Deconstruction.

This word has become a descriptor for the experience of millions of people who have been questioning the American Evangelical Church. Many who would consider themselves to be in the process of deconstruction, have left church altogether.

While I now include myself in this group, I spent nearly 28 years fiercely committed to church. It was always an integral part of my life. I began serving in church as a teenager, and for nearly 15 years I was a worship musician and leader, among other things.

Until recently, I could count the number of times that I had missed a Sunday on my hands and I would feel guilty if I ever did miss; and while I wouldn’t explicitly acknowledge it, I would judge others who weren’t regularly present in church services.

Fast forward to today, not only have I stepped down from my staff position as a Worship Leader, but I haven’t been to church in months--and I honestly don’t know when I will be able to return.

So how did I get here?

I’ve been asking questions and struggling with wounds within the church, for years; but I suppressed these so effectively that even I didn’t really know they were there. But as with an infected wound that has had the skin closed over, I appeared healthy outside, but remained broken inside.

Frankly, I am still very early in my deconstruction journey, and I don’t believe I have actually unpacked all of the questions and hurt that have lead to where I am today; but this podcast is part of my attempt to understand all of the things that have lead me here--and to discover what comes next.

The life and writing of John Lewis has become a great source of inspiration for me. In his book, Across That Bridge he wrote a powerful statement that I feel speaks to what I have been experiencing, and what I see as my path forward. He writes, “Don’t close your eyes because you are afraid of what you will see. Be honest in your assessment. Transformation and revelation require an adjustment from what we know to what we know can be.”

So join me as I reopen my wounds and ask uncomfortable questions about the church in America on my personal path to healing and pursuit of a deeper understanding about what it means to know and follow Jesus.