In segment two of a two-part series on healthy relationships, we explore the role of commitment and conflict resolution in healthy relationships.

Questions answered in this episode:

  • What is the role of commitment in good relationships?
  • How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?

Other topics discussed:

HOW DOES THE TYPICAL, UN-EVOLVED DUDE DEAL WITH COMMITMENT

  • Holes in the fence
  • Flirty
  • Lusts after others

DEFINE COMMITMENT

  • In the short-term, to the decision that you love this person
  • in the long-term: the decision to maintain that love.
  • These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship.

DECIDE TO LOVE THEM

  • They’ve probably changed
  • Decide to be their person, always
  • Me now vs. us always

DECIDE TO MAINTAIN IT

  • Do the work
  • Decide to stay
  • Decide to be loyal
  • Know where the pitfalls are

BOUNDARIES

  • Stay true
  • Don’t jeopardize it with poor boundaries

HOW DOES THE TYPICAL DUDE FIGHT?

  • Gaslighting
  • Avoids
  • Rolls eyes
  • Complains about her crying
  • Attack mode
  • Passive aggression

ESTABLISH RULES

  • In UFC, hockey, and even war there are rules

YOU HAVE TO FIGHT

  • Avoidance of conflict: one of the greatest predictors of divorce

  • Conflict IS intimacy

    • You’ve never had a true friend if you didn’t have some squabbles

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

  • Is now a good time?
  • Take a time out if needed

STATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS WITH EMOTIONAL WORDS

  • Our emotional vocab is so limited
  • Know when to express frustration vs. annoyance vs.
  • I feel __________ when _______ happens
  • Try not to even say “YOU”

NO YELLING OR NAME CALLING

  • In court, there is none of this, even though parties HIGHLY disagree. Why? Respect for the institution!

NO OLD STUFF

  • Bringing up the past is a weapon used to WIN

APOLOGIES and FORGIVENESS

  • Apologize when you’re wrong
  • But don’t demand one if they are
  • Forgive

Relevant Links:

  • https://alphaquorum.com/
  • https://tacomoto.co/
  • https://bradsingletary.com

Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/alphaquorum/message

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