Welcome to the premier episode of Caregiving Gen X Style. In this episode, hosts Jennifer and Steve Mullen introduce themselves and tell a bit about their caregiving journey. Thanks for joining us on this ride!
To contact us: Email: caregivinggenxstyle@gmail.com Voicemail: 804-723-1221 Twitter: @genxcaregiving
Note: As mentioned in this episode, Caregiving Gen X Style was originally planned to be a book. We wrote several dozen articles that were originally meant to be chapters. Whenever we do an episode that is based on one of those chapters, we'll post the text in the show notes so you can read it if you want.
What’s a caregiver? There are tons of definitions, because no two situations are the same. Caregivers can run the gamut from being a live-in assistant for all daily functions to being the person who drops in once a week to deliver a casserole and take out the trash. In the end, the best definition we can come up with is “one who helps make life easier for someone else.”
This podcast is designed for a broad swath of caregivers who are taking care of an elderly parent or loved one. Our experience is very much first-hand. Let us tell you how our lives were turned upside down and changed dramatically over a short six months, all due to being primary caregivers.
Steve started his caregiving “career” while his father was fighting a losing battle with brain cancer between the fall of 1999 and January 2001. In that case, he was the secondary caregiver (see the episode later in this podcast for a definition of that) while his mother was the primary. His job was basically to come over several nights or afternoons a week to give his mother a break and let her get out of the house. After his father passed away, he took a long break, as his mother was quite independent. That all changed when the COVID-19 pandemic began. Not only did it require him to assist with groceries and other things that would allow his mother to stay safely at home, but that time also began his mother’s slow progression to becoming wheelchair bound.
Jennifer’s experience with caregiving is much longer. In fact, it was already beginning to some extent when she and Steve married in 1995. Jennifer’s mother has a variety of medical problems, including rheumatoid arthritis. While modern medicine has allowed Jennifer’s mother to stay somewhat independent, RA is a brutal disease that can make everyday activities painful and sometimes impossible.
The true impetus for this podcast, however, came in the second half of 2021, when Jennifer and Steve received a crash course in intensive caregiving and experienced many of the issues that are covered in this show.
In July, Jennifer’s mother needed emergency surgery to remove a colon blockage. This led to weeks of hospitalization, weeks more in a skilled nursing facility, and weeks more of home care. It was a horrible and messy situation for everyone involved. As Jennifer’s mother returned home and was trending toward becoming somewhat independent again, Steve’s mother went down (literally) with a back issue that compressed her spinal cord.
Previous to the spinal cord problem, Steve’s mom was somewhat mobile and independent (despite having no cartilage left in her knees) but the compression eliminated control of her right leg and necessitated emergency surgery to avoid total paralysis. During the preparations for the surgery, doctors discovered that she also had congestive heart failure that had to be controlled before surgery could be attempted. This led to several weeks in the hospital, more than two weeks in physical rehab, a month in skilled nursing, and eventually a move into assisted living.
While all of this was going on with Steve’s mother, Jennifer’s mother caught COVID-19 despite all of our precautions. Fortunately, she recovered without requiring a hospital stay, but it was an added twist that kept things interesting.
Oh, and just for fun, right in the middle of all this Steve needed elbow surgery that couldn’t be put off. It was to treat a raging infection that he likely caught at the hospital while sitting with his mother. That was a bonus we didn’t expect.
If you’re listening to this show, you’re likely taking a journey that’s similar to the one we’ve been on. We wanted to lay out our experience, but not to elicit sympathy or make you think we are somehow experts. It’s more to say, “we’ve been where you are,” and if there’s one thing we’ve learned in this process, it’s that having someone around who knows what you’re going through is invaluable.
One more thing before we get started in earnest – there are going to be a few things in this show that may offend some readers. Whether it’s salty language, inappropriate humor, or simply hitting a little too close to home on personality tendencies … don’t say we didn’t warn you.