On this episode of Ask The Experts, Alka Sharma talks to Doug Dane who has survived physical, sexual and mental abuse to go on to create a life of freedom. He had helped thousands of entrepreneurs and business owners with his coaching service.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
- From talking to thousands of people over the years I’ve worked out unequivocally, without fail, that no amount of self-help, no books, no courses, no seminars, none of that is really going to work unless you clear up this mistaken identity that you have. You see yourself a certain way through other people’s eyes, and that erodes your perspective and opinion of yourself. They don’t really know you.
- I was given up for adoption at birth, stayed in a foster care home for the first six months of my life and then adopted by this really violent, alcoholic family. When my parents split I was free to run the streets, hanging out in all kinds of places and eventually hooked up with a ring of paedophiles, from 13-15. Naturally, you turn to coping methods, for me it was drugs and alcohol. Then I got the idea I wanted to get into business after my Dad passed away and left some money, so I did and went bankrupt. After that I went to a Bob Proctor seminar, I learned some things I didn’t know and became successful in business.
- I’ve struggled most of my life internally, not feeling good about myself, anxiety and depression, second-guessing and negative talk. You wouldn’t have known it, I became a really good actor. I struggled through relationships, wrecked marriages, I became my father – a philanderer – and it was hard because deep down I was nice and authentic in every area of my life but relationships, and I couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me. At 39 my second marriage failed, I was in marriage counselling and couldn’t answer the questions about family and it turned out I was blocking out the abuse. I went back through my life and put the story together. The key to letting go of all that junk was to go public with it in the national news and speak about it and wrote a book.
- Authenticity is a buzzword, but it’s not as simple as “being your authentic self” because we don’t understand why we’re not. The problem is that when you were little you got programmed with biases and prejudices, rules and values from adults. If you don’t get it right they judge you and you’re punished, criticised, yelled at, teased. You start judging yourself which fosters an idea that something’s wrong with you, that you’re being inauthentic. Stop trying to fix yourself, the key is to be yourself. Don’t ask: “What’s wrong with me?” Ask: “What’s wrong with what I believe/how I was treated/who I’m following?”
BEST MOMENTS
‘The only problem we have in the world is ignorance/lack of awareness.’
‘Our ego doesn’t like change and it likes to stay safe. It is defined by our history and our upbringing. I call my ego my cellmate and it doesn’t want you to leave.’
‘Bob Proctor saw something in me that I felt but didn’t believe in. He believed in me and he got me to see it and I started to be myself and eventually, I became free.’
‘If you want to do something or be something, and it’s really out of your heart, you must be that person already otherwise you would not want it.’
ABOUT THE GUEST
Doug Dane is a survivor who has risen above a past filled with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and violence to experience a life of freedom, health, full relationships, and abundance. As an international keynote speaker and mentor, he has turned his personal experience into a duplicable system to help people discover their true identity and live a life of freedom. Doug spends his days trying to help people feel better about themselves so they can stop hiding and start living. He's on a mission to show people how to let go of their past so they can create a better life for themselves, their families, and the world.
Website: https://www.dougdane.com/
ABOUT THE HOST
Alka Sharma is a Real Estate Investor. She has a zest for life, helping her clients gain knowledge and insights into property investing. Alka takes her time to make sure her client’s needs are met.
Alka is an accomplished, professional ballroom dancer having competed both nationally & internationally.
Alka is grateful for all the experiences that have shaped her today as a successful Entrepreneur, Real Estate investor.
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