Healing through Pain: Recent Episodes
Healing through Pain
A mental health educator compelled to walk with people through the stress, challenges, and traumas that unfold in our stories
There are layers of understanding to be found in our human interactions and in our own stories. Are we willing to honor the complexities?
Staying in the present helps push back anxiety in numerable ways! But, what would need to be true for me to better stay in the present? Take a listen!
Hope is a keystone of health. It is a cornerstone of agency in our stories. It is an act of bravery. Take a listen!
Undeniably, we each bring expertise into the world around us. How can we best navigate when others do things in ways that violate or do not match our expertise? Take a listen!
Time under tension is where we see the most growth. When there is a lot of pressure applied, some key pieces help us navigate the space with growth potential.
Feelings goals can take us into unclear waters! Let's talk about how to make them clearer!
If we are not yet able to extend trust, there is some work for us to do! It is a key part of moving forward and engaging with others
What is the cost when we let the gap between expectations and reality expand? Listen for why expectation management is key to relationships with others, with self, and within communities
How we language our story will heavily influence the ways we navigate life. Are we telling a clear story? A helpful story?
Taking a feeling and developing it into a workspace can give us some pathways and choices. Take a listen and give this a try!
Responsibility is interesting to consider in the process of change! What if we say things just the right way? Will that get others to change? Take a listen!
There are a few key pieces to engaging change that can help guide the process! Take a listen.
Activation and fear, anxiety, trauma. Although different degrees along a similar continuum, accuracy in language may be helpful. When we are activated, can be acknowledge it and invite out closest people in?
We look at defensive mechanisms through the lens of underdeveloped skills and a not-yet-ability to say the needs we are trying to express.
As we are navigating life, why do things feel so stressful? Let's take a look at what is going on in our story and in the world around us that may help give us insights on the strain!
We all have pain points that can be activated. Here is a look at how that develops and what may be behind some of our responses.
Developing our stories more fully can be an important part of healing. Let's dive into complexity and honor its place as we develop our narratives!
We've talked through this before. It again bears repeating. The messiness is normal. The complexities are normal. Perhaps we can settle in and build a life within that reality.
Each of us gets to decide how to navigate the world around us. That means those we love get those choices too. Take a listen!
What is already happening in and around you? What's next? Perhaps priorities are about continuing to build what has already been started.
Why do establishing priorities matter? How can we get started? Take a listen for some underpinning reasons and a launching point!
We all come from somewhere, and that somewhere has helped write some of the rules by which we operate. What do we do when our rules converge with someone else's formative experiences? Take a listen!
Incompatible? Outright disliked? What is our responsibility and role when that happens?
Tis the season for big feelings! Not only is that OK, but honesty around it is necessary. Show up. Call things by their names. Navigate it with authenticity.
Activating EventsBelief SystemsConsequencesTake a listen to how we can use our responses to track down our beliefs. Part One lays the foundation for how to identify beliefs. Next week will focus on the process of change.
Missteps, mistakes, and being flat-out wrong happens. What can we do when we realize we have contributed to disappointment, hurt, pain and more?
What if the tragedies hold hands with a redemptive analogy and the joy holds sacrifice too? Take a listen for complexities and the foundation it lays within our stories.
What if things are what they are? And, from there, we can make some choices. Life is complex and stories are rich, complicated, painful, intricate, and inspiring when we allow our stories to be based in honesty. Is your story allowed to be what it is?
Through an illustrative story, take a trip through the exhaustion that can happen during a reconstruction phase. It takes a while to recreate. That's normal. That's ok.
Some key questions that can help guide our angst from sensations towards cognitions. It is not quick. It is not easy. But it is possible to create pathways through some of our biggest hurts.
What do we do when loaded opinions come our direction? Here's an extended metaphor to help us organize around other people's shoulds.
Three key questions when we are making decisions. Many stop with the first one. Question two is key and question three carries some weight too!
We will feel let down. It is chemical. It is personal. It is relational. What do we want to do when disappointment shows up?
Sure, the title might be misleading. But is the perfect title even possible? Take a listen for the nefarious lies of perfectionism and the ability to carve pathways through!
To love deeply, we need to grieve deeply. Together they create a richer and more honest life tapestry.
What is our response when we find out we were wrong about something? Can humility and openness move us through those moments? Take a listen!
How do we get started with change? First, we need to be honest about where we are at. Take a listen!
Slowing things down to make sure we share language and meaning can be one of the most healthy things to bring into any relationship. Take a listen!
What does an over-time commitment get us? Are we trying to get somewhere or be someone, or are we deciding to train to get somewhere or be someone?
When we invite someone into our hard, our emotions, our crises, and our pain, there is one question we are asking. Take a listen!
There are times when it takes a lot of energy to disrupt and rewrite fear. Yet, if we don't expend the energy to resist, the outcomes can be pretty difficult to navigate!
What happens when we feel shame coursing through our bodies? What defense mechanisms might we lean on? Take a listen about the choices that we have when we are invited into a shame response.
There are several things that will help us feel more sure-footed in our own stories. Take a listen to see the part that trust plays in wellness.
It is typically to our advantage to choose committed action BEFORE life ruptures take place? Who do you suspect you are in crisis? Is that who you want to be?
There is one thing constant and that is change. How can we open ourselves up to that certainty?
When we look at behaviors, what are we actually seeing? How does that relate to thinking? Take a listen as we ponder how to extend grace towards others
Thinking takes a lot of work. Some people choose to forgo the work. Let's talk about the cost!
Are we desiring to put good into the world around us? Are we hugging the line of what we can get away with? Others see our behaviors. We should be checking in on our motives. Part B in our conversation on legalism
A strict set of rules takes us towards harshness. Mercy takes us towards one another. Take a listen!
Are we willing to pull in the wisdom of those who have gone before us? It means enhancing our lives while also assuming risk.
So much happens when we dive into the chronicles of healing. The good and the hard hold hands together and as we work to weave a new life tapestry. It is gritty, honorable, sacred work. Take a listen!
There are four words that can springboard us into action! But, the action is absolutely necessary. Take a listen!
Committed action can transform our lives. It starts with a choice, or maybe a series of decisions, that will then drive our actions. Take a listen!
Sometimes, we are so committed to getting to the next season quickly, we forget to inventory the good of now. Are we missing out on anything?
There are a few key questions to ask when we have big goals on the horizon! Take a listen. Dare to dream!
Being a leader does not necessarily come easy to all. However, perhaps we need to see it as a natural outcome of maturing! Take a listen.
When it is ruptured, reestablishing trust can be so difficult. What is trust anyways? Here is one perspective.
What happens when a spotlight shines on underdeveloped areas of our lives? Take a listen for how we can respond!
What happens when something horrific takes place and we couch it in loaded language like predator, narcissist, the patriarchy and more? Labels can immobilize us. Figuring out our needs and skill building is the order of operations to get us moving towards boundaries and health.
Immobilization is the breeding ground of hopelessness and despair! Take a listen to hear about just how vital movement is especially in seasons of high distress.
What happens when we withhold truth to avoid conflict? Take a listen to why this approach can be so relationally destructive!
It can be so easy to get caught up in the hard of life and fail to ask the key question of "who am I becoming in this process". Let suffering finish its work!
Over time, we can gain clarity and shift behaviors if we are willing to do the arduous work of exploring where we are at and envisioning where we want to go. Beware, though! The process is a lengthy one!
Affronted by someone else's confidence? Perhaps we explore where confidence tends to bloom. At least, in my story, there is a clear explanation.
Often, we are looking for the "next". The next answer. The next quick fix. The next overnight payoff. Perhaps that search for next will keep us in a perpetual spin cycle. So what's a better option? Take a listen.
Does 2024 have some changes afoot? Is there some healing that has to happen? Are there some skills to build? Might there be trust to rebuild? Take a listen for what happens in therapy. Perhaps it is time to invite a helper in!
What happens when we catapult towards outcomes and require our brain to problem solve on an imposed timeline? Perhaps urgency works against us. Listen for some reassurance in how patience is a part of the productivity puzzle!
There are ways we can push back against over-personalization, which is a common cognitive distortion. Take a listen!
When the brain conjures up fear, perhaps we are being invited to lean in instead of run away from it. Here are a few key questions to get us to move towards and through fear.
It is a question we should be answering honestly - are others safe inside our head? Are we respectful to others inside our heads? It is of utmost importance to curate a space of health and wellness and that includes our inner dialog and our inner world
When we arrive in adulthood and find ourselves mired in coping strategies and defense mechanisms, perhaps some understanding of our stories is paramount. What if we haven't been messing up all along, but we still have some work to do?
It is possible that we get some things about identity consistently wrong. What if it's not about deconstructing. What if we are for the first time constructing? And, if we are, what does that mean?
Desiring to live intentionally? Desiring to live a life of health and wellness? This is the starting point!
The sound quality is a little rough, but the message is a good one! Often, we segment people into good and evil. What if the inbetween is actually the biggest category, and perhaps the one that causes the most distress. Let's name it.
Today, there is visual to help recalibrate anxiety and to help recalibrate life! Take a listen. Be sure to share.
A frantic pace to connect with someone should give us insights that we are not dealing with healthy patterns.
We can often get stuck in our emotions, resenting what it takes to work through things. Sometimes, just acknowledging our process as OK is the best way to get unstuck. From there, we get choices.
We live in a time of abundance. Decision making can be tough. A systems approach is often the answer. If we don't draw some limits, what might be the consequences?
Sometimes we are in a supporting role. Sometimes we stretch towards the lead. It all matters. It is about cultivating ourselves in the journey, not racing for quick outcomes and paths of least resistance. Take a listen.
We've said it before and we'll say it again - sometimes the best self-care is actually community care. In search of community? Here is another reason to keep pursing it!
Often, we can see "otherness" as a challenge to ourselves. What if "otherness" is the very thing that makes each of us valuable, unique, and lovely. What if we celebrate diversity and highly value others?
Often, we autopilot life and take care of the "should's" "have to's" and "supposed to's". Might there be more to life? If we don't disrupt that autopilot, perhaps we miss out on some big opportunities.
When we demand "safety" and elevate it to the highest value, several things are sacrificed including basic skills and an ability to handle truth. We need to reconsider our emphasis on safety - and perhaps even get finicky about what that even means.
There is no such thing as a pain-free life. But, there are choices as pain points and painful seasons show up. Take a listen.
It's personal, yet it's clinical. As a therapist, I sit inside of so many family systems and other relationships where one or two voices are trying to be agents of change in their family stories, in their friendships, in their workplaces, in their churches and beyond. Perhaps leaving isn't the most ideal option. What if getting well and influencing change might be the better move? Take a quick listen.
Often, we want to undo years of unhealth in a few short months. Being realistic about change can help us commit to the process and persevere - it is hard; but managing expectations helps.
This is not about victim blaming. This is about pushing back against the troubling statistics of revictimization. Take a listen. Share with someone who needs to hear this!
This one question can help disrupt a lot of self rejection. It may take some time, it will definitely that some intentionality, but it can be a great launching point for health and healing. Take a quick listen. Share with a friend who might need to hear this too.
One of the most painful pieces that can show up is being let down by the adults in our lives. Yet, while our pain makes sense because of our stories, perhaps their pain and perceived shortcomings also makes sense when we dive into their history but also our collective history. Take a listen for an encouraging word about cultural and generational humility.
It is easy to create story and over-personalization is a common cognitive distortion. But, how do we disrupt it? And how can we invite others to speak accurately.
Unresolved issues can show up with intensity in times grief. Perhaps we can proactively sort through things so grief can be just grief.
It starts with one word. Life can pivot in monumental ways when we begin to commit. Take a listen
This strategy is key to adopting best practices in our own lives, fostering healthy relationships, and allowing us to influence our worlds in positive and healthful ways. Begin with a post-mortem.
Can you weep with those who weep? How about weeping with those who have "brought it on themselves"? How about with those who are on the receiving end of unrecognized losses? This is an area many of us could probably grow in. Take a listen.
We do not get to decide all that life throws our way. But, we do select our priorities and we do select the rhythms with which we navigate each season.
We can forgo intentionality for the sake of quick changes. However, when we are committed to thorough life shifts, it will be a time-staking process. Take a listen as to why!
Being accepted means we have relief. We have belonging. We have approval. But, we can become OK with not being accepted too. It is not as necessary as our fears might lead us to think.
The inner monologue will tell us what is off limits. It's right that change and new things are scary. But, that does not make them off limits. Take a quick listen to a reframe of imposter syndrome and how to keep showing up in new spaces.
We can be both healed and still have hard moments happen that emotionally affect us. It's about the both/and. Being healed and still being affected by life.
It might sound like a simple word tweak, but it has pretty significant implications in how we navigate our worlds.
It is a great step to walk towards dismantling sickness. However, the absence of disease does not mean the presence of health. It is an important distinction.
Perfectionism is a simplistic solution created in the mind of a young, scared child. Let's look at its roots and what it looks like to help it loosen its foothold. It is an insidious lie that can wreak havoc. Take a listen.
As much as keeping the peace can seem laudable and even best at times, rarely does it lead to the meaningful outcomes we tend to want. Take a quick listen.
As it relates to moving into new life stages and opportunities, asking for support is a primary need. Take a listen
Let's talk though a next step of mental wellness, forming identity, and growing in skills and confidence. This one matters so much!
A next step in relational and personal wellness. Take a quick listen. This is for you. This is for you engaging with the ones you love. This is for you engaging with new people. It is a good next step towards wellness.
Step one was showing up. Step two is being brave. If you're not feeling that yet, take a listen!
So many things can invite change into our stories! But, there is one launching point in anyone's narrative that will overhaul things in immeasurable ways. Take a quick listen. Share if this adds value!
A question of curiosity. When we start asking it, and stretching towards answering it, some pretty interesting things may start happening!
It is a gritty episode but it walks through a therapy session where we acknowledge an assault and prepare to confront the perpetrator if the context arises.
There are some questions to consider as we decide what we are willing to tolerate. It is succinct, yet thought-provoking! Take a quick listen.
What if your discomfort and pain are not the priority? What if my discomfort and my pain are not the priority? What breakdowns are happening when we default to these postures of avoiding discomfort and pain?
It is a common question . . . "what about them?". The work comes in when we instead ask "what about me?". Our control is limited when it is externalized, but real change can happen when we begin to explore our roles, responsibilities, and opportunities.
Resolutions and overhauls can work. But usually, it takes just one gentle decision to change everything.
Learn your rhythms to lead into healthy intrapersonal and interpersonal wellness. Emotions aren't as mysterious as we tend to think. Let's track our reactions and prepare accordingly!
We all have our unique contributions to give. What might it cost when we expect others to conform to our preferences?
Often, when we experience rejection, we can assume it is saying something negative about us. What if it is just about incompatibility?
Something happened, and you adapted. Often, there were limited choices. Now that you are older and wiser, perhaps readapting is an option. Take a quick listen!
When we do extra for others - things that they can or should be doing themselves - it can seem loving, but perhaps it is actually not as loving as we might think. Take a quick listen.
There are many truths we need to settle into, and one is that living well invites pain into our stories. There is no way around it. Take a quick listen.
As we approach the holidays, some stories look different than what we might want. Palpable grief may be present. Let's talk about what it means to feel the feelings - and why it is the very thing we need to move forward in our stories.
If you choose to engage this challenge, this next year could seriously change the trajectory of your life and your relationships. It is for your good. It is for the good of others. Take a quick listen.
We use a case to track through disrupting unhelpful thought patterns that can have subpar results in relationships. He is not irresponsible. She is not a nag. Now we need to train our brains accordingly!
It is easy to get caught up in black and white thinking and figuring out solutions. However, wherever we land, there will be tradeoffs to make. Change is not always so simple.
We should be engaging in our civic duty this week, but what else should we be doing? Elections are a way to use our voice, but we could be using them in additional ways too! Engage. Act!
It is an important question to ask when we have the choice to engage discomfort and pain: will this step be for my good? If the answer is yes, perhaps stepping into discomfort and pain is the choice we should be making!
It is easy to overlook when things begin to break down. But, what is the cost? Take a quick listen about how diving in and examining some wreckage is for our good. Honesty about what is happening is the best way to move forward.
Why do we do the things we do? Are we living a life where the motives are oriented towards changing out of love? Or, are we depending on guilt, duty, or fear to get us to change. If it is the latter, let's take a look at that!
We will have to make apologies; we will get things wrong. But as life goes on, we should be changing, growing, and learning to do better. Not everyone loves that for us. We may have to make apologies, but not for changing.
There is immaturity afoot when we refuse to see the evil parts in others, and the evil parts in ourselves. Wellness and health includes understanding evil.
Living life to its fullest, and living with meaning means some risk, some pain, and definitely a host of discomfort. If we are willing to learn how to navigate it - tolerate distress and build some skills - there is no telling what is available to us! Take a quick listen.
Join us for a neat interview with Chad Hughes, a local gym owner who is nutrition and fitness educated, trauma informed, and engages a "whole person" approach for wellness and health. His emphasis on body, mind, and spirit wellness and his love for his clientele come through loud and clear as he shares about his style of meeting people where they are at and helping them grow.
Suicide is a tragedy. If we cannot even fathom it as an option, there are protective factors at play which should lead to humility and gratitude. For those affected by such a severe loss, how hard. I'm sorry.
When we follow the thread of our thoughts, perhaps we stumble on a faulty pattern that is causing distress and big reactions. I travel through my personal narrative of recent therapy work that has helped me disrupt some automatic patterns that are not helpful. It can be painful, but following the thread can be productive and healing
Hard conversations are possible if we verify what we are saying is truth, lead with grace, and navigate the reality that not all tough topics are received well - so humility is needed.
When we are in a season of distress, a season of confusion, or a season of waiting, reframes can be an incredibly helpful tool to help alleviate some of the angst! Take a quick listen for a powerful tool that aids in mental wellness.
If there is one attitude that will take us to new heights, it is walking forward, with purpose, as though we cannot fail. Will we have struggles? Of course! Life can be tough. But seasons where we sew well will be followed by seasons of harvest - so we should proceed as though success it inevitable!
We should be lifelong learners, but we should not be lifelong dependents on other people's plans. As we grow in our knowledge and understanding, we should begin to cowrite our own stories.
Change can be intimidating, but lets talk about small steps that might get you closer to that elusive happiness - or more importantly, purpose and meaning - that we tend to want to experience.
Have we given over our self-agency? Are we disempowering ourselves in our stories? Are we blaming others for a lack of happiness in our own lives? Let's chat about that.
Yes, we have a role in other's stories. However, there are limits to how much we can help - and how much we should be helping! Entrusting other's in their stories is paramount.
Why do we think what we think? It is because we listen or because we wrestle out our own perspectives? There is an important distinction between listening and thinking. Take a quick listen - but think about this too!
Living an active life has a price tag. Living a passive life has a steeper price tag. If you're not going to go for what you want, regret is the backup plan.
If we would like to get our needs met, there is direct and clear communication, and then there is passive-aggressive communication. If the latter is showing up, reconsider its "necessity" and usefulness.
When we take the time to orient our internal compass, there are often life shifts that happen that move us towards what we want to be true - and it is less about meeting goals.
In this two-part episode, we will talk about establishing core values and living them out. Part I also talks about the place that receiving generosity has in our journey towards health and wellness.
How do we stay engaged in the habits that we know are good for us, even when it may be difficult? Take a listen.
We often use our history to make sense of the world around us. But, sometimes history and our current context are not compatible. Let's talk about the disconnect and why caution matters.
We get to know about the world around us by asking questions. We grow not only in knowledge but in life experience as we explore the 'whats' and the 'whys'. Commit to growing and learning; we will cultivate humility too!
Sure, there are such things as dumb questions. But must we comment on them? What if instead we practice patience, humility, and perhaps even generosity?
Change doesn't happen overnight, and rarely does it happen in one fell swoop. It is a systematic accrual of small steps over time that take us closer to lives of purpose, meaning, and intentionality! We can change - we just have to pick a place to begin!
Cancer, healing, and rampant gratitude - Therese shares about her personal journey over the last decade which included a hard diagnosis and a commitment to owning and influencing her health. She is a local teacher - both in the areas of Language Arts and fitness - and is well loved by students of all types and ages. Listen to her narrative and words of encouragement for anyone who is considering investing in their health - here's how to get started!
We might, with the best of intentions, decide on a structure or plan that helps move us towards our goals. But, is it possible we are creating our own prison? Take a quick listen!
Often, we want to overhaul all of the things. Let's take it one step at a time, and then build habits that help walk us towards physical wellness.
Sometimes, our thoughts can be stress-inducing. However, it is not the initial thought on which we should focus; it is the second thought that matters more. Listen to hear some more!
Sometimes we are committed to the vision of how things are supposed to be. If our dreams don't come true, though, there is still hope for living a life of significance. Listen to hear how expanding out our understanding and figuring out our motives can propel us towards living well.
Have you decided you can? Have you decided you can't? That decision can influence so much! Take a quick listen.
We tend to have predictable ways that we go through life events. When we tune in, we can better understand what happens when we are distressed. Once we identify our process, we can make decisions about if or how to do better!
When we want other people to follow our methods and ideas, we may have the best of intentions. But, what if we erroneously make it about us? Listen to hear more.
From hoarding to Julius Caesar, and client interventions to student reviews, this is a quick glimpse of how we assign meaning to things. Sometimes we might assign meanings that are quite harmful to relationships including the misnomer that disagreeing is disrespectful! If you find this helpful, please share!
It can be difficult to accept help, however, there are connections and friendships that grow through both giving and receiving! As an aside, we may want to temper expectations of who should help. Take a quick listen.
Often, life looks quite difficult when we are surrounded by hard headlines and scary stories. Amidst all that, we are living in some of the most blessed of times. Do we see it? Do we understand what's been sacrificed for us?
We are never going to strike the perfect balance, but when it comes to time, energy, and resources, we need to be looking at the things that are urgent and the things that are vital. It is important to prioritize well. Take a quick listen.
If we expect to invite change into our lives and invite others into healthier versions of themselves, the truth is a vital component. Listen for some key thoughts about how it can propel us towards helpful change.
Are we able to converse healthfully? Might we use "parent" strategies like power and authority? Might we use "child" strategies like tantrums and name-calling? What if we showed up as an adult in every conversation? Listen to hear more!
It is pretty easy to see where others "go wrong" in their communication. Does we take the time to understand where we went wrong?
Do you have a creative idea? Do you have strengths and gifts to offer the world around you? Get out there and share them! Listen for some words of encouragement. . . all things start as concepts. Your concepts matter!
Often we believe people's words. But, if we want to be healthy in relationships, it is imperative to watch patterns - and stop creating stories that excuse poor behaviors. People will SHOW us who they are, but we have to be willing to see it.
Our brains and bodies are often wired to avoid pain. But, we can combat our pain aversions by growing in skills to navigate it better. Often, healing and health is on the other side of tough experiences. We can learn to grow through what we go through!
Sometimes we say, in error, that we can't do something when the reality is we just might not want to because it's uncomfortable. From dating tales to client stories, use this episode to ask yourself some questions - like why not? There is some crude language - so listener beware!
There are things running for us, under our level of awareness, that affect our decision making processes and behaviors - beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the world around us. Tune in to hear about it!
Listen to a few anecdotes that help cue us in to how important precise word choice is. Using words poorly can prime our emotions for big upheaval just as using words precisely can aid in mental wellness.
There are times when a mismatch occurs between what we want to be true and what is true. That is where boundaries and personal responsibility come into play.
There are many skills that serve relationships well, but this one is key, especially as we each navigate the change process.
When putting together a growth plan, consider what it looks like to make more deposits and withdrawals. If we can master that, and commit to consistency over time, neat things can happen.
Often, when we see someone hurting, we want to help them by taking away some of the pain. The problem with this is its an impossible task. Trust someone in their story, and walk alongside them for as long as they need. That is where our power lies.
Let's put safety and satisfaction on a continuum and see where we land! What happens when we prioritize safety. What do we have to give up when we decide to prioritize satisfaction. Might you want to consider some changes?
How do you step into who you are called to be? And why bother? Listen for a few thoughts about what YOUR best life could and should include!
Yes, change may feel too hard. But really, that is an invitation to look beneath our own resistances - figuring out what might be holding us back. It is also an invitation to be more generous towards others who may be struggling to change too.
Being wrong can feel really overwhelming, especially if we were not allowed to be curious during our formative years. While there might be an explanation as to why it is uncomfortable, understanding it as an area for growth may help us move into being more emotionally well.
There are key steps to walking towards wellness, and today's episode is a launching point for considering how to be intentionally healthful! Take a listen and feel free to share!
Want to be well? In this two-part episode, listen to the most basic piece that needs to be considered when we are striving to live a more healthful life.
Kids are their own unique selves. Each comes with a set of skills and talents that, when cultivated, help them bloom into healthful, autonomous adults. Asking them to be different than what they truly are can come with a high price.
Yes, we can feel like imposters. It is actually quite a common experience. Here are some ways to harness its power towards health!
Our decisions run through a linear process - new inputs help us land on new conclusions. But, we do this on our own timelines. In new seasons, hierarchies reshuffle - which is why humility is key!
Protecting one another from natural consequences is not a posture of love; we are called to hold each other accountable and responsible.
We often do something healthful long enough to reduce distressing symptoms, and then we default back to the same patterns that led us towards our struggles. Living a life of symptom management is not living life well.
Hobbies matter! If there isn't anything fun on your calendar, take a few minutes to listen, and then consider what a next step might be. Recreational wellness is part of a balanced life.
Two extended analogies help us understand HOW and WHY to dive in to the emotional gunk that life includes. Sorting through it, healing from it, and walking towards emotional wellness is possible!
If we want to make changes and want to walk towards health, there is one measure that we must consider as paramount to engaging growth. Take a listen to learn more.
We know what ACEs are; now what do we do when maladaptive behaviors show up? Take a quick listen about what the next steps are and open yourself up to the idea of enlisting help!
So we know what the ACEs are, but why do they matter? Cue poor health outcomes, faulty defense mechanisms, and troublesome coping strategies. Therapy can be a helpful tool for addressing and mitigating some of the health consequences of childhood trauma.
ACEs 6-10 are noted as are a few others hard contexts that can contribute to trauma responses. Difficult experiences in our upbringing can lead to us adopting strategies and responses that may serve us short term but result in long-term struggles. Dismantling them is arduous work!
Let's dive into the first five ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and begin the discussion on how trauma responses show up when early adversity is present. It is foundational understanding for how we may adopt certain strategies as solutions to hard experiences.
Reflecting on our behaviors and challenging our thought patterns can be huge growth opportunities. Self grace and self compassion are important parts of this growth process. When trauma is a part of our story, extra doses of self grace and self compassion may be needed.
For some, poor identity formation is due to parents and authority figures not inviting kids appropriately into adulthood. When this happens, people often experience mental health distress. Need a more formed identity? There is some work to be done!
When we think through sin, there are two helpful definitions that clue us in to human behavior: "missing the mark" and "an illegitimate attempt to meet a legitimate need". When we understand this, there is room for self-compassion and others-compassion when it comes to considering why people engage the behaviors they do! Listen to learn more.
Mental health (as well as general health) has a lot to do with the inputs that we repeatedly do. We often have more control over our inputs than many of us take responsibility for, which means we also have more influence over outcomes than we possibly realize. Take a listen to learn more.
Grief is energy in motion. Sometimes, we may not know how to let it move. Listen for some insights on how grief can show up and what we do with it when it does.
There is a key element to emotional and relational wellness from which we would each benefit! However, surrounding ourselves with like-intentioned individuals is going to be a key part in attaining this posture. Listen to learn more.
NO is a complete sentence. But YES is a commitment. It is exclusive; every time we use this word, we eliminate a host of options in our lives. Use this word intentionally!
Here is an introductory list of some red flags that, when they show up in new relationships, should give us great pause. In fact, "abort mission" should be our response.
When we are experiencing frustration, an important question to ask is "What did I expect?". When we start to get insights into what we want to be true versus what is true, we can begin managing distress better.
People will be trying all types of new things today - setting intentions, setting goals, and making resolutions. Be an encourager, be a cheerleader, but if that doesn't work, at the very least, don't be a jerk! Happy 2022 friends!
There are a host of reasons that things go sideways in our lives, but one thing each issue has in common is us! There are things that need to be unlearned, thought patterns that can be changed, and belief statements that need to be dismantled. Change begins with us and the brunt of the work has to be handled by us. Problems? We can look inward to figure out our complicity!
We need connection. It is a drive that social beings organically have. So what happens when we feel disconnected? There are choices to be made - prioritizing quantity looks different from prioritizing quality. Which makes more sense to you?
Listen for a few things to consider as we take on setting intentional habits in 2022! From domains and flexibility to choosing a theme, there are helpful ways to tackle new objectives.
In order to walk towards purpose and meaning, we are going to need to take ownership and responsibility in our stories - even the hard parts where we may have been victimized. It is an imperative piece of living well and intentionally.
Some have been taught people-pleasing and compliance as a life posture. Unfortunately, this can have a steep cost. If this is our normal, we can unlearn and better understand our right to say "No" as a complete idea.
For some, the holidays and special events can be especially stressful because receiving can be hard. For others, any form of generosity - like compliments, time spent & more - can also be stress inducing. Hear some reasons why this may be a struggle and how to practice receiving generosity!
Often, we give up our goals because we try to make too many changes and shifts all at once. Science says try again, but try smaller steps. Listen to hear a few anecdotes about how to engage long-term changes.
The headlines keep coming; school shootings are taking place with alarming regularity. Our kids need help processing through this. Here are a few tips to engage these tough conversations.
Something that is familiar to us and has been normalized may, in fact, be contributing to unhealth. We need to explore our stories and get comfortable unlearning some of our normal and replacing it with health. Let's normalize fighting for health and healing.
If we want to navigate conflict well, we need to stay in the tension and navigate the predictable process that unfolds. If reality TV personalities can do it, why can't we? Listen to hear more about how to engage conflict well.
One client anecdote helps weave understanding about how interconnected wellness is. Being an adult means discipline, making informed decisions, and weighing next steps based on accurate information. Take a listen!
Health - there are many areas to consider. While this list is not comprehensive, intentionality in each of the stated eight domains will help lead listeners to a life of wellness and health.
Do predators know the amount of damage that they do? Groping, molestation, coercion, assault, and rape are damaging choices that have huge consequences in the lives of both victims and those who victimize. Listen to better understand the lifelong damage that can be caused by mere moments of self-gratification behaviors.
There is one core question that we are asking to be answered as we engage life. When we have a trauma history, there is a primary question that needs to be answered first. Tune in to find out more.
Please enjoy an interview with Tiffany Horan, a local contributor to 92for22 and an advocate for veterans services. A core goal is to bring awareness and resources to veterans and their families who are affected by suicide. Here's her story!
Show Notes & Non-Profit Sponsors: 92for22.org Coachman Training Hudsonville Winery/Pike 51 Blue Star Moms Pamela Alderman HAS Heart Kent County Veteran Services
Educators are in the thick of it right now answering to administrators, parents, and students while trying to tackle meeting diverse needs in a global pandemic. It is a recipe for exhaustion and burnout. Teachers, I see you! Remember your why! You are not in this alone.
Often, we give up on ourselves - or make allowances for ourselves - in the small day-to-day details. Listen for a strategy to help keep us more locked into health and less cavalier about our responsibilities.
We need to navigate self acceptance if we intend to walk towards health. Who we are has to be a reconciled part of how we live our lives. Our strengths, our weaknesses, our broken parts, and our wounds all combine into the uniqueness of being us. Self-acceptance is key.
Do you know your primary love language? How about your partner's language? Your kids? There is a lot of valuable relationship built when we learn to meet someone in the space of their love language. There are also some musings about why not learning can cause unintentional damage and what else might be needed for someone who is trauma-affected.
Each person with whom we intersect has a story. We have a story. Our stories provide understanding of who we are, why we do what we do, and what actions and reaction we choose to engage. So do other people's stories. Lean in to learn more about what's all in a story.
Showing up well in life means actively pursuing health. Listen to hear about the life domains and what it means to intentionally chase healthy habits and wellness.
When did we decide that success should be a part of our overnight story? Success is most often contingent on years of hard work, effort, consistency, trial-and-error, and practicing. Respect the process. Pay your dues. Persevere.
Struggling in relationships? Listen for types of manipulators around whom we should be guarded and boundaried. Here are some key personalities that are difficult to navigate - and as we get healthy, distance may be needed.
Not everything can be a crisis! Getting stuck in the spin cycle of our anxiety affects body, mind, and spirit. Listen to what our brains do when they land on a problem, and hear some tips to combat a perpetual state of anxiety.
Change happens over time, through a series of gentle shifts. Sometime, they are so subtle that we may need help to see them. That's one of the reasons why inviting a helper into our lives may be key! Listen to hear more about gradual changes adding up to big outcomes.
Tracking down a therapist can be intimidating. Listen to some tips and helpful hints about how to engage the process of finding a helper. Also, there's some thoughts about what therapy entails! Take a listen.
If you speak against mental health services, you are potentially spreading a damaging message to those who see it or need it as a resource! If you use these services and see their value, say something! Collectively we can combat the stigma around mental health services.
When we understand love as conditional, we can be treated poorly, treat others poorly, and treat ourselves poorly. These actions can contribute to mental health distress. Learning unconditional love, then, is a solution that can bring incredible healing.
When we decide to engage a healing journey, it is important to realize that there is not a finish line. Because this is true, we can (and need to) work on healing while still moving forward, living life. Take a listen.
When we are hijacked and our emotions have overwhelmed us, there are strategies that help get us back online. We need to not only practice this but help our kids engage this same process! Trauma affects our abilities to stay online at times - so grace, patience, and new strategies are imperative!
When trauma enters our stories, and there is not someone to walk with us through it, emotional immaturity can be a very natural consequence. If we acknowledge this as a part of our story, we can learn to skill build, manage anxiety, and heal - but seeing the immaturity for what it is will be key!
When trauma is a part of our story, our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are all affected. When healing is a part of our journey, those same pieces, through time and intentional effort, will experience relief. But it's a lengthy journey! Dive into my personal narrative about how trauma permeates so many things. Also, there is a bonus tech snafu to keep listeners entertained! #alwaysabeginner
Anger is going to show up for every one of us because life involves pain and hard stuff happens. The question we have to ask ourselves is how can we both acknowledge our anger and use it for growth. It is possible. Tune in to find out more.
Just because we are walking towards health does not mean that others are cheering us on. There may be a cost to us to bettering ourselves - and sometimes it is a steep price to pay. But the pain of change does not mean we are on the wrong track.
Sometimes, we let ourselves off the hook too easily. Other times, we let those we love off the hook. Neither action helps develop character. Bold, honest engagement with self and others will help us cultivate character that influences others well.
There are so many divisive issues surrounding us right now. Perhaps we are still developing our point of view, but we should also be developing our character. We have to love well, even when the topic is controversial.
There are some questions that can yield painful understanding about our lives and what we tolerate. However, not asking the tough questions may also lead to pain. Listen to hear why can't vs. won't are important answers to chase down and ask about those with whom we engage.
Word choice matters. Culturally, the terms crisis and trauma have been co-opted to talk about minor inconveniences or things that make us uncomfortable. Lets dive into what these words really mean and why we should use them correctly!
We need to acknowledge that the past has happened, work through the tough stuff, and move forward into our present and future as intentionally as possible. Change is possible. Healing is possible.
If sexual abuse happens, kids will create stories about why it happened to them. If there is not an adult to walk with them through it, the stories become inaccurate very quickly. There's brain science to explain why. That's why loyalty to children who have been abused is vital.
The statistics on childhood sexual abuse are staggering. One key contributor to abuse is the environment in which one is raised. Listen to hear key environmental shifts to help proactively protect children from abuse.
The lens we look through is a matter of choice. When we choose a lens of victimhood, there is a cost. When we choose a lens of agency, there are benefits. Listen to hear more about why choice matters so much!
It can be hard to come alongside of someone when they are in grief. It can also be a challenge to ask for help. Here are some thoughts about how to give well and receive well during tough seasons.
Although grief is unique for each person, there are predictable stages to crises and predictable cycles of grief that take place. If you are going through a tough season or know someone in grief, take a listen and learn what to expect
Grief has a way of feeling all-consuming. Here is an intentional strategy to draw some parameters around grief so that shifts and changes can be noticed as one moves forward through their story.
Judgement seems to flow so easily from us, but perhaps when that happens, it is a reflection of us and our issues. Addiction and mental health struggles are no place for judgement. Listen about how humility is key when we intersect with difficult stories.
Ever have big reactions that confuse you? Me too. Learn about the bite threshold and how Pitbulls tangling helps explain human behaviors.
We often have urgency to change behaviors and become an expert. The good news is that consistency over time and practice will get us there; we have to be willing to put in the work
Afraid to take the next step? Me too. This delves into some actual strategies that may help.
Understand how some foundational choices - sleep, movement, and nutrition - are paramount for both proactive health and as reactive measures when stress and anxiety show up.
Normalizing that anxiety will show up, why it is necessary, and why sometimes it can be more damaging.
Walking with clients through decision making and why slowing things down is one of the first steps
An invitation to answer a few core questions: if not now, when? and if not me, who? What if we were living today with the end in mind?