Raising Daughters: Recent Episodes
Tim Jordan, MD, International Speaker, Author, Blogger, and Counselor for T
This podcast will provide information, awareness, practical tools, and inspiration to parents and other adults who work with elementary, middle, and high school girls.
Description: Listen in as Dr. Jordan describes the many benefits grandparents bring to their grandchildren, including providing unconditional love and support, always having time to play or just listen, following their lead, deriving pleasure from being in the moment vs. worrying about their future, and sharing stories that connect kids to their heritage and cultural identity. Enjoy many touching stories about grandparents connecting with their grandkids.
Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both; https://drtimjordan.com Amazon Book Link
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Blog Post URL https://drtimjordan.com/podcast-2/
Kids are not necessarily safe just by staying at home anymore. Once they go online through their phones, they are already at risk in meeting and being preyed upon by online predators. Dr. Tim Jordan interviews expert Nate Lewis, CEO of The Innocent, about how to keep your daughter safe from these evildoers lurking around the internet. They discuss how parents must set the right boundaries for their children when accessing websites or social media platforms to decrease the likelihood of becoming victims of online predators. Nate also explains how elders should become role models for kids when it comes to using mobile phones and accessing the web.
Resources:
For more information on this topic from Nate Lewis, visit his website at www.theinnocent.org or on social media at @theinnocent.usa
Good article and video on this topic: How many strangers are in your teenager’s bedroom article, Katherine Martinko: www.Fbi.gov/itsnotagame video on online predators; Learn more at www.fbi.gov/itsnotagame
Read Dr. Jordan’s chapter on when kids are ready for smartphones and social media in his new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition https://drtimjordan.com
Description: Dr. Jordan describes the incredible benefits for overnight camps including: time in nature, a break from technologies, a slower pace, a break from your regular life, building autonomy and confidence, and making special friends for life.
Related Resources:
Check out Dr. Jordan’s overnight camps for girls: Camp Weloki
Read Michael Thompson’s book about the value of camps: Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow
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In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes ways to discover the best context in which your daughter is most likely to share with you, including a shoulder-to-shoulder approach, describing the issue from their point of view, having her express her thoughts in writing, or sharing your own stories so she knows you can relate.
Valuable resources on this topic:
Read the chapter on how to best listen to your daughters in Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition
Amazon Book Link:
Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: 8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening
For more info on my camps and resources, go to our website at www.drtimjordan.com or www.campweloki.com
Or contact Anne@drtimjordan.com
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Blog Post URL https://drtimjordan.com/podcast-2
20’s has always been a decade of uncertainty. Most people in this age range face tons of doubts and are often unsure what they should do with their lives. In this new podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan interviews author and mental health advocate Kate Berski about her new book, 30-Phobia: Why Your 20's Suck and How to Get Unstuck. She breaks down practical tips on preparing girls throughout their childhoods to be able to deal with the uncertainties of their 20’s. Kate also discusses how young people should deal with the constant change in life, the right way to handle emotions, and how to build self-confidence and a resilient mindset.
Resources:
For more info on Kate Berski and her new book, check out her website at https://kateberski.com
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast where he interviews 4 high school seniors who discuss why teen girls don’t want to grow up
Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com.
Description:
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes a tried and true process for teaching your daughters how to learn from their mistakes. Girls can learn to become aware of the internal alarm that sounds at decision points, where they feel it in their bodies, why they ignored it when they made a mistake, and what they will do different so that they won’t be vulnerable to making the same mistake again.
Resources:
Dr. Jordan’s new book is out! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both
Amazon Book Link: https://www.amazon.com/author/timjordanmd
Link for book on Dr. Jordan’s website: https://drtimjordan.com/books/
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Blog Post URL https://drtimjordan.com/podcast-2/
Description: In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how technology and social media have caused teenagers and young adults to feel so socially awkward today. When it comes to creating close connections, girls have evolved from being scuba divers to jet skiers. They used to have in depth conversations/connection (scuba divers) to now have very little connection and racing along alone (jet skiers).
Good resources on this topic:
Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both.
Social Media and Technologies Books:
1) Turkle, Sherry. Alone Together
2) Turkle, Sherry. Reclaiming Conversation
3) Powers, William. Hamlet’s Blackberry: A Practical Philosophy for Building a Good Life in the
Digital Age
4) Boyd, Danah. It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens
5) McGonigal, Kelly. The Willpower Instinct
6) Siegel, Daniel. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain
7) Haidt, Jonathon. The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing
an Epidemic of Mental Illness
2 previous interviews in Raising Daughters of authors on this topic:
Gabriela Nguyen gabriela@appstinent.org Appstinent app: www.appstinent.org
Katherine Johnson Martinko Author of "Childhood Unplugged: How to Get Your Kid Off Screens and Find Balance"; website the analog family knmartinko@gmail.com Substack, After Babel
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In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how girls today are experiencing debilitating stress from pressures/expectations to be perfect and a sense of never being enough and feelings of discontentment. Learn ways to support girls in choosing healthy intentions for all that they do and create their own expectations.
Resources:Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025.
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Dive into a captivating conversation where Dr. Tim Jordan and the unstoppable serial entrepreneur Melissa Saleh dissect the very DNA of female leadership. They delve into how to artfully blend masculine drive with feminine intuition, turning obstacles into stepping stones. Melissa’s raw, real-world experience illuminates how adapting isn’t about conforming. It’s about strategically reshaping the landscape, and most importantly, how we’re raising the next generation of powerhouse women to lead authentically, not apologetically, in a world that’s finally catching up.
Resources:
● Check outMelissa Saleh's website.
● Dr Tim’s resource on this topic is his book She Leads, which you can findhere.
● Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025.
Description Flexible, Authoritative Parenting Teaches Kids to Problem-Solve and Create Win-Win Agreements:
In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan encourages parents to adopt the authoritative style of parenting where you are flexible enough to allow give and take when making agreements. This leaves kids feeling heard, respected, able to problem-solve and create win-win agreements, and remaining close to their parents.
Resources:
Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025
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How can I get my children and myself unplugged from technology? How can I provide opportunities for what kids really need—downtime, boredom, unsupervised free play, and in-person time with family and friends? In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan interviews authorKatherine Martinko to answer these questions and more.
Resources:
Website: Katherine Johnson Martinko
Newsletter:The Analog Family
Book:Childhood Unplugged: How to Get Your Kid Off Screens and Find Balance
Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition—coming late March 2025.
In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes girls who decide they are dumb and will have a poor future because they struggle in school due to learning disabilities or dyslexia. He discusses how to help these girls reframe their negative beliefs about themselves and also shares stories about eminent people who overcame learning struggles to find fulfillment and success, including Thomas Edison, Richard Branson, Albert Einstein, George Washington and Jennifer Lawrence.
Resources:
Find stories of successful people who struggled in school, had LDs
List of High achievers with dyslexia:
Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition to be published late March 2025
In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan interviews Gabriela Nguyen, founder of Appstinent, about her 5D Step Method to wean off social media.
Despite teens’ fears of losing friends, this process encourages them to replace social media with meaningful activities, including alternative ways to stay connected via phone calls, video calls, and texts, as well as more in-person connections.
5D Method: Decrease, Deactivate, Delete, Downgrade, & Depart
Prepare* Journal your deepest fears about quitting social media. * Identify your ultimate reason for leaving. * List realistic daily activities to replace social media. * Recognize that campers don’t miss their phones when replaced with real connections and fun. * Write down the most important people in your life. *
Decrease* Unfollow ALL “junk” accounts—gossip pages, news stations, your ex—anything that negatively affects you or steals your time. * Remove social media apps from your phone and laptop. Only access them via your laptop browser without saving your password. * Turn off all non-urgent notifications. * Increase real-world engagement using your list of analog activities. * Prioritize close family and friends—schedule phone calls and meet-ups. * Stop multitasking—be present and take more time for what you're already doing.
Deactivate* Once you notice your social media use decreasing (this may take weeks or months), deactivate the account you use the least. * Major platforms provide a 30-day window before permanent deletion. * During this time, continue increasing real-world engagement.
Delete* After 30 days, your account will automatically be deleted. * Repeat the Deactivate and Delete steps until all accounts are gone. * Do not rush the process—allow yourself time to adjust.
Downgrade* If possible, switch to a “transition device” that is less advanced than a smartphone but more functional than a basic flip phone. * A device like the Cat S22 has a small, slow display that discourages excessive phone use.
Depart* By now, you are months or even a year into your journey. * Review your initial list of fears—did they come true? How did they make you feel? * Reflect on your reasons for quitting social media—was it worth it? * Understand that, like any lifestyle change, there are trade-offs, but the benefits far outweigh the costs.
Resources
- Find more information on Gabriela Nguyen and the 5D Process atwww.appstinent.org.
- Check out Dr. Jordan’s previous podcasts on social media:
- How Parents Can Know When Their Daughter Is Ready for Social Media
- Worried About Unhealthy Messages About Beauty on Social Media? Teach Your Daughter to Become Media and Image Savvy
- Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book:
- Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants (Revised edition, publishing in late March 2025).
Description:
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes 2 girls, a 4th grader and an 11th grader, who are stressed out due to over full schedules. Dr. Tim also describes 2 other factors that add to children’s stress levels today: excessive pressure to excel and valuing achievement over character. Kids and teens have internalized the message that more is better and that everything that they do, grades and sports and activities, are done to improve their future outlook for college applications. This causes kids to get anxious because everything they do as kids now will affect their future. Dr. Jordan describes the need for time to refuel and reground themselves as well as ways that they can take breaks to destress and replenish themselves. Finally, it is critical that kids make self-care important so that they will regularly schedule such times no matter how busy they become.
Resources:
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Why rushed kids are lonely and stressed
Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition to be published late March 2025
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Description:
In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes the importance of parents spending time together so that when the last child leaves the nest, they haven’t become strangers. Dr. Jordan describes the ‘empty nest divorce trend’ that can result from years of couples neglecting their needs as a couple. Learn some rituals you can do together in order to keep your marriage fires burning so that you leave your children with a healthy template of a loving, close, respectful marriage. Oh, and NEVER go to a tropical island on vacation with children!
Related resources:
Empty nest divorce article
For information on Dr. Jordan’s weekend retreats and summer camps for girls, his 6 published books, and info on his presentations for parents and professionals, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book that should be out in March 2025: Keeping your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition
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In this new podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan highlights critical ways girls can demonstrate to their parents that they possess the maturity and responsibility needed to earn a smartphone or use social media. These include having a solid sleep routine and getting enough sleep, appropriately managing prior levels of technology, exhibiting good impulse control, consistently following through with agreements without arguing or rebelling, making thoughtful decisions and learning from mistakes, maintaining a strong track record of handling boredom productively, and being transparent enough for parents to feel connected and understand their thoughts on important issues.
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast discusses the social readiness signs teens need to exhibit to show they are prepared for smartphones and social media.
Don’t miss Dr. Jordan’s revised edition ofKeeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying by the Seat of Your Pants, featuring four new chapters, including one on social media.
Learn how your daughter’s connectedness to parents, family, community, and culture is more predictive of their mental health than their history of adversity. Dr. Jordan also describes how the timing of adversity makes a huge difference in determining overall risk for kids. Kids need someone who can reinforce that it’s not their fault, they’re not crazy, and that they can get thru tough times. Be sure you provide a therapeutic web of support of relatives, friends, teachers, coaches, and sometimes a therapist to buffer adversities.
Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast, The Most Important Factor In Girls Gaining Confidence And Resilience, to learn about the concept of “safe bases.”
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Dr. Jordan offers 2 powerful metaphors about how your daughters can learn to face and overcome adversities. Unlike cows, buffalos charge directly into storms, facing the challenge head-on, maintaining control over their path and with support from the herd. Instead of procrastinating or avoiding challenges, lions teach us to go towards and thru our fears because they almost never have as much “teeth” as we imagine. The approach of the buffalo and the lion will result in girls developing more self-esteem, self-efficacy, and optimism.
For more information on the resources Dr. Jordan offers, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com
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In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how to teach your daughters how to become media and image savvy in order to combat the onslaught of unhealthy messages about their bodies from social media, ads, and videos. Learn some critical questions girls can learn to ask themselves every time they look at photos, and to understand they are being sold the message that they are not good enough and that in order to be sexy, popular, and cool they need the products in the ads.
Related resources:
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on mom’s influence on her daughter’s body image
Valuable and insightful videos to watch with your daughters about the effects of ads and media on their sense of self:
Dove self-esteem project: @doveself-esteemproject8697
Reverse selfie, Evolution
Onslaught: Talk to your daughter before the beauty industry does
Questions girls can ask themselves whenever they look at photos/ads/images online:
· Do I really need this product, is it good for me?
· What are they trying to sell me? Selling idea that in order to be happy, need this product · If you want to be sexy & popular and cool with tons of friends like the people in the ad, you must buy our product; · You are not good enough, creates cravings
· “Does that look real or fake to you?” “Do you think this photo reflects that girl’s real life?” Do you think it makes girls feel bad about themselves to see photos like this? Does it make you feel bad?”, “Do you think there’s an addictive property to social media? What do you think the solution is? How do you navigate it in a healthy way?”
Dr. Jordan uses stories of eminent people like scientist Marie Curie, violinist Itzhak Perlman, and actor James Earl Jones to demonstrate how allowing girls to overcome adversity helps them to develop courage, resilience, self-esteem, grit, and optimism. The reason the butterfly pushes against the sides of her cocoon is to push fluids down the length of her wings in order to strengthen them in preparation for flying. It was this struggling that allowed her to be ready to survive and thrive.
And so it is with our children.
For more resources on this topic, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com
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Ever wonder how to rekindle your child's love of learning and develop them into critical thinkers? Join Dr. Tim Jordan as he sits down with Jerry Kolber, the creative mind behind the award-winning podcast for kids, "Who Smarted." Discover the secrets to fostering critical thinking skills, turning everyday moments into learning experiences, and using storytelling to make education fun and engaging. Plus, learn how Kolber's podcast and TV shows, including "Brainchild" and "Brain Games," are inspiring a new generation of STEM enthusiasts by showcasing the brilliance of female experts.
Resources:
● Who Smarted
● Link for other educational resources by Jerry Kolber: Atomic Entertainment
Send suggestions for future show topics and feedback on these episodes to: anne@drtimjordan.com
Do you ever hear your daughter negatively comparing herself to other people and feel at a loss as to how to help her? Today’s podcast will offer parents a short but sweet and effective tool to keep your daughter from discouraging herself.
At a recent retreat for middle school girls, an 8th grade girl I’ll call Natalia thru tears described how she gets up every morning before school at 4 AM in order to put on makeup, fix her hair perfectly, and try on as many as 7-10 outfits to get just the right one. She has been trying desperately to be accepted into a group of popular girls who she described as, “the pretty girls.” She tries to dress like them and talk like them in an effort to be seen and included. And when she’s not included, she has let it mean that she is ugly and unattractive.
The mirror neurons in our brain are always watching other people to figure out what are others doing and saying in order to understand their tribe’s social mores. For 150,000 years, if you got kicked out of the tribe, you died, and so belonging to a group meant survival. That logic still plays out today for us all but especially during those vulnerable times like middle school where it’s normal to feel some self-doubt and uncertainty about yourself due to all of the changes you are undergoing.
Here's what we taught Natalia and the other 19 girls: if you see something you like in another person, like you think she looks pretty today or you like how easily she makes new friends, instead of making it mean something bad about you, go and affirm them instead. Their strengths mean nothing bad about you unless you let it.
Summary: So, parents can teach their daughters to catch themselves when they are comparing themselves to others and encourage them to go to that person and give them the compliment and don’t let it mean anything about them. This will result in girls being less discouraged and less self-critical and more confident.
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Does your daughter get overwhelmed by overthinking and overanalyzing everyone and everything in her life? If you have a middle or high schooler living under your roof, the answer is probably yes. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes a simple tool to help her to catch herself when ruminating herself into anxiety and switch it.
Scenario: girl Ellie sees photo of her 2 best friends at a sleepover and she wasn’t invited; this starts a cascade of thoughts that get more negative and anxiety-provoking: why didn’t they invite me? Did I do something wrong? Are they mad at me? Are they getting closer and thus am I losing them as friends? Who will I sit with at lunch on Monday? Am I going to have to sit alone like the weird kids?
Girls always ruminate worst case, not best case. Rumination is one of the most common causes of anxiety and panic attacks in the girls that I counsel.
Instead of getting caught up in the negative spiral of “what if”, your daughter can learn to switch it to:
What is? i.e. what is the truth? I didn’t do anything so it doesn’t have to mean anything unless I let it
What else? What else could it mean? There are lots of possible explanations that don’t involve me in a negative way: maybe her mom said could only have 2 friends over after her volleyball game and they are on the same team…
The worst-case rumination explanations are almost never true. And girls can check out the truth by asking her friends about why she wasn’t invited so that she can get out of her head and hear the truth.
Summary: help your daughter learn to become aware of when she’s starting to ruminate & Shift from “What if” to “What is the truth” and “What else could it mean?”
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“I Hate My Body!” is a phrase many girls silently struggle with, often shaped by societal pressures and unhealthy body image messages they encounter daily. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan dives into this critical issue with Dr. Ashleigh Gallagher and Dr. Janet Boseovski, authors of the groundbreaking bookBeyond Body Positive: A Mother's Science-Based Guide for Helping Girls Build a Healthy Body Image. Together, they explore the pivotal role mothers play in shaping their daughters' body image, starting as early as the preschool years. The discussion covers practical strategies, including modeling healthy self-talk, affirming non-physical qualities, helping girls become more image and media savvy, and fostering self-compassion to counteract negative body perceptions. This conversation is a must-listen for parents seeking actionable insights to empower their daughters and combat harmful body image narratives.
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Ever worry that your daughter lacks the confidence to solve her own problems and advocate for herself? Dr. Jordan describes how parents need to stop doing for kids what they can and need to do for themselves so that, like the great barrier reef, they can learn to grow strong and resilient.
The Great Barrier Reef stretches some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed. “Why is this?”
The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms – surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.
Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”
Children need to be allowed to make mistakes, suffer, get frustrated and work thru their emotions and problems to gain the strength, resilience, and confidence that they can take care of themselves, solve their own problems and overcome adversities and challenges because they have been allowed to throughout their lives.
Stop doing for kids what they can and need to do for themselves so that, like the great barrier reef, they can learn to grow strong, vibrant, and resilient.
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Election: discouragement, people pushed to extremes, culture and families can feel fractured, polarized:
Rousseau believe man is naturally good but institutions make man wicked
Humans better able to cope with harsh climate conditions of last ice age b/c had developed the ability to work together (71), cooperation more critical to survival than competition and struggle; humans crave connection, togetherness, and interaction
Studies: kids as young as 3 divide a cake equally, at six would rather throw a slice away than let 1 P have larger portion
Inherent goodness of people: Disaster research ctr at U Delaware found that in 700 studies of disasters since 1963, there’s never total mayhem, crimes usually drop, adversity strikes and there’s a wave of spontaneous cooperation
Marshall WWII study: most soldiers never fired their guns (15-25%), most P with fear of aggression & inner resistance to killing a fellow man, most causalities were the work of a small minority of soldiers; Gettysburg study found 90% muskets from battlefield were still loaded, many double or triple loaded, loading it was excuse not to shoot it; humans have an aversion to violence
Hunter-gatherer societies rarely had war; thousands of cave paintings about hunting bison, horses, gazelle, not one depiction of war;
Be kind to every child for you don’t know what adversities they have faced; we all have stories about why we act the way we do
Sonder. It's the profound awareness that every person you encounter has experienced a lifetime of hopes, fears, loves, and heartaches that you'll never know. Each moment of sonder is a reminder to appreciate how little we truly grasp about others' lives. Adam Grant;
Cranes made by Japanese girl: In 1955 a thirteen-year-old Japanese girl died of radiation-induced leukemia. Sadako Sasaki was one of many who suffered the after-effects of those bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945. Japanese myth has it that cranes live for a thousand years, and anyone who folds 1000 paper cranes will have a wish granted. So, during her illness, Sadako folded paper cranes, and with each crane she wished that she would recover from her illness. She managed 644 cranes before she left this life behind. Sadako's classmates folded the remaining 356 cranes so that she could be buried with a thousand paper cranes. Friends collected money from children all over Japan to erect a monument to Sadako in Hiroshima's Peace Park. The inscription reads:
This is our cry. This is our prayer. Peace on earth. Each year people place paper cranes at the base of the statue to recall the tragedy of war and to celebrate humanity's undying hope for peace. In some places around the world, people fold paper cranes each holiday season to use as decorations and as a symbol of their deep desire for lasting peace.
Calling long distance: man calling wife from airport phone booth, operator said 1 minute left, man hurried but cut off before he could tell wife he loved her; no more coins, as he was walking away the phone rang, he picked it up and operator said that after he hung up his wife said she loved you, I thought you’d want to know.
++++
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The best antidote parents can teach their teenage daughters for dealing with the stresses in their lives is to learn to focus on what they do have control over.
Life raft metaphor: focus on what you have control over
Your teenage daughter too often focuses on trying to control all of the people and things that are causing her to feel anxious and stressed out. These might include: parents, friends, rumors and gossip about them, what peers post about them on social media, teachers, the amount of homework they receive, coaches, some physical things about their bodies, their parent’s fighting, or the college application process.
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes a role play he does with preteen and teenage girls: 1 girl in the middle of the room is surrounded by people representing stressors like her parents, friend drama, rumors about her, homework, a teacher, a coach, aspects of her body she has no control over, and anxious or negative thoughts that pop in her head. When I say go, all of these stressors begin to talk at her at the same time and her job is to attempt to control them. Of course, they ignore her, causing her to work harder and become more frustrated and overwhelmed. This is a great way for the rest of the teenagers to visually see what they experience every day. I take the place of the teen volunteer but keep all of the stressors in play, and when I say go, they restart their clamoring at me. What I do is to sit quietly and just do some deep, slow breathing and I just notice, in a detached and mindful manner, all of the stressors. Eventually they always slow down and get quiet.
What these teenage girls see and learn is that they can learn to focus on what they do have control over, which is themselves, their reactions, and their emotions. The stresses haven’t changed, but their response and relationship with them has.
You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye
All of man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. Blaise Pascal;
Teach your daughters how to be alone without being lonely, and to cultivate quiet, alone time with practices like journaling, meditation, yoga, or artwork.
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Dr. Jordan describes how parents can help their daughter make good sense of the adversities she’s faced so that she doesn’t lose sight of who she really is or see her self-esteem drop. A crumpled $100 does not lose its value, and no matter what adversities your daughter has experienced or mistakes she’s made, she is still worthy and deserving of love. Adversities your daughter faces can build character and resilience.
“One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” Linda Poindexter; you are stronger & more resilient than you think; learn to focus on strengths that got you thru
Bessel van der Kolk: “Healing from trauma is as much about remembering how we survived as it is about what is broken”, remember and express gratitude to who helped you survive.
Change often brings uncertainty, anxiety and self-doubt. Embrace the uncertainty and remember these words from poet Maya Angelou: “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:
The spiral of beliefs: how to help your daughter become unstuck
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Parents who worry that their daughter is overindulged, spoiled, or ungrateful can use the “George Bailey effect” to help them become more grateful for the people, experiences, and material things in their lives.
In the famous holiday movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart’s character is so discouraged and depressed that he thinks committing suicide to give his family his life insurance money is better than him being alive, and he wishes he had never been born. An angel, Clarence, comes down from heaven and allows Jimmy to see what would have been different for all of the people in his life if he indeed had never been born. This has the effect of making him extremely grateful for his life and he becomes happy and ready to live his life fully.
Dr. Jordan encourages parents to teach their daughters this tool to engender a sense of gratitude for their lives. Have your daughter imagine what her life would be like without a major blessing like parents, siblings, relatives like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, good friends, and any positive life events. Then encourage them to express gratitude internally or to thank them in person or with letters of gratitude.
What a great exercise for us all to do during this thanksgiving and holiday season.
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Does your preteen or teenage daughter ever suffer with negative self-talk? Get overwhelmed by ruminating worst case scenarios about her friendships and feelings? Do you as her parent ever feel helpless about how to best support her? Then this episode is for you!
Girls can learn to just notice any negative or anxious thoughts in a more detached way, notice where they feel associated emotions in their bodies that arise with these thoughts, and then use tools to allow the thoughts to pass thru them more quickly. Dr. Jordan discusses some breathing techniques and the use of mantras to cope with negative self-talk.
Dr. Jordan also describes how even though we aren’t in charge of negative thoughts popping in our heads, once they are there, we ARE in charge of whether or not we believe them and allow them to build to overwhelm. He uses the following axiom to describe this process: Bird nest in your head. We are not in charge of whether or not negative or anxious thoughts pop up in our heads, but we are in charge of whether or not we let them build a nest.
For more information on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps, go to his website at Camp Weloki.
One of the main causes of the increasing levels of anxiety in children today is the lack of free play. If they cannot have unstructured and unsupervised play, they might not know how to handle pain, shape a resilient mindset, or take courageous leaps. Dr. Tim Jordan describes the benefits of letting girls have free play, taking risks, and being responsible for their own safety.
Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: The most important factor in girls gaining confidence and resilience: Safe bases!
Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: In defense of helicopter parents
In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan shares how Mr. Rogers overcame bullying as a child and how his story can inspire your daughter to overcome bullying, too. Parents will learn effective ways to support their daughters by encouraging healthy emotional outlets, fostering friendships that align with their personalities, and promoting a sense of community in schools where children stand up for one another. With the right tools and guidance, you can help your daughter build the resilience she needs to overcome bullying.
Resources to help support your daughter:
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to Bully-Proof Your Daughter
- Dr. Jordan’s article on teaching kids to stand up to bullies: Bullies Beware!
Biography of Fred Rogers, The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers
When is the right time to allow your daughters to go online and get on social media? Dr. Tim Jordan describes many examples of social behaviors your daughter needs to live out to show parents they are ready to try these fast-paced and overly complicated online platforms. He also reveals his recommended age for young girls to start using social media to ensure they get the most out of it without exposing them to serious harm.
In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan describes the concept of parents being a “safe base” that allows their daughter to have the courage to venture out, take risks, have adventures and cope with any adversities she experiences that allow her to develop resiliency and confidence. This process begins in infancy and extends throughout their daughter’s life.
For information on Dr. Jordan and his wife’s personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps that help girls gain self-awareness, self-confidence, coping skills, and leadership skills, go to his website at Camp Weloki for Girls.
Parents are often accused of being overprotective of their children, to the point that they micromanage and babysit them way too much. Therefore, Dr. Tim Jordan is here to share a dozen powerful phrases our daughters need to hear more from parents for them to grow up confident, resilient, and successful. He explains how a few words could change a child’s mindset, pushing them to stand up for themselves in the face of adversities both in the family and at school.
Why can’t your daughter let go of her toxic best friend? In this episode, we explore the unique brain wiring that makes it difficult for girls to move on from unhealthy friendships. You'll learn how to truly listen and support her without jumping into problem-solving mode, and uncover the secret to avoiding the emotional ‘hot potato’ game. Tune in to gain the tools that will guide your daughter through these emotional challenges with empathy and understanding.
For more information on girl’s emotions and friendships, read Dr. Jordan’s book,Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls.
For more information on girl’s emotions and friendships, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, “Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.”
Dr. Tim Jordan takes a closer look at helicopter parents and explores the numerous factors that have driven parents to micromanage and overprotect their children for over 100 years. These include smaller family sizes, fears of abduction, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses in the race to nowhere, societal traumas (such as 9/11, wars, school shootings, COVID, and intruder drills), the overwhelming amount of conflicting parenting advice, and the influence of social media and technologies like the 360 app and Infinite Campus. Additionally, many parents today feel increasingly isolated from family and friends, further fueling their anxieties.
For more information on this topic:
- Jordan’s previous podcast: Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up
- Recommended books:
- Raising America by Ann Hulbert
- Anxious Parents by Peter Stearns
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan shares a collection of inspiring stories from girls who express why they love the activities they are passionate about. Through these real-life examples, he explores the importance of cultivating intrinsic motivation, showing how it empowers kids to fully immerse themselves in their interests and excel in their chosen pursuits. By fostering this self-driven motivation, children can build the foundation to master their craft and find lasting fulfillment in what they do.
For more resources and insights from Dr. Jordan, visithttps://drtimjordan.com.
Learn how to differentiate between normal anxiety and an anxiety disorder in girls, and discover when professional help might be necessary. This episode covers key areas such as temperament, unsafe family and school environments, friendship challenges, typical childhood transitions, emotional overload, and how children may absorb their parents' anxiety.
Related resources from Dr. Jordan:
Dr. Jordan’s book: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls
Previous Dr. Jordan podcasts on similar topics:
● Why Teens Do Stupid Things
● Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up
● How to Help Young Adults Deal with Uncertainty About Their Future
Learn ways to connect with your teenager to increase closeness so that you remain an influence in her life. Through heartwarming anecdotes and practical tips, discover how to foster these connections, whether with your own children, neighborhood kids, or young relatives. From understanding the subtle cues of infants to engaging with toddlers and beyond, this episode offers valuable advice on building meaningful relationships with children at any age. Tune in to discover the beauty of connecting with your teenager and how these early interactions can lay the foundation for all future relationships.
Links to Dr. Jordan’s Previous Podcasts on Related Topics:
● Goodwill Account podcast
● 8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening podcast
● Letting Go podcast
● LGBTQ podcast
● 25 Ways to Connect with Teenagers and Preteens
In this insightful episode, Dr. Tim Jordan delves into the importance of allowing your daughter to take charge of her own motivation by setting her intentions for the school year. He discusses how giving her the autonomy to decide her academic goals, social engagements, activities, family interactions, and personal growth areas can foster a stronger sense of responsibility and self-confidence. Dr. Jordan also provides practical advice on how parents can support their daughters in this process without micromanaging, ensuring they have the space to learn, grow, and thrive.
Related Episodes:
- Homework, Chores, and Routines: Top 4 Tips to Avoid Messing Up the School Year
- How to Purposefully Parent with the End in Mind
- Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up
The transition into freshman can be exciting and overwhelming at the same time. But fret not, because Dr. Tim Jordan brings some high school seniors to share their wisdom in navigating the freshman year. This podcast episode has it all, from finding your perfect friend group to conquering academic anxieties. Learn how to find your tribe, conquer academic challenges, and embrace personal growth. Discover the importance of being authentic, building meaningful relationships, and navigating the ups and downs of your freshman year with confidence. Tune in now and get ready to thrive as a high school freshman!
Dr. Jordan interviews Doula Kristin Revere about her new book, Supported: Your Guide to Birth and Baby. They discuss why new parents seem more anxious today and the best support for them throughout the pregnancy experience.
Important Related Links:
- Kristin Revere’s website
- Website for Kristin Revere’s book
College and cash may sometimes not be a perfect mix to think about, but that doesn't have to be the case because we've got it covered for you! In today's episode, Dr. Jordan interviews college financial advisor,John Boruk, about the ins and outs of college costs, affordability, and how to help your daughter to attend her dream college. From FAFSA hacks to scholarship secrets, we'll break down the complex world of college finances in an easy-to-understand way. But it's not just about the money! We'll also explore how to find the perfect college fit – academically, socially, and financially. Don't let college dreams turn into financial nightmares! Join John Boruk in this insightful conversation.
How to reach guest John Boruk:
Website:www.smartcollegeadvisor.com
Email: John@collegefundingsolutions.org
Links to previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:
Why And How You Go To College Is More Important Than Where You Go
Best Ways To Support Your Daughter Through The College Application Process With Dr. Pamela Ellis
Is college necessary for a successful life?
Dr. Jordan shares his favorite ways to make connections with kids, whether they are yours or others, including: knowing their names, doing the unexpected, following their lead, being fully present, letting go of inhibitions and playing like a kid, finding common interests to do together, and being a great listener.
For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit hiswebsite.
Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the value of unstructured, unsupervised downtime and the benefits of boredom here.
Author Danielle Lindner discusses how to teach prosocial skills as early as preschool and how to help forge a lifelong love of learning in children.
For more information about Danielle Lindner and her resources: http://www.daniellelindner.com/
Danielle Lindner’s book: Parent’s Pocket Guide to Surviving the Preschool Years: One Challenge at a Time
Dr. Jordan’s site with show notes from this podcast: www.drtimjordan.com
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how to normalize a child's grief and support them through the process of grieving instead of pathologizing, diagnosing, and medicating these normal emotions.
See links to previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:
● Embracing and Learning from Our “Dark Feelings” of Anger, Anxiety, and Grief
● 8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening
● A 10 is a 10 is a 10: Understanding a Girl’s Emotional Roller Coaster
If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting Girls: The Challenges Girls Face Today with Their Feelings and Friends and What They Need.
In this podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan describes how parents’ past unresolved issues and emotions can be at the root of why they nag, overparent, and get triggered by their kids. The awareness of these forces will allow people to more consciously and effectively parent their children.
Links to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcasts that are related to this podcast:
Understanding the effects of touch points on children and parents
Are you an unreasonable parent? Perhaps there is a ghost in your nursery.
Find more valuable resources from Dr. Jordan at his website: https://drtimjordan.com
In today’s fast-paced world, girls often find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of responsibilities, leaving little time for them to pause. Dr. Tim Jordan describes the many reasons why girls are so rushed and busy today, the costs to them, and how they and their families can take back control of their time and lives. Slow down, take a pause, and reflect on the insights of Dr. Jordan in this episode.
Links to related articles:
Article on why the modern world is bad for your brain.
Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with Laura Martin, author of the book, Uptime.
Many parents struggle with juggling everything, leaving them feeling burnt out. Even in the midst of chaos, you can still find calm, clarity, and connection with the magic of meditation. Today, Dr. Jordan chats withKatie Krimitsos, founder of the Women's Meditation Network, to explore how meditation and mindfulness practices can be powerful tools for busy parents. She also reveals the misconceptions about meditation, identifies meditation practices, and how meditation helps with parenting. No matter how busy you are, Katie will show you how to fit it into your day with easy-to-follow guided meditations and mindfulness practices. Learn how to become a more present and mindful parent today! Join Katie Krimitsos to unlock your potential today.
In this follow-up podcast to a previous one about why girls feel stuck, Dr. Tim Jordan describes the ways girls can take responsibility for their feelings and thoughts, and become aware of the reasons why they feel stuck. This includes reframing any old, limiting beliefs about themselves, overcoming fears, self-compassion, doing things for their reasons versus pleasing others, cultivating quiet, alone time to reflect and access their inner voice and intuition, focusing on what they have control over, and the importance of taking any action step to create momentum and energy.
Previous podcast episodes on this topic:
- Spiral of Beliefs: How girls can redirect limiting beliefs about themselves
- How To Help Young Adults Learn To Deal With Uncertainty About Their Future
- What Your High School Senior Needs From You
Two-thirds of kids experience childhood trauma, and these are stored as memories and emotions that can be triggered throughout their lives. Dr. Tim Jordan interviews trauma therapist Beth Tyson about how these memories show up and ways to support kids with their emotions, triggers, memories, and forming healthy narratives about their experiences.
Check out Beth Tyson’s resources about childhood traumas: https://www.bethtyson.com/
Help kids understand their traumas through cartoons: https://www.youtube.com/@all_connected
What factors in our lives will help us to become and remain happy? In this podcast, learn how a strong marriage, becoming motivated by purpose and fulfillment, being mindful of your emotions, and savoring the moments in your life are critical determinants of happiness.
It is so important for high school grads to become aware of any limiting beliefs they have accumulated from their life experiences and to reframe them to a healthier narrative. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan discusses how to encourage young adults to get out of their comfort zones and stretch themselves socially and with new experiences in order to come of age and flourish.
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the spiral of beliefs: https://drtimjordan.com/2020/02/beliefs-self-esteem-perspective-identity-depression-trauma-bullying/
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on his Dot Theory: https://drtimjordan.com/2021/05/calling-stress-young-adults-teenagers-parents-your-purpose-dot-theory/
For more great information about supporting young adults in finding their path, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living: https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Grandfather-Timeless-Wisdom-Living-ebook/dp/B07DFC9NRQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1541795483&sr=1-1&keywords=letters+from+my+grandfather
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how to get your family off on the right foot this summer, starting with firing yourself as their entertainment director. Plan fun activities together that they choose, create a car ride and bored bag filled with things they choose to do when they are bored, and plan lots of time outdoors with activities like hikes, campfires, bird watching, and star gazing. Dr. Jordan includes lots of examples of possible activities you can do with your children.
Link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the benefits of time in nature.
Link to a good article on ways that families could connect with the natural world: 10 Nature Activities for Families article.
Find nature everywhere — and create more of it. National Geographic offers an online guide, Finding Urban Nature, that can help city dwellers. If you have a yard, check out the National Wildlife Federation’s guide to building a backyard wildlife habitat.
Link to Dr. Jordan’s Dinner Dialogue Cards to use at the dinner table, car rides, or around a campfire to learn more about each other.
And of course, sign up your daughters for a week of summer camp with Dr. Jordan at this site: Camp Weloki for Girls
In this podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan describes over a dozen reasons why girls feel stuck and can’t make decisions, including: focusing on things they have no control over, living too much in the past and future vs. the present, allowing fears to hold them back, perfectionism, old limiting beliefs, becoming overwhelmed with fears and uncertainty, and being too externally motivated and living by other’s wishes and rules.
Links to previous podcasts of Dr. Jordans that relate to this topic:
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How Unrevealed Commitments Prevent You from Getting What You Want
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Spiral of Beliefs: How Girls Can Redirect Limiting Beliefs About Themselves
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to Help Young Adults Learn to Deal with Uncertainty About Their Future
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on emotional overload: Why Girls Need to be Angry, Anxious, and Crying
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: A Dozen Ways Girls Can Keep Their Power
Dr. Tim Jordan interviews Bobbi Chegwyn, author of The Post Nest Book, about the process of preparing yourself for the empty nest. They discuss coping with all of the emotions of this stage of life as well as finding your purpose and significance outside of being a parent.
Links:
Contact author Bobbi Chegwyn at www.inspiredemptynest.com
Bobbi Chegwyn’s podcast: www.flymomfly.com
For some great information and insights on important insights and wisdom young adults need to flourish, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the social whirlwinds and emotional storms of your middle school daughter? You're not alone! This episode of Raising Daughters tackles the rollercoaster ride of these pre-teen years, featuring three insightful young women themselves. Join Dr. Tim Jordan, a leading expert on girls' development, as he chats with these honest and articulate middle school girls about the real struggles of navigating friendships, social media pressures, and the ever-changing relationship with parents. They also share tips on how parents can best support them through the ups and downs of the middle school years. This episode is a must-listen for any parent with a daughter navigating the tricky terrain of middle school. Gain valuable insights and practical tips to support your daughter through these emotional and social challenges and empower her to build resilience and confidence as she blossoms into a young woman.
Not every teenager knows what they want to pursue or what path they should forge ahead. That dilemma is common, which Dr. Tim Jordan wants to address today. In this episode, Courtney Page, a Career and Executive Coach, joins Dr. Jordan to help guide teenagers to find a fulfilling career that best suits them. She addresses the fear and uncertainty most kids face and how they can overcome them. To help everyone forge a brighter future with their career, Courtney also talks about developing personal awareness and confidence to know and put yourself out there. Our kids are the future and our tomorrow, and as parents, we always want what’s best for them. Join Courtney for more insights, and reach out to her if you want more of her guidance.
How to contact Courtney Page:
Website: www.resume-careers.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneyaustinpage
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/courtney-page-9b473914
Dive into the profound exploration of the lasting effects of adverse childhood experiences in this enlightening episode with Dr. Tim Jordan. What holds more weight than a challenging childhood encounter? Dr. Tim unravels the intricacies surrounding various adverse childhood experiences, shedding light on the often intertwined elements of drama, shame, and secrecy that accompany them. Delving into the impact on our children, Dr. Tim advocates for a nuanced reaction to these experiences and emphasizes the crucial role of someone who listens and mentors those affected. Furthermore, he underscores the significance of self-compassion in navigating the aftermath of adverse childhood experiences. Join Dr. Tim Jordan as he unveils a treasure trove of insights for both parents and their children, offering a wealth of invaluable guidance in this must-not-miss episode.
For more insights, check these resources:
- Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with author Meg Jay about her book, Supernormal; How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity
- Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast, Spiral of Beliefs: How girls can redirect limiting beliefs about themselves
- Good book on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), The Deepest Well by Nadine Burke Harris
Is your daughter heading off to college? Are you concerned about how best you can support them as they navigate the college application process while staying within your budget? If those questions are at the top of your head today, this episode is for you. Today, Dr. Tim Jordan interviews Dr. Pamela Ellis, owner of Compass College Advisory, about how to guide high schoolers through the process of finding the ideal college that aligns with their teens' aspirations and goals without burdening them with unnecessary financials. Equipped with knowledge and experience, Dr. Pamela shows how she works with parents and provides them with insights to guide them as their child enters a new chapter in education. So, let's join Dr. Pamela Ellis and Dr. Jordan today.
Why do teenagers do stupid things? In this podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan describes the major reasons why teenagers make bad choices, including their immature prefrontal cortex, the brain’s reasons behind peer pressure, hormonal changes during puberty, and their supercharged reward system. He then offers some strategies teens can learn to make better decisions and control their impulses, providing valuable insights for both parents and adolescents navigating the challenges of this period in their lives.
Good books on this topic:
- Brainstorm, by Daniel Siegel
- The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal
- The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine
- The Male Brain, by Louann Brizendine
- Science of Extreme Altruism
Authors Linsey Davis and Michael Tyler describe their new, inspirational book about encouraging girls to use their talents and voices to speak up about what’s important to them and to help the world. The book also invites girls to celebrate the equality and fairness we should all experience and to be strong and brave.
See link for Girls of the World: Doing More Than Ever Before.
Google productivity coach Laura Mae Martin, author of the new book, Uptime, describes how to operate at the highest levels of productivity while enhancing your own personal well-being.
Link to Laura Mae Martin’s website and resources: www.lauramaemartin.com.
Link to Uptime: A Practical Guide to Personal Productivity and Wellbeing.
For more information on Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and resources, go to www.drtimjordan.com.
In this podcast, Dr. Tim Jordan describes the many reasons why your daughter may choose to have sex, including: old limiting beliefs about herself, really liking a guy and wanting a dating partner, curiosity, feeling disconnected or unloved, not knowing how to set boundaries, cultural sexual objectification of women, and not being aware of or following their intuition. Dr. Jordan also shares recent data on the numbers of teens having sex today and over the generations.
Friendship isn't just about fitting in—it's about finding the courage to stand out and connect authentically with the people for you. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan discusses the many reasons why girls may have a hard time finding a best friend or a group of loyal, close, trustworthy friends. He discussed the ways parents can support their daughters through tough friendship issues. He also shares how to find the balance between parental values and social connections to empower girls to thrive beyond social constraints. Tune in now and learn how you can help your daughter find true friendship.
For more resources to support your daughters, check out these episodes:
- Why is my daughter so lonely?
- The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”
- Old, limiting beliefs podcast
Parenting is a journey enriched by stories—windows into empathy and wisdom. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan shares eight touching stories and poems that contain some practical insights into how to parent your children more effectively. Tune in for heartfelt narratives and poetic wisdom, offering guidance for parents. Join us on this conversation for a journey into nurturing and understanding children.
For more of Dr. Jordan’s resources to aid your parenting, go to his website at drtimjordan.com for links to his 6 books, his online parenting course, and all of his previously published podcasts.
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on how to make deposits into your goodwill account with your daughter.
Parenting a chronically ill child teaches us that within life's challenges lies the extraordinary opportunity for growth, resilience, love, and even self-care. In this episode, Dr. Maureen Peterson, author of Reclaiming Life: A Guide for Parents of Chronically Ill Children, shares the joys and stresses of raising a chronically ill child. Through relatable experiences and heartfelt advice, she touches on the overwhelming emotions parents face, offering strategies to manage stress and advocate effectively for their children. Dr. Peterson emphasizes the importance of self-care for parents, dispelling myths and stereotypes about what constitutes self-care. She also emphasizes that self-care isn't just about spa days; it's about nurturing oneself in small, impactful ways that fill the emotional cup. Tune in and learn how to keep the lamp burning for you and your child.
Check out Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the vulnerable child syndrome: https://drtimjordan.com/2022/03/parents-overprotective-children-resilience-infertility-addictions-emotions/
Mentors have keen eyes to see anyone’s potential that no one would notice at first glance. Those eyes are the keys to helping mentors unlock someone’s highest potential. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan shares real-life stories of how mentors inspire success in young people. Mentors offer the ability to see young people in their highest light before they can see it in themselves. Stories about Jane Goodall, Quincy Jones, Frank Lloyd Wright, President Jimmy Carter, and many others proved the impact mentorship had in store for everyone. Be the catalyst for your children’s success and the mentor they need in life. Tune in to this episode with Dr. Tim Jordan today.
As primary educators, parents play a pivotal role in instilling a love for reading in their children. Join us in this episode with Maya Smart, the author of Reading for Our Lives: A Literacy Action Plan from Birth to Six, as she shares insights on the opportune moments and effective methods for teaching children to read. From navigating the impact of technology on kids' reading habits to exploring diverse strategies beyond simply reading aloud, Maya emphasizes creating an inclusive space for children to learn at their unique pace. She also talks about inspiring teens to embrace reading and sheds light on the substantial reading disparities among children across various socio-economic and racial backgrounds. So tune in and discover invaluable insights from Maya on empowering the next generation by fostering a love for reading.
Resources:
Maya Smart’s book,Reading for Our Lives: A Literacy Action Plan from Birth to Six
Maya Smart’s website for free resources for parents and teachers: www.MayaSmart.com
For more information about all of Dr. Tim Jordan’s programs and resources for kids and parents, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Childhood isn't a race to the top; it's a journey of self-discovery. Let's raise daughters empowered by their uniqueness, not conditioned by society's standards. Dr. Tim Jordan talks about how daughters are taught to be unhappy, such as feeling they need products to be happy, seeking approval, avoiding pain or negative feelings, and always competing to be the best. An activity about father-daughter dynamics highlights the difference between valuing inner qualities and being obsessed with physical appearance. Dr. Jordan emphasizes that childhood is not a race and that parents should redefine success beyond academic and financial fields. Tune in now and learn how to stop conditioning your daughters!
One of the best ways to avoid girl drama is to learn to handle your conflicts directly, peacefully, and effectively. Teach your daughters the skills to do that with sibling rivalry and with disagreements with you, and they will carry these abilities to friendships and dating partners.
Links:
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: 12 ways girls give their power away
Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to bully-proof your daughter by not giving your power away
Dating in today's generation is quite complicated compared to the previous generation. In this episode, pull back the curtain and listen in as four teen girls openly discuss the ins and outs of today's dating scene among high school students. They also provide their insights into how relationships seem so difficult for today's generation. Take a peek into how today's generation dates. Tune in to this insightful episode with these young women today.
Talented young girls who stand out among the rest should never be discouraged or suppressed but encouraged and nurtured. Dr. Tim Jordan interviews Nadine Rajeh about her book on raising high-performing girls. Included in this discussion are the unique challenges these girls face, and how to teach them to cope with high expectations, perfectionism, criticism from peers, and how to develop healthy habits to sustain them.
It’s a little scary what’s on the minds of girls today. As parents, it can feel like we are living worlds away from our daughters and this distance can cause us to worry about how we are going to support them as they grow up. If you could peer into the minds of our girls today, what would you see? We find out from some of them in this episode. High school girls on Dr. Tim Jordan’s retreat share the challenges they are facing which cause them the most anxiety and distress. From their relationships with parents to friends, boyfriends, and other responsibilities, these girls show us how it can be tough for them as they navigate the pains of growing up. Hear them out today, so you can support them the way they needed us to.
Links:
· Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast onwhy amazing, “old soul girls” are so lonely
· Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with 3 old souls:The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”
· Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast:Embracing and learning from our “dark feelings” of anger, anxiety, and grief.
· Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast:Why Girls Refuse to Move On From Toxic Friends
Ever wonder how teenagers view social media and their phones? Listen in as four teen girls candidly discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly about social media and their devices.
Dr. Tim Jordan sits down with four young women about their relationships with social media and their devices. They also open up about how they first got their mobile devices, how their parents handled this step in their lives, and how they have since used their phones. From their frequently used social media applications to the way they communicate, these girls help us understand what social media and their devices mean to them. Tune in to uncover more about the way teenagers look at the digital landscape, navigate social media, and establish connections through their devices. Dr. Jordan facilitates an insightful conversation, delving into the impact of technology on their daily lives, self-esteem, relationships, and more!
The New Year is here; a time for another fresh start, marking a time of transformation and anticipation of what is to come. So as we greet 2024, why not make a great start of it as you leave one year behind and look forward to the next? In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan compiles some inspiring quotes to help you start the new year with a shift in perspective. Join us as we explore wisdom from various sources, offering insights that can fuel your personal and parenting growth journey. Let these quotes serve as guiding lights, encouraging resilience, self-discovery, and a renewed sense of purpose for yourself and your children. Whether you’re navigating challenges or setting exciting goals, this episode is packed with wisdom to inspire and uplift you throughout the upcoming year. Tune in to kick off 2024 with a dose of inspiration to ring in the new year ahead!
Use these inspiring quotes and stories to set intentions for your parenting and personal life for the upcoming year.
- Jordan’s previous podcast on the spiral of beliefs
- Jordan’s previous podcast, Empowering Young Girls: How To Guide Your Daughter To A Fulfilling Life
- Jordan’s previous podcast interview with Angela Santomero, author of the new book, Life Clues: Unlocking the lessons to an exceptional life
Quotes to start the new year, shift your perspective:
- If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. – Mo Williams
- Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. – Byrd Baggett
- Turn your face to the sun & the shadows fall behind you. – Māori
- And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. – Haruki Murakami
- Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. – Kahlil Gibran
- Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.
- If you are going through hell, keep going! – Winston Churchill
Take charge of your self-talk and your life:
- Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable. – Theodore Vail
- Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. – Ann Bradford
- Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. – Nido Qubein
- The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation which is always neutral. It is as it is. – Eckhart Tolle
- You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served. – Nina Simone
- You don’t drown by falling into the water; you drown by staying there. – Edwin Louis Cole
- If you want to change what’s going on around you, change what’s going on within you. – Billy Cox
- To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. – Confucius
- No one needs to be a victim of their own biography. – Kelly
- The way you tell your story to yourself matters. – Amy Cuddy
- To be truly happy and productive, you have to tune out the crowd and listen to the voices that we hear in solitude. – Emerson
Create quiet, alone times for reflection, soul searching, and accessing intuition:
- Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you. – Anne Lamott
- Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar, and alarm clock. Please don’t let it replace your friends and family.
- Down time to daydream: When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer- say travelling in a carriage or walking after a good meal or during the night when I cannot sleep- it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. – Mozart
- Slow down to connect more deeply: There’s no WIFI in the forest. But I promise you will find a better connection.
Bolster your holiday spirit by focusing less on the troubles in our world and more on acts of kindness around you.
In this episode, our dear host Dr. Tim Jordan talks about the impact of kindness, especially in the face of overwhelming negativity. He shares compelling stories that remind us of the innate goodness within humanity like a story inspired by Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, and Eeyore, showing us the essence of true friendship in difficult times. Examine the meaningful connection between a child's innocence and their capacity to provide unwavering support, reflecting Mr. Rogers' timeless wisdom. Let's make the world a little brighter, one act of kindness at a time. Tune in now!
Previous podcast by Dr. Jordan: Humans Are Naturally Good, But Institutions Make Us Wicked
We are always reaching for our happiness, that sense of fulfillment, like it’s an elusive thing. Why can’t we just get what we want? What holds us back? In this solo episode, Dr. Tim Jordan shares how, oftentimes, what prevents us from getting what we want are those unrevealed commitments. These are the blocks within us that keep us from taking that step towards our goals. Discover what these unrevealed commitments are. Find out how we can overcome them. Let this conversation free you from the belts that tie you up and cage you from the life you dream of.
Many parents sometimes find it difficult to talk to their daughters about their bodies, especially when it comes to breaching the topic of eating disorders. But this is a very necessary conversation parents should have, so they can help their daughters early on and help them develop better and healthier relationships with their bodies. In this episode, Dr. Tim Jordan interviews Licensed Professional Counselor Sara Hofmeier about eating disorders. What signs should we look for? What role do friends, parents, and social media play? How best can we support our daughters? Sara covers these essential topics that will help you, as parents, walk hand-in-hand with your daughters to overcome the challenges of eating disorders. Tune in now!
We’ve all been through a point in our lives when we seemed to be at a crossroads and we don’t know which road to take. We’ve all been afraid we would screw up big time and ruin the rest of our lives. Young adulthood is just one of the touchpoints in life when we are faced with such uncertainty and anxiety about the future. This is one of the most critical pivotal points that we need to be aware of when raising our daughters. In this episode, Tim Jordan, MD, discusses why we deal with such uncertainty during young adulthood and how we can help the young adults under our care understand that it’s a normal part of life and they can still enjoy the process. Tune in!
There are tons of life’s clues scattered along your journey that reveal the way towards achieving happiness. And sometimes, they are found not in the adult’s way of life but in the simple stories of children. Tim Jordan, MD chats with Angela Santomero, co-creator of the show Blue’s Clues, who shares how adults can learn from observing and gathering clues from the lives of children. She explains how writing for kids for many years taught her about the importance of taking short pauses and how to avoid becoming shadow artists. Angela also explains the right approach to self-care as an adult and what can be learned from children in this regard.
Being young should be the time for freedom, fun, and self-exploration. Unfortunately, in today’s competitive environment, kids as young as grade schoolers already worry about their futures. Tim Jordan, MD has seen this during a father-daughter retreat, where young girls show how they already feel the pressures of having a life mapped out. As parents, what should you do? How can you guide your daughters to a fulfilling life? In this episode, Tim gives some advice on how you can support your daughters as they navigate this crucial time in their lives. With stories and insights from remarkable people as well as resources you can use, Tim equips you with the tools to help your daughters as they figure out who they are. Tune in and get the guidance you need to mold our future generation of strong women charging towards their calling!
For more in-depth information about helping your daughters find their calling and trust themselves to zigzag their way to it, read these four books:
- Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living, by Tim Jordan M.D.
- Range, by David Epstein
- Dark Horse: Achieving Success Through the Pursuit of Fulfillment, by Todd Rose
- Finding Your Element, by Sir Ken Robinson
If you’ve ever been bullied in your childhood, you’d know just what a quagmire the hallways of middle school are for kids. No matter how much you want to protect your daughter, there is simply no way to prevent bullying incidents from happening. How do you bully-proof your daughter? The answer has surprisingly little to do with the bullies themselves. In this episode, Tim Jordan, MD, teaches us a few tricks to help our daughters cope with bullying by not letting words hurt them, being in charge of their own feelings, and not letting anyone take away their power. Dr. Jordan shares a few ways to instill this to your daughter in a language that they can understand. There is so much to learn from this episode. Tune in!
Show Notes:
Digital wellness expert Dawn Wible discusses programs for keeping kids safe on their devices and social media.
Dawn shares who is most vulnerable to the harmful effects of devices and social media, including information about the immature adolescent brain.
Dawn talks about the areas in our lives that are deeply affected by our screens and what we can do to move toward healthy and safer habits - digital flourishing vs. addiction.
Dr. Jordan and Dawn go into monitors and filters she recommends, online safety talks with kids/teens, and strategies to "delay" smartphone and social media until later. They also talk about when kids are ready to start using a phone and what kinds of devices to start them with.
Dawn discusses the resource Bark to help parents with monitoring, managing screen time, blocking websites, and track location. She also shares her thoughts on how to do check-ins and hold kids responsible to agreements about usage.
How to contact Dawn Wible and access her resources: https://www.talkmoretechless.com
Bark phones and monitoring
Contact Dr. Jordan at https://drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Mariana Alessandri, author of Night Vision, discusses the need to normalize all of our emotions and to educate girls to listen to what they have to teach us.
Learn all the ways our culture has conditioned us to be ashamed of our feelings, that it means that we are broken and lazy and weak, and that they need to be diagnosed and medicated.
The author discusses the need to listen to those in pain and not jump to advice or cheering them up; instead to allow them to feel as long as they need to and in their own way and in their own timeline.
Sharing our feelings with others can trigger empathy, compassion, and connection with others. We realize we’re not alone or crazy and that others can understand and relate.
Mariana Alessandri discusses the need for girls and women to feel and express anger, and to understand what anger is telling us about us, our situation, and what action needs to be taken.
Girls can learn a lot by feeling, embracing, and listening to their anxiety. We discuss why kid’s anxiety should be expected due to all of the problems in the world. Girl who follow their own lead and gut and create their own path in life tend to experience anxiety and uncertainty; the price of freedom is uncertainty and anxiety!
Dark moods give us access to connection, compassion, love, creativity, justice, motivation, and self-knowledge; we will carry grief forever and that’s normal and okay. Misery loves company, so use it to find one another who can relate.
How to contact author Mariana Alessandri: https://www.marianaalessandri.com
https://www.instagram.com/mariana.alessandri/
https://www.marianaalessandri.com/newsletter
Her book: Night Vision: Seeing Ourselves Through Dark Moods
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Gynecologist Dr. Maggie Abraham discusses how to educate girls about the physical changes from puberty and about menstruation management.
Dr. Maggie Abraham is a board-certified OB-GYN with subspecialty training in pediatric and adolescent gynecology. She shares her expertise about educating girls about their bodies.
Learn about when to start conversations about the upcoming changes that puberty will bring, including weight gain and body changes.
Learn about how to educate your daughter about menstruation, including its purpose and also about abnormal periods (excessive pain or bleeding) and possible hormonal therapy.
Dr. Abraham also discusses the kind of counseling girls need in regard to sex education
For more great information about Dr. Abraham and her programs for girls, go to https://thegynspace.com
Show Notes: Girls often respond to toxic friends with tend & befriend behaviors instead of moving on for fear of being alone.
Dr. Jordan describes how important friends are for girls and their fear of losing them if they confront them about being mistreated, even to the point of putting up with abuse, Girls haven’t learned the skills for handling conflicts directly and so their emotions get pushed below the surface pushed & fester. These feelings then leak out as drama and relationship aggressions.
Listen in to learn how the wiring of the female brain predisposes females to want to connect, avoid conflict, and maintain social harmony. Since prehistoric times, close bonds and being a part of a group meant you had a much better chance of survival; being left out meant death!
Dr. Jordan discusses how female’s primary response to stress and fearful situations is not fight or flight, it’s tend and befriend. Girls thus prefer to fix their relationships as opposed to ending them.
“Good Girl “conditioning makes it harder for girls to confront others, speak their truth with authority, and know their needs are important too.
Some girls hang onto toxic friends because they feel responsible for their friend’s mental health and fear their friend will go down the tubes if they move on from the friendship.
Many girls are desperate to be included in the more popular group and thus willing to be abused by them. It feels good to be noticed, popular, and have a sense of belonging even if your aren’t treated well.
Don’t push daughter to dump toxic friends. Listen to her story & feelings, ask what she wants to do, role play setting boundaries, let her know you understand her fear of losing group. She will be more open to hearing your feedback and suggestions if she first feels heard and understood.
For more info on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth/leadership development weekend retreats and summer camps as well as his school program, Strong Girls, Strong World, go to his website at drtimjordan.com
Check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need for a deeper dive into understanding your daughter’s friendship issues and how to support her.
Show Notes: Health coach Marnie Dachis Marmet discusses the many ways girls & parents can practice regular self-care, including sleep, nutrition, yoga, and mindfulness.
Marnie shares the reasons why teens and adults don’t take the time to practice regular self-care.
Learn the many health and mental health benefits of yoga
Learn about some invaluable self-care habits girls can incorporate into their lives, including: sleep, nutrition, exercise, coping skills to manage stress, screen time balance, maintaining healthy relationships, and mindfulness tools
Dr. Jordan and Marnie discuss how to encourage teens to develop the discipline to practice these habits on a regular basis.
Contact Marnie Dachis Marmet: https://zenfullifecoaching.com
Check out Marnie’s new book, “My Song Unleashed.”
Read this article on the 9 benefits of yoga, John Hopkins medicine
Check out resources for teens and parents at Dr. Jordan’s website, https://drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: The most beneficial diet for adolescent girls includes social-emotional and mental health items, not calories.
Perhaps there is a different, healthier kind of diet plan that would better suit the developmental and social-emotional needs of girls in grade school on up. Here are some items girls may want to consider giving up = mental health diet
Fitting in
Move on from toxic friends
Non-verbal relationship aggressions
Caring what other people think
Talking about others behind their backs & spreading rumors
Good Girl conditioning
Comparing themselves to peers and online people
Restricting social media
Old, negative beliefs about themselves
Catching themselves when ruminating & switching their thoughts
Making decisions based on pleasing or not disappointing others
Let go of all the excuses for why they don’t practice regular self-care
Instead of focusing on dieting to look hot in their bathing suit this school year, girls would do better to let go of the unhealthy patterns in the 12 points above. They would feel more content, confident, relaxed, fulfilled, powerful, and happy.
Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on keeping the end in mind & putting first things first
Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on The spiral of beliefs & reframing negative beliefs about yourself
Show Notes:
The book, The Soul’s Code, offers a way to see thru children’s misbehaviors for the deeper meaning behind them, i.e., see the oak tree when all you have in front of you is an acorn.
Too many kids get mislabeled & misdiagnosed because our lens is so short-term oriented; also the medical & psychological communities are so pathology & negative & deficit focused.
Children’s behaviors reveal something positive about the child, instead of seeing developmental problems, look for the beauty & meaning in what you see and then love and accept your kids for who they are.
Dr. Jordan shares many stories of his patients and eminent people to illustrate how an important part of our job as parents is to create an environment for children’s soul and destiny to flourish. This includes stories about Gandhi, Picasso, pioneering geneticist Barbara McClintock, Woody Allen, Painter Benjamin West, architect Frank Lloyd Wright, climber Sir Edmund Hillary, primatologists Jane Goodall and Brute Mary Galdikas, and actress Betty Davis.
Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the Dot Theory
Link to the book, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling, by James Hillman
For more info on Dr. Jordan’s books and camps and programs, go to www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Running weekly family meetings results in more closeness, increased cooperation, kids who feel empowered & heard, & kids learning many crucial life skills.
Here are some of the main intentions for running family meetings:
All have a voice, feel heard & understood & important
Advocate & get in other’s shoes = develop more empathy, perspective
Create win-win agreements: ensures greater cooperation, easier to follow thru
Learn problem-solving & brainstorming skills
Handle sibling rivalry, kids take responsibility for their conflicts
Learn leadership skills
Guidelines for running family meetings: go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com to get my list of 12 guidelines for running family meetings.
Some of the results of family meetings:
Kids take on more responsibility
Agreements/accountability model vs. rules/punishments
Proactive approach, stay on top of things, less reactive, more peaceful home
Eliminate nagging, reminding, rehashing, yelling, threaten to take things away, annoying sticker systems = stop manipulating kids with a carrot-stick approach
Kids feel heard, empowered, valuable, confident, close, and relaxed
Blended families: makes it easier for step-parents to be able to be involved in disciplining their step-kids
Dr. Jordan’s website: www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: Women don’t scream or fight back during sexual assaults and rapes due to protective brain responses and cultural conditioning.
In this podcast, listen to the recent story of how World Cup soccer player Jenni Hermoso was forcibly kissed by soccer federation president Luis Rubiales and how this experience mirrors so many other times when girls and women have had their boundaries crossed.
Learn the sobering statistics of how few rape cases are reported, prosecuted, and convicted and why this is so.
Understand how the brain changes how it is encoding memories during sexual assaults which creates gaps in women’s memories of the assault.
Learn how quickly stress hormones are released by the brain during assaults and how these impair the prefrontal cortex and its ability to reason.
Learn the brain and evolutionary reasons why women respond to terror and assaults by primitive brain responses such as freezing, tonic immobility, and dissociation. if the fear circuitry perceives escape as impossible and resistance as futile, then not fight or flight, but extreme survival reflexes (which scientists call “animal defense responses”) will take over to try to protect women. Women’s body’s are literally paralyzed by fear, thus making them unable to move, run, speak, or cry out.
Women don’t cry out because Broca’s area of the brain, our speech center, shuts down as a way to not draw attention to them; thus, women are literally scared speechless.
Dr. Jordan shares ways we need to approach girls and women who have been sexually assaulted or raped to make them feel safe, heard, understood, and supported. This will require education police officers, any first responders, ER staff, doctors and nurses, teachers, and parents.
Good resources for further information on this topic:
Know My Name by Chanel Miller
Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town, by Jon Krakauer
Spanish soccer player Jenni Hermosa kissed by federation president Luis Rubiales
What people misunderstand about rape article: NY Times, 8-22-23 Jen Percy
SHOW NOTES:
Dr. Jordan many reasons why kids engage us in power struggles including: feel disconnected from distracted parents, intense & powerful temperament, autocratic parenting style, being tired or hangry or overstimulated, pushed to conform to other’s expectations
Learn also the need for parents to understand why their child might trigger them to get angry and engaged in these conflicts, including old issues/feelings from our paths
Show Notes:
Learn how to handle calls from homesick college freshmen to empower them to learn how to cope, problem-solve, and grow in confidence.
Many parents have been guilty of doing too much for their daughters prior to launching them off to college: solving problems, advocating, rescuing, not allowing her to make mistakes or suffer, wanting her to be happy always
This results in girls never learning coping skills, how to handle the normal ups & downs of life, face adversity & struggle thru it to overcome obstacles and gain confidence; they lack the confidence to face adversity and handle it because they weren’t allowed to growing up.
Dr. Jordan describes a typical call from a homesick college freshman. He shares how to listen, mirror, normalize and validate their feelings, and then how to turn over the problem-solving to them.
Learn some helpful phrases to turn problems back over to them to solve such as: “So, what will you do?” “What have you tried?” “What could you do different?” “How could you approach the problem in a different way?” “What have you done in the past when you felt stuck like this?” “You might want to take a break, calm down, & then come back and try again.”
Ask who they could reach out to for support and encourage them to use whatever coping strategies have worked in the past: journal, art, music, poetry, letters, nature, exercise, join a club to meet people like did in HS.
Dr. Jordan also discusses how to handle the issues of whether or not to have them come home and also how to set boundaries about phone calls home.
For a good read for your high school or college aged daughter, use this link to have them find and read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living
Here’s the link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with 4 high school seniors discussing why they are afraid to grow up.
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan discusses how girls can reframe past experiences & scars into healthy stories
Dr. Jordan describes an exercise he did with his high school campers where they visualized any scars they carry, physical or emotional, from past experiences & which carried strong emotions. The girls then painted something positive and beautiful over their scars where previously they’d seen only brokenness or pain or bad memories.
Listen to the stories of the kinds of scars girls carry and the harmful effects on them.
Learn some of the ways that Dr. Jordan helped these girls look at their scars in a different light: reframe past negative beliefs with his spiral of beliefs process; visualization of passing shame back to the person who deserves it, not you; journaling your story & what you want to let go of; write a letter to the person who hurt you & then burn it; link to Dr. Jordan’s teaching kids to forgive and move on podcast
Journaling about the lessons and gifts you received from the past trauma and scars: learn about Kintsugi, the Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with gold to represent the idea that beauty can be found in imperfection.
Dr. Jordan also discusses the “steeling effect” of exposure to some hardship steels us against impact of future ones. Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with author Meg Jay (Meg Jay podcast: How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity
Click on this link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the above-mentioned process of “the spiral of beliefs”
For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Creating a lot of down time at our camp allows kids to take initiative & create their own fun and games.
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how seldom kids get to experience unsupervised down time where they can take initiative and create their own fun.
Dr. Jordan describes the game Snake Pit which his campers created several years ago and how it has evolved with each new week of campers.
Older generations were allowed as kids to have much more unsupervised down time where they were left to their own devices to generate their own fun. Learn the many invaluable lessons we learned from having this down time such as street smarts, taking initiative, self-responsibility, and taking responsibility for our boredom.
Dr. Jordan also describes the value and benefits from allowing kids to daydream and be bored. Daydreaming and boredom is when our brain is most relaxed & the usual filters are off; this allows moments of greatest creativity, self-awareness, insight, and problem-solving.
When we have a choice as to how to fill our empty space, we fill it with our passions, many of which are creative: writers, musicians, designers, and artists often do their best work and get their new creative ideas from moments of being bored.
So, when your child says, “Dad, I’m bored” & they want you to take responsibility for it, ask this questions, “So, what will you do?” brainstorm ideas, buy supplies, and turn them loose.
Don’t overschedule every moment of their lives; create more down time like we do at Camp Weloki. You’ll be amazed at what kids will create when left to their own devices w/o adult meddling.
Check out Dr. Jordan’s weeklong summer camps and weekend retreats at: www.campweloki.com
Forgiveness is an internal process that sets you free from negative feelings & thoughts, opening you up for love and happiness.
Show Notes:
BENEFITs of practicing forgiveness
Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders. Stress relief is probably the chief factor connecting forgiveness and well-being.
Harmful effects of not forgiving
Not forgiving results in worse mental and physical health, and economic, social and spiritual problems. When kids are wronged and don’t forgive, they remain “stuck” in the traumatic situation when they felt victimized. Every time they recall the hurtful event, they re-experience their stress response.
How do we teach kids about forgiveness?
Become aware of the costs to you
Forgiveness is for you; it's letting go of any feelings you've allowed the other person to bring up in you.
Forgiving others opens up space for growth, happiness, and closeness.
Teach kids to be in charge of their feelings and reactions to experiences and other people. Use the tomato word tool and the "I'm an ass, you're an ass" tool to not give their power away.
Learn to come from understanding vs. judgement.
Replace (-) emotions with empathy, sympathy, understanding, compassion, and love.
Contact Dr. Jordan: https://drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
The following are 5 ways we are sucking the heart and soul out of our children’s lives and with great cost:
1. Lack of down time for unsupervised, self-directed play: kids need the freedom to explore and take things apart and play with ideas. This also requires enough down time for kids to be bored, daydream and really get into the flow of their creative processes.
2. We don’t value the arts: We need to give artists, dancers, musicians, budding actors, and teachers the same amount of financial and emotional support as you give kids in sports.
3. Kids have lost their love of learning: Kids learn to just play the ‘game of school’ and give adults what they want, but they lose their motivation and love of learning in the process.
4. There is too much focus on external motivators: Teens and adults who are driven by internals like being of service and making a difference are happier, more fulfilled, and have richer relationships. Be very careful with what you focus on.
5. Kids have lost the joy of playing sports for the love of the game: Too much emphasis on competition, winning, and achieving college scholarships has drained the love of the game out of youth sports.
What kids need:
-
More unsupervised down time for kids to follow their own interests and passions & learn thru play
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Put as much value and encouragement into activities your kids are into like art, music, theater; let go of the fear they’ll never make $ doing it.
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Parents & the educational system let go of pressuring kids to all achieve straight A’s and to pad their resumes & do activities b/c it looks good on their college app; teach in a way that kids see the meaning in what they are studying; allow time for kids to pursue their own interests for the love of learning; autonomy, engagement, mastery
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Playing for plays sake: focus on playing for the love of the game vs. winning or getting a college scholarship
Resources:
Listen to a previous podcast by Dr. Jordan on How youth sports are negatively affecting our daughters
A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink
Out of Our Minds: learning to be creative, by Ken Robinson
The High Price of Materialism (http://www.amazon.com/The-High-Price-Materialism-Kasser by Tim Kasser
Show Notes:
Using her book, Cassandra Speaks, author Elizabeth Lesser describes how our human stories and our views of women would change if women were the storytellers.
Elizabeth Lesser describes the mythological story of Cassandra where the god Zeus punished her with the gift of clairvoyance but the curse of no one listening to her or believing her thoughts. This story depicts how our culture still mistrusts and devalues girls and women’s intuition and perspectives.
Dr. Jordan and the author discuss what story Eve would have told about picking the apple and about her journey after leaving the garden and what lessons humanity have learned from her story.
This podcast discusses the need to redefine courage, power, and leadership vs. make women and girls change to fit the old, masculine model.
Elizabeth Lesser describes the imposter syndrome and how it relates to how women doubt and devalue themselves.
Learn about what the author means by the need to start valuing and affirming “first, first responders”.
Learn also how repressing girl’s anger resurfaces as relationship aggressions and mean girl drama.
Link to Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes
Read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead for more information on empowering our girls.
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan interviews 4 young adult women about the lingering social & academic effects from covid.
Questions discussed in this interview:
What grade were you in when covid hit & you had to go virtual?
What did you like, dislike about virtual learning?
What was it like for you socially when you 1st returned to in-person school?
Any lingering effects socially from your covid experience? Still social awkwardness among peers? Anxiety?
What did you learn about yourself? Any gifts from the experience?
Describe what you learned about coping with adversity & uncertainty from covid and any strengths you discovered that you didn’t know you had.
What advice would you give to parents about supporting their kids academically and socially with the lingering effects of covid in mind?
For a deeper understanding of girl’s social and emotional lives, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.
Show Notes:
Girls need to decide what success & having it all means for them, & to develop the following qualities to achieve a fulfilling life.
The following are key ingredients for achieving success:
Create your own end in mind, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on beginning with the end in mind
Autonomy creates engagement which then develops mastery
The pursuit of fulfillment will lead them to success, not the other way around
Being allowed to solve your own problems and overcome obstacles and challenges helps girls to develop grit, resiliency, and self-efficacy which in turn creates more optimism and hopefulness
Learn to trust and follow your intuition, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on teaching girls to make better decisions
Teach girls that most successful adults zig-zagged their way to their calling and success, they didn’t go in a straight line at 18 years directly to their calling
Learn to cope with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and uncertainty, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on Sunday Scaries & Trigger Warnings
Be willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn, and retry
Retain your curiosity, love of learning, and creativity
Embrace your feminine energies and leadership qualities; Instead of making girls change to fit our masculine leadership paradigm, change the way we all see power & leadership
Value people skills and interpersonal effectiveness such as collaboration, resolve conflicts, negotiate, communicate ideas effectively, know your strengths/weaknesses, win-win, sell yourself
Focus on more internal, intrinsic values like being of service and doing meaningful work vs. externals like becoming rich and famous
Be in charge of what “having it all” means for you
For great ideas about how to empower your daughter, check out Dr. Jordan’s book: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
For more information on all of Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and school programs, visit www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Learn the truth about Sunday scaries & trigger warnings as well as how to prevent & manage them.
The Sunday scaries are nagging feelings of nervousness and anxiety that creep up on people as the weekend winds down and the new work week approaches; it’s about theanxiety & dread about returning to work on Monday
Learn how to zoom out of your life and figure out specifically what is causing your anxiety on Sunday and that will direct you to where you need to do some work.
Dr. Jordan discusses the roles that rumination and not dealing with everyday emotions plays in causing the Sunday scaries.
Learn ways to manage and prevent beginning of the week anxieties:
- Creating a practical intention on Sundays for the week ahead can help us navigate workplace stressors more effectively
-Stop multitasking: more mistakes, work takes longer which creates more stress
-Change attitude from have-to to want to or get to: feel more autonomy, in control
-Focus on gratitude
-Work out conflicts with co-workers if that’s what you dread
-Find work you love to do: ask to be switched to job or role that appeals to you; start working towards starting a new career or new job, do research = creates energy
-Focus on picking up skills that will make you more marketable and add to your identity capitol
-Focus on your truth: work week ends up being fine once you get there & get to work
Express emotions regularly so they don’t build up to overwhelm and leak out as anxiety
Links to good articles on the Sunday scaries:
Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health
How to ward off the Sunday scaries: CNN.com
How to beat the Sunday Scaries: Headspace
Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health, Science behind Sunday scaries: 1-14-23 MI Blues Perspective
Trigger warnings: “Content warnings” or “trigger warnings” refer to verbal or written alerts that assigned material, including academic writing or artistic expression, may involve sensitive or upsetting themes or details that may cause a student to have an emotional response tied to a personal experience. Topics may include: sexual assault, domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, child abuse, racial hate crimes, transphobic violence, homophobic harassment, xenophobia
Dr. Jordan investigates the questions: Do trigger warnings work to decrease anxiety & help people manage their traumas? Do they help trauma survivors emotionally prepare to engage with difficult material?
Learn the difference between anticipatory vs. response anxiety: In a large study, trigger warnings didn’t meaningfully reduce the amount of distress students felt in the face of potentially disturbing content, such as graphic depictions of rape or violence, nor did they nudge students to avoid this material entirely. This held true for people with and without a history of trauma. Warnings did, however, increase the amount of anxiety students felt before experiencing the material in question= anticipatory anxiety
Studies found substantial evidence that trigger warnings reinforce survivors’ view of their trauma as central to their identity; People who view trauma as a core part of their identity have worse symptoms
The encouraging growth of studies has begun to converge on the consensus that trigger warnings are not typically helpful in reducing anxiety. This finding has been consistent across various types of trigger warnings and types of potentially triggering content
Dr. Jordan discusses the need for parents to help kids learn to deal with being uncomfortable and with uncertainty, as well as learn to advocate for themselves so that they can take care of their emotions and needs in college.
Links to articles on trigger warnings:
My podcast with HS seniors about why they are so afraid to grow up
Do trigger warnings help or hurt: Wall street J. 2-10-23
Harm from trigger warnings:
Little effect of trigger warnings on individuals with trauma histories: 6-1-20 Sage Journals
Show Notes: Listen to author Ginny Luther’s story about learning how to raise her independent-minded son Bart, the childhood traumas he triggered in her, and the tragic story of his death in the military.
Temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded,intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, ADHD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral.
Discover how Ginny learned to connect with Bart, stay detached from his power struggles, and how to empower him to get the best from him.
Listen as author Ginny Luther describes how her son triggered old memories of her abusive childhood and how she learned to grow thru them so that they didn’t interfere with parenting her son.
Listen to Ginny describe her son Barts experiences in the military and his tragic death at the hands of a soldier in his platoon. Ginny also describes the grieving process she went thru as well as the foundation she and her husband Jack founded in Bart’s name: Blue Star Parents. You can find information about the foundation at bartsbluestar.org
Here’s the link to Ginny Luther’s new book: Blue star grit: A mother’s journey of triumph and tragedy raising a defiant child into an exceptional leader
Check out this link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the need to find more opportunities for girls to experience risk and adventure
Show Notes:
Research shows that time in nature is associated with improved mental health, decreased stress, enhanced creativity and prosocial behaviors, and increased connection to each other.
This podcasts describes the research behind the positive effects of more contact and interaction with nature, including: reduced anger, fear, and stress and the production of stress hormones. Being in nature is good for improving concentration and decreasing the mental fatigue associated with living in stressful urban environments. urban environments require what’s called directed attention, which forces us to ignore distractions and exhausts our brains. In natural environments, we practice an effortless type of attention known as soft fascination that creates feelings of pleasure, not fatigue.
Interactions with nature also creates positive restorative outcomes related to stress reduction, relaxation, tranquility, escapism, physical exercises, increased longevity, and recovery from sickness.
Dr. Jordan describes the positive effects of bird-watching and listening to birdsongs either in person or via recordings.
This podcast also discusses the findings of Dr. Richard Louv in his insightful book, Last child in the woods: saving our children from nature-deficit disorder, including the link between access to greenspace and attention deficit disorder and children’s well-being.
Dr. Jordan also discusses the benefits of time in nature for children in particular including: building confidence, promoting creating creativity and imagination, teaching responsibility, getting kids moving, and encouraging kids to think.
Nature in many ways also connects us all to each other and the larger world and read here of the research that demonstrates this benefit.
Dr. Jordan also describes in detail some ideas about how parents can increase their children and family’s engagement in nature. He gives lots of ideas of activities to do together with your children outdoors, as well as fun outdoor activities he does with the girls who attend his weekend retreats and summer camps at Camp Weloki for girls
10 Nature Activities for Families article: ways that families could connect with the natural world
bird-watching:
Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast where he interviews the author of the book, No Boundaries book podcast, 2-24-22) describing some eminent women who are doing some unique, groundbreaking work in nature; the book will provide your girls some role models for working in nature.
For information on Dr. Jordans weekend retreats & summer camps for girls, click on this link: Camp Weloki for Girls
Show Notes:
Elevate your parenting by creating an end in mind and using it to guide all of your decisions; listen in for how to do this.
Learn the two main fears driving today’s parents to micromanage and overprotect their children: fears your kids are falling behind their peers and the uncertainty of how to prepare kids for an uncertain and ever-changing future so different from parent’s experiences.
Begin with the end in mind: use this habit from Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, to decide on what’s most important and what you value most for your family and parenting. This end in mind becomes the basis for all of your parenting decisions, not what’s popular or what everyone else is doing.
Dr. Jordan discusses how to develop a personal and family mission statement in order to focus on what’s important for you personally and for your family.
Learn the steps for running weekly family meetings to empower kids to take more responsibility at home and to learn to advocate for themselves, listen to the needs of others, create win-win agreements, build community, and develop self-determination.
Understand the value of putting first things first and focusing on things that are most important such as: prevention, relationship building, planning, recreation, mission statement, family meetings, celebrating successes.
Focus more time on important but not urgent things: things that are important should contribute to your mission and values and highest goals; we are too easily diverted into responding to urgent things that are not important.
The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities
To get a copy of our family meeting guidelines for your family, email Anne@drtimjordan.com and ask to receive a copy directly to your email.
For more info on how to develop a family mission statement, go to this link: https://msb.franklincovey.com/missions/family/
Click on this link to order Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
Show Notes:
The critical ingredients for developing talent are inspiration, deep practice, good coaches, and autonomy.
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes what kids need in order to develop their talents:
Autonomy: creative geniuses are not qualitatively better in their fields; they produced > volume of work that gave them > variation and a higher chance of originality; quantity is the most predictable path to quality.
Thus, kids need to have autonomy in choosing their interests, down time to try things out and daydream and take risks and make mistakes
Dr. Jordan describes the concept of deep practice which underlies the 10,000 hour rules of mastery; This starts with ignition or getting inspired by role models. Experience causes intense, unconscious emotional response = love, fascination, inspired, on fire = “I want to be like them, willing to delay gratification: “I want X, so I better do Y like crazy right now”, motivated by desire to connect ourselves to high-achieving people or groups.
Deep practice repetition: reach or stretch self slightly beyond your current ability, spending time in the zone of difficulty called the sweet spot.
Myelin: wraps nerve fibers making signal stronger, faster, more accurate by preventing electrical impulses from leaking out; whenever practice anything, myelin responds by wrapping layers of insulation around that neural circuit, each new layers adds a little more skill and speed; the thicker the myelin gets, the better it insulates & the faster and more accurate our movements & thoughts become.
the more you generate impulses to specific area of brain, encountering & overcoming difficulties, the more neural scaffolding you build; the more scaffolding you build, the faster you learn.
Practice makes myelin, and myelin makes perfect; nerve firings grow myelin; myelin controls speed; impulse speed is skill; need autonomy, passion, persistence b/c wrapping myelin around a big circuit requires immense energy & time.
Importance of early coaches: crucial in 1st phase of learning to get learner involved, captivated, hooked, and to need & want more info & expertise; made initial learning pleasant, fun, rewarding; much was playful activity, like a game. The best coaches use explain, demonstrate, imitation, correction, and repetition.
Other topics described in this podcast:
Value passion where you find it; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Trust that inspiration & motivation come at different ages & often thru misfortune; Help them find their tribe; affirm character vs. actions
Read these books for a more in-depth look at developing talent: Range by David Epstein; The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, Dark Horse by Todd Rose, Originals by Adam Grant, The Element by Ken Robinson
Go to www.drtimjordan.com for more resources from Dr. Jordan
Show Notes:
It’s healthy for girls to realize the many ways their parents do love them vs. lamenting the ways they don’t.
Dr. Jordan describes the concept of ‘Ghosts in the nursery’ to discover the reasons underlying parent’s behaviors;
link to previous podcast on ghosts in the nursery
Reframing parent’s behaviors as ways they are loving their children is therapeutic and keeps kids out of anger, resentment, and feeling unloved.
Examples of how parents love their daughters:
Acts of service, doing things for them, giving rides, fixing things
Working long hours to provide a good life for them
Over worrying, micromanaging, and overprotecting are ways parents show love and concern.
Being overly strict, asking 50 questions about their daughter’s life, putting a child up for adoption, and going right to fix-it mode when listening
Parents with a different love language than their daughter may have a harder time showing love in the way girls prefer, thus the need to educate each other about your love language
For lots of reasons, sometimes parents are unable to provide the love a girl needs in the way she wants it, and so it is normal and critical she finds other parent figures who can be there in the ways she needs at different times in her life
For more information on how to support your daughter’s emotions and friendship challenges, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
Learn some specific ways parents can support high school seniors as they transition to the next leg of their journey.
Understand & normalize touch point feelings: lots of emotions arrive with any change, transition, and leap in development. Help your daughter become aware of these feelings, reframe them as normal, and find healthy ways to express them.
Encourage girls to focus on all of the emotions they are feeling, not just anxiety; i.e. excitement, adventure, freedom.
Link to Previous podcast on touch points
Listen without solving their problems, fixing, or rescuing. Listen, mirror, get in her shoes, empathize, don’t jump to problem-solving & fix-it mode; share your stories so she knows you can relate.
Link to Previous podcast on listening
Link to Previous podcast: why teens don’t want to grow up
Let go of knowing what’s best for them; it’s their life & path now; Let go of the teacher role; become a consultant vs. a manager or micromanager
Girls need to cultivate quiet, alone time to reflect, process thru issues, become aware of intuition & gut & what their heart says; take long walks, journal, art to open up creative parts of brain
Reframe belief that 1 mistake or “bad” decision will derail their whole life, tell your stories of mistakes & your zig-zagging path
Dot Theory: be open to dots, follow heart & urges, life will connect dots, life unfolds;
Link to previous podcast on Dr. Jordan’s dot theory:
Ask how they want you to support them with process of transition:
Ps responsibility is to ask what they need, respect it, set boundaries
Girl’s responsibility is to continually educate parents about what they need, how they want parents to support them, be specific, set boundaries
Learn to connect in different ways:
Relationship will change, will never be the same: grieve the loss
Can be better, kids on more equal footing, can watch fruits of your labors come to fruition
Even high school seniors need a safe base: like when they were toddlers, just be there in the way they want you to be there
Take care of yourself:
Easier for kids to move on if not pulled back by struggling parents
Importance of investing time in marriage all along the way so not strangers when kids leave the nest
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you. A.A. Milne
To access the links Dr. Jordan referred to in this podcast, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com or click on the links above.
Show Notes:
Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached and supportive.
The many ways we disrespect teenagers:
School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character
We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power.
Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path
Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening.
Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives
Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often
Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her time to decompress and make sense of her day.
Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path.
Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours.
Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room
Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children
Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same.
Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them
Ask permission before you give advice!
Show Notes:
If you want to remain an influence in your daughter’s life, avoid these 8 mistakes parents make in listening.
8 Mistakes parents make when listening:
Stop giving me advice! Just listen, mirror, and empathize without trying to reassure, fix, or problem-solve; when girls share they shift from their amygdala & emotional centers into their prefrontal cortex where reason can supplant emotion.
Be fully present vs. distracted!
Don’t turn my venting around and make it about you!
Stop hailing on me! The concept of the turtle, your teen, and the hailstorm, you, fits here. Teens often normally retreat a little into their shells due to their need for privacy and individuation. Parents often worry due to receiving less information from their teen, so they ‘hail’ more, i.e., ask more questions at the wrong time, which causes the turtle to retreat further into their shell, and so on. So stay calm, don’t hail, and the turtle has a responsibility to poke their heads out and share more so that you both avoid this issue.
Respect my context: allow teens to have more control over when, where, and how they share with you. If teen not sharing about their experience or feelings, try not asking direct questions about them but instead ask how their peers are feeling about the issue. Dr. Jordan offers more examples of how to find the con text that works best to make her feel safe to open up.
Stop playing hot potato with my emotions! Once she vents, your daughter often walks away feeling lighter and thus can move on from the situation. Don’t be left holding onto all of her stuff, release it and you move on as well.
Stop putting your crap onto my story! Don’t add your feelings & personal past stories from your childhood into their stories and situations, it causes them to feel overwhelmed. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of Ghosts in the nursery click on this link to hear his previous podcast on this concept.
How Ps handle their own distress strongly influences the psychological climate at home, which then shapes the emotional lives of kids. Teens need a safe, secure base they can rely on to be there for them when needed. So, stay calm when responding to an upset teen.
Be available: if you are around enough and available, teens know they can count on you to be there just in case they need to talk or bounce things off of you. Just like when they were toddlers and came back for some loving support, teens need the same kind of present, caring parent for security and love.
For more information on how to support your daughters, go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com and check out past blogs and podcasts, my 6 books, and my retreats and camps.
Show Notes:
Understanding what your emotions are teaching you normalizes them & aids girls in managing them.
Feelings Meanings: see feelings as vital sources of information, motivation, and they are trustworthy. Emotional distress often prompts our most growth-giving actions and lessons. We need to help girls get comfortable with the reality that they will at times have to live with emotional discomfort and uncertainty.
Good mental health is having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those emotions effectively. This quote from author Lisa Damour is exactly spot on, so help your daughters normalize all of their emotions.
Dr. Jordan describes the concept of overload symptoms that leak out due to feelings having built up to the point of overwhelm. These include symptoms like having a hard time falling asleep, snapping angrily at others or themselves, anxiety, and depression. We need to be slower at pinning diagnose on girls and medicating them as the first line treatment for things like anxiety and depression.
Listen to Dr. Jordan describe what emotions might be telling your daughters, including: anger, anxiety, sadness and depression, disappointment, uncertainty, cryi8ng, urges and intuition, stress, frustration, and peer pressure.
Listen to this podcast with your daughter and discuss her emotions and what they might be teaching her about herself.
For more information on the emotional lives on girls, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
The following 3 issues are current plagues that are damaging girls: good girl conditioning, the lack of down time and unstructured play, and early specialization in sports and activities.
Dr. Jordan describes how girls experience unhealthy good girl conditioning. He describes lists of qualities of good girls, bad girls, and real girls derived from discussions at his retreats and camps.
Also discussed are the detrimental and confusing mixed messages girls receive due to the good girl habituation.
This podcast discusses the effect of several intensification movements in education that amped up academic pressures on kids to their detriment. This caused a decrease in the amount of down time kids experience today. He also discusses the negative effects of reduced recess that afflicts most kids today as well as the benefits of real, unstructured, unsupervised, kid-directed play.
The third plague discussed is the early specialization in sports and music and other activities experienced by girls today. Go back and relisten to his previous podcast on the damage youth sports does to kids in this link: Take back the game podcast 1-19-23
Dr. Jordan also presents good data on the value of letting kids sample lots of activities where they can, in the words of author David Epstein in his book, Range: “Eventual elites play a variety of sports, mostly in unstructured or lightly structured environments (think backyard pickup games). They learn. They develop. They gain a range of skills. In the process, they discover not just what they're really good at ... but also what they really like. Then they focus. Then they dedicate. Then they pursue excellence.”
For other resources on this topic, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Learn the many reasons why girls may feel lonely & disconnected, including friendship drama & social media
Dr. Jordan shows mental health stats of college women, including large numbers who feel very lonely and isolated. You will also hear stats about the high level of loneliness and disconnection amongst today’s adults.
Dr. Jordan describes the many reasons behind girls feeling lonely learned from working with girls in his counseling practice, retreats, summer camps (Camp Weloki For Girls), and school program (Strong Girls, Strong World).
Friendship drama, exclusion, and the resulting negative spiral of beliefs
The difficulty some girls have in finding like-minded peers who get them and connect with their interests
Living with distracted parents and divorced parents
Old souls who have a hard time finding peers who match their level of maturity and depth
The feelings overwhelm many girls experience from stuffing their emotions
The lack of safe spaces girls experience where they are free to be authentic, vulnerable, and real
Learn what the best group cultures do to bring safety, trust, and closeness to their organization, team, or group
Dr. Jordan describes the effects of electronic devices and social media on our ability to feel safe, process other’s emotions and intentions, develop empathy and compassion for others, and our ability to develop intimacy and closeness with others
Resources:
2 books by Sherry Turkle: Alone Together; Reclaim Conversation
The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle
Smart Girls, Gifted Women by Barbara Kerr
Show Notes: Learn the many reasons why girls may feel lonely & disconnected, including friendship drama & social media. Statistics on loneliness in kids and adults Dr. Jordan shows mental health stats of college women, …
Show Notes:
Author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson discusses her book, Wise Decisions, and how to teach girls how to make better choices
The following are topics discussed with author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson:
How to reframe old negative beliefs that become girl’s harmful inner voice
How girls can create their own end in mind, or per Dr. Ohlsson, their Y.O.D.A. your own decision advisor, to help direct their decision-making
How to access and trust their inner voices: cultivate quiet time, tune into their body symptoms and their gut and urges and their heart to know what’s right for them
How girls can use their end in mind as a north star to avoid being overwhelmed by having so many choices to sift through about colleges, majors, and careers
How to trust that finding their purpose is a process and that their life will unfold naturally if they follow their intuition and end in mind
For more information about Dr. Ohlsson and her book, Wise Decisions: a science-based approach to making better choices, check out her website at www.sheilaohlssonwalker.com
Show Notes: Dr. Sheila Ohlsson discusses her book, Wise Decisions, about how to teach girls to make better decisions. The following are topics discussed with author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson: How to reframe old negative beliefs …
Show Notes:
Teach your daughter how to be aware of & trust her gut alarms & what blunts them, set firm boundaries, create criteria for sexuality before dating, & how to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy.
In a fictional letter to his daughter, a dad imparts some wisdom to help her take care of herself on prom night. This advice includes:
Don’t buy into the cultural myth that prom is a coming-of-age party where it’s expected that you get wasted and have sex. Make your own decisions.
How to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy.
How to become aware of and trust your internal alarms, i.e., your gut intuition.
Become aware of what might blunt your alarm: alcohol and drugs, desperately needing a boyfriend or wanting him to like you, worrying that you’re being lame, allowing self-doubts to confuse you, or low self-esteem.
How to set clear, firm boundaries
The importance of making a list of your criteria for a dating relationship, including sexual behavior. Creating your own standards while quiet and clear-headed is a much better proposition than trying to make good decisions in the heat of the moment.
I love you but what’s more important than that is, do YOU love you? You will take care of yourself in direct proportion to what you feel you deserve.
For some more wisdom that girls need to navigate their adolescence, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
Show Notes: Teach your daughter how to be aware of & trust her gut alarms & what blunts them, set firm boundaries, create criteria for sexuality before dating, & how to find non-sexual ways to …
Show Notes:
Dorothy’s heroine’s journey illustrates how girls must face their fears and overcome adversities in order to gain the strength and resources to face the adult world.
Dr. Jordan briefly describes the heroine’s journey that all girls must embark on in order to grow into strong, courageous adults. Dr. Jordan’s Heroine’s journey podcast 8-5-21
Using many examples from the movie, Dr. Jordan brings out different aspects of girl’s growth towards adulthood as shown metaphorically in the movie including:
-How facing your fears and just showing up is a huge piece of the journey
-How girls must overcome challenges and embrace all parts of herself as exemplified by the scarecrow (intellect, intuition, and street smarts), the tin man (compassion, service), lion (courage, facing and overcoming fears), Glinda (spirituality), and the wizard (Inner knowing).
-How we all already possess what we often desire the most
Dr. Jordan also notes that women are the primary power holders in the movie: Miss Gulch, Glinda, the wicked witch of the west
By movie’s end, Dorothy has pulled back the curtain to see things as they really are, accumulated the wisdom to create her heart’s desire, and is ready to meet the world as an adult.
Parent’s role in their daughter’s heroine’s journey: Help girls understand, be aware of their heroine’s journey, normalize the uncertainty and anxiety around touch points; it’s okay to struggle and face uncertainty and be faced with adversities and challenges, they will need mentors besides their parents, the need for quiet alone time to reflect, process thru and integrate experiences
Parents need to share their stories so daughters know that they too can get thru the challenges of the journey, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; teach the self-compassion piece about universal experience that past people have gotten thru this journey so you will too.
For more info on how to support your daughter along their heroine’s journey, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls
Show Notes:
Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence.
Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping.
Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them.
Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision.
Debunking stranger danger:
Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers
Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents
There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted
Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time
Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim.
Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them.
Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear.
Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages:
7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com
Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services
Safety tips:
Show Notes:
Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence.
Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping.
Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them.
Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision.
Debunking stranger danger:
Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers
Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents
There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted
Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time
Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim.
Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them.
Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear.
Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages:
7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com
Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services
Safety tips:
Show Notes: Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger and abductions adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence. Past & current generations parental fears Every generation has offered issues for parents to worry about …
Show Notes: Listen in and learn some ways that parents may be contributing to or causing their daughter’s anxiety. Ways that parents cause anxiety in their children: Kids reflect the adults around them Kids reflect …
How Might You Be Causing Your Daughter’s Anxiety? Read More »
Show notes: Listen to 4 young adults candidly explain their fears about growing up and settling like their parent’s generation. How the path to adulthood has changed over the years Dr. Jordan presents data showing …
Show Notes:
Topics discussed in this podcast: Should girls be allowed to wear sexy outfits to school? Dances? Going to parties? How are school dress codes damaging to girls? What can parents do to support their daughters with this issue?
Old beliefs drive decisions about dress codes: that the female body is inherently tempting and leads to sin, so cover it! School dress codes tend to target girls more than boys; inherent message that girls and women can’t be trusted to dress themselves properly, so we have to mandate laws & dress codes to stop them from tempting boys and men
Message dress code and violations gives to boys: The idea that they cannot control themselves in the presence of girls and women who look a certain way implies that they are no more than animals with no self-control
Dr. Jordan shares insights about what girls say about why they dress the ways that they do. Self-expression plays a crucial role in identity development and one major form of this expression is through one’s clothing. “Fashion and clothing are used to create and reveal a cultural, social, and personal identity. Part of their identity is embodied by clothing and fashion.
Effects of dress codes on girls: studies found that 83% of students cited for dress code violations were girls. Study findings also demonstrated how the methods of school dress code enforcement promote a sexually objectifying environment in which girls feel physically and psychologically unsafe. Also, the findings of this study revealed that girls experience body shame, self-objectification, and powerlessness through dress code enforcement and sex education in school.
Sexism is rampant in the writing and implementation of school dress codes, as the words used are targeted towards girls and women according to a study of 481 public schools surveyed. Studies show that increased anxiety, depression, and aggression results from this kind of discipline
Prohibited clothing items: strapless top, spaghetti straps, halter top, low neckline, short dresses, pajamas, sheer clothing, short skirt, narrow straps, leggings, tight clothing, crop top, backless shirt, fishnet clothing, visible bra straps, holes above thighs, sleeveless shirt, frayed clothes, cutoff shorts, backless dress, off shoulder shirt, spandex clothing, no underwear, holes above knees, swimwear, pants with holes, visible underwear, short shorts
According to the same survey, the words “distracting” and “disruptive” appeared in 76% of dress codes, suggesting that the exposure of certain body parts, such as the midriff, interferes with learning
Dress codes today put the onus on the wearer, not their peers, to dress and act a particular way. But the notion that girls are responsible for boys being respectful, which dress codes enforce, can be a damaging precedent to set. it can also send the message that girls are automatically at fault when boys are not respectful; “It’s my responsibility to make sure the boys’ thoughts are not unclean.”
So, what’s a parent to do? Dr. Jordan offers many suggestions about how parents can use dress codes to create open dialogue about clothing, responsibility, objectification, and sexism.
Links to good articles on this topic:
Dress code effects on girls:
Dress codes sexualize women:
Why dress codes are unhealthy:
Show Notes: Can we please find better alternatives then the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission, and purpose? 3 books on what draws young adults to the military Dr. Jordan was inspired …
Show Notes:
Learn the evolutionary, brain, and hormonal reasons behind dating and falling in love
Evolution: Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, and to reproduce and pass on your genes. Attachment evolved to get you to stick with this person at least long enough to raise a single child together.
Learn the stages of courtship: attention-getting, recognition, grooming talk, touching, and body synchronicity
Dr. Jordan describes the brain chemistry of falling in love, which underlies these stages of courting: romantic phase, attraction phase, attachment phase, and the honeymoon phase. Each phase is driven by different chemicals including testosterone, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Learn how these chemicals create bonding, stress, euphoria, and seeking and craving feelings similar to addictions. Dr. Jordan also discusses what happens chemically when we go thru a breakup, and how that affects girl’s emotions and behaviors.
Listen to this podcast with your daughter and help her become aware of why she acts and feels the way she does as far as dating and romantic partners. Girls in my retreats and camps love my discussions on this subject, because no one has ever helped them understand their intense feelings and drives; “It makes sense!”
Talking about this will activate her prefrontal cortex to help her reason thru decisions about her relationship; it’s important not to make decisions strictly emotionally.
Check out all of the resources provided by Dr. Jordan at his site, www.drtimjordan.com
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Show Notes:
In this podcast, learn the social readiness signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media
Learn how the teenage brain is more susceptible to addictions, risky behaviors, and the need to belong and fit in and be included by peers.
Because of these vulnerabilities, Dr. Jordan lays out why teen girls are at risk for misusing social media and being negatively affected by it.
In this podcast, learn about some of the most important social signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media. These include:
Staying disconnected from drama: Does she do a good job of staying out of drama? Not get sucked into friend’s squabbles? Not add to it?
Does your daughter have a history of staying in balance and taking breaks from friends? Does she have friends in different groups she can hang with if one group becomes toxic?
Handle conflicts directly and peacefully: Has she shown the courage and maturity to be able to confront friends, set boundaries, tell friends her needs and also listen to theirs to create win-win solutions?
Does she understand the difference with being passive, aggressive, and assertive?
Healthy friends: Mirror neurons in our brain causes individual choices to be powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do.
Girls are hard-wired to connect; being alone meant death starting back in dangerous, uncivilized times. Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. It can cause girls to constantly compare themselves to her peers or people in the media: Am I fitting in? Doing right thing? Doing anything that may get me thrown out?
It's critical that she hangs with healthy friends because things like emotions and rule-breaking are contagious.
Has she struggled to make or keep friends? Does she have a past history of being excluded or kicked out of her friend group? Experiences like that can cause your daughter to develop unhealthy decisions about herself: I’m not good enough, cool enough, pretty enough, I’m too annoying or awkward.
These beliefs will make her vulnerable for not being herself, doing things and giving up parts of herself to fit in, having less courage to set boundaries, be at risk for being abused and used.
Is she being bullied currently or in the past? No best friend or a group? This can make her more vulnerable to being a target without the protection of a group around her; does she have a history of victimization? Has she been a target? Listen to my recent podcast on cyberbullying published 1-12-23
Does she know how to be alone without being lonely? The crowd and social media distracts us from inward reflection; it’s easy for girls to become plugged in constantly and outwardly focused. The girl who constantly texts and checks Instagram hasn’t heard from herself in a long time.
Devices and social media makes it hard to not be preoccupied with what’s going on out there vs. within you; when alone, your thoughts and feelings are oriented inward; it’s a slower and quieter experience.
Has your daughter learned to cultivate, use, and enjoy quiet alone time?
Summary:
No middle school or high school girl is going to be perfect and always live out these qualities; they are a work in progress. Let her know what you will be looking for socially to let you know she’s mature enough to handle what social media will throw at her. She’ll earn the privilege to try social media once she has earned it.
It’s important to practice these social skills at home: conflict resolution, setting boundaries, not allow teasing to hurt her, learning about how to enjoy and have quiet alone time.
Show Notes:
Stop trying to change your daughter and accept her for who she is even if she is different than your family
Girls often complain to me that their parents don’t see them, understand them, accept them for who they are, can’t relate to them, and are always trying to change them to fit the parent’s vision of them. I discussed the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and ghosts in the nursery in a March 24, 2022 podcast, so go back with this link and listen to that to help you understand why you may have a hard time understanding and relating to your child.
When I validate girls who aren’t seen by their families and help them to see that they are fine and don’t need to change, they experience a tremendous sense of relief and big smiles erupt as they finally feel seen and accepted.
Dr. Jordan shares many stories of different ways girls from his counseling practice, retreats, and camps don’t fit in their family’s vision of who they are supposed to be. Some examples include:
A dad too invested in his daughter becoming a top athlete
Moms pushing daughters to be more outgoing because they judge them as being too shy and quiet
Educated, intense parents having a hard time relating to an easygoing, free-spirited daughter
Intense, goal-driven parents not understanding their easygoing kid who seems to not be very motivated, or haven’t discovered their passion or interests or purpose
Sporty parents who have a hard time connecting with a daughter who is not competitive or aggressive and just wants to play sports to socialize and have fun
Dr. Jordan suggests you watch these 2 movies with your kids to stir up conversation about this issue: October Sky, and Simon Birch
Here is the Gibran quote Dr. Jordan read in the podcast:
“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling and family likes and appreciate the unique and individual small person you’ve been given.
Parent and love the child you have.
Show Notes:
Today’s hypercompetitive & hyperspecialized youth sports are causing girls to experience more overuse injuries, anxiety, stress, and burnout.
Interview with author Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters
The following are topics discussed in Dr. Jordan’s interview with author Linda Flanagan:
How have youth sports changed in the past 30 years and why did it occur, especially as it pertains to girls?
How have these changes affected girls?
Why do girls need to overcome good girl conditioning when it comes to advocating for themselves with coaches and sports leagues?
How can parents raise daughters to have a healthy outlook on sports?
Why would it be valuable if kids in youth sports, high school, and college to have more women coaches?
What is the value of taking breaks from sports and balancing athletics with non-sports activities? Why should kids always have obvious & conscious off-ramps and the ability to quit their sport?
How could eliminating college sports cause a trickle-down effect to lessen the mania of today’s youth sports culture?
For more information about Linda Flanagan, check out her website at www.lindaflanaganauthor.com
Take back the game: how money and mania are ruining kid’s sports- and why it matters
Visit Dr. Jordan’s website for information on all the resources he offers
www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: Parents, schools, and girls themselves can learn to stop cyberbullying; here’s how. Disturbing data on the rise in cyberbullying Nearly half of teens say they have been cyberbullied, and it’s most prevalent in …
How Parents, Schools, and Our Girls Can Stop Cyberbullying Read More »
Show Notes:
Dads have a unique role to play in raising confident, successful, amazing daughters.
BENEFITS TO HAVING AN INVOLVED FATHER IN THE HOME Dr. Jordan discusses research about the benefits of having an involved father in the home: less likely to be poor, perform better in school, less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, or to be sexually active as teenagers, and less mental health disorders like anxiety and depression
UNIQUE WAYS THAT DADS INTERACT WITH DAUGHTERS Many ways that dads parent differently than moms are presented along with their benefits to girls including changing nursery rhyme verses, teasing and bantering, handling conflicts directly, being more directive with discipline, teaching problem-solving, rough and tumble play, staying detached when need be, making decisions based on what you feel to be right, and encouraging risk-taking and adventures.
SPECIFIC WAYS DADS CAN PARENT GIRLS Dr. Jordan shares specific examples of ways to parent girls including being fully present, how to be a good listener, modeling relationships by how you treat them and their mom, respecting their boundaries and stopping when they say no, focusing on non-physical qualities, teaching them to be image and media savvy, showing them the difference between being aggressive vs. assertive, and connecting over her interests.
Dr. Jordan discusses the value of sharing your stories about when you were her age so she knows you can relate and understand what she’s going thru.
HOW YOU CAN BE AND REMAIN YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERO Finally, most little girls look up to their dad as their hero, but dad really can be her hero when he forms a truly loving and supportive relationship with his daughter. The bond between father and daughter can influence her self-esteem, future relationships, and career success.
For some invaluable information about empowering girls to become confident leaders, read Dr. Jordan’s latest book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
She Leads
Show Notes:
Set an intention for 2023 to slow down, stop multitasking, unplug, & learn to be alone without being lonely.
Learn how slowing down does mean being less productive, quitting your job or retiring, or auctioning off your kids. You can learn to be busy without being hurried and stressed out.
The culture conditions us to believe faster is better, hurrying is normal, speed means more efficiency as opposed to having focused concentration on 1 thing at a time and an unbroken flow of attention.
The ultimate goal is not to slow down, it’s to live in freedom, free from distractions and hurrying and stress and pressure & cravings.
Dr. Jordan describes the many ways kids today are being rushed to grow up with sports, academics, sexualization, as well as experiencing a decrease in down time.
Learn the cost to us when we multitask and give everything our partial attention and why we’re not actually multitasking; rather, we are switching rapidly between different activities.
Dr. Jordan also describes the effects of devices and social media in causing anxiety, stress, FOMO, and decreased empathy and connection.
Learn the benefits of developing regular slowing down practices such as daily meditation time. Dr. Jordan explains some examples of how to meditate and to cultivate quiet time for solicitude, reflection, and learning to be alone without being lonely.
You CAN have it all as long as you are in charge of what that means for you vs. comparing yourself to others, trying to measure up to unrealistic cultural standards & expectations, running your life by shoulds, or making choices based on fear of criticism or how you look or being judged.
It’s your life, you set the pace, consciously make choices about your work, schedule, relationships, who you spend time with, allow time for self-care and meeting your needs too I quit pediatrics, my reading challenge, conscious choices about sports & activities to allow for more down time
For some in-depth info on how to live a more mindful life, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living
Listen with your family to a story about the origin of tinsel and one about a father's love for his daughter.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Show Notes:
Happiness does not result from having more money, fame, or likes; it comes from living a life of purpose & service.
Kids have been conditioned to believe that happiness results from externals such as being rich, famous & popular, winning the lottery. The culture tells them that more & faster is better, and that achievement is more important than character. We’re raising a generation of human doings who are insatiable and forever discontented.
Dr. Jordan explains his thrill-hangover cycle that many adults and teens are stuck in, where they continue grabbing for unhealthy thrills to pull themselves out of feeling empty or unhappy, but then experiencing larger and larger emotional hangovers as a result.
Learn how shifting your intention for doing things is a valuable way to become happier.
Dr. Jordan explains using several stories about how selfless service may be the best way to happiness; set an intention this holiday season & for the new year to have your “arrows out”and experience the joy and fulfillment that comes with it.
For more information about the resources Dr. Jordan provides, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Happy Holidays!
Parents have a role in raising daughters who are generous, empathetic, and guided by an internal code of ethics.
Included in this week's podcast:
- How an authoritative parenting style lends itself to generosity
- The importance of perspective taking
- The importance of acknowledging character vs. praising behavior
- How to guide girls to develop an internal code of ethics
- Fascinating stories of famous people who exhibit high moral character
For more info on resources by Dr. Jordan, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Raising a spirited, powerful child is challenging; these stories offer ways to support them without crushing their spirit.
James Hillman’s book, The Soul’s Code, describes how powerful, spirited children have an unconscious knowing of what life will bring them. Behaviors they exhibit in childhood are often labelled as abnormal vs. understanding what it might mean for them in the long-term.
Dr. Jordan shares many stories of eminent people to illustrate the importance of parents seeing the oak tree in their children when all they have in front of them is an acorn.
Enjoy stories about Gandhi, Peter Frampton, Woody Allen, Picasso, Bette Davis, and Judy Garland to illustrate how spirited kids often sense their destiny early in life and insist on following their passions.
Dr. Jordan then shares stories that illuminate some critical ways to meet the needs of these powerful kids so that they bloom into what they are destined to become.
Learn how to find the balance of giving enough rope for them to feel in control but also keep them safe, let them make mistakes & learn from them but keep them safe.
Enjoy stories about how the parents of these eminent people supported their kids to blossom: Golda Meir, Tony Faddell, Louis CK, Jane Goodall, and Frank Lloyd Wright.
Spirited children need the autonomy to find & follow own interests & passions even if they are far different than their family.
They need guidance, but in the end, we also need to learn to stay out of their way!
For more information on Dr. Jordan’s resources, visit www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Listen in to Learn the Many Ways to Express Gratitude and Experience Its Benefits
Dr. Jordan describes the numerous benefits of practicing gratitude consistently including stronger immune systems & improved health, higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, optimism, and happiness, more generous/ compassionate; relished good experiences more, dealt better with adversity; helped to build strong relationships.
You will also learn the many benefits of gratitude for children and teenagers and teachers.
Dr. Jordan describes 16 ways to express gratitude including writing thank you notes, writing gratitude letters to people who made a difference in your life or the lives of others, the “George Bailey effect”, and expressing appreciation through poems, pictures, songs, stories, and notes.
You will also learn ways to incorporate gratitude into your home with your children so that it becomes part of the fabric of who you are as a family.
Dr. Jordan also sprinkles some good quotes and jokes about gratitude throughout the podcast, such as: It's almost Thanksgiving Day... Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight.
For a copy of Dr. Jordan’s handout on 16 ways to express gratitude, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Top grades from a top college are less important to employers than soft skills like people skills, creativity, love of learning, and problem-solving.
Dr. Jordan describes the qualities that Owners & CEOs of successful companies tell him they are most interested in when hiring young people: people skills, past experiences where fully engaged in some interest, love of learning & willingness to learn, creative & out-of-the-box thinkers, problem-solvers, and a history of overcoming adversity.
Soft skills that employers value today: communication skills, respect, teamwork, collaboration, and conflict management, self-discipline, integrity, dependability and hardworking, good at taking initiative and self-starting, self-motivated, empathy and sensitivity, creative and out-of-the-box thinkers.
Dr. Jordan describes information from Daniel Pink’s book, A Whole new Mind. Historically, the importance of the right side of the brain and the way of thinking it represents has been undervalued. As we move from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age, Right-Directed Thinking that is more creative, holistic, and intuitive is becoming more and more important. Link to article on soft skills employers look for:
Relisten to Dr. Jordan’s podcast from 10-7-21 The good, the bad, and the ugly about being in your twenties to learn about the value of developing identity capitol during your teen and 20s years.
Parents need to value these soft skills more highly than just focusing on grades and piling up activities just to fill up a college application.
To learn more about life lessons that will allow young women to rise to their potential, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living and, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
Show Notes:
Girls need information about puberty, and sexuality, but most of sex ed should be relationship education that starts in early childhood.
When: girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier, with the mean age of beginning breast bud development being around 10 in Caucasian girls and 9 in African American girls. So, education about the changes coming to their bodies and why should begin around 5th grade before the changes begin.
Where: Sex ed ideally should be a parent-school partnership. Aaron Carroll, a professor of pediatrics at the Indiana University School of Medicine, wrote for The Times in 2017 that studies have shown that “comprehensive sex education improved knowledge, attitudes, behaviors and outcomes. Abstinence-only programs did not.” When you narrow the question to teaching just high schoolers, both Republicans and Democrats overwhelmingly support a broader sexual education: According to a 2017 study by Leslie Kantor and Nicole Levitz in the journal PLOS One, “More than 89 percent of parents that identified as Republicans or Democrats support including a wide range of topics in sex education including puberty, healthy relationships, abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases and birth control in high school.”
Parents role: How? The majority of sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years.
Building solid relationships at home: If parents consistently meeting their needs in healthy ways, kids grow up feeling loved, important, safe, accepted for who they are, and able to trust other people; this becomes the template for all future relationships
Ÿ teens who feel loved have best boundaries= high deservability
Learn and practice relationship skills at home: have a voice, be assertive, resolve their own conflicts, set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and get their needs met with their parents and siblings; take skills to relationships with peersè dating relationships
Teach girls to become aware of & trust their gut: aware of their internal alarms that go off at critical decision points, and how to get quiet and go inward in order to know what is right for them Ÿ get clear about their sexual boundaries when they are alone and quiet, avoid making bad choices in the heat of the moment
Why might they ignore alarm? Like the boy, not want to be lame, fear he’ll move onto hotter girl, feel behind, want to get it over with
Dr. Jordan discusses the effects of alcohol and drugs on girls vulnerability and ability to set boundaries.
Need to teach teens how to connect in nonsexual ways; hookups are often done because girls feel lonely and disconnected.
Dr. Jordan discusses how to teach kids about consent throughout childhood so they are prepared to respect and take care of themselves, their friends, and their partners.
Sex ed thus is a series of talks and education all along the way; not a one and done. The quality of your relationship is key: does she feel safe bringing her questions & concerns to you? Trust that it won’t go anywhere? Won’t be judged? Will try to see from her point of view,; ask before you give feedback or offer info.
Good article on normal puberty in girls & boys
For more information on Dr. Jordan and his programs, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: Girls can learn to let things go and not sweat the small stuff to avoid being stressed out.
Learn to catch themselves when they are ruminating and switch it by bringing themselves to the present moment and reminding themselves of their truth.
Practicing self-compassion also helps girls to destress and not sweat the small stuff. Girls can imagine someone they trust is in their head, what would that person be saying to them about a situation or feeling, and then say that to themselves vs. their negative thoughts. They can also remember that people have experienced what they are going thru and they got thru it; thus they are not alone and they do can overcome the experience.
$86,400 analogy: don’t allow 10 seconds of negativity to color the rest of their day.
Focus on what they do have control over, i.e., their feelings, thoughts, and reactions to people and events.
Parents need to not add their own emotions to their daughter’s experiences because they’re having enough trouble dealing with their own roller coaster of emotions.
To understand more deeply your daughter’s emotional life and how to best support her, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
To get your daughters to share more & to remain an influence in their lives, use these questions vs the standard, “How was your day?”
We have a very narrow vision for who is a hero, who is brave, and who is a leader. Because of that, most girls don’t see themselves as those things because they aren’t a first responder, team captain, professional athlete, or the popular queen bee.
Dr. Jordan offers listeners a long list of ways girls show courage, power, and leadership. We need to better notice and affirm those qualities in our girls so that they start seeing themselves in that light.
Dr. Jordan also offers 12 conversation starters for the dinner table to instigate deeper and more insightful conversations. These questions will get you passed mumbled 1-word answers to the standard question: “How was your day?”
These could also be used to create deeper conversations around your holiday dinner tables to direct talk away from superficial gossip or politics.
Conversation starters:
Were you able to: not let words bother you? Avoid peer pressure? Handle a conflict directly & peacefully? Find these and other great questions on our new poster for families printed onto sturdy and waterproof synthetic paper on my website at www.drtimjordan.com
For 202 great, insightful questions to ask around the nightly dinner table, during car rides, or around the holiday table, check out my Dinner Dialogue cards too at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Learn in this podcast when and why youth sports changed into a commercialized business that is detrimental to children.
Dr. Jordan retraces the history of youth sports starting from the early 1900s through today.
This history includes influences such as worries about immigrant children roaming the streets unsupervised, the depression, the new pay-for-play model that emerged post-depression, the self-esteem movement, the rising cost of a college education and the dream of attaining a college scholarship, the advent of travel leagues and showcase events, and the early specialization in a single sport movement.
Dr. Jordan also describes the fears parents experience about their children getting behind other kids as far as athletics which drives up their intensity, anxiety, and willingness to forfeit family time for tournaments and travel teams.
Dr. Jordan also lays out the facts about how few athletes attain division 1, 2, and 3 scholarships for sports, and how few of high school athletes actually play sports in college and make the professional levels.
Dr. Jordan encourages parents to make conscious choices about athletic teams and coaches and sports based on their child’s and family’s needs and to avoid making choices to keep up with their peer’s experiences.
Some articles for you to read for more in-depth information on this topic:
When did competitive sports take over American childhood? 9-20-13https://www.theatlantic.com/author/hilary-levey-friedman/
https://time.com/4913687/how-kids-sports-became-15-billion-industry/ how your child’s rec league turned into a $15 billion industry, Sean Gregory, Time 9-4-17
https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-tommy-john/minimize-injury-maximize-performance/9780738235288/ Tommy John III on youth sports
Linda Flanagan researched the state of youth athletics and wrote the book “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters
For more information on Dr. Jordan and his resources for kids and parents, check out his website at www.drtimjordan.com
Listen in to this sobering conversation as two teachers discuss the challenges they are facing with students, parents, and the educational system post covid.
Show Notes: Are we raising a GENERATION of indulged & entitled brats? Adults these days worry that we are raising a generation of entitled and indulged brats; here’s how prepare kids to be hardworking and … How Not to Raise an Entitled Brat Read More »
Show Notes: Drop the 1-size-fits-all standard about everyone needing college & be open to kids finding their own path to success.
I encourage all parents and their daughters to be open to many different paths to success. Kids today are conditioned to believe there is one path that fits everyone: get good grades, go to a top college, get a good job, and make a lot of money. But that path does not fit for the majority of people.
Dr. Jordan presents a lot of facts about the benefits and disadvantages of a four-year college degree, including economic as well as mental health issues. For example, over 60% of all US adults over 25 do not have a four year degree, 41% of college grads in their 20s are underemployed and working in jobs that typically don’t require a college degree, and only 46% of college grads in 2022 say they currently work in their field of study, i.e. jobs that do not apply the training they received in college.
The high up-front cost of college can dig a hole that takes years to overcome—on average it takes student loan borrowers two decades to pay off their debt.
There are 30 million jobs in the US that pay an average of $55,000 and don’t require a bachelor’s degree; many of these jobs go to people with vocational degrees. A 2017 survey found that 70 percent of contractors have difficulty finding qualified craft workers such as electricians and plumbers.
Dr. Jordan discusses the possible answers to the question: What is the return supposed to be for your four years of college? Is it just about earning more money? Is the only purpose of an education to enable you to get a job? What, in short, is college for? These are great questions to discuss with your daughters during their high school years as they try to decide their next step after high school.
Dr. Jordan also discusses some of the non-economic benefits of a four year college experience.
He also discusses why HOW you go to college is more important than when or where you go. He also discusses the ways that gap years can be of benefit to young adults, especially if they are conscious about how they use that time.
What every young adult needs is usable skills, and college is hardly the only source for developing these. Support your daughters to carve out their own path, in their own way, & in their own time, and to not live life by shoulds & what everyone else is doing or to not disappoint parents.
If given the choice, given autonomy to choose their path and whether they go to college & where & when, they will be more invested, engaged, & thus reap more benefits from the experience.
Is college necessary for a successful life? I believe the answer is a resounding no, and we need to appreciate that all young people aren’t cut from the same cloth. Support your kids in finding their own, unique life path that fits their interests, passions, and aptitude, and watch them soar.
Show Notes:
The following are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make that leave girls feeling misunderstood and unsupported.
- Parents don’t really listen: Girls tell me their parents do a lot of interrupting, judging, and fixing instead of just getting in their shoes, seeing things from their point of view and empathizing. They truly just want to be seen, heard, and understood, not fixed.
- Parents value achievement over character: Kids whose parents value achievement over character fare worse than kids whose parents value things like empathy, compassion, resilience, and integrity more than accomplishments.
- Parents don’t let girls solve their own problems: Once you listen and your daughter feels heard, ask her what she will do about the problem. Let her think for herself and come up with her own solutions. Resilience and grit are earned through working through challenges and being able to say, “I did it!”
- You tell her how great she is: When girls express their negative self-talk out loud, please don’t reassure them with a barrage of compliments. What they need first is to just be heard and then some help learning tools to redirect her limiting thoughts and to express her emotions in healthy ways.
- Overfocus on external qualities: Stop overfocusing on things like her appearance, beauty, grades, being the best, club sport teams, trophies, being popular, and looking good.
- Focus on ‘How do I motivate my daughter’ instead of ‘how I can help her find and support her intrinsic motivation’: don’t ask enough why questions about grades, interests, friends, college, activities
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Don’t respect when she says no: try to convince her to agree with us, ignore her (dad tickling her), try to push her to spend time with friend she’s moved on from, persuade her to stay in a sport she’s burned out from, respecting her boundaries is her 1st lessons on consent
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Parents are too reluctant to share their own stories: Girls tell me all the time that their parents, especially their dads, don’t ‘get them’ because they never went through what they are experiencing. Being vulnerable and sharing some of your challenging times growing up lets her know that you CAN understand her experiences and relate.
- Parents misinterpret girls' rising need for independence to mean they aren’t needed anymore: No matter how hard girls seem to be pushing you away, they really do need you. Childhood is marked by a never-ending dance of kids going away and coming back. Adolescents do need more space and independence, but they also need you to remain their safe base for reassurance and guidance. But it needs to be at their behest, in their way, and in their time.
- Distracted: Parents are too often externally distracted with phones, work on computer and internally distracted with worries about work & money & elderly parents; kids feel unloved, not important or cared for, rejected
Give her a day: What shall you give to one small girl, a glamorous game, a tinseled toy? A girl scout knife, a puzzle pack? A train that runs on some curving track. A picture book, a real live pet? No, there’s plenty of time for such things yet. Give her a day for her very own, just one small girl and her dad alone. A walk in the woods, a romp in the park, a fishing trip from dawn to dark. Give her the gift that only you can, the companionship of her old man. Games are outgrown & toys will decay, but she’ll never forget if you give her a day.
For more information about best practices for parenting girls, especially in the areas of emotions and friendships, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
An interview with Vitaliy Katsenelson, author of the new book, Soul in the Game, about teaching kids to live a meaningful life.
Show Notes:
It’s important for parents to have a higher vision for their kids than they might have at vulnerable periods of their life
The author discusses the importance kids developing a very narrow, single focus because you become what you give your attention to. We discuss some ways to help kids develop this focus.
We discuss how to help kids develop habits that will keep them on target and how to help them create an identity that they are the kind of person who has these habits.
Vitaliy Katsenelson discusses how struggling is suffering with a purpose, and now the purpose or why is the fuel that makes you overcome the pain; embrace uncertainty and mistakes and failures; when you figure out why you are doing something and that why is important to you, suffering turns into struggle or a surmountable challenge and thus becomes more tolerable.
For more information about the concepts in Soul in the Game, and to reach the author, go to www.soulinthegame.net
Being too close & enmeshed in your daughter’s life will prevent her from finding herself, her path, & her happiness
In this podcast, learn the many ways that it can look when parents are too enmeshed in their daughter’s life, why it happens, and what girls need.
Some examples of enmeshed parent-daughter relationships:
Daughter makes choices and decisions to please and not disappoint parents
Parents using their daughter as their confidant, causing girls to become overwhelmed
Girls feel they are responsible for their parent’s happiness, depression, or any mental health issue
Parents have a really hard time letting their daughters grow, leave the nest, and become their own person independent of their mom
Parents become way too involved in their daughter’s schoolwork, friendships, dating relationships, and decision-making
What can girls & parents do?
Parents need to become aware of any ways they are being overinvolved, or they are too dependent on their daughters
Parents need to work thru past issue, express feelings, and make better sense of it so not put your story into your daughters
Parents need to handle their own present issues, like marriage problems, so that your D doesn’t need to feel responsible
Girls need to understand why their parent acts the way they do so they don’t take it personal or take responsibility for their parent’s feelings, mental health, or happiness; this is not about me!
It’s important that girls find healthy adults to talk to, vent, share: friend’s parents, counselor
Use one-on-one counseling for your daughter, yourself, and your marriage if needed as well as family counseling
Girls need space to become who they were meant to be, not be shackled with their parent’s old baggage, space to find themselves and make choices based on what’s right for them, solve own problems, make mistakes and learn from them, and to follow own path and create their own destiny.
If your daughter needs help with the above-mentioned issues, call my office at 636-530-1883 to get some one-on-one counseling.
Show Notes: Listen to 4 true stories about kind heroes who made a huge impact on how children saw themselves, me included. My encounter with legend Stan Musial Listen to how Stan Musial, one of … How Kind Heroes Can Change a Child’s Life Read More »
Show Notes: Many girls are sexually harassed at school & feel helpless to stop it; here’s what parents & schools can do to stop it. How girls are sexually harassed at school Dr. Jordan describes … Your Daughter Is Being Sexually Harassed at School Read More »
Show Notes: An interview with Sarah Evans, founder of Well Aware, about how to connect kids to a cause that makes a difference in the world & in their self-esteem. Sarah Evan’s NFP Well Aware … How to Get Your Daughter Invested in Service & Making a Difference in the World Read More »
Show Notes: The best deterrent for mean girl behavior The best deterrent for mean girl behaviors is how much girls come to know, understand, and care about each other; SEL programs create these results. Put … Social Emotional Learning Transforms Classrooms into Caring Communities Read More »
Show Notes: All girls feel different in some way & they need our unconditional love & support Here’s to the kids who are different poem How you feel different CIRCLES at my camps & school … How Your Daughter Feels Different Matters Read More »
Having safe spaces where they are accepted for who they are allows girls to stretch & flourish Show Notes: Dr. Jordan provides examples from his camp, Camp Weloki for Girls, about what a safe space … Sacred, safe spaces allow girls to connect and flourish Read More »
Girls today continue to be haunted and confused by mixed messages absorbed from the culture, leading to excessive stress, pressure, anxiety, and depression. Show Notes: Dr. Jordan describes Dr. Stephan Hinshaw’s concept of the triple … Mixed Messages That Continue to Haunt Girls Read More »
Many girls have a belief that they are not good enough, and it’s literally killing them. Here’s what parents can do about it. Show Notes: In this podcast Dr. Jordan describes many causes of why … Your Daughter’s Belief That She Is Not Good Enough Is Literally Killing Her Read More »
Listen to 15 hilarious jokes and stories about kids & parents that will lighten your mood & decrease your stress. Show Notes: Dr. Jordan describes some of the physiologic, mental health, and social benefits of … Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine Read More »
SHOW NOTES: How we view our fellow humans affects the way we treat them. Human’s natural inclination is for cooperation, connection, kindness, & empathy; if you believe the best, you’ll experience their best Dr. Jordan speaks about the findings in the book, Humankind, by Rutger Bregman.
Disasters bring out the best in us, as we like to be part of groups & communities. Dr. Jordan cites examples such as the 1940 blitzkrieg bombings of London and hurricane Katrina
The origins of myths that humans by their very nature are selfish, aggressive, and quick to panic are explained, as well as the concept of original sin and god.
Dr. Jordan describes the mean world syndrome, negativity bias, availability bias, the bystander effect, and the Rosenthal effect and how it pertains to our views about mankind’s goodness.
Thomas Pettigrew’s massive review of 515 studies from 38 countries provided overwhelming support that contact with people perceived to be different than us works to engenders more trust, solidarity and mutual kindness, helps people see the world thru other’s eyes, and makes people more tolerant of strangers. Contact is contagious and helps us rethink our own biases iwhen we see others acting differently.
Final thoughts:
Human’s natural inclination is for solidarity and cooperation. So let’s start with a belief that people are good, cooperative, empathetic, and helpful by nature.
We can learn to overcome our negativity bias by reminding ourselves to assume the best in others, believe that most people mean well, and assume that we will occasionally be cheated. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t trust everyone.
Dr. Jordan concludes with the concept of Ubuntu as described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
Humankind: A Hopeful History, by Rutger Bregman
Dr. Jordan's website: www.drtimjordan.com
Decrease sibling rivalry by changing your intention from figuring it all out to teaching kids skills to handle their conflicts on their own. Show Notes: School’s out, kids are home, and thus there is the possibility of an uptick in sibling rivalry. Dr. Jordan discusses some of the reasons behind sibling fights.
Parents have a big part in this pattern, oftentimes taking too much responsibility for their children’s conflicts and becomg part of the problem.
Parents can decide to change their intention from figuring the conflict out and doling out punishments to teaching skills so you can slowly but surely turn their fights over to them. This entails becoming an unbiased mediator, not caring who started it, whose only desire is to help them figure out a win-win solution. Since no one is punished, this eliminates a lot of the tattling behaviors.
You can teach kids how to advocate their needs and wants but also hear their siblings needs. They can then learn how to brainstorm win-win solutions that work for both. Thus, they become responsible for their spats, not you!
Dr. Jordan ends by describing how sibling’s relationships are like a two-sided coin: on one side is the rivalry, but on the other side is the love and caring they have for each other. Don’t overfocus on the fighting and miss out on all the times they show kindness to their sibling.
Find more information about raising children on Dr. Jordan’s website www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: Children, parents, couples, and the world would be far better off if we’d all learn to listen to each other; here’s how to accomplish this. People around the world believe that feminine qualities of leadership correlate more strongly with making the world a better place. Listening, collaboration, and empathy are some of the qualities most needed.
Dr. Jordan describes some of the benefits of listening including increasing your leadership potential.
Dr. Jordan describes how he teaches girls the skills for handling conflicts directly and effectively. This includes listening, getting into the shoes of other people, and creating win-win agreements.
Parents and kids can learn from Dr. Jordan’s turtle & the hailstorm metaphor for better communication that allows parents to remain an influence in their daughter’s lives.
One of the biggest deterrents to good listening is people being distracted and multitasking. Learn here some of the research about the negative effects of multitasking.
Girls need to learn to cultivate quiet, alone time to listen to themselves, to access their intuition, and to follow their urges.
Dr. Jordan also discusses the importance of parents modeling good listening with their spouses.
Show Notes: Listen to these inspiring stories to help you make sense of the senseless murders of children in Texas and Ukraine I encourage you to read the NY Times article on curbing gun violence … The Children Murdered in Texas Are Our Children Too Read More »
Show Notes: Listen in as Dr. Jordan describes 12 ways that girls can keep their power in order to build confidence and self-esteem. Advocate for yourself Know what you want and ask for it. Become … A Dozen Ways Girls Can Keep Their Power Read More »
Show Notes: Here are 12 ways girls give their power away and how it costs them. Reasons why girls give thier power away Dr. Jordan explains reasons why girls and women give their power away, … 12 Ways Girls Give Their Power Away Read More »
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan shares 10 strategies to help high school grads launch successfully into their future
What have you learned about you so far? Academically, socially, relationships, interests, aptitude, passions
Overcoming adversity: reframe any negative beliefs about yourself and be in charge of your story
Create your own picture & set intentions for what you want
Learn to savor the moments
Cultivate quiet, alone time to think, reflect, make decisions, and express feelings
Here’s how to find and surround yourself with supportive friends
Embrace the uncertainty about your future, be open to dots, and let your life unfold in your way
Teach your parents how to support you and know that it’s time for you to know what’s best for you
Learn from your mistakes and failures
Be the architect of what it means for you to “have it all”, define success on your terms
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you. A.A. Milne
For more timeless wisdom for high school grads, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
Show Notes:
I’m seeing more and more adolescent girls who are questioning their sexuality. Most of these girls feel confused, stressed & anxious because they aren’t sure what they are feeling & what it means long-term. Their parents and teachers often feel confused, some are angry, and are unsure of how to best support them.
Research has found that LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience stress and fear in school than their non-LGBTQ+ peers, resulting in bullying, verbal harassment, and physical assaults. It’s no wonder these kids experience more depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts than their non-LGBTQ peers.
My intention for this podcast is to give you some education about this issue, but mostly to offer you my observations about what I have seen & heard from girls in the past several years to help you better understand your daughters & their friends.
Dr. Jordan clears up misconceptions about the many new labels that these girls come to them with, i.e. gender queer, bisexual, pansexual, gender-nonconforming, queer, transgender, or cisgender. Dr. Jordan also discusses the use of different pronouns that girls prefer.
When a girl tells you they identify with one of these labels, I encourage you to always ask them what that means exactly for them; some are misinformed; confusing labels, better to describe feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
Most of the LGBTQ girls I work with are in questioning their sexuality; i.e. they are in the process of understanding and exploring their sexual orientation and/or gender identity and gender expression. Dr. Jordan describes many reasons why girls are undergoing this questioning process.
I tell girls to relax & take the pressure off, they don’t need to KNOW now, let life unfold more & their sexual orientation will become more obvious as they get into later teens & beyond.
Girls need safe spaces to talk about their feelings & thoughts; keeping secrets creates a lot of stress & anxiety, get caught in their heads ruminating worst-case scenarios; talking about it moves them from amygdala to verbal centers & PFC, reason supplants emotions. Secrets make girls feel alone, isolated, lead to fear and panic, depression, they think they are the only one.
Girls need their parents to be nonjudgmental, caring listeners; to be a sounding board, and to remain an influence in their lives.
Sometimes the girls are clear about who they are, have embraced it, but those around them haven’t & that mismatch is what causes them anxiety & stress & anger. We are all always becoming, never done growing or changing, okay to not be “there” yet, learn to embrace their growth & the uncertainty that comes with it.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For more information on terminology and resources for kids in the LGBTQ community, check out this site: © 2014 Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network www.glsen.org
https://youth.gov/youth-topics/lgbtq-youth/school-experiences
Understanding LGBT kids article
Dr. Jordan’s fascinating interview with 3 high school girls about what it’s like to be an old soul: What does it mean to be an ‘old soul’? Why mature, deep girls feel disconnected from their … 010: Why amazing girls often feel lonely: An interview with 3 “old souls” Read More »
Show Notes: Letting go in infancy involves developing a reciprocal interaction where you honor their needs and allow the leadership to change. This connect-disconnect pattern will persist throughout childhood.
Kids and teens need a safe home base, i.e. nurturing parents, they can come back to for comfort, encouragement, and grounding.
Letting go is a life-long process: Dr. Jordan points out many opportunities we have during childhood to turn things over to our children such as: sleeping thru the night, handling their own fears and other emotions, advocating for themselves, solving their own problems and conflicts, giving more say-so and decision-making, handling their mistakes and failures, only giving advice if asked or given permission, giving them free will to fail so they can choose to succeed and own the successes, give them the responsibility to know what’s best for them, and getting out of their way so they can forge their own path and story.
Dr. Jordan describes the importance of kids finding safe bases, i.e. mentors, to encourage, guide, and inspire them.
Summary: letting go starts in infancy & continues at each stage of development. Seeing letting go as a life-long process makes it easier at age 18 when they launch into the world.
Show Notes: How you parent matters, and the style of parenting you employ will have long-term effects on who your kids become. Dr. Jordan describes two main parenting styles: authoritarian and authoritative.
Authoritarian or Autocratic Parenting: Parents tend to make rules and set high expectations but lack warmth, nurturance, feedback, and support. Authoritarian parents tend to “rule with an iron fist.” They are often described as strict, demanding, cold, critical, and punitive. Mistakes tend to be punished harshly. When feedback does occur, it is often negative, and parents will punish kids by withholding expressions of affection.
Yelling and corporal punishment are also common, and parents utilize punishments with little or no explanation. Obedience and conformity are valued highly.
Dr. Jordan describes the feelings, decisions, and behaviors of kids who grow up in authoritarian homes. He also discusses how spanking has been found to be associated with increased risk of 13 detrimental outcomes, including aggression, antisocial behavior, impaired cognitive ability, mental health problems and physical injury, and rebellion.
Authoritative or Democratic Parenting: autonomy-supportive parenting, recognize & sensitive to child’s needs and desires, let kids take initiative and follow their lead, respect child’s perspectives, encourage child to experiment, encourage creativity and out of the box thinking, encouraging, play-by-play announcer, give choices & decision-making, solve own problems & think critically about the reasons behind each rule, support autonomy, safe and stable base, emotionally warm, close, and nurturing, long-term goals of self-control & self-motivated & self-responsible & self-determination.
Value development of self-control & self-responsibility vs obedience
Samuel & Pearl Oliner study on non-Jews who risked lives to save Jews during Holocaust: their parents had used an authoritative style of parenting
Kids who grow up with this kind of parenting are more willing to take initiative, willing to take risks, continue to go to parents for advice, more cooperative & collaborative, have healthy coping skills & grit and the ability to learn from mistakes, good problem-solver, motivated to persevere, fully engaged in passions and work, more focused, higher achievement, higher executive functioning and prosocial behaviors, lowest risk for psychopathology, share more with parents, they are more empathetic, kind, and warm, have respect for adults, other people, and rules.
Dr. Jordan discusses his version of the stages of moral development and how it relates to parenting styles. He also encourages parents to be sure they are aware of not valuing achievement over character or adding excessive pressure to excel.
Contact Dr. Jordan: drtim@drtimjordan.com
Check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes: There are many ways we can help kids develop more empathy resulting in them having greater courage, stronger relationships, and the ability to solve problems peacefully.
Dr. Jordan describes what empathy is and the importance of perspective taking. He describes several ways he works with groups of girls in classrooms and at his camps to get in the shoes of their peers and see things from their point of view.
There are numerous ways to support your children to develop more empathy including pretend play, reading together and reading history and pausing to ask questions about how characters are feeling and how they might feel in that situation. Dr. Jordan discusses the value of helping kids empathize with people who are different from them and to respect people of all races, religions, and other characteristics.
He also points to the importance of acknowledging kids whenever they go out of their way to show kindness and compassion, in big ways and small.
Finally, Dr. Jordan describes the African concept of Ubuntu as a way to think of empathy and interdependence.
For more great ideas about supporting girl’s emotional lives, watch Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
There are reasons behind why reason why parents micromanage, overprotect, overindulge, and become overinvolved in their children’s lives. In this podcast you will learn about the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and the effects of “Ghosts in the nursery”.
Vulnerable child syndrome: kids become vulnerable to being parented differently because of experiences like problems getting pregnant, problems during the pregnancy, perinatal problems at delivery, or any issues in the baby’s 1st months. Worries about their child are planted in parent’s minds that sprout later on into ineffective parenting.
Ghosts in the nursery are any unresolved experiences or emotions from parent’s past that can resurface and “HAUNT” their parenting; Psychiatrist Selma Fraiberg describes them as visitors from the unremembered past of parents, the uninvited guests at the christening.”
Unresolved issues and feelings from parents past can include things like being neglected or abandoned, feeling shy and left out, living in a home with parents with addictions, problems with infertility or miscarriages, difficulties during the pregnancy, postnatal problems like slow weight gain or failure at nursing, or illnesses in the first year.
Dr. Jordan tells stories to illustrate each of these “ghosts” as well as the places where ghosts commonly appear: sleep issues, feeding, discipline and tantrums, dating, mental health concerns, school concerns, and letting go.
Solutions: Dr. Jordan describes the need for parents to become aware of any ghosts that may be affecting their parenting, bring any related feelings to the surface and express them in order to normalize them. These emotions will then no longer have power over you.
Parents can then make the connection between their ghost and their present parenting behavior = “Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time letting go”.
Contact Dr. Jordan: drtim@drtimjordan.com
For more information about effective parenting strategies, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You Are Flying By the Seat of Your Pants
Title: Our Children Deserve Better Than Aggression & War Show Notes:
The war in Ukraine reveals our unhealthy conditioning about aggression, labeling, and focusing on differences. Dr. Jordan uses some insightful stories to raise points about why we use aggression to solve our problems, why labels can be so damaging, and the effect of the war on children.
There are many things we can do to shift out of our conditioning to change our world view.
Become aware of our conditioning and work at transcending it to a higher level of behavior and consciousness.
Focus more on our commonalities than our differences.
Treat others as they deserve to be treated, with kindness and compassion and understanding vs judgments and hatred.
Here some pertinent quotes from Mr. Rogers about looking for the helpers during crisis times and how to transcend differences.
Understand the African concept of ubuntu as described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu: Ubuntu is the essence of being a person. It means that we are people through other people. We cannot be fully human alone. We are made for interdependence; we are made for family. When you have ubuntu, you embrace others.
For information about Dr. Jordan and his camps for girls and his publications, go to www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes: 2 fears are driving parents to push and micromanage their children:
the fear that their kids are going to fall behind their peers and not keep up with the Jones’s kids”
Fear of how do I prepare my child for a future that is so much different than my experience
So, parents fill kid’s schedule with enrichment classes, professional coaching, premier summer sports camps, test prep, early specialization
Parents also overfocus on achievement instead of character
All of this is telling us something about how we view childhood
Childhood is not a race or a contest where parents feel they must mold/ micromanage, motivate child to stay on course we set for them
Kids are missing out on knowing themselves and being distracted from what’s really important: getting to know yourself, self-exploration, reflection, contemplation, quiet time, self-awareness, social-emotional intelligence, try different things, take risks, develop self-efficacy, no time to just be!
GS/HS should be about growing up, learning social-emotional intelligence skills, autonomy to pursue interests, figure out what you like & aptitude, sample
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play for plays sake and love of the game
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learn for love of learning, service
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explore, adventures, challenge yourself
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make decisions based on what’s right for them vs keeping up with the Jones’ kids
Let kids be kids! build their own story and make their unique mark on the world (Bobbi Brown story)
- Not allow your parenting to be guided by these fears
Show Notes: And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. Haruki Murakami We are far enough along in the pandemic to zoom out and take a broader look at it vs. just keep rehashing statistics of the number of new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths.
I encourage you to choose to focus on what you have learned about yourself and life because of it of it. What lessons have you learned these past two years? More importantly, what have your children learned about themselves and life because of the pandemic?
Questions to ask your children:
How have you grown? Emotionally? Spiritually? What have you learned about handling your emotions, especially frustration and fear?
How have you learned to deal with uncertainty? Change?
How did you deal with losses? People, events, experiences
What habits or activities did you do that helped your mood and ability to cope?
What have you learned about overcoming adversity? What have you learned about your level of resilience? Are you more confident & optimistic?
Lessons about creating your own structure for schoolwork and learning? Forced to be more independent & self-motivated
How you kept your relationships strong despite social isolation. How did you stay connected?
Forced to let go of things we had no control over & decide what you DO have control over? My moods, feelings, reactions, outlook, where I spend my time and energy, who you surround yourself with
You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye
Lessons transferable to other adversities, challenges, and obstacles; developing a growth mindset is discussed
Gifts: What are some of the gifts you received b/c of covid?
More time with family? Closer connections?
Started a new hobby? Learned to play an instrument? Did more arts and crafts?
Learned to enjoy your alone time? Learned to handle your boredom? All of man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. Blaise Pasqual
Spend time reflecting on these questions, journal your answers to internalize the lessons & gifts, discuss as a family; change the focus from loss and negatives to gratitude and growth
Show Notes: Dr. Jordan’s interview with author Dr. Clare Fieseler about inspiring girls through stories of real life, modern day women who forged their own paths in science and exploration.
STORIES FROM THE NEW BOOK, NO BOUNDARIES Using stories from Dr. Feiseler’s new book, No Boundaries: 25 Women Explorers and Scientists Share Adventures, Inspiration, and Advice, girls will learn about what it’s really like to be a woman in science – including the hardships many endured before ultimately forging their own paths in science and exploration.
GIRLS WILL LEARN DIFFERENT CAREERS IN SCIENCE & EXPLORATION THEY MAY NOT BE AWARE OF Listeners will hear about different career paths in some fascinating, unique fields such as paleontology, mammalogy, primatology, conservationists, astronomy, volcanology, and photojournalism.
COMMON THEMES IN HOW THESE WOMEN BECAME HIGH ACHIEVERS IN THEIR FIELDS Dr. Fieseler will talk about common themes that run thru these 25 women’s stories: following urges, early life experiences that triggered their interests, working thru obstacles and never giving up, the value of mentors and role models, and not settling for the prescribed paths society lays out for girls today.
Dr. Fieseler’s book can be found wherever you buy your books, or thru National Geographic, books bought after March 1, 2022 thru the site www.shopdisney.com will provide a free book for girls in need
No Boundaries: 25 Women Explorers and Scientists Share Adventures, Inspiration, and Advice
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com
For some invaluable information on how to parent girls to become leaders who forge their own paths, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan offers 3 more ways that parents may parent that will cause their daughters to become miserable adults:
- Focus on unhealthy things: too often focus on things you have no control over; better to focus on what you make of negative experiences and adversity, you are in charge of your story, focus on reframing negative beliefs you have about past adversities
- Not live in present: conditioned when you get a little bored or frustrated to just swipe and move onto next photo or next person or what’s next vs savor each moment
Ruminate worst-case, live in future, focus on grades and results vs focus on the process; creates stress & pressure
Practice mindfulness, live in the present, focus on the journey and not the destination
- Girls don’t learn how to be alone and quiet: we’ve taught girls to be busy & distracted vs enjoy alone, quiet time; Dr. Jordan discusses why parents micromanage and push their kids and the costs to kids because of it
Kids need to learn to check in with their thoughts & feelings, reflect, contemplate, soul search, access intuition & gut, make decisions, know what you want and need, KNOW THYSELF
Parents can learn to become aware of they are following some of these unhealthy habits and to do it different
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan offers 7 ways that parents may parent that will cause their daughters to become miserable adults:
- Make choices to not disappoint others or to please others vs making decisions based on what’s right and best for them. Parents need to start asking kids their reasons for doing everything, help them to become self-motivated, autonomous, more fulfilled and happier
- Buy into cultural myths: one narrow path for all kids to follow, one mistake as young adults will totally derail their entire life, advertising’s message that they are never enough, and the triple bind unrealistic standards all girls and women must follow; girls need to set their own standards and create their own path
- Kids are conditioned to become externally motivated and to need externals like praise, approval, be applauded, popular, and rich in order to be happy and successful; they become dependent on others for their sense of themselves
- Kids and families follow the cultural script of keeping up with the Jones’ vs taking the time to create their own end in mind to guide their decisions and behaviors
Part 2 next week will describe 3 more habits that are unhealthy for kids, parents, and families
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan uses Edgar Allan Poe’s story, Descent into the Maelstrom, as a metaphor for how people feel stressed, out of control in turmoil.
It’s hard to feel quiet and grounded because everything seems to be moving so fast, with no time for breathing or rest. This includes the incessant onslaught of information, texts, emails, and social media. And it also includes all the uncertainty, losses, and stress from the covid pandemic.
Dr. Jordan discusses many of the stresses that adolescent girls are experiencing today: schoolwork, activities, college process, select sports, friendship dramas, dating relationships, and the effects of covid on them and their families.
How can we extricate ourselves from our present-day maelstrom?
We need to reach out and grab onto something solid, our own water cask if you will. This can include connecting with loved ones or pouring ourselves into meaningful work we have a passion for. It could also look like being of service in some way to others in need and putting yourself into a state of gratitude by expressing appreciation in some way.
Most importantly, we need to connect more with people and extend kindness whenever we can.
Dr. Jordan shares three quotes that illustrate the need to live more in the present moment, savor the moments, and taking action to create momentum and energy forward.
We don’t always have control over experiences thrown our way, but we do have control over how we respond to life’s challenging whirlwinds. Grab onto your “cask” and rise above the fray towards feeling contentment and grounded.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
To learn more about creating the life you desire, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
Show Notes:
Help girls understand why they ruminate and learn tools to handle it and their anxiety
Ruminating, i.e., making mountains out of molehills, causes much anxiety in girls & can be tamed with awareness & tools
Dr. Jordan shares real stories from six girls whose life experiences have triggered them to ruminate worst-case fears that overwhelm them
Dr. Jordan explains how the female brain is wired to ruminate and some evolutionary reasons why that may be true.
Rumination can be positive if used to learn from experiences and to gain courage and confidence from overcoming adversity.
Ruminating worst-case causes girls to create mountains out of molehills resulting in anxiety, stress, and feeling overwhelmed.
Demystifying anxiety and rumination can take a lot of the energy out of it for girls
Tools to catch and switch out of ruminating: bring yourself to the present moment with breath work and focusing on one sense at a time; creating mantras to switch out of anxious thinking, doing a reality check
Dr. Jordan stresses the importance of parents watching their own anxiety and energy around their daughter’s emotions so their daughter feels their support and confidence in them
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For more information about teaching girls about their self-talk and in handling their anxiety, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
My interview with author Dr. Kelly McGonigal about the upside of stress and how to harness it
People who reported high levels of stress but did not view it as harmful had the lowest risk of death of anyone in the study; It wasn’t stress that was killing people, but the combination of stress and the belief that it is harmful.
Do you have a toxic relationship with stress? When stress feels against your will and out of your control, if it’s completely devoid of meaning and if it isolates you from others.
How can girls experience a shift in their stress mindset? The more you try to avoid and resist the suffering, the worse it gets. The more you mindfully accept it, the anxiety, the suffering, the stress, and take action anyway, the more it improves your own well-being. It takesshifting your stress mindset.
The most important factor in determining your response to pressure is how you think about your ability to handle it; you’re more likely to have a challenge response if you focus on your resources.
Most effective strategies for this are acknowledging your personal strengths; thinking about how you have prepared for a particular challenge; remembering times in the past when you overcame similar challenges; imagining the support of your loved ones, and praying, or knowing that others are praying for you, mantras, these are all quick mindset shifts that can turn a threat into a challenge.
Dr. McGonigal discusses the benefits of writing and self-compassion in understanding and handling stress.
Contact Dr. McGonigal: http://kellymcgonigal.com/joymedia
The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Learn more about the stress girls experience in their friendships and their emotions and how to manage them with Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
Covid fatigue: When we are in the eye of the storm and can’t find our way out, it is easy to lose hope and think the storm will last forever. But one day the sun will shine on you again, and the clouds will clear, and you will look around and realize you have been blown to an even better place. Sometimes, in the storm, there is a miracle waiting to be seen. Dani, look for the lessons & gifts from the pandemic vs focus on the negatives
Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. Emory Austin, take action to create energy, momentum, and movement
Support kids in developing grit & confidence:
Just remember: The people that say, “Your dreams are impossible” have already quit on theirs. Grant Cardone
When someone tells me “No”, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them. Karen Quinones Miller
May you never be the reason why someone who loves to sing doesn’t, or why someone who dressed so uniquely now wears plain clothing, or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams is now silent about them, or someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were critical, nonappreciative, judgmental, or sarcastic about it. Mostafa Ibrahim;
It’s curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not. Neil Tyson, Support kid’s passions & dreams
Mindfulness: Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. William Martin
Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. William Feather
Model and teach kids to be in the moment and to savor each moment
Being of service: We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman
We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, “It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.” Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes. Fred Rogers; acknowledge heroes other than soldiers & first responders: teachers, activists, nurses, people who are of service to others, people who live life fully and don’t care what others think
"It actually doesn't take much to be considered a difficult woman. That's why there are so many of us." Jane Goodall, honor powerful girls even if they have rough edges
Final thoughts for parents who want to become and remain an influence in their daughter’s life now, throughout the teen years and beyond:
My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person—he believed in me. Jim Valvano
My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. Clarence Kelland
In the end, there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just needs to be someone who wants to. Robert Brault
Happy new year to you all
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
SHOW NOTES:
A 13-year-old Japanese girl in 1955 shows us a model for lasting peace
Express gratitude for those who have and are “packing your chute”, i.e., people who have shown you kindness, mentored you, and been there for you in thick and thin
During WWII, compassionate people on board a transport ship sing Christmas carols to captured German prisoners. At that moment, everyone on both sides of the wall experienced the universal truth – that at the core of our being, all people everywhere are one. They experienced ubuntu. Attitude of oneness & that we are all of one family that I spoke of in my last podcast.
Thanx so much for listening in each week. Happy holidays to all my listeners and their families. See you next year!
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. We are hard-wired to connect; alone = death
Individual choices are powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do, there are powerful social influences on our behavior
Mirror neurons cause behaviors to be contagious; this is true for drinking, drugs, cigarettes, breaking rules, and stress at school. It’s also true for cheating on tests; we catch temptation when we see others give in to it.
Works in (+) way too: can catch self-control, but we are more susceptible to temptations
Thinking about someone with good self-control can increase your own willpower. You ask self, “What would they do?” This is truer the closer you are to the person.
Kindness is contagious: I’m challenging you to be kind and generous this holiday season and to show kindness wherever and with whomever you can & practice ubuntu; it’s obvious that our world, big and small, needs both.
Click here to see the full list of 101 Random Acts of Kindness ideas.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
If you want to better understand your daughter’s friendships and emotions, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course for parents, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show notes:
Dr. Jordan describes mature girls who are empathetic and become their friend’s therapist
The value girls derive from being a confidant
The costs to girls of taking care of everyone else but not their own needs
Dr. Jordan describes the importance of girls taking care of their own needs first and being grounded
Girls need to learn to NOT take responsibility for their friend’s problems and emotions and to let go of their friend’s feelings to avoid becoming overwhelmed themselves
Parents need to give girl’s permission and the skills to set boundaries with their friends
Validate who your daughter is and also value the necessity of self-care to avoid becoming drained and experiencing burnout
Stop a world from learning poem is from The Tao of Healing, by Haven Trevino
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Four 21-year-old women candidly share about their lives, future, & the effects of covid. Here are some questions they answered.
How has covid affected your education?
What is it like to be 21 today? How are you & your peers handling covid? How has covid affected your relationships, education, partying, and dating?
Future: Do you think about it much? Fears? Pressures & stress? Excited?
How do you & your peers view dating & marriage?
What has been the effect of the #metoo movement? What have been your experiences with sexual harassment?
Is leaning in & breaking glass ceiling on your radar? Do you feel pressure to be top student, athlete, CEO?
For some great, practical advice for how young adults can thrive through these formative years, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
Show notes:
Kids feel unimportant, not cared about, and unloved when they are around distracted parents
Dr. Jordan relates why your daughter might want to be a TV set:
They would have their family all around them warm & cozy & happy; They would take them seriously when they talk and really listen to them. They would be the center of attention and people would listen to them without interrupting. Their family would see them as interesting, funny, wise, knowledgeable, important, & irreplaceable. The family would immediately notice if they’re upset & not their best and care for them to get me back up and running. They want to be the person who brings the family together and makes everyone happy.
Here’s why your daughter might want to be a phone:
Phones are always with parents, always noticed, and parents would take them everywhere; prefer to look at me vs play with siblings or talk to their friends; always checking up on me to be sure I am happy and charged up; they’d never leave home without me much less leave me alone; they would brag to their friends about all the things I can do; I’d be last thing they check on or think about each night and first thing they check on each morning; they’d always tell me they couldn’t live without me or don’t know how they ever lived without me; they’d love me more and more each year as I get more and more interesting and complicated.
To avoid your daughter wanting to become your TV or phone, here are some suggestions to help girls feel more loved:
The whole family can agree to turn off devices when they eat, play games, travel in the car & be fully present with each othe.
Remember to do the little things: tuck ins each night, notice me without having to ask or create drama, ask my opinion, value what I have to say and who I am, value all parts of me just like the different channels; technology changes over time & so will I, so embrace all of my changes, spend uninterrupted time with me
Help me feel loved, noticed, special, understood, important, & valued
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
To create more closeness around the dinner table or during car rides, check out Dr. Jordan’s Dinner Dialogue Cards for questions to gain deeper insight into kids and for them to learn more about you.
Show Notes:
Girl’s dissatisfaction with their bodies didn’t start with Instagram and social media; the real culprit was bathroom mirrors and home scales
Just like social media doesn’t start friendship drama but only amplifies it, the use of Instagram and other social media didn’t create girl’s body dissatisfaction but has escalated it
The history of fat in our country: beginning in the 1800s, Dr. Jordan discusses the evolution in our thinking about women’s weight and body ideals.
Body dissatisfaction began long ago, long before TV & smart phones & social media: bathroom mirrors and scales, store bought clothes, HS, advertising, the fashion industry & changing styles, increased investment in products, medical data about the harmful effects of being overweight, the proliferation of dieting & dieting products, the fitness craze, acceptance of women’s sexuality and the subsequent need to be sexually attractive, the shifting cultural standards for how women were supposed to look, how they should judge themselves and others, and how they should eat; these have all created a moving target of standards, ideals, and expectations. Girls also have to maneuver through current challenges of exhibitionism, perfectionism, lookism, and consumerism.
Throughout history, girls have had to grapple with the influence of new information coming from movies, TV, magazines, music videos, YouTube, and social media.
Parents need to be sensitive about what they say about their bodies and other’s bodies, especially moms, as girls are constantly listening and watching. Research shows that parents who model body-positive behaviors, including a relaxed attitude about healthy eating and enjoyment of physical activity, are more likely to raise body-positive kids.
It is also protective to watch media like TV shows, movies, and social media content with your daughters and then have discussions to help educate girls to be more media and image savvy.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com and drtim@drtimjordan.com
For more information about raising daughters to who are healthy, image savvy and happy, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girl
Show Notes:
Parent’s job is to offer encouragement & resources to support their daughters to find their intrinsic motivation & passions
Children find their passions and the motivation to pursue them in many different ways.
Dr. Jordan tells numerous fascinating stories about eminent people and how they found their purpose, calling, and motivation.
Most kids need to experience a range of experiences before they find their “thing”.
Some kids find their motivation by overcoming adversity.
Kids need someone in their corner who can help them become aware of their intrinsic motivation, who value their interests and passions, and who encourages them to go for it.
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com
For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
A better question is: How can I support my daughter’s intrinsic motivation? How can I help her discover her own internal motivation?
In many ways, the answer is to get out of her way.
Ask kids why they want the grades they desire, and why they love the activities they are into. When they share why they love what they are doing, mirror it back to help them internalize their intrinsic good feelings for their passions.
Bobbi Brown story: taken from, Wherever You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni
Mia Hamm story from The Right Words at the Right Time, by Marlo Thomas
Many kids do not find motivation with schoolwork/education until after HS or college when can choose what they study & pursue, especially if they are strongminded, independent, and with an entrepreneurial spirit. Some kids will NOT be into school the way you want no matter what parents do
Value passion where you find it, and trust that the lessons they learn from such pursuits will be transferrable to other endeavors
The stories of Jane Goodall and the Wright brothers illustrate the importance of encouraging and supporting your children’s dreams.
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com
For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
Show Notes:
A lot of 20-somethings view 20s as a time for fun, but that is faulty thinking. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35, earning power is decided in your 1st 10 years, brain & personality change more during 20’s than at any other time before or after
The 20s is a time of lots of choices & greater freedom, but 20-somethings may experience this as a two-edged sword as it creates confusion and anxiety and uncertainty
Meg Jay describes what identity capitol is and how 20-somethings can become aware of what they’ve learned about themselves up till now. Identity capitol is personal assets, what we have to show for how we have spent our time, investments we make in ourselves, aptitudes, interests, passions, how we present ourselves, solve problems, cope with life’s ups and downs, hobbies, life experiences; how you resolved your identity crisis; it’s valuable to assess what your past life experiences say about you and your future
We discussed the potential cost of being underemployed and being too focused on not wanting to settle
Dating and relationships was also discussed: the choice of who you marry is more important for long term happiness than what college you go to; age 30 deadline, angst if still unmarried and feel behind and pressured to find someone; the importance of our self-perceived mate value: people spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning a relationship, should spend time and money on retreats, therapy, personal growth
We discussed the critical shift from being wanted to wanting = what do you want and deserve?
The biologic clock is real as far as having children; you can use that urgency to help 20-somethings plan their futures instead of being anxious and stressed
What is the effect of the frontal lobe not fully wired until sometime between 20-30? Opportunity for new connections that won’t happen again in our lives, never be so quick to learn new things, 20 somethings who use their brain by engaging in good jobs and real relationships are learning the language of adulthood right when brain primed to learn it
20-somethings can Make a rough plan for your life over the next 10 years: love, work, education, money, travel, friends, family, health, habits, purpose
Contact Meg Jay: The Defining Decade: Why 20-somethings Matter
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Another great read for your young adults is Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living
3 high school girls candidly discuss the effects of not having a dad present in their lives Show Notes: Effects of absent dads at different ages 3 high school girls candidly discussing the effects of … 005: Absent Dads Read More »
Show Notes:
Girls need safe spaces to express all of their feelings, especially during the roller coaster of emotions during the teens years
Dr. Jordan shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience
A 10 is a 10 is a 10 principal: a loss is a loss, the experience and details may differ, but the emotions don’t feel any less real = a 10 is a 10 is a 10, we can relate to each other even if our stories aren’t the same
A loss of a pet can create similar feelings to other seemingly more important losses; a pet is always there for you, can share stories and fears and they listen without judgment, pets become a safe haven for girls
When kids come to you with their feelings, take them seriously, listen, mirror, get in their shoes and see from their point of view, affirm feelings, ask if they want feedback, help them see it in a different perspective, encourage them to journal, draw, etc. to express & make sense of emotions & loss; never belittle, minimize, judge them as being dramatic or too sensitive
Girls at camp realize they are not the only ones who have experienced what they have, they are not alone or crazy, peers can relate even if their stories are different
A 10 is a 10 is a 10; remember this principle so kids feel safe to share with you
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Email feedback to drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com
If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Show Notes:
Consent is not a one time talk at age 16; most sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years. This includes teaching about respect, setting and respecting boundaries, and advocating for yourself
Building solid relationships at home becomes the template for all future relationships and it allows kids to develop self-confidence and a belief that they deserve to take care of themselves
Girls need to learn the difference between being assertive vs aggressive; this is best done with role playing at home
We discuss the importance of teaching kids how to access and trust their intuition in order to take care of themselves; also how alcohol and drugs blunts your internal alarm system
Christy discusses some of the legal aspects of consent that parents and kids should know
We discussed how parents can handle and prevent sexting
Discussions about boundaries and consent should be a continuous process throughout childhood; don’t wait until they are ready to go off to college!
Contacting Christy Keating: https://www.theheartfulparent.com/consent listeners to this podcast are eligible for 2 free handouts about teaching kids about consent
Contacting Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Parents become too involved in their children’s homework, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation
Start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork and homework
Begin by discussing what intentions she has for this school year, i.e. let her tell you what she wants to accomplish.
Learning: ask questions about what she enjoys, grades she desires, and especially why; ask her what her plan is to accomplish these goals; what did she learn last year during covid about how to study and stay on track?
Friendships: What does she want as far as her social life? deepen current friends? attract better ones? Have friends in different groups? What is her plan to achieve this?
Activities: why does she love the ones she does? Willing to try new ones?
Personal growth: Are there any ways she’d like to get out of her comfort zone and stretch herself? Take more risks? Try new things? Advocate more for herself? Not compare herself so much? Raise her hand in class more often? Show up as real self vs façade?
Autonomy: Ask why they want whatever they decide; they need more autonomy to develop become more self-motivation and self-responsibility
Autonomy = engagement = perseverance = fulfillment = they own results so it’s their touchdown dance
She may falter at 1st b/c not want to take responsibility and used to parents jumping in to fix and rescue; there may be a learning curve so be patient; if she feels stuck or falters, ask her, “What will you do?”
The time to turn over responsibility for their schoolwork is now! The costs of faltering are much lower the younger they are. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college to let go.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For comprehensive information about your daughter’s social and emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Parents become too involved in their children’s schoolwork, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation Show Notes: The start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork … Stop Micromanaging Your Child’s Homework! Read More »
Show Notes: 3 young women who are about to begin college open up about the following issues:
Describe the mixed emotions you are going thru as you anticipate leaving for college
Share your biggest fears about making friends, handling being away from home, ability to handle your school work, missing your support network, and picking their major and career path
What are you most excited about?
Are you open to getting out of your comfort zone and redefining yourself? What might that look like?
When did you 1st start feeling pressure about college & picking major? From whom?
What boundaries do you need to set with parents and boyfriends, especially about staying in touch?
What self-care habits will you be sure to incorporate into your schedule? quiet space, exercise, nature, express feelings
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Also have your daughter check out Dr. Jordan’s book written for young adults to help them figure out their calling: Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living
SHOW NOTES:
Weight in Gold HBO sports documentary
It delves into the debilitating depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations, and other mental health crises that can plague these athletes on their quests for gold, regardless of their level of acclaim
Intense training, hours, singular focus to the exclusion of other things like friendships, family time & vacations; fear of taking even 1 day off
I’m aware of benefits of kids playing youth sports: teamwork, learning a skill, exercise for your body, win & lose, sportsmanship, see body for its function vs just appearance, make friends with similar interest, creates a tribe
Overuse injuries have been rising: Sports specialization and not following the youth sport participation recommendations may increase the chance of overuse injuries; Female athletes more frequently specialize in a sport at earlier ages and sustain more injuries than males
Whole life structured around their sport; when quit b/c of injury or graduate HS, not know how to structure their days on their own
Must grieve this as a loss, a process, take time to journal what they learned about self, gained, life lessons they want to take with them, things they want to leave behind
Knew their place by their ranking, their numbers and times, accolades from coaches and parents, now not sure how they are doing, sense of confidence and standing must come from within
Do things for YOUR reasons, what do you want and WHY?
Body image: see selves as fat when really muscular; compare their muscular legs to toothpick friends; distorted body image
Stress from parents and coaches and recruiters and college prospects: MS & HS girls want to quit b/c they are burned out but afraid of disappointing parents, coaches, teammates
Value achievement over character; adds pressure, anxiety about measuring up and winning and pleasing adults, depression if fail
What can parents do?
Balance: sports with music, arts, jobs, family time, alone down time, time to follow other interests
Make sure kids are pursuing sport b/c of their reasons vs pleasing us or not disappointing us, “Why do you love soccer? Painting?
Listen to them if express burnout, be heard and understood, let them choose activities and levels
Need for breaks, family vacations, normal camps
Choose coaches with good intentions
Refuse to get caught up in the current rat race of college scholarship or bust, being the best, doing same sport year-round, focus on winning and being on the best club teams
Parents need to set the tone, family intentions (TJ & hockey), OK to say no, derive benefits w/o the costs
Be aware of your child’s mental health, look past medals to how they are feeling & coping (like grades after divorce)
Have safe place/person to talk about their feelings, worries, fears; just talking about it is therapeutic and healing, they are not alone
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
The stories of fictional characters like Moana and the Wizard of Oz’s Dorothy can help your daughter reframe her adolescent challenges as a normal part of her heroine’s journey and to relax and enjoy the process
Every adolescent girl must embark on this journey to discover new depths of courage, strength, hope, and resolve within herself that she can draw upon to overcome the challenges of growing up
Won’t grow in protected environments; growth as response to demands/ challenges of experience
Favorite books: Spinning straw into gold, Original fairy tales, Sound of a silver horn, She, The witch must die, Joseph Campbell’s The power of myth & The hero with a thousand faces, Women who run with wolves
Call to adventure is a summons to leave old beliefs; Dorothy called to a larger life beyond her outmoded situation in Kansas; Rapunzel, Little mermaid, Cinderella yearn to break loose from home even at the risk of losing their life
Our heroines usually meet a mentor who guides and encourages them on their quest. Mentors like Moana’s grandmother, Professor Dumbledore for Harry Potter, the good witch Glinda for Dorothy, Gandalf for Frodo and Bilbo; all saw more in our heroines before they could see it in themselves
Fictional young heroines must confront their deepest fears and face a series of dangerous encounters that tests their strength & resolve; must gain the strength and resources to survive & be ready to face the adult world
Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, girls must pull back the curtain of her limiting beliefs and conditioning and look inward to find her power and innermost resources.
Your daughter must learn to get quiet and go inward to find her own truth and strength. She must learn to stop giving away her power just as Dorothy learned to hold onto her ruby slippers. And like Dorothy, girls must become aware that they have the power to realize their own heart’s desire.
Fairy tales and fictional stories are a great vehicle to understand the trials and tribulations of both the story’s characters as well as your own. Girl’s feelings of discontent, restlessness, emptiness, uncertainty, anxiety and despair can be normalized in the context of the heroine’s journey
Touch points: feel out of sorts, depression, anxiety, uncertainty, self-doubt = sign of growth, transformation, change
What has called you? Any urges? What ignites your passion? What pulls you in a positive direction? Who helps you stay on course? What brings you joy, fills your heart, inspires you?
Learn to have quiet, alone time to reflect, soul search, check in with her feelings & intuition; trust urges, understand touch points & Heroine’s journey
Descent into the maelstrom metaphor: what will you hold onto to get you thru tough times? Friends & mentors & parents
Reframe road of trials (college process) to road of adventures & excitement full of opportunities to grow, learn who they really are and what they’re capable of vs. focus on fears
Help her find passions and friends she can hold onto to get her through the tough times. Like these heroines, your daughter can learn to master her emotions, face her fears, overcome challenges, and ultimately find and embrace the parts of herself that yearn to be expressed.
Dr. Jordan’s contact info: www.drtimjordan.com
If this podcast resonated with you and how you can support your daughter’s heroine’s journey, click on this link and get his book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls
Show notes:
Societal push to give kids leg up, an edge, childhood is race to be best/top, keeping up with the Jones’ kids, early specialization, pushed to decide what you should be before first figuring out who you are
A better path: Early sampling, diverse experience, breadth, interdisciplinary thinking, delayed concentration, ability to integrate broadly, go thru sampling period best prepares kids
Learning things is less important than learning about yourself, growing self-knowledge, consider how much we grow and evolve and discover new things about ourselves; will have many jobs in future not just because jobs and technology changes but because YOU change!
Do experiments: Focus on here’s who I am now, here are my motivations, here’s what I’ve found I like to do, here’s what I’d like to learn, here are the opportunities, which of these is the best match right now? After a while I may switch if I find something better or a better match, short term planning
My Dot Theory: do whatever seems like it would teach you something and allow you to be of service, diverse experiences accumulate, do what’s needed and drawn to at the time, the only plan is to do what is interesting or needed now
Unhealthy definition of success: attaining wealth and status by climbing institutional ladder = know your destination, work hard, nose to the grindstone, stay the course, just do same things as others but better; happiness is reward for staying the course, retire and then have fun
Dark horses value fulfillment, passion, sense of purpose, deeply engaged in what they did; pursuit of fulfillment led them to success & was crucial for their success
Ask why they like activities, grades, score goals, draw
Dark horses were not fulfilled by being excellent at something but by being deeply engaged with their own thing
Importance of what we focus on and value:
- Value urges, following intuition, fulfillment at every step
- Value meandering, detours, breadth of experience, experimentation, and wisdom of deep experience (275)
- Autonomy, flow, passion, freedom to change course
Books: Range by David Epstein; The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, Dark Horse by Todd Rose, The Element by Ken Robinson
Contact Dr. Jordan:
If you or your young adult resonated with the ideas in this podcast, go to Dr. Tim’s website right now and get his book written for young adults, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living The wisdom in this book will help your teens and young adults to find their purpose, stay on track to create the life they desire, and define success on their own terms.
www.drtimjordan.com
Show Notes:
Dr. Jordan interviewed Meg jay PhD, author of the book, Supernormal: The untold story of adversity and resilience
Nearly 75% of people experience adversity by the age of 20 (loss of a parent to death or divorce; bullying; alcoholism or drug abuse in the home; mental illness in a parent or a sibling; neglect; emotional, physical or sexual abuse; having a parent in jail; or growing up alongside domestic violence)
How fear and chronic, cumulative stress affects the brain
Why keeping secrets about your adversities is so harmful to kids; what predicts distress after adversity is not severity of the event but how alone one feels afterward; discussed the value of girls sharing their stories at Camp Weloki and knowing they aren’t alone or crazy
The benefits of being supernormal (having gotten thru adversity)
What qualities/experiences best help kids adjust & become resilient
Why girls are hardier than boys when subjected to stress & adversity
The importance of focusing on how you survived vs just about your hardships or how you are broken
Contact Meg Jay: Supernormal: The untold story of adversity and resilience
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For more info on the pressures & stressors girls experience & how to support them, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girl
SHOWNOTES
Reflecting on your mortality can be an important motivator for living your life at 110%; triggered by an article from Dailystoic.com about concept called Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality that goes back to Socrates,
Write your own eulogy, how do you want people to remember you after you’ve passed? what’s really important? What do you value most? good husband, father, role model, be of service
Write out your personal mission statement
Use these tools to begin with the end in mind; to guide your decisions
I encourage parents to begin with the end in mind with activities; do with kids so you all decide what’s important and what you value & use that to guide decisions about activities, schools, etc.
Practice daily Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality
Use this to create perspective, sense of urgency, to not put off important things and relationships
Write out your eulogy to give your life more meaning & purpose, help you to prioritize your actions
Be conscious about how you spend your time; easy to waste hours on social media; adults are spending about 10,000 hours a year on social media
Read books, more time in nature, deep conversations, learn an instrument, journal, write a book, art, send thank-you notes, gratitude, personal growth and nonfiction books
Take more risks
Develop a habit of practicing Memento Mori each day
SHOWNOTES:
Having the autonomy to choose college and focusing on how they use their university experience will allow women to get the most from their experience
We need to debunk the myth that you must go to an elite college to be successful despite pressures from the education system, teachers, colleges, and the culture
We also need to reframe the belief that there is one path to success, i.e., straight A’s, top college, top job, making a lot of money
Learn how to ask girls why they love what they do, i.e. color, draw, soccer, theater, then reflect back their feelings and thoughts so they internalize it as their intrinsic motivation
Supporting their intrinsic motivation throughout childhood sets kids up to think for themselves and go inward for knowing what’s best for them
What really matters are how well you use the university you go to and what you demand of it. Focus on using those years to come of age, bust out of your comfort zone, try new subjects and activities, reinvent yourself, travel abroad vs. just recreate your high school experience; expand yourself and being open to change and growth
What is harder to measure but far more important is a young adult’s level of grit, optimism, integrity, people skills, street smarts, stamina, and determination, engagement in jobs or internships or hobbies and passions; thus be aware of what you are focusing on and where you put your energy
Teach your kids that WHY they are choosing a college is more important than where they end up. HOW they do their college experience is also more valuable than the name of the university. Have the courage to swim against the tide of parents and an educational system obsessed with the elite college myth.
Encourage teens to be the architect their college experience, do it their way & for their reasons & focus less on name across sweatshirt
Invictus, William Ernest Henley
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Go to Dr. Jordan’s website right now and order his book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living and give it to your teenager or young adult for more insights into finding their calling and creating the life they were meant to live.
it is available in both print or e-book formats. Kindle versionPrint version
Guest: Kirsten Karchmer: Kirsten is an Integrative medicine practitioner and researcher with extensive experience in biomedical sciences, functional medicine, nutrition and digital health, and mechanisms of mind-body healing; Kirsten has spent her entire adult career in the service of women's health and has helped over 10,000 women over the last 20 years to improve their health, cycles, and fertility
More than 82% of women report significant and life interrupting menstrual pain; nearly every person with a period thinks that suffering with your period is normal. They don’t really believe that anything can change that, and that suffering is the lot that you must bear as women and menstruators.
During her more than twenty years of research and treating thousands of patients, Karchmer found that most period problems women experience—even the most painful ones—are totally correctable and more surprisingly reflective of overall health and fertility
PMS, cramping, bloating, migraines, irritability, and anxiety may be extremely common, but contrary to popular belief, they aren’t normal. And they certainly aren’t “just part of being a woman”
Shame and ignorance surround women’s periods; girls often don’t feel safe talking about them with their parents or even their friends
We discussed the way parents can make it safe for girls to talk about their periods starting in early childhood; make it a topic that has no energy or shame around it, have dad be nurturing to mom when she is on her period, openly display tampons etc.
Boys need to be educated about why periods are healthy and an important part of being a woman; they also need to be empowered to stand up for girls if their friends are ridiculing them about their periods
Contact guest: www.foreverbrazen.com/pages/conceivablescore
kirsten.karchmer@foreverbrazen.com
Her new book Seeing Redfrom Simon and Schuster, breaks down old myths, discusses the importance of a healthy menstrual cycle and how to achieve it
Kirsten has a Tiktok community of a quarter of a million daughters who come on her live show and chat with Kirsten about their concerns about puberty & periods
Contact host Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
If you’d like more info on how to create a safe environment so that girls will share more with you, click on this link to sign up for Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
My dot theory will help young people find their calling without the unnecessary stress placed on them to have it all figured out by age 18.
Listen to these fascinating stories to learn how to best support your daughter's dreams.
Go to www.drtimjordan.com to get more resources on helpful ways to raise your daughter.
Listen in as adolescent addictions counselor Rick Capriola discusses why kids use substances, signs of use, and how to get them the treatment they need. Show notes: Questions answered in this podcast What substances are … Is Your Daughter Getting High? Here’s how to tell and how to support her Read More »
Listen is as adolescent addictions counselor Rick Capriola discusses why kids use substances, signs of use, and how to get them the treatment they need.
Mindset mentor Paige Tonz explains how she supports young, female athletes to achieve optimum performance and peace of mind.
Stories of eminent women show how to see through the rough edges of strong, independent girls for the strong leader within.
Here are 10 key questions to ask your daughter to discover how she is thinking and feeling about important issues.
The most important podcast you will hear this year discusses the most destructive drugs experienced by kids are not vaping, pot or heroin; it is the drugs of approval, prestige, applause, and fitting in.
Despite girls experiencing higher levels of anxiety, stress, and decreased academic motivation from the pandemic, I have full faith they will overcome this adversity.
Listen to college seniors candidly discuss how the pandemic is affecting their outlook on employment, marriage, and hope for their future
Listen to this interview with author Jim DeGaetano and his new children's book about teaching kids good money habits starting as young as the toddler years.
Three young adults describe the social, emotional, and academic effects of Covid on their college experience and lives and how they are coping. Have your young adult children read my book, Letters from My Grandfather: … How Covid is affecting college student’s experience, in their own words Read More »
My interview with Stephanie Nichols, divorced mom and life coach, about how to support kids through a divorce and how to flourish after adversity.
Listen to a fascinating interview with Matt Larson about the brain and the hormonal causes of anxiety, stress and happiness.
Three young adults describe the social, emotional, and academic effects of Covid on their lives and how they are coping.
Dr. Jordan shares a dozen ways to talk with kids about the capitol riots, including giving information, understanding mob mentality and bullying, and the power of words.
Listen to two heart-warming stories about compassion and love of thy neighbors to guide your holiday season.
Fascinating discussion with author Paul Greenberg about how to be in charge of your phone and social media so that it doesn't control you.
Don't spend the holidays flying by the seat of your pants; take charge of your busyness starting...now!
Listen to my interview with eating disorder specialist Dr. Anna Tanner about how to know if your daughter has an eating disorder and how to treat and prevent it.
Learn here how the wiring of the immature middle school brain makes girls vulnerable to misusing social media and also the signs that show she is ready to handle it
Stress levels in girls has risen in recent years. Listen here for the 17 most common causes of their stress
Here's how to help your daughter become aware of her negative self-talk and how to manage and prevent it
Learn the pros and cons of teenage dating and how parents can best support their daughter to have positive experiences.
Levels of stress have increased for kids & teens. Listen here for the cause of this and ways parents can support their daughters to manage & prevent stress
We don’t have control over the Covid virus and angry people around us, but we do have control over how we show up and react; bring more love & understanding
Listen to 2 stories that describe the spirit of kindness & generosity so needed in these troubled times.
Kids at my camps played, laughed, let their guard down, and became so happy & carefree. We’ve got to find a way to get students back to school this fall! Learn about how to guide … What I learned at summer camp about children, school and COVID Read More »
Kids at my camps played, laughed, let their guard down, and became so happy & carefree. We've got to find a way to get them back to school this fall!
Women are pressured to measure up to the standard of being a perfect wife, mom, and woman; here’s how they can avoid this trap and find their own way
Listen with your daughter to stories of 7 girls who made an impact on their community and world yet remain anonymous
Listen with your daughter to stories of 7 girls who made an impact on their community and world yet remain anonymous
The movie Groundhogs Day is the perfect metaphor for describing the rut people feel from the quarantine. Listen for the best way to get out of your rut and find joy.
The movie Groundhogs Day is the perfect metaphor for describing the rut people feel from the quarantine. Listen for the best way to get out of your rut and find joy.
Here’s how to teach girls to check in with themselves, access their intuition, and follow urges that may be life-changing.
Dr. Lynyetta Willis explains how to heal old childhood wounds and create new, healthy legacies for our children.
Kids need to experience a sense of community; your neighborhood can become such a supportive, caring space
A life dictated by shoulds is a recipe for misery & limited leaders; here’s how to parent girls who are authentic & inner-directed.
Girls are disconnected from their feelings & themselves; it’s critical they learn to use quiet time to reflect, express feelings, access their intuition, & become inner-directed
Look for opportunities for kids to advocate for themselves with teachers, coaches, friends, and you and watch their courage and self-esteem grow. Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising …
How to guide girls to develop the crucial leadership skill of self-advocacy Read More »
Knowing yourself is a crucial quality for effective leaders. Meghan Markle’s story illustrates making positive sense of past experiences so they don’t limit your influence. Want to learn more about raising strong leaders? Catch Dr. … Spiral of Beliefs: How girls can redirect limiting beliefs about themselves Read More »
Knowing yourself is a crucial quality for effective leaders. Princess Meghan Markle’s story illustrates making positive sense of past experiences so they don’t limit your influence.
3 women discuss the challenges, growth, parties, and their changing relationship with their parents from their 1st semester at college
Adding regular deposits to the goodwill account with your daughter is the best way to stay close & remain an influence in her life; here’s how.
4 stories to help you focus on your attitude each day, take full responsibility for your life, and watch the world shift.
Despite the discontent & anger in the world, embrace the spirit of these 2 stories to bring peace & love to your home.
Listen to a heartwarming story about the power of gratitude & learn THE best way to express it this holiday season.
Parents worry that their children will end up entitled & spoiled. Listen to stories about the many ways we overindulge kids & what to do different.
Self-compassion is THE best tool to redirect negative self-talk and self-hatred in girls and to increase motivation, self-esteem, and confidence.
For more information on this topic, check out Dr. Jordan’s book: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls
Included in this week’s podcast 3 high school seniors candidly describe today’s dating scene: Why girls want a relationship and how it develops How dating partners communicate What is the hookup culture like in high … 008: The High School Dating Scene 2019 Style Read More »
Included in this podcast: I describe pressures on kids to “attend a top tier college or bust” and where pressures coming from. I share research on top Fortune 100 Company CEO’s, Nobel Prize winners, and … 001: Does it really matter where you go to college? You might be surprised! Read More »
Eminent author Daniel Pink discusses optimizing restorative breaks, changing high school start time, the perfect nap, recess, and his newest book When In this podcast interview. DR. JORDAN’S NEW BOOK, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless … An interview with Daniel Pink Read More »
In this podcast Dr. Jordan will describe the many reasons why relationship aggression amongst girls has risen. This will include: Pressures on girls today The role of the female brain Not enough quiet time to … PODCAST 033: Why the Rise in Drama and Mean Girl Behaviors? Read More »
In this podcast, learn why kindness, service, and love are the keys to a lifetime of happiness. DR. JORDAN’S NEW BOOK, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living is available in … Happiness Habits Read More »
In this podcast, learn about all the pressures millennials face as they try to create a life of meaning and purpose different than their parents. In this podcast, learn about all the pressures millennials face … Why Millennials will own mansions Read More »
Stress and busy-ness have become a competition these days; learn here how to do it different by choosing what’s really important.
In this podcast, learn why kindness, service, and love are the keys to a lifetime of happiness. DR. JORDAN’S NEW BOOK, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living is available in … Happiness Read More »
In this podcast, 3 college women openly share the truth about why their peers are so stressed, the social scene on campus, and their views on sexual harassment. DR. JORDAN’S NEW BOOK, Letters From My … 068 – College 2019: Social Scene, Stress, and Sexual Harassment Read More »
How you respond to adversity is more important than the experience. In this podcast, learn how to help girls be in charge of their story. For more information on parenting teen girls, read Dr. Jordan’s … 070: Eggs, Potatoes, & Coffee Read More »
Listen to 3 teenage girls describe today’s social scene, including boys, dating, alcohol, smoking, and drugs. For more information on parenting teen girls, read Dr. Jordan’s book: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of … 069: Today’s Teenager Social Scene 2.0: Scary but True! Read More »
Twice as many teenagers were smoking E-cigarettes in 2018 vs. 2017, yet most parents lack awareness of this issue. In this podcast, learn the latest data on teen E-cigarette usage and its harmful effects. Most … 067 – Your Teenager is Probably Smoking: Here’s the Education they Need Read More »
Listen to 3 high school Seniors describe the stress, pressures, emotions, and challenges of their transformational senior year.
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will share two of his favorite stories demonstrating the Christmas spirit; listen in with your whole family. You can order a box of Dinner Dialogue Cards by clicking on this … 065 – Christmas Spirit Read More »
The majority of kids have to overcome adversity growing up, and having a caring adult in their corner is critical for their long-term success. This holiday season, be especially sensitive and kind to every child, … 064 – Be Kind to Every Child: Helping Kids Overcome Adversity Read More »
In this podcast you will hear about how every expert in every field is the result of around 10,000 hours of committed, deliberate practice. Also learn about the importance of why autonomy in choosing what interests kids pursue is the … 063 – Is Your Daughter a Genius? She Better Get to Work! Read More »
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will discuss the top 9 reasons causing such high levels of stress in adolescent girls and what girls need to prevent and handle it. DR. JORDAN’S NEW BOOK, Letters From … 062 – The Top 9 Reasons Adolescent Girls are so Stressed Out Read More »
Do Video Games Cause Aggression? 97% of boys and 75% of girls play video games despite new evidence that video games are associated with increases in aggressive behavior over time. Listen to this podcast for ideas … 061 – Do Video Games Cause Aggression? Read More »
Many millennials believe that marriage is tough and requires superhuman effort to maintain, and I wonder if this negative mantra is causing the rise in age of first marriages. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will … 060 – Why Millennials are Allergic to Marriage Read More »
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will lay out why he thinks we are too quick to label, diagnose, and medicate girls for disorders like anxiety and depression. Using three real case studies, he will show … 059 – Stop Overdiagnosing Girls with Depression & Anxiety Read More »
Teenagers and 20-somethings get uber-stressed because they believe there is one right, prescribed path for everyone to take and that they should have their whole life figured out. This podcasts shines the light of truth … 058 – One Right Path Read More »
The 1st semester of college is daunting for most young adults, causing many to want to transfer by December. This podcast describes the social, academic, emotional, and psychological challenges teens face and how parents can … 057 – Why College Sucks Read More »
Kids and adults who forgive when they’ve been wronged experience greater psychological well-being including reduced anxiety and depression. In this podcast, learn about the costs to kids when they don’t forgive, how forgiveness is an …
056 – Forgiveness Read More »
Here is one of THE best tools for overcoming fears so that you don’t miss out on great opportunities. This podcast contains a story about how lions hunt in Africa as a metaphor for how … 055 – Go for the Roar! Read More »
One way we overindulge kids is by solving their problems. In this podcast, learn the many opportunities you have to allow kids to critically think as well as the benefits of doing so. Look for … 054: The Massive Drawback of Solving your Child’s Problems Read More »
All girls need “sacred spaces” where they can feel accepted for exactly who they are. This allows them to bust out of their comfort zones and try on new behaviors and activities. Dr. Jordan shares … 053: Sacred Spaces Read More »
Adults these days worry that we are raising a generation of entitled and indulged brats. Employers complain that millennials walk into their first jobs expecting the corner office without putting in the time and effort. … How to Not Raise an Entitled Millennial Read More »
Many parents ask me, “When is the best time to start kids on phones and social media?” In this podcast, learn signs of readiness for technologies both socially, emotionally, and with self-responsibility, and how kids … When is my Daughter Ready For a Smartphone and Social Media? Read More »
In this podcast, listeners will learn: the 2 main fears driving parents to overindulge, micromanage, and pressure their children the costs to kids of competing in this “race to nowhere” how to find more balance … How Stressed Out Families Can Find Balance & Joy Read More »
Adolescent girls struggle a lot with negative self-talk, causing anxiety, stress, and feeling drained. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan help listeners understand: how negative self-talk has been a survival tool throughout our evolution how to … Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Read More »
Parents often misinterpret normal, important developmental transitions as misbehaviors, causing much angst and unnecessary power struggles. In this podcast, Dr. Tim will describe Dr. T. Berry Brazelton’s Touch Points model, including ones experiences from … Ain’t Misbehavin’, Developmental reasons behind children’s outbursts Read More »
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will use captivating stories to describe the spirit and purpose of the authoritative parenting style. Find out more about our amazing summer camp and weekend retreat experiences for girls … Authoritative Parenting Read More »
We have seen in the news many instances of men misusing their power. This podcast uses 4 stories to demonstrate healthier ways to be powerful.
In this podcast, listeners will learn: Conditioning girls and boys receive that contributes to the problem of sexual harassment How to teach kids about respect and consent How to teach kids about consent in sexual … Consent 2.0: What girls and boys need to learn Read More »
Using a story about Meghan Markle, Dr. Jordan will show how negative labels girls accept from their peers have a powerful impact on how they act. Listeners will also learn about common harmful labels girls … Meghan Markle, Labels, and Being in Charge of Your Story Read More »
Get into the holiday spirit with these stories about: An Olympic athlete who demonstrated true sportsmanship How a random act of kindness launched Carol Burnett’s career How the love of a brother inspired the famous … Do Not Give Presents to Kids this Holiday Season Read More »
There are important evolutionary reasons why dads act the way they do. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will discuss the wiring of the male brain and the conditioning men received growing up that has influenced … Husbands and Fathers: The Nature of the Beast Read More »
In this podcast, listeners will learn: Positive effects of gratitude on kids, teens, and adults Reasons why gratitude is so valuable 15 Ways to express gratitude 10 Ways to teach kids to be grateful
Three women discuss their experiences and several other topics related to their first few months of college, including: adjustment to new life, homesickness, the sorority rush process, downside of phones and social media, boys, and … 040: The Ups and Downs of College Freshmen Read More »
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will describe research on the effects of having a father involved in the lives of daughters. You will also learn the value of two unique ways that dads interact with … 039: Dads are NOT male moms! Read More »
Self-advocacy is a critical skill for girls to acquire and practice. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will use real life and anecdotal stories to help parents learn how to let go and teach kids how … 038: Self-Advocacy Read More »
The qualities discussed in this podcast are ones I hope all girls leave home with at age 18. Some of which include taking risks and challenging themselves, grit, mindfulness, experiencing flow, street smarts, and self-love. … 037: How to Prepare Your 5 Year Old for College – Part II Read More »
Stop pushing your daughters to follow the unhealthy prescribed path of gaining admittance into top tier colleges and making lots of money. Here are 5 tips on how to parent girls for a life of … 036: How to Prepare Your 5 Year Old for College – Part I Read More »
Don’t miss this fascinating discussion with four 18 year old women sharing candidly about the good, the bad, and the ugly of technology and social media. Coming soon! Heart2Heart: A new, safe and secure online … 034: Texting and Sexting: Teen Girls Speak Out on Technology Read More »
Spending on average 9 hours a day using technology costs girls in many ways. This podcasts lays out those costs, including lacking a sense of community. Dr. Jordan will use the example of girls being … 032: No Phones at Camp! The need for breaks from technology Read More »
Fairy tale heroines weren’t looking for a prince to marry. Rather, as Ariel, Belle, and Moana all sang, “I want more!” They longed for more adventure, to get out of their comfort zone in order … 031: Girls Who Want More: What Belle, Moana, and a Frog Have in Common Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Parents have been worried about teen behavior since the dawn of womankind, and teens in the 1960’s and 1970’s, i.e. today’s parents and grandparents, were wilder than the current … 030: Hookups, Drinking, Drugs, and Fads: Parents Should Stop Being Hypocrites! Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Kids are always watching us: how we treat our spouse, our friends, and ourselves; and how we live our lives. They learn more from what we do vs. what we … 029: Parents Should be Seen, Not Heard Read More »
In this week’s podcast, listeners will learn: The different ways parents judge girl’s outfits Understand why girls wear revealing clothes Why girls feel powerless to stop harassment from boys Practical advice on how to handle … 028: Should Girls be Allowed to Wear Sexy Outfits? Yes and No Read More »
Many girls and young women are disconnected from their emotions, and they pay a price for this. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will discuss: The reasons why girls don’t know what they are feeling The … 027: Feelings Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: The real reasons girls love social media How we are shrinking girls’ geographic freedom Life lessons we learned by having freedom and unsupervised time
Included in this week’s podcast: Why anxious girls are incredibly courageous Why girls have school anxiety including issues with friends, dating partners, learning, and temperament What girls need from parents to overcome anxiety
In this podcast, Dr. Jordan will use many anecdotal stories to help you: Understand the concept of “Ghosts in the nursery” and how it affects parenting Recognize examples of unresolved issues/ emotions from our past … 024: Ghosts in the Nursery Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Why down time is therapeutic for stressed girls The benefits of unplugged time without screens Activities that calm girls down and fill their cups
Included in this week’s podcast: Rediscovering qualities of little girls before launching out into the world What girls need to keep those qualities alive How to re-decide negative decisions about themselves … 022: End with the Beginning in Mind Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: What kinds of courage/ leadership are most prized by culture? Who gets the most attention/ seen as leaders at school? Other ways to lead/ be powerful The Athena Doctrine: feminine … 021: Redefining Leadership Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: How we are teaching girls to be victims by the way we handle relationship aggression How to teach girls to be responsible for their feelings and reactions Practical tools for … 020: Stop Victimizing Your Daughter! Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Understanding the Heroine’s Journey girls are undergoing Understanding the symptoms arising from the adolescent Touch Point Lessons contained in fairy tales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty Understanding the quiet and … 019: How are we missing the forest for the trees with adolescent girls? The answer lies in fairy tales Read More »
Dr. Jordan’s candid interviews with 3 high school girls about the relationship with their moms: How and why the relationship has changed over time What the arguing and power struggles are really about Things moms … 018: The ins and outs of the mom-daughter relationship Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Why it’s so hard to let go A new framework to understand the letting go process Ways parents let go from infancy to adulthood How you can stay connected and … 017: The Hardest Job a Parent will Have: Letting Go Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast, a frank discussion with 3 adolescent girls about body image: At what age and why girls started worrying about their bodies Most damaging influences on how girls think about their … 016: Taming the Body Image Monster Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Why the majority of sex-ed should be ‘relationship education’ How to build a healthy template at home for all future relationships Learn and practice skills at home such as advocating … 015: Sex-Ed 2.0 Read More »
Interesting interview with 2 college women about their adjustment to 1st year of college: Common adjustment experience for 1st year college students How girls learn to handle new freedom and create structure that grounds them … 014: Supporting Your Daughter’s Adjustment to College Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: Many ways that girls can keep their power Redefining power and leadership on their terms Parent’s role in teaching girls about their power How to guide girls to become inner-directed
Included in this week’s podcast: – reasons why girls give up their power – ways that girls give their power away – the cost to girls when they give up their power to others
Included in this week’s podcast: Value of remembering when, why, and how most adults got motivated in school Fun, insightful stories of how some successful people found their drive Supporting kids in finding their own … 011: The Pressure for A’s is Senseless! Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: The unhealthy mantra girls are conditioned to follow The cost of being driven by externals Supporting your daughter’s passions Guiding girls to define what success means for them
Included in this week’s podcast: How an authoritative parenting style lends itself to generosity The importance of perspective taking The importance of acknowledging character vs. praising behavior How to guide girls to develop an internal … 007: Raising Generous and Grateful Daughters Read More »
Included in this podcast: The difference between a fixed vs. growth mindset Research on how a growth mindset keeps girls in line for STEM careers Long-term value for girls with a growth mindset How parents … 006: How to Teach your Daughter to Develop a Growth Mindset Read More »
Included in this podcast: Why elected office has lost it’s luster Encouraging kids to get in the shoes of leaders and ask, “How would I handle that issue?” Criticizing leaders discourages girls … 004: Would You Want Your Daughter To Be President of the United States? Read More »
Included in this week’s podcast: How girls give away their power when teased How to teach girls they are in charge of their feelings and reactions How to use “tomato words” to not let words … 002: Teach Your Daughter To Keep Her Power Read More »
Everything you need to know to raise daughters begins here… Listen to our first podcast! Why you should listen to “Raising Daughters” podcasts: raise awareness of the challenges girls face today understand at deeper levels … 000: Welcome to Raising Daughters! Read More »