466 - Developing Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Developing Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes Executive Director, AllCEUs Counseling Continuing Education Podcast Host: Counselor Toolbox, Case Management Toolbox

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Objectives • Understand what self esteem and self-efficacy are, why they are important and how to develop them

The Nature of Self-Esteem • How people feel about theirself in contrast to who people think people “should” be • The more rejecting people are of theirself, the more • Distress people experience • people seek external validation or withdraw • In order to develop healthy relationships people need to • Feel good about theirself • Get in touch with theirself and their true values • Believe people are a lovable and worthwhile person • Choose actions in harmony with their true self

The Gift of Mindfulness • Teaches people to live in the moment • Not stuck in guilt or resentment of the past • Not paralyzed by fear of the future • Putting one foot in front of the other • Cornerstone of mindfulness is acceptance • Nonjudgmental • Letting be • Patient • Mindfulness teaches that when people trust theirself and act with awareness and purpose people become more self reliant

Note: The book will give people access to online, recorded versions of several meditations

Impact of Mindlessness • Ignoring or invalidating how people feel • Failing to integrate feelings, thoughts, sensations and urges • Running on autopilot and not making time for the things that are important (getting us closer to our ideal selves) • Blindly adopting mainstream messages of who/what we should be • Not in harmony with who we really want to be • Not achievable or realistic Developing a Self-Concept and Efficacy • You are more than your accomplishments or your bank account. • What do you want to stand for (values)? • Download a values list and circle the ones that are important to you. • Identify how you CURRENTLY demonstrate those. • Identify other ways you could demonstrate those. • What things do you do that go against your values? (i.e. impatience) • What could you start doing today to address one of those?

Developing a Self-Concept • What things are you good at, and what are your accomplishments? • What traits/values do those accomplishments and strengths represent? Success, courage, determination, creativity, compassion • How would your friends describe you? • Loyal, compassionate, caring, honest… • How do you demonstrate those? • Self Esteem Acronym (THINK)

Breathing and the Body • The constant noise often keeps people from addressing the underlying issues of emotional turmoil • Life becomes focused on treading water • Forward goals are exchanged for just surviving • This reduces self-efficacy • Mindfulness and self-awareness help people quiet their thoughts • By making contact with the present moment people can: • Find their strength • Learn to grow • Choose how people wish to respond Activities • A Deep Full Breath • Abdominal breathing signals the brain to slow down and relax. “Rest and digest” • Simply paying attention to breath often causes it to slow down • Feel the loving touch (their Breath) • Life begins and ends with breath • Breathing helps relax the body and move Qi • Add visual and auditory breathing reminders Activities cont… • In and Out • Do a body scan and yay attention to what their body is trying to tell them • Inhale and take in positive affirmations • Make a list of 1-3 affirmations • Exhale and let go of stress and negative energy • Envision stress leaving like a wave/cloud/balloon • Note: This can also be done with bubbles • Practice noticing points of tension/tightness/heaviness and feel them relax or loosen as they exhale • Develop confidence that they can feel feelings and not have to impulsively act.

Thinking and the Mind • An Impartial Witness (Fly on the wall) • Stop Sorting (into good and bad) • See the Whole Room, Not Just the Elephant • The issue • The strengths • Everything/everyone involved • Check the Hecklers • Identify self talk • Examine its source and reliability. • No Blame Emotions and the Heart • Spaciousness • Recognize all the emotions contained within their heart • Cultivate warm heartedness • Plant your garden (What are you going to use your energy to cultivate?) • Tend and befriend • Count your Blessings • Delight for Others Being in the World • Claim Emotional Baggage • Don’t let it stay on the conveyor • Don’t give it to someone else • Listen—Just Listen • Listen to hear and understand (self and others) • Speak with Compassion (To self and others) • Write a Job Description • Goals • Duties

Mindfulness to Increase Self-Efficacy • Reflect daily on how they embodied the values most important to them • Value progress over perfection • Develop self compassion • Use backward chaining to identify vulnerabilities which may have contributed to mindless behavior Summary • Self esteem begins in childhood • Being aware of self helps people identify their strengths and develop their “me” identity. • Part of self esteem development includes • Values identification • Understanding wants vs. needs • Addressing cognitive distortions • Being aware of sensations, feelings and thoughts • Helps choose behaviors which are in unison with values • Helps support people through the difficult moments • Silences the critics • Clarifies who people are and what people want