Today, I was triggered by two separate Korean Americans making self-hating, anti-Asian "jokes" on social media. It reminded me of my past, and how I used to do the exact same thing. It makes me sad to think about how much I used to hate myself, without even knowing it. It makes me sad to think about how many times I abandoned and betrayed myself and my own community, just so I could fit in with people who blatantly disrespected me. It makes me sad to think about how much I wanted the approval of assholes. I hate that, as a child, I had to come up with these shitty survival tools, like making fun of myself, to survive in racist ass Virginia. Watching The Farewell in theaters with a bunch of white people — in New York City — was a pivotal moment for me and my racial identity. I want to live in a world where we don't look for belonging in unsafe places. I want to live in a world where we don't hate ourselves and where we come from.

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