A good world doesn’t just happen. It’s built by people who take responsibility and follow through.

The language we use when failures occur tells us a lot. The words people use, particularly from leaders, signal whether someone is dodging responsibility or accepting it.

Let’s say we’re looking for confidence that good things are ahead. After a failure, what would you rather hear?

Something like this?

• “It’s all those bad people’s fault we failed.”
• “Don’t worry, this was a one-time thing.”
• “The victims shouldn’t have put themselves in that position.”
• “It’s not my job to deal with this.”
• “It is what it is.”
• “I’m sorry you feel upset.”

Or something more like this?

• “I made a bad call, and I’m sorry.”
• “We failed, and we’re going to make this right.”
• “We’ve learned from our mistake, and we’re doing these three things differently, starting today.”
• “The responsibility lies with me, and nobody else.”
• “I’m sorry that my failure hurt you.”
• “This is the plan, and how you can hold me accountable.”

I think we’d all prefer the second set of responses, not the first. It’s no contest.

We gain confidence after a failure—or even a tragedy—when someone takes responsibility. And we should because leadership is responsibility.

The worst possible sign, I think, is when the same failure repeats itself and nobody ever takes responsibility. In those instances we shouldn’t expect any good to happen, ever.

“Thoughts and prayers” and “we condemn this act” are turns of phrases that are often shared when tragic failures, usually of a political nature, occur. And I think it’s perfectly natural to think of and pray for others after a tragedy (I do), and, to condemn actions that merit condemnation.

But neither phrase is a measure of responsibility. And for what it’s worth, I’m skipping a political analysis because no interest group has a monopoly on accepting or avoiding responsibility after failures.

After a failure, I need to hear someone take responsibility to believe good things are coming. Though we may fail at it, as I do, this is the standard we also must hold ourselves to, especially when the people around us need us or expect us to lead.