The EndGame - SoundSage

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I started this newsletter three years ago to focus on positive aspects of aging. Sometimes I stray from that idea, as you may have noticed. Recently I have posted on such less-than-positive topics as loneliness, memory lapses, Alzheimer’s, retirement myths, gray divorce, and phobias – although I do try to give them a positive spin. But today, I’m getting back on mission by focusing on the positive, starting with the positives in my own life. The fact is, I find myself (most of the time) rather happy with my age and content with my standing in the world.

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This may not be a coincidence. Have you heard of the U-shaped curve of happiness? This is a theory, based on statistical analysis, that people tend to be happiest in their 20s, see their happiness take a deep dive in middle-age, and then enjoy a happiness rebound in their later years. The name comes from the shape of the curve when you graph it. It’s a popular idea, which some scientific quants now dispute because of questionable methodology.

I don’t have a dog in that fight, but it doesn’t matter. What I am experiencing fits the theory. I am older, wiser, and happier than I was in midlife, and I can identify some specific reasons.

If It Makes You HappyWhy am I happy? Let me count the ways.

I am living the life I dreamed about as a child – a person whose principal occupation is writing. (Reality looks a little different than the dream, of course – my desk is not in a turret overlooking a park, for example – but it’s close enough.)
My time is my own – as structured or unstructured as I want (as long as I meet my self-imposed publishing deadlines).
Young people (i.e., under 60) tell me their problems, and I dispense advice that they treat as if it were wisdom. If there is any wisdom in it, which I question, it derives from experience. I’ve lived long enough to have encountered all kinds of people and seen patterns repeat themselves.
I’ve stopped worrying about whether I am sexually attractive. It’s irrelevant. People see me on the street and just assume that I am post-sexual, and I see no gain in correcting their impressions. I don’t waste time trying to get my hair - what’s left of it – to look right. I don’t waste energy obsessing about the midriff bulge that will not budge – especially after my nephrologist assured me that being a little overweight is healthier than being underweight and that my current weight is “perfect.”
I am not anxious about money for the first time since adolescence.
Nobody cares if I walk around barefoot.
My body is still working entirely with original parts, most of them in good working order.
It is my good fortune that the beautiful, whip-smart girl I fell for 50 years ago is still my wife, best friend, and closest companion.
I am on speaking terms with my daughter, my son, my daughter-in-law, my mother-in-law, my four grandchildren, my siblings, and most of my cousins.
I am fortunate to live in the era of GPS software, because yes, I do need one more woman in my life telling me where to go.
I have no debts. I neither a borrower nor a lender be.

In Ethics of the Fathers, a Jewish wisdom text, the sage Ben Zoma asks and answers, “Who is rich? He who rejoices in his portion.”

I think that describes me. I’m content with what I have. I hope that you find your way there too.