"as long as men dominate women we cannot have love between us. that love & domination can coexist is one of the most powerful lies patriarchy tells us all. most men & women continue to believe it but in truth love transforms domination."

~ bell hooks~

excerpt from the book "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity & Love"

in this podcast Donna & Elden explore the moment-to-moment experience of learning to relate with love.

through lines of this conversation include:

• the reality that relating with love requires acknowledging the intrinsic value of those relating & what they bring into the relationship.

  • fear/control based connection interfere with love based connection.
  • who/what decides our value?

• the power of narrative within our relational dynamics.

  • where did our narratives come from?
  • what is their impact on our relationship?
  • how can we re-route them to support us in different ways?

• how do we create awareness of what's loving & what's not?

  • moment to moment
    • step back.
    • ground, breathe, take care of your nervous system.
    • acknowledge the feeling(s).

• taking 100% responsibility for ones self & ones relational impact.

  • we don't have control over past history & responses that emerge from it.
  • we can become aware of past history.
  • we can become aware of how our behaviors activate prior wounding.
  • we can work the patterns together to relate in more connective ways.

• emotional/mental maturity

  • recognizing the state change(s) & moment-to-moment capacity to show up relationally.
  • must be trained
    • training requires:
      • space & time where safety is accessible.
      • modeling

Links to resources & teachers mentioned:

Trabian Shorters

Interview with Trabian @ the On Being Podcast

Internal Family Systems - Richard Schwartz

Dr Joe Dispenza

Remember Institute & Intersection of Mankind - Rev Brig

the wired for connection podcast is recorded, edited & produced from the un-ceded (stolen) ancestral homelands of the Ramaytush Ohlone people the area commonly referred to as the San Francisco Peninsula.

intro/outro music by Ayla Rose

disclaimer: this content is for entertainment purposes only