Divorce Dialogues: Recent Episodes
Katherine Miller
Divorce Dialogues brings experts together to talk about what works (and what doesn't) to reach a better life on the other side of divorce.
"If you don't know about the money, you don't have control over the money or access to the money."Ed Vargo, the founder of Burning River Advisory Group and Enlighten Her, is a fervent advocate for financial literacy, particularly focusing on empowering women. Inspired by his immigrant mother's struggles with financial independence, Ed has dedicated his career to providing compassionate financial guidance to help women achieve equality through financial strength. He emphasizes the significance of teaching financial literacy from a young age, advocating for parents to model positive financial behaviors for their children and encouraging open discussions about money within families. Vargo also highlights the impact of financial misunderstandings on relationships, especially during divorce, underscoring the importance of assembling a knowledgeable support team and fostering financial education to promote harmony and independence.Key Takeaways:->Ed Vargo emphasizes teaching children about money management from a positive perspective and modeling good money behavior.->Communication about money values and decisions is crucial in relationships to avoid disharmony and resentment.->Open dialogue about money in relationships can prevent conflicts and build financial harmony.->Educating oneself about family finances, especially during divorce, is essential to avoid being at a disadvantage.->Enlighten Her offers resources like white papers on money myths and steps to take during divorce to empower women in managing their finances.->Early intervention in divorce proceedings is crucial to avoid post-settlement regrets and make informed decisions.->Enlighten Her aims to empower women to take control of their finances and make informed decisions, especially during major life events like divorce.Connect with Ed Vargo:https://www.linkedin.com/in/joe-zweben-17676434a/https://www.instagram.com/joezweben_/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
What are some unique challenges that mid-career professionals face during divorce?Jamie M. Lima is a renowned certified divorce financial analyst and certified financial planner who specializes in helping mid-career professionals navigate the financial complexities of divorce. As the founder of Allegiant Divorce Solutions and the creator of the Secure Split app, Lima draws on over 20 years of experience to guide clients through asset division and retirement planning, with a particular focus on managing complex workplace benefits like stock options and pension plans. He believes that financial planning is crucial during divorce proceedings, as it helps individuals avoid common pitfalls and make decisions that align with their long-term financial goals. By working closely with tax professionals and leveraging tools like the Divorce Toolkit, Lima empowers clients to prioritize their future and make informed financial decisions, ensuring a secure post-divorce financial future.Key Takeaways->Involving financial professionals early in the divorce process is crucial for making informed decisions and planning accordingly.->The Divorce Toolkit provides resources for understanding topics like dividing retirement accounts, tax impacts, alimony, child support, and budgeting calculators.->Financial planning tools like the Divorce Toolkit help in streamlining financial planning for divorcing couples, attorneys, mediators, and certified divorce financial analysts.->Financial planning expertise is essential in managing asset division, retirement planning, and tax implications during divorce.->Mid-career professionals facing divorce may encounter complex financial challenges related to workplace benefits like stock options, pension plans, and tax implications.->Alimony, or spousal support, aims to provide financial resources for the out spouse to adjust to single life, cover living expenses, and support individuals during the post-divorce transition period.Connect with Jamie M. Lima:https://allegiantds.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamielima/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Blended families are always a little bit tricky just because you don't have that standard. Everything to the spouse and then down to the kids. And that's just the end of it." - Laura CowanLaura Cowan, a distinguished attorney and CPA, brings her expertise in estate planning to the forefront, particularly in navigating the intricate transitions that follow a divorce. Having founded her own law firm after a successful career as a CPA, Laura emphasizes the critical need to reassess beneficiary designations post-divorce, as these can override other estate planning documents. She advises individuals to carefully review and update life insurance and retirement accounts to ensure they align with their current wishes, highlighting the necessity of collaborating with a team of professionals—including estate lawyers and financial advisors—to develop a comprehensive plan. Laura's perspective encourages those experiencing divorce to view it as an opportunity for reinvention, urging them to thoughtfully consider their future personal and professional paths to foster growth and fulfillment in this new chapter of life.Key Takeaways:->Revisiting beneficiary designations is crucial to protecting one's financial legacy after a divorce.->Updating estate planning documents post-divorce is crucial to ensure that beneficiaries and fiduciaries accurately reflect the individual's current circumstances.->Consulting with an estate planning attorney before finalizing a divorce settlement is crucial.->Estate planning can provide individuals with a sense of control and stability following significant life transitions like divorce.->The integrative nature of divorce affects various aspects of life including estate planning, financial planning, and parenting plans.->Attorneys can create a more fulfilling and effective approach to practicing law by prioritizing client needs over traditional metrics of success.Connect with Laura Cowan, Esq:https://www.2hourlifestylelawyer.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/thelauracowan/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"You really want to know what your priorities are and then you want to know what your spouse's priorities are, because they might be different." - Melissa Murphy PavoneMelissa Murphy Pavone is a seasoned certified financial planner and divorce financial analyst, whose 18 years of experience in the field are deeply influenced by her personal experiences as a child of divorce. She founded Mindful Divorce Partners to guide clients through the intricate financial challenges of divorce with clarity and assurance. Melissa stresses the importance of proactive and holistic financial planning, focusing on understanding settlement options, tax implications, and the long-term effects of financial decisions, especially when children are involved. Her approach goes beyond mere numbers, helping clients design balanced and sustainable financial plans that align with their future goals and risk tolerance, while avoiding common pitfalls such as retaining the family home without considering its long-term financial impact.Key Takeaways:->Working with a financial planner post-divorce is crucial for navigating the transition to saving for oneself, contributing to retirement, and bridging the financial gap left by alimony and child support.->Understanding priorities in financial assets during divorce negotiations is key to ensuring a fair and balanced outcome, particularly when children are involved.->Having a financial planner as a supportive ally can provide guidance tailored to risk tolerance and financial goals for a secure future post-divorce.->Offering fee-for-service and assets under management advisory models allows financial advisors to tailor their services to best suit individual circumstances and goals, especially in divorce scenarios.->Educating clients on the importance of having an emergency fund and considering tax implications is crucial in making informed decisions about the family residence in divorce settlements.Connect with Melissa Murphy Pavone:https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissamurphypavone/https://mindfulfinancialpartners.com/about/https://mindfulfinancialpartners.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Depth psychology is a more spiritual approach, a psychospiritual approach to understanding yourself more deeply." - Deborah LukovichDr. Deborah Lukovich is a renowned depth psychologist who offers a unique perspective on navigating the complexities of divorce by delving into the unconscious mind. With a belief that up to 90% of our actions and decisions are influenced by hidden forces, she emphasizes the importance of uncovering these unconscious patterns and behaviors that shape relationships. Through her book "Your Soul is Talking, Are You Listening?" and her engaging podcast and blog, Dr. Lukovich provides valuable insights into the unseen dynamics and hidden agendas that often go unnoticed during the tumultuous process of divorce. By guiding individuals to explore the depths of their psyche, Lukovich aims to foster a deeper understanding of personal and relational dynamics, ultimately aiding clients in transforming their relationship patterns and preventing past experiences from dictating future connections.Key Takeaways:->Depth Psychology focuses on uncovering hidden aspects of the unconscious mind to promote personal growth and transformation.->Anger during divorce can be connected to past experiences and emotions, influencing individuals' reactions and behaviors.->Dr. Lukovich shares her personal journey through divorce and highlights the importance of understanding the unconscious mind in life transitions.->Relationship complexes involve patterns of thinking and behaving that impact interactions, hinder personal growth, and can lead to misunderstandings.->Effective communication in relationships requires honesty, vulnerability, and creating a safe space for open dialogue.->Unconscious fears and thoughts often hinder honest communication, emphasizing the importance of tools like 'Start with Hearts' to manage emotions and promote authenticity. Connect with Deborah Lukovich:https://www.deborahlukovich.com/https://www.facebook.com/dlukovichhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/deborah-lukovich-phd-5322953/ Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
"It will not get any easier if you're avoiding it. Now, don't think that in six months or a year the solution will be, in fact, it's going to get much harder." - Katya SverdlovKatya Sverdlov is a distinguished attorney specializing in estate planning and elder law, with a robust background in finance as a chartered financial analyst. Driven by her own unsatisfactory experience with estate planning at a large law firm, she founded her own practice to ensure personalized client care and education. Sverdlov is passionate about empowering families to make informed decisions, emphasizing the critical importance of properly documenting estate planning wishes in writing, as verbal instructions or unsigned documents hold no legal weight. Her approach includes leveraging her financial expertise to help clients navigate complex family dynamics and asset considerations, highlighting strategies like irrevocable trusts for Medicaid planning, ensuring that her clients' wishes are legally binding and protected for the future.Key Takeaways:->Proper documentation in estate planning is crucial to ensure individuals' wishes are legally binding and carried out as intended.->Medicaid planning is essential for individuals with total assets of roughly 3 million and below to ensure coverage for long-term care.->Irrevocable trusts allow individuals to protect assets, retain certain control, and potentially qualify for Medicaid coverage for long-term care expenses.->Working with knowledgeable professionals is emphasized by Katya Sverdlov to properly execute and regularly update estate documents.->Asset protection and ensuring desired outcomes for individuals and their families are key goals of estate planning.Connect with Katya:https://sverdlovlaw.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/katya-sverdlov-cfa-esq-3aab406/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Kids have large antenna on their heads that you can't see, but they're always scanning for information, and that is information that is picked up very easily." - Lisa HerrickDr. Lisa Herrick, a renowned family therapist and collaborative divorce coach, has nearly twenty years of experience guiding families in the Washington, D.C. area through the complex transition period of separation and divorce. She emphasizes that this transition varies greatly among individuals, depending on their resilience and specific circumstances, and underscores the importance of allowing adequate time for adjustment, adaptation, and recovery. Dr. Herrick advocates for honest and respectful communication between co-parents, particularly when introducing new partners to children, to minimize confusion and build trust. Drawing from personal experience, she highlights the intricate dynamics involved in shared family activities post-divorce, such as spending holidays together, and the necessity of preparing new partners for their roles within a blended family to foster a healthy and harmonious environment.Key Takeaways:->The period of time required for individuals and families to adjust, adapt, and recover from separation and divorce is crucial.->Nesting during divorce involves sharing living space, household responsibilities, and potential implications for future relationships.->It is important to go slow when introducing children to new romantic partners after divorce.Lisa Herrick emphasizes the importance of preparing new partners for interactions with children and ex-spouses in blended families.->Lisa and Katherine emphasize the benefits of waiting for the right moment to introduce shared holidays and dinners in a blended family. Connect with Lisa Herrick:https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-herrick-009a6128/https://lisaherrick.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
"The key is that it keeps the children stable. It keeps their routines consistent. There's a lot less upheaval and chaos for the children. It's a very child centered approach to separation and divorce." - Ann Gold BuschoAnn Gold Buscho, a licensed clinical psychologist, is renowned for her expertise in family dynamics surrounding divorce, with a particular emphasis on child-centered solutions. As the author of "The Parents Guide to Bird Nesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce," she advocates for bird nesting as a strategy to mitigate the negative impacts of divorce on children by ensuring stability and consistency in their environment. Buscho underscores the importance of prioritizing children's welfare by setting aside personal conflicts and fostering effective co-parenting through open communication and collaboration. Her work offers practical tools and guidance to help parents navigate the complexities of bird nesting, including addressing financial and logistical considerations, to create a harmonious and supportive arrangement for their children.Key Takeaways:•Bird nesting is a child-centered approach to divorce that provides stability and consistency for children.•Financial and logistical considerations are crucial when implementing a bird nesting arrangement.•Short-term nesting can have a positive impact on children by offering a stable transition during separation.•Having clear agreements in place for nesting arrangements is essential for co-parenting success.•Establishing a clear budget and separate accounts for nesting expenses is crucial for financial stability.Connect with Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D.:https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-buscho-ph-d-4110437/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
"I think whether someone wants to admit it or not, we have all been in that space multiple times in our life where we wonder who we want to be, who we should be, and who we are." - Jennifer TeplinJennifer Teplin is a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Manhattan Wellness, where she specializes in helping young professionals navigate significant life changes, including divorce. She advocates for personal transformation through challenging limiting patterns and embracing authenticity, believing that divorce, while difficult, is an opportunity for individuals to redefine themselves. Teplin's human-centered and collaborative approach is uniquely tailored to address the emotional complexities of divorce, providing a safe space for clients to explore and align with their true desires. By encouraging self-reflection and intentional decision-making, she empowers individuals to overcome societal expectations and build lives they genuinely love, viewing divorce as a pivotal moment for personal growth and new beginnings.Key Takeaways:->Jennifer Teplin empowers clients to challenge limiting patterns, embrace authenticity, and create meaningful personal transformation.->Divorce is now happening at younger ages as people are more willing to admit when they are unhappy in a relationship.->Individuals need to envision a fulfilling life after divorce to have the motivation and courage needed for a new beginning.->Fear of the unknown can cause individuals to prioritize familiarity over their own happiness in relationships.->Negative emotions after a breakup can be a catalyst for personal growth and an opportunity for redirection.Connect with Jennifer Teplin:https://manhattanwellness.org/jenniferhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferteplin/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"People need to feel safe to be a part of a team. People need to feel safe to be able to contribute." - Rabbi Shlomo SlatkinRabbi Shlomo Slatkin is a distinguished relationship expert who dedicates his work to helping couples achieve breakthroughs, regardless of their backgrounds or beliefs. He champions the idea that conflicts within relationships are not merely obstacles but opportunities for healing and growth, transforming potential breakdowns into significant breakthroughs. Through his engaging private two-day intensives and group workshops, Rabbi Slatkin provides couples at crossroads with the clarity and strategies needed to foster positive outcomes, grounded in a deep-rooted belief that every conflict holds the potential for constructive change. By advocating for relationship intelligence and understanding through faith, he inspires couples to approach challenges with hope, emphasizing that facing and resolving conflicts can ultimately deepen their commitment and connection.Key Takeaways:->Conflicts in relationships can lead to deeper connections and personal development.->Creating a safe environment is crucial in relationships to enable open communication and prevent defensiveness.->Understanding and acknowledging the other person's perspective is key to fostering goodwill and productive communication.->Breakdowns in relationships can lead to breakthroughs and personal growth.->Imago therapy helps individuals understand the source of conflict in relationships and develop effective communication skills.->Viewing conflicts as opportunities for healing and growth can strengthen relationships.Connect with Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin:https://themarriagerestorationproject.com/https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/user/slatkinmhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/themarriagerestorationproject/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"It is a rebirth because there is so much of your identity attached to who you were with this other person in the life that you had with this person or that you created with the person." -Karina DiazKarina Diaz, a licensed psychotherapist and art therapist with over two decades of experience, offers a compassionate and creative approach to guiding individuals through the emotional journey of divorce. She believes this journey is a deeply impactful experience that often disrupts one's sense of self, particularly affecting children who may feel powerless during such transitions. Karina emphasizes the importance of providing space for children to process their trauma and allowing them a sense of agency, while also highlighting the need for compassion and cultural understanding in supporting all individuals involved. Through her work, she advocates for addressing the emotional complexities of divorce with dignity and empathy, utilizing art therapy as a powerful tool to express and heal from the complex emotions experienced during this challenging life transition.Key Takeaways:->Divorce can be a traumatic event for individuals, couples, and families, with each person processing it uniquely.->Art therapy is used as a tool to express complex emotions and provide a non-verbal outlet for individuals during divorce.->Understanding and addressing the emotional needs of young children during divorce is crucial.->Healing after emotionally abusive relationships involves rediscovering oneself and rebuilding a sense of self.->Support and encouragement are important for individuals leaving toxic relationships to navigate the complexities of the process.Connect with Karina Diaz:https://karinadiaztherapy.com/abouthttps://www.linkedin.com/in/karina-diaz-lcat-lpat-a0831520/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"There's something freeing about it. You can decide where you want your assets to go to. You can choose what charity. You don't have to listen to someone else now telling you, no, no, no, no, no." - Tammy FriedTammy Fried, a seasoned attorney with over 25 years of expertise in tax trusts and estates, is dedicated to guiding individuals, families, and non-profits through the complex terrain of estate planning. As a founding partner of Radic Freed PLLC, she underscores the importance of tailoring estate plans to accommodate the evolving needs that arise across different life stages, from young couples embarking on family life to high-net-worth individuals navigating career changes or even divorce. Fried's strategic approach ensures her clients receive personalized solutions that address their unique circumstances, emphasizing the need to update essential documents like wills, trusts, and powers of attorney to reflect life transitions and safeguard their futures. Her perspective highlights the freedom and control individuals have over their estate plans, particularly post-divorce, allowing them to make informed decisions about asset distribution and guardianship without the need for negotiation, thus securing clarity and security for themselves and their beneficiaries.Key Takeaways:->Choosing a guardian for children after divorce is crucial for their care and financial responsibility.->Financial restructuring during divorce extends to estate planning, including reviewing beneficiaries and wills post-divorce.->Updating estate planning documents after divorce is essential to prevent unintended consequences like assets going to ex-spouses.->Ancillary documents like power of attorney and living will are essential for comprehensive estate planning.->Leaving assets to kids in trust can protect them from divorce, lawsuits, and provide asset protection for the next generation.Connect with Tammy Fried:https://www.raddockfried.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/tammyfried/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"What we live with, we learn. What we learn, we practice. What we practice, we become." - Jennifer KupfermanJennifer Kupferman is a distinguished therapist and former lawyer who expertly combines somatic and traditional talk therapy to guide individuals through the tumultuous journey of divorce. With an impressive academic background, including degrees from Columbia, Penn, Yale, and ASU, she leverages her understanding of high-pressure environments to help her clients find balance amidst the emotional and financial challenges of divorce. Kupferman emphasizes the critical need to validate emotional responses while separating them from legal decisions, as intense emotions can cloud judgment. By encouraging self-compassion and curiosity towards conflicting emotions, she aids in emotional empowerment and healing, advocating for therapeutic techniques like EMDR to reshape self-identity and foster healthy conflict resolution, ultimately benefiting both individuals and their families.Key Takeaways->Emotions can impair rational decision-making during a divorce.->It is important to untangle emotions from legal decisions during divorce.->Children of divorce may develop resilience and problem-solving skills.->Being aware of one's own nervous system can help parents be more responsive with their children during divorce.->Somatic therapy aids in creating new neural circuits in the brain for emotional empowerment.Connect with Jennifer Kupferman:https://flourishpsychologynyc.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-kupferman-bb207a5/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Trust can be helpful for several reasons. One is that having assets in a trust makes it easier when a person dies because the trust assets don't go through the Surrogate's Court." - Michael GoldsteinMichael Goldstein, a seasoned New York attorney with over thirty years of experience, brings a wealth of knowledge to the complex issue of dividing real estate during divorce. With a focus on the intricacies of jointly owned properties, such as the marital home and investment properties, Goldstein offers practical insights and a compassionate approach to resolving these disputes. He emphasizes the importance of addressing real estate matters in divorce decrees to prevent legal complications post-divorce, considering critical financial factors like down payments, mortgage payments, and property maintenance. Beyond real estate, Goldstein also advises on utilizing trusts and updating estate plans to protect assets and ensure proper distribution, highlighting their value in safeguarding against unintended consequences during divorce proceedings.Key Takeaways->Having a written agreement in place can help avoid potential conflicts and ensure clarity on property ownership, expenses, and potential rental income.->Updating beneficiaries on wills, life insurance policies, and financial accounts during divorce is crucial to avoid unintended consequences.->Trusts can be a smart tool in divorce planning, offering protection for assets from divorce, bankruptcy, creditors, or bad decisions.->Written agreements are essential in divorce cases to prevent disputes in the future, regardless of the level of trust between parties.->Goldstein and Miller emphasize the importance of written agreements for property ownership to avoid disputes and conflicts in the future.Connect with Michael W. Goldstein:https://www.atty1.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-w-goldstein-6aba8410/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Divorce is not just an ending, but a chance to rediscover the strength we didn't know we have." - Sabrina RomanoffDr. Sabrina Romanoff, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist based in New York City, is renowned for her expertise in guiding individuals and couples through the emotional complexities of divorce. She views divorce as an emotional and psychological journey rather than just a legal matter, highlighting the importance of resilience and personal growth during such transformative times. Dr. Romanoff advocates for creating a safe and supportive therapeutic environment that allows individuals to heal at their own pace, drawing parallels between this process and her work with asylum seekers. Through her approach, she emphasizes the significance of finding a compassionate therapist who can provide non-judgmental support, helping individuals navigate their fears and uncertainties while transforming the end of a marriage into an opportunity for self-discovery and new beginnings.Key Takeaways->Emotional and psychological support is crucial during divorce.->Healing from divorce involves phases of grief, uncertainty, and rebuilding.->Focusing on personal values can help navigate divorce decisions.->Maintaining a positive relationship with your attorney is important during divorce.->Setting boundaries and protecting mental health are essential when dealing with a high-conflict partner during divorce.Connect with Sabrina Romanoff:https://www.linkedin.com/in/drsromanoff/https://drsabrinaromanoff.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Lean on your social support and create time to take care of yourself. But also, I can't imagine going through any of this without a therapist." - Julia YacoobJulia Yacoob, a seasoned clinical psychologist based in Manhattan, brings over 15 years of experience to her specialized work in guiding individuals through the emotional turmoil of divorce. She highlights the pervasive issue of "stuckness" during the divorce process, where negative thought patterns and cognitive errors can cloud judgment and stall personal growth. Dr. Yacoob views these challenging transitions as opportunities to address unresolved family of origin issues and heal past wounds, fostering a path toward personal healing and emotional resilience. By offering both in-person and virtual sessions across New York State, she provides a supportive environment aimed at breaking the cycle of stuckness and promoting overall well-being.Key Takeaways->Feeling stuck in the divorce process can significantly impact one's thinking and emotional well-being.->Unresolved family of origin issues may resurface during or after divorce, affecting how individuals navigate new relationships, parenting, and other life transitions.->Acknowledging and working through feelings of loss and grief can lead to a healthier emotional transition during divorce.->Psychological Blind Spots in Divorce can lead individuals to make decisions based on distorted thinking fueled by emotional biases and cognitive errors.->Seeking emotional healing support, such as therapy, during divorce is crucial for navigating the process in a healthy way.Connect with Julia Yacoob:http://jyphd.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/jyacoobphd/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Trauma is something they don't just get over. It's something they learn to live with." - Demi YoshidaDemi Yoshida, a dedicated therapist at My Well Being, specializes in supporting young adults through pivotal life transitions such as divorce, using her expertise in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and psychodynamic therapy. She believes that divorce during a child's young adulthood can lead to childhood adultification, creating confusion and resentment, and underscores the importance of parents carefully considering the impact of self-disclosure and clearly defining family roles. Acknowledging the societal pressure to remain in a marriage for the sake of the children, Demi highlights the potential negative impact on psychological well-being in toxic relationships, advocating for divorce as a transformative opportunity for individuals to live more authentically. Through a compassionate and culturally sensitive approach, she focuses on guiding her clients towards healing and resilience, using tools like the "Dearman" technique for effective communication and the rainbow emotion wheel from DBT to help manage emotions and promote coping.Key Takeaways->Divorce during young adulthood can shape identity, resilience, and role definitions, leading to trauma recovery and resilience-building.->Staying together for the sake of the kids may have psychological costs on both parents and children, impacting family dynamics and individual well-being.->Demi Yoshida discusses using the rainbow emotion wheel as a DBT skill to manage overwhelming emotions during divorce.->Cultural backgrounds can impact individuals going through divorce, shaping perceptions and attitudes towards recovery.Connect with Demi Yoshida:https://mywellbeing.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/demi-yoshida-lmsw-2b7a6a183/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"People lose sight of the fact that they're human beings, and it's not always easy." - Dr. Sean CondonDr. Sean Condon, a seasoned clinical psychologist with over two decades of experience, is renowned for his adeptness in helping individuals navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, and major life transitions such as divorce. As the founder of the Flatiron Center for Psychotherapy, Dr. Condon utilizes a warm yet direct style, advocating for an integrative therapeutic approach that views divorce not as a failure, but rather as a complex transition where both parties are doing their best. He emphasizes the necessity of confronting and understanding the inherent pain of divorce as a pivotal step toward healing, believing that therapy provides a crucial space for growth, support, and compassion. Through his lens, the therapeutic process post-divorce is an opportunity for self-discovery, where individuals can transform feelings of shame and self-blame into acceptance and optimism, fostering a renewed perspective on life.Key Takeaways->Healing and growth after divorce can lead to personal development and a deeper understanding of oneself.->Acknowledging and processing pain post-divorce is crucial for personal growth.->Therapy plays a significant role in helping individuals navigate emotional challenges during divorce recovery.->Self-reflection during divorce is essential for personal growth, understanding emotions, values, and priorities.->Personality traits and patterns have a notable impact on relationships and the divorce experience, requiring tailored therapy interventions.Connect with Sean Condon:https://drseancondon.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/sean-condon-284a554/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"That it's a journey, allow yourself time, allow yourself the grace and whatever that you need and set intentions for why you are trying to reconnect with certain people." - Kimia MoghadamKimia Moghadam, a licensed mental health counselor and clinical director at My Therapy NYC, is dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of relationships, particularly when facing the challenges of leaving them. She emphasizes the multifaceted nature of this decision, taking into account cultural norms, financial dependencies, and emotional vulnerabilities that can make it daunting. Moghadam encourages individuals to seek support from their community, friends, and family, recognizing the value of a strong support system in such times. By fostering open communication and advocating for personal needs, she helps clients reconnect with themselves, approach new relationships with patience and self-compassion, and ultimately prioritize their own well-being.Key Takeaways->Kimia Moghadam emphasizes relational, compassionate, and honest approach in therapy sessions for couples navigating separation and divorce.->Creating a safe and trusting environment for clients using humor and compassion to facilitate difficult conversations.->Encouraging clients to address issues and communicate effectively in sessions, holding them accountable for their words and actions.->Importance of acknowledging evolving identities after divorce and finding ways to empower these identities in new ways.->Seeking support, allowing time and grace needed for rediscovering identity post-divorce.Connect with Kimia Moghadamhttps://mytherapynyc.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimia-moghadam-lmhc-d-487784122/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Yelling is not a consequence. It's the avoidance of a consequence." - Gary EdelsteinGary Edelstein, a seasoned psychotherapist specializing in neuropsychology and family systems, is dedicated to advancing a collaborative co-parenting model. He underscores the importance of maintaining a unified front in parenting, particularly when children experience emotional, psychological, or neurodevelopmental challenges. Edelstein advocates for parents to establish consistent discipline rules across households' post-divorce, which he believes can prevent the polarization of parental perspectives and reduce conflict. By promoting collaboration based on neurocognitive principles, Edelstein aims to lower the emotional tone in households and support healthier relationships, ultimately benefiting the children's well-being.Key Takeaways->Establishing a collaborative co-parenting relationship is crucial to prevent parental conflict and minimize the negative impact of divorce on children.->Consistency in setting limits and discipline rules across both households is key to reducing disagreements and promoting a neutral authority for children.->Parental conflict during divorce can intensify children's feelings of guilt and responsibility, making the divorce process even more difficult for them.->Proactive parenting involves setting clear expectations, consequences, and rules in advance to address problematic behaviors without escalating emotional outbursts.->Lowering the emotional tone in the household and implementing consequences for negative behaviors can aid in effective conflict management and strengthen family bonds.Connect with Gary J. Edelsteinhttps://npiprofile.com/npi/1518003177https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/gary-j-edelstein-brewster-ny/134476?msockid=3bb72f09a5256ac538a43db7a43c6be1Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"You don't get divorced from your spouse. It doesn't exist. It's a made-up word. You commit to a new relationship with them." - Avi KahanAvi Kahan, a distinguished mediator and founder of the non-profit Vad Hadin Vahora, is renowned for his innovative approach to divorce proceedings, integrating halakhic principles with civil law to offer comprehensive conflict resolution. With a background in finance and law, he expertly navigates the complexities of money, ethics, and family dynamics, promoting mediation over litigation to transform traditional divorce processes. Kahan believes that many mediators act merely as facilitators who know the divorce system, rather than genuinely resolving conflicts, and advocates for a deeper form of mediation that focuses on understanding underlying conflicts and crafting third solutions acceptable to both parties. Envisioning a future where divorce is seen as a positive transition rather than a war, Kahan emphasizes the importance of viewing divorce as a means of improving relationships, ultimately fostering an environment where couples can co-parent amicably without the animosity of court battles.Key Takeaways->Mediation in divorce is essential for fair resolutions despite challenges compared to traditional litigation.->Understanding conflict and finding mutually acceptable solutions is crucial in true mediation.->Effective mediation can navigate complex family dynamics and ethical considerations for a more amicable separation process.->Unresolved conflict and breakdowns in communication often lead to divorce.->Real mediation aims to address underlying conflict dynamics and real problems in divorces.->Divorce should be viewed as a positive step towards a new beginning, shifting societal perspective.->Prioritizing children's well-being during divorce is crucial for minimizing emotional and psychological impact.Connect with Avi Kahanhttps://hadin.org/https://www.linkedin.com/in/avi-kahan-428aba169/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Mirroring slows down the communication process. It really helps us to be able to tune in and listen in addition to be able to hear the information." - Trisha SandersTrisha Sanders is a licensed clinical social worker with nearly twenty years of experience, specializing in guiding families through the challenging transitions associated with divorce. Recognized for her expertise in expressive therapies and imago relationship therapy, Sanders places a strong emphasis on the development of emotional intelligence and effective communication as essential tools for healing and strengthening relationships. She underscores the importance of these skills in divorce, particularly when co-parenting, as they help address the trauma and loss of control that often accompany such life changes. Through her work on platforms like wholefamilynj.com and her Instagram account, Sanders advocates for strategies that foster a supportive environment, enabling families to navigate the complexities of divorce with empathy and understanding.Key Takeaways->Utilizing play therapy and storybooks is crucial for effectively communicating with children about divorce.->Maintaining boundaries, avoiding negativity, and fostering open communication with children is important during divorce.->Emotional intelligence and effective communication are key in healing and strengthening relationships during and after divorce.->Structured communication techniques like mirroring, empathy, and validation are crucial in high-tension situations like divorce.->Learning skills to deal with difficult personalities is valuable for personal growth, particularly for young children and teenagers.->Effective communication strategies, such as mirroring and validation, are crucial during divorce to avoid criticism and conflict.Connect with Trisha Sanders:https://www.wholefamilynj.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/trish-sanders-lcsw07652/https://www.instagram.com/trish.sanders.lcsw/https://www.facebook.com/wholefamilynj/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Well, I guess it's important to know what's important to the spouse that you're divorcing and for them to know what's important to you so you could have a win-win situation." - Jeff LandersJeff Landers is a distinguished expert with over 40 years of experience in real estate, mortgages, and the financial intricacies of divorce, renowned for his guidance in navigating the complex financial challenges of ending a marriage. He emphasizes the crucial importance of being financially involved in household matters before a divorce to avoid complications and advises individuals to prioritize financial over emotional decisions during the process. Landers advocates for the engagement of specialized financial advisors with experience in divorce, recommending tools like Broker Check to assess their credibility and expertise. By highlighting the need for proactive and strategic financial planning, Landers aims to prevent common pitfalls and ensure a stable future for those going through a divorce, advocating for decisions that avoid long-term regrets and secure financial independence.Key Takeaways:->Involvement in household finances during divorce is crucial to avoid complications and unknown financial details.->Emotional decisions during divorce can have long-term financial consequences, highlighting the importance of thinking financially.->Divorce settlements are ultimately about money and ensuring financial security for the future.Financial advisors can help ensure that divorce settlements lead to financial success in the future.->Asset division in divorce involves strategies to help individuals attain a favorable settlement based on their goals and trade-offs.->Setting up a divorce settlement for financial success involves seeking guidance from a financial advisor and managing expenses carefully.Connect with Jeff Landers:https://www.linkedin.com/in/jefflanders/https://www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com/https://a.co/d/bBmQcPdConnect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"There's a whole grief process that starts all over again when you make that final decision to sell that property. And that's hard for people." - Nikki BeauchampNikki Beauchamp, a seasoned Manhattan-based real estate expert with over two decades of experience at Sotheby's International Realty, provides invaluable guidance at the intersection of divorce and property transactions. With a keen focus on personal goals rather than general market trends, Nikki emphasizes the necessity of seeking advice from a trusted professional to navigate the complexities of the real estate market during a divorce. She advocates for open communication and regular assessment of real estate portfolios to make informed decisions, highlighting the importance of addressing these matters early in the divorce process. By offering nuanced insights and tailored solutions, Nikki Beauchamp fosters a supportive environment for divorcing couples, ensuring a smooth and positive transition with her empathetic and data-driven approach.Key Takeaways->Valuation of marital properties during divorce can be complex, considering children's needs, emotional attachment, market trends, renovation needs, and staging considerations.->Property buyouts in divorce, especially in New York City, involve challenges related to financial resources, refinancing, cooperative housing requirements, credit challenges, liquidity issues, and lifestyle changes post-divorce.->Selling a home during divorce can be emotionally challenging due to attachment and grief, especially when children are involved, requiring careful consideration of emotional ties, family dynamics, and financial concerns.->Consider current market trends and property conditions in divorce cases to avoid overvaluing homes due to emotional attachments, emphasizing the importance of aligning personal circumstances with market dynamics.->Real estate agents play a crucial role in working with divorcing couples, providing trust, comfort, and a neutral resource to guide couples smoothly through the real estate process, alleviating misunderstandings and ensuring a positive experience for both parties.Connect with Nikki Beauchamp:https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicolebeauchamp/https://www.nicolebeauchamp.com/https://www.instagram.com/nikkibeauchampConnect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"Divorce will get you out of one situation. It will not guarantee, though, a happy ending in the next." - Jessica McCarthyDr. Jessica McCarthy, a renowned clinical and school psychologist from New Jersey, is celebrated for her expertise in supporting women through life transitions, including divorce. As the founder of Elements Psychological Services, she adopts a no-nonsense approach to simplify complex psychological concepts, making her a respected figure in both clinical and media landscapes. Dr. McCarthy views divorce as an opportunity to start anew rather than an assured path to happiness, urging individuals to engage in self-reflection and learn from past experiences to avoid repeating old patterns. She advocates for intentional living by setting clear boundaries and focusing on self-discovery, empowering her clients to craft a fulfilling and purposeful new chapter in their lives after divorce.Key Takeaways->Healing after divorce requires time and support to prioritize personal well-being.->Divorce can lead to personal growth and self-discovery by focusing on self-investment.->Establishing new boundaries and parameters is crucial in post-divorce relationships.->Co-parenting after divorce requires setting boundaries, clear communication, and prioritizing children's needs.->Setting boundaries in communication with ex-partners post-divorce is essential for healthy dynamics.->Maintaining consistency and structure for children of divorce is crucial for their well-being.Connect with Jessica McCarthy:https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-a-mccarthy-psy-d-795b333/https://elementspsych.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"If you don't know about the money, you don't have control over the money or access to the money."Ed Vargo, the founder of Burning River Advisory Group and Enlighten Her, is a fervent advocate for financial literacy, particularly focusing on empowering women. Inspired by his immigrant mother's struggles with financial independence, Ed has dedicated his career to providing compassionate financial guidance to help women achieve equality through financial strength. He emphasizes the significance of teaching financial literacy from a young age, advocating for parents to model positive financial behaviors for their children and encouraging open discussions about money within families. Vargo also highlights the impact of financial misunderstandings on relationships, especially during divorce, underscoring the importance of assembling a knowledgeable support team and fostering financial education to promote harmony and independence.Key Takeaways:->Ed Vargo emphasizes teaching children about money management from a positive perspective and modeling good money behavior.->Communication about money values and decisions is crucial in relationships to avoid disharmony and resentment.->Open dialogue about money in relationships can prevent conflicts and build financial harmony.->Educating oneself about family finances, especially during divorce, is essential to avoid being at a disadvantage.->Enlighten Her offers resources like white papers on money myths and steps to take during divorce to empower women in managing their finances.->Early intervention in divorce proceedings is crucial to avoid post-settlement regrets and make informed decisions.->Enlighten Her aims to empower women to take control of their finances and make informed decisions, especially during major life events like divorce.Connect with Ed Vargo:https://www.linkedin.com/in/joe-zweben-17676434a/https://www.instagram.com/joezweben_/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"If your parents and you are just going to look at the negative side only and just keep making it worse for yourself, it's never going to get better." -Joseph Zweben-Joseph Zweben, a student at Pace University, is a testament to the positive impact of cooperative parenting during challenging times like divorce. Having personally experienced the benefits of his parents' collaborative efforts, Joseph emphasizes how their open communication and conflict-free environment allowed him and his brother to thrive academically and athletically. This nurturing approach not only bolstered his emotional well-being but also sparked his passion for helping others facing similar challenges, as demonstrated through his volunteer work with organizations such as Top Soccer and Best Buddies. Joseph's story underscores the potential for resilience and growth in children when parents prioritize a supportive and stable environment, even amidst the complexities of divorce.Key Takeaways:->The positive impact of cooperative parenting during and after divorce on children's adaptation and mental well-being->The value of empathy, support, and effective communication in navigating tough situations, as learned through personal experiences->Maintaining a sense of normalcy for children during family celebrations, birthdays, and holidays post-divorce->The enduring unity within divorced families and the importance of open communication and adaptability in family relationships post-separation->Reassuring children during divorce to prevent them from blaming themselves and minimizing the negative impact on their well-being->The emotional intelligence growth and ability to help others influenced by watching parents co-parentConnect with Joseph Zweben:https://www.linkedin.com/in/joe-zweben-17676434a/https://www.instagram.com/joezweben_/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"You really want to know what your priorities are and then you want to know what your spouse's priorities are, because they might be different." - Melissa Murphy PavoneMelissa Murphy Pavone is a seasoned certified financial planner and divorce financial analyst, whose 18 years of experience in the field are deeply influenced by her personal experiences as a child of divorce. She founded Mindful Divorce Partners to guide clients through the intricate financial challenges of divorce with clarity and assurance. Melissa stresses the importance of proactive and holistic financial planning, focusing on understanding settlement options, tax implications, and the long-term effects of financial decisions, especially when children are involved. Her approach goes beyond mere numbers, helping clients design balanced and sustainable financial plans that align with their future goals and risk tolerance, while avoiding common pitfalls such as retaining the family home without considering its long-term financial impact.Key Takeaways:->Working with a financial planner post-divorce is crucial for navigating the transition to saving for oneself, contributing to retirement, and bridging the financial gap left by alimony and child support.->Understanding priorities in financial assets during divorce negotiations is key to ensuring a fair and balanced outcome, particularly when children are involved.->Having a financial planner as a supportive ally can provide guidance tailored to risk tolerance and financial goals for a secure future post-divorce.->Offering fee-for-service and assets under management advisory models allows financial advisors to tailor their services to best suit individual circumstances and goals, especially in divorce scenarios.->Educating clients on the importance of having an emergency fund and considering tax implications is crucial in making informed decisions about the family residence in divorce settlements.Connect with Melissa Murphy Pavone:https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissamurphypavone/https://mindfulfinancialpartners.com/about/https://mindfulfinancialpartners.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/https://miller-law.com/
"In divorce we grieve the marriage, we grieve the life we once had with our partner and what that looked like. We grieve that stability." - Justine CarinoJustine Carino, a licensed mental health counselor with over 12 years of experience, is a prominent voice in understanding the psychological impact of divorce. Specializing in anxiety and depression, she highlights the critical role therapy plays in navigating the emotional complexities of this life-altering event. Through her practice and her podcast, "Thoughts from the Couch," Justine emphasizes the importance of therapy in guiding individuals through the stages of grief, helping them rebuild their identities, and fostering personal growth. Her compassionate insights, featured in major media outlets like Cosmopolitan and the Huffington Post, reassure those experiencing divorce that with the right support, happiness and transformation are attainable outcomes.Key Takeaways:->Divorce can bring about a range of emotional challenges similar to the stages of grief.->Therapy is essential in assisting individuals going through divorce.->Establishing clear boundaries is essential for preserving relationships during divorce.->Common misconceptions about divorce recovery can be disproven.->Individuals experience an identity shift post-divorce.->Many individuals eventually consider dating post-divorce. Connect with Justine Carino:https://www.linkedin.com/in/justine-carino-lmhc-39a84615b/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
Why is emotional well-being important in financial planning post-divorce?Jody D'Agostini is a renowned financial strategist and certified divorce financial analyst with nearly two decades of experience, specializing in helping individuals navigate the financial intricacies of divorce at Falcon Financial Group in Morristown. Transitioning from a career as a physician's assistant, Jody has dedicated her practice to empowering clients, particularly women, by educating them on financial literacy and the importance of informed decision-making. Her approach emphasizes personalized, holistic financial planning that considers each client's unique life stressors and priorities, with a focus on setting them up for long-term success rather than short-term gain. Jody advocates for a balanced mindset during divorce, advising clients to meet their needs while minimizing emotional and financial strain, and is committed to fostering financial stability and growth through tools like collaborative law and career re-evaluation.Key Takeaways:->Financial planning during divorce is crucial for making informed decisions and preparing for sudden financial changes.->Tailoring financial plans for success and using software to project future outcomes can provide individuals with a sense of control and security post-divorce.->Emotional impact of divorce, including anxiety and disorientation, requires a holistic approach to financial planning for stability and well-being.->Supporting individuals in overcoming career challenges and pursuing fulfilling career paths after divorce is essential for building a brighter future.->Lawyers play a crucial role in divorce proceedings by providing legal guidance, negotiating settlements, and ensuring compliance with legal precedents.->Creating a budget, assessing income sources, setting financial goals, and adjusting investments post-divorce are essential for establishing a stable financial future. Connect with Jody D'agostini:https://www.thefalconfinancialgroup.comhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/jody-d-agostini/ Connect with Katherine Miller:https://miller-law.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/New boost
"Depth psychology is a more spiritual approach, a psychospiritual approach to understanding yourself more deeply." - Deborah LukovichDr. Deborah Lukovich is a renowned depth psychologist who offers a unique perspective on navigating the complexities of divorce by delving into the unconscious mind. With a belief that up to 90% of our actions and decisions are influenced by hidden forces, she emphasizes the importance of uncovering these unconscious patterns and behaviors that shape relationships. Through her book "Your Soul is Talking, Are You Listening?" and her engaging podcast and blog, Dr. Lukovich provides valuable insights into the unseen dynamics and hidden agendas that often go unnoticed during the tumultuous process of divorce. By guiding individuals to explore the depths of their psyche, Lukovich aims to foster a deeper understanding of personal and relational dynamics, ultimately aiding clients in transforming their relationship patterns and preventing past experiences from dictating future connections.Key Takeaways:-Depth Psychology focuses on uncovering hidden aspects of the unconscious mind to promote personal growth and transformation.-Anger during divorce can be connected to past experiences and emotions, influencing individuals' reactions and behaviors.-Dr. Lukovich shares her personal journey through divorce and highlights the importance of understanding the unconscious mind in life transitions.-Relationship complexes involve patterns of thinking and behaving that impact interactions, hinder personal growth, and can lead to misunderstandings.-Effective communication in relationships requires honesty, vulnerability, and creating a safe space for open dialogue.-Unconscious fears and thoughts often hinder honest communication, emphasizing the importance of tools like 'Start with Hearts' to manage emotions and promote authenticity. Connect with Deborah Lukovich:https://www.deborahlukovich.com/https://www.facebook.com/dlukovichhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/deborah-lukovich-phd-5322953/ Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
"Kids have large antenna on their heads that you can't see, but they're always scanning for information, and that is information that is picked up very easily." - Lisa HerrickDr. Lisa Herrick, a renowned family therapist and collaborative divorce coach, has nearly twenty years of experience guiding families in the Washington, D.C. area through the complex transition period of separation and divorce. She emphasizes that this transition varies greatly among individuals, depending on their resilience and specific circumstances, and underscores the importance of allowing adequate time for adjustment, adaptation, and recovery. Dr. Herrick advocates for honest and respectful communication between co-parents, particularly when introducing new partners to children, to minimize confusion and build trust. Drawing from personal experience, she highlights the intricate dynamics involved in shared family activities post-divorce, such as spending holidays together, and the necessity of preparing new partners for their roles within a blended family to foster a healthy and harmonious environment.Key Takeaways:•The period of time required for individuals and families to adjust, adapt, and recover from separation and divorce is crucial.•Nesting during divorce involves sharing living space, household responsibilities, and potential implications for future relationships.•It is important to go slow when introducing children to new romantic partners after divorce.•Lisa Herrick emphasizes the importance of preparing new partners for interactions with children and ex-spouses in blended families.•Lisa and Katherine emphasize the benefits of waiting for the right moment to introduce shared holidays and dinners in a blended family.Connect with Lisa Herrick:https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-herrick-009a6128/https://lisaherrick.com/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
"The key is that it keeps the children stable. It keeps their routines consistent. There's a lot less upheaval and chaos for the children. It's a very child centered approach to separation and divorce." - Ann Gold BuschoAnn Gold Buscho, a licensed clinical psychologist, is renowned for her expertise in family dynamics surrounding divorce, with a particular emphasis on child-centered solutions. As the author of "The Parents Guide to Bird Nesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce," she advocates for bird nesting as a strategy to mitigate the negative impacts of divorce on children by ensuring stability and consistency in their environment. Buscho underscores the importance of prioritizing children's welfare by setting aside personal conflicts and fostering effective co-parenting through open communication and collaboration. Her work offers practical tools and guidance to help parents navigate the complexities of bird nesting, including addressing financial and logistical considerations, to create a harmonious and supportive arrangement for their children.Key Takeaways:• Bird nesting is a child-centered approach to divorce that provides stability and consistency for children.• Financial and logistical considerations are crucial when implementing a bird nesting arrangement.• Short-term nesting can have a positive impact on children by offering a stable transition during separation.• Having clear agreements in place for nesting arrangements is essential for co-parenting success.• Establishing a clear budget and separate accounts for nesting expenses is crucial for financial stability.Connect with Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D.:https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-buscho-ph-d-4110437/Connect with Katherine Miller:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
Prenups get a bad rap. And if you broach the subject with a partner, they often think you’re planning for the marriage to fail.But what if a prenuptial agreement could help you get on the same page about money before you got married? What if a prenup could reduce tension in your marriage and even prevent divorce?Aaron Thomas has been named Atlanta's best divorce attorney three times, and he’s one of the nation's top experts in family law issues.Aaron is also the founder of Prenups.com, a platform that helps couples establish a solid financial foundation before they walk down the aisle, and author of The Prenup Prescription: Meet the Premarital Contract Designed to Save Your Marriage.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Aaron joins Katherine to explain how prenups help couples establish a good working relationship around money.Aaron discusses the parallels between business partnerships and marriage, challenging couples to structure their finances in a way that makes both parties feel secure.Listen in for Aaron’s advice on approaching your significant other about creating a prenup and learn how a well-written pre- or postnuptial agreement can make your marriage stronger!Topics Covered How a well-written prenup helps couples reduce tension in a marriageWhy a prenup should address your finances before, during and after marriage Aaron’s insight on the One Paycheck Rule and why it’s importantHow prenups help couples establish a good working relationship around moneyThe parallels between forming a business partnership and getting marriedWhy extreme power imbalances in a marriage often lead to divorceAaron’s advice on deciding what money is yours, mine and oursHow to approach your significant other about creating a prenuptial agreementWhat the less-moneyed spouse can do to feel protected by a prenupThe misconception that prenups are only a tool for the super-wealthyConnect with Aaron ThomasPrenups.com: https://prenups.com/The Prenup Prescription by Aaron Thomas: https://prenups.com/book/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
If you’re considering divorce, it’s useful to do a cost-benefit analysis before you initiate the process. And think beyond the legal fees and division of property.How much time will it take to work through the process? What's the emotional cost to you, your spouse and your children? How might it impact your career? Raiford is CEO and Managing Partner of STG Divorce Law in Chicago and Fellow at the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.Raiford is also the author of the award-winning divorce book, I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money, and Minds.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Raiford joins Katherine to explain why you should get educated before you jump into a divorce.Raiford describes how to reframe the experience of divorce as an opportunity for growth and discusses how his own divorce changed the way he approaches his work as a divorce lawyer.Listen in for Raiford’s insight on trying alternative dispute resolution in high-conflict cases and learn how to conduct a cost-benefit analysis before you move forward with a divorce.Topics Covered Raiford’s advice on getting educated before you jump into divorceWhy Raiford suggests looking inward before you divorce and/or remarryHow to leverage divorce as a personal growth experienceWhat motivated Raiford to write the divorce book I Just Want This DoneRaiford’s personal experience with feeling lost in the process of divorceHow Raiford’s own divorce changed the way he approaches his workWhy you should still try alternative dispute resolution if your partner is uncooperativeHow mediation can work better than litigation in high-conflict casesConducting a cost-benefit analysis before you move forward with a divorceThe first steps you should take to initiate the divorce processConnect with Raiford PalmerI Just Want This Done: https://www.ijustwantthisdone.com/Raiford on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raifordpalmer/Raiford on X: https://x.com/raifordpalmerRaiford on TikTok: raifordpalmerSTG Divorce Law: https://www.stglawfirm.com/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesI Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money, and Minds by Raiford Palmer: https://www.amazon.com/Just-Want-This-Done-Successful/dp/1737208903Unbreakable Husband Program: https://richinrelationship.com/Dr. John Duffy: https://drjohnduffy.com/
Neepa Padia gave up her senior level career in India to get married and immigrate to the US.But her partner was abusive, and Neepa wanted out. Unfortunately, she was in the country on a dependent spouse visa and had no friends, no family and no job.How did Neepa navigate divorce as an immigrant? Neepa is the Certified Divorce Coach behind Holistic Divorce Journey, a platform that helps immigrants in divorce with logical steps and tools toward a brighter future. Neepa’s personal experience has shaped her into a compassionate and nonjudgmental coach, ensuring that her clients are not alone on this journey of getting divorced in a in a strange land.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Neepa joins Katherine to explain how her experiences as an immigrant going through a divorce inspired her to become a divorce coach.Neepa discusses the options available to people in the US on a dependent spouse visa, describing the resources available to immigrants dealing with the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce.Listen in for Neepa’s insight on finding culturally aligned support and learn how to leverage the holistic divorce journey to build the future you want!Topics Covered Neepa’s experience navigating divorce as an immigrant to the USWhat inspired Neepa to build Holistic Divorce JourneyOptions available to divorcing people in the US on a dependent spouse visaWhat resources Neepa leaned on when she was getting divorcedResources available to immigrants navigating divorceThe emotional and logistical challenges of divorce as an immigrantHow international assets impact equitable distribution of property in divorceWhy it’s helpful for divorcing immigrants to find culturally aligned supportLeveraging the holistic divorce journey to build the future you wantConnect with Neepa PadiaHolistic Divorce Journey: https://holisticdivorcejourney.com/Neepa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holisticdivorcejourney/Neepa’s Divorce Support Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969925950972235/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesSecond Saturday: https://www.secondsaturday.com/Divorce GPS: https://divorce-gps.com/
You might assume that mediators who specialize in prenups recommend them for everyone.But Laurie Israel is actually against prenuptial agreements for most couples.So, when should you consider creating a prenup? And how do you write one in a fair and loving way that strengthens the new marriage? Laurie is a collaborative lawyer and mediator based in Massachusetts, where she concentrates her practice exclusively on prenuptial and postnuptial agreements.Laurie also writes extensively about the art of mediating prenups, and she is the author of The Generous Prenup: How to Support Your Marriage and Avoid the Pitfalls.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Laurie joins Katherine to explain when a prenup is a good idea and when it isn’t, discussing why it’s inappropriate to think of a marriage as a business deal.Laurie shares her thoughts on prenups for inheritances, second marriages, and business owners, describing what to look for in a mediator to negotiate your agreement. Listen in for Laurie’s insight on protecting both parties (not just the moneyed spouse) and learn how the right kind of prenup creates peace, certainty and fairness for all involved.Topics Covered Why Laurie is against prenuptial agreements for most couplesWhen a prenup is a good idea and how it can create peace, certainty and fairness in those casesWhy it’s inappropriate to think of a marriage as a business dealLaurie’s advice on what to look for in a mediator to negotiate your prenupWhy Laurie suggests a prenup for second marriages and marriages involving children from previous relationshipsHow Laurie thinks about building a prenup or postnup for business ownersHow fairness in a prenup is influenced by the laws in your particular stateWhen it might be appropriate to draft a postnuptial agreementLaurie’s thoughts on the complexities of money and marriageLaurie’s loving approach to prenups that protect both people in a marriage (not just the moneyed spouse)How to address student loans and inheritances in a prenuptial or postnuptial agreementProviding for the surviving spouse when a marriage ends in deathConnect with Laurie IsraelLaurie Israel Law and Mediation: https://www.laurieisrael.com/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesThe Generous Prenup by Laurie Israel: https://www.laurieisrael.com/book/Ten Things I Hate About Prenuptial Agreements: https://www.laurieisrael.com/ten-things-i-hate-about-prenuptial-agreements/
In the early days of her family law practice, Heather Quick noticed a troubling pattern among the women she represented.Women often undervalued what they brought to the marriage and failed to stand up for themselves in the divorce process. So, what can women do to change their mindset around divorce and fight for what they deserve?Heather Quick is Founder and CEO of Florida Women’s Law Group, the only divorce and family law firm in Northeast Florida that serves women exclusively.Consistent with her message of women's empowerment, Heather has published several books on divorce and business, including Women’s Guide to Divorce in Florida and Women’s Guide to Becoming a Successful Entrepreneur.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Heather joins Katherine to discuss the unique challenges facing women in divorce, from stay-at-home moms to female breadwinners.Heather explains how women compromise on finances to protect their children and why that’s a bad idea, challenging couples to stop using their children as a negotiating tool in divorce.Listen in to understand how entrepreneurship can help women own their financial destiny and learn how FWLG advocates for women before, during and after divorce. Topics Covered What inspired Heather to focus on helping women stand up for themselves in divorceWhy women tend to undervalue what they bring to a marriageWhat issues affect women in particular during the divorce processHow women compromise on finances in divorce to protect their children (and why they shouldn’t)The danger in using your children as a negotiating tool in divorceCommon issues facing female breadwinners in divorce, e.g.: custody, alimony, etc.How Heather’s books educate and empower women before, during and after divorceHeather’s experience working with a team of all women at Florida Women’s Law GroupHow Heather benefits from having a divorce coach on her teamWhat motivated Heather to expand her focus to helping women excel as entrepreneurs Connect with Heather QuickFlorida Women’s Law Group: https://www.floridawomenslawgroup.com/Women Winning Divorce Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/685277376560289Women Winning Divorce Podcast: https://womenwinningdivorce.com/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesWomen’s Guide to Divorce in Florida by Heather Brooke Quick, Esq.: https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Guide-Divorce-Florida-Advantage/dp/150323326XIs Divorce Right for You? by Heather B. Quick, Esq.: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Right-You-Guide-Determine-ebook/dp/B00NH2QK1G/Women’s Guide to Becoming a Successful Entrepreneur by Heather B. Quick, Esq.: https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Guide-Becoming-Successful-Entrepreneur/dp/1511734655/Julie Rountree on Divorce Dialogues: https://miller-law.com/podcast/the-missing-professional-from-a-divorce-litigation-team/Changes to Florida’s Divorce Law: https://www.attorneylauraolson.com/an-overview-of-floridas-new-alimony-law-elimination-of-permanent-alimony/
If you’re going through a divorce, writing a love letter is probably the last thing on your mind.But Jennifer Lee, AWMA, AIF, suggests that sharing your values and hopes for the future in a family love letter to your children is a good first step for financial planning in divorce.So, how does a love letter help you set meaningful financial goals and make better money decisions?Jennifer is the founder of Modern Wealth, a Sarasota-based financial firm with a focus on helping individuals in transition, and author of Squeeze the Juice: Live with Purpose, Then Leave a Legacy.Jennifer brings a fresh perspective on the financial planning process by digging deep to understand her clients’ values and helping them use money as a tool to accomplish their dreams.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jennifer joins Katherine to share the personal experience that inspired her idea for a family love letter in the financial planning process.Jennifer explains why financial anxiety is such a common issue in the divorce process and challenges us to see money as a tool to reach our goals—not the goal itself.Listen in to understand how Jennifer supports the ‘non-moneyed’ spouse in settlement negotiations and learn how Squeeze the Juice can help you make informed financial decisions in divorce.Topics Covered Why Jennifer includes writing a family love letter in the financial planning processThinking of money as a tool to accomplish our dreams vs. the goal itselfWhat drove Jennifer’s father to communicate his values in a kind of family love letterWhy anxiety around money is such a common issue in the divorce processHow Jennifer helps the non-moneyed spouse in a divorce make financial decisionsThe danger in rushing through divorce negotiations because you want it to be doneWhat experiences inspired Jennifer to write her book, Squeeze the JuiceHow your money story impacts the way you navigate financial decisionsThe 2 most important chapters in Squeeze the Juice for people going through divorceWhat it means to be the non-moneyed spouse in divorce (and what it doesn’t mean)Why there’s a power imbalance in divorce negotiations for the non-moneyed spouseConnect with Jennifer LeeModern Wealth: https://modern-wealth.com/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesSqueeze the Juice by Jennifer Lee: https://squeezethejuicebook.com/
Asking your partner for a divorce is challenging under any circumstances. But the conversation can be downright dangerous if you’re leaving an abusive spouse. In fact, upwards of 70% of women who leave an abusive spouse are murdered.So, what resources are available to victims of intimate partner violence? How do you mitigate the risks associated with divorcing an abuser?Beverly Price is the driving force behind Her Empowered Divorce, a coaching practice that has supported thousands of women facing the most challenging aspects of divorce. Beverly is also the visionary behind the Divorce Coalition, a network of divorce professionals and survivor advocates united to transform the landscape of domestic abuse.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Beverly joins Katherine to explore the impact of domestic abuse in divorce and explain why you shouldn’t leave an abuser without a safety plan.Beverly discusses the benefit of having a divorce coach, describing how she offers clients education and preparation around the process to reduce their anxiety.Listen in for Beverly’s insight into the many forms of abuse and learn how survivors of domestic partner violence can work through the divorce process safely and with adequate support.Topics Covered The benefit of divorce coaching that goes beyond emotional managementHow education and preparation for divorce reduces the anxiety associated with the processWhy Beverly suggests hiring an attorney, financial professional and divorce coachHow Beverly’s personal experiences inform her work as a divorce coachDivorce Coalition’s work to improve abuse survivors’ experiences in the court processThe many forms of domestic abuse, i.e.: physical, financial, sexual, legal, emotional, etc.Why you shouldn’t leave an abuser until you have support and a safety planHow Beverly coaches people through the conversation of asking for a divorceThe statistics re: the number of men and women who experience intimate partner violenceBeverly’s advice on documenting abuse to prepare for divorce litigationConnect with Beverly PriceHer Empowered Divorce: https://herempowereddivorce.com/Her Empowered Divorce Podcast: https://herempowereddivorce.com/podcastConnect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesNational Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
Is your relationship causing you a great deal of stress? Do you suspect that your partner has a diagnosable mental illness?In such a challenging situation, it’s human nature to blame the other person in the relationship. To label their behavior as wrong and ask, ‘Why won’t they change?’ But if their mental health is in question, they may not be able to change. And the better question is, ‘What is YOUR next right step?’Judy Herman is a mental health professional and relationship wellness advocate dedicated to equipping high-achieving women in the helping professions go from trauma drama into vibrant karma.Judy is also the host of Better Relationships, Better Life: The Podcast and author of Beyond Messy Relationships and Relationships with Purpose.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judy joins Katherine to explain how her personal experience as a twice-divorced relationship therapist inspired her to write Relationships with Purpose.Judy discusses what differentiates someone with self-centered characteristics from a diagnosable narcissist and shares questions to ask yourself if you’re married to someone with mental illness.Listen in for Judy’s insight on shifting your attitude toward your partner from judgement to curiosity and learn strategies for staying grounded during challenging interactions in any relationship.Topics Covered How Judy’s own challenging relationships inspired her to write her first bookThe identity crisis Judy faced as a twice-divorced relationship therapistWhat differentiates someone with self-centered characteristics from a diagnosable narcissist What questions to ask yourself if you’re married to someone with mental illnessHow to shift your attitude toward your partner from judgement to curiosityJudy’s strategies for staying grounded in challenging interactions with your partnerWhy Judy suggests getting professional help if you’re feeling shame around your relationshipJudy’s deep breathing exercises for navigating intense interpersonal situationsConnect with Judy HermanJudy’s Website: https://www.judycounselor.com/Better Relationships, Better Life: The Podcast: https://www.judycounselor.com/podcast/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesBeyond Messy Relationships by Judy K. Herman: https://www.judycounselor.com/product/premier-author-signed-single-book/Relationships with Purpose by Judy K. Herman: https://www.judycounselor.com/relationships-with-purpose/Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward by Mark Lukach: https://www.marklukach.com/bookJudy’s Relationship Stress Quiz: https://www.judycounselor.com/Judy’s From Chaos to Calm Online Course: https://www.judycounselor.com/jumpstart-emotionally-safe-conversations/
If you aren’t fully informed about your finances in marriage, you can’t negotiate from a level playing field in divorce.That’s why Adrienne Grace is committed to helping women with what she calls holistic financial planning.So, what is holistic financial planning? How can it help you negotiate a realistic divorce settlement and build a plan for the future?Adrienne is the Women’s Wealth Advocate and Holistic Financial Planner behind Transitioning Finances, a platform where she guides women and couples to successfully negotiate divorce settlements, survive financial transitions and rebuild afterward.Adrienne has 30-plus years of experience working in every area of the financial world, and she is passionate about helping you overcome your financial challenges and move empowered into the next phase of your life.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Adrienne joins Katherine to discuss why the inability to communicate about money is often the cause of divorce.Adrienne explains how she helps people understand the relative value of their assets and empowers them with the confidence to negotiate a divorce settlement.Listen in for Adrienne’s advice on ‘talking to your honey about money’ early in the relationship and learn how to design a holistic spending and savings plan to ensure your financial security in divorce.Topics Covered The personal experiences that led to Adrienne’s work helping people through transitionsHow Adrienne defines holistic financial planning as looking at money as it relates to your lifeWhy the inability to communicate about money is often the cause of divorceAdrienne’s advice around talking to your honey about money before you get marriedWhy Adrienne suggests setting aside private time to talk with your partner about moneyHow women who are not fully informed about their finances struggle to negotiate a divorce settlementHow Adrienne helps people understand the relative value of their assetsWhy it’s crucial to design a spending + savings plan with a realist view of what it costs to liveHow Adrienne empowers people with the confidence to negotiate their divorce settlementAdrienne’s experiences helping people find hidden assets in the divorce processConnect with Adrienne GraceTransitioning Finances: https://adriennegrace.com/Adrienne on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenswealthadvocate/Adrienne on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adrienne-rothstein-grace-cdfa/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesFrom We to Me: A Financial Guide to Divorce by Adrienne Grace: https://adriennegrace.com/adriennes-books/I’m Divorced. Now What? by Adrienne Grace: https://www.amazon.com/Im-Divorced-Now-What-Guide/dp/B0C6W6HX5YAdrienne’s Blog on Talking to Your Honey About Money: https://adriennegrace.com/remarriage-living-together-second-time-around/Adrienne’s Divorce Academy Online Course:https://adriennegrace.com/classes_and_courses/
What do you need to know about filing your taxes during or after divorce?Are asset transfers taxable? What about alimony and child support? Who claims the children?And what if your ex mishandled the finances and there’s tax debt you knew nothing about?Tax Attorney Hubert Johnson is Founder of Guardian Tax Law, where he has assisted thousands of individuals and businesses dealing with IRS and state tax issues. Hubert lectures to tax professionals in seminars and training sessions across the country and has cowritten two books on tax debt resolution. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Hubert joins Katherine to answer your questions around tax issues in divorce, explaining where to go for tax information if your soon-to-be-ex handled the finances.Hubert walks us through the pros and cons of delaying divorce to file taxes jointly and discusses when asset transfers are a taxable event—and when they’re not.Listen in for Hubert’s insight on the tax rules around alimony and child support and learn where to go for help settling tax debt in the aftermath of divorce.Topics Covered The pros and cons of delaying divorce to file your taxes jointlyWhere to go for tax information if your ex-spouse handled the financesHow to qualify as an ‘innocent spouse’ if your partner fails to pay taxesWhy the IRS pursues both parties equally for tax debt (filing jointly)When asset transfers are a taxable event and when they’re notHow to avoid capital gains on the sale of an asset in divorceWhen the IRS respects a marital settlement agreementWho should consider applying for ‘offer in compromise’ with the IRSThe state and federal tax rules re: alimony and child supportWhat to do if your ex claims the children on their taxes but shouldn’tConnect with Hubert JohnsonGuardian Tax Law: https://guardiantaxlaw.com/Guardian on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@guardiantaxlawGuardian on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/guardian-tax-law/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesIRS.gov
Julie Rountree began her career as a divorce attorney. And she quickly realized that clients expected her to be both their legal advocate and counselor. But it was very difficult to wear both hats.Julie recognized that her clients needed someone to help them navigate the emotions of divorce. That’s when she stumbled on divorce coaching and thought, ‘This is professional who’s been missing from the divorce litigation team.’Today, Julie is the Certified Divorce Coach behind Divorce Coaching Solutions, a practice that helps clients navigate the frustration of divorce, grow their confidence, and transition into life beyond divorce. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Julie joins Katherine to discuss her role in helping people work through their emotions, articulate their goals, and manage expectations around divorce.Julie walks us through what a divorce coach does for their clients, describing how she helps people become and remain the best version of themselves through the process.Listen in for Julie’s advice on managing your anger to focus on negotiating a settlement and learn how a family law attorney can benefit from teaming up with a divorce coach.Topics Covered What inspired Julie’s transition from family law attorney to divorce coachJulie’s role in helping clients manage their frustrations and expectations around divorceWhat a divorce coach can do for someone who’s considering divorce or working through the processJulie’s goal to help clients remain the best version of themselves through divorceJulie’s advice to someone who’s worried about how reentering the workforce will impact alimonyWhy spousal support can be a bitter pill to swallow for the breadwinner of a divorcing coupleHow family law attorneys can benefit from teaming up with a divorce coachManaging your anger in divorce to focus on negotiating a settlementConnect with Julie RountreeDivorce Coaching Solutions:https://www.mydivorcecoaches.com/Divorce Coaching Solutions on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100078882049039Julie on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-anna-rountree-3967748/Email julie@mydivorcecoaches.com Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
We all assume that when we get divorced, things are going to get better. But when a marriage ends, communication is usually at a low point. And that communication style tends to stick, which causes ongoing conflict in the co-parenting relationship.So, what can you do to interrupt that conflict dynamic with your ex? How do you build a constructive, positive co-parenting relationship?Jenni Rock is the creator of Co-Parenting Without Conflict, a coaching practice that helps divorced parents exit toxic relationships and communicate in a way that prioritizes the needs of their children.Jenni brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to the table, helping parents navigate the often-challenging terrain of co-parenting after a divorce. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jenni joins Katherine to share the story of her own horrific divorce and explain how that experience informs her work in co-parenting conflict resolution.Jenni discusses the most common conflicts in co-parenting relationships and describes the consequences of using your children as a bartering tool.Listen in for Jenni’s insight on navigating reactive feelings toward your ex and learn the first steps to changing the way you communicate and co-parenting without conflict!Topics Covered How Jenni’s own horrific divorce informs her work in co-parenting conflict resolutionWhy divorced couples get stuck in the communication style at play when the marriage endedHow Jenni helps people interrupt their conflict dynamic with an ex-spouseWhat differentiates a toxic relationship from a difficult moment in a relationshipBlaming your partner vs. taking responsibility for what’s not working in your relationshipJenni’s insight on the most common conflicts in co-parenting relationshipsThe consequences of using your children as a bartering tool in the divorce processWhat to consider before you hit SEND on a text or email to your ex-spouseJenni’s advice on what to do with reactive feelings you’re tempted to fire at your exHow to set up a constructive, positive co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouseConnect with Jenni RockCo-Parenting Without Conflict:https://coparentingwithoutconflict.com/homeEmail jennirock1@outlook.com The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Do you suspect that your soon-to-be-ex-spouse is hiding money?If your partner is trying to avoid equitable distribution in a divorce settlement, they might be keeping assets from you or transferring money into a secret account.But is it necessary to hire a forensic accountant? Or can you do the job yourself?Tracey Coenen is a renowned forensic accountant and the brains behind the Divorce Money Guide. She is also the author of the book Find Me the Money and host of the podcast of the same name.Tracey is passionate about helping people who feel powerless in the divorce process regain their confidence and take control of their money. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Tracey joins Katherine to explain how to identify when your spouse is hiding money and where they might be keeping it.Tracey walks us through the common reasons why people hide money in a marriage and describes why financial infidelity is just as devastating as romantic infidelity—if not more.Listen in for Tracey’s insight on initiating the conversation around money in your marriage and learn the first steps to educating yourself about the family finances in divorce.Topics Covered How your relationship with money impacts the way you handle finances in a marriageWhy we need to change the language we use to talk about money in divorceHow to identify when your spouse is hiding money and where they might be keeping itWhen to hire a forensic accountant (and when you can do the job yourself)How Tracey’s Divorce Money Guide helps you understand the financial piece of divorceThe most common reasons why people hide money in a marriageWhat makes financial infidelity just as devastating as romantic infidelityWhy talking about money in a marriage is so challenging and how to initiate the conversationWhy Tracey suggests listing all the accounts you know about as the first step in getting more financial informationThe benefit of regularly running a credit report on yourself and exchanging that information with your spouseWhat Tracey says to women who want to educate themselves about the family financesHow knowing where you’re spending gives you power to create the life you wantConnect with Tracey CoenenFraud Coach:https://www.fraudcoach.com/ddConnect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesDivorce Money Guide:https://www.fraudcoach.com/Find Me the Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve in Your Divorce by Tracey Coenen:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BYFCRMJR?&linkCode=sl1&tag=sequenceinc-20&linkId=ee67be01fe036601f36861168c84e524&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tlFind Me the Money Podcast:https://www.fraudcoach.com/podcast
What story are you telling yourself about your divorce?
Blaming your ex may seem justified, but that story only gets you stuck in a victim mentality with no control over your own life.
So, how do you rewrite your story and start building an empowered life post-divorce?
Kimberly Kelley is the neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner and hypnotherapist behind Reinvent Yourself, a program that helps newly single people create the life they want.
She is also the author of No Blame No Shame: Living an Empowered Life After Divorce, where she describes the profound changes she made after her own marriage of 30 years came to an end.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Kimberly joins Katherine to discuss how the stories we tell ourselves affect our experience of divorce.
Kimberly explains how the internal shame of another failed marriage drove her fears around what other people would think and describes how hypnotherapy empowered her to imagine a life beyond divorce.
Listen in for Kimberly’s advice on navigating a divorce you didn’t choose and learn how NLP can help you reframe your divorce as a growth opportunity rather than a mistake!
Topics Covered
How NLP is the study of how we communicate with ourselves How we can leverage neuro-linguistic programming to live a more empowered life How the stories we tell ourselves affect our experience of divorce How Kimberly’s internal shame drove her fears of what other people would think of her divorce Reframing your negative self-talk around divorce into something constructive How Kimberly helps people reframe their divorce story as a growth opportunity vs. a mistake Why blaming your ex-spouse puts you into a victim mentality Why Kimberly suggests exploring what you got out of your marriage How Kimberly uses hypnotherapy to help people imagine a life beyond divorce Kimberly’s advice for navigating a divorce you didn’t choose
Connect with Kimberly Kelley
Body Mind Spirit Healing Arts: https://kimberly-kelley.com/ Kimberly on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kimberly.dyer.kelley Email kimberlykelleyauthor@gmail.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
No Blame No Shame: Living an Empowered Life After Divorce by Kimberly Kelley: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C6YPXH3J?ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_9TSY3G3AE7589AQ5ARWK&tag=kpembed-20&linkCode=kpe Peggy McColl’s Power Life Script: https://go.peggymccoll.com/powerlifescript-special-promotion
Wonder what your kids are experiencing during the divorce process? What if you could ask adult children of divorce for advice?
Grace Casper became a child of divorce at the age of eight. By age 10, she had written the first draft of her book, Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper.
Today, Grace runs Divorce Tips from Kids, a platform dedicated to helping families navigate divorce, and hosts Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew, a podcast about divorce from the kids’ perspective.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Grace joins Katherine to describe the pressure she felt to be the source of her parents’ happiness after their divorce.
Grace explains what inspired her to write about her parents’ divorce and how we can apply Grace’s story in Dear Parents to our own individual circumstances.
Listen in for insight on the commoditization of kids in divorce negotiations and learn how Grace’s resources can help you improve the experience of divorce for your children.
Topics Covered
What adult children of divorce would like to go back in time and tell their parents The pressure Grace felt to be the source of her parents’ happiness after their divorce Why so many children of divorce see themselves as peacekeepers The power of apologizing to your child when you make a mistake as a parent What inspired Grace to journal about her parents’ divorce when she was 10 years old How Grace turned her original 10 tips for kids into a book for divorced parents How Grace learned to let go of her bitterness & resentment and forgive her dad How you can apply Grace’s advice in Dear Parents to your own situation How divorce lawyers, coaches and therapists can use Grace’s resources to serve clients How Grace thinks about the commoditization of kids in divorce negotiations Grace’s advice on keeping your children at the forefront of your thinking in divorce
Connect with Grace Casper
Divorce Tips from Kids: https://www.divorcetipsfromkids.com/ Divorce Tips on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcetipsfromkids/ Divorce Tips on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/divorcetipsfromkids/ Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew Podcast: https://www.divorcetipsfromkids.com/podcast
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper: https://www.divorcetipsfromkids.com/dear-parents-notes-from-a-child-of-divorce
Divorce makes us feel vulnerable. And many of us lawyer up and come out swinging to protect ourselves.
But what if there’s a more effective way to reach an agreement with your ex? What if a little self-reflection early on can help you improve the process of working with a divorce professional?
Jacinta Gallant is a respected lawyer, mediator and educator recognized internationally for her innovative approach to conflict resolution training. Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes resources for divorce professionals help their clients prepare for effective dispute resolution.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jacinta joins Katherine to share her journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator, describing how she leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need.
Jacinta walks us through the reflection questions she encourages people to ask themselves before they meet with a divorce lawyer and explains how divorce attorneys serve clients better when they don’t pretend to have all the answers.
Listen in to understand why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging and get Jacinta’s advice on using divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery and catalyst for a better life!
Topics Covered
- Jacinta’s journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator
- Why divorce attorneys can’t serve clients well when we pretend to have all the answers
- How Jacinta leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need
- What Jacinta learned by asking clients what it was like to work with her
- How Jacinta’s reflection questions help clients get to know themselves better
- How Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes workbook is delivered through the services of a collaborative divorce professional
- The benefit of reflecting on your hopes and fears re: parenting and finances before you meet with a divorce lawyer
- Why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging
- Divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery + catalyst for a better life
Connect with Jacinta Gallant
Jacinta’s Website
The Authentic Professional Podcast
Our Family in Two Homes
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding in Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Dr. Cheryl Picard’s Insight Approach to Conflict Resolution
Going Steady: A Toolkit for Building Our Future Together by Jacinta Gallant
Worried thoughts about the future generate anxiety. And divorce begets an uncertain future.
So, it’s no surprise that anxiety is such a common emotion in divorce.
But how do you navigate that anxiety without getting overwhelmed in the process?
Bernadette Purcell is Founder of Shore Behavioral Health, a practice that helps patients with anxiety disorders enjoy more fulfilling lives and supports individuals and couples through all phases of divorce.
A licensed clinical social worker in private practice since 2008, Bernadette is also the author of Divorced as F* in Seven Spiritual Steps.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bernadette joins Katherine to discuss how worry impacts the divorce process and what to do about it.
Bernadette explains how to prevent worry from turning into anxiety, challenging you to surrender to the fact that divorce is happening and leverage acceptance to take the next right step for you.
Listen in for insight on getting comfortable with uncertainty and learn Bernadette’s top stress management interventions for managing the anxiety of divorce.
Topics Covered
How thoughts about the future generate anxiety Bernadette’s strategy for bringing yourself back to the present moment How to prevent worry from turning into anxiety What inspired Bernadette to write Divorced as F* How Bernadette defines spirituality as learning something that resonates and then truly living it Why it’s crucial to surrender to the fact that divorce is happening Why it’s a mistake to discontinue stress management interventions when you start to feel better How anxiety impacts the divorce process Bernadette’s advice for getting comfortable with uncertainty What to do if divorce is making you anxious about the future
Connect with Bernadette Purcell
Shore Behavioral Health: http://www.shorebehavioralhealth.net/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Divorced as F* in Seven Spiritual Steps by Bernadette Purcell: https://www.bernadettepurcell.com/
Divorce makes us feel vulnerable. And many of us lawyer up and come out swinging to protect ourselves.
But what if there’s a more effective way to reach an agreement with your ex? What if a little self-reflection early on can help you improve the process of working with a divorce professional?
Jacinta Gallant is a respected lawyer, mediator and educator recognized internationally for her innovative approach to conflict resolution training.
Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes resources for divorce professionals help their clients prepare for effective dispute resolution.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jacinta joins Katherine to share her journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator, describing how she leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need.
Jacinta walks us through the reflection questions she encourages people to ask themselves before they meet with a divorce lawyer and explains how divorce attorneys serve clients better when they don’t pretend to have all the answers.
Listen in to understand why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging and get Jacinta’s advice on using divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery and catalyst for a better life!
Topics Covered
Jacinta’s journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator Why divorce attorneys can’t serve clients well when we pretend to have all the answers How Jacinta leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need What Jacinta learned by asking clients what it was like to work with her How Jacinta’s reflection questions help clients get to know themselves better How Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes workbook is delivered through the services of a collaborative divorce professional The benefit of reflecting on your hopes and fears re: parenting and finances before you meet with a divorce lawyer Why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging Divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery + catalyst for a better life
Connect with Jacinta Gallant
Jacinta’s Website: https://jacintagallant.ca/ The Authentic Professional Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2WY6tXaASxiQkXBWebQmSY Our Family in Two Homes: https://intwohomes.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Dr. Cheryl Picard’s Insight Approach to Conflict Resolution: https://www.collaborativepractice.com/system/files/The Insight Approach and CP - essay.pdf Going Steady: A Toolkit for Building Our Future Together by Jacinta Gallant: https://goingsteadytoolkit.com/
If your marriage is ending, you may be convinced that things will never be good again.
But what if I told you there is a way to stay positive, even during a divorce? To feel less vulnerable in stressful situations? And change the dynamic of conversations with your ex?
Bill Carmody serves as Chief Coaching Officer for Positive Intelligence, where he oversees the application of mental fitness for thousands of coaches worldwide.
Bill is also the author of the bestselling book The 3 Rules of Marriage, and he is dedicated to being an inspirational leader who creates breakthroughs for himself and solves problems for others.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill joins Katherine to explain how Positive Intelligence strategies can help you be less reactive in stressful situations and stay positive regardless of your circumstances.
Bill shares his approach to making progress in high-conflict conversations, challenging us to develop mental fitness and stop the cycle of judgement when we feel criticized by our ex.
Listen in for Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your fully present self and learn how to leverage Positive Intelligence to focus on the outcomes you want during a divorce.
Topics Covered
How Positive Intelligence helps us stay positive regardless of our circumstances
What happens when we let our emotions run us in the process of divorce
Using Positive Intelligence to feel less vulnerable and be less reactive in stressful situations
How to adjust your autonomic nervous system to cultivate a sense of calm
Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your body and being fully present in the moment
Bill’s strategies for changing the dynamic of conversations in high-conflict circumstances
How mental fitness allows you to focus on the outcome you want in divorce
Bill’s 3 rules of marriage (don’t keep score, show appreciation & don’t go to bed angry)
Why we tend to judge others when we feel criticized and how to stop that cycle
How PQ Reps can help people who are contemplating or navigating divorce
Why Bill recommends coaching to help you focus on what’s important in divorce
Connect with Bill Carmody
Positive Intelligence
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
The 3 Rules of Marriage by Bill and Elena Carmody
The Saboteur Assessment
If your marriage is ending, you may be convinced that things will never be good again.
But what if I told you there is a way to stay positive, even during a divorce? To feel less vulnerable in stressful situations? And change the dynamic of conversations with your ex?
Bill Carmody serves as Chief Coaching Officer for Positive Intelligence, where he oversees the application of mental fitness for thousands of coaches worldwide.
Bill is also the author of the bestselling book The 3 Rules of Marriage, and he is dedicated to being an inspirational leader who creates breakthroughs for himself and solves problems for others.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill joins Katherine to explain how Positive Intelligence strategies can help you be less reactive in stressful situations and stay positive regardless of your circumstances.
Bill shares his approach to making progress in high-conflict conversations, challenging us to develop mental fitness and stop the cycle of judgement when we feel criticized by our ex.
Listen in for Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your fully present self and learn how to leverage Positive Intelligence to focus on the outcomes you want during a divorce.
Topics Covered
How Positive Intelligence helps us stay positive regardless of our circumstances What happens when we let our emotions run us in the process of divorce Using Positive Intelligence to feel less vulnerable and be less reactive in stressful situations How to adjust your autonomic nervous system to cultivate a sense of calm Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your body and being fully present in the moment Bill’s strategies for changing the dynamic of conversations in high-conflict circumstances How mental fitness allows you to focus on the outcome you want in divorce Bill’s 3 rules of marriage (don’t keep score, show appreciation & don’t go to bed angry) Why we tend to judge others when we feel criticized and how to stop that cycle How PQ Reps can help people who are contemplating or navigating divorce Why Bill recommends coaching to help you focus on what’s important in divorce
Connect with Bill Carmody
Positive Intelligence: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The 3 Rules of Marriage by Bill and Elena Carmody: https://www.threerulesofmarriage.com/free The Saboteur Assessment: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/
According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a spouse.
And that stress has an impact on our food choices and overall health.
So, how might we leverage integrative nutrition to make positive, lasting lifestyle changes while we’re coping with divorce?
Suzy Wood is the Integrative Nutrition Health Coach behind True Wellness Within, a platform that helps people make healthy food and lifestyle choices and rebuild their lives after the stress of divorce.
Suzy’s divorce was a calling card to reinvent herself, inspiring her to leave a career in high tech marketing to start her own business and live her best life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Suzy joins Katherine to discuss the 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life.
Suzy shares tips for finding an avenue for self-care to help you detox during or after divorce and discusses the importance of discerning what divorce advice works for you—and what doesn’t.
Listen in for Suzy’s techniques to navigate the stressful moments of a divorce negotiation and learn how to leverage divorce as an opportunity to transform your life!
Topics Covered
How divorce gave Suzy the opportunity to transform her outlook on life How integrative nutrition looks at both lifestyle factors and the foods you eat The 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life How the stress of divorce impacts our food choices and overall health Suzy’s tips for finding an avenue for self-care to detox during/after divorce Why Suzy suggests having an outlet to discuss divorce beyond friends and family How to discern what divorce advice works for you and what doesn’t What Suzy says to people who are afraid of divorce and don’t know what to do How Suzy’s coaching program helps people make lasting lifestyle changes Stress-reduction techniques to use during triggering events in divorce
Connect with Suzy Wood
True Wellness Within: https://www.truewellnesswithin.com/ True Wellness on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truewellnesswithin/ Suzy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/suzanne-wood-true-wellness-within/ Email suzy@truewellnesswithin.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Divorce Detox Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1634325603620269
Traditional coparenting arrangements put the focus on the divorcing couple. They establish new, separate households, and the kids go back and forth.
But what happens if you shift your focus and build a coparenting plan around the children?
When Bill DeSalvo’s ex-wife introduced him to the idea of nesting, he had misgivings. But he was open to the alternative because of its benefits for his kids.
On the last episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill’s ex-wife, Beth Behrendt, walked us through the fundamentals of nesting, a coparenting strategy in which the children stay in the family home and the parents move in and out.
Today, Bill joins Katherine to discuss the experience of nesting from his perspective, sharing the logistical questions he had around how it would work and how their arrangement has evolved over time.
Bill explains what he learned about himself through nesting and describes the mutual respect he and Beth established by putting rules in place early on.
Listen in for Bill’s advice on building structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’ and find out if you have what it takes to make nesting work for your family.
Topics Covered
What differentiates nesting from traditional coparenting arrangements
How nesting puts the focus on the children vs. the couple getting divorced
Why Bill was receptive when his ex-wife introduced the idea of nesting
The logistical questions Bill had around how nesting would work
How Bill and his ex-wife’s nesting arrangement has evolved over time
What Bill learned about himself and how he grew as a person through nesting
Bill’s reaction to his ex-wife’s decision to write Nesting After Divorce
Bill’s insight on what it takes to make a nesting arrangement work
The rules Bill and his ex put in place early in their nesting arrangement
How to build structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’
Connect With Bill DeSalvo
Family Nesting
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Beth Behrendt on Divorce Dialogues EP202
Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt
Traditional coparenting arrangements put the focus on the divorcing couple. They establish new, separate households, and the kids go back and forth.
But what happens if you shift your focus and build a coparenting plan around the children?
When Bill DeSalvo’s ex-wife introduced him to the idea of nesting, he had misgivings. But he was open to the alternative because of its benefits for his kids.
On the last episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill’s ex-wife, Beth Behrendt, walked us through the fundamentals of nesting, a coparenting strategy in which the children stay in the family home and the parents move in and out.
Today, Bill joins Katherine to discuss the experience of nesting from his perspective, sharing the logistical questions he had around how it would work and how their arrangement has evolved over time.
Bill explains what he learned about himself through nesting and describes the mutual respect he and Beth established by putting rules in place early on.
Listen in for Bill’s advice on building structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’ and find out if you have what it takes to make nesting work for your family.
Topics Covered
What differentiates nesting from traditional coparenting arrangements How nesting puts the focus on the children vs. the couple getting divorced Why Bill was receptive when his ex-wife introduced the idea of nesting The logistical questions Bill had around how nesting would work How Bill and his ex-wife’s nesting arrangement has evolved over time What Bill learned about himself and how he grew as a person through nesting Bill’s reaction to his ex-wife’s decision to write Nesting After Divorce Bill’s insight on what it takes to make a nesting arrangement work The rules Bill and his ex put in place early in their nesting arrangement How to build structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’
Connect with Bill DeSalvo
Family Nesting: https://familynesting.org/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765 Resources
Beth Behrendt on Divorce Dialogues EP202: https://divorcedialogues.miller-law.com/make-divorce-easier-on-your-kids-with-nesting-with-beth-behrendt Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt: https://www.amazon.com/Nesting-After-Divorce-Co-Parenting-Family/dp/1454949791/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39FZ0XEIJ3SN3&keywords=nesting+after+divorce&qid=1671135810&s=books&sprefix=nesting+after+dicorce%2Cstripbooks%2C74&sr=1-1
Separated parents often worry about the upheaval a divorce causes in their kids’ lives, especially the stress that comes with moving back and forth between two households.
But what if you could give your children the security of staying in the family home?
Nesting allows kids to do just that. And it’s the parents who move in and out.
So, how does nesting work? Is it right for your family?
Beth Behrendt is the author of Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home. A freelance writer and single mother of three, Beth has shared her nesting experiences in several national publications, including The New York Times and Psychology Today.
She is also a regular contributor to Divorce Magazine and Laura Wasser’s It’s Over Easy. Beth built Family Nesting to offer advice to other families considering this unique approach to divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Beth joins Katherine to explain why she and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting and how the arrangement benefits their family.
Beth shares her take on nesting temporarily to make the transition to divorce easier, describing what the arrangement looks like for her family and how it’s evolved over the last nine years!
Listen in for Beth’s insight on explaining the nesting situation to a new dating partner and find out if co-parenting in the family home is right for you.
Topics Covered
How nesting allows kids to stay in the family home after divorce
How Beth’s personal experience inspired her to write Nesting After Divorce
Why Beth and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting
Beth’s take on nesting for a year or two to make the transition to divorce easier
How Beth, her ex and her kids benefit from the nesting arrangement
What the nesting arrangement looks like for Beth’s family (and how it evolved over the years)
How Beth and her ex worked out who was responsible for what, e.g.: shopping, laundry, etc.
Establishing rules re: introducing kids to new dating partners and allowing other adults to the nest
How to explain the nesting situation to a new dating partner
What qualities Beth’s ex has that made nesting work for them
How nesting impacted Beth’s relationship with her ex and how it evolved over time
Why nesting isn’t right for every family but can work for many
Connect With Beth Behrendt
Family Nesting
Family Nesting on Facebook
Family Nesting on Twitter
Beth on Twitter
Beth on Instagram
Beth on TikTok
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt
It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way by Laura A. Wasser
Separated parents often worry about the upheaval a divorce causes in their kids’ lives, especially the stress that comes with moving back and forth between two households.But what if you could give your children the security of staying in the family home?Nesting allows kids to do just that. And it’s the parents who move in and out. So, how does nesting work? Is it right for your family?Beth Behrendt is the author of Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home. A freelance writer and single mother of three, Beth has shared her nesting experiences in several national publications, including The New York Times and Psychology Today.She is also a regular contributor to Divorce Magazine and Laura Wasser’s It’s Over Easy. Beth built Family Nesting to offer advice to other families considering this unique approach to divorce.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Beth joins Katherine to explain why she and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting and how the arrangement benefits their family.Beth shares her take on nesting temporarily to make the transition to divorce easier, describing what the arrangement looks like for her family and how it’s evolved over the last nine years!Listen in for Beth’s insight on explaining the nesting situation to a new dating partner and find out if co-parenting in the family home is right for you.Topics Covered How nesting allows kids to stay in the family home after divorceHow Beth’s personal experience inspired her to write Nesting After DivorceWhy Beth and her ex-husband made the decision to try nestingBeth’s take on nesting for a year or two to make the transition to divorce easierHow Beth, her ex and her kids benefit from the nesting arrangementWhat the nesting arrangement looks like for Beth’s family (and how it evolved over the years)How Beth and her ex worked out who was responsible for what, e.g.: shopping, laundry, etc.Establishing rules re: introducing kids to new dating partners and allowing other adults to the nestHow to explain the nesting situation to a new dating partnerWhat qualities Beth’s ex has that made nesting work for themHow nesting impacted Beth’s relationship with her ex and how it evolved over timeWhy nesting isn’t right for every family but can work for manyConnect with Beth BehrendtFamily Nesting:https://familynesting.org/Family Nesting on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/familynesting.orgFamily Nesting on Twitter:https://twitter.com/familynestingBeth on Twitter:https://twitter.com/bethbehrendt?lang=enBeth on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/bethbehrendt/?hl=enBeth on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@bethbehrendtConnect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: oiiCall (914) 738-7765ResourcesNesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt:https://www.amazon.com/Nesting-After-Divorce-Co-Parenting-Family/dp/1454949791/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39FZ0XEIJ3SN3&keywords=nesting+after+divorce&qid=1671135810&s=books&sprefix=nesting+after+dicorce%2Cstripbooks%2C74&sr=1-1It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way by Laura A. Wasser:https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/it-doesnt-have-to-be-that-way-how-to-divorce-without-destroying-your-family-or-bankrupting-yourself_laura-a-wasser/1636713/item/27286672/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=pmax_high_vol_midlist_under_%2410&utm_adgroup=&utm_term=&utm_content=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmZejBhC_ARIsAGhCqncwxp8zb23HfEWYC7GEGIM50vaGJMsZnN9UVTJooWO507qOqOCYBtgaAmMIEALw_wcB#idiq=27286672&edition=8856959
At the beginning of a new romance, we’re not worried about repeating the unhealthy patterns that ended our previous relationships. We tell ourselves that this one is different.
But statistics tell a different story.
The divorce rate is 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% the third time around.
So, what’s behind those dismal statistics? And what can we do to heal a disappointing love life?
Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City. He also serves on the faculty of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis.
Dr. Jordan founded the Love Life Learning Center to help people strengthen their ability to form and sustain healthy relationships, and he is the author of Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Jordan joins Katherine to discuss the three features of a disappointing love life, describing how we unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.
Dr. Jordan explains how to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in relationships, challenging us to set up a marriage that nurtures the love experience and grows over time.
Listen in to understand when your marriage can be saved and when it’s time to divorce—and learn the first steps to healing your disappointing love life.
Topics Covered
The unhealthy patterns Dr. Jordan noticed in his practice that inspired Learn to Love
Dr. Jordan’s 3 features of a disappointing love life—repetition, replication and recreation
The case study of a client whose childhood experience with a violent father informed her disappointing love life
How we can’t control our experience of love but can set up a relationship that nurtures that experience
What it looks like to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in love relationships
Dr. Jordan’s insight on the value in looking at divorce as a learning experience
How an awareness of your psychological love life serves as the foundation of a growing relationship
How to know whether your marriage can be saved or if it’s time for divorce
Why after divorce is a good time to ‘work on your love life’
The first steps to examining your own love life and moving it in a healthier direction
Connect With Dr. Thomas Jordan
Love Life Learning Center
Love Life Learning Center on Facebook
Love Life Learning Center on Twitter
Love Life Learning Center on Instagram
Dr. Jordan on LinkedIn
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, PhD
At the beginning of a new romance, we’re not worried about repeating the unhealthy patterns that ended our previous relationships. We tell ourselves that this one is different.But statistics tell a different story. The divorce rate is 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% the third time around.So, what’s behind those dismal statistics? And what can we do to heal a disappointing love life?Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City. He also serves on the faculty of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis.Dr. Jordan founded the Love Life Learning Center to help people strengthen their ability to form and sustain healthy relationships, and he is the author of Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Jordan joins Katherine to discuss the three features of a disappointing love life, describing how we unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.Dr. Jordan explains how to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in relationships, challenging us to set up a marriage that nurtures the love experience and grows over time. Listen in to understand when your marriage can be saved and when it’s time to divorce—and learn the first steps to healing your disappointing love life.Topics Covered The unhealthy patterns Dr. Jordan noticed in his practice that inspired Learn to LoveDr. Jordan’s 3 features of a disappointing love life—repetition, replication and recreationThe case study of a client whose childhood experience with a violent father informed her disappointing love lifeHow we can’t control our experience of love but can set up a relationship that nurtures that experienceWhat it looks like to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in love relationshipsDr. Jordan’s insight on the value in looking at divorce as a learning experienceHow an awareness of your psychological love life serves as the foundation of a growing relationshipHow to know whether your marriage can be saved or if it’s time for divorceWhy after divorce is a good time to ‘work on your love life’ The first steps to examining your own love life and moving it in a healthier directionConnect with Dr. Thomas JordanLove Life Learning Center:https://lovelifelearningcenter.com/Love Life Learning Center on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Dr.ThomasJordan/?ref=tn_tnmnLove Life Learning Center on Twitter:https://twitter.com/LLLearningCtrLove Life Learning Center on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/lovelifelearningcenter/Dr. Jordan on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/drthomasjordan/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesLearn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, PhD:https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Love-Guide-Healing-Disappointing/dp/1543987877/ref=sr_1_1?crid=6UIMHWDD2O54&keywords=learn+to+love+guide+to+healing+your+disappointing+love+life&qid=1574997753&s=books&sprefix=Learn+to+Love,aps,147&sr=1-1
Many people are overburdened with expenses after divorce. So, what options do you have when the cost of living on your own becomes overwhelming and you get into financial trouble?Though it is a last resort, sometimes filing for bankruptcy is the best way to eliminate some of your debt and get back on your feet.So, how do divorce and bankruptcy law work together? What do you need to know about declaring bankruptcy in divorce?Dawn Kirby is the cofounder of Kirby Aisner & Curley LLP, a women-owned law firm that represents corporate and consumer debtors and creditors in bankruptcy and restructuring matters. Dawn has more than 25 years of experience as a bankruptcy attorney, and she cofounded the pro se bankruptcy clinic at Legal Services of the Hudson Valley, which provides bankruptcy counseling to individuals who fall below the Federal poverty line.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dawn joins Katherine to explain why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcy and when to file for chapter 7 versus chapter 13 bankruptcy.Dawn discusses why alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcy, sharing the case study of a client who fell behind on his domestic support obligations and used bankruptcy to get back on track.Listen in for Dawn’s insight on when it makes sense to declare bankruptcy and learn how the process can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorce.Topics Covered Why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcyHow bankruptcy can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorceWhat differentiates chapter 7 bankruptcy from chapter 13 bankruptcyWhy alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcyHow bankruptcy law allows for a repayment plan if you fall behind on domestic support obligationsDawn’s insight around how bankruptcy and divorce law work togetherDawn’s case study of a client who fell behind on his maintenance obligations and used bankruptcy to stop contempt proceedings and get back on trackWhen it makes sense for a couple to file for bankruptcy BEFORE they get divorcedHow bankruptcy impacts a divorcing couple who owns property togetherConnect with Dawn KirbyKirby Aisner & Curley LLP:https://kacllp.com/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesUS Federal Bankruptcy Law:https://www.uscourts.gov/services-forms/bankruptcy/bankruptcy-basics
If you’re going through a divorce, you’ve likely fallen into what David Emerald Womeldorff calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle or DDT.But this framework keeps you and your ex focused on your problems rather than the outcomes you want.So, what is the antidote to the toxicity of DDT? How do you shift out of fear and reactivity into creativity and empowerment?David is the Creator-in-Chief of The Empowerment Dynamic and Cofounder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center. He is also the bestselling author many books, including The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to explain the concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle, exploring how the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDT.David describes why we fall into the roles of victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorce and challenges us to leverage The Empowerment Dynamic as an antidote to DDT.Listen in for David’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorce and learn how to disrupt the pattern of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperation!Topics Covered The concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and how it worksWhat differentiates victimhood from victimizationHow the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDTWhy we fall into our roles as victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorceHow The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) serves as an antidote to the DDTThe TED roles of creator, challenger and coachWhy it’s challenging to shift our focus from problems to outcomesDavid’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorceDisrupting the patten of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperationConnect with David Emerald WomeldorffCenter for the Empowerment Dynamic:https://theempowermentdynamic.com/#updatesThe Empowerment Dynamic on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/theempowermentdynamicDavid on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-emerald-womeldorff-bab4494/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesThe Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic by David Emerald:https://www.amazon.com/POWER-TED-EMPOWERMENT-DYNAMIC-Anniversary/dp/0996871802The Karpman Drama Triangle:https://karpmandramatriangle.com/Karen Horney’s Interpersonal Theory of Adjustment:https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34748442/Oprah Interview with Adele:https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=432173685235996
Divorce leaves us overwhelmed and vulnerable, compromising our ability to parent well.
And despite our best intentions, we may inadvertently dismiss our kids’ feelings or put them in an uncomfortable position.
So, what can we do to gain a better understanding of what our children are going through during a divorce? How can we learn to coparent in a way that puts kids first?
Christina McGhee is the divorce-parenting expert behind Divorce and Children and author of the highly acclaimed book, Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids.
Christina is also the creator of the Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals and consulting producer of the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Christina joins Katherine to explain why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce and how to own it when you make a parenting mistake.
Christina describes how children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle to recognize their own needs as they become young adults.
Listen in for Christina’s advice on validating the way kids feel (without stepping in to fix the problem first) and learn how to choose professionals who take a child-centered approach to divorce.
How Christina’s parents’ divorce informs her work as a divorce-parenting expert
Why Christina credits her ‘bonus kids’ as her best teachers on parenting children of divorce
Why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce
The challenge of owning it when you make a mistake with your kids (and why it’s so important)
The premise behind the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years
How children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle with recognizing their own needs as they become young adults
How parents can be the best possible resource for kids who are navigating divorce
What it looks like to validate the way children of divorce feel without stepping in to fix the problem
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals
How to choose a divorce professional who takes a child-centered approach
Topics Covered
How Christina’s parents’ divorce informs her work as a divorce-parenting expert
Why Christina credits her ‘bonus kids’ as her best teachers on parenting children of divorce
Why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce
The challenge of owning it when you make a mistake with your kids (and why it’s so important)
The premise behind the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years
How children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle with recognizing their own needs as they become young adults
How parents can be the best possible resource for kids who are navigating divorce
What it looks like to validate the way children of divorce feel without stepping in to fix the problem
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals
How to choose a divorce professional who takes a child-centered approach
Connect With Christina McGhee
Divorce and Children
Christina on Instagram
Christina on Facebook
Christina on LinkedIn
Split Film
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding ConflictMiller Law GroupKatherine on LinkedInEmail: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids by Christina McGhee
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training
Ellen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP190
Ellen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP045
Divorce leaves us overwhelmed and vulnerable, compromising our ability to parent well.And despite our best intentions, we may inadvertently dismiss our kids’ feelings or put them in an uncomfortable position.So, what can we do to gain a better understanding of what our children are going through during a divorce? How can we learn to coparent in a way that puts kids first?Christina McGhee is the divorce-parenting expert behind Divorce and Children and author of the highly acclaimed book, Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids.Christina is also the creator of the Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals and consulting producer of the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Christina joins Katherine to explain why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce and how to own it when you make a parenting mistake.Christina describes how children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle to recognize their own needs as they become young adults.Listen in for Christina’s advice on validating the way kids feel (without stepping in to fix the problem first) and learn how to choose professionals who take a child-centered approach to divorce.Topics Covered How Christina’s parents’ divorce informs her work as a divorce-parenting expertWhy Christina credits her ‘bonus kids’ as her best teachers on parenting children of divorceWhy it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorceThe challenge of owning it when you make a mistake with your kids (and why it’s so important)The premise behind the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen YearsHow children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle with recognizing their own needs as they become young adultsHow parents can be the best possible resource for kids who are navigating divorceWhat it looks like to validate the way children of divorce feel without stepping in to fix the problemChristina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionalsHow to choose a divorce professional who takes a child-centered approachConnect with Christina McGheeDivorce and Children:https://divorceandchildren.com/Christina on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/divorceandchildren/Christina on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/divorceandchildrenChristina on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinamcghee/enSplit Film:https://www.splitfilm.org/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesParenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids by Christina McGhee:https://divorceandchildren.com/christinas-book-parenting-apart/Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training:https://divorceandchildren.com/co-parenting-specialist-training/Ellen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP190:https://divorcedialogues.miller-law.com/healing-conversations-with-children-of-divorce-with-ellen-brunoEllen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP045:https://divorcedialogues.miller-law.com/empowering-kids-to-share-their-experience-with-divorce/
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to lose your joy. You feel like you have every right to be down in the dumps.
This was certainly true for Connie Monroe, who threw herself a pity party with wine and cigarettes every night after work during her divorce.
But when she found out that her cousin had been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis was not good, Connie had an AHA moment.
She realized that divorce was not going to kill her, and it was an insult to her cousin to wallow. She recognized that joy was a choice.
And in 2008, Connie left her corporate finance career to build Monroe Coaching, a transformational coaching practice that helps women navigate fertility issues and divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Connie joins Katherine to discuss her book, Holding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce.
Connie shares the story of her own infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcile that ended in divorce.
Listen in for Connie’s advice on being completely honest with yourself about your marriage and learn how to avoid bickering over the small stuff and choose joy during a divorce.
Topics CoveredWhat it means to ‘hold onto joy’ through a divorce
How each of the 12 chapters in Connie’s book offers a strategy for holding onto joy
The AHA moment Connie realized divorce was not going to kill her
How to set an intention each morning to avoid bickering over the small stuff in divorce
The story of Connie’s infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcile
How Connie decided to pursue divorce once she uncovered her ex-husband’s double life
Connie’s advice around being completely honest with yourself about your marriage
How the skills Connie learned working in corporate finance inform her work as a divorce coach
The mistakes Connie made with finances in her marriage (despite working in the space)
Connie’s top advice for listeners considering divorce
Connect With Connie MonroeMonroe Coaching
Connie on Instagram
20/20 Retreats on Facebook
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesHolding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce by Constance J. Monroe
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to lose your joy. You feel like you have every right to be down in the dumps.This was certainly true for Connie Monroe, who threw herself a pity party with wine and cigarettes every night after work during her divorce.But when she found out that her cousin had been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis was not good, Connie had an AHA moment. She realized that divorce was not going to kill her, and it was an insult to her cousin to wallow. She recognized that joy was a choice.And in 2008, Connie left her corporate finance career to build Monroe Coaching, a transformational coaching practice that helps women navigate fertility issues and divorce.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Connie joins Katherine to discuss her book, Holding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce.Connie shares the story of her own infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcile that ended in divorce.Listen in for Connie’s advice on being completely honest with yourself about your marriage and learn how to avoid bickering over the small stuff and choose joy during a divorce.Topics Covered What it means to ‘hold onto joy’ through a divorceHow each of the 12 chapters in Connie’s book offers a strategy for holding onto joyThe AHA moment Connie realized divorce was not going to kill herHow to set an intention each morning to avoid bickering over the small stuff in divorceThe story of Connie’s infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcileHow Connie decided to pursue divorce once she uncovered her ex-husband’s double life Connie’s advice around being completely honest with yourself about your marriageHow the skills Connie learned working in corporate finance inform her work as a divorce coachThe mistakes Connie made with finances in her marriage (despite working in the space)Connie’s top advice for listeners considering divorceConnect with Connie MonroeMonroe Coaching:https://monroecoaching.com/Connie on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/constancejmonroe/20/20 Retreats on Facebook:http://bit.ly/3l1HL0hConnect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesHolding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce by Constance J. Monroe:https://www.amazon.com/Holding-onto-Through-Abandonment-Divorce/dp/1734284315
Divorce means accepting that things didn’t go as planned and adjusting to major changes in your life. It’s about taking on challenges you’re not prepared for at a time when your confidence is shot.
When Eykiena ‘Keena’ Crowley got divorced, she struggled with all of these issues too. But her background as a combat veteran in the US Army meant that she had practice adjusting to unanticipated change.
And she leveraged that military mindset to navigate her divorce. For Keena, giving up was not an option.
Today, Keena is Founder and CEO of My Thriving Life Academy, a company that empowers people to identify their inner gifts and elevate to their pinnacle in life.
Keena is also a divorce recovery coach, international speaker and author of A Superwoman’s Guide to Recovering After Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Keena joins Katherine to explain how the army prepared her for divorce and share her superwoman’s approach to recovering from the breakup of a marriage.
Keena walks us through the five major shifts women experience after divorce, discussing how to reinvent yourself, foster a growth mindset, and focus on the journey ahead.
Listen in for Keena’s insight on finding gratitude (even when things seem dark) and learn how to align yourself with the support you need to adapt to the circumstances and stay positive through divorce.
Topics CoveredThe skills Keena learned in the US Army that prepared her for divorce
How Keena describes her superwoman’s approach to recovering after divorce
5 major shifts women experience after divorce
- Identity
- Financial
- Social
- Perspective
- Mindset
Keena’s advice on adjusting to the changes associated with divorce
Why Keena suggests intentionally aligning yourself with support
How to practice positive mindset by acknowledging your wins every day
Keena’s insight on finding gratitude when things seem really dark
Connect With Eykiena 'Keena' CrowleyMy Thriving Life Academy
Keena Speaks
Keena on Facebook
Keena on LinkedIn
Keena on Instagram
Book a Free Call with Keena
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
But what if your experience doesn’t follow this linear pattern?
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating a divorce, you need tools to move through the trauma of loss and get to life on the other side.
Krista St. Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, post-traumatic growth and grief expert, and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast.
When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista's life was unexpectedly flipped upside down. Therapy helped her learn the tools she needed to move forward and build a future she could get excited about.
And now, she coaches other people through their grief and helps them love life again, too.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Krista joins Katherine to explain why the pop culture theory of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experience, challenging us to reframe our emotions not as problems to be solved but a valuable part of being human.
Krista offers advice on taking care of yourself after a divorce, describing the dual process theory of grief’s balanced approach to healing.
Listen in for insight on leveraging post-traumatic growth to change your life after a loss and learn Krista’s strategies for creating calm through the stress of divorce.
Topics CoveredHow her husband’s death led Krista to a career in life coaching
The similarities between becoming a widow and getting divorced
Why the 5 stages of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experience
Krista’s tips for taking care of yourself after a divorce
Why Krista likes the dual process theory of grief’s approach to healing
Tools for creating calm when you’re feeling anxious or stressed
The concept of disenfranchised grief and why it can be so isolating
How Krista helps people embrace post-traumatic growth
Making conscious decisions re: the direction of your life post-divorce
Connect With Krista St. GermainCoaching with Krista
Krista on Instagram
Krista on Facebook
The Widowed Mom Podcast
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesThe Five Stages of Grief
Divorce means accepting that things didn’t go as planned and adjusting to major changes in your life. It’s about taking on challenges you’re not prepared for at a time when your confidence is shot.When Eykiena ‘Keena’ Crowley got divorced, she struggled with all of these issues too. But her background as a combat veteran in the US Army meant that she had practice adjusting to unanticipated change.And she leveraged that military mindset to navigate her divorce. For Keena, giving up was not an option.Today, Keena is Founder and CEO of My Thriving Life Academy, a company that empowers people to identify their inner gifts and elevate to their pinnacle in life.Keena is also a divorce recovery coach, international speaker and author of A Superwoman’s Guide to Recovering After Divorce. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Keena joins Katherine to explain how the army prepared her for divorce and share her superwoman’s approach to recovering from the breakup of a marriage.Keena walks us through the five major shifts women experience after divorce, discussing how to reinvent yourself, foster a growth mindset, and focus on the journey ahead.Listen in for Keena’s insight on finding gratitude (even when things seem dark) and learn how to align yourself with the support you need to adapt to the circumstances and stay positive through divorce.Topics Covered The skills Keena learned in the US Army that prepared her for divorceHow Keena describes her superwoman’s approach to recovering after divorce5 major shifts women experience after divorce1.Identity2.Financial3.Social4.Perspective5.MindsetKeena’s advice on adjusting to the changes associated with divorceWhy Keena suggests intentionally aligning yourself with supportHow to practice positive mindset by acknowledging your wins every dayKeena’s insight on finding gratitude when things seem really darkConnect with Eykiena ‘Keena’ CrowleyMy Thriving Life Academy:https://www.mythrivinglifeacademy.com/Keena Speaks:https://www.keenaspeaks.com/Keena on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/coachingwithkeena/Keena on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachingwithkeenaKeena on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/coachingwithkeena/Book a Free Call with Keena:https://calendly.com/eykienaConnect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesA Superwoman’s Guide to Recovering After Divorce by Keena Crowley:https://www.mythrivinglifeacademy.com/bookKeena’s Free Gift:http://keenafreegift.com/
Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But what if your experience doesn’t follow this linear pattern?Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating a divorce, you need tools to move through the trauma of loss and get to life on the other side.Krista St. Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, post-traumatic growth and grief expert, and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista's life was unexpectedly flipped upside down. Therapy helped her learn the tools she needed to move forward and build a future she could get excited about. And now, she coaches other people through their grief and helps them love life again, too.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Krista joins Katherine to explain why the pop culture theory of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experience, challenging us to reframe our emotions not as problems to be solved but a valuable part of being human.Krista offers advice on taking care of yourself after a divorce, describing the dual process theory of grief’s balanced approach to healing.Listen in for insight on leveraging post-traumatic growth to change your life after a loss and learn Krista’s strategies for creating calm through the stress of divorce.Topics Covered How her husband’s death led Krista to a career in life coachingThe similarities between becoming a widow and getting divorcedWhy the 5 stages of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experienceKrista’s tips for taking care of yourself after a divorceWhy Krista likes the dual process theory of grief’s approach to healingTools for creating calm when you’re feeling anxious or stressedThe concept of disenfranchised grief and why it can be so isolatingHow Krista helps people embrace post-traumatic growthMaking conscious decisions re: the direction of your life post-divorceConnect with Krista St. GermainCoaching with Krista:https://www.coachingwithkrista.com/Krista on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachkrista/Krista on Facebook:https://m.facebook.com/coachingwithkrista/The Widowed Mom Podcast:https://www.coachingwithkrista.com/podcast/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesThe Five Stages of Grief:https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Most people think of narcissists as obnoxious and self-absorbed. They’re flashy, loud and charismatic. And it’s obvious that they’re looking out for #1.But a covert narcissist is much harder to identify. They are generally well-liked and well-respected by others. And the way they manipulate their partner is much more subtle and difficult to recognize. So, how do you know if you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Is there anything you can do to make the divorce process more manageable? Debbie Mirza is a speaker, singer/songwriter and restorative coach with expertise in helping people heal from covert narcissistic abuse.Debbie is also the bestselling author of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Debbie joins Katherine to discuss what differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert one, explaining why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in your marriage to a covert narcissist.Debbie walks us through the three phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist, describing how a covert narcissist cuts off their partner during the discard phase and makes divorce particularly brutal.Listen in for Debbie’s insight on choosing an attorney who understands narcissism and learn how to protect yourself and your children through divorce from a covert narcissist.Topics Covered What it means to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorderWhat differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert narcissistWhy it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in a covert narcissistDebbie’s advice for someone divorcing a covert narcissistThe type of person a covert narcissist targets for a relationshipHow a covert narcissist’s words and actions don’t matchHow a covert narcissist uses their partner as an energy supplyThe 3 phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist1.Love bombing2.Demeaning and devaluing3.DiscardWhat to look for in an attorney when divorcing a covert narcissistProtecting yourself and your children in divorce from a covert narcissistConnect with Debbie MirzaDebbie’s Website:https://www.debbiemirza.com/Debbie on Twitter:https://twitter.com/debmirzaDebbie on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/debbiemirzacoachingDebbie on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/debbiemirza_author/Debbie on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@debbiemirza1744Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesDSM-5 Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:https://www.mind-diagnostics.org/blog/narcissistic-personality/narcissistic-personality-disorder-dsm-5-criteria-and-treatment-optionThe Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza:https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Recognizing-Psychological/dp/099862134X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse by Debbie Mirza:https://www.amazon.com/Worthy-Love-Restorative-Narcissistic-Narcissism/dp/0998621382/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1637933306&sr=8-1The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation by Debbie Mirza:https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0998621307/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1
After 10 years of working in the divorce business, Judith Weigle reflected on the couples who were able to communicate well and navigate the process with less stress.
And she identified the elements of what she calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce.
So, what steps can you take to make your divorce more amicable and less acrimonious?
Judith is Founder of Divorce Resource, Inc., a firm that provides both mediation and filing services for divorces, legal separations, paternity cases, and post-judgment revisions of settlement agreements.
She has 12 years of experience as a mediator and 10 years in private practice family law. Judith also serves as host of The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to share the four ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce, explaining how to settle the emotional divorce before you file for a legal one.
Judith discusses how to compartmentalize your time, using work as a respite and scheduling specific times to address your divorce.
Listen in for Judith’s insight on developing a self-care program that includes laughter and learn the communication skills for conflict that will help you sustain a Heart-Healthy Divorce!
Topics CoveredThe 4 ingredients of what Judith calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce
- Settle the emotional divorce before filing for a legal divorce
- Learn how to compartmentalize your time
- Learn communication skills for conflict
- Develop a self-care program that includes laughter
Engaging a therapist or divorce coach to work through the emotional aspects of divorce
Why some attorneys take a scorched earth approach to divorce
How to use work as a respite and schedule specific times to address your divorce
The service Judith offers as a ‘paralegal on steroids’
A mediator’s role in helping divorcing couples come to settlement decisions
Getting educated on divorce law in your state as a first step in the divorce process
Connect With JudithDivorce Resource, Inc.
The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast
The Amicable Divorce Expert on Instagram
Judith on Facebook
Email judy@divorceresourceinc.com
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
After 10 years of working in the divorce business, Judith Weigle reflected on the couples who were able to communicate well and navigate the process with less stress.And she identified the elements of what she calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce.So, what steps can you take to make your divorce more amicable and less acrimonious? Judith is Founder of Divorce Resource, Inc., a firm that provides both mediation and filing services for divorces, legal separations, paternity cases, and post-judgment revisions of settlement agreements. She has 12 years of experience as a mediator and 10 years in private practice family law. Judith also serves as host of The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to share the four ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce, explaining how to settle the emotional divorce before you file for a legal one.Judith discusses how to compartmentalize your time, using work as a respite and scheduling specific times to address your divorce.Listen in for Judith’s insight on developing a self-care program that includes laughter and learn the communication skills for conflict that will help you sustain a Heart-Healthy Divorce!Topics Covered The 4 ingredients of what Judith calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce1.Settle the emotional divorce before filing for a legal divorce2.Learn how to compartmentalize your time3.Learn communication skills for conflict4.Develop a self-care program that includes laughterEngaging a therapist or divorce coach to work through the emotional aspects of divorceWhy some attorneys take a scorched earth approach to divorceHow to use work as a respite and schedule specific times to address your divorceThe service Judith offers as a ‘paralegal on steroids’A mediator’s role in helping divorcing couples come to settlement decisionsGetting educated on divorce law in your state as a first step in the divorce processConnect with Judith WeigleDivorce Resource, Inc.:https://divorceresourceinc.com/The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast:https://theamicabledivorceexpert.com/The Amicable Divorce Expert on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theamicabledivorceexpert/Judith on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JudithMWeigleEmail judy@divorceresourceinc.com Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesKatherine on The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast:https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=VzS5wNj32uABill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute:https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bill-eddyOn Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:https://www.amazon.com/Death-Dying-Doctors-Nurses-Families/dp/1476775540
Communication breakdown in a marriage often leads to divorce.
But the way your partner triggers your nervous system often has nothing to do with them and everything to do with trauma you’ve experienced in the past.
So, what if you could change the way your mind accesses that trauma and stay present with your partner in those moments?
Dr. Don Wood, PhD, is CEO of the Inspired Performance Institute and creator of the patented TIPP method for clearing the effects of traumatic events and rebooting the brain for peak performance.
Dr. Wood is also the author of two bestselling books, Emotional Concussions and You Must Be Out of Your Mind.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Wood joins Katherine to explain how communication breaks down when the mind perceives a threat and describe how his TIPP method neutralizes our fight-or-flight response.
Dr. Wood walks us through his memory reset process, weighing in on how unresolved trauma adversely effects our physical and mental health.
Listen in to understand how trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level and learn how to interrupt the trauma loop that threatens your marriage!
Topics CoveredThe communication breakdown in Dr. Wood’s marriage that inspired his work
How communication breaks down when our mind perceives a threat and activates our nervous system
Why it’s challenging for couples who’ve both experienced trauma to communicate effectively
How the TIPP method works to reset the way our mind accesses trauma
What Dr. Wood’s 4-hour memory reset process looks like
How unresolved trauma impacts our physical and mental health
How the excess cortisol associated with trauma leads to weight gain
Why Dr. Wood suggests that both people in a marriage clear their trauma
How trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level
Examples of professional athletes Dr. Wood has helped improve their performanceConnect With Dr. Don Wood
Inspired Performance Institute
Inspired Performance on Facebook
Inspired Performance on YouTube
Dr. Wood on LinkedIn
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesBooks by Dr. Don Wood
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
Adverse Childhood Experiences Study
Communication breakdown in a marriage often leads to divorce.But the way your partner triggers your nervous system often has nothing to do with them and everything to do with trauma you’ve experienced in the past.So, what if you could change the way your mind accesses that trauma and stay present with your partner in those moments?Dr. Don Wood, PhD, is CEO of the Inspired Performance Institute and creator of the patented TIPP method for clearing the effects of traumatic events and rebooting the brain for peak performance. Dr. Wood is also the author of two bestselling books, Emotional Concussions and You Must Be Out of Your Mind.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Wood joins Katherine to explain how communication breaks down when the mind perceives a threat and describe how his TIPP method neutralizes our fight-or-flight response.Dr. Wood walks us through his memory reset process, weighing in on how unresolved trauma adversely effects our physical and mental health.Listen in to understand how trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level and learn how to interrupt the trauma loop that threatens your marriage!Topics Covered The communication breakdown in Dr. Wood’s marriage that inspired his workHow communication breaks down when our mind perceives a threat and activates our nervous systemWhy it’s challenging for couples who’ve both experienced trauma to communicate effectivelyHow the TIPP method works to reset the way our mind accesses traumaWhat Dr. Wood’s 4-hour memory reset process looks likeHow unresolved trauma impacts our physical and mental healthHow the excess cortisol associated with trauma leads to weight gainWhy Dr. Wood suggests that both people in a marriage clear their traumaHow trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest levelExamples of professional athletes Dr. Wood has helped improve their performanceConnect with Dr. Don WoodInspired Performance Institute:https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/Inspired Performance on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/inspiredperformanceinstituteInspired Performance on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTKWCHeUmPZSqkvuRTblajADr. Wood on LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-don-wood-phd-a71b8412/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesBooks by Dr. Don Wood:https://www.inspiredperformanceinstitute.com/booksThinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman:https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555Adverse Childhood Experiences Study:https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html
Matthew Fray considered himself a good guy. He didn’t lie. He didn’t cheat. He wasn’t violent.
But his wife didn’t trust him, and the marriage ended in 2013.
What subtle cues did Matthew miss? What led his ex to believe she couldn’t count on him?
Today, Matthew is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did.
His work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic, among many other media outlets.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Matthew joins Katherine to discuss his book, This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships.
Matthew shares the mistakes he made in his own marriage, explaining why conversations broke down any time he disagreed with his ex’s thoughts or feelings.
Listen in for insight on what it means to be trustworthy in a relationship and learn how to honor your partner’s experience when they ask for help or tell you something’s wrong.
Topics Covered How journaling to understand his divorce led Matthew to write This Is How Your Marriage Ends* * Why conversations broke down any time Matthew’s disagreed with his ex-wife’s thoughts or feelings * Why it’s crucial to allow your partner the dignity to have their own perspective * How Matthew’s definition of ‘trustworthy’ includes being there when your partner needs you * Why relationships are not sustainable in the absence of trust * How honoring his ex-wife’s experience makes Matthew a more effective coparent * How Matthew made himself the victim every time his ex asked for help or said something was wrong * How failing to consider how your partner experiences you demonstrates a lack of respect
Connect With Matthew Fray
Matthew’s Website
Matthew on Twitter
Matthew on Facebook
Matthew on Instagram
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Matthew Fray considered himself a good guy. He didn’t lie. He didn’t cheat. He wasn’t violent.But his wife didn’t trust him, and the marriage ended in 2013.What subtle cues did Matthew miss? What led his ex to believe she couldn’t count on him?Today, Matthew is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did.His work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic, among many other media outlets.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Matthew joins Katherine to discuss his book, This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships.Matthew shares the mistakes he made in his own marriage, explaining why conversations broke down any time he disagreed with his ex’s thoughts or feelings.Listen in for insight on what it means to be trustworthy in a relationship and learn how to honor your partner’s experience when they ask for help or tell you something’s wrong.Topics Covered How journaling to understand his divorce led Matthew to write This Is How Your Marriage EndsWhy conversations broke down any time Matthew’s disagreed with his ex-wife’s thoughts or feelingsWhy it’s crucial to allow your partner the dignity to have their own perspectiveHow Matthew’s definition of ‘trustworthy’ includes being there when your partner needs youWhy relationships are not sustainable in the absence of trust How honoring his ex-wife’s experience makes Matthew a more effective coparentHow Matthew made himself the victim every time his ex asked for help or said something was wrongHow failing to consider how your partner experiences you demonstrates a lack of respectConnect with Matthew FrayMatthew’s Website:https://matthewfray.com/Matthew on Twitter:https://twitter.com/mbtttrMatthew on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/matthewfrayMBTTTR/Matthew on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/frayrelationships/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesThis Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships by Matthew Fray:https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships-ebook/dp/B097RPC1SD‘The Man Who Coaches Husbands on How to Avoid Divorce’ in The New York Times:https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/18/parenting/marriage-invisible-labor-coach.html‘She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink’ on Matthew’s Blog:https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
In 2013, Ellen Bruno released the documentary Split: Divorce Through Kids’ Eyes. In the film, 12 kids aged six to 12 share their experience of their parents’ divorce.Ten years later, Ellen sat down with the same 12 kids for a sequel, Split UP: The TEEN Years. What did she learn about how to best support children through the process of divorce?Ellen is an award-winning filmmaker with a background in international relief work. She is on a mission to change the culture of divorce in our country through her films and the Split Outreach Project.Ellen is also a recipient of both Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artist and the Shenkin Fellowship from the Yale University School of Art.On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ellen joins Katherine to explain how kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kids.Ellen shares key lessons from the new film, describing how much time and energy kids spend caretaking their divorced parents and why it’s crucial to tell your children that your divorce is not their fault.Listen in to understand how Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and find out how being heard helps children heal from divorce.Topics Covered How Ellen’s films give children the opportunity to share their experience of divorceWhat makes kids good ambassadors for changing the culture of divorce in this countryHow much time and energy children spend caretaking their divorced parentsEllen’s personal experience with divorce (as a child and adult) and how it inspired the creation of SplitHow kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kidsHow Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and make more skillful choicesThe universal truths that came out of Ellen’s interviews with children of divorceWhy it’s crucial to tell your kids that your divorce is NOT their faultThe profound relationship between parental cooperation in divorce and kids’ wellbeingWhy Ellen suggests opening up a dialogue on divorce with your childrenConnect with Ellen BrunoSplit Film:http://www.splitfilm.org/Split Film on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/splitfilmforkidsSplit Film on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/splitfilmforkids/Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765ResourcesSplit: Divorce Through Kids’ Eyes:https://missionfilms.gumroad.com/l/CrAnySplit UP: The TEEN Years:http://www.splitfilm.org/professional_video.htmlSplit Outreach Project:http://www.splitfilm.org/mailinglist.htmlSplit Guide:http://splitfilm.org/order.htmlEllen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP045:https://divorcedialogues.miller-law.com/empowering-kids-to-share-their-experience-with-divorce/Dr. Christina McGhee:https://divorceandchildren.com/about-christina-mcghee/
Most women realize that the right team can help us move through the divorce process more quickly and easily.
But what if you’ve already got a therapist and supportive friends and family—and you still feel stuck?
Wendy Sterling is a top divorce recovery coach and healer, life transition specialist and creator of The Divorce Rehab program. She also serves as host of The Divorced Woman’s Guide podcast.
Wendy helps newly divorced women who are having trouble moving forward find joy, self-worth and freedom, and her work has been featured on NBC, The List and Thrive Global, among many other media outlets.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Wendy joins Katherine to explain what differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist and describe how she helps divorced women identify what we want and build a vision for the future.
Wendy discusses what a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot and walks us through the five steps of her signature Divorce Rehab program.
Listen in for Wendy’s insight on giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce and learn how investing in a divorce coach can help YOU accelerate the healing process.
Topics Covered
What differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist How a divorce coach helps you focus on where you want to go based on where you are today How building the right support team accelerates your healing Why so many divorcing women don’t know what they want and how Wendy coaches them into a vision for the future What a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot Wendy’s 5-step Divorce Rehab program The spiritual aspect of Wendy’s Divorce Rehab program Giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce Why Wendy suggests inviting kids to therapy to process their parents’ divorce What Wendy would do differently in her own divorce
Connect with Wendy Sterling
Divorce Rehab with Wendy Sterling: https://wendysterling.net/ Divorce Rehab on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wendytsterling Divorce Rehab on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcerehabwithwendy/ The Divorced Woman’s Guide Podcast: https://wendysterling.net/podcast/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Do you have a hard time saying NO for fear of letting people down? Do you say YES out of obligation and then resent being coerced into something you didn’t really want to do?
To make relationships work, it’s important to set clear boundaries. But first, you’ve got to take the time to figure out what you want.
Leanne Kanzler is a psychologist and breakup coach who helps clients get to where they deserve to be, a happier and more content place within themselves.
Leanne has supported thousands of people on setting boundaries through her one-to-one coaching, group coaching, and Breakup to Breakthrough online program.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Leanne joins Katherine to explore how boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others and explain how to overcome the fear of telling someone what you want.
Leanne discusses the idea of a transformational breakup, describing how divorce can be an opportunity for self-discovery, growth and learning.
Listen in for Leanne’s insight on navigating loneliness after a breakup and learn how to make your relationships more fulfilling by establishing healthy, clear boundaries.
Topics Covered How Leanne’s own divorce led to a career as a psychologist and breakup coach
Why it’s crucial to set clear boundaries in relationships
How boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others
How a coach can help you develop the skill of setting clear boundaries
Reading body language and facial expression to determine if someone is hiding what they really want
Leanne’s advice on overcoming the fear of telling someone what you want
The idea of a transformational breakup and how divorce can be an opportunity for growth
Why we tend to date ‘the same person in a different body’
Why Leanne recommends waiting at least 6 months after a breakup to start dating again
How to handle loneliness on holidays and special occasions after a divorce
Connect With Leanne Kanzler Leanne’s Website
Transformational Breakup on Facebook
Transformational Breakup on Instagram
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Feng Shui
Do you have a hard time saying NO for fear of letting people down? Do you say YES out of obligation and then resent being coerced into something you didn’t really want to do?
To make relationships work, it’s important to set clear boundaries. But first, you’ve got to take the time to figure out what you want.
Leanne Kanzler is a psychologist and breakup coach who helps clients get to where they deserve to be, a happier and more content place within themselves.
Leanne has supported thousands of people on setting boundaries through her one-to-one coaching, group coaching, and Breakup to Breakthrough online program.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Leanne joins Katherine to explore how boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others and explain how to overcome the fear of telling someone what you want.
Leanne discusses the idea of a transformational breakup, describing how divorce can be an opportunity for self-discovery, growth and learning.
Listen in for Leanne’s insight on navigating loneliness after a breakup and learn how to make your relationships more fulfilling by establishing healthy, clear boundaries.
Topics Covered
How Leanne’s own divorce led to a career as a psychologist and breakup coach Why it’s crucial to set clear boundaries in relationships How boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others How a coach can help you develop the skill of setting clear boundaries Reading body language and facial expression to determine if someone is hiding what they really want Leanne’s advice on overcoming the fear of telling someone what you want The idea of a transformational breakup and how divorce can be an opportunity for growth Why we tend to date ‘the same person in a different body’ Why Leanne recommends waiting at least 6 months after a breakup to start dating again How to handle loneliness on holidays and special occasions after a divorce
Connect with Leanne Kanzler
Leanne’s Website: https://leannekanzler.com/ Transformational Breakup on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LeanneKanzlerTransformationalBreakup Transformational Breakup on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/The_Transformational_Breakup/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Neuro-Linguistic Programming: https://www.nlp.com/what-is-nlp/ Feng Shui: https://www.thespruce.com/what-is-feng-shui-1275060
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jennifer joins Katherine to explain what makes the transition to midlife tumultuous for many women and explore how to connect with yourself and create a vision of what you want out of life.
Jennifer discusses why women tend to discount our experiences and accomplishments, describing how to overcome limiting beliefs and rebuild trust in yourself after a divorce.
Listen in for Jennifer’s insight on writing a life resume and learn how to defy cultural stereotypes and make the transition to middle age with confidence!
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Connect With Jennifer Arthurton Old Chicks Know Sh*t
Old Chicks Know Podcast
Old Chicks Know on Instagram
Old Chicks Know on Facebook
Resources The Midlife Kickstarter Mastermind
Old Chicks Know Sh*t Facebook Group
When it comes to money management, many married women either defer to their partners or work out a financial division of labor.
But the paradigm shifts if you’re getting a divorce. And you may be insecure in your ability to manage money on your own for the first time.
So, how do you overcome the confidence gap and build a successful financial life for yourself post-divorce?
Harvard Business School Graduate and Money Mindset Coach Britt Williams Baker is Cofounder of Dow Janes, a financial education and empowerment platform that helps women pay off debt and get invested.
Britt and her business partner, Laurie-Anne, believe that everyone deserves the confidence, clarity and peace of mind that comes with having your finances handled. And to date, they’ve helped 8,000-plus women set up long-lasting money systems and invest for the first time.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Britt joins Katherine to discuss the concept of a money persona and explain why rewriting the story you’re telling yourself about money is the first step in having a healthy financial life.
Britt describes how to separate money facts from money feelings and walks us through the process of spending in alignment with our values.
Listen in for Britt’s insight on paying off debt quickly and learn how to develop a weekly ritual that makes money management a positive experience for you!
Topics Covered Overcoming the confidence gap when managing money on your own for the first time
How to uncover your subconscious money persona
Why rewriting your money persona is the first step in having a healthy financial life
When having a very different money persona from your partner is a problem
Some of the basic agreements you need to make before you merge finances with a partner
Deciding IF and HOW you want to share finances with a partner
Why it’s crucial to separate money facts from money feelings (and how to do it)
Britt’s top 2 strategies for paying off debt quickly
Why Britt suggests planning a weekly money ritual
How to spend money in alignment with your values—even after a divorce
Thinking about Future You as a way to frame long-term financial planning
Connect With Britt Baker Dow Janes
Dow Janes on Instagram
Dow Janes on Facebook
Dow Janes on Pinterest
Dow Janes on YouTube
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
So, you’d like to take the high road in your divorce, but you’re afraid you’ll get screwed in the process.
If you ask Andy Heller, that is a flawed way to look at things. In fact, he contends that there’s a positive correlation between conflict and cost in divorce.
And you can save money and protect your health and wellbeing by letting some things go and incorporating empathy into actions that affect your ex.
Andy is the author of Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family, a roadmap of best practices to make divorce easier for you, your children and your former spouse.
In the book, Andy leverages his personal experience with divorce and background as businessman and real estate investor to communicate practical strategies that replace battleground tactics with a healthy, supportive process that works for all involved.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Andy joins Katherine to share the business skills that helped him navigate divorce effectively, like presenting two offers in a negotiation and using the timecard tool in high-conflict situations.
Andy explains why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex is criticizing you!) and explores how to cultivate patience as your kids adjust to new circumstances.
Listen in for Andy’s insight on communicating with your ex-spouse as coparents and learn how to reduce conflict and save money by taking the high road in a divorce negotiation.
Topics Covered How his experience of divorce inspired Andy to write Take the High Road
Why you actually save money by reducing the number of conflict points in a divorce
The benefit of focusing on the outcome you want vs. making your ex pay
Why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex criticizes you)
What business skills Andy recommends to help divorcing people coparent effectively
Andy’s strategy of presenting two offers in negotiating an MSA
How to offset the concern that you’re compromising too early in divorce negotiations
Using the business tool of the timecard in a high-conflict divorce
Andy’s advice on communicating in coparenting with questions and deferring to your ex for solutions
How to cultivate patience and help your kids adjust to new circumstances
Connect With Andy Heller Take the High Road to Divorce
Email andy@takethehighroaddivorce.com
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family by Andy Heller
So, you’d like to take the high road in your divorce, but you’re afraid you’ll get screwed in the process.
If you ask Andy Heller, that is a flawed way to look at things. In fact, he contends that there’s a positive correlation between conflict and cost in divorce.
And you can save money and protect your health and wellbeing by letting some things go and incorporating empathy into actions that affect your ex.
Andy is the author of Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family, a roadmap of best practices to make divorce easier for you, your children and your former spouse.
In the book, Andy leverages his personal experience with divorce and background as businessman and real estate investor to communicate practical strategies that replace battleground tactics with a healthy, supportive process that works for all involved.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Andy joins Katherine to share the business skills that helped him navigate divorce effectively, like presenting two offers in a negotiation and using the timecard tool in high-conflict situations.
Andy explains why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex is criticizing you!) and explores how to cultivate patience as your kids adjust to new circumstances.
Listen in for Andy’s insight on communicating with your ex-spouse as coparents and learn how to reduce conflict and save money by taking the high road in a divorce negotiation.
Topics Covered
How his experience of divorce inspired Andy to write Take the High Road Why you actually save money by reducing the number of conflict points in a divorce The benefit of focusing on the outcome you want vs. making your ex pay Why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex criticizes you) What business skills Andy recommends to help divorcing people coparent effectively Andy’s strategy of presenting two offers in negotiating an MSA How to offset the concern that you’re compromising too early in divorce negotiations Using the business tool of the timecard in a high-conflict divorce Andy’s advice on communicating in coparenting with questions and deferring to your ex for solutions How to cultivate patience and help your kids adjust to new circumstances
Connect with Andy Heller
Take the High Road to Divorce: https://takethehighroaddivorce.com/ Email andy@takethehighroaddivorce.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family by Andy Heller: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1940013941/ref=cm_sw_r_api_i_VTQAP10J5N8HJ8MAYJ49_0
Divorce is scary, especially if you're not confident in your ability to manage money independently.
But what if the end of your marriage is not the financial Armageddon you fear? What if it's actually an opportunity to take control of your financial future?
David Stolz is a certified public accountant, personal financial specialist and certified divorce financial analyst.
David has more than 20 years of experience working in the areas of tax and divorce financial planning, and he's the author the new release Women, Divorce and Money: Taking Control of Your Finances and Your Future.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to discuss what inspired him to write the book and why it focuses specifically on women.
David shares his experience with clients in a contested divorce, describing why it's crucial to understand the whole picture of what you owe and what you own before you negotiate a divorce settlement.
Listen in for David's insight on making clear financial decisions in a stressful time and learn how he helps women build confidence and take control of their finances.
Divorce is scary, especially if you're not confident in your ability to manage money independently.
But what if the end of your marriage is not the financial Armageddon you fear? What if it's actually an opportunity to take control of your financial future?
David Stolz is a certified public accountant, personal financial specialist and certified divorce financial analyst.
David has more than 20 years of experience working in the areas of tax and divorce financial planning, and he's the author the new release Women, Divorce and Money: Taking Control of Your Finances and Your Future.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to discuss what inspired him to write the book and why it focuses specifically on women.
David shares his experience with clients in a contested divorce, describing why it's crucial to understand the whole picture of what you owe and what you own before you negotiate a divorce settlement.
Listen in for David's insight on making clear financial decisions in a stressful time and learn how he helps women build confidence and take control of their finances.
Topics Covered
How to see divorce as a financial opportunity rather than financial Armageddon Shifting from shared responsibility in marriage to taking control of your personal finances How David helps clients draft a spending plan (and why he's not a fan of the term budget) David's experience with clients in a contested divorce Why it's crucial to understand the whole picture of what you own and what you owe before you negotiate a divorce settlement What inspired David to write Women, Divorce and Money and why the book focuses on women How the stressors of divorce impact our ability to make clear decisions How money conflicts in a divorce relate to security, self-esteem and ego David's challenge to women to be strong and strategic in negotiating a divorce settlement David's advice on building a team of experts and being mindful of who you listen to
Connect with David Stolz
Women, Divorce and Money: https://www.david-stolz.com/ David on Twitter: https://twitter.com/stolz_dave David on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stolz_dave/ David on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/davidstolzauthor
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Women, Divorce and Money: Taking Control of Your Finances and Your Future by David Stolz: https://www.amazon.com/Women-Divorce-Money-Control-Finances-ebook/dp/B09VQ2JMGX
If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, you’ve probably had enough with lawyers. So, why should you consider hiring yet another attorney?
Because if you fail to enlist the help of a lawyer who specializes in estate planning and asset protection, your ex-spouse will have the power to make important decisions about your life. Decisions you no longer trust them to make.
Asset Protection Advocate Harry Barth is Founder and Senior Managing Partner at Barth Calderon, LLP and coauthor of the book Planning Today for All Your Tomorrows.
A nationally recognized speaker on estate, business and asset protection planning, Harry has 40-plus years of experience helping thousands of families protect the assets they’ve worked hard to build.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Harry joins Katherine to explain why he suggests modifying healthcare directives, powers of attorney, wills and trusts in the early stages of divorce.
He encourages us to make decisions about the division of assets in the form of a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, describing how this kind of proactive planning around money strengthens a marriage.
Listen in for Harry’s insight on the challenges associated with estate planning for the blended family and learn how an asset protection attorney can serve you during and after a divorce.
If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, you’ve probably had enough with lawyers. So, why should you consider hiring yet another attorney?
Because if you fail to enlist the help of a lawyer who specializes in estate planning and asset protection, your ex-spouse will have the power to make important decisions about your life. Decisions you no longer trust them to make.
Asset Protection Advocate Harry Barth is Founder and Senior Managing Partner at Barth Calderon, LLP and coauthor of the book Planning Today for All Your Tomorrows.
A nationally recognized speaker on estate, business and asset protection planning, Harry has 40-plus years of experience helping thousands of families protect the assets they’ve worked hard to build.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Harry joins Katherine to explain why he suggests modifying healthcare directives, powers of attorney, wills and trusts in the early stages of divorce.
He encourages us to make decisions about the division of assets in the form of a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, describing how this kind of proactive planning around money strengthens a marriage.
Listen in for Harry’s insight on the challenges associated with estate planning for the blended family and learn how an asset protection attorney can serve you during and after a divorce.
Topics Covered
Why Harry suggests modifying healthcare directives and powers of attorney in the early stages of divorce Harry’s advice on modifying wills and trusts as part of the divorce process How to create a new will before you know what the property division of your divorce settlement will be What can happen if you ignore estate planning and asset protection in divorce The benefit of putting together a special asset protection trust in conjunction with a prenuptial agreement Using a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement to name what assets will and will not be divided when a marriage ends Why It's a good idea to make decisions about the division of assets while you’re still in a loving place How premarital planning around money strengthens a marriage The challenges associated with blended family estate planning and how to ensure your plans for your children are irrevocable
Connect with Harry Barth
Barth Calderon LLP: https://barthattorneys.com/ Email harry@barthattorneys.com Call (714) 704-4828
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
It’s easy to blame your exes for failed relationships. And believe that if you could just FIND the right partner, then you’d have lasting love.
But what if you need to BE the right partner in order to build a great relationship?
Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach and a nationally recognized expert in the field of attraction and conscious relationships. For the last 15 years, Roy has supported single people in the art of attracting healthy, sustainable intimate relationships.
Roy also serves as host of The Attracting Lasting Love Podcast and bestselling author of several books, including Relationship Bootcamp: Hard-Core Training for Life, Love and the Pursuit of Intimacy.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Roy joins Katherine to explore how his own positive experience with a relationship coach inspired his career in the field and explain why we have to let go of blame to break the cycle of breakups.
Roy discusses the concept of relationship personas, describing how each persona attracts its reciprocal and why Roy the Rescuer developed a pattern of dating damsels in distress.
Listen in for Roy’s insight on transforming the relationship you’re already in and learn how to build a healthy, long-term relationship by getting into ‘relationship shape.’
Topics Covered
How Roy’s experience with a relationship coach inspired his career in the field Roy’s mission to help others break the vicious cycle of breakups Why you have to let go of blame and finger pointing to become coachable The concept of relationship personas and how each persona attracts its reciprocal Why Roy the Rescuer attracted damsels in distress Discovering your relationship persona and uncovering your authentic self Why being the right partner is key in building a healthy, sustainable relationship How to make the relationship you’re in better by getting into ‘relationship shape’ How to build the relationship muscle of letting go of the past
Connect with Roy Biancalana
Coaching with Roy: https://coachingwithroy.com/ The Attracting Lasting Love Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-attracting-lasting-love-podcast/id1561528328
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Roy’s Relationship Fitness Self-Assessment: https://coachingwithroy.com/the-relationship-fitness-self-test/ Relationship Bootcamp: Hard-Core Training for Life, Love and the Pursuit of Intimacy by Roy Biancalana: https://coachingwithroy.com/roy-biancalanas-book/
Assisted reproductive technology has dramatically changed the concept of family. And it wasn’t until the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) went into effect that the law in New York finally caught up with how children are being conceived.
But what happens if the parents of a child conceived with assisted reproduction get divorced?
Denise Seidelman is Cofounder of Rumbold and Seidelman, a firm specializing in adoption and reproductive law.
She served on the Board of Trustees for the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys and was one of three attorneys who drafted the CPSA.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Denise joins Katherine to share the definition of assisted reproduction and explain how it works biologically and legally.
She describes how the Child-Parent Security Act revised parentage law, creating security for intended parents using assisted reproduction and making compensated surrogacy legal in New York.
Listen in for insight into how assisted reproduction impacts marriages and find out what happens to a frozen embryo in the event of a divorce.
Topics Covered
The definition of assisted reproduction and how it works biologically and legally Why genetics is no longer a factor in determining who’s a parent How the Child-Parent Security Act revised parentage law in New York State What the CPSA does to create security for parents of children conceived via assisted reproduction Examples of difficult legal cases involving sperm donors before the CPSA What it means to have a child through surrogacy How the CPSA made compensated surrogacy legal in New York The protections for surrogates and intended parents in the new law How assisted reproduction impacts marriages Denise’s insight on what happens to a frozen embryo in the event of a divorce
Connect with Denise Seidelman
Rumbold & Seidelman: https://adoptionlawny.com/ Rumbold & Seidelman on Twitter: https://twitter.com/adoptionlawnynj Rumbold & Seidelman on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RumboldandSeidelman
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Child-Parent Security Act: https://www.health.ny.gov/vital_records/child_parent_security_act/
Divorce makes most people feel isolated and alone. But what if you had a friend going through the process at the same time? Someone to lean on for support and share your experiences?
Jessica Klingbaum and T.H. Irwin went through a divorce at the same time, and that shared experience inspired the two friends to found exEXPERTS, a vetted online resource and community for women navigating divorce.
Prior to cofounding exEXPERTS, Jessica spent 22 years as a network news producer, and T.H. built a career in experiential marketing and business development for the media industry.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jessica and T.H. join Katherine to explain how they benefitted from getting divorced at the same time and explore how supporting each other through the process led to the creation of exEXPERTS.
They discuss the similarities and differences between their divorce processes, describing how Jessica experienced a relatively short, amicable divorce while T.H. endured a long, litigious one.
Listen in for T.H. and Jessica’s insight on how to know your marriage is bad enough to walk away and learn where to go for support, education and empowerment as you navigate divorce.
Topics Covered
How getting divorced at the same time benefitted Jessica & T.H. What differentiated T.H.’s long, litigious divorce from Jessica’s relatively short, amicable one How to know if your marriage is bad enough to walk away How supporting each other through divorce inspired T.H. & Jessica to build exEXPERTS How exEXPERTS serves as a vetted online resource and community for women exEXPERTS' purpose to empower, connect and educate women in the divorce process T.H. & Jessica’s advice on coming to terms with your feelings Why Jessica was able to maintain a close friendship with her ex while T.H. endured an acrimonious divorce How a cheating spouse’s remorse can turn to rage Why T.H. & Jessica suggest getting educated on your options first
Connect with Jessica Klingbaum & T.H. Irwin
exEXPERTS: https://exexperts.com/ exEXPERTS on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@exexperts exEXPERTS on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/exEXPERTS/ exEXPERTS on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/exEXPERTS/ Divorce etc... Podcast: https://exexperts.com/thepodcast/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce can often be the impetus for changing the way we parent into a new child-centered approach.
Dr. Julie Varner is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting and family life, including divorce and family transitions. As a married mother of four, she brings compassion and understanding to her professional work and a passion for raising and loving the little people in our lives. Besides her clinical work, she helps families through Instagram at Divorce Doodles and her children's books that explore ways to help free kids from big life burdens so they can get back to being kids.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Varner joins Katherine to discuss how to relate to your children in an emotionally warm way while still offering behavioral support and guidance through positive parenting.
Listen in as Dr. Varner shares why positive parenting works. She offers insight into why divorce is an optimal time to transition your parenting style to help facilitate cognitive and social competencies so your child can succeed in the real world and cultivate satisfying lifelong relationships.
Divorce can often be the impetus for changing the way we parent into a new child-centered approach.
Dr. Julie Varner is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting and family life, including divorce and family transitions. As a married mother of four, she brings compassion and understanding to her professional work and a passion for raising and loving the little people in our lives. Besides her clinical work, she helps families through Instagram at Divorce Doodles and her children's books that explore ways to help free kids from big life burdens so they can get back to being kids.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Varner joins Katherine to discuss how to relate to your children in an emotionally warm way while still offering behavioral support and guidance through positive parenting.
Listen in as Dr. Varner shares why positive parenting works. She offers insight into why divorce is an optimal time to transition your parenting style to help facilitate cognitive and social competencies so your child can succeed in the real world and cultivate satisfying lifelong relationships.
Topics Covered
What positive parenting is and isn't The key to helping children learn to regulate their behavior and emotions for positive lives How respectful dialog with your children supports their cognitive development What is an activating event in positive parenting How positive parenting helps children develop trust in adults Why positive parenting is the superglue that creates satisfying lifelong parent-child relationships How to stop being a fixer so your children can learn to process their own feelings How to stop projecting your thoughts and ideas onto your kids The number 1 thing that leads to permissive parenting during a divorce
Connect with Dr. Julie Verner
The Caring Parent: https://thecaringparent.com/ Divorce Doodles on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcedoodles/?hl=en
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Order The Incredible Shrinking Girl: https://www.amazon.com/Incredible-Shrinking-Girl-Divorce-Story/dp/1949480011/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2DXLTCZVH9S94&keywords=the+incredible+shrinking+girl&qid=1644522926&sprefix=the+incredible+shrinking+girl%2Caps%2C127&sr=8-2 Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Parenting/dp/0684838656/ref=sr_1_1?crid=11E73NJ7OZ35S&keywords=raising+an+emotionally+intelligent+child.&qid=1655222690&sprefix=raising+an+emotionally+intelligent+child.%2Caps%2C443&sr=8-1 The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AK78PSM/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
How do you learn to share your children with someone you no longer love, trust, or get along with?
And how do you handle other people's expectations of you and your situation in divorce?
Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a genuine girl power enthusiast. She's also a divorced, remarried mom & stepmom who is co-parenting with her daughter's father. The host of the popular Mom's Moving On podcast, Michelle, recently published her book of the same name with Simon and Schuster. Mom's Moving On is filled with empowering advice from someone who has been through it and has come out the other side.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Michelle joins Katherine to discuss the biggest obstacles she faced in her own divorce and how that experience led her to start her podcast and write her book to help others facing the same challenges find answers from the experts.
Michelle says, "Put your children at the center of your decision-making, not in the middle. And I think there's a fine line between at the center and in the middle."
Listen in as Michelle shares an important tip for adopting a mindset that will lead to more powerful communication with your ex, how to adopt a divorce narrative that works for you, and more information and advice to help moms move on from divorce.
Topics Covered
What led Michelle to her career as a divorce coach and specialist How to frame conversations with your ex for more peace and power How to create a divorce narrative that works for you Where to find the emotional support you need while going through your divorce Why it's so important to give yourself the space and permission to feel ALL THE emotions that come with your divorce How the story you tell yourself about your divorce impact your future How to open yourself up to your next chapter
Connect with Michelle Dempsey-Multack
Mom's Moving On: https://momsmovingon.com/ Mom’s Moving On Podcast: https://momsmovingon.com/podcasts/ Michelle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichelledempsey/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Order Mom's Moving On: https://www.amazon.com/Moms-Moving-Real-Life-Conquering-Co-Parenting/dp/1982184582/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=moms+moving+on&qid=1626971683&sr=8-1
Divorce is never easy, and when there is a child with special needs involved, it can be even more challenging.
Families need support and information to navigate the complexities of special needs divorces to reach the best possible outcome with as little time, money, and stress invested as possible.
Marianne Hughes is the proud mother of two sons on the opposite ends of the autism spectrum. After her divorce journey, where she successfully advocated for her children's needs, Marianne started Special Family Transitions to support families with children with disabilities as a valued Special Needs divorce coach and consultant.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Mary Ann joins Katherine to discuss the special considerations for co-parenting, long-term care, and child support arrangements that do not affect the special needs child's eligibility for public benefits.
Listen in as Mary Ann shares how she supported her children through the social stories she created for them during her divorce and what she thinks is the most critical thing to consider in a special needs divorce. Plus, why focusing on the end goal of the divorce will create the best-case scenario for your special needs child for the long term.
Topics Covered
How to be sure you meet the needs of the special needs child while you are divorcing Mary Ann's best piece of advice for special needs parents that are in the process of a divorce How to plan to keep the child from losing their government services, benefits, and SSI Why it's essential to think about a long-term parenting strategy during the divorce What is a special needs trust and what are the pros and cons Why having a team of experts is essential in securing the future for your child with special needs How to focus on the end goal in the divorce to secure the best-case scenario for your special needs child How Mary Ann helps her client give their special needs child the best life possible post-divorce
Connect with Mary Ann Hughes
Special Family Transitions: https://www.specialfamilytransitions.com/ Special Family Transitions on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/specialfamilytransitions/ Special Family Transitions on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/specialfamilytransitions
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Special Family Transitions on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChI4BaUMGf50O2yPE_YnjFA LoneStar LEND SLP: Self Care To Support Neurodiverse Children in Divorce on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xi745v_pd8
We've all heard of prenuptial agreements, those agreements signed by the marrying parties before the wedding.
But what about postnuptial agreements?
They may be rare, but they can be just as valuable.
Many people don't understand that marriage is a legally binding contractual obligation. There are built-in legal requirements for support and property division within this contract, based on your state's law. You are entering into a legal agreement just by getting married why not go further and decide how you want your assets divided, instead of leaving it up to the state.
Melinda M. Previtera is a graduate of Rutgers Law school and was named to the Top 40 Under 40 list by the Institute of Family Lawyers. She holds a certification in mediation and practices in all areas of family law as a Partner at Petrelli Previtera, LLC in Philadelphia.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Melinda joins Katherine to explain what postnuptial agreements are and how couples can use them to help communicate their wants and needs to navigate their expectations around money and property division.
Listen in as Melinda shares why postnuptial agreements are not just for the wealthy. She'll offer some advice on how to broach the topic with your partner so you can determine the specifics of your financial future as a couple.
The truth is ALL marriages end, either by death or divorce. A postnuptial agreement can be part of a couple's financial planning, offering each person the safety, security, and knowledge of what will happen so they can stop worrying about the what-ifs.
We've all heard of prenuptial agreements, those agreements signed by the marrying parties before the wedding.
But what about postnuptial agreements?
They may be rare, but they can be just as valuable.
Many people don't understand that marriage is a legally binding contractual obligation. There are built-in legal requirements for support and property division within this contract, based on your state's law. You are entering into a legal agreement just by getting married why not go further and decide how you want your assets divided, instead of leaving it up to the state.
Melinda M. Previtera is a graduate of Rutgers Law school and was named to the Top 40 Under 40 list by the Institute of Family Lawyers. She holds a certification in mediation and practices in all areas of family law as a Partner at Petrelli Previtera, LLC in Philadelphia.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Melinda joins Katherine to explain what postnuptial agreements are and how couples can use them to help communicate their wants and needs to navigate their expectations around money and property division.
Listen in as Melinda shares why postnuptial agreements are not just for the wealthy. She'll offer some advice on how to broach the topic with your partner so you can determine the specifics of your financial future as a couple.
The truth is ALL marriages end, either by death or divorce. A postnuptial agreement can be part of a couple's financial planning, offering each person the safety, security, and knowledge of what will happen so they can stop worrying about the what-ifs.
Topics Covered
How postnuptial agreements work Who should consider a postnuptial agreement The most significant benefit of a postnuptial agreement The essential conversations missing from most marriages How discussing expectations around money can strengthen your relationship How a postnuptial agreement can help with estate planning How a postnuptial agreement can effectively protect the assets of the family and each individual
Connect with Melinda Previtera
Petrelli Previtera, LLC: https://www.petrellilaw.com/our-team/melinda-m-previtera/ Melinda Previtera on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PetrelliLaw
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 738-7765
When you are getting divorced your taxes are probably not the first thing on your mind, but as Benjamin Franklin said in his famous quote taxes remain even when a marriage ends. Taxes are never an easy topic to discuss but there are many tax implications divorcing couples should address, especially if children or alimony are involved.
Tatiana Tsoir is an author, speaker, and visionary accountant. For over 15 years she’s worked with business owners to help them manage their money and their bottom line. Tatiana is also an experienced adviser on all the scenarios impacting the tax-related matters of divorce.
On this episode of the podcast, Tatiana joins Katherine to discuss when to bring up the issue of taxes in your divorce. She discusses the common misunderstanding about the child tax credit, the 529 plan, and strategies for both that can save both parties money.
Listen in for Tatiana’s insight into underutilized tax strategies for small business owner parents and the number one thing people who are divorcing should think about when they talk about their taxes.
“In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.”—Benjamin Franklin
When you are getting divorced your taxes are probably not the first thing on your mind, but as Benjamin Franklin said in his famous quote taxes remain even when a marriage ends. Taxes are never an easy topic to discuss but there are many tax implications divorcing couples should address, especially if children or alimony are involved.
Tatiana Tsoir is an author, speaker, and visionary accountant. For over 15 years she's worked with business owners to help them manage their money and their bottom line. Tatiana is also an experienced adviser on all the scenarios impacting the tax-related matters of divorce.
On this episode of the podcast, Tatiana joins Katherine to discuss when to bring up the issue of taxes in your divorce. She discusses the common misunderstanding about the child tax credit, the 529 plan, and strategies for both that can save both parties money.
Listen in for Tatiana's insight into underutilized tax strategies for small business owner parents and the number one thing people who are divorcing should think about when they talk about their taxes.
Topics Covered
When the issue of taxes should be brought up in divorce How to structure taxes to support both parents when children are involved How a business-owning spouse can legally deduct alimony payments How to employ tax strategies that will save both parties money The key to making the child tax credit work for you and your spouse How to avoid misunderstandings around the 529 education plan Tatiana shares one of the most underutilized tax strategies of small business owner parents Best practices for using a custodial Roth IRA account When to start thinking about using tax strategies to increase education funding options The first thing people who are divorcing should think about when discuss their taxes
Connect with Tatiana Tsoir
Linza Advisors: https://www.linzaadvisors.com/ Tatiana Tsoir on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tatianatsoir.author/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Dream Bold, Start Smart by Tatiana Tsoir: https://www.tatianatsoir.com/dreambold
Divorce is a very complicated and emotional process on its own. It becomes even harder when we start separating the money.
Dividing marital funds during a divorce may seem daunting, but there are plenty of things you can learn to make the process as smooth as possible.
Shara Goldfarb is a family law attorney with the Miller Law Group and a certified divorce financial analyst.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Shara joins Katherine to discuss financial considerations that are important to make before starting the divorce process. She explains marital property versus separate property and what funds can be subjected to equitable division.
Listen in as Shara advises on how to be reasonable with your financial expectations going into a divorce, how to gather the proper financial information needed for a divorce, and why you should try to conserve your financial resources during divorce proceedings.
Topics Covered
Why it’s important to gather financial information prior to divorce proceedings and what documentation is the most helpful to have Why it is easier and cheaper to get all financial information ready for your lawyer before divorce proceedings How to obtain tax information and bank statements prior to your divorce The differences between an adversarial process and a collaborative divorce and how it shapes financial discussions with your spouse and lawyers Shara’s advice on how to be reasonable with your financial expectations if you’re thinking about getting a divorce Why you should try to conserve your resources with the right professionals involved, rather than spend more money than necessary on a lawyer or other legal fees Why marital property is subjected to equitable division, but separate property is not How different kinds of debt, equity, and mortgages are divided during a divorce Why it is important to work with a lawyer and a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) when getting a divorce
Connect with Shara Goldfarb
Shara on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shara-goldfarb-78369386/ Email Shara at shara@miller-law.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
About Shara Goldfarb: https://miller-law.com/our-attorneys/shara-goldfarb/
Has your divorce left you exhausted and longing to get away from it all?
When a marriage ends, most people are physically and emotionally drained. After all the chaos, a week zoning out on a beach in the sun somewhere sounds just about perfect. But what if you could combine a relaxing retreat with intentional practices designed to help you process your feelings?
After her divorce, Annie Allen shifted from her former training as a Certified Marriage and Family Counselor to Certified Divorce & Life Transition Coaching®. Now she helps people through private and group coaching, her Starting Over Stronger Divorce Survival & Recovery podcast, and specialized post-divorce healing retreats.
On this episode of the podcast, Annie joins Katherine to share how post-divorce healing retreats offer structured activities, designed to help participants find closure so healing can begin.
Topics Covered
What is a post-divorce healing retreat Why do people need to heal post-divorce The secret insight that leads to therapy success When marriage therapy offers the best chance to heal a relationship How a structured post-divorce retreat helps to bring about emotional healing Why intentional rest helps you hear your innermost self The key that helps people find peace during a healing retreat How to gain the strength and clarity to set boundaries and effect change The most important part of a post-divorce healing retreat
Connect with Annie Allen
Starting Over Stronger: https://www.startingoverstronger.com/ Starting Over Stronger on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SOSDivorce/ Starting Over Stronger Divorce Survival & Recovery Podcast: https://www.startingoverstronger.com/podcast
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources SOS Retreat in November 2022: https://www.startingoverstronger.com/retreats
What can the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program teach you, and who benefits the most?
No matter if the decision to divorce was yours or not, when a marriage ends, everyone involved suffers. With emotions at their peak, it is easy to be hijacked by the conflict trap and lose focus on what is important. But there is another way.
Karen McMahon is a Certified Relationship and Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce . Karen leads a team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear, and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is the co-author of Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility and co-creator of JBD’s exclusive 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program.
On this episode of the podcast, Karen joins Katherine to share the key components of the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program. She walks us through a few of the steps, describing in detail the emotional healing available to program participants. Listen in for Karen's insight into how the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program can help you do the self-work to emerge from your divorce a more refined version of yourself, ready to step into your new story.
Topics Covered
What the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program is based on The typical challenges we all face in divorce How step 1 and step 2 of the program help create emotional healing What it looks like to curb the conflict in divorce so you can make proactive, constructive decisions Why people resist healing the heart The key to regaining control in any situation How looking at your story differently is the catalyst for change Why each step in the 12 step program plays a part in navigating a calm, clear, confident divorce Why step 9 (overcome pain) is most important for moving ahead How tuning into your intuitive knowing can help you make better decisions for the life you want
Connect with Karen McMahon
Journey Beyond Divorce: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/ Journey Beyond Divorce on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/journeybeyonddivorce Journey Beyond Divorce on Twitter Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast: https://twitter.com/JBDdivorcecoach
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility by Karen McMahon and Lisa Brick: https://www.amazon.com/Stepping-Out-Chaos-Transforming-Possibility-ebook/dp/B00SA2NQLA Join the 12 Step Recovery Program: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/JBD12stepprogram
Divorce is hard. The emotions of the breakup colliding with the legal business is a lot for people to manage mentally. What’s really complicated is when people get too wrapped up in their divorce and fail to see their children’s pain.
But what is the best way to talk to children about divorce? What do they struggle with the most throughout the separation process?
Ann Papayoti is an international life, leadership and relationship coach, as well as a speaker, educator, and co-author of The Gift of Shift, an intimate self-help book about creating a new outlook on life. She is the founder of SkyView Coaching, where she helps people rise above their most challenging moments so they can thrive once again.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ann joins Katherine to explain the four main things children really want from their parents after a divorce. They discuss the complicated emotions children feel and how parents can make it as easy as possible for their kids to navigate a divorce.
Listen in as Ann shares her experience with divorce that led to becoming a life coach, the relationship between grief and gratitude, and the importance of becoming your own best friend.
Topics Covered The difference between a divorce coach and a breakup coach Keeping the emotion of the breakup out of the business of the divorce The 4 things children want from their parents after a divorce How parents often fail to show up for their kids emotionally after a divorce The importance of communication between the child and the parent during and after the separation between the two parents How children end up in the middle of the communication between parents getting divorced The relationship between grief and gratitude Ann’s book and her personal experiences with divorce, grief, and becoming her own best friend Dealing with betrayal and the importance of trusting yourself
Connect with Anne Papayoti SkyView Coaching: https://skyviewcoaching.com/ SkyView Coaching on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skyviewcoaching/ Ann on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ann_papayoti Ann on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annpapayoti/ Ann on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annpapayoti/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources Free Gift from SkyView Coaching: https://skyviewcoaching.com/soul-cpr-free-gift/ The Gift of Shift: Discover the Key Within to Unlock Your Best Life by Tracey MacDonald and Ann Papayoti: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Shift-Discover-Within-Unlock/dp/1663211256
Why is it that some friendships don’t survive divorce?
When a marriage ends, some friends feel like they have to take sides. Others are overwhelmed and simply don’t know what to say. But if you’re willing to move through a little awkwardness, you can keep the friendships that matter to you after a divorce.
Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed therapist with an expertise in supporting children, adults, couples and families through divorce recovery. She is also the founder of Moving Past Divorce and author of The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around, the 2020 winner of the American Book Fest’s Best Book Award for Self-Help: Relationships.
On this episode of the podcast, Terry joins Katherine to share the four key reasons why some friendships don’t survive a divorce. She discusses the common misunderstanding that life is ruined by divorce, describing what it looks like to reclaim aspects of yourself that you abandoned in an unhappy marriage. Listen in for Terry's insight on finding a new partner post-divorce (without repeating the same mistakes) and learn how to maintain the friendships that are important to you after a divorce.
Topics Covered
How Terry got interested in the work of divorce recovery and remarriage The common misunderstanding that your life is ruined by divorce What it looks like to reclaim aspects of yourself that you abandoned in an unhappy marriage The top 4 reasons why some friendships don’t survive divorce What it’s like for Terry to compare her personal experience with that of her clients How to maintain the friendships that are important to you after a divorce Why people self-isolate to avoid pity or social awkwardness during a divorce Best practices for finding a new partner after divorce (without repeating the same mistakes) Why intentional communication is crucial in creating a successful stepfamily Terry’s best advice for practicing positive communication
Connect with Terry Gaspard
Moving Past Divorce: https://movingpastdivorce.com/ Moving Past Divorce on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/movingpastdivorce Moving Past Divorce on Twitter: https://twitter.com/movepastdivorce Terry on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/terry-gaspard-28738b4a/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around by Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW: https://movingpastdivorce.com/the-re-marraige-manual/
Divorce can be extremely depleting and a time where most people find their self esteem to be at its lowest. Though, it can also be an opportunity to become the best version of ourselves. So, how can we get back to feeling good for ourselves after a divorce?
Carol Davidson is a seasoned and certified image consultant, life coach, speaker, and educator who has helped thousands of people over the last 20 years to transform their appearance, wardrobe and self-esteem. She consults with private and corporate clients worldwide, offering a full suite of image consulting, personal styling, and life coaching services.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Carol joins Katherine to share her tips and tools to not only become comfortable and confident in your own skin. She explains what image consulting is and how clothing has the power to impact how you feel about yourself, affecting your moods, confidence and performance. Listen in for Carole’s insight on how to look and feel your best inside and out, even after a divorce.
Topics Covered
What an image consultant does and why people seek out for one How your inside can impact your outside and vise versa How Carol got into image consulting Tools that Carol uses when helping clients transform how they feel inside and out Why image consulting doesn’t involve a “makeover” How to get started in building your confidence following a divorce Signs that it's time to get an image consultant The differences between an Image Consultant VS a Personal Stylist Tips for a wardrobe refresh post divorce
Connect with Carol Davidson
Carol Davidson: https://caroldavidson.com/ Carol Davidson on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarolDavidsonLifeStyleStrategy Carol Davidson on Twitter: https://twitter.com/CarolDavidson
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
You can be in a relationship without settling for a boring life and sacrificing your desire for stability and depth of connection. Instead, there are ways to bring a creative approach to your relationship and life as a whole, resulting in years of love and happiness.
Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach, research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator who coaches people and couples who color outside the lines, helping them create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves. Joli is also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Joli joins Katherine to share how to create a creatively monogamous or consensually non-monogamous life. She explains how to keep a healthy and trustworthy relationship and why a non-monogamous relationship can be a helpful option for people. Listen in for Dr. Joli’s insight on creating an enjoyable and sustainable relationship, whether it be monogamous or non-monogamous, and learn which option is best for you.
You can be in a relationship without settling for a boring life and sacrificing your desire for stability and depth of connection. Instead, there are ways to bring a creative approach to your relationship and life as a whole, resulting in years of love and happiness.
Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach, research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator who coaches people and couples who color outside the lines, helping them create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves. Joli is also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Joli joins Katherine to share how to create a creatively monogamous or consensually non-monogamous life. She explains how to keep a healthy and trustworthy relationship and why a non-monogamous relationship can be a helpful option for people. Listen in for Dr. Joli’s insight on creating an enjoyable and sustainable relationship, whether it be monogamous or non-monogamous, and learn which option is best for you.
Topics Covered
How Dr. Joli got into this field after going through a divorce herself What Dr. Joli has learned from her personal experiences Dr. Joli’s insight on marriage counseling How flexibility in a relationship can be key for some people The power in having self-trust in a relationship How to have conversations that don’t drive you and your partner apart Where people get stuck in an unconventional relationship The research behind people with a non-monogamous lifestyle Dr. Joli’s advice on transitioning to a creative relationship How Dr. Joli defines success in a relationship
Connect with Dr. Joli Hamilton
Joli Hamilton Website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ Joli Hamilton on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jolidepthpsych/ Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love: https://www.amazon.com/Project-Relationship-Entrepreneurs-Passionate-Sustainable/dp/1735340316
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Everyone has a different experience with divorce and different ways of working through the process. But we can learn from each other’s experiences and lean on seasoned divorce professionals to survive the process and even thrive in the aftermath of divorce.
An accomplished journalist with a 25-year career covering news and entertainment, Ilyssa Panitz combined her personal and professional experience to become the only divorce columnist solely committed to helping others navigate this major life transition. She writes a daily column on all things divorce for Authority Magazine on Medium and serves as Host and Executive Producer of The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ilyssa joins Katherine to share her list of 5 things you need to know to survive and thrive—during and after divorce. She explains why your anger works against you in divorce negotiations and what to do about it, challenging us NOT to get hung up on the minutiae of who gets what. Listen in for Ilyssa’s insight on building a team of divorce professionals and find out why you should fantasize about what you want your life to look like post-divorce.
Topics Covered
How Ilyssa combined her personal and professional experience to become a divorce journalist Ilyssa’s 5 things you need to know to survive and thrive during and after divorce Why Ilyssa recommends taking an acting class to navigate divorce negotiations How your anger works against you in divorce negotiations and what to do about it What Ilyssa has learned from writing her column and how it’s helped her heal from her own divorce Why it’s better to build a team than to rely on your lawyer for all things divorce (and what those relationships should look like) The danger of getting hung up in the minutiae of stuff and money during divorce negotiations Why it’s helpful to fantasize about what you want your life to look like post-divorce Ilyssa’s advice on learning as much as you can about your financials to prepare for divorce
Connect with Ilyssa Panitz
The Divorce Reporter: https://www.ilyssapanitz.com/ The Divorce Hour Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/search/the%20divorce%20hour%20with%20ilyssa%20panitz Ilyssa on Medium: https://medium.com/@ilyssapanitz Ilyssa on Twitter: https://twitter.com/IlyssaPanitz
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Self-criticism is a natural response to divorce. But it’s not particularly helpful.
In fact, it’s harder to learn from a place of shame and judgement, whereas self-compassion helps us cope more effectively and make better choices moving forward.
A pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff currently serves as Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is the author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and coauthor of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Dr. Neff’s new release is Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Neff joins Katherine to explain how self-compassion helps us navigate painful experiences like divorce. She walks us through the three components of self-compassion, describing how the practice allows us to cope with the hurt and take responsibility for our mistakes. Listen in as Dr. Neff shares what she learned about self-compassion in her own divorce and learn to treat yourself with kindness and improve your wellbeing in the process of divorce.
Topics Covered
The 3 components of self-compassion (mindfulness, self-kindness and common humanity) Why people who are self-compassionate about divorce cope more effectively than those who beat themselves up How self-compassion helps us take personal responsibility for our mistakes How mindfulness allows us to acknowledge the pain of divorce without getting lost in it The power in realizing that challenging relationships are part of being human Giving yourself honest, constructive feedback around how to make wiser choices moving forward What Dr. Neff learned about herself and self-compassion in her own divorce How self-compassion can help divorced parents navigate the holidays How being compassionate to ourselves gives us the resources to be more compassionate to others How self-kindness activates the parasympathetic nervous system and improves decision-making
Connect with Dr. Kristin Neff
Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ Dr. Neff on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion Dr. Neff on Twitter: https://twitter.com/self_compassion
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Take the Self-Compassion Test: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/ Self-Compassion Guided Practices: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations Center for Mindful Self-Compassion: https://centerformsc.org/ Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061733520/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061733520&linkCode=as2&tag=selfcompassio-20&linkId=88965173bdbb2bdb51563a0f2da026b4 The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1462526780/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=selfcompassio-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1462526780&linkId=0ef7d4127d25166a4c010cb49ec1b047 Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006299106X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=selfcompassio-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=006299106X&linkId=72510bb0e43a8507025d9e3713f047e2
The holidays are a particularly challenging time for divorced parents.
How do we navigate our own feelings of loss without passing that heartache onto our children? Can we create new traditions and still make the holidays a magical time for our kids?
Dr. Kathryn Smerling is an educator and psychologist with a Ph.D. from Fordham University and Master's from Cornell. She started her career as an early childhood educator, creating the Instep curriculum for preschoolers in the State of New Mexico before completing the psychoanalytic program at the National Institute for Psychotherapies. Dr. Smerling has maintained a private practice as a family therapist in Manhattan since 1998, and she holds certificates in Divorce Mediation, Divorce Collaboration and Relational Therapy.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Smerling joins Katherine to explain what divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays and find new ways to celebrate with their children. She discusses why it’s crucial for coparents to be collaborative and offers advice on how to approach holiday planning with a difficult ex-spouse. Listen in for Dr. Smerling’s insight around religion as a source of conflict for coparents during the holidays and learn how to talk to your children about creating new traditions after a divorce.
The holidays are a particularly challenging time for divorced parents.
How do we navigate our own feelings of loss without passing that heartache onto our children? Can we create new traditions and still make the holidays a magical time for our kids?
Dr. Kathryn Smerling is an educator and psychologist with a PhD from Fordham University and master's from Cornell. She started her career as an early childhood educator, creating the Instep curriculum for preschoolers in the State of New Mexico before completing the psychoanalytic program at the National Institute for Psychotherapies. Dr. Smerling has maintained a private practice as a family therapist in Manhattan since 1998, and she holds certificates in Divorce Mediation, Divorce Collaboration and Relational Therapy.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Smerling joins Katherine to explain what divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays and find new ways to celebrate with our children. She discusses why it’s crucial for coparents to be collaborative and offers advice on how to approach holiday planning with a difficult ex-spouse. Listen in for Dr. Smerling’s insight around religion as a source of conflict for coparents during the holidays and learn how to talk to your children about creating new traditions after a divorce.
Topics Covered
What divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays Dr. Smerling’s advice on finding new ways to celebrate the holidays after a divorce Why it’s crucial for coparents to be flexible and collaborative re: holiday plans Why Dr. Smerling suggests including children in creating new traditions The pros and cons of alternating holidays and examples of creative alternatives How to approach holiday planning with a high-conflict ex-spouse Using the BIFF system (Brief, Informative, Firm and Friendly) to communicate with a difficult coparent How religion can be a source a conflict for divorced parents around the holidays The role a parenting coordinator can play in making holiday plans Dr. Smerling’s advice for divorced parents facing the holidays for the first time
Connect with Dr. Kathryn Smerling
Dr. Smerling’s Website: https://drksmerling.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Ackerman Institute for the Family: https://www.ackerman.org/ National Institute for Psychotherapies: https://nipinst.org/
Are you dreaming of having your day in divorce court? Of exposing your spouse’s misbehavior to a sympathetic judge? Of winning the case and being rewarded financially?
Then you are going to be sorely disappointed. The truth is, the court system cares little about your spouse’s wrongdoing. And the cost of litigation (in terms of money and mental health) far outweighs any potential reward.
So, what do you need to consider before you file for divorce?
Rayford Dalton Palmer, JD, AAML, serves as Managing Shareholder at STG Divorce Law, a top family law firm based in the Chicagoland area. Raiford’s team has expertise in complex divorce cases, specifically those involving business owners and high-net-worth individuals. Raiford is also the author of the bestseller I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money and Minds.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Raiford joins Katherine to explore the common myth that court is the best way to resolve a divorce and explain why there are no winners in a litigated divorce. He describes a divorce lawyer’s responsibility to provide clients with a sober analysis of potential outcomes and help people set realistic expectations around the divorce process. Listen in for Raiford’s insight on choosing among litigation, mediation and the collaborative process and learn how to bring a business mindset to divorce for the best possible result long term.
Topics Covered
What inspired Raiford to write I Just Want This Done as resource for divorce Why it’s crucial to know your goals and set realistic expectations for the divorce process The common myth that court is the best way to resolve a divorce case Why there are no winners in a litigated divorce A divorce lawyer’s responsibility to provide clients with a sober analysis of potential outcomes How the justice system was not set up to deal with family issues Why a spouse’s misbehavior almost never impacts the financial outcome of a divorce Bringing a business mindset to the divorce process Why Raiford recommends working with a divorce coach and lawyer Choosing among litigation, mediation and the collaborative divorce process
Connect with Raiford Dalton Palmer
I Just Want This Done: https://www.ijustwantthisdone.com/ STG Divorce Law on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stgdivorcelaw Raiford on Twitter: https://twitter.com/raifordpalmer
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money and Minds by Raiford Dalton Palmer, JD, AAML: https://www.ijustwantthisdone.com/
Technology makes it easy for divorcing couples to express their anger and frustration without thinking. They engage in text warfare and even post disparaging comments on social media.
But if the goal is to divorce with dignity, the way you communicate matters. So, what can you do to be less reactive and work through the entire process in a measured way?
Paulette Gloria Rigo is the founder of Better Divorce Academy, a platform dedicated to helping people create an optimal divorce experience. Paulette is also a Certified Divorce Coach, Mediator, Transition and Recovery Coach, Career Transition Specialist and author of the Amazon bestseller, Better Divorce Blueprint: Divorce Made Smoother, Easier and Better for You and Your Family.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Paulette joins Katherine to explore the contemplation phase leading up to a divorce and explain how to decide whether divorce is right for you. She describes what a successful divorce looks like and offers insight into the most common mistakes women make in the early stages of divorce. Listen in for Paulette’s advice on choosing the right divorce process and learn how to communicate with your soon-to-be ex in a way that mitigates conflict and maintains your dignity.
Topics Covered
How to decide if divorce is right for you What steps to take in the pre-divorce contemplation phase Why Paulette’s own divorce turned into an 8-year litigated experience What a successful divorce looks like Conducting yourself in a way you feel good about throughout the divorce process The common mistakes women make in the early stages of divorce Why you should never send a text or post on social media when you’re angry The BIFF strategy for communicating with a soon-to-be ex The role trust plays in a successful mediation How to choose the right divorce process
Connect with Paulette Rigo
Better Divorce Academy: https://betterdivorceacademy.com/ Better Divorce Academy on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/betterdivorceacademy/ Paulette on Twitter: https://twitter.com/paulettegloria
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Better Divorce Blueprint: Divorce Made Smoother, Easier and Better for You and Your Family by Paulette Rodrigo: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Divorce-Blueprint-smoother-easier/dp/1925638707 Thriving in Chaos Project Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-thriving-in-chaos-project-with-paulette-rigo/id1450562748?uo=4 Bill Eddy: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
When the marriage of a high-profile, celebrity couple comes to an end, there are complexities that make it very different from your average divorce. On the other hand, a divorce is a divorce—regardless of the net worth of the people involved.
So, how is a high-profile divorce similar to any other divorce? And how is it different?
Harriet Newman Cohen and Martha Cohen Stine are the mother-daughter team of attorneys behind Cohen Stine Kapoor LLP, a family law firm based in New York City. Harriet has served on the New York State Commission on Child Support and the Foster Care Commission of the City of New York, and Martha is a member of the Executive Committee of the Family Law Section of the New York State Bar Association and the Board of Directors of the New York American Inn of Court. Both Harriet and Martha have been recognized by Super Lawyers as one of NYC’s Top 50 Female Lawyers.
When the marriage of a high-profile, celebrity couple comes to an end, there are complexities that make it very different from your average divorce. On the other hand, a divorce is a divorce—regardless of the net worth of the people involved.
So, how is a high-profile divorce similar to any other divorce? And how is it different?
Harriet Newman Cohen and Martha Cohen Stine are the mother-daughter team of attorneys behind Cohen Stine Kapoor LLP, a family law firm based in New York City. Harriet has served on the New York State Commission on Child Support and the Foster Care Commission of the City of New York, and Martha is a member of the Executive Committee of the Family Law Section of the New York State Bar Association and the Board of Directors of the New York American Inn of Court. Both Harriet and Martha have been recognized by Super Lawyers as one of NYC’s Top 50 Female Lawyers.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Harriet and Martha join Katherine to discuss the heightened issues around publicity and confidentiality associated with celebrity divorce. They explore the opportunity to develop a creative settlement for high-net-worth families and explain why the language of such an agreement should be as clear as possible in any divorce. Listen in for Harriet and Martha’s experiences in divorce cases involving a female breadwinner and find out why equitable distribution isn’t always equal, especially in a high-profile divorce.
Topics Covered
How a high-profile divorce is similar to and different from the average divorce The heightened issues of publicity and confidentiality associated with a celebrity divorce Why the language of a settlement agreement should be as clear as possible in any divorce The opportunity to develop a creative settlement agreement for high-net-worth families Harriet & Martha’s experiences in cases where a woman was the sole income earner Harriet & Martha’s take on the prejudice against stay-at-home dads in the court system Why equitable distribution is not necessarily equal in a high-net-worth divorce
Connect with Harriet Newman Cohen & Martha Cohen Stine
Cohen Stein Kapoor LLP: https://www.csklawny.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Scenes from a Marriage: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12682218/
For most stay-at-home parents, identity gets wrapped up in their kids. So, what happens when they divorce? How do former stay-at-home moms and dads figure out who they are on their own?
Christine Pittman is the Founder of Cook the Story, one of the top-ranked food blogs in the world. She moved from Canada to the US in 2010 with her now ex-husband and started her food blog as a hobby while she was a stay-at-home mom. In the divorce process, Christine grew the blog into a thriving business, and today, her recipes reach 2M-plus monthly readers, helping them spend less time in the kitchen and more time at the table.
On this episode of the podcast, Christine joins Katherine to share her experience in the adjustment period after divorce and describe how building Cook the Story supported her in the process of divorce recovery. She offers advice on letting go of control when your kids are with your ex, challenging us to pick our battles and model good behaviors for our children. Listen in for insight on introducing a new partner to your kids and learn how to look at divorce as an opportunity to discover who you are and what you want out of life!
For most stay-at-home parents, identity gets wrapped up in their kids. So, what happens when they divorce? How do former stay-at-home moms and dads figure out who they are on their own?
Christine Pittman is the Founder of Cook the Story, one of the top-ranked food blogs in the world. She moved from Canada to the US in 2010 with her now ex-husband and started her food blog as a hobby while she was a stay-at-home mom. In the divorce process, Christine grew the blog into a thriving business, and today, her recipes reach 2M-plus monthly readers, helping them spend less time in the kitchen and more time at the table.
On this episode of the podcast, Christine joins Katherine to share her experience in the adjustment period after divorce and describe how building Cook the Story supported her in the process of divorce recovery. She offers advice on letting go of control when your kids are with your ex, challenging us to pick our battles and model good behaviors for our children. Listen in for insight on introducing a new partner to your kids and learn how to look at divorce as an opportunity to discover who you are and what you want out of life!
Topics Covered
How Christine’s food blog became a full-time business through her divorce Leveraging creative pursuits to support the process of divorce recovery Christine’s experience with figuring out who she was on her own in the adjustment period after divorce Christine’s advice around letting go of control when your kids are with your ex Why Christine suggests picking your battles with your ex How Christine thinks about modeling good behaviors for her children Why Christine’s new partner avoids disciplining her children How Christine and her ex-husband are working to be on the same page when it comes to discipline How Christine, her new partner and her ex-husband navigate holidays Christine’s insight on how divorce can be an opportunity for self-discovery
Connect with Christine Pittman
Cook the Story: https://cookthestory.com/ Cook the Story on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CookTheStory Cook the Story on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cookthestory/ The Time Management Insider Podcast: https://cookthestory.com/tmipodcast/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Jonathan Satovsky is the CEO and Chief Behavioral Coach at Satovsky Asset Management, an investment management firm that promotes a mindful approach to multigenerational wealth. Prior to founding SAM in 2007, Jonathan spent 13-plus years at American Express Financial Advisors, and he holds the Certified Financial Planner, Certified Investment Management Analyst and Certified Private Wealth Advisor designations.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jonathan joins Katherine to explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can help you get up to speed on the financial issues in a divorce. He describes how to balance financial stability with housing costs in the divorce process and challenges you to be creative in prioritizing spending on what’s important to you. Listen in for insight around the tax implications of divorce and learn Jonathan’s approach to dividing assets through the collaborative process.
It is challenging to take the emotion out of discussions about money, especially in the divorce process. But if you can sit down and look at your finances objectively, it’s easier to make good decisions around who gets what and how to plan for the future.
Jonathan Satovsky is the CEO and Chief Behavioral Coach at Satovsky Asset Management, an investment management firm that promotes a mindful approach to multigenerational wealth. Prior to founding SAM in 2007, Jonathan spent 13-plus years at American Express Financial Advisors, and he holds the Certified Financial Planner, Certified Investment Management Analyst and Certified Private Wealth Advisor designations.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jonathan joins Katherine to explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can help you get up to speed on the financial issues in a divorce. He describes how to balance financial stability with housing costs in the divorce process and challenges you to be creative in prioritizing spending on what’s important to you. Listen in for insight around the tax implications of divorce and learn Jonathan’s approach to dividing assets through the collaborative process.
Topics Covered
The benefit of both spouses being involved in the couple’s finances How a CDFA can help you get up to speed on financial issues in a divorce The challenge of taking the emotion out of discussions about money Jonathan’s insight on how to budget with the end in mind How much of your income should be allocated to housing Jonathan’s advice on balancing financial stability with housing costs Why housing is not the best investment for achieving financial freedom How to be creative with your finances and prioritize spending on what’s important to you Why a spouse without earning capacity needs access to liquid funds The tax implications of divorce (e.g.: exemption on house) Why Jonathan recommends the collaborative divorce process
Connect with Jonathan Satovsky
Satovsky Asset Management: https://www.satovsky.com/ Satovsky Asset Management on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/satovsky-asset-management-llc/ Satovsky Asset Management on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SatovskyAssetManagement/ Jonathan on Twitter: https://twitter.com/jonsatovsky Call (212) 584-1900
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Pets are not property, nor are they quite the same as human children. So, how do you decide who gets to keep the dog in a divorce? And what if you have more than one animal? How do you do what’s best for your pets and the people involved?
Karis Nafte is the Pet Custody Specialist and Certified Family Mediator behind Who Keeps the Dog, a consulting practice that helps families with their pets through the divorce process. She has been working with dogs professionally since 1996, developing an expertise in obedience training, behavior problems, and on-set training for animals in film. Karis is passionate about mediating pet custody arrangements and providing behavior support for owners with dogs showing signs of stress pre- and post-divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Karis joins Katherine to discuss the common mistakes people make with their pets in a divorce and explain why shared custody isn’t necessarily the best option for your dog—or you. She walks us through the factors to consider as you decide between shared and sole custody of your pet, describing why random, sporadic visits from an ex are stressful for your dog. Listen in for Karis’ insight on having kids and pets transition between parents together and find out why mediation is a much better option for your dog than letting a judge decide their fate.
Topics Covered
Why it’s a mistake to use your pet as leverage in a divorce The harm in projecting your own feelings onto your dog in a divorce How dogs can carry the same emotional weight as human children for divorcing couples Why shared custody may not be the best option for your dog (or you) The benefit of having kids and pets transition between parents together What factors to consider as you decide between shared vs. sole custody of a pet Why random, sporadic visits from an ex are not good for your dog How to say goodbye to your dog when your ex is getting custody What to do if the divorcing couple has more than one dog Why mediation is a better option for your pet than litigation
Connect with Karis Nafte
whokeepsthedog.com Karis on Instagram: www.instagram.com/karisnafte/ Karis on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/karis-nafte-b4b9b81a6/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Equitable distribution of property is the goal in a divorce. But how, exactly, does the appraisal process work? How do appraisers determine the value of a divorcing couple’s assets and help them avoid disputes around property distribution?
Charles Rosoff, ASA, MRICS, is President of Appraisal Services Associates, a firm that provides forensic valuations of fine art, antiques, decorative arts as well as residential and office contents. He is an American Society of Appraisers Accredited Senior Appraiser and Member of the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors.
Equitable distribution of property is the goal in a divorce. But how, exactly, does the appraisal process work? How do appraisers determine the value of a divorcing couple’s assets and help them avoid disputes around property distribution?
Charles Rosoff is President of Appraisal Services Associates, a firm that provides forensic valuations of fine art, antiques, decorative arts as well as residential and office contents. He is an American Society of Appraisers Accredited Senior Appraiser and Member of the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors. Charles has more 35 years of experience, and he serves as editor of the annual supplements to the legal textbooks Valuation Strategies in Divorce and Valuing Specific Assets in Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Charles joins Katherine to explain how appraisers value personal property to help divorcing couples achieve equitable distribution. He describes how to avoid ownership disputes and authenticity issues in a matrimonial action, discussing how to conduct an inventory of your personal property and why appraisers assign items a cash value. Listen in for Charles’ insight around the five most common myths of value and learn the valuation strategies you can use to maximize income from the sale of personal property in a divorce.
Topics Covered
How appraisers value fine arts, antiques, decorative arts and collectibles Why it’s important for divorcing couples to hire an accredited appraiser How to conduct an inventory of personal property for an appraiser How liquidity impacts the equitable distribution of property in divorce How to avoid ownership disputes and authenticity issues in a matrimonial action Why it’s crucial to provide an appraiser with all available documentation The significant differences between market value and fair market value How assigning assets a cash value allows us to compare personal property Charles’ insight around the five most common myths of value The valuation strategies you can use to maximize income from property
Connect with Charles Rosoff
Appraisal Services Associates: https://www.appraisalserv.com/ Call (917) 877-5217
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Macklowe v. Macklowe: https://www.appraisalserv.com/ Valuation Strategies in Divorce by Robert D. Feder, Charles T. Rosoff and Aleza Tadri: https://lrus.wolterskluwer.com/store/product/valuation-strategies-in-divorce-fifth-edition/ Valuing Specific Assets in Divorce by Robert D. Feder, Charles T. Rosoff and Aleza Tadri: https://lrus.wolterskluwer.com/store/product/valuing-specific-assets-in-divorce/
Kids don’t get a say in whether or not their parents divorce. And yet, it’s often the children who bear the brunt of the disruption. One strategy for minimizing the upheaval in your kids’ lives is a parenting arrangement known as birdnesting. But what does a successful nesting plan look like? And how do divorcing couples navigate this kind of arrangement successfully?
Dr. Ann Buscho is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in family issues related to divorce, parenting, parenting plans and co-parenting counseling. Dr. Buscho has both personal and professional experience with nesting, co-parenting, step-parenting and single-parenting, and she is the author of The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Buscho joins Katherine to explain what a birdnesting parenting arrangement looks like and why it’s particularly helpful in the early stages of separation and divorce. She shares the top three things to consider in designing a parenting plan, offering advice on maximizing the child’s time with each parent and making the transitions as smooth as possible. Listen in for Dr. Buscho’s insight on minimizing your child’s exposure to conflict and learn what divorcing couples need to do to nest successfully.
Topics Covered
What a birdnesting arrangement looks like and how it works Why nesting is particularly helpful in the early stages of separation and divorce How nesting is usually transitional but can also be a long-term solution Why explicit agreements are key to making a nesting arrangement go smoothly How COVID forced many divorcing couples into nesting Dr. Buscho’s top 3 things to consider in designing a parenting plan The continuum from parallel parenting to collaborative co-parenting Why parallel parenting is better than exposing kids to conflict Dr. Buscho’s insight on maximizing the child’s time with each parent How to make the transition between parents smoother for children of divorce What divorcing couples need to do to nest successfully
Connect with Dr. Ann Buscho
Dr. Buscho’s Website: https://drannbuscho.com/ Dr. Buscho on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drannbuscho/ Dr. Buscho on Twitter: https://twitter.com/abuschophd
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce by Ann Gold Buscho, PhD: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Parents-Guide-to-Birdnesting/Ann-Gold-Buscho/9781507214091 Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/
Just because someone may have a high net worth, doesn’t always mean they are good with their money or have ‘enough’ to feasibly survive on, in the grand scheme of things. Their expenses, assets, investments, or lack thereof, and whether or not they are really going to be able to support their lifestyle over the term of the owner’s life, all need to be taken into consideration. It’s not just the question of money. It’s everything that surrounds the money questions. So, for anyone with a high net worth who is going into a divorce, what do we need to know to allow a peace of mind over all the critical and unique financial decisions involved?
Lili Vasileff is the president of Wealth Protection Management, a firm that is nationally recognized in providing financial expert planning to protect peoples’ wealth during a divorce. She is also the President of Emeritus of the Board of Directors of the national Association of Divorce Financial Planners and is a fee only Certified Financial Planner™ professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, and a Master Analyst in Financial Forensics™ (MAFF) with specialty in Matrimonial Litigation. Lili Vasileff is recognized as a Wealth Protection Expert that works with clients and professionals before, during, and after divorce across the country. One of the specialties she has is working in high networth divorces that have such unique case factors that impact every negotiation.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lili joins Katherine to discuss some of the biggest mistakes made during high networth divorces and how to overall improve family relationships in the process, while also preserving wealth. She describes some main factors to be aware of when dealing with a high net worth divorce, such as the anchor assets in marital mistakes, money syndrome, considering smart investments, the importance in finding a reliable financial advisor, tax strategies, etc. Listen in for Lili’s tips on how to best navigate a high net worth divorce and the top factors that should not be overlooked.
Topics Covered What all needs to be considered with a high net worth couple
How important it is for money to be properly managed, to have the lifestyle you’re looking for
What often can happen when people suddenly come into large sums of money
Lili’s view on the lack of financial literacy being one of the main issues in handling money in a divorce
The importance of finding a certified and trustworthy financial advisor
Lili’s roadmap that she always provides her clients
How to carefully weigh the factors of a house being both a financial asset and an emotional asset
The complications behind a couple that has lived on primarily one person’s inherited assets
How a business is factored into a divorce
The importance of having a business evaluation
The main anchor assets in marital mistakes
Lili’s insight on what else to be aware of in high net worth divorces
Connect with Lili Vasileff
Wealth Protection Management: https://wealthprotectionmanagement.com/ Wealth Protection Management on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WealthProtectionManagement/ Wealth Protection Management on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOCdeqUTQeuupEpGntuaD5w Lili Vasileff On Twitter: https://twitter.com/WealthLili Lili Vasileff On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moneyanddivorce/ Lili Vasileff on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lilivasileff/ Email: lili@WealthProtectionManagement.com Call (203) 393-7200
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Certified Financial Planner Standards Board (FPSB): https://www.fpsb.org/
How do you negotiate with someone who has to be right? If you’re divorcing a narcissist, you know that they simply can’t see things from someone else’s point of view. So, how do you come to an equitable divorce agreement? And is mediation an appropriate option for divorcing a narcissist?
Brian James is the founder of CEL & Associates, a mediation practice with offices throughout Chicagoland and Southeastern Wisconsin. An experienced divorce and family mediator, Brian spent ten years resolving family conflicts in the criminal justice system before starting CEL & Associates in 2005. Brian is dedicated to helping clients come to an agreement outside the courtroom, creating a win-win situation for all involved in a divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Brian joins Katherine to explain how to know if you’re married to a narcissist, describing what gaslighting looks like and how it makes you feel. He shares his approach to managing a narcissist in the divorce mediation process and discusses how he decides when mediation is the right option for a divorcing couple. Listen in for Brian’s insight on persuading a narcissist to try mediation and learn his top strategies for surviving a high-conflict divorce.
Topics Covered
How to know if you’re married to a narcissist (and why it’s hard to tell early on)
What it looks like when a narcissist is gaslighting you and how it makes you feel
How narcissists lack the capacity for empathy
Brian’s approach to managing a narcissist in the divorce mediation process
Why it’s crucial to come to a detailed, air-tight agreement if you’re divorcing a narcissist
How Brian determines whether mediation is the right option for a divorcing couple
Brian’s strategies for surviving divorce mediation with a high-conflict spouse
The narcissist’s inability to engage in respectful disagreement
How to persuade your spouse to try divorce mediation rather than go to court
How attorneys can support the mediation process when a narcissist is involved
Connect with Brian James
CEL & Associates: https://celandassociates.com/ CEL on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CELandAssociates CEL on Twitter: https://twitter.com/IDivorceU Call (312) 524-5829
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Diane Burroughs is the author of: Restarting Your Life When You Are No Longer a Wife: One gal’s tale of humor, tears, and hope after being Left at 50 and owner of the blog leftatfifty.com. Diane helps women facing midlife divorce by learning how to take care of themselves and embrace their new identity as a single woman after fifty.
After 24 years of marriage, Diane’s husband - who also happened to be her colleague as a sitcom writer- left her for another, younger woman. Frustrated and alone, she sought resources to ease her pain and found refuge in books and blogs. However, recognizing that very little literature spoke to her directly – as a woman over 50 – Diane began using her unique voice to connect with other women through her blog – Left at 50, and later went on to publish a book titled Restarting Your Life When You Are No Longer A Wife. In this podcast explore what doubts and fears keep women physically, psychologically, and emotionally trapped after divorce. Learn how single women after fifty can rebuild their lives on their own terms!
Diane Burroughs is the author of: Restarting Your Life When You Are No Longer a Wife: One gal’s tale of humor, tears, and hope after being Left at 50 and owner of the blog leftatfifty.com. Diane helps women facing midlife divorce by learning how to take care of themselves and embrace their new identity as a single woman after fifty.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Diane joins Katherine to uncover strategies for rebuilding a life after divorce in midlife. She introduces the Doubt Monster - explaining how doubt can creep in and what to do about it. Listen in for Diane’s insights on how to rebound from being lost in “couple identity” and rebuild your individual self to be stronger, happier, more creative, and more action-oriented.
Topics Covered
What inspired Diane to write about restarting life after age 50.
What it is like to work with your ex-husband, and how to set appropriate boundaries.
Why developing creative outlets is important for self-discovery.
What the Doubt Monster is and how to deal with it.
Diane’s advice for “gray divorcees.”
How to take care of yourself after a major setback like divorce.
How being a “do-er” can benefit you when going through a major life change.
Why taking care of yourself needs to begin now.
How to cope if you have to see your cheating ex-husband every day.
How to get your ex-husband to move out.
Connect with Diane Burroughs
Leftat50.com blog: https://leftat50.com/home/ Restarting Your Life When You Are No Longer A Wife by Diane: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0921FQC7TBurroughs Diane on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/diane-burroughs-18466995/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce puts you at the intersection of what was and what will be. And while you will feel anger and sadness in the process, what you do with those feelings is up to you. Will you get stuck in those negative emotions and let them drive you? Or will you take advantage of this opportunity to reassess who you want to be and grow into your Best Self?
Divorce puts you at the intersection of what was and what will be. And while you will feel anger and sadness in the process, what you do with those feelings is up to you. Will you get stuck in those negative emotions and let them drive you? Or will you take advantage of this opportunity to reassess who you want to be and grow into your Best Self?
Robin Gardner is the Certified Divorce Coach and Certified Professional Coach behind The Divorce Coach Robin and Phoenix Life Mastery. She leverages 17 years of experience to help people avoid the most common mistakes in divorce, reduce conflict and make informed decisions throughout the process. Robin offers a free, 30-minute consultation for prospective clients to share their biggest concerns and get a sense of how she can support you.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Robin joins Katherine to share her top eight strategies for making the divorce process easier, explaining how to connect with your Best Self and identify what you value. She challenges us to be more loving and compassionate toward ourselves and reframe our divorce story in a more empowering way. Listen in for Robin’s insight on the power of a calming breath and learn how to use your divorce to reassess what you want and begin a new, more fulfilling life.
Topics Covered
Robin’s top 8 strategies for making the divorce process easier
How to connect with your Best Self and limit the power of your ego
Why playing the blame game in divorce doesn’t serve anyone
What Robin does to help people define their needs and meet them
Forgiving yourself for divorce and allowing happiness + pleasure into your life
How to be more loving and compassionate toward yourself through a divorce
How to reframe your story in a more empowering way
The power of a calming breath to help you think more clearly
Robin’s advice on taking small action steps to create forward movement
Why it’s advantageous to work with a divorce coach vs. a therapist
Connect with Robin Gardner
Book a Free 30-Minute Consult with Robin: https://thedivorcecoachrobin.com/contact/ The Divorce Coach Robin: https://thedivorcecoachrobin.com/ Divorce Coach Robin on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheDivorceCoachRobin/ Divorce Coach Robin on Twitter: https://twitter.com/divorcecoachrg Email robin@thedivorcecoachrobin.com Call (201) 612-6700
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Wheel of Life Assessment Tool: https://wheeloflife.noomii.com/
Carrie Schultz is the Founder of MR. Men’s Rights Divorce & Family Law of New Jersey by Schultz & Associates. A recognized and sought-after matrimonial law attorney, Carrie is a frequent lecturer, moderator, and panelist for the New Jersey Institute for Continuing Legal Education as well as the New Jersey Association of Justice. She advises men not to compromise with a soon-to-be ex before they understand their options, describing how to be amicable without agreeing to something you might regret later.
Many fathers walk into the divorce process feeling disempowered. And while it is true that the judicial system has historically been biased toward mothers, things are evolving. So, what can men do to advocate for their rights in divorce and avoid losing custody of their children?
Carrie Schultz is the Founder of MR. Men’s Rights Divorce & Family Law of New Jersey by Schultz & Associates. A recognized and sought-after matrimonial law attorney, Carrie is a frequent lecturer, moderator, and panelist for the New Jersey Institute for Continuing Legal Education as well as the New Jersey Association of Justice.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Carrie joins Katherine to discuss the most common mistakes men make in divorce and explain why so many fathers assume they’ll ‘lose their kids’ in the process. She advises men not to compromise with a soon-to-be ex before they understand their options, describing how to be amicable without agreeing to something you might regret later. Listen in to understand how the inclination to solve problems can backfire in divorce negotiations and learn Carrie’s top three things fathers should never do in the divorce process.
Topics Covered
What inspired Carrie to focus her practice on men’s rights in divorce The common mistakes men make in the divorce process Why so many men assume they will ‘lose their kids’ as a result of divorce The perceived fears both men and women have around the divorce negotiation process How the inclination to solve problems can backfire in divorce negotiations Why you shouldn’t compromise with your spouse before you understand your options How to talk to your spouse without agreeing to something you might regret later The top 3 things fathers should avoid in the divorce process What men should do if they’re victims/accused of domestic violence
Connect with Carrie Schultz
MR. Men’s Rights Divorce & Family Law of New Jersey: https://mensrightsdivorcelaw.com/
MR. Men’s Rights Divorce on Twitter: https://twitter.com/familylawyersnj
Schultz & Associates on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Schultzfamilylaw/
Carrie at MR. Men’s Rights Divorce & Family Law: https://mensrightsdivorcelaw.com/attorneys/carrie-schultz/
Email theteam@schultzfamilylaw.com
Call (201) 880-9770
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Even if you craft the perfect divorce agreement, disputes still arise post-divorce. As circumstances change, conflicts come up. So, what should you do when you and your ex disagree? How might you leverage mediation to resolve those conflicts with less frustration and resentment?
Even if you craft the perfect divorce agreement, disputes still arise post-divorce. As circumstances change, conflicts come up. So, what should you do when you and your ex disagree? How might you leverage mediation to resolve those conflicts with less frustration and resentment?
Erik Wheeler is the Founder and Family Mediator at Accord Mediation, a practice out of Burlington, Vermont, that specializes in divorce and post-divorce mediation. Erik uses conflict resolution and divorce mediation to help couples navigate disagreements around parenting schedules, custody and finances. Erik is also the co-creator of Divorce Peacefully, a webinar designed to educate divorcing couples about the alternatives to litigation—mediation and collaborative divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Erik joins Katherine to discuss the most common conflicts that come up after a divorce, explaining why it’s crucial to get granular on the details of your parenting agreement. He describes how a mediator can help facilitate difficult discussions and shares his approach to resolving conflicts like who will claim the children on their taxes and how to split your kid’s expenses. Listen in for Erik’s insight on the challenges that come up when one parent relocates and learn how mediation can help you and your ex find solutions that work well for your family’s future.
Topics Covered
Erik’s insight on the kinds of conflict that come up after a divorce
Why it’s crucial for divorcing couples to get specific on the details of their parenting agreement
How the introduction of new partners can exacerbate conflict in divorced couples
How a mediator helps facilitate difficult discussions by focusing on interests vs. positions
What makes mediation a better option than litigation in finding solutions that work well for your family
How to resolve conflicts around who will claim the children on taxes
The challenges that come up when one parent relocates
Erik’s approach to conflicts around splitting your kid’s expenses (including tuition)
Why Erik suggests going to mediation as soon as a conflict arises
Connect with Erik Wheeler
Accord Mediation: https://www.accordmediationvt.com/
Accord Mediation on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vermontmediator/
Call (802) 391-4121
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Erik’s Divorce Peacefully Webinar: https://howtodivorcepeacefully.com/
SupportPay: https://supportpay.com/
2Houses: https://www.2houses.com/en
Anxiety around money puts a strain on any relationship. But for blended families, there’s an added layer of complexity. Who will pay for what? And where is the money coming from? The good news is, remarried couples can alleviate a lot of that stress with a little planning.
Jay Mota is a Certified Financial Planner and Chartered Financial Consultant with Prudential Financial. Born and raised in the Bronx, Jay served in both the US Marine Corps and Army National Guard before transitioning to financial services. Jay studied at NYU, Fordham University and The American College of Financial Services, earning degrees in Business Management, Marketing and Communication. With 20 years of experience in financial planning, Jay is a sought-after international speaker on financial wellness and other industry-related topics.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jay joins Katherine to discuss the finer points of financial planning for the blended family, explaining how disputes around alimony and child support take both a financial and emotional toll on all involved. He addresses the financial expectations of stepparents, challenging remarried couples to have an honest conversation about their current circumstances as well as their goals for the future. Listen in for Jay’s insight on estate planning in a blended family and learn how to make sure your children from a previous marriage are taken care of after you’re gone.
Topics Covered
Why Jay recommends that blended families track their income and expenses
How disputes around alimony and child support take an emotional and financial toll on a blended family
How Jay helps blended families identify the financial facts today, understand each other’s goals and plan for the future
The financial expectations of a stepparent around paying for college
Communicating your decisions re: estate equalization and your stepchildren with your new spouse
The estate planning concerns associated with blended families (and what you can do to make sure your children from a previous marriage don’t get left out)
The value in envisioning how you want your estate to be handled and creating a plan right now
Jay’s fiduciary responsibility to introduce difficult conversations
Jay’s insight on the challenge of retirement planning in a blended family
Connect with Jay Mota
Emai: jay.mota@prudential.com
Call (929) 207-3838
Jay on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Jay.J.Mota/posts_to_page/
Jay on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaymota
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
FAFSA: https://studentaid.gov/
Alex Cirel serves as partner in the Matrimonial and Family Law Group at Warshaw Burstein. Alex is also a recognized leader in the area of reproductive family law, and she was instrumental in the recent passage of the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) , the legislation that legalizes gestational surrogacy in New York and ensures protections for New York families formed through assisted reproduction.
Family formation through gestational surrogacy can be a beautiful thing. It is also a lengthy, expensive process that comes with mental and emotional challenges. So, what do potential surrogates and intended parents, or IPs, need to know before they move forward? And how are both parties protected so that the surrogate-IP relationship thrives throughout the process?
Alexis Cirel serves as partner in the Matrimonial and Family Law Group at Warshaw Burstein. Alexis is also a recognized leader in the area of reproductive family law, and she was instrumental in the recent passage of the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) , the legislation that legalizes gestational surrogacy in New York and ensures protections for New York families formed through assisted reproduction.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Alexis joins Katherine to discuss how the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is formed, explaining what motivates women to serve as surrogates and how the CPSA provides a team of support for all involved. She walks us through the extensive provisions required by law in every surrogacy agreement and describes how negotiated provisions can be tailored specifically to the parties involved. Listen in for Alexis’s insight on how surrogates are compensated and learn how the surrogacy process can both put stress on a marriage and bring intended parents together.
Topics Covered
How the Child-Parent Security Act legalized gestational surrogacy in New York State
Why the CPSA is considered the gold standard for assisted reproductive technology
How the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents is formed
What motivates women to serve as surrogates
How the CPSA builds in ongoing protections to make sure the relationship between the surrogate and intended parents thrives throughout the process
The extensive provisions required by law in every surrogacy agreement
How negotiated provisions can be tailored to the specific parties involved
How surrogates are compensated and what a surrogate might ask for beyond base compensation
Where to find resources for professionals involved in the surrogacy process
The financial, mental and emotional challenges associated with entering into a surrogacy arrangement and what happens if the intended parents separate or divorce
How the surrogacy process can both put stress on a marriage and bring a couple together
Connect with Alexis Cirel
Email: acirel@wbny.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Child-Parent Security Act: https://health.ny.gov/vital_records/child_parent_security_act/
Reproductive Technology Law at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/reproductive-law-planning
American Society for Reproductive Medicine: https://www.asrm.org/
How do you talk to your partner about money? How about your kids? Many of us are afraid to discuss our finances, so we avoid the subject altogether. But what if you had a new way to initiate the money conversation with your family?
How do you talk to your partner about money? How about your kids? Many of us are afraid to discuss our finances, so we avoid the subject altogether. But what if you had a new way to initiate the money conversation with your family?
Judith Stern Peck is the Director of the Money and Family Life Project at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she serves as Senior Faculty. She has 40 years of experience as a family therapist and family business consultant, helping people break through the barriers of talking about money. Judith is also the author of Money and Meaning: New Ways to Have Conversations About Money with Your Clients—A Guide for Therapists, Coaches and Other Professionals.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to explain why money is still such a taboo subject for most people and describe why it’s challenging for many divorcing couples to have explicit discussions about their finances. She introduces us to her framework for talking about money, walking us through an exercise for recognizing when your spending contradicts your values. Listen in for Judith’s insight on getting educated around your household finances and learn a new approach to communicating with your family about money.
Topics Covered
How money carries many different subconscious meanings for people
How to communicate money decisions to your children
Why money is still such a taboo subject for most people
The challenge of talking about money when a couple has established the provider-distributor dynamic
Why the shift from an implicit contract to explicit discussions about money feels uncomfortable for divorcing couples
What people can do to start having better conversations around money
Judith’s exercise for aligning your financial decisions with your values
Recognizing when your spending contradicts your values and having a conversation about it
Judith’s advice for people in families where money is used to control or manipulate behavior
Why getting educated about the use of money in your family is the first step toward spending with intention and taking ownership of financial decisions
Connect with Judith Stern Peck
Judith at Ackerman Institute for the Family: https://www.ackerman.org/faculty/judith-stern-peck-lcsw/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Judith’s Money and Family Life Research: https://www.ackerman.org/faculty/judith-stern-peck-lcsw/
Money and Meaning: New Ways to Have Conversations About Money with Your Clients—A Guide for Therapists, Coaches and Other Professionals by Judith Stern Peck: https://www.amazon.com/Money-Meaning-Conversations-Clients-Professionals/dp/0470083425
A marriage is more than a romantic alliance. In the eyes of the law, saying I do makes you part of a financial partnership and social unit. And that has implications for EVERY couple, not just the rich and famous. So, what makes a prenuptial agreement a good idea? Is there a way to initiate the discussion without offending your husband- or wife-to-be?
Soumya Evans is a family lawyer, trained mediator and experienced litigator with a clear understanding of the emotional and psychological issues affecting families in separation and divorce. She has been practicing family law exclusively since 2013 and joined Miller Law Group 18 months ago to continue her work helping divorcing couples find solutions that prioritize the family’s wellbeing.
On this episode of the podcast, Soumya joins Katherine to explain why everyone should consider a prenuptial agreement, describing how it creates guidelines for a couple in the event of divorce or death. She introduces us to the difference between separate versus marital property and describes what can and cannot be dictated by the terms of a prenup. Listen in for Soumya’s insight on raising the issue in a non-adversarial way and learn how a prenuptial agreement can benefit you and your future spouse.
Topics Covered
How a prenuptial agreement creates guidelines in the event to divorce or death
Why every couple should consider a prenuptial agreement
How estate planning can be customized to your specific circumstances
The difference between separate property and marital property
Why a prenup can be especially important if you have children from a prior relationship
What can and cannot be dictated by the terms of a prenuptial agreement
How a lawyer can help a less-moneyed partner understand their rights and negotiate for the best possible arrangement under a prenuptial agreement
How long before the wedding Soumya recommends negotiating the prenup
How to raise the issue of a prenup in a non-adversarial way
Why you shouldn’t be offended if your partner asks you to consider a prenup
Connect with Soumya Evans Soumya at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/our-attorneys/soumya-evans/ Email soumya@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 862-7487
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Dating after divorce is intimidating, especially for those of us who never dreamed we’d be looking for love online. So, how do you know when you’re ready to get back into the dating scene? How do you choose the right app? And how do you build a profile that reflects the best version of you?
Alyssa Dineen is the dating coach and personal stylist behind Style My Profile, a consulting agency that helps clients feel better about online dating. Style My Profile is a first-of-its-kind service that offers 1:1 profile help and wardrobe consultation as well as a Mindful Dating Workshop and Membership Program. Alyssa’s has 20-plus years of styling expertise, and her work has been featured on the Today Show, NBC and The New York Times, among many other national media outlets.
On this episode of the podcast, Alyssa joins Katherine to discuss dating after divorce, encouraging us to look at online dating as a language we can pick up with a little practice. She explains why staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for anyone (including your kids) and challenges us to make sure we’re ready to date before we go online. Listen in for Alyssa’s insight on choosing the right dating app for you and get her top tips for putting together an intentional, creative online dating profile.
Topics Covered
Why staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for anyone (including your kids)
How to get past feeling intimidated about dating after a divorce
The importance of modeling a happy, functional relationship for your children
Alyssa’s take on online dating as a new language that you can pick up with practice
How to find the right dating app for you based on age, lifestyle and where you live
Alyssa’s argument for online dating vs. meeting someone in real life
Alyssa’s advice around making sure you’re ready to date again before you create a profile
Why it’s crucial to put effort and creativity into your profile pictures and bio
Why casual photos of you doing things in real life are better than studio shots
How Alyssa serves clients who need support with online dating
Connect with Alyssa Dineen Style My Profile: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Alyssa on Divorce Dialogues EP099: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/ Alyssa’s 12-Week Mindful Dating Webinar: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/mindful-dating-workshop/ Alyssa’s Dynamic Dating Membership Program: https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/dynamic-dating-membership/ Match: https://www.match.com/ Bumble: https://bumble.com/
As society evolves, the landscape of what a family looks like and who can be parents is changing, too. More and more single people, same-sex couples, transgender individuals and people with medical issues are building families by way of surrogacy or adoption. So, what do those of us who are considering surrogacy need to think about before we start the process?
Lisa Schuman is the licensed clinical social worker behind The Center for Family Building, an organization working to make the journey to parenthood easier. She also serves as the Director of Mental Health Services for Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut and Gay Parents to Be. Lisa offers counseling for parents and children who formed their families through sperm and egg donation or adoption, and she recently testified as a surrogacy expert for the New York State Senate Judiciary Committee.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to discuss the pros and cons of New York’s new surrogacy law and explain why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents. She describes the separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor, offering insight on how intended parents decide whether to contribute their own genetic material and why it’s important that everyone involved knows what to expect. Listen in for Lisa’s advice on how to best support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues as they build families through surrogacy.
Topics Covered
Lisa’s take on the pros and cons of New York State’s new surrogacy law Why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents The four categories of people who might use surrogacy to build a family The process Lisa uses to make sure the intended parents, the surrogate and her partner (if she has one) know what to expect The separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor How intended parents decide whether to use a sperm donor or contribute their own genetic material Lisa’s insight on the psychological impact of a child being biologically related to one parent and not the other The altruistic personality type of a typical surrogate How to support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues who are building their families through surrogacy Lisa’s advice on getting educated before you look for a surrogacy clinic
Connect with Lisa Schuman
The Center for Family Building: http://familybuilding.net/ The Center for Family Building on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecenterforfamilybuilding/?hl=en Email lisa@familybuilding.net: mailto:lisa@familybuilding.net
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Family Equality Council’s LGBTQ Family Building Survey: https://www.familyequality.org/resources/lgbtq-family-building-survey/ American Society for Reproductive Medicine: https://www.asrm.org/ ASRM’s Surrogacy Resources: https://www.asrm.org/topics/topics-index/gestational-carrier/ ASRM’s Recommendations for Practices Utilizing Gestational Carriers: https://www.asrm.org/globalassets/asrm/asrm-content/news-and-publications/practice-guidelines/for-non-members/recs_for_practices_utlizing_gestational_carriers.pdf New York’s New Surrogacy Law: https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/governor-cuomo-unveils-16th-proposal-2020-state-state-legalizing-gestational-surrogacy
For couples who can’t carry their own child, surrogacy is a viable option. And yet, the law in many states recognizes the surrogate as the legal mother and forces intended parents to work through the adoption process. So, how does surrogacy work? And how is the legislation changing in New York?
For couples who can’t carry their own child, surrogacy is a viable option. And yet, the law in many states recognizes the surrogate as the legal mother and forces intended parents to work through the adoption process. So, how does surrogacy work? And how is the legislation changing in New York?
Yifat Shaltiel is the Founder and Attorney-Director of Surrogate Steps, an agency that helps individuals of all family types become parents through surrogacy. An expert on surrogacy and reproductive law, Yifat has been featured on MSNBC and Fox News, presented at Cornell University and the Women’s Bar Association of New York State, and testified for the New York State Legislature.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Yifat joins Katherine to discuss how the laws around surrogacy are changing in New York, describing the risks intended parents faced up until now and how the new legislation makes the process easier. She explains the technology used in in vetro fertilization or IVF and shares her experience around one parent being genetically related to the child while the other is not. Listen in for Yifat’s insight on the emotions associated with having a baby through surrogacy and learn how an agency like Surrogate Steps matches intended parents with a surrogate they can trust.
Topics Covered
How surrogacy helps couples with infertility issues as well as the LGBT community
The difference between traditional and gestational surrogacy and why traditional surrogacy can be a riskier process
How the laws around surrogacy are changing in New York on February 15, 2021
Why intended parents had to trust that the surrogate would follow their memorandum of understanding under previous law
How the new law will recognize the intended parents as the legal parents when the child is born
The technology used in the IVF process to inject sperm into an egg
How egg donors in IVF surrender their rights to the clinic or intended parents
Why couples usually care more about having a healthy baby than who is genetically related to the child and who isn’t
Why counseling is recommended for couples who have children through surrogacy
How a surrogacy agency assists in matching intended parents with a surrogate they can trust
Connect with Yifat Shaltiel
Surrogate Steps: https://surrogatesteps.com/ Surrogate Steps on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YourSurrogateSteps Surrogate Steps on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surrogatesteps/ Surrogate Steps on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@surrogatesteps?
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
New York’s New Surrogacy Law: https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/governor-cuomo-unveils-16th-proposal-2020-state-state-legalizing-gestational-surrogacy
Divorce is an emotional roller coaster. You might feel shock, fear, hope, sadness, gratitude and anger—and that’s just in one afternoon. So, what can you expect to feel as you move through the divorce process? And how can you work through those emotional stages with as much grace and dignity as possible?
EP: 143
Jackie Pilossoph Working Through the 10 Emotional Stages of Divorce
Divorce is an emotional roller coaster. You might feel shock, fear, hope, sadness, gratitude and anger—and that’s just in one afternoon. So, what can you expect to feel as you move through the divorce process? And how can you work through those emotional stages with as much grace and dignity as possible?
Jackie Pilossoph is the Creator and Editor-in-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, an online divorce support community designed to empower and inspire women and men during and after divorce. A former television journalist with a Master’s in Communication, Jackie is committed to helping people navigate divorce with grace, courage and gratitude. She is also the author of the Better Magazine weekly column Love Essentially.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jackie joins Katherine to discuss the ten emotional stages of divorce, describing the initial shock divorcing couples feel and the sadness that accompanies the end of a relationship. She explains why getting lawyers involved can induce panic and anxiety and explores how anger can either be destructive OR drive us to make necessary change. Listen in for Jackie’s insight around the feelings of hope and empowerment you can expect as you work through the process and learn how to navigate the strong, conflicting emotions that come with divorce.
Topics Covered
How her own feelings of isolation inspired Jackie to write about divorce
The very strong, conflicting emotions you feel through the divorce process
Jackie’s insight around the ten emotional stages of divorce
Shock and disbelief Sadness Panic, fear and anxiety Anger and resentment Tinge of excitement and hope Frustration Gratitude Acceptance Empowerment Peace
What couples can do to find their way through divorce and avoid a lawsuit
How anger can be destructive OR drive us to make necessary changes
The experiences that might offer us a feeling of empowerment in divorce
Why it’s crucial to be patient as you navigate a lengthy divorce process
Developing a sense of gratitude for what was good about your marriage
Jackie’s advice around who to talk to first if you’re considering a divorce
Connect with Jackie Pilossoph
Divorced Girl Smiling: https://www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com/
The Divorced Girl Smiling Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DivorcedGirlSmiling
Love Essentially: https://better.net/love-essentially/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
‘The Emotional Stages of Divorce Are Like a Roller Coaster Ride’ by Jackie Pilossoph: https://better.net/love-essentially/
‘Going Through a Divorce? A Word That Will Keep You Out of the Garbage Chute’ by Jackie Pilossoph: https://www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com/going-through-a-divorce-a-word-that-will-keep-you-out-of-the-garbage-chute/
Though it’s been proven that girls are just as good at math as boys, the cultural assumption that men are better at managing money persists. And in the divorce process, many women (even the smart, capable ones) struggle with financial decisions. So, what are the systemic myths that keep women from having a good relationship with money? And what can we do to change that?
Financial Therapist Carrie Rattle is the Founder and CEO of Behavioral Cents, a coaching practice dedicated to helping professional women build wealth by learning how to get out of debt, save money, or protect their assets during a divorce. A financial executive with 30 years of experience in the banking industry, Carrie teaches women to build money-life balance and align their values with their spending.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Carrie joins Katherine to discuss the five unique hurdles that separate women from a good relationship with money. She introduces us to the princess syndrome, explaining how parents treat girls differently when it comes to finances and what’s problematic about the cultural assumption that men are better with money. Listen in for Carrie’s insight into the not-good-enough messaging women get from the media and learn what we can do to combat the fear, shame and social assumptions that impact a woman’s confidence around money.
Topics Covered
What inspired Carrie to focus her work around women and money Why it’s crucial for divorce professionals to understand where women are coming from when it comes to money The five hurdles that separate women from a good relationship with money How parents treat girls differently when it comes to finances The difference between general financial literacy and connecting how our behaviors translate to expenses How the princess syndrome impacts young girls and influences their attitude toward money The problem with our false cultural assumption that men are better at managing money The not-good-enough message women get from the media and how it impacts their confidence around money Why investing is a lot less complex than most women think and how Carrie teaches asset allocation
Connect with Carrie Rattle
Behavioral Cents: https://www.behavioralcents.com/ Email carrierattle@behavioralcents.com Call (914) 923-6081 Stopping Overshopping
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Sarah Coyne’s Study on Disney Princesses: http://commons.princeton.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/87/2019/01/Coyne-et-al.-2016-Pretty-as-a-Princess-Longitudinal-Effects-of-Enga.pdf Geena Davis Institute of Gender in Media: https://seejane.org/
When our children are growing up, we cover the electrical outlets. We make sure they wear bike helmets and drink organic milk. We go out of our way to ensure that they are safe and healthy and happy. And yet, many parents fail to protect their kids from the toxicity of a high-conflict divorce. So, what can we do to set aside our feelings for our ex and make things better for our children?
When our children are growing up, we cover the electrical outlets. We make sure they wear bike helmets and drink organic milk. We go out of our way to ensure that they are safe and healthy and happy. And yet, many parents fail to protect their kids from the toxicity of a high-conflict divorce. So, what can we do to set aside our feelings for our ex and make things better for our children?
Sarah Armstrong is the author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved. Sarah began her career with Leo Burnett before joining the Coca-Cola Worldwide Media team in 1997. In 2017, she transitioned to a leading global management consulting firm where she serves as Partner. After her own marriage ended, Sarah became the go-to advisor for her divorcing friends and was inspired to write The Mom’s Guide... to share that wisdom with the world.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Sarah joins Katherine to discuss the responsibility we have to take co-parenting seriously and bring our kids up in the healthiest environment possible. She introduces us to the key components of a good divorce, offering insight on how to approach decision-making with your ex and compartmentalize your feelings to focus on what’s best for your children. Listen in for Sarah’s advice on how to course correct and end up with a good divorce—even if it didn’t start off that way.
Topics Covered
The experiences that inspired Sarah to write The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce
Sarah’s argument against the societal perception that you cannot have a good divorce
The potential to have a good divorce even if it’s one-sided
The responsibility we have to take co-parenting seriously and bring our kids up in the healthiest environment possible
The key components of a good divorce
Sarah’s advice on approaching your ex with one shift that will make things better for your children
How to minimize your child’s feeling that they are a professional traveler
The top two mistakes divorced couples make that adversely impact their children
Engaging your kids for help in creating new holiday traditions
Strengthening your compartmentalization muscle and taking care of yourself in this time of unexpected togetherness
How to course correct and end up with a good divorce (even if it didn’t start off that way)
Connect with Sarah Armstrong
Mom’s Guide to Good Divorce: https://www.momsguidetogooddivorce.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved by Sarah Armstrong: https://www.momsguidetogooddivorce.com/
The COVID pandemic has put extra pressure on even the healthiest marriages. And for couples who were already struggling, sheltering in place together has exacerbated our issues. But how do you know if it’s bad enough to call it quits?
Kira Gould is a Certified Divorce Coach and Real Estate Divorce Specialist dedicated to transforming the divorce process from an adversarial knock-down-drag-out to an intention-driven, family-focused journey in personal evolution. She is also the Founder of Getting Unmarried, a coaching platform that helps clients move on with clarity, compassion and positive intention.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Kira joins Katherine to discuss the signs that a marriage is beyond saving, challenging us to ask, ‘Do I have anything left to give this relationship?’ She describes the early warning signs that a couple should get help, explaining how little annoyances can escalate into a battle of ill wills and why vulnerability is a crucial component of healthy communication. Listen in for insight on the physical and emotional displacement of moving when a marriage ends and learn how a real estate divorce expert can help you find a sense of comfort and joy in your new space.
Topics Covered
How to recognize when your marriage is beyond saving The connection between physical and emotional intimacy The early warning signs that you and your partner should get help (before it’s too late) Learning to communicate effectively with your spouse The power in asking, ‘Do I have anything left to give this relationship?’ How little annoyances can escalate into a battle of ill wills Why vulnerability is crucial to healthy communication Showing up in a way that encourages open dialogue vs. letting your anger build Treating your partner with kindness + being present to their bids for attention Kira’s insight on the physical and emotional displacement of moving due to divorce Finding a sense of joy and comfort in being in a new space Kira’s ideas for how to honor the home you shared
Connect with Kira Gould Getting Unmarried: https://www.getting-unmarried.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Books by John Gottman: https://www.amazon.com/John-Gottman/e/B002H0RGXA Snapfish: https://www.snapfish.com/home Shutterfly: https://www.shutterfly.com/
A lot of people stay in unhappy marriages because they don’t think they can afford not to. But if you’re willing to take a close look at your finances and enlist the help of the right professionals, you can come to a peaceful resolution and navigate a divorce settlement that ensures your financial security for the long term.
A lot of people stay in unhappy marriages because they don’t think they can afford not to. But if you’re willing to take a close look at your finances and enlist the help of the right professionals, you can come to a peaceful resolution and navigate a divorce settlement that ensures your financial security for the long term.
Stacy Francis is the Founder and CEO of Francis Financial, a fee-only, boutique wealth management, financial planning and divorce financial planning firm. A nationally-recognized financial expert with 18-plus years in the industry, she is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Divorce Financial Strategist and Certified Estate and Trust Specialist (CES). Stacy is also a member of the Forbes Finance Council, and she has appeared on CNBC, PBS and Good Morning America, among many other media outlets.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Stacy joins Katherine to explain why people are reluctant to take a close look at their finances and how she helps people get past their fear of judgement around money. She describes what differentiates a CDFA and how they can help you, offering advice on what questions to ask as you select your team of divorce professionals. Listen in for insight on making sure you’re financially secure after divorce and take the first step to getting a clear picture of your money situation.
Topics Covered
The most important thing you can do to make sure you’re financially secure for the long term after divorce Why people are reluctant to take a close look at their finances How Stacy’s team helps people get past their fear of judgement around money The first step for getting a clear picture of your money situation How you might use COVID to initiate a conversation with your spouse about your financial situation What differentiates a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and how they can help you Identifying what YOU need in a settlement to feel comfortable, knowledgeable and financially secure What to look for in a CDFA How the process and professionals you choose impact your ability to achieve a peaceful resolution Stacy’s top three tips for those of us contemplating divorce
Connect with Stacy Francis
Francis Financial: https://francisfinancial.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
NAPFA: https://www.napfa.org The Francis Financial White Paper: https://francisfinancial.com/divorce
Though most divorcing couples intend to put the best interests of their children first, their own emotions get in the way. So, how can divorced parents learn to prioritize their children’s needs and create a trusting and constructive co-parenting relationship? How can they help their kids build resilience in the aftermath of divorce?
Though most divorcing couples intend to put the best interests of their children first, their own emotions get in the way. So, how can divorced parents learn to prioritize their children’s needs and create a trusting and constructive coparenting relationship? How can they help their kids build resilience in the aftermath of divorce?
Risa Garon is the Cofounder and Executive Director of the National Family Resiliency Center (NFRC), an organization that provides counseling and educational programs to help children and adults cope, heal and navigate through divorce and other family transitions. Risa is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Life Educator with nearly 30 years of experience helping separating and divorced couples develop parenting plans that focus on the developmental needs of the children involved.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Risa joins Katherine to explain why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first. She walks us through the four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model, discussing how she considers what both parents want—but prioritizes the child’s needs. Listen in for insight on dealing with high-conflict parents and get Risa’s advice on minimizing stress over the holidays after a divorce.
Topics Covered
Why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first The four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model Risa’s insight on how to deal with parents in a high-conflict divorce How Risa considers what both parents want but prioritizes their children’s needs Training mental health professionals, judicial officers, attorneys and mediators to mitigate conflict Risa’s advice for minimizing stress over the holidays post-divorce Successful examples of incorporating old holiday traditions with new ones after a divorce Why Risa encourages divorced parents to chip in on one gift rather than buying presents separately What grieving parents can do on holidays they spend without their kids
Connect with Risa Garon
National Family Resiliency Center: https://www.nfrchelp.org/ Call (410) 740-9553
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Books by Risa Garon: https://www.amazon.com/Books-Risa-J-Garon/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ARisa+J.+Garon
Divorce is stressful. But there are things we can do to mitigate that stress and avoid the conflict that comes when our emotions get the best of us. In fact, implementing just one or two simple mindfulness techniques can go a long way in helping us get out of our heads and re-center—without having to master Lotus Pose.
Divorce is stressful. But there are things we can do to mitigate that stress and avoid the conflict that comes when our emotions get the best of us. In fact, implementing just one or two simple mindfulness techniques can go a long way in helping us get out of our heads and re-center—without having to master Lotus Pose.
Dr. Crystal Dea Moore is a Professor of Social Work at Skidmore College and the coauthor of The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want. Dr. Moore also has specialized training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), serving as both a practitioner and qualified teacher in the practice of using mindfulness strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, pain and other negative emotions.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Moore joins Katherine to define mindfulness and share the techniques we can use in our daily lives to reduce stress. She introduces us to the concept of ambiguous loss, challenging us to lean into our grief and leverage both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of divorce. Listen in for Dr. Moore’s insight on redefining your sense of identity after a divorce and learn how to gradually let go of resentment for your own sake—even if what your ex has done seems unforgivable.
Topics Covered
How mindfulness is defined as moment-to-moment awareness of the present Developing an awareness of the backstories we create that add to our stress How to introduce mindfulness into your daily life (without taking up Buddhism) How her own experience with divorce and an ability to be with loss led Dr. Moore to this work Allowing ourselves to lean into grief vs. burying the grief reaction The concept of ambiguous loss and what we can do to deal with it Leveraging both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of ambiguous loss Redefining our own sense of identity and reformulating who we are in relation to others after divorce How Dr. Moore thinks about forgiveness as a gradual letting go of negative thoughts and feelings toward someone who wronged you Dr. Moore’s advice on letting go of resentment in the aftermath of divorce
Connect with Dr. Crystal Moore
Dr. Crystal Online: https://www.drcrystalonline.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want by Mark S. Rye, PhD, and Crystal Dea Moore, PhD: https://www.drcrystalonline.com/
Dr. Pauline Boss on Ambiguous Loss: https://www.ambiguousloss.com/
It’s hard enough to understand what Social Security benefits you may be entitled to as a married person, but once you’re divorced… Well, it’s complicated. Can you claim spousal benefits on an ex-spouse? What happens if your ex remarries? Or passes away?
It’s hard enough to understand what Social Security benefits you may be entitled to as a married person, but once you’re divorced… Well, it’s complicated. Can you claim spousal benefits on an ex-spouse? What happens if your ex remarries? Or passes away?
James McGlynn is the CEO at Next Quarter Century, a retirement planning firm out of Fort Worth, Texas. He spent 35 years serving clients as a mutual fund manager before transitioning to retirement planning and developing an expertise in maximizing Social Security benefits. James is both a Chartered Financial Analyst and Retirement Income Certified Professional, and he earned his Bachelor’s in Accounting and Finance at the University of Texas at Austin.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, James joins Katherine to offer an overview of the Social Security program, explaining how the spousal benefit is calculated and how long a married couple has to wait before they can claim it. He describes when a divorced person can collect spousal and survivor benefits (even if their ex remarries) and how to inform the Social Security Administration that you want to claim on an ex-spouse. Listen in for James’ insight on maximizing your Social Security benefits and learn what factors to consider in deciding whether to file as soon as you can—or wait until you turn 70.
Topics Covered
An overview of the Social Security program and when Americans qualify to receive benefits How the spousal benefit works and how the amount is calculated The factors to consider in deciding when to claim your Social Security benefits How long a married couple has to wait before claiming the spousal benefit How an ex-spouse can claim spousal benefits if they were married for at least 10 years What happens if a person has two former spouses and they were married to each for 10+ years Informing the Social Security Administration that you want to claim a spousal benefit on an ex How Social Security survivor benefits differ between a divorced spouse and a widower What happens when your ex-spouse has remarried and you both claim survivor benefits How your spousal benefit changes when your ex-spouse passes away Why you may want to wait to remarry until after the age of 60 When and how to switch from collecting on your own benefits to collecting on an ex-spouse
Connect with James McGlynn
Next Quarter Century: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/divorce-and-social-security Email james@nextquartercentury.com Call (817) 602-8859
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
James’ Blog on Who Should File for Social Security Early: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/who-should-file-for-social-security-early-age-62 James’ Blog on Social Security and Divorce: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/divorce-and-social-security Call the Social Security Administration at 1-800-SSA-1213
While the overall divorce rate in the US has declined, gray divorce is on the rise. In fact, among adults over 50, the divorce rate has doubled in the last 30 years! Why are older Americans divorcing at such a dramatic rate? And what does it mean for their finances?
Lisa Decker is a nationally recognized expert in the financial matters of divorce. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Real Estate Collaboration Specialist in Divorce, she offers flat-fee divorce financial planning services to clients across the country via coaching, consulting and full analysis options. Lisa is also the creator of several innovative online resources, including Divorce Money Matters and Divorce Town USA, and she has been featured in Money Magazine, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times, among many other national media publications.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to explain why the divorce rate is highest among couples over the age of 50 and discuss the consequences of gray divorce. She explores why the financial impact can be greater for older divorcing couples, introducing us to the idea of financial infidelity and sharing real-life examples from her practice. Listen in for Lisa’s insight on the costliest mistakes divorcing couples make (and how to avoid them!) and learn to be a proactive partner when it comes to matters of your health and wealth.
Topics Covered
Why the divorce rate is highest among couples over the age of 50 The harmful health and financial consequences of gray divorce What kind of behavior rises to the level of financial infidelity The level of secrecy that distinguishes financial infidelity from other tensions around money in a relationship Why the financial impact is often greater in the case of gray divorce Why second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce Lisa’s insight around costly divorce mistakes (and how to avoid them) Lisa’s challenge to be a proactive partner in all matters of your health and wealth Why you should start gathering your financial documents before you file for divorce Building a team that includes an attorney, divorce financial planner and therapist or coach
Connect with Lisa Decker
Divorce Money Matters: https://www.divorcemoneymatters.com/ Divorce Town USA: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources Bowling Green State University’s Research on Gray Divorce: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/ National Center for Family and Marriage Research: https://aspe.hhs.gov/national-center-family-and-marriage-research-current-opportunities Amicable Divorce Network: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/service-providers/amicable-divorce-network
Do you feel stuck in the pain of divorce? Are you having a hard time moving on? Like any other loss, divorce triggers the grief process. And you have to move through the stages of grief if you want to heal.
EP: 134
Whitney Boole To Heal from Divorce, Move Through Your Grief
Do you feel stuck in the pain of divorce? Are you having a hard time moving on? Like any other loss, divorce triggers the grief process. And you have to move through the stages of grief if you want to heal.
Whitney Boole is the licensed marriage and family therapist behind Beach Cities Psychotherapy, a private practice based in Hermosa Beach, California, where she specializes in trauma, codependency, relationship issues, parenting and grief and loss. Whitney is also the author of You Got This: Healing Through Divorce and the creator of Heal Through Divorce, a platform designed to empower people through the divorce process and offer them the therapeutic tools for healing.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogue, Whitney joins Katherine to share her own experience of loneliness in divorce, describing the journey of self-discovery that helped her move through the pain and take advantage of the opportunity for transformation. She explains why it’s crucial to lean into self-care during the divorce process and introduces us to breathing techniques for harnessing our fear in challenging circumstances. Listen in for Whitney’s insight on renegotiating relationships with friends and family when a marriage ends and learn how to navigate the stages of grief and heal through divorce.
Topics Covered
How Whitney’s experience of loneliness in divorce inspired You Got This
Whitney’s insight on renegotiating friendships in the aftermath of divorce
The grief involved when our relationships with our former in-laws change
The danger in dating before you’ve moved through the pain and grief of divorce
Who would benefit most from reading You Got This
Whitney’s advice on leaning into self-care as you begin the divorce process
Whitney’s guidance around choosing a divorce lawyer carefully
Using breathing techniques to harness your fear and be less reactive
The opportunity for healing, transformation and growth that comes from divorce
Understanding that your ex’s infidelity is not a reflection on your worth
Connect with Whitney Boole
Heal Through Divorce
Whitney’s Website
You Got This Facebook Group
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
You Got This: Healing Through Divorce by Whitney Boole: https://www.amazon.com/You-Got-This-Healing-Through/dp/1733849009 Whitney’s Blog Post: Learn from My $500 Meltdown So You Don’t Have One Too: http://www.whitneyboole.com/new-blog/2020/7/10/divorce-learn-from-my-500-meltdown-so-you-dont-have-one-too Whitney’s Conquering Divorce Grief Video Series: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/grief/ Whitney’s Blog Post: The Secrets Wounds of Infidelity—It’s Not Because You Weren’t Enough: http://www.whitneyboole.com/new-blog/2019/2/14/it-was-not-because-you-werent-enough-the-secret-wounds-of-infidelity Whitney’s Mastering ‘The Talk’ Program: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/mastering-the-talk/ Whitney’s Healing Through Divorce Transformational Coaching Experience: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/thrive/
For victims of domestic violence, the actual separation from an abusive spouse is a dangerous time. What resources are available to help survivors plan a safe exit? What can we do to protect ourselves and our kids from further harm? And what legal protections exist to support those of us who are divorcing an abusive spouse?
For victims of domestic violence, the actual separation from an abusive spouse is a dangerous time. What resources are available to help survivors plan a safe exit? What can we do to protect ourselves and our kids from further harm? And what legal protections exist to support those of us who are divorcing an abusive spouse?
Board Certified Family Law Specialist Lisa Angel is the President of Rosen Law Firm, a divorce law practice out of Raleigh, North Carolina. She has served as Chair of North Carolina’s Domestic Violence Commission and been named to Triangle’s list of Top 25 Women in Business. Lisa regularly helps domestic violence victims escape their abusers, and she is also the author of Smart Divorce: The End of a Marriage Isn’t the End of the World and 365 Divorce Meditations: Daily Lessons for the First Year of Your New Life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to define domestic violence, discussing the distinctions among physical, emotional and financial abuse. She explains why many men don’t identify abusive behavior as domestic violence and where victims of either gender can go for support in planning a safe way to exit. Listen in for Lisa’s advice for domestic violence survivors around issues of child custody and learn about the legal protections available to victims of abuse who file for divorce.
Topics Covered
The distinctions among physical, emotional and financial abuse Trusting the victim when they know it’s time to leave their abusive spouse Why men don’t report or even identify abusive behavior as domestic violence What Lisa does to help judges see patterns of abuse when her client is a man Lisa’s take on characterizing her clients as survivors vs. victims Where to go for support in planning the safest way to exit an abusive relationship Lisa’s advice for domestic violence survivors around child custody Lisa’s concerns re: how the pandemic is affecting domestic violence The legal protections available to victims of domestic violence filing for divorce
Connect with Lisa Angel Rosen Law Firm: https://www.rosen.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Smart Divorce: The End of a Marriage Isn’t the End of the World by Lee Rosen and Lisa Angel: https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Divorce-Marriage-Isnt-World-ebook/dp/B00KX7P5XM/
365 Divorce Meditations: Daily Lessons for the First Year of Your New Life by Lee Rosen and Lisa Angel: https://www.amazon.com/365-Divorce-Meditations-Daily-Lessons/dp/143925625X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394647621&sr=8-1&keywords=Lisa+Angel+divorce
Most divorcing couples are good at the blame game. They cast their former partner as the villain and spend a lot of time stewing in bitterness and anger. But if that kind of ongoing adversarial relationship is not what you want for your kids, there is a way to clean up the wreckage of the past and build something new. There is a way to have a happy divorce.
Most divorcing couples are good at the blame game. They cast their former partner as the villain and spend a lot of time stewing in bitterness and anger. But if that kind of ongoing adversarial relationship is not what you want for your kids, there is a way to clean up the wreckage of the past and build something new. There is a way to have a happy divorce.
Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond are the coauthors and coparents behind Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together. They are also the cocreators of Our Happy Divorce, a platform designed to empower people to think differently about divorce, coparenting, stepparenting, and what it means to put kids first.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Nikki and Ben join Katherine to explain how their definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time and discuss the process they went through to build the relationship they have today. They offer advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness, describing how they make decisions based on what’s best for their son and why you can’t live in the past if you want a happy divorce. Listen in for Nikki and Ben’s insight on owning your role in a breakup and learn how to facilitate your own happy divorce!
Topics Covered
How Ben & Nikki’s definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time What prompted Ben to give up trying to destroy Nikki and pursue a happy divorce Nikki’s experience at the end of her marriage to Ben Ben & Nikki’s advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness Why Ben & Nikki had to forgive themselves first for the failure of their marriage Why former couples can’t live in the past if they want a happy divorce How Ben & Nikki make decisions based on what’s best for their son The long process it took for Ben & Nikki to build the relationship they have today Ben & Nikki’s principles of a happy divorce Forgive first Swallow the ego Be accountable
Connect with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond
Our Happy Divorce: https://ourhappydivorce.com/ Our Happy Divorce on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourhappydivorce/?hl=en Our Happy Divorce on Twitter: https://twitter.com/OurHappyDivorce Our Happy Divorce on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ourhappydivorce/ Our Happy Divorce Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/923343194711864/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together by Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond: https://mascotbooks.com/mascot-marketplace/buy-books/nonfiction/self-help-diy/our-happy-divorce/
Substance abuse adds another layer of complexity to the divorce process. So, what do you need to consider if you’re divorcing an addict? And what if you’re struggling with alcoholism or drug abuse yourself?
Substance abuse adds another layer of complexity to the divorce process. So, what do you need to consider if you’re divorcing an addict? And what if you’re struggling with alcoholism or drug abuse yourself?
Attorney Aaron Thomas is the Founder of Aaron Thomas Law, a family law practice based in Atlanta, Georgia. Aaron began his legal career in 2002 as an in-house staff attorney for Habitat for Humanity International. He also served as a trial attorney in the Dekalb County Public Defender’s office for four years before starting his own practice and shifting his focus exclusively to family law in 2007.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Aaron joins Katherine to discuss how substance abuse impacts the divorce process. He explains how drug addiction and alcoholism affect a judge’s decision-making around child custody, child support, division of assets and spousal support. Listen in to understand how Aaron handles a case differently when he represents the addicted party and learn what you should think about as the spouse of an addict considering divorce.
Topics Covered
Why substance abuse is rarely used as grounds for divorce even if that’s the issue How alcoholism and drug addiction impact child custody When (and why) a judge might award the addicted spouse a lesser share of the marital assets How Aaron handles a case differently when he represents the addicted party The trend toward seeing addiction as an illness vs. criminal activity Why it’s exceptionally challenging to represent the spouse of an addict The consequences of making your spouse’s addiction public in the divorce process Why a judge might base child support on the amount the addicted party SHOULD be making What a judge considers before awarding alimony to the addicted party Aaron’s advice to the spouse of an addict considering divorce
Connect with Aaron Thomas
Aaron Thomas Law: https://www.aaronthomaslaw.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
If you’ve been blindsided by an unwanted divorce, the prospect of feeling joy again one day may seem impossible. But if you’re willing to do the work, you CAN choose better over bitter and take the first steps on the path to happily divorced.
If you’ve been blindsided by an unwanted divorce, the prospect of feeling joy again one day may seem impossible. But if you’re willing to do the work, you CAN choose better over bitter and take the first steps on the path to happily divorced.
India Kern is the Divorce Recovery Mentor behind India Kern Coaching, a practice dedicated to guiding clients through the transition from married to happily divorced. She specializes in working with people who feel stuck in their divorce pain, helping them gain confidence, build a sense of security, and find joy again. India is also the author of Surviving the Unwanted Divorce: Discover a Purpose-Driven Life After the Devastation of Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, India joins Katherine to share what it means to be happily divorced and explain how she learned who she was after her own marriage ended. She describes what uncertainty does to the mind, body and soul, challenging us to take inventory of our physical, emotional and spiritual health as a counterbalance to the fear of divorce. Listen in for India’s insight on moving through the grief in order to heal and learn how to take your first step on the path to happily divorced!
Topics Covered
How India’s own painful divorce inspired her career as a divorce coach India’s description of what it means to be happily divorced Why women who define themselves through other people are rocked by divorce How to ‘welcome yourself back home’ in the aftermath of divorce The value in keeping a journal to track your progress + clarify your thoughts What fear and uncertainty does to your mind, body and soul The three areas of focus that help counterbalance the fear of divorce Physical health Emotional wellbeing Spiritual life Why moving through your grief is necessary in order to heal How grief comes back up if you don’t deal with it effectively The first step to get you started on the path to happily divorced
Connect with India Kern
India’s Website: https://www.indiakern.com/
Email connect@indiakern.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict Miller Law Group Katherine on LinkedIn The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Surviving the Unwanted Divorce: Discover a Purpose-Driven Life After the Devastation of Divorce by India L. Kern: https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Unwanted-Divorce-Purpose-Driven-Devastation/dp/1642998222
If you’re in the middle of a divorce, meal planning is probably at the bottom of your priority list. But the fact is, what you eat (or don’t eat) has a serious impact on the way you feel—and the way you feel about yourself. So, what can you do to maintain good nutrition through such a stressful time?
How do you know if your marriage is over? And once you know, how do you overcome the fears associated with divorce?
Debra Doak is a Certified Divorce Coach and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst on a mission to give women the confidence they need to speak up for what they deserve in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Debra specializes in helping women make difficult decisions about marriage and money, and she is the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women: Your Guide to Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce.
If you’re in the middle of a divorce, meal planning is probably at the bottom of your priority list. But the fact is, what you eat (or don’t eat) has a serious impact on the way you feel—and the way you feel about yourself. So, what can you do to maintain good nutrition through such a stressful time?
Kristin Kirkpatrick is the award-winning dietician and nutritionist behind KAK Consulting and manager of of Wellness Nutrition Services at the Cleveland Clinic. With 18-plus years of experience in the health management space, Kristin has appeared on the TODAY Show, NBC Nightly News and Dr. Oz, and her work has been featured in TIME Magazine, Oprah and Women’s Health.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Kristin joins Katherine to discuss the challenges around staying healthy during a stressful time. She explains why so many of us either gain or lose weight during a divorce, offering advice on how to manage what we eat and make choices that improve our mood. Listen in for Kristin’s insight around how stress impacts metabolism and learn what you can do to establish healthy eating habits—even in the midst of divorce.
Topics Covered
Why many of us either gain or lose weight during a divorce How to manage what we eat during a stressful time Link between food and mood Practice intuitive eating The link between low vitamin D and anxiety + depression The benefits and top sources of omega-3 fatty acids How to improve our overall gut health How stress impacts our metabolism in the short term The factors that influence our metabolism in the long term How resistance training has helped Kristin’s clients What gets in the way of establishing healthy habits Kristin’s own experience as an overweight child and teen The danger in tying our worth to a number (e.g.: size 2)
Connect with Kristin Kirkpatrick
Kristin’s Website: https://www.kristinkirkpatrick.com/ Kristin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/krissypicks/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Cleveland Clinic: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/ NYT Article on Pandemic Snacking: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/16/well/eat/pandemic-snacking-junk-food-habits-eating-weight.html
How do you know if your marriage is over? And once you know, how do you overcome the fears associated with divorce?
Debra Doak is a Certified Divorce Coach and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst on a mission to give women the confidence they need to speak up for what they deserve in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Debra specializes in helping women make difficult decisions about marriage and money, and she is the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women: Your Guide to Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Debra joins Katherine to discuss the signs that a marriage is over and offer guidance around what to do if you’re not sure whether to stay or go. She describes how she works with clients who are afraid to leave, walking us through her five-step process for identifying, challenging and reframing our fears about divorce. Listen in for Debra’s insight on taking off your grey-colored glasses to imagine a more fulfilling future and learn how to achieve self-reliance in the aftermath of divorce.
Topics Covered
Debra’s insight around the signs that a marriage is over The concept of negative sentiment override Asking your spouse to do 5 things that will make you 10% happier What to do if you’re not sure whether to stay or go Debra’s take on people who ‘didn’t know the marriage was THAT bad’ How Debra works with clients who are afraid to leave Debra’s 5 steps to DITCH your fears about divorce 1. Decide 2. Investigate 3. Team up 4. Campaign 5. Hope How to take off your grey-colored glasses and imagine a fulfilling future Why Debra focuses on helping women achieve self-reliance Debra’s experience working with women who were the breadwinner How Debra directs clients to the best divorce process for their situation
Connect with Debra Doak
Debra’s Website: https://debradoak.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
High-Conflict Divorce for Women: Your Guide to Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce by Debra Doak: https://www.amazon.com/High-Conflict-Divorce-Women-Coping-Strategies/dp/1641528192 The Gottman Institute’s Negative Sentiment Override Quiz: https://www.gottman.com/blog/quiz-negative-sentiment-override/
If you had trouble seeing eye to eye with your ex before the Coronavirus hit, the crisis likely magnified the issue. And with the current restrictions on travel, following your carefully crafted custody plan may be impossible. So, what is the best way to approach coparenting through COVID-19?
The Coronavirus has thrown us all for a loop, forcing us to take on multiple roles at once. Parents are struggling to work from home and homeschool our children at the same time, all while managing financial challenges and fears around the health and safety of the people we love. And divorced parents have the added pressure of coparenting in a time when our parenting plans just aren’t feasible. So, what can we do to avoid conflict with our ex and show up for our kids as the best possible version of ourselves?
Clinical psychologist Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is an internationally recognized expert in the field of children and divorce, appearing regularly as a keynote speaker at conferences around the globe. She has 35 years of clinical experience helping families navigate the transitions that accompany divorce and often serves as a child specialist in the collaborative law process. JoAnne is also the bestselling author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.
On this special edition of Divorce Dialogues, JoAnne joins Katherine to discuss the heightened stresses divorced parents are dealing with right now and encourage coparents who are struggling to reach out to a neutral third party. She explains why our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze in circumstances like these and what we can do to respond rather than react—and be the kind of parent we really want to be. Listen in for JoAnne’s insight on seeing your ex as a respected colleague in the business of raising your children and learn how you can help your child build resilience and thrive through divorce AND quarantine.
Topics Covered
The stresses divorced parents are dealing with through COVID-19 Emotions heightened in times of uncertainty Overwhelmed with managing multiple roles What to do when one parent wants to follow the parenting plan but the other is fearful Why it’s crucial to have a safe space for thinking through your options The value of a neutral third party to facilitate problem-solving (e.g.: family counselor) When our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze + why that’s not optimal for collaboration The relationship between self-care and our ability to be the kind of parent we want to be Why asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness Protecting your child’s health vs. trying to control your ex Renegotiating your relationship with your ex as business partners in raising children How conflict between parents adds to a child’s anxiety, fear and worry The two most powerful predictors of a child’s resilience in divorce Parents’ ability to contain conflict Quality of parenting itself
Connect with JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
JoAnne’s Website: http://www.pedro-carroll.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, PhD: http://www.pedro-carroll.com/
JoAnne on Divorce Dialogues EP035: https://divorcedialogues.com/parenting-strategies-to-help-children-thrive-through-divorce-with-dr-joanne-pedro-carroll/
The divorce rate among couples in second marriages with kids is somewhere between 64% and 72%. And part of the reason is that stepfamilies face unique challenges and may not have a realistic picture of just how long it takes for stepparents and stepchildren to get comfortable with each other.
Mary T. Kelly, M.A. is the marriage and family psychotherapist behind Real Stepfamilies, a platform designed to educate, normalize and offer practical solutions for the complexities of being part of a blended family. Her private practice in Boulder, Colorado, focuses on helping step-couples and stepfamilies, and she has 18-plus years of clinical experience in the space. Mary also runs support groups for stepmothers and serves as a contributing writer for Huffington Post and Stepmom Magazine.
On this episode, Mary joins Katherine to discuss the unique challenges faced by combined families with nonbiological members. She explains what’s behind the cultural stereotype of the ‘evil stepmother’ and describes the unrealistic expectations we have for what our blended family will look like. Listen in for Mary’s insight on establishing a good stepparent-stepchild relationship and learn what new stepfamilies can do to ease the transition for all involved.
Topics Covered
Why the solutions counselors use for nuclear families don’t work for stepfamilies What’s behind the cultural stereotype of the ‘evil stepmother’ The competing priorities of being a parent, a spouse and a stepparent simultaneously The challenge in taking on the role of stepmother when you don’t have kids of your own The therapeutic value of having camaraderie with other stepmoms What we can do to ease the transition for married couples with kids
Establishing realistic expectations for what your blended family will look like The pressure some women put on themselves to be the ‘best stepmom ever’ Why it’s crucial for couples in second marriages to set a regular date night Why men tend to be more permissive with their kids post-divorce Mary’s insight on what a good stepparent-stepchild relationship looks like
Connect with Mary T. Kelly
Real Stepfamilies Call (303) 594-5240
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Mary’s Meetup for Stepmoms: https://www.meetup.com/Stepmoms-AKA-Step-Monsters/
If you had trouble seeing eye to eye with your ex before the Coronavirus hit, the crisis likely magnified the issue. And with the current restrictions on travel, following your carefully crafted custody plan may be impossible. So, what is the best way to approach coparenting through COVID-19?
Cameron Goodman is the founder of Goodman Law Firm, a Chicago area boutique practice specializing in divorce and family law. With nearly 20 years of legal experience, Cameron is dedicated to helping families in transition move forward with their lives, leveraging the collaborative process whenever possible to produce favorable outcomes.
On this episode, Cameron joins Katherine to discuss the challenges of coparenting through COVID-19. He encourages divorced parents to prioritize their kids’ needs over their own and be flexible with custody plans in light of the pandemic, leveraging mediation to facilitate communication when needed. Listen in for Cameron’s insight on how the collaborative process helps coparents work together in a crisis and learn what you can do to demonstrate good parenting judgement in this unprecedented time.
Topics Covered
Being flexible with custody plans in the time of COVID-19 Cameron’s advice for his clients during the Coronavirus pandemic Prioritize kids’ needs over own Adjust schedule to minimize travel The particular challenge when divorced parents see the crisis differently When the courts in Illinois are granting ‘emergency relief’ Why it might show good parenting judgement to see your kids less right now How the collaborative process helps coparents work together in a crisis Cameron’s description of a high-conflict ‘scorched earth’ divorce The broader opportunity for creative solutions afforded by a collaborative team of professionals Cameron’s DO’S and DON’TS for coparenting through COVID-19 DO make child available to other parent by phone, follow jurisdiction’s orders for safety DON’T insist on travel exchanges How mediation can help facilitate communication between coparents What led Cameron to focus his practice on the collaborative process Connect with Cameron Goodman
Goodman Law Firm
Call (630) 474-6700
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Selling your home is a complex process in and of itself. But selling your home because of divorce adds another layer of complexity. How do you make decisions with an ex when you’re already struggling to communicate?
It’s difficult enough to move forward with your life after a divorce. But it’s harder yet if you’re still surrounded by the furniture, jewelry, or art acquired during the marriage. Tiffany Ann Beverlin argues that it’s not necessarily healthy to live among the ashes of broken marriage when you’re trying to build a new life. But where can you go to sell those items and get a fair price? Are there options beyond eBay or the local pawn shop?
Tiffany Ann is the Founder and CEO of Dreams Recycled, an online marketplace that specializes in selling items from a divorce, including engagement rings, bedroom sets and wedding dresses. Dreams Recycled also serves as an educational platform and resource guide, and the site has been recognized as the #1 divorce community in the US. In addition to running Dreams Recycled, Tiffany is a Certified Life Coach, Divorce Expert and author of My Dreams Recycled.
On this episode, Tiffany Ann joins Katherine to explain how her own divorce inspired the creation of Dreams Recycled, sharing the challenge she faced in reentering the workforce after 10-plus years as a stay-at-home mom. She describes the trend toward living with less she has seen in her work, offering insight around how the money generated from selling marital items can facilitate a new beginning. Listen in for Tiffany Ann’s advice on fighting for what really matters in a divorce and learn how you can benefit from letting go of the material things acquired during a marriage that’s ended.
Topics Covered
How Tiffany Ann’s own divorce inspired the creation of Dreams Recycled The challenge Tiffany Ann faced in reentering the workforce after a decade as a stay-at-home mom What it takes to start your own business as a parent of three The emotional relief associated with letting go of items like your engagement ring How Tiffany Ann thinks about deciding what to keep and what to sell The trend toward living with less that Tiffany Ann has seen in her work Turning the money generated from selling marital items into a new beginning The negativity and trauma that may be attached to jewelry Tiffany Ann’s advice for couples considering or initiating the divorce process When in doubt, take high road Stand up for best interest of children Know WHAT fighting for + WHO up against Allow lawyer to act as buffer Get informed re: divorce law your state
Connect with Tiffany Ann Beverlin
Dreams Recycled: https://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Recycled-Tiffany-Ann-Beverlin/dp/0998268623 Dreams Recycled on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dreamsrecycled/?ref=br_rs Dreams Recycled on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dreamsrecycled/ Tiffany Ann on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffanybeverlin/ Tiffany Ann on Twitter: https://twitter.com/tiffanybeverlin?lang=en
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
My Dreams Recycled by Tiffany Ann Beverlin: https://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Recycled-Tiffany-Ann-Beverlin/dp/0998268623
The stress of a divorce can bring out the worst in us. Emotions are heightened, and we revert to our most-regressed selves. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can commit to staying in a place of kindness and compassion, whether or not your ex reciprocates, and achieve a better result.
Nancy Steiner is the Founder and President of Steiner Coaching Solutions, a practice dedicated to helping people achieve higher levels of potential, creativity and confidence. Nancy spent 40 years producing documentary films and nonfiction network television, telling stories that offered a deeper understanding of the human condition. In 2018, a health crisis inspired Nancy’s transition to coaching, a career that allows her to connect more deeply with people one-on-one.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Nancy joins Katherine to explain how a coach can help you make decisions about who you want to be in the divorce process. She discusses the benefits of taking the high road, sharing what she did to stay grounded in her best self through her own divorce. Listen in for Nancy’s insight on making a blended family work and learn how a coach can empower you to build the life you want—during and after divorce.
Topics Covered
What inspired Nancy’s transition from documentary filmmaker to coach
How Nancy helps clients create their own narrative and move their lives forward
Learning who you want to be in the divorce process
Why it’s so easy to become our most-regressed selves in the divorce process
The benefit of holding to your best self through a divorce
How a good coach helps you find the answers within yourself
The questions a coach might ask to help you stay grounded in your best self
What to do when you catch yourself regressing to your worst self
How Nancy defines a blended family and what a successful blended family looks like
Why very different parenting styles make a blended family more challenging
Connect with Nancy Steiner
Steiner Coaching Solutions: https://steinercoachingsolutions.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
iPEC: https://www.ipeccoaching.com/ Dr. Mark Banschick: https://thedivorceschool.com/faculty-members/mark-banschick The Good Karma Divorce: Avoid Litigation, Turn Negative Emotions Into Positive Actions, and Get On with the Rest of Your Life by Judge Michele Lowrance: https://www.amazon.com/Good-Karma-Divorce-Litigation-Negative/dp/0061840718
For adult children with aging parents, the current health crisis is particularly stressful. Some of us are caring for Mom or Dad at home without the help we’re used to. Others are cut off from our loved ones in nursing homes or assisted living facilities. So, what’s the best way to navigate our new role as caregiver if an elderly parent is home with us? Or stay connected to our aging parents if we can’t see them face-to-face?
Barbara Newman-Mannix is the Founder and CEO of A Dignified Life, a consultancy that helps families understand and manage major life transitions. ADL develops care plans for elder parents and loved ones with chronic illness, connecting families with the professional services they need. Barbara is a fierce advocate for families, supporting them through the difficult healthcare, insurance, legal and financial challenges that come with navigating change around eldercare, end-of-life, divorce or special needs.
On this special episode of Divorce Dialogues, Barbara joins Katherine to discuss eldercare in the Coronavirus era. She offers advice on caring for a senior parent while you’re working from home or staying connected to a loved one you cannot visit in a nursing home or assisted living facility. Listen in for Barbara’s insight on managing stress through the COVID-19 crisis and learn how you can keep your elderly parents safe and happy—whether you’re in the same physical space or not.
Topics Covered
Barbara’s advice on caring for a parent while working from home • Create work/entertainment space for senior • Set timer for breaks or set up video camera Creating boundaries so that you can be productive at home The special challenge around caring for a parent with dementia How to stay connected if you’re separated from a senior parent • Share information with family of roommate • Send flowers, photos to enhance environment • Create levity in phone conversations • Use GamePigeon or listen to/read same book Why it’s crucial to show empathy for the staff at a parent’s facility Barbara’s insight on managing stress through the COVID-19 crisis • Sleep and eat well, drink water • Limit consumption of negative news • Get fresh air when possible Why it’s a good time to explore estate planning with your family
Connect with Barbara Newman-Mannix
A Dignified Life: https://www.adignifiedlife.com/ Call (914) 475-7225
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
GamePigeon: https://www.adignifiedlife.com/ NY State Health Care Proxy Form: https://www.health.ny.gov/publications/1430.pdf NY State Power of Attorney Form: https://www.tax.ny.gov/poa/
Multiple songs have been written about the futility of trying to make someone love you. But if that someone is your spouse, you may spend years (and a lot of money) in the attempt. So, how do you know when it’s time to let go and go through with a divorce?
Dr. Frederick Tiesenga is an award-winning, board certified bariatric surgeon dedicated to helping people achieve a healthier lifestyle. He is also the author of I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing, a collection of his experiences through marriage and divorce. In the book, Dr. Tiesenga gets real about what a healthy marriage should look like and shares his hard-earned insights into divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Tiesenga joins Katherine to share the story of his own contentious divorce, describing what he did to try and save the marriage—and why it didn’t work. He offers his take on why a prenuptial agreement is a necessity and discusses what couples can do to communicate their needs before it’s too late. Listen in to understand what Dr. Tiesenga did to heal and move on from his divorce and get his advice on hiring a divorce attorney who will advocate for you!
Topics Covered
What inspired Dr. Tiesenga to write I Do Until I Don’t
What Dr. Tiesenga learned from trying to save his marriage
Don’t force your partner into counseling Can’t buy things to make spouse like you
Dr. Tiesenga’s tips for navigating a contentious divorce
File counter-petition (no matter what) Don’t spend money unless ordered by judge Leave courthouse as quickly as possible Ask for trial date asap, first deal = best deal
Why couples wait too long to go to marriage counseling
Why Dr. Tiesenga advocates for getting a prenup
How focusing on his career helped Dr. Tiesenga start to heal
Discussing expectations as couples negotiate a prenup
Dr. Tiesenga’s advice for choosing a divorce lawyer
Connect with Dr. Frederick TiesengaDivorce
Dr. Tiesenga’s Website: https://drtiesenga.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing by Frederick M. Tiesenga, M.D.: https://www.amazon.com/Do-Until-Dont-Surgeons-Divorce-ebook/dp/B07Y2HXBCX
Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Busting-Step-Step-Approach/dp/0671797255
The Coronavirus has us all concerned about both our physical and financial health. The economic impact of the pandemic has changed the value of everything overnight, making the process of dividing assets for a divorce settlement particularly challenging. So, what’s the best way to cope with the uncertainty? And what are our options if we need cash in hand right now?
Steve Kaplan is the founder and owner of Steve Kaplan CPA, a practice focused on dispute resolution services out of White Plains, NY. He has 30-plus years of experience in public practice, developing an expertise in business valuation, financial analysis and settlement support. Steve is trained in Collaborative Divorce Practice and mediation, and he is often called upon to speak on a variety of tax, forensic accounting and matrimonial dissolution topics.
On this special episode of Divorce Dialogues, Steve joins Katherine to offer advice on dealing with the current economic uncertainty, reminding us that portfolio values always come back after a downturn. He weighs in on how to think about the valuation of assets if you’re getting a divorce right now, explaining the benefits of choosing the collaborative process when it comes to real estate and business valuation. Listen in for Steve’s insight around the benefits available to those of us who need cashflow now and learn how to take advantage of the changes to the tax code initiated by COVID-19.
Topics Covered
Steve’s advice on dealing with the current economic uncertainty Portfolio values come back after downturn Value today less relevant than at exit Taking action now may compound problems The benefits available to those of us who need cash in hand now Increase in unemployment benefits Small business loans available at low interest rates (e.g.: PPP) Opportunity to borrow from retirement account $1200 checks issued automatically to most taxpayers How to think about real estate valuation if you’re dividing assets now Why business valuation is more challenging in the Coronavirus era The benefits of collaborative divorce in terms of business valuation Steve’s insight on the changes to the tax code initiated by COVID-19 Penalty for borrowing from retirement account waved Minimum distribution requirements waived in 2020 Date to file/make first payment on taxes moved to 7/15
Connect with Steve Kaplan
Kaplan CPA: https://www.skaplancpa.com/ Call (914) 733-7340 Email skaplan@skaplancpa.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
CARES Act: https://www.skaplancpa.com/ SBA Loans: https://www.sba.gov/disaster-assistance/coronavirus-covid-19 Paycheck Protection Program: https://www.sba.gov/funding-programs/loans/coronavirus-relief-options/paycheck-protection-program-ppp SECURE Act: https://www.congress.gov/bill/116th-congress/house-bill/1994/text
There is no precedent for how to negotiate a divorce under the current circumstances. We simply can’t ask what a division of assets looks like during a Coronavirus pandemic because it’s never happened before! So, how can divorcing couples get creative and collaborate on financially neutral solutions that serve both parties?
Michelle Smith is the Founder and CEO of Source Financial Advisors, a wealth management and divorce financial planning firm based in New York City. Michelle has spent the majority of her 29 year career helping clients navigate complex financial issues, and as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation and divorce mediator, has a specialty in divorce. She has recently created and trademarked a 12-month educational program for women transitioning from divorce to their own financial independence called Wife2CFO.
On this special episode of the podcast, Michelle joins Katherine to explain why there’s never been a better time for divorce mediation and share her strategy for building an interim rescue plan for divorcing couples. She offers advice for people who rely on their portfolio to pay the bills, discussing how divorcing couples should think about their investments in light of the market drop and why it may be in their best interest to keep some assets tied together for the time being. Listen in for Michelle’s insight around how current circumstances are forcing us to rethink what really matters and learn how a financial planner can help you find creative, financially neutral solutions in divorce.
Topics Covered
How divorcing couples should think about their investments given the market drop Michelle’s response to someone who says they can’t afford to get divorced right now Why it’s an ideal time to find financially neutral solutions through mediation Building an interim rescue plan for couples who still want to divorce How the health crisis facilitates a personal financial reset on what matters The current opportunity for attorneys to encourage creative solutions The danger in waiting until everything is back to normal to negotiate your divorce Why it may be in a divorcing couple’s interest to keep their assets tied together Michelle’s advice for people who rely on their portfolio to pay the bills Why Michelle uses sustainable rate of withdrawal vs. investment rate of return Why it’s crucial to have 12 months of expenses liquid and available What makes the ability to collaborate a massive strength rather than a weakness Michelle’s insight around our responsibility not to freeze in fear right now
Connect with Michelle Smith
Source Financial Advisors: https://www.sourcefa.com/ Email msmith@sourcefa.com Call (917) 539-2117
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Disclaimer: Source Financial Advisors, LLC is a registered investment advisor with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission ("SEC"). The comments provided are for informational purposes only and is not intended as an offer, or a solicitation of an offer, to buy or sell any investment or specific product.
Among the most painful aspects of divorce is not being able to see our children for extended periods of time. And the holidays can be especially difficult. So, what do divorcing parents need to consider as we negotiate a parenting plan that works for everyone involved? What can we do to protect our kids through the process and design an agreement that is as fair as possible?
Elyse Golweber has 30-plus years of experience in the realm of matrimonial law, family law and the dissolution of business partnerships. She began her career as a trial attorney for the US Department of Justice and served as a lawyer for the SEC’s Division of Enforcement before founding Goldweber Epstein in 1995. Elyse currently serves on the Family Law Committee of the Women’s Bar Association and the Matrimonial Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Elyse joins Katherine to discuss the role of creativity in building a parenting plan specific to the family involved. She explains what it takes to make a 50/50 custody plan work and shares her approach to deciding where children will spend the holidays. Listen in for Elyse’s insight how the attorney for the child impacts divorce negotiations and learn what you can do to protect your kids through this challenging process.
Topics Covered
Building a creative parenting plan specific to the family involved
How the parenting agreement serves as the ‘default position’
How Elyse thinks about fairness in the context of parenting plans
When a 50/50 custody agreement is most appropriate + what makes a 50/50 plan work
The challenges of building a parenting plan when the kids don’t want to leave home
Why Elyse prefers 50/50 plans that divide the week over week on/week off plans
The benefits of working with a parent coordinator
The difficult adjustment divorcing parents face in not seeing their children for extended periods
The role of the attorney for the child and how they impact negotiations
Elyse’s approach to determining where kids will spend the holidays
What parents can do to protect their children through divorce negotiations
Elyse’s advice for parents struggling to give up their role as CEO of the family
Connect with Elyse Goldweber
Goldweber Epstein LLP: https://www.gelawny.com/ (212) 355-4149
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Conventional wisdom tells us that divorce has a negative influence on children. And yet, the research reveals that it’s the level of parental conflict that has the greatest adverse impact on kids—whether their parents stay married or not. So, how can we work WITH our ex to make the transition a little easier on our children? What can we do to step up and be parents for our kids when they need us most?
Dr. Jeffrey Zimmerman is a licensed psychologist with more than 35 years of experience supporting individuals and families through the stress of separation and divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is trained as a mediator, parenting coordinator, and collaborative divorce professional, and he earned the Connecticut Psychological Association’s Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology Award for his work with high-conflict families of divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is also the coauthor of Adult Children of Divorce, The Co-Parenting Survival Guide, and Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other.
On this episode of the podcast, Dr. Zimmerman joins Katherine to explain what parents can do to prepare their kids for divorce and explain the situation in an age-appropriate manner. He discusses the research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids, walking us through what parental conflict can look like and what parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting. Listen in for Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children and learn how to separate your role as a spouse from your role as a parent to make the transition to divorce easier on your kids.
Topics Covered
Explaining divorce to your children in an age-appropriate manner
How divorce impacts the development of very young children
The research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids
What parental conflict looks like (e.g.: badmouthing, sarcasm, outright hostility, etc.)
What parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting
Why teens and adult children have complicated reactions to divorce
Dr. Zimmerman’s advice on telling very young children about divorce
Small doses of info in terms they understand Reassurance more important than schedule
Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children
Separating your role as a spouse from your role as a parent
Making the transition to divorce easier for kids through nesting
Connect with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman
Dr. Zimmerman’s Website: https://jeffzimmermanphd.com/ Books by Dr. Zimmerman: https://www.newharbinger.com/author/jeffrey-zimmerman Call (914) 595-4040
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Break-up and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman: https://www.newharbinger.com/adult-children-divorce
The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman: https://www.newharbinger.com/co-parenting-survival-guide
Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other: Powerful Tools for Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce by Lauren J. Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman: https://www.newharbinger.com/loving-your-children-more-you-hate-each-other
Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience.
As humans, we are wired to connect. So, if you are beginning to question your partner’s support, you are likely to feel a ‘primal panic’ that sets up a fight-or-flight response. Taking steps to repair the relationship early on can heal that disconnect, but many couples wait too long and find themselves trapped in a heightened conflict dynamic. How do you know when the bonds are too fractured to be fixed? What should you consider in making the difficult decision to divorce?
Selling your home is a complex process in and of itself. But selling your home because of divorce adds another layer of complexity. How do you make decisions with an ex when you’re already struggling to communicate?
Lou Rodriguez is a professionally trained and certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist and Real Estate Probate Specialist based in South Florida. He has 19 years of experience in valuing homes and analyzing market trends, and in that time, he has closed on more than 700 transactions. Lou is also the author of For Sale by Divorce: The Expert’s Guide to Divorce and Property Division and Selling Your Home During Divorce: How Everyone Can Win.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lou joins Katherine to discuss the role a real estate divorce specialist plays in helping couples sell a marital property. He explains why it’s important NOT to disclose that a couple is divorcing, how he handles the situation when the couple is not getting along, and what he does when they disagree on how much to invest in fixing up a property. Listen in for Lou’s insight on what to do if one or both parties is reluctant to sell their home and learn how a real estate divorce specialist makes it easier for a divorcing couple to liquidate their marital property—so everyone wins!
Topics Covered
The role of a real estate divorce specialist in helping couples sell a marital property
Why it’s important NOT to disclose that a couple is divorcing as they sell their home
How Lou handles the situation when a divorcing couple is not getting along
The benefit of meeting with both spouses together to establish expectations
What Lou does when a couple disagrees on how much to invest in fixing up a property
Lou’s ability to assess what needs to be done to get the best price for a house
Making maintenance part of the MSA when one party is staying in the home
The questions Lou asks a divorcing couple upon first meeting
Have you told your family and friends about the divorce? Have you discussed what’s happening with your kids?
Why it’s crucial for Lou to keep an open line of communication with both spouses
The information Lou provides if a one or both parties is reluctant to sell their home
Lou’s approach to communicating with divorce attorneys and other professionals
How understanding the couple’s timeline helps Lou structure the transaction
Connect with Lou Rodriguez
Lou’s Website: https://lourodriguez.me/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
For Sale by Divorce: The Expert’s Guide to Divorce and Property Division by Lou Rodriguez: https://www.amazon.com/Sale-Divorce-Experts-Property-Division%C2%AE-ebook/dp/B00MF0AIDW Selling Your Home During Divorce: How Everyone Can Win by Lou Rodriguez: https://lourodriguez.me/selling-your-home-during-divorce/ Carol Ann Wilson & Gregg Greenstein: http://www.realestatedivorcespecialist.com/
As you negotiate a divorce settlement, it’s useful to think about assets like a bowl of fruit. While it might look like an apple and a pear have the same worth, it’s crucial to solicit the advice of a professional to ensure that what appears to be a 50/50 split is truly equal. So, how can a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) help you navigate the divorce-specific items in the tax code and negotiate a fair settlement with your former spouse?
Nancy Hetrick is the CDFA behind Smarter Divorce Solutions, an Arizona firm dedicated to helping couples craft settlements that are a win-win for both parties. Nancy has 20-plus years of experience as a financial advisor, and she is trained in both mediation and Collaborative Divorce. She was a 2014 Finalist for the BBB Business Ethics Awards and the 2015 Winner of NAWBO’s Business Owner of the Year, and Nancy is the author of Divorce is Not for Dummies: How to Cover Your Assets.
On this episode, Nancy joins Katherine to explain what differentiates a CDFA from other financial planners. She walks us through the most common mistake couples make in negotiating divorce settlements, covering the complexities of sharing pension benefits with an ex and the potential tax implications of an ‘equal’ division of assets. Listen in for Nancy’s advice to couples considering divorce and learn how a CDFA can maximize the tax efficiency of a settlement, helping both parties get more of their own money!
Topics Covered
What differentiates a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst from other financial planners
The most common financial mistake couples make in negotiating divorce settlements Overlooking tax implications
The biggest financial mistakes couples make in negotiating divorce settlements Beneficiary issues around pensions Hang onto house they can’t afford
The complexities of the Qualified Domestic Relations Order or QDRO Understanding the choices available to divorcing couples in a specific pension plan
How changing rules in municipal pension plans impact the non-employee spouse
The different payout methods available to pension holders + their former spouses
The value in doing a 20-year financial projection for both parties in a divorce
Leveraging creative settlements to maximize tax efficiency for a divorcing couple
How the laws around divorce differ dramatically from state to state
How a Certified Financial Coach can support people who haven’t managed money
Nancy’s advice for couples considering or initiating the divorce process Find CDFA in your area to do What if? look Pay for experts to save money in long run
Connect with Nancy Hetrick
Smarter Divorce Solutions: https://smarterdivorcesolutions.com/
Email nancy@smarterdivorcesolutions.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts: https://smarterdivorcesolutions.com/ QDRO: https://www.investopedia.com/personal-finance/whats-qdro/ Divorce is Not for Dummies: How to Cover Your Assets by Nancy A. Hetrick: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Not-Dummies-Cover-Assets/dp/1519356943/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494265323&sr=8-1&keywords=divorce+is+not+for+dummies
It’s no surprise that divorcing couples deal with strong emotions. And yet, we know that our brains work best when we’re in the Calm Zone. So, how do we manage the feelings of anxiety, anger or sadness that come up in the divorce process? How do we bring ourselves back to that quiet, problem-solving mode so that we can divorce with dignity?
Dr. Susan Heitler is a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of anxiety, depression, anger and marital difficulties. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Dr. Heitler is the author of several books, including Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More and The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage. She is often called upon to present training workshops for therapists around the world, and Dr. Heitler’s work has been featured in Men’s Health, Woman’s World, Parenting and Psychology Today, among many other media outlets.
On this episode, Dr. Heitler joins Katherine to share her Bump Theory of dealing with life’s challenges and walk us through the five possible reactions to a difficult situation like divorce. She explains why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions and describes how to navigate the anxiety that comes when we’re facing the unknown. Listen in to understand Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame and learn how to alleviate anger, anxiety and depression—without pills!
Topics Covered
Why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions The 5 reactions to challenging situations in Dr. Heitler’s Bump Theory 1. Finding solutions 2. Fight 3. Fold 4. Freeze 5. Flee The consequences of anger, depression, anxiety and avoidance How to navigate the anxiety of changes associated with divorce The interventions for divorcing couples at Prescriptions Without Pills Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame Why couples considering divorce should find a good therapist Dr. Heitler’s take on narcissism, sociopathy and personality disorder
Connect with Dr. Susan Heitler
Prescriptions Without Pills: https://prescriptionswithoutpills.com/ Therapy Help: https://www.therapyhelp.com/ Dr. Heitler on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More by Susan Heitler PhD: https://www.amazon.com/Prescriptions-Without-Pills-Depression-Anxiety/dp/1630478105 Bump Theory: https://societyforpsychotherapy.org/bump-theory/ Power of Two: https://www.poweroftwomarriage.com/ The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage by Susan Heitler PhD: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Two-Secrets-Strong-Marriage/dp/1572240598?ie=UTF8&keywords=power%20of%20two%20dr.%20heitler&qid=1462300056&ref_=sr_1_fkmr0_2&sr=8-2-fkmr0 Marriage Story: https://www.netflix.com/title/80223779
If you’re divorcing a member of the military or you’re a servicemember yourself, there are a number of complexities around the process that make it different from a civilian divorce. So, what are the special considerations associated with military divorce?
John P. Cannon is the founder of Cannon & Associates, an Oklahoma City firm with expertise in military divorce and criminal defense. He is also a Judge Advocate in the Oklahoma National Guard, advising and representing Soldiers in matters of adoption, divorce and child custody. A former assistant district attorney, public defender and assistant attorney general, John serves as a fierce advocate for families and freedom.
On this episode, John joins Katherine to discuss how military divorce differs from non-military divorce and why servicemembers with substantial combat experience are more likely to divorce. He explains how to assess the income potential of a servicemember for spousal support and what the Frozen Benefit Rule means for former military spouses. Listen in for insight on calculating pension benefits, maintaining rights to the Survivor Benefit Plan, and understanding who’s eligible for military health insurance.
Topics Covered
How military divorce differs from non-military divorce Determining income potential for spousal support The special rules re: jurisdiction in a military divorce How military divorce rates compare to the general population What the Frozen Benefit Rule means for former spouses Why it’s crucial to follow the rules in The NDAA of 2017 Maintaining your rights to the Survivor Benefit Plan When you allowed make changes to a spousal agreement The formula for determining pension benefits How long former/surviving spouses are entitled to TRICARE
Connect with John P. Cannon
Cannon & Associates: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Pennoyer v. Neff: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/ Frozen Benefit Rule: https://jpcannonlawfirm.com/2019/11/frozen-benefit/ National Defense Authorization Act of 2017: https://www.congress.gov/bill/114th-congress/senate-bill/2943/text DFAS: https://www.usa.gov/federal-agencies/defense-finance-and-accounting-service
How do you reclaim your power after a divorce—especially if the breakup wasn’t your decision? It starts with making yourself a priority and getting the support necessary to step out of your role as a victim. And if you’re willing to explore your trauma and do the work necessary to heal, the reward is an opportunity to contribute your best self to the world.
Denise LaRue is the trauma-informed life coach behind Denise LaRue Coaching, a practice dedicated to helping women reclaim their power and pursue life on their terms. After 15 years spent climbing the corporate ladder, Denise realized that something was missing. That’s when she traded in the golden handcuffs for a life of freedom and fulfillment. Today, Denise leverages her personal experiences to help clients navigate seasons of change, get unstuck and create their own purpose-filled life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Denise joins Katherine to discuss her role as a trauma-informed life coach, explaining how our childhood experiences shape the adults we become. She addresses how to take ownership of your contribution to the breakup of a relationship and give yourself the healing gift of forgiveness. Listen in for Denise’s insight on taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose and learn to make yourself a priority on the journey to living your best life.
Topics Covered
Denise’s role as a trauma-informed life coach How childhood trauma shapes the adult you become The panic attack that inspired Denise to walk away from her corporate job Taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose Why you owe it to the world to make yourself a priority How Denise’s view of forgiving her ex shifted The powerful exercise Denise uses to help clients forgive Taking ownership for your contribution to the breakup of a relationship Denise’s advice on being led by your intuition Exploring your past for clues re: your purpose in the world
Connect with Denise LaRue
Denise LaRue Coaching: https://deniselaruecoaching.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
The early stages of a relationship with a narcissist feel perfect. They are charming and charismatic and make you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself. But when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. And without fail, being with a narcissist evolves into a situation where you’re always trying to please and everything is your fault. So, how do you take the first steps to leave a narcissist? And how do you take care of yourself in the divorce process?
Lisa Cheatham is a Transformational Life Coach who works with high-achieving women recovering from toxic relationships. She is on a mission to inspire and empower women transitioning through divorce, helping them step into their power and get their life back. Lisa leverages her personal experience with narcissistic abuse to support others in cultivating the confidence and unshakable self-love necessary to move forward and rebuild their lives.
On this episode, Lisa joins Katherine to explain what a relationship with a narcissist looks like and share the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. She describes how a relationship with a narcissist changes over time, why it takes longer to recover from a breakup with a narcissist, and how a narcissist’s lack of empathy presents in the divorce process. Listen in for insight on maintaining a positive relationship with your kids when they’re being manipulated by your ex and learn how to navigate the difficult process of divorcing a narcissist.
Topics Covered
How to know if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist The characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder • Need constant attention and praise • Sense of self-importance and entitlement • Lack empathy and view people as objects How a relationship with a narcissist changes over time How narcissists exercise control over their partners How long it takes to recover from a breakup with a narcissist How a narcissist will do anything to save face in divorce The challenges around coparenting with a narcissist How to deal with the process of divorcing a narcissist • Develop self-care regimen • Set firm and loving boundaries • Foster forgiveness • Block as much contact as possible Lisa’s personal experience being married to a narcissist What to do when your kids are being manipulated Setting up a support system when you leave a narcissist
Connect with Lisa Cheatham
Lisa on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-cheatham-635127191/ Lisa on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pg/LisaCheathamLC/about/ Email lisax4b@gmail.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Forgiveness is hard, especially in the aftermath of a divorce. We don’t want to let our ex ‘get away with’ what they did to hurt us. But most of us realize that carrying resentment, anger and bitterness doesn’t benefit us in any way. So, how can we begin to let go of our negative emotions and forgive a former partner?
Commonwealth Professor Emeritus Dr. Everett Worthington is a leader in the field of forgiveness research, religion and spirituality in clinical practice, and the hope-focused approach to marriage and family counseling. His interest in forgiveness began in the mid-1980’s when he was counseling couples professionally, and he started studying the topic scientifically in 1990. Dr. Worthington is the author of 30-plus books and more than 350 academic articles and chapters on the subject, and he is on a mission to promote forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.
On this episode, Dr. Worthington joins Katherine to explain why our drive for fairness and justice makes it difficult to forgive and walk us through several strategies for lessening the injustice gap. He weighs in on the two types of forgiveness, discussing how to gradually lessen our negative emotions toward an ex we must continue to interact with. Listen in to understand Dr. Worthington’s academic and personal motives to study forgiveness and learn to leverage his REACH Model to forgive someone who’s hurt you.
Topics Covered
The conflict between our desire to forgive and drive for justice Dr. Worthington’s take on forgiveness happening ‘inside one person’s skin’ Strategies for lessening the injustice gap Accept and distance self emotionally Turn over to God Forbearance (choose not to engage) Forgiveness Dr. Worthington’s insight around the two types of forgiveness Decision to treat as human being Gradual lessening of negative emotions The factors that influence how long it takes us to forgive Dr. Worthington’s advice on limiting contact with an ex to avoid reinjury How Dr. Worthington’s work with couples inspired his study of forgiveness The personal tragedy that inspired Dr. Worthington’s life mission The REACH Forgiveness Model + DIY workbook for learning forgiveness
Connect with Dr. Everett Worthington Dr. Worthington’s Website: http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/ Dr. Worthington on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/everett.worthington
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Professor Michael McCullough: https://www.facebook.com/everett.worthington Dr. Worthington’s DIY Workbooks on Forgiveness: http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/diy-workbooks
Communicating with an ex is ripe with triggers, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by our emotions and react in a volatile way that we’re not proud of after the fact. But there are mindfulness tools to help us pause in the moment, observe what we’re feeling, and respond in a skillful way.
Joree Rose is the licensed marriage and family therapist behind the Bay Area Mindfulness and Therapy Center, a practice that offers mindfulness and meditation classes as well as private therapy for individuals and couples. She is also the host of Journey Forward with Joree Rose and the author of Squirmy Learns to be Mindful and Mindfulness, It’s Elementary. Joree leads mindfulness retreats around world, and her work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Inc. Magazine and mindbodygreen, among many other media outlets.
On this episode, Joree joins Katherine to discuss how mindfulness can help us respond rather than react in the divorce process. She shares her practical approach to starting a simple meditation practice and explains how she leveraged mindfulness tools like naming your emotions to navigate her own divorce. Listen in for Joree’s insight around using the breath or external grounding when you’re triggered and learn to choose a skillful response rooted in compassion for yourself—and your ex.
Topics Covered
How mindfulness helps us respond rather than react to conflict How deep breaths afford us access to our executive function How naming her emotions helped Joree navigate her own divorce Joree’s practical approach to getting started with meditation The STOP acronym for learning to practice mindfulness The myths around what it means to meditate successfully Joree’s boundaries re: communication in the divorce process Why you’re not responsible for managing other’s emotions Reframing the message behind what your inner critic tells you How to leverage external grounding to return to the moment Using a mantra to cultivate self-compassion during a divorce
Connect with Joree Rose
Joree’s Website: https://joreerose.com/ Joree on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joreerose/?hl=en Joree on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joreerose33/ Journey Forward with Joree Rose: https://joreerose.com/podcast/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources Squirmy Learns to Be Mindful by Joree Rose: https://joreerose.com/podcast/ Mindfulness, It’s Elementary by Joree Rose: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Its-Elementary-Joree-Rose/dp/1598502220/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1580235668&refinements=p_27%3AJoree+Rose&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Joree+Rose
Divorce is difficult enough. But if you’ve been married for many years and your identity is wrapped up in your role as a partner and parent, the process can be even more fraught. What makes midlife divorce particularly challenging? And how do you move on from a relationship that defined you for so long?
Fiona Eckersley is the Confidence Coach and Divorce Recovery Expert behind Find Your Fabulous, a coaching practice that helps women in their forties and beyond heal after divorce. She is also the creator of the Fabulous and Thriving Midlife Divorce Program and author of the Amazon bestseller Fearful to Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move On, and Thrive After Midlife Divorce.
On this episode, Fiona joins Katherine to discuss the particular challenges associated with midlife divorce. She explains what it means to unlock your power in the aftermath of divorce, offering strategies for quieting negative self-talk and recognizing the truth of who you really are. Listen in for Fiona’s 7-step process for moving on after midlife divorce and learn why it’s crucial to do the inner work before you repartner.
Topics Covered
The particular challenges that come with midlife divorce What it means to unlock your power after a divorce Quieting negative self-talk with the truth of who you really are How Fiona’s experience with midlife divorce informs her work What Fiona did to build a support system after divorce The destructive coping mechanisms Fiona sees in her work Fiona’s 7-step process for moving on after midlife divorce Stop focusing on what life was supposed to be Face the financial realities Eliminate bad habits Release anger and reframe emotions Replace negative self-talk with positive dialogue Examine how relationships have changed Establish goals and create a pathway Why it’s crucial to do the inner work before we repartner
Connect with Fiona Eckersley Find Your Fabulous: https://findfabulouswithfiona.com/ Email fiona@findfabulouswithfiona.com Schedule a Call with Fiona: https://callfabfiona.as.me/schedule.php Free Download of Fearful to Fabulous: https://fabwithfiona.lpages.co/book-title-free-gift/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources Fearful to Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move On, and Thrive After Midlife Divorce by Fiona Eckersley: https://www.amazon.com/Fearful-Fabulous-Unlock-Midlife-Divorce-ebook/dp/B07NF9ZDVV
Curious what your soon-to-be ex-spouse isn’t telling you? If you suspect that your former partner is hiding assets, but you don’t want to hire a forensic accountant until you’re sure, it may be time to talk to an intelligence firm. So, what role does an investigator play in the divorce process? And who are they best equipped to help?
Philip Segal is the Managing Member of Charles Griffin Intelligence, a fact-finding firm that helps clients uncover assets, conduct due diligence, and locate witnesses. Staffed by lawyers, Charles Griffin draws on a global network of investigators to help other lawyers, corporations and individuals who are contemplating or in the midst of litigation. Philip is also the author of The Art of Fact Investigation: Creative Thinking in the Age of Information Overload.
On this episode, Philip joins Katherine to discuss his role in gathering facts for a divorcing client, explaining how he goes about finding concealed assets. He speaks to how his work differs from that of a forensic accountant and describes how to maintain confidentiality in working with an investigator. Listen in to understand Philip’s process for conducting an asset search and learn who SHOULD and SHOULD NOT hire a firm like Charles Griffin Intelligence.
Topics Covered
Philip’s role in gathering facts to get a person’s story How Philip goes about finding concealed assets How an investigator differs from a forensic accountant Finding indicators of offshore wealth in onshore dealings The degree of bank secrecy here in the US Our emotional investment in money during divorce The typical profile of a Charles Griffin client How to maintain confidentiality in working with a PI Philip’s process for conducting an investigation Client questionnaire Fresh search of public record Present client with memo Strategic phone calls or subpoenas Who SHOULD and SHOULD NOT hire Charles Griffin
Connect with Philip Segal
Charles Griffin Intelligence: https://charlesgriffinllc.com/ Call (212) 332-2845
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Divorce Asset Hunter: https://www.divorceassethunter.com/ The Ethical Investigator: https://www.ethicalinvestigator.com/ The Art of Fact Investigation: Creative Thinking in the Age of Information Overload by Philip Segal: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Fact-Investigation-Creative-Information-ebook/dp/B01C37Z0LQ
So, you’re ready to start dating again after divorce, but you don’t want to make the same mistakes as last time. How can you do an autopsy on your marriage to understand what worked and what didn’t? How can you get clear on who YOU are and what you’re looking for in a partner? How can you find a compatible connection and then establish a loving relationship that lasts?
Bernadette Smith is the creator of Compatible Connections, a boutique coaching firm that specializes in helping divorced women become confident, conscious daters. With 10-plus years of experience as a certified dating and relationship expert, Bernadette is dedicated to helping every woman she works with find the love of her life after divorce.
On this episode of the podcast, Bernadette joins Katherine to explain how she defines compatibility and what you can do to screen for it before a first date. She shares the importance of getting clear on who you are and what you want in a relationship, offering insight on how to partner with yourself FIRST. Bernadette also addresses online dating, giving her top tips for avoiding scams and discussing how she supports clients every step of the way. Listen in to understand how to identify the character traits you want in a partner and learn how regular relationship checkups can keep your partnership growing!
Topics Covered
The definition of compatibility and how to screen for it The value in doing an autopsy on your marriage Why it’s crucial to get clear on your reason for dating Bernadette’s insight on partnering with yourself first Bernadette’s approach to regular relationship checkups What I love about you is… When you … I feel …, and I would like … Identifying the character traits you want in a partner Good connecting questions to ask potential partners How Bernadette supports clients in online dating Bernadette’s advice around online dating Never give phone number to stranger Create separate email address Bernadette’s take on the basis of a loving relationship Respect, honesty, trust and communication
Connect with Bernadette Smith
Compatible Connections: https://compatibleconnections.biz/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Burner App: https://www.burnerapp.com/ Google Voice: https://voice.google.com/u/0/about
It’s never really just about the numbers. Money is emotional, and our feelings about finances reflect what’s going on inside. This is especially true for divorcing couples making major money decisions that will impact the rest of their lives. So, how can we navigate those emotions and design a financial plan that makes sense for both parties?
Ivy Menchel is the Founder and President of Family Wealth Planning Partners, a firm that specializes in divorce financial analysis. She leverages her 25 years of experience in financial services to support matrimonial attorneys, divorce mediators and their clients in assessing their options for fair and equitable settlements. Ivy is committed to empowering divorcing couples to make sound financial decisions for today—and into the future.
On this episode, Ivy joins Katherine to share her experience as an adult child of divorce, describing how the circumstances influenced her work as a financial planner. She explains the advantage of having a financial neutral in the divorce process and speaks to the relationship between our emotions and money. Ivy also weighs in on the concept of financial infidelity in the divorce setting and the necessity of reassessing wants versus needs as a marriage ends. Listen in for Ivy’s insight around creating a financial plan in the aftermath of divorce and learn why it’s crucial for couples to communicate about money!
Topics Covered
How experiencing her parent’s divorce inspired Ivy’s work The relationship between our emotions and money Why Ivy needs to know what money means to her clients The benefit to having a financial neutral in the divorce process The role of a financial neutral in the divorce process 1. Data gathering 2. Planning based on goals 3. Explore options that work for both 4. Divide assets + set up new accounts Why divorcing couples must reassess wants vs. needs The concept of financial infidelity in the divorce setting Why it’s crucial for couples to communicate about finances
Connect with Ivy Menchel
Family Wealth Planning Partners: http://www.familywealthpp.com/ Call (212) 244-4702
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Ivy’s Course on Financial Communication: http://ivymenchel.com/menu/committed-to-last The Romantic Prenup: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/the-romantic-prenup
To divorce with dignity, couples need closure. Until we’ve said goodbye to the relationship, we simply can’t let go of the blame and shame of the breakup and reach a peaceful resolution. But what does that look like? How can we work through the grief early on, so that we don’t end up having very expensive arguments in an attorney’s office?
A relationship expert with four decades in private practice, Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil is widely recognized as one of America’s best couples therapists. She is the bestselling author of several books, including Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples and Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. Dr. Bonnie has appeared on Good Morning America, The Today Show and Oprah, and her work has been featured in The New York Times and New York Magazine, among many other publications.
On this episode, Dr. Bonnie joins Katherine to explain why it’s crucial to say goodbye to an old relationship before you can say hello to a new one and describe how children express what couples suppress in the divorce process. Dr. Bonnie also shares the top mistakes divorcing couples make, describing how she helps couples leave WITHOUT blame or shame. Listen in for Dr. Bonnie’s insight on getting closure when your ex won’t cooperate and learn why the temporary pain of an intentional goodbye is so much better than playing out the emotional battle in a lawyer’s office!
Topics Covered
Dr. Bonnie’s insight that children express what couples suppress Why it’s crucial to say goodbye to your old relationship Getting closure with your ex before you enter the lawyer’s office How to get closure and leave WITHOUT blame or shame The top mistakes people make in the divorce process 1. Sidestep conflict (peace at any price) 2. Avoid ex-spouse 3. Brady Bunch expectations 4. Badmouth, criticize ex Why the temporary pain of closure is preferable to avoidance How to get closure for yourself if your ex refuses to cooperate The magic in connecting with your ex in a different way Why Dr. Bonnie sees adultery as the forgivable sin Navigating the ‘power struggle’ stage of a romantic relationship
Connect with Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil’s Website Call (212) 606-3787
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Free Chapter of Dr. Bonnie’s Book: http://doctorbonnie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Adultery-Ch-16.pdf Dr. Bonnie’s Stepmom Course: http://doctorbonnie.com/drbonnieStepmomCourse/ Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples by Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil and Harville Hendrix: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding/dp/1605503606 Adultery: The Forgivable Sin by Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil: https://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151
Will I ever be good enough? If you’re married to a narcissist, chances are you’ve struggled with this question. But the truth is, it’s impossible to please a narcissist, and you may need to leave the relationship. So, what can you do to prepare for the divorce process? Is there any way to avoid a high-conflict divorce? How can you protect your children and offer them the empathy they can’t get from a narcissistic parent?
Dr. Karyl McBride is a marriage and family therapist with 30-plus years of experience in public and private practice. An expert in the realm of narcissism and trauma recovery, Dr. McBride is a regular contributor at Psychology Today and the author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. McBride joins Katherine to discuss narcissism, describing the narcissist’s characteristic lack of empathy and need to win and explaining why they nearly always have high-conflict divorces. She speaks to the way children of narcissists are used as pawns in the divorce process and explores how to counter narcissism by parenting with empathy. Listen in for Dr. McBride’s insight around preparing to divorce a narcissist and learn how to recover from a difficult relationship with a narcissistic parent or spouse.
Topics Covered
The lack of empathy that is characteristic of a narcissist How narcissists use charm to manipulate in the dating phase Why narcissists nearly always have high-conflict divorces How victims of narcissists present in the divorce process How children of narcissists are used as pawns in divorce When older kids start to recognize narcissism in a parent How the other parent can counter narcissism with empathy Giving children a voice by way of reintegration therapy Why children of narcissists suffer from crippling self-doubt What happens when families with a narcissist stay together Dr. McBride’s advice for preparing to divorce a narcissist • Gather team of support • Pre-therapy to identify triggers
Connect with Dr. Karyl McBride
Will I Ever Be Good Enough: https://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436 Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family by Dr. Karyl McBride: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Free-You-High-Conflict/dp/1476755728
Divorce is difficult enough, but it’s particularly tough when you feel like you’re losing your kids. How can you maintain the connection with your children when your time with them is limited? How do you make memories whether or not you live in the same household?
Tommy Maloney is the cofounder of Blending the Family, a platform dedicated to helping divorced parents navigate dating and remarriage. He is also the author of 25 Tips for Divorced Dads and the host of the Blending the Family Podcast. A well-known speaker and parenting coach, Tommy is on a mission to provide resources for divorced dads and help them realize it’s okay to ask for help.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Tommy joins Katherine to share the experience of his own divorce and offer advice around cherishing the time you have with your kids. He explains why men have a difficult time asking for help and why it’s crucial to review your parenting agreement with a professional before you sign. Listen in to understand Danny’s mission around showcasing positive examples of fatherhood and learn how to stay connected with your kids, even if you don’t live with them anymore.
Topics Covered
Tommy’s take on the lack of resources for divorced dads How Tommy’s divorce informs his current coaching work Why asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness Why men have a hard time admitting they’re struggling Reviewing your parenting agreement with a professional Tommy’s regrets re: taking time with his son for granted Staying connected with your kids after you move out The themes of Tommy’s book My Dad’s Advice at 5:04AM The value in showcasing positive examples of fatherhood How to respond if your ex-spouse criticizes your parenting
Connect with Tommy Maloney
Blending the Family: http://blendingthefamily.com/ Blending the Family Podcast: http://blendingthefamily.libsyn.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
25 Tips for Divorced Dads: How to Create Special Memories and Grow Your Bonds with Your Children by Tommy Maloney: https://www.amazon.com/Tips-Divorced-Dads-Tommy-Maloney/dp/0983238103 Why Not You, Why Not Me? by Tommy Maloney: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Not-You-Me-writtings-ebook/dp/B01JMVGNIK/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1563565712 Tommy’s TEDx Talk: My Dad’s Advice at 5:04AM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azG2K47iz4Q Simon Sinek: https://simonsinek.com/
52% of married people don’t consider themselves happy. Yet, we don’t reach out for support until something is really wrong. Why are we settling for happy enough? What if we sought couples counseling early on and learned how to build truly fulfilling relationships?
Rachel and Kyle Wright are the founders of Wright Wellness Center, a relationship coaching practice designed to change how our culture treats relationships, sex and mental health. WWC offers a catalog of masterclasses, online programs, resources and coaching, affording couples the education and support necessary to build strong, sustainable relationships. Today, Rachel and Kyle join Katherine to explore the value of proactive approach to relationships—rather than a reactive one.
The Wrights offer insight around finding love post-divorce, discussing why it’s a good idea to take a hiatus from dating after the breakup of a serious relationship. Rachel and Kyle also weigh in on how to accept that you see things differently from your partner without getting stuck in a paradigm of right versus wrong. Listen in to understand why you should reach out for counseling as soon as you commit and learn how the Wrights can give you and your partner the tools for an incredible life together!
Topics Covered
How Rachel and Kyle help couples be proactive vs. reactive The Wright’s mission to change how culture treats relationships Why you should start couples counseling as soon as you commit Overcoming the shame around going to couples therapy How the media tends to glorify dysfunctional relationships How to communicate through the transition of feeling in love Rachel and Kyle’s advice for finding love post-divorce • Look inward first and reconnect with self • Reflect on where could have done better Why the Wrights recommend a hiatus from dating after divorce Accepting how you see things differently (not right or wrong) The issues Rachel and Kyle like helping couples with most The Wright’s relationship assessment and next best step call
Connect with Rachel & Kyle Wright
Wright Wellness Center: https://wrightwellnesscenter.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Conscious Uncoupling: https://www.consciousuncoupling.com/ The Gottman Method: https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/
In the midst of a challenging divorce, it may feel as if you’ll never be able to move on. But what if you could use the divorce process as fuel to stage an epic comeback, reclaim your power and design your own best life?
Nikki Bruno is the founder and CEO of Catalyst Coaching. Her signature program, The Epic Comeback, helps women stage an epic comeback and build a joyful life in the aftermath of a long-term challenge or crisis such as divorce, domestic abuse, loss, illness or injury. Prior to coaching, Nikki spent 15 years in the publishing industry, and her work as been featured in Best Self, Cosmopolitan and Bustle, among many other media outlets.
Today, Nikki joins Katherine to define an epic comeback and explain some of the characteristics a person needs to stage one after divorce. She offers insight on how to process, heal and give voice to strong emotions and describes how she helps clients uncover their unique superpower. Listen in as Nikki walks us through the stages of the epic comeback journey and learn how to overcome your fear, reclaim your power, and embark on your very own epic comeback!
Topics Covered
How reclaiming your power is key to an epic comeback The traits a person needs to stage an epic comeback • Sacred relationship with self • Absolute commitment to truth-telling • Radical acceptance How to process, heal and give voice to strong emotions 1.) Find good therapist 2.) Personal development 3.) Nutrition + fitness plan The epic comeback journey • Utter hell • Period of healing • Reckoning • Clearing • Epic vision • Set goals + make plan • Take action • Troubleshooting • Epic launch How Nikki helps clients uncover their superpower Why fear is the #1 obstacle to staging an epic comeback
Connect with Nikki Bruno
Epic Comeback Coach: https://www.coachnikkibruno.com/ Nikki on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nikki.bruno2 Nikki on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/foxyover40/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Nikki’s Setting Boundaries Retreat: https://www.coachnikkibruno.com/hell-yes-no-way
If your child comes home complaining about your ex-spouse, it can be incredibly difficult not to react. You want to intervene, to defend your child. And your instinct is to address the issue with the other parent right away. But what if that puts your child in the middle—one of the very things you’ve been trying to avoid? How can you learn to take a step back and decide whether that problem really belongs to you? What is the best way to navigate co-parenting and protect your children during a divorce?
Julie Ross is the Executive Director of Parenting Horizons, a platform created to enrich children’s lives through parent and teacher education. She leads parenting workshops and delivers keynotes across the US, and her work has been featured in Working Mother, Good Housekeeping and Real Simple, among many other national publications. Julie has also appeared on The Daily Show, The Today Show and NPR: Weekend America, and she is the author of Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex.
Today, Julie joins Katherine to explain how divorcing couples can still work as a team when it comes to co-parenting and share the benefit of having regular ‘staff meetings’ around the parenting plan. She describes the conflict of loyalty kids experience when parents disagree, offering insight around how to avoid putting your children in the middle. Julie also discusses how to avoid reacting when your child complains about your ex and addresses the difference between keeping something private versus keeping a secret from your child. Listen in to understand why it’s never a good idea to make your child the messenger between you and your ex and learn how to best protect your child in the divorce process.
Topics Covered
What drew Julie to the idea of working with parents Working as a parenting team despite the end of a marriage The conflict of loyalty kids experience when parents disagree Why Julie suggests regular ‘staff meetings’ for co-parents The value of including kids in individual family meetings How to keep from putting your kids in the middle • Who does this problem belong to? • Empower child to resolve conflict Using the Box Step of Communication to be proactive How to avoid reacting when your child complains about your ex • Zip your lip • Script response + don’t vary Julie’s top advice on protecting your children in divorce 1. Don’t keep secrets from child 2. Don’t ask child to keep secrets for you 3. Don’t make child messenger The distinction between keeping something private vs. a secret The danger in parentifying your child
Connect with Julie Ross
Parenting Horizons: http://parentinghorizons.com/ Call (212) 765-2377
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex-, A Hands-on, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse by Julie A. Ross and Judy Corcoran: https://www.amazon.com/Joint-Custody-Jerk-Uncooperative-Hands/dp/0312584202
Getting back into the dating scene after a divorce can be challenging, especially if you never dreamed you’d be looking for love on an app. How do you write a compelling bio? How do you choose pictures that will lead to quality matches? What do you wear on a date, especially if your style hasn’t changed in years? Where can you go for help navigating the online dating process?
Alyssa Dineen is the founder of Style My Profile, a consulting agency that helps clients improve their online dating profiles with the support of a professional stylist. Style My Profile is a first-of-its-kind service, offering profile help, wardrobe consultation, and photography packages. Alyssa has 20 years of experience in the fashion industry and serves as a freelance stylist for national publications including Glamour and Real Simple.
Today, Alyssa joins Katherine to explain how her own experience with online dating inspired the creation of Style My Profile. She shares her professional advice around writing a compelling bio, selecting profile pictures, and upping your style game. Alyssa also weighs in on the value of having your experiences validated and describes her own challenges with online dating after divorce. Listen in for Alyssa’s insight on ‘owning your level of style savvy’ and learn how to choose a wardrobe that is flattering and comfortable for you!
Topics Covered
Alyssa’s 13 years of experience as a professional stylist The most common style mistakes people make Alyssa’s tricks for writing a compelling online dating bio • Think outside box, avoid sounding like résumé • Get specific (run marathons vs. active) The Style My Profile offerings (profile, wardrobe + photos) How Alyssa’s experience with online dating inspired SMP Why Alyssa compares online dating to learning a language The value in knowing your dating experiences are normal How Alyssa collaborates with clients to write their bios Alyssa’s insight around ‘owning your level of style savvy’ Choosing a wardrobe that is flattering and comfortable Alyssa’s style advice for people short on time or money Getting a trusted friend to help edit your closet Alyssa’s top tips for online dating profile pictures 1. No blurry pictures 2. Don’t crop out ex 3. No sunglasses/hats 4. Minimum of 5 photos
Connect with Alyssa Dineen
Style My Profile: http://stylemyprofilenyc.com/ Email alyssa@stylemyprofilenyc.com Call (917) 714-1969
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
‘Dating Advice for Those Who Never Thought They’d Need Tinder’ in The New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/01/nyregion/tinder-divorce-profile-coach.html Marie Kondo: https://konmari.com/
Divorce forces us to forge a new identity. Like it or not, life is different now, and we can either fight the change or accept and adapt to a new reality. Best case scenario, we use the crisis as an opportunity to change for the better, making decisions about what we value and focusing on our health and spiritual growth. We can leverage the divorce process to become fully ourselves—and fully ALIVE!
Anne-Louise DePalo is a New York attorney with 30-plus years of experience in the realm of divorce and family law. She is a certified mediator, parent coordinator, spiritual director and collaborative divorce advocate. Ann-Louise is also a founding member of the Staten Island Collaborative Law Group and the author of Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process.
Today, Anne-Louise joins Katherine to explain how helping people understand their options inspired her to write Divorce: Now What? She walks us through the benefits of the collaborative process, including its interdisciplinary approach and cost-effectiveness. Anne-Louise also shares her strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through the divorce process and offers insight into leveraging your anger to move your life forward. Listen in to understand the role a Spiritual Director might play in the divorce process and learn how to see divorce as an opportunity to transform mind, body and soul!
Topics Covered
Anne-Louise’s mission to help people understand their options in divorce Why Anne-Louise prefers the interdisciplinary approach of collaborative law Why collaborative divorce is much more cost-effective than litigation The benefit of being in a room together per the collaborative model How divorce is an opportunity for transformation of the mind, body and soul Anne-Louise’s strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through divorce • Deep reflection + creative expression • Pursue hobbies and interests • Opportunity for spiritual growth The importance of accepting your new reality rather than fighting change Anne-Louise’s philosophy that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself Anne-Louise’s insight on the role of a Spiritual Director in the divorce process Accepting your anger + using that energy to move your life forward Anne-Louise’s advice on exploring your options, choosing a divorce attorney
Connect with Anne-Louise DePalo
DePalo Law Firm: http://depalolawfirm.com/ Staten Island Collaborative Law Group: http://sicollaborativelaw.com/ Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process by Anne-Louise DePalo: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Now-What-Survive-Through-ebook/dp/B07G9RQ38V
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring: https://www.janisaspring.com/ Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring on Divorce Dialogues EP018: https://divorcedialogues.com/choosing-acceptance-when-you-cant-forgive-with-dr-janis-abrahms-spring/
Divorce settlements are often compared with business deals. But the analogy falls apart when you consider that business deals give you the option to walk away. Perhaps a better parallel is that of a hostage negotiation, where you have no choice but to work with the other side. And in both cases, approaching the negotiation with respect—despite your very different point of view—is the most beneficial strategy.
Chris Voss is the founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group, a professional development and consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris is one of the top authorities on international crisis and high-stakes negotiations, lecturing at business schools across the US and appearing on ABC, CBS and CNN, among many other national media outlets. He is also the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended On It.
Today, Chris joins Katherine to discuss the parallels between hostage and divorce negotiations, explaining how both work best when we respect the other side’s point of view despite a difference of opinion. He describes how providing emotional compensation in a negotiation can shift the other side’s demands and shares his approach to handling a bully with fearless deference. Listen in for insight around why Chris separates the HOW and the WHAT of a negotiation and learn why compromise is NOT the best approach!
Topics Covered
The parallels between hostage and divorce negotiations How to respect the other side’s POV without agreeing The distinction between empathy and compassion How providing emotional compensation can shift demands How the word ‘fair’ leads to overreaction in a negotiation How Prospect Theory explains our overreaction to loss How to negotiate with a bully through fearless deference The difference in demeanor of a bully vs. a predator How women seem to pick up negotiation more quickly Why hearing the other side out is key to a negotiation Why Chris separates the WHAT and the HOW of negotiating Chris’ insight around the problem with compromise
Connect with Chris Voss
The Black Swan Group: https://blackswanltd.com/ Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss with Tahl Raz: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805 Text FBIEMPATHY to 22828
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Carl Rogers: https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html Books by Carl R. Rogers: https://www.amazon.com/Carl-R.-Rogers/e/B001ILFN7K%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share Kahneman & Tversky’s Prospect Theory: http://www.its.caltech.edu/~camerer/Ec101/ProspectTheory.pdf Robert Mnuchin: http://www.mnuchingallery.com/gallery
Let’s face it: We are emotionally attached to our stuff. During major life transitions like divorce, downsizing, or dealing with a death in the family, that attachment is exacerbated by the emotional upheaval that accompanies change. How can a professional organizer help you learn to ‘treasure hunt’ rather than just keep things for the sake of keeping them? And how do you design a space to support the person you are becoming in the aftermath of these key life transitions?
Janine Sarna-Jones is the founder and president of Organize Me Inc., a firm that offers moving and relocation, hands-on organizing and estate clearance services. She has been helping people get organized at home and at work for 26 years, and her client roster includes corporate executives, small business owners, moms, artists and nonprofit organizations. Janine is a member of the inaugural class of Certified Professional Organizers, and she has been featured on radio, in print and online as a member of Parenting magazine’s Mom Squad.
Today, Janine joins Katherine to share her objective, non-judgmental approach to organizing for a move, explaining how she supports her clients through major life transitions. She walks us through the first steps of her process, from determining the scope of a project to preparing for a move or reorganization. Janine addresses the emotional upheaval that comes with every major life transition, discussing why clients look to her for permission to let go. Listen in for insight around reclaiming a space in the aftermath of divorce and learn how to design an environment that supports the person you are becoming!
Topics Covered
Janine’s objective, non-judgmental approach to organizing for a move The value of a professional with no emotional attachment to our stuff How Janine supports clients emotionally through major life transitions Janine’s first step to determine the scope of a project How Janine’s team helps clients make choices around what to keep Janine’s philosophy around keeping things that really are meaningful How a good organizer coaches clients through the process The emotional upheaval that comes with every life transition Why clients look to Janine for permission to let go What it means to be a certified professional organizer Janine’s approach to reorganizing a single room How Janine supports divorcing clients in reclaiming a space • ‘Organize for person they are becoming’ • Action plan to break into smaller steps The importance of designing a space to support your best self
Connect with Janine Sarna-Jones
Organize Me Inc.: https://organizeme-inc.com/ Organize Me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/organizemeinc?lang=en Organize Me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OrganizeMeInc/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
In the midst of difficult life transitions like divorce, it is human nature to reach extreme, self-defeating conclusions: I’m incapable of love! All men are sociopaths! The world is unspeakably cruel! How can we take a closer look at what happened in our relationship and expand the narrative to something a little more nuanced, a little more balanced, a little closer to the truth? One strategy that works is to tell the story of your divorce in writing.
Steve Friedman is the award-winning author of seven books, and his essays on relationships have appeared in anthologies like Modern Love and The Bastard on the Couch. Steve’s work has appeared in a number of national publications, including Esquire, GQ and The Washington Post, and he was the writer of the first Modern Love column in The New York Times. Steve teaches the popular writing course Divorce, Breakups and New Beginnings: Telling Your Story through the organization UNtied.
Today, Steve joins Katherine to discuss how writing helps people make difficult life transitions. He explains how the demands of storytelling impose order in a chaotic world and afford us a more nuanced perspective of divorce. Steve also shares the value of exploring separation in the context of a writing workshop and walks us through some of the exercises he uses to examine a story from different perspectives. Listen in for insight around what Steve has learned about love through teaching and writing about relationships and learn how telling the story of your divorce can help you move forward!
Topics Covered
How writing helps people make difficult life transitions Using storytelling to impose order in a chaotic situation Why women are more inclined to take writing classes The value of exploring divorce in a workshop setting The ground rules of Steve’s divorce writing workshop • No judgement • Accountable for telling truth Creating space to reach new conclusions with writing The cathartic nature of journaling through difficult times Exercises for seeing a narrative from different perspectives Steve’s surprise at the blame women take on in divorce The relief that comes from realizing you’re not alone Why instant chemistry doesn’t ensure a happy marriage Steve’s insight that no one is the ANSWER for anyone else
Connect with Steve Friedman
Steve’s Website: http://stevefriedman.net/ Books by Steve Friedman: https://www.amazon.com/Steve-Friedman/e/B000AR7YFC?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_11&qid=1559662805&sr=1-11
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom edited by Daniel Jones: https://www.amazon.com/Bastard-Couch-Explain-Feelings-Fatherhood/dp/0060565357 Modern Love: True and Extraordinary Tales of Desire, Deceit, and Devotion edited by Daniel Jones: https://www.amazon.com/Modern-Love-Extraordinary-Desire-Devotion/dp/0307351041 Modern Love in The New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/column/modern-love UNtied: https://untied.net/ UNtied Events: https://untied.net/upcoming-events/ Elise Pettus on Divorce Dialogues EP030: https://divorcedialogues.com/a-community-of-women-navigating-divorce-with-elise-pettus/
Divorce is never easy on the kids involved, but the process can be particularly fraught for teenagers. How does divorce impact teens differently than younger children? What is the best way to customize a parenting plan for teens? And how can you support teens in adapting to a new, blended family?
Barbara Rothberg, DSW, LCSW, has 35-plus years of experience helping clients resolve conflicts and navigate transitions in their lives. In her role as a divorce coach and child specialist, Barbara helps families customize solutions that emphasize the best interest of the child. She often serves as a mediator or family specialist in the collaborative divorce setting, and Barbara’s work as a parent coordinator allows her to support separated parents in becoming good co-parents to their children.
Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how divorce impacts a teen’s growing autonomy and offers insight around designing a parenting plan for older children. She describes how teens think about blended families, discussing why it’s important to give them the freedom not to like a parent’s new partner—as long as they’re respectful. Listen in for Barbara’s advice on being up front with your teens and learn why she advocates for making your child a priority, regardless of their age when you divorce.
Topics Covered
How divorce impacts a teen’s growing autonomy Barbara’s definition of what it means to be a teen Why Barbara cautions against hiding divorce from kids The best way to tell your kids you are divorcing 1. Share with all children at same time 2. Don’t give false reassurances Why Barbara suggests week-long timesharing for teens The value in giving teens input on the parenting plan How to handle teens who don’t want to see a parent Creating a parenting plan based on the family’s needs How incremental engaging helps teens adapt to stepparents Giving teens the freedom not to like a stepparent Barbara’s insight on spending alone-time with your teen How to approach a blended family with stepsiblings Barbara’s advice for divorcing parents with teens • Don’t get in power struggle • Do things slowly • Make children priority
Connect with Barbara Rothberg
Barbara’s Website: http://barbararothberg.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Once you have made the difficult decision to divorce, a sense of urgency sets in. You want to get through the painful process as quickly as possible. Yet it is unwise to make snap decisions when you’re under that kind of emotional stress. How do you give yourself time to process what is going on? How do you define your non-negotiables and use them to reclaim a sense of control? And how do you find the right professionals to guide you through the divorce process?
Sonia Queralt is a former divorce litigator and founder of Divorceify, an online platform designed to help clients take a holistic approach to divorce. The site employs machine learning to match people in all stages of the process with vetted professionals and resources customized to their specific needs. A former divorce attorney, Sonia founded Divorceify in 2015 to offer divorce consumers the technology and tools to navigate the process efficiently and with confidence.
Today, Sonia joins Katherine to explain how her background as a divorce litigator and her own unhappy marriage inspired the launch of Divorceify. She discusses how every divorce is different and shares advice on navigating the early stages of the process. Sonia also describes how defining your non-negotiables affords you more control and why you should avoid making any snap decisions under immense emotional stress. Listen in for Sonia’s insight on interviewing divorce attorneys in order to find the right match and learn how Divorceify can identify what’s not going well in the divorce process—and help you pivot if necessary.
Topics Covered
How Divorceify’s unique technology matches people with vetted professionals Sonia’s mission to eliminate the shame associated with divorce Sonia’s insight into how every divorce is different How Sonia’s experience as a litigator and her own divorce inspired Divorceify Sonia’s advice on navigating the early stages of the divorce process 1. Own truth about situation and create support system 2. Create small-scale vision and take baby steps forward 3. Allow self to feel, mourn and get through emotions Why you should NOT make any snap decisions under the stress of divorce How defining your non-negotiables affords more control in the process How Divorceify helps you identify what’s not going well and pivot if necessary Why an attorney with an aggressive approach doesn’t work for most divorces Sonia’s tips on interviewing divorce attorneys to find the right match Why you should run from a divorce attorney who claims to help people win
Connect with Sonia Queralt
Divorceify: https://divorceify.com/home Email sonia@divorceify.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Most people dealing with divorce feel isolated and alone. It’s challenging to find people who really understand what you’re going through and attending events around the divorce process can prove embarrassing. So, where can you go to learn about your options, get recommendations for trusted professionals and connect with other people who truly empathize with your situation? Where can you find a safe, supportive community that will help you find a new life on the other side of divorce?
Deanna Coyle is the founder of Vesta: Redefining Divorce, an organization that seeks to educate, connect and empower people through the divorce process. Deanna is a former Wall Street securities analyst who went through her own emotionally and financially draining divorce, and now she is on a mission to help others transform this challenging life transition into an opportunity for growth. Vesta offers complimentary consultations with legal and financial professionals as well as educational and social events. In five years, Vesta has hosted hundreds of workshops and retreats for more than 1,000 attendees.
Today, Deanna joins Katherine to explain how Vesta is building a supportive community for individuals navigating divorce. She offers insight around Vesta’s post-divorce events and advice on finding your personal power through the process. Listen in to understand the value of working with professionals who have been through divorce themselves—and learn how Vesta can support you in recreating yourself and designing the life you’ve always wanted!
Topics Covered
The legal, financial and social/emotional resources Vesta provides How navigating her own divorce inspired Deanna to found Vesta The confidential nature of Vesta’s events, workshops and retreats How Vesta is building a supportive community of divorced people How Deanna used her own divorce to pursue personal growth Leveraging divorce as an opportunity to recreate yourself Deanna’s mission to help people ‘find a new life on the other side’ Vesta’s post-divorce events to focus on health, dating, career, etc. Deanna’s first steps in finding your personal power after divorce The value in connecting with people who know divorce firsthand Vesta clients who developed a new confidence in themselves Deanna’s advice on getting info for people contemplating divorce Finding professionals who are a good fit by asking about their WHY
Connect with Deanna Coyle
Vesta Divorce: https://vestadivorce.com/ Vesta on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/VestaDivorce Vesta on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/vesta-redefining-divorce/ Vesta on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vestadivorce/ Vesta on Twitter: https://twitter.com/VestaDivorce Call (508) 744-6014 Email team@vestadivorce.com
Resources
‘Transforming Divorce’ by Deanna Coyle: linkedin.com/pulse/transforming-divorce-memoir-people-pleasing-divorc%C3%A9e-coyle-cfa-mba/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce is a difficult, painful process. But at the end of the day, people pursue divorce because they want to be happier and improve their lives. The experience CAN afford you the opportunity to look inward, rediscover yourself and architect a better future—if you approach divorce in a mindful, non-toxic way.
Gabrielle Hartley is committed to helping couples divorce with dignity and ease. Gabrielle has 20-plus years of experience as a divorce attorney and mediator, and in that time, she has developed a unique approach to the process that supports clients in designing a healthy post-divorce life. Gabrielle is also the coauthor of Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate.
Today, Gabrielle joins Katherine to share the philosophy behind Better Apart and offer insight around her intention to help divorcing couples gain clarity. She describes several practical strategies you can use to remain mindful and practice active self-care during the divorce process and discusses how to choose an attorney that will represent you in a way you can be proud of. Listen in for Gabrielle’s advice around responding rather than reacting to the conflict dynamic and learn how to leverage divorce as an opportunity to remap your future!
Topics Covered
The philosophy behind Gabrielle’s new book, Better Apart Gabrielle’s intention to help divorcing couples gain clarity How Gabrielle encourages clients to be kind to themselves The 5 lenses Gabrielle uses to help people navigate divorce How to train your mind with a positive affirmation journal How listening to your inner voice is part of active self-care Surrounding yourself with people who let you be happy The danger in overgeneralizing other’s stories of divorce Gabrielle’s advice on choosing the right divorce attorney How divorce affords an opportunity to remap your future The value of giving yourself something to look forward to Gabrielle’s strategies for responding rather than reacting
Connect with Gabrielle Hartley
Gabrielle’s Website : https://gabriellehartley.com/
Resources
Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate by Gabrielle Hartley and Elena Brower: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Apart-Radically-Positive-Separate/dp/006268938X
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
A divorce is a divorce is a divorce. And yet, there is a different layer of complication when divorce involves high net worth individuals. Whether the wealth came from an inheritance or wages earned during the marriage, there is a strong emotional charge involved as the divorcing couple sorts out who is entitled to what.
Michelle Smith is one of the most sought-after divorce financial specialists in the country. As the founder and CEO of Smith FSG, she is dedicated to providing clients with guidance and expertise as they determine the best path forward through the divorce process. Michelle has 25-plus years of experience in the field, and she is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Divorce Mediator. Michelle is a regular contributor to national media and coauthor of Divorce & Your Finances.
Today, Michelle joins Katherine to discuss what constitutes a high net worth divorce and the layers of complication involved. She speaks to the nuances of a divorce involving generational wealth versus wealth earned during the marriage, explaining how the source of the money influences the triggers that come up. Michelle also offers insight on the importance of setting ground rules for financial transparency early in the process to avoid delays as well as significant additional costs. Listen in as Michelle explores the challenge around appreciating each other’s contribution to the marriage and the necessity of putting your children’s needs first—regardless of the financial circumstances.
Topics Covered
The layers of complication in high net worth divorce Why Michelle looks to the source of wealth for triggers Generational wealth vs. wealth earned during marriage The need to avoid huge disparity between households Why it matters if you’re past prime wage-earning years The challenge of appreciating each other’s contribution What all divorces have in common regardless of means Why you owe it to your children to put their needs first The need to set ground rules for financial transparency The human instinct to protect money you earned The added complexity when the breadwinner is female Why Michelle is called to fix the broken model of divorce
Connect with Michelle Smith
Smith FSG: smithfsg.com Email msmith@smithfsg.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Over the last 40 years, marriage has evolved from an institution based on strict gender roles and specialization to a connection based on friendship and shared interests. Our expectations of marriage have shifted as well, the standards for intimacy rising along with the need to negotiate shared responsibilities. So, how can couples best navigate these new rules? And how does this transition impact societal attitudes toward divorce?
Stephanie Coontz is an author and educator in the field of marriage and gender relationships. She teaches history and family studies at The Evergreen State College and serves as Director of the Council on Contemporary Families (CCF). Stephanie has written seven books and published dozens of articles in scholarly journals and popular media, including The New York Times and the Journal of Marriage and Family, among many other publications. She has been honored with The Families & Work Institute’s Work-Life Legacy Award and CCF’s Visionary Leadership Award.
Today, Stephanie joins Katherine to discuss how marriage has evolved over time, explaining the shift from strict gender roles to a bond based on friendship. She describes how couples who share responsibilities of breadwinning, childcare and housework report higher levels of satisfaction and addresses the ways in which old attitudes undermine modern marriages. Stephanie also speaks to the importance of negotiation, gratitude and respect for each other’s bids for connection. Listen in to understand how the feminist movement disrupted the institution of marriage and learn how our rising standards have changed the factors that make a marriage last.
Topics Covered
How marriage has evolved from specialization to sharing The way old attitudes undermine modern marriages How sharing responsibilities leads to higher satisfaction How to consider what’s attracting you to your partner The role of bids for connection as a predictor of stability Why modern marriage requires much more negotiation How the feminist movement served as a disruptor How our expectations for intimacy have shifted The destructive nature of holding onto traditional views The idea of gatekeeping in household/childcare duties Why the way we fight with our partners is important Stephanie’s insight around the economy of gratitude Why attitudes toward divorce do NOT predict behavior
Connect with Stephanie Coontz
Stephanie’s Website: https://www.stephaniecoontz.com/ Council on Contemporary Families: https://contemporaryfamilies.org/
Resources
Philip & Carolyn Cowan’s Research: https://contemporaryfamilies.org/experts/philip-cowan-phd/ Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Our cultural vision of divorce court is very different from reality. We fantasize about justice and imagine that the judge will take our side. But the truth of the matter is that most cases settle, and in those that do make it to trial, the judgement has little to do with who is morally right. So, if trial decisions are an urban myth, what does divorce really look like?
Jacqueline Newman is a matrimonial law expert and divorce attorney based in New York City. As the managing partner of Berkman Bottger Newman & Rodd, a top-tier Manhattan firm, her practice consists of litigation, collaborative law and mediation. Jacqueline provides expert legal commentary for national media outlets, including ABC, NBC and FOX, and her work has appeared in numerous publications such as US News & World Report, Business Insider and The Huffington Post. Jacqueline is the author of Soon-to-Be Ex and Soon-to-Be Ex for Men, and she has been named one of Thompson Reuters New York-Metro Super Lawyers Top 50 Women Attorneys for five years running.
Today, Jacqueline joins Katherine to explain why she always wanted to be a divorce lawyer and how the realities of the profession differed from her expectations. She discusses her motivation for writing Soon-to-Be Ex and Soon-to-Be Ex for Men, sharing some of the practical advice she includes in those resources. Jacqueline and Katherine speak to their work with couples considering divorce, the long-term impact of the decision to divorce and the divorce lawyer’s role in providing an objective point of view. Listen in for Jacqueline’s insight on the urban myth of trial decisions and learn how a good divorce attorney can support you in making informed choices.
Topics Covered
Why Jacqueline always wanted to be a divorce lawyer How the realities of divorce law differ from expectations Jacqueline’s insight on the urban myth of trial decisions The very small number of couples who don’t settle What inspired Jacqueline to write Soon-to-Be Ex The practical advice included in Jacqueline’s books The value in meeting with a divorce lawyer for a consult How divorce impacts every aspect of your life The challenge to think long-term when emotions are high Jacqueline’s role in providing an objective point of view Jacqueline’s experience managing a divorce law firm Jacqueline’s take on the attributes of a ‘good client’
Connect with Jacqueline Newman
Berkman Botter Newman & Rodd: https://www.berkbot.com/ Jacqueline’s Website: https://nycdivorcelawyer.com/
Resources
Soon-to-Be Ex: A Woman’s Guide to Her Perfect Divorce and Relaunch by Jacqueline Newman: https://www.amazon.com/Soon-Be-Ex-Perfect-Relaunch/dp/1945271841 Soon-to-Be Ex for Men: Preserving Wealth, Fatherhood, and Sanity during Divorce by Jacqueline Newman: https://www.amazon.com/Soon-Be-Men-Preserving-Fatherhood/dp/194527185X
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce is a heart-wrenching process, but it is also an opportunity. Healing from the heartbreak affords you a new beginning, a chance to reconnect with who you are and what’s important to you.
Sara Woodard is the architect of The HeartFull Journey, a platform designed to help you reconnect with yourself in the aftermath of divorce. Sara has compiled the tools and resources she created during her own divorce journey, and her blog, online course and workbooks serve to support others in regaining their confidence and remembering that they are worthy of love.
Today, Sara joins Katherine to share the tools she developed to work through her divorce, explaining the ‘heart-full journey’ she took to reconnect with herself. She describes the value in developing scripted responses to bad advice, sharing the language she used to take her power back. Sara and Katherine discuss the challenge of trusting your gut after a divorce and the importance of reconnecting to your inner voice in the context of dating. Listen in for Sara’s insight on how social media contributes to feelings of unworthiness and learn how to reframe negative self-talk as you heal from divorce!
Topics Covered
The tools Sara developed to work through her divorce How Sara responded to bad advice during her divorce The value in developing scripted responses or language How the ‘heart-full journey’ reconnects you to yourself Sara’s advice on trusting your gut in dating after divorce How to reconnect to your inner voice through silence Sara’s insight around what makes divorce so prevalent Why it’s easy to lose track of your core values in divorce How social media contributes to feelings of unworthiness Sara’s guidance people in the beginning stages of divorce • Be gentle with yourself • Reframe negative self-talk • Get out of head, get active
Connect with Sara Woodard
The HeartFull Journey: https://www.theheartfulljourney.com/ The HeartFull Journey on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theheartfulljourney/ Sara on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheHeartFull Sara on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theheartfulljourneydivorce/?hl=en
Resources
‘5 Things to Pack for Your Divorce Journey’ by Sara Woodard: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-things-to-pack-for-your-divorce-journey_n_57e1fba0e4b05d3737be50d5 The HeartFull Separation Workbook by Sara Woodard: https://www.theheartfulljourney.com/separation-workbook Sara’s Love Yourself Through Divorce Course: https://www.theheartfulljourney.com/love-yourself-through-divorce
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
The heightened emotions that come with divorce often lead to impulsive action. The brain shuts down and couples jump into litigation without considering the consequences—or the alternatives. But the court system takes their power away and hands all of the decisions over to a judge, and at the end of the day, everybody loses. How can we reestablish communication between these couples, empowering them to make decisions on their own?
Linda Schoonover Carley is a former family, dependency and juvenile judge with more than thirty years of experience as a judge, attorney and mediator. She is also the author of Divorce Made Simple, a no-nonsense guide that demonstrates her practical, holistic approach to avoiding the chaos of the court system. An Amazon Best Selling author and award-winning speaker, Linda uses storytelling to illustrate her passion for children and justice.
Today, Linda joins Katherine to discuss how couples make impulsive decisions around divorce without a clear understanding of the consequences. She explains the danger in shutting down communication and offers her approach to teaching couples to communicate again. Linda speaks to the mediation process, describing how it empowers people to make decisions themselves and how to prepare for the mediation process. Listen in to understand why litigation makes couples lose sight of what’s important and learn to leverage alternatives like mediation and collaborative divorce.
Topics Covered How couples make impulsive decisions around divorce based on emotion
The natural instinct to shut down communication in the divorce process
How shutting down communication escalates turmoil for the children
Linda’s approach to teaching couples to communicate again
Why couples lose sight of what’s important during the litigation process
How mediation starts with the practice of finding agreement
How the parents’ relationship impacts a child’s idea of conflict resolution
How mediation empowers people to make decisions themselves
How to prepare for the mediation process
Issues had during marriage will show up in mediation Make list of issues, rank in order of importance Come in with an understanding of financial needs How children can serve as an anchor for the mediation process
The fundamentals of time sharing or shared parental responsibility
The difference between child support and alimony
Connect with Linda Schoonover Carley
Linda’s Website:http://lindaschoonover.com/ Divorce Made Simple: https://divorcemadesimple.com/ Divorce Made Simple on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/divorcemadesimple
Resources
Divorce Made Simple: The Ultimate Guide by a Former Family Judge by Linda D. Schoonover: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Made-Simple-Ultimate-Former-ebook/dp/B071NZBYZG
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Holding on to bitterness and resentment is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.
It is so much easier to blame someone who has caused you pain than it is to own your part in it and develop compassion for the hurt they are feeling—particularly in the case of divorce. But if you have the courage to open yourself up to another person’s pain, it is possible to heal and grow in your capacity for empathy and understanding.
Neelama Eyres and Michael Schiesser are the co-founders of the Inner Journey Institute. Since 1999, the pair has facilitated the personal, professional and spiritual transformation of thousands of people. Michael and Neelama were married in 2002 and their son, Kai, was born in 2004. But in 2006, their marriage came to an abrupt end, and they began a transformational journey of their own. After an intense two-year process, Neelama and Michael established a loving friendship and a dedication to co-parenting their son. That journey became the blueprint for their Healing Divorce Intensive as well as the memoir, Divorced with Love.
Today, Michael and Neelama join Katherine to share their story, discussing the healing work they did in the aftermath of their divorce for the sake of their son, their business and their friendship. Michael explains how blame prevented him from owning his part in the breakup, and Neelama describes how guilt provided a barrier of protection that kept her from recognizing Michael’s pain. They walk us through the process that allowed them to stop ‘poisoning their own hearts’ and grow in their capacity for compassion. Listen in to understand the value in recognizing that our experience of reality is subjective and learn Neelama and Michael’s approach to healing through self-awareness and empathy.
Topics Covered
The healing work Michael and Neelama did in the aftermath of their divorce Neelama and Michael’s commitment to personal growth and transformation How blame prevented Michael from owning his part in the breakup Neelama’s insight on how her guilt created a barrier of protection The freedom that comes from realizing you can’t change what the other person did The process that allowed Michael and Neelama to stop ‘poisoning their own hearts’ How writing Divorced with Love brought Neelama and Michael to a new level of healing How science confirms that our individual experience of reality is subjective The way your heart grows in its capacity for empathy by way of conflict Michael and Neelama’s approach to healing • Learn to be present to own feelings • Step into other person’s shoes
Connect with Neelama Eyres & Michael Schiesser
Inner Journey Institute: http://www.innerjourneyinstitute.com/
Resources Divorced with Love: Our Journey Through Heartbreak and Separation into Forgiveness and Friendship by Michael Schiesser and Neelama Eyres: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0776YNNFC The Healing Heart Protocol: http://www.innerjourneyinstitute.com/healing-heart-protocol/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
If you’re reading this, you are likely familiar with the first stage of the divorce process, the stage Liza Caldwell identifies as Something is Wrong. The problem with stage one is that you can get stuck there, lost in a vicious cycle with your own thoughts. How do you move forward? Where can you go for support in taking action? And what resources are available to help you reinvent yourself once the divorce is final?
Liza Caldwell is the co-founder and director of SAS for Women: Support and Solutions for Thriving Beyond Divorce, an organization that provides resources and coaching for women who are considering, in the process of, or recovering from divorce. Liza earned her MA in gender and leadership development from Columbia University’s Teachers College, and she is a certified professional coach trained through Leadership That Works.
Today, Liza joins Katherine to explain how she came to co-found SAS for Women. She shares the four-stage divorce roadmap that SAS uses to help women manage their expectations and navigate each phase of the journey. Liza and Katherine discuss what makes a good candidate for collaborative divorce and how the model you choose directly impacts the children involved. Listen in to understand the ongoing process of reinvention that occurs after the papers are signed and learn how SAS can support you in achieving a new normal in the aftermath of divorce.
Topics Covered
How SAS provides support and solutions for women in any stage of divorce
The SAS for Women four-stage divorce roadmap
Something is wrong Something’s got to change Something is changing The new normal How women in stage one are caught in a vicious cycle
The trigger in stage one that compels women to take action
The importance of connecting with seasoned experts during stage two
What makes a good candidate for the collaborative divorce process
How the model you choose for divorce directly impacts your children
The value in working with a coach to get an overview of available options
The discovery process and reinvention involved in stage three
How stage four brings you to the peaceful rhythm of a new normal
Connect with Liza Caldwell
SAS For Women: https://sasforwomen.com/ SAS on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sasforwomen SAS on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sasforwomen/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
If you divorced someone with a high-conflict personality, you may be concerned about repeating the same cycle in your next partnership. What steps can you take to reflect on the dynamics of your relationships and develop radar for people with high-conflict personalities?
An international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities, Bill Eddy is the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute. In addition, he is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator with the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Bill has written several books, including Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to ‘The One’ Who Will Make Your Life Hell and 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities.
Today, Bill joins Katherine to share the four warning signs for people with high-conflict personalities. He explains how high-conflict people can jam your radar with fake compatibility and how to leverage your friends and family for insight. He addresses why you should finish grieving the loss of a previous relationship before committing to new one, describing the danger in using a relationship to feel okay about yourself. Listen in to understand why people commit to relationships with high-conflict personalities despite the red flags, how to identify behaviors exhibited by high-conflict people, and how to manage high-conflict personalities if you can’t avoid them entirely.
Topics Covered The four warning signs for people with high-conflict personalities
All-or-nothing thinking Unmanaged emotion Extreme behavior Preoccupation with blaming others How high-conflict people can jam your radar with fake compatibility
The value in asking friends and family for their insight on your partner
Why you must finish grieving a loss before committing to a new relationship
Why Bill recommends waiting at least a year before committing to marriage
The reasons why people commit to relationships despite red flags
The five types of high-conflict people who can ruin your life
Narcissists, sociopaths, borderline, histrionic and paranoid The extreme behaviors exhibited by people with high-conflict personalities
How to manage high-conflict people if you can’t avoid them altogether
Connect with Bill Eddy High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ National Conflict Resolution Center: https://www.ncrconline.com/
Resources
Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to ‘The One’ Who Will Make Your Life Hell by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/dating-radar
5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities by Bill Eddy: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765
If you are the targeted parent in a case of parental alienation, it is easy to default to defensiveness. But responding with righteous indignation is actually counterproductive, making you look anxious, agitated and afraid. So, how can you approach the situation in a constructive way that won’t further alienate your child—or the custody evaluator assigned to your case?
Dr. Amy J. L. Baker is a nationally recognized expert in parental alienation and the emotional abuse of children. She has written more than 115 publications including eight books on the topic of parent-child relationships, children of divorce and parental alienation syndrome. Dr. Baker serves as an expert witness and coaches parents dealing with alienated children and alienating co-parents. She is also the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection. Dr. Baker holds a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University.
Today, Dr. Baker joins Katherine to discuss the ins and outs of parental alienation. She walks us through the four components that must be present for a situation to qualify as parental alienation and several of the behaviors kids exhibit in a ‘campaign of denigration.’ Dr. Baker shares her approach to addressing false accusations if you are the target of parental alienation, describing the value in approaching kids with compassion and empathy. Listen in for Dr. Baker’s advice on exhibiting humility with a custody evaluator and learn what to do if you’re the victim of parental alienation.
Topics Covered The formal definition of parental alienation
The four components necessary to qualify as parental alienation
Prior positive relationship Absence of abuse, neglect Favored parent exhibits alienating behaviors Kids exhibit behaviors unique to alienation The characteristics of a ‘campaign of denigration’
How to approach a child making false accusations
Gratitude, compassion and empathy Correct the lie and go back to compassion How to gauge the intentionality of the favored parent’s behavior
What to do if you are the victim of parental alienation
The value in presenting yourself with humility to a custody evaluator
The need for training for legal professionals around parental alienation
The tendency for judges to support the status quo
Connect with Dr. Amy J. L. Baker Dr. Baker’s Website: http://amyjlbaker.com
Resources Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You by Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608829588/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=msccomputersy-20&linkId=d6b93910214fbeb440532f6f3bb0061c
The High-Conflict Custody Battle: Protect Yourself and Your Kids from a Toxic Divorce, False Accusations & Parental Alienation by Amy J. L. Baker, J. Michael Bone and Brian Ludmer: https://www.amazon.com/High-Conflict-Custody-Battle-Accusations-Alienation/dp/1626250731
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
How do you approach challenging situations? The coaching model popular in the business world takes a strengths-based approach, leveraging what employees are good at to tackle complex problems. What if we used a similar strategy as parents, leading with our strengths in difficult circumstances? What if we approached the divorce process the same way, tapping into our best attributes first as we work toward resolution?
Gloria DeGaetano is the founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute and Parent Coach International. An acclaimed educator, author and speaker, she originated parent coaching as a discipline 18 years ago. Today, the PCI Coaching Model and its affiliated certification program are used in 20 countries around the world. Gloria’s innovative work in parent coaching has appeared in Newsweek, Parents Magazine and The New York Times, among many other publications, and she has appeared on The Today Show and NPR’s Fresh Air.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Gloria joins Katherine to explain how she adapted business coaching principles to support parents, using a strengths-based approach that is personalized to the family’s individual circumstances. She discusses how her personal experience with divorce informs her work and describes how the appreciative inquiry framework facilitates teamwork between divorced couples. Listen in for Gloria’s insight around identifying your positive core and designing strategy based on your strengths!
Topics Covered
The concept of parent coaching as a strengths-based approach How Gloria adapted business coaching principles to support parents How Gloria’s personal experience with divorce influences her work How parent coaching is personalized to the unique needs of the family How an introduction to systems thinking inspired Gloria’s work How the parenting styles inventory serves divorced couples The framework of appreciative inquiry Gloria uses in parent coaching Why it’s important to design strategy based on your strengths How starting with what you’re good at generates an upward spiral The benefit of reframing right and wrong as a difference in style Gloria’s definition of positive core as a person’s authentic self How individuals can use parent coaching with or without their ex How Gloria processed her own feelings of anger through therapy Gloria’s insight around taking care of yourself first
Connect with Gloria DeGaetano
The Parent Coaching Institute: www.thepci.org Parent Coach International: parentcoachinternational.com
Resources
The Creative Imperative by Charles M. Johnston: amazon.com/Creative-Imperative-Charles-M-Johnston/dp/0974715409 Parenting Well in a Media Age by Gloria DeGaetano: amazon.com/Parenting-Well-Media-Age-Keeping/dp/1932181121 Cooperrider Center for Appreciative Inquiry: champlain.edu/appreciativeinquiry
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce is a painful process that comes with some very strong emotions. Yet in order to avoid a toxic situation that puts your kids in the middle, divorcing couples must find safe spaces to express their anger and grief. Susan Bernardo found healing in writing workshops, art and dance classes, using creativity to work through the sadness, pick up the pieces and build something new.
In fact, Susan’s experience with divorce inspired her first picture book, Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs, which reassures kids that love is forever, even if you are physically separated from the ones you love. Her sophomore effort was a collaboration with LeVar Burton to help kids cope with traumatic events, The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm. Since then, she has published a third picture book, The Big Adventures of Tiny House, and her debut YA novel, Inspired.
Today, Susan sits down with Katherine to explain how creative channels allowed her to process the grief she was feeling and how she went about reestablishing her identity as an individual in the aftermath of divorce. She discusses her conscious decision to divorce amicably, explaining how a mediator can help couples craft a shared mission statement that focuses on the children. Susan also addresses her shared custody arrangement with her ex-husband and offers insight around the concept of home as a feeling you carry. Listen in to understand how Susan leaned on allies and mentors to maintain her dignity through the process—and learn how to reframe divorce as an opportunity for discovery.
Topics Covered
How Susan’s divorce experience inspired Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs The grief Susan experienced in being away from her kids How Susan used creativity to process her strong feelings The process of reestablishing your identity after divorce Susan’s conscious decision to pursue an amicable divorce The value in crafting a shared mission statement The safe places where Susan was able to express her emotions Susan and her ex-husband’s shared custody arrangement Gaining a deeper appreciation of each other’s roles after divorce Susan’s intention to model the resilience she wants for her kids How allies and mentors gave Susan perspective during the process How to reframe divorce as an opportunity for discovery How Susan’s friendship base expanded in the aftermath of divorce Susan’s insight on the concept of home as a feeling you carry
Connect with Susan Bernardo
Susan’s Website: susanbernardo.com/index.html Inner Flower Child Books: innerflowerchild.com/index.html Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs on Facebook: facebook.com/SunKissesMoonHugs/?ref=bookmarks Susan on Twitter: twitter.com/SusanBernardo
Resources
Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs by Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Kisses-Moon-Susan-Schaefer-Bernardo/dp/0971122849 The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm by LeVar Burton, Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Rhino-Who-Swallowed-Storm/dp/0990539504 The Big Adventures of Tiny House by Susan Schaefer Bernardo and Courtenay Fletcher: amazon.com/Big-Adventures-Tiny-House/dp/0971122822
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Is there a way to protect your child’s innocence during the divorce process? What strategies can you use to parent well in the midst of such a difficult time? The Intelligent Divorce offers couples an approach to separation and divorce that prevents damage to kids and teaches you how to create a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect.
Dr. Mark Banschick is a child psychiatrist in private practice in New York and a frequent expert witness in custody hearings. He coined the idea of the Intelligent Divorce and authored two books on the subject, The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children and The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Yourself. Dr. Banschick has appeared on The CBS Early Show and the CBS Morning News, and he is published regularly in Psychology Today and the Huffington Post.
Today, Dr. Banschick joins Katherine to explain how the Intelligent Divorce prevents damage to kids during the divorce process. He offers his take on divorce as a public health issue rather than a legal one and discusses the significance of establishing what he calls an intergenerational boundary. Dr. Banschick walks us through The Child’s Bill of Rights, describing how the Intelligent Divorce protects their innocence and educates kids in the process of conflict resolution. Listen in for insight around the difference between jealousy and envy—and hear Dr. Banschick’s thoughts on when and how to tell your kids you are getting a divorce.
Topics Covered
How Dr. Banschick’s work led to the Intelligent Divorce Dr. Banschick’s advice around working on your marriage first The idea of a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect Why Dr. Banschick sees divorce as a public health issue How to protect your child’s innocence in the divorce process The significance of establishing an intergenerational boundary The Child’s Bill of Rights • Don’t ask to choose sides or confide in me • Spare details of legal proceedings • Give privacy on phone, don’t cross-examine after • I am not your messenger • Don’t ask to lie and listen when I talk • No guilt trips, no matter what • Don’t spoil me (even if you feel guilty) How people regress during the divorce process How Intelligent Divorce educates kids in conflict resolution Melanie Kline’s distinction between jealousy and envy The benefits of working with a good psychotherapist When and how to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce
Connect with Dr. Mark Banschick
The Intelligent Divorce: theintelligentdivorce.com Free Book on Divorce: mark-banschick.mykajabi.com
Resources
Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky: amazon.com/Intelligent-Divorce-Taking-Care-Children/dp/098259030X Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky: amazon.com/Intelligent-Divorce-Taking-Care-Yourself/dp/0982590326/ref=bseries_primary_1_0982590326 Family Stabilization Course: theintelligentdivorce.com Melanie Klein: www.melanie-klein-trust.org.uk
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
We know that the strong negative emotions associated with divorce make it difficult to think rationally. But have you ever wondered what happens in your brain when emotion takes over? How does a threat response impact your aptitude for conscious thought? And how might an understanding of the brain science shift your response and facilitate good, deliberative thinking?
Dr. David Rock is the Director of the NeuroLeadership Institute, a global initiative designed to unite neuroscientists and leadership experts in the innovation of a new science for leadership development. Dr. Rock is also the co-editor of the NeuroLeadership Journal and the author of business bestseller Your Brain at Work. His work regularly appears in the Harvard Business Review, Fortune Magazine and Psychology Today, among many other publications, and Dr. Rock has served as a guest lecturer at a number of institutions, including Oxford University’s Said Business School.
Today, Dr. Rock sits down with Katherine to discuss the brain science behind divorce. He explains why strong emotions make logical decision-making impossible and how the overload from a threat response impacts our thinking. He discusses the importance of articulating common goals to help divorcing couples think rationally, describing how viewing your former partner as an opponent impacts brain processing. Listen in for insight around the five things your brain is tracking at any given time and learn how to live longer by wasting less energy on misread threats!
Topics Covered
The value of understanding how emotions drive behavior Why strong emotions make logical decision-making impossible How perceived threats pull resources away from the prefrontal cortex The triggers that shut down our ability to think in new ways How the overload from a threat response impacts our thinking • Cognitive errors • Mistake neutral for negative How to plan ahead and avoid situations that provoke strong emotions The reappraisal technique that can alter your interpretation of events Why trying to suppress emotions after they’ve surfaced doesn’t work Why it’s best to initiate difficult conversations when you’re well-resourced How articulating common goals can help divorcing couples think rationally How viewing someone as an opponent impacts brain processing The significance of the way you hold someone in your mind The five things that the brain is tracking at any given time 1. Status 2. Certainty 3. Autonomy 4. Relatedness 5. Fairness The amount of time and energy people waste on misread threats
Connect with Dr. David Rock
Dr. Rock’s Website: davidrock.net The NeuroLeadership Institute: neuroleadership.com
Resources
Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock: amazon.com/Your-Brain-Work-Strategies-Distraction/dp/0061771295 Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock: amazon.com/Quiet-Leadership-Steps-Transforming-Performance/dp/0060835915
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
It is easy to get attached to your victim story and blame your ex for the fact that your marriage went up in flames. But there is a better way to approach divorce: It is possible to see it as a new beginning, an opportunity to learn about yourself and reinvent your life. So, how exactly do you learn to shift your thinking and rewrite your post-divorce storyline?
Deb Purdy is a transformational coach, speaker, author and workshop leader. She is also the creator of My Divorce Recovery Kit and the author of Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce. In the book, Deb shares the process she employed to successfully transition out of her own 10-year marriage and eventually create a collaborative co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband.
Today, Deb sits down with Katherine to share the 7 shifts that helped her see divorce as a new beginning and thrive in its aftermath. She walks us through her transformation from feeling like a victim to taking ownership of her life and explains how she used the experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Listen in for Deb’s insight around rewriting your destructive post-divorce storyline and learn how to choose gratitude—and revisit it every day!
Topics Covered
Deb’s realization that her divorce could signal a new beginning Deb’s transformation from feeling victimized to taking ownership The 7 shifts Deb leveraged to gain strength from her divorce 1. Foundational shift 2. Shift intentions 3. Shift your story 4. Shift view of ex 5. Shift conversation 6. Kids are shifters too 7. Shift on How to use divorce to identify how you show up in relationships The value in rewriting your destructive post-divorce storyline The challenge of teaching your friends and family how to support you Deb’s vision of what she wanted her relationship with her ex to look like Deb’s insight around setting the intention to learn about yourself
Connect with Deb Purdy
Deb’s Website: debpurdy.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce by Deb Purdy: https://www.amazon.com/Something-Gained-Stronger-Smarter-Happier-ebook/dp/B06XJTLCJ3
There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with divorce, especially when it comes to our kids. We worry about how the experience will impact our children long-term and wonder if it’s even possible to communicate effectively as co-parents—when a breakdown in communication is what caused many of our problems to begin with! What steps can we take to be mindful co-parents and ensure that our kids will be okay?
Dr. Jeremy Gaies is a licensed psychologist and certified family mediator based in Tampa, Florida. Dr. Gaies is passionate about helping divorcing families pursue peaceful solutions, and he is an advocate of the collaborate model at the local, state and national level. He is also the author of A Clear and Easy Guide to Collaborative Divorce and the co-author of Mindful Co-Parenting: A Child-Friendly Path Through Divorce.
Today, Dr. Gaies joins Katherine to explain how a less adversarial divorce leads to better outcomes for children. They discuss the benefits of the collaborative model, describing how it supports divorcing couples in learning to communicate effectively as co-parents. Dr. Gaies shares his six keys to mindful co-parenting and offers insight around navigating disagreements around what is best for your children. Listen in to understand how Dr. Gaies coaches divorcing couples to develop communication skills and learn why effective communication is critical to the success of the co-parenting relationship!
Topics Covered
How a less adversarial divorce leads to better outcomes for children The intentionality of the collaborative divorce model Dr. Gaies’ keys to mindful co-parenting 1. Put children first 2. Focus forward 3. Communicate effectively 4. Honor agreements 5. Maintain boundaries 6. Manage emotions How to navigate disagreements around what is best for children Why communication is critical to the success of any relationship How the collaborative process supports parents in learning to communicate The role of education, modeling and coaching to foster communication skills Dr. Gaies’ ‘pause and edit’ technique for effective email communication
Connect with Dr. Jeremy Gaies
Dr. Gaies on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jeremy-s-gaies-psy-d-09349810/ Email drgaies@verizon.net
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Resources
Mindful Co-Parenting: A Child-Friendly Path Through Divorce by Jeremy S. Gaies and James B. Morris Jr.: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Co-parenting-Child-Friendly-through-Divorce/dp/1499677529 A Clear and Easy Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Jeremy S. Gaies: https://www.amazon.com/Clear-Easy-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce-ebook/dp/B07B75Z2XM
Many dads of divorce fear that they will be completely cut off from their children. They may also have difficulty navigating the shift in their relationships with both their kids and their co-parents in the aftermath of divorce. How can a coach support men in managing their feelings and developing the best possible bonds with their children?
Richard Heller is the Founder and Lead Coach with Separate with Sanity, a coaching program that helps people in dysfunctional marriages get clarity around their values and divorce in a way that is respectful, recognizing that a shared responsibility to the family does not end with the marriage. Richard has enjoyed a 35-year career as an entrepreneur, and his experiences as the child of divorce, the husband in a divorced marriage, and the husband in a successful marriage that has nurtured five children make him uniquely qualified to support people in redefining their relationships in a way that works better for everyone involved.
Today, Richard joins Katherine to discuss his work in helping dads improve their relationships with both their children and their co-parents. He explains how to identify the triggers that bring on a feeling of fear, measure when you’re overreacting, and manage your responses. Richard addresses the need for dads to shift their relationship with children after a divorce, describing how to ‘play both sides of the court’ and get involved in your child’s social life. Listen in to understand what differentiates coaching from other modalities like therapy and counseling and learn how a divorce coach might support you in achieving the best possible relationship with your children moving forward!
Topics Covered
The way communication issues persist in the aftermath of divorce Richard’s work to help dads improve their relationships with children How to identify and manage your reaction to triggers How to measure when you’re overreacting to a trigger The most common fear of dads around being cut off from children Richard’s advice for dads on becoming a player in your child’s social life The challenge of eliciting buy-in from a co-parent as roles shift The long-term, ongoing nature of the co-parenting relationship What differentiates coaching from therapy, counseling and mentoring Why hopelessness is not a good posture for forward motion The focus of coaching on learning to deal with circumstances How coaching can benefit divorcing couples involved in litigation The disparity of experience between people divorcing and attorneys
Connect with Richard Heller
Separate with Sanity: separatewithsanity.com Email rich@separatewithsanity.com Call (917) 309-9045
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
If someone close to you is going through a divorce, you may not know what to say. Do they want to talk about it? You want to be helpful, but it can be tough to intuit what they need. For some, opening up about their divorce is healing. Others would rather talk about something else—or do something active. So, what is the best way to communicate with friends and family members about how you can best support them?
Deborah Tannen is a New York Times bestselling author and Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University. Her work focuses on how the language of everyday conversation impacts relationships, and she is best known for You Just Don’t Understand, the book that brought gender differences in communication style to the forefront of public awareness. Deborah is a frequent guest on national media, including The Today Show, PBS New Hour, Oprah and NPR. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, TIME and The Harvard Business Review, among many other publications. Deborah’s latest book, You’re the Only One I Can Tell, explores the language of women’s friendships.
Today, Deborah joins Katherine to discuss the positive and negative aspects of communicating with friends and family around the divorce process. She explains the concept of metacommunication, describing how you can best support friends who are going through difficult circumstances. Deborah also shares a gentle way to deal with someone whose talk is unhelpful and addresses the dynamics between mothers and daughters around divorce. Listen in for Deborah’s insight on why some value talk while others are cautious of it—and learn how to accept differences in communication to best serve the people you love.
Topics Covered
How talk serves as the basis for women’s friendships How unhelpful talk plays into our fears about divorce Why some value talk more while others are cautious The value of metacommunication in difficult contexts Why a specific offer is better than ‘anything I can do’ How to gain an awareness of conversational styles Why activities can be just as healing as talk How to deal with a friend whose talk is unhelpful The dynamics between mothers and daughters around divorce How the opportunity to divorce recognizes women’s humanity Why friends feel rejected when crises are kept secret The healing power of talk in difficult circumstances The differences among male and female best friends The role of talk in making people feel understood
Connect with Deborah Tannen
Deborah’s Website: deborahtannen.com
Resources Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate by Gabrielle Hartley and Elena Brower: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Apart-Radically-Positive-Separate/dp/006268938X
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
It goes without saying that the decision to divorce is not an easy one to make. For some couples, the back-and-forth goes on for years. Yes, it’s bad. But is it THAT bad? How do you know when it’s finally time to leave?
Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister and relationship coach. A student of Eastern spirituality, mindfulness practices serve as the foundation of her work. She is invited to speak regularly on the topics of wellbeing and mindfulness, and Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America, Fox and Friends and in The New York Times. She is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post and the author of several books, including Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment.
Today, Nancy joins Katherine to discuss the individual nature of making the decision to divorce. She explains how high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness, how men tend to have less fear around finding another partner, and how extramarital affairs function to fracture the connection and create change. Nancy walks us through the questions to ask as we take inventory of our relationships and describes the value in finding the deep wound under the narrative we’re stuck in. Listen in for insight around expressing differences without blame and learn how to have a warrior’s heart that opens precisely when it’s wounded.
Topics Covered
The individual nature of making the decision to divorce The value in taking an inventory of what you are/are not willing to give up How high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness The tendency for men to have less fear about finding another partner The role of extramarital affairs in creating the fracture that will motivate change The questions to ask yourself in the decision-making process • What’s important to you? What’s non-negotiable? • What are you willing to do without? • What are you getting? What are you giving up? Why expressing differences without blame is key in maintaining connection How to be protective of your partner’s wounds without defending yourself The challenge of opening your heart precisely in the moment you feel wounded
Connect with Nancy Colier
Nancy’s Website: nancycolier.com Call (212) 316-6648 Nancy in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/experts/nancy-colier-lcsw-rev
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Making the decision to end a marriage is stressful enough. But for those women who have been misled or misinformed about their legal rights, it may not feel like they have any choice at all. There is so much overlap between the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, women need guidance that encompasses both elements of the process.
Jill Murray is one of the nation’s leading experts on unhealthy relationships. She has appeared on CNN, Dr. Phil, The Today Show and Good Morning America. Adam Dodge is a former divorce attorney who now serves as Legal Director of Laura’s House, an emergency shelter for women and children fleeing domestic violence. Together, Jill and Adam wrote The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Divorce, a resource to help women navigate the decision to end a marriage, the legal and emotional components of the process, and the challenges of the aftermath.
Today, Jill and Adam join Katherine to discuss the intersection between the legal and emotional aspects of divorce. Jill explains how she conceived of the idea for The Empowered Woman’s Guide… and how it serves as a tool for therapists, lawyers and women considering divorce. Adam shares how he came to work with victims of domestic violence, his role in providing women with accurate legal information, and the important idea of ‘actions as evidence.’ Listen in for insight around the idea of love as a behavior, not just a feeling, and how to approach safely collecting information about your financial situation as you consider divorce.
Topics Covered How Jill conceived the idea for The Empowered Woman’s Guide…
The intersection between the emotional and legal aspects of divorce
What led Adam to work with victims of domestic violence
Adam’s shift to empowering clients to represent themselves
Jill and Adam’s seamless writing process
How the book affords choice to women considering divorce
The subjects and opportunities to explore post-divorce
Adam’s role in providing women with accurate legal information
How the book functions as a resource for therapists and lawyers
The feelings of loss and fear experienced by men in the divorce process
The idea of ‘actions as evidence’
Jill’s insight around love as a behavior, not just a feeling
Collecting accurate data related to finances, laws in your jurisdiction
How children deserve two emotionally healthy parents
Connect with Jill Murray & Adam Dodge Empowered Woman’s Divorce Website: www.empoweredwomansdivorce.com
Empowered Woman’s Guide… on Facebook: www.facebook.com/EmpoweredWomansGuide/?ref=br_rs
Jill’s Website: www.drjillmurray.com/
Adam’s Website: www.adamrdodge.com/
Resources The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Divorce by Jill Murray and Adam Dodge: amazon.com/Empowered-Womans-Guide-Divorce-Therapist/dp/1532026099
Laura’s House: www.laurashouse.org/
Books by Dr. Jill Murray: www.drjillmurray.com/books/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Being a stepparent is tricky. How do you get involved in your stepchildren’s lives without overstepping? How do you go about disciplining a stepchild? How do you approach the holidays? Stepfamilies do have their benefits but taking on the role of a stepparent is never going to be easy. On the bad days, it can feel like you ‘set your hair on fire, and you’re trying to put it out with a hammer.’
Jean McBride is a marriage and family therapist in Northern Colorado who has helped more than 20,000 families navigate divorce. She has spent the past 11 years specializing in post-divorce relationships, which encompasses parenting during and after divorce, remarriage and stepfamilies. Jean serves as a divorce coach trained in the Collaborative Divorce model as well as a speaker and consultant in the area of divorce and remarriage. She is the author of Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers and Talking to Children About Divorce.
Today, Jean joins Katherine to share her take on why the role of stepmother is the most complex. She explains the difference in societal expectations for mothers and fathers, discussing how those expectations impact stepmoms and stepdads. Jean walks us through some of the common mistakes made by new stepparents and the ongoing discussion a new couple should have with regard to parenting. Listen in to understand the concept of diplomacy within a stepfamily and learn how to approach the holidays in a way that makes everyone feel welcome and equal.
Topics Covered The complexity of taking on the role of stepmother
The challenge for stepmothers to be involved without overstepping
Jean’s advice for new stepparents
Take it slow Let biological parent lead Why it can be simpler for stepfamilies if both adults have children
How the societal expectations for fathers impact stepdads
The common mistakes made by stepfathers
The ongoing discussion a new couple should have about parenting
Expectations Parenting style Communication Discipline The concept of diplomacy within a stepfamily
How to make stepchildren feel welcome during the holidays
The value in establishing new holiday traditions
Mixing biological and stepparents at holiday celebrations
Jean’s guidance for stepfamilies
Manage expectations Get help (i.e.: books, online resources, life coach)
Connect with Jean McBride Jean’s Website: www.divorcehelpforparents.com
Resources Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers by Jean A. McBride: amazon.com/Encouraging-Words-Stepmothers-Jean-McBride/dp/0970772912
Talking to Children About Divorce: A Parent’s Guide to Healthy Communication at Each Stage of Divorce by Jean McBride: www.amazon.com/Talking-Children-About-Divorce-Communication/dp/1623156858
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
After 15 years of trying divorce cases in the courts, Barry Berkman had come to realize that ‘nobody ever won a divorce case.’ Litigation comes with a high price tag in the form of expense and the toxic effect on everyone involved, especially the children. So he started looking for a better way.
At a mediation training in California in the mid-1990’s, Barry was inspired by stories of matrimonial lawyers using the collaborative process who hadn’t been to court in years. He returned to New York and started the state’s first collaborative practice. Today, Barry is a founding partner at Berkman Bottger Newman & Rodd, where he continues to specialize in matrimonial law and mediation. Barry teaches mediation at the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has been named among the Best Lawyers in America for eight years running.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Barry joins Katherine to explain his role in bringing collaborative divorce to New York. He shares the advantages of collaborative law over mediation as well as the traditional litigation model. Barry speaks to the necessary shift in thinking for couples pursuing the collaborative process, discussing the role the lawyer plays in modeling a spirit of cooperation. Listen in for Barry’s insight on addressing mistrust through the collaborative divorce process and bringing in non-lawyers for additional support.
Topics Covered Barry’s role in bringing collaborative divorce to New York The advantages of collaborative law over mediation How the collaborative process differs from traditional litigation The shift in thinking from win/lose to solving a common problem The exorbitant legal fees associated with a litigious divorce The unpredictable interpretation of equitable distribution How to address mistrust in the collaborative process ‘Let the documents decide’ Experts to verify numbers Why litigation provides a false sense of protection How the collaborative process facilitates openness The collaborative lawyer’s role in modeling cooperation The non-lawyers who support the collaborative process Child specialist, parent coordinator Finance professionals Connect with Barry Berkman Barry’s Website: www.berkbot.com Phone 212-867-9123
Resources Stu Webb on Divorce Dialogues: https://player.fm/series/dialogue-on-divorce/dialogue-on-divorce-with-stu-webb-the-founder-of-collaborative-law Hon. Sondra Miller on Divorce Dialogues: https://player.fm/series/dialogue-on-divorce/dialogue-and-divorce-with-hon-sondra-miller-on-why-its-so-important-to-stay-out-of-court
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
There is a great deal of shame associated with divorce, and much of the language we use around the process has an incredibly negative connotation—no one wants to be responsible for a ‘broken’ home or family. But Tara Eisenhard argues that we are all continually learning and growing, and divorce doesn’t have to be about dissolution. It can be seen as evolution, the opportunity to move forward toward new goals.
Tara is a divorce coach and mediator on a mission to change the conversation about divorce in our culture. She also offers online courses and speaks at community events, sharing her GOOD Divorce Philosophy and inspiring a mindful approach to the process. Tara’s articles have been featured in DivorceForce, The Huffington Post and StepMom Magazine, among others. She is the author of The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s eyes as well as the Relative Evolutions blog.
Today, Tara joins Katherine to share her take on divorce as an opportunity to move forward. She discusses the principles of nonviolent communication, explaining how divorcing couples can leverage the technique to get out of the conflict trap and closer to their goals. Tara speaks to her own positive experience as a child of divorce, walking us through the things her parents did well and how they might have improved. Listen in for Tara’s insight on how we define success or failure in a marriage and how to reframe the process as evolution—rather than dissolution.
Topics Covered
Tara’s mission to reframe divorce as evolution, not dissolution The way a new world opened up to Tara after her divorce Tara’s work as a divorce coach • One-on-one coaching • Mediation services • Online courses • Speaking engagements The similarities between physical and emotional wounds The shame around the topic of divorce The principles of nonviolent communication • Identify feelings and needs, offer empathy • Stop and consider goals in conflict scenario How The D-Word serves as a tool for the whole family Tara’s positive experience as a child of divorce The value of a regular family meeting to facilitate dialogue Tara’s GOOD Divorce Principles online course • Goals • Observations • Options • Dignity How the landscape of divorce is changing How we define success or failure in a marriage Tara’s intention to help clients hear their own voice
Connect with Tara Eisenhard
Tara’s Website: https://taraeisenhard.com/
Resources
The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s Eyes by Tara Eisenhard: https://www.amazon.com/D-Word-Divorce-Through-Childs-Eyes/dp/1475931395 The GOOD Divorce Principles Course: https://taraeisenhard.com/courses/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Stepparents tend to get a bad rap. Odds are, your first encounter with the role was through the archetype of an evil stepmother in a fairy tale like Cinderella. The cultural narrative depicts stepparents as a negative force in the life of a child—either ignoring, taking advantage, or actively working against them!
Monique Honaman is on a mission to change the narrative. She has joined forces with her husband, Justin, to write BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! A Child’s Guide to Understanding the Role of a Step-Parent. The picture book illustrates the positive role a bonus parent can play, not to replace either parent—but to be a ‘bonus’ trusted adult in the child’s life. Monique has also written two books for adults on the topic of divorce, The High Road Has Less Traffic and The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View.
Today, Monique joins Katherine to share the inspiration for BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! She explains the message of the book and what she has learned from reader feedback. Monique discusses her own experience, offering advice on how to include the kids as you build a strong blended family. Listen in and learn how to avoid competition between step- and biological parents and reframe the stepparent as an additional positive role model—a BONUS!
Topics Covered The impetus for BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!
The messages behind BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!
Bonus vs. replacement No superheroes Value words How competition between biological and stepparents puts kids in an unfair place
Monique’s guidance for adults who feel threatened by stepparents
Empathize with children Conversation with bonus parent Set ground rules, expectations The pros and cons of bonus parents who don’t have kids of their own
What Monique learned in writing BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!
Applies to diverse situations beyond divorce Why the ‘core parent’ should handle issues like discipline
How the bonus parent can serve as a trusted role model in a child’s life
Monique’s advice for putting together a strong blended family
The common thread among Monique’s High Road books and BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom!
Monique’s mission to change the narrative around what it means to be a stepparent
Connect with Monique Honaman Monique’s Website: http://highroadlesstraffic.com/
Bonus Dad and Bonus Mom Website: www.contenderbrands.com/bonus-dad-bonus-mom/
Resources BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! A Child’s Guide to Understanding the Role of a Step-Parent by Justin and Monique Honaman: amazon.com/BONUS-Childs-Guide-Understanding-Step-Parent/dp/1940237084
The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path Through Love and Divorce by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/0615375340
The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/1940237033
Janis Abrahms Spring: www.janisaspring.com/
National Stepfamily Resource Center: www.stepfamilies.info/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Once you’ve decided on divorce, the next step is to determine how you and your former partner will come to a resolution. Given that 97% of divorces in New York settle before a judge gets involved, it is in your best interests to explore the full spectrum of options and make an informed decision based on your particular circumstances. This is called process choice.
Sarah Hechtman is a trained collaborative lawyer and family mediator. Before practicing family law, Sarah worked as a civil rights lawyer, prosecuting class action cases on behalf of children through Children’s Rights and Advocates for Children of New York. She also served as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County DA’s Office where she was a member of the Domestic Violence and Sex Crimes Unit. Sarah made the transition to family law in 2006, and since then she has handled complex divorce cases involving substantial financial assets as well as highly contested child custody cases. Sarah’s interest in the welfare of children coupled with her experience as a litigator led her to a commitment in helping clients resolve their family disputes outside the court system.
Today, Sarah joins Katherine to share the definition of process choice, discussing the full spectrum of options divorcing couples have regarding how they will settle. She explains the mediation model, walking us through the value a mediator adds as a neutral third-party. Sarah also speaks to collaborative law, describing the professionals who may be included in the process. Listen in for Sarah’s insight around the myth of ‘having your day in court’ and how collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own resolution.
Topics Covered The definition of process choice
The full spectrum of paths to settlement
How the ‘kitchen table’ template works without representation
The value a mediator adds to the settlement process
Big picture view Creative solutions Neutral third-party Who is involved in three-way and five-way mediation meetings
The collaborative law model
The role of a divorce coach
The myth around having your ‘day in court’
The concept of attribution error
How collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own solution
The circumstances under which litigation may be appropriate
Domestic violence Safety of child at risk Need discipline of court Why the most highly contested cases involve mental illness
How the court system is designed to address the worst possible circumstances
Wasteful dissipation of assets exemplar
Connect with Sarah Hechtman Sarah at Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/our-attorneys/sarah-b-hechtman
Sarah on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-hechtman-10083418/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The divorce process initiates a time of radical change and transformation, and one major part of that change involves a potential change of address. As you and your ex-partner separate your assets, it may be necessary to sell the home you shared and make arrangements for a new place to live.
Anthony Sibio is a licensed broker with Coldwell Banker Real Estate. Anthony has served the Pleasantville area for 15 years, and he sees his role as that of a trusted advisor tasked with helping each client achieve their particular goals. Anthony is a graduate of Iona College in New Rochelle, where he earned a BBA in marketing.
Today, Anthony joins Katherine to explain how he handles a sale when the circumstances involve divorce. He discusses the seller’s tendency to overestimate the value of their home and walks us through his approach to comparative market analysis. Anthony speaks to the necessity of having a plan in place should your home sell quickly as well as the feasibility of keeping your children in the same school district. Listen in for Anthony’s insight on choosing the right broker, staging your home, and creating curb appeal.
Topics Covered Why a real estate broker should remain neutral in cases of divorce
The broker’s responsibility to communicate with both parties
The seller’s tendency to overestimate their home’s value
How Anthony carries out a comparative market analysis
Walk through home, take notes Research nearby sales in last six months Anthony’s tips around staging your home to look spacious and tidy
The benefits of pricing your home at fair market value
How to garner the best possible price despite difficult circumstances
How Anthony reasons with sellers who are overpricing their homes
Provide range based on data Bank refuses mortgage if not fair market value Anthony’s take on the value of curb appeal
How to choose a good broker if you’re going through a divorce
The necessity of having a plan in place should your home sell quickly
The best times of year to put your home on the market
The feasibility of keeping your kids in the same school district
Why Anthony recommends the option to buy out the other party
How a broker’s consult differs from an appraiser’s analysis of fair market value
Connect with Anthony Sibio Phone 914-319-2970
Email asib44@aol.com
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
How do you learn to be okay with not being okay?
In a culture where we’re taught to run from discomfort, it can seem like quite a feat to stop and take inventory of what’s true for us in a particular moment—especially if what we’re feeling is pain. But Nancy Colier argues that ‘company with our own experience IS the healing.’
Nancy is a psychotherapist and relationship coach whose work is grounded in mindfulness practices. She is the author of Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment as well as The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. A thought leader on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times, Huffington Post and Psychology Today.
Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the definition of mindfulness and explain what it means to bring mindfulness to divorce. She walks us through the process of communicating in a less reactive, more compassionate way by speaking the truth of our experience. Listen in for Nancy’s insight around the connection between attention and love and learn how our capacity to be empathic impacts our relationships.
Topics Covered Nancy’s simple definition of mindfulness
What it means to bring mindfulness to the process of divorce
How to be okay with not being okay
How mindfulness helps us communicate in a less reactive way
How to stop the conflict dynamic by speaking with the word ‘I’
The danger in linking our freedom with changing another person
How to get out of the dialogue of blame
Fight with reality, reality wins Acceptance brings choice How we dodge intimacy with technology
The connection between attention and love
How the capacity to be empathic impacts our relationships
Nancy’s insight on seeing disparity as ‘another freaking growth opportunity’
Connect with Nancy Colier Nancy’s Website: http://nancycolier.com
Resources Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Inviting-Monkey-Tea-Befriending-Discovering/dp/1628480513
The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Power-Off-Mindful-Virtual-World/dp/1622037952
Nancy’s Column in HuffPost: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/nancy-colier
Nancy’s Column in Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea
Books by Nancy Colier: https://www.amazon.com/Nancy-Colier/e/B007U6A8ZY
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Laughter really can be the best medicine, even when what ails you is a painful divorce.
When Kevin Cotter’s ex-wife moved out of their home, she left her wedding dress in its preservation box—on the middle shelf at the center of the closet. When Kevin asked her what he was supposed to do with it, she said, “Do whatever … you want, I’m not taking the dress!” He eventually shared this backstory with his family, and they brainstormed a number of ideas. It was Kevin’s sister-in-law who suggested that he could probably come up with 101 uses. The laughter was therapeutic, and Kevin realized that sharing his experience through a blog might benefit others as well.
Kevin’s humorous look at the divorce and recovery process evolved to become the book 101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress: How One Man Took an Awkward Situation and Made It Hilarious and Practical. Today, Kevin joins Katherine to discuss the unexpected response he received upon launching the blog, from both men and women. He walks us through the evolution of the project, explaining the therapeutic nature of sharing his experience with others and sharing some of his favorite uses for the dress! Listen in for Kevin’s insight on how the time he spent with his brother helped him heal and learn how his ex-wife reacted to the project.
Topics Covered The liberating nature of sharing the divorce experience
The unexpected response Kevin received from both men and women
How a family dinner inspired the 101 Uses… blog and book
The healing quality of brainstorming uses for the dress with family
How the project evolved from a simple list to a website
Kevin’s favorite uses for his ex-wife’s wedding dress
Darth Vader scarecrow Snow camouflage How Kevin found support through the people who reached out
The difference between how men and women responded to the project
How Kevin’s site connects charities with women looking to donate their dresses
How Kevin’s ex-wife reacted to the 101 Uses… project
Why spending time with his brother on the project was integral to Kevin’s healing
Connect with Kevin Cotter My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress: http://myexwifesweddingdress.com
Email myexwifesweddingdress@gmail.com
Resources 101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress by Kevin Cotter: https://www.amazon.com/101-Uses-Ex-Wifes-Wedding-Dress/dp/0451235894/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say?
Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty in 1976. An expert in animal law, David has written several articles and books dealing with issues like animal cruelty, wildlife law, the use of animals in scientific research and international control of animal trade. He is a national officer of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and the ABA Committee on Animal Law, and David teaches Property, International Environmental Law, Wildlife Law and Animal Law at MSU.
Today, David joins Katherine to explain the many facets of animal law and how it has evolved in the US over the last 150 years. He shares his take on animals as ‘living property’ and walks us through the legal process of creating a trust to provide for our pets. David speaks to decision-making about pets in the divorce process, offering insight around the emotionally changed nature of those discussions and why joint agreements are preferable to litigation. Listen in to understand the evolution of the law when it comes to animals and divorce—and learn how Alaska is at the forefront of legislation based on the best interests of the animal.
Topics Covered
The many aspects of animal law
How animal law in the US has changed in the last 150 years
The popularity and acceptance of companion animals
The creation of trusts for animals in the 1990’s
David’s take on the idea of animals as ‘living property’
Human has legal control Animal has status above property How animals become a proxy for negative circumstances between people
Making decisions about where the pet is placed after divorce
Emotional attachment, comfort and support Financial well-being, best quality of life Why David recommends joint agreements over litigation
The emotional nature of mediations involving pets
The evolution of laws around pets and divorce
Alaska first to give judge authority Placement based on best interest of animal David’s advice around providing for your animal through a trust
Connect with David Favre
David’s Faculty Profile: www.law.msu.edu/faculty_staff/profile.php?prof=12
Resources
Books by David Favre: amazon.com/David-S.-Favre/e/B001JSDCDY
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Is your phone more interesting than your husband?
75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us.
In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coach, Nancy Colier is the author of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. Nancy is a sought-after public speaker on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, and she has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times. She writes regular columns for Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and Nancy serves as a frequent guest on On Point Talk.
Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the ways that technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves. She explains the addictive nature of checking messages as well as the concept of phubbing, snubbing someone in favor of your phone. Nancy discusses how our expectations for relationships have changed based on the constant stimulation provided by technology and why we actually want to be pulled out of the present moment by our smartphones. Listen in for Nancy’s insight on leveraging mindfulness in the onslaught of technology and learn how to broach the subject of full presence with the people close to you.
Topics Covered How our relationship with technology doesn’t support a ‘good life’
Technology’s dramatic impact on families and intimate relationships
How technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves
Comparison with others Narcissism The addictive nature of checking messages
The concept of phubbing
How expectations for relationships have changed based on the constant stimulation of tech
Why people want to be pulled out of the moment
Never have to deal with stillness, self Always something to pay attention to How to leverage mindfulness in the onslaught of technology
The necessity of becoming more awake in our own lives
Nancy’s advice around broaching the subject of being fully present
Connect with Nancy Colier Nancy’s Website: http://nancycolier.com
Resources The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier: amazon.com/Power-Off-Mindful-Virtual-World/dp/1622037952
Nancy’s Column in HuffPost: www.huffingtonpost.com/author/nancy-colier
Nancy’s Column in Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea
Books by Nancy Colier: www.amazon.com/Nancy-Colier/e/B007U6A8ZY
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated.
Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition and wellness coach with an expertise in mindful communication. She inspires clients to create daily sustainable habits that will revive their energy and power from within by bringing awareness to how they eat, move, rest and relate—to themselves and others. Jen trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in Manhattan, and she is accredited by The American Association of Drugless Practitioners.
Jen sits down with Katherine to discuss the fundamentals of mindful communication. She explains how to use mindfulness to identify your patterns and triggers and shift your goals from being right to being happy. Jen speaks to the power of self-compassion, describing how loving kindness for yourself facilitates empathy for others. Listen in for Jen’s insight around the connection between food and mood and her approach to communicating in moments of conflict.
Topics Covered Why self-compassion is the first step to mindful communication
Pause, breathe Calm nervous system Getting comfortable with silence
How mindfulness brings awareness to patterns, triggers
Why the stories you tell yourself may not be true
The value in modeling the behavior you want for yourself
How loving kindness toward yourself facilitates healing
Jen’s approach to responding in moments of conflict
Practice empathy, curiosity Focus on well-being of children The connection between food and mood
The importance of self-care
How to shift your focus from being right to being happy
The myth that compassion makes you weak
Connect with Jen Dorf Jen’s Website: www.jendorfwellness.com
Resources The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook: A 14-Day Plan to Transform Your Relationship with Yourself by Tim Desmond: amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Skills-Workbook-Transform-Relationship/dp/0393712184
Brené Brown: https://brenebrown.com
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is regular blogger for Psychology Today and the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. Dr. Solomon is a renowned speaker and media consultant on topics related to love, sex and marriage, and she has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network, The Today Show and NPR, among many others.
Dr. Solomon joins Katherine to discuss how dating has evolved in recent years with the emergence of apps geared to finding love. She explains why it’s important to work through the story of your marriage and focus on yourself before you return to the dating world. Dr. Solomon offers her best advice around dating after divorce, describing the value in processing these experiences on your own before you debrief with a friend. Listen in for Dr. Solomon’s take on sexual experiences that nurture connection as well as her view on casual sex for the newly single.
Topics Covered The use of technology to find love
Dr. Solomon’s guidance around dating apps
No obligation to use Slow and steady Means to an end How to cut through the ‘chorus of opinions’ and check in with yourself
How therapy can help you work through the story of your marriage
The risks around ‘getting stuck in the heartbreak’
Dr. Solomon’s tips for dating after divorce
Practice self-compassion Process experience on your own The natural tendency to look for a romantic partner and co-parent
Why it’s dangerous to think in terms of absolutes
Dr. Solomon’s insight on sexual experiences that nurture connection
Dr. Solomon’s take on casual sex for the newly single
Connect with Dr. Alexandra Solomon Dr. Solomon’s Website: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Resources Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want by Dr. Alexandra Solomon: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/book
Smart Dating Academy: www.smartdatingacademy.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory.
Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, Texas. He has written an impressive 15 books on the subject of parenting as well as columns for the Austin American Statesman, Marriage and Family Living and Psychology Today, just to name a few. Carl has appeared on ABC, NBC, CNN and NPR, and he holds degrees from Harvard and the University of Texas at Austin.
Carl joins Katherine to explain the importance of emotionally reconciling your differences and creating an alliance with your ex-spouse based on common concern for your children. He walks us through the reasons why adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids dealing with divorce, offering his advice around keeping the lines of communication open. Listen in for Carl’s insight on providing your kids with clear, consistent messaging as you navigate parenting through divorce.
Topics Covered The powerful adjustments kids make when their parents divorce
Carl’s take on the first task for divorcing parents
Emotional reconciliation of differences Recommitment to joint parenting Creating an alliance founded on common concern for your children
The cost of an unreconciled divorce
Kids caught in loyalty conflicts Ongoing pain Why early adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids to deal with divorce
How divorce initiates an increased push for independence in adolescents
Why adolescents need an increased number of salient adult relationships
Carl’s guidance for divorcing parents around spending time with your preteen/teen
Stop and listen (accessibility) Bridge to kid’s emerging interests Include friends in visitation How to maintain constant positive choice points with your adolescent
Carl’s insight on providing kids with clear, consistent messaging
Connect with Carl Pickhardt Carl’s Website: http://carlpickhardt.com/
Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence in Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence
Resources The Everything Parent’s Guide to Children and Divorce by Carl Pickhardt: amazon.com/Everything-Parents-Guide-Children-Divorce/dp/1593374186/ref=la_B001IZV7GW_1_12?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1519439350&sr=1-12
Books by Carl Pickhardt: www.amazon.com/Carl-E.-Pickhardt/e/B001IZV7GW
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Our current system of justice focuses on the offender. What harm did they cause? What do they deserve as punishment?
What if we shifted our focus to the person who was harmed and asked different questions, like what needs to happen between the parties to make it right? How can everyone move forward?
Matt Johnston is the Program Director with Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue, a Portland nonprofit focused on ending the cycle of domestic violence through safe, supervised conversations with survivors and surrogate offenders and helping both parties foster transformative change. Matt spent seven years working with men convicted of domestic violence offenses, and he is a firm believer in the principles of restorative justice.
Matt joins Katherine to discuss the difference between restorative justice and the retributive system. He explains how the restorative process can be both more satisfying and more painful at the same time. Matt covers the desire for revenge and how it seems to dissipate when people feel heard. Matt walks us through the programs offered at Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue and the top motivators for participation. Listen in for Matt’s insight on how restorative justice differs from forgiveness and how its principles could be applied to the divorce process.
Topics Covered How the focus of restorative justice differs from the retributive system
Why restorative justice is a deeper, more painful process
How money functions as an avoidance strategy
The value of direct participation in the restorative justice process
The healing nature of sharing perspectives
Why the desire for revenge goes away when people feel heard
The myth that revenge will heal or offer closure
How restorative justice differs from forgiveness
How the restorative approach might be applied to divorce
Acknowledge that dispute exists Share from both perspectives Collaborate to determine what happened The situations in which restorative justice will not work
The programs offered at Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue
Safe dialogue program Survivor impact panels The top motivations for enrolling in the program
Reduce sense of intimidation Answer questions of WHY The significance of self-forgiveness
Connect with Matt Johnston Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue: https://dvsdprogram.com/
Resources Donna Hicks: http://drdonnahicks.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
It is incredibly challenging to maintain your health during the divorce process. Some of us overeat, some of us stop eating altogether. Many spend a lot of time on the couch, while others exercise non-stop. So how do you find the right balance and choose a more positive response to such a stressful time? Today’s guest has designed a blueprint to help you eat right, keep moving and take care of your social and spiritual needs.
Dinah Barr-Campanaro is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) credentialed by the Commission on Dietetic Registration and a Certified Dietary Manager (CDN) and Certified Food Protection Professional (CFPP) credentialed by the Certifying Board for Dietary Managers. She serves as an active member of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics as well as the Association of Nutrition and Foodservice Professionals.
Today, Dinah joins Katherine to discuss the challenges around maintaining a healthy lifestyle during the divorce process. She walks us through her four-fold, holistic approach, addressing proper nutrition, adequate physical activity, recuperative self-care and care of the soul. Dinah shares insight on choosing a variety of nutrient-dense, whole foods that boost immunity and prevent inflammation. She explains the value of balance in terms of exercise, socialization and alcohol intake. Listen in and commit to a plan that promotes your physical and spiritual health during the divorce process.
Topics Covered Dinah’s holistic approach to maintaining health during stressful times
Proper nutrition Physical activity Recuperative self-care Care of the soul How to calculate appropriate caloric intake
How divorce can impact your self-image
The value in choosing nutrient-dense, whole foods
Dinah’s insight on weight training to improve muscle mass
How an anti-inflammatory diet promotes health
The role of rest, sleep, recreation and social engagement
How a formal or informal spiritual practice promotes healing
The danger in self-medicating with alcohol
Moderation is key Consider nutritional impact How to commit to a healthy eating plan
Connect with Dinah Barr-Campanaro Email mailto:nutridynamicsny@gmail.com
Phone 917-913-7648
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience.
In 2006, Paul Ross’ marriage of 25 years ended. In the five long years it took Paul and his ex-wife to reach a settlement, he applied his business background to the situation and designed a ten-point plan to help him navigate the process. That blueprint included an approach to controlling costs and recovering wealth as well as a plan to rebuild his life and explore new opportunities once the divorce was final.
Paul’s ten-point plan eventually became a book, How to Profit from Your Divorce. Today, he joins Katherine to explain how his family values were strengthened during the process as Paul and his daughter discovered a new bond. He shares the benefits of sharing your expectations with your ex-spouse, exploring all of your available options, and remaining constructive throughout the process. Paul speaks to the financial aspects of divorce, including the challenge of avoiding debt and ensuring that there are no surprises when it comes to legal costs. Listen in and learn how to reframe divorce as an opportunity to create a new vision for your life and to engage in new interests and aspirations.
Topics Covered How Paul leveraged his corporate background to navigate divorce
Paul’s determination to remain positive through the process
How Paul discovered a new bond with his daughter
The opportunity to take stock and determine a new path after divorce
Paul’s ten-point plan for prevailing through the divorce process
The value of sharing your expectations with your ex-spouse
Paul’s advice around considering all available options (i.e.: mediation, DIY)
How to ensure there are no surprises when it comes to the costs incurred
The mistakes Paul made in allowing hostility to move into the process
The importance of determining new goals and ambitions post-divorce
What motivated Paul to write How to Profit from Your Divorce
Costs can get out of control Help legal professionals understand anxieties Improve legal system The three meanings of ‘profit’ in the title of Paul’s book
Paul’s strategies for remaining constructive during divorce
Respect, appreciate each other’s expectations Keep emotions at bay
Connect with Paul Ross Paul’s Website: www.paul-ross.com
Paul on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/paul-ross-001a15128/
Paul on Twitter: https://twitter.com/PaulHtpd
Resources How to Profit from Your Divorce by P. A. Ross: www.paul-ross.com/the-book
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
While divorcing partners may not be able to agree on much else, they DO want what is best for their children. But when you’re in the middle of crafting a parenting plan, it’s easy to get lost in the details, get competitive, and forget your shared mission—to provide a healthy life for your kids moving forward.
Dr. Deanna Conklin-Danao is a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area. She has 15-plus years of experience in the field of mental health, serving a school-based health center, a community mental health center as well as hospital-based inpatient and outpatient settings. Dr. Conklin-Danao has been in private practice since 2006, and her work covers a broad range of issues including depression, anxiety and life transitions. Her work with children, adolescents, couples and families makes Dr. Conklin-Danao uniquely qualified to be a Collaborative Law Divorce Coach, helping families tailor solutions to fit their family’s unique needs during divorce.
Today, Dr. Conklin-Danao joins Katherine to discuss the importance of surrounding yourself with personal and professional support that will keep you focused on doing what’s best for your children. Dr. Conklin-Danao walks us through the factors to consider in crafting a parenting plan, from the ages and personalities of your children to the shift in your identity as a parent. She shares her ‘business relationship’ approach to working with your former partner and her insight on presenting your core values as a problem to solve, rather than a personal criticism. Listen in to understand how to avoid turning co-parenting into a competition so that your kids can spend meaningful time with both parents.
Topics Covered How to craft a parenting plan that grows with your family
The danger in making choices rooted in hurt and disappointment
The importance of considering your kids’ ages and personalities
The impact of positive personal and professional support
Articulate aim to put kids first Keep focus on end goal The difficult shift to a co- or parallel parenting relationship
How therapy can help you mourn the loss of your marriage
The value in viewing co-parenting as a business relationship
How to cope when your identity as a parent shifts suddenly
Dr. Conklin-Danao’s insight around core values
What’s most important to share with my child? What can I let go of? Presenting core values as a positive need vs. personal criticism
How to avoid turning co-parenting into a competition
Why putting children in the middle hinders their development
Connect with Dr. Conklin-Danao
Dr. Conklin-Danao’s Website:https://drconklindanao.com
Dr. Conklin-Danao’s Blog: https://drconklindanao.com/blog
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Parents going through a separation often make one of two choices when it comes to communicating with their children: 1) They protect the children by sharing very little about the process, or 2) They involve their children in adult conversations, treating them as confidants. Neither scenario gives the children a voice—a way to share their experience.
Award-winning filmmaker Ellen Bruno is on a mission to change that through the documentary SPLIT, a collaboration with children ages six through twelve exploring the life-altering separation of their parents. The film presents the children’s perspective on divorce, empowering them to speak the truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts. SPLIT encourages parents to make better choices as they move through divorce and offers courage and validation to other children who see the film.
Today, Ellen joins Katherine to share how her own separation led her to create the documentary SPLIT. She explains the film’s power in giving voice to the experiences of children of divorce and providing parents with insight into what their kids are going through. Ellen speaks to the impact of parents’ choices, discussing the direct relationship between cooperation and the wellbeing of children. Listen in for Ellen’s insight around using the film to reimagine the way we divorce in our culture and to facilitate conversation among professionals, parents and children.
Topics Covered How the film SPLIT explores the effects of divorce on children
The validation of hearing other kids share their experiences
How SPLIT gives parents insight into what their kids are going through
The impact of the choices parents make during a separation
Ellen’s desire to reimagine how we divorce in our culture
Community support Avoid blaming, polarization The empowering nature of being given a voice
The themes that emerged through the children’s interviews
Hard to watch fighting Fantasy that parents will reunite Fears around new partners How the film facilitates conversation between parents and children
How professionals might use the film to initiate discussion with parents
The negative scenarios kids spin when they lack information
The direct relationship between parent cooperation and well-being of kids
How teenagers involved in conflict struggle to put their own needs first
Providing kids with a hopeful blueprint for healthy relationships
How SPLIT helps parents refocus and reach agreements
Connect with Ellen Bruno SPLIT Website: www.splitfilm.org
Bruno Films: http://brunofilms.com
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.”
Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce.
Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples back on track. Listen in to find out why Terry thinks you should press the pause button and seek out emergency couples therapy before you move forward with divorce.
Topics Covered The challenge around feeling the pain of divorce without acting it out
The pivotal role of grieving in the process of letting go
How to view divorce as a potential growth experience
Understand your part in what went wrong Realign with core values How the Relationship Intervention helps couples get back on track
Terry’s approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door’
Take sides, tell the truth Create treatment program The value of having a therapist that acts as a coach rather than a cheerleader
Why couples don’t seek help before they are in dire straits
Terry’s take that no matter how bad a marriage is, there is always hope
The four methods of decision-making in the divorce process
DIY Traditional litigation model Mediation Collaborative law
Connect with Terry Real Terry’s Website: www.terryreal.com
Books by Terry Real: amazon.com/Terrence-Real/e/B000APV0Q8/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
Resources Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life by Abigail Trafford: www.thetimes.co.uk/article/how-not-to-hatehttps://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Time-Surviving-Divorce-Building/dp/0060923091-your-husband-like-i-used-to-sdzfrwzff
‘How to Not Hate Your Husband’ in The Times: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/how-not-to-hate-your-husband-like-i-used-to-sdzfrwzff
Staying in Love Online Course: http://stayinginlove.pages.ontraport.net/%20
Relationship Inventory Quiz: www.terryreal.com/quiz
I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terry Real: www.terryreal.com/product/i-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Reacting with aggression feels good in the moment, powerful even. Perhaps you believe that taking the high road in the divorce process puts you at a disadvantage, making you look weak—as if you’re letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. But Monique Honaman argues that the next best decision is not the one born from anger. In fact, the smart choices that work for your family long-term require the presence of mind to take emotion out of the equation.
Monique had no aspirations to write a book. But as she navigated her own divorce, Monique received phone call after phone call from women with questions about the process. After a conversation around collaborative divorce at an unrelated business conference, someone suggested that Monique write a book. That night in her hotel room, she sat down with her laptop and outlined the chapters that would become The High Road Has Less Traffic.
Since then, Monique has written a follow-up, The High Road Has Less Traffic and a Better View. Today, she joins Katherine to share the meaning behind her shrewd titles, explaining why taking the high road is not synonymous with weakness. Monique speaks to her experience with collaborative divorce, discussing how a professional team can facilitate the division of assets and drafting of a parenting plan. Listen in for Monique’s insight around determining your end game and leveraging the power of forgiveness to free yourself and move forward.
Topics Covered The isolation and fear experienced by people in the divorce process
Monique’s definition of ‘the high road’
Why the next best decision is not always the easiest
The benefit of making decisions from a place of logic rather than emotion
How to consider the long-term impact of your choices
Why Monique is a proponent of the collaborative divorce process
How a professional team helped facilitate Monique’s divorce
Parenting plan Division of assets The differences between a collaborative and a litigious, traditional divorce
The value of assessing your end game in the divorce process
The misconception that the law is interested in the facts that led to divorce
Monique’s insight on the power of forgiveness
Doesn’t mean excusing behavior Frees you up to move forward
Connect with Monique Honaman Monique’s Website: http://highroadlesstraffic.com
Resources The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path Through Love and Divorce by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/0615375340
The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View by Monique A. Honaman: amazon.com/High-Road-Has-Less-Traffic/dp/1940237033/
Janis Abrahms Spring: www.janisaspring.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Let’s face it: The legal process is intimidating. Separation agreements are difficult to decipher without the help of a professional, and the process often disregards the complexity of what people are going through. Beyond the legal piece, there are emotional, financial, even spiritual implications around ending a marriage. Integrative law seeks to recognize that complexity and design conscious contracts that people can understand and use to resolve conflict.
Kim Wright is a leader in the field of integrative law. Named one of the first Legal Rebels by the American Bar Association (ABA), Kim has been lauded for ‘finding new ways to practice law, represent clients, adjudicate cases and train the next generation of lawyers.’ She leads Continuing Legal Education programs and offers coaching and consulting for lawyers, courts, law firms, legal organizations, law schools as well as the media. Kim is also the author of the ABA best-sellers Lawyers as Peacemakers and Lawyers and Changemakers.
Today, Kim joins Katherine to share how her holistic perspective on divorce was shaped by her experiences. She discusses innovation in the areas of drafting legal contracts written for the people involved and crafting vision statements that reflect the shared values of separating parents. Listen in for Kim’s insight around helping divorcing partners identify their own problematic behavior, using the Blueprint of We to facilitate collaboration, and designing contracts that address change and resolve conflict.
Topics Covered How integrative law recognizes the complexity of divorce
The connections among the legal, emotional, financial and spiritual aspects of divorce
How Kim’s holistic perspective on divorce was shaped by her experiences
Kim’s commitment to provide dignity to both separating partners
Kim’s innovation in the area of drafting contracts people can understand
For, about the people involved Conscious contracts using plain language Creating a vision statement that reflects separating parents’ shared values
Hopes and dreams for children Contributions of each parent How the Blueprint of We facilitates collaboration, specifically in documents
How to help divorcing partners identify their own potentially problematic behavior
How to design contracts that address change and engage conflict
The lawyer’s higher possibility as a peacemaker
The new approaches to problem-solving set forth in Lawyers as Peacemakers
The significance of recognizing the individuality of each client, situation
How integrative law starts with the big picture and crafts details to fit that vision
Connect with J. Kim Wright Kim Wright’s Website: http://jkimwright.com
Resources Lawyers as Peacemakers: Practicing Holistic, Problem-Solving Law by J. Kim Wright: amazon.com/Lawyers-Peacemakers-Practicing-Holistic-Problem-Solving/dp/1604428627
Lawyers as Changemakers: The Global Integrative Law Movement by J. Kim Wright: amazon.com/Lawyers-Changemakers-Global-Integrative-Movement/dp/1634256476
Blueprint of We: www.blueprintofwe.com/blueprint-of-we
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
If you’re going through a contentious divorce, hurt and anger are par for the course. You may even believe that holding onto your rage is a show of strength. But the truth is, blame renders you powerless to your own emotions. What if I told you that true power—and the ability to heal—lies in your ability to choose compassion?
Dr. Steven Stosny is the creator of Compassion Power, an organization founded on the belief that people are, indeed, more powerful when they are compassionate. Dr. Stosny is also a renowned author and media consultant who has appeared on Oprah, CBS Sunday Morning, and CNN’s Talkback Live, among others. A leading expert in relationships, anger and abuse, Dr. Stosny has treated 6,000-plus clients and presented at professional conferences all over the world.
Today, Dr. Stosny joins Katherine to share his insight around the power of compassion, explaining how anger narrows your focus and limits your intellectual abilities. He discusses the concepts of compassionate assertiveness and emotional reconditioning, describing how blame eliminates your ability to heal, correct and improve. Dr. Stosny speaks to the underlying powerlessness felt by violent abusers and how victim identity strips away their ability to feel compassion. Listen in and learn several actionable strategies to help you let go of anger and resentment—and embrace your life.
Topics Covered
Why compassion is more powerful than anger or resentment
The concept of compassionate assertiveness
The difficulty of maintaining hostility toward someone who is compassionate
How focusing on the best interests of your children lends itself to compassion
How demonizing someone makes you lose touch with your deeper values
The narrow, rigid focus created by anger
How blame makes you powerless to your own emotions
The way in which confirmation bias supports blame
How to crowd out resentment with value creation
How Dr. Stosny came to understand the link between compassion and power
Grew up in violent home with abusive father Mother taught that the violent feel powerless, lack compassion The destructive nature of victim identity
The importance of focusing on what anger is doing to you
Dr. Stosny’s strategies around engaging your adult brain
How can I make my experience a little better? Apply deeper values to guide behavior The role of compassion as a healing emotion
Connect with Dr. Stosny Compassion Power
Email compassionpower@compassionpower.com
Resources Books by Dr. Stosny: amazon.com/Steven-Stosny/e/B001ILIEUS
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
Most people think of mediation as compromise, but Gary Friedman sees it differently. In his view, the process is a negotiation. Rather than competing over assets, the divorcing partners identify what they need to move forward and then find the best way to divide or allocate resources accordingly. Yes, there will be disagreements, but if you can turn around your impulse to see each other as enemies, there are ways of cooperating that produce results that are better for both parties.
Gary has been teaching mediation since the 1980’s, training lawyers, law professors, judges and psychotherapists in the mediative approach to collaborative practice in the US, Europe and Israel. He is the co-founder of the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has taught courses in negotiation and mediation at prestigious institutions such as Stanford University, Harvard Law School, and the World Intellectual Property Organization in Geneva. Gary is the author of several seminal works in the field of conflict resolution, including A Guide to Divorce Mediation, Challenging Conflict, and Inside Out.
Today, Gary joins Katherine to share how mediation empowers separating partners to make their own decisions, putting the people who will live with the consequences in charge of decision-making. He offers his take on mediation as a negotiation, explaining the mediator’s role in helping people keep a focus on what’s really important to them and make decisions together. Gary speaks to the value in having both partners in the room during the mediation process and the power in providing a ‘fair witness’ both parties can trust. Listen in for Gary’s insight on rejecting the cultural mythology around hating your ex and crafting solutions that benefit everyone involved.
Topics Covered
How mediation allows separating partners to make their own decisions
Gary’s insight on the fears around not being able to work together
The mediator’s role in helping people stay focused on what’s important
The cultural mythology around turning your ex into an enemy
Gary’s take on mediation as a negotiation rather than a compromise
The value in dividing and allocating assets based on individual needs
How to talk through disagreements in a way that moves you forward
The necessity of having both partners in same room during mediation
How honest, open conversation facilitates great relief and healing
The courage it takes to work through conflict together
The difference between agreeing and understanding in joint decision-making
The power in having a ‘fair witness’ that both partners feel comfortable with
How Gary’s quest to find a different way to be a lawyer led him to mediation
Gary’s discovery that there is no set definition of what a ‘good marriage’ looks like
Connect with Gary Friedman Center for Understanding in Conflict
Email gary@understandinginconflict.org
Resources A Guide to Divorce Mediation: How to Reach a Fair, Legal Settlement at a Fraction of the Cost by Gary J. Friedman : amazon.com/Guide-Divorce-Mediation-Settlement-Fraction/dp/1563052458
Inside Out: How Conflict Professionals Can Use Self-Reflection to Help Their Clients by Gary Friedman: amazon.com/Inside-Out-Conflict-Professionals-Self-Reflection/dp/1627227768
Challenging Conflict: Mediation Through Understanding by Gary Friedman and Jack Himmelstein: amazon.com/Challenging-Conflict-Mediation-Through-Understanding/dp/1604420529
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
The 14th Dalai Lama wisely said, ‘Peace is not simply the absence of war. It is not a passive state of being. We must wage peace, as vigilantly as we wage war.’ Our cultural bias suggests that peacemaking is somehow weak or submissive, when in fact, it takes a great deal more strength and confidence to listen and consider a point of view different from our own—especially in the legal profession.
David Hoffman is the founder of Boston Law Collaborative where he serves as a mediator, arbitrator, and collaborative divorce attorney. David teaches several courses on dispute resolution at Harvard Law School, and he was named Boston’s 2016 Lawyer of the Year by Best Lawyers in America as well as US News & World Report. His practice is focused on resolving conflict in business, family, and employment suits, and David has served as mediator in more than two thousand cases. He is also the author of several books on conflict resolution, including Mediation: A Practical Guide for Mediators, Lawyers, and Other Professionals and Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution.
Today, David joins Katherine to discuss the idea of lawyer as peacemaker, explaining how lawyers are trained to argue and persuade rather than problem-solve. He addresses the toxic nature of the courtroom setting in resolving family conflict and his belief that litigation should be the last resort for divorcing couples. David walks us through the difference between ‘positions’ and ‘interests’ in interest-based models of dispute resolution, describing the value in defining the WHY behind your goals. Listen in for David’s insight on the strength and confidence required to open up and listen to the other side and learn how lawyers can achieve their highest and best use as peacemakers.
Topics Covered How lawyers are trained to argue and persuade rather than problem-solve
Why the courtroom is a toxic environment for resolving family conflict
David’s insight around listening as an integral skill for attorneys
David’s take on the lawyer as peacemaker’s role in protecting the client
Determine goals (i.e.: co-parent successfully) Educate client about what is likely to happen in court David’s belief that court should be a last resort for divorcing families
The highly unpredictable nature of the courtroom setting
The fundamentals of interest-based models of dispute resolution
‘Interests’ defined as WHY behind position How Getting to Yes can help divorcing couples establish priorities
How lawyers can support clients in sorting through the emotional component
The strength and confidence required to open up and listen to the other side
The idea of disagreeing without being disagreeable
Connect with David Hoffman
Boston Law Collaborative: https://blc.law/
Resources
Lawyers as Peacemakers TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKXv1_Sqe_4 Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution by Daniel Bowling and David Hoffman: https://www.mcle.org/product/catalog/code/2140163B01 Mediation: A Practical Guide for Mediators, Lawyers, and Other Professionals by David Hoffman Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William L. Ury and Bruce Patton: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3PRW582C4C9CF8YTGES9
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
If you left the more complex issues of financial planning to your spouse during the marriage, navigating the numbers during the divorce settlement process can be incredibly intimidating. You may need considerable time to process any financial proposal brought to the table, and you would benefit from professional support in understanding what the numbers mean—and whether or not you’re going to be okay when it comes to money in the aftermath of the divorce.
Michelle Smith is the CEO of Smith Financial Strategies Group, the divorce financial team that other professionals turn to. One of the leading Certified Divorce Financial Analysts in the industry, Michelle has spent 25 years providing guidance and expertise in the realm of personal finance. She is a member of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, a Divorce Mediator, and the co-author of Divorce and Your Finances.
Today, Michelle joins Katherine to explain how and why she carved out a niche as a personal finance expert in the divorce space. She shares insight around the enduring discrepancy between men and women when it comes to the economic balance of power in a marriage. Michelle speaks to the way men tend to view divorce negotiations as a business deal and the necessity of educating the spouse who is less sophisticated in the realm of complex financial issues. Listen in to understand the ‘unfairness’ of divorce and learn why Michelle cautions couples to consider their goals before choosing a course of action.
Topics Covered Michelle’s niche as a personal finance expert in the divorce space
How Michelle employs user-friendly financial modelings
Michelle’s insight on the discrepancy around economic balance, power in marriage
Many women chose not to handle ‘complex financial issues’ Inequality when it comes to understanding the numbers How men tend to see divorce negotiations as a business deal
The necessity of taking time to educate the ‘non-sophisticated spouse’
The potential for intense dysfunction in communication during the divorce process
Michelle’s no-nonsense take on the ‘unfairness’ of divorce
Why divorcing couples should consider their goals before choosing a course of action
Connect with Michelle Smith
Smith FSG:http://www.smithfsg.com/ Email msmith@smithfsg.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alternative dispute resolution to collaborate on a settlement that set them both up for success.
Wendy has worked as a journalist and editor for 20-plus years, contributing content to media outlets including The New York Times, Quartz, The Guardian, Washington Post and Marketplace Radio, among many others. She currently blogs for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Splitopia, the divorce wellness platform she founded in conjunction with her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well. Wendy lives in Santa Monica, California, with her son—just a few blocks up the beach from her ex-husband.
Today, Wendy joins Katherine to share how her own experience with divorce inspired her to write Splitopia. She explains how our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era and the bizarre juxtaposition between society’s glamorization of marriage AND valorization of independence. Wendy discusses the need to inform divorcing couples of the collaborative options available to them early in the process and offers insight around how she and her husband navigated an amicable end to their marriage. Listen in and learn how to commit to self-compassion during the divorce process, viewing yourself with passion and forgiveness.
Topics Covered Wendy’s friends’ surprisingly negative reaction to her trial separation
How our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era
The bias resulting from conflated statistics promoted by pro-marriage pundits
Society’s glamorization of marriage vs. the valorization of independence
The need to inform divorcing couples of collaborative options early in the process
Wendy’s surprise around liking her ex-husband in the aftermath of divorce
Wendy’s insight on slowing down the divorce process
How Wendy’s ex-husband reframes divorce as a ‘success that ran its course’
The ‘seven principles of parting’ detailed in Splitopia
How to commit to self-compassion in the divorce process
Universality of experience Practice mindfulness View self with understanding, forgiveness
Connect with Wendy Paris
Wendy’s Website: http://www.splitopia.com/
Resources
Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well by Wendy Paris: https://www.amazon.com/Splitopia-Dispatches-Todays-Good-Divorce-ebook/dp/B010MHAH08/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 University of Arizona Self-Compassion Study: http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.422.2124&rep=rep1&type=pdf Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff: http://selfcompassion.org/ Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
No matter the circumstances, divorce is intensely emotional, and we tend to focus on the internal journey of people navigating the process. But what about the externals? The space where we live and the objects we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on the way we feel—and designing a new space or reclaiming an old one can go a long way to helping people move on with their lives post-divorce.
Jodi Topitz is the founder of we2me, a unique interior design firm for divorcing couples and families in transition. Jodi supports clients in reclaiming their current home or moving to a new space, creating an uplifting environment and restoring a sense of permanency in their lives. Jodi discovered the healing impact of color and design in the aftermath of her own divorce, and she is passionate about connecting people to their space in a way that helps them achieve serenity and move forward.
Today, Jodi sits down with Katherine to talk about the value of creating a comforting environment, especially in the aftermath of a divorce. She discusses the emotional attachment we feel to certain objects and how color can serve as an instant mood-altering tool. Jodi shares her process, from assessing the items her clients have to deciding what goes and what stays to determining a color palette. Listen in for Jodi’s insight on why children need to feel at home with both parents and how our physical space impacts the way we feel internally.
Topics Covered The value in creating a comforting environment
How design can restore your sense of permanency
The emotional attachment to objects we carry with us
The importance of the bedroom as a sanctuary
How color functions as a mood-altering tool
Jodi’s process of working with divorcing clients
Assess items they have Make decisions based on size Determine color palette, placement How Jodi works within the client’s budget
The way our physical space impacts how we feel internally
Jodi’s insight on the ideal time to engage her services
The significance of children feeling at home with both parents
How Jodi designs children’s rooms to make them feel safe
Connect with Jodi Topitz
we2me: http://we2me.com/ Call (973) 985-4386
Resources
Princeton TV: http://princetontv.org/Home.html
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765
Parents worry about the long-term impact divorce will have on their children. The good news is that two-thirds of the children of divorce are just fine. The bad news is that one-third are, indeed, disadvantaged by long-term problems. What can parents do to ensure that their children fall in to the resilient category—and go on to thrive in the aftermath of divorce?
Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is recognized internationally as an authority in the field of children and divorce, speaking regularly at conferences all over the world and consulting with universities, schools, courts and health agencies on matters relating to child mental health and parenting. Additionally, she continues to work with children and families in private practice and serves as a child specialist in the collaborative divorce process. Dr. Pedro-Carroll held faculty positions in psychology and psychiatry at the University of Rochester from 1984 to 2008 and was a Senior Researcher at the Children’s Institute in Rochester, New York. She serves as an advisor to Sesame Street on its Little Children, Big Challenges initiative, and she is the author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.
Today, Dr. Pedro-Carroll sits down with Katherine to address what parents can do to help their children demonstrate resilience through the divorce process. She explains the misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable and the impact of long-term resentment on your ability to parent effectively. Dr. Pedro-Carroll offers insight around the role of the child specialist in the collaborative divorce process and the feasibility of bird nesting as a workable solution for divorcing families. Listen in for the factors to consider in the development of an effective parenting plan and learn how to give you kids a voice in the process.
Topics Covered
The challenge of managing emotions of fear, loss and grief through divorce The statistics around long-term problems exhibited by children of divorce • 1/3 suffer from long-term issues • 2/3 make healthy adjustment The two most powerful predictive factors for resilient children of divorce 1. Extent to which parents contain conflict 2. Quality of parenting, relationship between children and parents The misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable How holding onto resentment impacts parenting in a negative way The value in keeping families out of court with alternative processes Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s take on bird nesting as a short-term solution Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s insight on developing a parenting schedule • Based on children’s ages, circumstances • Allow for frequent contact with both parents • Test different plans, reassess as necessary How to give children a voice in the parenting plan without the burden of choice The child specialist’s role in the collaborative divorce process • Guide parents in understanding children’s needs, worries How the way you tell children about the divorce sets the tone moving forward
Connect with Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s Website: http://www.pedro-carroll.com/
Resources
Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll: https://www.amazon.com/Putting-Children-First-Parenting-Strategies/dp/1583334017/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270750902&sr=1-1
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
By 2001, Suzanne Brunsting had been practicing as a matrimonial litigator for 20 years. The more experienced she got, the more difficult and contentious the cases referred to her. Day in, day out, she was witness to the damage endured by families embroiled in the process, especially the children at the center of custody battles. There had to be a better way. And that spring, a colleague introduced Sue to the collaborative model.
Now Sue is a collaborative lawyer and settlement advocate who helps divorcing clients reach agreements without resorting to the courts. Sue has 30-plus years of experience in the field of family law, and since 2004, she has limited her practice to collaborative law and settlement advocacy. She was the first president of the Collaborative Law Association of the Rochester Area, and she has been an active member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals since 2001. In addition, Sue teaches beginning collaborative law and advanced skills courses.
Today, Sue sits down with Katherine to explain how she was introduced to collaborative law after two decades as a matrimonial litigator. She shares the attorney’s role as a constructive advocate in the collaborative divorce model, discussing her intention to make clients ‘feel safe at the table.’ Sue walks us through the benefits of involving a neutral in the collaborative process, be it a child specialist, mediator mental health or financial professional. Listen in for insight around the spectrum of options available to divorcing couples and learn how the collaborative process ensures that the lawyers won’t give up until an agreement has been reached.
Topics Covered Sue’s 20-year background as a matrimonial litigator
Sue’s introduction to the collaborative law model
What inspired Sue to start a collaborative law group in Rochester
The vulnerability involved in the collaborative divorce model
The lawyer’s role as a constructive advocate in the collaborative process
Understand client priorities, decision-making Act with integrity, professionalism and forthrightness The benefit of having a neutral in the collaborative divorce process
Why Sue won’t do a case without a neutral
The spectrum of options available to couples considering divorce
What it means when a lawyer signs a participation agreement
Sue’s advice for people facing divorce
Gather info before entering negotiation Take care of your health, emotional well-being
Connect with Suzanne Brunsting
Sue’s Website: http://www.suebrunsting.com/
Email slbrunst@gmail.com
Call (585) 244-4239
Resources
Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota: https://collaborativedivorceoptions.com/
Collaborative Law Association of the Rochester Area: http://nycollaborativelaw.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
Call (914) 738-7765
Traditionally, alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative divorce are seen as a good fit for couples who are civil to each other and simply need a professional to support them in the legal aspects of the process. But Bill Eddy argues that the non-adversarial processes are crucial for high-conflict people navigating divorce.
Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute. He has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities and personality disorders, and he provides training on the subject to professionals all over the world. Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in Sand Diego. He is the author of several books, including High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People.
Today, Bill sits down with Katherine to explain why high-conflict people need a non-adversarial divorce process. He shares the benefits of consulting a lawyer during the mediation process and the significance of going into alternative dispute resolution with a focus on the future. Bill describes what is involved in his pre-mediation coaching as well as his approach to mediation when a restraining order is involved. Listen in for Bill’s insight on communicating with high-conflict people and finding a lawyer who supports mediation and the collaborative divorce process.
Topics Covered
Why high-conflict people need a non-adversarial divorce process • Court escalates adversarial thinking • Gives rise to false allegations, abuse How high-conflict people are more sensitive to feeling attacked The benefit of consulting a lawyer during the mediation process The value of a divorce financial analyst in alternative dispute resolution How informed consent serves as the key to a non-adversarial process What’s involved in Bill’s pre-mediation coaching How Bill handles mediation when a restraining order is involved How collaborative teaches high-conflict couples communication skills How parenting plans can be structured around limited contact in extreme cases How the self-doubt people feel during divorce is exacerbated by lack of respect The techniques Bill recommends for communicating with high-conflict people • EAR—empathy, attention and respect • BIFF—brief, informative, friendly and firm (i.e.: email, Facebook) Why Bill suggests finding a lawyer who will support mediation/collaborative divorce
Connect with Bill Eddy
High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ National Conflict Resolution Center: https://www.ncrconline.com/
Resources
New Ways for Families: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/new-ways/ BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People by Bill Eddy: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/biff How to Write a BIFF Response DVD: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/how-to-write-a-biff-response-dvd Coaching for BIFF Response DVD: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/coaching-for-biff-response Our Family Wizard: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/directory/high-conflict-institute Is Divorce Mediation for You? DVD: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/is-divorce-mediation-for-you-dvd High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/high-conflict-people-in-legal-disputes-2nd-edition Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/splitting-protecting-yourself-while-divorcing
Whether a conflict involves international powers, corporate leadership, or a husband and wife, a violation of dignity is always the underlying cause. No matter the situation, we are all looking to be treated as if we have worth and value, and it is this fundamental desire for dignity that makes us human. How can a better understanding of the principles of dignity help us improve our relationships and address conflicts in a way that doesn’t perpetuate a destructive dynamic?
Donna Hicks has 20-plus years of experience as a facilitator in international conflicts in the Middle East, Sri Lanka, Colombia, Cuba, Northern Ireland and the US. Her understanding of dignity and the role it plays in resolving conflict has transformed work environments for prominent companies, nonprofits and government agencies, and Donna’s impressive client roster includes the World Bank, the United Nations, the US Navy and the Senate of Colombia. She was a featured speaker at TEDx Stormont in 2013 and co-host of Facing the Truth for the BBC with Archbishop Desmond Tutu in 2006. Donna is the author of the bestseller Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict, and she has been invited to discuss the topic on prominent media outlets including the BBC, Fox News and NPR.
Today, Donna sits down with Katherine to explain how her work with international conflict resolution translates to families. She discusses the universal desire to be treated as if we matter as the one aspiration that unites us all. Donna speaks to the concept of dignity within the context of marriage, describing how self-preservation instincts make it difficult to give our partners the benefit of the doubt and apologize for dignity violations. Listen in for insight around the technique of ‘getting up on the balcony’ to reflect on your behavior and pausing for 90 seconds before responding to a dignity violation.
Topics Covered
How Donna’s work with international conflict translates to families The universal desire to be treated as someone with value, worth How a dignity violation is the underlying cause of every conflict Donna’s insight around dignity as the aspiration that unites us all The concept of dignity in the framework of marriage How external pressures undermine our sense of dignity for our partners The idea of attribution error in the context of marriage The benefit of the doubt as an essential element of honoring dignity How the desire to get even is prompted by self-preservation instinct The technique of ‘getting up on the balcony’ to reflect on your behavior How the brain responds to dignity violations the same as physical harm The value in pausing for 90 seconds before responding to a violation The challenge of apologizing in spite of the instinct to eliminate a threat How to provide feedback about how you were hurt without returning harm
Connect with Donna Hicks
Donna’s Website: http://drdonnahicks.com/ Declare Dignity: https://declaredignity.com/
Resources
Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict by Donna Hicks: https://www.amazon.com/Dignity-Essential-Role-Resolving-Conflict/dp/0300188056 Swimmy by Leo Lionni: https://www.amazon.com/Swimmy-Leo-Lionni/dp/0399555501 Facing the Truth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxPseZEGMCI My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor: https://www.amazon.com/My-Stroke-Insight-Scientists-Personal-ebook/dp/B0019IB0II
Connect with Katherine Miller
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Substance abuse often plays a role in the divorce process, either as the catalyst for or the result of conflict in a relationship. How do you go about having your former partner evaluated to ensure their health and safety—and that of your children?
Dr. Raymond Griffin has worked in the field of addiction and counseling for 37-plus years. He served as the president of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence as well as founder and director of the Greenwich Center. Dr. Griffin has taken part in many collaborative divorce and mediation processes and performed a number of forensic evaluations for federal and state courts. He is also a frequent Continuing Legal Education lecturer and host of the radio show Changing Your Life.
Today, Dr. Griffin joins Katherine to explain his role in determining the extent of substance abuse issues during the divorce process. He shares his take on the degrading nature of litigation and his preference for collaborative divorce. Dr. Griffin describes the evaluation process, how he delivers feedback to the divorcing family, and his goal around helping people become healthy, active parents. Listen in for Dr. Griffin’s insight on the need for awareness of alternative dispute resolution and learn how you can help family members struggling with substance abuse maintain a connection with their children.
Topics Covered
How substance abuse serves as both a catalyst for and result of divorce The safety issues associated with substance abuse and co-parenting Dr. Griffin’s role in determining the extent of substance abuse issues How substance abuse issues are used as a strategy in litigation Dr. Griffin’s take on the degrading nature of a litigious divorce When the collaborative process is appropriate for people with addiction issues Dr. Griffin’s evaluation process • Series of face-to-face interviews • Screening instruments, random testing The difference between ongoing and situational substance abuse problems How opioid abuse compares to alcoholism How the I-STOP program has curbed doctor shopping in New York State How Dr. Griffin delivers his feedback to the divorcing family Dr. Griffin’s goal of helping people get healthy and become active parents Why the divorce process tends to be faster and less antagonistic in Connecticut The need for awareness around alternative dispute resolution processes How to help a family member maintain a connection with their children
Connect with Dr. Raymond Griffin
NCADD Westchester: http://www.ncaddwestchester.org/ Call (914) 949-8500
Resources
I-STOP: https://www.health.ny.gov/professionals/narcotic/prescription_monitoring/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
The parties in a litigated divorce spend years—and tens-of-thousands of dollars—preparing for a trial that is extremely unlikely to happen. This disconnect led to the development of mediation as an option, allowing divorcing couples to work toward settlement without spending unnecessary time and money in preparation for a trial that will never come to fruition. Are there other myths and misconceptions about the conventional litigation model? What are the benefits of mediation?
Sam Margulies is one of the most experienced mediators in the country, having facilitated settlements in hundreds of civil disputes and approximately four thousand divorces since 1980. Sam also has 35 years of experience training divorce mediators and conducting civil mediation training programs. He has served as Director of the Institute for Dispute Resolution of the Seton Hall Law School and taught graduate courses in mediation at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Sam is also the author of three books on divorce and mediation: Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life, A Man’s Guide to Civilized Divorce, and Working with Divorcing Spouses.
Today, Sam joins Katherine to discuss his experiences in the early days of mediation, explaining the impetus behind its development and the threat mediation posed to traditional litigators. He speaks to the public’s ignorance of settlement as the norm in divorce cases and the unnecessary cost of discovery in the conventional system. Listen in to understand why Sam recommends mediation as the first option for divorcing couples and learn how mediation seeks to create a system in which every family member can thrive.
Topics Covered
Sam’s experiences in the early days of mediation The impetus behind mediation as an option • Divorce cases prepared for trial • Vast majority settle out of court The Family Therapy Movement’s influence on mediation The significant resistance to mediation from traditional divorce litigators • Discussion around disbarment proceedings The lack of data re: the percentage of couples who divorce through mediation The ongoing negative sentiment litigators harbor toward mediation Why the public is woefully ignorant about settlement as the norm The unnecessary cost of discovery in the conventional system of divorce How bad faith breeds and grows during the discover process Why law is the only professional in which pessimism positively correlates with success Sam’s recommendation that couples look at mediation as their FIRST option How an understanding of settlement norms would lead to quicker resolution • Equitable distribution, alimony norms, child support guidelines Mediation’s objective to create a system in which every family member can thrive
Connect with Sam Margulies
Sam’s Website: https://sammargulies.com/ Call (336) 669-3141
Resources
Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life by Sam Margulies: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Divorced-Without-Ruining-Your/dp/B001PO68FG/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1 A Man’s Guide to Civilized Divorce by Sam Margulies: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Civilized-Divorce-Little/dp/1579547990/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 Working with Divorcing Spouses: How to Help Clients Navigate the Emotional and Legal Minefield by Sam Margulies: https://www.amazon.com/Working-Divorcing-Spouses-Emotional-Minefield/dp/1593854811/ref=la_B001IO9QG6_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1526835943&sr=1-1 How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B3Rughx5Ms
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
‘How you go through this forest determines, to great extent, who you are when you come out of it.’
Getting divorced can feel a lot like being lost in the woods. And no matter how much information you have gathered from the experts, you probably still feel very much alone. What if there was a community of women making their way through that same forest that you could go to for support and guidance?
Elise Pettus is the founder and Editorial Director of UNtied, an online and real-life community for women navigating separation and divorce. UNtied is a membership organization based in Brooklyn that hosts panels and workshops on a variety of topics, from hiring a lawyer to co-parenting to blending families. A graduate of Columbia Journalism School, Elise wrote on marriage, health and family for New York Magazine, Healthy Living, and the Huffington Post, among many others, before shifting her focus to UNtied full-time. UNtied currently boasts more than 1500 subscribers, and the organization prides itself on connecting divorcing women with the most experienced and competent professionals in the field.
Today, Elise sits down with Katherine to explain why she created UNtied and how it serves as a support system for women navigating separation and divorce. She discusses her organization’s intent to spread the word regarding process choice and offers her insight on how to choose the right option for you and your family. Elise shares her take on the top concerns women have early in the divorce process, addressing the importance of making the first phone call to get educated about the process. Listen in for information on UNtied’s curated events and learn how—with the right support—the divorce process can help you identify who really you are and what you need out of life.
Topics Covered
How UNtied provides a community for women to connect with each other UNtied’s intent to provide its members with process choice options • Mediation, collaborative and litigation How to overcome ‘the fear of the first phone call’ Elise’s take on the top two concerns of women early in the divorce process • Financial security • Safety, welfare of children Elise’s advice for people contemplating divorce • Get educated around choices • Avoid needless hostility Elise’s insight on choosing a process based on the relationship’s power dynamic How the collaborative process manages anger rather than ignoring it The topics of UNtied’s monthly panel evenings How divorce can be positive in the end if given the right support
Connect with Elise Pettus
UNtied: The Thinking Woman’s Divorce Resource: https://untied.net/ UNtied on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UntiedNYC/ Email elise@untied.net
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Alexis Neely was going through an adversarial divorce settlement process. One evening in a hotel room, the weight of the conflict landed on her, and she prayed that a higher power would show her the way to resolution. In that moment, a very clear voice inside said, “Ask him what he needs to be safe, and give it to him.” Initially, Alexis resisted. Would her ex-husband take advantage of her generosity? What if he asked for more than she had to give? Eventually, though, Alexis found the courage and posed the question…
Today, Alexis is an estate and business planning attorney, a serial entrepreneur, and a single mom. After divorcing her husband in 2005, she went on to build a million-dollar law practice based on a new pricing model inspired in part by her experience with the settlement process. Alexis teaches her New Law Business Model to lawyers worldwide and supports entrepreneurs and small business owners in making legal, insurance, financial and tax decisions with their ‘eyes wide open.’ She and her ex-husband live together and co-parent their children amicably.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Alexis sits down with Katherine to share her adversarial experience in the collaborative law paradigm and explains the need to align the attorney’s economic interests with the best interest of the client. She offers insight into the tendency for divorcing couples to shrink their earning power, discussing how her divorce settlement ultimately incentivized her to build a million-dollar business. Alexis describes situations in which divorcing couples sacrifice their children’s well-being for the sake of money and the benefit of finding a lawyer who is focused on more than just getting the largest possible settlement. Listen in to understand how letting go of conflict opens you up to something greater and learn how reaching a resolution freed Alexis to move forward in faith.
Topics Covered
How Alexis supports lawyers in using the legal system to reach resolutions Alexis’ experience with the collaborative law paradigm in her own divorce How Alexis resolved the conflict by asking what her ex-husband needed to feel safe The need to align the lawyer’s economic interests with the best interest of the client Why Alexis built a new pricing model for her estate and business planning practice How the divorce settlement incentivized Alexis to build a million-dollar business Alexis’ insight on the tendency for divorcing couple to shrink their earning power Finding a lawyer who is focused on the long-term implications of settlement decisions How divorcing couples often sacrifice their children’s well-being for money Alexis’ take on how resolving conflict frees your creativity How letting go of conflict with generosity opens you up to something greater The danger in listening to the Greek Chorus encouraging you to dig in and fight
Connect with Alexis Neely
Alexis’ Website: http://alexisneely.com/
Resources
Joy Film Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuVCdo-ZaO8
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Parental alienation is a high-stakes game with serious, long-term consequences for the children involved. When a child is manipulated into showing unwarranted fear or hostility toward the targeted parent and used as a pawn in one parent’s agenda against the other, it alters their sense of reality and normalizes deceit in the context of relationships. What causes a parent to put their child in this position?
Board Certified Marital and Family Law attorney Charles Jamieson has been protecting parental and family rights for the past 37 years. As lead legal consultant to individuals with divorce issues in more than 20 states, Mr. Jamieson has developed a wealth of experience in the field of family law services and collaborative family law, and he is respected among child support lawyers, domestic violence attorneys, and divorce attorneys alike in his home state of Florida.
Today, Charlie sits down with Katherine to discuss the spectrum of parental alienation, explaining why cases of extreme alienation are difficult to treat with traditional therapy. He shares case studies of extreme parental alienation and describes how the practice impacts the child long-term. Charlie makes the distinction between estrangement and alienation, offering insight around how to identify when a child is being programmed. Listen in to understand why children will lie to earn the victor parent’s approval and get Charlie’s advice on what to do if you are the target of mild alienation.
Topics Covered
The definition of parental alienation Why extreme alienation is difficult to treat with traditional therapy Case studies of extreme parental alienation How parental alienation alters a child’s fundamental sense of reality How to identify when a child is being programmed by the alienating parent The idea of frivolous rationalizations (i.e.: I don’t feel safe because Dad yells) The distinction between estrangement and alienation How brittle parenting can be remedied with coaching, therapy The concept of alignment with a divorcing parent How escalating tensions in litigation can lead to baseless abuse allegations Why children will lie to earn the approval of the victor parent How spending time with your children serves as the antidote to alienation
Connect with Charlie Jamieson
Charles Jamieson Law: https://www.cjamiesonlaw.com/ Call (561) 478-0312
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
‘We are emotionally wired to avoid conflict. People sometimes have to be forced to—or have to be encouraged or coached to—and the prenup provides that opportunity because you really do have to sit down, roll up your sleeves, and start talking about what’s important to you.’
Mindy Utay is a psychotherapist in practice on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Her background in the law, social work, and psychoanalysis allows Mindy to support couples and families in identifying and resolving conflicts with courage and optimism. She is a coveted relationship expert and speaker on the topics of relationship conflicts, marriage, and parenting, and Mindy is a regular columnist for the Huffington Post.
Today, Mindy sits down with Katherine to offer insight around the contradiction of prenuptial agreements, explaining why it’s so challenging to consider the end of a relationship at the very beginning. She discusses the problems associated with the ‘moneyed spouse’ approaching a lawyer alone and shares her alternative approach to introducing the prenup within the larger context of the couple’s relationship. Listen in to understand the benefits of creating a prenuptial agreement and learn how the process can provide couples with a framework for conflict-resolution.
Topics Covered
Mindy’s insight on the contradiction of prenuptial agreements The challenge around considering the end of a relationship at the very beginning The benefits of establishing a prenuptial agreement • Plan in time when feel connected • Communicate about important issues • Framework for resolving conflict The problems associated with the typical process of lawyers writing, emailing drafts The value of discussing the prenup within the context of the relationship Mindy’s relationship-as-foundation approach to discussing prenuptial agreements How to create a safe environment and establish intimacy while discussing a prenup Mindy’s take on our resistance to discussing the possibility of death Why timing and tone are the most important factors in introducing a prenup
Connect with Mindy Utay
Mindy’s Website: http://www.mindyutay.com/ Email mindyutay@gmail.com Call (212) 744-6057
Resources
92Y: https://www.92y.org/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
When emotions are running high in the divorce process, it is not uncommon for people to amplify their concerns over an ex-spouse’s ability to parent. In some cases, those concerns might lead to allegations of child abuse and neglect. What is the right course of action when you suspect an ex-spouse of substance abuse or mental health issues? What can you do to ensure the health and safety of your children without overreacting? What happens once Child Protective Services gets involved?
Allison Williams is the founder and owner of Williams Law Group, a practice focused exclusively on matrimonial and family law with an emphasis on complex child welfare matters. An established leader in the field of child welfare law, Allison has appeared on several media outlets including Katie, News 12 New Jersey and Chasing News, and she lectures regularly for professional organizations like the Institute for Continuing Legal Education. In 2017, she was recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for the fourth consecutive year.
Today, Allison sits down with Katherine to define child abuse and neglect, the two categories of child welfare addressed in the Adoption & Safe Families Act. She explains the legal risk associated with failing to ensure your child’s safety when they are in the care of an ex-spouse—specifically in cases where substance abuse or mental health issues are present. Allison walks us through the CPS investigation process, offering insight around how the circumstances of divorce may influence a case worker’s assessment of an allegation’s credibility. Listen in to understand why CPS has a statutory responsibility to reach a conclusion once a case has been opened and learn what to expect once the process is set in motion.
Topics Covered
The two categories of child welfare addressed in the Adoption & Safe Families Act • Physical, sexual abuse • Neglect Divorced parents with substance abuse/mental health issues who lack safeguards The legal risk involved in not taking a firm stance on an ex-spouse’s ability to parent The Child Protective Services investigation process • Initial assessment within 48 hours • 60 days to make determination The three CPS designations in substantiated cases • Actual harm, imminent risk and substantial risk Why case workers consider divorce in assessing the credibility of allegations Why divorce is not considered in cases of alleged sexual abuse CPS’s statutory responsibility to reach a conclusion once a case is opened Why a divorcing parent who contacted CPS has no authority to withdraw their case The collateral contacts who may be interviewed by case workers in an investigation The confidential nature of CPS records
Connect with Allison Williams
Williams Law Group: https://familylawyersnewjersey.com/ Call (908) 810-1083
Resources
The Adoption and Safe Families Act: https://www.congress.gov/105/plaws/publ89/PLAW-105publ89.pdf
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
In working with divorcing clients, family lawyers develop both legal and financial strategy. But there is a third element to the ‘triad of divorce’—the family. How can we support lawyers in gathering the information they need in the area of child custody? How can we make divorce child-centric and support families in making a fluid transition?
How can we put the ‘family’ back in family law?
Dr. Eric Frazer is the co-founder of Child Custody Analytics, an online platform designed to provide family lawyers with expert information and solutions around child custody. A forensic psychologist in private practice since 2002, Dr. Frazer specializes in Psychological Assessment, and he is well-versed in the contributions psychology brings to family law practices. Dr. Frazer earned his PhD from the Yale University School of Medicine.
Today, Dr. Frazer joins Katherine to discuss the evolution of family law, specifically the current ‘best interest of the child’ standard. He explains the aim of his company, Child Custody Analytics, in facilitating good decision-making and making divorce child-centric. Dr. Frazer walks us through the Child Custody Analytics platform, describing how it serves to gather information from parents, organize it in a meaningful way, and provide lawyers with research-informed guidelines. Listen in for Dr. Frazer’s take on the factors parents should consider in designing a parenting plan and learn why the quality of the time spent with children is more important than the quantity.
Topics Covered
How litigation puts children in the middle of conflict, hostility The definition of the ‘best interest of the child’ standard Child Custody Analytics’ mission to facilitate good decisions The legal, financial and family issues associated with divorce Dr. Frazer’s aim to make divorce child-centric How Child Custody Analytics helps lawyers develop a psychological strategy The benefits of taking a proactive approach to the use of child custody expertise The family lawyer’s role in helping clients appreciate what’s best for their kids The Child Custody Analytics technology tool to help lawyers gather information • Parents list concerns, provide evidence • Organizes information in meaningful way The common myth around parental alienation Dr. Frazer’s insight on what parents should consider in creating a parenting plan • Children’s strengths, weaknesses • Individual parental contributions • Developmental needs of children Why the quality of time spent with children is more important than quantity
Connect with Dr. Eric Frazer
Child Custody Analytics Email manager@childcustodyanalytics.com
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
With the Bipartisan Budget Act of 2015, lawmakers closed the loophole that allowed a worker to file for social security benefits and then suspend payments—while his or her partner collected the spousal benefit. How might these changes impact your social security benefits? How can you maximize the amount you receive from the government? And how are social security benefits calculated in the first place?
Gayle Lob is the President and CEO of Lob Planning Group. With 29 years of experience in financial planning, investment management and insurance, she is adept at helping people manage life transitions and plan for financial security and independence. Gayle is also an authority in the realm of social security benefits, and she has shared her expertise on CNBC, CNN and Fox 5 New York.
Today, Gayle joins Katherine to explain the new rules around social security that came with the passage of the Bipartisan Budget Act, specifically focusing on the elimination of the file-and-suspend strategy. She offers insight into why it’s beneficial to wait as long as possible before you start collecting and why you should consider inflation in the process of retirement planning. Listen in to understand the rules of collecting the spousal share on an ex and learn how social security benefits are calculated—and where to go to verify your earnings record!
Topics Covered
Why Gayle recommends waiting as long as possible to collect social security • Start at 62, collect max of $2K/month • 25% increase if wait until age 66 • Additional 8% increase every year to 70 • Potential to double income The rules around collecting social security on an ex-spouse How the rules changed with the passage of the Bipartisan Budget Act Who is still eligible to employ the file-and-suspend strategy and who is not Why you should take inflation into consideration in retirement planning The generous rules around claiming early for widows and widowers The lack of formalized rules in social security for same sex marriages How social security benefits are calculated based on your highest 35 earning years Why it’s important to make sure your earnings record is accurate
Connect with Gayle Lob
Lob Planning Group: http://www.lobplanning.com/ Call (914) 428-6440
Resources
Bipartisan Budget Act of 2015: https://www.ssa.gov/legislation/Bipartisan%20Budget%20Act%20Closes%20Social%20Security%20Loophole%20updated.pdf ‘Retiring After 65 May Help People Live Longer’ in the Wall Street Journal: https://www.wsj.com/articles/retiring-after-65-may-help-people-live-longer-1462202016 Social Security Website: https://www.ssa.gov/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce is a difficult emotional journey, regardless of the circumstances. But in most cases, the divorcing partners are in very different places along that journey. The person leaning out has likely been thinking about ending the marriage for a long time, while the other is a bit of a ‘deer in headlights’ and needs time to catch up emotionally. What role can a divorce coach play in helping the couple navigate this common disconnect?
Shireen Meistrich is the President of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, and she has served on the leadership team of the Collaborative Divorce Association of New Jersey since 2007. Shireen has spent the last ten years working as a collaborative divorce coach, helping families increase communication and decrease conflict through the alternative dispute-resolution process. She is skilled in managing the emotional hurdles that present as obstacles toward an effective resolution.
Today, Shireen sits down with Katherine to share her ‘train station’ analogy, explaining how common it is for the initiator to be much further along in the emotional journey of divorce. She discusses the very serious nature of the decision to divorce and the reason why she recommends discernment therapy before couples make the final decision. Shireen walks us through her approach to determining the needs of her clients, describing what the transformational process can look like and how to honor the emotional journey while working toward a resolution. Listen in for insight around effectively communicating your needs and wants during the divorce process and developing a successful co-parenting relationship.
Topics Covered
The emotional disconnect between the person leaning in vs. leaning out The family counselor’s role in helping couples make the decision to divorce The very serious nature of the decision to divorce How Shireen honors the history of a divorcing couple’s marriage How discernment therapy helps a couple see if there’s any viability to the marriage How Shireen determines the unique needs of her clients What a transformational process looks like in the collaborative divorce setting • Let go of marital conflict dynamic • Develop healthy co-parenting relationship The challenge of transitioning to a healthier place during a time of heightened anxiety The balance between mining the emotional journey and reaching a respectful resolution How to communicate your needs and interests effectively during the divorce process What a successful post-divorce co-parenting relationship looks like • Demonstrate respect for each other • Seamlessly follow plan (e.g.: sit together at events) Shireen’s advice around having patience and respect for your former spouse
Connect with Shireen Meistrich
Shireen’s Website: http://njcollaborativelaw.com/shireen-b-meistrich-lcsw/ Call (201) 791-1560
Resources
International Academy of Collaborative Professionals: https://www.collaborativepractice.com/ Collaborative Divorce Association of New Jersey: http://collaborativedivorceassociationofnorthjersey.com/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
The vast majority of divorcing couples who choose litigation do so due to the misconception that the courts will protect them. The fact is, 97% of divorce cases in New York settle before they go to trial, and the judge is in no position to protect the 3% that do. The Honorable Sondra Miller spent 21 years in the court system, and she contends that divorcing couples are much better served by alternative dispute resolution processes such as mediation and collaborative divorce.
Judge Miller received her law degree from Harvard University in 1953. She was a Westchester County Family Court Judge for three years before her election to the New York Supreme Court in 1986. Judge Miller was appointed by Governor Mario Cuomo as a Justice for the Appellate Division in 1990 and commissioned by Chief Justice Judith Kaye to conduct hearings on the state of matrimonial law in New York in 2006. The resulting Miller Commission report prompted the passage of no-fault divorce the state.
Today, Judge Miller joins Katherine to discuss the limitations around what a judge can do to protect divorcing families, the substantial cost of resolving conflict through the court system, and the rare circumstances under which court is the most appropriate process. She explains the myriad of benefits associated with choosing a more humane alternative like mediation or collaborative divorce, outlining the fundamentals of each model and the other professionals that may be called upon to assist in the process. Listen in to understand why no one wins in a litigated divorce and learn how families are better served by alternative dispute resolution processes.
Topics Covered
The importance of informed voting in local elections for judges How to get familiar with the qualifications of state supreme court candidates The limitations around what a judge can do to protect divorcing families Why Judge Miller suggests collaboration or mediation as a humane alternative Why the attorneys involved in the collaborative process are motivated to settle How mediators guide divorcing couples through financial and custody issues Other professionals who may be involved in alternative dispute resolution • Financial, mental health professionals Judge Miller’s insight on the misconception that the court will protect you The substantial cost of resolving conflict through the court system The rare circumstances under which court is the most appropriate process The expense/time it takes to appeal a custody determination that doesn’t work How judges make decisions about issues of custody and visitation The role of the forensic in reporting the emotional state of the parties involved
Connect with Sondra Miller
Judge Miller on Court Alert: https://www.courtalert.com/JudgeSondraMiller.asp Judge Miller at McCarthy Fingar: http://www.mccarthyfingar.com/attorneys/sondra-miller.aspx
Resources
The League of Women Voters: https://www.lwv.org/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
‘[The conflict] was so contentious on a regular basis, there was no room for the children—and that’s the danger.’
The sad truth is that divorcing parents embroiled in conflict are often so wrapped up in their own pain that they fail to protect their children. This was true for Janet, an adult child of divorce who continues to feel the impact of the tension, hostility and destruction that marked the end of her parents’ relationship.
Today, Janet sits down with Katherine to share her difficult experience as a child of divorce. She describes the shame she felt around the ‘failure’ of her family and the impact of her parents’ lack of control on Janet and her siblings. She relates the all-consuming pain she experienced during her parents’ divorce, the lifelong consequences of destructive behavior felt by children of divorce, and how the process informs her conduct now that she is a wife and mother herself. Listen in for Janet’s insight on maintaining and articulating respect for your ex-spouse and creating an environment where your children feel safe.
Topics Covered
The lack of control demonstrated by Janet’s parents during the divorce process How Janet recognized her parents’ issues when she was only ten years old The tendency for children of divorce to blame themselves The shame Janet felt about the ‘failure’ of her family Janet’s insight around articulating the positive aspects of your relationship • Avoid saying bad things, putting children in middle • ‘We will always care about each other’ The lifelong consequences of destructive behavior on children of divorce The all-consuming pain and sadness Janet experienced during her parents’ divorce Janet’s determination to ensure that her children feel supported and loved Janet’s advice for divorcing parents around remembering the initial bond between you How Janet’s childhood identity was caught up in her family How Janet’s parents negotiated the terms of their divorce The concept of ‘bird nesting’ as an alternative to kids moving between parents Janet’s parents’ inability to attend events together post-divorce
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westche
Divorce can bring out sides of ourselves we didn’t know were there. Depression is common, as is rage. And many divorcing couples are surprised by these feelings of extreme anger or sadness and isolation. The question becomes, how do you process these emotions and deal with them in a healthy way?
Elana Katz is a psychotherapist and collaborative divorce professional based in Manhattan. She also serves as senior faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she teaches advanced family therapy and directs the Family and Divorce Mediation Program. Elana presents nationally and internationally on family therapy, mediation and collaborative divorce, and she has been quoted by the New York Times, the Associated Press and NPR.
Today, Elana joins Katherine to explain how the experience of divorce can serve as a triggering event for depression. She walks us through attachment theory, describing how we process separation as a danger cue. Elana also addresses the other common post-divorce emotion, rage. She speaks to the triggers for extreme anger as well as techniques for dealing with these very strong emotions. Listen in for Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience and learn how to use the time to develop self-awareness and consider what really matters.
Topics Covered
How the experience of divorce serves as a triggering event for depression How post-divorce depression may catch people off guard How divorcing couples demonstrate attachment theory • Process separation as danger cue • Come out swinging, curl in or both The best way to provide support for a friend, family member during divorce How to set appropriate boundaries for your own self-care How feeling enraged, easily provoked is a common post-divorce emotion Elana’s advice around dealing with strong emotions during/after divorce • Make sense of emotions • Practice self-compassion • Identify, articulate previous successful transitions • Moderate physical exercise Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience • Seize as time to develop greater awareness • Reboot and consider what really matters How to leverage coaching to be present and proactive in the divorce process The difference between Elana’s role as mediator vs. collaborative coach Elana’s guidance around carefully considering process choice Elana’s take on how anger can be either mobilizing or debilitating How to handle the rage you may be feeling in the divorce process
Connect with Elana Katz
Ackerman Institute for the Family: http://www.ackerman.org/ Email ekatz@ackerman.org Call (212) 879-4900
Resources
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
In 1990, Minneapolis divorce attorney Stu Webb was burned out and ready to call it a day. He had been practicing family law for 26 years, and he was done with the adversarial nature of litigation. Stu had a plan to quit his law practice, but he decided to quit ‘outrageously’ and try something completely different—working WITH the other lawyer toward a settlement for the divorcing couple. The concept worked, and Stu became the founding father of collaborative divorce.
Stu began to share information with small groups of like-minded lawyers across the country and built a community of professionals dedicated to out-of-court settlements through organizations like the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota. Today, collaborative law is helping families transition with dignity in 23 countries around the world. Stu retired in 2012, after 48 years of law practice. His legacy includes the co-authorship of The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs and Happier Kids—Without Going to Court.
Today, Stu joins Katherine to explain how he conceived of the collaborative divorce model. He describes how he built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process, discussing the evolution of the practice to include neutral mental health and financial experts. Stu speaks to the relationship between lawyers as the primary asset of collaborative law, offering insight around the nature of ‘winning’ in a litigious setting. Listen in to understand the advantages of the collaborative process, including the transparent exchange of information and the creation of a safe space to identify common goals.
Topics Covered
How Stu’s background as a litigator moved him to devise a different way to divorce Stu’s AHA moment around handing cases that couldn’t be settled over to litigators How Stu built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process How Stu came to name the collaborative divorce model Why people make poor decisions when pressured to settle ‘on the courtroom steps’ The professional insights provided by mental health, financial neutrals in the interdisciplinary model How the relationship between lawyers differs in litigation vs. collaborative law Stu’s take on litigation as a performance in which lawyers are expected to win How the collaborative process supports clients in creating their own solution The value of the transparent exchange of information in the collaborative model How the privacy involved in the process allows participants to be more forthcoming The advantages of the collaborative process • Establishes safe space for difficult conversations • Identifies common goals Stu’s insight on the application of collaborative law to other civil matters
Connect with Stu Webb
Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota: https://www.collaborativelaw.org/ Stu on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDFCA02D05F4938A1
Resources
Beyond Winning: Negotiating to Create Value in Deal and Disputes by Robert H. Mnookin, Scott R. Peppet and Andrew S. Tulumello: https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Winning-Negotiating-Create-Disputes/dp/0674012313 The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids—Without Going to Court by Stuart G. Webb and Ron Ousky: https://www.amazon.com/Collaborative-Way-Divorce-Revolutionary-ds-Without/dp/0452288355
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765 to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
We’re taught that forgiveness is good for us, that it’s what good people do. But if you’ve experienced betrayal or hurt and the responsible party demonstrates little remorse, forgiveness may seem impossible. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring would argue that acceptance is a viable alternative to forgiveness, allowing you to stop obsessing over the injury, get healthy and heal.
Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring is a board certified clinical psychologist and renowned expert in the realm of trust, intimacy and forgiveness. She has been in private practice for 40-plus years, earning the Connecticut Psychological Association’s Award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology and the Connecticut Marriage and Family Therapy’s Award for Distinguished Service to Families. Dr. Spring often serves as a guest expert in the national media, appearing in The New York Times, Huffington Post, Good Morning America and NPR, among others. She is also the award-winning author of After the Affair, How Can I Forgive You? and Life with Pop.
Today, Dr. Spring joins Katherine to discuss some of the common scenarios she encounters in her practice. She explains the nature of a sincere apology and how the ‘hurt partner’ can adopt acceptance as an alternative to forgiveness. Dr. Spring describes strategies to help you stop obsessing over an injury and offers her approach to being honest with your kids—without putting them in the middle. Listen in to understand how you can move forward from a place of power without being reactive and learn Dr. Spring’s approach to reconciliation and forgiveness.
Topics Covered
Common scenarios Dr. Spring has encountered in her practice • Couples deciding whether to divorce • ‘Hurt partner’ comes by themselves • Earn forgiveness without reconciliation The specific, deep and personal nature of a sincere apology How acceptance can serve as an alternative to forgiveness Why forgiveness is reserved for an offender who makes good The tools for overcoming the rumination of an injury How to choose a level of relationship with an ex in the absence of forgiveness The damage caused by putting kids in the middle of warring parents How to honor your truth without dragging your kids into the conflict How to move forward from a place of power without being reactive Dr. Spring’ steps to forgiveness and reconciliation 1. Compose hurt list 2. Write apology letter 3. Ask, ‘Why did I do it?’ 4. Build trust on concrete behaviors
Connect with Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring
Dr. Spring’s Website: https://www.janisaspring.com/ Email drjaspring@gmail.com Call (203) 227-4771
Resources
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062122703/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0062122703&linkCode=as2&tag=jaabspphdab-20 How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Janis A. Spring: https://www.amazon.com/How-Can-Forgive-You-Courage-ebook/dp/B000XUBCBI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1494097936&sr=1-1&keywords=how+can+i+forgive+you Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent by Janis A. Spring and Michael Spring: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Pop-Lessons-Caring-Parent/dp/1583333959/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1494098081&sr=1-1
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
You may have guessed that the tone of the mediation process is very different from that of litigation, but you may or may not realize that a couple can makes use of more than one process choice during the course of a divorce. Barbara and her ex-husband, Alan, used a mediator to design a parenting plan, and the process was both cost-effective and peaceful. But when it came time to deal with the unraveling of their financial lives, the tone shifted.
Barbara had left her job in social work 13 years prior to stay home and care for their children, one of whom suffered from a life-threatening disease before his passing at the age of seven. Alan worked long and hard to cultivate a successful career on Wall Street. As a result, Alan deferred to Barbara on much of the decision-making around parenting, while he took responsibility for the management of their finances. Their views of each other’s contribution to the economic partnership were very different, and the division of their assets became a point of contention. Mediation was no longer an option.
Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how she and Alan began the process with mediation and why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce. She discusses how differing world views led to clearly defined roles during their marriage and tension around the equitable distribution of assets during their divorce. Barbara speaks to the challenge in understanding your partner’s contribution to the economic partnership of a marriage and how the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve. Listen in for Barbara’s insight on how communication works in mediation, collaboration and litigation and learn how she navigated a divorce involving more than one process choice.
Topics Covered
How Barbara and Alan’s differing world views affected their divorce Barbara and Alan’s clearly defined roles during their marriage How the couple designed a parenting plan through mediation Why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce How the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve Why Barbara and Alan left mediation prior to a full resolution Barbara’s take on communication in process choice • Communicate with third party present in mediation • Supervised communication in case of collaboration • Communication done for you in litigation How a commencement of action set the tone for their division of assets What is involved in the equitable distribution of assets during a divorce Barbara and Alan’s differing views of their contributions to the economic partnership The need for a signed participation agreement to initiate the collaborative process Why Alan was willing to risk the associated legal fees for a greater share of their assets
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Parents are often wary of the role of a child specialist in the divorce process. They don’t want to put their children in a difficult position, and the divorcing couple may be under the mistaken impression that the child specialist is there to do a forensic evaluation and make custody recommendations. Rather, it is the job of a child specialist to empower the children in the collaborative process, giving voice to their needs and concerns.
Dr. Lauren Behrman is a clinical psychologist, child specialist, mediator, collaborative divorce professional and parent coordinator. She has offices in White Plains, Katonah and Midtown Manhattan, where she provides divorce services that include parent coordination, co-parent counseling, neutral child specialist and divorce coach in the collaborative setting. Working in private practice since 1985, Lauren has considerable professional experience in treating children and families of divorce. She is committed to helping families facing challenges and transitions in life and relationships.
Today, Lauren sits down with Katherine to address the role of a child specialist, explaining how they serve to empower children in the divorce process. She shares her process in first establishing trust with both parents before meeting with the children to get a picture of what they are experiencing. Lauren speaks to the value of giving children a voice in the collaborative process and the common concerns that come up. Listen in for insight around lowering the level of conflict during the divorce process and learn why children from low-conflict divorced families do better than children in high-conflict families that remain intact.
Topics Covered
The misconceptions around the role of a child specialist How the child specialist empowers children in the collaborative process The child specialist’s initial communication to develop trust with parents • Meet in-person with both parties together, then individually • Discuss how to prepare children for process How Lauren addresses the children in her role as child specialist • Speak at developmental age, stage • Develop rapport (e.g.: hobbies, teams) • Get picture of what’s affecting children How Lauren reassures kids that their concerns will be presented in a neutral way How young adults are attuned to the dynamics of their parents’ marriage How to separate your own needs from the needs of your children The value of giving children a voice in the divorce process What questions children ask Lauren during the process Why nesting only works with low-conflict, mature parents Why divorcing parents should focus on lowering the level of conflict
Connect with Dr. Lauren Behrman
Lauren’s Website: http://laurenbehrmanphd.com/ Email laurenbehrman@gmail.com Call (914) 288-8428
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Though the details are different, most couples argue about the same old issues: Money. Sex. Household responsibilities. But the true root of the problem stems from the feelings of hurt that inspire a defensive reaction and perpetuate a destructive cycle of conflict. So, how do you stop the fight? Is there a better way to respond to hurt that will allow you and your partner to engage in solving the problem together?
Michelle Brody is a clinical psychologist and couples coach who specializes in resolving relational conflict. With 20-plus years in the practice, Michelle is dedicated to helping couples unlock their destructive cycles and implement a more productive communication style. She is also the author of Stop the Fight: How to Break Free From the 12 Most Common Arguments and Build a Relationship That Lasts.
Today, Michelle joins Katherine to share some of the most common arguments between couples discussed in her book, Stop the Fight. She explains the elemental social threats that ignite our fight-or-flight instincts and offers her take on the complexity of defining ‘right and wrong’ in polarized arguments. Listen in for Michelle’s insight around recognizing your contribution to a defensive pattern, choosing a core response, and recruiting your partner to engage in solving the issue together.
Topics Covered
Michelle’s insight on the most common arguments between couples How to identify the patterns of conflict communication The elemental social threats that ignite our fight-or-flight instincts Why both partners must be engaged in changing the dynamic Michelle’s take on the complexity of ‘right and wrong’ in polarized arguments The significance of recognizing your contribution to a volatile fight How to choose a core response to hurt over a defensive response The difference between intention and impact The first steps in changing the dynamic of a contentious relationship • Recognize defensive patterns as emerge • Recruit partner to engage in joint problem
Connect with Michelle Brody
Michelle’s Website: http://stopthefightbook.com/ Call (914) 707-0729
Resources
Stop the Fight by Michelle Brody: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Fight-Illustrated-Arguments-Relationship/dp/1615192808 Stop the Fight Trailer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L_DQXS5CeY
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce often means being thrust into a series of financial decisions that you may or may not feel prepared to make. And if divorce has brought you sudden wealth, financial professionals are likely crawling out of the woodwork to offer their services. How do you choose the right advisor for you? What resources are available to help you learn the basics of investing? What are some of the common challenges people face in your position?
Carole Epstein has been a licensed financial advisor with Morgan Stanley since July 2007. She began her career as a programmer and cut her teeth in investing during the ten years she ran a pension plan for the staff at her Apple store. Carole’s life experience raising a family and running a business make her uniquely qualified to understand her client’s needs and design a financial plan with their complete financial wellbeing in mind.
Today, Carole joins Katherine to explain her values-based process for crafting a financial plan, from prioritizing needs and wants to evaluating assets and risk tolerance. Carole discusses the difference between a transactional advisor and one who takes a more holistic approach, sharing her reasons for working with a team of vetted professionals. She offers insight around getting a basic financial education, dividing capital gains equitably in a divorce, and staggering the tax hit for clients making changes to an investment portfolio. Listen in for advice on navigating sudden wealth and employing a team of talented professionals who serve your needs.
Topics Covered
Carole’s unique journey to becoming a financial planner Carole’s values-based process for making financial decisions • Prioritize needs, wants • Evaluate available assets, risk tolerance The difference between a transactional vs. holistic financial advisor Why Carole recommends assembling a team of vetted professionals How to obtain a basic financial education The decision-making challenges for people navigating ‘sudden wealth’ • Employ intellect over emotion • Choose right advisor for you Carole’s advice for divorced people new to financial decision-making • Don’t take action until ready, knowledgeable • Determine your level of risk tolerance • Surround self with talented professionals The equitable division of capital gains/loss in divorce Carole’s staggered approach for making changes to an investment portfolio
Connect with Carole Epstein
Carole’s Website: https://fa.morganstanley.com/carole.r.epstein/index.htm Call (914) 225-4859
Resources
Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/ The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko: https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474 Smart Women Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Achieving Financial Security and Funding Your Dreams by David Bach: https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Women-Finish-Rich-Achieving/dp/076791029X
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
According to the Economic Policy Institute, nearly half of families in the US have no retirement savings at all, and the failure to set money aside for the future ranks as the number one financial regret among Americans. So what if you are counting on receiving spousal benefits through social security, but your marriage ends in divorce? Can you still collect the spousal share? How long should you wait to claim to get the maximum return? Is your ex-spouse involved in the process?
Gayle Lob is the President and CEO of Lob Planning Group, a securities and advisory services firm based in Purchase, New York. Gayle has been helping people manage life transitions since 1987, giving clients the tools they need to plan for financial security and independence. Gayle is an expert in the rules of social security and integrating those benefits into a complete retirement picture, and she has appeared on CNBC, CNN and Fox 5 New York.
Today, Gayle sits down with Katherine to sift through the complex rules of social security. She explains the difference between early retirement and full retirement, addressing how to earn the maximum benefit by waiting to collect. Gayle walks us through the process of claiming spousal benefits in a number of different circumstances, including situations where the partners are still married, divorced or remarried. Listen in for insight around planning for inflation and learn why you cannot depend on a cost-of-living adjustment to social security benefits.
Topics Covered
The complex rules of social security The difference between early and full retirement How you earn the maximum benefit by waiting until age 70 How claiming the spousal share works for a married couple How electing to ‘file and suspend’ allows your spouse to collect The rules around claiming a spousal share for an ex • Married ten years or more • Divorced two-plus years The importance of planning for retirement The rules around spousal benefits in the case of multiple marriages How spousal benefits are impacted when the recipient remarries The rules around claiming the widow’s benefit as a surviving spouse The necessity of planning for inflation as part of retirement How the cost-of-living adjustment is determined by the government
Connect with Gayle Lob
Lob Planning Group: http://www.lobplanning.com/ Phone (914) 428-6440
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Parents just don’t understand. But neither do adult children! If you have concerns about keeping an aging parent safe, you may be tempted to take over and start making the decisions for them. But Barbara Newman-Mannix argues that there are ways to compromise on common sense solutions that afford your parents their autonomy AND ensure their well-being.
Barbara is the founder of A Dignified Life, a company that helps individuals and families develop care plans for elders and family members with special needs. They assess safety, cultural influences and family dynamics to address individual needs and connect families with the necessary social service professionals, attorneys and benefits specialists. Barbara’s interest in the field stems from her experience navigating the health care, insurance, legal and financial challenges she faced when her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She established A Dignified Life to fill that gap in the market and help adult children better manage their parents’ lives with compassion and respect.
Today, Barbara joins Katherine to discuss the challenges families face in communicating with aging parents. She walks us through the role A Dignified Life plays in facilitating conversation around care and how their service encourages compromise between parents and their adult children. Barbara addresses the issue of driving, offering insight around using third-party resources to look at the situation objectively. Listen in to understand the distinction between dementia and age-appropriate forgetfulness and learn how A Dignified Life can help you and your parents grow into your new roles.
Topics Covered
How Barbara’s husband’s cancer diagnosis led to her work with A Dignified Life The value in organizing a family meeting to determine the needs of an aging parent Why A Dignified Life makes the parents ‘the star of the show’ How Barbara helps families by facilitating the conversation around care How adult children struggle with allowing their parents to make decisions The significance of treating aging parents with dignity and respect How to address the issue of driving with an aging parent • Employ third-party resources for objective view • Look at physical evidence (condition of car) The distinction between dementia and age-appropriate forgetfulness How to deal with physical limitations when you are cognitively sound
Connect with Barbara Newman-Mannix
A Dignified Life: https://www.adignifiedlife.com/ Call (914) 475-7225
Resources
Burke Driver Evaluation Program: https://www.burke.org/outpatient/services/occupational-therapy/driver-evaluation
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Process choice can be tricky. Most of us would like to avoid the courtroom if at all possible, but how do mediation and collaboration work? How do you determine which divorce model is right for your circumstances? And when is it appropriate to choose litigation?
Melissa Goodstein has extensive experience in both mediation and the collaborative divorce process. She has been practicing mediation since 1993, and she received her training in the collaborative model in 2003. Her practice is located in Katonah, New York. Melissa serves on the New York State Council of Divorce Mediation, the Greater New York Council of Family and Divorce, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals as well as the International Association of Collaborative Professionals.
Today, Melissa joins Katherine to discuss the roles comfort and willingness play in determining which process choice is the right fit. She walks us through the mediation process, explaining the confidential nature of this method and the necessity for both divorcing partners to feel comfortable speaking their truth. Melissa addresses how the collaborative divorce process differs and why each party has an attorney-advocate to help communicate their values and employ creative problem-solving to reach an agreement. Listen in to find out which cases are appropriate for the litigation model and learn when mediation or the collaborative process might be more fitting.
Topics Covered
How process choice is based on the couple’s comfort and willingness Why participants have more control outside the courtroom setting What the mediation process looks like • Mediator serves as neutral to guide conversation • Only three people in room (typically) How the mediation process is shielded from the public eye How the collaborative divorce process differs from mediation • Based on same principles • Each party has attorney-advocate The lawyer’s role in helping collaborative clients communicate values The value in agreeing to reach a settlement without litigation Melissa’s insight on collaborative law as a service profession How the collaborative process allows for creative problem-solving The cases that are appropriate for the litigation model • Domestic violence • Non-disclosure of assets • Refusal to cooperate
Connect with Melissa Goodstein
Melissa’s Website: https://melissagoodstein.com/ Phone (914) 767-0438
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
In a contentious divorce where the couple disagrees on issues of custody and visitation, the attorney for the child is responsible for representing the will of their child-client. How does this lawyer go about determining the child’s position? What resources do they have? And what advice do they have for divorcing parents who are moving toward litigation?
Dawn Cardi is a partner at Cardi & Edgar, a boutique law firm that focuses on matrimonial and family law, criminal defense and civil litigation. With 30-plus years of experience, Dawn has a strong background in helping people resolve family matters as well as handling criminal cases. She was recently named Director of the Women’s Bar Association of New York, and she serves on the Matrimonial Law Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York. Dawn is regularly invited to lecture on topics related to trial advocacy, criminal and matrimonial law.
Today, Dawn joins Katherine to share how she got started representing children in custody disputes, addressing her role in representing the will the child-client. She explains why trials are a disaster for the family and how conflict between divorcing parents impacts their children. Dawn also discusses the role of the parent coordinator in providing post-divorce co-parenting training. Listen in for insight around how the skills she learned in mediation inform Dawn’s work as an attorney for the child and how undermining your former partner’s parenting can be detrimental to the children.
Topics Covered
How Dawn got involved with representing children in custody disputes How a lawyer for the child differs from a forensic psychiatrist The lawyer for the child’s purpose to represent the will of the child-client When the lawyer for the child may be required to be a guardian ad litem How Dawn uses the child’s therapist as a resource Why Dawn encourages divorcing parents not to go to court How fighting between divorcing parents impacts the children involved How the skills learned in mediation benefit Dawn as a lawyer for the child The danger in condemning your former partner’s parenting • Teens, tweens manipulate situation to their detriment • Damages your own relationship with child in long run The parent coordinator’s role in the divorce process • Educate parents • Challenge opinions • Follow rules of agreement • Help with decision-making
Connect with Dawn Cardi
Cardi & Edgar Law: http://cardiedgarlaw.com/ Call (212) 481-7770 or (917) 543-9993
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Though you may not like your ex all that much, your pet doesn’t harbor the same resentment. Yet our companion animals often get caught in the middle and end up being used as bargaining chips in a divorce settlement that doesn’t serve the people or the pets involved. Rather than taking the fight to court, where pets are viewed as property, mediation serves as a more appropriate alternative—an alternative that allows both parties to be a part of a solution-oriented discussion around conflicts over animals.
Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton is a conflict coach, mediator and principal attorney with Hamilton Law & Mediation, a firm that uses alternative dispute resolution to foster peaceful solutions in conflicts over animals. A pioneer in the field, Debra speaks widely on the top of how mediation techniques can help people address conflicts without litigation, and she has been featured in Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, and US News and World Report, among many other. She is also the author of Nipped in the Bud, Not in the Butt: How to Use Mediation to Resolve Conflicts over Animals.
Today, Debra joins Katherine to discuss the important role companion animals play in our lives and recent court cases involving the ownership of animals. She explains how pets serve as a source of comfort, especially in the aftermath of a difficult separation or divorce. Listen in for insight on how the mediator can help a divorcing couple hear each other ‘for the first time’ and design a custody arrangement that serves the people, the children and the pets involved.
Topics Covered
The important role of companion animals in our lives The judge’s decision in the case of Travis v. Murray How to recognize that when you’re projecting your feelings on the animal Why pets are considered property under the law Why mediators need to ask about pets up front The benefits of having a companion animal How to determine what arrangement is in the best interest of the animal How relationships with pets tend to deepen after a separation or divorce How pets serve as a source of comfort The value of mediation in helping parties come to a creative solution • Hear other party through reflection of mediator • Consider what life looks like without pet The cottage industries that provide transportation for pets The danger of considering ‘who the pet loves more’ in decision-making
Connect with Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton
Hamilton Law & Mediation: http://hamiltonlawandmediation.com/ Hamilton Law on Twitter: https://twitter.com/HLawMediation Email dhamilton@hamiltonlawandmediation.com Call (914) 273-1085
Resources
Nipped in the Bud, Not in the Butt: How to Use Mediation to Resolve Conflicts over Animals by Debra Vey Vonda-Hamilton: https://www.amazon.com/Nipped-Bud-Not-Butt-Mediation/dp/151502024X Travis v. Murray: https://www.animallaw.info/case/travis-v-murray ‘Peacemaking in the Dog Wars’ Blog: http://hamiltonlawandmediation.com/peacemaking-in-the-dog-wars/
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Money is so much more than a way to pay the bills. It’s how we judge ourselves and others. It represents power and control. For a divorcing couple, uncertainty around finances and a sense of mistrust complicate the process. Enter the financial neutral, a professional who serves to uncover the economic reality of a given situation and establish trust, thereby changing the tenor of the conversation in a conflict-resolution proceeding.
Steve Kaplan is a CPA/ABV based in White Plains who practices largely in the area of dispute resolution, providing valuation, financial analysis, and settlement support services. Steve is trained in Collaborative Divorce Practice and Collaborative Civil Practice as well as mediation. He also serves as an executive board member for the Hudson Valley Collaborative Divorce and Dispute Resolution Association.
Today, Steve sits down with Katherine to explain his role as a CPA in the divorce setting. He discusses how financial neutrals navigate mistrust between parties, make difficult decisions around what to disclose, and provide an understanding of the couple’s economic reality. Steve shares how his role is different in a litigated case versus the collaborative divorce or mediation setting. Listen in for insight about how financial professionals help establish trust in a conflict-resolution proceeding and learn Steve’s approach to working with former partners in the divorce process.
Topics Covered
Steve’s role as a CPA in the divorce setting • Numbers tell story • Verify information Steve’s aim to provide both parties with economic independence Why financial neutrals don’t work with divorce clients after the process How financial neutrals navigate the mistrust between parties in divorce The difficult decisions financial neutrals make around what is material The financial neutral’s forensic work to uncover facts The financial neutral’s role in a litigated case vs. collaborative setting • Gather, present facts in courtroom setting • Part of resolution-finding team in collaboration How trust changes the tone of a conflict-resolution proceeding The complexity of money as an instrument of power, control Steve’s first steps for serving as financial neutral in a divorce • Initial conversation with BOTH parties • Outline expectations, discuss time and cost
Connect with Steve Kaplan
Steve’s Website: https://www.skaplancpa.com/ Call (914) 733-7340
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
How do you know when you’re ready to start dating again? If you’re recently separated or divorced, you may be questioning whether or not it’s the right time to try to meet someone new. And even if you are emotionally prepared to start dating, you may have questions about how the scene has changed since the last time you were single and how exactly to navigate the brave new world of online dating…
Laurie Davis is the Founder and CEO of eFlirt, a custom service that teaches singles how to use the written word to improve their chances of finding love online. Characterized as a ‘think tank for your heart,’ eFlirt has served thousands of clients and boasts 50 marriages and engagements to date. Laurie has been nominated for the title of Best Dating Coach by the iDate Awards two years running, and her advice has been featured in 500-plus media outlets including The New York Times, Good Morning America and Forbes. She is also the author of Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.
Today, Laurie joins Katherine to discuss the impetus for eFlirt and how her background in marketing informs her work. She covers the challenges of dating during the divorce process, explaining the difference between being legally versus emotionally divorced. Laurie speaks to the ways that dating has changed in recent years, including the very casual—yet empowering—nature of the process. Listen in for insight around writing a profile that attracts your target audience and seeing every date as an opportunity to learn!
Topics Covered
How Laurie came to found eFlirt with ‘$50 and a Twitter’ How Laurie’s strategies help clients attract the right target audience The complexities around dating during the divorce process The difference between being legally vs. emotionally divorced Why recently-divorced singles have to re-learn dating The empowering nature of casual dating • Conscious decision to be in relationship • You get to choose exclusivity Laurie’s ‘two-drink rule’ for the first meeting Laurie’s insight that every date is a chance to learn Keeping an open mind when your date is not what you expected Laurie’s tips for writing an online dating profile • Be specific about what life is like • List activities vs. personality traits • Talk about who you want to meet
Connect with Laurie Davis
eFlirt: https://www.eflirtexpert.com/
Resources
Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating by Laurie Davis: https://www.amazon.com/Love-First-Click-Ultimate-Online-ebook/dp/B008J2G76M
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict Miller Law Group Katherine on LinkedIn
“The magic, for me, about Collaborative [Divorce] and the reason why I’ve seen it work is because in the process itself, that idea of being heard and understood about what matters to you—what do you want—is front and center.”
Abby Rosmarin is a member of the Mediation and Arbitration Practice Group with the firm McCarthy Fingar and a coach in the collaborative divorce process, drawing on her experience as both an attorney and a therapist to mediate a wide range of family disputes. Abby also serves as the Executive Director of the NYACP, a group of collaborative professionals committed to helping couples in New York reduce conflict and reach a divorce agreement that meets the needs of the entire family. In addition, she recently joined Jeffrey Steiger in the launch of Pivotal Moments, a breakthrough group experience that supports people in navigating life transitions.
Today, Abby sits down with Katherine to explain the fundamentals of collaborative divorce, offering her take on the magic of being heard at the center of the process. She speaks to the work of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals, describing the organization’s selective membership model and its commitment to educating the community at large about the collaborative option. Abby covers the disqualification clause in collaborative divorce, discussing how it ensures that the professionals involved are committed to finding a resolution. Listen in for information about Pivotal Moments and learn how the group helps people in transition craft a plan for change.
Topics Covered
The fundamentals of collaborative divorce • Team approach to structured process • Restructure family without litigation The idea of being heard at the center of the collaborative process How the collaborative process integrates dignity and respect How fair treatment during divorce builds hope for the future The work of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals • Trade organization for professionals • Educate community about process How selective membership in the NYACP ensures high standards The reasoning behind the disqualification clause in collaborative • Attorneys cannot represent client in litigation • Ensures all 100% committed to process How the disqualification clause facilitates honest discussion The mental health professional’s role in enabling communication How Pivotal Moments supports people in working toward a fulfilling life • Make sense of transition, craft plan for change • Identify and work through barriers in supportive environment
Connect with Abby Rosmarin
NYACP: https://www.nycollaborativeprofessionals.org/ Email arosmarin@nycollaborativeprofessionals.org
Resources
Pivotal Moments: https://www.pivotalmoments.net/ Email info@pivotalmoments.net
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
Divorce is not just a legal process. It also involves an emotional detangling as well as a financial restructuring. Money can be a particularly stressful part of the process, especially as couples begin to consider whether they will be able to maintain the same standard of living now that they’re apart. If you have questions around cashflow, tax ramifications, assets or liability—a divorce financial planner is a good place to start.
Andy Samalin is a financial professional with 24-plus years of experience who has focused his practice on divorce financial planning through Samalin Investment Counsel and Samalin Divorce Finance. A graduate of New York University with a master’s in real estate finance, Andy is a Certified Financial Planner, an Enrolled Agent, and a federally licensed tax practitioner with the IRS. He is President of the Association of Divorce Financial Planners and the Founder and Chapter Leader of Second Saturday Westchester, a nonprofit that educates attendees about divorce.
Today, Andy joins Katherine to discuss Second Saturday, explaining how the organization provides unbiased advice from local financial, legal and mental health professionals. He addresses the role of a divorce financial planner in determining a feasible outcome that allows both parties to succeed. Andy offers insight on the ‘power of neutrality’ a divorce financial planner brings to the collaborative process and the ADFP’s work to establish protections for divorcing couples. Listen in to understand the anxiety around money when divorce is imminent and learn how to choose the right process for your family.
Topics Covered
How Second Saturday offers unbiased advice Second Saturday’s interdisciplinary approach (legal, emotional and financial) The gender-inclusive format of Second Saturday The role of a divorce financial planner • Unbundle economic unit • Aggregate relevant data • Determine feasible outcome The power of neutrality a DFP brings to the collaborative process The ADFP’s rules around compensation Ensuring a divorce financial planner is unbiased and without agenda The anxiety around money faced by divorcing couples The process of choosing from among litigation, mediation and collaboration
Connect with Andy Samalin
Samalin Group: http://samalingroup.com/investment-counsel/ Call (914) 666-6600
Resources
Second Saturday: https://www.secondsaturday.com/ WIFE.org: https://www.wife.org/ Association of Divorce Financial Planners: https://www.divorceandfinance.org/default.aspx
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
No parent wants to hurt their children, yet the conflict dynamic that generally accompanies the divorce process can be very painful, particularly in a litigated case. Even parents with the best of intentions inadvertently engage in behaviors that seem innocuous to them—but cause their kids distress. The collaborative process seeks to approach divorce in a child-centered way, and the divorce coach is tasked with educating parents in how children experience divorce.
Micki McWade is an experienced collaborative divorce coach, psychotherapist and parent educator. She has been working in the space since 1993, when she designed the Twelve Step Divorce Recovery Group model. She continues to facilitate Twelve Step groups and teach Parents Apart classes, which help parents recognize and avoid the pitfalls of divorce for children. Micki has been on the faculty of several national conferences, and she serves as a trainer of basic and advanced collaborative practice. She is the author of four books about recovering from divorce and the collaborative process.
Today, Micki sits down with Katherine to discuss the role of the divorce coach in the collaborative process, explaining how she facilitates communication between the divorcing partners and helps them both feel heard and understood. She speaks to the child-centered nature of the process and offers insight around behaviors that hurt children during and after their parents’ divorce. Listen in for information about the 12-step recovery group Micki facilitates and learn how it supports people in transitioning to a new reality after divorce.
Topics Covered
The role of the divorce coach in the collaborative process How the divorce coach reinterprets dialogue to reduce tension How feeling heard and understood establishes trust How mental health professionals in the collaborative setting put children first Micki’s insight around behaviors that hurt children in the divorce process The notion of parents as the ‘executive committee’ The value in learning to communicate with your ex in a constructive manner How mediation and collaborative approach divorce in a child-centered way Micki’s 12-step separation and divorce recovery group • Support through ‘gateway to new reality’ • Move forward, overcome feelings of isolation
Connect with Micki McWade
Micki’s Website: http://thedivorcecoach.com/
Resources
Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On: A Twelve Step Guide to Divorce Recovery by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Up-Over-Divorce-Recovery/dp/146344768X Daily Meditations: For Surviving a Breakup, Separation or Divorce by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Up-Over-Divorce-Recovery/dp/146344768X Healing You, Healing Me: A Divorce Group Leader’s Guide by Micki McWade: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-You-Me-Divorce-Leaders/dp/1891400657/ref=la_B001JP0SZM_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524707788&sr=1-3
Connect with Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765
As humans, we are wired to connect. So, if you are beginning to question your partner’s support, you are likely to feel a ‘primal panic’ that sets up a fight-or-flight response. Taking steps to repair the relationship early on can heal that disconnect, but many couples wait too long and find themselves trapped in a heightened conflict dynamic. How do you know when the bonds are too fractured to be fixed? What should you consider in making the difficult decision to divorce?
Ann Jackler is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples treatment. Her expertise is focused on issues related to premarital, marital, separation and divorce therapy, and she has led several separation and divorce psychotherapy support groups through the years. Ann has a master’s degree in social work and post-master’s training from the Ackerman Institute as well as the Family Institute of Westchester. She serves as an adjunct lecturer at the NYU School of Social Work and the Fordham School of Social Service. Ann has 30-plus years of experience in private practice, and her office is located in Scarsdale, New York.
Today, Ann sits down with Katherine to discuss the factors couples should consider in making the decision to divorce. She offers insight on the foundational issues that lead to disconnect in a relationship and explains why she invites couples to slow down before choosing divorce. Ann walks us through the components of a successful marriage and describes how a therapist can help you repair the fractured bonds or navigate the loss if you do make the decision to divorce. Listen in to understand the significance of exploring your relationship story and learn how the collaborative divorce option incorporates mental health professionals who provide support during this vulnerable time.
Topics Covered
What leads couples to make the decision to divorce How a breakdown in communication leads to conflict Ann’s insight on the disconnect between couples 1. Are you there for me? 2. Do my feelings matter to you? 3. Do you make me feel safe? Why Ann invites couples to slow down before choosing divorce How our ‘primal panic’ sets up a fight-or-flight response The protective measures of blame, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal The components of a successful marriage • Ability to negotiate differences • Foundation of friendship, humor The significance of seeking counseling as soon as the bonds begin to fracture How the decision to divorce heightens a couple’s conflict dynamic Examining your own participation in the breakdown of a relationship How mental health professionals can support you in the divorce process • Work through renegotiation of roles, new family structure • Help grieve separation and loss
Connect with Ann Jackler
Call (914) 725-7985
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/ Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/ Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1 The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246 Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com Call (914) 738-7765