What's The Matter With...?: Recent Episodes
Eddy
Welcome to What's The Matter With...? We scour the web to find the best funny or weird news stories. We read them to each other, unrehearsed. New episodes every Friday. With Eddy Vegas and Warden Of Chaos.
We are taking a short(ish) break from the pod. Both I and Warden of Chaos are going through some big life changes, and it just so happens we are going through them at exactly the same time. So we're taking a break until both our lives become a bit more stable. As far as a timeframe goes, we're looking at restarting near the beginning of April, if all goes well.
in the meantime, I will be remixing some old episodes and reposting them every Friday. They will clearly be marked RERUN in the pod description. When we return, we will definitely let you know. We'll see you in about a month!
We ran out of time this month so here's a quicky:
- God that was a shitty review!
- Warden thinks you should walk for 20 minutes a day.
- Eddy does a shallow dive into the rise of sports betting.
- You know how you have to erase your browser history sometimes? You have to do that with your car, too.
- Sperm donation is all the rage in China, thanks to a nifty contraption that resembles a vagina in a large parking meter.
- More self-help from Warden! Swimming is apparently good for you, but Eddy discovers you actually have to swim to get the benefit
See you next week!
Back to the usual silliness. At least I am. Warden wants to save the world this ep.
- His triple Venti at Starbucks cost him over 44k. Man their prices have shot up.
- Warden tells me I will never try cold water therapy. Too much of a pussy I guess.
- 15 minutes smoking a joint could save you 15% on your car insurance. Talk to Jake from State Farm, he seems cool.
- Why are superhero films so big right now? Beats the hell outta Eddy.
- I'd walk a mile to avoid a camel. Two, even.
- Warden continues to ruin my life, now with intermittent fasting.
- What's the matter with boredom? I'd tell you, but I'd find it boring.
- Warden says cheap dates are on the rise, so I asked her out to McDonalds.
Something a little different this week. After you've listened to the pod, you can play the game along with us, at home. Go to https://direkris.itch.io/you-are-jeff-bezos
- 6 months an invalid. But he can now look a woman in the eye without looking up.
- Stupid people more dangerous than evil people? Eddy investigates.
- Sex with a tailpipe.
- And Warden plays 'Being Jeff Bezos'. The game: https://direkris.itch.io/you-are-jeff-bezos
Thanks for listening!
Heyyo!
- I'd walk 500 meters for a beer in India.
- The French have got that rubber thing down.
- We get the first message from a galaxy 900 billion light years away!
- Neither of us can figure out why people do this.
- Breaking from Axios! People hate their fucking jobs!
- January 6 rioter gets THE CHARGES.
- This fucking guy wants to annex Canada?
- And the White House unveils new plan to put the back of the label on the front.
See you next week!
- Instant karma gonna get you for setting fire to a public place.
- This goldfish wants to "catch 'em all", including the owner's bank account.
- Dance like no one's watching in Sweden, especially the police.
- $100K to buy my kid? You drive a hard bargain, mister.
- There's a LOT the matter with the National Restaurant Association.
- Warden's deep dive into people who suck their thumbs.
- Black Winesap, Candy Stripe, Royal Lemon, and Rabun Bald?
- And this North Korean custom will make your teeth fall out.
Warden tells me we will be back next week!
WE'RE BACK! Apologies for missing last week.
- Eddy revisits the story about a sculpture that burns clothing and accepts text messages?
- Slimebag pockets cash on the backs of old people.
- Try taking a bus to get to your stolen vehicle trial next time.
- Eddy tries to cut Warden's story about sex short, but she persisted.
- Your stressful job and broken marriage just aren't cutting it, heart attack-wise.
- Musk's Twitter takeover is making Teslas more affordable? And Warden learns on-air about kilometers and miles.
- Elevators of the future will get rid of all that tiring button pushing.
- And Eddy goes home with a year's supply of dog food after Warden's boomer test.
See you next week!
We're back! with more stories. A night of terror (for Warden) on this Florida Ferris wheel. Eddy thinks high fives are stolen valor. He investigates. These 2 drug dealers had the brilliant idea of calling 911. Hey! Your pickleball landed in my kale salad! Liberate the South Korean sex dolls! Can politics kill you? The answer may surprise you! And a nostalgic look back at the craziest headlines of 2022. See you next week!
We're taking 2 weeks off for Xmas and will return Jan. 6. Happy Holidays! This week: Warden regales us with weird Xmas facts. All I want for Xmas is some cadmium and lead. Squirrel takes up abode in Xmas tree, and a middle class household leaps into action. Quantum computing poses a real threat to my Steam account, not to mention the global financial system and the launch codes. Hey, there's a game on! I can't fold t-shirts right now! Eddy hates ads, and he really hates ads in the sky. Nothing the matter with Canada's effort to reduce plastic waste. Finally, we ping pong a touching Xmas story of redemption. See you in 2023!
This week: Your dog could sit atop the whack-a-mole leaderboard! You'll need a lot of peanut butter though. We search and we search, but the real missing persons were the ones we met along the way. Eddy's Sport Report concerns the 1930 World Cup. We are both happy this asshole's house got destroyed in a natural disaster. These kids today are spoiled rotten, and have been throughout history. 'Penis potholes' cause major 'erections'. Finally, we discuss the rise of 'Karens' in society with this story of one woman's struggle to let her kids play outside. Just 8 shopping days till Christmas!
We start with the latest sportsball news, then: Here's a real life Angry Birds game. Where it's the birds who die. Warden dips into the world record books and defines what a 'keepy uppy' is. I've got 250 grams of magic and perfection, baby. Warden really hopes this happens on her deathbed. This ATM does not keep your bank balance particularly secure. Nothing the matter with this charity helping women on college campuses who face health challenges. And your right to not have fun could be worth more than 460,000 euros! Thanks for listening!
A potpourri of craziness this week! This election was decided by two pieces of paper. This Massachusetts town is a victim of "fowl" play. The in flight service was somewhat below par in this survival story. Eddy felt inadequate listening to Warden's story about beards. (I have 7 hairs growing out of my left cheek and 9 on my right.) Man crosses several borders illegally to see his girlfriend, but all he really needed was a phone call. Warden tells us about a chicken with a weird diet. Ever wonder why Snickers bars get smaller and smaller? We've got you covered. Finally, $15,000,000 for a skull? We report, you decide. More coming next week!
Back to the silly stories this week: Eddy finally has a chance to tell his really bad Star Wars joke. A 6 day old weather report from Warden. One woman's fight to ban Halloween decorations because she couldn't figure out how to use the toilet. This man finally gets even with his high school bully, live, on radio. He fixed his internet. It only cost him $10,000. E-sports will need a big spreadsheet to keep track of its new income, according to this Warden story. This nurse wanted to take a foot home with her. It will make sense later. Finally, you'll need to keep a tight asshole before listening to this final Warden classic. See you next week!
Once again, the best parts are the parts we don't record. Trust us. This week: Gotta catch 'em all, especially the crazed ones driving lawnmowers. Pay around 1 million and get 200 million in medical debt relief? Nothing the matter with that! Warden gives us a sportsball report on all of the players that are 'out with a knee'. Speaking of sports, radio announcing can sometimes be a messy affair. Apparently, all that acid I did in college can be good for you, according to Warden. And I've decided to become George Clooney. It will cost me 8 bucks. See you next week!
More weird scenes from inside the gold mine: Nothing the matter with Warden's story about a cure for AIDS. What do Instagram, 'JPEG collector' t-shirts, and Cryptopunks have in common? Eddy explains. Darling, I bought you this pearl necklace! Eddy's story about loneliness provokes some self reflection. Another 'breasts are a weapon' story, but this one is true! If you're drinking a glass of tap water, put it down for this next story. Finally, this guy has 530 different pickup lines he could use in a bar. See you next week!
This week: Hey, I put 'End Racism' on my helmet! What more ya want? Hopefully, this is our last Kanye story, although it does have some 'goodwill' in it. This is no fish story, these 2 guys caught a whopper, and this time, it wasn't the one that got away. Florida is a never ending fountain of stories, but Warden gives us a twofer here. All will become clear at the end. One woman's quest to never make a decision, ever again. That is, without getting married. And it's on Onlyfans. If you get butthurt by this next story, well, you're not the only one. For just $75 you too can take your dog to a restaurant. Your dog will eat. You will just sit there. And Warden steals the show with her amazing Florida twofer. It doesn't need a tease, but I will say a naked chick is involved. See you next week!
Season 2 starts with a bang! Warden explains what's the matter with boobs. I claim the source of that information is suspect. A surprise at the end! You can now buy an NFT of a film. No I'm not joking. I wish I was. When listening to Warden's next story, just remember, these are grown men and women dressing up like this. With jobs, and everything. Hey! I was taking a crap in this 700 year old toilet! We put to bed the notion that baby wipes cause cancer (I made that up), but they CAN contain unusual substances. Finally, Eddy ruins everything by talking about Texas and their restrictive abortion laws. Coming in on a wing and a prayer next week!
We are taking a 1 week break to prepare for Season 2 and deal with real life. Back in 2 weeks! This week: An astounding number of bad things caused by jazz music. Deadly pythons in his pants? Another snake story by Warden, who seems to have issues. The crypto got stolen, but it didn't get stolen. Another crypto story by Eddy, who seems to have issues. You've been admitted to law school! Oops, my bad,, in fact you're not. That shrimp buffet might take your finger clean off! Kanye is insane, part 6322. Do you not agree to not accept these un-allowed cookies? One man's battle to get rid of those popups for good. And watch out for Bigfoot in Pennsylvania, apparently. See you in 2 weeks!
We are still not sponsored by Simply Safe! In this episode: Battle to the death between two Easter bunnies. The do's and dont's of how to report a black bear sighting. The end of Paris Metro tickets leads to a discussion of crutch quality. We both agree, we're not putting bug juice on our faces. This is a stickup! Give me all my money! If online gaming sucks so bad, why do we do it? You can make big bucks cyberstalking people online, but you'll also have to go to jail for 5 years. And this guy hid 60 motherfuckin' snakes in his motherfuckin' luggage. Please leave a review if you can, thanks!
This week: It's not that easy to put mustard on it. A story about Shakira's hips you won't want to miss. Part 2 of Eddy's deep dive into the billionaire preppers and their apocalypse beaters. Oops! That wasn't a wolf I shot! Now, how can I bullshit my way out of this? This Texas doctor (yes I said doctor) has some interesting theories about the COVID virus and 'maybe 5G'. Doing this will definitely get you thrown out of Walmart. And this guy bombs his own mansion, but it's for a good cause. See you next week!
This week: You have no longer heard crickets about eating crickets. Be on the lookout for the "Mad Pooper". 10 things you didn't know about sea otters, and yes, that's the story. Eddy does part 1 of his 2 part deep dive into billionaires and "THE EVENT". This famous guy is starting a school, and he seems uniquely unqualified. I swear, The Youth Of Today™ and their smartphones. Shakes head sadly. C'mon back. C'mon back. Now cut her, cut her hard, if you want that Guinness world record. And a semi blows its load on a major artery. See you next week!
We've got some great content for you this week! Discover the wrong way to get rescued by a Blackhawk helicopter. Canada drinking less? I don't think so, eh? Big supply of marmalade sandwiches at the Queen's funeral! Row, row, row your 846 pound pumpkin gently down the stream. There's nothing the matter with Seattle, stepping up to help pregnant women. This restaurant's menu is the summit of bad taste. Forget DWI! Now we have SWD, Sleeping While Driving! And a Lightning Round of the worst financial mistakes in history! See you next week!
In this week's episode: Big Strong Russian Soldier. No, seriously. Something good happened to the planet! Investigative Report! We follow up on the Bratwurst's Queen's struggle to regain her throne! It's a story about fan blades and tongues, that's all I can say. Huge 10.5M crypto windfall! But there's a slight catch... DON'T MESS WITH THE GATORS! I give Lakewood, New Jersey, some bad publicity. And why wait to celebrate the end of your DUI conviction? We will see you next week!
Episode 6 already! On today's pod: So, he's Elon's 4th cousin thrice removed? FREEZE! Drop that library book and put your hands in the air! This one's got charges out the ying-yang. Eddy explains crypto, a thing he knows nothing about, to Warden. 60 hours? Pffft. I could do that laying down. I'll take a double shot of clean water, if you have any. Lions and tigers and bears, oh dear! And our Investigative report: Bratwurst Queen Deposed! Let's rock!
Hey, we're getting the hang of this. This week, Eddy celebrates FLORIDA WEEK! Jacksonville woman charged with multiple fuckups. How to shoot your balls off frog gigging. When you own an $8 million private island, you don't need to do what this guy did. Breaking News: Big carnival loser finally gets his kewpie doll. True Detective: who dumped 500 pounds of shit on the road? How far can a penguin shoot his poop? The answer may surprise you! A county commissioner must wear many hats. Finally, just give me the money for this Rolex I want and shut up. We hope you enjoy this, our 5th episode!
The team is back together for ep. 4, thank god. There's several thousand snakes in this motherfuckin' Everglades! Step right up, and lose your life's savings. This one company has definitely caught all the Pokemon. I have a cheese string for sale, but don't lowball me. OK Eddy, what IS the matter with airplane parts. Red Bull gives you wings straight to a jail cell. Why it's a bad idea to room with someone who drinks his own pee. Yet another dramatic getaway, this time with a golf cart. On I-95. All this and more in this, our 4th episode!
Warden Of Chaos is ill this week, so I'm taking over the reins for this pod. This week: The women of Ukraine are up against some stiff resistance as they encourage their boys to stand erect and fight. Eddy can think of a better way to spend $100 million dollars. No, it doesn't involve a tax writeoff. That Sand Trap On The 16th Is Worth Its Weight In Gold. Finally, we can't live like this. We just can't. All this and more in this week's pod!
There's a motherfuckin' snake head on this motherfuckin' plane! Best hotdog: frozen or cooked? The answer may surprise you! One man's quest to always wear new socks. Eddy totally misunderstands his story, but has strong opinions about it anyway. These kids of today, too lazy to walk anywhere. The absolute best place to hide your pot plants. How much would you pay for an authentic Disney statue of R2-D2? And why one should fence a Chick-Fil-A sandwich. All this and more in this, our 2nd episode! With Eddy Vegas and Warden Of Chaos.
Why a fast lawn mower is preferable. How much mayo is too much mayo? Unfortunately, it was way too much. How to calm a 'baying mob'. (Hint: It's not by giving them the finger.) What can you do with a diaper box? The answer may surprise you! Peanut pushers and why they're like some NFL fans. And the RCMP with some sage advice. That is, unless you need your house cleaned. All this and more in our first episode of What's The Matter With...? Real funny or weird news stories, read to each other, unrehearsed. New episodes every Friday.