The War Within: Recent Episodes
Cornelius Harris
This chapter discusses my gay identity, celibacy, gay culture and what i need from men, connecting sexual maturity to sexuality
Continuation of part 1 of losing ny mind and going back to therapy trying to stay sober
Child just listen the shit gets real with these vipers. I really thought i was losing my mind
I was just angry with god and this is how it cane out!! Trying to understand the will of God, trying to suppress gay people, tired of humanity, going crazy, letting go, clinging to life and death,
The suffering feeling of addiction, consequences and a culture of shame, wisdom and understanding will power, free will
Purity, treating others how i want to be treated, royally black, finding strength and winning in life
Needing love and acceptance from my father. More nightmares of black, aggressive men pursuing me
Grace, chasing lifestyle not addiction with substances, losing self-consciousness, removing the illusions, the brain and our habits, understanding addiction throughastrology
Dreaming beyond reality, schizophrenia, finding myself, dealing with more annoying people, not trusting god because of anger, contemplating suicide and near death experience
Not being able to write feeling stuck creatively. Taking action ti make my dreams come alive
Finding a licensed clinical social worker to help with PTSD. Other mental and psychological delusions and impressions that feel like attacks of the spirit
Saw a Spiritual reader who revealed things about my life and what i must do to overcome “curses” put on my life
Feeling invalidated and disrespected by Buddhist members. Using hate to learn compassion and generosity
All my frustrations with my sexuality, gay sex and navigating its terrain while learning to love myself
CMA and AA realizations during recovery. Hating addicts and not feeling appreciated in gay spaces
Family drama. Struggle to feel validated by parents. Not feeling loved from family and how this affects self-concepts of self-worth and self-importance.
Dealing with my on-again-off-again relationship with Hagar. Finding the capacity to be alone and love myself
This chapter is about my Sex addiction and religious and familial expectations in reproduction. Questioning male femininity
My sexual identity, questioning my sexuality, as it applies to religious customs, attending Sexual Anonymous
Mastering self, first time using substances, completing hard work and the pleasure after the struggle of trying to write my memoir
Details how Army life affected ny psyche and how deployment pushed me to my drinking career
I met a guy named Evan who revealed insecurities in me regarding self-worth, success, self-confidence and was lead to a christian church First Corinthians Baptist Church. This church was the start of my spiritual awakening.
My drinking problem leading to blacking out and still going to A.A meetings and the convention of sponsorship
My struggles with believing in my leadership abilities in the Army. This brought questions about self-worth, authority and believing in myself. Also deals with traumas on sexual abuse an sexual harassment that circulated around my life
Drinking problems, family problems, perception problems. Problem after problem after problem arising in my life and navigating A. A molestation, and down-low hookups with crackheads
Introduced to spiritual West African IFA healer and recognizing my drinking habits is a result of family trauma. Early gay sex lifestyle and the dysfunction of navigating Down Low men
There was an arrest that lead to me being charged but it was a blessing in disguise an unfolding revelation that forced me into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous
This chapter talks about the gay LGBT culture and gay sex scene dysfunctions and ways to construct new healthier meanings around identity. The start of my drinking career after getting into a dysfunctional gay relationship and moving to New Orleans
My paranoid delusions of imminent threats from my environment and investigation on religious philosophy on creating patterns in daily life that lead to happiness
The fight that turned physical and psychotic all in a matter of minutes. Funding my own company suitable over love that hurts
This details the trip to Alexandria to visit my long lost paternal family and how this was the impetus to healing negative family Karma.
Trying to break free out of family karma that hinders, by understanding my family dynamic. Reuniting with my estranged family on my father side and pulling more skeletons out the closet to my broken family.
This chapter details my indoctrination into the Buddhist faith and membership in the Buddhist organization, where i learned to chant, meditate, and reflect on those character flaws that were preventing me from growing and developing self pride.
Reckless Endangerment is about my NY nightlife party habits and how my drinking wound me in unwanted altercations and fights with strangers. Break up to Make up is about how my debauchery lead me to finding a boyfriend who turned out to be the impetus to rethinking how i was loving myself
The chapter details making a new homosexual friend who teaches me the ropes of the NY gay scene and how sex and liquor culminated a life of dysfunction and excessive licentiousness.
Real, uncut, unapologetic, uncensored, details about my journey fighting addiction, self-hate, mental illness, family trauma, identity confusion, to eventually find a spiritual guide to reconciling past hurts and ultimately loving myself