00:00 Problem or Solution? Frequency and WOOP (Parent Edition)
00:11 Like Attracts Like
01:15 Frequencies
01:54 Notice How You Feel
02:39 View the End Slide
03:21 Other Side of the Temper Tantrum
04:01 WOOP
05:12 Be Honest With Where You Are Now
06:27 Your Kids Are Overcomers

Today in our Transurfing through Parenting series, I will be talking about the Frequency of the Problem vs. the Frequency of the Solution. J and I talk about being at the frequency of the solution, and this is an Esther Hicks concept.

Like Attracts Like Like attracts like. So, if you are feeling empowered and positive and solution-ready, the answers will come to you. But too often, when we have a problem or an issue, we're focused on that problem. And we become at the frequency of that problem. A lot of times in parenting, this happens with whining kids or frustrating situations. Somebody spills the milk, then a whole train of issues shows up. And then we're at this reactive frequency where we're just trying to put out these little fires one at a time, and we're not able to approach the situation from a more positive place. It can tend to spiral downward - we get in a negative frequency, so another problem arises, and then we react poorly to that situation, which brings up another problem.

So let's talk about the example of the child throwing a tantrum. When my kids are in a super negative place, I often think, "Why is this happening? Shouldn't I have been a better parent so my kids don't have a temper tantrums? Can we systemize this so that it doesn't happen anymore?"

Frequencies Then I think, "Okay, so I need to discipline better or nip this in the bud earlier." I try to think of solutions to the problem, but that's not the frequency of the solution - I'm still at the frequency of the problem. I'm coming at it from a problem frequency.

Have you ever been in this happy, pleasant state, and then answers just suddenly come to you? That's being at the frequency of the solution. On the other hand, you could be thinking for hours, perhaps sitting in a brainstorming meeting where you're trying to solve something, and you just can't come up with any options, or maybe you have writer's block, and you can't get past this one scene - because you're at the frequency of the problem. Too often, solving the problem entails being at the frequency of the problem.

Notice How You Feel I have two suggestions for you in these scenarios, but first, start by just noticing that you are looking at the problem from the frequency of that problem - from any negative or frustrating frequency. That's the first step. Notice that you're not happy with how you're dealing with the situation.

Then you can choose one of these two options: The first is Viewing the End Slide, and the second is W O O P.

View the End Slide So we want to come at problems from the frequency of the solution. We can do this by viewing the result that we're looking for. We don't usually want a certain thing itself, we want the feeling that that thing brings us. We don't just want to be on vacation to be in another country, we want to be on vacation for the feelings of adventure, relaxation, socializing with our friends and family, etc.

The same is true with solving problems. There is a reason we want to come up with these solutions. So view in your mind the state you will be in when you have already solved this problem. You don't need to know how the problem got solved, just that it did.

For example, sometimes I'll envision returning home after going to an event and telling J, "That was amazing! I had such an awesome time! You'll never believe who was there. You'll never believe what happened to them. This was such a divine appointment, and it was just absolutely amazing."

I don't need to know who was there or what happened, and I don't need to plan all of these things. God is working together all of these things for my good, and good things will happen. I just need to view the end slide of the feelings I want to have once the problem is solved.

Other Side of the Temper Tantrum The main thing I want to take away from this situation is that feeling of "I'm so glad I did that. I'm so glad that happened. This was such a wonderful experience." We can do that with our kids, too. It's not that I have to think, "My kids are never going to have another temper tantrum in their lives," but I can imagine being on the other side of this temper tantrum - maybe holding my daughter on my lap and hugging her and saying, "I am so proud of you for how you overcame that challenge." I don't exactly know how we're going to get through, but I have the vision of seeing us on the other end, which helps shift my emotions and mindset from the frequency of the problem I'm dealing with now to the frequency of the solution after I've already received my desired outcome.

WOOP The second tip I have for you is W O O P. This is something I heard from Brian Johnson. It originally comes from Gabriele Oettingen. It's an acronym that stands for Wish Outcome Obstacles Plan. You can look it up online for more information, but I first heard about it from Brian Johnson, and he talks about it a lot in his work with Optimize and Heroic.

The idea behind WOOP is that you identify your Wish and then what's the desired Outcome from that Wish. So we're moving from the frequency of the problem - or the Wish that I would want the problem solved - to the Outcome, or the solution being done already. Then we move to identifying the Obstacles that may arise on the way to getting that desired Outcome. Last, we dream up a Plan for how to overcome those Obstacles. Brian Johnson talks about how it's so much more empowering to know, when these Obstacles come, that you have a Plan for them all ready to go. This approach is more powerful than just wishful thinking or what we call toxic positivity, in which you kind of get blindsided, thinking everything's going to go smoothly and then, all of a sudden, an Obstacle comes up. "Oh no. Did I not have enough faith? Did I not manifest correctly? Was I not thinking the right way?"

Be Honest With Where You Are Now So if your inner belief system doesn't truly believe it will be that easy, that's okay. It's okay to think about the Obstacles that are going to come up, because you're going to overcome them. I used to think, " Oh, I don't want to be manifesting these negative obstacles in my life. So I'm not going to do that WOOP thing." And there's an element of truth to that - we don't want to be focusing on the negatives - but we have to deal with our subconscious mind where it is now.

If we believe that there will be obstacles that will be challenges that will make us stronger, then that's not a negative. That's coming to a problem from the place of the solution: knowing my desired outcome will happen, and I don't need to know exactly how I'm going to get there, but I ran my slide of that end scene where everything was awesome, where I'm envisioning myself celebrating the success after achieving my desired outcome, and it's great. And then we can look back, backtracking a little bit, and see the Obstacles that may arise and how I will overcome them - now I'm empowered, and nothing will stop me. No matter what comes up, I will be able to achieve my desired goal.

So I encourage you to look at the problem from the place of celebration. I encourage you to use WOOP to envision the solutions so that you can come at your problems from a frequency of solutions instead of the frequency of the problem itself.

Your Kids Are Overcomers This is also really important for our kids. We can teach our kids that they are overcomers and how to envision what problems might come up. We can discuss with them, "While we're here, before we're in the middle of that problematic situation, what solutions can we proactively consider to those problems that might come up?" This will teach them that their identity is an overcomer and that they can approach problems from the frequency of the solution.

And if they see you dealing with things like temper tantrums, spilled milk, etc., from a place of calm and peace, rather than a frequency of frustration, it will help give them the confidence to do the same.

All right, guys, we'll see you in the next video on Transurfing through Parenting.