Grumble Goat: Recent Episodes
Mat Labotka & Veronique Hurley
A comedic grumbling of mundane trivialities. Mat Labotka and Veronique Hurley grumble through life’s little pet peeves. Do you hate gum? Have you ever thought about it? You probably hate gum without even realizing it. Follow Mat’s absurd infuriation down the rabbit-hole into frustration, while Veronique’s buoyant optimism keeps us afloat… of the Grumble Goat.
Wanderlust is embedded into the human DNA. It is as much a part of us as thirst or hunger, and just as powerful a motivator. Humanity did not cross the Bering Strait because Asia ran out of space, we crossed because it was there. We spread across the world like a global pandemic, and now that we have airplanes, that pandemic has become airborne. Travelers traverse everywhere, and thus citizens of foreign lands need a place to put all these explorers. Just like airports have customs lines, and the Everglades has Alligator Alcatraz, popular cities have Tourist Traps. Some random, worthless artifact is given Can’t-Miss status and these groups flock to line-up and self-contain. But if your goal is to explore a new city, why waste time taking a selfie at the most photographed places in the world? Blend in with Mat and Veronique as we seek out new life and new civilizations by boldly going where everyone else already lined up for Tourist Stuff!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Tourist Stuff appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind has risen far above the nasty marshes and bubbling swamps of our natural beginnings. We have created order and society and cleanliness. And pleasant smells. Nature, on the other hand, is smelly. Our own bodies disgust us with their odors. So we made fragrant soaps and deodorants and eau de toilette. We created Time-Release-air-Fresheners and Bubblegum Vapes. But we still need our crops to grow and so we need fields covered in cow dung. So when we don’t like natural odors, but we want to decorate our parks in nature, we need to bring something natural and fertilizing into our pristine neighborhoods. Let’s dig a little deeper, with Mat and Veronique, as we break down the rotting decay of fresh Mulch!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Mulch appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Welcome to the Future. We are now past the Information Age. Not only because mis-information has taken over, but also because we have been surpassed. It was fun living in the Now, but we can no longer keep up. Language-Learning Artificial Slop is the new reality and make-believe productivity is moving faster than we can blink; yet meanwhile, our lives are a hectic chaos of never-ending tasks and catching-up to yesterday’s To-Do list. Ironically, incrementally handing our society over to the machines has left us more frantically burdened than before. When did we lose the future of flying cars for this future of Slack tasks? Pencil yourself in with Mat and Veronique as we skip lunch, breaks, and blinking in order to still fall behind on our Time Management!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Time Management appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind is a herding species. We thrive when we work in groups. Alone, a person would have to build their own shelter, forage their own food, sew their own clothes, and create their own streaming platform while writing and producing their own bingeworthy content. But together, we can spread that work around. The drawback is that if you didn’t build your own roller-coaster, then you have to wait your turn to ride someone else’s. But the National Attention Deficit is at an all time high, so how can we be expected to sit still in this militaristically rigid system of single-file waiting? Be patient, while Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Jack Utrata-Claridad – seethe and bemoan that enough is enough and decry the end of the Lines!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Follow Jack on Insta: @jackutrata
Learn more about Jack: jackutrata.com
Get ready for 11 Blocks to Go: 11blockstogo.com
And start following 11 Blocks to Go: @11blockstogo
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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Lines appeared first on Mat Labotka.
We live in the computer age. Everything is computer. Communication happens through our instant messaging, banking happens through the ATM, groceries are ordered via app, and applying for jobs is HR portals. Gone are the days of firm handshakes and human interaction. Though, there remains one hospitable refuge. There exists one business model that pairs a live liaison with each human guest. When you go to a restaurant, it is a human that greets you and waits on your needs. But what happens when even that modicum interaction is split by a machine? Build an appetite with Mat and Veronique as we skip the appetizers and digest the other app the server brings to the table on that Waiters Device!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Waiters Device appeared first on Mat Labotka.
What was once spread-out nomadic tribes, Humankind has transformed into overpopulated, sky-scraping mega-metropolises. Progress has created super-city-states of civilization that clump humans together almost as tightly as explorers in OceanGate’s Titan Submersible. And with such a dense population, we create waste. While the computer-age technology has created a much brighter Times Square and faster Wall Street algorithms, waste management has not moved far beyond throwing garbage out our front doors. The steaming, repulsive heaps of sidewalk trash are a magnet for disease and rodents. And some of these filthy monsters, it turns out, are our neighbors. Trash talk with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Marianne Goodell – as we dissect the putrid underbelly of human nature by sifting through our insufferable Curbside Garbage!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Find Marianne on Insta: @marianne_goodell
Find tickets and Info for ‘The Comeuppance’: Headwall Theatre Company
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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Curbside Garbage appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind has developed an obsessive encyclopedia of rules, ordinances, and law. We thrive in discipline and orderliness. Laws dictate where we can go, how we behave, and exactly how inebriated we can be driving home. But we are also beholden to our nature. And the one Law of Nature is ‘Kill, or be Killed!’ But when we are good boys and girls, how can we scratch that killer itch? Tune into your sinful, guilty pleasure with Veronique and Mat as we indulge that baser instinct vicariously through the dulcet sounds of True Crime!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post True Crime appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind loves systems and order. We obsessively name and categorize everything in nature. We divided all of the branches of life into Species and Genus and Kingdoms. We plotted every element in the universe into a table of contents. We put the square block in the square hole. And in our kitchens, we stack the plates with the plates and the bowls with the bowls. Forks go on other forks and spoon nestle with other spoons. But there is one cupboard that is given to entropy. Chaos reins on the coffee cup shelf. There is no organization or stacking when no cup matches another in any dimension. Ponder this dilemma over a cup of coffee with Mat and Veronique as we confront our addictions, not to caffeine, but to the uncontrollable hoarding of coffee Mugs!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Mugs appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Healthcare is a vital part of our society. Just like access to food and water, healthcare is a necessary part of maintaining these fleshy avatars we call bodies. While hospitals and medical access may be a wildly mismanaged, robber-baron industry of government-sponsored organized crime, most of our healthcare starts at the home. Staying hydrated and choking down brussel sprouts is basic health maintenance. Self-care starts with avoiding Hot Pockets and Baja Blasts. Physical Fitness beats Physicals. But Ten Thousand steps is also wear and tear. What happens when healthy hurts? Rest and Recuperate with Mat and Veronique as we struggle through the misery of healing from Aches and Pains!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Aches and Pains appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind is a product of nature, and thus we are beholden to nature. Despite living in a world of caller-ID and screening-calls, when Nature calls we must answer. And that answer happens the same, every time. We use the toilet; a toilet that is has a pretty universally recognized shape and function. Everybody uses this apparatus multiple times a day, and so we must all be exceptionally well-versed in the operation of these simple artifices. But then why are they always labeled with warnings and remonstrations? Who keeps breaking the toilets? Hop a squat with Mat and Veronique as we struggle to decide what to flush down the toilet in loo of That Bathroom Sign!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Mat’s Play, ‘Gruff: an Origin Story’ Feb. 11th!
Court Square Theatre in Long Island City: Theatre East
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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post That Bathroom Sign appeared first on Mat Labotka.
We mark a new year on the calendar. Like a barbarian whipping a flail around its chain, so too does the Earth whip around the sun to clobber us with the passage of time. And time, like the orbital momentums we attribute it to, can be cyclical. While its nice to take the New Year as an exercise in imagining a future unwritten, sometimes our propulsion is backward. It is one thing to reminisce about the olden days, and quite another to reforge erstwhile Reichs. How can we steer toward hope, when our captain’s compass only points to hate? ~~Mutiny?~~ Find your direction with Mat and Veronique as we drown out the Year of our King, 2025!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
Mat’s Play, ‘Gruff: an Origin Story’ Feb. 11th!
Court Square Theatre in Long Island City: Theatre East
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post 2025 appeared first on Mat Labotka.
There is something deeply elemental about doors. Something lurks in our minds, possibly from our days living in caves, that profoundly impacts the way humankind’s subconscious reacts to doorways. ‘Opening Doors’ is metaphorically equivalent to obtaining opportunities. What prizes await behind Door Number Two? ‘Making an Entrance’ is to become the center of attention. As a matter of fact, the word ‘Entrance’ means both ‘Doorway’ and ‘Fill with wonder.’ So let’s take a moment to admire this doorway before we move through it. Except, there are people behind us. And there are folks coming the other way that need to use the door. Have you ever entered a room and forgotten why you entered in the first place? Cross the threshold with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Chauncy Thomas – as we forget to even step into the room and instead, blissfully entertain in the space between two places, like a clog in the toilet, we stand Blocking Passageways!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Follow Chauncy on Insta: @chauncythomas
Or see Chauncy in Christmas Carol if you’re in the area: Lyceum Theatre
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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Blocking Passageways appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In this futuristic age, it is easy to forget that we are mortal. Humanity has become nearly all-powerful… we can summon the visage of someone in another realm on our magic mirrors regardless the distance; we can portend the future through the crystal ball of our Accuweather Apps; and we can séance the guidance of the non-living through Grok. But we are still beholden to the curses of our flesh and blood. There are still miasmas that render us prone, blights that cripple our ability to rise above the muck of the natural world. And we are vulnerable during this cold, and stressful season. And what woe that it is our very stress that delivers to us the very worst of our diseases. Bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble with Veronique and Mat as we curse the plaguing blight of The Pox!!!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post The Pox appeared first on Mat Labotka.
As Autumn sets in once again, humanity must face the eternal questions of decay that haunt the bare branches and long shadows of Hallow’s Eve. Life is full of Grumbles, as this podcast attests; but so then is the ever-present awareness of mortality. As the spiritual veil pulls back, now is the time to question that infinite darkness of the beyond. But which is the more haunting idea: to cross the River Styx and join the dead, or to remain tethered to this world with business unfinished? Percolate this purgatory with Mat and Veronique as we invoke the spirits and confront our metaphysical and metaphorical Ghosts!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Ghosts appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The meaning of life is a question that has plagued philosophers since the dawn of time. Some say love, or laughter, maybe presence of mind, even the number 42 may hold the answer; but the question persists. Except in a scientific sense. The whole purpose of life in a scientific sense is to procreate. The proliferation of life is the purpose of life. This, very simply, means that we must pair off. As in Noah’s Ark, two-by-two we must seclude ourselves and procreate. Some species don’t like to cohabitate, like the Black Widow or the Praying Mantis, it’s more of a one-night-stand situation. And some animals choose to mate for life, like the penguin or the swan. And then there is Humankind. Of course we complicate things with bureaucracy. Contracts must be signed and alliances must be strengthened through generational guarantees. And when taxes are owed, the government needs certification that these two individuals have obligated themselves to mate for life. Bind yourself to Mat and Veronique as we remove the Romantic Comedy from our lives and chase that stoic, concrete nuptial contract of Weddings!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Weddings appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Music is a fundamental element to humankind’s soul. Before spoken language, there was music. Our bodies have circadian rhythms and heart beats, but also our nature calls us to tap and clap. Drums call us to dance and horns summon us to war. We sing to our babies and we sing to our gods. We fife our revolutions and we Dance Dance Revolution. The melody is inside of us and it harmonizes with our nature. But like a crippling addiction, we demand more and more. Turn it up! More cowbell! Modern speaker technology allows music to cripple us. The bass is no longer moving our feet so much as quaking our footing. When fans are passing out earplugs at the concerts they paid to attend, are we harmonizing with our inner-selves or masochistically self-destructing? Amplify your rage with Mat and Veronique as we push past the tinnitus with the deafening cacophony of Music Volume!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Music Volume appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In humankinds modern, late-stage-capitalistic world, one of the most celebrated luxuries is Flavor. Chefs and Sommeliers are world renowned celebrities. The spicy Scoville-covered-chicken enhanced interrogations called ‘Hot Ones’ is not only legal under the Geneva Conventions, but popular entertainment. For thousands of years, salt, spices, teas, and flavors have caused wars, slave-trade, and the fall of dynasties. But, now, in the days of the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine, where 165 flavors are the touch-of-a-button away, people still grapple over flavor. When Sumatran Arabica and Ecuadorian Robusta are on the same shelf as Celsius, how can either be the finer? Wake up with Veronique and Mat to the vibrant, robust odor or Coffee Snobs!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Coffee Snobs appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In a more Enlightened Age, humankind’s fundamental, inalienable rights were simmered down to Life, Liberty, and Property. Nine tenths of the law revolves around Possession. We treat material ownership with divine reverence. But just because someone owns something, doesn’t mean they know where it is. When we encounter an object bereft of its owner, we label it as Lost… depending on size. A wallet on the side of the road is lost, but a car is not. A needle in a haystack is lost, but a plow is not. Do we find the owner? Or do we move it to a more central location? But also, removing something without an owners permission is theft. In this murky, thick, grey bog of split morality, how can we know what the right and true thing to do is? Recover your bygone moral compass with Mat and Veronique as we uncover the secret map to the fabled Lost and Found!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Lost and Found appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind does not have fur. Somewhere along the Darwinian path, it became advantageous to free ourselves of this coat and instead weave our own, seasonal wardrobe. Since then, clothing has become very much a part of our self-identity. We wear clothes based on weather, occasion, occupation, and fashion; but never would we leave the house without something covering our bare nudity. In the unseemly heat, we get as close as possible, but never can we escape the binding need for coverage. When the cloth we cover ourselves with for warmth becomes the shield for our unmentionables, are we free to express ourselves? Or are we shackled by shame? Sinch up your skimpiest outfit with Veronique and Mat as we fail to cool off by busting out the Summer Shorts!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Summer Shorts appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Earth sources all of its energy from the Sun. The Sun heats the Earth, allowing for liquid water, which it then evaporates, giving us atmosphere and fresh water. It feeds the plants and it dries our laundry. But it is also a poison to us. It is not only vampires and trolls that must shield themselves from its furious light, but we mortal humans must cower from the terrors of its rays. The Sun dries us out, beats our senses, irradiates our skin, and ages us like drinking from the false grail. So why do we bathe in its light? Why do we seek it out at the edges of our shores? Come lay-out with Mat and Veronique as we unshadow this solar Stockholm Syndrome we suffer from the blinding bane of Sunshine!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Sunshine appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind may be the top of the food chain, but that chain still binds us. As mortals, we still must eat. We must eat, like, all the time. Eons ago, our ancestors could just pluck an herbivore out of the flock and munch away, but these days food can be scarce. Sometimes we must trek as far as three or four blocks away to find a suitable meal. Until the App Store, that is! Now, right from the convenience of our phone, we can send our local money all the way across the country to Silicon Valley to have them phone in an order at our local burger shop for us! At the touch of a button, and an hour or so later – fumigated in the tobacco and body odors of a 2003 Honda Civic – soggy, room-temperature food appears as if out of nowhere! Slap on a bib with Mat and Veronique as we shell out some extra gratuity for this marvelous service of Food Delivery Apps!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Food Delivery Apps appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The modern household is a wonder of technological efficiency. We have machines that perform mundane tasks to alleviate those stresses from our busy lives. Washing clothes used to take us all the way to the river for half a day, but not with modern machinery! Just permanent press those yoga pants at the touch of a button! Brushing out the carpet? No longer! Just create a personal vortex, rifting the space-time continuum and bringing the vacuum of the cosmos right down on those dust-bunnies in under the couch. And keeping food safe and cold is no problem with the arctic-closet we call the fridge. But innovation can sometimes slow down the easement of these technologies. When we start designing ice-boxes more like lap-tops, the simplicity freezes up. Deprogram the space-age with Veronique and Mat as we stare into the void, wondering what we’re going to cook up from these Fancy Refrigerators!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Fancy Refrigerators appeared first on Mat Labotka.
It is a fast paced-world we live in. Every great leap in technology is designed to make life easier: the printing press copies books for us, the cotton-gin picks seeds for us, the computer does all of our computing, and A.I. does all of our marketing and research. So why aren’t we all sitting on the beach? Ironically, all of these advancements have made us busier. Productivity is through the roof. There is no time between things anymore. Don’t squeeze in a lunch between telegraphs, because Beijing is already on the cellphone. And when emails circumnavigate the globe faster than the blink of an eye, there is no longer time to blink. With Slack in our pockets, there are no gaps between work and home life. And if you happen to come up with a moment or two to catch your breath, well, let’s fill it in, slowpoke! You’re late for your conference-call with Mat and Veronique covering the importance of transparency in your minute-by-minute Calendly of availability in the tumultuous syphoning of Group Scheduling!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Group Scheduling appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Safety first. Nothing is more important than your health and safety. Especially when traveling. So when we drive, we wear our seatbelts; and when we fly, we pose for full-frontal nude X-ray photographs for the federal agents that confiscate all of our belongings to search in a totally reasonable seizure of our rights. Because safety. We can’t outlaw guns, though, not for safety, guns are protected by the constitution. I mean, our right to property and freedom from unreasonable search and seizure are also protected by the constitution, but that right we have to forgo, because to keep safe from guns we have to give those rights up. How do we rank our rights and which to forfeit? Step right into the gamma ray machine with Mat and Veronique as we scrutinize the three ounces of brainpower that govern the arbitrary rules of The T.S.A!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post The TSA appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In the near future, the robots are winning the war against humans. Any human action taken outside of acceptable drone-performance is swiftly punished. Labor is rewarded with an hourly stipend for feed and shelter. Any human luxuries, like soap or floss, are locked behind plexiglass, to be distributed as tokens of good behavior. The tariff wars will determine the market-price of life-hours, and the S&P 5000 bots will calculate the value your accrued hours can be traded out. Out of this darkness, one man will emerge. This one man holds the key, and every human at CVS is relying on him. Join our heroes, Mat and Veronique, as we begin an epic quest to find the Chosen One, the lone employee with the key to the Drug Store Cages!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
_____________________________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
_____________________________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Drug Store Cages appeared first on Mat Labotka.
We don’t have a fresh Grumble this week, but it may be time to revisit the topic of ‘Hating Taxes.’ […]
The post Reruns: Hating Taxes appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Descartes argues that the only thing I can be sure of with certainty is that my consciousness exists. Everything else is […]
The post April FoOls appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In Humankind’s humbler beginnings, news and rumor were slow to travel. A merchant ship might dock and bring word from […]
The post Twitter News appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind’s origins were a brutal quest for survival. Hunting for food and fighting prey with simple tools was tiring work. […]
The post Not Too Sweet appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humans are very small, in the Grand Schematics of Things. Large things have a gravitational force. Large things have very […]
The post Billionaires appeared first on Mat Labotka.
It’s that special time of year, again. Not Groundhogs Day, groundhogs celebrate their love all year long. No, I’m talking […]
The post Valentine Cards appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Welcome to the second non-annual G.O.A.T. Awards! Awards season is upon us, and just like the Hollywood elite, the content […]
The post G.O.A.T. Awards II! appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The very foundation of Human Civilization is the ability to work together. Cooperation amongst humans has created cities, global networks, […]
The post Competition vs. Collaboration appeared first on Mat Labotka.
All of humanity has one fundamental commonality, one critical similarity that both binds us as single species and also uniquely […]
The post Birthday Freebies appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Christmastime has returned to America! Our favorite holiday celebrating the rampant consumerism and fourth-quarterly profits has finally come again and […]
The post The Spirit of Christmas appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind is a herd species. We clump together. So within these clumps of people, self-expression becomes important to maintaining our […]
The post Athleisure Wear appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Who are we? What do we want and what is our purpose? Discovering humanity begins in childhood. Society has a […]
The post Morality appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Being human is to err. The Master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. To achieve greatness, […]
The post Procrastination appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Once again the leaves wallow from the trees. Darkness encroaches. There are shadows of things creeping in the night. Even […]
The post Scary Cats appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind is the Apex predator on this planet, but we are not alone. Humanity has a best friend, a companion species in the Animal Kingdom. We have developed a symbiotic relationship with a loyal, faithful, and joyful partner in this entropic, mortal coil. Over generations and millennia we have come together in our homes and in our families, building a bond that supersedes fundamental needs, and even breaks into the realm of unconditional love; the bond between Humans and their best friend, dogs. And then, like a vacation ruined by uninvited in-laws, another animal moved in. Like an unemployed, adult child, they mooch off of our dwindling hospitality. Scratch up the furniture with Mat and Veronique as we cough up the indigestible furball of Cats!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Cats appeared first on Mat Labotka.
All of Humankind is akin, from the earliest cave-dwellers to the astronauts floating in space stranded by Boeing, we are all united in the ethereal, unconscious nether of sleep. No matter the microprocessor speed of our daily lives, we all are bound to the mortal coil of comatose slumber. While we now live in a world of scientific knowledge, our ancestral superstitions linger in our subconscious. The tribal cave-mind hides in the forgotten reaches of the back of our mind until we drift off to the enchanted nether of dreams where ancient nightmares torment our psyche. All the while our body lays still and unused for eight hours. But why? Why is there no pill to stop this? Our corporate overlords want more and more labor and sweat, why have they not demanded an end to this waste of productivity? Brush your teeth and put on your PJs with Mat and Veronique as we toss and turn and bemoan that elusive release of Sleep!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Sleep appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Agriculture is, of course, how we grow our food, but it is also humanity’s most fundamental connection to the Earth. The bountiful nutrients and minerals of Earth’s rich soils are unlocked by vegetation’s burrowing roots. And the different sediments of Earth’s many environments produce specific thriving flavors native to certain places: the grapes of Bordeaux, the olives of Sicily, and the hydroponic cannabis of Studio City. These flavors are celebrated throughout the world. But some places have a deep-seeded need for secrecy. New Jersey is an area where you keep your mouth shut, Fahgettaboutit, you-don’t-need-to-know kind of place. Come visit the Garden State with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Amanda Bruton – as we dig up Jersey’s surprising little secret, a bright red splatter pattern of Jersey Tomatoes!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Follow Amanda on Insta! @theAmandaBruton
Or discover Amanda’s alter ego! @ConnieBigBallz | or TikTok
Follow Amanda’s Podcasting Journey! @PreggoMyLesbo
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The post Jersey Tomatoes appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Evolution forges animals in a chaotic gauntlet of carnage and slaughter. Like a gladiatorial arena, only the strongest and fittest can survive the tumult. Eons of desperate hunting, killing, and fighting between species has born out to create the single-elimination food web that governs all living things. Until Humankind. The human has outclassed all other species so thoroughly that in our hubris, we take small competitors as pets. We are so immune from any other predator that we toss them morsels out of pity. But do they receive such cowardly scraps with any shame? They are still playing the game. They find food and attack. They look to us, not as friend, but as a pinata of crumbs. Grab some bread with Veronique and Mat as we wantonly waste food only to be swarmed by the onslaught of Feeding Birds!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Feeding Birds appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Welcome to the Information Age! If you’re still reading this then you are already behind, because the information is flowing faster than it can be consumed. It is impossible to stay current in the flowing rapids of content being streamed through the intertubes of the Now! And just like a river’s current, money churns mercilessly through the hydroelectric dams of economic power. That’s why it’s called currency, and its never really yours, you just borrow it for a brief moment before directing the stream back into the labyrinthian plumbing of the flushing Hand of the Market! In the whirlpool of life in the current, why bother pretending anything is owned? Get swept past the terms of service with Mat and Veronique as we jettison the burden of property just to drown in the choking, gulping drag of Monthly Subscriptions!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Humankind is a collaborative species, and the key to collaboration is communication. From the first spoken language, to the advent of the Ricola horn, to flag waving semaphore, straight on to the Walkie Talkie, communication has improved incalculably. Until the telephone. From the first phone call, it seemed a promising development, but the second call was a misleading confusion about Alexander Graham Bell’s extended car warranty. The telephone not only gave us the ability to reach anybody on the planet, it also gave everybody on the planet a way to reach us. Now, with cell phones in everyone’s pocket, crooks and liars and thieves no longer have to locate a mark, just punch some digits and they’re already in someone’s pocket. When every unknown call is known to be a ruse, can we finally fracture the phone part away from the cell? Answer the call with Mat and Veronique as we scrounge up some Google Play Gift Cards to satisfy the relentless onslaught of the Spam Calls!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Scam Calls appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Earth has been dominated by different dynasties throughout the eons. The Primordial Earth was governed by the amoeba, the Jurassic Earth was conquered by the dinosaur, the Common Era was managed by Humankind, and now is the Age of the Automobile. These mammoth beasts have evolved into Range Rovers that have decimated the habitats that Humans once flourished in. Fortunately, when dormant, they are mostly safe. But there is still controversy over the ethics of using multiple pressure points on their wheels. Is the Parking Gear equipped to hold these Goliaths at bay? Tap the brakes with Veronique and Mat as we grab them by the reins and yank up on the Parking Brakes!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Humankind may be the ordained alpha of the Earth, but we are not free of the Circle of Life. Our mortality forces the generational hierarchy that all life must follow. The elders pass on the wisdom to the young, and then pass the torch of the tribe along and trust that this ancient wisdom will continue. Yet, is human legacy not disruption? We have reshaped Nature itself with innovation, and disrupted flavor with Xtreme nacho cheese; is it not inevitable that the Cycle, like our taste buds, is broken? The twisted, arthritic claws of the elders still cling to our societal torch, while culture is spinning through the high-paced Tiktok of youth. The millennium held such promise, yet when was the millennial age? Get whisked away with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Darius Anthony Robinson – as we slip into the abyssal, Generational Gap!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Follow Darius on Instagram: thedariusanthony | Twitter: @dariusanthony | Facebook
Find Drunk Musicals on Instagram: @DrunkMusicals | TikTok: @DrunkMusicals
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The post Generational Gap appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The human body is a remarkable machine. It can be trained and shaped to extraordinary measures. The body builder grows the muscular structure to show off the strength of the gods. The gymnast contorts the body into awe-inspiring flexibility. The marathon runner hones themselves into a lean instrument of graceful endurance. And then there is the world of reality television, which zooms in on our imperfections for the sake of entertainment. It is here we see the everyman – the unsculpted lay person – put into the realm of the physical. But when people haven’t gone through the long pains of sculpting their bodies, can they take the sharp, quick pains of these obstacles? Gawk with Mat and Veronique as we celebrate the amateur failings into the inevitable Wipeout!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Wipeout appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Summer in America is a magnificent smorgasbord of all things wonderfully Americana. Barbeques take place on our green lawns with our white picket fences. Roller-coasters and water-slides ricket the airs of our amusement parks. The Swifties Taylor and Ladies Gaga rock our sock hops while fireworks burst in the air. And while the apple pie cools on the windowsill, there is no more quintessentially American way to pass the time than gather ’round the radio and tune into the local boys playing the Great American Pastime! Yessir, spend the afternoon listening to the arduous, vocal reenactments of fifty-four pop flies being caught with no need for running or excitement! Take the field with Mat and Veronique as we choke up on the striking game of Baseball!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Baseball appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Father time is the master of all life. Seasons change, the universe descends into chaos, and all life has a limited moment in the complex system of entropy. Humanity has obsessed about time to the point that we calculate the transitive frequencies of the invisible building blocks of matter itself with an atomic clock. Every aspect of our society is based on the precise measurement of the minutes. Punch cards tell us what time we started work, receipts are stamped with the moment we ordered our frappuccinos, the Catchphrase machine buzzes after exactly 60 seconds. Yet, still, there exists a place beyond the measure of time. There is a place where we can socialize without regard for the confines of hours and minutes. The local restaurant. For some reason, they do not have a clock with which to end their day. If the door is unlocked, one simply has to walk in, and behold, you are the timelord now!
Sit a spell, and linger – long past the witching hour – with Mat and Veronique, as we disappoint and annoy the entire staff as their newly-minted demi-god of Closing Time!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Closing Time appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Globalization is the climactic culmination of the evolution of Human Civilization. The modern era of connectivity is possible because we work together. Teamwork makes the dream work. Instead of each of us hunting and gathering, people can specialize in different expertise, because some will grow food, and some will cultivate technology. And sometimes we have to ask for help from those with specialized knowledge. But their words and understanding can be magical, and frightening to some. Knowledge has to be met with understanding, and just as you might hold back some of the details of the Kama Sutra when a child asks where babies come from, a tech expert might start with the basics on how to troubleshoot a computer. So let’s start by turning it off and back on again with Mat and Veronique as we experience higher than average frustration with Tech Support!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Tech Support appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind is the pinnacle of evolutionary advantage. We have conquered the planet, we have mapped the stars, we have trapped electricity in a global network of wires to create a virtual universe. The incredible intelligence of us mere mortals has put us in the realm of the gods! But we are mortal. And we fart. These pesky, weak horcruxes that our souls are bound to still make odors and fluids and poop. How can we stand with our divine counterparts in the boardroom at the peak of Olympus with sweaty armpits? We are stuck as puppets to our foul bodies. And just like Pinocchio longs to cut his strings, we strive to plug all our holes, starting with the very smallest: the pores. Clean up with Veronique and Mat as we disguise our animal scent with micro-metals in an easy, glide-on Speed Stick of Deodorant!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Deodorant appeared first on Mat Labotka.
A podcaster sits at a computer to write an episode blurb. He stares out the window. Writing holds little interest at the moment, but his fingers dapple at the keys. Each tippity tap of the keys creates a symbol on the screen. Strings of these delicate hashmarks create meaning through an agreed upon written language, but what do they convey in reality? Carving words on the internet like initials in a childhood tree, will anybody ever see? And will another soul ever glimpse this brief message and actually feel the true meaning of these words, or the passions of young love that bore through the chassis of tempered life to immortalize itself on the fleeting bark of memory? Or is the written word cold and unfeeling? Then is art also an empty, scratched lens of reflection? Zoom in on the vessels of Mat and Veronique, and Guest – Andres Robledo – as we sharpen our focus through the very essence of reality into Hyper Realism!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Get tickets to see Hamlet!!! Theatre Row
Learn about MAD theatre company!!! MADcompanytheatre.com
Check out MAD on Insta | madcompanynyc
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The post Hyper Realism appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In the modern era of high-paced, digital globalization, the only thing that hasn’t been relegated to binary data-points is the moist, fleshy hardware that keeps our meat brains warm. Money used to be made of metal, but now exists only as a couple flashes of electricity along a circuit board. Society used to be people meeting in public forums, but now its a string of memes on the Meta algorithm. Games used to involve balls and sticks, but now flashing diodes dance for our entertainment. Everything is digitized, especially hopes and dreams. The algorithm uses our digital fingerprint to peer into our very souls and squeezes any inkling of individuality right into its corporate pockets. As we stare deeper into the magic mirror of our cells, who is looking back?
Recover your password with Mat and Veronique as we discover the iPhone’s Midas curse means Everything’s an App!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Everything’s an App appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The era of Globalization has created a utopian society of plenty. Water comes right out of the walls and temperatures are controlled by a dial. The phone in your pocket can summon a stranger bringing food right to your front door. Unfortunately, our bodies were designed by the harsh realities of evolution in an era of survival long since conquered. Yet still, more food means larger people. And when humanity’s health is on the line, we must all come together and attack the scourge at it’s source! We will dismantle the instrial-aggro machine that produces an excess of ultra-processed foods full of toxic refined sugars decimating our livelihoods… but first, a snack. How about a sensible, low-calorie, tiny bag of processed garbage to satisfy our insatiable need for unlimited sugar! Who’s been a good boy? That’s right, you’ve been a good little consumer! Grab a little treat with Mat and Veronique as we pretend to diet while gorging processed food, now in smaller 100 Calorie Packs!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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A shrill noise in the night invokes an immediate sense of danger. A horn calling out across a valley will rally the cavalry to prepare for war. A clanging bell at the town gate will rouse the inhabitants to a common threat. And a wailing siren of an ambulance will awaken everybody in a six block radius for absolutely nothing. The modern civilization does not require assembling every able bodied villager to face emergencies. In our unending wisdom, we have built specialized task forces to deal with impending disasters, so why do we still bang the drums of war for every false alarm? Invading armies are not trumpeting their arrival, we’re all being constantly alerted to every sprained ankle and speeding ticket. Gather your pitchforks with Mat and Veronique as we mob the square with our fellow countrymen to oblige the call of Sirens!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Sirens appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The end is nigh! The sun has been blighted and the Aztec calendar has ended! All of the eight prophesies have been fulfilled! The Infinity Stones have been collected and the White Walkers have taken the Wall! In our waning days of life on Earth, with TikTok and Tay-Tay, the only way to grab peoples’ attention is with the original way to grab peoples’ attention… The End of the World! But why has the world ended so many times? And why has the ending gone relatively uneventful each time? Are these prophesies inaccurate? Join the cult following of Mat and Veronique as we decipher the hidden code in the ancient Grumble Scrolls to reveal the true signs of Doomsday Predictions!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Doomsday Predictions appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Since the dawn of Humankind, we have had a proud tradition of Hunting and Gathering. While some still cling to the hunting of game, most of society has moved into the game of hunting for deals. Deals are a great way to save resources in order to Gather more things. Gathering is our way of keeping score in life. It has become our life’s goal to gather more and more and more things. We collect silverware that has a trace of actual silver. We collect porcelain knick-knacks of chubby children doing mundane things. We collect T.V. Guides, sports equipment, old paint cans, and splintered furniture. We must continue to Gather on the slim chance that any of these broken things may be useful or fixable at some distant, hypothetical, imaginary future where outdated, rotting, useless artifacts suddenly become necessary again.
But when the house is full of useless garbage, where do we put all our other useless garbage? Let’s take a trip with Veronique and Mat to someone else’s garage that we rent out to keep a distant ownership over in the Storage Locker.
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Storage Lockers appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The exchange of money for goods and services is the cornerstone of civilization. Goods have value, and money has value; and often, service has value. And America recognizes good service. We tip everyone. We recognize good service so hard that when we receive bad service we still tip for good service. Tipping is so ubiquitous in America that the tax code reflects tips, Corporate pay scales have expected tips in the job listing, Minimum Wage is lowered for tipped employees, and service counters have more tip jars than cash registers. Now, in the modern era of contactless payments, the whole computer swivels around for you to input a tip… before even any service has been rendered. And when we have to pay a tip before any motion happens, is this not fully a bribe? Choose a percentage before Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Brian Reilly – consider your request for service as we sit in judgement of how much you’re Tipping in Advance!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Learn about Brian Reilly: BrianReillyActor.com
Or follow Brian’s Insta: @brianjreilly
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The post Tipping in Advance appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity has a natural inclination toward gossip. It’s an instinctive need that we’re constantly up to date on what’s happening. Who is getting married? Who is fighting? What sensationalist embarrassment is the king going through? And in the modern age, we have the technology to beam gossip directly into our eyes from anywhere in the world, heck, even out of the world when checking in on the International Space Station’s dehydrated food options. But when the information is expected at every moment, do we then need to sensationalize the mediocre? If there is no News, do the talking heads broadcast silence? Or are we forcing ourselves into oversaturation of nonsensical hyperbole? Stay tuned for Breaking Coverage with Mat and Veronique as we spin the facts into a steaming, heaping pile of cyclical rhetoric that we’re spewing out as The News!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post The News appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Water is the element of Life. The origins of life on earth may be enshrouded in mystery, but that it began in water is unquestionable. While humankind does not live in water, a cursory glance at a map reveals that civilization develops near water. We must always have access to water to survive. But in the modern era, we can rely on the everpresent ether of the Poland Spring to quench us as far as the asphalt takes us. Coke machines and Convenience Marts litter the land from the summits of Aspen to the marshes of Kissimmee. So sated is the populous that we needn’t finish the last Fanta before we’re handed a fresh Yoo-Hoo. But with all of our liquids trapped in bottles, is the Earth getting thirsty? Crack a cold one with Mat and Veronique as we discard the unfinished, old one into the growing mound of Half-Full Beverages!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Half-Full Beverages appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Since the dawn of Humankind, we have looked to the heavens for answers. The sun has always been our clock, the constellations forever our calendar. Becoming an agricultural society required deciphering the cosmos in order to predict the seasons’ change. Eventually, turning ourselves into office-dwelling, meeting-addicted, hourly automatons necessitated breaking time up into nano-second precision. But the hyper-efficient corporate business model and the heavenly cosmological blanket of gravitational space-time aren’t compatible. And so there appears, every fourth year, a magical moment of concession to the natural forces of the universe: an extra day. Despite all of our glorious machinations, we are still beholden to the glory of the sun. Join the pagan dance with Mat and Veronique as we turn our faces from the sun and give instead our labors to the corporate overlords on this sacred Leap Day!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Leap Day appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Life on Earth has evolved in a heartless, gladiatorial gauntlet of Survival of the Fittest. The eventual apex Champion of the Arena is a warm-blooded, lean, running machine with a problem-solving, complex brain. This cave-dwelling ape not only conquered the animal kingdom, but dominated nature itself by changing its own environment. And we changed it in the name of comfort. Having harnessed the element of fire, we eventually created air-conditioning. Sandals for foot protection evolved into Heelys and Uggs. Animal furs became Snuggies; and cots became Sleep-Numbers. But as we moved further away from our Nature, has it become harder to get comfortable? Come recline with Lay-Z Mat and Veronique as we explore that nagging feeling in the back of our heads… Pillows!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Pillows appeared first on Mat Labotka.
This President’s Day, America comes together to celebrate – like every holiday – the things that matter most to our nation, Deals. Now that the presidency has been reduced to the hollow pulpit of reality-show ridiculousness, we are free to embrace that which is core to America. We the people, in order to create a more perfect facade of family values, sell cheap imported trinkets at slightly less than artificially inflated retail prices and call it a deal. After selling out everything that America once stood for in the name of corporate profits, can we the people finally get a discount? Stock up with Mat and Veronique as we gouge our neighbors eyes’ and elbow our brethren in a race to dredge the bargain bin bottoms of Sales!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Sales appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Plant Kingdom and the Animal Kingdom have always lived in a delicate, symbiotic peace. The animals kindly exhale carbon dioxide for the plants to breathe, and the plants pull nutrition from the dirt and create delicious fruits. But then humans tear asunder the ancient armistice for their Valentine’s Day Massacre. Billions of innocent roses are ripped from their roots in the annual purge. Carnations are carnaged… all to present a fleeting token of affection to our sweethearts. But has defeating these frail, fragrant foes really proven our valor? Show some love with Mat and Veronique as we donate our wit in lieu of Flowers!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Flowers appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity is a duality. ‘Humanity’ is defined by us, our species, humans, the animal that rose above all other beasts to conquer the world. But the word ‘Humanity’ also means compassion. While language itself is one of Humankind’s unique abilities, the way we use language can be humane. ‘Laid to rest’ is softer than ‘Kicked the bucket.’ ‘Restroom’ is more polite than ‘crapper.’ ‘Alt-right’ is less offensive than ‘Nazi.’ But when does politeness push into the realm of lying? The pressure to not be a burden forces us to simplify our demands. But sometimes our demands are complicated; can we ask them without sounding like too much? Just sit back and let Mat and Veronique speak as we just dominate your headspace regarding, or regardless, of what’s Just.
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post The Word ‘Just’ appeared first on Mat Labotka.
How privileged we have become, to love the snow. The pretty, white blanket has become a plaything to draw angels […]
The post Snow appeared first on Mat Labotka.
As the long arc of the universe slowly degrades toward entropy, so too is the path of our humanly bodies […]
The post Tension appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The passage of time is marked by ritual. Birthdays are counted with tiny candles, Rush week is passed by getting […]
The post Glitter appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Christmastime is upon us. It is the season of giving. We may share with our friends and family a token […]
The post Presents appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity has very practically divided time into seconds and minutes and hours; but the gods have divided time into seasons. […]
The post Summer appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The trajectory of human commerce is a beautiful rainbow of collaboration. The unseemly origins of bartering melted away as we […]
The post Costco appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The long arc of Human history is divided into grandiose epochs that are defined by certain monumental discoveries. Ten-thousand years […]
The post Plastic on Plastic appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In the course of its history, humankind has diversified itself into a vast array of unique cultures. One of the […]
The post Aioli appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity has shaped the world around us to suit our needs. We have conquered all our discomforts. Our predators are […]
The post Halloween Weekend appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Autumn is here. The thermostat dips lower by the day. Sunlight slips through the bare branches of the trees before […]
The post The Cold appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Theatre has been part of the Human experience since the dawn of creation. Before the first hieroglyph was ever etched, […]
The post Forced Audience appeared first on Mat Labotka.
One of the most complex systems that humankind has created is Commerce. From our ancient origins of fighting to the […]
The post Apple Pay appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Game of Life is a nuanced, open-world role-playing game that everybody gets to play once. While some stats are […]
The post Traffic Court appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Santorini is a beautiful island off the coast of Greece. A collapsed volcano has left a striking, sheer cliff rising […]
The post The Gondolas of Santorini appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humankind has always taken to the sea. We are addicted to exploration, to discovery, to peeking over the horizon and searching for something new. Traditionally, that voyage is fraught with uncertainty, especially when it comes to rations. There are no Costco Wholesalers across the vast oceans. What food you might need must be brought, and rationed. Seamen and buccaneers alike suffered hunger and scurvy for want of fresher food. But now, in the age of mega-yacht pleasure cruises, we have all-you-can-eat gorge fests each and every night. The challenge of the high-seas has become too much high-fructose. Grab a bucket with Veronique and Mat as we crank the bilge pumps to prevent drowning in all this Cruise Food!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Humankind is a herd animal. We gather. Like lemmings to a cliff, we follow where the herd goes. We gather in cities, we gather in stadiums, and we gather outside the Apple store before a new cellphone releases. Even when we’re home alone, we use that phone to gather in a social media metaphysical space. It makes sense, then, that we gather to look at something strange and new. When we’re in a foreign land, we gather in a tour, comforted by the presence of others, basking in the familiar feelings of a TED Talk happening live in front of us by an experienced Tour Guide. But this guide is not a video, it is another human. Our attention deficit brains want to switch tabs and browse Twitter during the lecture. When we gather for a live tour, should we be focused on the guide’s space? or MySpace? Find your buddy with Veronique and Mat as we speak over the guide, oblivious to ruining the experience of Tour Groups!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Tour Groups appeared first on Mat Labotka.
From humanity’s origins in Africa, it took around 100,000 years to spread across the globe. The pace of that journey was decidedly less than ideal, and since then our feverish desire to move ourselves around the globe have led to amazing technological advances. Wind powered boats eventually criss-crossed the Atlantic, each journey taking only half a year. Covered wagons could put you in Oregon in a matter of months. The Trans-Continental Railroad brought that trek down to four days; and now the Cannonball run has it down to Twenty-Five hours, but even that is obsolete after the creation of air-travel. Nonetheless, traveling takes time. Our ancestors knew this and our Uber drivers know this, yet humankind is not known for patience. My flight says it will land at noon, so I can be at Six Flags after that. When the world seems so small, have we completely forgotten about the journey? Please remain seated with Veronique and Mat as we go over the sanity protocols of scheduling Travel Days!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Travel Days appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Twenty-First Century is a wondrous time to exist. Humanity now enjoys an age where we can safely see the […]
The post Tourists appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Eons of evolution have culminated in creating the perfect form of life: Humankind. Unfortunately, it didn’t bother cleaning up after […]
The post Bar Snack Utensils appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Summertime is a joyous time. The quintessential image of peak happiness is the sun shining from a blue sky on bright green grass with birds chirping from lush trees. It is no wonder that the outdoors calls us out from our Paramount Plus couch potato caves during these precious months. And this primordial urge is not complete until we make fire and roast animal flesh. But how do we capture this moment and relive it year round? Is the essence of barbeque the sunshine and laughter? Is it the family and friends? Is it watching the children chase fireflies in the soft evening sunset with the unspoken assurance that life is beautiful? Or is it a flavor that we can poorly imitate and dust over a handful of greasy slivers of potato?
Join Mat and Veronique as we broil some wurst and choke down the worst flavor of Barbeque Chips!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Humanity has plunged into the Cyber Age at terminal velocity. Everything must move at the speed of light. High-speed internet, 5-G Lte, One-point-twenty-one Gigawatts; if you’re not keeping up, you’re obsolete. It’s going to take more than Powerade to move this fast… society runs on a full tank of high-octane, premium grade, primordial bone juice! And there is no more important information in this fast-paced arena than the three decimal number that dictates the price! Like a coke fried Wolf of Wall Street, we watch that price ticker like our very livelihood depends on that tenth of a penny going our way. But unlike the stock price, we have no intention of selling at a gain; no sir, we bought this investment to burn! Because there’s no option to keep up without feeding the fire and kindling every dollar we have on that great noxious carbon-coughing fume of progress!
Keep up with Mat and Veronique as we open the throttle on the ever accelerating Price of Gas!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post The Price of Gas appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Grumble Goat is off this week! So Mat has commandeered the feed to bring you a preview of his fantasy-adventure novel, Zak: the Hew-Man! Chapter 2!
Welcome to Allspire, a quaint goblin city nestled in an isolated, broken hollow of the Marred Mountains. Zak – son of the Goblin chief – is preparing for his Blood Rite. This rite of passage will test his strength in the goblin art of blood magic; and will be his first step toward filling his father’s monstrous footsteps.
Being too mature now to believe in the hag’s tales of demons and ghosts haunting the Dauntwood, Zak now fears a very real terror: failing.
Of course, it’s a simple thing to not fear the horrors in the woods, when you’ve never seen a monster like the Hew-Men. Though, Zak is about to learn that he may have seen at least one Hew-Man … every day of his life.
____________________
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
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The post Zak Chapter 2 appeared first on Mat Labotka.
A picture says a thousand words. But those words are silent, and they are in your head, and it’s really you doing the work of putting those words together. A tour of an art museum might involve someone asking you to form the words. What do you think of this piece? The suppressed panic of oral book reports banishes any semblance of imagination. But the Motion Picture changed all of that. Now the pictures do the thousand words by themselves. Active portrayals of suspenseful or dramatic words, comedic or horrifying words. No longer must my brain be activated to make sense of it all. Unfortunately, the habits of old die slowly, and still people want to describe the pictures with their own words. The water cooler and the social media are rampant with the teachers’ pets that diligently deliver their oral reports of last night’s Squid Game. Reap the spoils with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Cali Gilman – as we cover our ears and silence the Spoilers!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Follow Cali on Insta: @CaliGilman
Or check out Cali’s website: caligilman.com
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Machines require lubrication. The clockwork motion of gears and levers grinds to a halt without the grease. Proper lubrication is the key to a well-oiled machine. Like a drunkard at closing-time, Gas-guzzling SUVs demand a full flight of cocktails just to function. The Human body is a mechanical avatar with similar needs. Oils, mucus, and plasmas circulate and drip from the whole, sloppy chassis. And the jaw is no exception. It drips a little saliva, sure; but to work the chompers through a whole meal takes lubrication. Dry pasta isn’t going down the gullet without some bolognese. Dry chips are just shattered daggers without salsa. And French fries are floppy twigs without ketchup. Yet, somehow, the person behind the counter is becoming less forthcoming with the juice. Wet your whistle with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Ashley Pickett – as we squeeze the treasured mustard packets from the villainous Sauce Gatekeepers!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Follow Ashley on Insta: @the ashleypickett
Or check out Ashley’s TikTok: @ashley_theserialdater
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For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
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Humankind matured into a collective during the last Ice Age. The frigid Earth was an inhospitable place for our furless ape ancestors. They struggled to master the art of fire just to survive. Thousands of years later, our magnificent brains have unlocked the power over all of the elements. Like Avatar Aang, we easily sway fire, water, earth and air with the flick of a Bic or the turning of a thermostat. And as our frosty forbears turn in their graves just to stay warm, we add frozen water to our drinking water just to stay cool. And through our cursed hubris, we have accidentally metamorphized the climate into the Melting Age. Listen in as Mat and Veronique state what matters over a cool, refreshing glass that mixes multiple States of Matter in the elemental stew that is Ice Water!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Ice Water appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The 21st Century is a fast-paced, bustling cacophony of technologically enhanced productivity. Computers, cell phones, and Artificial Intelligence have turned our lives into rigidly packed, chaotic scheduling nightmares. Yet still we must eat. Life still revolves around food, and so food is an excuse to slow down. We’re allowed to savor our meals, and there is no greater indulgence in our busy schedules than to take the time to make a home-cooked meal. But surely, with the addictive efficiency of the Apple App Store, there must be a cybernetic way to force our compulsive efficiency onto the home-cooking part. Now we have the option to pollute the environment and create multiple layers of waste in the process of cooking dinner. Sit down with Mat and Veronique as we unwrap the individually sealed containers of each individual article of the Lego set style dinner known as Blue Apron!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Blue Apron appeared first on Mat Labotka.
In the vast, empty blackness of the Universe, there is one frail, tiny pebble bobbing along on the gravitational waves of the Milky Way. This little blue dot – that we call Earth – contains all the known life in the Universe. Humankind has taken this miniscule lifeboat in much the same way as a freshman personalizes their dorm room: punching holes in the wall, burning the carpet with cigarette butts, and vomiting on the sofa. We customized our home with all the comforts we could imagine: personal cars, mega-yacht cruise ships, and atomic weaponry. But the RA called Mother Nature has put us on probation, so we sheepishly agree to help clean up our mess… by using a grocery bag slightly more than once. Do your part, with Mat and Veronique, as we check out with the cashier, only then remembering we forgot to bring our Reusable Bags!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Reusable Bags appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Veronique is off this week! So Mat has commandeered the feed to bring you a preview of his fantasy-adventure novel, Zak: the Hew-Man!
Welcome to Allspire, a quaint goblin city nestled in an isolated, broken hollow of the Marred Mountains. Zak – son of the Goblin chief – is preparing for his Blood Rite. This rite of passage will test his strength in the goblin art of blood magic; and will be his first step toward filling his father’s monstrous footsteps.
Being too mature now to believe in the hag’s tales of demons and ghosts haunting the Dauntwood, Zak now fears a very real terror: failing.
Of course, it’s a simple thing to not fear the horrors in the woods, when you’ve never seen a monster like the Hew-Men. Though, Zak is about to learn that he may have seen at least one Hew-Man … every day of his life.
____________________
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
____________________
For more information or to share: GrumbleGoatPodcast.com
Grumble Goat on Instagram | Facebook | TikTok
Follow your hosts: Mat | Veronique
The post Zak: the Hew-Man appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Human Body is the perfect biological machine. With over a million years of R&D, this high precision work of art rocketed Humankind to the top of the Food Chain. Complete with four posable limbs and two opposable thumbs, karate-chop action and full color vision, these bodies are perfect for skiing down mountains and parkouring through the densest urban environments. The supercomputer operating system is the highlight of the avatar and only comes in hot pink. And since modern society is based solely on the cerebral, you don’t even need all the other bells and whistles. Unfortunately, it’s a complete package. And when you ignore the maintenance on the bugger, it starts to fall apart. Come limber up with Veronique and Mat as we rotate these limbs and tick up these RPMs with the archaic art of Exercise!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Exercise appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity is experiencing a Technological Age heretofore unimaginable to the amoebas that began life on Earth. Unfortunately, it is happening alongside the cancer of Capitalism. Spending money has become the equivalent of personal enrichment. Modern Designers own a Macintosh, so buying a Macintosh makes one a Designer. Fit people monitor their heart-rate, therefore owning a Smart Watch to monitor my heart-rate makes me a fit person. But somehow owning a Peloton isn’t the same as using a Peloton. And everyone in America being hooked up to an EKG on their wrist isn’t making our hearts healthier. When a device created to tell time starts to monitor our whole body, are we better off? Or are the tech companies just farming us for more data? Spike your heart-rate with Mat and Veronique as we trace the pulse of information coming from Smart Watches!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Smart Watches appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Human Brain is an incredibly complex biological supercomputer. It has sysadmin privileges over every other organic function in the body as well as the ability to forget where you put your keys. This unfathomable mass of living tissue somehow captures and stores vivid memories of precise moments in time, like wetting your pants on a school field-trip twenty years ago, while simultaneously deleting trivial information, like why you walked into this room. But the wonderous machine of the mind has its limitations as well. Just like an iPhone, it can’t stay powered on for a full day. It’s got to shut down and recharge. But, in our modern day era of plenty, has sleep drifted from necessity into leisure? Are people falling asleep in the middle of the day just for fun? Push out your other thoughts and focus on Mat and Veronique’s voice as we take a time-out from Naps!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Naps appeared first on Mat Labotka.
We are living in the Digital Age. It is an era of Renaissance and upheaval. The old, analog ways are dying as the new binary systems come crashing in with dizzying metamorphosis. Venture into these digital depths at your own peril. A wayward email address into the wrong website and your inbox is inundated with FR3E bON3r PilZ! An expatriated African Prince has money tied up and the only way to unfreeze the account is with the help of a grandmother in rural Nebraska. Facebook and the KGB have partnered to brainwash the American electorate. While at the same time, the only way to meet a romantic partner in this computer age is to browse a collection of random faces on Tinder. But surely those boys are honest. This stray alley in the malignant labyrinth of the internet wouldn’t harbor tricksters, would it?
Join Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Lindsey Steinert – as we swipe right into the false face fibbers of Dating App Deceit!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Learn more about Lindsey: lindseysteinert.com
Follow Lindsey on Insta: @lindsta_gram | @priorganized
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The post Dating App Deceit appeared first on Mat Labotka.
While there are a handful of advantages Humankind can claim over the rest of the beasts of the Earth, it is the design of our hands that allowed for our unmatchable achievements. Dolphins and ravens may have the smarts, but their flappy extremities are no opposition to our opposable thumbs. Our precise, deft digits can hold and pick and weave and craft. And therefore, it is no wonder that our hands are precious to us. We grasp hands as a symbol of peace. We give our hands in marriage. We shackle the hands of criminals. So, why then is it acceptable to demand the occupation of my hand with whatever trinket you don’t want?
These hands are sacred to me, and therefore, what goes into these hands is mine to decide! Thank you for making me a plate, but the setting for the plate has been made at the table! Set down your burdens and join hands with Mat and Veronique as we tell you exactly where you can put that steaming plate of Being Handed Things!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Being Handed Things appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Humanity has evolved well beyond the limitations of our animal origins. Our structures of steel and glass practically scrape the skies, our internet can activate our robot vacuums from a continent away, our soaps have magical scrubbing bubbles that do the scrubbing for you! And as much buzz as there is around moving into a paperless society, there is one paper that continues to outsell even the legendary Twilight novels – Toilet Paper. Even as advertisers scramble to be the first to project a Pepsi logo on the moon, mankind is still humbled by the basic necessity of nature’s call. And despite the advent of self-sterilizing elevator buttons, our rear ends are scraped in the style of Neanderthals with nothing but dry leaves at hand. In a world that’s always moving forward, have we forgotten our behinds? Join Veronique and Mat as we unpack the Mega-Pack and unwind the four-roll scroll of Toilet Paper!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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The post Toilet Paper appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Meaning of Life is remarkably simple, cherish the people that are close to you. Unfortunately, ‘Close,’ in this instance, does not mean proximity. There are times when we are forced to share a small space with people we do not cherish. While most of our day can be spent in blissful isolation, our rooms, apartments, cars, and cubicles; regrettably there remains small human interaction in shared spaces. Spaces like subways, bathrooms, that one corner where you get signal, and elevators require a shared set of unspoken rules, namely: don’t speak. But should we acknowledge other humans? Do we speak the floor we want to go to or do we reach and risk touching another person? When the doors close on our little closets, is it a seven minutes in heaven? Or the suffocating eternity of a shared coffin?
Squeeze in with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Caitlin Borek – as we traipse our hands along the columns of buttons and leap in the air to shake the Elevator Etiquette!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
____________________
Support the show and become a Grumble Kid! Patreon.com/GrumbleGoat
Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
____________________
Follow Caitlin on Insta: Sea2bee2
Learn more about Caitlin: caitlinborek.com
See Caitlin perform: Follow @confessionmusicalmovie which will be released for one day in theatres, Feb. 20th!
Caitlin also would like to note: “I have since made it my resolution to be the button operator, and it has been an empowering experience.”
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As the year draws to an end, the world celebrates. A cornucopia of feasts and festivals replace the dwindling sunlight. A deluge of decorations hypnotize us from the reality of the dropping temperature. Our entire cognitive function is overwhelmed with feasting and caroling and wassailing right up until the New Year, where the world literally counts the seconds into the next year as fireworks explode across the globe. And then, nothing. Bleak winter darkness. Back to work on Monday. The tinsel dissolves back into dirty snow and the blinking lights revert back into traffic taillights. The revelry of the last month gone, the momentum of holly jolly pushed us into … what? Come to your senses with Mat and Veronique as we settle into the long, cold winter, made all the darker after Holidays’ End!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Holidays’ End appeared first on Mat Labotka.
One of the many joyous traditions practiced in this Holiday Season is the exchanging of gifts. Gifts, ultimately, are just things – maybe toys, maybe socks, maybe a Red Ryder Range 200 Shot BB Gun. What makes a gift magical is that it comes wrapped. You are handed a mysterious, shrouded box or bag of clandestine wonder and your only task is to annihilate this thin obfuscation and claim your prize. But what is the obligation of the gift-wrapper? Amazon would claim fulfilment after dropping the item into a shiny bag. Though, a true artisan of gift endowment would not be satisfied short of pristine paper, crisply folded and decorated to Emily Post perfection. But to seal it, there is no alternative to the hideous plastic bandage of Scotch Tape. Join Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Beth Conley – as we adhere ourselves to the highest standards and stick that first bit of tape directly to the Gift Wrapping.
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Learn more about Beth: BethConley.com
Follow Beth on Insta: @BethConley89
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The holiday season is the crashing climax that reverberates through the end of the year. Every holiday is another rite in its own right. Each is unique and celebrates its own distinct facet of human celebration. Halloween celebrates the veil between the living and the dead… and then Christmas decorations come out. Thanksgiving immortalizes the fatal, tragic flaw of harboring conquerors… but Christmas is already sort of happening. Saint Nicks Day is the remembrance of the generosity of Saint Nicholas, but, let’s call that part of Christmas. Kwanzaa is in there but its mostly Christmastime. In the deathmatch of year-ending extravaganzas, Christmas dominates the Holiday Season, but are the holidays competing? Is this a gladiatorial review of the strength of Holidays or is Christmas just too loud? Gather around with Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Derek Lamar – as we pick our fantasy drafts and force holidays into higher status as we pit unrelated Holidays against the unholy behemoth and over-clock the oil-starved … Hanukkah!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The Harvest is the most important time of the year. Though most of our farming has been given to the machines, humankind is still an agricultural society. All of our major holidays take place during the Harvest Season, which – much to the chagrin of Fox and Friends – is now called the Holiday Season. It is during this time of bounty that we feast. Tables are adorned with overflowing platters and tureens for all to share. Food is abundant and all are welcome to make themselves a plate. But, secreted among us are thieves and scoundrels. Littered throughout friends and family are those blackguards that know no boundaries twixt platters and plates. None are safe whilst they wield their forks of envy. Beware, for at any moment, it may be your plate that they nibble from next. Make a plate with Veronique and Mat as we stake our steaks and fend off the grubby prongs of the Plate Pirates!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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Join the adventure in Mat’s novel!!! Amazon | Audible
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Humankind is a herd animal. We function best in groups. Thus, by instinct, we crave human connections. ‘Feeling’ may be one of the five senses through which we experience the world, but touching another human is an intimate sensation. A hand shake represents peace and brotherhood. A shoulder grab shows empathy. An innocent brushing of a hand against someone else’s can ignite a fluttering of heartstrings. But our scattered hamlets have now developed into overflowing mega-metropolises.’ Our cities have become so crowded that it has become nearly impossible to not touch other humans. The subways have become sardine cans. The sidewalks are mazes of shoulder jostling. An elevator is a Pandoras Box of germs and disease. Grab your buddy’s hand as Mat, Veronique, and Guest: Kathryn Anible combat, hand-to-hand, the plague of Unnecessary Touching!
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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The post Unnecessary Touching appeared first on Mat Labotka.
The Earth revolves around the sun in a complacent rhythm. At no point in the history of the universe did […]
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Humankind’s main advantage is our intelligence. We have conquered the Earth and unlocked the secret Physical Laws of the universe. […]
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There is a savage side to the human race. There is a carnal obsession forged inside of us that overwhelms […]
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The night is dark and full of terrors. A creaky floorboard in the middle of the night is enough to […]
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Life on our planet is divided into two Kingdoms: Plants and Animals. Basic, simple, and fundamental. In much the same […]
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Bonus Content! Grumbles happen in the moment. Once the engines of Grumbling have revved up, it’s hard to maintain a […]
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The human body is the ultimate machine. Able to perform any number of tasks, move on its own, and think […]
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Despite our advanced digital civilization, Humankind are still organic, natural beasts. We must eat and breathe, we must cut our […]
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Humankind’s domination of the planet has created a population explosion. Unfortunately, the Earth only possesses limited resources. There’s a finite […]
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The world is a messy place. Earth is a chaotic, teeming, moist stew of life, death, decay, and El Ninos. […]
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As humankind developed, our ancestors decided that different grunts could have different meanings. From language’s humble beginnings, it did not […]
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Behold! The future is now! Long has humankind dreamed of an age where labor could be performed by automaton. Fields […]
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Eons ago, somewhere along our long evolutionary line, a creature had sense enough to get out of the ocean. The […]
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Life is driven by rhythm. There are heartbeats, breaths, and circadian rhythms. And so, collectively, society has rhythms. Like an […]
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The new term for ‘Mainstream Popularity,’ is ‘Going Viral.’ The national attention used to be captured by iconic trends that […]
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At some point along the evolutionary timeline, some creature had sense enough to get out of the water. A quick […]
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If all the world is a stage, then it must be the abandoned studio floor of Whose Line is it […]
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Guest Grumbler: Christina Germaine Evolution may have created the intelligent mind and sinuous body that is humankind, but humankind has […]
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The Digital Age has led to an explosion of photography. Since we all have our phones in our hand twenty-four […]
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We don’t have a fresh Grumble this week, but it may be time to revisit the topic of ‘Listening.’ It […]
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Food is life. Food is the very foundation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Humans need food multiple times every single […]
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In our fleeting mortality, humans have long dreamed of capturing a moment in time. The long, arduous evolution from cave-paintings […]
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Civilization is nothing more than a collection of stories. The encyclopedia is the running catalogue of tales that make up […]
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After names, the most fundamental identity we have is age. Any news article, wanted poster, or Bumble match lists that […]
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Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! In honor of Guest Grumbler, Spencer’s birthday, […]
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Since the advent of cave-painting, humankind has developed a taste for a well-kept home. From the chimney sweep to Marie […]
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From the ancient days of humankind, we have captured the beauty of the world in the form of painting. From […]
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Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! Winner of the G.O.A.T. Award for Best […]
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No animal has mastered the use of sound like Humankind has. We invented language. We invented music. We didn’t invent […]
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There are few things as universally reviled in this world as the repugnant idea of taxes. The image of the […]
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Guest grumbler: Mike Figs! Humanity currently holds the deed to the Earth. The dinosaurs once held this privilege, which they […]
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Welcome to the first annual G.O.A.T. Awards! Awards season is upon us, and just like the Hollywood elite, the content […]
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Humankind is set apart from the rest of the Kingdom of Animals. For instance, our thumbs are backward. But the […]
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The end is nigh. The Fourth Horseman, Conquest, has just reared his head in Russia, joining his brothers Pestilence, Famine, […]
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Since time immemorial, humanity has looked to its elders for sage wisdom. Crows feet carry more respect than an Ivy […]
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A home is a sacred concept. A healthy mind requires a safe haven that we can call our own. The […]
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The digital age has changed the way humankind interacts with the world. The sun is a convenient light source, but […]
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There is, in humankind, an innate desire for exploration. We long to see what’s just over the horizon. We turn […]
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Ownership is something that humankind takes very seriously. For real estate we have deeds. For vehicles we have titles. For […]
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Of the many types of conflict humanity faces, the supreme first-world conflict of the modern age is Man vs. Boredom. […]
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In ages past, on a cold and drizzly night, weary travelers might have boarded their horses and themselves at a […]
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Humanity has always longed to peek into the future. Soothsayers and shamans have long bilked the laymen with promises of […]
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Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! From last Winter: The Winter Solstice approacheth. […]
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Evolution has blessed humankind with innumerable cheat-codes for domination over nature. Not least of which is the power of complex […]
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Guest grumbler: Gaby Labotka Any cuisinier would tell you that the most crucial aspect of any dish is proper pairing. […]
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Guest Grumbler: Kevin Paley In the post pandemic world we are experiencing worker shortages, soaring gas prices, and supply chain […]
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Guest Grumbler: Darius Anthony Robinson Society relies on ritual. Like putting a pine tree in our homes at the start […]
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There is much in our world to be grateful for. Air travel, edible underwear, or online quizzes to tell us […]
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Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! From last Autumn: All Hallow’s Eve is […]
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It is the age of technology. Civilians have the ability to joyride into space. Warfare has evolved into isolated strikes […]
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The days are growing shorter. The darkness encroaches as the weather grows chill. The veil to the nether seems more […]
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Earth is more than a rock. Gaia, or Mother Nature, has gifted us with bountiful energy. The ocean currents rage […]
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Civilizations develop around commerce. Communities begin with trade and bartering; but a city, a capital, a metropolis hatches from a […]
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Guest Grumbler: Emeka Nwafor Trading goods and services is a natural part of life. Crows and cats pay for food […]
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In our long history, humans have created many companions: Tamagotchi, Roomba, Zune, Shake Weight… but no artificial companion will ever […]
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Since time immemorial, humankind has celebrated the athlete. There is a primal sense of combat in sport which allows us […]
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Guest grumbler: Molly Densmore The dawn of civilization – the moment humanity ascended above all other animals as the one […]
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Life relies on certain elemental replenishments. There is Oxygen – tasteless, odorless, monotonous air. There is water – which we’ve […]
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Guest grumbler: Mary Elise Jones One of the most primal and eternal conflicts in the universe is the everlasting battle […]
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The automobile has revolutionized human civilization in countless ways: drive-ins, drive-throughs, drive-ways, parking garages, walk-signals, etc. Cars far outnumber humans […]
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Guest grumbler: Patricia McCarthy Through the long eons of life on this planet, evolution has sculpted the most efficient, perfect […]
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Guest Grumbler: Corey Thompson Previous to the internet age, information sharing across the globe was logistically improbably. Ergo, as civilizations […]
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The billions of cells that make up our bodies all require oxygen. Evolution has provided a streamlined solution to this […]
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The internet has reversed the erstwhile stream of entertainment. Content used to flow down to the masses from elite studios; […]
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The universe is a vast, empty vacuum of nothingness, dotted here and there with noxious gasses and dead rocks. Earth, […]
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Our lives are often based on routine. Easily, we slip into the schedule of work and sleep. But enrichment comes […]
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Humankind loves a crowd. We are a social animal. The ‘gatherer’ in ‘Hunter/Gatherer’ may often be mistaken for gathering of […]
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The modern world that we’ve created is driven by algorithms. Every human is numbered at birth, every car has a […]
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In the vast expanse of the universe, Life is seemingly unique to Earth. When we discover new planets, the very […]
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As the universe erodes into entropy, humankind instinctively tantrums against nature’s inevitable transition into chaos. We like order. Whether it’s […]
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Guest Grumbler: Michael Giansiracusa “Never has the world been more divided. Every single person is always at peak rage. The […]
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Guest grumbler: Hannah Karpenko In mankind’s eternal quest to bring light into the darkness, we have unlocked maddening varieties of […]
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Guest Grumbler: Allyson Boate Since the dawn of civilization, humanity has stared toward the heavens, calculating the movement of the […]
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In a world – still reeling from the echoes of accusations of a rigged election – a shady entity of […]
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Humankind was not meant to toil away in a daily grind. We are a social animal, and while work is […]
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Guest Grumbler: Kris Ortiz Water, while necessary for life to exist, is boring; but a bright splash of yellow and […]
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Guest Grumbler: Kim Gant Our hair is precious. It’s our personality. It’s our identity. Every single day we fix our […]
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It is the dawn of a new existential era for humankind. Technology heretofore existed to assist human tasks. Machines now […]
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Guest grumbler: Bill Janisse Humankind is a social animal. From gathering around a fire to grandiose ballroom cotillions, socializing is […]
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French press, pour-over, cold-brew, or nitro-draught? The search for the perfect cup of coffee is the modern day alchemy. But […]
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Guest Grumbler: Rocio Mendez Nightclothes come in a multitude of genres. As a child, pajamas are a comfy cosplay of […]
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There is no question on the linguistic abuses of the English language. The labyrinthian guidelines and the chaotic use of […]
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America’s most ostentatious contribution to the art of sport; the gridiron of goliaths in our modern day coliseums that fight […]
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Guest grumbler: Spencer Hadel Generosity sometimes seems like a dwindling trait. The fast-paced, cynical world we inhabit would scoff off […]
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A properly set table requires a daunting amount of silverware. Each tool in its proper place has a specific function […]
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There was a plague in this city before the Corona Virus. A biblical-sized plague with an infection rate of one-hundred […]
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Traditionally, transactions at stores and restaurants involve nothing more than communicating with a store representative. That employee then handles all […]
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Picture the American dream of the open road, the rugged outdoorsman traverses the high-desert of the wild west. The dawning […]
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Guest Grumbler: Danae Ervin Peanut butter is a classic staple of American food stuffs. It is, to most of us, […]
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As with the blind optimism of an impromptu, liquor-fueled, Las Vegas wedding, New Years Eve is a time to blurt […]
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Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives… typically. But the days of 2020 were a […]
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Guest Grumbler: Jonathan Zapata Some people argue that the modern consumer is too detached from food production, but what about […]
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Humanity, in its diversity, has created a vast menu of limitless cuisine. The intricacies of delicacies are as numerous and […]
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The Winter Solstice approacheth. While the days grow shorter, we begin preparations for a long winter with everybody’s favorite, age-old, […]
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Doors have always captivated the human imagination. Portals to undiscovered locations, thresholds that block nefarious faeries, secret hideouts with secret […]
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Casual passing of judgement is fundamental to the human experience. Communication is not unique to Mankind; dolphins and bees, for […]
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All Hallow’s Eve is upon us. The darkness creeps in earlier and earlier. The trees have shed their leaves, leaving […]
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Guest Grumbler: Virginia Rupert Some might wear their hearts on their sleeve, but all of us cover our unmentionable bits […]
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Cigarettes are cool..? All of our 70’s era heroes smoked. You what’s not cool? Safety gear. James Bond drinks martinis […]
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No longer are we beholden to the cow for milk. We have weened ourselves from the udder addiction and replaced […]
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Guest Grumbler: Logan Kovach The Human Body is a magnificent vessel of biotic efficiency. What an incredible vehicle to experience […]
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Social Media has been hijacked by a fantasy world of online quizzes. Replacing the Astrological Charts of yore, these personality […]
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Communicating with the machines is a task we leave to the highly specialized ‘programmer’ class. These ‘programmers’ are the modern […]
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The great American journey was built on consumerism. Shopping Malls, Strip Malls, Outlet Malls, and Wholesale Big Box stores are […]
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Ding! You have three new messages. Distractions are omnipresent in today’s society. Ding, you have a new notification. It’s difficult […]
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America, from sea to shining sea, is crisscrossed with beautiful open roads. Somehow these alluring stretches of highway have become […]
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The kitchen is the heart of the home. Family traditions have been passed down through casseroles and cookies. Somehow, though, […]
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Sports, America’s favorite pastime. Gone are the days when backyard, sandlotters become local heroes. Now, millionaires get traded across the […]
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The 21-Century gives mankind many opportunities to trade privacy for a hit of dopamine. A photo goes to Instagram and […]
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Guest Grumbler: Dr. Lori Labotka, Ph.D. A plague is spreading across the land. Fortunately, we have the technology to stop […]
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Opinions used to be a personal position on a topic that one could use to socialize. Now, social media has […]
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In humankind’s eternal quest to alleviate ourselves, we have isolated the most embarrassing of our animal baseness to one room. […]
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Waking up is an activity that everyone performs every day. In lieu of a rooster, most people use a device. […]
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We are living in an age of hyper communication. Through social media, any plebian can clearly communicate their thoughts to […]
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It’s time for the ‘rona episode. Twenty-four hour news cycles move faster than a virus, so ‘facts’ come faster and […]
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As attention spans narrow, it’s ironic that stories are lengthening. The classic, stand-alone film era has been purged and replaced […]
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Modern public facilities are marvels of 90’s motion-sensor technology. It seems every toilet and faucet are equipped with a confusing […]
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In a global world, where every taste and flavor on the planet is available at you local grocer’s, it’s almost […]
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Math, navigation, privacy, finding a mate; these are some of the responsibilities we’ve given up to the machine. Driving, on […]
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The produce section of the supermarket slowly dwindles as consumers buy more processed, fat-free, gluten-free, artificially-sweetened, instant, consequence free “food.” […]
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In the high-paced information-age we live in, phone calls are the rare moments that we can be by ourselves and […]
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India Pale Ale: a godsend for thirsty British sailors; a cliched standard for craft beer. Gone are the days of […]
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Space, the final frustration. In the days before the legally mandated six-foot personal space, mankind was plagued by social ineptitude. […]
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Paper beats rock, but water destroys paper. Paper straws work better as paper-mache than beverage delivery. Is there no better […]
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Wire clothes hangers – inexpensive alternative or closet catastrophe? At first glance, the space-saving simplicity may seem convenient, but these […]
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The Venn Diagram of kid’s food to junk food is just one circle. Counting-calories, dressing-on-the-side, anti-oxidant super-foods are boring fads […]
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Historically, wrist watches have benefited mankind by counting the day in units of time. But now, in this digital era, […]
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In a bygone era, the world used physical tokens to transfer money. Precious metals and woven-cotton might be handed to […]
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Modern consumerism demands that everything be put in a bag. Two bags where possible. Let’s travel through time to discover […]
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Basic-human-scent is not an option. Soap, shampoo, deodorant, and detergent all have unique scents. What are we, as humans, supposed […]
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Beware the scourge of gluten! Headaches used to be caused by gnomes living in your brain, well now the plebeians […]
The post Gluten appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Capitalistic norms follow the precedent of ‘supply and demand.’ Until avocados. The economy trips over itself on the issue of […]
The post Avocados appeared first on Mat Labotka.
Mini elevators or helpful stairs? How can society know the difference? Mat and Veronique get to the bottom (or top) […]
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The inaugural episode of Grumble Goat, where we discuss one of the ugliest habits plaguing our society today. Join Mat […]
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In a world with much to Grumble about, two heroes emerge. Meet Mat, the darkly sarcastic comedian with an acute […]
The post Grumble Goat: The Trailer appeared first on Mat Labotka.