In these times it is quite common to hear about social loneliness, mainly attributable to technology.The research on the motivations that drive us to communicate online has identified mainly five: maintaining social relationships, meeting new people, social compensation (compensating for communication difficulties present in offline relationships), social inclusion (the need for belonging to a group), have fun. Therefore, the motivations are mainly relational and relationships with others assume fundamental importance when we decide to connect to the network.

The Internet and social networks allow us to stay constantly in touch with our friends, to meet new people who may be on the other side of the world, to be updated on everything that is happening, and to facilitate our approach to others, making us more casual.

We want to be in control of situations and technologies seem to promise us this power. We increasingly tend to flee from direct relationships and prefer mediated communications.

Never in human history has there been so much communication, which, however, does not lead to dialogue, which today remains the most important cultural challenge.

In the new digital world, ignoring whoever is in front of us to answer a cell phone call or reply to a text message has become the norm.

Sounds unbelievable, but with the proliferation of text messages and social networks, it has come to consider it more polite to reply with a message, perhaps mileage, rather than calling that person to speak directly. In short, it is thought that text messages have the purpose of minimizing intrusions into other people’s time. Instead, I think it’s just the opposite: it’s better to send messages or use similar technologies only for impersonal or urgent matters.

The fact is that human relationships are complex, demanding, and often difficult to manage, and for this reason, the technological medium is surprisingly useful for relationships with distant people. They are very powerful tools, yes, but not yet as powerful as a look, a gesture, or an authentic contact. Furthermore, social media often offer us a distorted, we might say “adjusted” view of reality.

Instead, the face-to-face conversation is in real-time and there is no control over what will be said.

Whenever possible, we should appreciate more the richness of face-to-face conversation, because it creates more meaningful bonds with others, helps us to learn more about ourselves and the world around us, to listen to each other, and also through that verbal communication which is not always possible in online interviews.

Abandoning the internet and eliminating virtual communications is clearly not the solution. We run the risk of isolating ourselves. Especially for people who grew up with it, the internet is an indisputable part of life’s ecosystem, creeping into every crack, regardless of our conscious decisions. But with a little goodwill and common sense, one can learn to use technologies to complement, rather than replace, relationships. Also because today we know that, if practiced in excess, solitary distraction on a screen reduces happiness and can lead to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.

It’s a sort of mirror room in which we don’t confront each other, we don’t really expose ourselves to the dialogue which, instead, presupposes that I want to expose myself to someone who thinks differently, even running the risk of being wrong.

We won’t go back to the life we lived before this kind of technology, of course. However, we can and must use it carefully, even in the interest of our health.