We have been talking about the proper way to give rebuke. It has to come from love. Believe it or not, the Zohar gives us a technique. The Zohar is full of deep secrets, and here we have what can be described as a modern day parenting technique, taught to us by the holy Zohar. The Zohar says that it says Hoheach Tocheah- Rebuke, you shall rebuke - in double language. Although we mentioned yesterday that it should be in hiding, the Zohar says that the first rebuke shouldn’t be in hiding- there is an even more subtle level, which is that you tell him something about someone else, like a story, and you don’t relate it directly to him. For example, if you notice that somebody is not careful with lashon hara , instead of approaching him privately and confronting him directly, tell him a story about the Chafetz Chaim ….for example, The Chafetz Chaim once met someone on a train, who asked him where he lives. The Chafetz Chaim mentioned that he lives in the town of Radin. The man asked if he knew the holy Sadik, the Chafetz Chaim… and the Chafetz Chaim answered, “Calm down, he’s not so holy.” The man was so upset, he slapped the Chafetz Chaim and reprimanded him for speaking like that about the Chafetz Chaim. The man didn’t know it was the Chafetz Chaim that he was speaking with, there were no pictures back then. “ The lesson,” said the Chafetz Chaim, “was that not only can’t you speak lashon hara about other people, but you can’t even speak lashon hara out about yourself.” So in our example, you could tell that story to the person who isn’t careful with Lashon hara . This way, you aren’t giving him mussar , you are giving him a nice lesson. Rabbi Ades said that this is the best way to train children. Tell them stories. But don’t ask, “ What’s the lesson here,” Or you lose the whole point. Just tell stories. But kids are very smart. I remember when one of my children were young and very smart and said they didn’t like hearing these stories, because they knew what we were up to. Assuming that most children are not so sophisticated, just tell them nice light stories, or just tell over stories that the rabbi said, at your table. If you only do it once, they might realize that you’re trying to get a lesson across, but if you get into this story telling habit, and you always tell nice stories about various topics, that is a great way to give Mussar without giving Mussar . This is advice from the holy Zohar. Have a great day.