Harmony Deconstructed Podcast: Recent Episodes
James Mwang'ombe
A weekly podcast that explores how we can live inspired harmonious lives. There is wisdom found in proverbs and stories that can help us navigate through our daily lives in an inspired and harmonious way.
The way we poise ourselves can have an effect on whether or not we enhance harmony within or around us. It also reflects and affects our health.
“A good stance and posture reflects a proper state of mind” - Morihei Ueshiba
Our posture reveals the status of our physical and emotional health. If you have pain somewhere in your body, your posture shifts to accommodate the pain, to ensure that there is less pressure exerted in the painful part of the body so that there is less pain. Apparently, this is also true when it comes to emotional pain. In a TED talk titled Postural Empowerment: The Future of Holistic Wellbeing, Rob Holcroft indicated that he observed that different people he worked with who had anxiety and depression would adopt differing degrees of a foetal position. They would cave in around the heart, which is considered the emotional centre, as if to protect it. He observed that the body was responding in the same way to emotional trauma as it would to physical trauma. He found that when he got people to lift their breast bone, to open up or expose their heart area, he would see a positive emotional shift happen after the initial sense of vulnerability. Physically opening up and exposing the heart area, our emotional centre, can feel overwhelming but also it is quite empowering.
The relationship between the body and the mind is cyclic in nature. They are one system, if you may. How the body acts does affect the mind and how the mind feels also affects the body. So essentially, if you have harmony within, then you will most likely have good posture, if you have or maintain good posture, it enhances or boosts your body functions and thus it increases your well-being.
Our posture also plays a crucial role in how others perceive us. It contributes to the social dynamics that we encounter on a daily basis. Since as human beings we are social creatures, this then becomes such an important aspect of our lives. We utilize posture to draw others to help us out when in trouble, to fend off would-be attackers whether that be physical or emotional attack, we use it to look attractive to others for social and business ends. As Camille Kostek said “Confidence is everything, and the way you carry yourself, your posture, eye contact, all of that plays such a big role in impressions, regardless of your size.”
So the question arises what is good posture?
In an article titled Guide to Good Posture found on medlineplus.gov by the US National Library of Medicine, they indicate that
“Posture is how you hold your body. There are two types:
Dynamic posture is how you hold yourself when you are moving, like when you are walking, running, or bending over to pick up something.
Static posture is how you hold yourself when you are not moving, like when you are sitting, standing, or sleeping.
It is important to make sure that you have good dynamic and static posture.
The key to good posture is the position of your spine. Your spine has three natural curves - at your neck, mid back, and low back. Correct posture should maintain these curves, but not increase them. Your head should be above your shoulders, and the top of your shoulder should be over the hips.”
How mindful are you about your posture?
So clearly, good posture improves our well-being and how we are perceived by the people around us. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should be conscious of our posture, ensuring that we adopt a good posture. It is the simple daily habits regarding our posture that will be either beneficial or detrimental to our well-being in the long run.
The thoughts we harbour affect our bodies in significant ways. Depending on the nature of the thoughts, it could promote our health or affect our health in negative ways which manifests in diseases or maladies of some form.
“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” –Charles Swindoll
There is a Chinese proverb that says “That the birds of worry fly above your head, this you cannot change. But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” Indeed we may not have control over things that will come our way that may cause us to worry, have anxiety and despair. However, we can prevent these kinds of thoughts from building nests, or dominating our minds.
It is clear from medical research that thoughts affect our bodies. Thoughts may cause our bodies to react in a healthy way or in an unhealthy way. Negative thoughts sustained for a long time may cause stress within our bodies which then manifests as various kinds of diseases.
An article on Webmd.com How Worrying Affects the Body by Debra Fulghum Bruce says “Chronic worry and emotional stress can trigger a host of health problems. The problem occurs when fight or flight is triggered daily by excessive worrying and anxiety. The fight or flight response causes the body’s sympathetic nervous system to release stress hormones such as cortisol. These hormones can boost blood sugar levels and triglycerides (blood fats) that can be used by the body for fuel...When the excessive fuel in the blood isn’t used for physical activities, the chronic anxiety and outpouring of stress hormones can have serious physical consequences, including: suppression of the immune system, digestive disorders, heart attack...Although these effects are a response to stress, stress is simply the trigger. Whether or not you become ill depends on how you handle stress. Physical responses to stress involve your immune system, your heart and blood vessels, and how certain glands in your body secrete hormones. These hormones help to regulate various functions in your body, such as brain function and nerve impulses.
All of these systems interact and are profoundly influenced by your coping style and your psychological state. It isn’t the stress that makes you ill. Rather, it’s the effect responses such as excessive worrying and anxiety have on these various interacting systems that can bring on the physical illness. There are things you can do, though, including lifestyle changes, to alter the way you respond.”
The Scriptures caution us not to dwell on thoughts that are limiting such as worries, anxiety and fear. Jesus uses the words that such thoughts that are within us and which we talk about make us unclean as opposed to food which at that time some kinds of food was considered to make someone unclean once they eat it.
Jesus also cautions us from worrying about everyday life. He asserts that worrying does not add a single moment to your life. In fact if we go by what scientists say, it actually reduces the length of our life. Elsewhere in the book of James 1:2, we are encouraged that when troubles of any kind come our way, we should consider it an opportunity for great joy. For we know that when our faith is tested, our endurance has a chance to grow. So we should let it grow, for when our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
It is said, laughter is the best medicine. It is free of charge, also scriptures, philosophers and medical research agree that humor or laughter has immense benefits for us human beings.
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~ Yiddish Proverb
It is interesting that we only laugh with those with whom we are in harmony. Indeed to get a joke, you have to be in harmony with the one telling it. It is a show of empathy to laugh at another person’s joke. In a deeper way, we are in harmony with ourselves, our inner person, when we can laugh at ourselves. When we can see the mishaps and mistakes we have made, and see the humour in them and the lessons we pick from them. Martin Niemoller said “ If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.”
Proverbs 17:22 says “a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” So humour which brings laughter contributes to our good health. Even though this idea has been known for centuries, medical Research has also shown that humor or laughter has immense benefits to our well being. In an article titled Laughter the best medicine in HelpGuide.com, they indicate the following benefits of laughter:
“Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
Laughter burns calories. Okay, so it’s no replacement for going to the gym, but one study found that laughing for 10 to 15 minutes a day can burn approximately 40 calories—which could be enough to lose three or four pounds over the course of a year.
Laughter lightens anger’s heavy load. Nothing diffuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness or resentment.
Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. The difference was particularly notable for those battling cancer.”
These medical benefits are tied in some way to the social benefits of laughter. It strengthens relationships, attracts others to us, it enhances teamwork, helps defuse conflict and promotes group bonding. Thus looking at these medical and social benefits of laughter and humour, it shows how they contribute to harmony. Harmony within a person and harmony with others.
So have you laughed heartily lately? When was the last time you had a good laugh?
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should enjoy laughter. We should look at our life on a lighter note sometimes. When we enjoy laughing at ourselves and with others, it strengthens our bond thus enhancing harmony in our lives and in the lives of the people around us.
Discipline is inevitable if one is to achieve harmony. Wherever you see harmony and inspiration, the underlying story is one that consists of discipline.
“Everything in the world is conducted by a gradual process. This seems to be the great principle of harmony in the universe.” William Godwin
I suppose there are two kinds of discipline, self-discipline and discipline enforced by an outside force, examples being parents, the State or authorities, God.
Discipline is observable in nature. Observing nature in light of discipline you can see the best portrayal of what Elbert Hubbard said: “Self discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.” – Look at the sun, the moon and the stars in the sky above. They are always shining and going about their course whether it is cloudy or not. They keep to their set patterns day in day out. This in many ways keeps the harmony and steadiness of conditions that allow for life to be possible on earth.
Think also of the mother hen, who after laying several eggs, has to sit on them to provide warmth and other requirements for them to hatch. The brooding process takes 21 days before the eggs hatch. The hen becomes disciplined to sit in that one spot (though I remember observing that the hen would take breaks but not for long) for all those days for the eggs to hatch. Without this kind of discipline, the eggs would not hatch. And I am certain this kind of discipline is present in many other creatures to enable them to survive and thrive.
I think one of the most beautiful moments is watching military parades during ceremonies. They are spectacular in fashion, everything is done in precision, rhythm and harmony. I think it is impossible to achieve this kind of precision and harmony without immense discipline. It is no wonder they are referred to as the disciplined forces. So clearly the harmony we see at the end, is the result of countless hours of disciplined practice and lifestyle. There can be no harmony in their marching without discipline.
In an Article titled Standards and Discipline, An In-depth Look at Where We Once Were and Where We Are Now, Command Sgt. Maj. Shelton R. Williamson gives a reflection about the history of the US Army. He writes “ As the standards and discipline of units improved, so did the success of the American Army eventually leading to victory over the British. As our Army continued to mature and take on a larger role across the globe, standards and discipline would become the very core that would separate our Army from other fighting forces around the world; often viewed by other countries as the “Gold Standard” of an Army with respect to standards and discipline. The other armies often looked at how we marched in formation, how we were consistently in the same uniform, and how strong and tactically savvy our leaders were. All of these spoke to our standards and discipline.”
He quotes George Washington, the first General or leader of the American Army, who once said “Discipline is the soul of an Army, it makes small numbers formidable; procures success of the weak and esteem to all.”
Just as discipline is crucial in the harmonious and successful operations of an army, so is it for us as individuals. We must embrace discipline to achieve success and harmony in our lives.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should embrace discipline. Just as there is no shortcut to the top of a tree, there is no shortcut to achieving harmony in life, we have to adopt discipline, to keep at it day in and day out. If for some reason we encounter a set back, we pick ourselves up from where we fell and keep moving forward.
Self-respect and the ability to see our worth, is the aspect that enables us to cultivate harmony within ourselves. Having self-respect sets us up to have cordial and harmonious interactions with others. Without self-respect, chances are, we adopt a chaotic lifestyle.
“Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life — is the source from which self-respect springs.” Joan Didion
It occurred to me the other day that the reason I sometimes struggle to do the things I plan to do could be because I do not respect myself sufficiently. I am too familiar with myself and thus I can cut myself too much slack, as they say, familiarity breeds contempt. Come to think of it, why is it that most times we are quick to meet a deadline set by someone else but without serious discipline, we can easily forgo some deadlines we set for ourselves. This usually puts me in a rut of sorts, and the result is procrastination. I easily say “I will do this tomorrow…” and tomorrow could turn to many days later. Yet on the other hand, we take seriously deadlines set by others such as clients, bosses, leasing companies, our bills, public and private services that we seek etc
In other circumstances, we meet deadlines when we give our word or commitment to a friend, someone we respect, a co-worker or an acquaintance. We strive to put our best foot forward to keep our word since our reputation is on the line. Failing to meet these deadlines can be detrimental to our reputation. It can go to show whether we are reliable or not.
I think when I respect myself, then I will make every effort to meet the commitments and deadlines I give myself. In my view, this leads to harmony within and harmony with those around me since I will keep to the commitments I make.
I think the way you carry yourself illuminates your way and ensures others respect you too for who you are and what you stand for. Ideally, the worth you place on yourself, has lots of bearing on how others perceive you and treat you. It is akin to this story told of the blind man with a lamp. There lived a blind man in a small town. This man, even though he could not see, he carried a lamp with him whenever he went out at night.
One night, when he was going back home after dinner, he met a group of young travellers. They could see he was blind, but were puzzled by the fact that he was carrying a lamp. They started questioning him and making fun of him. One of them asked him “hey man, how come you are carrying a lamp yet you are blind and do not need it?!”
The man answered “Yes I am blind and I don’t see anything, this lamp is for people like you who can see. You may not see me coming and may end up hitting me and pushing me off the path. That is the reason I carry the lamp.” The group of young travellers was ashamed of their behaviour and apologized to the man.
When you are in a place where your self-respect and your worth is valued and shines, then it enhances harmony within yourself and harmony with those around you.
Self-respect is protective to us. It ensures that we are not shaken by the views of those who do not perceive our worth or value. Consider what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said “He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.”
There is no harmony without self-respect. No harmony without seeing the value you bring to society, your family, your friends and the people around you. When one does not see their worth and lacks self-respect in an increasing measure, they can easily descend into a chaotic lifestyle. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should have self-respect, we should know our worth and the value we bring. As Robert Holden said “Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
There is a tension that exists in trust. When one trusts blindly, they stand a chance of getting hurt, when one gets hurt, trusting again becomes difficult. Yet we cannot live without trusting ourselves, others and the systems that have been put in place to make life much easier and possible.
“There are indeed times when one should trust blindly, just as there are times when one should not. Wisdom consists in being able to tell one from the other.” Daniel Quinn
We exercise trust often. We trust systems that have been put in place for the usual operation of things. For instance, rarely do you find anyone checking the credentials of a driver before boarding an Uber, a taxi, a bus or a train. Also seldom does anyone check the pilot’s credentials before boarding a plane. We usually go by trust. Trust that the system that enabled them to occupy those seats have done the job of ensuring they are trustworthy. Of course no system is perfect and there are occasions where untrustworthy or less qualified individuals take such positions, but generally, we trust that the systems that be, will ensure a qualified driver, a qualified pilot etc will occupy that important seat to take us to our destination. This application of trust applies to different spheres of life in varying degrees, but in essence on a daily basis, we interact with others and enterprises on the basis of trust. Warren G. Bennis said “Trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.”
Our level of trust can be observed and built as we interact with others and utilize resources at our disposal that may belong to others. I suppose each action we take casts a vote as to whether we are trustworthy or not. Whichever of those two sides you fall today, is the culmination of the many trustworthy or untrustworthy interactions or actions you have done thus far. It is notable what the Scriptures say “Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot, and whoever is dishonest with a little is dishonest with a lot. If you cannot be trusted with worldly riches, then who will trust you with true riches? And if you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” Luke 16:10-12. If you think about it, these are very interesting questions and perspectives that can help us to gauge how trustworthy we are at present.Consider what George David Miller said “Trust becomes solidified when words consistently back up by deeds.”
Clearly, being trustworthy is beneficial to us, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.” The opposite is also true, if we treat others without trust, it may come back to bite us. It is like this story told of a farmer and a baker. Once upon a time, there lived a farmer and a baker who did business with each other. The farmer sold a pound of butter to the baker everyday and the baker sold a pound of bread loaf to the farmer. Soon, they had a good bond and became friends. One day, the baker suspected that the farmer was cheating him and that he didn’t give him a pound of butter, so he decided to weigh the butter to see if he was actually getting the right amount.
When he measured the butter, he found that he was not getting the right amount of butter from the farmer. This made him very angry and so he decided to take the poor farmer to court.
When the judge confronted the farmer with the accusation, the farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I had been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Everyday when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter.” If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.
“I want to live perfectly above the law, and make it my servant instead of my master" Brigham Young.
The law is a set of rules that govern human interaction and behaviour. Broadly speaking, it sets the standards by which everyone in society is to be judged. In fact there is a maxim or a legal principle which states that one cannot be punished for doing something that is not prohibited by law.
The Scriptures have this concept of operating in such a way that one is living above the law. Paul teaches that if we possess some particular virtues, there would be no law against us. He writes in Galatians 5:22 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” More on this later where Paul zeroes in on the virtue of love that encompasses all law.
The systems of law have evolved in the sense to govern how people interact with each other and also how sovereign nations interact with each other too. As an example I was reading a story about approximately 6000 residents of Ottawa being effectively above the law. See these are people with diplomatic immunity who reside in that city but are representatives of other countries. These people with diplomatic immunity are essentially in every country and the idea is if they were to do any unlawful act, while in that foreign country, they would be handed over to their own country’s authorities to be dealt with accordingly. So in this instance, the story talks of a vehicle that was being driven dangerously down the highway in Ottawa. As many as nine Police vehicles gave chase and apprehended the driver who was visibly drunk. The driver flashed his badge to show that he had diplomatic immunity, he was then driven to his embassy and police contacted the Foreign Affairs Department. If he was not a diplomat, the consequences would have been different, his license would be suspended and if convicted he would face a steep fine. I suppose there are many similar cases around the world.
I think one of the most interesting conversations between Jesus and his disciples is the conversation he had with Peter about taxes. The conversation had an interesting look at the requirement to pay taxes. The story is found in Matthew 17:24-27. In essence Jesus who is essentially the King of heaven and earth, the Creator of all there is, is revealing to Peter that he is literally exempt from paying taxes. However, because of the context in which they were operating, he instructs Peter to go ahead and pay the taxes anyway. And according to this passage and others, he would pay the taxes that were required in his day.
There is this article from the List.com that listed some laws that the British Royal Family is exempt from. In particular, it indicated that the Queen is exempt from paying taxes. However, they wrote how she has voluntarily paid them since 1992. It is interesting how the tax practices of Kings centuries ago when Jesus walked the earth are in many respects seemingly still the same.
The effects of the law on us as human beings are quite interesting. The law has the intention of directing our behaviour. It works in many respects, but again, as human nature is, some get overwhelmingly compelled to do the very opposite of what the law said.
It appears that where there is love for something or someone, then there is no need for a law to remind us on which way to behave ourselves. Presumably, the correct and appropriate actions follow.
Kindness is an enabler of harmony. It perpetuates harmony within a person and harmony with others. It is the lubricant of harmony, it keeps things going smoothly and pleasantly.
“A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses.” Chinese Proverb
Kindness is defined in Oxford Dictionary as the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. This quality as we’ll explore in this episode has immense benefits for both the doer and the receiver of a kind act. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should be kind, kind to ourselves, to the people close to us and to the people we encounter as we go about our daily activities.
I recall a Swahili story I read many years ago of a conversation between a rich man and a poor man. The rich man noticed how the poor man’s wife was very healthy and good looking. The rich man’s wife had everything she needed yet it puzzled the rich man that she was not looking healthy and happy.
So the rich man approached the poor man one day and asked him what his secret was. Why was his wife looking so healthy, what food had he been giving her, what was the secret, he asked. “Quite frankly” he said, “I have been giving her the choicest of foods, she has all manner of luxuries, she even does not labour much for there are many servants to help us with our work.”
The poor man acknowledged that he did not have all the resources to provide a lavish lifestyle for his wife. However, he told the rich man that his secret was the tongue or to put it bluntly “the meat of the tongue”. He said his secret was that he made every effort to give his wife tongue meat. He ensured that of all things, he should not miss doing this particular one.
The rich man was grateful to the poor man for telling him the secret. He took off since he had no time to waste and he needed to attend to his wife. He went to his vast estate and instructed his servants to slaughter several cows, goats and sheep and to bring their tongues. He then preserved some of the tongues while some were prepared as a special delicacy for his wife. So for a long time, his wife ate the tongue meat, specially prepared and the rich man hoped to see a big change in her health and appearance. However, there was no much difference in how his wife looked after several months of trying out this secret.
The frustrated rich man decided to go back to the poor man to update him and let him know that his secret was fake. It was not working. He felt deceived and taken for granted by the poor man. So he told him “I did all that you told me, I have given my wife tongue meat for several months but there is no change, did you deceive me?!”
The visibly puzzled poor man said “oh my! So you have been feeding your wife tongue meat every day?!” “Yes indeed” said the rich man. “You must have misunderstood me, what I meant is that the secret is meat from the tongue, that is kind and endearing words from me to my wife, that is my secret!”
In the book of Proverbs in the Bible chapter 11:17 say “A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself”. In some ways, scientists have proven this fact. There is this YouTube video that talks about kindness being the only thing in the world that doubles when you share it. It describes the almost instant benefits we derive from being kind. It says that studies have shown that if you perform at least one random act of kindness a day, you will not only reduce your stress levels, anxiety and depression, but your body is flooded with the same hormones that make you and the person you have helped calmer, healthier and happier.
A mindset of harmony is important in that it determines whether we achieve harmony in our lives or not. We can only rise to the level of the degree in which our minds are set on harmony, that is a working together of things to achieve a certain goal or end.
"Your mindset matters. It affects everything - from the business and investment decisions you make, to the way you raise your children, to your stress levels and overall well-being." Peter Diamandis
According to Dr Alia Crum, mindset is defined as a lens or frame of mind which orients an individual to a particular set of associations.
For us to live inspired harmonious lives, we should set our minds on the possibility of harmony. That harmony is attainable and is something we can grow towards. Our mindset should be that we are becoming harmonious day by day - while being aware of it and expecting it - through every experience or circumstance we encounter in life.
Carol Dweck is credited for the idea that people have two kinds of mindset either a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. Dweck and colleagues conducted research in several schools in the US where they found the effects of a fixed mindset compared to that of a growth mindset. They put school children in two categories and gave them some academic challenges. One group was told before the tasks that they were smart and they were praised for this quality. The other group was told that they were persevering, they were praised for making great effort to solve the tasks they had been given. Overall, the children who were praised for being smart opted for less challenging tasks, while those praised for their effort were willing to take on challenging tasks to increase their learning.
In her book Mindset:The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck indicates that an individual’s attitude about how fixed their abilities and intelligence are can determine the course of much of their life, starting as early as their preschool years. She gave the following comparison of the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.
A Fixed Mindset vs A Growth Mindset
- With a fixed mindset one believes intelligence is static; while with a growth mindset one believes intelligence can be developed.
- A fixed mindset leads to a desire to look smart therefore a tendency to avoid challenges; a growth mindset leads to a desire to learn therefore a tendency to embrace challenges.
- A fixed mindset gives up easily when faced with obstacles ; a growth mindset perseveres when faced with obstacles.
- A fixed mindset sees effort as fruitless or proof of lack of talent; a growth mindset sees effort as the path to mastery.
- A fixed mindset may ignore useful negative feedback; a growth mindset learns from criticism.
- A fixed mindset may feel threatened by the success of others; a growth mindset finds lessons and inspiration from the success of others.
- For a fixed mindset, success is about proving to yourself and others that you are smart and talented; for a growth mindset success is about learning, stretching yourself and improving.
It is therefore quite beneficial to have the growth mindset, which can lead us to surmount obstacles, learn great things and raise to a higher level than we may have initially contemplated.
Humility is the virtue that we should possess but not lay claim to or boast about. As soon as you boast about it, you lose it.
“Be mindful of humility: the gale that breaks the pine does not bruise the violet.” Austin O’Malley
Humility has been described by some scholars as the bedrock of all the other virtues. It is Augustine of Hippo who said “Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues: hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue except in mere appearance.” For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should embrace humility, which will enable us to assess our capabilities rightly without conceit, so that we can utilize the gifts or talents we have and mitigate the weaknesses we have. Humility also enables us to perceive others correctly and understand them thus fostering harmony.
According to the Greater Good Magazine article How Humility Will Make You the Greatest Person Ever, humble people “see life as a school, recognizing that while none of us is perfect, we can, without negatively impacting our self-esteem, work on our limitations by being open to new ideas, advice, and criticism.” The article adds that “Nascent research suggests that this lovely quality is good for us individually and for our relationships. For example, humble people handle stress more effectively and report higher levels of physical and mental well-being. They also show greater generosity, helpfulness, and gratitude—all things that can only serve to draw us closer to others.”
Humility means we are aware of our strengths and weaknesses. It enables us to also realize that others have their own strengths and weaknesses, therefore we should not look down on them. This is the ability to make a good judgment about our abilities and those of others without being conceited. As Charles Spurgeon said, “humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.” A fable is told of a boastful oak tree that looked down on reeds. On the bank of a river, there stood a tall and strong oak tree near to some reeds. The oak tree was very proud of its strength and size. He often used to make fun of the weak and slender reeds.
One day, as a wind started blowing, the oak tree, as usual, said mockingly “Oh! Reeds you move to and fro even with the slightest breeze.” The reeds kept quiet and continued to sway back and forth. “Look at me. I am so strong and mighty. Nothing can uproot me or bend me” boasted the oak tree.
The wind got furious and turned into a hurricane. The little reeds prevented themselves from getting uprooted by bowing their heads and swaying with the rhythm of the wind. But the oak tree which stood straight and tried fighting the hurricane wind was soon uprooted and thrown into the river.
Humility is one of the virtues that has a double edged promise tied to it. The promise is that he who humbles himself or herself will be exalted but whoever exalts himself or herself, will be humbled. This was said by Jesus when he told the story of guests choosing seats of honour and he advised them otherwise.
Sleep is a cardinal requirement for us as human beings to function optimally. If we are sleep deprived, then many if not all of our bodily functions suffer. We become irritable, we make many errors and in the long run our health gets affected negatively.
“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” ~ Irish proverb
In various circles, sleep can easily be associated with laziness. I think this is so if it is overdone. Nancy Foldvary-Schaefer said “Sleep is not a waste of time. During sleep, a variety of biological processes take place that restore our bodies and minds.” I think when you look at it critically, there is no human being who can operate without sleep for a continuous period beyond 24 hours without it causing some serious effects to their well-being.
Sleep is crucial but it is beneficial to ensure that by the time you sleep, your affairs are in order. Ensure that within the 24 hours allotted to you, as it is allotted to everyone, you have attended to all matters you need to. I know this is not easy to do, but it is a worthy habit to develop by all means. There are a number of references in the Scriptures to illustrate this point. In the book of Matthew 25, is written the story of the ten bridesmaids. Five were wise and five were foolish. The five who were foolish did not take enough olive oil for their lamps, but the other five were wise enough to take along extra oil. When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
At midnight they were roused by the shout, ‘look, the bridegroom is coming! Come out and meet him!’ All the bridesmaids got up and prepared their lamps. Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’ But the others replied, ‘we don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’
But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked. Later, when the other five bridesmaids returned, they stood outside, calling, ‘Lord! Lord! Open the door for us!’ But he called back, ‘Believe me, I don’t know you!’ Although this story was told by Jesus to sensitize his disciples to be prepared for his unknown time of return, I think it also illustrates the importance of leaving your affairs in order before sleeping as did the wise bridesmaids. In Ephesians 4:26 we get this warning “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” So in essence, we should deal with any issues that have caused us to be angry and sort them out before going to bed. This is best.
Speaking of the sun going down, I recall early last year watching a YouTube Video in which they described the circadian rhythm of sleep. Apparently, this is a system that runs in the background of our brain and body like a built in 24 hour clock. It is attuned to the day and night cycle. It dictates when we should be awake and when we should fall asleep. It is regulated by exposure to daylight and is meant to coincide with the natural patterns of the 24 hour day. This system works best when one has a regular bedtime and wake up time, that is going to bed when it is dark and waking up when it gets bright. The video describes how the setting of the sun and the evening darkness signals the production of melatonin which is the sleep hormone. Scientists claim that the sleep hormone starts building up in the evening and is highest at 12am. The melatonin levels start increasing roughly 2 to 3 hours after sunset, which is when your body signals it is time to sleep.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should ensure that we have ample sleep for our bodies to regenerate and get fresh supply of energy to keep going the following day.
Rest is crucial for us to function optimally as human beings. In modern society, there exists that feeling of wanting to keep going, to keep working and to be busy every hour of the day when we are awake.
“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a beautiful crop.” Ovid, Roman Poet
I recently learnt that there are seven types of rest. Oftentimes we may focus on one kind of rest, however, we may end up still tired after resting. That is an indication that we may be neglecting several of the other kinds of rest that are necessary for us to feel fully recharged. Physician and author Saundra Dalton-Smith talks about these seven kinds of rest:
- Physical rest - this can be both passive or active. Passive rest includes sleep or a nap. Active rest involves doing restorative activities that reinvigorate the body such as yoga, massages and stretches. These help improve circulation within and flexibility of the body.
- Mental rest - when there is so much to process mentally, and especially when we do so non stop for a long time, our minds get exhausted. One then becomes irritable, forgetful, lacks concentration, they are restless and may lack sleep or if one sleeps, they wake up still tired. For rest, schedule ample short breaks throughout the day. One can also keep a notebook or notepad to capture any thoughts buzzing in the mind throughout the day.
- Sensory rest - sensory exhaustion can be caused by excessive exposure to bright lights, computer or mobile phone screens, loud noises, background noises or conversations in the work area where one is trying to concentrate. These can be mitigated by shutting the eyes for a while, eye massage, switching off or unplugging electronics at the end of the day.
- Creative rest - this happens when you take time to enjoy nature, places that invite you to have a sense of awe, peace, and calmness. Visiting such places as parks, an ocean, a waterfall, hiking up a hill or mountain can be quite refreshing. It also involves enjoying works of art. This rest is crucial for people who spend time brainstorming and solving problems. Taking this rest can give you fresh ideas or invigorate you to find solutions to the issues concerning you.
- Emotional rest - we may get emotionally exhausted through some encounters we have either at home or at the workplace. It does also happen when we have a difficult situation in our lives. To get this rest, you need to confide in someone. It could be a family member, friend or someone willing to listen to you and you can talk about what is going on. Sometimes listening to calming or reassuring music has worked for me in these kinds of circumstances.
- Social rest - socializing can be exhausting at times. There are people that naturally can exhaust you while you interact with them and there are those who can energize you. To get this rest, you need to deliberately get times with the people who energize you. These are people you feel at ease around. You can talk, laugh and just be.
- Spiritual rest - when you feel aloof, alone and unanchored you may need this rest. This involves taking time to connect with God, meditation, prayer and doing something meaningful for the benefit of others. This gives one a deep sense of love, acceptance, belonging and purpose.
To get ample rest, Dalton-Smith says we need to incorporate most if not all these forms of rest in our lives. If you evaluate yourself, you may need more of a certain type of rest than another depending on which you have a deficit in.
There are warning signs that a person could be having burnout. They are as follow: A negative or critical attitude, trouble sleeping, overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, headaches, nausea, and backaches, numbness or emptiness and difficulty performing your usual tasks.
Regret is part of the human condition, however with appropriate action, discipline and fortitude, we can reduce the effects of its sting.
“Nembe ngamanya yadadua nanyuma” “The statement ‘I wish I knew’ always comes at the tail end of an occurrence” Taita proverb.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we need to take action now to avoid the pain of regret later in life. We should take action in important areas of our lives such as our health, family, friends, love of God and others, and enhancing the things we are passionate about like our talents or hobbies, things we value.
Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. So said Sidney J. Harris
I have experienced this pain of regret in a couple of areas in my life. I grew up listening to music and was amazed at how the musicians played the music pieces I listened to. I wondered from an early age if I would ever be able to play the guitar. I had two clear opportunities to learn playing the guitar that I failed to explore as a teenager. One day, I was going to visit my grandmother, who lived about half an hour up the hill from our home. On my way there, I passed by the local shopping centre to meet some friends and gather the latest news in the village.
After a while, I was ready to continue with my journey. A few metres ahead of me was a gentleman heading in the same direction. He was one of the most talented guitarists in our village. He played the guitar so melodiously to the delight of many. He played in church on Sundays and during special events organized occasionally to sensitize people on various matters. I hastened my steps, even jogged a bit to catch up with him so that we could walk together. I recall we had a conversation about life generally and more so about faith. I recall thinking to myself “here I am walking and talking with this skilled guitarist, I should ask him about how I could learn to play like him”. However, for some reason, I held back from asking the important question: how can I learn to play the guitar like you? Instead, I let the conversation continue on other subjects, important as they were, but led to a different outcome. As way leads to way, we got to my grandmother’s place. We parted ways and the gentleman went on his way to his home which was some metres further on. And that was my chance at learning guitar from this talented player that went begging.
The second opportunity I had was of another guitarist who literally stayed next door to me for a while. You see, he was hired by my uncle to do some work and he lived there for a year or more. He played the guitar so well. He even told us that he used to play with one of the famous bands in East Africa in the 80s by the name Les Wanyika. We couldn’t verify this assertion but what was clear was that the guy was a talented guitarist. He played in our local church every Sunday much to the amazement of the congregation. So here he was, living next door, I admired his craft. Yet, I did not ask to learn from him. And just like that, after a while, he was gone and so did the opportunity to learn guitar playing from him.
Many years later, I have the opportunity to learn. What with the internet with many guitar teachers. I have learnt how to play a bit - as evidenced by the introductory tune to this episode - and I continue to practice to get better. This is one of those things in my list that I wouldn’t want to regret in the future, that I did not take time to learn to play the guitar. So not all hope is lost at least in this example. And that is the hope we have, as long as you are alive, there are things you can still do to minimize the sting of regret.
“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” Jim Rohn
“True discernment means not only distinguishing the right from the wrong; it means distinguishing the primary from the secondary, the essential from the indifferent, and the permanent from the transient. And, yes, it means distinguishing between the good and the better, and even between the better and the best.” Sinclair B. Ferguson
Discernment is important for proper decision making and especially when we get to crossroads. You need to make a choice at that point. Do you go right, do you go left or do you stand and wait a while at the same spot before taking another step? This decision depends on the prevailing circumstances, the resources at your disposal and the goals you are aspiring to achieve. There is a famous poem by Robert Frost that a mentor of mine had shared with me some years back. It paints this picture of making a decision in a cross road so well:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Discernment is also crucial when making decisions about the priorities in our lives. It could be the priorities for the day, for the week, for the month, for the year and for your entire life. What are the most important things for you to accomplish? This is a decision that is as personal as it can be. If we prioritize the less important things, in the long run, the outcome of our lives will be quite different from what it could have been.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should utilize discernment in our decision making. It will aid us in making the appropriate decisions in the various circumstances we find ourselves in as we journey through life and while we strive to achieve the meaningful goals that we are pursuing.
Discernment is crucial when we have to ascertain the correct idea to go with or the correct action to take between two or more compelling ones. As a parting shot, consider what Charles Spurgeon said “discernment is not a matter of telling the difference between right and wrong; rather it is telling the difference between right and almost right.”
Papo kwa papo kamba hukata jiwe - Swahili proverb (The constant rubbing of a rope will cut the stone)
Grit is defined in Oxford Learners Dictionary as “the courage and strength of mind that makes it possible for somebody to continue doing something difficult or unpleasant.”It is the sustained application of effort towards achieving a long term goal. This is the ability to persevere and keep going in the face of challenges or obstacles. It does not matter how many times one gets down, as long as you pick yourself up and keep moving, putting one leg in front of the other, as they say, one step at a time until you realize the worthy goal you were aiming for. This is grit.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should persevere in the pursuit of our purposeful goals, have the discernment to know when to change strategies that are not working and to keep at it until we attain the goal.
Like any other trait, grit or perseverance can be learned and made to grow in us through practice. I think life has been designed in such a way that we get opportunities on a daily basis to grow in our perseverance or to be gritty if you may. This is true for us human beings and it can also be observed in nature.
Researchers have indicated that grit is one of the most important predictors of success. Angela Duckworth has done research on grit, why some individuals in similar circumstances tend to succeed while others don’t. In her book Grit:the power of passion and perseverance, she states that what people end up achieving may depend more on their passion and perseverance than on innate talent. While notably it is not the only factor, she found grit to be a stronger predictor of high achievement compared to others like talent, intelligence and personality traits. This is the reason why, according to Duckworth, grit is so important. She suggested four ways of cultivating grit:
- Developing a fascination about the things you do.
- Aiming at daily improvement.
- Having a greater purpose for what you do.
- Having hope that things will get better if you encounter a challenge. Maintaining a growth mindset, getting better each day at what you are doing.
A warning is imperative here. It is not wise to keep forging ahead if a strategy we are using is clearly or demonstrably not working. As they say if you find yourself in a hole, the best thing is to stop digging. This requires discernment to be aware when a goal is clearly unattainable and that changing course is the best option. It is therefore important to apply grit but with the wisdom on where to apply it. As Confucius said “Perseverance is not the only ingredient to winning. You can stalk a field forever and not get any game if the field does not contain any.”
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should have grit and persevere towards achieving the purposeful goals we are pursuing. We should do so with the wisdom of knowing when to change strategies or even goals, when the strategies we are using are not working or the goals we are aiming for are realistically unattainable.
I conclude with this quote from Jacob A. Riis “Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”
“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” Aesop, Greek storyteller
The Oxford dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” The Greater Good Science Center in their paper entitled The Science of Gratitude, wrote the following about definition of gratitude:
“Most people have an instinctive understanding of what gratitude is, but it can be surprisingly difficult to define. Is it an emotion? A virtue? A behavior? Indeed, gratitude can mean different things to different people in different contexts. However, researchers have developed some frameworks for conceptualizing gratitude so that it can be studied scientifically.
For example, Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough define gratitude as a two-step process: 1) “recognizing that one has obtained a positive outcome” and 2) “recognizing that there is an external source for this positive outcome.” While most of these positive benefits come from other people—hence gratitude’s reputation as an “other-oriented” emotion— people can also experience gratitude toward God, fate, nature, etc.
Some psychologists further categorize three types of gratitude: gratitude as an “affective trait” (one’s overall tendency to have a grateful disposition), a mood (daily fluctuations in overall gratitude), and an emotion (a more temporary feeling of gratitude that one may feel after receiving a gift or a favor from someone).”
Gratitude has immense benefits in our lives, it makes us look fondly to our past, appreciate the present and have a glowing hope for what lies ahead. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should be grateful for the experiences we have currently and those we have had in life, those that brought us joy and those that tested our character. As Melody Beattie said “Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Note also the warning sounded by Henry Ward Beecher that “The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”
In my view, gratitude is a voluntary action, it cannot be forced. If it is forced, it will be something else, not gratitude. However, when there is gratitude after someone does something for another, it is like the icing on the cake, without it, it seems bare and missing some flair. It reminds me of the story where Jesus healed 10 men who had leprosy. Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem, traveling along the border between Galilee and Samaria. It reads in Luke 17 verse 12 to 19 as follows:
“As he (Jesus) was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.””
In my view the 9 received physical healing, however, the one man who was grateful received extra healing, he received the healing that was even more crucial if you may, spiritual healing. He got this because of his attitude of gratitude. When we are grateful, even more is given to us. The Creator and people around us are inclined to give us more when we have a grateful heart and attitude. As the Spanish proverb goes “To the grateful man, give more than he asks.”
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” Alice Morse Earle, American Historian
At any one point our minds are usually moving to three points in time, the past, present and the future. One could be attending to some matter but at that very moment, their mind could be far off considering something from the past or in the future. The success of each action we take depends on whether we are present, both in body and mind, and focused on the action. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should focus on the present moment, to enjoy all it offers, to explore all of its potential since it has the greatest influence on our future.
Even though it sounds simple to focus on the present, it is quite difficult to execute. Wallace Wattles wrote “Do, everyday, all that you can do that day, and do each act in an efficient manner”. This is pretty straight forward, but I acknowledge it is very hard to do. Yet this is where the truth to successfully attaining our future goals lies. Setting plans, and doing each day, each moment, all that is required to be done.
Wattles also said “Whatever your action is to be, it is evident that you must act now. You cannot act in the past, and it is essential to the clearness of your mental vision that you dismiss the past from your mind. You cannot act in the future, for the future is not here yet.” Wattles
Jean de La Bruyère said “Children have neither a past nor a future. Thus they enjoy the present, which seldom happens to us.” The little ones in many ways enjoy or seek to experience each moment. They focus on the thing that is happening right before them, at this moment. At times, this can be frustrating in that it appears their attention span is so short. Yet they are able to enjoy the moments fully and those moments that end up being terrible, can easily be forgotten, just as quickly, in most cases (except traumatic events that tend to be remembered for a long time).
Consider this story told by Jerry Braza in the book Moment by Moment:
A mother tells a father, “Honey, would you drop the kids off at school this morning? I’ve got a lot of shopping to do and errands to run.”
“Well, dear, I’ve got a pretty hectic day myself (sigh) … OK I’ll do it. But hurry, up kids!”
So Dad and his children jump into the car and they’re off. The busy father glances at his watch. “Why is traffic so slow this morning? Certainly people should drive safely, not speed, but this little old man in front of us must be sight-seeing! I’ll pass him as soon as I can… take a short cut maybe … Oh, no!!”
Wouldn’t you know it! The car approaches a railroad crossing just as the lights begin to flash and the safety gate comes down. Dad’s first thought: “Darn it! We’re going to be held up by a train and be late.”
So, as Dad is fuming in the front seat, anxiously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, reviewing, in his mind, how to make up some time … a sweet, childish voice calls out from the backseat: “Daddy, Daddy, we’re so lucky! We get to watch the train go by!”
There are seemingly frustrating moments in life, which if looked at in a different light, can be delightful.
“Ukimficha jogoo kwenye pakacha kuna wakati atawika” Swahili proverb “If you hide a rooster in a basket, he will crow at some point.”
Accountability is an important, if not crucial quality we should embrace if we are to succeed in achieving our goals. I think in one way or another, accountability is inescapable. We can either choose to be accountable of our own volition, or circumstances may and will arise that will cause us to account for our actions or inaction. Accountability keeps us in check and ensures that we attain an inspired harmonious life.I think it is a key ingredient in attaining this way of life.
I think there are three levels of accountability. We are accountable to the Creator, to ourselves and then to others. Regarding our accountability to the Creator, Scripture says in Hebrews 4:13 “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.” David in Psalm 139:7-12 says of God the Creator “I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.”
Accountability to the self is governed by our conscience. We may have an accusing conscience, some voice within us that tells us whenever we are doing something wrong. When we ignore these warnings we may descend into chaos. Apostle Paul talks of keeping a clear conscience in a number of his writings. In Acts 24:16, he said he tried to maintain a clear conscience before God and man. He advised Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:19 to cling to his faith and to keep his conscience clear.
Accountability to others includes close family members, friends, relatives, bosses, colleagues, organizations etc. The levels of accountability may vary depending on the people or persons involved. So for instance you may be more accountable to a spouse as opposed to a distant relative.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should be accountable.
I recall a story of 4 students who were ill prepared for an exam after being away partying for a whole night. There was no way they were going to do the exam without failing. They decided to make up a story to tell their Professor so that they could be excused from taking the exam. They told the Professor that they had attended a wedding the previous night. On their way back to Campus, their car got a flat tyre and they had to push it all the way back. They asked if they could be allowed to take the exam some other day.
Their Professor listened to their story and was gracious to them. He told them that their test would be rescheduled to be done three days later. The students were so grateful to the Professor for offering them a second chance.
For the next three days, they studied hard for the exam, taking no chances to ensure that this time round, they would be so ready to tackle the exam. On the day of the exam, they showed up to their Professor’s office, beaming with confidence. They knew they would ace the exam. The Professor told them that they would each go to separate rooms to take their exam. They wondered why but were not worried since each of them was adequately prepared.
When they each opened the exam questions, they realized there were only two questions as follows:
Question 1. Write your name (1 point)
Question 2. Which tyre burst? (99 points)
When we are not accountable for our daily tasks, it ends up complicating our lives and experiences in the future, akin to the students.
“I must do something' always solves more problems than Something must be done.” unknown
I think taking responsibility has an empowering effect on us. On the other hand, looking to someone else to act, dis-empowers us, it takes the wind out of our sails if you may. It causes us to resign to our circumstances, environment or fate. The mantra becomes ‘things never change or things will remain the same’. Yet the opposite is true. As it has been said, the only constant thing is change.”
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should take responsibility for the outcome of our lives. As it is, we cannot change the past, but we can change or influence the future by the actions we take now. So each present moment has the potential to change our future positively or negatively depending on the action or actions we take.
Brian Tracey in his book the Power of Self-discipline said “The failure to accept responsibility and the attempt to foist responsibility for things in your life that make you unhappy onto other people, institutions, and situations completely distort cause and effect, undermine your character, weaken your resolve, and diminish your humanity. They lead to making endless excuses.”
Similarly, Jack Canfield in his book the Principles of Success said “If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health and physical fitness, your income, your debts, your feelings - everything! That is not easy. In fact, most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like. We blame our parents, our bosses, our friends, our coworkers, our spouse, the weather, the economy, the government, our astrological chart, our lack of money-anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We never look at where the real problem is - ourselves.”
There is a story told of employees who were looking into a mirror. One day all the employees arrived at work to find a notice at the door that said “The person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away yesterday. We invite you to join the funeral session in the gym room.” At first each employee was sad to hear the news of the passing of this colleague. However, after a while, they were curious to know who this individual was, who had been hindering their growth and the growth of the company.
When the employees had all gathered for the funeral, they all got a chance to go look into the coffin. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone was thinking: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress?” One by one the employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. You see there was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see themselves.
There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: “There is only one person who is capable of setting limits to your growth in this company: it is YOU.” You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, and the realization of your success. Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your partner changes, when or your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we must not let our past, our current circumstances or our environment rob us of the power to act in one way or the other.
“A heart at war needs enemies to justify its warring. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it wants peace.” The Arbinger Institute
It is apparent that at any one point, we are either operating with a heart at war or a heart at peace. The outcome of our actions will be quite different depending on the heart behind the actions we take. When we act with a heart at war, our actions tend towards chaos, on the other hand, when we act with a heart at peace, our actions tend towards harmony. In the book The Anatomy of Peace, the Arbinger Institute refers to these two kinds of hearts as the way of being. They indicate the following:
With a Heart at peace - you see others as PEOPLE. People with hopes, needs, cares, and fears as real to you as your own.
With a heart at war - you see others as OBJECTS. They are obstacles on your way, vehicles to achieve your ends, irrelevancies, inconsequential etc.
So the outcome of our actions, as we interact with others, is largely influenced by the our state of being. Whether we are having a heart at peace or a heart at war.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should aim to operate with a heart at peace. Yes we may have a heart at war from time to time, for that is human nature, but it should not be lost to us to be aware and gravitate back to the heart at peace.
The good news is that, our Creator has given us capability to have a heart at peace even in the midst of war. Whether that be a physical war, a mental war, relational war, economic war or any other form of war. There are a couple of examples from history and in current times that show this is possible:
There is a story in the book The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute, about a historical figure Saladin. “In June of 1099, Crusaders from the West laid siege to Jerusalem. After forty days, they penetrated the northern wall and flooded into the city. They slaughtered most of the city’s Muslim population within two days. The last of the survivors were forced to carry the dead to mass unmarked graves, where they piled the corpses in heaps and set them on fire. These survivors were then either massacred or sold into slavery.
The Jews, although not so numerous, fared no better. In the Jewish quarter, the inhabitants fled to the main synagogue for refuge. The invaders barricaded the exits and stacked wood around the building. They then torched it, burning all but the few who managed to escape. These people were slaughtered in the narrow streets as they attempted to flee.
The brutality extended as well to the local Christians who officiated at Christian holy sites. These priests were expelled, tortured, and forced to disclose the location of precious relics, which were then taken from them...After taking Jerusalem in 1099, the Crusaders took control of most of the coastal areas of the Middle East. They continued to hold these regions for about eighty years.” Around 1187, Saladin managed to unite all the Muslim peoples from Syria to Egypt and mobilized their collective resistance. His armies recaptured Jerusalem in 1187. “Militarily, politically, and in every other way, Saladin was the most successful leader of the period. His successes were so surprising and total that historians sometimes invoke luck and good fortune to explain them.” Saladin’s invasion of Jerusalem was different in comparison to that of the Crusaders. “In the spring of 1187, after the Crusaders had broken a truce, Saladin called upon the forces of Islam to gather in Damascus. He planned to march against the occupiers in a unified effort and drive them from their lands.
Saladin sprung a trap on the Western forces near the Sea of Galilee. A few escaped, including a leader named Balian of Ibelin. Balian escaped to Tyre, where via messenger he made a
“He who everyday is not conquering some fear, has not learnt the secret of life” Ralph Waldo Emerson
As human beings, we face fear on a daily basis, whether that be real or imaginary fear. It is part of the human condition. So for us to make progress, we must learn to deal with fear correctly and master it. If fear is left unchecked, it can have a debilitating effect on us, hampering us from making progress towards our goals. However, if we learn to deal with it correctly, it can enable us not only to survive, but to thrive. So for us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should gain and sharpen the quality or character of dealing with fear appropriately to ensure we thrive in whatever activities we engage in.
We need to find ways of understanding the fear that assails us and learn how to react or how to deal with it. As the Russian proverb says “fear the goat from the front, the horse from the rear, and man from all sides”, we cannot deal with the objects or sources of our fear the same way.
“He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat” Napoleon Bonaparte
It is therefore important that we understand fear. Some scholars have put together categories of fear.
There are three basic types of fear. Rational fear, primal fear and irrational fear.
Rational fear - this happens when there is real, actual or imminent danger. For instance when someone brandishes a gun at you or you fall and slide towards a cliff or the edge of a roof on a tall building.
Primal fear - this is natural fear, it is fear that is programmed into our brains. It comes with the package if you may. It is such fear as fear of other creatures like snakes, scorpions, spiders etc. It helps us survive by ensuring we stay away from such creatures that can kill us.
Irrational fear - these are fears that do not make logical sense. They vary from person to person. These are fears such as the fear of shadows, fear of clowns, fear of falling asleep, fear of bathing.
Dr Karl Albrecht has described 5 categories of fear out of which he says all other fears come from or fall into as follows:
- Extinction—the fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist. This is a more fundamental way to express it than just "fear of death" The idea of no longer being arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.
- Mutilation—the fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body's boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. Anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.
- Loss of Autonomy—the fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or otherwise controlled by circumstances beyond our control. In physical form, it's commonly known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to our social interactions and relationships.
- Separation—the fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness; of becoming a non-person—not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The "silent treatment," when imposed by a group, can have a devastating effect on its target.
- Ego-death—the fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the self; the fear of the shattering or disintegration of one's constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.
Dr. Albrecht says that “When we let go of our notion of fear as the welling up of evil forces within us and begin to see fear and its
“Smooth seas make no skillful sailors” African proverb
Failure is an illusion because we make a big deal out of it. It is a natural thing that happens to all human beings. No one born of a woman has never failed. Yet we make failure more than it should be, it is a way of learning how not to do something, yet we turn it into a labeling venture. “He is a failure” “I am a failure” “She is a failure”. This should not be. We also look at people who are successful in life and label them “he is a success, she is a success”. It is important to recognize both failure and success, however, we make an error in assigning ourselves or others labels based on these two titles. You see if you accept the label of a failure, then there is no point in trying. It becomes a self-fulfilling label. I think these two exist together in some way. Each person with a successful story, has had numerous failures before achieving the success.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should view failure for what it is, a feedback mechanism, to tell us whether we are on the right path or not period. It is not a label.
I think if you examine the life of most if not all highly successful people, you will discover that they have endured a lot of failure in their life as well. They have learnt to take important lessons from their failures so that they can improve and increase the chances of attaining their goals. Famous people like Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, Michael Jordan, Mohammed Ali, George Foreman, Steve Jobs, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Oprah Winfrey and the list goes on and on, they all have had to endure failures to get to success in their endeavours.
“Imagination is the soil that brings dreams to life.” Anonymous
Imagination is a crucial part of the human experience. Our Creator endowed us with the capability to imagine. Some authors like Dr. Maxwell Maltz have made assertions that imagination is the quality that differentiates human beings from animals. He wrote the following in the book Psycho Cybernetics:
“We often overlook the fact that man too has a success instinct, much more marvelous and much more complex than that of any animal. Our Creator did not short-change man. On the other hand, man was exceptionally blessed in this regard. Animals cannot select their goals. Their goals (self-preservation and procreation) are pre-set, so to speak. And their success mechanism is limited to these built-in goal images, which we call "instincts."” Thinking about this, I wonder what goes on in a lion’s mind as it is chasing a Zebra or what goes on in a Zebra’s mind as a Lion is chasing it. Do they both think of the outcome of the chase? Survival or perishing? It may be difficult to figure this out.
Dr. Maltz continues as follows “Man, on the other hand, has something animals haven't —Creative Imagination. Thus man of all creatures is more than a creature, he is also a creator. With his imagination he can formulate a variety of goals.Man alone can direct his Success Mechanism by the use of imagination, or imaging ability.”
Imagination, just like any other attribute, tool or goods available to human beings, can be beneficial or harmful, depending on how it is used. You can use imagination to aid you in achieving the creative goals you are pursuing. However, imagination can be harmful if we use it to overly dwell in things such as fear, worry, anxiety, jealousy, envy, bitterness and the likes that can well up in us.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should use imagination in pursuing our creative goals. The way we can do this is to imagine the result of our goal as it would be when it is accomplished. To see in our minds eye the goal fulfilled and experience all the joy, exhilaration and confidence it gives us having accomplished the goal. This is in keeping with what Jesus said in Mark 11:24 “I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.” Once you capture that mood of how you would feel once your goal is accomplished, then carry on with your current endeavours with that mood. This may be difficult to do initially, but as with anything, with practice, it becomes better.
“When a tree’s shadow is bent, straighten the tree, not the shadow” African proverb
This proverb shows that when seeking to change something, the better strategy is to go at the core of the problem or issue. In human beings, to deal with issues visible on the outside, the best strategy is to change from within. When the inside is changed, the outside will follow suit. One of the internal components we can seek to change within is the self-image.
Self-image is the internal view we hold about ourselves and it influences how we behave or how we carry ourselves. It consists of descriptions we hold about ourselves such as strong, brave, weak, cheerful, able, kind etc. It influences how we interact with others. It also has a big impact on whether we will succeed on any goals we are striving to achieve.
In his book Psycho-Cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz said this about self-image:
“The "self-image" is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior. But more than this. The "self-image" sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment. It defines what you can and cannot do. Expand the self-image and you expand the "area of the possible." The development of an adequate, realistic self-image will seem to imbue the individual with new capabilities, new talents and literally turn failure into success.”
For us to lead an inspired harmonious life, our self-image, has to be in line with our authentic self-image. It has also to align with the goals we are pursuing, if we are to achieve them. The more our self-image is aligned to the creative goals that we are pursuing, the more inspired and harmonious a life we will lead. The healthier our self-image is, the more aligned our goals are to this self-image, the more inspired and harmonious a life we will have.
“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar
Learning or sharpening the skill of having goals and achieving them will enable us to lead an inspired harmonious life. We can set goals that are of two general categories. We can set goals in the competitive plane and goals in the creative plane. Having goals of a competitive nature means, in most cases, by you winning, someone else losses or gets vanquished. Setting goals in the creative nature means that when you win, many others win or benefit from your achieving that goal.
The author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn said “If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us.”
I think you become better by all counts while striving towards achieving your goals. It changes you for the better whether you succeed or not. If you do not succeed, you learn how to improve so that you can reach your goal in subsequent attempts.
When you have a goal, something you are striving towards, it gives you focus and balance. Suddenly you know what things, people or activities support you towards achieving your goal or goals and which ones don’t. You get the clarity to say yes and the courage to say no to those things that do not aid you to reach your goals.
I think setting and achieving goals is like learning to ride a bike.
So for us to achieve an inspired harmonious life, we cannot afford to operate without goals. The goals give us balance, a focal point and the encouragement to keep moving forward. Once you achieve a goal, it is time to set another one in its place.
So do you have a goal or goals you are working towards? If you do not have a goal, today may be that day to set one. If you have a goal, I encourage you to keep working on it, you will achieve it, if you do not give up!
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
By pursuing self-knowledge, we can begin to scratch the surface of that which lies within us. Cambridge Dictionary defines self-knowledge as an understanding of yourself and your abilities. It is crucial to have self-knowledge for us to foster harmony in our lives. If we lack self-knowledge, we will operate mindlessly, being tossed about aimlessly by the circumstances we encounter or we end up groping around for clues as though in the dark of night.
Part of self-knowledge is also being aware and content about things that are beyond our ability. David in the Psalms says “such matters are too wonderful for me to look into” . The prayer of serenity also speaks to this. It goes as follows:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr There are a number of theories, methods and categorizations that have been developed over the years to help us know and understand ourselves. I will look as some of these methods or categorizations below:
- Extrovert or Introvert - people can broadly be categorized in these two ways. You are either one or the other. By way of description, an extrovert gets energized by being around other people, an introvert gets energized by being in contemplation on their own. Being away from people drains the energy of an extrovert while being around people drains the energy of the introvert.
- The four temperaments - these are Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy and Phlegmatic. This is a further breakdown of the aspects of being extroverted -sanguine and choleric or being introverted - Melancholy and Phlegmatic. Each individual is unique and has any combination of these four temperaments with some being more dominant than others.
- The four temperaments have been broken down further into 16 personality types by work done by Carl Jung,Myers Briggs, David Kiersey. There are tools based on the Jung and Kiersey theories that aid people to figure out their personality types.
I think knowing one’s personality type is a good way to start in the journey to self-knowledge. Having self-knowledge enhances our prospects of living an inspired harmonious life. You will begin to understand why you behave the way you do, your strengths and your weaknesses. It will enable you to have understanding and empathy towards others. You will understand that we are all different and we view things differently. However, fundamentally, you will see that you are unique and valuable once you have self-knowledge.
“Self conquest is the greatest of victories” Plato, Greek Philosopher.
I define self conquest as the ability to control and influence ones’ matters or affairs, to move in the direction of his or her purposes and to achieve their goals.
I think the greatest obstacle to achieving an inspired harmonious life is ones’ self. It is therefore crucial for us to conquer or master the self if we are to live an inspired harmonious life.
Self conquest is comprised of a myriad of components. One such component is self control. The book of Proverbs in Chapter 16:32 says “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city.” It is a powerful thing to be able to control one’s spirit and one’s passions if you may. I recall a certain advert by Pirelli Tyres that would run on the Television some years ago, it ended with this adage “power is nothing without control”. If you think about it, everything we have access to or that is in nature can be useful or dangerous. It is useful if it is controllable, it is dangerous if it is uncontrollable. Take fire for instance, under control, we use it to do good stuff like cooking meals, when it goes out of control, it destroys, burns up people, burns buildings, forests etc. Same goes for water, if it is under control, we use it to drink, wash, irrigate farms, run industries, however if it is out of control, it is disastrous. It causes floods which destroy buildings, kills people and destroys entire cities.
I think there are two ways to achieve self conquest. The proactive way or the catastrophic or challenging way. The catastrophic way is one where a momentous occurrence causes one to make sweeping changes to make progress and survive.
Prevention is better than cure. This is a saying that is used mostly in medical circles. However, I think it applies in most situations including conflict. A similar Swahili saying goes as follows “Usipoziba ufa, utajenga ukuta”. In English, it means if you do not repair a crack, you will end up building the entire wall.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should seek, as much as possible, to act or take precaution in advance to prevent bad effects that would come later on as a result of unaddressed conflict.
There is a gradual increase in the effects of conflict in our lives as time goes by. The incremental effects happen in such aspects as time, money, effects to our health and damage to relationships:
- In the aspect of time, prevention of conflict takes seconds or minutes, but if it goes unaddressed it could take years to resolve.
- In terms of money, dealing with conflict early on is mostly free, but if it is unaddressed for long it could cost millions to deal with.
- In the aspect of health, dealing with conflict is free early on, however, if it is not addressed, the stress can result in medical issues that could cost millions to address.
- In relationships, whether they be personal or business relationships, preventative measures are mostly free, however if a conflict emerges which goes unresolved for a long time, the relationship may end.
Harmony Out of Chaos
“Amani haiji ila kwa ncha ya upanga!" This is a Swahili saying translated in English it means, there is no peace without war. Not that I advocate for war, but I use this to illustrate that, in essence, one does not arrive at a peaceful state of affairs without some form of struggle. An English proverb that portrays a similar meaning is “smooth seas make no skillful sailors.” This saying is commonly used to portray how we must go through difficulties or struggles in order to achieve a peaceful or harmonious existence.
Conflict is part of the human condition. It is a fact of life, and everyone is bound to experience it from time to time.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should not refrain or hold back from dealing with conflict in our lives. We should be invested in gaining skills first of all to prevent conflict and secondly skills to deal with conflict when it eventually arises.
“The apple doesn't fall far from the tree” English proverb. This saying has been used to express the view that children take the traits of their parents. Either they look like their parents, behave like their parents or do the things their parents do.
We are made in the image of God, the Creator. He calls us to exhibit qualities similar to the ones He has. To have the same character as He does. He says in the Scriptures that we should be holy, perfect, loving, kind, just, generous, forgiving just as He is.
I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me how our bodies have some qualities that are similar to those of the Creator. Listen to this, I see the following similarities:
- The Creator or God reveals Himself to us human beings in three ways in what is described in Christianity as the Holy Trinity: The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Similarly, like I explained in Episode 2, I think our bodies can be viewed in three levels: the Outer body, the inner body and the most inner(invisible) body.
- Our subconscious mind is always at work just like God is always at work as Scripture says. In John 5:17 when Jesus was questioned about working during the Sabbath, he responded by saying his Father is always working. In Psalm 121:3-4 Scripture describes God by saying that He never slumbers or sleeps.
- Our souls and spirits are invisible and can exist eternally just as God does.
I should be careful to sound a warning here. We should be like God but not God. We should embody and exhibit His qualities and characteristics but not assume or take His position. We should hold firm to the saying let man be man and God be God. Being a law unto ourselves is the highest form of pride in my view. As the saying goes, pride comes before a fall, if we set ourselves as god, then we will definitely descend into a chaotic life. Harmony therefore is found in the balance of being like God but not being God.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on” Robert Frost - American Poet.
For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we have to fan into flame the life-principle inherent in us. The creator put a life-principle in each living thing in this world, whether it be plants, insects, animals or human beings, with the characteristic of increasing or adapting to thrive in a particular environment. I see the law of harmony in operation through the life-principle. Basil King best described the life-principle in his book The Conquest of Fear “...Whatever the Fount of Being from which the life-principle first came into the waters of our earth there is no question but that with it came a conquest principle as well... Long before it works up to man we see this amazing force stemming an uncountable number of attacks, and meeting ruinous conditions with daring contrivances. For one kind of danger it develops a shell, for another a sting, for another a poison, for another a protective colouration. To breathe in the sea it puts forth gills, and makes lungs for itself when stranded on the land. In glacial cold it finds the means of growing fur; when heat and cold assail it by turns it packs itself with feathers; when climates become temperate it produces hair. For the creature which keeps to the water it webs the foot; for that which takes to the trees it makes the toes prehensile; for the one which learns to stand erect and run along the ground it flattens the sole, making it steady and supporting. To resist, to survive, to win through, is the end to which the life-principle sets itself with such singleness of aim as to unfold a wealth of potentiality astounding to us in looking backward.”
We can thrive through the life-principle inherent in us as long as we cooperate with it and trust the Creator who fashioned it.
"The outer body is carried by the inner body" Taita proverb
There is a wise saying in the Taita language that goes “Ghwa ighu ghwadadukwa ni ghwa ndenyi” which in English means, the outer body is carried by the inner body. (Taita language is spoken by a people that live near the coast of Kenya in East Africa). The outer meaning of this saying is that contrary to what we may think, the outer body, the parts of the body we can see such as the legs, the hands, torso etc are actually made functional by the inner body parts that are invisible. The inner body parts can be put in two categories, the tangible and the intangible. The tangible parts such as the heart, the stomach, the liver, kidneys, the brain can be viewed through the help of equipment such as Ultrasound, x-ray scanners, MRI, endoscopes and radiographs. The intangible parts cannot be seen even with aid of equipment. These are described with such terms as the mind, heart, gut feeling, soul, six sense, intuition.
For a person to function harmoniously, these three levels of the body have to work in consonance. The deeper levels of the body have more influence on the outer parts. For instance, the brain has more influence on the leg, but they are connected in such a way that were the leg to hurt, the whole body would feel it. The spirit, the soul, the mind and the heart have even more influence on the partially visible and the visible body.
We have foundational thoughts that influence the activities we carry out throughout the day. The foundational thoughts we entertain in the morning are the most powerful and usually influence our actions for the rest of the day.
We have two kinds of foundational thoughts. Thoughts that are built on the foundation of sand or thoughts that are built on the foundation of a rock. Those that are built on the foundation of sand are discouraging thoughts, while those that are built on the foundation of a rock are empowering thoughts.
The more we dwell on foundational thoughts that are based on a rock, the more our lives will be inspired and harmonious.