Monster Squad Minute: Recent Episodes
No Time for Heroics
Midnight! End of the world, remember? No? Oh, well never mind then. But it's definitely the end of the credits, which means we are on the final minute of Monster Squad!
The only appropriate way to close out such an epochal enterprise than by having the slayer of monsters and hero of the movie Phoebe Crenshaw on the show!
Actress Ashley Bank takes us through being a six-year-old girl in a tux at a movie premier, the final fate of Scraps, and how legitimately terrifying Duncan Regehr's Dracula was from a couple inches away.
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One of our most requested guests,Patrick's Sister herself Lisa Fuller joins us to reminisce about filming the movie, what the experience of its resurgence in popularity has been like, why Patrick's Sister has no first name, and what was on the mix tape Ryan Lambert made her that one time.
Plus what Lisa's favorite monster is, and whether or not he, or Steve, counts.
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Crystal Beth returns, armed with forbidden knowledge of what's actually happening in the movie! Does she like it? Does she still think Dracula's costume looks cheap?
Plus, Andrew gets to talk abut Star Trek again, and we ponder how long Rudy is going to spend in jail for killing a lot of people for, as far as the evidence is concerned, no real reason.
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Makeup Artist Zoltan sends Justin and Andrew off into a tangent on creepy 80s kids movies with creepy adult themes, and also Dracula's Dog.
We also talk about the best props from the movie, Justin goes straight for the pie, and we both mix up which Del Toro we're talking about.
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Justin returns, and weighs in on Star Trek/Monster Squad, argues in favour of a continuing Crenshaw family unit, and ponder if the Archies or the cast of Saved by the Bell would've done as well vs Drac and the gang.
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Anthony returns once more to teach us the difference between rap and new jack swing, talk about other movies lucky enough to end with a rap that recounts the movie you just saw, and try to make heads ot tails of MC Hammer's Addams Family Groove.
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Anthony Murphy is pitch-hitting for Justin once more as we talk about these army guys are Eugene wrote to, and figure out why the heck they showed up anyway.
Also in this episode, bullies DJ and Derek try to worm their way into the Squad, and Scary German Guy and Eugene do heartbreaking violence to a beautiful antiquarian book.
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Justin has been sucked into limbo, so Anthony Murphy from No Time for Heroics returns to help us in the aftermath of the battle between good and evil.
We ponder the merits or lack thereof of Gilmore Girls, what the Monster Squad might be up to a hundred years from now in the next time holes to limbo need a-blowin', and what would happen in the potential Star Trek/Monster Squad crossover.
Note that we had some kind of limbo-induced tech crash half way through this ep and switched to the backup. Pardon our echos!
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Ainsley's back one more time as we call wrap on the Frankenstein Monster. Justin wonders what happened to the amulet after the whole limbo thing. Andrew wonders if Event Horizon is worth re-watching.
We ask the tough questions about limbo, where dwell the damned.
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Justin, Andrew and special guest Ainsley all get devoured by the vortex to limbo, along with most of the set and cast.
We see Dracula die for the maybe third and fourth time in the last half of the movie, Van Helsing back from blowing it, and Patrick actually does something!
Plus, we break down the history of throwing a thumbs up at someone
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This episode Phoebe blew a hole in limbo and sucked away our audio with it!
So after a catastrophic equipment failure, Andrew has pieced back together the episode into a shambling patchwork mockery of a man that shows up just in time to grab Dracula by the neck and impale him on a cross!
Ainsley Hawthorn returns to help us figure out this magic spell thing.
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Dracula uses the force on Scary German Guy, and then calls Phoebe a bad word.
Ainsley helps us figure out what the heck age group this movie is for.
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Ainsley Hawthorn joins us once again for what may be, if not the best single minute in any movie ever done in the movies by minutes format, certainly the best of this particular film.
Justin settles the eternal question of Horace vs Chunk, Horace settles the eternal question of Fishman vs shotgun, Ainsley gives Andrew the eternal gift of an opening to talk about Horatio Nelson.
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We take a deep dive into the movie and get a sneak peak at the Squad Doc Wolfman's got Nards as André Gower joins us one last time to wax philosophical on the significance of the entire film.
Plus Justin cheers for the apotheosis of Horace, Andrew gives his own pitch for Monster Squad Part II, and André might just check a couple new recruits officially into the Squad.
Also, somehow if breaks down that minute 69 is all about virgins. Whoops!
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We're in virgin territory with Monster Squad star André Gower asks why having sex disqualifies you from being able to save the world, how incredible the death of the Wolfman is, and the possible origins of Wolfcop.
Plus, André names his top 80s movies, throws some serious Goonies shade and could that be a Monster Squad sequel? HMMMMMMM!?
ALSO! Andrew drops a bomb about André's filmography that's going to blow your dang mind.
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We sing the praises of Ryan Lambert's vulnerable portrayal of the unstoppable killing machine Rudy Halloran and also talk about what songs were on the mixtape he made Lisa Fuller. André Gower confirms that the treehouse was full of pornography.
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Squadmaster André Gower is back to talk about how hard it is to hit an actor in a Wolfman outfit with a bat, how great Ryan Lambert i as spit taking, and the direct line between Monster Squad's Gillman, Predator, and Shape of Water.
All that and Wolfman's incredible abs! What more could you want from a podcast?
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The leader of the Squad, Sean Crenshaw himself, André Gower joins us just in time for him to do a sick karate roll as Del shoots a Dracula out of the air while driving a station wagon.
At least we hope that was Dracula, maybe it was just any old bat in the wrong place at the wrong time...
Get ready for some behind the scenes dish all this week, plus info on André's new doc Wolfman's Got Nards!
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One last time, Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80s returns to help us figure out who exactly the virgin in this situation is, and also whatever the heck happened with that third Bride of Dracula.
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Shawn Robare is back to help us figure out if Del and Emily can really make this marriage thing work after this (they can't) what makes a successful marriage (defeating Dracula) and what to see when you visit the Gilmore Girls in Stars Hollow.
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Shawn Robare is with us as the the black guy is the first to die. Del weighs the paperwork of killing a guy in a Dracula costume in cold blood. Andrew drops some bombs from the script, but not like... not like literal bombs like Drac just did, y'know?
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Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80s is back to witness Dracula take apart the American Dream. Big cars? Destroy 'em. White picket fence? Drive over it. Family unit? Divorce!
Plus: Duncan Regehr starts the twenty minutes that made him one of the best and most chilling Draculas on the big screen!
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Monster master Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80's joins us to present more evidence that Phoebe is the most useful member of the Squad, wonder what Dracula's credit rating is like vis a vis automotive purchases, and hits at a door left open for Monster Squad Part II.
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NEW MINUTES NEXT WEEK!
But first, tired of hosting a Halloween party with only Thriller and Monster Mash on repeat as music? We talk about how to create the best Halloween mixtape to seasonally gloom up even the most ebullient party!
THEN! Maybe who cares about going to parties? Let's stay home and watch movies instead! Justin and Andrew break down the best Halloween movies while they're at it.
Did we miss any movies or songs? Tell us about it on Twitter!
Dan McCoy of the Flop House is here once more to reveal which is his favorite monster, and also talk about Shawn's excitable bowels. Rudy attempts to SWAT the monsters, and the mummified remains of Kantanka-Ra are surprisingly agile.
Plus, some protips on Duck Tales for NES, and a sneak preview of the upcoming Flop House live show!
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The Squad decides it's going to visit Gilmore Girls, while Dan McCoy from the Flop House returns to the show.
We discuss a really sweet Christian joke, Phoebe once again saving the world, and what's up with Scary German Guy anyway.
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Dan's back to help us navigate the perils of nostalgia, and try and figure out if things wouldn't have gone better if Shawn had just left the amulet where found it surrounded by crosses and garlic. We swap some weaponized pizza recipes. Andrew says the word plinth.
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We welcome back Dan McCoy from the Flop House as the movie fails the monster test.
We ponder the proliferation of secret passages, the cycle of nostalgia, and the film career of Fred Dekker.
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Dan McCoy joins us from the Flop House podcast to talk about the line you know even if you've never seen this movie. We hypothesize about the wolfman reproductive system.
We also take a deep dive into some deleted scenes starring Liam Neeson!
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Once more onto the treehouse, Anthony from No Time for Heroics joins us to point out how woefully underprepared to fight Dracula these guys are.
Shawn inadvertently agrees with the Horace-Patrick plan of leaving this to the police. We discuss how to kill a Frankenstein monster, and the problem of monster cultural appropriation.
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Anthony reveals his one childhood wish was just for a single crate of dynamite. Justin and Andrew back away slowly. Dracula takes revenge on Van Helsing's wall for blowing up his walls in the prologue. Everyone else wants pizza.
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The Short Circuit and Inhumanoids references from earlier in the week just weren't enough 80s, so we're gonna have an in depth discussion about Square One with Anthony Murphy. Also Patrick's Sister turns the tables on the dastardly Squaddies, at least in the script.
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Anthony's back as Patrick' sister gets a skeevy proposition.
We discuss what we think her name might be, and actress Lisa Fuller herself provides the best answer.
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Anthony Murphy of No Time for Heroics rejoins us to talk 80s Steves and their 80s Steve cars, Justin does a deep dive into obscure 80s toys, Andrew does a deep dive into Short Circuit references.
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Once more Crystal Beth is helping us out by explaining squatty werewolves. We talk practical effects, transformation scenes, and Andrew's favorite minute of the movie (maybe).
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Del and Sapir rap about creepy cars. Crystal Beth and Andrew both confess that they always wanted a hearse. We all begin to suspect that Del isn't a very good cop.
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Crystal Beth is introduced to who she describes as a "dime-store, Woolworth's Dracula". We discuss the logistics of the Mummy going to the drug store.
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Crystal Beth returns (as does Justin) to enjoy more Rock Until You Drop montage, and witness Rudy supplying the Frankenstein Monster with pornography.
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MxM Maven and host of The Fifth Eleminute Crystal Beth is on the show, and she's never seen nor really heard of Monster Squad! So like most people really.
Crystal tells us what she thinks is going on as the music montage continues, having never seen the rest of the movie. Andrew wants monster-themed episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race Rudy sharpens pre-sharpened stakes. Justin is MIA.
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For one final time, Ralph Attanasia is up in the treehouse for Dracula being a little too sure of himself, Shawn's weird decorating style, and the all-important beginning of the awesome 80s music montage!
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Ralph from Cake Boss returns to help us figure out if these kids are monster racist, how useful a good Igor would be right now, and how much Justin just can't stand those pesky millenials on his lawn.
PLUS: A movie-breaking deleted scene, and a movie-awesoming included scene that both the actor and director hated anyway.
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We're mid-week with Ralph Attanasia is back to figure out why no one is telling an adult now that the real monsters have appeared, and the joy of terrible Ben Cooper-style Halloween costumes.
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Ralph from Cake Boss puts out an argument that we should be calling this monster Frankenstein anyway as Shawn goes walking with the dead man over his shoulder. Andrew wonders what you would ask a dead guy if you had one question. Justin makes a sweet Dolly Parton joke.
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Ralph Attanasia from Cake Boss arrives at the same time as the Frankenstein Monster.
Plus, Phoebe has a potty mouth, Horace goes dumpster diving, Rudy is so over it, and Justin and Andrew are painfully, painfully Canadian.
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Kevin Woolridge is back one more time to see Shawn trying to wrangle this bunch of jokers with a deadline looming. Rudy takes a sip of delicious Pepsi.
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Kevin Woolridge returns to help us try to plumb the depths of Scary German Guy's motivations and tackle the most(?) controversial scene in the movie as we discover that he is a holocaust survivor.
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Kevin Woolridge helps us figure out the theology of limbo and why we're sending all these monsters and Van Helsings over there. Plus, Andrew's pet peeves about Superman being vulnerable to magic, and Justin is holding for the fart joke.
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Kevin's back to help us try and parse out all this amulet mythology in Van Helsing's diary, taking us back to original sin, the nature of Good and Evil, and the forces of both darkness and Dracness.
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Cartoonist and thespian Kevin Woolridge joins us to try and translate this Van Halen diary, parse out Scary German Guy's decor choices, and Andrew goes deeper down the Faust theory of Draculas.
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It's been so long... so very long... and now Andrew and Justin are back in the treehouse getting ready for more Monster Squad Minutes next week!
But before we get there, we're talking about other possible Monster Squad-esque monster mashes using a gamut of 80s practical effectsy beasties!
From a Robot Squad with Terminator, Johnny Five and the Flight of the Navigator ship, to a fight between the Poltergeist House and the Amityville Horror house, we're taking a deep dive into classic 80s sci fi and horror.
Also, we tried out a different recording format and... it wasn't great! Back to the classics next week.
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Andrew and Justin go solo to talk about the relative scariness and Germanic aspects of this guy we meet, and also the unstoppable monster-slaying machine that is Phoebe Crenshaw.
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Kyle Crane returns once more to talk about Dracula's zest for killing children and why the Mummy would make the best stealth infiltrator.
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Kyle Crane is back to tell us about how unlikely a Baton Rouge dungeon is going to be.
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Kyle Crane returns for Andre Gower's oscar moment, telling his friends that they've got to wake up, there's monsters, and they require a good squadding.
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We welcome Kyle Crane from Pele Media to bring his paranormal adventuring knowledge from Ghostbusters Minute to bear on the Monster Squad.
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One last go for Scott Carelli to talk about the best werewolf movies out there, the craziness of the live action My Pet Monster movie, and how the heck the Mummy came to be in Eugene's closet.
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We're joined by Scott Carelli once again to try in figure out if "wolfmen" are grounds for divorce, and what it would take for Sean to get his parents to notice a big old Dracula wandering around town.
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Scott Carelli joins us to talk about the REAL monster in the movie, DIVORCE. Also Draculas.
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Scott Carelli's back to talk about who would replace these monsters if the movie was ever remade, and also how incredibly old we all are. We learn Andrew's mom was a witch, maybe Sean and Phoebe's mom too.
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Scott Carelli of the Cornetto Minute, Spider-Man Minute and Back to the Future Minute is here to witness the congregation of the mad monster party.
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Dracula attempts to use the Force to lift his X-Wing from the swamp in this minute, with Ainsley Hawthorn once again joining us for the topographically confusing introduction of the Gillman.
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Ainsley returns to discuss the civically responsible trap-neuter-release program for wolfmen
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Ainsley's back to talk us through the first appearance of the Wolfman, some delicious roof burgers, and Groundhog Day Part XII. Justin gets distracted by MS Paint.
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We visit the newly-vacated sarcophagus of Kantanka-Ra! Dr. Ainsley Hawthorn returns to explain to us some issues with an ancient Egyptian mummy being only 2,000 years old, and talk about what the Egyptian gods and Haitian voodoo have in common.
We're breaking out the dictionary of Middle Egyptian for this one, folks. You aren't going to find a more in-depth analysis of this mummy.
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Ainsley Hawthorn from No Time for Heroics (and also coincidentally a doctor of Near Eastern language and civilizations) joins us to talk us through this mummy business.
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Pat's back one more time to help us watch the faltering shreds of the Crenshaw marriage, and also the best line in the movie.
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Pat's back to talk about Sean's awesome dad, and explore why Rudy probably grew up to join the Foot Clan after this.
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Pat's back to help us figure out what would happen if Dracula fought Godzilla, Justin drops some knowledge bombs about parenting hungry kids, and Andrew blows the lid off of this diary/amulet business.
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Pat is back to help us blow the Monster Test out of the water and think of more than two ways to kill a werewolf, as well as discuss long-suffering parenting with the greatest long-suffering 80s mom of all time, Mary Ellen Trainor!
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We welcome Pat Dempsey to the show to talk about the official Monster Test, and help us go down the rabbit hole on perhaps the greatest treehouse in cinema.
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Pete the Retailer from Star Wars Minute and ABCDevo joins us one final time to question Count Dracula's travel plans, and try to figure out what happens to you clothes when you transform, batwise.
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Pete the Retailer from ABCDevo and Star Wars Minute joins us to watch Count Dracula just house this guy while Andrew manages to slide in references both Airport Minute and Indiana Jones Minute!
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Once again we're joined by Star Wars Minute host Pete the Retailer to talk about how cool this Rudy guy is really, pinup girls on bombers, and the unreleased Monster Squad video game!
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Pete the Retailer from Star Wars Minute and A-B-C-Devo is back to help us discuss the logistics of werewolves driving cars and wearing pants, and the logistics of doing a podcast about Barenaked Ladies songs.
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The Podfather himself, Pete the Retailer stops by from Star Wars Minute to introduce us to Rudy. #swoon
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Anthony's back one more time from No Time for Heroics to talk about post-crisis DC Comics, the way "fat kids" are represented in movies, and the introduction of the coolest kid in school, who just don't even care what you think of him: welcome to the show, Horace!
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Anthony Murphy from No Time for Heroics is back to discuss people with cat heads, earthquake preparedness, and President Taft.
We also attempt to have a frank discussion about racism and homophobia in period movies, and the responsibility of the artist to represent or attempt to influence these things. At least as frank a discussion as we can between the vampires and the twinkie-eating creatures.
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Is this minute's title a quotation from a confused Confucius? No, it's from Justin in this episode! Which I guess means yeah.
Anthony Murphy from No Time for Heroics helps us meet our future Squad leaders!
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No Time for Heroics's Anthony Murphy is back to witness the failure of Van Helsing's Dracula-busters, to help us figure out how exactly they blew it, and after a brief jump in time, reminisce about times we've been sent to the principal's office.
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Anthony Murphy from No Time for Heroics joins Andrew and Justin to talk about where the heck Dracula is in Dracula's castle.
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Andrew and Justin meet their first vampire. Spoilers: she's a horribly messy eater.
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Andrew and Justin discuss Count Dracula as style icon and also the relative merits of TNT and dynamite vis a vis vampire slaying.
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Andrew and Justin discuss the natural habitat of the Transylvanian Armadillo, and question whether or not the Frankenstein Monster in this movie isn't in fact Dr. Frankenstein himself.
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Andrew and Justin enjoy moody music while taking a trip to the Tomb of Dracula (Lord of the Vampires).
“Monster Mash”
©Reservoir 416 (BMI)
Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc.
All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.
Andrew and Justin dive into a pre-credits scroll. Someone blows it.
“Monster Mash”
©Reservoir 416 (BMI)
Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc.
All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.
Monster Squad Minute doesn't start for a couple days, so in the meantime Andrew and Justin are going to test out their analyzing/scrutinizing/celebratory chops on this weird tape Andrew found in a cabin...
Andrew and Justin introduce themselves and talk about what the heck this movie is anyway.