Trauma-Informed Parenting: Recent Episodes
Trauma-Informed Parenting
Welcome to Trauma-Informed Parenting where you can find adoption/foster care/Capital Letter Syndrome. support, - all in one place. I’m Kathleen Guire, your host, mother of seven, four through adoption, former National Parent of the Year, author, teacher, and speaker. But more important than any of those things, I’m a parent just like you. I know what it’s like to raise kiddos from hard places. I used to feel as if I was the only one struggling and because I felt that way, I isolated myself. I don’t want you to feel alone in your parenting journey, so grab a cup of coffee and join me for Trauma-Informed Parenting- a coffee break podcast.
One of the most discouraging things as a parent is being stuck in a vicious cycle of chaos and not being able to escape.
One of the most frustrating things as an educator is trying to help parents break cycles, find hope and healing, and them not realizing their kids have experienced trauma.
I’ll be the first to say that in my early days of parenting, I didn’t know what trauma was. Neither did I know that my bio kiddos had experienced it (in some way shape or form). When we adopted a sibling group of four, I was informed of all the trauma the kiddos had experienced in a lengthy meeting with psychologists.
What that meeting gave me was the information that my kiddos had experienced trauma in their childhood. What I didn’t know yet was how it affected them. I learned that later and it’s one of the major reasons I run this site and podcast. What I’d like to talk about today is why parents don’t invest in a trauma education and remove some of those roadblocks. Once those roadblocks are removed we can find some tools that help us heal.
Teaching Social Safety Media With A Tween Novel – The Case Of The Missing Person
While I know today kids think that owning a device and having social media accounts is a right, not a privilege. It’s our job as parents to set limits to make sure our kids are emotionally mature enough to navigate having a device.
The truth is lots of damage has been done to kiddos seeking connection, comfort, and encouragement on social media.
Everyone wants their child to practice social media safety but how do you teach it?
Sitting your kids down for a frank discussion about it is one option and one I’ve used myself.
But there is an additional way you can open the conversation -Through a novel.
Really? Yep. You can read a tween novel with your tween and follow the instructions in a free pdf – Social Media Safety which you can grab HERE.
When it comes to healing from trauma, the first step is acknowledging the trauma.
When we acknowledge the trauma -whether it is caused by one of the six risk factors or due to being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world, we can begin to heal.
What does the Bible say about healing from trauma? Is there hope? That's what you may be asking right now. Let me assure you, there is hope.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share 3 Biblical promises about healing from trauma!
Ever wonder exactly who trauma-informed parenting is for?
Or what it is all about?
If you raised your hand, this is the episode for you!
In this jam-packed episode, I share who trauma-informed parenting is for, what it is all about, a list of resources, and some of my personal story (that led me to start Trauma-Informed Parenting). Grab the show notes here and save them and this episode to share!
Grab a cup of coffee and join me.
Wondering if the Trauma-Informed Parenting Podcast is for you?
How do I parent kiddos with a trauma history?
How do I become a trauma-informed parent?
What about kiddos with neurodiversity?
How can I not take my kiddos' behaviors personally?
How can I make peace with my past and be a more present parent?
How can I leave the traditional parenting model behind?
And the biggest question of all is, can I really parent the way my kiddos need? Whether you’re parenting kiddos who came home to you through adoption/foster care, or kiddos with a neurodiversity(or both), this is the show for you.
Celebrating with kiddos with trauma histories and neurodiversity looks a lot different than neurotypical celebrations.
When raising kiddos with trauma histories/neurodiversities it is easy to get caught up in meeting physical needs.
In her article “Hopes and Prayers," Joyce Maynard describes what happens to many of us.
“We’re so consumed with the feeding, the dressing, the buckling into our car seats, the finding of bathrooms, and the counting of heads,” she says, “that we sometimes forget that there is any greater mission to raising children than making sure the crusts are cut off the sandwiches and that everybody gets a balloon.”
When raising kiddos with trauma histories/neurodiversities, this is especially dangerous. It is easy to get stuck in the rut of feeding and clothing children and trying to deal with each phobia or medical issues, reading articles on attachment, talking to other parents about what to do, etc.. It becomes exhausting and overwhelming. All the joy is sucked out of life when there is no celebration.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share ten tips on how to plan your own family events and practice the habit of celebration!
Kelly Edwards of 90 Minute School Day joins me today to talk about -healing, growth, and resilience in homeschooling.
Kelly shares:
I’m just thrilled to help parents in homeschooling make the transformation that I feel like I stumbled down the mountain and up the mountain and through the woods in the dark to get to myself. That’s really where the 90-Minute School Day came from: coming alongside parents who are either considering homeschooling or have already been homeschooling, make the shift in their homeschool from a top-down approach to being relational with their children as the foundation and going from there.
Grab a cup of coffee and listen to this valuable conversation about homeschooling!
Dr. Jerrod Brown returns to the podcast to teach us about "The Gut-Brain Health Axis"
Dr. Jerrod shares -
"This is a topic that I’ve been doing more and more work on over the last
handful of years. I became interested in this because in most of the cases I’ve consulted on over the years where the client has had a really severe mental health problem or a neurodevelopmental disorder or extensive trauma histories or drug and alcohol problems there’s something going on with the gut that isn’t working properly.
As I dug deeper into this topic, a good handful of years ago, there’s a huge connection between digestive health issues and emotional/behavioral problems. That’s that gut-brain health axis."
Grab a cup of coffee, a notebook, and a pen, and learn with Dr. Jerrod!
Our culture is what directs us on a daily basis. Our adopted/foster kiddos come to us with a culture already intact.
Culture – the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.
Sometimes culture requires you to meet ridiculous standards to fit in and your child feels the shame and guilt for being wrong 😑 or different.
Have you noticed that dysregulation from children is much less tolerated in society?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I dig into how to counteract the culture and finish up with adult attachment styles.
What about being spiritually prepared? Although the emotional and spiritual components are often intertwined, there is an aspect of spiritual preparation that stands alone.
When a Christian decides to become a missionary or start a ministry, training takes place. Often it involves Bible college or leadership training at church. Missionaries study the culture of the people they are going to serve. They learn the language, habits, and customs of the people. Why? Because we understand that no one should ever enter the mission field without being thoroughly prepared.
Most of us entering the adoption/foster care world and/or raising a kiddo with neurodiversity do not receive this type of spiritual training unless we seek it out.
Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she digs into this topic and shares some answers from a survey on this topic!
A couple of podcast listeners (during a TIP workshop) asked me to share about spirituality and kiddos with trauma histories/neurodiversities.
Honestly, this is a tough subject because of what we expect. We expect our kiddos to accept our religion of choice when they come home to us through foster care/adoption or have a Capital Letter Syndrome.
If we don’t understand our own foundation and place in the family of God, we aren’t going to be able to share our faith with our children. If you’re a regular listener/reader you’ve heard me say - we must make sense of and peace with our past and we must reframe our beliefs. Sometimes this means reframing our beliefs about our spiritual beliefs.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me for this deep dive into the subject of spirituality and kiddos!
Today I have a special guest -Amber Trueblood
Amber is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, entrepreneur, speaker, author, wife, and mother to four sons. Amber is all about helping real moms shift their mindset, improve communication skills, and implement simple practices to be the absolute best version of themselves.
She joins me to talk about her book The Unflustered Mom: How Understanding the Five Anxiety Styles Transforms the Way We Parent, Partner, Live, and Love.
She digs into the Five Anxiety Styles. You can take her anxiety-style quiz here.
Grab a cup of coffee and join us to learn about your anxiety style and how to navigate it (and your kiddos too).
In this episode, I first lay the foundation for why we need investment parenting. It all has to do with co-regulation.
Children with trauma histories/ Capital Letter Syndromes have altered brain development. The main outward sign of past trauma is what we often refer to as “bad behavior” or the inability to self-regulate (if you want it to sound more science-y and less critical). The truth is, when it comes to behavior, we must remember that every behavior expresses a need.
When it comes to kiddos with a trauma history/Capital Letter Syndrome, the ability to self-regulate is absent. It’s CAN’T not WON’T Regulate. In simple plain language that means, he cannot calm himself. He can’t help but be overwhelmed to the point that he is either hiding under the table (flight), not responding to what you are asking of him (freeze), or running away from the situation (flight). He CAN’T. Not physically able. Not emotionally able. In this scenario, the adult must take the reins and help the child by co-regulating. Co-regulation helps a child develop a new pattern for stress regulation.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me to learn how to practice investment parenting with co-regulation!
You don't want to miss this episode.
Daughter Audrey and I get super real on autism, neurodivergence, and how to parent kiddos on the spectrum. (These tips work with kiddos with trauma histories as well!)
We are both on the spectrum, so not only do we share what we've learned about parenting our kiddos, but we do it through the lens of neurodivergence.
As far as parenting goes, we share the "Instead Of" Tips -Tips You can use instead of traditional parenting.
Grab a cup of coffee and join us! If you aren't following Trauma-Informed Parenting, today is the day to sign up so you can get your own copy of the Infographic! *Linked in the show notes!
Alexithymia is when a person has difficulty experiencing, identifying, and expressing emotions.
I’m beginning this episode/article with a definition for a reason. When we are parenting kiddos with trauma histories/Capital Letter Syndromes (or reparenting ourselves) we hear many terms. Alexithymia is one of those. Along with proprioception, interoception, and a slew of other words which leave us scratching our heads.
Often we parents don’t have time to create notes and look every new-fangled term up when therapists use them as frequently as we use the word “that. While I’m not a professional therapist, nor do I have lots of letters behind my name, I am a tTauma-Informed Parenting Coach. I like to take concepts and break them down into bite-sized pieces and share them with you so we can all be better parents, grandparents, caregivers, and professionals.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share about alexithymia!
I have a special guest, Duygu Balan. She is an author and psychotherapist specializing in intergenerational trauma. She has just co-written a workbook called, Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal.
Duygu works with individuals and couples working through adverse childhood experiences (ACES), attachment injuries, and trauma. She also works with parents who are survivors of child abuse healing their inner child as they raise their children.
Grab a cup of coffee, join us, and be sure to grab your Re-Write Trauma Workbook!
Dr. Jerrod Brown joins me again today for a rather heavy topic but a very important topic, today: FASD and Problematic Behaviors, a Neurobiopsychosocial Perspective.
Dr. Jerrod explains -"My goal today is maybe to tease apart what could be going on if someone does engage in problematic behavior, irrational behavior, violent/aggressive behavior, even full-blown criminal behavior. It’s complex. Kathleen, you mentioned in the title the neuro biopsychosocial perspective for analysis."
*"There are a multitude of factors we need to take into account. I don’t want people walking away today thinking if someone has FASD that equals criminal behavior. Absolutely not!"
Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notebook! Get ready to learn!
Parenting is hard, we all know that. While I believe it is one of the most important jobs in life, that doesn’t mean it is easy. My early view of parenting (before I had kiddos) was a sun-filled kitchen with happy kiddos who wanted to help me with the dishes or set the table. In my pre-child view, I was showered, dressed in nice clothes, and had make-up on every day. Then I had kiddos.
Six kids later, four through adoption, I’d grasped the importance of schedule, proactive parenting, and these tips I’m sharing with you today. My sunny view returned despite the cloudy and sometimes stormy days. The tips I’m sharing today are like a buffet. Pick and choose what works for you. The point of the practical tips is to bring the sunny view of parenthood back into your life, i.e., alleviate decision fatigue and bring more peace and power in your parenting. Let’s get started!
Renee Mill, a clinical psychologist, and a neuro psychotherapist, is a returning guest. She joins me to talk about a super important topic for trauma-informed parents - parenting neurodiverse children. Parenting is hard. Add some neurodiversity to the mix and you've got a whole new level of difficulty. We also deal with shame and guilt.
Renee shares-
"We have to find a way of coming to terms with who they are and learning to value them. That can be quite a long journey. It’s a delicate balance between being a loving and committed parent but finding a space where you can actually allow yourself to work through those, what parents call, “ugly” feelings."
In this day and age, trauma is a word we hear so often, we may let it buzz right past our ears. Some of us assume trauma has nothing to do with our children, so we ignore the effects, the advice, the YouTube videos, Podcasts, and keep scrolling. All the while, our kids are dealing with the fallout of trauma and its effects every day.
what is trauma-informed parenting? Trauma-informed parenting is parenting with the effects of trauma in mind. When parents with trauma in mind, you are viewing your parenting through the lens of trauma. This means you understand how trauma affects a child (the five Bs – brain, body, biology, beliefs, and behavior. More importantly, you understand when a child CAN'T regulate, or behave instead of thinking he won’t. Trauma-informed parenting means providing felt-safety , arranging the environment to suit the child, and teaching the child how to navigate the world and develop coping mechanisms. Trauma-informed parenting isn’t laser-focused on outward behavior. Instead, the main goal of parenting is connection.
Join me as I share three reasons every parent needs a trauma-informed education in this day and age!
Dr. Jerrod Brown is back to talk about blood sugar dysregulation.
"So, when you think of disruptions in one’s blood sugar, it could be hyperglycemia, our blood sugar goes too high. It could be hypoglycemia, where it goes too low. Or it could just be up-and-down fluctuations of your blood sugar levels throughout the day. I think a lot of people always think that maybe this only applies to people with diabetes, but if you skip a meal, if someone has a tendency to always skip breakfast, that can have an impact on blood sugar levels. It absolutely can make it go lower."
If your child is struggling with lots of dysregulation and you've ruled out everything else, you might want to look into blood sugar regulation!
Grab a cup of coffee, a notebook, a pen, and get ready to learn with Dr. Jerrod!
One of the major stressors when raising kiddos with Capital Letter Syndromes/trauma histories is getting food on the table. When you’re going through a period of adjustment to kiddos coming “home” or a season of medical issues, jumping through hoops to get a diagnosis, or your kiddo is stuck in a cycle of regression, getting food on the table is overwhelming, and often on the list.
This practical tip to help eliminate decision fatigue and give you more peace and power in your parenting is actually two-pronged. First of all, in our culture, we seem to eat on the run – a lot. When we do this, going through a drive-through before soccer practice or skipping sitting down at the table for meals, it affects us physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share why family meals are so important, weekly meal plans, and a more in-depth explanation of the concept of the snack basket!
Continuing a series of practical tips, my friend Megan joins me to introduce us to Freezer Cooking!
Megan shares -
I have a Child with capital letter syndrome. For YEARS prior to connecting with the right professionals and getting a diagnosis, things were so difficult. I couldn't cook meals because I was constantly intervening and trying to manage meltdowns.
I couldn't load up in the car to go get fast food because that just resulted in fighting, meltdowns, and even unsafe behavior in the car.
I felt like routines were non-existent.
I was exhausted and I felt like my life was in constant chaos.
After a LONG road, I finally found a routine for myself that helped get my family on a routine--it was a way to get food on the table on time, which led to getting kids to bed on time, and even getting to spend some quality family time together. Most of all, it was one routine I learned to manage that allowed me to feel successful again. I went from feeling like I couldn’t accomplish anything, to feeling like even on the hardest days at least I could get a nutritious meal on the table for my family.
Grab a cup of coffee and an apron! Get ready to learn about the routine of freezer cooking with Megan!
This is the first podcast in a series of Five Simple Practices To Alleviate Decision Fatigue and Give You More Peace and Power in Your Parenting.
One. Create (and use) a schedule. Creating a schedule seems like a no-brainer especially when you have many time-sensitive responsibilities on your calendar. Raising kiddos with trauma histories and/or Capital Letter Syndromes makes this practice doubly important. For instance, if you know your kiddos need to get out the door for school, baseball, a therapy appointment, or fill-in-the-blank, you write it on your calendar.
A schedule is freeing A schedule is freeing. It – as the headline promises – alleviates decision fatigue and gives you more peace and power in your parenting. What? How can a schedule do that?
Grab a cup of coffee -listen to learn more as I walk through two scenarios, one without a detailed scheduled plan, and the second with a detailed plan. Grab a cup of coffee and learn the importance of a schedule explained in a practical detailed way that you've probably never heard of!
Dr. Jerrod Brown is back to talk about Positive Psychological Traits. I'm super excited about this positive episode -things we can do in our own lives to promote positive thinking and mindset. As Dr. Jerrod points out, we talk about a lot of heavy topics on a regular basis on this podcast. This episode is a nice encouraging break.
The approaches Dr. Jerrod shares are holistic and practical things you CAN integrate into your life starting today.
If you're ready for a positive boost to your parenting practices, grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notepad, and listen!
*If you missed the first article/podcast in this series, start here.
A growing body of research suggests that trauma (like childhood abuse, family violence, or food insecurity, among many other things) can be passed from one generation to the next.
With the scientific knowledge that trauma can be passed from one generation to the next, we can become discouraged and want to give up. When kiddos come “home” to us with trauma literally embedded in their genes, add that to our own trauma and we may be tempted to throw our hands up in the air and say, “I give up!” Or something like, “I guess trauma is part of our story. We’re stuck in a repeating cycle. Nothing we can about it.”
For me and my family, that meant forming new beliefs, habits, and practices. That's exactly what I'd like to talk about on this podcast).
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share how we can begin our healing journey!
Intergenerational trauma is a concept developed to help explain years of generational challenges within families. It is the transmission (or sending it down to younger generations) of the oppressive or traumatic effects of a historical event.
A growing body of research suggests that trauma (like childhood abuse, family violence, or food insecurity, among many other things) can be passed from one generation to the next.
Here’s how: Trauma can leave a chemical mark on a person’s genes, which can then be passed down to future generations. This mark doesn’t cause a genetic mutation, but it does alter the mechanism by which the gene is expressed. This alteration is not genetic, but epigenetic.
https://www.psycom.net/trauma/epigenetics-trauma
Genetics are passed down. Trauma is passed through the genes as well
Research conducted by Dr. Joan Kaufman, Director of the Child And Adolescent Research and Education (C.A.R.E) program, and colleagues found that “early life stress caused epigenetic changes that lowered the trigger required for a stress response.”
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share some powerful practices to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
Renee Mill is an expert in evidence-based treatment for stress and anxiety, parenting without anger, and the importance of emotional intelligence in the workplace.
In this episode, Renee Mill shares her expertise on anxiety in children!
Overcoming Anxiety without Medication: Renee Mill's life's mission is to treat stress and anxiety without drugs using evidence-based treatment. This topic is controversial because anxiety medication is still widely used today, with a 5.7% increase in prescriptions for anti-anxiety medication in the United States from 2019 to 2020 (Healthcare Business & Technology). Renee Mill's views challenge the traditional approach to treating anxiety.
Grab a cup of coffee, turn up the episode, take notes, and learn with Renee!
Dr. Jerrod is back to share about Attachment Based Trauma- Causes, Consequences, and Solutions.
First, he gives an overview of the attachment styles.
Second, he shares over twelve attachment issues.
Third, he shares some practices to help us attach to our kiddos.
Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notebook, and get ready to learn with me.
Everyone has a trauma bucket.When we speak of trauma- our minds can automatically wander to events like wars, house fires, car accidents, a death in the family, and fill-in-the-blank. While all of the above is true, what about the sweet five-year-old we are watching fall to pieces in meltdown in front of us? We’re scratching our heads trying to figure out what is going on. The truth is, we all have trauma buckets. Some of us are born with empty buckets, others are born with a bucket that already has trauma - the six risk factors for trauma. When our kids have trauma in their bucket from birth or shortly thereafter, we must assume that any stress or new trauma can cause their bucket to fill quickly, causing meltdowns and overload. Knowing what sorts of trauma our kiddos have experienced helps us understand and help our kiddos. We can keep an eye on their trauma buckets to aim at keeping them from overflowing. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I explain the layers of the trauma bucket.
Let's talk about religious trauma. Because this is Trauma-Informed Parenting, I’m going to focus on viewing my points through the lens of a child. Let’s imagine a child comes through the door of your church carrying a heavy load of trauma, emotional wounds, and the inability to regulate. Maybe this child also has sensory issues. Not only are the lights and sounds overwhelming, but adults are loud and getting in his face. Because he can’t control his wiggly body and he is operating in his downstairs brain -fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, he is corrected over and over. BERATED. Told he needs to behave. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I talk about three habits your church can practice to reduce religious trauma!
Diane joins me on the podcast for the second week in a row to talk about a few super important topics – Having a body safety plan and some important (mind blowing) facts about kiddos and pornography. Why is it on the rise?
Diane says:
The child safety work I do is three-fold.1. I believe adults should keep kids safe. So I equip them to do that very thing. 2. Because I know adults can’t be everywhere all the time, I also equip kids to recognize, avoid, escape, and/or report abuse events–potential or actual. 3. In addition, I’m an advocate for sexual abuse survivors. Supporting and encouraging other survivors is very important to me.
Grab a cup of coffee and join us as Diane teaches us about this super-important topic!
Diane Tarantini, a child safety educator and survivor of child sexual abuse, joins me in this episode. She shares her three top tips for child safety!
"One in 10 kids will be sexually abused by the time they’re 18. It’s a heartbreaking statistic, isn’t it? However, that number is actually an improvement over what it used to be. Which means child safety efforts are working. Which means prevention is possible."- Diane
Grab your headphones and your coffee and join us as Diane shares three super important tips. Before you go, hop on over to Diane's website and grab her "How to Keep Kids Safe Guide: 20 Tips From A Body Safety Expert."
Self-compassion is a super important concept and I'm so glad Dr. Jerrod is back to talk about it!
It doesn’t matter if you’re a parent or a nonparent. Having more self-compassion is really linked to so many health benefits. Brain-based health, body, emotional, social, and the list goes on. We can’t go wrong with infusing these principles into our day-to-day life, for parenting, for family, for friends, on the job, and whatever we do. I think this can enhance our overall health and well-being and outlook on life.
Grab a cup of coffee and listen to this discussion about self-compassion. Dr. Jerrod includes a list of fourteen benefits of practicing self-compassion!
Tina Hamilton is the founder of The Burnt Bean where she is an inner child healing coach. She works with moms who are exhausted, burnt out, and frustrated - either in parenting or in life in general - to uncover their deepest wounds and messages that have them living life in the margins. She provides strategies and resources they need to live a life in alignment with the vision they hold for themselves. In this episode, we discussed: - the transition to motherhood and how school does not prepare you for what lies ahead- the skills needed in parenthood that are missing from education- the inner child and how it shows up in your parenting every day- three things you need to know about the inner child and why it is important You can learn more about Tina and the work she is doing at www.theburntbean.com/connect or on Instagram (@the.burnt.bean).
Continuing our series - Things We Didn't Learn in School, I dig into three childhood messages that become beliefs and triggers -this is a skeletal list to get the conversation started. When these three areas are judged, attacked, or dismissed, our kiddos form beliefs about themselves, the family, and the world around them.
Physical attributes -Physical attributes cannot be changed. We don’t want our kiddos going through life like chameleons, changing their appearance to meet whatever the standard happens to be that day.
Interests And/Or Habits-When our kiddos are judged for their special interests, it injures not only their beliefs about themselves but the world around them. They begin to believe there is no place in this world for them.
Talent or gifts. Are your kiddos being judged for talents or gifts that are unique to your community or family? Is quelling their interest teaching them that they are somehow “wrong” and need to fix themselves by burying their talents?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share my personal experiences so you can understand your children's beliefs, triggers, and trauma.
Amber Stewart returns to the podcast to share the polyvagal ladder. She is passionate about raising awareness about the polyvagal theory.
We can't help our children if we can't help ourselves when it comes to understanding the polyvagal theory.
Amber shares not only the science but some practical tips!
If you're an email subscriber, you'll receive a free pdf of the polyvagal ladder! (Sign up here ).
Grab a cup of coffee, a notebook, and a pen, and get ready to learn while you listen!
Amber Stewart joins me in this episode about emotional intelligence. She has a powerful perspective as an adoptive/foster mom. She knows all about helping your kiddos make gains in emotional intelligence.
When kids have experienced trauma or have a Capital Letter Syndrome (FASD, ADHD, GAD, ASD, etc...), we need extra education and practical tips on the topic of emotional intelligence -which is exactly what this episode is all about.
Grab a cup of coffee and join Amber and me as we chat about emotional intelligence!
Dr. Jerrod joins me again for this jam-packed, educational episode on Emotional Intelligence. Here's a Dr. Jerrod quote from the episode -
"People with high levels of emotional intelligence typically have better interpersonal communication skills where they're more empathetic, they understand cooperation, they engage in constructive communication. They don't avoid conflict. They stick with it, but they don't become completely dysregulated. But they know how to tap into their resources and communicate and work things out. Maybe they're not going to be aggressive. They're going to be assertive, but they can name their emotions, label their emotions, and hang in there when things get tough. Adaptability is another big, big component of emotional intelligence. People with high levels of emotional intelligence are typically more adaptable, more flexible, and they're able to really cope with change and uncertainty and fear and worry and just the unknown."
After explaining the definition of emotional intelligence, Dr. Jerrod digs into the weeds of kiddos with trauma histories and brain-based impairment, prenatal drug, and alcohol exposure- there might be structural damage to parts of their brain that can absolutely impact emotional intelligence.
Grab a cup of coffee and join us. You don't want to miss this important episode!
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 habits every trauma-informed parenting needs to practice. Honestly, I recorded this because I needed a reboot in these habits -
When raising kiddos with trauma histories and/or Capital Letter Syndromes (FASD, ADHD, GAD, ASD, SPD, etc...) we parents need habits to keep us healthy- emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We can develop what experts refer to as "compassion fatigue" (read more about that here). What if we could develop some habits that help us proactively avoid slipping into patterns of fatigue and the desire to give up (more often)?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share these five simple habits along with my personal stories and experiences!
Amber Stewart - A Certified FX Nutritionist and Foster Care/Adoption Mentor- joins me in this episode.
She says:
After the Adoption of our son diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and drug exposure in utero...I knew nutrition was impacting his behavior and development. But also with fostering kids and the stress of that, I began to struggle with my own health issues of depression, anxiety, and Thyroid issues in my late 30s and early 40s...I already had dealt with infertility issues as well. I began learning that nutrition had a huge impact on our body in the way of our systems whether it was the endocrine system, digestion, immunity, cardiovascular, nervous system, etc...(listen to learn more!)
Grab a cup of coffee and join Amber and me as she shares three things every family needs to know about nutrition!
In this episode, I talk about family government and culture. I think this is an extremely important episode because it's something that we have control over to a large extent, but often something we don't even think about. We don't even think about the fact that we each have a family, government, or culture within our own family. And we don't think that we can change things if we need to or want to. We get stuck in a "this is the way it is" pattern. I'm sharing three tips today:
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Examine your culture of origin.
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Examine your kiddo's culture of origin.
And I'm talking about if you adopt it or you foster or also if you are in a family situation where you are co-parenting with someone you're divorced or some other situation, kinship, parenting, all those sorts of things.
- Decide what sort of family government you want to have.
Grab a cup of coffee (and maybe a pen and journal) and join me for this important episode!
Dr. Jerrod is back to talk about executive function, the boss and CEO of the brain.
First, he tackles what executive function is and then weaves in trauma-informed parenting.
The Big Three:
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Working memory (internal post-it note)
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Inhibition (pause button)
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Cognitive flexibility (shifting thinking from one topic to another)
He shares some best practices for parents and with our kiddos.
Please grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notebook, and join us in this practical, educational, episode!
In this episode, I interview Anita Kroeker as she shares -3 Benefits of Homeschooling.
We have a great conversation about education in general!
If you're considering homeschooling or parenting remember - we are ultimately responsible for our kiddos' education. Education is about more than academics. It's about their worldview. Our kids are learning all the time.
It's important to know what our kids are surrounded by and learning!
Grab a cup of coffee and join us!
Kenny, adopted at the age of 8, is a young business owner with FASD, and the author of the book - It's OK to Be You: Living Well with FASD or Other Disabilities. This book is for anyone with FASD or other disabilities. Kenny shares that many books are written for caregivers of people with disabilities, but this book is aimed at those who have disabilities.
"This book is written by someone who lives with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) and who understands the struggles of living with this disability on a daily basis. Kenny talks about his journey towards acceptance and how to better live with disabilities (and with those who love and care for you). This book focuses on the relationships one has with others, themselves, and the world at large. “It’s OK to Be You” seeks to affirm who you are, what you need, and gives you encouragement. While this book is not all-encompassing, it attempts to cover large swathes of daily living with FASD. If your life feels paralyzed by self-doubt because of your disabilities, this book will prod you to embrace the whole of who you are and that it is okay." - Book Blurb
Grab a cup of coffee and join Kenny and I for a great chat full of his unique perspective and wisdom!
January is Human Trafficking Awareness month with the official day being January 11th. It’s a topic that I’m passionate about shining light on – not only to raise awareness for but to prevent it in children with trauma histories. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share the 3 phases of human trafficking, an opportunity to grab a copy of Defining Home - a thriller human-trafficking novel, plus a harrowing personal family story.
Job syndromes come in many shapes and sizes. There are two types of affliction – self-inflicted and God-backed. You may be in the middle of circumstances that feel Job-like.
I get it. It’s tough. You may feel as if you’ve gone back to ground zero and your children are regressing.
If you have a diagnosis of a Capital Letter Syndrome (FASD, ASD, ADHD, GAD, SPD, etc) or your child has a trauma-history, the end of the holidays can seem as if you have entered a Job Syndrome.
Or maybe you have a major life change headed your way and things at home are unorganized and unscheduled, whatever the cause, you may be panicking. All your triggers are triggered. All their triggers are triggered. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share three tips for handling the Job Syndrome!
Join me today as I talk with Jillana Goble, author of A Love-Stretched Life: Stories on Wrangling Hope, Embracing the Unexpected, and Discovering the Meaning of Family and No Sugar Coating: The Coffee Talk You Need About Foster Parenting. Jillana has a great deal of wisdom and experience so you don't want to miss this episode. Grab a cup of coffee and join our conversation!
In this episode, I'm sharing Ten Tips for Navigating Holiday Gatherings.
The holidays are overwhelming for neurodivergent kids.
Let's face it, the holidays are stressful for everyone—stress whether good excitatory stress or negative stress impacts the body.
It's our job as parents to lessen the stressors, be proactive in standing up for what our children need - felt-safety. We want our kids to enjoy the season!
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share some tips that have worked for our family!
Learning about attachment styles in children is essential.
Knowing how to use the information, especially during stressful, overwhelming times like the holiday season is pure gold.
I don't have it all figured out, but I share the science, my experience, successes, and failures. You can leapfrog over my mistakes and make progress in attachment.
Grab a cup of coffee as I share the science of attachment, some personal stories, and tips to help you thrive this holiday season
Why is self-regulation important for parents?
- If parents have self-regulation, they are going to be in a better position to manage their stress.
- They have greater self-awareness so they will be in a position to understand their own strengths and limitations.
- If we know our own limitations, that is a strength, we know when to reach out for help!
- With better self-regulation, we can live a much better life, we are typically happier, we are more likely to have better health, and live longer.
These are just a few nuggets of wisdom from Dr. Jerrod's interview. Grab a cup of coffee (and a pen and notebook) and get ready to learn. Bonus: I asked Dr. Jerrod how we apply these principles during the holiday season to avoid being stressed (in survival mode)!
During the holiday season, all the things that trigger us (and our kiddos) are compounded.
Too much noise. Too much stimulation. Sensory overload. Too much everything.
This is the perfect time to talk about attachment. Why? Because more than any other time of year, we need to take a step back and invest in attachment so our families can thrive this holiday season.
Where is the best place to learn about attachment?
How about God's original plan for perfect attachment?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I dig into God's original plan for attachment. These are practical steps for attachment you can invest in today! Read the show notes HERE.
You may wonder why I'm talking about breaks in attachment during the holiday season. The truth is - this is the season when our kiddos (and we) are triggered more than any other time of year. That's why it's important to know how to repair breaks in attachment. What is attachment? I know it’s gotten a lot more social media time and screen time. It’s more out in the open now because now we are learning the science of attachment parenting. We’re learning the importance of what attachment does for the brain. This is amazing. It is so wonderful. I’m so excited that that is at the forefront now. But maybe your kiddos have had breaks in attachment. You’re sitting there thinking, okay, I know that they’ve had breaks in attachment. I’ve heard those words used in that order, but I’m really not even sure what the attachment cycle is.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as we learn together how to repair breaks in attachment! Read the show notes here (plus sign up for all the free stuff I talked about!)
One of the questions I received from a podcast listener- How do you change yourself?
In other words, how do you heal from your past and parent well at the same time?
I get it. I have reparented myself. It is possible to heal from your past while parenting. Healing from your past trauma includes reparenting yourself.
It is possible to reparent yourself and heal all while parenting at the same time. Just know, it’s not going to happen overnight or magically. You actually have to put the time and work into – journaling your triggers, reframing your beliefs, and instituting practices that provide felt-safety for yourself. Set aside time to process. You can make sense of and make peace with your past. Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and your journal, and get ready to start healing from your past trauma!
This time of year, it feels as if we are off and running as soon as October ends. Every morning our feet hit the ground. We’re going from one to the next thing. We have Thanksgiving dinner to plan for. Company coming. Not to mention family birthdays, shopping, outings, therapies, and all the regularly scheduled stuff.
The tips that I want to give you today are not tips about Pinteresty stuff such as – and find the perfect Christmas tree or the perfect ornament to make. Not that those are bad things. Those are fun things to do, but it’s more about self-care and taking care of yourself during the holidays.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share 3 tips to help you practice self-care and thrive this holiday season!
"At the core of Trauma-Informed Parenting, we're going to be utilizing practices that are really rooted in empathy and compassion and validation and attunement and really leaning into that child and understanding that child's needs, and wants. Plus being able to model appropriate behavior to that child as well." - Dr. Jerrod Brown
For the second in this series, Trauma-Informed Parenting 101, Dr. Jerrod does a deep dive into what trauma-informed parenting actually looks like. Grab a cup of coffee, a pen, and a notebook, and get ready to learn.
P.S. - I took notes while recording this interview. It's jam-packed with so much great information!
How do you provide felt safety for yourself? And why do we need to provide felt safety? Shouldn’t the fact that we are basically safe from the trauma of our past be enough?
We parent our kiddos with the lens through which we view life. Our beliefs direct our parenting.
We parents with a trauma history and/or a Captial Letter Syndrome can stay stuck. We do this by ruminating on what can happen to us based on our fears about our past.
So we need to provide felt-safety for ourselves because our children mirror our dysregulation when we don't feel safe.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share three tips on how to make yourself feel safe!
How do you provide felt safety for your kiddo? And why do we need to provide felt safety? Shouldn’t a child being safe be enough?
Dangers of not providing felt safety Fear is a bully. It pushes a child into a corner. The child responds with tantrums, meltdowns, shutdowns, and high levels of anxiety.
Myth: Your child will feel safe because they are safe.
Grab a cup of coffee and learn the difference between safety and felt-saftey and why it matters!
Comparing Traditional Parenting With Connected (Non-Traditional) Parenting
Why doesn’t traditional parenting work with kiddos who have trauma histories/Capital Letter Syndromes?
Traditional Parenting tends to focus on outer behavior. Its practice is all external - punishments, lectures, and consequences.
Let's dig a Little Deeper
Traditional parenting really tends to focus on the outer- how are you behaving?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I dig deeper into the difference between traditional and connected parenting plus how you can parent in a more connected way.
Prefer to read the article? Click HERE.
Join me as Dr. Jerrod Brown shares - Trauma 101- the first in a monthly series (releasing the first Wednesday of every month).
I'm so excited for you to learn from Dr. Jerrod. Grab a pen and paper or open your notes app and get ready for this overview of trauma!
Check out Dr. Jerrod's bio below-
Jerrod Brown, Ph.D., M.A., M.S., M.S., M.S., is a professor, trainer, researcher, and consultant with multiple years of experience teaching collegiate courses. Jerrod is also the founder and CEO of the American Institute for the Advancement of Forensic Studies (AIAFS). Jerrod has also provided consultation services to a number of caregivers, professionals, and organizations pertaining to topics related to autism spectrum disorder (ASD), fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), confabulation, suggestibility, trauma and other life adversities, traumatic brain injury (TBI), and youth firesetting. Jerrod has completed four separate master’s degree programs and holds graduate certificates in Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Other Health Disabilities (OHD), and Traumatic-Brain Injuries (TBI).
FASD Part 3
I'm sharing some of my real-life stories as well as my three-pronged approach to treating FASD.
When I began researching FASD- there wasn't a ton of information. Thankfully, that's changed.
While researching, I amassed a library on Capital Letter Syndromes and I just started trying things. So many Capital Letter Syndromes have overlapping symptoms with FASD, so I decided, why not? Why not try them?
Grab a cup of coffee an listen and grab the tips that work for you.
FASD Awareness Part 2
Maybe you’re fostering kiddos or you recently found out your kiddos were exposed to alcohol in the womb. What should you know right off the bat? Or what should you tell other friends, family members, or church staff?
In this episode, I share about - Brain and central nervous system problems
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share what I wish I had known about FASD!
In this episode, I talk about three things that I wish I had known about FASD. I got my first bit of education about prenatal alcohol exposure through a conversation with my aunt, who was a nurse. She shared some of the physical anomalies an infant suffered because of alcohol exposure prenatally. I was a young mom of one child at the time. Little did I know, that ten years and two more bio kids later, I would adopt a sibling group of four who all suffered from the effects of prenatal alcohol exposure. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I travel down memory lane and share the first of three things I wish I had known about FASD.
Grab your free chapter - Why Traditional Parenting Doesn't Work (And What Does Work) on Trauma-Informed Parenting. (just click the button at the top of the page)
We have ways of parenting that were handed down to us. Maybe you recently found out your child has a Capital Letter Syndrome, or you foster, or recently adopted kiddos and your current parenting isn't working anymore.
Have you heard this? You just need to discipline your child more!
Then this is for you!
I tried traditional parenting for years and it backfired.
You can relearn parenting for the sake of your child.
Isn't the goal to connect with your child? Raise a child with coping mechanisms. Children can grow into adults with a purpose and be more comfortable in their own skin. Everyone has value. Paren them by coming alongside them.
She isn't (and never be) a perfect parent. We need to let go of the myth that perfect parents exist. We can be proactive parents. We can be parents who re-parent.
Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares why traditional parenting doesn't work.
When it comes to parenting or working with kiddos with a trauma history or Capital Letter Syndrome, what's your biggest struggle?
One of the respondents to a survey I sent out answered - "Why Isn't My Child Not Listening?" which inspired this series.
Often the kiddo can't listen, not won't. They are not being defiant.
What does your child need to regulate so that they can listen (better.)
If your child has a trauma history and/or a Capital Letter Syndrome-
Schedules are comforting. If the schedule changes, don't expect your child to be able to regulate or listen.
When a child is in survival mode, fight, flight, or freeze, your change can't listen. You must arrange the environment to suit what he needs.
*Try using a wake word with your child such as their name. Pause. Repeat Pause.
Your child may not be listening because he is tired, hungry, or thirsty. A child with a trauma history or Capital Letter Syndrome - does not recognize her own body's signals for hunger, thirst, or need to go to the bathroom. If their needs were a cellphone - it would be on silent.
There is so much meat in this short coffee break podcast!
Guest Tina Hamilton is a former middle school teacher turned parent coach. She supports parents along their personal healing journey so they can raise their children without passing down generations of pain and failed messaging. You can learn more and jumpstart your healing journey today by downloading Stop Yelling, Start Connecting – a free guide to forming a deeper connection with your child.
Tina shares 3 Tips To Decentering-
"When your children are having a difficult time or experiencing big emotions, you have to decenter yourself. This means to take yourself out of the equation – this is not about you. Your child does not hate you. Your child does not wish you were dead. They are pushing up against you because they themselves are feeling completely out of control. They need a safe place to land."
Grab a cup of coffee and listen and learn. Tina has a lot of wisdom and more importantly some super helpful tips to help you connect with your kiddos.
Going off on a tangent in this series - felt-safety, training, and investment parenting - all promote (better) listening.
Schedules are secure. It gives your kiddo a sense of comfort or felt safety.
I'm veering into a tangent on "practicing out the moment" or "training."
Training is showing your kiddo what to do beforehand so she knows how to do it.
This is investment parenting. It takes time. If you want your child to listen (better) you must invest in them.
Grab a cup of coffee and listen as Kathleen shares some training practices (which include eating M and Ms, games, and fun activities).
Why isn't my child listening and what can I do about it?
This is a common question and one asked by a respondent to a survey I sent out to my email list - Why isn't my child listening? She felt as if she is repeating herself over and over.
If we understand our children better, we can help them by changing the environment and what our expectations are when it comes to listening.
Does your child have an auditory processing disorder? ADD? ADHD? FASD? SPD? On the spectrum? If so your child may have difficulty processing information - i.e. difficulty listening.
Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she discusses practical tips and tools to help you help your kiddos.
Trauma-Informed Parenting Podcast is back after a year and a half break! I'm so excited to be back! In this episode, I share a little of my story. Plus answer these questions -
What is the Trauma-Informed Parenting Podcast about?
Who is it for?
What is a Capital Letter Syndrome and how is having one trauma?
Grab a cup of coffee and join me on this coffee break podcast!
Natalie Vecchione is an FASD parent advocate, homeschooler, podcaster, but MOST importantly... a wife and mom! She shares what we need to know about FASD on this episode in a heartwarming and cheerful fashion. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies and be sure to check out Natalie's podcast for more information.
Natalie Vecchione is an FASD parent advocate, homeschooler, podcaster, but MOST importantly... a wife and mom! Natalie and her husband, John, adopted both our son and daughter via domestic adoption. They began homeschooling 7 years ago, when they noticed how many accommodations their son needed (who was later diagnosed with an FASD). Their son finally received an FASD diagnosis when he was 15, when he was also hospitalized for Bipolar Disorder...and it was one of the darkest times of her life as a mom. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen in a conversation with Natalie!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the last episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent you may be struggling alone at home with a child's meltdowns, but when you are in public, the child is an angel. This week’s topic – don’t be fooled by a child’s superficially, engaging behavior.
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the third episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent. This week’s topic - Don’t judge the parents by the child’s behavior. This is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It’s a more indirect way of sharing what's on your heart. Who knows? You may encourage someone just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee and join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the second episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent, this is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It's a more indirect way of asking for help. Who knows? You may help someone in need just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee (and some tissues for this episode). Join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re sharing the first episode in our series – Five Things You Can Do To Help Adoptive/Foster Families. If you are an adoptive/foster parent, this is a great series to share with your friends, family, and church. It's a more indirect way of asking for help. Who knows? You may help someone in need just by sharing! Grab a cup of coffee (and some tissues for this episode). Join Sandra and me for some tips and stories!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re on the last episode in our series – Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. It can seem as if our adopted/foster children repel our attempts at love and acceptance. We can fall into the trap of thinking our kiddos don't REALLY want to be loved. It's not true. It's our job as parents to learn a new dance of attachment. Is your acting like a porcupine and flexing his quills every time you try to love him? You're not alone! Grab a cup of coffee and join Sandra and I for some encouragement!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We’re continuing our series – Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. Codependency with our kiddos can keep us stuck in a chaotic cycle. Codependency can overwhelm us and make us feel as if we are drowning. If you feel as if you live there (I did), grab a cup of coffee and join us for some encouragement!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. We're continuing our series - Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You. Mom guilt is serious. It can overwhelm us and make us feel as if we have failed our kiddos. When we adopt/foster we can wear the guilt of what happened to our kiddos before they came to our home. The guilt is heavy and can sink us into a quagmire of codependency. If you feel as if you live there (I did), grab a cup of coffee and join us for some encouragement! Hop on over to thewholehouse.org and grab your free copy of Five Things.
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. This week, we're doing an overview of "Five Things Your Adopted/Foster Child Would Like To Tell You," based on the second chapter of the book. Sandra and I share our successes, failures, and some insights we've gained along the way. Grab a cup of coffee and listen to the podcast. Don’t forget to get your copy of Five Things! You can grab your free copy here- https://dl.bookfunnel.com/7oxldztb8f
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week for the Positive Adoption Podcast series on the book Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. In this episode, we discuss what poor behavior in your child may be trying to tell you. We can fall into the trap of thinking our kiddos are misbehaving just to make us mad. I know. I’ve lived in that trap. When we change our perspective and try to view behavior through another lens, things can change. Read on to find out how. Plus grab a cup of coffee and listen to the podcast. Don’t forget to get your copy of Five Things! You can grab your free copy here. *Trauma-Informed Parenting isn't live yet, but you can get your free gift on thewholehouse.org!
OUR CHILDREN MAY NOT BE EXCESSIVELY THANKFUL, IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again on the Positive Adoption Podcast to discuss why our kids who have experienced trauma are not excessively thankful. This is one of the topics in the book – Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Parents. Grab your free copy here. Grab a cup of coffee and join us for a lively discussion! *Note Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet! Thewholehouse.org is still active and full of resources/articles just for you!
Sandra Flach, of the Orphans No More Podcast, joins me again this week as we discuss another point in the book- Five Things: A Tiny Handbook for Foster/Adoptive Families. Grab your free copy here. We adoptive parents have to parent differently than traditional parents. We may seem to the outsider over strict or overprotective. In a traditional family, parents raising children who have not come from hard places set boundaries and give natural consequences. This is good. Adoptive parents must work harder on these boundaries and helping the child to attach to them. It may make them seem overprotective or strict. They’re not. They are working on attachment skills. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and Sandra as they talk through some science and experience. *Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet, so be sure to grab your copy of Five Things here - http://bit.ly/3beAl2T
Join me and my special guest, Sandra Flach, of Orphans No More Podcast as we talk through the book FIVE THINGS: A TINY HANDBOOK FOR ADOPTIVE/FOSTER FAMILIES. You can get a copy for free! If you are an adoptive parent, this is for you. If you are a friend of an adoptive parent, this is for you. If you are thinking about adopting/fostering, this is for you. If you want to know how to support adoptive/foster families, this is for you. Today we talk about the first point in the book - Adoption is positive, but it takes effort. Just a note - Trauma-Informed Parenting is not live yet, but you can still your copy here -http://bit.ly/3beAl2T or fill out the contact form on thewholehouse.org! Grab a copy of the book and a cup of coffee and join Sandra and me for this series!
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS? We don’t often talk about our strengths. We usually speak only of our weaknesses. We pray about our weaknesses, rehash them with our inner critic, and complain about them to our friends. But what about our strengths? I dare you to start a conversation with a friend today and say, “I think my biggest strength is…” and see where it goes. So grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about our parenting strengths!
WHEN OUR INNER-CRITIC BOSSES US AROUND Some of us have an inner-critic. It harasses us all day long with thoughts such as –
It’s your fault your kids act the way they do. If you would only (fill in the blank) then your kids would behave. If you were a better parent, everything would be better. If you weren’t parenting from your past, your kids wouldn’t struggle. You’ll never be a great parent. If this is you, I get it. I have an inner critic and it tried to boss me around. The Bible says we are supposed to take every thought captive. When my inner-critic is sending out thoughts, I need a giant lasso to grab them all. It’s not one thought. It’s a barrage of them. So, how do we handle it? And here’s a note, if you think when your kids are grown, the inner-critic quiets down, think again. There are plenty of “If you had only…” thoughts. Grab a coffee and join me as I share two approaches to combat the inner-critic and how to combat Mom-Guilt!
Last week on the podcast, I asked – Do you think having obedient kids makes you a good parent? We must let go of the myth that perfect parents exist.
GOD’S FIRST CHILDREN DISOBEYED HIM Does that make you feel better? It did me. When I first realized that God, the Father Himself, who is perfect, had disobedient kiddos, I breathed a sigh of relief. You can read the rest of the post and listen to the podcast here.
This week, I moved on to the next step –
HAVE A RECONCILIATION PLAN IN PLACE Grab a cup of coffee and join me!
WHAT IS A GOOD PARENT? Am I a good parent?
How do I measure my parenting?
Is it by how well my kids behave?
Whether they have the same opinions I do?
Succeed academically?
Obey me?
Are clean, put together, and cute?
Don’t talk back?
This list could go on for days, literally. This is something I’ve been thinking about since a friend’s post about what she used to think good parenting entailed, spurred my brain into action.
For the next six weeks, I’ll be talking about “What is a Good Parent?” on the Positive Adoption Podcast and picking apart some of these questions on my lives (Tuesday on Facebook), and in article form. If you would, take a few minutes and take the survey, I’d love to hear what you think! Also, feel free to leave a comment- What do you think defines good parenting? Read more -https://bit.ly/2JIlz8K Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she begins the conversation with the question - Does having obedient kids make you a good parent? The survey linked below- https://forms.gle/zgAJR3q21T4FhW4A9
Are you thinking of becoming a foster parent? Is fear stopping you? Do you think foster care is too hard to step into? Then this is for you (even if you are already fostering). Kathleen interviews Rachel Eubank, a foster parent who blogs at Normalizing Foster Care. Rachel shares her family's connection to foster care, her story, and some great tips. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Is your child stuck in survival mode?
In this last in the series on the brain and fear, Kathleen delves into the difference between the upstairs and downstairs brain. She also offers some practical suggestions to implement. Grab a cup of coffee and join her and don’t forget to pick up your copy of How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos -https://amzn.to/35hsay3
Do you ever feel as if you are not enough? That you can’t parent your child? As if you're going to mess it all up? You aren’t alone. Many parents feel this way. We get stuck in the scarcity mentality. We believe the “bad report.” And just as our children who are stuck in survival mode, we get stuck there too. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares about this topic and some encouragement for parents!
Is your child stuck in survival mode? Is he hypervigilant and unable to feel safe? Maybe his fear response is stuck on the on position. If so, you’ll want to listen to this week’s episode. Last week we covered a bit about the fear response and how the brain works. This week, I touch on how the brain wires itself into a fear response. Kids who have experienced trauma have triggers. With patience and persistence we can help our kiddos figure out what theirs are and work on rewiring them into more healthy patterns. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some productive talk on fear!
“Imagine a constant flow of cortisol and adrenaline — as if you spend every second of every day being chased by a bear with its claws bared and its teeth dripping with blood. You might be jumpy, flighty, overreative, and unable to sleep, feeling neither hungry nor thirsty, unable to read any of your body’s signals.” If your child is stuck in survival mode, he may feel like the description above (from How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos). Maybe you are stuck in a fear cycle yourself. If any of this applies to you or your children, grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for part one of “The Brain and Fear.” *Here are the links to the books discussed -http://kathleenguire.com/ and https://amzn.to/33hXInY
Are you raising a child who has experienced trauma? Or has a capital letter syndrome? Are you checking the "What Your Child Should Know" lists often? Do you feel as if your child is falling behind and don't know how to handle it? Then this is for you. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some of her experiences and some tips!
Are some chores wearing you out emotionally and physically? Is it difficult to make even little decisions? Are you feeling too stressed to function some days? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips for adults and kids alike and learning how to navigate decision fatigue and overwhelm during this season.
Do you ever feel as if you are doing everything wrong? Do you wonder if your kids are ever going to “get it?” Do you settle down and enjoy a particular part of the day? In this week’s episode, Kathleen and Lori answer these questions- 1. When did you realize you were doing some things right in your homeschooling journey? 2. Share about a time when one of your kids got a concept and how he/she and you felt. 3. Share your favorite time of day and why. Grab a cup of coffee and join them!
We’re so enjoying Homeschooling 101. Today the ladies answer these questions: 1. When things get rough, how do you handle it? 2. When do you take a short break/long break? 3. How has homeschooling affected your spiritual journey? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!
Kathleen, Audrey, and Lori continue the homeschooling series this week with answering some questions from the group polls. Here are this week's questions based on some of the comments. 1. Do you do art/crafts or any other extra subjects? What do you do? 2. How do you encourage a kid who is struggling with a. reading b. math. 3.Should you push a preschooler to learn? Or any age for that matter? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!
Kathleen, Lori, Audrey, and Amerey continue the Homeschooling 101 Series. We’ve been so encouraged by the Moms in this group! So amazing! We answer these questions for the podcast this week: 1. How do you manage/organize your day? If you have a child who has a capital letter syndrome, what is it, and how does that change how your schooling? What's been your biggest "aha" moment in homeschooling? Grab a cup of coffee and join us!
Are you thinking about homeschooling your kiddos this school year? Or maybe you just need some encouragement in the middle of your homeschooling journey. We’ve got you covered. Join our group of experienced homeschool Moms for Homeschool 101 on the Positive Adoption Podcast. There’s a lot of apprehension in the world today and more when you consider embarking on a new journey that’s totally outside your comfort zone. We get it. It’s a big decision and a lot to consider. Once you decide , it’s only the beginning.
Hopefully, we four women baring our souls and sharing our experiences will help you along the way. Grab a cup of coffee and join us!
Last week Kathleen shared part 2 of the topic- What do we believe about our kiddos? This week she continues the series. She picks up in the middle of the conversation - What are we teaching our kids by what we say to them or our actions? This week she adds some simple scripts you can use for reframing your beliefs. Grab a cup of coffee and join this recovering codependent Mom.
Last week Kathleen started the topic- What do we believe about our kiddos? This week she continues the series. She picks up in the middle of the conversation - What is one thing said to you as a child that you have carried into adulthood? What are we teaching our kids by what we say to them or our actions? Kiddos who have experienced trauma already come with their own set of beliefs. Neglect says, “You don’t exist.” Abuse says, “You don’t matter.” How are we helping them reframe their beliefs? How are we reframing our beliefs about them? Grab a cup of coffee and join this recovering codependent Mom.
Think back to your childhood- What’s one thing you heard about yourself? What’s one thing that was said to you? What’s one implied belief, practice, or statement? Now think about right now- Which ones of those are you still living out? What about our kiddos? What are we telling them verbally or by our actions about them that will follow them into adulthood? What do we believe about them on a daily basis? Remember, we are mirrors for our children. They see themselves through our eyes. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen, a recovering codependent Mom, as she introduces the topic - What do you believe about your kiddos?
Is your teen struggling with regulation? Is he/she able to sort about his/her feelings on the current circumstances? If you said, yes, this is for you!
The thought of giving some teens a blank journal and asking them to write their feelings, may leave you shaking your head and thinking, this lady doesn’t know MY teen. I get it. Some teens don’t like to write or talk about their feelings. But before you check out of this episode, hang on, at least listen to my suggestions and try them. Grab a cup of coffee and a journal an join Kathleen!
How are your kids coping during this difficult time? They may be feeling ambiguous loss and chronic stress. This can trigger cortisol levels and cause anxiety and suppress the immune system. We adults need some coping mechanisms during this difficult time and so do our kiddos. Journaling is a healthy way to process. So why not teach our kids. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares three tips on how to teach kids to cope through journaling.
It’s difficult to articulate what’s going on in the world as an adult. Imagine how difficult it is for kids. As tensions rise in our nation, it’s difficult to sort generalizations from truth. Our kids need the tools to cope just as much as we do, especially if they have experienced trauma. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I ramble through some thoughts and points on helping your kids cope.
Right now we are living in a season when the simplest tasks can seem overwhelming. Going to the grocery stores isn’t the chore it used to be. Now it’s full of even more stress and tension. We don’t know if someone will bump into us, yell at us, or if we are crossing the aisle at the wrong time. As much as we tell ourselves, I will not let this bother me (raising my hand here), it does. It’s a palatable feeling in the air. The anxiety settles down on all of us collectively. As much as we feel it, our kiddos do too.
Our kiddos mirror us. If we feel stressed, they feel stressed.
If we feel overwhelmed, they feel overwhelmed.
If we feel anxious, our anxiety adds to their stress shaped brain and squeezes.
This is true for any kiddo, even more so for kiddos from hard places and who has a capital letter syndrome. If we are feeling anxious and our kids are too, how do we stop the anxiety from growing? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares four tips to stunt the growth of anxiety.
Is your child stuck in one of the mistaken goals? Does he/she seek: Constant attention? Total Control? Retaliation/Revenge? Or is he/she giving up? Wrapping up the series on mistaken goals, Kathleen shares an analogy to help us better understand our kiddos! Grab a cup of coffee and join her!
Does your child give up easily on everything? Does he/she act on the belief “I can’t” all the time? This this is for you! As foster and adoptive parents, we see the repercussions of abuse and neglect. We see a child’s mistaken beliefs about themselves — like “you don’t matter” or “you don’t exist” — being lived out on a daily basis. If you didn’t believe you deserve to exist, would you be able to conquer fractions? Would you have the gumption to conquer anything? So what can you do? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!
Does your kiddo seem to be stuck in pattern of revenge? Does he/she seem bent on retaliation? Does he/she blame everyone, especially you, for EVERYTHING? Then this is for you! Kids from hard places can displace anger from their past into their present. When they blame their foster or adoptive mom for what their bio mom did, it is usually a subconscious behavior. Over time, it becomes a rut that gets deeper and deeper until retaliation becomes the norm. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of retaliation and revenge.
Does your kiddo try to control everything? Does he/she seem to manipulate every event? Even celebratory ones? Like birthday parties? Picnics? Then this is for you! When a child has had no control over his life and no guarantee that he will be cared for, he will try to exercise control in any war he can. Even as an adult, I often fall into the trap of trying to control my circumstances, so it’s not surprising that kiddos from hard places do the same. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips on how to realign the mistaken goal of total control!
Do you feel as if your kiddo needs your attention constantly? You can address their goal of constant attention by setting aside a specific time to do whatever your child desires: playing LEGOs, painting, going outside, etc. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips about feeling your kiddo’s emotional tank and leave this mistaken goal behind for a few minutes!
Does your kiddo seem to have behaviors that don't make sense? Does he/she leave you scratching your head when it comes to beliefs or goals? Maybe your kiddo has mistaken goals. When parenting a hurt child, we must consider the child’s mistaken goals and direct the child to new goals. (The four beliefs/goals below are adapted from Dreikurs’ Mistaken Goals, as covered in Children: The Challenge.) Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this intro to mistaken beliefs and goals!
Kathleen finishes up her series on "Instead Of" Tips with -Instead of Taking It Personally, Remember There Is a Need Behind the Behavior When we look at behaviors as needs, we are less likely to take them personally. For instance, when we remind ourselves that the child can’t regulate — not won’t regulate — we can set our personal feelings aside. When we set our personal feelings aside, we can take the reins and parent. It’s not us against them; we’re all on the same team. So before taking a behavior personally, ask yourself what the child needs. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for this last tip!
When parenting a child from a hard place — i.e. one who has had trauma — it’s easy to get into a pattern of only noticing “bad” behaviors. Because the child already believes he is worthless or of little value, harping on the negative only solidifies his belief. Do you struggle with only noticing bad behaviors? Are you stuck in the "fix it" cycle? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some tips and stories!
Instead of isolating when a child is dysregulated, keep the child near you. Kathleen continues her series on “Instead of” Tips! One of the popular parenting tools frequently used is time out. As the authors of The Connected Child explain, “These isolating strategies may be useful for biological children who are already connected and emotionally bonded to their families. But isolating and banishing strategies are extremely problematic for at-risk children because these kids are already disconnected from relationships, attachment-challenged, and mildly dissociative because of their early histories of neglect and abuse. Isolation is not therapeutic for them.” Instead of isolating, keep the child near you so that you can co-regulate for them. Your presence as a calm center can help them become calm down more quickly. Grab a cup of coffee and your free printable resource - http://bit.ly/2LMcA52! Also, find the full article on “Instead of” Tips - http://bit.ly/2kSLOxi .
Instead of Expecting a Child to Know, Clarify Expectations Traditional parenting often relies on assumptions. We assume that the child should know how to behave in an environment or know what to expect. We say things like, “You should know better” or “Be quiet! This is a library,” as if that explains everything. Instead of assuming a child is intentionally “acting out” or “playing dumb” when they misbehave, take a moment to calmly clarify your expectations. Just like my kiddos didn’t recognize the implied rule that you should only get one book out at a time, your kids may not pick up on social cues or expectations that seem obvious to you. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some tips, personal stories, and practical suggestions.
Kathleen and guest Kristin Peters (adoptive parent) talk about the effects of trauma on brain development. High doses of early adverse childhood experiences affect brain development - social and emotional cognitive impairment, risks of addictions, chronic inflammation, impacted immune systems, autoimmune diseases, The greater the number of traumatic events, the greater the damage. There is hope. It will take dedication, education and understanding.
Kids that come home to us through adoption/foster care have altered brain chemistry caused by stress. The attachment cycle has been broken. Breaks in attachment cause a fear response. We need to work on felt safety. Your past affects your present parenting. Those are just a few of the topics in this information rich episode. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Instead of Just Correcting, Give Immediate Retraining and a “Re-Do” A re-do is simple. Remember when you missed five on your spelling test and your teacher had to write the ones you missed each five times? Or when you were in gym class and missed the basketball hoop on the first shot but kept trying until you made it? Or when you got married and were trying out your cooking skills for the first time and something didn’t taste just right, so you called Mom and with her help tried again? Those are all re-do’s. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen for some more info on this tip and some stories.
Moms, did you know you have superpowers? Maybe you don’t feel like it today. We understand! Here’s some good news - you have the superpower of influence. it is the woman— the wife and mother— who wields the power of influence. She is that quiet warrior behind closed doors who scrubs bacteria from toilets, tucks wiggly bodies into beds, makes peanut butter sandwiches and judges Lego building contests. Grab a cup of coffee and join us for one of our favorite reboots!
Instead of Giving Orders, Offer Simple Choices When I was a young and naive parent, I thought I needed to have control all the time. There were no choices. My first child blew that theory out of the water. She was very much an “I can do it myself” child. If I didn’t offer her choices, she offered them to me. Turns out, giving kiddos choices is a powerful parenting tool, and a great skill for life! Grab a cup of coffee and grab your printable resource http://bit.ly/2LMcA52. Want to know more? Grab a copy of How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos https://amzn.to/2TbL8QI .
Instead of Waiting for Behavior to Intensify, Respond Quickly We’ve all done it. We see the precursor to a meltdown or a potential fight brewing over a toy, but we wait. We wait because it isn’t that bad yet or hasn’t gotten violent. Next thing you know, the situation is out of control. Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself: Why wait? Would you rather spend five minutes addressing the behavior and reconnecting now, or spend the next two hours living with the fallout? It’s a pretty simple choice in my mind. I’ve learned from experience how draining the two-hour or day-long fallout of a complete meltdown can be. As a result, I lean toward addressing an issue while it is a tiny seed instead of waiting until it grows into a giant oak tree. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen on this coffee break podcast for some stories, science, and what to do instead of traditional parenting.
Why are memories so triggering? Have you ever smelled something like cinnamon rolls baking, or coffee brewing, and it suddenly evokes a feeling from a past event? Maybe it’s Christmas morning because your Mom made cinnamon rolls and coffee every year. Or maybe the scent of a perfume sends you to a dark place because you were at Aunt Mary’s house the time you were molested and she wore that scent liberally. Why does this happen? Why doesn’t the past just stay in the past? Grab a cup of coffee (and your journal) as she unravels the truth with some science, tips, and personal experience. Interested in trying the free module of How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos? Here it is - http://bit.ly/2OeODEu
Instead of a Lecture, Use Simple Language Many of us grew up with the lecture approach to parenting. For every infraction, Mom or Dad had a carefully selected and time-tested sermon they could pull from a database in the recesses of their mind. “If your great aunt Mary knew that you turned on a show in the middle of the night, [insert stories of monsters, bible verses, sticks in the eye, etc.].” You get the picture. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares science, tips, and her own experience.
Why Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work When it comes to parenting kids who have had trauma, I struggle with imposter syndrome. I often ask myself, “How can I help other parents when I couldn’t do it perfectly or even well myself sometimes?” We must let go of the myth that perfect parents exist. They don’t. And raising kids who have had trauma means a huge learning curve for us parents — especially if we have parented our bio children okayish with great results. Join Kathleen for a coffee break explanation of why traditional parenting doesn’t work for kids who have experienced trauma.
Sometimes we adoptive/foster parents are doing all the right things and nothing is working. We learn the science of attachment. We jump through the steps we need to attach. We learn the effects of trauma. And we apply the science and it’s still not working. What do we do when nothing is working? She shares three tips (from experience) on how to handle this season of “nothing is working.” Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen on this coffee break podcast!
Jessica continues her series on a healthy relationship with self by tackling the issue of codependency and our kiddos. Many of us were raised in codependent families and continue the practice without being aware of what we are doing. We then pass those habits and ways of navigating our relationships to our kiddos. How do we stop the cycle? What about kiddos who have come home through adoption/foster care? How do we help them pursue healthy relationships? Grab a cup of coffee and join Jessica and Kathleen as they tackle this much-needed topic - sharing their experiences plus some tips they have learned along the way!
Are you experiencing post-holiday blues? It’s pretty normal. Think about how you feel. If you are feeling the blues and let down, can you imagine how much your kiddos are? Especially kids who have experienced trauma and have come home through adoption and foster care. They may not be able to process how are they feeling. In this episode, Kathleen shares some science and practical tips to help your kiddos through regression. Grab a cup of coffee and join her for a topic that is affecting us all right now.
If you’re a Mom, you know that you can love your child unconditionally and still not like some of their behaviors. As Moms, we carry an extra load of Mom-guilt. I’m not sure where we got it. Maybe we all picked it up at Target by mistake. It seems to be a universal item we carry on our shoulders. We feel bad when we’re mad. (I rhymed). Right? Do you know who has an extra load of guilt? Foster parents. Adoptive parents. I’m not sure why. Maybe when we were signing all of those papers, we accidentally signed one for an extra bag of guilt with some fine print that said, I will always like this child no matter what he does. That’s just not realistic. In one day, I witnessed two foster Moms feeling guilty because they didn’t like their child that day. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and listen as she shares what to do with the dislike.
In this episode of “Positive Adoption,” Kathleen finishes up the series on attachment styles in children. Today she talks about disorganized attachment. This is a great episode for the Christmas season, your adopted/foster child (or maybe we parents) may be regressing to a disorganized attachment style. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen this Christmas!
In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen shares the the third attachment style in children - “Resistant/Ambivalent — The child develops a “stay near mom” strategy. These children use negative emotions to gain attention. They exhibit angry, resistant behavior toward the caregiver and exaggerated fearfulness. They tend to suppress their feelings and expect caregivers to be inconsistently available. These children expect parents to be preoccupied.” Grab a cup of coffee and join her as she shares some personal stories as well as some science
In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on attachment with “Avoidant.” Avoidant — The child has trouble seeking care. Infants with this attachment style communicate with their mothers only when they are feeling well. These children exhibit self-soothing behaviors and tend to mask negative emotions. They are often perfectionists. You can find more info in her book, How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos here. Make sure you grab your attachment graphic on the printable resource page on thewholehouse.org. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen!
In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on attachment with “Secure Attachment.” Secure — The child feels confident that the attachment figure will be available to meet their needs. They use the attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment and seek the attachment figure in times of distress. She delves into how if the attachment style it can be “earned” and how that works. You can find more info in her book, How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos here. Make sure you grab your attachment graphic on the printable resource page on thewholehouse.org. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen!
When a child moves into a new placement, he will use the attachment style he already knows. This is why it is important to understand attachment styles. We parents spend money and time trying to fix behaviors (guilty). We pour over books about learning styles and love languages, and all of this information is beneficial, but we are left scratching our heads when it comes to attachment. It seems as if it should be seamless and natural, yet it is the hardest thing we parents will ever do. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares about attachment parenting!
Are you raising a child who has had trauma or has a capital letter syndrome? Days can be long and tough. We know. How do you practice gratefulness during this season? Join Jerry and Kathleen as they tackle practicing gratefulness when raising kids from hard places (and with capital letter syndromes). They’ve lived it and have some great stories to share. Grab a cup of coffee and join this dynamic duo!
The attachment cycle is as simple as it is profound. The infant expresses a need, the parent meets the need. This happens thousands of times and the child becomes attached, secure in the expectation he will be cared for. Kids who come to us through adoption/foster care often have had breaks in attachment. Join Kathleen as she shares what this looks like in this episode of Positive Adoption. Grab a cup of coffee and be sure to share this episode!
In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on the Five Bs affected by trauma with "Behavior." Behavior — an altered ability to self-regulate in response to stressors. This can manifest as impulsiveness, self destructive behavior, aggressive behavior, excessive compliance, sleep disturbances, eating disorders, substance abuse, re-enactment of their traumatic past, or pathological self soothing behaviors. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she finishes this series!
In this episode of Positive Adoption, Kathleen continues the series on the Five Bs affected by trauma with "Beliefs." Children from hard places have altered belief systems or the lens through which they see the world. Grab a cup of coffee and your thinking cap as she discusses beliefs and leads you through an exercise to help you understand where your kiddo is coming from.
Are you an empty nester? Are you struggling with navigating the new waters of your children adulting? Are your teens transitioning into the adult world? Need some encouragement during these transitions and want to maintain a healthy relationship with your adult kids? Then this episode is for you! Join Kathleen and hubby Jerry as they share some tips, stories, mistakes, and some encouragement for those of you who think it’s too late. Spoiler alert. It’s not too late. Grab a cup of coffee and join this dynamic duo!
Did your child have trauma in his life before he/she came "home" to you? Science says there are five Bs affected by trauma, and we cannot overlook them. In kids from hard places, behavioral disorders are a symptom of the effect trauma has had on their development. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen episode of Positive Adoption as she shares about the Body in this episode and how it is affected by trauma.
Trauma is much more far reaching than we assumed in the past. We have always been told that children are resilient and they are, but there are effects that trauma leaves behind. It affects every area of life for a child. One of the areas affected is Biology. Biology — altered neurochemistry. Complex trauma can cause a variety of issues: sensorimotor development problems, hypersensitivity to physical contact, somatization, increased medical problems, and problems with coordination and balance. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she talks about how trauma affects a kiddos biology.
Do you have a teen with a capital letter syndrome? SPD? ADD? ADHD? FAS? FAE? Or a teen on the spectrum? Then this episode is for you! In celebration of SPD month, Lori and Kathleen recorded this episode that applies to all the capital letter syndromes. Grab a cup of coffee and join them as they tell some personal stories and some tips that have helped their teens!
Did your child have trauma in his life before he/she came "home" to you? Science says there are five Bs affected by trauma, and we cannot overlook them. In kids from hard places, behavioral disorders are a symptom of the effect trauma has had on their development. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen episode of Positive Adoption as she shares about the Brain in this episode and how it is affected by trauma.
Do you often feel frustrated in your parenting? Do you have triggers that are getting in the way of peace in your home? Have you ever thought about how your past is affecting your parenting? Then this episode is for you. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen as she shares some of her story and insights on frustrations/triggers in the adoption/foster care journey.
Where did adoption come from? Was it man's response to a problem? Or was it God's idea? Is adoption into God’s kingdom just theology? What does it have to do with reality? Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen on this new mini podcast, "Positive Adoption" as she talks about the origins of adoption.
Special guest, Sandra Flach of “Orphans No More” Podcast joins Kathleen in this episode. A few months ago, Kathleen wrote an article titled “What If We Treated Foster/Adoptive Parents as Missionaries?” She got lots of flack from non-Christians (which is understandable, to an extent), but she was shocked to also get some negative comments from Christians. So she started asking adoptive/foster parents what they thought about the subject. Then she took it a step further and created a survey that asked all the questions she was curious about. Kathleen shared it her my adoption/foster care support group, and several friends did the same. In this episode, Sandra and Kathleen share some of the results from the survey. Sandra adds her two cents garned from hundreds of interviews with adoptive/foster/adoptees. You can read a whole chapter about this topic in Kathleen’s upcoming book How to Have Peace When Your Kids are in Chaos for Adoptive/Foster Parents.
We must let go of the myth that perfect parents exist. They don’t. And raising kids who have had trauma means a huge learning curve for us parents — especially if we have parented our bio children okayish with great results. Traditional parenting is for securely attached children — kids who want to please. Traditional parenting tends to swoop in and fix the immediate problematic behavior. We have to change our parenting and accept the fact that it will be different with these kiddos. Lori and Kathleen share some “instead of” parenting suggestions, the IDEAL approach, and some other tips! If you have a kid with a capital letter syndrome — this is for you too! Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Have you stepped into the foster/adoption arena and feel as if you have entered a war zone? Do you feel as if are in the midst of a Job syndrome? You’re doing all the right things but everything is going wrong? Is this spiritual warfare? Join Kathleen and Kristin as they delve into this difficult topic. Kathleen shares some from chapter on the Job syndrome in her upcoming book — How to Have Peace when Your Kids are in Chaos for Foster/Adoptive Parents (coming in September). This quote C.S. Lewis’s The Horse and His Boy is a great summation of the discussion. “Shasta's heart fainted at these words for he felt he had no strength left. And he writhed inside at what seemed the cruelty and unfairness of the demand. He had not yet learned that if you do one good deed your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one.” Do you see yourself in that statement? Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Have you brought a child home through foster care or adoption? Or are you just beginning the foster/adopt journey and want to make sure kiddos feel welcome in your home? Then this episode is for you!
Continuing our theme of “home” for the month of June - Kathleen and Kristin share ten tips on how your adopted/foster kiddos can feel welcome in your home. The Whole House Adoption/Foster Care support group added their two cents as well and those suggestions were read on air as well! Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Have ever helped someone through the door who has a crutch? Or made provisions for a child in a wheelchair? What about kiddos who have a capital letter syndrome such as SPD, FAS, ADD, ADHD,or who are on the spectrum. When you see these kiddos who don't have the ability to self-regulate, do you make accomodations for them? Or do you silently judge them for misbehaving or think their parent need to step up their game. Maybe you have a kiddo with a capital letter syndrome and you just wish people could treat him/her like a human. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kathleen and Lori for this special episode - Kids with Captial Letter Syndromes are people too!
Adopted/Foster kiddos aren’t valuable because of what we’ve done for them or even despite what they’ve been through. They’ve valuable. Period. No qualifiers. They aren’t broken. They don’t need to be fixed. They need to be loved, like any child. They need to be guided, disciplined, protected, and provided for like any other child. Their needs and feelings are just as important and valid as an adult’s. Now. Even as kids. Little voices aren’t any less important, and their feelings aren’t any less real. Our de-humanizing is subconscious. How do we fight this tendency? We talk about it. Replace it with the truth. Grab a cup of coffee and join Kristin Peters and Kathleen as they hash it out.
Ever wonder what adoption is really like? Do you want to know what adoptive Moms think about adoption? Join Kathleen and special guest Kylie Gray, adoptive mother of three, as they share stories, thoughts and a few moments they wanted to give up. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Kathleen and guest Kristin Peters (adoptive parent) talk about the effects of trauma on brain development. High doses of early adverse childhood experiences affect brain development - social and emotional cognitive impairment, risks of addictions, chronic inflammation, impacted immune systems, autoimmune diseases, The greater the number of traumatic events, the greater the damage. There is hope. It will take dedication, education and understanding.
Kids that come home to us through adoption/foster care have altered brain chemistry caused by stress. The attachment cycle has been broken. Breaks in attachment cause a fear response. We need to work on felt safety. Your past affects your present parenting. Those are just a few of the topics in this information rich episode. Grab a cup of coffee and join these lovely ladies!
Amerey and Kathleen share about Capital Letter Syndromes and Adoption/Foster Care. We’re continuing our theme of Capital Letter Syndromes in recognition of SPD month. With kids from hard places, it can be difficult to diagnose Capital Letter Syndromes. Attachment issues and institutional issues can often muddy the waters. If this sounds like your child, you are not alone. Grab a cup of coffee and join these ladies as they share some encouraging information and stories about getting a diagnosis.
Lori and Kathleen share about the ups and downs of getting a diagnosis for you child. Capital letter syndromes- FAS, ADD, ADHD, SPD, Asperger’s and the list goes on are difficult to to navigate, especially if you don’t have a diagnosis. With that said, a diagnosis is not a label to slap on a tee shirt, but a tool to use to help your child succeed in life. Join these ladies as they share their experiences, stories and a few laughs along the way.
Homeschooling is an arduous and rewarding option. When you adopt kiddos from hard places, there are many benefits to choosing homeschooling. In this episode of the podcast, Kathleen and her husband Jerry talk about the benefits and challenges of homeschooling adopted children. Some are intertwined, you must face the challenge to reap the reward.
Episode 8: Kathleen and Lori talk about the six risk factors that create a child from a hard place. We sure don't love the past trauma or the behaviors it can cause in our foster/adoptive kids, but we can learn more about it and how to help everyone work through it. Learn with us!
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