It's Not That Deep: Recent Episodes
Adrienne Kirk and Lucy Woods
In each episode Adrienne Kirk, a Psychotherapist and Lucy Woods, a Mindfulness Specialist bring some lightness to often difficult subjects, helping to navigate through the messiness of life's challenges. With a real emphasis on how to move towards flourishing, It's Not That Deep, looks at what it really is to be human, and offers some tools and strategies that help to support our wellbeing.
Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we have the lovely Amy Viola as our guest as we discuss the impact our hormones can have on our life, and the lives of those around us.
Amy is a clinical hypnotherapist, mindset coach and PMD empowerment mentor helping high achievers slow down, find balance and align with their true purpose, desires and needs. She also has a special interest in premenstrual disorders such as PMDD and PME and she helps women all over the world empower themselves to take more control over the relationship they have with their symptoms and cycle rather than their symptoms taking control of them.
Amy can be found here:
website: www.amyviola.co.uk
Instagram: @amyviola.hypnocoach & @pmdbalancemovement
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we discuss what we mean by self-care, and how that differs from the nice, fluffy candles and baths stuff (which is also lovely!). When we talk about self-care we are talking about listening to our body, putting our anxiety and overwhelm to one side (gently!) and go and do something that will be nourishing for us.
The work is in working out whether what would be helpful is to push ourselves out, or to chuck the duvet over our head! If we can get out of our heads and into our bodies, we know which we need, on a system-level, rather than in a head-trying-to-keep-us-safe way. And we share our own experiences of this tussle!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode Lucy and Adrienne are delighted to welcome their first guest, Sarah Bolitho. Sarah helps people create active lives by providing information, inspiration and ideas that are enjoyable, and effective, and don't involve the gym! With over 30 years in the health-related fitness field, she has worked with a range of clients including people living with long-term conditions, disabilities and mental health issues, and those recovering from treatment for cancer.
She has helped design qualifications for fitness and health professionals and works with organisations committed to getting people more active and making activity inclusive and accessible.
Sarah shows people how they can improve their health by including activity in their daily life starting where they are and finding what they enjoy.
Follow Sarah's podcast, Creating Active Lives, and she can be contacted at admin@sarahbolitho.com.
Sarah's socials:
podcast: https://www.creatingactivelives.buzzsprout.com
FB: https://www.facebook.com/sarahlouisebolitho
Linkedin: https:www.linkedin.com/sarahbolitho/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/fabnewlous_active_lives
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss the feeling we all have sometimes of not really knowing how to be a ‘grown-up’, and the sense we have that other people don’t have that struggle. But we all do at times! How to be a parent, an employee, a human. Our brains like to make sense of the world, so we tend to think there is a ‘right way’ to do life and yet there isn’t. All we can do is the best we can with our available resources – physical, mental, psychological. And the work is to accept that is good enough!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Some people, (like us two!), are quite risk averse, but we are drawn to people who look like they are having more fun than us. If we want to be seen as fun, or popular, not to miss out then we can find ourselves doing things that we don’t feel comfortable with. If we aren’t aligned with our values then that really feels uncomfortable.
We can also find ourselves staying in contact with family members who are not good for us, who may be abusive. There can be lots of societal pressure on what it means to be a family, and that can make it really hard to put in boundaries that can support us.
The start point here might be to ‘zoom out’, to get some perspective on the impact of this relationship. This can help us to feel a sense of control, to be able to act in a way that is congruent with our needs, values and beliefs.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore that satisfaction is more about being content rather than trying to be happy all the time. As humans it’s hard for us to be OK with that – we seek out and crave the highs. Lots of what we learn from the world is that we ‘deserve’ a happily ever after’, however life is made up of all kinds of moments and ultimately ends for all of us with death! Often we have little control over how our life is, this is just how it is right now, and the work is to be OK, satisfied, with that. The things we think will satisfy us are usually external – shopping/drugs/food/etc. and these things are fleetingly pleasant at best. We discuss that satisfaction has to come from within, and how we can develop the skill of paying attention to the small things to support a feeling of satisfaction.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss how we can sometimes have a sense that we are about to be in trouble, without even knowing why. This can come from different sorts of parenting/authority figures and is a mechanism to keep us safe, it’s just a maladaptive one, and seems to come from a sense of loss of control. We are primed to get into a fluster, and then our inner critic can kick in and we start to catastrophise.
We discuss ways of managing this like noticing the sensations that arise in those moments (which is easier said than done) and then to ask ourselves whether it is true or not. ‘It’s probably ok, it usually is’ has become a bit of a mantra for us both, and something we share with our clients.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore that others don't view us the way we see ourselves. The fact that we change over time is one of life’s great certainties, so family may have a very different view of us than friends do, and older friends a different version to the friends we have met more recently. We show different parts of ourselves to different people in different situations and yet all those parts are parts of us.
This conversation got a little existential – is there even a ‘real me’?! We discussed the idea that we amplify different aspects of ourselves with different people, in different times. And even with ourself when we are on our own. It can really support us to know that we are ever-changing, that everything is in flux, that there are different parts to us that show up in different amounts in different situations. And that’s OK, as long as we are true to our values!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss how boundaries, rather than putting up walls between us, are in fact about connecting us to others. They are also needed for taking care of ourselves and teaching others how to treat us. There are several different sorts of boundaries and we explore what these are and how they might show up. We talk about how we can use these ideas to take a step back, not to retaliate and to consider whether this is a ‘me thing’ or a ‘them thing’!
We also compare how we use the idea of boundaries in our respective client-work, and indeed in our own lives!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore the tendency we have as humans to repeat mistakes. We often define ourselves through our behaviours – “This is what I always do...”, “I’m the sort of person who ...” and that can make it seem like we had no choice in those situations. For example, in relationships we can think it’s meant to be exciting – dating ‘bad boys’ rather than someone kind, reliable, or considerate.
We regularly do this when we are younger, and we discuss how this can become problematic if this continues to be our pattern into adulthood and old age.
Changing takes practice, it involves noticing when we are pulled into our old patterns, and stepping back from doing that. Believing we can change is hard – can I notice the behaviours and believe I CAN change? It’s a great feeling when we do!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss why we think we need to save things to use only for ‘good enough’ times. We explore the idea that we are denying ourselves the opportunity to wear or use our ‘best’ things, when we could use them whenever we want!
There’s a cultural norm about ‘keeping things for best’, which we maybe don’t really examine. We just do it because it’s what you do. What exactly are we saving things for – can today be a good enough occasion? And we do it with other things too – “when I retire I will ...”, but tomorrow is not guaranteed so perhaps we could do the things that bring us joy now.
Can we hold things more lightly, use them more frequently and ‘just’ for ourselves? Maybe set an intention to use and enjoy the things we currently save for best. We are worth it!!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We generally like to set goals, to have a list and then tick things off. In this episode we discuss that there is however, a difference between tasks that can be completed (work/shopping/diy/etc.) and the goals that we generally set ourselves – things like ‘getting fit’, losing weight, being ‘happy’ etc. These tend to be punitive and unattainable, or at least unsustainable goals.
Not only are they unattainable, they also tend to be things we don’t want to do – so why do we do them?! A New Year is a time of reflection, so maybe we can focus more on how we would like to show up in the world. And the things our future selves will be grateful for!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss that we are sold an idea that there is one ‘right’ way to do life; that good things happen to good people. That leads us to think that we have ‘failed’ somehow when things don't go well or according to plan. Culturally we are given messages about how we are meant to be and if we fall outside that we feel bad.
If we zoom out to get a broader perspective, we can see that there are any number of ways to live, be happy. Can we step back from the traditional beliefs about success and think about the values we would like to embody? We might be happier in ourselves if we can accept that stuff goes ‘wrong’ and we might be pushed onto a different path. Life just unfolds, there is no ‘one right way’ that we must adhere to. It might help us to have less of an attachment to all things, perhaps work out what are the important people or things – not to put everything on stuff that is out of our control.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss how we are primed to notice things in our peripheral vision, it’s an evolutionary thing, and now it’s hard for us to prioritise all the things we can see, or the thoughts that flit through our heads. There is a sense sometimes of having too many windows open in the browser in our head, so we don’t feel that we can get into a flow with the task at hand!
If we can’t decide what is most important, we find our attention getting pulled away, particularly by social media. Getting a message on our phone gives us a small dopamine hit, it makes us feel good! So we are pulled to check it and respond if necessary. It’s a visceral, bodily feeling that we can notice, and learn to be aware of it. The practice is to learn to notice where we put our attention, and therefore choices we are making; and then make an intentional choice of where we put our attention and be present in the moment.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we establish that there can be two types of "wanting to be perfect" one how we want others to see us, and the other how we feel about ourselves. There can be a striving to be the best version of ourselves, and judging when we have been a bit rubbish, as well as perfectionism about the outward version of ourselves. We compare a curated version of someone else with how we feel about ourselves, and we are unlikely to come out of that comparison well!
This podcast felt very personal for us both, we realised that we have a level of perfectionism that is linked to our anxiety and a desire to control our lives, the chaos outside seems to reflect the chaos or anxiety inside. We explored Adrienne’s desire to be ‘poised’ and realised this is her idea of what an easeful life would look like!
The work here is acceptance of how we are right now, to notice that we are good enough, as acceptance comes before we can decide which parts of ourselves we’d like to grow. It’s OK to embrace our imperfections and to accept ourselves!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss that ‘staying’ is both a physical thing –e.g. jobs, relationships etc and also we stay with behaviours that may have served us as children but aren’t useful any more as adults. These can be sedimented beliefs, things we can’t really see, and they can also be things we can see – if only I could change X I would be happier, for example. And this can be really uncomfortable especially if we can’t imagine what the change could be.
We explore the idea that there is not a fixed version of ourselves, we change over time, and with work and curiosity, we can allow ourselves to go with the changes rather than cling on to old, unhelpful strategies. The old ways may be familiar but can also be unsafe for us. What if the best happens with the change, what if it all works out?! Just because we feel the fear, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make the change.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This episode is quite a personal one for both of us! We talk here about being vulnerable, showing all of ourself to others. We discuss our early memories of feeling shame and the impact that has had on us. These experiences mean that we often feel that we are having to navigate rules that we don’t quite understand. And if we have a strong inner critic then that can feed into us feeling that we need to control what we show others; we ‘need’ to be on the look-out for any criticism. It can be difficult to voice an opinion in case it is ‘wrong’, particularly when the world feels so divided. We ponder that the work is to practice caring less what others might think of us! Along with acknowledging that it would be helpful to practice kindness and compassion for ourselves.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss why there is something comforting about the familiar, even if it makes us unhappy! So we fall into our familiar patterns because they are what we always do in stressful situations. These may well have been behaviours that kept us safe as a child, but they often don’t serve us as adults. So how can we catch ourselves doing these things, and practice doing something different? This is not easy work, of course.
The work is in learning to observe our thoughts without believing that our thoughts are us. We can have agency and choice over what we do if we can learn to observe our thoughts (with kindness) when we are starting to get overloaded with adrenalin and cortisol. With perspective we can start to recognise our feelings, and that allows us to ask the question ‘is this true?’. And then do something helpful like using our breathing to sooth our ‘old brains’ and allow our thinking brains to come back on-line.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we chat about how, when we feel insecure, we might lean on external things to create our sense of self. And if we do this, then the image we build up of our expectations of something can never live up to what we need it to be. Which is in turn upsetting for us. We can believe that everyone else has the same standards as us, but of course, everyone has had different experiences so that leads to having different values, standards, expectations.
We discuss that it can be much more helpful to see situations as moments, so we can have a difficult moment rather than the moment defining the whole day/weekend/holiday! It can be hard to cultivate this, though it is so rewarding to start to learn to catch how we are reacting, then consider what might be a more helpful response.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore how we can be defensive about our opinions, and how when we are young we aren’t able to see the long-term consequences of our decisions. We chat about our personal experiences as younger adults, and how sticky it can be for all of us at any age when we are given unsolicited advice!
We discuss how therapy and mindfulness can help to develop an awareness of what’s not working for us in terms of us repeating patterns that aren’t serving us. We can work on hearing advice – knowing that we can discard it if it doesn’t resonate for us. Can we hear the intention behind the advice that is being offered, no matter how clumsy the wording might be? And can we learn how to feel what might be a good decision, rather than just staying with the thoughts that can get in our way?
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This conversation focuses on both repairing relationships (romantic, friendships, family) that have broken down, and maintaining relationships where we feel that we always make the first move. We also talk about someone needing to make the first move to create and develop new relationships!
We often have a fear of rejection, so it takes courage to be the first one to reach out. There’s also a discomfort in putting ourselves in the position of reaching out first! This can feel like we are saying that maybe it was our fault which is particularly difficult if we really believe that it wasn’t!
One way of thinking about it might be to consider the consequences of not making the first move. If the relationship is NOT important to us, then perhaps it wouldn’t matter; but if there is a sense that we would regret the breakdown of the relationship then perhaps we need to find the courage to reach out first, and to explore what would happen if we don't make amends?
We like to feel happy, it feels great! And it’s much better than feeling unsafe, or sad or any of the unpleasant emotions. So we reach for a ‘quick fix’ of external objects to make us feel better, but that dopamine hit does not last long, so we keep reaching for the next thing.
How can we become more content on the inside? Because without that, no matter how many external things we get, no matter how much we run from the unpleasant feelings, we will still be unhappy. We need a friendly, accepting, caring relationship with ourselves.
We discuss how we can accept that happiness is fleeting; that there is a joy in calm, neutral states from which we can notice and be grateful for the small things that give us pleasure.
In this episode we explore why we tell lies. Generally we lie either to protect ourselves, or to protect others! But of course, there is lots of nuance within those positions. We discuss whether there is such a thing as a white lie, and whether they are ever ok.
Sometimes, might lying be a kindness? Or perhaps there is a pleasant way to express our truth – if the intention is good then perhaps it will land better with us?
The longer the discussion goes on, the more we realise in how many different ways we use the word ‘lie’! This was such an interesting conversation to have, and we ended up with the idea that the intention behind everything we say is the most important thing. And sometimes we could do with being more honest!
In this episode we explore the reasons why we might suppress our emotions; from those not wanting to express unpleasant emotions in public through to people who were taught in childhood that expressing emotions is dangerous.
We acknowledge the desire to put on a ‘brave face’, or the experience of boring ourselves with our low mood, so not wanting to put that on others. Can we learn to ask ourselves ‘is this an appropriate emotion?’ and then be able to honour and therefore process how we are feeling?
We explore gently pushing at our window of tolerance, learning who we can tell, who can tolerate our unpleasant feelings without wanting to fix us.
In this episode we discuss how, when we feel confronted, we can react and fight back. We discuss where this comes from, what’s happening in our brains, and how we may resort to a ‘tit for tat’ situation.
We reflect on the impact on us once we have calmed down, perhaps a feeling of shame or regret. And we discuss the impact of knee-jerk reactions on child-rearing!
We acknowledge the power of practicing pausing and responding, rather than reacting from a place of fear or fight. Learning how to bring our pre-frontal cortex on-line so that we don’t say things we will regret later.
In this episode we explore what we might mean by ‘fine’, if and when it’s appropriate or protective to say we are fine, even when we aren’t.
Sometimes though, we say ‘fine’ when we aren’t, because we have told ourselves a story about the consequences of telling our friends how we really are. This can mean that we may isolate ourselves; maybe though fear or shame. We can compare ourselves to others – their situation may look to us much worse than ours, so we don’t feel we deserve our feelings.
We discuss strategies to accept and allow the ‘not-fineness’ whilst maybe also allowing some ‘fine’ moments, and also how we might allow movement towards being ‘more fine’.
The human brain is amazing! It allows us to do something that no other mammal can do – we can time travel. We can reminisce about the past and we can plan and look forward to the future. However, there is also a less helpful consequence to this – we can beat ourselves up about things we did in the past, (something we have covered in previous podcasts) and we can catastrophise about the future. In this episode we explore our personal experiences of catastrophising. We also share some of the strategies and behaviours we have put in place to support ourselves in stepping away from the negative thoughts.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
There’s a societal lean towards prioritising our rational brains over our emotions, but is that always helpful? In this episode we explore what we know about the science around the role of the gut in emotions, how we might be able to notice what’s going on in our bodies, rather than just relying on our brains, and how we use our gut feelings in our work. When we have had a difficult start in life, it can be difficult to trust our guts, or even know how to engage with our gut feelings. This is not an either/or situation, so again we are discussing how we can be in the ‘messy middle’ of both sources of biological data.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss the feeling of unfairness if we let someone off the hook! If we forgive, does that mean we need to forget? And does that make us naïve? There is an ‘unsafe’ feeling when someone we thought we knew acts in a way we weren’t expecting. We may feel that it says something about us – that we are too vulnerable, something has been exposed and that can feel scary.
But, when we hold a grudge, does the other person even know they have wronged us, and that we are dwelling on the upset?! We can hold on to it because we don’t want to discuss it – mostly we do not like conflict.
So how can we deal with our feelings in a way that stops us from suffering with the grudge? We discuss strategies to help us let go, and move past to the end result we would like.
Most of us will have had the experience of feeling offended by something someone says about us. There is a difference between a personal comment, and a difference of opinion. When our opinions are challenged, we can think that we are personally being attacked – that our opinions ARE us. We explore how true this is, and discuss the idea that we grow and change our ideas over time.
Should we be so thin-skinned that someone else’s different view to mine is intolerable? How can we stretch our comfort zone of being with difference? Living in silos, with no difference of opinion, means that we end up being pushed further away from anything that might feel challenging. We discuss how to become more curious about difference rather than threatened by it. And even change our opinions over time!
In this episode we discuss why we often don’t feel comfortable in our own skins, and how we look at others and wish we were more like them. Why is it we want to be different from how we are? We ponder how we can become more comfortable, to show kindness to ourselves whilst encouraging ourselves to push at our window of tolerance.
As always, we offer some strategies to accepting ourselves and allowing growth. We need to notice when our inner critic is present, and be able to catch the stories we tell about ourselves. Can we accept that rather than others judging us, they are probably feeling just the same as we are – and judging themselves too!
Our thoughts can feel like they are part of us, that they are fixed and unchangeable. We explore where ‘thinking’ happens in the brain, and when in evolutionary terms thinking – the ability to ‘time-travel’ in thoughts started. This ability can, and is, a great benefit to us; AND it can also cause us problems!
In the past, we have both been experts at worrying, catastrophising about potential problems! And we have both spent a lot of time working at being able to catch the pattern, and interrupt it happening. We explore the negativity bias and ways to overcome it. We discuss strategies to learn how to stop believing all our thoughts, to step away from thinking they say something about ourselves, and the barriers to sometimes being able to do so.
Why do we feel guilt?
Most of us experience guilt at some point. In this episode we begin with discussing why we would need guilt as a useful human tool – given how unpleasant it feels. It is a process that helps us to stay part of a group, it’s entirely about relationships and the way we relate to others, and historically that helped to keep us safe.
Our childhood patterns mean that we are more or less disposed to assume things are our fault, and that leads us to feel guilt. However, we can learn to challenge these sedimented beliefs, to examine the stories we are telling ourselves and to stay with the facts as we know them. It’s uncomfortable, but can we learn to live with the uncertainty – at least until we can check out the facts?!
This is something that feels very familiar to both of us, and we suspect, many other people too! It can be driven by not feeling good enough, which then drives us to strive to be ‘perfect’. We discuss where that comes from in an evolutionary sense, that generalisation of needing to be safe in the group – and how those are now distorted into self-limiting beliefs.
We think about how much of that switch from spotting danger into spotting negatives comes from societal norms, and we can see that through history as well as things like playground hierarchy.
As always, we offer some ways of being kinder to ourselves, to challenge those limiting beliefs and to move towards a more compassionate way of being. Just because we think something, that doesn’t make it true!
In this episode we discuss how our loved ones don't always get the best version of us?’
This is something we probably all recognise at times! We perhaps make more of an effort with work-colleagues and friends than we do with those at home. Is there something about it being more comfortable – perhaps we can relax and ask for our own needs to be met at home in a way we can’t in the outside world? There is, after all, a freedom in being able to be ourselves without feeling that we might be judged.
We muse on how this shows up in our own lives, and also explore the idea of ‘silent seething’ – our expectations that those who matter most to us ‘ought’ to know what we are thinking and what we need.
Additionally, Adrienne offers some suggestions from her work with couples that might help with showing attention to our most important relationships. We discuss how giving our loved ones our full attention can strengthen our relationships and make them more easeful.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we discuss how nervousness is a way to keep us connected to the group, and this is an evolutionary mechanism (of course!). It’s separate from a survival fear, though related to it.
We explore how this may show up in our modern worlds, and how it can be a useful way of being able to focus on a task, and how this might be organised in the brain.
We turn to what we might be able to do to support ourselves when we get nervous, how to separate the story we are telling ourselves versus the evidence. How might we, as best we can, prepare for this situation? It’s also helpful to recognise when we are getting nervous – what are our physical responses to it? Can we develop an ease, an acceptance of the possibility that nervousness is here, and that we do have some control?
This episode focusses on goals and achievements – most of us love a list! Completing tasks can feel great; and sometimes it can be overwhelming. We split apart different types of goals – those that are tangible and those that are intangible. The intangible ones may be things that society tells us we ‘ought’ to have achieved by a certain age or stage of life. Tangible ones give us a purpose, they are the things that get us up in the morning.
We also explore how the fixed ways we see the world, schemas or sedimented beliefs, inform how we engage with our lives. And not in a helpful way! Can we move away from an ‘either or’ approach to life and find the middle way. A steady way that still isn’t boring. Can we explore where the motivation for goal-setting comes from – what’s driving it (threat, drive, or soothing system)?
We end as usual by offering ways to help ourselves; rather than punish ourselves, how can we nourish or be kind to ourselves.
In this episode we explore where embarrassment comes from (spoiler alert, it has an evolutionary advantage!), it comes from a sense of wanting to belong, be part of the group. And this is where our safety comes from.
But, if as a child we had inconsistent parenting then we can internalise shame and that can lead to limiting behaviours as an adult, such as not wanting to be seen or getting embarrassed in public.
We talk about the physiological impact of feeling embarrassment and shame, and how we might manage those physical sensations by accepting them rather than pushing them away.
We think about the impact of social media on our feelings of shame, when we have phrased things in a clumsy way. But we are humans and we can’t get everything right all the time. We discuss how we might show ourselves compassion and acceptance that we can’t get everything right all the time.
In this episode we discuss feelings of not being good enough, and those times when we might self-sabotage in order to save ourselves from ‘failure’ – a sense of saving face. This can often come from a lack of self-belief. And that can lead to self-limiting beliefs about who we are as a person.
We relate this to our own experiences of relationships, and explore how our ‘blueprint’ of relationships – the ones we see in early life – have a deep impact on how we see ourselves in our adult relationships.
We offer strategies to ‘zoom out’ and be an observer of our own lives in order to recognise our patterns of behaviour, in order to be able to respond differently. How can we allow ourselves to think – what’s the worst that could happen? Accepting that good enough, rather than perfection, is generally good enough. And often that’s not that big a deal – it’s not that deep!
In this episode, we discuss why we might agree to do things even when we don't want to. Perhaps it's so that we are seen as a ‘nice’ person, helpful and considerate, but this can also lead us to feeling unseen and overwhelmed. Our exploration of overwhelm leads us to a discussion about self-care and how we can hold our boundaries.
How can we find a balance between doing the things and taking care of ourselves, so that we can do some of the things we are being asked to do. It’s not generally all or nothing!
Often the root of this can be traced back to childhood, patterns of behaviour that keep us safe as children. But these behaviours may not serve us well as adults and so exploring those patterns can be really helpful. Along with stepping away from feeling responsible for the way other people think or feel. Can we use the regret to consider how we might do things differently in the future? And this is the work, it’s a hard thing to do to reframe the situation!
In this episode we discuss that being busy has become a badge of honour, even though as humans we need down-time. We explore the 3 main reasons we feel the need to stay busy and the physiological impact on us for remaining busy. We share experiences from our own lives and importantly we discuss what we can do to break the patterns of ‘doing’ all the time, including setting boundaries, recognising when we need to pause and giving ourselves permission to stop.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's not just vanity. It's a hard-wired, and an evolutionary urge linked to reproduction and the continuation of the species. The ‘need’ to be perfect has now become linked to social media and filters. We need to have enough self-respect to take care of ourselves, without tipping over into focusing only on our appearance. We discuss whether it is a search for happiness that makes us think that if I look a certain way then I will be happier. Is it possible to learn to be OK with who we are? To develop a sense of contentment with ourself? We discuss ways we can find contentment and ease with our life so that we step away from focusing on our outward appearance and think about the values we want to live by.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss why it is we don’t like change, and the fact that this is driven by evolution – we like predictability as it feels safe. There is a discomfort when we are confronted by change AND we actually encounter change all the time, from small things (people being late to meet us) to really big things (being made redundant or a relationship ending). We get through those changes, even the really unpleasant ones. So what is that capacity? We explore strategies to manage our discomfort, to develop some ease and acceptance of change, and to step away from telling negative stories and catastrophising. We discuss the ways we move towards bearing what initially feels unbearable.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore why we might have low self-esteem or a low opinion of ourselves. This is something that comes up a lot for both of us in our client-work and even in ourselves at times. We discuss how we develop a low opinion of ourselves, the impact this might have on our lives, and how we might overcome it. We muse on how we might step away from comparing ourselves to some sort of ideal version of how we ‘ought’ to be, and how we can step away from the negative stories we tell ourselves.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore how overthinking things leads to stress and causes us a lot of unhappiness and potentially leads to physical problems too. It is a protection mechanism to plan for possible problems but of course we cannot control the future and worrying about it can be really unhelpful. We explore the reasons why we do it and offer some advice and strategies for helping ourselves.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we reflect on how differently everyone processes grief, the different emotions that the Queen's passing has brought up and how there is no right way we are supposed to feel. Ultimately, can we be tolerant, understanding and kind towards each other however we are feeling or responding.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we talk about discomfort and why our strategies of avoidance don’t work and can be destructive. Pushing away our unpleasant feelings gives them power over us, it’s a form of bullying ourselves, which then creates a stress response. We discuss ways of being with discomfort, learning to recognise and not try to ‘fix it’.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we discuss why it is we often feel it necessary to prove we were right, even in those situations where there is no right and wrong; just different ways of seeing the same thing. How might we bring some compassion to our conversations and disagreements with others, and always remembering that we bring our subjective experiences to situations. We discuss what might we do differently and how we can find more compromise in difficult situations.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we prioritise thinking about ourselves, why is it so hard to do and what does it even mean to prioritise ourselves? What about others? If we prioritise ourselves does that mean we are being selfish? Spoiler alert – it doesn’t! Importantly, we offer strategies to prioritise ourselves and discuss how this helps us to consider and support others.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we explore procrastination, why we do it and why we put ourselves under pressure not just in work-based tasks but in decision making in general. Why do we feel stuck; paralysed with indecision? And what does ‘the right decision’ even look like?! We discuss strategies and suggestions for overcoming the desire to put off making decisions and for loosening the grip of analysis paralysis!
Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life
In this episode we dive straight into why all humans react and get stressed. What is actually happening in the body and why do we overreact to things that aren't actually that "deep"? Importantly, we discuss what we can do to help ourselves when it happens.
Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life
Why the name? What's it all about? This short trailer will answer those questions and give more insight into what to expect - welcome to It's not that deep with Adrienne Kirk, Psychotherapist and Lucy Woods, Mindfulness Specialist
Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life