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In this episode, I interview Irene who is currently studying and working out how to balance that with parenting her son and also being a carer for her elderly mother. She is living with the ever-present heaviness of grief after the loss of her husband and we talk about the sandwich generation, trying to prepare kids for the coming years, and single parenting.

The Lowdown

– Family of 3 – 1 parent studying part part-time – 1 child at school - 1 elderly parent

2:38 Sleep 3:30 Made a conscious effort to get better sleep 4:20 Trying to do too much after the kids have gone to bed vs. trying to get everything done during school hours 5:10 People with different rhythms living in the same house 5:38 Who are the people in your family 6:00 Mother and carer 6:24 Management of elderly mother as opposed to doing stuff for her 8:00 The Sandwich Generation 8:42 Quite a high level of sandwich with 3 generations living in the same home 9:40 Very big load being in the sandwich generation 9:44 Mother moving in added to the load but also had advantages for a single mother 10:14 8 am lectures on a school day 10:54 Another adult in the house who can provide child care, increasing adult interaction 11:24 Is extended family living in the same house a German thing? 12:30 Studying 12:46 Balancing study load, ability to still function OK, single parenting payment, university minimum requirements 14:00 Good balance about 12 hours on campus and 12 hours off campus 14:12 Feel like I need to put in extra hours compared to younger students 14:50 Very age diverse friendship group who are very caring 15:10 How to Uni hours and school hours line up? 15:24 Try to make it as 9-3 as I can but there are early and late lectures 15:50 Maximise every minute during school hours for off-campus work 16:00 Very little weekend study 16:40 The 2:30 lecture finishing time and school pickup 17:18 Parenting superpowers 17:20 Listening to my son 17:38 Children's behaviours related to children not feeling heard 18:06 Making children feel like they are being heard is harder with 3 kids because there are so many immovable elements 18:40 The only child who doesn't long for siblings 19:50 The superpower of independent play 20:00 The benefit of being a bit bored 20:48 The cardboard box is a great leveller 22:10 Husbands parenting superpower - patience! 22:26 Have less ability to be patient as a single parent living with a lot of pressure 24:34 Emotionally mature child, a big naturally and a bit due to circumstance 25:42 Growing up with responsibility 26:58 Can have responsibilities and still enjoy being a child 28:06 Using screen time differently - a shared activity instead of a distraction 28:50 Different daily rhythms between mother and son 29:52 Pushing out bedtime impacting on my time 30:24 How does that work with a teenager 30:58 Is the compliant child going to rebel more when they are a teenager? 31:54 Giving reasons behind the rules 32:40 Also need to be able to take things seriously even when there isn't a reason given 33:38 Peer pressure and teenagers 34:12 If it doesn't feel right don't do it 34:32 Mistakes are a part of learning 35:18 This time is a good playground for fleshing out learning about the peer pressure issues 36:26 Give them some tools now to use later when the stakes are higher 38:08 What works well 38:12 Routine and structure 40:30 All things hammock 41:20 Has to be between trees - NO STANDS 42:56 What are the downsides 43:10 No one of my generation in the house 43:40 Having to make every decision myself 43:50 Complex and difficult relationship with mother 44:10 Trying to please someone else 44:36 Children being proud of themselves not looking to make others proud 46:46 Having that self-confidence and not looking to peers and others for approval