Naming the Real: Recent Episodes
Brandon Cook
In an era of polarization, confusion, and “fake news,” discerning and naming what is real—what satisfies, what has substance, what is meaningful—is more important than ever. The Naming the Real Podcast is about doing just that: rightly naming the beliefs, attitudes, practices, and behaviors that will help you transcend our cultural anxiety and lead a flourishing life, for the sake of the world.
In this final conversation with Celtic thinker and author John Philip Newell about his book ‘The Great Search,’ we explore themes of returning to the wisdom of childhood and learning to encounter the light of the world in the midst of darkness. What emerges is a map for navigating the challenging landscape of our contemporary culture, with its emphasis on external power over inner wisdom. As we reflect on the wisdom of three twentieth century luminaries, an invitation for transcending the darkness emerges. Come for his brogue, stay for his mind and heart: this final conversation with John Phillip Newell will leave you re-discovering wisdom, hope, and courage.
At the center of our cultural crisis is a battle for reality—for the role of facts, objective law, and thought itself. As mainstream media is derided as “fake news” and blatant lies become rampant, it starts to feel like we are in a shell game with the truth. Meanwhile, long-held Constitutional norms are violated and the rule of law and due process are threatened. All of this is facilitated, in part, because of the growing culture trend to engage outrage over reason and emotivism over thought. In this episode, we explore examples of the war on reality, how we can reject the temptations to live in alternate realities, and name practices for staying grounded in calm and joy throughout it all.
At the center of our cultural crisis is a clash of values. The current administration’s actions reflect an age-old paradigm: us versus them, winners versus losers. It is driven by animal kingdom values, where “might makes right.” In this episode, we explore a different paradigm and a different set of values for transcending such limited thinking.
We are living through perilous times—an age of anxiety, crisis, and polarization. In this return to the Our Cultural Crisis series, we explore the 9 mechanisms—emotivism, blindness, tribalism, victimization, moral posturing, de-humanization, outrage, one-sidedness, and violence—that drive our current predicament. These dynamics are as old as time but pertinent as ever. By naming them, we can engage the work of transcending them, sobering up to our times and reckoning how to live powerfully and humbly in such an age of anxiety.
Transformation ultimately has less to do with thinking our way into change than living into it in bodies that have been trained to feel and be fully present. In this episode, we explore a way to create a strong foundation for ongoing transformation by not only recognizing glimmers—moments that slow your body down into an experience of calm and beauty—but challenging yourself to experience more glimmers than you might have thought possible. As you expand your awareness about just how much calm and beauty you can experience, you create the possibility of full embodiment and of living in radical abundance.
In this third conversation with John Phillip Newell, author of The Great Search and numerous books on spirituality, we explore what we talk about when we talk about “oneness.” Oneness, as Carl Jung, Julian of Norwich, and Jalaluddin Rumi help us discover, is an archetypal way of experiencing reality. In simple, pragmatic ways, we can grow our awareness of oneness—of our interconnectedness with all things—which unlocks our spiritual experience and our experience of the divine.
There are many competing formulas for happiness. In this episode, exploring the tale of Abd al-Rahman III and his fourteen days of fulfillment, we look at two such formulas. What emerges is a conclusion backed by science: only experiences of beauty and connection make our lives meaningful and, therefore, happy. What then, do we find most beautiful and how do we pursue it? If we can name this, we can identify simple practices for living in the truly beautiful, which is the only path to abiding happiness.
In this second conversation with Nolan Kim, director of Power Coaching, we explore more practices for befriending the body. We begin with a dive into the science behind cold plunging and how a simple breathing practice from Wim Hof can radically boost your immune system. Nolan also outlines a number of exercises that will help you ground in your body, lower your blood pressure, and do the hard things that life requires of all of us. Since learning to be fully in your body is the foundational base of so much transformational practice, this knowledge and these exercises can be, quite literally, life-changing.
Breathing well is central to living well. In this conversation with Nolan Kim, director of Power Coaching, we explore the simplest practices for transforming your sense of presence and power through the transformation of your breath. But this is bigger than breath: ultimately Nolan invites us into a conversation about how to truly choose life while we draw breath, because our time is too precious for anything else.
One of our most profound capacities as humans is the ability to re-story our lives. In this final episode of the storytelling series, we explore the movement from shame to compassion/self-compassion. This is primarily a somatic or embodied process, allowing our bodies to release the stored vital energy that may have become stuck in our system, with groaning, yelling, and whatever else creates emotional flow. With practice, we can release our bodies into new stories, for our sake and for the sake of the world around us.
As a conclusion to the storytelling series, we explore one of the hardest things we ever learn to do: refusing self-judgment and embracing every part of us with compassion. Self-compassion has nothing to do with going soft on ourselves or giving ourselves a pass; in fact, it demands ruthless self-awareness and integrity. It is the death of our ego's self-focus and, for many, a path to the Divine. If we can learn to hold our story and ourselves with compassion, we are well on our way to becoming wounded healers in a hurting world.
We have four “characters” in our brains: two in our left hemisphere and two in our right. These characters have vastly different concerns and focuses, and when we find ourselves mired in the more self-absorbed or anxious characters, we can feel really stuck. In this episode, following the work of Jill Bolte-Taylor, we explore a way of getting unstuck. By knowing these characters and addressing them directly, we can toggling between them. And by toggling, we can shift our experience in any given moment to broader perspective, stories, and possibilities.
Imposter syndrome is a very specific type of tyranny, under which many labor. It is the fear of being found out, of being exposed, of being revealed a fraud. It destroys freedom and consumes energy, leading to exhaustion. In this episode, we explore the roots of imposter syndrome and a pathway for confronting it—even stopping it right in its tracks—for the sake of freedom, courage, and hope.
The goal of life is, in some sense, simply to become present. In this episode, we explore micro mindfulness, through which we can train and habituate our bodies to live in a relax, restful, and regulated state (in polyvagal theory, what is called a ventral-vagal state). By recognizing “glimmer moments”—moments of everyday beauty and peace—and then training our brains and bodies to be fully present for them, we can change our lives in simple but endlessly profound ways.
In this second conversation with John Philip Newell, we explore how Celtic spirituality informs a movement back to the soul and to the earth. By framing our core human essence as well as the material world as good (contra much of the dualistic philosophy and theology that has guided Western history), we can discover deeper ways to be human beings. Guided by thoughts from Newell’s newest book, The Great Search: Turning to Earth and Soul in the Quest for Healing and Home, we explore big concepts as well as daily practices for grounding and centering our lives.
In this short, we explore the power of immersing one’s self in a simple four-word phrase: “It’s not about me.” It’s a mantra that has the power to reorient our thinking and our entire neurobiology, as we learn to see ourselves as a small part of something much bigger, removing the pressure that can build up when we take our ego, our emotions, or our sense of self too seriously. In the second half of the short, we explore different ways of engaging “It’s not about me” on a most practical level in order to cultivate a fully flourishing life.
We live in a left brain world. The brain’s left hemisphere is generally concerned with being explicit, certain, and in control. The right hemisphere, in contrast, is focused on story, metaphor, space, and connection. Shifting to the right brain can open up a world of possibility, as we become more concerned with what we experience and how we’re connected and less concerned with being right. In this episode, we explore how to shift from left brain to right brain, with a specific meditation practice designed to help you engage this shift.
We all have automatic negative thoughts and beliefs that can keep us stuck. What's to be done? In this episode, we explore how the unresolved arousal in our stories can lead to beliefs that produce terrible fruit in our lives. And we explore the resource within our agency to renounce those stories, advocating for our freedom. Finding this “hell no” energy within us can be challenging and vulnerable, but it is a road to radical flourishing.
Meditation is great, its benefits incredible. And…most of us resist it. Not just because we are busy, but because meditation—like any space of quiet—would have us face stories and beliefs that we prefer to avoid. In this episode, we explore our resistance to meditation and, hand-in-hand, a practice that may help us look forward to learning meditative practice like never before. This episode launches a mini-series made up of short episodes about meditation for people who know little about meditation, resist meditation, or feel bad at meditative practice.
Every story is an arousal story, because arousal is the soul’s ultimate energy: we long for connection and become panicked at the possibility of disconnection. Arousal, in this sense, is far greater than sexual arousal—it is the energy animating all things. In this episode, we explore the idea of resolved arousal and unresolved arousal, with plenty of story examples and illustrations. Ultimately, we invite you to name how you experienced fulfillment or frustration in your story, and the beliefs which became operative in you because of it. In this naming, there is a world of agency, action, and potential freedom.
In this episode, we explore the importance of naming our emotions at a granular level as well as exploring how “negative emotions” may be (1) protecting us while (2) keeping us from what we long for. The more fluency we gain in naming our emotions and how they function to protect but also limit us, the more agency—which expresses itself as choice and freedom—we will have in our lives.
In this Short, we confront our human and cultural tendency to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do. This pressure keeps us from being here and now, in reality, which is the only place we can experience joy. Through focusing on what we have rather than what we want, we can shift everything about our perspective. As always, we explore tangible practices to catalyze this shift in mindset.
In this Short, we confront the pervasive pressure that the word “should” can exert in our lives. In considering how we actually change—becoming the people we want to be—“should” has very limited power to transform us at our deepest levels. Instead, we must practice being held, which requires a different energy and orientation to life. As always, we explore practical ways to put such a shift in mindset into action.
This conversation with Daphne Larkin and Dr. Christy Bauman is an exploration of the importance of knowing and telling our hard stories. Through real life-examples, we survey how telling stories creates greater flexibility in our perspective, resilience in our attitudes, and kindness in how we hold our own narratives, as we become empowered to live well. Ultimately, telling hard stories leads us to re-parent ourselves and re-story our lives, leading not only to our flourishing, but to a flourishing world around us.
In this Short, we explore a simple two-step practice for seizing the day rather than letting the day seize you. The practice is straightforward: a commitment to spend a few moments in a slow, unhurried posture combined with a consistent engagement of your “grounding story.” In this episode, we explain what a grounding story is, how to create one, and how you can use it to pursue freedom and clarity every morning.
In this Naming the Real Short—a bonus episode in our Storytelling Series—we explore the idea of “discharging a loyal soldier,” which is releasing a belief/part of us that kept us safe but now keeps us stuck. By thanking the part, releasing the part, and re-assigning the part to a new role, we can transcend the places where we’ve got mired and move to greater flourishing.
The person that we are includes many parts, organized around our true Self. But many times we feel stuck, because we believe our most frustrated or seemingly dysfunctional part is our actual identity, or because we don’t how to integrate our parts into a greater whole. In this episode, we consider the reality that you aren’t crazy for talking to yourself—far from it! That, in fact, dialoguing with our various parts can release us into freedom. To that end, we consider a rubric for having mindful conversations with our parts, which can call our entire being into wholeness and flourishing.
In this episode—our first Naming the Real SHORT—we explore the two primary ways that Celtic spirituality helps us see the world differently than the way promulgated by Western Imperial Christianity.
Human beings tend to resist and avoid; it’s a default state for us. But resistance and avoidance lock us into a life of gray horizons—on automatic, far from the thrill of fully feeling or fully flourishing. And yet we are never without tools to get us unstuck. In this episode, we explore the incredible power of telling hard stories for reinventing what we see as possible. We dive into some fascinating data and science around what telling hard stories does for our bodies. And we lay out practical steps for taking on your own stories. Finally, we close with an example of a hard story.
Most people feel, to some degree, that they are on trial, that they must prove themselves and “be enough.” Some people experience such accusations in the form of an inner critic who torments and even terrorizes. How do we transcend such inner accusation? In this episode, we look at ancient wisdom as well as modern neuroscience—including the research of Jaak Panksepp—to understand how our brains work, which can point us to a path of freedom. Through intentional practices such as naming, learning to feel emotions more deeply, and playfulness, we can transcend the inner voices of accusation and cultivate a liberating peace within.
In this conversation with Dr. Christy Bauman, we explore the wisdom of the womb and the infinite guidance it offers us. In a world where God has largely been conceived of as male, what does it mean to embrace the divine feminine and the wisdom of womanhood? Ultimately, Christy invites us to become those who do not look away—from reality, from life, from suffering— learning instead to become ourselves through it.
Learn to access and express your anger artfully for greater confidence, advocacy and intimacy.
Anger is commonly seen as wrong or taboo which can generate shame around it whether you experience it often or not. Anger is a gift that when understood, felt, and integrated can increase flourishing.
Register now at https://namingthereal.com/product/the-art-of-anger/ to secure your spot and unlock the power of your anger.
We live in a time of crisis, with faith in traditional institutions and power structures falling precipitously, leaving us a dearth of meaningful narratives to which to cling. Many are deconstructing their faith as they find their own spiritual practice hollow. In this conversation with the celebrated spiritual thinker and writer John Philip Newell, new paths forward emerge. Through an exploration of Celtic thought and how its wisdom off-sets the dominant thinking of Imperial Christianity over the last two millennia, Newell invites us to re-think and re-set our relationship with the earth, with ourselves, and with the Divine. From this re-set invitation emerge new (yet ancient) ways of being human beings together, which can bring healing not only in our lives, but all around us.
What we are we talking about when we talk about God? The God image that has dominated Western history is of an “old man in the sky.” Even if we know this image is metaphorical and laughable, it nevertheless dominates the Western imagination: God is “up there,” transcendent, and we are “down here.” In this episode, we discuss why how we talk about God is so important, because it influences how we think about all sorts of things. And we explore how cultivating a philosophy of the Divine as immanent—“right here”—can change our values and how we not only experience but also participate in the world around us.
There is perhaps no experience more visceral and soul-consuming than shame. And shame is opportunistic—it can enter our lives and bodies not only through things we’ve done, but by things done to us. Further, we can often feel absolutely powerless in the face of shame. But we do not have to resign ourselves to hopelessness. A life of flourishing of freedom is available. It requires courage and practices for engaging shame discharge. In this episode, we cover some simple—but not simplistic—practices for discharging shame and living in freedom, authenticity, and resilience.
Our culture is in crisis, revealed in skyrocketing rates of anxiety and depression, even (and especially) amongst the most comfortable and well-off. Dr. Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, diagnoses our cultural crisis as rooted, in part, in the "druggification" of our society. Specifically, she explains how addiction functions writ large across our culture through an over-abundance of dopamine triggers, utimately leading to dopamine deficit states—a state in which it is not possible to enjoy anything at all. Her answer? Lean into pain and discomfort. Her message is counter-cultural, but it may very well change your life.
In part 2 of a conversation with Dr. Stephen Backhouse, we explore how Christian Nationalism trains people to be anti-Christ. You cannot walk the way of Jesus—the way of non-violence and of caring for your neighbor, let alone your enemy—while abiding by the tenets of nationalism. Understanding these dynamics helps us not only understand our own lives, no matter our orientation to faith, and helps us make sense of the polarized world around us.
In this conversation with Dr. Stephen Backhouse, we explore how the philosophy of 19th century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard illuminates the dynamics of our own day. Specifically, how the phenomenon of Christian Nationalism—the fusing of Christian spirituality with the lust for power (which ultimately obliterates the former)—seems to recur in some shape or form in every era, and certainly our own. In recognizing this lust for power, which is antithetical to spirituality and certainly to the teaching of Jesus, we can transcend many traps and live not in fear but in courage, hope, and love.
We are often tempted to orient our lives around some sort of arrival point—enough money or fame or religion to give us certainty, to give us power, but flourishing life is about learning to live in the surrender of constant tension and balance. In this episode, we explore how balance underlies all of reality and how pursuing balance will lead us into practices that leave us in a state of awe, mystery, and unhurriedness.
In this new series, “Scripture, Science and Spirituality,” we will explore what it takes to flourish as human beings in the midst of a culture that is increasingly disconnected and despairing. Using the wisdom of the Judeo-Christian scripture as our guide, we will focus on the nature of desire, what actually satisfies our desire, and the practices it takes to thrive as human beings. In this first episode, we dive into a vision for living in balance and connection, as we avoid the ego temptations of mere appearance and the allure of false certitudes and ground our lives in courage, hope, and practices for sustained change and transformation.
Season 3 Part II will be dropping soon, with new episodes about spirituality and what it means to be fully human. In the meantime, learn out more about the 12-week Restoried Coaching that is launching in November. This coaching process will cover all the fundamental practices and disciplines of change and transformation and is designed to support you as you create something completely new in your life! More information at https://namingthereal.com/coaching/
In this follow-up to our series on Internal Family Systems, therapist Vanessa Trine takes us deeper into the IFS framework. She unpacks what IFS is as well as how understanding and implementing its core tenets can lead to a much fuller and whole-hearted experience of life—a life of deep meaning, purpose, and connection.
Megan Dietrick (meganraecoaching.com) is a Methodist worship director as well as a coach who helps people recover from religious-based trauma and cultures of fear. In this episode, which hits on a number of ideas previously discussed in this podcast (purity culture, faith deconstruction/reconstruction, a critique of evangelical Christianity), Megan brings a unique, hope-filled voice while not failing to name with unflinching honesty many of the failings of cultures that become guided by fear rather than love. What emerges in the conversation is hope for pursuing lives that transcend fear and trauma, and for building communities centered in hope and resilience.
What if we are mistaken about what other people actually believe? Turns out...that’s often the case. In this episode, we explore the reality—and the implications—of collective illusions, which is the social phenomenon of people mis-perceiving what the majority actually thinks or believes. Following the work of Todd Rose and the think tank Populace, we dive into the ominous reality that collective illusions are proliferating, and what we can do to reverse the trend. The invitation that emerges is a beautiful one: to do the work of knowing others (and being known ourselves) in entirely new ways.
Dopamine is the brain’s reward chemical, crucial for regulating human motivation, desire, and focus. Yet never in human history have so many dopamine-delivery vehicles (from sugar to social media to online shopping) been so pervasive. We live in a dopamine-glutted world. And the overabundance of dopamine creates continual pitfalls of over-indulgence and addiction all around us. In this episode, we explore the neurobiology of dopamine and, following the work of Dr. Anna Lembke, the mindbody’s pain-pleasure balance. Because understanding this principle and engaging core practices to keep your life in balance can radically change you...and help change the world.
We live in a hurried age, that’s obvious. And yet we still fail to grasp how imperative slowing down and living in unhurriedness is for everything that matters in life. In this episode, we explore why and how slowing down matters so much and what it opens up for us. And we explore six practices that you can engage to live in unhurriedness, even if your calendar remains full and busy. Because there’s great hope: you can be quite busy and yet become and remain absolutely unhurried in all things.
We live in a disconnected world—increasingly alienated from ourselves and our bodies, from the natural world, and from others. Much of this disconnection is catalyzed by hyper-individualism which sets self-expression above self-transcendence. This episode is about encountering the seeming intelligence of the universe which seems to be constantly inviting us into a life of deep connection. Along the way, we explore the world of trees, bees, and other stunning examples of interdepdence in the world around us, and the miracles of our mindbody wiring. What emerges is a pathway to transcending isolation and disconnection in favor of an entirely connected way of being alive as a human being.
Brandon sits down with one of his heroes to discuss the process of becoming a fully flourishing human, even when it involves walking through trauma and grief. An exploration of mindfulness, presence, the importance of sex, and the need to tell our stories. We start with the reality that we are never fully “healed,” but that life is an ongoing process of stepping into wholeness and healing. And we explore what that takes, in practical terms.
Are you happy right now? And what do we even mean when we use the word "happy"? Our society has implicit notions of what happiness is and how we attain it, but often these notions are incomplete at best and backwards at worst. In this episode, we explore a rubric for happiness and some practical steps for becoming truly, wildly happy.
When we think of the brain, what probably comes to mind (pun intentional) is our conscious thinking. And while our pre-frontal cortex and verbal processing is amazing, ninety-five percent of our intelligence is non-verbal, occurring outside of our conscious intelligence. In this episode we explore the “iceberg” model of brain functioning with its three layers (conscious, subconscious, and unconscious). And we explore how we can intentionally create space to receive the messages that our unconscious intelligence has for us. Because by bridging our conscious and unconscious, we can radically change our lives.
We tend to think of emotions as things that “just happen,” and there’s a lot of truth in that. But it’s also true that we have far more agency to cultivate and develop our emotional life in specific and stunning ways, changing the experience and direction of our lives. We don’t have to become stuck in emotions or live devoid of emotion. In this episode, we follow the work of Dr. Candace Pert and explore the physiology of emotions: that emotions are based in chemical realities grounded in “molecules of emotion”—neurotransmitters and neuropeptides. That this physicality is actually the basis of our spirituality. And that we have power to experience emotion in stunning ways which can ultimately help us change the world around us.
We tend to think of emotions as things that “just happen to us,” and indeed that is part of our human experience. But we may also miss the degree to which we have a say over and agency in what emotions we experience and how we experience them. In this episode, the first in a short series on the world of emotions, we explore what Dr. Brené Brown calls “emotional granularity”—the skill of distinguishing between and naming emotions at a refined level. This skill, it turns out, is critical for emotional health and happiness and for living a flourishing life.
We deconstruct trauma by telling stories. In this episode—another conversation with Brandon’s cousin, Dr. Alex Gee—the story of their black and white family is told in greater detail. But this episode is not just about race; it’s about we connect, how we tell hard stories, how we be human with each other, and how we transcend trauma together.
In our first interview, Brandon, a white man, sits down with Dr. Alex Gee, his black cousin, to discuss family, race, trauma, and what “woke” actually means. Because they have both been pastors (in Alex’s case, still is a pastor), their conversation culminates in a discussion of good/bad theology and the reality that “white theology” often eschews the black experience/blackness, forsaking the very lifeblood that would animate its health and vigor. Along the way, Alex invites all of us—especially white folk—out of guilt and into the power of owning our expertise and our own experience.
We live in a traumatized world where everyone has some degree of pain and trauma to be addressed. In this episode, we explore Peter Levine’s work around trauma and how it gets frozen in our nervous system through an immobility (or “freeze”) response. Recognizing this reality can change everything, as we discover our need to complete trauma responses by moving out of immobility and into our bodies, recovering anger as an expression of advocacy rather than aggression, and grief as a path to unfreezing. These are critical practices on the path to a flourishing life which helps change us and, ultimately, the world around us.
This episode follows the work of neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, who experienced a stroke and had her left brain (including verbal processing) go off-line in an instant. Her story leads us into an understanding of the four "characters" in our brains (two in the left hemisphere and two in the right), which are the sources of our self-focus, our fear, our drive towards connection, and our ability to experience awe, wonder, and mysticism. What is revealed is a staggering reality: we have the power to choose which brain circuitry to run and which brain characters to empower on a daily basis. In this episode we dive into the what of Bolte Taylor’s research and, more important, how we can implement life-changing practices that change our thinking and our lives.
Classically, the purpose of a university is the pursuit of truth. But according to Jonathan Haidt and other sociologists, there is a movement in American universities to replace the quest for truth with a quest for social justice. This, as it turns out, is a major issue and is reflective of currents and issues in American society more generally. In this episode, we explore this crisis in education and discover that—far from being a mere academic exercise—this topic has much to teach us about how we can live more thoughtful, grounded, flourishing lives.
Trauma can keep us from living mindfully. This episode—part 3 in a mini-series on mindful living—has two parts: we start with an exploration of what trauma is and how it gets stored in our bodies. Then we turn to practices, including meditation and others practices that involve our bodies, with the goal of developing fully embodied lives that are resilient in the face of trauma and pain. The ultimate invitation is to befriend our bodies, so that we can vessels of hope, healing, and compassion in the world.
We all have chatter in our brains, and our brain is where so much of life's battle is: the mind can make us miserable, or it can set us free. In this episode, we explore scientifically-backed methods for changing the conversation in our brains, including Ethan Kross's notion of "distanced self-talk," Chip and Dan's Heath guidance on how to make better decisions, and Robert Keegan's work on moving thoughts from subject to object. The goal is a mindful life, in which we are free to observe our thoughts while not letting them dictate our reality. Because we can, in fact, step out of old, tired stories that tend to run on automatic in our brains and into new, empowering stories. And this is a crucial element of mindfulness and of living a fully flourishing life.
A brief update on some ideas and concepts to be explored in Season 3, as well as some news on what's been happening at Naming the Real. Talk soon!
Our society’s acquisitive drive for “more” can keep us from experiencing “enough.” Life can hurry by without being truly tasted, savored, or enjoyed, and then be over before you know it. In this episode, we explore what mindfulness is and how it can radically change our experience of every moment, interrupting our tendency to live on automatic and propelling us instead towards life-altering awareness. And we dive into three simple practices you can engage right now, in everyday life, to change your world.
How do we make sense of the ubiquity of violence and evil throughout human history? In this episode—part of The Barbaric Impulse series—we explore how racism, violence, and all manners of evil are connected to a fear of impurity. Using René Girard’s mimetic theory, we explore how societies function by finding scapegoats to quell this fear of impurity and, ultimately, how we can choose to live free from the quest for power and violence, embracing a life of powerlessness instead—which becomes a life of unending power.
As humans, we tend towards automatic thinking and behavior that keeps us stuck. Over time, we end up not seeing possibilities for something new or different, even when they do exist. In this episode, we explore the concept of rackets, which is a rubric for seeing why getting stuck is so natural for us: it provides a big payoff (of comfort or certainty or safety) that we like even if it keeps us miserable. And we chart a path for stepping out of rackets and into a life of agency, flourishing, and joy—seeing and seizing possibilities for abundance, no matter the situation or circumstances happening around us.
Despite self-doubt and whatever shame and guilt we may carry, the drive to be good lies deep within our humanity. But how do we become good? In this episode—the final episode in the “Critique of Evangelical Christianity” mini-series—we explore how the pursuit of goodness is often just the ego’s game of “looking good and being right” dressed up in fancy clothes, and how rigid religion mistakes looking good for being good. Ultimately, we explore how true goodness only forms in us as we become open to encountering another with openness and vulnerability, which can be terrifying…and is totally worth it.
In a world of suffering, we all want answers and we all want certainty to soothe us, but at some point, being right and certain can get in the way of becoming good. In this episode, we explore how the quest for certainty can keep us from thinking creatively and with holy imagination, and what it takes to recover and develop a life of awe, mystery, and wonder, which are necessary for the cultivation of goodness and virtue.
Christianity began on the margins: from a Jewish man whose parents were refugees. What if this reality—that Jesus was a man “with his back against the wall”—is essential to understanding the Christian message? In this episode, we explore dynamics of power and powerlessness and how alluring power (through rightness, certainty, or respectability) is, and how it can be the trap that keeps us from flourishing.
Christianity often ceases to be a lifestyle—a path towards transformation and goodness—and becomes obsessed with certainty and defending belief systems. In this episode, we explore how spirituality devolves into mere religion, fueled by a fixation with making judgments of who’s good and who’s bad and fueled by an addiction to certainty and having all the answers. More importantly, we explore what transforming religion back into spirituality looks like, based on non-dualistic thinking and prizing connection and relationship over certainty.
Scripture is easily and often abused and manipulated to support agendas that run the gamut from silly to downright evil. In this episode, we explore some of the history of this abuse and what lies at its root: a “plain meaning” reading that adopts principles from the Bible while ignoring the methods of interpretation that Scripture itself champions. By adopting the developmental methodology which Scripture demonstrates, we can transcend narrow, rigid, or fundamentalist readings and see the transformative brilliance embedded within the biblical tradition.
(1) Naming the Real is launching its first public training. It's a 3-day training [re]Storied, and it explores the practices, habits, and disciplines it takes to live a flourishing life of courage and hope, for the sake of the world! It's designed to help you discover agency, authority, and authorship in your story. Learn more at namingthereal.com/trainings [re]Stories will be the first in a series of public trainings offered (we hope) around the country. The first available training will be held in Jackson, Michigan, May 13-15, 2022.
(2) The Naming the Real Podcast is moving to a bi-weekly production schedule. New episodes will now drop every other week. Due to an upcoming training schedule well as an ambitious slate of future episodes, this new schedule will make sure that episode quality doesn't suffer. I am really excited about coming episodes, please stay tuned for more about what episodes and series are coming your way.
Thank you for being a part of this journey!
American evangelicalism has tragically stripped key parts from Jesus’ life and teaching in order to focus on conversion while neglecting ongoing transformation—of us and of the world around us. This “Gospel Americana” is a reduction of Jesus’ provocative message to something more manageable, controllable, and comfortable, but without much power and with increasingly less credibility. Yet there is a path to transcending this reductionism (and any type of reductionism) in order to live a vibrant, flourishing life of hope, for the sake of the world. We find it by asking new questions and having the courage to answer them.
From its roots in the first half of the twentieth century, evangelicalism has become a powerful political force within American society. This new series—A Critique of Evangelical Christianity—explores what has gone wrong with evangelicalism as a movement, in order to point to new paths forward: both to vibrant spiritual life and the renewal of our body politic. In this first episode, we explore how hyper-individualism has infected evangelical theology, crowding out essential parts of the biblical tradition.
Rigid thinking often makes deeply felt emotional needs and insecurities. In this episode, we explore why getting stuck in rigid stage 2 thinking—with its polarization and its toxicity—is so common (especially in our contemporary world) and what we can do to divorce ourselves from an addiction to rigid certainty that doesn’t allow for healthy doubt, skepticism, and creativity.
Non-dualism (or non-dualistic thinking) is an idea that comes up often in world religions and in talk of spirituality in general. But what exactly is non-dual thinking or a non-dual mind? In this episode, we explore the reality that non-dual, both-and thinking is critical to our growth and spiritual development as humans. And is an answer and remedy to the anxiety and polarization that grips our society.
Christian Scripture, like most religious texts, has been abused by those seeking to use it for their own ends. But the meta-story of Scripture transcends these abuses and provides a road-map to a life of true inner goodness. In this episode, we explore how M. Scott Peck’s Four Stages of Spiritual Development follows the outline of Scripture and leads us into considerations of what practices lead to a life of flourishing. Specifically, practices of self-emptying in order to become open to a source of spiritual power beyond the limits of our own will power.
To make progress in our spiritual development, it’s incredibly helpful to understand the Jungian concepts of the ego (or "false self") and the shadow. In this episode, we explore how these ideas illuminate M. Scott Peck’s Four Stages of Spiritual Development, as well as our human experience, more generally. Ultimately, we explore what it means to live as an integrated person who is not stuck in the ego’s game of hiding in small, incomplete stories, so that we can instead live courageous, vibrant lives.
Part of living a flourishing, courageous life is learning to embrace our limits and limitations. A lesson I seem to re-learn often...and again this week!
The Four Stages of Spiritual Development from M. Scott Peck is a paradigm for understanding how we grow, change, and mature spiritually. But there are obstacles standing in the way of our maturity. In this episode, we explore the core temptations that beset us at each stage of our development, with notes on how we overcome them.
Deconstruction is the process of taking apart a belief system in order to investigate its validity and truth, often in response to a crisis or a period of disorientation when our faith or beliefs no longer seem to work. In this episode, we explore M. Scott Peck’s simple but profound schema for understanding spiritual development which, in turn, can help us understand and aid our own deconstructive processes. Ultimately, understanding his schema can help us become vibrant, courageous, and joyful human beings.
Critical race theory, until recently a fairly obscure academic enterprise, has become a mainstream topic of debate, conversation, and attack. In this episode, we explore what CRT is, why it has become a battleground in our polarized society, and how we can transcend reactive polarization with thoughtful engagement.
We all have a longing to feel good and pure, but the reality of our humanity is inner conflict and continual contradiction. We have dark and light impulses; we have tendencies to both generosity and selfishness. In this episode, we explore how we are changed from the inside-out: not through attaining through will power some level of manufactured purity, but in learning to hold all of our contradictions with acceptance and humility. And we explore practices to help us live into this flourishing life.
Even if it gets suppressed or ignored, we all have a longing to be good and to do good. This collective longing can express itself in the shape of purity culture—sociological movements in which people strive to be pure, with sexuality and sexual purity often at the forefront. In this episode, we explore the evangelical purity movement of the 1990s and also purity movements more generally. Specifically, we explore how lasting change happens, and how we can escape the false gold of purity culture by pursuing real transformation.
Do we see desire as good or as something warranting our suspicion and judgment? In this episode, we explore the role of desire in Western history and, specifically, the different conceptions of desire within Greek and Hebrew thought. Far from being a mere academic exercise, understanding how desire has been framed in history can help us understand our own relationships to desire. This is paramount, because only when you are willing to address your core desires can you truly live into a flourishing life.
In this second episode on Internal Family Systems, we explore how to integrate our exiled parts. Ultimately, integration happens through conversation—through naming, labelling, and talking about the exiled parts of us, and by learning how our unwanted behavior is the very thing pointing us to the legitimate needs and desires which must be addressed if we are to live a flourishing life.
A consistent practice of gratitude will change the structure of your brain and transform the way you see the world. In this episode, we explore the gratitude ladder—a simple rubric for giving thanks no matter the challenges or circumstances you may be facing.
No bad parts. That’s the mantra of Internal Family Systems thinking, which explores the notion that each of us is made up of various parts (including exiles, managers, and firefighters), each with a different function, within our personality. This episode explores Internal Family Systems with the goal of helping you become self-aware and a fully integrated human being. And it’s about how each of us changes our behavior through a life of awareness, non-judgment, and compassion.
Differentiation is the antidote to anxiety. Differentiated people refuse emotional reactivity, they stay rationally grounded, they refuse to take on the anxiety of a system, and they are able to form meaningful relationships and connections. In this episode, we explore a rubric for practicing differentiation in everyday in life, in order to live a life of courage and hope.
All communities involving human beings can be held captive by anxiety. In this episode, we explore the core ideas of Family Systems Theory: that in unhealthy systems, the entire system may orient around the anxiety of its most anxious member(s). That systems are resistant to change. That triangulation is a function of codependency. And that the only path out of anxious systems is through self-leadership and differentiation, through which a new and extraordinary future becomes possible.
Everyday there are things we know to do and that we avoid doing. Such norms and customs make up the stuff of culture. But where do these cultural rules of engagement come from? In this episode, we explore how all culture traces back to our desire and, ultimately, to our desire to be known, included, and accepted. Far from being an academic exercise, understanding where culture comes from can change the most intimate details of your life.
Human beings tend to see differences as a threat, but to feel safe and secure we look for people who look like us or who we deem similar to us. These dynamics may be natural, but they can lock us into very low levels of relating to others and to the world. In this episode, we explore how our core, common desires are the key to establishing connection with others, no matter how different they might seem. And we explore how storytelling can open up new worlds of connection that literally change everything.
This episode launches a new series within the Naming the Real Podcast, which is an exploration of the nature of human desire. In this episode, we explore the core human desire, which we call love—the desire to know and be known with affection and without fear. And we explore the implications of human desire, because human motivation is quite simple: we act in pursuit of love or in pursuit of power. Understanding these dynamics can make us better students of human nature and, ultimately, better human beings.
We change the world through care and curiosity, which humanizes those around us. But there are forces of fear and anxiety at work in our culture of entertainment and endless stimulation which must be recognized and named if we are to build lives of courage and hope. In this episode, we explore the ways technology is creating a push towards tribalism and mass psychosis, and how—like totalitarianism—a technological culture creates a culture of fear which is not easily deconstructed.
Fear comes to play an important role in an over-stimulated culture of entertainment such as ours. In this episode, we explore the nature of fear and its development in our society—how it breeds a lust for certainty and ultimately breeds polarization and tribalization. Specifically, we examine the role that the internet and social media play in promulgating fear. And—most importantly—we chart a path towards beyond fear, in patience, curiosity, and resilience.
In this episode, we explore Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death, which is even more relevant today than when first published in 1985. Its premise—that technology changes the way we experience the world and can diminish our ability to think—has profound implications for our over-stimulated culture. Indeed, technology and an addiction to entertainment is exacerbating many of our societal dysfunctions. But there is a path out of a culture obsessed with entertainment and into a grounded and flourishing life.
We all have a winning strategy to get what we want in life: an unconscious formula for success. It’s part of being human. And yet we can get stuck or lost in our winning strategy. And winning strategies can be at the heart of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and even self-loathing. In this episode, we explore what winning strategies are, how we can be aware of them (and grateful for them), and how we can live beyond them.
All humans develop strategies for survival, not just physically but psychologically and emotionally. These strategies become our automatic, and even if they make us miserable, we love the certainty and predictability that they give us. Nevertheless, as we grow older, the impulse to not simply survive but to thrive allures us, even if our inability to thrive torments us. In this episode, we discuss the anatomy of survival strategies (from the events that birth them to the vows and judgments that flow from them), and we explore what it looks like to live beyond them, into a life of joy and flourishing.
Are you happy right now? And what do we even mean when we use the word "happy"? Our society has implicit notions of what happiness is and how we attain it, but often these notions are incomplete at best and backwards at worst. In this episode, we explore a rubric for happiness and some practical steps for becoming truly, wildly happy.
Virtue signaling is another feature of a rule-keeping morality and the flip-side to our obsession with calling out the hypocrisy of others. Talk of it is everywhere. What, then, is virtue signaling exactly and, more to the point, what drives it? In this episode (part 3 of a 3-episode arc), we explore the social science of self-justification and the human tendency towards self-flattery. Most importantly, we explore how—by naming and labeling virtue signaling—we can choose a different path to real virtue, beyond mere appearances.
A central feature of a moral culture—like ours—which has caved to mere “rule-keeping” is an obsession with calling out the hypocrisy of others. This is part of our culture’s tribalism. And yet this focus on hypocrisy is a symptom of a much larger sickness. In this episode, we explore how cynicism and loneliness ultimately drive tribalism and how our need to scapegoat hypocrites can be interrupted by compassion.
In a culture with few moral narratives or frameworks—and in which there is increasing doubt that that human life can have any true purpose or meaning at all—a huge void is created. This void is increasingly filled by a morality of rule-keeping which, while giving us a sense of purpose and community, often fails to give us a sense of real meaning. Morality-by-rule-keeping, while inviting us to check boxes, does not necessarily demand internal transformation. In fact, far from demanding that we become good, it may in fact lead us to become morally confused and rigidly dogmatic. This episode is part 1 of 3 and explores this moral confusion and dogmatism. The next episode will explore the phenomenon of hypocrisy hunting and virtue signaling.
Virtue, classically speaking, meant doing the right thing in the right place at the right time in the right way. It was highly contextual, requiring wisdom and thoughtfulness. In contrast, we are witnessing, to our detriment, the ascendance of a “morality” based on rule-keeping. This morality (so-called) does not require the cultivation of inner goodness; rather, it simply requires adherence to an increasingly thin band of rules on both the left and the right, which gives rise to an empty moral culture. In this episode, we explore how this morality of rule-keeping plays out in our moral conversation, including in the debate about transgender athletes in the Olympics, the politics of Mitch McConnell, and the use of neopronouns.
Because of a busy travel schedule (and so that episodes don't suffer in the midst of it), I'm taking a two-week pause from posting new episodes. When I'm back I'll be posting an episode on the rise of morality by rule-keeping as part of the Our Cultural Crisis series as well as an episode on happiness. Be back soon!
With all the talk of cancel culture, we turn to an issue at the heart of our cultural crisis: the human penchant to blame and scapegoat as a means of feeling righteous. In this episode, we explore René Girard’s mimetic theory and “the scapegoating mechanism”—the human tendency to scapegoat others in order to relieve our own anxiety and demonstrate our own virtue. By understanding this mechanism, we can transcend it, and we can focus on becoming truly virtuous rather simply calling out the hypocrisy of others.
Grief done well means moving into wholeness, a process in which we become people who help heal the world around us. But how do we get there? In this third and final episode about grief, we explore the role of anger and protest in moving us beyond sorrow and into meaningful action for the sake of hope and joy.
If grieving well is so important to a flourishing life, how do we engage it? In this episode, we explore five practices (and a bonus practice) for grieving well. The goal is not to avoid grief nor to wallow in it, but to become a person that can not only touch grief but ultimately be strengthened by it. If we do this with courage, we can become a bastion of joy and a source of hope for others.
Grief is more than the loss of a loved one; it wears many faces and has many expressions. Nevertheless, grief can feel elusive, overwhelming, and misunderstood, while remaining life’s one inevitability. It is also one of the core practices for living an extraordinary, flourishing life. In this episode, we explore what grief is, how critical it is for living a life of joy, and begin to explore practices for grieving well.
We counter polarization and anxiety with forgiveness and reconciliation. But we live in an emerging moral culture, called a Victimhood Culture, which at its worst can incentivize us to live in offense, comparison, and scapegoating. In this episode, we explore the history of three moral cultures and the implications of the emerging Culture of Victimhood.
Immaturity is marked by either-or, all-or-nothing, zero sum thinking…and our culture it steeped in it, especially in the form of false binaries. In this episode, we explore how false binaries help keep our culture stuck in polarization and anxiety and how, through recognizing them, we can transcend them. We can live in the maturity of both-and thinking, which leads to humility, empathy, and wisdom.
In our over-stimulated world, experiencing anxiety in the form of racing thoughts and a spun-out mind is a pervasive reality. We humans already have a negativity bias: as the metaphor goes, our brains are like Velcro for negative thoughts and Teflon for positive thoughts. But we can transcend our fixation on negativity. In this episode, we explore how to counter the anxiety of our culture (and our own minds) by raising our awareness and quieting our brains. By practicing 5 key practices, you can learn to be fully present in each moment, here and now, which opens up a world of abundance.
Since the 1970s, America’s sense of community, measured in “social capital,” has steadily declined, resulting in what sociologists sometimes call “the atomized self.” We are more disconnected from one other now than we were in the past, which directly impacts how we go about getting our need for recognition and dignity met. And with two very different understandings of what dignity is (recognition of sameness versus recognition of differences), we are often thrown into conflict with one another, which is part of our cultural crisis. This must be named if it is to be transcended.
Defining happiness—let alone what leads to it—is difficult, and yet the quest for happiness is at the heart of our modern cultural ethos. In this episode, we explore Abraham Maslow's "hierarchy of needs" and how the notion of "self-actualization" reigns in our culture, when "transcendence" is what really makes us happy. And we explore the difficulties in pursuing transcendence in a culture in which moral frameworks or over-arching narratives are viewed with deep suspicion, if not hostility.
Regret is looking back and wishing something had been different—a different choice made or a different path taken. And it is often linked to shame. In this episode we explore how to navigate regret in a way that ends strengthens us rather than burying us. And we explore principles and practices we can engage to deal not just with regret but pain in all of its manifestations. This, too, is part of what it takes to live a life of courage and hope.
In this episode, we explore how notions of personal freedom have changed over the last 400 years, post-Enlightenment, creating a new notion of the self and a rampant individualism across Western culture. This concept is key to understanding our cultural crisis of anxiety and polarization because our new notion of freedom and our new individualism fuels much of our contemporary anxiety and undermines moral discourse.
Progressives and conservatives mis-understand each other's morality, that much is clear. But what exactly do they misunderstand?
In this episode, we explore Jonathan Haidt and Craig Joseph's research into the 5 universal moral foundations (harm/care, fairness/reciprocity, authority/respect, in-group loyalty, and purity/sanctity) and the differences between the moral frameworks of progressives and conservatives. Progressives and conservatives relate to each of these 5 moral foundations differently because much of our contemporary cultural conflict traces back to these differences in moral outlook. If we understand that, we can start to live with more curiosity and a willingness to critique our own positions before attacking "the other side."
How do we understand the rise in anxiety, polarization, and division in the US? More to the point, how do we name it so that we can transcend it and live free of its dominance? In this episode, which launches a new series, I explore two of the dominant archetypal impulses in human nature: conservatism (the desire to keep the good that is) and progressivism (the desire to pursue the great that could be). And I explore how we might all edge away from the precipice and start living more balanced, sane lives.
There’s an ancient paradigm for how we build our character: our desire for change can be funneled into practices. Practices, consistently engaged, become our habits, our instinctual, reflexive ways of behaving in the world. Our habits, quite simply, become our character, who we become, for ourselves and for others.
It sounds simple, but it takes real work. Sometimes people get so caught up in "what they don't want" that they lose sight of pursuing "what they do want." In this episode we explore how we can make change sustainable in our lives by learning to state our vision in positive terms.
Every issue we face in life is, to some degree, a factor of how we think. Even how we frame issues, whether we see it as a problem or an opportunity, for example, is a function of how we think. Sometimes our problems really exist solely-or at least, primarily-in our own minds. We our are own jailers, and...we can be our own liberators.
Bottom line, if you change the way you think, you can change your life. And you can do it by practicing a 3-step change process.