Helpful Support = 1. Increased Trajectory + 2. Increase ResilienceHarmful Support = 1. No Improvement In Trajectory + 2. Lowered Resilience Support in Different Contexts- Workplace: Managers should focus on developing employees' skills and independence- Parenting: The goal is to raise independent adults, not perpetually dependent children- Friendships: There's a delicate balance between being supportive and becoming a "coach"- Addiction and mental health: Support should aim for long-term recovery and resilience, not enabling destructive behaviorsJon Haidt's Three Great Untruths:- "What doesn't kill you makes you weaker" => What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. - "always trust your feelings" => Feelings should be examined, sometimes immediate responses are counter productive and one should 'think slow, not think fast'. - "life is a battle between good people and evil people" => The world is not zero sum, most things are 'win-win'. Defining Effective Support- Support done well leads to independence and growth, not dependence- The goal is to "teach someone to fish" rather than continuously "giving them fish"- Good support maximizes the trajectory of someone's improvement over time- Effective support may involve allowing someone to struggle or fail in order to learn and growChallenges in Providing Support- It can be difficult to let someone struggle or fail, especially in personal relationships- There's a balance between intervening and allowing natural consequences- The recipient's mindset (growth vs. fixed) impacts the effectiveness of support- Clear communication about the intention and reasoning behind support is crucialReframing Support- Support should be viewed as increasing resilience and ability to handle future challenges- It's about being on the same "team" and working together for mutual growth and success- Good support acknowledges feelings without necessarily endorsing them- Support should aim for win-win outcomes rather than reinforcing a zero-sum mentality