Change is good: Recent Episodes
GeoffmTurner
The solution is drawing on the benefits of being kind. Helping others, caring, is good for yourself and also can solve mental health issues in the most disturbed people.
Flipping the lid, snapping, tantrums, there are ways to sooth people who are flooded with their emotions. Encouragement to be alongside the toddler during a tantrum, without giving in (not making them spoilt).
The importance of emerging from personality disorders. Curing a personality disorder improves life expectancy by 18 years, and a happier life. Less lifetime trauma for others in contact too. This is WHY to try to improve.
Explanation of brain elasticity which allows learning and improvement.
Questionnaire on attachment figures in your own life, and your own children:
5mins: Q6) what's one step you could take, today, to make a better job of truly seeing your children and responding to what they need. Taking an interest in something they care about.
Take one step towards making them feel seen and understood. Enjoy the rewards of taking that step, and then take another. Each new step deepens and strengthens the connection. Practicing this shows them how to do this with their friends all the way through childhood, adolescence and into adult life.
- Episode opens with explanation of avoidant attachment, where a child's needs and emotions have NOT been responded to, it damages all the relationships in their life. But it's never too late.
Q1) to what degree did you feel truly seen by your parents? They listened and responded to how you felt, not what they wanted you to do.
Q2) do you have relationships where you discuss deep and meaningful subjects? Memories, fears, desires, your inner life.
Q3) how often do you interact with your kids, get to know their life from their perspective, listen, and honour their inner worlds. Show you think about this yourself too - but beware analysis paralysis self-absorption!
Q4) do they feel you embrace them for who they truly are? Even if it's different from you, or your desires for them.
Q5) Do your kids ever feel ashamed of expressing their emotions. Do they feel loved, even when behaving at their worst.
5mins: Q6) what's one step you could take, today, to make a better connection? (See above).
Summarised from Dan Seigel's book, "The Power Of Showing Up."
Greatest hits... suitable to listen along to with children. Companion episode to "Parenting", and "Parenting, long-form" episodes.
Shy and mighty and mighty mob websites celebrate shyness and give small steps so a small life is avoided.
"The tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace." - Chris Martin, Coldplay, Fix You.
Think of ways to help your partner, play with them, serve, care, encourage, counsel them.
Fridge preserves fizz, not teaspoon. Superstitions and folklore use the brain's shortcut reasoning method. So they are not held up to scrutiny. Correlation does not imply causation.
Science of addiction, summarised. Availability of the drug is a major reason for starting and a danger to relapse.
Famous people give their film reviews and their personal attachments to their all-time favourite movies. E.g., Nick Helm on Toy Story, etc.
Refreshing, stimulating, exciting, thrilling. Cold water goodness can also help your immune system and bring calmness and joy. Various people describe why they like cold water. Finally, several broadcasters outline the scientific research which confirms their experiences.
Find fun in daily efforts, get to your goal in the end. If you follow a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
Childhood resentments from Michelle Obama to Wendy Cope. Impact of authoritarian parents - "I blame the parents". Most of all, Hitler's parents.
2,350 referrals to one charity, yet 50% drop in foster carers. Just 161 foster parent enquiries - BBC news report - 23 June, 2020.
Esther Perel outlines how a married person may know they are loved, yet they are a famished lover.