Ep. 10 / Practical Ways to Heal After Infant Loss

While fully healing from infant loss requires us to travel through all five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance comes from deep within and is fueled from God, there are some practical things that you can do while you’re going through that process and beyond.

Here’s just a few things that I’ve done or that fellow mommas who have experienced loss of done to help them along their journey:

1. After people hear about your loss or you share with others and they say, “I’m praying for you.” You can come back and ask them how you can pray for them. This was hard at first for me because when you’re in pain from losing your baby you think that that loss is more significant than anyone else’s problems. And while the pain from losing a child might be stronger than someone who is going to have a tooth removed or someone who has sickness in the house, getting your mind off of your own pain and focusing on others and how you can be praying for them always helps.

Ephesians 6:18

I Timothy 2:1

Blessing others ALWAYS ends up blessing you. Even if you’re not ready to go out of your way to do something for someone else simply praying for others will help you heal.

1. Another way to help with the healing process is to do something. Just sitting around and not having anything to do is a recipe to sit in any one of those stages for too long. There is a time where sitting and resting is so important but when you start to slip into a dark spiral that means you’ve been there too long. It’s time to get up and go do something. That “something” could be many different things. For me….

It could be entering your own 5K or even running your own, or maybe it’s crocheting blankets for the hospital’s NICU or volunteering at a soup kitchen if the thought of being near pregnant women or babies is too hard or maybe you could…

Keeping busy won’t necessarily make your pain go away but it will teach your mind to think outside of the darkness you’re in and it will help keep evil thoughts away.

Proverbs 16:27

1. Read the Bible. I know it’s probably something that you’re like “yeah, obviously” but this is something that is skipped. Instead of turning to Scripture, we turn to the TV or a podcast (I’m honest!) or video games or fiction books, anything to get our minds off of our pain. A distraction can be good in the appropriate time but only if it’s a healthy distraction that is actually contributing in moving forward in your grieving process and not holding you up. The Bible needs to be your main source of truth and life and healing. Nothing else.

John 16:33

Romans 15:13

1. Reading other books that are specific to healing after infant loss - prepare to cry as you read them but they will help you on this journey.

Here are a few:

Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur

One Thousand Gifts by Ann. Voskamp

I Will Carry You by Angie Smith

Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg

Suffering is Never for Nothing by Elisabeth Elliot

Heaven by Randy Alcorn

These will all be linked in the show notes.

1. There are other things you can do that are smaller. I purchased myself a Molly Bear - it’s a bear that is handmade and created to weigh the same as your child when they were born. It’s a really sweet way to preserve the memory of your baby. I’ll link the website in the show notes as well. I’m also getting myself a tattoo with Olivia’s birth flower and Psalm 34 written in script by it.

https://www.mollybears.org/

1. When you do come through your grieving process you should know that sharing your story will always help someone else. It’ll either help them as they are suffering, help give perspective to those who don’t understand, or it will help maybe prepare them for something in their future that they don’t even see coming. Don’t keep it to yourself.

2. But if you’re in the bottom of the pit right now and unable to even think about doing any of these things know that the Holy Spirit knows what you need and intercedes on your behalf.

Romans 8:26

But this only applies if you have turned to Christ in repentance and faith. If you have never acknowledged your sins and your desperate need of a savior and turned from your sins and to God in faith then that is what needs to be done first and foremost.

Romans 8:34

Hebrews 7:25