The Bold as Love Podcast: Recent Episodes
Karine Bell
Parenting can lead us to a threshold in life we hadn’t known before. We're bringing into the parenting dynamic with our kids the momentum of our previous experiences - our resources and resilience, as well as our disconnection and disembodiment due to trauma (individual, familial, cultural, historical & intergenerational). Beyond the challenges we face to parent in ways we may not have been parented, there is a deep love for our children that wants to be expressed and known in presence with them. There's also a yearning in us to experience that deep love ourselves; to feel our power and to live authentically, just as we yearn to protect that for our kids, too. The urgency to heal what's still alive within us might come up with a force because of them, and yet it's ultimately a reclamation of our life force, vitality, joy, connection and creativity we're most hungry for. It’s sometimes a desire bold as love that fuels our courage to meet what we fear to face.
Friends, this is the first episode for a new podcast called Tending the Roots, which is adjacent to what lives here. It reflects the conversations and explorations of the Rooted Global Village. We attempt to bridge the personal and collective in our reach towards healing (wholeness) and personal and collective liberation. We also have an exciting summer project we'd like to invite you to join! www.rootedglobalvillage.com
I grew up looking into the night sky and the heavens above me. Without concepts that defined the movement of planets and stars, or the mathematics to describe them, I would orient my head and neck upwards, captivated by the beauty of this cosmic mystery stretched out above my head. So expansive that it would take my breath away.
For those of us who have been sold a narrative that there is only one way we can be in relationship with the heavens, only one way to make sense of it through Western scientific knowledge, we may have a disconnected sense of this vital connection. Much like a muscle that’s atrophied; it’s been neglected and underused for important reasons. Many of us have been force fed what scholar Arturo Escobar calls the “One World Story”; a story that has also attempted to eradicate other stories about who we are and our place in the web of life.
This episode reflects one point in a journey that we’ve been on for a while now in Rooted, tracing an arc of exploration as it relates to how we might begin to reimagine relationship and belonging. Here we consider how we might begin to enliven the seen and unseen strands that connect us to a broader web of relationships.
This summer in Rooted, we're embarking on a project centered on rekindling a relationship that for many of us has been flattened; reduced to a specific thing that can only be known by experts with advanced degrees. We will reclaim the fullness of an experience of kinship. Let’s infuse this muscle of kinship again through shared practice, storytelling, and art-making.
We are bringing our full bodies to play with Venus this summer. Our friend, Bear Ryver, has referred to these celestial bodies as our cosmic ancestors. I am giddy with excitement for the journey and hope you might join us!
On our own, the desire born from the challenges we’ve faced can be a powerfully transformative force in our lives.
Our personal embrace of the Soulful Chainbreaker becomes a cultural force when we gather together, commune, share stories, and support each other to commit to and sustain the journey. We do not disrupt and re/orient within a vacuum, other beings dedicated to this process become our co-conspirators and co-creators of new experiences and new future(s). Rooted in the experience of our non-separation we might find greater access to our creative life energy and imagination to become newly oriented in the world, to create new maps and pathways of belonging.
Many experiences of trauma/oppression reveal where we’ve failed to belong authentically. The ways in which, as we navigate our social worlds, we come up against blocks and barriers to birthright dignity, authenticity, acceptance and belonging. That is, where we disappoint and fail to conform to the expectations of dominant cultural narratives. This rejection dampens our inner spark, disorients our desire, and erects borders and checkpoints in our interior world that prevents the wild rambling and roving that is our birthright and is necessary for wellbeing. This non-belonging is also a portal to a re/imagination of how else we might live. Often unconscious to us, our experiences within culture shape the ways we’re oriented in the world; influencing the neurophysiology of our bodies, our emotions, perceptions, and beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. On this shared journey the Chainbreaker illuminates the borders and checkpoints - the chains - that limit the free expression of our own unique hearts. The Chainbreaker archetype offers a way to embody fire-based courage so that we may see clearly the impacts of dominant familial and cultural narratives and a path to liberate ourselves and the generations that will come after us. What appears to us as evident in a field of infinite possibility is influenced by our early experiences embedded within family systems and culture. This email explores the spirit and science behind change-making and chain-breaking. And it asks the question: What can we learn from our bodies that the broader culture tries to bury? In this email, we’ll also offer guided reflection practice on what trauma has made way for in your life.
Unlocked: When WeAccess a Desire Greater than Fear The Chainbreaker as archetype invites critical questioning and reclaiming. We are invited to consider disappointing our families of origin, and the cultural influences at large by rejecting narratives and dictates that reproduce harms.It’s risky, even, for those most marginalized in these narratives. Yet in this risk we open to a vital rebirth: the opportunity to access desire long hidden or dampened by chains and obstacles. If we imagine our inner and outer worlds as a map; not one shaped by imposed borders but rather a map that authentically reveals the contours we trace in our daily living and loving. What would we see? What is shaped by inheritance? How does desire move in this geography? Where are you located in this story of change that is both personal and collective? Desire as creative impulse roots in the energy and action of fire: warming, illuminating, consuming, and transforming. There is a font of desire - distinguished from forms of desire shaped by culture - rooted in a deeper order of life, residing within each of us, that is the fire that propels deeper-level transformation.
Transmuting Intergenerational Trauma Through The Creative Principles of Fire This is a story about what it means to be the one who steps out of line. The one willing to be the weak link in the chain. The one willing to disrupt and disobey; to embrace disruption as a portal and disappoint some of the expectations held for us (and the people associated with them) in the service of another future. And how a shift in imagination turns our deviance into a dedication to life, love, and liberation. This requires courage, fierce love and a fire (in the belly) that sustains our commitment. In this email, we’ll include reflections on becoming the soulful chainbreaker, and what it might mean to and for you.
Today I have something precious and beautiful to share with you. It’s a shared learning community called Rooted - A Global Village, Healing the Human Family, and Co-Imagining New Ways of Being.
In a popular article for the Financial Times, Indian novelist Arundahti Roy, wrote about the time we’re in as a portal, she says: "Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next." What happens at that crossroads of experience for us matter, and I want to contribute intentionally to the world that comes after this. I'm sharing all about this opportunity in the podcast today - I hope you'll listen in, and if you'd love to join us, we'd love to have you. Learn more about our global village, Rooted, here.
There's a lot happening in the world right now, and in this episode I want to explore some interesting and emergent threads related to the spread of a virus we're collectively experiencing as a threat.
While this episode is relevant to the spread of this virus and some of the dysfunctions it exposes, it's relevant as well to all our moments of crises, the dysfunction they reveal, the chaos they introduce, and the potent opportunity those moments present to take pause, reorient, and make moves in a new direction.
Chaos is often where we birth new perspectives and experiences.
After you listen to the episode, be sure you're signed up to receive emails from me, as I'll share some free resources this weekend that I hope can support you during this time.
You can be added by heading here and registering to receive news and information for the Embodied Trauma Conference!
Events that can lead to trauma, especially in childhood, can impact upon mental and physical health outcomes across our lifetimes. Trauma is a loaded word often reserved for severe abuse, neglect and violence, but trauma touches all our lives in some way and to varying degrees (it touches us or those we love, or the culture around us) and we need to understand how.
Understanding the link between what causes us to suffer today and trauma in our histories is a CRITICAL missing piece to so many of our mental and physical health conditions - like syndromes, autoimmune conditions, chronic pain conditions, anxiety, depression and more - and to our experiences of unnecessary suffering.
The critical missing piece is in how some common and some not-so-common experiences we had continue to be held in our bodies, creating pervasive feelings of danger that influence our thoughts, perception and behavior.
There are some fascinating links to explore in this episode that I hope you'll get a sense for, but I'm also introducing you to a FREE educational resource around trauma and its healing towards the end of the episode, that will delve a lot deeper into this fascinating link, so stay tuned for that!
You can find today's show notes HERE, including the link to the free resource!
Rick Hanson PhD is a psychologist and New York Times Best-Selling author who talks about the factors that contribute to our experiences of well-being and resilience, and, importantly, the how part of how that happens.
He’s an important name in the mindfulness world, and Rick loves to talk about the neurological underpinnings of the practices we do and the changes to our life experience they can make. His approach is down to earth and practical.
And beyond that, there’s a kindness, generosity and wisdom he embodies that can’t help but be felt - even thousands of miles away and via an online platform.
During our chat we covered a range of topics related to mothers, parenting, resilience factors, the role of anger, 6 year old Rick's revelation around self-care, the 4 important aspects we can cultivate, and much more.
I hope you enjoy listening to our chat as much as I enjoyed having it.
Learn how to connect with Rick via the show notes here.
Have you ever wondered about how a child's birth story (or your own birth story) might relate to later experiences in life and behaviors? In today's episode, I talk with the wonderful Annie Brook (author and therapist) on what she calls "Birth's Hidden Legacy".
Annie is a therapist who works with families and children (and people of all ages) to repair some of the earliest imprints of trauma they experienced, often at the time of birth.
She also touches on some of the important developmental experiences infants need at the beginning of life that shape subsequent experience and behavior.
This episode will be interesting for anyone curious about their children's behavior (w/things like power struggles or high sensitivity) and what it might be pointing back to.
Annie offers a tremendous wealth of resources and experience and most of all HOPE that repair is always - even at an older age - possible. Take heart and have a listen!
Learn more about Annie and access further resources in the show notes for the episode. You'll also find time stamps for our chat together.
I've been reflecting on the interesting connection between our capacity to have and to allow big experiences in our bodies (like big emotions and sensations) and how it relates to our growth potential and expansion in life. Or do we sabotage even those things we deeply desire to experience?
How big can something get for us experientially before we slink away, shut down or turn tail and run or otherwise stay small because it feels safe.
Find podcast show notes and further resources here.
"Stop crying", "there's nothing wrong with you," and "you shouldn't be upset about that" are all examples of things we can say that can invalidate another's experience. Invalidating experience is to question the foundation or reality of a person's feelings and perception. This can happen more subtly and inadvertently than we might think - if we're overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed or otherwise distracted. Invalidation can lead to experiences of disconnection, confusion and challenges later in life ranging from an inability to be in touch with emotions and mature emotionally, to a disconnection from, and an inability to be in touch with, needs and desires. We might need a dose of courage to look honestly at some of the small ways we may unconsciously invalidate our kids (and others), but it's only through a willingness to look that we can start to change things.
Want to take part in the free Emotional Triggers Training? You can find it here.
Having our experience validated as children by the important adults in our lives is an important part of self-making and the development of self-worth and self-trust. Our ability as parent's to validate our children's experience is so important that chronic in-validation is thought to be a contributor to mental illness.
In today's episode we talk about what it means to validate experience, and how it contributes to our children's developing selfhood. We'll talk about how validation contributes to a child's belief that their feelings and emotions are valid and worth paying attention to.
We'll also explore the near-enemy of validation that construes validation with condoning negative (mis)perceptions or destructive behavior - which, beyond being unhelpful, can help to reinforce a victim mentality.
Learning this distinction can be powerful.
This is one in a two-part series on validation and in-validation, and how these experiences shape our experience of self.
You'll find the shownotes here.
How much do we suffer when we feel misunderstood by another person? And how does that experience drive our behavior to either make things better with them, bend over backwards to shape their perception of us so that their vision of us aligns with what we want them to see, OR do we make them wrong somehow so that we feel better?
We think we're afraid of what other people think and feel about us, but really what we're afraid of is how their perception of us will cause us to FEEL. We can fear the feeling itself,. When we strip away all of the stories we create about ourselves and others, and the mental circus feeling misunderstood sets off, what are we left with?
That's what we're exploring in this episode: how feeling misunderstood can drive our behavior, and how we can reframe the experience and learn to relate to it a different way through embodiment.
Show notes can be found here.
I hear people talking about energy vampires a lot these days, and it always stirs something up in me. And what better time (than Halloween season) to explore this notion of energy vampires and their "victims". In this podcast, I want to explore the limits of this concept of energy vampires (and “toxic” people) overall, and explore our part in the co-creation of relationship dynamics (so if you identify as an empath, I talk about this) and how we want to start moving beyond these concepts. Because, while they can illuminate patterns for us, our use of these concepts can keep us victimized, cut off from ourselves, our healing, and from our ability to embody our power in such a way that we don’t HAVE to work constantly to manage relationships and constantly work to protect ourselves. Ultimately, when we can embody our power, we can effortlessly communicate healthy boundaries to the world.
Want to get started with some simple embodiment practices? Have a look at the resources in the episode's show notes.
How ok are you with the experience of boredom - yours or your kids? Or do you have a knee-jerk reaction to get out of it as quickly as possible? We have a rule in our house that it's good to be bored, but I don't know many adults who are ok with boredom. Indeed, boredom can drive us from the present moment fast, and into distractions and addictions to distraction just so we don't have to feel the discomfort that boredom brings. But beyond the discomfort of boredom - when we bring mindful inquiry to it - is often creativity, insight and healing. We have an invitation in boredom to shift our relationship to those moments from boredom as a problem to boredom as a portal.
I have a reflection for you to use with this topic the next time you feel boredom, which you'll find here in the shownotes.
Would you associate conflict resolution with play? I asked my little boy last week if he wanted to fight me. We were both ramped up and annoyed, and talking wasn’t helping, so I invited him to rumble. Sometimes we overthink things and we talk too much. Part of living too much from in a disconnected brain and body is that we deny natural human animal instincts we have that are truly resources for us if we let them be. Like healthy aggression and play. Impulses we have to express the sympathetic charge we have (and the energy of it in our bodies) with others within the context of safety.
You'll find the show notes here!
For so many, conflict can be triggering. Notably, if we had poor models for conflict, or if conflict for us comes with a great deal of fear - of loss of relationship or repercussions if we engage with it. This can cause us to fall into defensive stress responses when conflict comes up - so that, instead of engaging with another with confidence, we may shut down, fall into self doubt, or become overly aggressive. We don’t want to rid ourselves or the world of conflict. Conflict is a great teacher. It can promote self and mutual understanding. It tells about what we want and what others want and in what direction in life we want to move. Conflict is part of life, but to allow it to be a creative force, we first need to disentangle our ideas about conflict from our earlier experiences with it, and increase our tolerance for it and resilience in it.
To learn more about the "How to Fight Better - Creating the Conflict Container" workshop, visit the show notes here.
This is a vulnerable one for me, but I think it's also highly relatable and it could touch someone else's life the way it touched mine, to hear of this idea of the mother loyal voice.
Years ago, I was introduced to an idea that completely shifted the way I related to some of my thinking and deeply held beliefs, especially those thoughts that kept me mired in self-aggressive thinking. It's the idea that we can internalize a voice as children that we can carry throughout life, never realizing how this "voice" is shaping how we think and feel and behave. We may have lived with this voice for so long, we simply mistake it for our own. This episode explores how and why certain ideas get internalized by us to become our thoughts and beliefs in the first place, and the important role they played for us as children (i.e. strategies!)...but why we also want to start thinking more critically about them now.
Check out the podcast show notes here!
A mama on a course of mine once expressed her utter heartbreak at the realization she had that, even in moments she'd reserved for her kids, she struggled to truly be present with and enjoy them. Her overwhelm and her busy body and mind kept her from being fully there with them; even as they wanted to connect. And there's a genuine sadness that comes with that experience. What we also miss in our disconnection from the present is the ability to "rejoice" in our kids. How present or not we are will influence how our kids experience "being parented" by us. Feeling unsafe in our bodies, contributes to this experience of being locked in the world of thoughts (so much so that we don't realize it's a product of this feeling - and a contributor to it!). Our lack of presence can feel like "life passing us by", or as if we're living life from behind a veil, unable to make contact with our lives right here. The roots of so much dis-ease and discontent lies in all the ways we can't be here. Right now.
Podcast show notes can be found HERE.
Why do we struggle so much sometimes to receive? To receive compliments, to receive kindness, to receive love, or to receive help when we need it? The topic of reception is an important one, because our inability to receive contributes to an imbalance that cuts us off from the constant flow and exchange of energy that takes place when there's a true balance between giving and receiving. But women and mothers I know can be so challenged in their ability to receive - and they've developed ways to block it, sabotage it or even distrust it. What is your relationship like to receiving and how can we learn to embrace the act of receiving? Let's explore this together in today's episode!
As always, you can connect with me HERE on the EP's page!
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a childbirth story with you. I had a lot of fun last week exploring our personal journey through the lens of the (archetypal) story of Harry Potter. But this week I wanted to share a story about what it looks like to meet (with mindfulness and with intention) the momentum of the stories we tell ourselves about how an experience should or could be. And how this confrontation opens up new paths. Coming back to the body, and experiencing a moment from there, we come out of the concepts (labels, judgments & beliefs) we hold and that shape our perception of an experience, and this has the power to open us up to NEW experiences we didn’t know were possible. The story of my daughter’s birth epitomizes this well - and it was the story I shared on a Tedx stage almost a year ago.
Show notes and further resources are here!
You are magic - did you know that? You have the power of influence by way of "mysterious" forces (i.e. things that aren't easily measured). But what I really mean to say is that you're a creator. And you have powers - superpowers, even - that can shape your experience of your life and this world if you only knew that about yourself. Not unlike one of literature's favorite protagonists, Harry Potter, whose own essence - like yours - was hidden from him. But here's what's important to note - the ignorance and fear that keeps us locked underneath the stairs? It also had an important part to play in our story. Find out more in the podcast this week as I relate our journey to the story of Harry Potter.
Come check out the show note here.
We talk more about the KEY to our healing through the body, and how and why we can struggle to do this. Our disconnection from the body is often experienced like a foreign land that's host to a lot of experiences we've learned to fear. Because if they felt "too big" then, they often feel "too big" now. Like the sensations that come with strong emotions or unpleasant feelings. We can come to fear these parts of ourselves that have become disconnected from the whole of who we are, and in their separation they exist in the shadows; and from there they can feel like monsters. But they're not; they're a part of us, and the important work we need to do is to start to integrate these experiences again back into our present moment experience.
Until we find true refuge in the body, we'll struggle to control our lives and the people in them to feel better. And in that mode, we'll always struggle. Our disconnection from the body is individual, but it's also cultural. I also explore this notion in the episode.
You can skip the embodiment practice at the beginning of the episode by going to 05:15 in the episode. (I move more quickly through this exercise in the episode than I would normally do. If you'd like to work with it separately, you can find it by visiting the podcast notes).
Visit the podcast show notes here!
What do we deeply want in our relationship with our kids? (And in our relationship to life, really). And what do we want to experience? We live in very disconnected and disembodied ways, in a very disconnected and disembodied world.
It's this disconnection from the body that contributes to so much of our suffering and keeps us from fully inhabiting the present moment. And it keeps us from experiencing the fullness of our human life; our freedom, our vitality, our fierceness and joy.
Coming home to the body is the path home. And in this episode we begin to explore what this means and what it looks like.
This week, I have something for you! A practice to use to experience what awareness of and in the body feels like as opposed to relating to the body from the mind.
Come download the practice here.
In the early days of my motherhood journey, I stood on the bank of a river one day, and I fell into crisis. How am I going to do this? I wondered. How am I not going to screw this royally up? How was I going to parent my children in a different way to how I was parented, when I didn't know how? I didn't know the way. How was I going to break a cycle of trauma I was barely even aware existed? It was a true crisis that brought me to a threshold of initiation - a threshold of initiation that was leading me back to myself as the source and the starting point for how I was going to do what felt like the impossible to do. It's the internal work that becomes all the alchemy we need to do what we fear we can't. And doesn't this feel like the essence of truth? That when we heal ourselves, that well-being ripples out into our relationships, and the parenting that comes from well-being knows what the way. It know what to do.
I have some exciting opportunities to work together that you can learn more about at my website: www.karinebell.com/services
Come view the podcast show notes here.
This episode is all about the way we relate to ourselves as the first relationship that matters most and the first relationship to determine how we relate to others. The question is: how "at home" do you feel in your own skin, and how much trust do you find in relationship to yourself? The truth is, due to the traumatic stress we continue to live with and all that is left unmetabolized in us - many of us have come to embody an attitude of harshness, criticism and judgment towards the things we don't like about ourselves. But we stand little hope of positive change when - through our acts of self-aggression and self-betrayal - we continue to embody feelings of "not safe". We can change this, and our self-awareness & embodiment practices are one powerful way to do this.
I'm taking a summer break until the 8th of August!
Come learn more about my work & opportunities to work together here!
Guilt can feel like a plague, especially for those of us who've learned to take on more responsibility for others' well-being than we can (or should) be responsible for. Like other human experiences we can have, guilt contains both light and shadow, and both are worth exploring. Because, while excessive and unhelpful guilt can keep us imprisoned by the expectations of others, helpful guilt can be a sign post for us, showing us where our speech and behavior is out of alignment with what our hearts most want. Until we can disentangle the experience of guilt from the unhelpful form it can take, however, we'll struggle to make use of helpful guilt as a powerful guide.
Come learn more about the 8-week foundations program I refer to in this episode here.
Podcast show notes can be found here.
The entire journey of motherhood is often a dance of fear and courage. Especially for those of us who deeply desire to parent differently than we were parented. Fear can keep us feeling stuck, while courage has forward momentum to it towards self-transformation. How do we face what it is we fear to face on the path to self-transformation? And what are the desires we hold in our hearts that can mobilize us powerfully with the courage (the action of the heart) towards a different future? And are we even in touch with that desire? (Are we even allowed to be)?! When we fear our own fear, we can become immobilized and unable to take steps forward - we can get stuck in an experience of "no way out". In this episode, we explore what it means to connect with our innermost desires as the basis for the courage we need to unshackle ourselves from the prisons we often experience.
Show notes can be found here!
Our attention is always on something, whether that thing is something nourishing and uplifting for us, or if its depleting for us. We've each been shaped by our experiences and our social environments to pay attention to specific information from our environment - often information that just confirms beliefs we already hold - but when we begin to get curious (i.e. mindful) of where our attention goes we can begin making more conscious choices about what we consume from the world around us. Without realizing it, this is a path to liberation, because liberating our perception is to inhabit our power to shape our experiences. And that matters to me, personally, and as a mom.
Podcast shownotes are here!
Have you ever had the experience of being viscerally moved to do or to say something to someone - the impulse came like strong feeling in the body that was guiding you - but then the mind talked you out of it? The impulses we have don't always lead us to make healthy choices, but what about those healthy impulses that come from the body, and that are guiding us all the time? We have an internal compass that we can access & pay attention to when we're present. And the outcome of following those impulses can sometimes surprise us, as well as lending beauty, mystery and meaning to our experiences. I have a story to share about this in this week's episode!
Podcast show notes can be found here!
We spent, I kid you not, 8 + hours on Sunday doing one of those deep Spring cleanings that creates more chaos before order starts to set in. The following day, coming down from a work period in my office, my eyes meet the mess of a kitchen and dining room that looked like a flour-mill had exploded in it. My kids had taken the initiate to cook and bake for themselves on a day off from school. Our first reaction in moments like that can be to spiral off in our frustration into a big reaction (as thoughts like "all that time I spent cleaning!" start to whirl inside your head. But there's an element of our experience that makes it possible, instead of being sucked into the vortex of reactivity, to take in other information from the environment that can give us more perspective on the situation. Like my children's flour-dusted faces beaming with pride! And, after all, this is about what, at the end of our lives matters most to us. The question becomes how can we align with THAT in those moments, and not the mess?
Follow me on Instagram: @karinebell
Podcast shownotes can be found here!
I could fall into a wormhole of worry during my first pregnancy. But my wake up came one day when my husband said to me, “Honey, you know this isn’t over once the baby comes out, don’t you?” And it hit me like bricks. He was right. If I couldn’t find a way to check runaway worry it would rule my days with my children. And more, I risked limiting them and their experience, and their spirit of exploration. I also risked passing onto them (unconsciously and unintentionally) the belief that the world is an unsafe place. Children need boundaries; they need to feel safe; but they also need to feel their sense of internally driven power, authenticity and confidence. I often say parenting has been the most potent path for "waking up", and learning to not let my worry rule their experience has been one of the greatest lessons.
Shownotes for this episode can be found here.
It's little wonder why we struggle to take responsibility for things (or to not feel overly responsible for everything!). Steeped in a blame culture that can wed us to the toxic shame experience, we often focus more on "who did it" and less on "how can we move forward together." This is true for us at the level of culture as much as at the level of interpersonal relationships (like with our partners and kids - not to mention ourselves!). We might wish to teach our kids about responsibility, but we'll struggle to do this in a blame culture that makes taking responsibility feel dangerous. We need to eradicate blame culture and make it safe for people to take responsibility in ways that don't shame them endlessly.
Show notes can be found at: www.karinebell.com/onblameculture
Want to blow your own mind? Want a resource in your toolkit for anxiety? Appreciation is a practice. Your heart wants to be free to love and appreciate. That might sound woo, but it's not. This “want” is biologically wired into you as a member of the human species. It wants to feel free to love the self that you are, and to incorporate others into that love as well (oh so challenging sometimes, I know). So, thoughts and attitudes of judgment and hatred and blame - whether directed towards yourself or another - they feel oppressive to the heart. But thoughts and attitudes of appreciation, well, they’re the antidote to all the ways we’ve shut down and cut ourselves off from our ability to connect with others.
View the show notes here: www.karinebell.com/podcast
Why do I have to turn into Ursula the sea witch before my kids will listen? Why do I find myself resorting to screaming and yelling all the time? What don't my kids respect me? Why don't other people respect me? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Well, there's a fascinating link between how we feel in and about ourselves, and how our children respond to us as a consequence. It behooves us to understand this connection, because it can help us reframe those moments we feel disrespected and lose it! It can help us see the link between how we feel and how others respond to us; and why it is we feel disrespected when we do, and how it's more often a reflection of what we're embodying and communicating through the body.
Find the episode show notes here.
Women often struggle to feel the often contradictory feelings & emotions they have in relationship to their mothers. In a world where mothers are often deified or criminalized, it's hard to just embrace a woman as the complex human being that she is. But honestly, I can't think of a way to honor my own mother more fully than to love myself deeply enough to allow for the full range of my emotions and human experience, as I acknowledge hers. And in that experience, I acknowledge her to not as an angel and not as a demon, but as a complex and dynamic human being. And that's what I deeply want for my own kids. I want them to love themselves enough to never need to deny any part of themselves for me or for anyone else. That means to embrace it all. And in case you need it, you have my full permission to do so.
Find more resources here!
Did you realize that you have access to a Marvel-level superpower that can alter the course of your life and your children's too? That's precisely how I've come to view the work I do in my life (as a mom, and as a human), and that I now LOVE to teach, because it feels just like that. Carl Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." Making the unconscious conscious isn't something we're taught, but I'll share one small example of how learning to do this creates an entirely new path for us to walk.
I also mention a free 3-part training series on emotional triggers that you can learn more about here!
"Bad" Behavior (part II). I don't believe in bad behavior. Instead, let's come to see behavior within the broader context of a person's experience. Just as medicine begins to look beyond the symptoms a person's experiencing, and just treating symptoms (the old model), to understand more about the environment of the body and the psychosocial well-being of the individual (the emerging model); doing the same with behavior will shatter the old model of punishment & reward and help us see the child behind the behavior. The behavior is only the outward manifestation (the symptom) of what's happening within.
We tend to think about and approach our kids and their behavior in a superficial way in the sense that we don't understand what's motivating that behavior. This can lead to thinking of behavior as a "problem" or a "pathology" and turning to strategies to "fix" behavior instead of understanding the child enacting it. I want to explore this concept and offer another perspective on our kids and their "bad behavior" that's more liberating to them (and to us), and which can help us see behind the scenes to what's really going on in that behavior for them. P.s. our ability to see the kid in those moments of "bad behavior" is greatly helped by our ability to see ourselves in moments of "bad behavior" as well. P.p.s. This is a two-parter!
Come register for the free online training on emotional reactivity over at karinebell.com!
You'll also find free resources to use to help work with and settle an overwhelmed nervous system here.
I'm experiencing a bit of a rebellion lately. And it's not a problem! It's all part of an organic process we can experience as we move through life. Whether or not we're aware of it, we're constantly receiving guidance from the body in the form of a "push or pull"; that, if we learned to listen (not from the mind but through awareness in the body), we'd realize there's a path unfolding before our feet that we can follow. As much as we can appreciate guidance from the outside, ultimately it's all helping us (if we let it) clarify our own path.
Come find info shared in the podcast over at karinebell.com
An (on my heart) episode riffing more on the topic of parentification and what it means to walk away from that dynamic with a parent. We're thwarted in our development when we stay in this dynamic as adults; doing a disservice to ourselves, but also often to those we seek to rescue (and be responsible for) as well. Speaking for myself, I could never become the mother I wanted to be until I was able to do the work to reclaim myself from that dynamic.
I've had quite a lot of people reaching out about this particular episode, so if you'd like to go deeper into this topic (and how to change this dynamic) let me know over at: karinebell.com/share
Show notes can be found at: karinebell.com/podcast
The parentified child is the child who often played the role of the parent in relationship to her own parents. Becoming "adult too soon", and bearing more responsibility for an adult's well-being than she could actually carry. This experience can create belief patterns and behaviors that we can carry into adulthood. It's not always easy to see this happening because it's such a pervasive experience; but knowing about it can help us understand experiences we had as kids, why we may continue to struggle as adults, and how we can help avoid re-creating this dynamic with our kids. This episode pairs well with the episode on emotional development. Find resources mentioned in the podcast here! View the show notes here.
I'm not dishing out any parenting advice in this episode - but I'm also not against parenting advice and parenting strategies per say - what I am promoting in this episode is a parenting beyond the books approach. You don’t need the outside world to tell you how to parent. When we learn to trust ourselves everything else falls into place. And when you have reached a place of self-understanding and you’ve learned more about what it means to be a human being in this world through studying your own life; you will come to trust and to know in your bones what each next step; each next response; needs to be.
*Funky audio issues ahead!
Find additional resources here!
Warning: I talk about sexual abuse in this episode. But it's important. Take a break if you need to. Feel your butt in your chair, when you need to. Wiggle your toes. Press pause, but come back.
Statistics for childhood sexual abuse are abysmal, with some stats reporting 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 8 boys under the age of 18 experiencing childhood sexual abuse. Stats like that are enough to bring on a sense of powerlessness in the face of an epidemic like that; it's little wonder why it's one of the top concerns mothers have. But we are far more powerful than we realize to influence the prevalence of this experience. I'm on a mission to help women and mothers (and anyone who cares for children) realize just how powerful and influential they actually are to create the kind of environment in which this experience is far less likely to happen. Like all of what we do; it starts with us. It puts the power back in our hands to act and to act effectively. Listen until the end of this episode for a special call-out to hear from women and moms like me, who want to know what makes a child vulnerable to this experience and what makes the experience far less likely.
Find the resources I refer to in the episode here: https://www.karinebell.com/iglearnmore
Other resources can be found at: https://www.karinebell.com/podcast
And come share your thoughts/experiences with me over at: https://www.karinebell.com/share
At the heart of what we often struggle with most as mothers is how we can provide for our children something we didn't have as kids. This is not a matter of blame more than it is taking an honest look at our lives and experiences. One area we often struggle most is in how we think about and work with our own emotions. We often either shut down and avoid “difficult” emotions, or we become emotionally volatile or easily triggered; both indicators what we don’t have an equanimous relationship to our own emotions. And we likely didn’t learn how to be with and relate to our emotions in healthy ways. It’s endemic in our culture and so our parents likely didn’t know how either. This imbalanced relationship to emotion can create havoc within us, and until we learn another way of being with emotion, we’ll likely pass on these patterns to our kids.
In working with emotion, self-regulation techniques can be extremely helpful. I have a couple of practical resources to share with you today as well. You can find them here!
Also, learn more about the Bold Love Cure, my signature 12-week program helping mothers do the work of changing their own and their children’s legacies. Check out the program here (and join the waitlist for information about enrollment).
What does it mean to grow up? This question has driven my own search over many many years to find an answer. It doesn’t have to do with chronological age. To grow up, for me, is to take responsibility for our own well-being in such a way that we can regulate our internal states and emotions. We can learn to have an embodied sense of safety that comes from knowing how to guide ourselves back into balance when we get triggered in life. This happens automatically for a child who experiences co-regulation (when a parent helps a child regulate their stress responses and emotions), but for so many of us, that didn't happen. Our own ability to help our children depends a lot on our ability to do this for ourselves. And it's never too late to learn.
I have a couple of practical resources to share with you today as well. You can find them here!
An episode about the revolutionary power of someone's belief in us, and the world of possibility it opens up. We often struggle to connect with our creativity and imagination around how we can experience life. If you've ever had the isolating experience of depression or anxiety, you know how the kind and compassionate attention of another person can resurrect us from the depths of that experience. And when they relate to us in ways we've never experienced, and see in us things we've never seen, a radically new path can start to unfold beneath our feet. The people who believe in us, and who can help us see things in ourselves we've never seen, and who can teach us to love and to trust ourselves as we've never been taught to do, they are true a GIFT to this world. This episode contains a personal story about someone who revolutionized my way of being in the world.
Come grab the self-regulation for anxiety and overwhelm toolkit over at: karinebell.com
We don't know how to feel our fear in a way that allows us to move through what's keeping us locked in immobility and resistance. We either come to fear our fear, or we want to avoid feeling it, or we can become overwhelmed by our fear and the stories that wed us to that experience. But what happens when we can just bear compassionate witness to the fear we feel? Like removing a boulder from a stream of water, we are released back into the flow of life. It's a practice, learning to be with our fear in a contained and balanced way, but on the other side of it is more freedom and joy.
*The ideas explored in this podcast are not intended to be a replacement for qualified mental health care. If you're experiencing an emergency, please call emergency services for help.
Exploring another perspective on this experience is empowering! For someone who's lived with mental illness diagnoses from the time I was a kid, I’ve stayed hungry and open my whole life to perspectives that could offer me a feeling that there was a path I could walk to heal; and a path I could explore to influence my experience with depression and anxiety. I was looking for the feeling of FREEDOM and CHOICE in how I could experience my life (quite the opposite of what trauma does to us trauma). So much of this focus on depression comes out of that determination to understand experience differently. This episode talks about trauma, but has more of a focus on an emotional experience and early childhood.
*The ideas explored in this podcast are not intended to be a replacement for qualified mental health care. If you're experiencing an emergency, please call emergency services for help.
Depression affects the lives of over 300 million people worldwide, according to World Health Organization stats. What's ROCKED me more recently is just how many women and mothers I work with, and also friends of mine, struggle with depression (diagnosed). Depression has been linked to our gut health, and it's been linked to inflammation in the body, but the prevailing perspective is that it's a chemical imbalance in the brain and that 40% of the time, it's genetic. This perspective is being dismantled as our understanding of trauma and the nervous system evolves and as we begin to understand the link between early childhood experiences (traumas) and the later development of mental illness and disease. This is important learning for us going forward as we explore a new model for thinking about and relating to the experience. And for me personally the new perspective on depression emerging is empowering and places us in the role of active agents in our experiences going forward. This validates a deeply intuitive feeling I've had my entire life about mental illness and I've seen first hand how a different approach can impact the experience. This is a meaty topic and a two-parter.
To see resources mentioned in this podcast, head over to karinebell.com/podcast
This episode is a short reflection on the stories we tell ourselves about other people and how those stories cut us off, and keep us trapped and disconnected. I'm also going to share with you why it is that I love being wrong (sometimes).
Come share your thoughts about the episode with me here.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (or ACES) has demonstrated an important link between adverse early childhood experiences, early trauma, and life-long mental and physical health problems. Understanding trauma and its effects has become an important topic of discussion, especially as it relates to health. Despite having many of the ACES on the list, I avoided using the word trauma because I refused to believe that my early adverse experiences determined how I could experience my life. But we DO need to acknowledge the weight of the past if we don't want to carry it into our future, but we're also EMPOWERED to become active agents in that process and in our healing. And in the process, do some major trauma chain-breaking as we go! This is the first in a series on trauma that I'll do.
Please head over to karinebell.com/share to tell me your thoughts on this episode - I LOVE feedback!
And if you're interested in reading about the ACES study (and you're a nerd like me who likes reading academic papers), then I'll have a link to it on my website: karinebell.com/podcast.
Waking up is our path to freedom. Freedom to choose our relationship with ourselves and others. Freedom to experience our lives in new ways. Freedom to respond (to our children) in new and different ways. Waking up means to wake up from the unconscious and habitual patterns that keep us locked in automatic ways of being. Waking up is our path to freedom, but it's not easy to do. The promise of neuroscience and neuroplasticity tells us, however, that that change is always - until our least breath - possible. And though it takes dedication and courage, no singular path (to me) is more worth cultivating.
Winter Solstice and the New Year present an opportunity to harness the energy of endings and beginnings. It's also a time of year to take stock of what matters most to us - what the heart wants - if we're willing to go deep and listen. Within each of us, in each moment, lies the seed of potential for how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us. Recognizing ourselves as creators of our life experience, we can harness the energy of Winter by recognizing what it is that we want to grow in our lives. Can you tell me your top 3 heart desires for the New Year?
You are a powerful creator. What will you create this year?
Show notes here.
Today is a special Christmas episode, in which I get to share a little about my love of faith-based traditions and anthropology and humans. The question I'm exploring in the episode today is what a figure like Jesus can tell us about the (individual and social) heart and what it is that most deeply need.
Wishing all a beautiful holiday season!
Grief can be bad for us, but can it also be good for us? In 2016, after actress Carrie Fischer died of a heart attack, her mom, actress Debbie Reynolds, died two days later. People said she'd died of a broken heart. Did you know that, not only can grief cause the uncomfortable feelings we associate with the experience of a broken heart, but it can actually negatively impact your physical heart, your physical health and well-being? But our experience of grief can also promote heart health (whaaa?)! And it can enhance emotional resilience as well as feelings of connection, belonging, joy, and even love in the midst of it. How we relate to the experience of grief shapes how we're impacted by it, that's what we're exploring today.
Head over to karinebell.com/podcast for show notes, and don't forget to check out the center&ground mindfulness practice while you're there.
We aren't typically taught how to relate to the experience of loss in life, and how to grieve. You might think of grieving as something only associated with the loss of someone you love, but grieving is the process we go through when we confront the inevitability of loss in all its forms, and the threat to us as social animals that it evokes. Our inability to be with the strong winds and forceful waves that are kicked up in cycles of grief leads us to an imbalanced relationship with it of either shutting down or becoming overwhelmed by emotions like sadness (or anger!). In the first part of this 2 (or 3!) - part series focused on grief, we'll introduce this fundamental human experience and touch on why we need a whole-bodied relationship to the experience.
Don't forget to check out the show notes for links to the resources mentioned in the podcast.
And share this podcast with others who you think might to hear it!
The other night, when my daughter felt afraid of a house fire after an apartment block caught on fire in our little town, I realized quickly that trying to talk her out of her fear wouldn't be helpful. Like many of our fears, the level of fear she felt didn't match what was actually happening around her and it was keeping her awake. The limbic-based experience of fear is one of feeling trapped and without choice and a path to safety. So I decided to get creative and together we worked with her feeling of fear in a way that helped bring her imagination and creativity online. In this mini-episode of the podcast, I'll share how I did that and how the experience helped her to regulate her own fear response.
The other week, when my daughter told me the story of a friend she felt was treating her unfairly, I recognized how easy it would be - and often is - to slip into the "fix it" role with our kids and take away the discomfort they feel. Do you know the feeling, the urge to want to jump in and "fix" your kids' "problems"? But what if that discomfort is not a problem at all. In fact, it's the essence of what connects her powerfully to her own internal guidance. A guidance system she will need to be able to navigate her way through her life and relationships to come. Our gift to our kids can be the ability to stay with our own discomfort as we allow them to stay with theirs as they learn to let that discomfort guide them and their choices. p.s. This same wisdom applies to us and our feelings as well...
Come share your stories with me over at karinebell.com/share
I was feeling all the feels in this episode! We're taking an evolutionary and nervous system approach to looking at shame. Shame is an important topic, and for really good reason! But did you know that there's more than one function of shame, and more than one kind of shame? We're using shame all the time, but there are ways we can use it that are supportive, and even helpful at times, and there are ways that we use it as humans that can have profoundly negative effects on individuals and social groups. The distinction is really important to know, because it can inform how shame manifests in our parenting. We may also start to second guess how we use shame on the level of social engagement, because that matters, too. Have a listen and let me know what you think about shame!
And don't forget to share this episode with anyone who might benefit!
Don't forget the free download that goes with this episode: karinebell.com/podcast/3featuresofshame
We take for granted the things that we think we already know (about ourselves, about others, and about the world around us), but for anyone who's familiar with the ways in which we can suffer from the the beliefs we hold that limit us and keep us from our growth and expansion, we understand why it's important to open ourselves up and to take in new perspectives and new ideas. We could all benefit from some healthy skepticism about the beliefs we hold and the stories we tell ourselves and pass on, without awareness, to our kids. It can be difficult to challenge “what we think we know” because so many of our ideas have been with us for a long time and were often shaped in the earliest part of our lives, but we can learn to leave the door open to new perspectives and we can teach our kids how to do this as well. It’s an empowering way to get started in life
Today is a Halloween-themed episode! And I’m excited about it because I get to talk about ghosts in today’s episode. You might be wondering what on earth ghosts have to do with us as mothers, and to this idea of waking up and growing up? Well they have so much to do with that, actually. Because ghosts are metaphors for the things we don’t want to face. So, there’s no need to be afraid - this podcast is about BOLD LOVE - and we’re going (together) to places that scare us...to find...often...that what seems so scary from a distance is often nothing more than the call for us to come home again. Life gets SO MUCH better when we learn to FACE our ghosts, so let’s get into the show!
Show notes here: https://www.karinebell.com/podcast/ep007
Why is overwhelm plaguing so many women and mothers? It's the number one most commonly used adjective mamas use to describe their experiences to me. And I'm no stranger to overwhelm myself. While we could find many different contributors to this - longer to-do lists, higher expectations, more technology, more information, more demands on our time, there's something else, rooted in our biographies and our biology, that we need to consider. Let's explore this together!
Show notes: What's Really Behind Your Overwhelm?
This is the time year when the natural slowing down of the world around us can be an invitation for us to slow down with it. But that's not easy for many women who are neck-deep in the culture of doing. There’s a kind of trauma to everyday life in the modern world. The busy-ness of our minds reflect the hurriedness of our lives. Even when we’re in a calm environment, the mind can be a madhouse of activity. This experience alone - of not having the time and space to digest the many experiences we have are one thing, but when they also happen to people living in a state of disconnection (from themselves), well, this situation gets increasingly challenging. It’s as if you'd eaten something, and then, instead being allowed to digest what you’ve just eaten, you keep eating and eating...until you’re in a state of overwhelm and anxiety. And without the ability to slow down, it's hard to ever break the cycle. Slowing down, while scary, invites us back into a relationship with self and life that has a rhythm we can dance to.
I'm talking about anger in this episode and I'm sure it won't be for the last time. The subject of anger, and especially anger for women (in Europe and the Americas), has come up a lot recently, and I feel that's important. But the anger we hold often points us to something else in our experience that we need to address because anger often holds the powerful energy of healthy aggression captive - an energy that wants to move and transform something in our lives. This is the first of other discussions of how our vital and healthy life energy is mobilized to help us respond to the world but key for us in knowing how to allow it to move is knowing how to be with it and allow it to inform a wise and creative engagement with the world. While anger can hold us captive and fuel an unhealthy aggression, healthy aggression can propel us forward and fuel wise, creative and assertive action in the world.
Welcome back! In this episode I talk about the power of relationship for children. I tell you a story about how a simple but intentional television figure was able to establish relationship (not only with me, but with thousands of other children) that made a huge impact on my life. And how this speaks to the important presence of other figures in the lives of a child (alloparents and others) who can help provide for that child a foundation, a base, upon which they can stand when the environment around them is shaky. You might be surprised to know just how impactful a simple (but intentional) question like: "how are you doing?" can provide a thread of stability for a child who needs it. As an advisory - I do briefly talk about abuse relationships. I hope you enjoy the show!
You can find more detailed show notes here: karinebell.com/podcast
There are many myths of motherhood, but the one about the "self-less" mother is one of the most insidious and difficult to challenge because being selfless is really honorable, right? The sweetest hallmark cards talk about how much mom does for us, how much mom sacrifices for us, and loves us, and how big and limitless that love is. A mother's love can be beautiful, but there’s an undercurrent here for the selfless mother that speaks to an expectation many women feel to be the good and sacrificial mother who doesn't think of herself. Her ability to always respond to the needs and demands of others, however, often comes at a cost to her. What if we could do both - love ourselves and give to others?
Welcome, mama, to the Bold as Love podcast! I'm Karine Bell, and I'm a mama on a journey of motherhood I, honestly, never anticipated. It's challenged me like NOTHING else has, but it's been probably one of the most powerful avenues I've ever traveled for waking up and growing up to my life so that I could parent the way I most deeply wished to. But, more than that, I've realized how, on this journey, I've also given birth to an entirely new experience of myself in this life, and for that I could be more grateful. My work is focused around what it means to claim your ability to author your own life experiences and also to become empowered to break with the momentum of past conditioned patterns and learning to make way for something new for yourself, and for your children going forward. We're creating a new legacy through the work that we do to be awake to our lives, and this has the ability to impact future generations. This is the introductory episode where you can meet me and hear a little about my motivation for starting this podcast. I hope that it serves as a source of education, inspiration, and perspective-shifting reflection to help point you in the direction you want to go and add fuel to your desire to go there.