is that my client believes that most, if not all, of his course work and counselling, was done prior to the parties’ separation. She is reluctant to expose the parties’ young child to the father’s temper which is significant.

At an interim court application, it became very clear to the Judge that the father had some very significant anger challenges. He asserted to the Judge that his anger challenges were all dealt with because he had done anger management counselling and training, among many other things. The Judge stated that before the matter moved forward that getting information as to the father’s training and counselling post-separation was necessary before the matter moved forward.

Did he do the counselling prior to their separation or after? If he did the training prior to the separation, it did not do him (or our client) any good. Our client says he was very violent (giving many examples) and controlling. He is a very scary person and lacked any impulse control whatsoever.

Finally, after many months, we received a letter from the father’s doctor setting out all the training he had taken. Clearly, the father had engaged in anger management training, however, the very detailed letter had no dates. The dates of the training he had done were conspicuously missing. What the letter was missing was the information as to when the training was taken.

So, I wrote a letter to the lawyer:

We have had an opportunity to review the well-written and thoughtful letter of Dr. Jones (client name is changed) . . . We note that the anger management counselling appears to have taken place prior to your client's relationship with (our client) and not since their separation.

Although the letter of Dr. Nazil is helpful, it makes sense that we would have documentation and records of all training, appointments, courses, or sessions that (the father) has attended since July 2018, when (the parties separated).

The other lawyer’s response was to ask to set court dates rather than engage with me.

So, I wrote another letter:

Many of the steps you have reported occurred prior to the parties' separation. It is the work he has done post-separation that is important.

Before setting a date for (more court), it will be important for us to have this documentation.

The other lawyer’s response was to set court dates.

Our office wrote another letter:

We have written to you (on two previous occasions) asking what work your client has done since separation. Our client notes that a lot of the work he has done (if not all) predates the parties' separation. The court is not then assisted.

The other lawyer writes me back:

In reply to your email, (the father) is not obliged to complete any certifications on any timeline and the assertion that he needs to is unsupported by any facts.

I expect dates to continue (court) in a timely manner.

So, I tried again and wrote:

During (previous court), the issue of family violence was raised as the reason why (the mother) had been insistent upon (the father’s) visits with the child being supervised. There are significant concerns regarding (the father’s) anger and inability to regulate his emotions.

(At court, the father) made assertions that he had participated in both anger management courses as well as extensive counselling. As the Judge also seemed to have concerns about the possibility of family violence, the request was made to have documentation of (the father’s) sessions and courses available to our offices for review. We have been requesting this documentation since (for a full year now) and have yet to receive any records of such.

My sense is that should we schedule (further court) without any of the requested documentation from (the father) this matter will again need to be adjourned until further information is presented.

Please send over records of (the father’s) anger management courses along with records of any sessions with mental health professionals. This will greatly assist the matter in moving forward.

His response to me was:

It seems to me we are at an impasse, as your client has raised concerns around my client’s alleged anger issues without evidence.

I would ask that some evidence to back up her concerns be tendered soon or I . . . we can have a trial on the issues.

And then he said:

I see from your letter that you refuse to take my requests for evidence seriously, I will apply to move this to trial

I again wrote:

I am wondering if you are able to advise me what has changed since the last time we appeared at (court) ? If it is new information, we can certainly review it and consider it.

He writes back:

I see from your letter that you refuse to take my requests for evidence seriously, I will apply to move this to trial.

What is significant is that every time our client is forced to look at any correspondence in this matter is that she is flooded with stress. Essentially, she is having a cortisol bath, that is being bathed in stress hormones. Because she is a single parent with no other support, her stress impacts not only her but her young child. None of this is good for anyone.

I know for a fact that when we attend court again, the court is going to ask the father the same as they asked before: What work have you done to resolve your anger management challenges since separation?

Would it not be better to avoid this whole entire dispute and get on with what needs to be done rather than fight a losing battle causing everyone unnecessary stress and pain?

Would it not be good to have a discussion on the phone?

You can see our conversation literally going around in circles, with no progress. You can also see that for each party, their frustration is escalating.

In my experience, once I learned dispute resolution skills, I was able to listen and explore what the other side was saying rather than simply being positional or parroting back my client’s position. To be clear, we are in the process of preparing a detailed affidavit setting out the evidence of my client and, yet, as I review the correspondence in more detail, I realize that I have also been repeating myself over and over. Sheesh . . .

Picking up the phone would have been better . . .

In this Episode:

Why are we even allowed to do family law if we do not have this training? [00:01:08]
Some people call such training ADR, as in alternative dispute resolution. There is nothing alternative about it [00:02:43]
I have been dealing with a lawyer and wrote a letter to request for further information. [00:10:40]
When I learned dispute resolution skills, I was able to listen and explore what the other side was saying rather than simply being positional or parroting back my client’s position [00:15:27]

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Time to start lying

I am a Hemminger.

I love being a Hemminger. I am proud to be a Hemminger. I had the best parents, Elma and Julius Hemminger.

The Hemminger family adopted me. I came to them when I was about three months old.

Elma (my Mom) had two rules. (Well, actually, she had three). If you did not break the two rules, there is no way you could fall out of favour, or be in trouble. This was no matter how big or dumb your mistake was.

The two rules I heard expressed by Elma Hemminger, probably thousands of times, were as follows:

I don’t like liars; and
I don’t like stealers.

Then there was rule number three, less-often stated but still very accurate. People should NEVER, and I mean NEVER, wear hats indoors.

The Hemmingers raised me in a household where, no matter what your bad was, you would not get into trouble as long as you fessed up and told the truth.

My most glaring example was when I drove my Mom and Dad’s car into my boyfriend’s car, totalling the front end because I was mad at him. I told them the truth. I told them the whole truth about the incident. I told them that we were having a fight and because I had completely lost my temper, I was doing a (kinda) high-speed car chase in their car after him. My Mom and Dad had a little compact car. He had a 1969 Camaro. The roads were wet and I braked too late, causing their new vehicle to crash into the rear of his Camaro. The front end of their car was crumpled up; the Camaro barely dented.

I came home sobbing and very upset. I had smashed my parents’ car. We lived on my Dad’s very limited pension income by then as he was retired. All I could feel was deep shame.

The first thing out of Elma’s mouth was, “Nobody was hurt were they?” She was great that way. Although she loved that little car, and would never have the funds to replace it or ever buy another new car, there was nothing more important to her than making sure everyone was okay. Upon me assuring her that nobody was hurt or injured, the second thing out of her mouth was, “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

Although it was not the end of it as far as the guilt and shame I felt, it was the end of it as far as my parents were concerned. They got the little car repaired as best they could and life went on.

As a teenager I lived with my parents in a small town. I mean a really small town, the town of 100 Mile House, British Columbia, Canada.

I had a HUGE party when my parents were away. Well, it was a HUGE party, at least in terms of 100 Mile House’s standards. From the date of the party to my moving away, about two years passed. It was not uncommon that I would run into someone I did not know, and they would say, “Hey, aren’t you that girl that had that HUGE party?!”

It started with a few friends on a Friday night and expanded from there. Ultimately the police broke it up.

So, what did I do when my parents got home? Yes, exactly. I told them. I told them I had a huge party. I was sure the neighbours would tell them anyway, so I better confess. The neighbours did not tell them. So, it turns out that I fessed up for no reason. Yet, when I told my parents about my huge party, they said, “We are so glad you told us. We are proud of you for telling the truth.”

So, that was the kind of expectation I had when I told my Law Society about my substance use and historical substance abuse. I believed that if I was absolutely truthful no harm could come my way.

Makes sense right?!

Wrong!

See, someone had reported me for sharing MDMA at a private Halloween party in 2019. Yes, it was the person who asked me for some and took it.

I get why the Law Society cannot have lawyers breaking the law, not to mention doing so openly.

At the same time, when they asked me about it, I believed it was the right thing to do to be purely open, and honest about everything in terms of my past and my transgressions. In fact, I not only shared about absolutely all my substance misuse and use history, I overshared.

Yeah, so I got a two-week suspension from practising law for over-sharing about the fact that I had shared.

That two-week suspension has had enormous personal, emotional, and financial consequences for me and my business. It has impacted my relationships with clients, and with other lawyers. It has impacted my now 17 year-old daughter’s trust in me. She worried that I was going to go jail and then wondered if I would be able to continue subeing able to support her through her final year of high school.

As it turns out, the Discipline Committee of the Law Society of British Columbia does not have the same approach to truth telling as the Hemminger family. Apparently, if you tell the whole truth and it is not in your best interest to do so, you can end up getting yourself in to trouble, real trouble.

As it turns out that my oversharing of information has caused me other challenges. Because I used one substance on approximately four occasions over a 10-year period, the Law Society now believes I am a regular user of an illegal substance and wish to have me monitored (yes, pee in a cup etc. at huge expense and yes, humiliation).

Ew. I know.

As I approached my mid-fifties, I believed that as long as I told the whole truth, there could be no other punishment or repercussions of any mistake I have made. I believed that if I acted with poor judgment, that, as long as I told the truth, all would be well.

Yeah, I am blown away by my own naivete also.

Then a very good friend of mine, also a lawyer, said to me, “Val, your openness and honesty is a TERRIBLE strategy when dealing with the Law Society of British Columbia!” You must learn the skill of “Judicious sharing of information.” This friend said I should always err on the side of caution, rather than disclosure.

Had I learned the skill of “Judicious sharing of information” a long time ago, my life would be a whole lot easier. The Law Society of British Columbia would probably start leaving me alone.

So, this is a note to my Mom and Dad, Elma and Julius.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I miss you both so very much. Thank you for being the best most kick ass parents I could hope for. Thank you for teaching me about openness and honesty. Thank you for teaching me the value of telling the truth.

I am in my mid-ffties as I write this note to you. I have to let you know, Mom and Dad, that I am having to start going against one of my deepest held values. I gotta follow the advice of my lawyer friend. It is time for me to learn the skill of JUDICIOUS SHARING of INFORMATION. Mom and Dad, in Hemminger terms, it means that it is time for me to start LYING my A** off! I know you both understand.

Much love,

Your learning to lie (oops,I mean, share judiciously of information) daughter,

Valorie Frances Hemminger

In this Episode:

My Mom had two rules [00:00:42]
They raised me wherein no matter what your bad was, you would not get into trouble as long as you fessed up and told the truth [00:02:00]
I told the truth about the substance use and believed that if I was absolutely truthful no harm could come my way. I was wrong [00:08:58]
My oversharing of information has caused me other challenges [00:15:48]
My note to my parents [00:19:38]

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Why the Pursuit of Happiness is F*cked Up

Is this you?

I will be happy once I get my undergraduate degree;
I will be happy once I get into law school;
I will be happy once I finish law school;
I will be happy once I finish my articles and become a lawyer;
I will be happy once I save $(insert your number) for retirement;
I will be happy once I find a long-term partner to marry;
I will be happy once I get married;
I will be happy once I end my marriage;
I will be happy once I retire.

One of my mentors, when asked, how do you be happy? He said, “That is easy. Just be happy.”

I thought, easy enough for you to say. You have a multiple seven-figure income, have a long-term relationship with your soul-mate, and your work is something that inspires you. Try being a divorce lawyer for five minutes mister.

Happiness is where you start, not where you finish.

I have had the honour of getting an advance copy of the book called The Gap and the Gain by Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan, two very smart guys. This book is about a lot more than being grateful.

Having ideals and dreams are great, says Sullivan and Hardy, however, we want to use our dreams and goals as an inspiration that lights up the path that we are to follow, and, at the same time, we want to release our attachment to the dreams themselves.

The problem is that most of us focus on the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. This is normal human nature.

Compounding the GAP is that most of us get very attached to our goals and if we have not yet reached them/

We are waiting in the GAP before we make it or feel we can be happy, or feel we have reached success.

Sullivan, who has coached some of the most “successful” entrepreneurs in the world says that many high achievers never become happy, even if they have millions in the bank and reached so many of their goals. They are not happy because they are always on to the “next” thing.

Hardy and Sullivan point out that even the Declaration of Independence does it. It has Americans chasing happiness rather than simply just Being it: “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” What if The Declaration of Independence said, “Life, Liberty, and profound happiness?”

Yeah, well, it doesn’t.

When we embrace the pursuit of happiness, we rob ourselves of happiness in the here and now.

When we chase happiness externally, that is, “I will be happy once . . . “, you are disconnected internally.

Maybe you too have reserved “happiness” and “success” for your future, but never your present. Sullivan and Hardy say that unless you embrace your happiness in the present and internally, you won’t ever be happy.

I am beyond guilty of this concept. This is something I have repeated to myself for more than six years now: I will be happy once my issues with the Law Society of British Columbia are resolved. Yeah, literally put my life on hold for a very long time waiting for the stress of it to end.

Now don’t get me wrong. Having goals, and ideals can be a really great thing.

Ideals are meant to provide direction, motivation, and meaning to our lives, They are not, as Hardy and Sullivan say, to be a measuring stick!

If we see our ideals as a measuring stick and keep moving the ideal (once we have accomplished a goal), then we will never get to happiness or the ideal. This means we live in a GAP mentality.

Sullivan and Hardy say that instead of us focusing on the gap between where we are and where we want to be, to instead, focus on the gain of how far we have already come in life.

They say to set and achieve goals, not to make yourself happy, but because you are happy and want to expand your happiness.

Being in the gap not only makes you miserable, it makes those around you miserable. It turns us into tyrants, with ourselves, our co-workers, and our families.

I think about how guilty I have been of this in the space I rent for my law office and current team. Within a couple of months, I moved my office, put all of our historical information on the cloud, and worked off the cloud for the first time ever. The thing is that for the past 16++ years I always had long-term staff that overlapped. So, when one person left, let’s say after 10 years (miss you Tiffaney!) the next person in line would have been there for five to seven years and so on. Then, all of a sudden, last year, my two key people left within two weeks of each other leaving a huge problem in my office in that someone had to be trained from scratch rather than coming up through the ranks within the office.

I was not aware of it at the time, but there was a huge GAP in my training materials. My new team did not save documents according to certain protocols that I had developed over the past 25+ years. Clients were not cc’d on significant materials. Trial prep appointments were not properly set. Court materials were not filed on time. The issues have gone on and on and on.

To say I have been in the GAP mentality is an understatement. I have been frustrated, ornery, and overall completely ticked off. Yes, I also fired a couple of people including a bookkeeper that was not doing the job they were hired to do.

So, I have thought of my law practice as one big GAP. The vision of my smoothly running well-oiled machine has had some SERIOUS hiccups over the past 10 months (and counting).

And as I am reading Hardy and Sullivan, I am thinking about the GAIN. I have to admit there are a lot of them. I have moved my office location from a larger expensive space that I hated working in, to a smaller, less expensive and much more beautiful space. I love coming to the office in a way I have never ever felt in any office I have worked in. I am surrounded by art and large nature photos that I love and feel so blessed to work in such a gorgeous environment. I re-branded the firm a year and a half ago and our organic marketing is working wonderfully well. I have many great clients and an abundance of work. I have made huge strides in cutting down useless overhead. I am a better leader to my team.

So, as Dan Sullivan says:

The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal”

Focus on the gain, not the gap.

Another example for me in my personal life is the fact that I made the $1,000,000++ mistake. I can focus on the worry about my ginormous mortgage . . . (GAP), or I can focus on the fact that I have arranged my home life in a way (GAIN - I love living with other people) so that I have mortgage helpers and that I live in a home that I love and is something that was beyond my wildest dreams as a young person.

This goes a heck of a lot deeper than simply being grateful.

In every moment, we can either be in the GAP or the GAIN.
Measure yourself backwards from where you were before, not to what you want to attain.
Sure, have huge dreams! Have huge goals. Expand the heck outta your life . . . and also remember where you came from and the gains you have made so far.
The same for your goals for success.

Research psychology says confidence is not what creates success, but rather, prior success is actually what creates confidence.

When we focus on our prior successes, rather than where we want to get to, we create more success and fulfillment in our lives.

And when we have those ginormous setbacks GAIN thinking is all about remembering that things always happen FOR us, not TO us. So, when we have those big setbacks, we can get into the habit of asking ourselves the GAIN question . . . what did I get to learn from this?

It is way better than perseverating over a bad experience and focusing on that GAP.

So, I have been focusing much more on the GAIN.

It is a very different lens to look at life through and I like it.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

Is this you? [00:00:40]
Happiness is where you start, not where you finish [00:02:50]
This book called The Gap and the Gain is about a lot more than being grateful [00:03:55]
When we embrace the pursuit of happiness, we rob ourselves of happiness in the here and now. [00:10:32]
Don’t get me wrong. Having goals, and ideals can be a really great thing. [00:13:41]
Focus on the gain, not the gap [00:17:45]
In every moment, we can either be in the GAP or the GAIN. [00:26:52]

Resources:

The Gap and The Gain Book by Ben Hardy & Dan Sullivan

The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success

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Do You Still Dare to Dream?

When I was little, I had the dream of going to University. I dreamt of becoming a lawyer.

I was always dreaming about the kind of life I wanted to create.

Because I was from a working class family, my parents said, “Valorie, university is not for people like us. It is for people with money.” They were not in the business of crushing my dreams. They just didn’t see it as a possibility for me and did not want me to be disappointed. They also didn’t know about the availability of student loans in Canada.

Despite their warnings, I could never stop dreaming.

I wanted to travel places on airplanes (seemed so out of reach). I wanted to read about things I did not know about. I dreamt about having lots of books. I dreamt about having nice furniture. I dreamt about having nice clothes. I dreamt about learning to ski. I dreamt about being able to swim everyday. I dreamt about being able to hike in the woods everyday.

I was always dreaming.

When I was in grade eight, my parents and I moved from the tightly-knit community in which I was raised to a small town in the interior of British Columbia. I lost daily contact with my gregarious and large extended family. I moved away from my best friend. It sucked. A lot.

In retrospect, maybe it was that I became depressed. In this small town, there seemed as if there was almost nothing to do, other than watch television. Once a very active kid, I became sedentary and gained a bunch of weight. I was deeply ashamed of how I looked. Plus, I was a teenage girl. I don’t think being a teenage girl (or teenager in general) is easy for anyone.

Things began to spiral downwards.

I got my first real boyfriend. He was abusive and controlling. I was not equipped to deal with that.

Things spiralled downwards more.

Once a really good student, I was booted out of high school for poor attendance.

I followed my boyfriend when he moved to a town on Vancouver Island, over 300 miles and a ferry ride away from my loving parents. I earned my living working in greasy spoon restaurants. For a while, my dreams got much smaller. My dream then was that I wanted a job where I would come home from work and my hands would not stink like french fries. I admired the business people I sometimes served and could not imagine the decadence of wearing suits and having “meetings” and calling it work.

Ultimately I obtained a highschool graduation certificate equivalent. I earned it through an alternative program that permitted me to work full time while studying. I never did attend grade 11 or grade 12.

It took a few tries, but after I ditched the abusive boyfriend, I ultimately achieved my lifelong dream of attending university. After working in the restaurant industry full-time for more than five years, the “work” of being a student felt easy.. Although I continued to work part-time, attending classes and doing homework, being a university student was a thousand times easier than the minimum-wage work I had been doing.

I graduated with Honours, and then got my Master’s Degree and then went to law school. When I became a lawyer my biggest and dearest dream had been achieved.

I realized that I could really achieve my dreams and that is what I set out to do.

That is when I dreamt of having a waterfront home. I achieved that dream too.

Then I wanted to create a successful law firm that transformed the way family law was practised. I wanted to create a firm that nurtured its clients, and saw them as a whole complex person who might need more than legal help. I saw them as perhaps needing psychological support, counseling, or coaching. I wanted to be able to help with all of that.

The problem was that I thought the place to start such a successful law firm was by buying a beautiful piece of real estate to house the firm. I was not sophisticated about money or investments at all. Although I lucked out getting my waterfront home (the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything lined up to put my home in my lap), I was also not sophisticated about real estate or investments.

That property cost me tons and tons and tons more than I expected. After years of financial struggle and stress, I cut my losses and sold it for a loss of more than a million dollars. It was a million dollars I did not have and I am still carrying that debt load. It also cost me years of my life, my joy, my health, my marriage, and, at times, my relationship with my daughter. It has been the source of the financial turmoil that has caused me ongoing problems with the Law Society of British Columbia, my governing body.

The biggest thing that property cost me? I also, for years, stopped dreaming.

I stopped dreaming about my future. I stopped being creative about the kind of life I wanted to live.

For years, I was in survival mode in every part of my life. I kept waiting for things to get better, but never seemed to get any relief.

I thought, who am I to dream about things? Who am I to want things?

Who am I to create a life I would desire to live?

My husband also did not think I deserved to dream.

Although he was at one time very loving and contributed to our household he could not move past his anger about my bad real estate decision, and other mistakes I made. He became rude and dismissive to me. He rarely spoke to me and refused to give me eye contact. He stopped working and he stopped contributing in any way to our home life. When I hired a cleaner to help with the cleaning (I literally did not have the time and he refused to do it), he was angry when she came to the house because it interrupted his day.

So, with all of that going on, I stopped dreaming.

I had a living to earn, a law practice to run, and many many fires to put out in every aspect of my life including the relentless juggling of finances.

And so, I thought it made no sense for me to dream anymore.

When the pain of my marriage became so intense I could not take another minute of it, I finally ended it. After 18 years of this relationship, I was done.

That was in the fall of 2018.

Because I was not supporting a grown man anymore, and because I lived in a home environment that had some peace in it, I expanded upon a spiritual practice that I had started years before.

I start each day with some form of spiritual practice. Right now, I study a Course in Miracles (if you buy the book, by the one published by the Foundation for Inner Peace) and I meditate. I am also becoming proficient at something called Breath With Wonder. At 54 years old, I am discovering what it is like to just BE in my body. A very powerful process.

To discover more about Breath with Wonder, contact Deni Mariscal. She is a true healer.

So, yeah, my spiritual practice is important to me.

And then, when I started to take the time and the space, an old habit began to re-emerge. I started dreaming again, dreaming big.

I dream again about transforming the broken family law industry. I dream about things I want to accomplish. I dream about the people I can help. I dream about being fit enough to go snowboarding again. I dream about having a second bathroom in my house. I dream about my new boyfriend, the one with sparkly and dancing eyes, that dance when they see me. I dream about no longer having hot flashes. I dream about never having to put on my court robes ever again to do a Supreme Court Trial.

This is what I know for sure. So much I dreamed about has happened in my life.

I am so happy that I have dared to start dreaming again.

I love dreaming.

How about you? Do you still dare to dream?

In this Episode:

Despite the warnings, I could never stop dreaming [00:00:38]
I was always dreaming [00:02:58]
Things began to spiral downwards [00:03:59]
I realized that I could really achieve my dreams and that is what I set out to do [00:06:58]
I stopped dreaming about my future at one point in my life [00:08:43]
My spiritual practice is important to me, because of that I started dreaming big again [00:14:31]

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Why I did not have a cigarette this morning

When I woke up this morning, I did not have a cigarette. When I go to parties I don’t smoke or even crave a cigarette. Why? Because I am a non-smoker.

I do not see myself as a smoker and never have. My identity is a lot of things. I identify as a Mom, a step-mom, a dog lover, a fun person, a divorce lawyer, a very slow snowboarder, and a good cook. My identity is not as a smoker.

I compare this to my friend Christina. Christina has quit smoking more times than I can count. She has struggled with her smoking addiction for years. Even though she goes sometimes months and even years without having a cigarette, she ends up slipping and then becoming a full-blown smoker all over again. It is because she identifies as a smoker.

When Christina goes to a party, part of her struggle is to avoid having a cigarette. It is because even if the “addicted” part of her smoking habit is gone, Christina still identifies as a smoker.

I think of one of my coaching clients. She is bright, funny, and very dedicated to her work. She just got offered her dream job. Her dream job is in an area of work that she loves doing, that rejuvenates her, and that inspires her. This dream job will also pay her a helluva and I mean a helluva lot more than she has ever earned! She was going to turn it down. She was going to turn it down because she didn’t believe she was someone who could have that kind of job, work for that kind of firm, or make that kind of money. This new job is not her identity.

Our identities comprise the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. So much of who we are, that is our identity, is entirely subconscious.

Look around you right now. The room you are in, the clothes you are wearing, the income you make, the shape of your body, and the relationships you have, are all a result of your identity.

Many people who focus on personal growth and excellence try to create habits and do things that will help them succeed. They think that once they accomplish this goal, or that goal, or the next one, that they will then be successful.

The problem is, that doing a habit for a period of time, most often fails in the end. Although they can grind their way through a habit for a period of time, if their identity is not aligned with the habit they are attempting to create, they ultimately slip. Think of the packed gyms after New Year’s Day and then the gym a few weeks later. You get the idea.

One of my mentors, Jim Fortin, a well-respected, high-performance business coach says that people try to create lasting change in their lives utilizing a backward and sure-to-fail strategy.

People try to willpower their way through change. Just like my friend Christina.

And it doesn’t work.

What does work then?

Changing your identity at a subconscious level. That is, working with the subconscious mind.

Fortin says that it is from our subconscious mind that our habits and actions originate.
If we want to make real, lasting, and profound changes in our lives and want to up our game, then it is with the subconscious mind that we must work.
We must embrace the identity of someone who has the qualities, habits, and actions of the kind of person who creates the kind of life we want.
When you are leveling up your life, it is so hard to work towards a goal, thinking you will be “successful” and accomplished once you get there.

It is more powerful, more fun, and way easier to work FROM your identity. An identity you create.

And guess what, you can cultivate the identity you need in order to accomplish your goals.

There are a number of ways to do this, such as hypnosis, either with a hypnotherapist, or using self-hypnosis. Or you can change the story you tell yourself about who you are at a subconscious level. I have done all three of these things and with great success.

So, ask yourself this question:

What identity would I need to have to create ______ in my life?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Val

In this Episode:

Our identities comprise the stories we tell ourselves about who we are [00:00:26]
So much of who we are, that is our identity, is entirely subconscious [00:03:47]
Here’s what I learned from one of my mentors, Jim Fortin [00:07:01]
It is more powerful, more fun, and way easier to work FROM your identity [00:08:17]

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When an Angel Whispers

Over the last few weeks, I have been having an existential crisis.

Do I want to continue my work as a divorce lawyer?

Or do I hand in my license to practice law and close the doors of my successful law firm?

The work we do as divorce lawyers is tough. Really tough.

This work can be nothing short of punishing.

I think of a 19-day Supreme Court trial I did. It was and I am sure remains a very high-conflict matter. Yes, both the parties, in that case, are assholes. Had I known my client was such an asshole, I never would have taken on the case. I worked my butt off for that case, it consuming weeks of my life.

The point is that this matter could have been resolved in a mediation/arbitration setting within a few days. It would have saved the parties days and days of their lives (not to mention their lawyers the same) and countless thousands of dollars. Neither party involved in that fight is ever going to recover financially, and their children will continue to be stuck in the middle of their parents’ toxic relationship.

I have another case where one of the lawyers on the case said that I was grilled so hard by the Judge that I had “Grill marks” on my face.

I have had a client murder his wife, child and parents-in-law before committing suicide himself. I woke up at 2:04 am on the dot for many months. It was the exact time the police said that my client broke into the residence of his sleeping wife, and child.

When I represent clients, I put my whole heart and soul into it. I mean every bit of me. Although it is hard work, I pride myself on doing the right thing for families and their children, even if it means taking on that very hard case.

Yet, so much of it seems thankless.

When I say thankless, I think of the client where I did a gruelling lengthy trial and ultimately saved him millions of dollars of the money his ex-spouse was after. He accused me of being manipulative when I wanted to be paid the balance of funds he owed me.

On top of all of it, I have issues with my Law Society, and there is no end in sight to the financial and emotional stress I experience as a result. I have experienced intense shame and embarrassment. I have spent hours suffering in silence and in shame. I have experienced gutting fear all the while wanting to protect my livelihood.

I have been buried in legal fees and buried in stress.

But why protect my livelihood?

Why would I continue in the face of such adversity?

So, I have been asking myself . . . why do I do it?

I have been disheartened.

I have been asking myself, why would I continue doing this tough, stressful, and sometimes thankless work?!

And then I am reminded of the story of who I will call Andy.

Andy was having a great life with a young family and things were going along swimmingly. He ran a construction company. He won awards. He and his partner had two small children.

Then he got hurt on the job, very hurt.

He was prescribed Oxycotin. Although Oxycotin is legal, some people describe it as heroin in a pill. The destruction it has caused to families on this planet is well known and documented.

Andy’s life unravelled in a huge way. He, and the mother of his children, I will call her Narcissa began to engage in a significant drug-taking lifestyle.

I act for Andy’s Dad, who I will call Peter. Although it is Peter that is my client, I have gotten to know Andy’s sister and brother and Andy’s Mom, even though she and Peter have been divorced for many years. The entire family is aligned in terms of ensuring these young children have a relationship with their paternal family. The children are loved deeply by their paternal family and the Children know it.

Peter speaks German to them, tells them wonderful fairy tales, and yes, sometimes he makes them eat their veggies. He was the primary caregiver to the Children while Andy and Narcissa were doing drugs (unbeknownst to Peter).

Ultimately, Andy and Narcissa broke up and Narcissa has spent more than six years doing everything, and I mean everything possible to cut the two young children, now 9 and 11 years old out of Andy’s life and that of his family’s.

Tragically, Andy passed a little less than a year ago from a drug overdose.

This was profoundly devastating to Peter and his family. Yet, they wanted to ensure the children could continue a relationship with their paternal family. They want to ensure that these children have an ongoing connection to their Dad even though he is now gone.

Despite Andy’s passing, Narcissa’s campaign has continued for whatever reason (I do think the name I have chosen for her has something to do with it, just sayin’). She continues to do everything possible to keep these children from Peter and the extended paternal family. This is even though the children love to spend time with them. Over the years, she has made many false and serious allegations. The allegations have been investigated by police, by child services, and despite her many attempts, the allegations are not found credible by anyone, including the investigating authorities.

And this is why I know that the work I do is important.

After our last court date and two days of gruelling argument, the children still get to see Peter and their cousin, their grandma, their Aunt and their Uncle. This is in spite of Narcissa’s objections.

This is what Peter’s daughter sent to me in an email (I have changed a few words and the names to protect confidentiality). It is, however, printed with her permission and blessing:

I wanted to tell you that after the first court date, I texted you to say what a great job I'd thought you'd done. After a small exchange, you sent me 5 red hearts. When you sent me the 5 red hearts a weight was lifted. Andy had a strong favourite number and favourite colour: Red Five. Andy and I talked about it all the time. And every day since he left, me and my mom send each other 5 red hearts. So thank you for intuitively knowing that . . .

or maybe Andy gave you a little whisper :)

That my friend is why we continue to do this work.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Val

In this Episode:

Being a Divorce Lawyer is very hard [00:01:04]
When I represent clients, I put my whole heart and soul into it. [00:02:58]
I have been asking myself, why would I continue doing this tough, stressful, and sometimes thankless work? [00:03:48]
The story of who I will call Andy [00:05:35]
Red Five :) [00:09:30]

View Details

When the "Fuk you!" Fuks You

I hung out my own shingle over 20 years ago. I had been practising law for about 5 years.

When I did my bar training course they said that it takes lawyers five years to really get an understanding of their job and to get proficient. It took me 10 years.

I went out on my own because I knew I could not do much worse financially than the firm I was working for at the time. A lawyer senior, I will call him Misleading Marvin, enticed me away from a very traditional, old boy, nice firm.

Misleading Marvin mislead me by stating that if I came and worked for him and his firm I would earn great money. They had lots of work, and they paid very well. The promises seemed too good to be true. And ultimately I was right about that. In a huge way. I did not, however, regret that move.

As an articled student and young lawyer, my principal, mentor, and managing partner was not exactly gentle when I made a mistake. And, of course, I made mistakes. If I made a mistake, he would not hesitate to walk into my office and shout, “What the FUCK were you thinking?!”

Because I had a loud and very gregarious Mom, she yelled at us all the time. It was never really scary though. It was more that she had a loud voice and constantly was loud to get our attention, tell stories, and remind us of things. “Valorie!” she would shout, get that jacket on, it’s cold outside. “Valorie!” Shut the door! What do you think you are doing, heating the whole of Hammond (our small town)?!” “Valorie! Do NOT go outside in your stocking feet!”

My Mom never swore though. Neither did my Dad. And they CERTAINLY never swore AT us kids.

So, at my first law job, where being sworn at while being yelled at was simply part of the culture and the way it was, I had a bit of a hard time. After four and a half years and almost falling apart, I moved on to a different firm.

I moved on to a firm I would describe as a very nice old boy firm. All the partners were men. They were very traditional and very nice. They were also not very interested in mentoring a junior lawyer who did not know what the heck she was doing. I was languishing. I was not growing or building a practice and because I was not on a salary and was only paid based upon my collected billings, I was struggling. I had no idea how to build a practice. I had no idea where to turn to do that or learn that.

So, when Misleading Marvin approached me to come work with him, I did not hesitate to jump ship. The sun, the moon, and the stars that Misleading Marvin promised never materialized. In fact, I was making very little money indeed, not enough to pay my regular household bills.

So, I thought to myself “Fuck YOU! Misleading Marvin!” I am going out on my own.

So, going out on my own I did.

I had this really great business model. It was the FUCK YOU business plan. The FUCK YOU business plan was simple. My law office was NOT going to be the same as the old boy firms I had worked for. FUCK YOU to Misleading Marvin and the previous firms I worked for. Hah! I thought I was genius.

In terms of planning and executing my law office’s business structure my planning ended there, that is with the FUCK YOU.

It did not take long for me to realize that my FUCK YOU business plan had a few problems.

I had no idea how to run a business. I did not even appreciate that a law practice IS a business.

First of all, my FUCK YOU business plan had no rational thought that went into it. Secondly, I quickly learned that there is a lot more to running a law office than getting business cards printed and a great sign. I could no longer just show up and do legal work. Suddenly, I had a lot more on my plate.

Now I had to figure out a way to attract clients. I had to buy computers and software, and programs to run on them. I had to open up a trust account and learn trust accounting rules. I had to arrange for the payment of my business and personal taxes. I had staff to pay, rent to pay.

So, the struggle began. It has been all-consuming at times. It was not long before I realized that I was FUCKED.

The struggle continued for a long time. I got up went to work. I worked my hardest. I juggled my finances and increased the mortgage on my home to make it all work.

Then I really screwed up and made the bad real estate decision you have heard me talk about.

Years into my owning my own office I finally hired my first business coach. It was life and law practice-changing. I then read a ton of books about business, marketing, and finance for small businesses. I applied all of that to my law firm, now called Pathway Legal.

The point is this. Saying FUCK YOU to the Misleading Marvins of this world felt great in the moment, but it was not a business plan. It was no way to structure a law office. It was no way to prepare for an abundant financial future for me and my family.

I had no idea what I was getting into over 20 years ago.

Knowing what I know now, would I have still said FUCK YOU to Misleading Marvin? Absolutely.

I would, however, have had the foundation of my business planned and structured before doing so.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Val

In this Episode:

Who is “Misleading Marvin”? [00:00:45]
My first law job, where being sworn at while being yelled was simply part of the culture [00:03:33]
I had a business model, it was called the “F*CK YOU business plan” [00:05:50]
I built a business plan but I had no idea how to run a business [00:06:42]
I realized that I was F*CKED [00:08:11]

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Are you weird?

Well, I certainly hope so.

For most of us lawyers, we are compliant sorts. We worked hard in school. We didn’t get sent to the principal’s office. We did what we were supposed to do. Yet, some of us are still weird.

Weird is wonderful.

Of Germanic origin, the word, “weird” has its roots in the Old English “wyrd” which means ‘having the power to control destiny’,
Yes, please. I want to be weird. And yes, people have said I am weird.

Is it not time that more of us divorce lawyers admitted our weirdness and stopped trying to fit in to the idea of what a proper lawyer should be?

Isn’t it time that we stopped being so freaking Judge-y? That is judge-y of other lawyers, judge-y of our clients. You get it. And wait, do you ever notice that the BEST judges are the ones who are NOT judgey??

You know what kind of people are weird? Steve Jobs was weird. Did you ever hear about him being a fruitarian?

Helena Bonham Carter is weird. She dresses, even on her off time like a gypsy witch. She has delighted audiences around the world. Remember her as the Red Queen in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland? How much of that role was she acting and how much of that role was she just being her absolutely weird self?
What about David Bowie? His eccentric nature made him an innovator in terms of, not only music, but fashion and self-confidence. He was weird. He made androgyny cool and glam a way of life for young rockers around the globe. It reminds me of this quote that struck me:

“If you're sad today, just remember the world is over 4 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie.”
― Simon Pegg

Then there is Elton John, Lady Gaga, Nicholas Cage, Prince, and Walt Disney. They are all weird.

Where would our world be without these weirdos?

Weird People Change the World.

Weird are those who speak their minds and are told to be quiet.
Being weird means being noticeably different. It means being or doing something that makes other people stare, or laugh. Being weird means that the status quo folks might not like you so much. I sure know this one.

What if we saw that being weird is something we should cultivate.
You know who else is weird? Thought leaders are weird. Thought leaders like Tim Ferriss (the 4-Hour work week anyone) and Elon Musk (yes, please, let’s move to Mars).

You know who else is weird? Divorce lawyers who give a shit. Lawyers who want to transform this broken, combative, stressful profession and who want to be in service for our clients and their families. We are weird because we want to support each other to change this profession for the better.

Being weird is a great thing!

I am weird. Are you?

Maybe you are like me. I do not fit the “usual” stereotype of being a lawyer. Think of the show called “Suits” and that is definitely not me. I know I don’t fit the model of what people think a lawyer should act like or look like (thank Gawd for that!). Maybe you are like that too.

I don’t like wearing suits. I wear running shoes most days (unless actually in court). Prior to my ADHD diagnosis I used to self-medicate and was totally open about it. I am gregarious and silly. I don’t take myself too seriously. I like to have a lot of fun. People see me as weird.

If the test to being a great divorce lawyer is that you appear calm all the time, are well put together with the best suits, and you stay distant and objective about your clients’ issues, then I am definitely NOT a great divorce lawyer.

If the test to being a GREAT divorce lawyer is that I get great results for my clients, avoid court whenever possible, thus leaving their children in tact, do not gouge my clients for fees, am transparent about my billings, and that my clients rave about my work and recommend me to friends and family, than I AM a very successful divorce lawyer.

If the test to being a great divorce lawyer is wanting to change this industry to keep families out of court and be less combative, then YES, I am a great divorce lawyer. If this makes me weird, thank fucking Gawd for that!

If you are weird enough, I invite you to work with me to change this family law industry for the better.
Much love,
Val

In this Episode:

Is weird wonderful? [00:00:54]
What kind of people are weird? [00:02:05]
Weird people change the world [00:03:49]
Being weird is a great thing. I am weird, are you? [00:07:52]

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The Gift of my Mental Illness Diagnosis

The Gift of my ADHD Diagnosis

A lot of lawyers struggle A LOT. Compared to the general population, we have higher divorce rates, higher addiction rates, and higher rates of mental health challenges.

I am no exception.

Are you concerned about the stigma associated with mental health challenges, as in the way this article references that I have a “mental illness?”

The writer of this article made no attempt to reach out to me for comment before putting what she says about me to print. Is it that because I have a “mental illness” she believes I am not entitled to comment? Does she not need to reach out to me for comment BEFORE she plasters my face in a newspaper article delivered throughout the Province of British Columbia and other parts of our country (and yes, it is a great picture of me if I don’t say so myself).

Did the fact that the consent agreement between me and the Law Society of British Columbia mentions that I have a “mental illness” but does not mention that the mental illness is ADHD have anything to do with why this journalist did not see fit to contact me?

If the reporter did bother to reach out to me, I would have shared with her the years I have spent struggling with undiagnosed ADHD and the impact that struggle has had on my personal life.

Some Background and My Undiagnosed ADHD:

I am a single-parent divorce lawyer who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I was not diagnosed until late 2020.

I am also recently suspended from the practice of law for two weeks because I shared MDMA at a Halloween party with someone who I thought was a friend, that “friend” then reported me to the Law Society of British Columbia for doing so.

If you know anything about the way I approach my job, you will know that I am tremendously passionate.

I care deeply about my clients and their families. The work I do is forever challenging. It is also an honour. For me, my work is not just a job. It is my calling.

In order to succeed in my law practice, however, I have incorporated many strategies to make it work. I have checklists, precedents, and Loom videos everywhere setting out all the steps for all the things.

I have also structured my life so that I am very disciplined. My discipline includes me getting up at 5 am almost every day. I have a daily spiritual practice that is a huge source of joy, and comfort to me.

Although I have enjoyed a lot of successes in my career related to the client work I do, I have had a lot of personal challenges, experiencing massive failures and setbacks.

While I am very organized and careful when I advocate for my clients, I have a history of not always making the best decisions in my personal life.

Up until my diagnosis and medication, I was regularly anxious and had trouble concentrating. I could be tremendously absent-minded. People said I had “no filter” and found me inappropriate at times. I often appeared scattered and fidgety. Some people said I was weird.

I still have a lot of challenges regarding distraction. If I don’t set alarms for everything, and I mean every appointment, boiling noodles, running water in my tub, having something in the oven, bad things happen.

The checklists are for everything in my life, from running a trial to packing for a trip. If I don’t do this, I often get distracted and don’t even know I have forgotten something important until too late.

Just this past summer, for example, I took a road trip I had been planning for months. I broke my car’s fuel pump in the middle of the wilderness because I forgot to put gas in my vehicle. It took seven days and a ton of expense to get my car repaired.

While I am very organized and careful when I advocate for my clients, I am often not great at all when it comes to decisions I make in my personal life.

I have, at times, made decisions in my personal and financial life that were not well-thought-out. Some of those decisions have had devastating consequences.

The biggest decision I made with such consequences was back in 2009 when I purchased a property for my business that I could not afford. This has caused me many years of financial stress. And I mean many. The stress of this decision burdens me today in so many ways, including carrying the debt of over a million dollars after I finally cut my losses and sold that property.

Further complicating matters is that stemming from the decision to purchase that property, I have very stressful and ongoing other disciplinary proceedings with the Law Society of British Columbia. The whole process has been ongoing for more than six years now. Those issues stem from the financial and other chaos caused by me purchasing that office space.

ADHD Diagnosis:

Because I could never understand why so much of my personal life was not working, I sought treatment and help. I have attended therapy on and off since 1999.

ADHD often shows up differently in women. It is often profoundly misunderstood and misdiagnosed.

I have had over 100 counselling sessions with my main treating psychologist since 2015. I did EMDR treatment with my other psychologist. I also sought spiritual guidance and support.

Starting in about 2012, I was also diagnosed with adrenal gland burnout, extreme depression. I suffered huge weight gain on top of it all. Although things improved a lot for me once I was in regular therapy, there remained difficult personal challenges.

Initially, my psychologist first diagnosed me with an anxiety and adjustment disorder. When I first started seeing her in 2012, my personal life was in turmoil. I had health problems, problems at home, problems everywhere in my personal life.

I started a dedicated spiritual practice. Despite that practice, I also self-medicated from time to time. It is my understanding that self-medicating is when people use non-prescribed substances, or alcohol to cope with stress, worry, or anxiety. I was not aware that I was engaging in a behaviour called “self-medicating.” I just knew I was desperate for some kind of relief from the anxiety and turmoil I continuously felt.

My self-medicating included at one time, a “partying”-type lifestyle. For example, from about 2009 to 2011, I used non-prescription substances almost every weekend. This very much petered out to me attending one to two parties a year. Now, I no longer engage in that type of lifestyle at all.

In late 2020, when I sought the advice and treatment of an MD specializing in ADHD and Addiction, the doctor said I had ADHD and it was “off the charts.”

Suddenly, so much of my life made sense.

Since late 2020 I am now on prescribed ADHD medication, called Vyvanse.

My prescribed ADHD medication is LIFE-CHANGING.

Today, thanks to the medication I am taking, my life has gotten a lot better.

However, I am still dealing with the fallout of some of my previous actions.

Why I have a 14-day suspension:

Prior to my ADHD diagnosis, another not-so-great decision was when I was at a private Halloween party of my close friend in 2019. Because I had been, in the past, open about the fact that I had a safe source for MDMA, a friend asked me to bring MDMA with me to this party. I brought it with me.

I would never make either of those decisions today, that is, bring MDMA to a party or be open about that fact, whether I had a safe source or not.

A “friend” approached me and asked me for a tablet of MDMA. I shared with her. She then reported to the Law Society of British Columbia that I was handing out illegal drugs at that party and that I “was handing them out like Skittles.”

At the time I did this, I was fully aware that MDMA is a controlled substance. MDMA is a Schedule I drug under the Canadian Controlled Drugs and Substances Act (CDSA).

I fully accept and understand why the Law Society of British Columbia does not wish lawyers to break the law openly. I agreed to a two-week suspension from August 28, 2021, to September 11, 2021.

This two-week suspension has had enormous consequences for my finances, my business, and my reputation. For example, I had finally been in a position to get a new mortgage that would give me significant relief from the property purchase decision I made in 2009. It was going to be a huge and profound relief from the financial consequences of that decision made so many years ago. At the very last second, because of the article, the lender pulled the financing. So, yeah, it has been a lot.

I am profoundly grateful for the support I have received from colleagues, old clients, and current ones. Of course, some clients are shaken up too. Some clients are upset to hear that their lawyer not only has a mental illness but actually broke the law. I get it.

I am moving forward in my life and continuing to do my best. Part of that best includes me being grateful for my diagnosis. And, guess what?! I am still a bit weird. I am still fidgety. I still say the wrong thing at times. Thank goodness I am still me.

It reminds me of a favourite quote reminding us to be compassionate with each other:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

The Gift of my ADHD Diagnosis [00:00:38]
Some Background and My Undiagnosed ADHD [00:04:45]
My ADHD Diagnosis [00:12:11]
Why I have a 14-day suspension [00:17:09]

Resources:

Article
Consent agreement between me and the Law Society of British Columbia
ADHD often shows up differently in women
MDMA is a controlled substance

View Details

Do You Want the Red Pill or the Blue Pill?

What would you rather have? A successful family law practice or a great life?

It was back during my party days. My friend Jeff was standing in my kitchen and telling a story about the movie, the Matrix. He was describing the infamous scene where the character, Morpheus, holds out his hands to Neo and offers up either a blue pill or a red pill; a pill of knowledge or a pill of blissful ignorance.

Recounting the story, Jeff thought about what all of our friends would say?! “Can’t I have both?!” -- having taken many red and green pills himself that night.

For most of us divorce lawyers, when we look to our mentors or other leaders in the profession we saw one of two kinds of lawyers, the ones who gave their family law practices absolutely everything they have, and the other ones, who, more often than not, went to work for government (read, 8-hour days, pension plans, and extensive holidays).

However, what if we could have both?

Many lawyers do not believe that having both a thriving personal life and a thriving law practice is a possibility.

What do you think?

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

What would you rather have? A successful family law practice or a great life? [00:00:43]
My friend woulds say, can't I have both? [00:01:49]
What if we could have both? [00:04:59]

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Have You Stopped Struggling and Started Thriving?

If you are a family law lawyer and are tired of struggling to make it work, then keep reading.

Divorce lawyers can thrive instead of just getting by or worse, failing miserably. As one who has been both successful and unsuccessful at various points throughout the past 25 years, I am going to share with you what I have learned about success.

Success isn’t always what we expect it to be.

What does “success” mean to you?

For me, success is about abundance. When I say abundance I am not just talking about abundant finances. I am talking about abundant time, abundant health, rich and meaningful relationships, and abundant fun.

Despite all this talk about being abundant and happy, I fully admit that I have been feeling really off lately. I have felt some uncertainty about the direction of my life and my law practice. I have felt uncertainty about some of my friendships, and have disconnected from others.

For me, the most successful days are the ones that have lots of connection with others. I have had days where I have been feeling lonely.

Then just last night I was reminded how easy it is to tap into abundance if I just allow it.

I was feeling lonely and sorry for myself when my friend, Heather texted and said:

I feel energetic. Let’s play.

She did not have to ask me twice.

We went out and played. We had some great food at our favourite Tapa Bar, named, you guessed it, “The Tapa Bar.” We then hit up the funniest, friendliest, silliest bar called Big Bad John’s. I have frequented that bar since the 80s. Yes, two of my old bras are on the ceiling.

I bonded with four young women who were visiting from out of Province. Let’s just say, I have never been as cool as those young women! They were amazing and fun and adventurous and wanted to contribute to the world. Yes, I adored them. A LOT!

And, yes, I was home and tucked in by 12:30 am.

So, for me, last night reminded me of the success of my life. Although I have had some serious “whoa is me” moments over the last couple of weeks, I have to realize that so much of my life is thriving.

The very fact that I live close to downtown with great food and fun people and a ridiculous bar, leaves me basking in gratitude this morning.

We know that there are times when you feel like everything is too much, and it’s not your fault.

It feels like the world around you has been conspiring against you to make sure that nothing goes right for long. That has certainly been my last couple of weeks.

You need a break from all of this – but where do you go? If life seems overwhelming or if success just isn't happening even though you're doing what's "supposed" to be done, then maybe it's time for some new perspective on how things work in our lives.

When we are grateful for the abundance around us, it helps us tap into the successful lives we want to create.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

Divorce lawyers can thrive instead of just getting by or worse, failing miserably [00:00:59]
What does “success” mean to you? [00:01:44]
Despite the success I have, something is off lately [00:02:10]
There are times when you feel like everything is too much, and it’s not your fault [00:06:46]

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3 Steps to Being a Happy Lawyer

In this week’s episode, I had a great discussion with Catherine Shearer, a Canadian lawyer who runs the Happy Lawyer Podcast. She is an experienced Lawyer with a demonstrated history of working in injury, medical malpractice, and disability law.

What's really exciting about Catherine is she's an advocate for women and children, believing firmly in advocating for the rights, both inside, inside, and outside of the litigation context.

On the Happy Lawyer Podcast, Catherine illuminates issues of mental health, attrition, and the advancement of women. The Happy Lawyer Podcast was created to have a platform where lawyers can learn about how others have overcome obstacles to find happiness in the practice of law.

This is exciting because, of course, often we, as lawyers, don't realize that we can be happy and a lawyer at the same time.

In our discussion, Catherine highlighted the 3 steps to being that happy lawyer:

Love what you do.
Have a certain level of autonomy at your job.
Look at your values and know what makes you the best version of yourself.

In this Episode:

Catherine Shearer, our Guest Speaker for today [00:00:27]
Know more about Catherine’s 3-step formula to being a happy lawyer [00:02:11]
Step 1: Love what you do [00:04:37]
Step 2: Have some autonomy over your schedule [00:07:48]\
Step 3: Do self-reflection, look at your values [00:18:34]

Resources:

Website: https://www.thehappylawyer.ca/

Podcast: The Happy Lawyer Podcast

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When it Comes to Negotiating - How Badly do you SUCK?!

And how badly do I suck?!

I am glad you asked!

When it comes to negotiating my clients’ interests, I am kick-ass, thank you very much. I took a course in negotiation skills years ago. It taught me that the best negotiators are well prepared, anticipate the other side’s interests, are clear about their clients’ best and worst outcomes to a negotiated solution, and all the things.

People describe me as assertive, passionate about my clients’ interests. Just this past week I got this message from a client I will call Dave:

"Val, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are such a wonderful person. You were excellent today."

And another from someone I will call Beverley:

"We really appreciate your hard work and can see that you poured your heart into helping us. Many thanks from all of us."

So, yeah, if you are my client you are in excellent hands! I know this deep in my bones and without question.

And then there is the part about negotiating on my own behalf . . .

For years I totally SUCKED at this skill!

Then, I thought I had it handled, only to realize I STILL SUCK at this.

Historically, whenever I went out for lunch with friends, it was me who always picked up the cheque. I gave raises to staff who did not deserve it. I paid for everyone’s accommodation when we went skiing, even though many of the people with us made way better money than me. I had a husband who stopped working and refused to get a job. I supported him entirely for more than 10 years.

Without getting into all the reasons why (like my family of origin where we always got along at all costs, my working-class background - who the heck am I to ask for this? Or, the fact that I hate interpersonal conflict). In my adult life, I have consistently been so generous that I have not honoured myself at all when negotiating with others.
I thought I was just being “generous” of heart and spirit.

I have to call BULLSHIT on myself. The truth is that I was too chicken to negotiate on my own behalf effectively. About anything.

After I transformed my law practice, read business books, got a coach, and had a dedicated spiritual practice I started to honour myself.

I started small. I allowed others to pick up the lunch cheque. I got others to contribute to holiday accommodation. I said “yes” when people asked to contribute to a large meal I was making. I got rid of the free-loading husband.

I thought I had it in the bag and that I had now learned to honour myself in my relationships and honour myself in my negotiations.

I had not realized how little progress I have made.

I STILL SUCK!!!!!!

The hard truth is that even now, when I am negotiating on my own behalf, I STILL duck out of the discomfort of standing up for myself and make terrible deals for myself.

This is not just noticeable to me.

My friend James recently said to my friend Lisbeth, “Why is it that so many people take such advantage of Val.”

James! Thanks for asking! The reason?! Because I LET them!

I will even go one step further and say that I have continued CREATING relationships where people expect a lot from me. I mean a lot. They are also not used to me asking them for much of anything.

My sucky negotiating has shown up not only in my law practice but all over my personal life. The result?! Here are some recent scenarios:

Scenario One: The “all-inclusive” rent for my two tenants has somehow morphed into five people staying in their two-bedroom suite. This suite is located in the home in which I live. Meanwhile, I continue to pay for the hydro, the gas, the water, all of it included in their rent for two people. My once green grassy lawn now looks like an overused baseball pitch because of all the foot traffic.
Scenario Two: I am in a dispute with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He is meeting with his divorce lawyer to resolve the matter. For the first time ever I have stood up to him regarding finances. Our separation agreement requires that I provide him with a final lump sum amount of funds. I am in a position to pay him now. He is absolutely furious (and totally surprised) that I am requiring that he pay to me the child support that he owes, child support that he has not paid one cent of despite us having a written agreement that he is to have been paying it for the past 2 ½ years and counting.
Scenario Three: I paid a person to help me launch my digital coaching business. I committed to work with and pay this person for a full year. The business did not launch but I kept paying them significant funds anyway.
Scenario Four: The profit share I arranged with one of my associates was so lopsided in their favour that it left me scrambling to meet my own personal and law practice’s expenses, despite the fact that the law firm’s current revenue is excellent;

Those scenarios all relate to me, a person that almost everyone would describe as tremendously assertive and very strong.

The consequences of those scenarios are not financial consequences, but personal. I have started feeling resentful as HELL. I am ANGRY at some of these people, and yet they have ZERO idea. I am the one who did not stand up for myself.

A mentor of mine, also noticing this “generous” habit said recently, if you get this Val, it will be LIFE CHANGING.

So, I am committed. I am committed to having a conversation with each of these people despite being very UNCOMFORTABLE at the idea.

I have arguments swirling around in my head and listing all the reasons why I am entitled to ask for change.

So, where in your life do you suck at negotiating? What steps will you take to honour you?

In this Episode:

How badly do I suck? [00:00:58]
For years I totally SUCKED at this skill [00:02:45]
I had not realized how little progress I have made after I transformed my practice [00:04:21]
The 4 recent sucky negotiations that I made not only in my law practice but also in my personal life [00:06:59]
Scenario 1 - The “all-inclusive” rent for two persons turned into five persons staying in the suite [00:07:12]
Scenario 2 - Soon-to-be-ex-husband dispute [00:07:54]
Scenario 3 - I paid a person to help me launch my digital coaching business [00:08:55]
Scenario 4 - Lopsided profit sharing that I arranged with my Associates [00:09:11]
The consequences of those scenarios made me resentful as HELL. [00:09:38]
I made a commitment to have a conversation with the people involved despite being UNCOMFORTABLE at the idea [00:10:32]
Where in your life do you suck at negotiating? What steps will you take to honor yourself? [00:13:14]

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One-Step Strategy to Run Your Law Practice from Your Backpack

How much time last week did you spend working “on” your law practice rather than just “in” it?

Here is the strategy for transforming EVERYTHING. Block out time each and every week to work on your law practice rather than just in it. Make the appointment, with yourself, for your business, for your future, and for your life.

In order to have a great life and have a thriving law practice, we have to do more than just work in our law practice doing the billable client work, research, applications, etc. We have to work on it. When I say work on our law practice, I mean designing our law practice so that it runs smoothly for us and our clients, spending time creating our marketing, looking at our numbers, designing our lives, etc.

As I write this, I am still basking in the memory of a very recent 11-day adventure, exploring the Eastern part of the province of British Columbia. This trip was a life dream for me and something I never ever ever never would have imagined as a possibility even as recently as five years ago.

This adventure included me not only exploring the stunning beauty of my province, but I also got to connect with other lawyers, including one lawyer who is part of the Be The Best Divorce Lawyer Signature Program (GREAT to see you Brogan!). I am honoured and excited to see other divorce lawyers who want to do great work, keep their clients happy, and also be purposeful about designing their own lives to include happiness and fun.

I live by the ocean, and I mean, right by it. I also love love love being in the mountains, particularly when those mountains happen to be near a ski hill. I am a very sloooooow skier and very sloooooow snowboarder, having been 42 years old when I first learned to snowboard. I do, however, love the sport. I love being in the mountains. I love the whole energy around a ski hill, the whole purpose of which is to have fun.

Last year, I received some spiritual guidance that I should consider relocating, at least part of the time to the East Kootenays, about 600 miles (almost 1,000) from my home in Victoria, British Columbia.

If you know anything about me, you will know that for years, I worked from 8 am to 6pm straight through, with zero left over, in terms of time, energy, or “bandwidth” for my family, my health or my happiness. I certainly had zero time to work on my practice.

Who has got time for navel gazing I said?!

I was too busy trying to dig myself out of my impending financial catastrophe that I could not figure out how to do anything different.

My business coach recommended that I take a full day off to work on my business, rather than just in it. I thought that was ridonculous. Who has got time for that?!

I did know, however, that if anything was going to change, I would have to start somewhere. So, I started. I took an hour on Friday afternoons to work on my law practice. It seemed stressful that I was taking time away from client work, which provided the much-needed revenue to keep things afloat.

I didn’t even know what to do or where to start in terms of working “on” my practice.

I got started by writing out some checklists for the stuff we did over and over again each day. I also started thinking about what made my law practice unique, and, of course, thinking about how I could design things to run smoother (at the time, nothing was running smoothly!).

I eventually expanded that working on my business time on Fridays to become all of each Friday. Fridays are my day to work on my business (now businesses, including Be the Best Divorce Lawyer). I am bullish about protecting my Fridays. Although, for me clients always come first, so if we need to schedule court, or a meeting that only works on that day, I will do it. This happens rarely. Otherwise, Fridays are always 100% my time to work on my business.

Fridays are blocked out in my calendar. It is an appointment that I don’t miss. Would you schedule a court date and not show up?! Would you miss a scheduled surgery? Of course not! That is how important my Fridays are.

I know for sure that I never would have been able to create the freedom I have created unless I made the time to work on my business. It is as a result of blocking out Fridays that I made changes like these:

My firm went paperless;
We started using cloud-based versions of all the necessary software we use saving us a ton of money in IT support, and making it much easier to practice law without being tied to the office;
I saved tons of money each month because I got rid of maintaining an old “server” that we no longer needed;
I engaged in simple and effective marketing efforts making us the “go to” lawyers in our area;
I reduced the amount of rent I was paying because I rented a smaller (but way nicer) physical office;
I discovered many financial leaks that I was able to easily fix; and Oh so many other things.

When I was able to make changes in my practice my life changed huge!

When I blocked off the weekly appointment time for working on my practice things really started to transform. Now, I get to:

Exercise daily;
Delegate stuff that I should not be doing;
Only see clients starting at 10 am, thus leaving my mornings for my spiritual practice, exercise, designing life so I can continually up-level;
Take Fridays off entirely from client work;
Look after my finances in a way I never dreamed; and
Dream big into the next level of my life that I am creating.

Schedule Your Weekly Time to Work on Your Practice!

At the risk of an overused saying we see on a certain brand: JUST DO IT!

I promise that things will not change for you until you take this step.

Designing the practice and life of your dreams is not something that you will wait to “get around to” one day, because that one day will never happen.

When something is important like this, you gotta schedule it.

Now, before you get onto the next thing after reading or listening to this, open your calendar and set a recurring appointment and let NOTHING get in the way of it.

Much much love,

Val

In this Episode:

The One-Step Strategy [00:02:37]
What became of my 11-day Adventure [00:03:08]
Why would I take on this journey in the middle of work week? [00:04:12]
Fridays are blocked out on my calendar. Here’s why. [00:05:56]
I made changes as a result for blocking out Fridays. [00:06:44]
When I was able to make changes in my practice, my life changed. [00:07:50]
Schedule your weekly time to work on your practice. [00:09:24]

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The Guy Who Ruined EVERYTHING!

As I write this, I am sitting on a cobble-stone patio in Kimberley, British Columbia about 580 miles from where I live. I am in Kimberley even though I still worked on my law practice all week, serving clients. It has been a huge adventure and I have seen parts of my home province that I have never seen before.

For the past 10 days I was able to practice law and run my coaching business from my laptop. My office now fits in my purse. I have taken this journey by ferry, car, city bus, private airplane, hitchhiking and taxi.

Taking a journey like this in the middle of the week, while I was still working in my law practice, is something I never would have realized as a possibility a few short years ago.

So many of us divorce lawyers work our butts off, burning the candle at both ends so to speak, without even questioning that there can be a better way.

I worked for years not questioning the structure of my work. I did not have time for much of anything. I assumed that I could rest, look after myself, and be happy once I got to retirement, or the weekend, or my once annual 10 days’ off.

I come from a working-class background and I had always assumed that working extremely hard until retirement was simply the “way it was.” All the lawyers at the first law firm I worked at worked long hours, took limited vacations and rarely went a whole weekend without being in the office. It was “just the way it was.”

I believed that it was my lot to always be working long hours, to be living in a state of constant chaos, and to be experiencing regular crushing stress and anxiety.

I accepted all of it. It was “just the way it was,” I put my head down, went to work, and kept at it.

Then all hell broke loose.

I read the Four-Hour Work Week, a book written by Tim Ferris.

And he ruined everything!

Tim Ferris, who coined the word, “life design” made me question everything about the way I structured my work, my life, my contribution, and my happiness.

Now I had a whole new level of misery.

When I thought it was just the “way it was” I did not question the life I was leading.

Ferris’ own story is that he removed himself from his own “successful” company. He was working insanely long hours, was profoundly miserable, and saw no end in sight to the drag that was his life. He purposefully created and designed a life doing what he loves, that is learning and traveling.

By the way, Ferris actually works a heck of a lot more than 4 hours per week. He has, however, created what many would see as a dream life. He travels, is an angel investor, writes books, and has a really interesting podcast. He makes the world a better place every day.

Ferris had the guts to call out the mainstream of what is expected of people and what is supposed to mean “success” in our overall western society.

He points out that people want to become wealthy because they want to have the experiences of what people believe wealthy people experience. He suggests that you can design a life of your choosing. If you do not have the typical trappings of “success,” as in the big car with the big lease payment, the huge mortgage, etc. that you can create and design a lifestyle on your own terms.

Ferris makes the daring suggestion that we not postpone living until our retirements, that we start living large in the moment, and start doing so immediately.

Ferris has revolutionized the way many professionals think about our work.

I was so ticked off because his message applied to me and made me rethink everything about my life and career. I was living a ridiculous life.

An accountant I know (who only works three hours per day, and who spends the rest of his time doing what he loves, golfing, working out, and spending time in nature) said to me recently, “Tim Ferriss saved my life.”

Prior to reading Tim Ferris this friend was an accountant working and\ living in Toronto working 60+ hour weeks with a long commute. He doesn’t own a lot, and to an outsider he lives the lifestyle of a tremendously wealthy person.

When I first read his book, I said to myself, “Oh, easy for you to say Tim Ferris! You don’t know what it is like to be a divorce lawyer with clients, and real problems.”

He ruined everything for me. The problem is that he was right.

It took a while, but I did start to take a really hard look at my life.

Ferris freed me up from the idea that I could do something other than the drudgery of exhausting work, long hours, and no time. He freed me up from the life I had thought I was expected to live.

And here I am hanging out In Kimberley, British Columbia having a blast. I don’t see clients until 10 am and take off most Fridays from my law practice. As you know I walk in the woods almost every day, and I finally have time for workouts (dang, no excuses!)

This lifestyle change did not happen right away for me, however, when I got purposeful about designing my life, I took small steps that have amounted to a huge difference.

I am literally living the life I never imagined was even a possibility a few short years ago.

So, I gotta say thank you Tim Ferris. Thanks for ruining everything!

In this Episode:

What’s it like for me to be working while traveling for the past 10 days [00:00:42]
All hell broke loose [00:02:54]
Four-Hour Work Week, a book written by Tim Ferris [00:04:41]
You can design a life of your choosing [00:06:53]
He ruined everything for me. The problem is that he was right! [00:07:52]
I am literally living the life I never imagined was even a possibility [00:09:57]

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Why Being Purposefully Ignorant Can be a Great Thing

I have this friend named Heather. She knows so many things. She has renovated her entire house. She not only designed it, but she also did a lot of the work herself. When she got her new dishwasher she actually read the manual so she would know exactly how to load the dishwasher in the most efficient and effective way. If she needs plumbing fixed, she will first try to do it herself before calling a plumber. Most of the time she does not end up needing the plumber. Or the electrician. Or the Maytag repairman so to speak.

Heather knows how to tile her own bathroom. She is a great cook, cooking most of her meals from scratch. She knows first aid. She knows a ton about eating wild plants. She tends to her cottage-style garden and holds a job teaching gymnastics. She even spent a year learning circus arts at Cirque du Soleil. She went off to Mexico for a year once or twice to learn Spanish. She knows how to go camping when it is snowing. Just recently she took up hang gliding.

Heather is an extraordinarily skilled, curious, and knowledgeable person who discovers new things about the world every day and does so in a very wide variety of areas.

I love Heather. I respect her too. She is uber smart.

I am also not anything like Heather.

I don’t KNOW a whole lot about a lot of things.

I don’t know HOW to do a whole lot of things.

I also do not want to.

For example, I don’t pay attention to what is happening on the news. Sure people have been critical of me for that. People say I need to know what is going on in the world. Do I really? I don’t think so. I always say if something really big happens . . . I will hear about it I am sure. When the worldwide Coronavirus started in 2020, guess what!? I heard about it.

I also used to feel kind of bad about the fact that I was so ignorant about so much.

When I was still in university, I lived with roommates and we all made minimum wage. Despite having very little money, we pooled our resources so we could have a house cleaner. When I finished law school and eventually no longer needed roommates there was NO WAY I was giving up on having a house cleaner.

Coming from my working-class background, having a house cleaner seemed decadent and snobby. Of course, I was willing to live with the guilt of it rather than actually clean the house. I justified this decadence because I have never been a good cleaner.

The real truth is, I don’t want to be a good housecleaner. I don’t want to clean my house at all.

I used to feel kind of bad about the fact that I focused on what I knew about, but knew and did very little else.

I am a person who has earned three university degrees. Yet, I have often seen people’s eyes go round when they discover how little I know for someone who is supposedly so well-educated.

I not only lack many skills that others take for granted. I also don’t KNOW a lot of things that other people think I should. I harken back to the time when I thought Kosovo (the partially recognized state in southeastern Europe) was a hockey team. There was a war going on in Kosovo at the time. Or when Heather and I were on a rural holiday. I was looking up into the dark night of bright stars and dreamily asked “Do you think anyone is REALLY up there?” Heather says, “Val! Really?! You don’t KNOW about the Space Station?” (I didn’t). Or when I moved to Toronto and was not aware that the Blue Jays were a baseball team. The list goes on and on.

I used to feel sort of guilty about not knowing about all the things. I was simply deficient in that I could not and would not want to learn how to do oh so many things that people took for granted in terms of adult skills. Or things every adult contributing to society should know.

Then I discovered a book that took my guilt and bad feelings about what I used to see as a deficiency away. I read (actually I listened to it in Audible), a book called Essentialism by Greg McKeown.

Now I don’t feel guilty at all. In fact, I feel GREAT about the fact that in our ever-increasingly complicated world, I am what Greg McKeown refers to as an essentialist.

My friend Heather, who is amazing, is not a divorce lawyer. She is not an essentialist. She doesn’t want to be one either.

However, if you are a divorce lawyer wanting to run a thriving practice then you should NOT be a Heather, but an essentialist.

To survive and thrive as a divorce lawyer you want to be an essentialist.

What is an Essentialist?

An essentialist is someone who knows about and does less ON PURPOSE.

Because I am an Essentialist (yay, lucky me, who would have KNOWN it could be a thing?!), this means I continue to choose to do the things I am good at, to discover the things that bring me joy, and do what is necessary, but only those things.

The rest, I either delegate, or ignore. Yep, it is that easy.

The essential (get it?!) point of McKeown’s work is that an essentialist does less, but does that less better. McKeown says that once you stop trying to do it all you can make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter in your life and for your goals.

It is after discovering McKeown’s work that my law firm stopped doing other kinds of legal work other than family law. We focused on what we are really good at. I also got others to do my legal research because I HATE doing legal research.

It is after discovering this work that I stopped feeling bad (and in fact felt quite good about) the fact that I don’t want to clean my house (or do many other chores that most people who are adulting do).

I started looking at all the other parts of my life I could simplify or delegate or not even be concerned about.

In my personal life, I hired someone to run errands for me, someone to mow my lawn, and someone to do big grocery runs.

When I got really serious about simplifying, delegating and ignoring, I had way more time to truly focus on what makes my soul sing. I do what I am really good at. I continue my work as a family law lawyer. I run my law firm. I help other divorce lawyers have ethical and successful law practices. I have time and energy for my own family and, of course, time for my health, fitness and happiness.

So, I ask, what can you delegate, get rid of, or not pay attention to so that you can focus on what truly matters?

In this Episode:

Let me tell you about my friend Heather who knows many things [00:00:38]
I am not anything like Heather [00:02:35]
I used to feel bad because I was so ignorant about so much [00:04:13]
I used to feel bad because I focused on what I knew and did very little else [00:05:40]
I used to feel guilty about not knowing all the things [00:07:53]
I discovered a book called Essentialism by Greg McKeown [00:08:22]
What is an Essentialist? [00:09:06]
After discovering McKeown’s work, we focused on what we are really good at [ 00:12:51]
I had way more time to truly focus on what makes my soul sing [00:14:11]

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Are you Starving Your Soul?

I had the fortune of being adopted by the Hemminger family, first coming to them via the foster care system as a baby. My parents, Elma and Julius Hemminger, were kind, fun, and very big-hearted people. They were also very wise.

I am not a Christian. I used to, however, marvel at my Mom, Elma’s tremendous faith in who she called God. Her faith and prayers filled her soul. There was no question about it.

Whenever Elma felt sad or fearful, she prayed. She prayed when she worried about one of her children. She prayed when she worried about finances. She prayed because the very act of doing so nourished her.

Elma totally and thoroughly believed that God was listening to her. She also believed that God loved her and every other person on our planet because “God didn’t make no junk.”

On Sundays, Elma went to church, and later on in life, when she was less mobile, she watched church programs on the television.

Everything about Elma’s faith was of huge importance to her until the day she died.

The kind of Christianity Elma believed in didn’t seem to follow any particular sort of rule book. She simply “knew” that there was a God, and that he was in charge and that he loved us and forgave us for everything.

During Elma’s last months and weeks on this planet, she was content and looking forward to her upcoming journey. She had zero fear about dying. She had no question as to where she was going next. She said, “I am going back to God’s house and I am going to be with your Dad again (my Dad passing many years before).”

Throughout her lifetime, Elma did many other things that filled her soul. She loved raising children. She enjoyed watching her soap operas.She loved big family dinners. She loved playing cards and dice (she loved it even more when she won). She loved to laugh.

Elma did not learn how to read until she was 70 years old. Once she learned to read, she read pretty much every “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book she could get her hands on.

Although not well-educated, Elma was a profoundly wise person. Throughout her lifetime, she made the things that nourished and fed her soul her priority. She did those things every day.

I compare this to my own choices in life and those of so many of my colleagues.

I am referring to those depressingly tedious and “soul-sucking” activities.

Here is the big problem. Many of us spend way too much time in those “soul-sucking” activities and not enough in the activities that nourish us.

For divorce lawyers, it might be acting for toxic clients, doing trial work, or doing legal research. For everyone, their soul-sucking and soulful activities are different.

Also, have you considered delegating the stuff that drains you?!

Just because something drains all of the energy out of your being (a strong hint that you should not be doing it) does not mean that it is the same energy drain for someone else. For example, I work with a guy who LOVES doing legal research. I can’t stand doing it. So, guess who gets the legal research projects in my practice?!

Because we work in the family law industry, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of doing the things that matter to us uniquely, things that nourish us.

For you, what are your soul-filling activities?

Have you structured your life so you can do those activities every day?

For me, walking in the woods nourishes me completely. I have a theory. No matter what my day is like, if I go for a walk in nature, my whole day (and my experience of that day) improves. I have tested this theory hundreds and even thousands of times. To date, my theory has ALWAYS been correct.

I had to rearrange my life and schedule to fit in this one thing that matters to me so very much.

What nourishes your soul?

Here are some things that nourish mine:

Hiking in nature (duh, of COURSE I said that);
Watching ridiculous funny movies;
Reading great books (currently hooked on David Sedaris yet again);
Listening to audiobooks (I listen to them all the time when driving, walking, doing dishes, you name it);
Snowboarding (even though I am slow, oh so very slow)
Making great soup;
Taking road trips;
Sharing with my daughter stories about my childhood;
Writing articles like this one; and
Cuddling with my not so cuddly terrier, named Inu.

We are all different. What nourishes my soul may not nourish yours.

Take a piece of wisdom from Elma and the way she lived on this planet.

Do what nourishes you. Do at least one thing that nourishes you every single day. Nourish your soul now (not one day after you retire, or only on the weekends, or after you have worked a very long day and you are tired . . . you get the idea).

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

A little background of my life particularly my Mom, Elma. [00:00:44]
Those depressingly tedious and “soul-sucking” activities [00:05:33]
Have you considered delegating the stuff that drains you? [00:07:18]
Have you structured your life so you can do those activities every day? [00:07:56]
What nourishes your soul? Here are some things that nourish mine. [00:09:06]
We are all different. What nourishes my soul may not nourish yours. [00:11:04]

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Be More Like Donald Trump!

One of the first business books I ever read was supposedly written by Donald Trump. I don’t even remember the title.

I feel like I should explain myself a little. This was in about 2011 or so . I knew almost nothing about this Trump guy but had started my journey to learn more about being a business owner. At the time my law practice was struggling.

I am not a television watcher, so I had not seen Donald Trump on television. It was way before he became president. It was way before he was exposed for sexual harassment, assaults, and the like. It was way before he incited a riot on Capitol Hill.

At the time I read the book, I had absolutely no idea (nor did anyone) that he would go on to become the laughing stock of our planet and do so much to discredit the role of “Mr. President.”

At the time, one business book looked pretty much like any other, so I bought it and read it.

I do, however, remember two things that stood out for me about that book.

Donald Trump was horrendous about the way he spoke of his employees; He said, “don’t trust anyone! NOT ever! Watch their every move like a hawk!”

“Ew,” I said to myself. There is no way I will be paranoid about the people I work with every day!

The other big thing I remember is that Trump (supposedly, if he actually wrote the book) said, PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BUSINESS -- ALL THE DETAILS. Trump said that if you have a business, you MUST pay attention to every little thing. For him, it was finding chipped paint in a lobby on one of his properties or a dying plant that needed to sprucing up, and, of course, he said he paid detailed attention to every one of his expenses and had a clear idea of his revenue at all times!

As you read this, you may be thinking what I was thinking when I read that book.

Who has got time to micromanage all the details of my law practice?! Not me! I am way too busy for that crap. I have got clients to look after, court cases to prepare for, and cases to resolve!

So, although it kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth, I have to admit that Trump was right about something. It is CRITICAL to pay attention. It is critical to pay attention to your business, your staff, your numbers, and your costs!

By 2016, I had significant revenues, but I NEVER seemed to have enough money in the bank! Despite my law practice’s great revenues, I was still struggling to pay for all the costs associated with my law practice.

That is when it REALLY landed for me. I needed to pay more attention to my law practice’s expenditures, and I had to pay better attention to my staff.

When I started paying attention, WHOA did I discover some IMPORTANT information:

I found that some of my staff, and more than one of them (yes, people I cared about and was connected to) were padding their hours . . . and I mean padding them A LOT. I mean, I was paying regular overtime for one employee who was often not working . . . and in case you are wondering, these people do NOT still work for me.

I discovered that an employee of mine was using my law practice’s credit card to do their own personal shopping on Amazon! (It was pretty heartbreaking actually and yet, I take responsibility because, for a long time, they could count on ME NOT PAYING ATTENTION)

I discovered tons and tons of unnecessary costs on old software licenses we were not using, backing up a costly and outdated server, and being charged unfair fees by our IT Support. The list went on and on.

When I started paying attention, my staff costs (by far my most significant expense) went down significantly, as did my other expenditures, thus leaving more money in my jeans.

So, contrary to Trump, I do still trust my staff, and I do still trust my associates; however, they know I am paying attention to all the moving parts of my law practice. It has been life-changing and profit-changing!

This has been a MASSIVE learning for me.

Ask this yourself today:

Are you paying attention to your numbers?
Do you have a weekly accounting of your revenue, your expenditures, your staff’s time? Do you regularly check the credit card statements to find out what money is being spent on?
Do you have a firm scorecard setting out all of these things?

When I started paying attention, it changed our firm’s entire culture, and in a good way.

In this Episode:

A Book by Donald Trump that inspired me [00:00:41]
The two things that stood out for me about that book [00:02:32]
Pay attention to your business, all the details. [00:03:08]
What I discovered when I paid attention to my business [00:05:23]
This has been a massive learning for me [00:08:44]
Ask yourself these questions [00:09:55]

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Don't be a DICK!

In order to qualify to work for my law firm, Pathway Legal Law Corporation, the Associate lawyers must commit to taking dispute resolution training. This is training that goes way beyond anything we were taught in law school. It is skills-based mediation training.

Why?

Dispute resolution training makes family law lawyers way better at what we do:

It teaches us about how to negotiate with difficult people;
It teaches us how to explore the interests of our clients that are behind their positions;
It helps us understand and then deal with opposing parties more powerfully;
It helps us discuss and resolve matters more effectively with opposing lawyers;
It teaches us to be way better negotiators; and, if we have to go to court,
It teaches us to be way better litigators.

I am a firm believer that the more compassionate and understanding I am of my clients and their needs, the way better advocate I am going to be for them. The more I can get my client to imagine being in the shoes of their ex-spouse, for example, the more I am able to get them closer to resolving their family law matter.

Personally, I have done a lot of dispute resolution training. That training has helped me get really good at my job.

And, because I am an imperfect person, I remain an imperfect lawyer.

I pride myself a very practically-minded and solutions-based lawyer who guides her clients through the family process. I am respectful in my communications with opposing parties and with opposing counsel.

At least most of the time. And then there are the times I fail. There are times when I completely and 100% totally fail to be that respectful communicator I pride myself on being.

I am thinking of this one time, fairly recently, where I noticed that (this young and inexperienced) lawyer had filed court documents suing my client and was completely out of time to file them. I am thinking to myself, “Who the heck is this young whipper-snapper who obviously doesn’t know ANYTHING.”

So, I jumped up on my very high horse and I phoned up this young whipper-snapper to tell him a thing or to and to set him straight. I pointed out his error. I was NOT nice about it. I ACTUALLY said, “What kind of DICK move was that?!”

PRO TIP: When doing dispute resolution training, the above kind of example is what we are taught NOT to say or do. In fact, it is an example of what the dispute resolution folks would call poor communication, and NOT HELPFUL in resolving a matter for your client!

So, there I am all up on my high horse and feeling quite proud of myself for being there showing him! Sure enough, this young whipper-snapper reminded me that some limitation dates had been extended due to the pandemic. He was not at all out of time. The only person who was wrong was me.

“Who is the Dick now?!” I said to myself as I was climbing right back down off my high-horse and eating a whole bunch of humble pie on the way down.

So interesting that the second I got up on my high-horse about to tell this young lawyer and was not at all good in my communication it back-fired and I mean immediately!

We have to remember to model great behaviour and communication to our clients and colleagues. Even when we think we are right! Even when we are absolutely SURE we are in the right.

So, my lesson in all of this? Instead of being a Dick, I could have simply gotten curious and RESPECTFULLY asked the question . . . “Aren’t you out of time on this?”

This would have been better for my relationship with this lawyer, resulting in more movement towards resolution for my client. So obvious right?

Plus climbing up on a high horse only to climb right back down again is exhausting.

Much love,

Val

In this Episode:

Dispute Resolution Training for Family Law Lawyers [00:00:37]
Why it makes family law lawyers be better at what we do [00: 01:17]
The time I totally failed to be that respectful communicator [00:03:15]
PRO TIP when doing dispute resolution training [00:06:50]
“Who is the Dick now?!” [00:07:55]
The second I got up on my high-horse, it back-fired immediately [00:08:21]
My lesson in all of this. [00:09:17]

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Managing the Toxic Client - The Tale of Rotten Ralph

We have all had that one terrible, toxic, client.. It is that one particular client you dread talking to. The one that when you speak to him (or her or they), you feel your energy drain out of you. Your mind feels clogged after speaking with him. You start wondering why you thought becoming a divorce lawyer would EVER be a good idea . . .

Let me tell you about Rotten Ralph.

Rotten Ralph is a particular client. He also happens to be the one that doesn’t take your advice, he takes unreasonable positions, he complains about each and every one of your invoices, he takes up an inordinate amount of your staff’s time, and is, on top of it, rude. He is rude to you and, even worse, rude to your support staff. He also happens to believe he knows more about the law and the legal process than you do.

We have all had our share of Rotten Ralphs.

Rotten Ralph is DIFFICULT to love.

In my practice, one particular Rotten Ralph comes to mind. I have tried to work with Rotten Ralph over the last number of months. Rotten Ralph’s ex-spouse is, in a word, REASONABLE. The lawyer on the other side is, in a word, REASONABLE. Their most recent offer to Rotten Ralph is, in a word, REASONABLE.

Yet, Rotten Ralph will not back down from his position. Which is, essentially, NOT reasonable.

Even thinking about Rotten Ralph drains my energy.
I woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning to the sound of the birds singing in my garden . . . and then . . thoughts of Rotten Ralph entered my brain.

The Real Cost of Keeping Rotten Ralph as a Client:

I am sure that as you read this you are thinking of the Rotten Ralphs in your practice.

Although Rotten Ralph does eventually pay his invoices, and yet, when I see that I am to meet with him on my calendar, I feel an instant drain of energy.

Bluntly, I just don’t like him.

Your Rotten Ralph is also likely a source of stress, and an energy drain, not only for you, but for your support staff.

Maybe you are also like me in that you always want to see your client’s matters through to the end resolution. The thing is that up until very recently, I have always done everything possible to see my client’s files through to the end resolution. I believed that if I was hired for a job, that I should finish it. This meant that I should finish the case. I would get that client to the finish line, that is with a final agreement or court order. I would do whatever it takes for my clients to make that happen, including the Rotten Ralphs of this world.

Rotten Ralphs, Even if they Pay, Are Not Clients Worth Keeping:

You know that terrible feeling when your stomach is upset because of a stomach bug or a flu? How you feel so nauseous and gross and then when you finally THROW UP (vomit, PURGE, expel . . . you get the idea) the sickness from your body you feel SO MUCH BETTER?!

I am inviting you to PURGE the Rotten Ralphs of your law practice and do it sooner rather than later. Act fast.

I take heed from a lawyer in my City who I respect a lot. He has a different approach to the Rotten Ralphs of his practice. He first attempts to work with Rotten Ralph and reframe their relationship in a way that is more respectful. If that doesn’t work, he fires his Rotten Ralph. NO apologies. He simply writes a letter to Rotten Ralph telling him that he is no longer prepared to act.

Well, duh! I thought. It seems so obvious now doesn’t it?!
Who says I have to continue to represent Rotten Ralph at all costs?! Sure he is paying his bills (albeit begrudgingly) and yet, the COST of him is greater than he is worth.

It is Rotten Ralph who is making the poor decisions about his case. Not you. He is creating his own mess and you are not required to be part of it.

Some lawyers fight to hold on to their clients. Especially when those clients pay their bills. But the problem is, hanging onto the Rotten Ralph’s of this world is not good for you, it is not good for your business, it is not good for your team, and it is not good for your health.

Do you think for a SECOND Rotten Ralph will leave you and your team a positive review?!

Keeping the Rotten Ralph’s of this world are not good for your finances either.

If you get rid of Rotten Ralph, that will open up the space in your practice for other, more pleasant, more grateful clients, ones that are easier to work with, ones that inspire you, ones that leave you feeling good about the work you do.

Lifting the Burden:

When I finally PURGED my most recent Rotten Ralph, I felt immediate relief.

The emotional, physical, and mental drain caused by the Rotten Ralphs of this world will keep you from enjoying your job, impact the work you do for other clients, and eat up time and energy you could devote to getting better, more grateful, and much more pleasant clients.

To make room for better, more lucrative clients, you have to be willing to let go of the ones that hold you back and drain your energy.

What to do:

Here is how to deal with the Rotten Ralphs in 4-short steps:

Recognize a Rotten Ralph when you see one;
Have a frank discussion with Rotten Ralph (and document in a letter) to see if the relationship can be repaired (let’s face it, sometimes people going through a divorce do not even realize how their behaviour impacts others, so you may want to give them a chance to repair things); and
If it doesn’t work, PURGE him; Get rid of him quickly, get rid of him elegantly, and get rid of him ethically.
Make sure you write out our reasons in a letter to the Rotten Ralph.

Remember Timing is Everything:

Of course it goes without saying you can’t dump a client on the eve before a hearing or in the middle of a trial . . . (I am thinking of a Rotten Ralph I have had recently and the fact that I could not walk because I was knee deep in lengthy litigation).

If you have a question or concern about the ethics of purging your own Rotten Ralph, discuss it with your Bar Association, a mentor, or another colleague.

And one more thing to remember . . . just because someone is your Rotten Ralph, he may not be a Rotten Ralph to a colleague of yours. Now, I am not suggesting you dump Rotten Ralph on your trusted colleagues, I am saying simply that he may not have the same relationship with another lawyer.

My challenge to you this week is . . . give yourself the gift of purging the Rotten Ralph in your legal practice . . .

Much love,
Val

In This Episode:

Let me tell you about Rotten Ralph [00:01:16]
Rotten Ralph is DIFFICULT to love [00:02:29]
The Real Cost of Keeping Rotten Ralph as a Client [00:04:16]
Rotten Ralphs, Even if they Pay, Are Not Clients Worth Keeping [00:05:54]
Lifting the Burden [00:10:15]
How to deal with the Rotten Ralphs in 3-short steps [00:11:01]
Remember Timing is Everything [00:15:17]

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Gazing Into the Crystal Ball That is Your Future

The fact that you are reading means that you probably want to have more for your life than you do right now.

Maybe you are just like me, a hopelessly driven person who has had some hard-ass bumps in the road, so to speak.

Because you, like me, are a divorce lawyer, you are probably used to at least some success. You got into law school, you got your law degree, and you passed your bar.

And maybe as you are reading this, you, like me, also want to enjoy more success than you already have.

I know that my life started kinda going off the rails as soon as I got called to the bar. I had “arrived” after all . . . so all the discipline, great habits I developed, started to falter. Because I had “arrived,” I started to take it easy . . . this meant that I drank every night. I stopped looking after my physical body. I ate out at restaurants every day. I overspent using consumer credit. I worked during the day and partied on nights and weekends.

It was an endless loop of working hard during the day and then playing playing playing.

Sure, I had lots of fun, but I always seemed to be repeating yesterday.

Each day was more of the same.

Now that I think about it . . . how ELSE was it going to turn out?! There was absolutely no other possibility that things were going to go off the rails eventually. Sheesh, I marvel at the fact that I was actually surprised when things fell apart.

It was not until I bit off more than I could financially chew that I got off the endless loop of monotony and saw other possibilities. I did not come to this realization through what felt like Divine Inspiration but through sheer terror instead. I was sooooo stressed and fearful!

Because of the sheer desperation regarding my finances, Law Society problems, marital problems, and suffering health, that I began to explore the possibility that my life could look different than it had been looking. I had tons and tons and tons of growth opportunities.

What I realized is that I wanted to grow and expand. I wanted to boost my income. I wanted to experience a healthy body again. I wanted to have enjoyable relationships. More than anything, I wanted to have a tangible impact on what I see as the very broken and toxic industry of family law. It occurred to me that I have a choice about how I approach my work. I have a choice about the way I serve my clients. I choose the kind of life I want to live and the impact I want to make.

Maybe you are like I used to be and feel trapped in your life and feel as if you have no choice. Well, you do. Putting it bluntly, if I can turn my ship around, you can too.

The irony is that I would not change a thing.

So, what about you?

How bad does it have to get before you stop repeating yesterday?

Here is the big question, if you lived your life for the next three years the exact same way you lived this past week, what will your life look like three years from now? When I say the same way I mean:

You ate the same food;
You worked the same hours;
You helped the same clients;
You exercised (or not) the same amount;
You consumed the same amount of alcohol;
You interacted with your spouse the same way;
You interacted with your kids the same way . . .

I asked this question of one of my coaching clients recently, and their eyes opened wide, and not in a good way. Seeing the realization wash over them.

As a result, this client is in action. This client is building the foundation of creating the life of law practice of their dreams . . .

Maybe you are not ready to jump on a Breakthrough call with me yet. If you are, great! Here is the link: @@

Maybe I am not your answer right yet; however, the very fact that you are here, tells me that you are exploring expansion in your life somehow. The point is to do something to move you forward . . . is it learning a new skill? Is it reading a book you always wanted to just for the fun of it? Is it about taking time to move your body? . . . what is it for you?!

In This Episode:

You probably want to have more for your life than you do right now. [00:00:36]
You, like me, also want to enjoy more success than you already have. [00:01:22]
Endless loop of working hard [00:02:11]
If I can turn my ship around, you can too. [00:05:20]
The irony is that I would not change a thing. [00:07:01]

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Do Your Clients Own Your Brain and Suck Your Blood?

Has this ever happened or has been happening to you:

Do your clients own your brain and even worse, do they suck the blood out of you?

I think about this trial I've had recently. When I got a message from the trial scheduler saying that my matter will not be proceeding as scheduled, I felt a wave of relief wash over me.

The entire lens of my day changed for the better!

It made me realize, while I was already past the moments of dreading my trials… This particular case really hurt the vibrancy, the lifeblood, the force of me, of my team of my firm, and has also actually owned our thoughts.

Listen to the entire episode to find out how this happened, where I went wrong and what I’d do differently to actually be able to be strategic about moving forward and having time to put a case together properly.

In This Episode:

Going back to when I was a server [00:00:44]
Blood sucking -- No juice [00:01:46]
I felt a wave of relief after my trial unexpectedly called away [00:03:05]
I thought I was supposed to be passed the BS of dreading my trials [00:04:52]
Here is where I went wrong [00:05:24]
I broke my own rule and took on a trial with 10-days notice [00:06:54]
I worked evenings and weekends just to help a client [00:07:30]
Even my staff were exhausted and creeping into my weekend time [00:08:15]
The client was beyond amazed & grateful and thought we were the most amazing ever… But NOT so much [00:09:14]
Are we desperate for money? No, we weren’t. [00:09:37]
Just because we’re a new firm do we need the influx of cash? No, we don’t. [00:10:04]

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Your Great Work Is Not Only Killing Your Future, It Is Making You Broke

Will you allow working evenings and weekends, compromising your health and family relationships to be the cost of your great work?

In this episode, I’d like to share with you how the blood, sweat, and tears you shed to do great work can actually kill your future and make you broke… and what you can do to avoid this.

Listen to the entire episode to learn how you can make changes to your life and law practice for the better and continue to build the foundation of your career with a transformational step.

In This Episode:

Are You Benefitting From Your Blood, Sweat, Weekend Work And Tears? [00:01:12]
A Person Could Spend The Rest Of Their Lives Working Will Miss Out A Whole Lot Of Health, Family, Connection and Happiness [00:02:05]
Your Law Employer Does Not Care About You [00:03:45]
Is It The Jerk Partner Or Owner In Your Law Firm Or You? [00:05:57]
Getting Great Reviews But Only To Find Out Its For The Firm [00:07:59]
Clients May Go To A Firm, But Really They Are Going To A Lawyer – Make Sure You Are Building Up The YOU Brand [00:11:45]
Where Will You Be Three Years From Now If You Stay On The Same Track? [00:16:17]
If You Change Nothing Then How Are You Going To Make Changes In Your Life And Law Practice For The Better? [00:17:11]

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Unbreaking The Broken Family Industry

If we did away with the toxicity of Family Law disputes, what would happen to our industry?

This is what I wanted to share with you in today’s podcast.

When clients go through a divorce or a separation, they're in a dysfunctional situation and already stressed out. Most of the time they want a lawyer who can get their matter resolved stat. If we are literally stirring the pot and conduct ourselves with the thought that we are paid to fight, that's not helpful at all, is it? This demonstrates something that's very broken about our industry.

What if we were actually to change the whole question of the family law industry? What if we were just guiding people, from the time of their separation to having their family matter resolved in an efficient, appropriate way.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about how we can transition the discussion around Family Law, so that we keep people out of court, out of the toxic disputes and we're able to resolve the matter.

In this Episode:

Analogy Of The Marijuana Industry [00:01:04]
Story About Court System [00:03:22]
People Are Paid [00:04:32]
This Is A Broken Industry [00:06:44]
What If We Were Part Of The Solution [00:08:16]
No Shortage Of Lawyers, But Lack Of Support Professionals [00:09:25]
Pour Gas On Fires [00:10:33]
It’s A Money-Making Thing -- Most People Believe That [00:10:57]
What Is The Answer? [00:12:13]
Don’t Waste Your Client’s Time [00:15:33]

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Minding Your Own Business

When I first started with my firm, I thought I was well on my way. What I didn't realize was that there was more to looking after my own business than practicing law.

In this episode, I want to share with you my thoughts about minding your own business.

Whether we’re running our own firms, or working for a law firm, we have to understand what a business entails. It is in our business to ensure that things are working efficiently and effectively, so we’re not out there putting out one fire after another.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about how we can restructure our practices so that we are better at showing up and minding our businesses.

In This Episode:

I Went Off And Created My Own Firm, Until I Realized [00:01:32]

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From Whoa to Wonder

It was as if I was on the edge of a pool and my nose would go underwater and there was a foot on top of me always pushing my head down.

That’s how everything felt back then. For years, I thought working hard would be the very solution to my failing personal life, marriage, financial situation and health.

In today’s episode let me tell you about my origin story - a gruesome one, filled with so much frustration and devastation.

And how, as I dove deep into my reason for being a divorce lawyer, took on the entire process which helped me turn everything around.

Listen to the entire episode to dive into this tale. I hope this fills you with so much hope and encouragement so you feel empowered to take that step in having the best life and law practice.

In this Episode:

My Origin Story [00:02:05]
I Bite Off Way More Than I Could Chew [00:13:05]
I Learn to Strategize [00:20:37]
Take My Advice and Launch To The Next Level [00:25:25]

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You Are Being Watched

As lawyers, we are essentially “on stage” and we are constantly being watched.

This is the very concept I want to share with you in today’s episode.

Let’s consider the way we are conducting ourselves at the courthouse, at mediations, at four-way meetings, at arbitrations, and even down to the letters and emails we write.

Are we demonstrating a very appropriate way of resolving your clients' matters and coming across as solid advocates? Or are we showing up disorganized and testy?

Clearly, we are always modeling behavior. So how are we going to show up as members of this profession?

I invite you to listen to the entire episode and learn more about how to reflect on our behaviors; and how that can help us change and do much better work for clients in a way that helps families now.

In this Episode:

The Whole Concept Of Being Watched [00:00:19]
Be Aware That People Are Watching Us [00:03:00]
Being Watched Also Teaches Us A Lesson [00:06:47]
Consider It To Be Able To Contribute [00:11:40]

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Are You The Bottle Neck That Is Choking Your Success?

In this episode, I will share with you a big discovery I had over the last few weeks.

Imagine a big bottle. At the very top of it is this little tiny neck and through that neck is all of your decision-making power, all of your time, all of your energy…

If you're the person doing all that stuff, you are certainly the bottleneck of your business!

I realized, being the bottleneck of my business did not make me a great lawyer. This made me tired, testy and unhappy. To top it all off, this did not allow me to focus on what is important.

Listen to the full episode and find out more about how you can transform the way you handle your business so you do not become the bottleneck.

In this Episode:

Are You The Bottleneck That Is Choking Your Work Success? [00:00:23]
Being A Bottleneck Completely Tied Up Everything In My Life And Made Everything Simply Not Work [00:02:56]
Don’t Be The Bottleneck, Give Somebody The Opportunity To Be Empowered [00:13:19]

Resources:

https://www.valhemminger.com/waitlist

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The Divorce Law Industry Is Broken. Are You Part Of The Solution Or Part Of The Problem?

In this episode, I share with you how broken the divorce industry is.

The question that I’d like you to think about is this: Are helping it change for the better, or are you actually contributing to the brokenness of this industry?

I've previously shared with you that we've lost a couple of clients in the last year or so because of the combative situation they are facing.

As lawyers, we have a huge responsibility to ensure that we are mindful of when we are being combative. And to remember our real role as Family Law Lawyers to take this industry that is broken and change it for the better.

Listen to the full episode and find out more about what we can do to help transform this absolutely broken industry.

In this Episode:

I Was In A Very Combative Experience And A High Conflict Matter [00:00:32]

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Combating Loneliness in the Practice of Law

In today’s episode, I had a wonderful conversation with Katie Lipp. She is a law firm owner focusing on employment separation counseling for companies and employees in DC, Maryland and Virginia. Katie also leads Law Practice Queen, where she advocates for female attorneys and law students to level up in their legal careers.

We talked about the capacity of women in the legal industry to own their power. And how this is possible when we are part of a community that provides immense support. It really goes a long way when experienced attorneys and law firm owners can help out law students regarding the ins and outs of the legal industry like building a network and acquiring clients.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about the importance of being part of a community and helping fellow lawyers as well as law students thrive in the legal industry.

In this Episode:

The Law Practice Queen [00:00:53]
How Did It Start [00:03:16]
Law Practice Queen Is To Connect Female Lawyers Globally [00:04:15]
The Two Options In Law [00:11:27]
Create Your Network As Early As Possible Because That's How You'll Get Job Opportunities [00:16:13]
Katie’s Two Groups Are Really Supportive Community For The Legal Industry [00:20:14]
Law Practice Queen Network Membership Launch [00:23:11]

Resources:

Law Practice Queen Business Coaching, LLC: https://www.linkedin.com/company/lawpracticequeen/

Company Websites: http://www.lipplawfirm.com/ & https://www.lawpracticequeen.com/

Katie's LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katielippemploymentlaw/

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Mindfulness-ness Practice Makes You A Better Lawyer

In this episode, I had a meaningful discussion with Claire Parsons. She is a Local Government and School Law Attorney, a Speaker and Best-selling Author and a Certified Meditation Teacher.

We talked about the importance of meditation and how it helps us make sound choices. In our daily lives, our minds are often filled with a myriad of thoughts. And being mindful towards our thoughts and actions go a long way.

Claire also reiterated that when we practice meditation, we form the habit of developing a sense of comfort with the ebbs and flows of our thoughts, and being able to observe them from a distance without passing judgement. From there, it creates a space to sort through what serves us and what would work best for us.

Listen to the full episode so you can learn more about the practice of meditation, how you can make wise choices because of it and how it will help you align with your best life.

In this episode:

What Brought Claire Into Meditation Practice [00:01:45]
What Does Meditation Practice Look Like? [00:03:37]
The Vipassana Meditation [00:05:05]
When You Meditate, You Can Actually Have That Distance To Create That Level of Comfort So That You Can Make Wise Choices Outside Of The Thoughts [00:06:59]
Meditation Practice Is Actually Necessary For You To Even Continue With The Practice Of Law [00:10:22]
Small Things Are Big [00:14:30]
The Loving Kindness Part of Meditation Practice [00:17:55]

Resources:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/claireeparsons/

Personal Website: https://claireeparsons.com/

“Networked” is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3bMAzOH

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/claire_e_parsons/

Website Blog: https://brilliantlegalmind.com/

Facebook Blog: https://www.facebook.com/BrilliantLegalMind

Instagram Blog: https://www.instagram.com/brilliantlegalmind/

Twitter Blog: https://twitter.com/BrilliantLegal1

Networked: How 20 Women Lawyers Overcame the Confines of COVID-19 Social Distancing to Create Connections, Cultivate Community, & Build Businesses in the Midst of a Global Pandemic

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When The Other Parent (And Their Lawyer) Are Assh*les

In today’s episode, I had a remarkable discussion with Christina McGhee, MSW, an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker and author, who has spent most of her career educating parents and professionals on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children.

She's written a book called PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids. Most recently, she worked on a super powerful documentary called Split which discusses the separation effect on the kid.

In our discussion, she mentioned that in the process of uncoupling, it happens very often that problems in the partnership translates to the other party being identified as having a problem with parenting as well. When in reality, they are separate issues.

She also highlighted the importance of having support and access to information to get through the process of divorce well and more quickly. This enables families to make better choices, help keep them grounded, and allow them to take a step back and respond rather than react to situations.

Listen to the full episode and learn more about minimizing separation effects on children and the role Family Law professionals in shaping the experience for parents and for children.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore #podcast #podcastshow #lawyerpodcast #joyfulliving #joyfullife #joyfulmovement #lawyercoach #passiontoprofit #lifeofalawyer #legalprofession

In this episode:

You May Not Have Been Good Together, That Doesn't Mean You Still Can't Be Great Parents Apart [00:02:55]
Communicate To Build Up Things, Instead Of Being Brought Back Down [00:05:06]
Sooner Rather Than Later [00:07:21]
Family Lawyers Have The Ability To Shape The Landscape Of This Experience For Parents And Children [00:09:48]
About The Documentary Film “Split” [00:12:52]
About Christina’s Work [00:15:30]
How Do We Amend Alienation? [00:18:27]

Resources:

Download Christina’s Book called Parenting Apart on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3bhilo2

See this amazing documentary which Christina serves as a Creative Team Member in making the film called Split: https://bit.ly/2MQ6F2l

Website: https://divorceandchildren.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinamcghee/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/christinamcghee

Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids

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How The Owner Of A 150-Person Law Firm Still Has Time For His Family

In this week’s episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Mike Morse, the founder of Mike Morse Law Firm, the largest personal injury law firm in Michigan. He was recently named a #1 Amazon Best-selling author for his book Fireproof and hosts a weekly podcast, Open Mike, where he shares advice on the law and brings important legal topics to the forefront.

Mike highlighted the importance of working on the things that you love to do, where you're great at, and how delegating plays a key part in this.

This resonated with me so much because I have always shared how essential it is to create a life that is aligned with what fills you with bliss. Carving out more time for ourselves and what we enjoy doing can actually transform our lives and our law practices.

He also shared how important it is to really show up even if it means opening yourself up to ridicule and I couldn’t agree more. Here's the Roosevelt Speech which speaks to him most:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Listen to the full episode so you can discover how focusing on the things we love doing actually enables us to have more free time to run our lives and our law practices in a way that completely brings us joy.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #podcastshow #lawyerpodcast #lawyercoach #lifeofalawyer #legalprofession #joyfulliving #joyfullife #authenticity #beauthentic

In this episode:

Why I Wrote A Book [00:01:36]
About The Book [00:07:29]
The Book Is A 5-Step Model [00:09:29]
Lawyers Don't Put The Same Amount Of Care And Preparation Into Running Their Own Law Firms [00:10:48]
The Ambulance Chaser Commercial [00:14:29]
The Roosevelt Speech [00:19:59]
Only Work On The Things That You Love To Do Where You're Great At [00:24:07]

Resources:

Download Mike’s Book called Fireproof on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2NYZ29V

Website: https://www.855mikewins.com/

Youtube: https://bit.ly/3dN8AzJ

Podcast: https://www.openmikepodcast.com/

Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3sqjfEy

Apple Podcast: https://apple.co/3sxEjJr

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/855mikewins/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaeljmorse/

Fireproof: A Five-Step Model to Take Your Law Firm from Unpredictable to Wildly Profitable

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How To Use Your Own Story To Build A Successful Business

In today’s episode, we’re with an Uplifter, out to help people craft unscripted lives. Hayden Humphrey empowers people to break up with the scripts they were given so they can build careers and businesses that are aligned, authentic, and joyful.

We talked about a very important aspect we need to nurture as we build our businesses, including our law practice.. and that is our relationship with oneself - how we build that relationship and identify disconnects in how we relate to oneself.

When we acknowledge this, we’ll begin to understand how the problems we may be struggling with are reflective of the issues we carry within. Ultimately, how we relate to ourselves is how we relate to the rest of the world.

Listen to the full episode so you can discover how to use your own story to build a successful business authentically.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Coaches Tend To Work In The Field That They Themselves Struggled With [00:01:19]
Developing Your Relationship With Yourself [00:02:28]
How You Relate To Yourself Is How You Relate To The Rest Of The World [00:05:35}
Not Paying Any Attention To Your Relationship With Yourself Is Uncomfortable [00:07:11]
Finding The Partner That You Trust [00:08:34]
Start With Self-Awareness [00:10:06]
Don't Underestimate The Power Of Awareness [00:12:48]
Build Some Acceptance [00:13:23]
Reconstruct And Redesign Your Vision [00:15:03]
Helping Reorient And Reframe Your Relationship With Desire [00:17:13]
Practice And Put The Pieces In Place For Shifting And Transforming And Creating A Different Experience Of Life For Ourselves [00:19:17]
Creating Bigger Results Actually Requires You To Take Better Care Of Yourself [00:23:18]
The Lifestyle Design By Hayden [00:25:38]
Create Businesses That Do The Most Good [00:29:54]

Resources:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/haydenhumphrey/

https://www.haydenhumphrey.com

https://www.wearlift.com

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Why Failing Forward Is Your Key to Success

On today’s episode, we have Stephen G. Pope. He specializes in revenue growth for professional firms, agencies and consultants. He is also the host of Digital Masters Podcast.

We had this amazing conversation on what we can focus on when we want to stand out. Zigging when others are zagging is doing the exact opposite of what most people would normally do.

We also covered why showing up on video is a huge plus. And he left this insight on the importance of embracing our uniqueness and a reminder of how some things will develop over time.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Showing People How To Develop Your Brand Online [00:00:36]
Stuff That You Didn't Think Actually Becomes Being The Good Stuff [00:02:49]
Thought Leadership [00:04:16]
Why Exposing Yourself Through Video Is a Plus [00:05:59]
If You Want To Stand Out, Do Everything That Everyone Doesn’t [00:10:06]
You Don't Have To Be Perfect As You Start [00:12:46]
Stephen’s Operating System For Content Marketing. [00:16:13]

Resources:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephengregorypope/

Podcast: https://sgplabs.com/digital-masters-podcast/

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Do You Have Blood on Your Hands?

Never underestimate the importance of defining roles and responsibilities towards your client.

Many divorce lawyers wear several different hats, completing jobs outside the initial range of their job description.

Unfortunately, this can lead to a great deal of confusion within your client, especially when leadership responsibilities are not properly assigned.

Clearly defining roles and expectations can have a positive impact on your client as a whole.

Defining roles and responsibilities within your client, whether it’s short term or long term, permits you to more effectively manage your clients.

Everyone should understand their role within your clients and what they are expected to accomplish.

In this episode:

Client Dedication [00:00:47]
10-Day Trial [00:02:07]
Not all Lawyers Are At Fault [00:05:16]
The Other Lawyer [00:07:03]
This is How My Friend/Colleague Associate Responded to this Lawyer [00:09:29]

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For today's episode, we have a fantastic guest, Emily Hirsekorn. She is a Life & Leadership Coach for Lawyers, and she specializes in helping lawyers and law students find clarity, joy, and confidence in their careers.

We had an inspiring conversation about how important validation is, the best way of fighting the imposter syndrome, how to reduce the stress of having to be perfect in a profession where a mistake can cost millions, and much more.

She shared some details of her framework, the "Four Principles of Yourself," where she focuses on career confidence, success, and leadership of her prospects.

Listen to the full episode, and know more about self-awareness, self-advocacy, joy, and abundance in your career.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Finding THE job and being successful [00:01:00]
Beating the imposter syndrome [00:03:00]
The pressure of perfectionism in the industry [00:06:00]
The importance of validation [00:09:00]
Emily's program Four Dimensions of Yourself [00:11:30]
Self-awareness and its role in our lives and careers [14:00]
Why self-care is so essential [20:00]
Getting the space to realize what is best for us [26:00]

Resources:

Emily Hirsekorn

Emily’s Facebook Page

Calm - The #1 app for meditation and sleep

Be The Best Divorce Lawyer Academy Waitlist

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Today's episode is about a book that if I had read when I started my law practice, my life would have been way more comfortable from the beginning.

It doesn't matter if your business has been a few years in the market; it is never late to take your law practice to the next level.

The book explains a plan to take care of the daily details, so the entrepreneur can be free to think exclusively about their business growth.

This book taught me the best way to nurture my legal firm, and I want the same for you.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Where I wish I had my attention [00:01:00]
What I've learned from this classic [00:03:00]
Why do 80% of businesses fail? [00:06:00]
The importance of systems and strategies [00:09:00]
How will having systems in place will affect your law practice [00:11:30]

Resources:

The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do - Michael Gerber.

Be The Best Divorce Lawyer Academy Waitlist

The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It

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I remember the time I went to a senior lawyer for advice. I was struggling financially, and like it is said, half a day away from a disaster all the time.

I had spent tons of money on a big office, furniture, new desks, and so forth. Debts covered me, and the income wasn't couldn't cope with all those expenses.

You ran before you walked, the senior lawyer told me, and he was right. The thing is, if I had started smaller, I could've been more focused on profit, putting earnings into my genes.

Today's episode is about making the right investments in your law practice and focusing on those investments' revenue.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Where my attention was in the beginning [00:01:00]
What would have happened if I had done things differently [00:03:00]
Investing in the right assets [00:05:00]
Finding tools that save you time and money [00:07:00]

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In today's episode, I want to share an inspiring conversation I had with Amy Grubb.

Amy is the founder of the Solo/Small Firm Canadian Lady Lawyers online community. She offers coaching to help sole practitioners build their practices into what they envisioned.

We talked about the reasons that led her to start this fantastic project, her fears, and how she managed to overcome them.

Resources:

The Law Office Of Amy Grubb

Connect with Amy at Linkedin

Or her Facebook Group

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

How it all started for Amy [00:02:00]
The beauty of being your boss [00:04:00]
Talking to everyone and talking to no one [00:06:00]
The pressure of coming with new content [00:08:00]
Going solo is scary at the beginning [00:10:00]
The Law School's mentality [00:12:00]
First steps into a solo practice [00:14:00]

View Details

I've recently talked to a close friend, a banker, and she told me something that shook me up a little bit. Her job at the bank is to decide whether the bank should grant a loan to someone or not.

She told me that from all businesspersons she deals with daily, those who struggle the most, the ones more stressed, are usually lawyers running a law practice.

Here is the thing, most divorce lawyers struggle in their law practices because they don't treat them as a business.

In today's episode, I want to talk about going through law school and not ending up being broke.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

The most broke, most struggling, most stressed businessperson [00:01:00]
I was utterly wrong [00:02:00]
What our practices really are [00:03:00]
Where would your practice be ten years from now? [00:05:00]

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When I started my career as a divorce lawyer more than 25 years ago, I've committed colossal mistakes. I've chewed more than I can chew and ended up in a millionaire debt.

But after years of being coached and living my life on purpose, I've dramatically changed my firm's and my reality.

Today's episode is about how you can make a 180 degrees change in your life and your family law practice through strategically thinking, and be a happy person, and a lawyer.

I also want to invite you to participate in my next webinar on November 13th at 10:00 AM PST.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

My colossal mistakes [00:02:00]
Beginning my life-change [00:04:00]
Learn from my mistakes [00:06:00]
Why I became a divorce lawyer [00:08:00]
Having an impact on families lives [00:10:00]

Click here to save your spot in our next Webinar

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Running a law practice is much more than working hard and ensuring your clients get the best outcome.

The truth is, you can ruin your business by working hard.

In this special episode of the Be The Best Divorce Lawyer Podcast, I will tell you what's a myth and what's real about divorce lawyers.

I also want to invite you to participate in my next webinar on November 13th at 10:00 AM PST.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Divorce lawyers working hard [00:01:00]
Waking up worried at night [00:02:00]
Creating debt as a law practitioner [00:03:00]

Click here to save your spot in our next Webinar

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It might sound crazy, but being a hard-working lawyer, fully committed to your clients, and thinking 24/7 exclusively in your files won't make your law practice grow.

Even if you are the most efficient, professional, and skilled lawyer in your region, your family law practice won't grow.

If you are that lawyer that only thinks about the files and ignores the rest, your law practice will turn into an expensive hobby. But luckily, there is something you can do to avoid it.

In this episode, I want to share with you what is the one thing to do to prevent your law practice from becoming an expensive (and not very fun) hobby.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Having systems in place [00:01:00]
Creating the life of your dreams [00:02:00]
Keeping track of your numbers [00:04:00]
The way I used to look at my numbers [00:05:00]
Paying attention to your payables [00:07:00]

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As we mentioned in previous episodes, delegating is vital to your business' growth. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of your staff's daily operations.

It is necessary to be present in every detail, not as making photocopies or taking phone calls, but knowing precisely how much revenue, each staff member is producing.

For instance, in my law firm, my queen of operations runs all the numbers, and still, I'm aware of them, I absorbed them, and thanks to that, I know exactly where we are all the time, financially speaking.

In this episode, I want to share what happened to my law firm and me when I wasn't paying attention, so you can avoid it from happening to you.

In this episode:

My mistake in 2009 [00:01:30]
What my clients need from me [00:04:00]
What is wasn't paying attention to [00:05:00]
A book that helped me a lot [00:07:00]
How did our clients know about us? [00:09:00]
Know your numbers [00:10:00]

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As we know, the assumption is the mother of all mistakes. We might be representing our clients differently, and still, some things in court will never change.

It happened to me last week when I attended this huge hearing, and an assumption ended up causing a delay in a case that was ready to be closed.

In this episode, I want to warn you about this dumb and avoidable mistake that can cost you lots of time and a waste of resources.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer #worklessmakemore

In this episode:

Back in court again after a long time [00:02:00]
A stressful litigation [00:03:00]
Everything running swimmingly until [00:05:00]
How we used to do things before the pandemic [00:06:00]
Scrambling around the documents [00:07:00]

View Details

Since virtually serving our clients is a reality and is here to stay, we must either befriend technology or have it under control as divorce lawyers.

Imagine facing technical issues when dealing with a pivotal case for your law firm.

I saw it happen, and believe me, you don't want to see your firm in that place.

In this episode, I'll give away what is that one thing you must do before every Zoom mediation or negotiation.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer

In this episode:

The most significant Zoom hearing of my career [00:02:00]
What you should check before a Zoom mediation [00:04:00]
Zoom meetings should be treated as regular meetings [00:06:00]
Ensure our tech is on point [00:08:00]

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In today's family law industry, managing your law practice is as crucial as getting your clients the best possible outcome.

At the same time, most divorce lawyers are so busy that they barely have time to breathe, let alone have a bird's eye view of their practice.

The mistakes I've made and the ones I saw other firms commit taught me that we must avoid three pitfalls if we want to succeed.

In this episode, I'll unravel the three biggest mistakes you can make in your virtual law practice.

#bethebestdivorcelawyer #lawyerlife #familylaw #familylawyer #divorcelawyer

In this episode:

Most divorce lawyers barely have time to breathe [00:01:00]
My first time serving a client virtually [00:03:00]
Virtually serving clients and its pitfalls [00:05:00]
Showing up on Zoom and the little details [00:07:00]
A virtual background can prevent a headache [00:09:00]
Befriending technology [00:11:00]
The support staff and the virtuality [00:13:00]

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Worrying too much about how people will judge the way we market our law practice not only makes no sense, but it is also prejudicial for our business. The truth is, people will judge you for better or for worse, regardless of what you do. That is why sometimes, you might need to get out of your way, overcome the fear of being judged and market your business with creativity and freedom. In this episode, I invite you to determine why your fear of being judged and looking bad is ruining your law firm's business.

In this episode:

What we are concerned about as lawyers [00:01:00]
Looking bad and watching myself on videos [00:03:00]
What most divorce lawyers aren't doing [00:04:00]
The law practice with videos on their website [00:05:00]
Marketing versus service [00:06:00]

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Time taught me that attracting great clients is not only about giving 110% in every file. As private divorce lawyers, we must deliver a high-quality job to each client, but we also need to think about how to attract the customers capable of paying what we deserve for that high-quality work. Our efforts should balance between delivering the best outcome possible and strategizing to get clients from the higher end of the market. Today's episode is about what I've learnt of my mistakes and why I can confirm that great lawyers fail to attract great clients.

In this episode:

I thought clients would come in droves if I worked hard [00:01:00]
The kind of clients I was attracting [00:03:00]
My hamster wheel [00:05:00]
The importance of location [00:07:00]
What we learn in Law School about business [00:09:00]

Save your spot at Val's Academy for our next Webinar

https://academy.valhemminger.com/livewebinar

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Our practice could have a dud client haunting our staff, sucking our energy or invading our thoughts on weekends, and we might not be aware of that. Dud clients represent a burden to anyone that approaches its files or try to deal with them. The repercussions of dealing with this kind of client could have a massive negative impact on our businesses, and we should do our best to avoid reaching that point. In this episode, I would like to teach you how to detect a dud client in five easy steps.

In this episode:

What makes us anxious as private lawyers [00:01:00]
The truth about dud clients [00:02:00]
Are you helping your clients? [00:04:00]
The tailspin effect inside our practice [00:06:00]
When the client demands too much [00:08:00]
Reasons to get rid of dud clients [00:10:00]

Save your spot at my next FREE live training on September 11

https://academy.valhemminger.com/livewebinar

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If you've chosen to become a lawyer, doing numbers is most likely, not your specialty. Still, to have a profitable law practice, you must run it like a business. It is vital to know things like where your clients hear of you or what happened with those who sent an email asking something. Do you know how often clients hire you after a meeting? Only after knowing this information is when we can tweak it to make it work. In this episode, I want to share some hints about the data you should keep an eye on and make sure you're not running your law practice as an expensive hobby.

In this episode:

Knowing where is your practice every week [00:03:00]
Where did your client hear of you[00:04:30]
How many leads end up being a client after a phone call? [00:06:00]
The lifetime value of a client [00:07:30]
Keeping track of your Google Ads [00:08:30]
If you don't know your numbers, you have an expensive hobby [00:10:00]

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Most of us have a case from "h-e-double hockey sticks" in our practices. No matter how hard we work on it, we will always feel something is missing, or perhaps that we could have done something different or better. I have one of those that has haunted me for the past eleven years. Luckily I've found a way to deal with it, and I would love to share it with you. Today, I would like to show you how to reach peace at your law practice in three easy steps.

In this episode:

We all have a case that takes our sleep at night [00:01:30]
Our thoughts are real [00:03:00]
How do I get back to that place of peace? [00:04:30]
Wise-breathing technique [00:06:00]
The last 10 seconds [00:07:30]
Firing your client [00:09:00]

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When we think about our law practice, work hard seems to be the best idea. Working on weekends, skipping lunch, hitting the desk early in the morning and staying late makes perfect sense. After all, it is our profession, our life. Still, being so immersed in the daily routine could stop us from taking a look at the big picture. Perhaps we work hard because we have an inefficient method, and that hard work might bring better results if used more wisely. Today I would like to tell you why sometimes, the worst thing you can do is working hard.

In this episode:

The working-hard honour badge [00:01:30]
How my life used to be [00:03:00]
Adding extra-work for no apparent reason [00:04:30]
Making hard what is already difficult [00:06:00]
What working hard can stop you from seeing [00:07:30]
Do you know how many people reach you? [00:09:00]
Do you know if your marketing is working? [00:10:30]

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These days it is hard to imagine a law practice without a web page. However, it is easy to find big companies (not only law practices) with low quality, annoying, slow, or "user-unfriendly" websites. Failing to see the importance of having a smooth, professional and fast website can cost you lots of new clients. Today, I would like to share a few simple yet useful tips to upgrade your site and take your law practice to the next level.

In this episode:

How do you use Google? [00:03:00]
Implementation is better than perfection [00:04:30]
Remember that Google is the place to start [00:06:00]
How fast does your website load? [00:07:30]
Make it mobile-friendly [00:09:00]
Book an appointment here! [00:10:30]
A general physician or a brain surgery specialist? [00:13:30]
Showing up in video [00:15:00]

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The new reality forced us to adapt our lives. Nowadays, we have virtual birthday parties; we added the facemask to the indispensable items list before going out, and we can appear in court over the phone. But this change doesn't have to be necessarily negative. For instance, last week, I decided to work from a place I love, Whistler, in British Columbia. We can't change the way the world is working, but we can adapt our law practice and exploit the new normality.

In this episode:

What have you done during this pandemic to grow your practice? [00:01:30]
Now that I have the time I wanted, what? [00:03:00]
Location-independent work [00:04:30]
Working from an Airbnb on a Tuesday [00:06:00]
Using the spaces in my calendar [00:07:30]
Things you shouldn't forget while working from home [00:09:00]

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Most lawyers think sales is cheesy, yet, we are all in sales. I believe the secret is to find a way to do it without wasting your time and energy. The good news is you can market your law practice in 4 easy steps without consuming your whole life in the process. Walk with me through this episode, I'll tell you how.

In this episode:

The first step into being different from the other lawyers [00:03:00]
Your company's voice must be posted regularly [00:04:30]
First step - Virtual assistants [00:06:00]
Step two - Video [00:09:00]
The video will take your law practice to a new level [00:10:30]
Step three - Testimonials [00:12:00]
Step four - Schedule your posting [00:15:00]
Work smart, not hard on your marketing [00:18:00]

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Many of us run like headless chickens in our daily routines. We give our best in our jobs; we leave everything we have in the pitch, and at the end of the day, we are so tired that we wish we could create a better life for us. But we don't have time for that because we need to be ready for battle the next day. That cycle restarts and without noticing it, five, or maybe ten years go by.

Where do you think your life and practice will be five years from now if you live the same way you did last week?

In this episode

One of my old habits [00:01:30]
Legal aid clients vs my vision [00:04:30]
Tracking my time and seeing the truth [00:07:00]
I was way too busy to take care of me [00:08:00]
Creating new habits and seeing results [00:10:30]
Adapting me and the business to the new reality [00:12:00]
Someone who can strategically direct and guide us [00:13:30]
Where would I be in the next five years? [00:15:00]

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All of us feel fear, or uncertainty, or even discouragement at some point in our lives. Those negative thoughts might multiply during this pandemic. It would be reasonable. Luckily, there is a way to move up on the emotional scale, and it depends entirely on us. The only thing we need to do is see us as cosmic beings having a human experience, and know that there is an entire universe backing us up. The key is to lean into trust; it is going to be ok.

In this episode:

The main reason why we suffer [00:03:00]
The universe vs us [00:04:30]
What makes us humans [00:06:30]
The world needs us [00:07:30]
Our mission as entrepreneurs [00:10:00]
Are we asking the right questions? [00:11:30]

Join the Be the Best Divorce Lawyer PILOT Pop UP! on Facebook.

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Many law practices see their support staff as a 'great thing', but too expensive. The truth is that if your support staff works like a well-oiled machine, it can actually reduce your costs and help expand your profit margin. In this episode, I will explain to you why a coordinated support staff is the best asset you can have.

In this episode

Stay in your zone of genius [00:02:30]
Those who have to make everything themselves [00:03:30]
How to thrive in the practice of law [00:05:00]
Our law firm, our family [00:06:00]
The side effects of not having support staff [00:07:30]

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Social pressure 'wrote' a long list of things we are supposed to do with our lives. In my case, even after ticking every single box of that list, my life didn't feel right, something was missing. The things we are supposed to do maybe are not the best option for us, that is why we should focus on the things that make our soul sing. It can be anything, every fulfilling life is unique, but all of them have the same origin: visioning, the ultimate life-changing energy creator.

In this episode

The origin of every significant growth [00:01:00]
How does your best life look? [00:03:00]
How it started for me [00:04:30]
Think of it more like a story [00:06:00]
My vision, my strength [00:09:00]
You probably beat yourself up enough already [00:12:00]
Inspiration from those who believed [00:15:00]
Dream big [00:18:00]

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Every law practice has a file seated on a corner since the beginning of time. It is there, accumulating dust and growing every day. The truth is that if we don't deal with it, this howling dog-file will come and bite us sooner or later. In this episode, I share with you a flawless technique that will help you turn this nasty dog-file into a cute little puppy.

In this episode

My first growling dog file [00:02:10]
How does this affect us as lawyers [00:03:00]
What about delegating [00:04:00]
A new nasty dog file is born [00:05:15]
When improvising don't go as planned [00:06:30]
My flawless technique in action [00:07:30]

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The lockdowns all over the globe forced tons of people to increase their online business management. Since most people are not allowed to go to the office, Zoom meetings became a commonplace and a useful tool for workers and business owners. But, could this valuable gadget turn against us? Is Zoom meant to boost our practice or destroy it? In this episode, I share with you my top tips to consider when using this two-edged tool.

In this episode

Our business changed [00:01:30]
Choosing the right place for a Zoom meeting [00:03:00]
Meeting in a closet [00:04:00]
The art of muting yourself [00:05:00]

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Perhaps one of the most challenging things to do as a business owner is to delegate, yet it is vital for the growth of your practice. If you don't enjoy doing something, or you're are not very good at it, you can transfer it to someone with better skills in that area, and you can focus on what you like to do. In this episode, I will tell you how delegating improved my income and saved my life.

In this episode:

My life before delegating [00:02:00]
How do you get to look brilliant and organized? [00:03:10]
What are the things you can delegate? [00:04:30]
What about the extra time you get by delegating? [00:05:45]
The benefits of delegating [00:07:30]

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It is normal to be afraid of what is happening around the world during this pandemic, but it is not mandatory. Our best option is to focus on what and how we can contribute to our community. We can hide under the blankets and spend the day looking at a black screen, or we can be active and realize that beating the fear is the right thing to do.

In this episode:

The emotional roller coaster [00:02:00]
An opportunity arises [00:03:30]
Be afraid or be expansive [00:04:30]
Being mindful of our blessings [00:06:00]
Taking care of what is what counts [00:07:00]
Viktor Frankl's inspiring life lesson [00:08:00]
The opportunities, the options we have [00:09:00]

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Working hard and getting A's in Law School will guide our hand towards our diploma but, what do we come out knowing about nurturing clients, Marketing, or even using technology to grow our Law Firm?

In this first episode of the year of Be The Best Divorce Lawyer Podcast I share with you my experiences starting my own business, what I did right and wrong, so you can avoid making the same mistakes.

In this episode:

Why I decided to start this podcast [00:01:00]
I have my diploma, now what? [00:03:30]
My ego opened up its Law Firm [00:05:00]
How I started adding pressure to myself [00:08:15]
Going backwards financially [00:10:20]
A crisis is also an opportunity [00:12:00]
Sometimes you have to cut loose [00:13:50]
How my health was affected by the stress [00:15:30]
My life falling apart [00:18:30]
The changes I've made to have a better life [00:19:10]

Be the Best Divorce Lawyer Podcast: Recent Episodes

Val Hemminger