The more you love and care for someone with a use-disorder, the more likely you are to find yourself in the deep end of your emotional life.

Maybe you need professional assistance. 

I believe we can all agree that there is far too much stigma and shame attached to addiction.  There is also a legacy of stigma linked to seeing a mental health professional.

Do the right thing and get whatever help you need.  It is always your business to keep it private.

Peace to you