Let's Be Real with Nicole Unice: Recent Episodes
Nicole Unice
Welcome to Let’s Be Real … a completely honest, entirely practical conversation about how to live our lives with freedom, purpose and abundance. Popular author and communicator Nicole Unice brings her twenty years of experience as a counselor, pastor and coach to a real conversation about the tricky questions and tough decisions in life—and how to find clarity and action no matter what obstacle you may face.
After 100 episodes and 2.5 years of Let's Be Real, it’s time to take a break. In this farewell episode, we discuss the importance of ending things intentionally and revisiting the reasons behind why something was started. This helps us create space for new beginnings.
You can stay connected by subscribing to Real Talk
On today’s episode we’re throwing it back to one of the earliest episodes with Aundi Kolber, licensed professional counselor and author of Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy. She has such a compassionate, gentle approach to helping people come into abundant life through healing from "big T" and "little t” traumas, and I think you’ll love this episode.
Aundi teaches us about how even "little t" traumas can accumulate and wound in a way that keeps us from staying authentic to ourselves. How we all have a "window of tolerance" and what it means to stay within that window Aundi walks me through a guided exercise to stay with and then release hard feelings especially in times where we feel like we can't cope.
"the harder life is, the softer we need to be.”
Find out more about Aundi: Website | Instagram
Today’s episode is from the How to Study the Bible Podcast. We are kicking off a new Advent series there, looking at the women in Jesus’ lineage in a God of Our Mothers series. In Matthew 1, we get a genealogy of Jesus’ family. Genealogies are put in place because the people matter to the story, and there are several women named in his family line.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
Matthew 1:1-3:
“This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah the son of David, the son of Abraham: 2 Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers,
3 Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar…”
Genesis 38 – Who Is Tamar?
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She is not an Israelite
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She is unwanted
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She is mistreated
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She is seeking justice
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She is shrewd
(Don’t forget how Judah’s mom came to have him--also veiled and in disguise)
Genesis 38:26 is the turning point in the story. Judah confesses his unrighteousness, and we see that Tamar is brought into his family and one of her twin sons becomes part of the lineage that leads to Jesus (Perez).
WHAT IS THE BACKSTORY
After Joseph is sold into slavery, we get this graphic story in Genesis 38. We see the wickedness of Judah as a foil to Joseph’s righteousness. But eventually, we’ll see Judah take a righteous turn. First, though, he marries a Canaanite, and they have three sons. One of these sons marries Tamar.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
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God colors outside the lines.
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We are never defined by our past.
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God sees the marginalized.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR ME?
Matthew 9:10-12:
10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples.11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
FREE Gift from Nicole!
Nicole has written a free Christmas Eve liturgy for you and your family:
https://www.nicoleunice.com/christmas
On today’s episode we are joined by Blaine Hogan. Blaine is an actor, artist, director and author of Untitled and Exit the Cave. Blaine shares the stories that shaped him while exploring how our relationship to our past defines how we imagine the future and live in the present.
Blaine’s Website | Book Submissions Link
Are personas, platforms, and profits hurting the church? In light of the fall of famous Christian leaders in recent years, Katelyn Beaty reexamines the relationship between church and celebrity. In her book, Celebrities for Jesus (and this episode), Katelyn explores the ways fame has reshaped the American church, explains how and why celebrity is woven into the fabric of the evangelical movement, and identifies many ways fame goes awry.
Katelyn’s Website | Book Submissions
(0:00) Intro
(3:22) Christian celebrities
(5:44) Fame vs. celebrity
(9:01) Celebrity pressures
(11:24) Dangers of marketing our faith
(14:10) Various church structures
(17:24) How to discern truth in this space
(23:42) Personal church life
(29:00) A word to Christian leaders
(31:55) What is bringing you joy right now?
We have the privilege of having Nicole Lynn Lewis on the podcast today. Nicole is a fellow William & Mary alum, but she did it with her three-month-old daughter in tow. Nicole now works every day to change the statistic that less than 2% of teen mothers will earn their degrees before age 30. Nicole has been featured on major news outlets including “Good Morning America,” CNN, “NBC Nightly News,” and The Washington Post.
What does resilience look like? What does it look like to faithfully stay the course? Exhaustion and fatigue in leadership are so real. This episode dives into 3 key components that impact our ability to be fruitful for the long term.
Pace (3:37)
Purpose (9:01)
Posture (13:47)
We are joined today by Author, Life Planner, and Relationship Expert, Chanel Dokun. Chanel shares so much wisdom to help prevent women from felling like they missed out on their own life. In this episode, we will dive into daily liturgies, thriving vs. striving, life purpose, and so much more.
Get a copy of Life Starts Now
Chanel’s Website | Reclaim the Morning
Monica DiCristina is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a passion for helping individuals and couples overcome past and present unproductive patterns and establish emotional safety and connection, and we dive in to topics like emotional resilience, boundaries, and whether or not people can change.
You can subscribe to Monica’s Newsletter Here
Today we are joined by #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, and his good friend, author, counselor, and diversity consultant, Clarence Shuler.
Many of us want to do something to improve race relations but don’t know where to start or even if we can make a difference. Cross-cultural friends for over fifty years, Gary and Clarence believe building friendships across racial and cultural lines will change lives and our country for the better forever. This belief inspired their new book, Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships, to help others develop loving friendships that challenge their perspective and enrich their lives.
This episode covers some of their friendship, what inspired them to write this book, and practical steps for cross-cultural friendships.
Gary’s Website | Clarence’s Website
Gary’s Facebook | Gary’s Twitter | Clarence’s Facebook
On this episode, Jeanne Stevens joins us to talk about what really keeps you from experiencing peace in your life. She is one of the lead pastors of Soul City Church in Chicago as well as the author of “What’s Here Now?”
We dive into topics like: - Receiving the NOW
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Leading with unprocessed grief
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Defining CONTRITE
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Practicing silence & solitude
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Framework to freedom
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Being a visionary leader
Jeff Henderson joins us on the pod today to talk about what to do next. Named by Forbes Magazine as one of 20 speakers you shouldn’t miss, Jeff has become a trusted voice for businesses and non-profit organizations. On this episode he talks shares insights about navigating career change.
Get Jeff’s new book “What To Do Next” here | Jeff’s website
Get Real Talk Weekly here
This episode covers a little of what’s going on in my world and life updates and pivots (0:39) and then touches on advice for cultivating a mindset to handle unexpected things (7:41).
Erin Rose and Natalie Tyer join the podcast to talk all about relationships, singleness, and dating.
Intro (0:00)
Messaging Around Singleness (3:35)
Purity Culture (14:15)
Wisdom for Dating (22:10)
Thoughts for Single Guys (30:28)
Thoughts for Parents (32:28)
Godly Dating 101 by Safa Grey and Tovares Grey
Mount Hermon Women’s Retreat
It’s been a minute! This episode jumps into the time away from everything this summer, and how to make space in your life.
Catching Up (0:40)
Taking Time Away + Making Space (5:35)
Book Updates (15:26)
Join Nicole’s Newsletter Here
Music by Nath (feat. Steve Davis) “Let’s Save Hyrule Together"
As we wrap up Let’s Be Real for the summer, Nicole talks about how we can navigate the line between critiquing and being critical, and being discerning vs. judging.
As Christians, we can get caught in either being TOO passionate about a cause, or being so scared of coming off judgmental that we don’t engage at all.
In this episode, we go over:
-the question to ask in order to start to engage well
-how to think deeply about solutions, not just problems
-how we can speak into each other’s lives
Thanks for listening this season; we’ll see you in the Fall!
This week, we’re learning from the duo behind one of Nicole’s favorite leadership books, Think. Talk. Create., David Brendel and Ryan Stelzer.
They help answer the question: how did we get to a de-humanized workplace, and how do we change things in order for all of us to flourish at work?
Plus, we talk:
-the biggest indicator of performance (which may surprise you!)
-the TTC framework in a virtual world
-why it’s simple for leaders to execute (but not easy)
In addition to being authors, David and Ryan are founders of Strategy of Mind, an executive coaching and management consulting firm out of Boston. AKA…they’ve got a lot to share…so check them out!!
Learn more about the firm and get their book at: strategyofmind.com
This week on LBR, we’re honored to have the powerhouse mother/daughter duo Nancy and Samantha Beach on to talk about their new book Next Sunday: An Honest Dialogue About the Future of the Church.
Being leaders in ministry and growing up in church, they ask the question: will future generations find a church worth fighting for? We talk about it and where they see the Church headed in this rich conversation.
Pre-order their book out June 14: www.ivpress.com/next-sunday
Discount code: BEREAL22 (available from 5/18-6/1) to be used ativpress.com.
Inspired by a listener question, this week on LBR we’re exploring how to be a safe place to have spiritual conversations, or, conversations where we bring our souls and whole selves into them to connect with people on a deeper level.
So honored to have the brilliant Dr. Jemar Tisby for this conversation around what it looks like to faithfully engage the topic of racism and justice as Christ followers in America.
Dr. Tisby’s book The Color of Compromise (2019) has been formative for me and is one that I consider required reading for anyone who is serious about deeply engaging with their faith— because these issues involve everyone, not just one group of people.
We talk about Christians’ ideas of individual vs. systemic issues, historical continuity and how things years past have informed the American Church today, and what chapters he would add to his book now having lived through the last few years.
Jemar Tisby is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Color of Compromise: The Truth about the Church's Complicity in Racism, How to Fight Racism, and How to Fight Racism: Young Reader's Edition. Jemar is the co-host of the "Pass the Mic" podcast. He speaks nationwide on the topics of racial justice, U.S. history and Christianity. Jemar earned his PhD in history and he studies race, religion, and social movements in the 20th century. You can follow his work through his newsletter, Footnotes, and on social media at @JemarTisby.
Subscribe to his newsletter: jemartisby.substack.com
Get his newest book, How to Fight Racism: Young Reader’s Edition: https://jemartisby.com/how-to-fight-racism-young-readers-edition/
His recommendations for Black churches to listen to or watch:
https://allnationspensacola.com/
https://www.cpckoinonia.org/staff
I fully believe that us together is better than one alone— but we need a shared vision in order for it to be true.
Today we’re talking about how you can embrace differences without experiencing division in the relationships around you— and how that will help you approach high stakes decisions differently.
Want more info on cultivating healthy relationships? Grab my book, The Miracle Moment, here: nicoleunice.com/miraclemoment
Every person is made in the image of God and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
That’s the “why” behind SSeko Designs, a company that uses fashion to create opportunity & community for women globally, started by this week’s super fun and super wise guest, Liz Bohannon.
We talk:
-The paradox of being a lone ranger AND being passionate about community
-How you should be holding onto your “why” vs. your “what”
-The weight of leadership
-The truth about good things feeling organic
Learn more about SSeko Designs: ssekodesigns.com
Follow Liz on Instagram: @lizbohannon
Today, we’re going back to Nicole’s fitness roots at William & Mary, where she met Sadie Lincoln, founder of barre3, a fitness company focused on teaching people to be balanced in body and empowered from within.
Sadie takes us through barre3’s evolution, from the moment she realized the fitness industry was failing people, to now leading a full-blown movement made up of millions of people focused on body positivity, being empowered, and redefining what success in fitness means.
Plus, they talk:
-The realities of sacrificial tradeoffs
-Using pain from your origin story to inform your purpose
-How barre3’s values helped them get through COVID
Follow her on Instagram @sadielincoln and learn more about what barre3 is doing here: barre3.com.
In today’s episode, Nicole shares some thoughts about what it means to speak life into others, and how to elevate the affirmations that you give. We all need others to point out the special things they see in us, and affirm the unique ways we move throughout the world!
- Point to a specific action, name the behavior, and connect it to a character trait
- Note their natural gifts and elevate those things that feel natural
- Focus on speaking intentional life into people! Our words can also be a powerful tool for evil; focus on speaking intentional LIFE into people!
You’ll also hear some great listener questions on setting boundaries with cell phones, and family conflicts.
Subscribe to Nicole’s newsletter: https://bit.ly/3nWk5sP
PS: I love hearing from you! This podcast, in some ways, is like a little bit of free coaching. Shoot me a message at hello@nicoleunice.com if you’ve got any questions on how to approach a situation in your life or leadership. It’s not exactly the same thing as coaching, but a little something extra for your journey.
On this week’s episode, we’re talking with the SUPER fun Audrey Sampson, author of Known: How Believing Who God Says You Are Changes Everything, a book about the names that God speaks over His children.
We talk about her exercise of being surprised by joy, trying hard vs. surrendering, and the words that God speaks over us that settle every question and pain we have experienced in our search for identity.
She’s loving this Korean drama on Netflix lately: https://www.netflix.com/title/81159258
This week’s episode is inspired by content from my book The Miracle Moment and a breakout conversation I had at a recent conference: we’re talking about reasons why things go sideways in families.
There’s always going to be turbulence in families, but there are 4 places to start when we want to get to the bottom of it.
Get The Miracle Moment here: nicoleunice.com/miraclemoment
On today’s episode, it’s a double Nicole special! I talk with my new friend Nicole Zasowski, therapist and author of What If It’s Wonderful?, and we talk about:
-Engaging with God both in your struggle AND celebration
-Having the courage to be expectant
-Becoming acquainted with God’s character in a new way through loss
She gives us some practices that can help create a heart of joy and tells us how asking “what if it’s wonderful?” is changing her life in real time.
Get her new book, What If It’s Wonderful?, here: https://amzn.to/3vOk27c
Nicole’s favorite products right now:
Eucalyptus shower bomb: https://bit.ly/35ZWGjZ
Tissue box for car cup holder: https://bit.ly/3MuG0lE
On today’s episode of Let’s Be Real, I’m talking to my friend and big time leader Adrienne Wright, who is the CEO of U-Turn and the founder of the Collaboratory of VA.
Adrienne is someone who dreams big and runs fast towards goals, and we talk about what it’s like to achieve when no one is clapping for you, and what her experience has been being both Black and female in an executive role.
She shares where God has taken her, where He’s working on her right now, and has some solid advice for young, aspiring leaders.
Check out her new podcast around dating as a Christian, “In These Streets”:
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/in-these-streets-podcast/id1610254328
Learn more about U-Turn & The Collaboratory:
https://www.u-turn.org/
https://www.thecollaboratory-va.org/
“Anger is a powerful catalyst but a life-sucking companion.” - Breńe Brown
On today’s episode, we’re talking the emotion of anger (or the emotion BEHIND the anger) and what it looks like to take our angry experiences and allow them to be transformed into productive action.
We’re going over the difference and connection between unproductive, productive, unrighteous and righteous anger— and we’ve got a helpful graph to walk us through it.
When was the last time you changed your mind about anything?
That’s one of the questions that’s asked in my conversation with Reggie Dabbs and John Driver, authors of Not So Black and White: An Invitation to Honest Conversations about Race and Faith.
In this conversation, we talk about what prompted these two friends to write this book together and what we can all learn if we take the position of humility as individuals, as Christians, and as a nation.
Plus, we talk:
—What keeps us from ACTUALLY loving our nation
—One simple action to take when you don’t know where to start learning
—The history of race in our systems
—What our responsibility as Jesus’ disciples is
On this episode of LBR, Nicole sits down with business and organizational leader Lisa Nichols to talk about the reasons behind the Great Resignation, how leaders can care for their teams better, and being a sponge in the name of growth.
Something Extra Podcast
Rooted Sisters Organization
Technology Partners
Ruthless Elimination of Hurry on Audible
Toxic Culture is Driving the Great Resignation
Today, we’re talking to Justin Earley, author of “The Common Rule” and his new book “Habits of the Household”, about the beauty of habits and the power they have to form our lives, our homes, and our families.
We talk through how failures might not mean what you think they mean, starting daily liturgies with your kids, and Justin’s take on the number one most powerful habit you can (and should!) start today.
Buy Justin’s new book “Habits of the Household” here: www.habitsofthehousehold.com
Buy his favorite XtraTuf boots here: https://bit.ly/3g4OZe9
This week, Nicole talks about the 3 things we need to focus on when everything around us is breaking down and we need a home base to return to and get through the winter-ing season.
**Zoom call is FEB. 10th, not the 12th.
Sign up here: https://nicole-unice.myshopify.com/products/february-zoom-call-women-in-leadership
Subscribe to Nicole's newsletter: https://bit.ly/3nWk5sP
This week on Let’s Be Real, Nicole sits down with bestselling author, speaker, and business coach Alli Worthington to talk about her story of losing everything to building multiple successful businesses, now teaching other coaches and entrepreneurs how they can do the same.
Listen in to hear their conversation on:
-embracing failure in entrepreneurship
-the importance of multiple streams of income
-the difference between coaching and therapy
-what it REALLY takes to succeed
There's way more good stuff coming your way on this season of Let's Be Real. Never miss an episode by subscribing: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-be-real-with-nicole-unice/id1505817001
Want to be informed about workshops, Bible studies, and events happening near you this year? Subscribe to Nicole's email newsletter here: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636
Find Alli's books, subscribe to her podcast, and find info on coaching here: https://alliworthington.com/coaching
In today’s episode (the last of the year before we pick back up in January!) I want to open up the conversation about winter seasons of life.
On today’s episode, I get to chat with Jessica Hottle, a faith-based fitness coach, podcast host, best-selling author, and speaker.
Karen and I talk about breaking free from the prison of people-pleasing, embracing a season of “necessary and no,” and the healing that can only happen when you intentionally make enough room for it.
Today we chat about the refining process of becoming a faithful communicator in an instant gratification world, making sure you understand your why, and how Bob Barker helped Joy up her communication game.
I’m back with another guest you won’t want to miss, y’all! My soul-sister @lisawhittle just wrote a new book called The Hard Good, about the uncomfortable process that leads us to growth.
In today’s episode Ashley and I chat about all the things… motherhood, pursuing your passions, cancel culture, the humility and courage of leaning into conflict, and loving our enemies.
Today I’m here with my brand new friend, Jennifer Dukes Lee, who just released her newest book called “Growing Slow: Lessons on Unhurrying Your Heart from an Accidental Farm Girl.” She was previously a crime and politics reporter chasing headlines, but found that even when she left her career behind and moved to a scenic farm, her heart was still hurried.
We talk about hurry sickness, taking a “Hustle Detox,” and what the natural rhythms of seasons can teach us about our own growth. Her book was a gift for me to read and I’m excited to share it with you!
Growing Slow: Lessons on Unhurrying Your Heart from an Accidental Farm Girl
Jennifer’s Other Books
Patient Trust Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability – and that it may take a very long time. And so, I think it is with you; your ideas mature gradually – let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste. Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make of you tomorrow. Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ
On today’s episode, I get to talk about the Enneagram (if you’ve been here a while, you know I somehow always find a way to sneak it into any topic!) with my new friend and expert AJ Sherill. AJ wrote a book called “The Enneagram & Spiritual Formation,” and has a new book releasing in October called “Being with God: The Absurdity, Necessity and Neurology of Contemplative Prayer.”
AJ has served as a Lead Pastor for two decades in churches across the country, and now calls Charleston, South Carolina his home. He received a doctorate in the area of spiritual formation, and teaches courses on preaching and the Enneagram at Fuller Theological Seminary.
We talk about the humiliation (it’s a good thing, I promise) of what the Enneagram can reveal about you, our identities rooted in belovedness, and the beauty of just being in God’s presence where words are welcome but not necessary.
Mazi is the Founder and Director of the Cultivate counseling center in Atlanta , and has created an online course called “Uncomplicating Love” that offers practical tools to better love yourself and others. Learn more about it here, and use the checkout code “heal” for a $5 discount!
It’s the last chance for my LBR listeners to get 30% off the upcoming coaching experience 30 Days to Your Miracle. Join a whole community of people, hear teaching from me, get practical exercises, and a live Q&A. Use the discount code LBR30 for 30% off your registration!
I connected with Kristen after my own incredibly meaningful experience participating in One Small Step (and share clips from the convo!), and love the redemptive thread woven throughout these conversations of connection. Kirsten shares her background working at the 9/11 Memorial where she listened to thousands of hours of stories, how she ended up at StoryCorps, and why it’s so important to connect with other people’s stories on a human level.
You’ll be so encouraged, and I hope you might even want to take One Small Step, too. Ready to take One Small Step? Learn more and Sign up PS: It’s the last chance for my LBR listeners to get 30% off the upcoming coaching experience 30 Days to Your Miracle. Join a whole community of people, hear teaching from me, get practical exercises, and a live Q&A. Use the discount code LBR30 for 30% off your registration!
Like what you heard? This was just a brief snippet about “fighting well” that you can read much more about in The Miracle Moment.
And just for my LBR listeners, you can get 30% off the coaching experience that goes with it!
It’s called 30 Days to Your Miracle and starts THIS month!
Join a whole community of people, hear teaching from me, get practical exercises, and a live Q&A. Use the discount code LBR30 for 30% off your registration!
I’m so excited about the conversation I have to share with you today, with guest Terence Lester. Terence is a minister, speaker, community activist, author, and founder of Love Beyond Walls, a not-for-profit organization focused on poverty awareness and community mobilization. His awareness campaigns on behalf of the poor have been featured in USA Today, Essence, Black Enterprise, The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS News, NBC, Upworthy, and “The Bright Side” with Katie Couric. They have been viewed by millions of people globally. Terence has written five books. His new book, “When We Stand: The Power of Seeking Justice Together,” was just released on May 18th.
You’re going to love this conversation, and it may just open your eyes to some things you haven’t been thinking about, some challenges Terence has for us, and I also ask a really specific question from my own life. You should also check out:
“Love Sinks In” Campaign The Dignity Museum I See You: How Love Opens Our Eyes to Invisible People
We launched The Miracle Moment last week, and as a book about healthy relating, it helps to be in a community as you work at getting better in your most important relationships. We created a coaching experience called 30 Days to Your Miracle starting in June that will involve a whole community of people, teaching by me, practical exercises, and a live Q&A.
Use the discount code LBR30 for 30% off your registration! Register HERE
Welcome to Episode 53 of Let’s Be Real! Today I get to chat with my good friend Elisabeth Edelman. She’s the founder and CEO of Golden Word, the boutique PR firm based right here in my hometown of Richmond, VA (and sidenote: they’re hiring! Check out the new opportunities here: www.goldenword.co) As an Enneagram 7 and an Essentialist, Elisabeth chases the few and the meaningful, whether clients or adventure. She’s a force in Richmond and far beyond, and she joins me today to share some of the wisdom she’s picked up about risk, starting new things, and a new definition for failure that I just love (and immediately adopted since our conversation). Elisabeth offers a workshop called How to Pitch Yourself” and I’m serious when I say it’s a must-take for any authors or entrepreneurs out there. Head over to www.goldenword.co to learn more.
On today’s episode, I get to chat with my new friend Pat Linnell! You’ll love hearing his heart behind Grace Bomb, a movement and ministry that equips churches and people around the country to love their neighbors with no strings attached. He has an MA in theology from Columbia International University, and lives in Maryland with his wife and four kids (although, like me, has a Southern California soul).
When you pre-order The Miracle Moment before May 18, you will be eligible to register for free for "30 Days to Your Miralce: A Relationship Workshop and Coaching Experience" ($150 value)!
I will lead the group and help you apply the life-giving principles from the book to your most meaningful relationships. I can't wait for you to join us!
Click HERE
On this page, you can order The Miracle Moment and learn more about how to register for free for the workshop!
The chances are slim that my quick answer is the right answer, and it stops the conversation instead of taking it to a deeper place. When we take one step back, we enter into a place of humility by assuming we don’t have all the facts. Taking a step back looks more like walking side-by-side with someone, and less like a transactional “bank teller” interaction.
A lot of times, taking one step back is asking yourself “what is the nature of this relationship I’m in?” and approaching the conversation from that place. I share an example about my teenagers – instead of just giving them the quick answer to solve a problem, I can take one step back and ask myself “How can I have this conversation in a way that lends itself toward the goal of my child becoming a more graceful, wise and caring adult?”
Taking that one step back can help make sure you’re on the right path forward, so my encouragement to you is this: next time you’re in a situation where you’re trying to solve a problem, hear the words “take one step back.”
Tiffany is the author of She Dreams and Never Alone, and the new release Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth. She is a sought-after speaker, writer, and co-host of the popular podcast Why Tho, and leads an engaged audience online around women’s issues, identity, and faith. As a minority, immigrant woman with an interracial family, she is passionate about women’s equality, justice, and dignity. Things we cover:
Choosing loyalty to your convictions over loyalty to an institution How to lend your strength to create an environment of collective care The culture of silencing women and the cost of speaking up Why a balance of power means everyone thrives
When I look back over my leadership and life, there’s just something so sticky about a good analogy. I love a great word picture, and this one has stayed with me for years.
It originally came from a 1974 article in the Harvard Business Review which you can read here. It’s about the dynamics in a workplace where managers unintentionally find themselves creating a bottleneck, and taking on all of the problems of their team members.
Picture two people coming together to engage a problem. That problem is like a monkey on your back, who needs to be fed and cared for. During the conversation it can straddle both of you, but it always leaves on someone’s back. You might not be a team manager, but this concept will be helpful for you if :
You’re consistently unsure of who’s doing what in your life, and always asking, “whose problem is this!?” You secretly (or not-so-secretly!) feel resentful. “Why am I the only one pulling my weight and keeping everything together?!” You feel frustrated in communication. Often you think a conversation has gone one way, but then find out the other person thought it went a completely different way. “Well that’s not how I remember the conversation!”
Whether you’re a team manager, the parent of a teenager, or managing your household with your spouse, it’s such a helpful picture! When you’re responsible for other people, it’s so important that when anyone comes to you with a monkey on their back, they leave with a monkey on their back.
Take a listen, and I promise you’ll start to see monkeys popping up in conversations… and you might even end up with fewer on your own back.
What is the difference between production and depression? How can you tell the difference?
I am SO excited that today I get to chat with my great friend Erin Rose, and share her heart (and some good laughs) with you! Erin lives in Richmond, Virginia and just transitioned out of her full-time role as a worship and teaching pastor, and she’s full of insight about navigating life changes, hearing God’s calling on your life, and honoring God in singleness or whatever stage you’re in.
Welcome to Episode 43 of Let’s Be Real! Today I have the honor of sharing the interview I recently did with my new friend Eryn Eddy. Eryn is a social entrepreneur and storyteller, and is the founder of the lifestyle company So Worth Loving. She wrote a book by the same name, and also hosts a podcast called God Hears Her. I guarantee that after listening, you’ll feel like Eryn is your new friend, too. I hope you enjoy the conversation!
Things we cover:
Living your life through the lens that you’re worthy of love Transforming insights about yourself into actually believing the truth Inviting God into your pain, and surrounding yourself with people who are speaking truth into it
Today we kick off a series of conversations with some folks that I’ve been interviewing over the past few weeks, and I can’t wait to share them with you! I love getting to introduce you to people who are going to enrich your world, and I really hope it’ll feel like you’re just sitting down with some friends. Today I’m excited to welcome Tyler Reagin to the show!
Tyler is the founder and CEO of The Life Giving Company (lifegiving.co). He is the author of The Life-Giving Leader (Oct 2018) and Leading Things You Didn’t Start launching March 2, 2021. He was the President of Catalyst, a leadership development organization that exists to unify and equip leaders who love the Church through resources and experiential events.
Prior to leading the charge at Catalyst, Tyler served for seven years under the leadership of Andy Stanley as the Service Programming Director of Browns Bridge Community Church (a campus of North Point Ministries). He received his Masters of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and serves as a leadership coach for teams and organizations.
On this episode, we discuss: · Having confidence in your calling · Inheriting a team you didn’t start · The importance of patience in leadership · Bringing life to people in the process
You guys, the way you’ve been reaching out lately has been my fuel! It’s been quite the year, and we all need places where we can talk about the real stuff. You have an entire abundance of potential and goodness that you bring to the world, and whether your world feels really small or really overwhelming right now, I love that I get to help you move forward in it. So today, I answer two (very!) different listener questions:
“As a young leader, how do I process the criticism I receive about my public work?”
and
“How do I share the truth of God with my loved one who is living in sin, without judging, condemning or shrinking in fear, due to the controversial nature of homosexuality in our culture?”
It’s a rich conversation that I think so many listeners will benefit from as we chat about the heart issues behind the questions. Keep them coming! If there’s a question that’s been on your heart, shoot it over to me at nicole@nicoleunice.com and I might just answer it on an upcoming episode. We’re in this together!
Today we finish what we started last week; an exercise called Life Mapping. (If you missed it, you’ll definitely want to go back and listen to Part 1 first!) This week, I’ll walk you through an exercise that’s been life-changing for me and for the folks that I’ve led through it in the past. It’ll help you to backtrack to understand where you’ve been and illuminate where you’re going.
As you do the work of this Life Mapping exercise, you’ll begin to see the places where you started believing lies about yourself that you’ve operated out of for years. But it will also show you the moments of bliss and calling along the way, left there as signposts of who God has made you to be. So grab your chronological sticky-note covered posterboards, and let’s go! (and if you have no idea what I’m talking about…seriously…listen to Part 1 first!) Four questions to ask yourself after you complete the exercise I walk you through:
What do you need to face? Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to release? What do you need to claim as true?
The journey really begins when we come to a place of recognition that we have stories full of both purpose and pain, and there is hope for a different way. What are we going to do with this one life we’ve been given?
I just finished a crazy (and insanely frigid) adventure race with my husband and some buddies that involved chilling us to the bone and navigating to checkpoints with headlamps and a map. So many times in the confusing darkness (and did I mention cold?) we had to pause to step back and assess where we were, and where we were going. It got me thinking about how important it is to do that in real life, too: to take a step back and assess the shaping of our character and the nature of our calling on this journey through life.
Today’s episode is Part 1 of a 2-part series on “mapping your life” – an activity that provides an opportunity to look at the ways our lives have been shaped, the turning points within our stories, and the places of growth that we might otherwise miss.
It’s tough to navigate from checkpoint to checkpoint without a map, and this activity can help you step out of your story and grasp the redemptive things God is doing in your life. Join me as I walk you through Part 1 of how to create your “life map.” Get ready (and get your post-it notes ready!) for an illuminating exercise. As you make space for your soul to tell you things you might not be aware of, you’ll begin to understand yourself in a way that frees you up to love others more deeply and move forward with purpose.
On today’s episode, I share an analogy that’s been really helpful for me in how I view my life and priorities when I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed: The 4-Burner Life.
If you’ve ever cooked a big meal with lots of elements to juggle, you know what I mean (ok I know some of us are workin’ with a microwave and a hotplate, but track me with here…) On your stove you’ve got a couple things on the front burners that you’re actively cooking, and maybe some others on the back burners that don’t require active tending. You probably also have some elements still sitting on the countertop or in the fridge for later.
Your life is the same. You’re a limited person with an amazing power to bring your vision into being, but it takes discipline to consistently prioritize the right pots. Which things are both important and urgent? Important but not urgent? Urgent but not important?
Whenever we have big dreams that require consistency and discipline, we’re going to hit obstacles along the way. It takes pacing and an understanding of your capacity. I share some helpful questions to ask yourself as you move around the pots of your life:
How does this decision matter a year from now? Am I dealing with the important as well as the urgent? What does it feel like when I’m working within my capacity? What does it feel like when I’m working outside my capacity?
You are ridiculously responsible for your life and your leadership. The person that you want to become is deeply connected to the way you make decisions in your 4-burner life today. My hope is that this new way of thinking about your life gives you the resilience and discipline to pursue all that is out there for you!
In today’s show, I encourage you to pay attention to what’s good when it’s good. I know. It’s the dead of winter and with all that’s going on in the world right now, it’s really easy to focus on what’s discouraging and painful.
Instead, let’s try to pay attention to what’s actually good; and I don’t mean circumstances. If you ever find yourself with a buoyant spirit and a more-hopeful-than-normal mindset, take note of the things in these three categories that very like contributed:
Rhythms: What’s happening with your rhythms when things are good? What’s your eating, exercise and sleep been like? (Let’s be honest, I need 9 hours of sleep and a whole lotta protein). How about you? Mindset: What’s going on in your attitude when you feel good? Choose to focus on what’s affirming and encouraging in your life. Relationships: Who’s in your life when you’re having good days? How are you able to believe the encouragement they’re speaking into your life?
Let’s pay attention when it’s good. You can’t control it all, but the more you’re in touch with what’s good when it’s good, the more you can begin to shape your life in that direction. Here’s to more good days than bad in 2021!
Welcome to Season 2 of the Let’s Be Real podcast! On this first episode of 2021, I invite you to join me in embracing a new mantra: “Something is better than nothing.”
If you’re like me, there’s something in you that believes you can experience more joy, freedom and fullness. You might have even set some goals to move toward that this year. In today’s episode, I talk about what to do when you hit that first failure. What if we allow what we’re not experiencing to lead us into what we could experience? What if, instead of getting stuck in a cycle of self-condemnation and escapism, we try an entirely different way?
Join me as, together, we find real transformation and freedom with the mantra “something is better than nothing.”
ABOUT NICOLE
Nicole Unice is a popular author and communicator who is passionate about facilitating environments of safety and vulnerability so that individuals and communities can courageously identify the obstacles keeping them from maximum potential.
Nicole lives in Richmond, VA with her husband, three children, and two dogs!
In her books, Nicole is passionate about making transformation attainable and accessible to people in all stages of life. As a coach, she brings clarity and courage for individuals and teams as they pursue a preferred future. As a speaker, Nicole brings both wit and wisdom to the platform, with an honest and vulnerable approach that appeals to both faith and leadership environments alike.
Let's Connect...
Today on the podcast I'm sharing an interview I just did with Jessica Morris and Hope Church in Memphis, TN--we talk about corona-fatigue, boundaries, rest and how to love your family during the holidays. Would love for you guys to jump in and take a listen!
And if you prefer to watch online, you can check it out right here: https://www.hopepres.com/Media#!/swx/pp/media_archives/206115/episode/84228
Hey friends! Today on the podcast we've got a little switcheroo going, as I'm sharing an episode from my other podcast, How to Study the Bible. It's been awesome to see so many of you connecting with God through His Word, and letting me guide you into that experience. Today's episode is from the beginning of a series we did on the book of Philippians. Here's what it's all about:
A new season of How to Study the Bible Is here! This season, Nicole takes us through the book of Philippians and what it looks like to have abundant joy in a world that is often anything but joy-filled.
In this episode, Nicole reminds us how we use the Alive Method to discover the meaning and application of Scripture, and begins to walk us through Philippians.
Recommended Resources: Walking with God: A 30-Day Guided Discovery of Philippians and Ephesians. This is a 5-week guided devotional plan to help you unpack God’s Word in simple, daily steps. Learn more at https://nicoleunice.com/walking-with-god/
Of course, before we get into it, I ask you about your relationship with Hallmark Christmas movies and what I need to know since I just joined the cult, ehemm, club, of people obsessed with Hallmark Christmas. Head over to my socials to weigh in on this very important, very essential conversation. :)
Tommy Thompson is a friend, author, executive coach and personal mentor to me and I can't wait to share our conversation with you today especially going into the holidays.
Today, Tommy and I talk about:
How Tommy burnt out in his thirties--and what he learned from it that impacted his ability to grieve the loss of his daughter a few years ago. What lacking margin will do in our life Simple practices that help us engage with space Why so many of us do NOT want space (and what to do about it) How to engage with the idea of Sabbath as a restorative practice for the rest of the week.
"Space is the critical ingredient that's necessary for all the other right things to happen". -Tommy Thompson
Tommy's written his first book, Space to Breathe Again: Hope for the Overloaded and Overwhelmed, and it's an amazing resource if you know you are working outside of your capacity and need a way back to peace.
If 2020 makes you want to cry, take a break from the chaos and despair and tune in today for a lot of laughter and wisdom from my friend and author Teresa Swanstrom Anderson. ❤️😂
Teresa brings us an extra shake of joy on the show today, sharing with us real talk about her marriage, raising six kids, how her middle school years in Guatemala shaped her passion for real community, and why she loves the Bible so dang much.
In addition to all of that, of course I ask her about her pink hair (which I'm obsessed with).
One thing I'm particularly happy about on this show is how Teresa dives into her own story in a way that helped me connect more deeply with my own. You're going to love her!
Teresa Swanstrom Anderson is a blogger, author, speaker, and Bible study teacher from Denver, CO. Teresa grew up in Seattle, but spent her middle school years in Guatemala and has a deep love for people in third-world countries. Now living in Denver with her husband and six children, she spends her days wiping off sticky counters, Instagramming, and blogging at teresaswanstromanderson.com. She is the author of Beautifully Interrupted and has published several Bible studies on her blog. The Get Wisdom Bible Studies are her first traditionally published studies, taking her passion for studying the Bible and helping women to a broader audience.
Learn more about Teresa on her website or Instagram page!
Get Wisdom Bible Studies
Leading Wherever You Are: 7 Weeks in the Book of Joshua
Saying Yes in the Darkness: 7 Weeks in the Book of Psalms
Living for What Really Matters: 7 Weeks in the Book of Philippians
Have you ever sensed God calling you to something more...but then self-doubt and resistance kick in? If so, you'll love learning from speaker, author, business coach and podcaster Alli Worthington, as we talk about hearing the voice of God--and what it takes to step into "more than enough" in your life.
On today's episode, we get real about Alli's move from entrepreneur to COO of an international ministry, as well as how she confronted her fear when God said "leave."
Together, we cover:
Why Alli is angry about "the false gospel of hustle" = How do we know we are hearing from God? What to do when we doubt our calling Why Alli loves business coaching (and how you know if you need a business coach!)
Alli's most recent book is Standing Strong: A Woman's Guide to Overcoming Adversity and Living with Confidence. She's a business coach and co-founder of Called Creatives, as well as the host of the weekly podcast, the Alli Worthington show.
Learn more about Alli: https://alliworthington.com/
We all face a myriad of choices each day.
Our choices often are so habitual that we don't even realize we are making them--and together, those actions create our reality.
But what do you do when you have a choice in front of you that's hard to make?
How do you know how to choose between options that all seem good (or all seem terrible?)?
And how do you know if what you are choosing is reasonable or not?
These are the questions on today's show that help you stay connected to your heart when it comes to decision making--while also using your head to make smart and sound choices within the realm of reasonable possibility.
This episode is for all the over scheduled and under capacity, those who feel their energy drain away because they have to many life-sucking things to do and not enough soul-energizing time in their schedule.
It’s for everyone who has this longing to be more present, more connected, more in tune with their relationships and creativity and down time but feel like a slave to deadlines and to-do lists.
Today on the show I’m going to get real with you about my own tendencies to overwork, and how dealing with both my inside world (self-awareness) and outside world (productivity tools) has been key to getting me closer to a life/work balance that is actually liberating and enjoyable.
We’ll cover these three questions:
Why am I so busy (no, really, really)? Am I losing myself in people pleasing? Am I running from something, and if so, what am I going to do about it?
What am I missing?
Self: Body: health, food, exercise, sleep mind: hobbies, depth soul: quiet time Others: relationships, friendships, family Business: the work inside the business and the work to grow the business
How do I use one hour of planning to change my entire week?
Don’t get distracted and start doing when you should be planning! Use your brain dump system and think in categories. Productivity tools that can help.
Here's the tools I reference on the show for my brain dump and planning:
Trello
Evernote
Sunsama
Getting Things Done by David Allen (or you can read a summary here.)
If you've ever felt lost in a transition in life--whether it's a change you've initiated or a change that's come to you--then you do not want to miss this episode with Nancy Beach, author, speaker and leadership coach.
Nancy has shepherded me through multiple leadership transitions in my own life and has been a pioneer and trailblazer as a woman in ministry and in living out the gospel through her life, including in her role of breaking the silence of abuse and coverup with Bill Hybels at Willow Creek Church.
Together, Nancy and I talk about:
What it feels like to "jump" out of a season and into the unknown How hard seasons prepare you for the future The three distinct seasons of transition & change Why the "neutral" zone is the most unsettling part of change How to handle loss well
Also, I really do fangirl over Nancy for several minutes because that's how much she's meant to me over my entire ministry career...cannot wait for you all to learn from her and appreciate her wisdom like I have!!
Resources:
Transitions by William Bridges
The Way of Transitions by William Bridges
The Land Between by Jeff Manion
Falling Upward by Richard Rohr
_Nancy Beach is most known for her groundbreaking ministry to more fully unleash the arts in the local church, and for leading artists with grace, wisdom, and skill. For over 20 years she served as the Programming Director of Willow Creek Community Church in suburban Chicago, building a community of artists who sought to create transformational moments in weekend church services. Nancy also served as a Teaching Pastor, periodically bringing the weekend message. She invested five years as a leadership team member of the Willow Creek Association, an organization that exists to envision and inspire church leaders all over the world. In over 26 countries and on 6 continents, Nancy has shared her passion, teaching at conferences and workshops.
In her book, An Hour on Sunday, Nancy expresses the core vision and values which she believes are foundational to any effective arts ministry. Nancy's second book is titled: Gifted to Lead: The Art of Leading as a Woman in the Church._
On today's episode of Let's Be Real I want to introduce you to one of my coaches who has completely changed the way I view work and productivity.
Steve Perkins is a business and leadership coach and founder of Greenhouse. Greenhouse is the go-to place for helping people and organizations clarify their purpose and live into their potential. Steve has been my productivity guru and shares some of his methods for getting people like me to get focused and clear on their purpose, and then take action on a daily and weekly basis to accomplish their goals.
"You see, many people feel stuck in their life and career, not sure what’s next. They know there’s more they’re capable of, and a greater contribution to make. But it’s unclear what they’re good at, what they enjoy, or what they should do. And they don’t know where to turn or what they might need to ultimately draw it out of them and find their way forward."
You don't want to miss the opportunity to go behind the scenes of Steve's coaching, courses and community with an inside scoop on his 5 keys to productivity--and how to get your life in order so you can accomplish what you've dreamed possible. Oh--and I love why Steve shares that he's not upset that he checks his phone first thing every morning. Enjoy!
A few resources I share on the show:
Deep Work by Cal Newport
How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton Christensen
Greenhouse Membership
The Greenhouse Podcast
On today's episode of Let's Be Real, we continue our conversation all around writing and publishing, and I want to start with a story about the day I almost quit writing before I even began publishing.
If after listening to that story, you know you want to continue your publishing journey, then you've come to the right place. Of course, you'll need to know your why and your people before you go even further (make sure to check out Part One here).
Today I'll answer your questions on:
Do I need an agent? What about self-publishing? The Proposal Actually writing the thing All the extras that come with authoring
Finally, I share a story about why it's great that the process takes so long, and a story of hope from Liz Curtis Higgs, an author of 37 books with over 4.6 million in print (WOW)....who told me a little secret a few years ago over lunch.
Today's podcast is FIRE with our guest Ameerah Saine, founder of Brunch and Slay and BAS Media, host of the Brunch and Slay podcast, and creator of the #WeBuildWeWin movement, helping allies take action to bring awareness and goodness to race equality.
We decided to make be really real on this episode, covering:
Stepping into your full confidence as a woman and leader Embracing your season of motherhood The benefits of failure and disappointment Owning your influence Honest conversations on race and equality
You do not want to miss Ameerah's answer to the following questions:
How do you answer the friend who says, "but I'm not a racist..." (39:35)
When people say, it's not about race, it's about ___________, what's your response (42:31)
Ameerah also answers our reader question for today:
"I'm a grandmother raising my 5 month old biracial grandson. How can I best incorporate his heritage into his life?"
I loved the wisdom Ameerah had to share and I left with several "aha" moments about how we can truly be better together!
Here's the links from today's episode:
Brunch and Slay
Brunch and Slay Podcast
BAS Media
Lovinah Skin Care
About Ameerah: Ameerah Saine is a daughter, sister, wife, and mommy. She is also a friend to many and in each one of these roles she displays her “go-getter” attitude, service mentality and true enjoyment of being a woman and possessing the ability to inspire others.
A graduate of Texas A&M University-Commerce, veteran of the Texas Army National Guard, and former Regional Sales Director for Remington Administrative Services, Ameerah has been recognized and awarded for her leadership skills, and service to her country.
With the spirit of service that encompasses her being, Ameerah has set out on a mission to uniquely empower women from many different backgrounds but with similar necessities. Her brainchild “Brunch and Slay” gives women the opportunity to network, and grow, all while being the Fabulous women that they need to be.
We are starting a new series on WORK because no matter if you are working at a corporate office, for a nonprofit, at a church, in the home or for yourself, we ALL have hard things that we dream of doing.
And one of the things I get asked about often is HOW TO WRITE A BOOK. So on today's episode, I share with you a framework for beginning to follow your dream of book writing, and a few tips I've learned along the way.
"The reason people read nonfiction books is because they have a question or they need to solve a problem."
In order to know the path, you need to know the problem that you are wired to solve. (Hint: you are already passionate about it, it's just a matter of making space to fully explore where it's taking you)
Some of the links from today:
Brunch and Slay The And Campaign Find my studies on Right Now Media! Hope Writers Author Coaching
*I made mention of a recent podcast where I was a guest, talking about women in ministry--if you want to listen to that one, you can find it here: Stay Curious Podcast.
For so many of us, those dreams die before they even have a chance to be viable because of ONE KEY FACTOR that we often don't know to consider. Today on the podcast, I'll be talking about how to do hard things!
Hard things are about:
Honing in on your purpose Creating a plan Setting your practice and finding your people.
If today's podcast resonates with you because you know you have a dream that you are trying to bring into reality, or you sense a nudging toward a transition in your life into a deeper sense of purpose and passion, then I want to invite you to check out my free workshop on Finding Your Purpose. This 30 minute, interactive session takes you a bit deeper into that crucial first step, and gives you a window into what it looks like to join a coaching group designed to help you bring your dream into being--or take it to the next level in your purpose. You can sign up at nicoleunice.com/findyourpurpose!
Today is one of my favorite podcasts SO FAR because I'm answering YOUR questions that you've sent into the show.
Today we are covering:
Ruth's connection between anger, depression and boundaries... Deb's question on applying Ephesians 2:10 to her life... and Shankirah's questions about the enneagram and END TIMES.
Scriptures for today:
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.
1 Cor. 12:7
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. _ Eph. 2:10_
I've also released a new webinar designed to help you know if our coaching groups are right for you--you can check it out at nicoleunice.com/findyourpurpose! New groups launch in October and can't wait to get started! You can sign up here.
It's been so good to explore boundaries together and I'm thrilled to bring Sharon Hersh to the show today to wrap up our series! Sharon Hersh is a licensed professional counselor, an adjunct professor in graduate counseling programs, a sought-after speaker, and the author of several books.
Sharon and I talk all about what it looks like to love other well (even when it's messy) and how we can find true belonging in our own souls and in the world. Sharon is very open and honest about her own journey through addiction, divorce and her anger so you won't want to miss this one!
Sharon also talks about her brand new book, "Belonging: Finding The Way Back To One Another" offering a fresh perspective on common grace, leading us out of self-destructive narcissism and into whole and healthy relationships with God and others.
Sharon Hersh is a licensed professional counselor, an adjunct professor in graduate counseling programs, a sought-after speaker, and the author of several books, including the acclaimed The Last Addiction: Why Self Help Is Not Enough, the popular Bravehearts: Unlocking the Courage to Love With Abandon, and the award-winning Mothering Without Guilt. Her latest book, Belonging: Finding the Way Back to One Another, released from NavPress this month! Sharon lives in Lone Tree, Colorado and is finding freedom and adventure in the empty-nest years.
Sharon's Links:
Sharon’s Website
YouTube teaching/podcasts
We are in a series talking ALL about boundaries and how to be a peaceful, joyful person with your YES and your NO.
To help you along the way, I've created a FREE boundaries assessment for you that you can take as you listen to the series. So download it now and then jump in to the conversation. Just go to nicoleunice.com/boundaries and grab it now--and then come back and listen in to the series.
For more on Boundaries, check out the book and workbook, written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Dr. Cloud also offers a course in Boundaries with a free 14-day trial to the community--cost effective and helpful! Check it out here: https://www.boundaries.me
Have a specific boundary issue you can't figure out? Send an email or voice memo to nicole@nicoleunice.com and we might feature you on a future show!
Today we are tackling the actual technique of evaluating, processing and enforcing healthy boundaries.
And if you haven't done this yet--definitely go check out the FREE boundaries assessment for you that you can take as you listen to the series. So download it now and then jump in to the conversation. Just go to nicoleunice.com/boundaries and grab it now--and then come back and listen in to the series.
OK, let's review why we would do the hard work of creating and enforcing boundaries:
Because boundaries gives us the freedom to be responsible for our lives.
It's a tragic mistruth that somehow having boundaries makes you a selfish person. That as a Christian, you are supposed just use your treasure (time, money, resources, emotional energy) on whoever and whatever demands it.
Jesus didn't teach that. Check out Luke 14: 28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
Jesus teaches us to count the cost and use our treasures wisely.
On the show, we talk about four ways to practice boundaries:
Pay attention to anger, resentment, frustration Find a role model Practice little no’s first. Work on your internal conversation Accept other people's No’s.
Remember, why do the hard work? Because.
Boundaries allow you to move toward the life you want with freedom and peace.
For more on Boundaries, check out the book and workbook, written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Dr. Cloud also offers a course in Boundaries with a free 14-day trial to the community--cost effective and helpful! Check it out here: https://www.boundaries.me
Have a specific boundary issue you can't figure out? Send an email or voice memo to nicole@nicoleunice.com and we might feature you on a future show!
Today on the show, we're talking about red light issues in your relationships--and how to handle them.
Red light issues are things that should raise a big STOP in your life. These are behaviors in others that create an unhealthy dynamic for both of you.
We'll be talking about:
The difference between loads and burdens The difference between dysfunctional and dangerous Using challenge and choice
We are in a series talking ALL about boundaries and how to be a peaceful, joyful person with your YES and your NO.
To help you along the way, I've created a FREE boundaries assessment for you that you can take as you listen to the series. So download it now and then jump in to the conversation. Just go to http://www.nicoleunice.com/boundaries and grab it now--and then come back and listen in to the series.
For more on Boundaries, check out the book and workbook, written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Dr. Cloud also offers a course in Boundaries with a free 14-day trial to the community--cost effective and helpful! Check it out here: https://www.boundaries.me
Have a specific boundary issue you can't figure out? Send an email or voice memo to nicole@nicoleunice.com and we might feature you on a future show!
Boundaries.
You know about them, you've heard about them--and chances are there's some people in your life (or all the people in your life) that you just can't seem to stay healthy with.
It's your demanding boss that you can't seem to make happy.
It's your ongoing issues with your inlaws--where you just can't seem to have a peaceful visit.
It's that friend who always seems to need more from you--and you are exhausted by it.
Boundaries are simple to talk about but difficult to enforce--and can be tricky.
In the next few weeks, we'll be talking ALL about boundaries and how to be a peaceful, joyful person with your YES and your NO.
To help you along the way, I've created a FREE boundaries assessment for you that you can take as you listen to the series. So download it now and then jump in to the conversation. Just go to nicoleunice.com/boundaries and grab it now--and then come back and listen in to the series.
On today's show, I'll be talking about:
What are boundaries anyway?
Why do we need to understand and enforce them?
What might be causing you to struggle with them?
We'll be talking about the "nice disorder" as well--so jump in!
I mean, 2020. Let's just get real for a minute about the fact that the world has turned upside down and you might be considering homeschooling your children.
Can you imagine going back to your younger self, 5 years ago, and said "hey, 2020 is the year you decide to home school your kids!"
Like I said, crazy. The world has turned upside down and perhaps you are finding yourself considering an entirely new way of living life, parenting and raising your kids.
So if that's you, or a friend, or your daughter, sister, cousin--you have to listen to this conversation with my friend Carrie Mullins on a Crash Course on Homeschooling.
On the podcast, we talk about ALL THE THINGS:
is it even possible to be a homeschooler if I don't know how to teach? what does a week look like while homeschooling? what are the drawbacks? What about reading? What about discipline? What about little kids under feet...
We answer ALL those questions and more. I know you'll feel empowered and ready to take on whatever 2020 throws at us after this conversation!
Links Carrie mentions:
-http://www.heav.org specific to Virginia but every state has a site with info on how to file for homeschooling in your state
-http://www.hslda.org national organization that deals with legal issues around homeschooling
-http://www.heidistjohn.com. author, podcaster and mom of 7 who has homeschooled for 20 years.
-Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons: https://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Child-Read-Lessons/dp/0671631985/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1QEVOQS85N1G2&dchild=1&keywords=teach+your+child+to+read+in+100+easy+lessons&qid=1596465876&sprefix=teach+your+children%2Caps%2C137&sr=8-3
In this episode, we cover:
-Why anger seems so socially unacceptable for women -The three directions our anger takes and how to address each one -Why understanding and dealing with the rage machine inside is a key component of your purpose -What to do when your anger takes you over the line
And of course, we can't talk about anger and not talk about Jesus turning over the tables in the temple...you know what I mean? (and if you don't, tune in to hear QUITE a story about the Jesus you may not have been introduced to at Vacation Bible School....)
Ephesians 4:26-27:
"In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
Oh friends, I cannot believe that we launched a podcast in a pandemic--and fifteen episodes later, the world is in an even messier place then when we began. But in the midst of the chaos, I am so grateful that we have a place to have conversations about how we can become stronger, more resilient human beings together, and on this episode, we are tackling an issue that everyone I know is dealing with on one level or another--anxiety and fear.
Today, I answer the following questions that have been on my client's minds:
Why am I so anxious? Is this just the way I am in my personality? What can I do about my anxiety in the long-term? What can I do about it in the short-term (ie how to I handle it when it strikes as a panic attack or in the middle of the night?)
I also share a bit more personally about my relationship with social media right now and the continued need to focus on anti-racist living in my own family and life, so check it out and let me know what you think by contacting me at Nicole@nicoleunice.com!
I reference exercises found in She's Got Issues and Brave Enough, which you can pick up at your favorite booksellers like Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc etc!
These women are POWERHOUSES and you're going to love getting to know them. Elisa is the President Emeritus of MOPS International, a prolific speaker and author and one of my personal mentors. Eryn is the visionary behind So Worth Loving, a spitfire of sparkle, and a new friend that I loved spending time with on the podcast. Together, Elisa and Eryn have started a new podcast tackling the tough conversations of life in this world and also sharing their multi-generational wisdom for all of us!
On today's show, we talk about insecurity--what it means, how we get that way, and what we can do about it. Make sure you listen to the wisdom and encouragement that Elisa and Eryn bring about the very personal and specific ways they untangle their insecurity each day. I was so inspired and I know you will be too!
Links from the Podcast today:
God Hears Her Podcast
Eryn Eddy-So Worth Loving
Elisa Morgan
Our Daily Bread
Elisa's book: Beauty in the Broken: super cheap on Amazon right now--when I checked it was $4.50 for paperback and a GREAT book!
Hey friends, we are continuing our podcast series on tackling those pesky issues that keep you from experiencing fullness and freedom in your everyday life. Today we are talking about COMPARISONS and whew wee!
Here's a few highlights:
Why you come at your comparison issues naturally How to move beyond middle-school identity and into the fullness of maturity What it looks like to compare yourself to the YOU God intends for you to become.
Today we begin a new series on issues that are easy to ignore in our souls, but hinder us from experiencing the most freedom and most health possible. We are kicking it off today with a conversation about CONTROL--what is it, how does it masquerade, and what we can do about it.
We'll cover:
-The two main soul dynamics that hide behind control. -How to handle what's within our power to do and what is it to let go. -How do I connect with what's really going on inside of me so that I know how my actions are impacting who I am becoming? -Understanding what we can (and can't) control and then responding appropriately
On the show, Jean Paul tells us his story, his road to healing and EVEN shares a very special treat at the end of the show--you won't want to miss it!
I first discovered Jean Paul Samputu through The Forgiveness Project, an international collective seeking to highlight stories of forgiveness from around the world. Jean Paul Samputu was born in Rwanda whose family became victims of the Rwandan genocide, when nearly one million Rwandan Tutsis were killed by their own countrymen, the Hutus. Jean Paul was a well-known rising star in the music scene in East Africa, and when the situation became increasingly tense, his family urged him to escape. He left his village but returned as soon as the killing stopped. When he came back to his village, he discovered that his mother, father and three brothers and a sister had all been murdered—and that his parents’ killer was Jean Paul’s childhood best friend, Vincent, a fellow villager and Hutu.
Whether you are single or married, let's have a conversation about the purpose and intent of marriage as God intended it--and how that plays out in a traditional wedding ceremony. My hope is that real talk about what marriage is all about gives you some fuel for the long-range view of your marriage, and a hope and vision for what could be in your own relationships!
Today we took Let's Be Real LIVE to our platforms for a conversation on how to be civil and disobedient.
Of course, everyone is welcome to join our conversation, but this was particularly for my family--those who are following Christ or seek to follow Christ.
In this episode, we talk about:
-What it means to follow the highest ethic of love (Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40)
-How our citizenship in heaven determines how we live as citizens on earth (Philippians 3:20)
-Why power matters in conversations about repentance and humility
-How divisiveness works against us in all relationships, and how to seek unity.
Here are some of the resources I recommend for next steps:
Consider reading and discussing with friends or a small group: The Color of Compromise: The Truth about the American Church’s Complicity in Racism.
Q Ideas just released several short videos from national leaders working against racism: How We Respond.
Austin Channing Brown's book "I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness".This book helped me see a new perspective and become more sensitive to how I engage with my friends of color.
Look at the resources of Arrabon for your church, organization or small group.
Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
Today I get to welcome to the show Jo Saxton!
Jo Saxton is a Londoner born to Nigerian immigrants (to which she credits her tenacious spirit), an author, speaker, podcast host, and leadership coach. She has spearheaded an initiative aimed to help women grow in leadership, and has written books on leadership, identity, and legacy. Her newest book is called "Ready to Rise: Own Your Voice, Gather Your Community, Step Into Your Influence."
Her other books include More than Enchanting: Breaking Through Barriers to Influence Your World and The Dream of You: Let Go of Broken Identities and Live the Life You Were Made For. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband, Chris, and their two daughters.
On this episode, we discuss:
What it means to be tolerated vs. celebrated How to move forward in seasons of transition
Today on the show, I share with you the problem with the villain narrative and an "against" energy, and how to combat it with compassion and boundaries.
On this episode, we cover: -What the villain narrative is and what it sounds like in your head -Why we fall into it -The problem with labeling and categorizing people and groups in a way that shrinks, rather than expands your life.
I share with you my favorite moment in the Hunger Games movie and why we all need to remember "who our true enemy is."
Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
In light of the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery, we interrupt our normal schedule for a very special conversation with a good friend of mine, David Bailey. David is the founder of Arrabon, a ministry dedicated to training and discipleship around racial reconciliation. He's a pastor, thought leader, and friend. At the time of this recording, no arrests had been made in the case
In this conversation, we cover:
-Why racism is still a real and active evil in America
-How to enter into the conversation around race with humility and gentleness
-Where to start as a white person in making progress toward healing in our country
-Next steps and resources for further discussion
Links Mentioned in this Episode: Arrabon White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism The Myth of Equality White Awake: An Honest Look at What It Means to be White Dr. Martin Luther King: Letters from a Birmingham Jail Dr. Martin Luther King: The Other America Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
On today's episode, I'll help you slow down your inner dialogue to understand why it's so tempting to choose the victim narrative, and one simple method to keep us moving toward freedom and confidence in a life we love.
Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
Today we welcome to the show Aundi Kolber, licensed professional counselor and author of Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy.
I had the pleasure of reading and endorsing Aundi's book and seeing how amazing the book is doing has been a joy, because when I read it I was so moved by her compassionate, gentle approach to helping people come into abundant life through healing from "big T" and "little t" traumas.
On this show:
Aundi teaches us about how even "little t" traumas can accumulate and wound in a way that keeps us from staying authentic to ourselves.
How we all have a "window of tolerance" and what it means to stay within that window
Aundi walks me through a guided exercise to stay with and then release hard feelings especially in times where we feel like we can't cope. My favorite line from our interview: "the harder life is, the softer we need to be."
You can find out more about Aundi on her website and by following her amazing presence on Instagram or Facebook.
Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
Is it possible that even the greatest leaders are actually followers? From following people we want to emulate, celebrities we want to dress like, or ideologies we want to embrace--our human nature is to look outside of ourselves to define who we are and who we want to become.
When you embrace the reality that we are all following something, you can take notice of where all of that following is taking you.
On this episode, I help you determine what kind of follower you are (there are four types!) and then take steps to bring the path you are taking in life into alignment with the inner drive toward who you want to become.
If you are feeling unsure of your purpose or need encouragement along the path to success, check out Living Big When Life Feels Small. For less than the price of one individual coaching session, you get a 30 day jumpstart toward your goals, with a framework, practical challenges and weekly small group coaching to move you toward your dreams.
Want to help support the podcast? Please leave a 5 Start review on iTunes and leave a review telling us your favorite part of the show!
Connect with Nicole Website: http://www.nicoleunice.com Newsletter: https://exciting-knitter-1634.ck.page/1e62df1636 Instagram: https://instagram.com/nicoleunice Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nicole.unice/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-unice-a0367813/
Let's Be Real is a completely honest, entirely practical conversation about how to live our lives with freedom, purpose and abundance.Join popular author and communicator, Nicole Unice, as she brings her twenty years of experience as a counselor, pastor, and coach to a real conversation about the tricky questions and tough decisions in life—and how to find clarity and action no matter what obstacle you may face.
In this episode, I give you a new definition for success, the one critical factor that must be present for you to move toward your purpose, and I share the three questions I ask myself when determining how to move forward with confidence regardless of roadblocks.