All Sequels Go To Heaven: Recent Episodes
Roman Milan
Roman Milan, Spencer Wood, and Griffin Milan watch the questionable movies that always seem to come at the ends of beloved franchises, and then they usher those brave, lonely films off to their eternal reward.
This week we watched Chip n Dale: Rescue Rangers, which was actually a fantastic movie that I would've liked to watch at my leisure and not an hour before the podcast. Go check it out for yourself and then come back and listen. Go ahead. We'll be here.
This is a Public Service Announcement: If you have a pacemaker, make sure you're not living in a microwave. And if you are, please don't be afraid to tell it to your doctor. They won't judge you, and it's not worth losing your life over. Thank you.
Hey yall. Got a lil bit of echo on this one. Also we recorded it before we found out how bad Ezra Miller got (and is continuing to get) so boo him. And boo JK Rowling.
But yay to our guest Helen Seilkop! Our Harry Potter expert, podcast auditor, and death incarnate!
This week we watched the only Batman movie SO FAR where the batsuit has nipples, and we have to say, it's a welcome change.
This week we watched Daddy's Home 2. It's going in my holiday rote. That and Missile Tow.
We watched Lil Fockers this week, a movie that nobody enjoyed, including the people making it. Well... maybe Andy Garcia? At least I hope he enjoyed it... I wonder what he's up to nowadays. Is he married? I feel like he's married to like Uma Thurman or something crazy like that? What? He's not married to Uma Thurman? You know what, just go listen to the ep. I'm gonna be googling for like 6 hours.
Don't watch this movie. Listen to this episode, but please don't watch this movie. Watch the Batman movies instead. Even Batman watches them, apparently.
There is always a former professional hockey player, there's always an Alex, there's always a smashed banana. -Biofrost Infinite
This week, we're slamming hard then repeatedly assuring the camera crew that we're ok. We just gotta walk it off. Also, we're wearing a horse costume. We talk about the rising stars of jackass, and how badly their junk gets ruined over the course of this movie. We also talk about how scary animals are, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (of course), and movie trailers for too long.
We're back from hiatus! And we're finishing up with delving into the darkness with Ip Man 4: The Finale! This movie was really cool and good, but what would've been better is Lincoln if Daniel Day Lewis didn't TALK OVER ALL THE COOL FIGHT SCENES
Lana really went off with this one yall. People being extremely weird to Trinity? Yes. A bold stance on what the ultra rich need to do right now? Yes. The absolute freshest Morpheus there's ever been? YES.
Check this one out with us, featuring the amazing and hilarious Seth Lilley!
There are 8 types of movies:
1. Essences
2. Characters
3. Challenges
4. Locations
5. Skills & Items
6. Events
7. Actions
8. Episodes
This movie was a Challenge
We watched Goon: Last of the Enforcers. It's sort of a troubling movie, but there's some good stuff in there. Also, Griff made some absolute BANK during the unboxing emporium.
As we continue to Dip Into The Darkness, we watched D3: The Mighty Ducks. So toss on some Pantera, pick up some trash, and play some actual damn hockey, Charlie. You're such a toxic presence on this team and in this movie. And Adam Banks is really the heart of this team. Just shut up and ride the pine, Conway. Geez.
We started Dipping Into the Darkness with Sing 2, a movie that has plagued Roman for some time now. But because we're gluttons for punishment, we also watched Sing 1, gathered together in Dallas, before seeing the movie together and then recording. And it was actually good? But also Bono really was in it. I dunno. I still feel conflicted. Just take a listen.
Happy New Year! But first, let's take one last look at 2021 (if we must) as the boys each picked their own sequel and came to report to the class. Were any of them good? Were any of them bad? Were any of them actually discussed on this episode? Let's find out together!
Merry Christmas Eve! We sat down and watched The Muppet Christmas Carol (I think for the first time for all of us, strangely). Obviously it's great, but do you know what would make it better? A Metallica pinball machine, and a wife who tried to win it for me.
on todays episode we explore the possibility of clone driven reality show, we disappoint a small French boy named Claude, we start a beef with DJ Khaled, and Griff puts the team on his back like that though.
We watched Christmas Prince 3: A movie where there's a curse on a queen's child and war is on the horizon if an important historic document is not found, and then nobody does anything about it. Just like how Nord VPN does nothing for you (at least unless you value your privacy online).
It's December 1st, which means we're officially on that holiday creep. So we started out with the original Avengers: Frosty and Rudolph go to a circus in summer and try not to die! It's a whole thing. Also, Dune was pretty good.
I literally think we spend more time talking about other Sherlock Holmes adaptations than this one in this ep. And also a quick diversion through a dumb Crypto ad, ska music, and of course, Sing 2.
We visit a franchise we first attempted in one of our very first practice episodes: James Bond. It's a great movie, but coulda used slightly more tubed drugs.
Have you seen the latest Make A Wish Kid rankings? How do you feel about these goblins we captured? Listen
Yall know that one extremely sultry picture of Timothee Chalamet Willy Wonka? Yeah, that one. Give it a nice long look and then let this podcast drift you into the depths of his resting bedroom eyes.
Oh, we watched Twitches Too.
We watched another Addams Family sequel, which means another really not very good movie featuring the Addamses. But better than an acapella cover of With or Without You.
We're finally back! Starting our spooky season a little late, we watched Tremors: Shrieker Island. It posed big questions like: Where the hell did they get that huge gun? Should we watch the old movie with the huge gun? And finally, should Roman go with just a mustache?
Griff was away filling out residency applications this week, because he's actually way smarter and more successful than us and has important things to do from time to time. So Spencer and Roman took some time and watched an episode of Fast & Furious: Spy Racers, the wildly prolific Netflix series. And they talked about car asses. Give it a listen.
The lyrics to the jam jar song. This will make sense when you get there:
Our Blob, is an awesome Blob, it throws us
to heaven above
with bouyancy, power, and love
our Blob is an awesome blob
Our Jar, is an awesome Jar, he weighs
2000 pounds
It bounces us off the Blob
Our Jar is an awesome jar
Our Jam is tasty Jam, it lives inside the Jar
which bounces us off the Blob
Our jam is tasty jam
We watched Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild this week, a direct to DVD, animated sequel to Stuart Little that somehow returns like all of its cast. And adds Wayne Brady and gives him a funk number. And yet... it's ok. I dunno. Listen.
Come for the discussion of Bill and Ted Face The Music, leave once you discover it's mostly us talking about famous bassists, stay for the wild names that famous bassists have.
We watched another Looney Tunes one. It was absolutely nuts. Daffy knows Nixon. Joan Cusack raises aliens. Brendan Fraser hates Brendan Fraser. It's wild.
Ok, we do have to put a warning on this one. Our episodes are NSFW. This one is VERY NSFW. One of our most blue yet. But we had achievements to unlock, so we had to do it.
We watched The Suicide Squad, but not the Olympics, and also we told a long story about the time Griff narced on our mom at Disneyworld. Check it out!
this week we watched Glass with special guest, Carl Szmutko from the Stuck In Development podcast. Give his podcast a listen, but if you run into Chad or Chunk(s) tell em to GO BRUSH THEIR TEETH!
This week (and by this week we mean, when it was relevant) we watched Space Jam: A New Legacy. It's an absolutely bonkers movie with too much Austin Powers and not enough The Mask. Just like every movie. Including Austin Powers.
We watched the absolute CLASSIC Agent Cody Banks: Destination London, Executive Produced by Madonna and Jason Alexander. Read that again. Yeah, wild huh?
If you cast the jerkofficus spell a thousand times a day, how good do you think you'd be at ping pong?
This movie sucks.
This week we have a very special episode, returning to our roots to talk about the 49th edition of the Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. Which would've been way better if they:
1. Let Kobayashi back
2. Let the the eaters cut pro wrestling style promos
3. Held it on the surface of the sun
But overall, still not bad.
Dominic Toretto memes are all over the internet right now. But come and hang out with people who are REAL family (and Spencer and Dan). We brought Dan Baron back to talk F9, who has 9/11 birthdays, and how long you have to work at Disney to find out about the clone army.
Check out Dan and Roman on their Manifest Actual Play RPG streams Tuesday nights at 8:00 CST on twitch.tv/waypointlive
This week we watched Hoodwinked 2, which really should have been better considering all the voice talent. Anyways. Think about this episode the next time you're in Blockbuster and you see that crazy clown's face staring up at you from the Playstation 1 Games.
Were the Flying Graysons a high wire tontine? What ever happened to Macho Man Randy Travis? Did they really bring in Karl Urban for this film for like 2 lines? Find out the answers to these and so much more on this week's episode of ASG2H!
If anybody out there knows someone named Coke Ranch, or names their child Coke Ranch, they are allowed to guest on the podcast any time. Ball's in your court, universe.
This week we watched Cruella, a SPECTACULAR movie about the dog-based Jokering of a young woman inflicted by the INCOMPERABLE littering enthusiast Emma Thompson. Be careful with this one, it'll cork ya right in the eye and not feel bad about it. So please, very carefully, give it a listen.
We had a little bit of trouble with Spencer's audio this week, but we did NOT have any trouble talking about this wild movie where Sylvester Stallone greased up John Travolta to within an inch of his life to go out there and spread the gospel about not trusting rhythm guitar players. Now go ahead and pour one out for Steve Inwood and give it a listen.
Paddington 2 is a fabulous, wonderful movie. We all loved it. We can't wait to get on the blob and let the big jam jar send us straight to heaven so we can watch it again forever.
Woooooof yall. Please don't watch this movie. Watch anything else. While you listen to this episode.
Sorry. Real quick I gotta call my guy and see if I can buy this box set of Psych Season 4 on DVD. In the meantime, listen to this episode.
When Earthrealm is called to a tournament. A tournament against a 7' 0", 360 lb Lightning God and a woman with really strange speaking cadences. There's only one champion we can send to protect us. 4 time NBA Champion Shaquille O'Neal.
The start of another 100! And we opened 3 weeks behind the zeitgeist watching Godzilla vs. Kong. And talking about Beatles vore. And doing sublymonal messaging. And yelling about Encyclopedia Brown. Ok, maybe things aren't gonna be that different this 100.
Episode 100. We got to the first big one. Thank you all for sticking by us through all the Yu Gi Oh stuff to get here. For Episode 100 we got to pick a movie that was not a sequel and we picked Meet Joe Black, a 3 hour movie with a 45% Rotten Tomatoes rating. And boy, was it kind of but not really worth it.
This week we went off. We watched Cars 3, but we talked about: How God is a Chrysler, The Joker's Staff Writer position on the staff of every Gotham villain, E. Nigma Balls, John Henry's Flu Game, and of course, how Paul Newman is a fugly slut.
Dear listener, let me ask you one question. Is a pokemon not entitled to the sweat of its own brow?
This week we watched the INCREDIBLE classic film An Extremely Goofy Movie. But we also pitched an EVEN MORE INCREDIBLE movie where Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain, and Charles Dickens save us from hell.
This week we watched the BRAND NEW Spongebob movie Sponge On The Run. It's a bad movie for having Matt Berry, Snoop Dogg, Danny Trejo, and Keanu Reeves. But hey, it is what it is. Maybe they shoulda listened to some of our suggestions about Sandy...
I don't know what to tell you about this ep. All we can say is we're sorry.
Also, we heavily refer to the episode of Rocket Power where Otto gets hit by a tennis ball and it lets him do an impossible trick. Go look it up, it's good.
This week we watched Surf's Up 2, a movie franchise that WWE bought into and then filled it with their own wrestlers, including the CEO Vince McMahon, who eats a fish's whole ass with a straw.
How's everybody doing? Not great? You say there's a global pandemic? You say lots of Texans don't have water or power? Well... we recorded an episode about Happy Feet 2 which is also pretty thematically dark... so.... yeah.
Get ready for Westboro's take on the X-Games, equating Roman to Candy Crush, and only a few of minutes of combined Bakugon, Beyblade, and Digimon talk as opposed to the 15 or so minutes Spencer cut out.
Sorry for the delay folks! We're back up and running and Spencer made us watch Dragonheart: Vengeance. You can check it out on Netflix, or, you can head on over to MTV and watch 25 douchebags battle it out against 1 tiger (at first) in Change Your Stripes! Either way, just listen to the episode first.
They weren't lying, the Rugrats really do go wild in this one. They meet the Wild Thornberrys, they almost die MULTIPLE times, and Bruce Willis sings as a dog. Please watch this movie.
Boy howdy. It's a wild one folks and we refused to be constrained be it by the movie or by proper podcasting etiquette, as we watched Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back this week. In terms of on topic discussion, we learned how many chimps have made it into space and in terms of off topic discussion we talk about fidget spinners! We also have the debut of not only the hottest new segment in the podcasting game, but also the newest and most widely beloved character we have created yet: Weirdest Al. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the comedy fireworks!
This week we had on special guest Dan Baron to discuss Star Trek: Beyond. We ended up talking about how the Klingon planet is just a huge bong, and also about how this would be so much better if Tarantino had been able to bring in Jonathan Teatime to defeat the Daleks. Just listen. It's tough to explain.
We watched the huge worldwide phenomenon Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. We did talk a little bit about the movie. And by the movie, I mean I, Robot.
Welp, we recorded this one literally the day before Rowan Atkinson said some stuff, including some stuff about Mr. Bean specifically, but that's ok, because obviously we barely talked about the film. I think, at least. I, Roman, lost internet for part of this but the other boys kept recording, so let's both listen and find out what they said about me (I assume).
Hey gang, the holidays got really busy for us, so our yearly DnD episode is postponed. BUT we didn't want to leave you all hanging, so we got together to record a quick (and by quick we mean a full hour) recap of the year. We talked a bit about the movies we watched, the bits we did, and how you can eat a pokemon to gain its votes in the upcoming election. Happy New Year!
Happy holidays everybody! For our last week of Christmas movies in 2020, we watched The Princess Switch: Switched Again. It's a movie fresh off of Netflix's presses with a newer, better Vanessa Hudgens, but we talked more about the old man who singlehandedly (or on behalf of a shadowy cabal) is attempting to destabilize the entire region. Also which animals we think we could fight.
This week we watched Barbie in A Christmas Carol. But also, we pitched a Marvel vs Capcom style fighting game with all the Barbie professions, parsed whether Barbie is a person or a species, and really dove deep on what we could expect from President Barbie.
My wife left me yesterday.
It Cannot End Like This
Act One
SMASH.
Is this the worst movie we've ever seen? Maybe. Are these the best bootleg Neon Genesis Evangelion shirts we've ever seen? Absolutely. So grab yourself 15 Filet O' Fish from 3 separate McDonalds and strap in for this one. Happy Holidays, and try not to kill any Robins out there.
Join us, here, in America's first Drunk Mall to enjoy our favorite lines from this absolute holiday ROMP, A Bad Moms Christmas. Or go to the Ultimate Guitar Forums and check if they're alright. Either one.
Hi, I'm Ronald Weasley. And I have 60 seconds to tell you about Now You See Me 2. It has 2 Woody Harrelsons in it. And Lizzie Caplan's here now, and she immediately recognizes how hot Dave Franco is (and really, can you blame her?). I hope you get to know a little bit about the movie in this episode, and maybe along the way, you'll get to know a little bit about me too.
We discuss Mila Kunis' greatest shame this week. The sequel to American Psycho.
We try not to think about it too much while distracting ourselves from the election that was still going on when we recorded this by discussing Cameos, the more homicidal side of baseball statistics, and perhaps the least necessary twist of all time(?). This and more on this weeks episode of All Sequels Go To Heaven!!!
For Roman's birthday, he made us watch a two and a half hour movie. I know he's my brother, but he's dead to me. The stunts were pretty cool though. -Griffin's Letterboxd Account
This election stuff is so exhausting. We talked about a sexual Ratatouille this week. The usual stuff. Just listen to it, we promise it's good.
This week we watched Gremlins 2: The New Batch. It is maybe the most wild movie we've watched, and we met it where it lives. Come for the sexy female gremlin, stay for the ending feel-good musical number (which is now compulsory for all movies).
This week we watched Ghostbusters 2, but we spent a lot of time talking about the much more interesting Ghostbusters (Stern, 2016) pinball machine and Roman's IFPA ranking. Also John Denver's WILD real name. But, you know, the movie was alright I guess.
Are you down from some thrills, chills, and a pretty niche William Faulkner joke? Then boy do we have an episode for you!!! We watched Goosebumps 2 this week and that somehow led us to discuss warrior cats, my haunted space wolf escape room, and former president George H. W. Bush's love of Scrooged. And what's this? OH NO! The bad-podcast-ghost got a hold of us causing multiple technical issues and also made us very bad at our whole deal or whatever. Please enjoy!..... please.
This week we learned about four young women with hopes and dreams and variable amounts of swimming ability. But more than that, we learned about a pair of pants, and how they would have been used to make TNKOs during World War 1. Listen to us talk about The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Your Sky King, Bob Burnquist, commands it.
Have you ever been stung by like 12 scorpions and instead of being in immense pain, you gain some sort of vague superpowers? Good news! You might be a Scorpion King! Or just the world's most disconcerting competitive eater. Either way, congrats.
We got WILD talking about this one. But in our defense, how could we have gotten more wild than a movie where yetis kick a human field goal and Jet Li is The Avatar & Beast Boy rolled into one and STILL loses? Also discussed, the 2021 blockbuster The Battle of the Jasons starring Jason Statham and every other Jason in the world.
This week, Superman faces his toughest challenge yet: Nuclear disarmament! And he sort of succeeds, but not before drugging a woman and getting hammered into the moon. But more importantly, did y'all ever see the unrated version of Hancock? Because there is some TROUBLING stuff in there.
We finally did it. The 0% Rotten Tomatoes sequel that Michael Caine famously has not seen, but loves the house it built. It's Jaws: The Revenge. Get ready for us to discuss one shark's brave journey to travel several thousand miles in just a few days to get revenge on a family whose shark curse truly knows no bounds.
In this one we ask a LOT of questions to Spencer's Hinge match who has posed us the greatest riddle of our time. So crack open a Tony Hawk 2015 Cabernet Reserve and enjoy.
We read your countless comments, heard to your endless voicemails, and even got your innumerable telegraphs, and we did listen. This week we wrapped up the trilogy with Grand-Daddy Day Care. One again nobody comes back, Danny Trejo stars in it, blah blah blah, HEY GUYS WHAT'S IN FORT KNOX ALSO HOW DOES MONEY WORK ALSO DID YOU EVER WATCH THE CELEBRITY DIVING GAME SHOW SPLASH?
yeah. it's one of those.
As August rolls around, wring the most out of this excellent, in no way out of the ordinary summer with a trip to Daddy Day Camp! It features such fun activities as: a bus full of kids running into a tree, a very greasy rock climbing wall, and of course, no returning actors from the first movie!! Of course, we barely talk about any of that stuff, but you know the drill at this point.
This week we talked a lot about an old Disney skateboarding game and how many snakes Jake Paul could fight. We also talked a little bit about Toy Story 4.
In a world, where humans become dogs and dogs become human. One man must save the president's wife, who has been turned into a dog before she gets sent into space by the Russians. Only one problem. That man is a dog.
That's NOT what happened in this movie. But what if it was?
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This week we got deep into the Backyard Baseball kids having to save child Randy Johnson from his pigeon curse. And around that, we discussed The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part. It was pretty good.
Sidenote: Griffin's audio gets a lot better about 30 minutes in. Thanks for your patience with us!
Air Bud plays volleyball for a little less than 33% of this movie and we spent about that much time actually talking about Air Bud Spikes Back. So, if you think about it, we basically did at least as good of a job on this episode as the makers of Air Bud: Spikes Back did. Sooooo... yeah. Enjoy!
Welcome to the third and final chapter in Yugioh, Megioh, and Dupreegioh. We finish with Yu Gi Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions. It is a WILD 2 and a half hour EPIC, so of course we spent a lot of time talking about water slides as a means to ending global conflict.
On week two of Yugioh, Megioh, and Dupreegioh, we watched Yu Gi Oh: Bonds Beyond Time. It's a movie where our boy Yugi, a kid who can hang, and an edgelord with a sweet motorcycle team up to battle the most dangerous force in a world built around a card game: power creep.
Join us for part one in our three part series we're tentatively titling "Yugioh, Migioh, and Dupreegioh". We talked to an actual musical genius. Roman got DEEP into the action. And we all fell in love with Pegasus in a huge way.
This week we talk about Muppets Most Wanted. It's a movie where, canonically, Danny Trejo and Kermit the Frog do a musical variety show in a Russian gulag. We hope you give this episode a perfect 5 out of 5 Jamon Serranos.
Trigger warning: Discussion of racism, violence, police brutality, and murder.
In solidarity with the protests going on around the country this week, we will not be posting a normal episode. Instead, we are going to lend our support to a movement that must be heard. Please listen to this short episode for a list of resources to help support the cause, our statement of solidarity, and a song for revolution.
Black Lives Matter.
This week we watched the end of the majestic, iconic Night at the Museum franchise. We bid it a tearful goodbye as we talked a lot about birds and Harry Potter.
The Milan Brothers (and Spencer) will review Trolls 2. And we did! It's a wild time filled with some great music, including the pinnacle of all songs, Gangnam Style. But also it's a movie about privilege, and how scrapbooks are cut out, glued, and glittered by the winners. Take a listen you guys, it's an absolute trip.
We're going back to where it all started, with a middling Men In Black movie. This week we watched Men In Black: International, which is a movie where they go to like 4 different countries and none of it is as interesting as the story of the political maneuvering that kept the University of Oklahoma from having a lazy river.
Happy one year anniversary to us! And we celebrated by doing our MOST REQUESTED movie of all time, Smokey and the Bandit Pt. 3! Of course everybody has seen the classic Burt Reynolds and Sally Field picture where the villain gets in the title of the film rather than the guy who does all the dang work. Well we're back, with Buford T. Justice and the faithful Snowman racing from Miami to Austin. Yeah, no, it's as wild as the names make it sound. Join us, won't you?
What's that? A sequel to an Oscar winning movie, but this one is directed by its star? And that star is Jack Nicholson? And it was nationally disgraced when a movie theater ran its reels in the wrong order for 3 weeks without anybody noticing? Sign. Us. Up.
This week we watched Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves. This movie featured extreme marital trouble, some horrifying CGI bugs, and a young Mila Kunis. Not that we discussed any of that, but that's what was in the movie.
Hang out with us for a while while we discuss this (checks notes) third. Wait, I'm sorry, THIRD?? Yeah, no, THIRD Johnny English movie. And as with the first (and we're assuming probably the second) it's a wonderful time full of hijinks, goofemups, and Prime Minister (checks notes) Emma Thompson. WAIT, I'M SORRY, THE ABSOLUTE QUEEN EMMA THOMPSON IS IN THIS? Ok. Wow. Just get in here and try to sort this out with us.
Our ruse now tossed aside, please come with us to mourn the actual death of the Shrek franchise, Shrek Forever After, as it goes to join the Black Parade. Oh, also, get ready for the upcoming Hot Topic IPO with us. And take a look at Jon Hamm, the hot ogre.
Yeah, no, just listen. It'll make more sense when you do.
Sorry, we had a little bit of a technical issue for this one with Griffin's sound, but don't get it twisted, we did the Big Boy in this one. That's right, Shrek 5. The most recent (final?) Shrek movie. Does Shrek get shot? Yes. Does Donkey fall in love with a sexy(ish) robot? Yes. Did we have an excellent time with this one? I think you know the answer.
The most controversial possible sequel to Inception ever to be made. That's right, it's Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. We're introduced to one of the most iconic, unstoppable villains of all time, as well as the world's most Italian sea lion. Check it out.
We're all in this together, and by that I don't just mean this quarantine, I mean the angst-ridden experience of high school where you're constantly asked to choose whether to be an incredibly talented basketball player or an incredibly talented singer. This is High School Musical 3, a wrap up to a beloved franchise that asks... nothing. Basically nothing at all. Why couldn't they have just gone with the Halloween theme?
The Princess Diaries Franchise, like King Rupert, may it rest in peace. This week we watched The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, featuring the cinematic debut of Chris Pine, two Oscar winners, the worst CGI you've ever seen, and the strangest mishmash of European cultures this side of Epcot's World Pavilion. May we have this dance (to Raven Symone's duet with Julie Andrews)?
It's a Wonderful Life 2: Kronk's New Groove. Mic balls, disapproving looks, sensual breadmaking, and the best Evita joke of all time. Get with it.
Get on in and join us as we invent new folk heroes while exploring Texas' backroad attractions. That's just what happens when we discuss Kick Ass 2!
No, seriously, just get in. We'll explain on the way
Grab your motorcycles and use them to somehow surf over water, because it's time to talk about xXx: The Return of Xander Cage. This is a movie where motorcycles surf, skis work on flat un-snowy ground, and satellites are being used as ballistic missiles against Samuel L. Jackson and Neymar. Please join us on this, the wildest of rides.
As a special treat for Valentine's Day, get ready for our steamiest episode yet (I know. Possibly even more than Magic Mike XXL). This week we watched the ending of the 50 Shades saga 50 Shades Freed. It's a movie that's partially about bondage, but mostly about a horrible relationship and a strange plot to kidnap/murder a girl who's just trynna marry a rich guy who will tie her up and whatnot (and isn't that all any of us could ask for?). Anyways, enjoy Smart House 2... uhhh... we mean 50 Shades Freed.
It's almost valentine's day, and we're turning up the love by reviewing the greatest love story ever told: Twilight. We watched Breaking Dawn Pt. 2, and brought along our good friend Addie Gia! Take a listen as we learn about what in the living hell is going on with this franchise. And also why there's so much head ripping, baby tossing, and hot, wild vampire sex.
This week we dive, flag first into the Rush Hour franchise's final installment. Visiting, as we do, Jackie Chan's kinks, Chris Tucker's challenging brilliance, and the reboot of Flatliners. Remember? The one with Ellen Page? Oh. You don't remember that one? Oh. You don't remember the first one either. You've never even heard of either version? ................Enjoy The Episode!!!
I know what you're thinking "Ugh, another movie where a werewolf, played by Jason Bateman, is beloved by his whole college and also becomes a state champion boxer?" Yeah, we know. We know. But this one also features basically a complete music video in the middle of it. So it's still worth checking out.
Your move, creep. As long as that move is to listen to us discuss Robocop 3. It's an excellent movie full of jackbooted thugs, samurai robocops, questionable hacking methods, and so much more. We loved it. Please enjoy along with us.
Happy 2020 everybody! We started this year off with a visit to everyone's favorite adventurous archaeologist, Indiana Jones! What's that? This time he gets nuked in a fridge, chased by giant ants, and then in the end it turns out to be aliens the whole time? Huh. Ok, I guess. Here's Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Join us for the exciting part 2 to our Dungeons and Dragons adventure. What waits at the journey's end? A satisfying conclusion? Maaaaaybe? Regardless, check it out!
Roll for initiative! Jump into the new year with us as we first look back to the past. Our 2019 recap extravaganza sees us experiment with recorded Dungeons & Dragons for the first time as we adventure through our last year's journey through film sequels. Will our heroes make it to find the mask of power and save the world at the behest of Mayor Jim Meadows?? Find out in this (and the next) episode!!
Merry Christmas (or, if you prefer, happy fourth night of Hannukah)! We're here to celebrate this jolliest of days with a holiday classic...'s thirty years later sequel. It's A Christmas Story 2, featuring Enemy of Christmas Daniel Stern, a lot of either very pro-Capitalist or anti-Capitalist messaging, and so, so much Yu Gi Oh talk. Enjoy!
Just one week 'til Christmas! But before we get there, we're going to have to fight off three art thieves and maybe one ghost. That's right, this week we watched Home Alone 5: The Holiday Heist. Well, except for Griff, who watched An American Werewolf in London 5: Holiday Heist. So join us for some holiday cheer, a lot of melodica, and some excellent jokes about famed ragtime composer Scott Chopin.
Dust off your old Contract Law textbooks because this week we do a deep dive into The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. That's right Rim Allen is back with more tepid goofs than ever.
We discuss the egregious use of lazy Canadian stereotypes, what is and isn't ravioli, and of course, it wouldn't be an ASG2H episode if we didn't discuss (say it with me now) VIDEO! GAMES! THAT! HAVE! NOTHING! TO! DO! WITH! THE! MOVIE!
This week we watched National Treasure: Book of Secrets. This romp through American history is accompanied by several Academy Award Winners and Nominees, and all of them just seem to continually dunk on Riley. Also, who else's dick pics do you think are in the Book of Secrets? Leave a comment somewhere and we'll consider it.
Whether you're a dancing monk in a monastery, a hawk inexplicably in a cage on top of a high school, or a jackbooted thug about to bungee jump from the rafters of his high school gymnasium, gather around to hear the tale of 1994's The Next Karate Kid starring Hilary Swank as the new karate kid and Pat Morita as her mom's dead husband's friend Mr. Miyagi. Seriously gang, this one was excellent as far as wild sequels go. Please listen, watch, and let us know what you think.
Son of a Son, Son of a Son, Son of a Son of a Loki. That's right, we watched Son of the Mask this week and boy is it... something else. Just... listen.
Gather onto this big wooden boat that we, American congressmen, have built for you, our podcast constituents. Of course you've guessed by this point that we watched Evan Almighty this week. So hop on board and hold on tight, because this ride got a little bumpy.
This week we watched Atlantis 2: Milo's Return. It's actually the first three episodes of a failed tv series that takes place entirely away from Atlantis. But enough about that, we talk a lot about famous British poker player Dave "The Devilfish" Ulliott. Because of course everyone should be doing that.
BOO FOR A COMEDICALLY NECESSARY THIRD TIME! Welcome to the final episode of our 2019 Halloween Spooktacular! This episode we visited a classic Halloween franchise by watching Return to Halloweentown. It's a proper sequel with a new lead actor, different rules of the world, and of course, TIME TRAVEL!!! Highly recommended (this episode. Not the movie.)
BOO AGAIN! Week 2 of our Halloween Spooktacular is here, and with it comes Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation. It's a movie that refuses to write its own music, insisting instead that we all give another chance to a little ditty called The Macarena. It's... a trip.
BOO! It's the first episode of our 2019 Halloween Spooktacular, so we watched The Rage: Carrie 2. It's just like the first one, but with more competition-grade spear guns. Check it out.
In the back half of our Sandlot double header we watched The Sandlot: Heading Home. It's such a better movie featuring brain trauma-induced time travel and a house filled with baseball-themed traps. We seriously cannot recommend this movie or this episode enough. Please check them out.
October is here! That means it's the most important time of the year for baseball, and thus, for men over 50. To celebrate, we watched The Sandlot 2 a movie which yearns so hard to be exactly like the first one but still falls so, so short.
If ya SMEEEEEELLLLLL what the ROCKY is COOKIN! That's right, this week we watched Rocky Balboa. It's the sixth Rocky movie, but it reminded us more of a fifth. Henry the Fifth. Once more unto the breach, dear friends.
This week we watched Kung Fu Panda 3, and loved it, but still managed to talk about Yu Gi Oh and Beyblades for a full 6 minutes in the middle. It was a wonderful time all around.
Boy have we got an episode for you this week, and you are not going to want to Experiment 089 it. You're honestly 405 to have stumbled upon this and you are not going to want to 362 your device once you take the 082 into this ep. So make some 460 and say 195 as the crew takes a 183 to the wonderful world of Leroy & Stitch.
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Ok, in our defense, we spent way less time talking about ding dongs in this one than the movie did. Though really, it would be almost impossible not to.
@ASG2H
This week we watched Blues Brothers 2000. It's a wild movie, but instead we chose to talk about Digimon and crossing over Backyard Baseball and The Fault In Our Stars. So yeah. Give it a listen.
This week we watched Pitch Perfect 3, a movie we feel could have learned a lesson or two from The Emperor's New Groove.
This week we watched the fifth Transformers movie, Transformers: The Last Knight. And then something broke in Spencer and he watched the third and fourth back to back.
Let's just say that he had some opinions on this one...
This week we watched Mean Girls 2, so of course a lot of our discussion revolved around competitive eating, competitive eater nicknames, and of course the peoples' champion/all around living legend Kobayashi.
This one got a little wild.
This week we watched the FIFTH movie in the Ice Age franchise, a franchise which seems to be gaining great voice talent at the same rate it gets wild, amazing ideas out of the Rusted Root sequence in the first movie. Check it out.
PutItInTheMaze
PutItInTheLabyrinth
Take your strongest crazy pills, it's time to discuss 2016's Zoolander 2! It's a movie that opens with an extended Justin Bieber cameo and somehow only goes downhill from there. Listen if you dare.
Ahead of this week's remake, we watched the only true sequel to The Lion King, The Lion King 2! And then we discovered a lot of pictures of Matthew Broderick with sideburns. Both turned out to be very enriching experiences.
Hop in the car with Mike and the boys as they drive away from the serious, dramatic plot of the first move and towards Stripping Regionals!
It should go without saying, this one gets a little raunchy.
This week we watched Grease 2, a movie directed by a choreographer, written by a songwriter and screenwriter who never met, and starring Shooter McGavin as a 1950s Greaser. It's an excellently terrible time.
This week we watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. But more than that, we discovered a Christian movie review website called Movieguide, which was way more worth exploring than this film.
This week we sat down to watch 2009's The Pink Panther 2. Some pretty major changes in this one: Beyonce is out, Jeremy Irons is in, and EVERYBODY IS SUDDENLY TERRIBLE AND CREEPY. It's... a lot.
Ahead of MIB International opening this weekend, spend some time with us reminiscing about Men in Black 3: A time traveling romp starring Jemaine Clement as a weird, pseudo-sexual alien serial killer, and Josh Brolin as a weird, pseudo-sexual young Tommy Lee Jones.
This week we discuss Inspector Gadget 2, which stars French Stewart as Matthew Broderick's Inspector Gadget. If you're a fan of the old Inspector Gadget TV show, you'll probably love it. If you have eyes and/or ears, you probably won't.
Shoutout to The Manges for letting us use their song "Jump The Shark" and to Kelly Burroughs for making our amazing cover art!
Twitter: @asg2h
Email: allsequelsgotoheaven@gmail.com
Facebook: Just search the name of our show. I bet our page probably comes up near the top.
In Episode 3 of All Sequels Go To Heaven, the Franchise Fellas (again, still working on the name) discuss Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde. Of course this leads us through discussions of campaign finance reform, how politics works, and of course Hair Philosophy.
Shoutout to The Manges for letting us use their song "Jump The Shark" and to Kelly Burroughs for making our amazing cover art!
Twitter: @asg2h
Email: allsequelsgotoheaven@gmail.com
Facebook: Just search the name of our show. I bet our page probably comes up near the top.
On the second episode of All Sequels Go To Heaven, the Pearly Gates Posse (working title) discuss Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, the 2011 sequel starring Jessica Alba, Joel McHale, Alexa PenaVega, Daniel Sabara, Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Piven, and Jeremy Piven.
Sorry for the sound issues on this one. We had to record it live in Dallas with a wet, rented mic. Next week is back to normal.
Also, thanks to The Manges for letting us use their song Jump the Shark as our intro & outro. And shoutout to the ultra-talented Kelly Burroughs who drew our beautiful cover art!
Twitter: @ASG2H
Email: allsequelsgotoheaven@gmail.com
In the first episode of All Sequels Go To Heaven, we discuss the fifth of Jack Sparrow and friends' oceanic romps, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (or, if you prefer, 5rates).
Shoutout to The Manges for letting us use their song "Jump the Shark" as our intro and outro. And an additional shoutout to Kelly Burroughs for drawing us our fantastic cover art.
Facebook: facebook.com/asg2h
Twitter: @asg2h