SUMMARY

Popular cultural views of romantic love insists on someone being a “soul mate” and highly “compatible.” For many, this means finding someone who doesn’t want to change them. But in the New Testament, no two people are ever compatible. Because we are all sinners and we all change, we have to learn to love in spite of incompatibilities. This is what God did with us through Jesus. 

In Ephesians 5:21-6:4, Paul teases out how this adaptive kind of love shows up in our marriages and homes. 

The expectation of submission is not limited to wives. It's actually expected for all people who are followers of Christ. To submit means to voluntarily place yourself under the authority of someone else. 

Paul is showing us that the enemy of every happy marriage is self-centeredness. We are all naturally selfish because of our wounding. Our wounding makes us look at what has happened to us, rather than consider what’s happening inside of us. 

The Christian response is to decide that our self-centeredness is more fundamental than our woundedness and invite the gospel of Jesus to begin healing us and defining us from the inside out. 

TALK IT OUT

1. Ephesians 5:21 encourages believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. What does it mean to submit to one another in the context of Christian relationships, and how can we apply this principle in our lives today?
2. In Ephesians 5:22-24, wives are instructed to submit to their husbands. How should we understand this teaching in light of the broader message of mutual submission in the passage? How does submission look in a healthy Christian marriage, and what does it not mean?
3. Ephesians 5:25-33 provides instructions for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. What are the implications of this profound command for husbands in their roles within the family and marriage? What are practical ways husbands can demonstrate this sacrificial love in their marriages? How does this compare to the world's view of love in marriage?
4. The marriage relationship is often seen as a reflection of Christ's relationship with the church. How does your marriage serve as a witness to others about the love and unity found in Christ? What steps can you take to strengthen this reflection?