Becoming You - SoundSage

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When your child says that they don't want to go to school and they're making your life difficult, they're not giving you a hard time. They are having a hard time and they need you.

Whether your child has always had a difficult time with school or is suddenly experiencing anxiety about going, exploring the deeper reasons behind the resistance is the first step to and finding beneficial solutions for everyone involved.

This is such a challenge in the moment to validate their feelings when you are heading out the door and they put on the brakes!

No matter what it is, whatever your child is going through, it's valid. Just because you might not see it as a big problem does not mean that it's not a big problem for your child.

As hard as it is, we have to believe them and take them at their word instead of negating their experience.

Once you connect with your child and hear them, I have some real strategies on what you can do to help your child navigate their reluctance. I hope this helps you put together a plan on how you're going to tackle it with your own child based on their personality and the context of your life.

My upcoming workshop is September 17th at 12pm EST - it's going to be designed to help you become the parent that you desire to be without all the conflict and the second guessing that you feel. Sign up here. -

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/groundedparentworkshopseptember23

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I talk about our children's feelings, and how we work through connecting with them when they are in moments of stress and disregulation, but how do we learn to emotionally regulate ourselves? How do we stay calm when we are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, irritated or sad, with our own troubles or with our children's conflicts and problems?

The steps to regulation seem simple, but they aren't always easy when we are in a place of disregulation. Our timelines to work through our feelings all look different and that's absolutely okay, and is part of our process to truly connect with and process our emotions.

This episode gives you actionable steps you can do right at the time of triggering feelings, but also looks ahead to how you can care for yourself to be in a better state of emotional regulation as a baseline. The more we nourish ourselves, the safer it becomes for emotional regulation. Your child needs you to regulate yourself so that they can then find their center and calmness.

My upcoming workshop is September 17th at 2pm EST - it's going to be designed to help you become the parent that you desire to be without all the conflict and the second guessing that you feel. Mark the time on your calendar and the link will be coming your way soon!

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This week I am bringing to you an episode where I was interviewed by another amazing podcast host, John Wang on his show - Big Asian Energy. He is an educator, speaker, a certified coach who specializes in working with Asian Americans on inner work, mindset and their communication skills.

We unpacked how Asian culture makes us believe that our worth is solely tied to our achievements and productivity and seeking approval from our family and superiors. We start to believe that our value is measured through external validation and what others think of us.

Then this belief system leads to self doubt and a disconnection from our true selves. We did a dive deep into inner child work, the emotional wounds that we incur as children and how breathwork can really free us of this experience and the narratives we tell ourselves that we can step into our truest, biggest versions of ourselves.

So listen to this week's powerful episode and enjoy.

Find John here -

https://www.instagram.com/johnwangofficial/

https://www.bigasianenergy.co/

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A lot of us make the mistake that happiness is when there are no problems in life. I know I certainly used to fall into that bucket, and I believed I would be happy when all my problems disparaged and I had everything I desired.

But re-framing happiness to be more than just a destination, we see that happiness visits us quite often in life.

If you want to be happy, it's about focusing on building many, many, many moments of joy and cultivating a positive mindset - not just positive thoughts. but an overall positive mindset where you feel like life is working out for you - you believe that the challenges that you face in life are there to serve you.

If we believe that the challenges and the setbacks we have in life are out to get us, then we are forever going to be struggling in life.

I believe I definitely am building my children up to be overall happier in life. My parenting has changed, and I have changed, and cultivating happiness is a tremendous part of this process. You can integrate one or two of these ideas and it's going to help not only you, but your kids as well, and create an overall incredible environment for them to be happy.

Don't do all 10 all at once - but let me know which one you picked to focus on.

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How do I become a more conscious, present and patient parent?

I often get asked these questions on my consult calls - These are fully booked for the rest of the month but I do have space in September.

Parents always want to know, how do I become more patient? How do I be more present with my children?

This podcast is one from the archives - I recorded it the first year I had started the show.|

Being a conscious parent has always been an important focus for my clients and for myself, and over two years later, our children may be a little older, but this advice still rings true.

Our relationship with our children, starts with our relationship with ourselves, and this episode is a fantastic reminder.

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This fantastic discussion came up during a connection call with a potential client - she mentioned that she had been using consequences with her child without much success, and by the end of the call she wanted to know what she could do instead.

From my personal experience, I found that consequences stopped working as well as my children grew. Consequences did work, they had an immediate reaction and corrected the behaviour, but at what cost?

They often leaves your child feeling ashamed and really angry and disconnected from you - when often the behavior that you're trying to correct and the discipline you're trying to instill is a cry for connection and attention. For a child looking for connection, consequences push them even further away, exactly what we don't want do!

I have 10 suggestions for other ways you can correct unwanted behaviours - we want to use consequences as our very last resort and there are a lot of options for other ways to help our child understand what behaviour we are looking for.

Which of these methods will you use the next time you usually would have given out consequence? I would love for you to share with me by leaving a review of the show.if this was helpful

Do you need help and support to stop using consequences with your children? I am inviting you to book a call a free 1:1 call with me right now.

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I hope for you to use this podcast episode as a way to bring awareness to your parenting patterns and know that you can absolutely change any of the ways your childhood trauma might be showing up in your parenting.

When I first started my healing journey, I didn't think I had that much trauma in my childhood and many people say the same thing.

We are incredibly unaware of how we carry micro and macro trauma, which affects everything we do in life, until you actively work on healing those things so that they no longer run us.

Some of these examples may hit a nerve and be hard to hear - but I want you to know that you can change and absolutely repair any and all damage - you're not a lost cause and neither is your family.

You have so much power to change your story and the future of your family. But it always starts with you.

Do you need help and support doing this healing work - so your can kids can feel like you are their safe haven? This is the transformation I provide my clients and I am inviting you to book a call a free 1:1 call with me right now.

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This week, I enjoyed taking my oldest son out for dinner, the bookstore, and a movie. My husband and I have been intentional about creating 1:1 time with each child, it's a great way to form connections and really just make them feel really special. As we shopped, my son told me about so many of the books he had read, and about the plots, it was just so cool to speak to him on that level.

It was interesting taking a 13-year-old boy to see Barbie, he had picked it, and I didn't quite know what I was walking into, unlike a lot of other movie trailers, it gave nothing away other than the fact that it was about Barbie.

This whole episode is about what I took away from the Barbie movie. So, just a heads up, there are going to be spoilers. So, if you plan on watching it and don't want any spoilers, then come back to it after you've seen the movie!

I was really happy that I was able to take my teen boy to see this, even though a lot of the topics might have gone over his head. I was so proud that I took him so that he could be exposed to the very real problems that women face in this world - the inequalities, the fears that we face on a daily basis that men don't have to, the pressures that we carry. He got an introduction to that, and we talked about it afterward.

And it is my job to curate and expose him to as many different ideas as possible and help him to critically think about things. Now, I don't know that I'm doing a fabulous job of this, but I'm doing it messily. I'm doing it imperfectly, right? And I'm doing it very differently from what my parents did.

I would love to hear from you if you watched the Barbie movie and what you thought about it!

I want to invite you to book a call a free one-on-one call with me right now. I promise you at the end of this call is that you're going to walk away with a three-step action plan on getting some changes and wins in your relationship and dynamics with your children right away.

https://calendly.com/visashan/grounded-parent-call

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This week, my guest Lisa Thee has an inspiring story to share about her career, its evolution in a much more fulfilling direction, and breathwork's support in her life. As a busy executive, her health and wellbeing were suffering, and although she was a little skeptical of breathwork, she has found it a tremendously helpful tool for her wellness. Her career now combines AI and online child safety online and her new book is coming out, Go!: Reboot Your Career in 90 Days - and I know her actionable and real steps will help so many who have felt unfulfilled in their career.

LIsa is a Top 50 Global Thought Leader for AI, Privacy, and Safety with demonstrated experience in delivering revenue and solving complex business technology, governance, privacy and risk challenges at scale.

Connect with Lisa:

Connect with Lisa here -

www.lisathee.com

www.lisathee.com/go

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This week I had the pleasure of being a guest on my friend, Melissa Eich's podcast. She is a health coach and nutritionist, health coach and we just had a blast having a conversation around how when you're stressed as a parent, it actually shows up in your inability to get healthy, whatever your health goals might be.

Melissa did a fantastic job of asking the best questions, and I really hope you enjoy this conversation all about how parenting can become really stressful and get in the way of us becoming our best selves.

I share some really great tips on how to reframe your mindset when it comes to parenting and how to think differently about your child or children so that you can have a more peaceful home while also taking really good care of yourself.

Connect with Melissa -

IG: @melissa_eich

TikTok: @melissa_eich

Website: www.melissaeichcoaching.com

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I'm moving away from the term gentle parenting and using the terms conscious parenting or grounded parent.

The word can put people off, because they might have certain not-so-helpful connotations attached to the word gentle. This all comes back to our own mindset - words have stories and deeper meanings and stories associated with them. The belief in what gentle means and if we can embody that meaning is just putting too high of expectations on people who are new to thinking about being a different parent.

No one is a perfect parent. Being a conscious parent means you are aware of your emotions, rather than accepting the default of being only gentle, and the more we work on ourselves, the better version of us shows up for our children, and ourselves.

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This week's guest is a friend and past client, Ami Doshi, a busy mother of two teens, and a wealth management specialist where she works with women looking to live their best lives by taking control of their financial health. We connected several years ago when she was looking for a life coach, and I am so excited to share her recent experience and her self-reflection on her personal development over the last few years.

When we started working together, she was not trusting her intuition and felt an internal need to be a little more mindful about how she was curating her life. She felt reactive and that she was allowing circumstances to dictate her next steps as opposed to articulating what she wanted and curating a life accordingly.

She just recently undertook the massive challenge - 29029 Everesting, and her experience was so profound. She shares the determination, self-trust and acceptance, and sheer grit she had to complete the challenge.

By trusting in herself, being so confident, and hearing her inner voice so strongly, as she completed her climbs she had tremendous revelations about her own strength of mind and her body, leaving her with newfound clarity and true freedom.

I hope you enjoy this episode about sheer embodiment and the feeling of deep accomplishment, and how Ami truly now feels that she, herself, in her heart, is more than enough.

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You Absolutely have what it takes

If you are looking for a different way to parent, you've heard about gentle parenting. But what does gentle parenting mean? Are you worried you are going to give permission for your kids to be in control? They won't have any form of discipline? Maybe you are worried you don't have what it "takes" to be a gentle parent, and that's only for a very patient person and that doesn't feel like it's possible.

This podcast is going to show you that it is possible for you and your family to have a more gentle, connected, and cooperative relationship.

It really is about being an empathetic listener and a gentle guide to your children, it's not about letting your kids be in control.

As parents, it's essential to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves too. It's okay to have moments of frustration and anger, and gentle parenting focuses on repairing those ruptures with specific steps to strengthen trust, respect, and love.

Tune in to this episode to learn how to become a gentle parent and build a positive relationship with your child.

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We all have moments in our family where we go head-to-head with our kids. We don't back down. They don't back down.

They don't listen. We try to explain, and then before you know it, everyone is yelling and fighting with each other, and everyone's just left feeling exhausted,

This episode has my 7-step process to help you regulate yourself and de-escalate the issue, and it really is a de-escalation. This is a true negotiation and conflict because disagreements like this are like you have been hijacked, it's what it feels like when your child is being defiant, not listening, or being disrespectful. Your entire evening and your mood and your energy levels are all being hijacked by your child or your children and their lack of respect and consideration.

Our job as a parent, Is to really try and connect with the emotion behind the outburst. Now, this is a real challenge - we ourselves have our own triggers and emotions to deal with, but we are ultimately the caregivers and it's upon us to model how to behave and help our children feel safe when they feel they're out of control and they're feeling powerless.

Tune in and start implementing the process, this will absolutely help you during the next outburst. Let me know what stood out to you.

Find out more about my program, The Grounded Parent

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/thegroundedparent

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When a potential client is scared to take that next step and invest in themselves, it has nothing to do with me or the program or the structure or the logistics of the program itself. There are very real fears inside that stop them from saying yes.

The more I confront the fear, the more I help my audience understand like what's getting in the way of maximizing their potentia and happiness. The more awareness and the more conversations we have around this, the less mystery there is, the less of a black box we create around it, and there is less fear.

To invest in yourself means that you're investing in your own potential. We are familiar with the traditional forms of investing in ourselves, like getting education or furthering our careers. We are applauded and encouraged to invest in ourselves in that way. But rather than these external investments with very tangible achievements like a degree, I'm focusing on the investment in inner work and investment in your own potential, your happiness, your confidence, and your inner power.

We are told time and time and time again that if we invest in the external, the internal will take care of, but it's actually the other way around.

It's when you take care of the internal, that the external takes care of itself.

Ultimately we are trying to answer an internal question by chasing after external things. And a lot of us, even when we get the external thing, it still doesn't fulfill the internal answer that we have.

These points are specific to that internal work, your emotional, mental and spiritual well being. It's doing the work of examining your old beliefs that are not currently helping you reach your potential. and breaking them down and reforming them into new beliefs that do help you reach your absolute maximum potential in this lifetime.

Most women hesitate to invest in themselves because they believe they're not perfect enough and they believe that they need to be perfect so that they can get the perfect results.
You are not sure that you will get the return on investment from investing in yourself
You believe it works for others, but you don't believe it'll work for you.
there is a part of you that believes you need to achieve whatever it is that you're working towards, your happiness, your success, fulfillment, finding your purpose, whatever it might be.
You want happiness and success to drop down into your lap, but you don't want to get uncomfortable getting there.
You are waiting for the perfect time.
You believe that it's selfish to put all this money towards yourself.

The problem that needs to be solved is what's going on internally; those internal struggles and unhelpful stories cause external problems.

This is actually really good news! We don't need to solve each individual problem by itself. When we heal the relationships that we have within ourselves, we gain the clarity to take action and the results start showing up much faster.

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When I went viral, I was not prepared for the negative comments that rolled in!

We look at the criticism that people give us with a grain of salt rather than ignore it. I don't say to ignore people's opinions of you, but what can you learn from this? Is any part of this true? And what is like none of your business that I need to let go of?

This summer I had some tik-tok videos get very high views, and my account grew in followers from 300 to 16,000 within a week. The first popular video was not very polarizing, it was about how you differentiate between your soul speaking to you versus your mind speaking to you, and apparently, that resonated with the people and it went crazy viral.

As things happen right in life, something explodes in a good way and there's a rubber band effect. From then on, my videos only had a few hundred views. But I've learned with social media consistency is the most important thing. So I continued to show up on TikTok.

Some days I fall off, but for the most part, I post five to six times a week, and then back-to-back, two went viral. I didn't think there was anything wrong with one of those videos when I made it.

Some people thought I was racist, some people thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. Those were hard things to hear.

I was sharing a very small sliver of my story. Social media is all about sharing your stories of what made you, you, how did you end up where you are, and why do you do the thing that you do? If you want success, any sort of success, that comes with more visibility.|

So I worked through that discomfort and in my breath work session, what came up was, I am worthy of success no matter how many mistakes I make, that it is safe to make mistakes, It is safe to be seen.

Maybe you aren't putting yourself out there on social media, but you are someone who's never spoken up, who's always avoided conflict and you've realized you have a voice and you're going to use your voice.

When you do stand up for yourself, you are going to upset people by the very fact that you are changing and growing. There's no way around it. This is one of the most uncomfortable side effects of growth. You cannot want to change who you are without having a ripple effect on all of those around you.

As we grow and change, you're gonna realize that not everybody likes how you are growing and changing. The dynamics of a relationship are going to change and people won't want to tolerate that anymore and you might not want to tolerate how someone treats you anymore. As painful as it is, you might have to end some relationships as you realize you two are not aligned anymore.

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Almost every client I work with feels they lack confidence. Success and confidence are interconnected, and when we look at what the most successful people have in common, they're all confident!

When we identify markers for success, we find ways to build confidence.

First, though, there are two confidence myths that we need to break apart. Some believe they will find confidence once success is achieved when actually confidence leads to success. When you believe in yourself, you're willing to take risks, you believe you are capable of achieving a goal, and you continue to expand and grow beyond yourself. Confidence leads to success.

Most people believe they have to know it all and have every step figured out before they get started. That does not lead to success. That just leads to waiting and hoping that you have all the bits figured. The way to get over the overwhelm and the confusion is to simply just take the first action. And then as soon as you do that, inevitably the next step will be clear. It's through messy action.

We all have desires and ideas of what success means to us. Every person is different. I want you to honor that. There's no standard for what success is for each person.

If you look at people who are super successful, they're most likely super confident. And so what do they all have in common? This is what I want to share with you, in order of impactful, to most impactful

1 - They believe in themselves when no one else is around them.

2 - Confident people bet on themselves.

3 - Knowing when to receive help

4 - Confident people admit that they make mistakes.

5 - Confident people don't expect instant results, but they know the results will come no matter what.

6 - Confident people dream big

7 - Trust in your process and the way you do things.

8 - Don't let setbacks and challenges get in their way of where they're going,

9 - Confident people are expressive.

10 - Look at how far you have come instead of how far you have yet to go.

"Look in the rear view mirror from where you were to where you are today, that's looking at progress! Your confidence skyrockets when you look at progress."

We all have desires and ideas of what success means to us. Every person is different. I want you to honor that. There's no standard for what success is for each person.

If you are ready to bet on yourself and want to reclaim your confidence, sign up for the free 21 day challenge BECOMING CONFIDENT.

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I'm a storyteller at heart and I love hearing good stories, and this week's episode has several examples of breakthroughs that show the true power of breathwork, through the course of several sessions, or even just one.

I promise, every single one of you listening to this podcast has experiences such as this, where you are completely unconscious to it right now and tell yourself you feel stuck, or you don't really know where you are going in life. There's a lack of clarity.

All the symptoms that you're experiencing in your life are absolutely a result of things that have not been processed and are stuck energetically in your body.

We don't know what the real problem is, and we think we know the real problem, and that is so dangerous that we think we know what the problem is and then it doesn't end up fixing it.

In my own business, breathwork is a tremendous tool for coping with worry. I find myself in a default mode of worrying about money and my business, and my family can tell that I am down about something. I've become aware of the pattern and know the worry is not helping me anymore.

The change needs to happen at a physical level, instead of the traditional mindset from the top down where we think about it in our head, and then we push it down into our bodies and take action, that is an uphill process. It's really so hard to make changes that way. It requires a lot of willpower; we have only so much before we give up and get frustrated.

And through breathwork, we take a bottoms-up approach where you make the change in your body, and then your mind takes command from your body, and then you take action.

I have felt so much unexpected anger and rage that I had been holding inside myself for so long, since my childhood, in breathwork sessions.

We always project onto others what we don't want to explore within ourselves, and this breakthrough changed how I was able to handle my son's anger, I had so much understanding and empathy that I had never had for his emotional episodes.

Whenever my son expressed rage and anger, it would spark outrage in me. We would be in conflict with each other and fight with each other about his emotions. But once I did this breathwork session, I found that I had so much space, time, and energy, and that allowed him to not feel worthless because he was having these reactions.

A client recently reached out to me to guide her through her first breathwork session, she had been experiencing a tight feeling in her body even though she had the best month yet in her business. Her session uncovered her pattern of asking for permission to uplevel, and as she grows and expands, she no longer has to seek permission from others and she can allow herself that freedom to expand.

All of this came through in her breath work session, and she also said that in the beginning, even though she was trying to take deep breaths, she could tell her breath was constricted and very tight, and towards the end of the session she was, she was feeling so many incredible physical sensations in her body, and she was able to transmute that heavy energy that she felt into light tingly energy.

Breathwork is a huge component of the work that I do myself and with my clients, and hearing of how a spiritual practice, or habit has helped others can have a ripple effect and get our brains going about how we can apply those experiences to our own lives and what kind of breakthroughs we can have.

I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts are, what did you take away as a result of listening to this particular episode?

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Something incredible happens when you allow people to ask something anonymously - they become 10 times more courageous, brave, and vulnerable. These questions came in anonymously on Instagram and each one is it's own conversation.

From questions about parenting and playing with children even when you don't enjoy play, investing in yourself and finding a coach, and dreading work and the pressure around careers, this Q and A was so powerful and potent many struggle with these issues that we've talked about today.

Take some time to listen to these three questions and the conversation around them so you really have time to digest all the information that I've given you.

[00:01 - 06:45] Q - I don't like to play with my kids. I love my kids, but I don't want to play. I feel so guilty. What thoughts do you have?

• We grow up watching adults and parents, and have formed ideas and beliefs about what makes a parent good or great

• Set boundaries around how long one will play

• Be fully present when playing to create a quality connection

[06:45 - 13:01] Strategies and insight for playing with your children

• Come up with an activity that feels fun-filled for both of you.

• Oftentimes we don't want play with our kids because fun is hard for us

• Play is based on curiosity and excitement and wonder

• For a lot of us, we are completely disconnected from our inner child.

[13:01 - 19:38] Q - How did you get over the money to invest in yourself? Why did you hire a coach? I'm scared to spend money on myself.

• Unappiness and the unfulfillment is not always circumstances but could be lack of purpose

• The feeling you've checked off everything on this natural list that we have, (school, family, career) and then we still feel so lost.

• Be inspired by a coach that has been where you are now and seeing how they worked through those feelings

• When we are scared to invest in ourselves, the easiest excuse and the easiest reason we grab onto is about money.

[19:38 - 30:00] Q - I dread work so much. I have a good career, but I feel so much pressure. Is there anything that would help?

• There is so much power in acknowledging we are at in life and the thing that's causing us pain.

• Switching careers can feel like a departure from culture and upbringing and neglecting a “duty”

• Achieving worthiness because of who you are, not because of achievements.

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

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Colin O'Brady is a 10 times world record holding explorer, Mountaineer, Speaker, Entrepreneur, and New York Times bestselling author. I met Colin last year when I signed up to do an endurance challenge called Everesting 29029. I have two podcast episodes dedicated entirely about this experience for more listen in to episode 40 and 41.

In today's interview, we dive deep into each of his deeply personal stories of resilience, grit, overcoming failures, and tapping into your intuition. I learned so much from Colin personally and from his mindset and I am so excited to introduce him to you.

Colin was raised in Portland, Oregon and spent his childhood as a super active kid with a passion for adventures in outdoors. He excelled at sports and by the time he reached high school, he was nationally ranked in swimming and soccer. He was ultimately recruited to swim at Yale University where he graduated with a Bachelor's in economics.

Instead of going to a corporate job after graduation, he decided to save money by painting houses in the summer so that he could fulfill his lifelong dream of backpack and surf and travel the world. He was met with a tragic accident in Thailand and was injured severely in a fire, which burned 25% of his body, leaving him unable to walk and use his arms.

But Colin was determined to beat the odds. With the encouragement of his mother, he had a desire to complete a triathlon as his first goal after recovery, even though doctors told him that he may never walk again. He not only went on to complete it but finished in first place within 18 months of that accident. He then went on to become a professional triathlete and ultimately became a mountaineer and an explorer.

He completed the Explorer's Grand Slam in record time, summiting the highest peaks in each of the seven continents. He's also summited Mount Everest twice, and he became the first person to walk from one end of Antarctica to the other end, completely unassisted and unsupported, meaning he had to drag his supplies of food and fuel for 60 days on his back.

Find out more about Colin and his new book as well as his New York Times best seller, and his many accomplishments and projects on his website - https://www.colinobrady.com/

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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Parents agree - It can be challenging to raise confident and self-assured kids!

Confidence leads to success in life. The more we believe in ourselves, the more it leads to our success. And it just feels really good to raise those kinds of kids, right? But how do we do it?

Children naturally feel emotions intensely and our job as parents is to help them navigate these intense emotions. Starting with love and acceptance helps them develop their ability to think about their feelings and express themselves in safe ways.

As we become more confident as parents, we embrace who our children are, rather than trying to change them, and are there to support them more fully.

Showing up is the most significant gift we can give to our kids in order for them to become self-assured. We don't have to fix it, because fixing would then be saying they are not capable enough of navigating and solving their frustrations, and they need to be saved, which actually takes away from them feeling confident.

The solution is on the other side of helping them. They feel their intense feelings and we validate what they experienced is true.

It becomes a lot easier to teach if you have walked the walk rather than just talking the talk.

[00:01 - 07:06] How to Raise Confident and Self-Assured Kids

• Confidence leads to success in life. The more we believe in ourselves, the more it leads to our success.

• Children need to be parented in different ways, each child is so different and has different needs.

• The trap of trying to get our children to change.

[07:08 - 13:30] Dealing with Disrespectful Children

• Understand that children are not intentionally being disrespectful

• Try and understand what need is being unmet

• Weaknesses are actually strengths and children need help navigating this. in a way that is respectful.

[13:30 - 20:11] Regulating emotions

• We want to empathize with our children, and help them feel understood and supported during difficult times.

• Help our children understand that adults sometimes make mistakes, and that we are on their side and this helps children build self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

[20:11 - 26:42] How to help your kids feel self-assured in difficult situations

• Learn to help them work through frustrated feelings and sit with a discomfort

• Reassure that they are seen and understood and you are there for them, remember, kids are feeling beings first and foremost.

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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"When we have plenty of energy and we know how to protect it and nourish it and grow it, we stop doing things like procrastination, avoidance, distractions, worry, stress, and more"

A conversation sparked on Instagram inspired this week's episode, get ready to implement one of these ten ideas today on how to protect and safeguard your energy!

Not knowing how to protect your energy and nourish it on a regular basis in a healthy way is what leads to burnout in people's lives. It's what leads to exhaustion.

Learning how to safeguard your energy means that you have plenty of mental and emotional reserves - so you have more of yourself to give to others, to the people that you want to give to, and it also stops things when we have plenty of energy and we know how to protect it and nourish it and grow it.

It's a way to safeguard your mental and emotional reserves, right? So you have more of yourself to give to the people you want to give to.

This is an exciting practice and shift in mindset. You get to create a new story. Try it! One day when you go out, see how you feel when you come back and do it another day without doing it and see how you feel. I promise you this stuff works.

[00:01 - 08:33] What is Energy

• We are energetic beings in physical form.

• Everything in this world is made up of energy.

• Physical objects, thoughts and feelings is also energy, but it's a different type of energy.

• Our emotional mental energy is connected to our physical energy and vice versa.

• To shift our emotions and our mental state, we have to move our bodies.

[08:33 - 16:35] How to Protect Your Energy and Nourish It

• Learning how to protect your energy means having plenty of mental and emotional reserves, so you have more of yourself to give to others.

• Energy leaks can look like procrastination, avoidance, distraction, worry, stress, et cetera.

• One way to stop energy leaks is by setting boundaries.

[16:36 - 24:37] Boundaries and Triggers

• Setting boundaries on TV shows or dramas that are based on real life triggering events.

• Cluttered spaces and workarounds to solve family clutter.

[24:38 - 33:04] How to Delegate and Outsource Tasks That Drain You

• To be a successful mom, you need to understand your triggers and set up systems that work for all of you.

• Understanding your money drains can help you figure out what's most important to you and delegate or outsource those tasks accordingly.

• It's important to have a clear understanding of your priorities so you can live life in a way that is both nourishing and enjoyable.

[33:05 - 41:55] Building energy

• Take care of your own energy in order to be able to give more to others.

• Self-criticism, self-hatred, and self-judgment can drain one's energy.

• Doing things that one loves in order to build one's energy.

• Authentic relationships in order to feel safe and secure.

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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"Overthinking actually robs you of all the magical stuff in life, from deep feelings, being in the present moment, even being connected to your body."

This week's episode is for the overthinker, or the times you find yourself overthinking, and desire to work through those feelings and truly feel more in control.

Overthinking makes you believe that you are in control. But your body is actually nervous and protecting you from feeling shame or embarrassment.

Why can't you just stop overthinking?

You get this illusion that you're in control because you're looking at all the options and you're crunching all the numbers and the data that's presented to you. But when in fact it's sending your body into a stress mode.

You are figuring out how to protect yourself, so you never have to feel that kind of shame and embarrassment again and overthinking makes you believe you're actually doing something about it.

Your body will give you answers. Your body always knows what is best for you, but overthinking has harmed that association, and breathwork can help to reconnect with your body and your feelings. "we cannot handle that right now. Let's just lock it away."

Breathwork is a really gentle, loving way to excavate these trapped, stuck emotions within us that you were convinced were too painful.

If you love this episode, I would love to hear from you in my DMs.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and wonderful week, wherever you are listening!

[00:55 - 09:05] Ways Overthinking Makes You Believe You're in Control

• Overthinking is when we process and overanalyze things to the point of paralysis, creating anxiety in ourselves and our bodies.

• Overthinking makes us believe that we are in control, but actually our body is nervous and out of the present moment.

[09:05 - 17:35] How Overthinking Keeps You From Feeling Emotion

• Overthinking is a result of not feeling safe in your body and in the world.

• Overthinking happens to all of us at some point, because things have happened in our past that did not make us feel safe.

• Overthinking leads to anxiety.

[17:35 - 26:07] How to stop overthinking

• Breathwork is a way to heal from these emotions and start to see them as teachings instead of painful memories.

• Shame tells you that you are a bad person, but breathwork leads to the realization that you are not inherently bad.

[26:07 - 34:48] How to Overcome Anxiety and Overthinking with the Calm Breath

• micro and macro trauma response is the root of overthinking

• calm the nervous system to dismantle overthinking

• your body can guide you to the decisions you need to make when in the present moment

• disassociation from body is a result of past trauma

Learn more about me and my coaching services:10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share how you can ensure you’re always winning throughout your life.

Main Topics Discussed:

Achieving happiness on your own terms
Creating your personal definition of “success”
How to feel fulfilled every single day by celebrating the small wins
A two-part exercise to rig the game so that you’re always winning

It’s probably not new to you that we tend to be our harshest critic. All of us have felt, at one point or another, that we aren’t living up to our potential. And when we tell ourselves that story, it can easily send us down a vicious spiral of self-pity and a lack of self-esteem.

How do we overcome this feeling of falling short of our potential? How do we do the work to set our sights on success—on winning—no matter how challenging our current circumstances?

There is no universal measurement stick for success.

Most of us live life with a specific image of what success means to us.

Money, power, fame, prestige…

But there is a disconnect between what society deems successful and what will truly make us happy. And usually, even if we experience a lot of the above-mentioned factors of “success”, we seldom feel any closer to feeling fulfilled.

We can change our criteria of success if we so choose.

Would you assess yourself as a successful person? Why or why not?

This is a really uncomfortable question, because our minds will tend to look for all the reasons we don’t think we’re successful.

This is another common issue: The belief that success means perfection in every area of our life. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Our external world is messy and imperfect. We have to accept that. And we also have to accept that success is internal, which brings me to my next point…

Your definition of success is crucial to whether or not you feel successful.

It’s hard work to change our default perspective, which often keeps us from experiencing growth.

Let’s dismantle the system (you could even call it the “prison”) you created for yourself, and build up a new one that puts you in the right frame of mind to strive for internal success—success on your own terms and no one else’s.

Create success on your own terms.

What if your new measuring stick for success is how much joy you can get out of the little moments between you and your family?

What if you prioritize small wins?

What if you focused on having a passion for your work instead of looking at the top of the corporate ladder as the threshold of your happiness?

What if you measured success by how much and how long you can endure, and not only when you cross the finish line?

What if I look at fulfillment through the lens of time freedom over the accumulation of wealth?

This is a personal journey. Get clear on your authentic desires and values, and keep your eyes on being true to yourself.

Your homework!

Here’s an exercise for you. It’s one that’s benefitted me immensely since I started doing it every night:

At the end of the day, before you go to bed, write down three things that you consider as “wins” that day. They can be absolutely anything. That’s what makes it easy!

Here’s the second part of the exercise:

Set up three things that you will “win” at tomorrow. Call it a to-do list; but, by doing this, you affirm in your mind that you will have at least three wins tomorrow.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share what I’ve found to be signs that your inner work is paying off even if you don’t see obvious changes just yet.

Main Topics Discussed:

How our inner reality changes our outer reality
Becoming proactive instead of letting circumstances influence your actions
How to wake up every morning feeling excited about the day ahead
The importance of personal responsibility

Our brain is programmed to be so efficient that a change in anything causes disruption. It requires more energy from us when we make changes, and it does not like that!

So, how can you tell if your inner work is actually paying off?

If you’re reading this, you’re probably on the journey of growth. This requires you to do the work of excavating your internal landscape and asking the tough questions:

Why do I play small?

Why do I hold back my truth?

Why don’t I stand up for myself?

Why am I always people-pleasing?

We know that changing our inner reality changes our outer reality. We know we have these unhelpful ways of operating, and so we do the inner work to replace these unproductive beliefs with healthier ones.

But, as I noted earlier, since our mind is resistant to change, how, then, can we tell that this work is actually working?

Sign #1: Things that usually got under your skin before now affect you less

You know that your inner work is beginning to pay off when things that normally cause you to blow up now affect you less intensely.

Whether it’s dealing with annoying co-workers or your loud children, you can learn to be more patient and empathetic so that you can navigate your everyday reality with more grace.

Sign #2: You stop expecting the problematic situation to change, and instead work to change your attitude towards the problem.

Instead of highlighting the problem, make it a habit to find the solution to that problem as soon as possible.

Stop waiting for the problem to go away and start finding ways to shift your mindset or perspective so that you can work with the problem and find the opportunities within.

Sign #3: You are unafraid of having difficult conversations with those around you.

When you do the inner work, people will feel that energy.

It’s a difficult sensation to put into words; but, you know that you are manifesting change within when people around you begin to comment on how you seem “different”—in a good way, of course!

Sign #4: When you wake up in the morning, you feel hopeful and excited about the day ahead.

I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve woken up to where I’m dreading the day ahead. I lived a lot of years experiencing that horrible feeling.

When you don’t feel connected to anything, when you feel that you lack purpose, then you will naturally feel tiny and insignificant in this world.

Sign #5: You’re constantly hungry to learn more about yourself.

Once you open the can of worms that is personal development, you cannot stop.

There is no end to the journey of growth. There is always further to go and more to learn.

Sign #6: You stop trying to persuade others to see everything your way.

When we’re on the healing journey, we start to realize that the only person we have to convince of anything is ourselves.

We have no control over anyone else.

Sign #7: You stop blaming others and instead ask how you contributed to your own hardships.

You discover that everybody is the creator of your own life, and by extension, there is very little that you can do to influence another person’s life.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share my keys to cultivating an abundant mindset around money.

Main Topics Discussed:

A mindset of “abundance” does not mean a mindset of “perfection”
How to sit in abundance even during financially challenging times
Why an abundance mindset does not make you wasteful
Money as energy whose direction you can control

What is the difference between an “abundance” and “scarcity” mindset?

An abundant mindset believes that there is more than enough to go around, whether we’re talking about opportunities, love, or money.

Abundance is assurance of overflow.

A “scarcity” mindset or a mindset of lack is one most of us grew up with, especially when it comes to money. How many of us were taught to always save our extra money for “a rainy day”?

How many of us feel that tension inside our body when money leaves our bank account or we swipe our credit card?

We’re always worried about overspending or replacing money.

The truth is, money is a man-made thing. How we feel and act with money is all learned behavior.

You absolutely can change your money blueprint, but it takes a lot of awareness, intention, and active internal work.

The truth about embodying an abundance mindset

First of all, no one has the “perfect” money mindset. We all have to work on our paradigms and beliefs systems every single day.

Even when we become aware of our scarcity mindset and look to replace it with one of abundance, we will still encounter financial challenges on the regular.

The difference this time is that we will not allow present circumstances to determine our future. Just because there is less money than you might want or need in your account does not mean all is over.

Could you end up wasting money with an abundance mindset?

True abundance is not wasteful.

Having a healthy relationship with money means you are intimately familiar with your assets and liabilities. In other words, you know how much money you have, where it is, how much leaves each month, and how much of it gets replaced or added to each month.

Also realize that money does not only flow into your life through cash. When somebody buys you a gift, or when you get a refund, you become more abundant.

It is our job to recognize abundance everywhere, and to thank the Universe whenever money (or any other blessing) flows into our life, no matter the form it takes.

“Money is constantly flowing into my life!”

Make this your daily affirmation.

An abundance mindset instills great respect for money.

Contrary to the idea that being abundant makes you wasteful, having an abundant mindset means that you truly understand the value of money, and you make all of your financial decisions with that value in mind.

Just like a healthy relationship with another human being, having a healthy relationship with money means that you are secure amid all the ups and downs. You know that you are ultimately in control of the situation, even when money appears tight at the moment.

It’s easy to shame yourself out of spending on nice things, telling yourself that there is a better use for that money.

But with a mindset of abundance, you’re deeply appreciative of the money you have and spend heartily on your wants and needs with the right amount of balance, while also knowing that more is on the way.

With an abundance mindset, forgiveness is easy.

When you make mistakes (and you will make a lot regardless of the mindset you adopt), you are quickly able to pick yourself up, move on, and keep your eyes open for future opportunities.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Charmi Ramchandani, a personal trainer and nutrition coach and the founder of Cimply Fit.

Listen in as we talk about Charmi’s amazing goal to help South-Asian women take control of their health, and how tiny changes in your nutrition over time lead to dramatic changes in the long run.

Main Topics Discussed:

Why consistency is key to long-term health and wellness
How to enjoy the foods you love while staying healthy and fit
How self-love impacts your weight loss journey

What do you do?

Charmi: I work with clients, mostly women in their 40s, on their nutrition in order to lose weight or to help address certain chronic conditions like hypothyroid or type-2 diabetes. I help women take control of their health and build a better relationship with food without having them overthink or overwhelm themselves.

I’ve just turned 40. What should I look out for with regards to my health now that I’ve entered this new phase in my life?

Charmi: Symptoms of perimenopause include everything that has to do with hormone regulation: hot flushes, mood swings, and unexplained symptoms of depression are the most common. Your hormones are hitting a new normal. Your reproductive hormones are lowering, which will make your body feel different. Stubborn weight gain, hair loss, and sleeplessness may happen.

Why is weight loss so challenging for a lot of people?

Charmi: A lot of people come in expecting to lose a ton of weight in a month, and if that doesn’t happen, they become hard on themselves and feel as if they’d failed. That causes many to give up right away. The key to long-term weight loss is consistency.

How did you end up in this profession?

Charmi: I’ve always been passionate about working out. I got into this profession after getting fired from my job and deciding on a whim to become a personal trainer for women. It took off and I realized later on that nutrition plays a big role in the journey of fitness, so I incorporated nutrition coaching into my work and have been doing it ever since.

What are some general small changes that anyone can make in their lives to improve their health and fitness?

Charmi: Start with having enough water throughout the day.

Another thing you can do is add veggies to your lunch and dinner. It doesn't matter which veggies, or whether they’re cooked or raw, as long as you add some every lunch and dinner.

How would you guide clients like me who are Indian or come from a culture where they’re surrounded by white, starchy foods at every family event?

Charmi: First of all, it’s important to remember that there are no “good” nor “bad” foods. Typically, when someone struggles with weight gain, it’s never just one food. It’s a culmination of different things. It’s really those underlying foundational habits.

How can I consume enough protein if I’m vegetarian?

Charmi: 99% of my clients are vegetarian. Focus on how much protein you’re getting out of vegetarian foods, such as lentils, as well as how much fiber you’re getting.

What challenges or pitfalls have you experienced in your own journey?

Charmi: In my mid-40s, the lockdown did a number on me: There were no gyms and it was easy to gain weight from stocking up on food. I had to dial in and really track my food. Instead of trying to do extra workouts, which is always a recipe for failure, I focused on making tiny changes and incorporating simple habits in my nutrition.

How does self-love and self-acceptance impact and affect the health, weight loss, and fitness journey?

Charmi: Weight loss does not begin in the kitchen—it begins in your head. You need to give yourself grace and compassion.

The messier you are, the more rewarding the results will be.

Learn more about Charmi Ramchandani:

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the steps we can take to reconnect with joy.

Main Topics Discussed:

Clearing our mind of negativity and replacing it with what brings us joy
Taking that first step away from a world of bad news and onto the first rung on the ladder of joy
Creating a list of things that bring you joy, evoking all five senses

In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the steps we can take to reconnect with joy.

In our fast-paced world, even the most centered of minds can get swept up by the hustle and bustle of life. When we catch ourselves in this rut where we feel disconnected from our purpose and passion, it’s time to slow down and make our way back to the things that bring us joy.

You can’t leap into joy when you’re feeling disconnected; but, you can definitely crawl your way across, slowly but surely.

What about the things you love?

We can get so caught up in the many problems this world gives us and the people around us.

From climate change to the recession to geopolitical conflicts to a scarcity of opportunities… it’s too easy to drown in all of it.

Here’s a quick “hack”, if you will, to instantly light your way forward out of that rut. Ask yourself:

“What about the things I love?”

There is no shortage of problems to focus on in this world. But we also have the choice of where to put that focus on.

Choose to focus on what is going right in your life.

Some may call it “escapism”—that you’d be running away from your problems. But, if you really think about it, what other way is there to live?

If we’re going to muster up the energy to move through life, we have to focus on the things we love—the things that bring us joy.

Joy is the fuel that drives us forward in life.

Negativity empties that fuel tank.

In a society that is so fixated on bad news, it’s easy to forget that there is so much that is right with the world.

The hardest part is getting started—breaking through that inertia. That initial burst of energy needed to make that shift is probably the most you’ll have to give.

But as soon as you climb onto that first rung of the ladder, focusing on just one, small thing that gives you joy, trust me when I say that the momentum that follows is exponential.

Slow down, be still, and be present.

Joy is a felt experience, not a thought experience.

That’s why joy evokes such strong, happy memories. And the only way we can tap into that amazing, sensory state is by putting everything aside and just being in your body.

I encourage you to write down a list of the things that bring you joy as you sit in silence, covering each of the five senses.

What about your children’s hugs give you joy?

What does the sound of your favorite music do to give you joy?

How does the distant sunrise make you feel inside to give you joy?

What is it about the smell of coffee in the morning that gives you joy?

What do you specifically love in the flavor and texture of your favorite dessert, which gives you joy?

Keep adding to your list. You can never have enough joy in this life.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the power of asking for miracles to come into your life.

Main Topics Discussed:

Miracle #1: Meeting my father’s old boss in the most unlikely of places.
Miracle #2: Meeting a podcast listener on a far-off island.
Miracle #3: Getting an early flight home at literally the last second.
Four lessons which prove that receiving miracles every day is easier than you think

We think of miracles as events or opportunities that have a very tiny chance of manifesting themselves, and we usually associate them with something “positive” or “good”.

I certainly have had my share of miracles, and each one always stands out as an unbelievable, exciting, and even humbling experience.

Here are my four biggest takeaways when it comes to manifesting miracles, and how you can begin to receive them in your own life, every single day!

The world is so intricately connected.

The Universe wants to give you what you desire.

Most of us float through life believing that the world is out to get us. When life gets hard (which happens a lot), it feels like we’re pushing this big rock up a mountain, all alone, like we’re carrying all the burdens of the world.

But the truth is, everyone has felt this way, and at many points in their life. We all share struggles, challenges, and opportunities for growth. All this connects us as humans.

To be human is to be connected, to each other and to the Universe itself. In other words, we are not alone, and together, we go farther than if we journey alone.

Help is always there for us.

We just need to ask for it.

There are invisible forces at play that are always here to serve us: angels, loved ones who have passed on, God, spirit guides—whatever it is that you believe in, the common thread is that there is an invisible force conspiring in your favor.

You just need to reach out. They are waiting for your command.

None of us are more deserving than another. The only prerequisite you need if you want help is belief.

The more you believe in miracles, the more they tend to happen.

Whatever you believe in will show up in your life.

When you wake up every day thinking, “I wonder what kinds of miracles will occur in my life today?”, it’s inevitable that miracles will manifest that day.

With that approach to life, rather than wondering whether a miracle will take place, your brain will instead be looking for evidence of a miracle, with the expectation that they will always come your way.

So, what is a “miracle”, exactly?

I think we tend to set our expectations either too high or too narrowly when it comes to defining what a “miracle” is.

A miracle is more than just winning the lottery.

A miracle is when a stranger gives up their seat for you on a train.

A miracle is you getting the last thing of guacamole in the supermarket.

A miracle is waking up to live another day.

Every good thing that comes into your life, no matter how little, is a miracle. When we slow down and start to see it that way, we actually pave the way for even grander miracles to show up.

On the flip side, if we fail to see the tiny miracles occurring all around us, we labor through life instead of loving life.

The more we recognize miracles, the more joy we allow into our life.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about something that a lot of people—including myself—tend to struggle with: that fear of missing out, and maybe even that twinge of jealousy, we feel whenever we see our friends posting photos of themselves hanging out at some tropical paradise, getting promoted at work, growing their business, or basically winning in life in some way while we’re being “left behind”.

Main Topics Discussed:

Why the first step to overcoming this fear is to embrace it
Uncovering deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness and being loved
How to have difficult conversations to rekindle your close friendships
Finding a set of friends who accept the true you

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share seven unusual pieces of advice that I wish I knew back in university that have totally transformed my life for the better.

#1 It is okay to quit.

I’m not telling you to quit anything as soon as it feels hard.

This lesson highlights the fact that many of us are taught that quitting is a sign of weakness. Because of that, a lot of people stick to things that make their lives miserable just because they were told that quitting should never be an option.

How many of us have stuck to relationships that don’t serve us? How many of us have kept a job we hate just because it pays the bills? How many of us have stuck to reading a book we didn’t enjoy because we thought it would be a waste or a sign of laziness to not finish what we started?

It’s okay to quit, with one caveat: What you are currently doing is not aligned with what you truly desire.

#2 Do not believe every thought you have…

…especially the ones that make you feel terrible.

“This makes me look ugly/fat.”

“I’m never going to get good at this.”

“I’ll never be successful.”

“I’ll never be as good as him/her.”

“I’m never going to find somebody who loves me the way I deserve to be loved.”

These thoughts and more make us feel like absolute shit. I implore you: Don’t believe any of them!

#3 Failure does not mean you are doing it wrong.

We, in our humanness, try to make failure out to be worse than it really is. In fact, failure is neither good nor bad. What counts is how we see it.

If you want to see more growth and success in your life, keep this in mind: Failure is nothing more than an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.

#4 It is not your job to make others feel comfortable.

Most of us are people-pleasers, and we hate feeling that we are the cause of someone’s upset.

This is actually an egotistical trait rather than an unselfish one. This belief is more about making you feel good than making sure others don’t feel bad.

#5 How you breathe is how you do life.

My life has completely changed since I started doing breathwork. It has literally changed me from the inside-out.

Let me tell you that the quality of your breath is reflective of the quality of your life. If life feels overwhelming and constantly stressful, or you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, your breath is most likely often shallow and rapid. You’re not taking in enough oxygen to fuel your life.

On the flip side, if you’re more trusting of life, if you are relaxed and at peace with yourself, and you have let go of past traumas, your breathing is probably deeper. In times of conflict or crisis, your breath will remain steady.

#6 It is not your parents’ or your partner’s job to make you happy.

This is super freeing because you stop waiting for others to save you by waving a magic wand to make you happy.

As adults, how would others, even those closest to us, truly know what will make us happy? Sometimes, even we don’t know what will make us happy!

Don’t wait on anybody. Don’t rely on anybody. The work lies with you and you alone.

What do you need to feel joy in your life? What do you need to feel safe and secure?

#7 It is okay to find things challenging.

Finding something hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong or that you’re not good enough or that it’s time to quit.

Challenging means you’re changing.

True fulfillment doesn’t come from the successful result as much as it does from overcoming the challenges that preceded that success.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss that all-too common feeling of being “stuck” in life.

You know you’re in this state of being if every day feels like Groundhog Day. Even if you’re technically engaged in different activities day by day, you tend to simply go through the motions, and there is no excitement. It’s as if you’re on a hamster wheel.

There is no meaning or substance to any of it. You may be lacking a sense of purpose as you go about life.

Unfortunately, the human brain is not propelled to take action until we hit bottom—and sometimes even then, we struggle to make a change.

Here are six reasons you may be feeling stuck in life and what you can do to escape this vicious cycle.

#1 You do not have a true connection to yourself.

Many of us have been thought to never question authority.

When the option to question the status quo and make decisions for ourselves has been beaten out of us (unfortunately, often literally by our parents or teachers), we lose that vital connection with ourselves as individuals.

Instead, we’ve built an identity that we believe is suitable only in the eyes of others. We are an amalgamation of how others think we ought to be.

#2 You become a people pleaser.

You’ve learned to only present a version of yourself to others that you think they appreciate.

One thing’s true: Whatever that version of you that you present is never who you really are underneath the facade.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting your parents, spouse, children, friends, boss, and co-workers to like you, you will burn yourself out trying to mold yourself to their differing expectations day after day.

#3 You have been a rule-follower all your life.

You haven’t lived based on choices you made intentionally, but based on other people’s formula for life.

It’s time to rediscover the things that bring us joy, to tap into our natural gifts and talents, to serve ourselves so that we can better serve others.

#4 You continue to swallow your opinions, thoughts, needs, and desires.

Why shouldn’t you be the priority? Why shouldn’t you be loud? Why shouldn’t you be opinionated? Why shouldn’t you dare to be messy?

By trying to be “pleasing” to others constantly, we become less of ourselves every day.

Your self-worth should never be measured according to how pleasing you are to others.

Fulfillment is when your cup is overflowing. Fulfillment is when you are being yourself totally and unashamedly.

#5 You have never given yourself permission to feel your true feelings.

Allow yourself to go to the lowest of lows just as you are willing to go to the highest of highs. Every emotion is valid.

We suppress the heavy emotions because, first of all, we lack the tools to make something positive out of them; but also, we fear upsetting those around us.

Every emotion is a wonderful gift. By shutting ourselves off, we shut out a huge component of what makes life meaningful.

We are feeling beings, not doing beings.

#6 Deep down, you want to stand out, but we don’t let our light shine, nor do we speak our truth.

By lowering your voice, you dim your light.

We’re all here to shine our light, and when you shine your light, you do not diminish the other person’s light.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss eight ways to determine whether your mind or your soul is speaking to you.

What exactly is your “soul”?

First thing’s first: What is the “soul”?

To me, it is your direct connection to the divine, whether you call it God or the Universe. You can also call it your inner wisdom—the part of us that is always loving, accepting, and nonjudgmental in all its ways.

Here are eight possible reasons why:

#1 You may not even be aware that your soul is speaking to you.

Up until around six years ago, I wasn’t even aware that our own soul can communicate with us.

This is the first step: acknowledging the reality that our soul speaks to us every single day. We simply need to quiet ourselves and sit in silence, and listen intently, and even feel through our bodies the sensation of our soul reaching out to us.

#2 When your soul speaks, it’s a frequency that you’re not tuned into yet.

Like radio, we need to tune into the channel we wish to listen to.

By default, we tune into our monkey mind, our inner critic, our judgmental self. Most of us grow up not knowing how to tune into our soul frequency.

There’s a reason we tend to hear our souls at its loudest when we wake up or are about to fall asleep. That’s because our mind is lucid at these times.

#3 You live in constant fear.

I used to worry all the time about everything. Living in constant fear is very much a human thing.

Almost all of us live through a period where everything in life feels scary, harsh, or lacking. You might be living in constant fear for your financial situation, your marital situation, or your career situation.

#4 You are disconnected from the present moment.

As an extension of point number three, fear traps us either in the past or the future, but never the present. We worry about what was done or what will be, but never what is now.

The soul is always right here, right now, in the present moment.

#5 You spend way too much time doing and not enough time being.

Don’t feel guilty when you’re not being “productive”, slowing down, or resting and relaxing.

In fact, those are the exact moments your soul drops in and tells you exactly what you need to hear.

#6: You don’t act on your soul guidance.

Ever had a friend who asked for your advice, but never follows through on it, yet continually goes back to you complaining about that situation they just can’t seem to resolve?

It gets tiring to counsel them after some time, doesn’t it? Particularly when they just can’t seem to take action on the advice you give them.

#7 You don’t love, accept, nor trust yourself.

Stop looking for external ways to build that love, acceptance, and trust. That is always a futile way to live.

#8 You live life at warp speed.

Slowing down is not for the weak.

In fact, your soul has no concept of time.

When you trust life, and believe that everything you need always comes just in time, all that anxiety about slowing down dissipates.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss nine important truths about your inner critic so that you can learn to keep it at bay!

#1: Your inner critic is there to protect you.

My inner critic has been a huge part of my life and it continues to be so, because I grew up believing that I had to listen to my inner critic.

#2 The job of the inner critic is to control you.

Most of the pain and heartbreak we experience in our life, especially when we were younger, was out of our control.

Similar to point number one, your inner critic was formed to help you gain control over your life. And as it is with every aspect of your inner critic, this can be a good or a bad thing depending on the situation.

Many times, your inner critic whispers things in your mind:

“Don't hope for that. You can't do that. Who do you think you are? What are people gonna think of you?”

The inner critic is there to control your actions so that you don't put yourself out there at risk of being hurt.

#3 Your inner critic tries to predict the future based on your past.

The inner critic does not like unpredictability. It doesn't like things that have never been tried before.

It says, “I told you so,” when we fail at trying something new. It’s trying to prevent future outcomes based on your past experiences.

#4 Your inner critic masks the truth of who you are.

Our inner critic makes us believe that we are incapable, unworthy, not deserving, lazy, unproductive, and a procrastinator.

Yes, we may very well be struggling to overcome some (or all!) of these flaws, but our inner critic conflates these flaws with our entire identity, pushing our strengths aside into a corner away from our attention. Thus, we focus solely on the negatives.

#5 Your inner critic has a habitual way of thinking.

In every possible way, old habits die hard. Rewiring our minds is one of the most difficult tasks we can do as human beings.

And our inner critic is a large reason for this. Again, it hates predictability.

#6 Your inner critic’s voice is learned.

You were not born into this world with your inner critic’s voice.

It is made up of layers and layers of conditioning that we need to unwind, that we need to unravel. And as you learn to loosen the grip that it has on you—the unconditioned you: the you that has not been trained to berate yourself, to judge yourself, to criticize yourself—then the unconditional version of you starts to shine through.

#7: The inner critic’s voice is not actually your voice at all.

Rather, it is the collective voice of the people that you have heard throughout your life that have pained you in some way. You take what they say and form your own beliefs based on that.

Your inner critic forms the framework for how you “ought” to show up in the world.

#8 Your self-critical thoughts create separation between you and the rest of the world.

How often does your self-talk make you feel like you are broken, that you should be ashamed of yourself, that you ought to like that you're alone, that you're unworthy, that something is seriously wrong with you?

Your inner critic leads you to believe that you are the only one going through hell.

#9 Love heals.

The inner critic was built on the illusion that you are lacking, that you are unworthy, that you are insufficient, that you are inadequate.

Love is the medicine for all that and more.

We need to learn to accept ourselves the way we are. We need to learn to accept that we do have the power to change our situation and our pain.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss all things routines—when to start one, when to let go of one, and when to change things up with your existing routine.

When I first started on my personal development journey, I thought that having a routine was the end-all, be-all of success. I thought that sticking to the six-step Miracle Morning routine, for example, for half a year would permanently change the trajectory of my life in a positive way, and that was that.

But what I found instead was, I’d start routines and fall off the wagon after a few weeks. Then I’d become overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt, telling myself that, “I just can’t stick to my commitments. This is why my life sucks!”

Sound familiar?

Now, routines are wonderful if you’re trying to start a new habit or making small tweaks in your life; but, when you start giving yourself a hard time for failing to stick to your routine perfectly, know that it’s not you that’s broken—that specific routine just isn’t right for you.

Routines, in themselves, don’t hold some sort of secret, magical power to transform your life. They simply facilitate the decision you made to change. It’s a vehicle. In other words, routines help you build belief in yourself: It’s the bridge between lack-of-belief to self-belief.

Also understand that a routine that works for one person won’t necessarily work for you. Just because the routine came from a famous self-help guru who wrote about it in a bestselling book doesn’t mean the routine works universally. None do.

Part of the journey of success involves experimentation and finding that routine (or handful of routines) that fits your personality, lifestyle, and goals.

Don’t choose a routine from a place of fear, that not adhering to it means you are inadequate. Rather, when approaching a new routine, do so with the knowledge that the right routine will bring you closer to your truest self or, simply, make you a better person than you were yesterday.

You know you’ve chosen the right routine if going through it makes you feel productive at the end of the day.

Use routines as vehicles to make life more enjoyable.

I play the piano every day to get better at it. Ultimately, though, I practice everyday because I want to do it and not because I should do it.

Routines should give you a feeling of control and predictability in your life, to the point where you don’t even have to think about doing them—your routines become as much of a no-brainer as taking a bath or brushing your teeth.

Always ask yourself: “Is this routine bringing me closer to my goal? Does it make me happy, productive, and in control?”

If so, you may have just found your perfect routine.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Join me for my new program Crush Your Inner Critic here

If you missed it, check out my FREE 4 day Self Love Mini Course HERE

Set up a free consultation call to work with me privately here

Send me a DM on Instagram HERE

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share a story about a trip that I recently took on how everything can go wrong… and yet work out exactly as it is meant to, anyway.

My business coach offers a twice-a-year retreat for all her clients. This one happened to be in Asheville, North Carolina. I rented a car in advance which I would use to drive an hour and 45 minutes to this house rented for the retreat. I woke up at 5:00 A.M. on Monday morning, ready for my 8:00 A.M. flight.

Manifestation at work!

“I can't get you on today,” says the voice on the other side. “All the flights are booked.” And I was like, “I see a flight that's getting into Asheville.” She responds, “Well, if I just get you on that flight, you're just going to get bumped off.”

As you can imagine, this was a nightmare situation. I had to keep realigning myself to center and grounding myself, too, telling myself over and over again:

This is happening. I'm getting to Asheville. This is happening. I don’t know how, but this is happening.

And wouldn’t you know it? The lady on the other end found a seat that opened up for a new flight just as I forced myself to shift from panic to hope. The flight was to leave at 9:30 A.M. that same day. Remember, it’s around 5:45 A.M. at this point.

So, we booked the flight and now we get to another issue: my rental car. It's in a different area. And I don't know how I'm going to make my ride from Asheville airport to the house. And because I was ridesharing, I was supposed to be picking another person from the original airport, Greenville, South Carolina, to go to the retreat.

I felt really selfish booking the ticket to Ashville because this woman was expecting me to get a rental and pick her up. But I trusted. I told myself that this is the only doorway that's open for me right now to make it to this retreat. So I'm going to take it and then I'm going to figure it out.

I promptly called up the car rental company, heard from an actual human being (another miracle!) and changed my name on the rental to that of the lady I was supposed to pick up. Another problem solved!

The rest of the trip was no easier. I experienced delay after delay, including five different gate changes at the airport, a flight attendant who wasn’t showing up, and a call for six volunteers to not board the flight because we were overbooked.

Again, I told myself, at each of these setbacks, that I am going to get to Asheville. Our minds are programmed to focus on the negative—on the worst-case scenario.

We are wired to focus on the danger of things not going right. It’s our job to train our mind to focus on the positive, instead.

Well, I made it to Asheville, and another miracle was waiting for me: It just so happened that two other ladies that were coming to the retreat happened to be landing at the same time, and so they gave me a ride.

All in all, despite all the cancellations and the upheavals of the beginning of my trip, it actually all worked out way better because I was able to connect to these two women that gave me a ride to the retreat.

So, in the end, I benefited more from my adventure than I initially imagined I would.

What’s the key to turning things around—to thrive in spite of all the chaos and adversity around you?

It’s simple. Not easy, but simple: Decide that things get to happen for you. And know that the things that end up happening are neither “good” nor “bad”, but are simply opportunities for growth. Realize that everything that transpires is for the highest good for everybody involved.

It may not work out the way you wanted it to… but it will work out the way it was meant to.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I list the ten types of people you need in your life!

But before we hop into it, let’s discuss who you don’t need in your life.

It’s pretty simple: If they’re negative Nancys, habitual doubters, perpetual naysayers, and shamelessly judgemental—in other words, if being around these people sucks the energy out of you, it is time to lovingly cut them out of your life.

It goes without saying that the types of people you surround yourself with are so essential to how you live your own life.

With this foundation laid, let’s talk about the ten types of people you need to bring into your life!

#1: Space Holders

This is the type of person with whom you can be totally, unashamedly yourself around when you’re at your lowest points.

They “hold space” for you; that is, they create an environment in which you can express yourself authentically, and they will not want to fix your problem or judge what you’re going through.

#2: Expanders

An expander is someone who inspires you to become a better person than you were yesterday. They show you what is possible.

You’ll probably need different expanders for different facets of your life. You may have one for your health and fitness goals, another for your finances, and yet another for business.

#3: Believers

We’ve all had those moments when we lose belief in ourselves, whether regarding a particular goal, our career, our role as a parent or partner, or even life overall.

Because losing belief in ourselves at one point or another is a universal experience, it’s vital to have someone by your side who continues to believe in you regardless, who sees your strengths even when you don’t in that moment.

#4: Healers

From doctors to psychics to therapists to masseuses to Reiki practitioners, it’s so essential to have a crew of healers.

Ultimately, we are here to do the work of healing. I believe that the human experience is all about learning to love and to heal. That’s it.

#5: Supporters

This is the type of person that cheers you on endlessly and celebrates the heck out of you without any jealousy, comparison, or resentment.

#6: Coaches

A great coach challenges you to go beyond the edge of your perceived limits in whatever they’re coaching you on.

They call you out on your B.S. and they reflect back to you all the ways you play small in life.

#7: Energizers

The polar opposite of Debbie Downers or energy vampires, energizers have that contagious quality about them where you find yourself with a spring in your step after you part ways.

When you hang out with an energizer, you have a lot of fun, they make you laugh, and you simply feel better just because of who they are.

#8: Spiritualists

This is the type of person that expands your beingness by showing you that you are a part of something bigger than this world.

This is someone who believes in the metaphysical and unseen forces of nature. They’re really tapped into the higher consciousness of life.

#9: Adventurers

The adventurer always puts themselves out there to try something new. They’re incredibly spontaneous and courageous.

Like energizers, these are all qualities that rub off and inspire us to become better than we are and to do more of what we desire.

#10: Great Hairstylists

Wouldn’t you agree that there’s nothing like a great haircut to make your day better?

And on that note, I’ll add that it’s worth it to have somebody in your life that inspires you to get out of your comfort zone when it comes to styling.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about parenting mistakes that you might be making.

Mistake #1: You raise your kids like your parents raised you.

The world we grew up in as children and the world our kids are growing up in are very, very different.

Our parents could shelter us as much as they wanted to from the challenges of the world. Today, with the ease of access everyone has to the internet, no matter how much we try to shelter our children from the harsh realities of the world, we simply will not be able to.

As parents, we need to learn to take cues from our children and engage in dialogue with them instead of simply trying to impose our parental instincts—ingrained in us from our own upbringing—onto them.

Mistake #2: You set extremely high expectations for yourself as a parent, and expect your kids to adhere to those same standards.

You might be like me, and are critical of everything you and others do.

If you’re the perfectionist, overachiever, or doer type, we tend to assume that everyone ought to operate the same way—our kids being no exception.

As with the last point, we need to take note of how our kids are wired and how they regard themselves and the world around them as they grow and mature.

Allow your kids to fall, to fail, and then rise, and learn. This simple process will do more for their personal growth than any expectation approximating perfection ever will.

Mistake #3: You train your kids to suppress their feelings.

One of the worst things we can do as parents is to disregard our children’s feelings or, worst of all, we get angry at them for expressing “unacceptable” feelings, whether it’s anger, disappointment, or shame.

Doing this tells your kids that they are not allowed to feel their big feelings around you—the human beings they trust the most at that point in their lives. This belief stays with them as they age, and it is an incredibly difficult belief to eradicate once it’s set in.

Mistake #4: You tell your kids, ever so subtly, that they need to change who they are.

Many of us have parents that withheld their love for us in very subtle ways if we didn’t behave the way they wanted us to.

The most common way this manifests is through school grades. How many of us were taught to feel worthless by our parents, even if they don’t explicitly mean to do so, whenever we brought home papers marked with less-than-stellar grades?

This communicates to our kids that who they are isn’t good enough and that they aren’t deserving. It plants a seed of insecurity and low self-esteem that, once again, lasts for a lifetime if left unaddressed.

Mistake #5: You believe that your children owe you something.

We don’t own our children, so they don’t owe you anything.

They don’t owe you future wealth or to “uphold the family name”, as great as those things are.

Mistake #6: You tell your kids to “do something useful” whenever they’re at play or rest.

As adults, we are run by time. That’s the unfortunate reality of navigating modern society.

But we should never be the ones to put that burden of being in constant motion, of being endlessly productive, on our own kids.

Mistake #7: You would do anything for your kids save for letting them be themselves.

As parents, we have certain ideas or dreams regarding how we want our kids to turn out.

Career aside, we ultimately want them to be successful, smart, charismatic, and ambitious. And if we don’t see those qualities right off the bat, we start to panic.

Mistake #8: You don’t let your kids fail.

Naturally, it pains us as parents to watch our kids fail and experience those negative emotions.

But as it goes, failure is necessary for growth.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share eight hard, yet necessary truths that we all need to embrace in order to live a life by design and not by default.

Truth #1: You’re never going to feel ready.

I always have to remind myself of this. This is especially true when you’re running your own business. You never feel qualified. You never feel worthy.

As painful as it may be to hear, there will be many moments in life where we need to take action before we feel “ready” (and again, we never actually will be).

Truth #2: You will make mistakes.

This is true even if you’re doing things right. In fact, that means you’re on the right track. Any goal worth achieving requires a truckload of mistakes to pop up all along the journey.

Stop worrying about making mistakes, and start focusing on what your mistakes can teach you.

Truth #3: There will always be someone better than you.

This is true in every area of life, whether we’re talking about your job, parenting, or a particular hobby.

And guess what? This is a great thing! See, instead of comparing yourself to others, you can compare your present self to your past self instead, and evaluate whether or not you’ve made progress.

Truth #4: People don’t care about you as much as you think they do.

We spend so much time and energy thinking about how others regard us.

We spend so much time trying to manipulate other people’s impressions of us, whether it’s our boss at work, our co-workers, or those in our peer group.

Here’s the thing: They don’t actually care all that much.

Nobody spends as much time thinking about you than yourself.

We live in our own head, so it makes sense that “everything is about us”.

Let’s always strive to be better while remembering that most people want the best for us, and not the other way around.

Truth #5: Don’t rely on motivation to get you through everything.

Motivation comes and goes.

Instead of relying on something fleeting, rely instead on your ability to stay consistent.

Truth #6: Drop your standards.

This may seem counterintuitive.

You might be an overachiever. You might be harsh on yourself when you underdeliver.

But here’s something to keep in mind:

Your 80% is someone else’s 100%.

Mediocrity for you is mastery to someone else.

Don’t stop showing up because you don’t think you can give it your all. Instead, celebrate yourself for doing the best you can.

Truth #7: The only way to not upset someone is to not speak, not have an opinion, and to not express yourself in any way.

In other words, if you don’t want to offend anyone, go mute.

Once you activate your voice, chances are you will ruffle someone’s feathers. The alternative is to go about life invisible.

Not really a better alternative, if you ask me!

Truth #8: Hard feelings need to be felt before they can be fixed.

It’s natural to want to fix our situation whenever we’re experiencing negative emotions, as if we have no business feeling those bad feelings.

But just as every conflict carries with it a seed of opportunity, we need to learn to sit in those hard feelings. When we insist on carrying that fighting energy, we resist how we feel in the moment, thinking they’ll go away sooner or later.

In truth, we’re only suppressing them for the time being, and when those feelings return, they return with a vengeance.

Surrender to every feeling, good and bad. We’re only human.

Always remember to ask: “What is this feeling teaching me?”

The second we embrace the fact that those tough moments are our most valuable teachers, we learn to lean in, listen closely, and emerge as better people in the end.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Payal Desai, a fashion influencer on Instagram and mother of two.

Have you always loved fashion design?

Payal: I’ve always wanted to be one, but my parents told me it wouldn’t pay the bills. I was encouraged to choose a more traditional path. I’m glad I could integrate fashion into my life, because I was always the go-to person in my family for fashion advice.

How does it feel to be in the generation where we’re finally leaving behind traditional mindsets toward what we “ought” to do for a career and becoming open to pursuing whatever is in our heart?

Payal: As a parent, I totally feel that. Half of me wants to tell my kids to chase their dreams with reckless abandon. At the same time, real life kicks in and logic says we need a backup plan. I’ve decided to take it one step at a time and let those passions unfold all the while.

A lot of people go looking for confidence, waiting for something to happen in their life that motivates them to chase their dreams. What has happened in your life that gave you more self-belief and confidence?

Payal: 100% removing alcohol from my life. That was a very deliberate decision on my part. Pre-pandemic I had my second son. That double-whammy of newness and the stress that came with it made me dependent on alcohol as the months went by. Since college, I’ve always struggled with setting a limit for myself. I was really beginning to feel postpartum depression symptoms. I wasn’t diagnosed with it, but I wasn’t myself. I didn’t like the decisions I made nor my reactions. I constantly snapped at my husband and son. I’d never dealt with anything like that before. My sisters encouraged me to talk to a therapist, who helped me single out the fact that my husband and I drank together a lot. That was the one big thing we had in common in those days.

What has been the most difficult part of giving up alcohol?

Payal: Initially, I didn’t find myself in a lot of social situations in that first year, which I suppose is a benefit. In fact, I was able to connect with people who didn’t enjoy drinking. That helped. At the same time, I suffered the loss of a lot of relationships, particularly with those who made partying and drinking a lifestyle.

I feel that part of the journey of healing is the ability to forgive and have compassion for our past self. Have you forgiven yours?

Payal: Honestly, I don’t think I’m there yet. I want to get there, but my sobriety is still fresh. It’s only been a little over a year and a half. I have flashbacks of the past, and I don’t have love for that person yet. It’s work.

How has your sobriety changed you as a parent?

Payal: As a parent, I’m just so much more present. I also feel so much more capable. I had a lot of shame that I suppressed before when my husband had to pick up the slack because my drinking made me incapable of carrying out whatever I needed to do and be as a wife and mother. It made me feel inadequate in those roles. I had hangxiety. Today, I make decisions for my kids with a clear mind, and nothing gets in the way once I make them.

Why did you decide to become a fashion influencer on Instagram, and how the heck do you make time for it as a mother with a career on top of it all?

Payal: I started it about four years ago as a collaboration with a friend, then went solo soon after. Social media empowers us to share our story, and others who relate to that story will tune in. I had to embrace the fact that I wouldn’t be good at it at first—and I really did suck when I started. But over the years, I gained confidence.

Learn more about Payal Desai:

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/payalforstyle/

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

Free resource:

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the impact that you can potentially make through the power of your voice.

Did you grow up patted on the back by all the adults for being a quiet, polite, rule-follower?

Were you incredibly respectful to your elders and never questioned authority?

Today, I want to break the news: All of those low-profile and conformist qualities that most people celebrate do not set you up for success later on in both your personal and professional life.

If you have a tendency to underestimate the power of your voice, this is the episode for you.

The tiny moments add up

Even those decisions that you deem insignificant eventually add up. In your personal life, you might have always deferred to your partner to make the majority of the decisions, including choices such as where to have lunch or where to go on vacation.

Often, we say that we’re “just trying to keep the peace”. But when we suppress our voice when it comes to even those seemingly inconsequential decisions, we train our mind to consider our needs and desires as secondary to our spouse’s.

Your voice will always have an impact

Through your voice, you are shining a light into your personal life and your professional life.

When you stay quiet and say to yourself, “Who am I to talk about this?” I ask you, “Who are you not to talk about this?”

Your voice carries so much power. Your voice can make a difference.

I want you to take away these three lessons:

You are not alone. So many people struggle with embracing the power of their voice, especially women, to help them feel more powerful, impactful, and purposeful.
It’s not your fault that you’re struggling to express your thoughts and opinions. As habits are solidified over the years, we take our behaviors and knee-jerk reactions for granted. It’s not your fault if you retain a passive voice today. The process of unlearning is extremely difficult; but, hearkening back to point number one, you are not alone in experiencing this, nor overcoming it.
You have the power to change it. Don’t conceal your success. Don’t wait for others to approve of you.Take ownership of things that you have the right to own. Don’t wait for others to validate and recognize you.

Stop relying on outside forces to bring success to you

You expect the external world to give you the power to express yourself through your voice.

There is no reward or congratulatory remark that makes you “worthy” to use your voice. It starts by using your voice to attain whatever it is you desire, whether you wish to lose weight or earn a promotion.

Your voice is an internal tool, and it has the power to change your external reality.

Three ways to use your voice

Mental voice: Your self-talk. This is your inner critic, made up of other people’s judgements of you as you grew up. Become aware of the inner critic, notice what it’s telling you, then turn away from it. Rely on what turns you on instead. What you truly have to say has immense value. Don’t let anyone—not even your inner critic—tell you otherwise.
Your spiritual voice: Your intuition. It’s subtle, but you rely on it as a compass. Your spiritual voice inspires trust, and it is the First Mover when it comes to any decision you make. It’s the true power behind your inner wisdom—your “gut instinct”.
Your physical voice: Seemingly the first voice you use, but really, it’s the last voice that expresses itself once your mental and spiritual voice dictate your true thoughts and feelings within. I love breathwork as a modality to help me have more control and purpose behind my physical voice. Breathwork allows me to connect with my physicality to make my voice and energy project at a much wider scale.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free coaching call with me: https://calendly.com/visashan/consultation-call-with-visa

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the power of deciding and how it plays a pivotal role in manifesting your deepest desires.

Notice how you’re thinking and feeling right now

In times of doubt or strife, take a pause and ask yourself how you’re feeling in this moment.

Are you thinking thoughts and feelings that put you in a safe, feel-good trajectory to attract the good stuff, or are you thinking thoughts and feeling feelings that don’t serve you and get you to the point you desire to reach?

We all find ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity once in a while.

Now, let me caveat this point by mentioning that you should never blanket your true feelings. This is not about “pasting over” how you really feel with positivity. Rather, the key is to be intentional about the fact that, while you may be feeling bad, you can choose to think a different thought.

The power of deciding versus wishing or hoping

It’s hard to notice this if you’ve never been intentional about it; but, most of us live in the wishing and hoping space without ever resolving to see our goals to the end.

Deciding carries with it a totally different energy from wishing or hoping.

Next time you want something in your life, no matter how small, become aware of whether you find yourself wishing it would manifest, or deciding that this desire is already true for you, even if it is not physically there yet.

The difference is, when you decide, you are in control. You have the power to affect things. No matter what, it’s going to happen. You may not know how it’s going to happen, but you have decided that it’s going to happen.

Why we have trouble deciding

Decide that you are worthy and deserving of getting the things that you receive.

Many of us have issues with deciding because there is a lack of self-trust, worthiness, and deservingness.

Self-trust means that, even if you don’t know how your desire will manifest, you will figure it out. You are in control. You are capable of taking the correct actions. You are willing to do what it takes to have things work out your way.

Understand that doubts will always be there, and that you will need to decide more than once. As doubt after doubt creeps up, be ready to decide that you will find a way.

And you will.

Get clarity on what you want

In order to decide, you need to know what you want in the first place.

Gaining clarity is not just a creative act, where you sit down, do some thinking, and write your ideas down to form a better picture of what it is that you desire.

Gaining clarity is also a destructive process. By that I mean, we can only get clear on our desires when something doesn’t. In other words, gaining clarity is a process of elimination.

Sometimes, we think we know what we want, but when we get that thing, we realize we were wrong.

That’s okay. We often don’t get what we want until we’re faced with the thing we don’t want.

That means, when things go wrong in your life, you can glean from those experiences seeds of opportunity to discover what’s truly in your heart.

Decide that you are worthy and deserving

The power of deciding is giving yourself grace when something goes wrong—to avoid berating yourself even if you could have done something to avoid a failure or mistake.

No amount of falling short of expectations can keep you from getting the thing you desire.

No matter what, you’re worthy.

No matter what, you’re deserving.

No matter what, you’re enough.

Imagine you already have that which you desire

Never underestimate the power of visualization.

Imagine yourself having whatever it is you desire.

When those thoughts and feelings of ownership are strong, you nudge yourself closer and closer to actually having what you want in reality.

This is manifestation in motion.

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On this very special, hotly-anticipated episode of the Becoming You podcast, let’s get to know my husband of 19 years and what he thought of my fateful decision to start a coaching business!

How would you describe our marriage at the beginning, and how has it evolved over the years?

In the beginning, we were kind of clueless. We woke up one day in this new situation, and so we had to learn all about marriage right as we were living it!

How has our ability to handle conflict changed since we first got married?

Before, we never talked about that. It was just silence and fuming. Time was the solution to conflict in those days. Now, we make it a point to articulate our opinions. We’re still not great at resolving our conflicts. I don’t think anyone is.

What have been some great things that have come out as a result of me getting coaching, doing inner work, and investing in myself in general?

You enjoyed your corporate job in the beginning, but you ended up hating it after a couple of years. What’s really changed between that time and now is seeing you actually enjoy the work that you do.

I used to be a Debbie Downer, and now it’s mostly the opposite. Does it get annoying now that I’m always trying to find the positive in everything?

It’s a good reminder for me because I’m slowly getting to that place where I shorten the time between feeling negative about something to embracing the fact that I can’t change what’s happened, and then asking, “What’s the point in worrying about that?”

Do you remember the moment I asked you if I could spend a huge sum of money to work with a life coach for three months even when I had no income?

I don’t remember the specifics. It’s been a long time. But I do remember having a discussion about it, and it was never about the dollar amount for me, even if it was for you. I asked you, “What’s your return on investment? If you put this money in, what is it going to change for you?” Yes, cost is something that should be considered, but will investing that money give you the results you want? That’s the most important factor.

What would you say to someone who is at the very beginning of this personal development journey and doesn't know what their ROI is yet?

I think you need to try everything once. Until you’ve tried it, you’ll never know if you’ll get the results you’re looking for, or if you’re even coachable to begin with!

What do you do as part of your personal journey to ensure that we are in sync as a married couple? Often one person grows and the other doesn’t, or they don’t “get it”.

I think it’s a twofold answer: You need to be an open-enough person to let your spouse try something out and observe to see if they’re getting out of their investment what they want. Second, you need to invest in yourself, too. You don’t need to match your partner in intensity.

Do you agree that each spouse ultimately needs to make decisions for their lives by themselves?

Yes, you need to decide for yourself. At the same time, for certain decisions, because you’re part of a family, you need to have input from your spouse.

What was the “aha” moment that caused you to finally understand why I wanted to go on this personal development journey and start my coaching business?

For me, it’s been more of an evolution over time. I saw incremental changes with each step you took, from working with coaches to going to retreats. I remember you dreaming that one day you’d be on a stage, and then that day finally came.

Any last words for listeners?

Yes, coaching and personal development costs money; but, if you don’t invest in yourself, who will? I sincerely believe that at least giving your spouse an opportunity to try it is very, very important.

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Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about my journey in growing my wealth consciousness and money mindset and how you can do the same.

Your mindset is a collection of your attitudes and beliefs towards something, whether it be life, love, career… or, yes, money.

Money is a charged subject for all of us. We all have core memories around it. And frankly, I believe that many of us believe in a “comatose” situation when it comes to money. Particularly if you’re a female, we’re often living life burying our head in the sand when it comes to matters of finance because no one has ever taught us how to manage it.

How is your relationship with money?

Is it a healthy relationship, or an insecure one? Is it a supportive, loving, and honest friend? Or are those the last words you’d ever think of attributing to this relationship?

Do you find yourself judging not only yourself, but others when it comes to money? For example, do you look down on people with a lot of money, believing them to be vulgar for having “too much” of it?

Do you feel that having a lot of money makes you a “bad” person?

Thoughts such as these fuel unproductive beliefs, which in turn form an unhealthy relationship with money.

The first step is to define your current relationship with money, then pinpoint the source of your negative emotions associated with it if there are any. Only then can you start to heal and rewire your money mindset.

Money is neutral.

Stop demonizing money. Stop putting money on a pedestal.

Money is neither good nor bad. Therefore, having more money doesn’t have any bearing on your character.

Money simply magnifies who you already are.

Are your current beliefs serving you?

A common belief that people hold is that, “The harder I work, the more money I earn.”

This isn’t necessarily true, but it stops most of us in our tracks when we’re itching to take our wealth to the next level.

The truth is, we work harder for those first few thousand extra dollars than we will on our hundred thousandth, or even our first million.

The Universe is an abundant place.

It wasn’t created with shortage in mind.

There is more than enough of everything we need: sunlight, air, oxygen trees…

All our core needs are taken care of. This planet was created to support our needs. All the resources we need to thrive, including money, are ripe for the taking.

Yes, money is a man-made thing; yet, money is attached to energy, which is the force the Universe uses to communicate and provide to us. Remember that the energy you put out always returns to you in some form.

Open up the window of possibilities for money to flow into your life.

Another all-too common belief is that money can only come into our life through our job and, hopefully sometime down the line, during our retirement years.

From side gigs to random cash gifts to investments down to tiny rebates, there are a ton of ways to accumulate money. And the key to growing your money mindset is to consider every single opportunity on the same wavelength.

It’s not enough to dream.

No matter how great your money mindset is, one of these days, it’s time to take action.

Regardless of your current net worth, you have to put in the work to increase it. Again, this doesn’t mean working harder as much as it does working smarter.

Your energy needs to be vastly different from the average person if you seek growth. As the old saying goes:

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to feel your feelings on those bad days.

I woke up this morning and did some breathwork. I felt great: calm, grounded, loved. I spent my morning filled with nothing but pure appreciation for the world around me.

But as the day progressed, I started to feel somewhat out of sorts. I couldn’t put my finger on it… until I finally pinpointed it.

A little background: I’m currently in the middle of watching the series Bridgerton. And in it, two brown women are cast as main characters.

While it was great seeing these women on camera, representing others like myself, I was unfortunately feeling two emotions that I wasn’t quite proud of: jealousy and shame.

I was jealous of their success. And there was a part of me who felt shame at all the lost dreams, all of the possibilities I had, that I didn’t have the bravery and courage to pursue.

I wanted to be a marine biologist. My parents said it wasn’t going to happen. And that was that. I saw the wall, and I backed down.

I saw these women on the show as braver and more resilient than I. They went after their dreams no matter the cost, and I didn’t.

Why is it so important to feel our feelings?

On the other hand, I’m so proud of myself for having the self-awareness to unearth the stories I tell myself through certain feelings.

We are feeling beings. We base our decisions on emotions, as much as we want to believe that we are rational creatures that make decisions based on logic. Rather, we only try to justify our emotional decisions with logic.

When we don’t feel our feelings, they will eventually come out.

And they will come out in ways you don’t regret. They will come out in ways that not only hurt you, but those around you.

We brush things aside when we’re, say, at work. And when we get home and experience the mildest inconvenience via our family, we take it out on them, and immediately regret it.

Welcome your feelings with unconditional acceptance.

I forced myself to sit with my feelings, meditating on those emotions of jealousy and shame that I felt around those two brown actresses in Bridgerton.

I accepted and welcomed that jealousy and shame.

Sit with those physical sensations and, as you get connected to yourself, separate yourself from the emotions. Look at them from the outside looking in.

Every feeling is valid.

Feelings are meant to be felt.

I felt relief as I allowed myself to feel these feelings.

If you don’t deal with your feelings, and you suppress them, you won’t have the energy to be present in the lives of those you love.

We need to be safe and compassionate with ourselves. If we are, that ripples out into the world around you and the people in it.

Understand the power of feeling your feelings.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to stay calm at your lowest points in front of your kids.

If you have young kids like me, it can get incredibly tiring juggling between seeing to their wants and needs, managing the household, and getting through all the other tasks we have for the day.

And when it’s bedtime, we’re often at wits’ end as we’re trying to get the kids to go to bed. It’s at this point where we might snap and say things we immediately regret. It’s a vicious cycle that restarts every day.

Sound familiar? I’ve certainly caught myself more than a few times after those moments where the rubber band just snaps, and they were always moments filled with remorse.

I’ve come a long way, but I’m still not a perfect mom (nor will I ever be). I still lose my temper from time to time, but I’m super proud of how much growth I’ve experienced since those early days.

Here are some of my best tips to ensure that you never take it out on your kids on those days where you feel at your lowest.

Learn to draw boundaries.

It’s perfectly natural to feel irritated or annoyed when dealing with our kids during more challenging moments.

I happen to be the type of person who doesn’t like getting down on the floor to do “kid stuff”. I know that many of you are the total opposite of that. But one of the biggest lessons I learned to help me grow as a mom was to accept my personality. It’s when we allow shame to seep in that resentment comes into the picture.

Our kids want to be loved and seen. That’s all. They don’t need unlimited amounts of time. They just want undivided attention for a period of time. As parents, we can draw those boundaries. If they want to play Uno with you before bed, allow them two rounds.

It can be as simple as that.

Take the time to explain your needs to your kids.

Many times, we become so busy that we forget to fill the day’s love bucket for our kids. Collaborate with them so you know how to fill it in ways that meet the needs of both parent and child.

Deep down, our kids want to be helpful. They don’t mean to be annoying.

But it’s reciprocity. If we take the time to be patient and explain things to them in a non-accusatory, compassionate, kind way… guess what? It’s going to be reciprocated.

You have to fill your own buckets.

Meditation has fallen to the wayside for me for the last few days. That’s okay—I find other ways to spend time on me.

Get a massage. Do a workout. Go shopping. Whatever gives you pleasure—carve out space for all of these things.

Take time out of your day everyday to fill up your fun bucket for you and you alone.

You have to always begin with who you want to be and what you want out of life.

How you show up for yourself is the same way you show up for every other area in your life.

Everything starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Your limiting thoughts and beliefs affect every part of your life.

Your fears, wounds, self-criticisms, and insecurities all show up in your role as a parent. We will often try to overcorrect our perceived flaws and shortcomings through our kids.

If you’re a perfectionist, then you will often expect perfection from your kids. If you’re self-critical, so too will you be critical in your interactions with your kids.

In all these ways and more, you’ll make them feel that they’re not good enough.

Remember: Our only job as parents is to nurture our kids and guide them as they unlock their unique potential, not to mold them into what we think they should become.

If you want a great relationship with your children and you want to be that present, conscious, intentional, and patient parent, begin with self-examination.

Change always starts within.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share eight facts you need to know about personal development so that you can set yourself up for success on your growth journey.

#1 The current version of you has to die before the upgraded version of you can come into being.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to break down even, in order to shed your old reality and make way for the new.

#2 There is no going back.

This is a journey where you’ll find yourself looking back and wondering exactly what you said “yes” to.

But there is no going back once you start. Once you start exploring your inner world and realize that you can impact everything in your outer reality by looking inward first, you will never be able to go back to how you did life before, ever again.

Personal development is a lonely journey. Find like-minded people who see the world in color like you do if everyone around you still sees that same world in black-and-white.

#3 This is a lifelong journey.

Most of us have been taught all our lives to focus only on results.

Whenever we read a self-help book or join a program or hire a coach, we expect complete and total transformation at the end of it.

The truth is, while we may experience a breakthrough or two throughout these experiences, we will continue to struggle to reconcile the lessons we’ve learned with the limiting beliefs that we’ve used to define ourselves our whole life up to that point.

#4 Discomfort will become a permanent fixture in your life… in a good way.

Your beliefs affect your thoughts and those thoughts affect your actions.

Every action you take to improve yourself will feel uncomfortable, simply because they’re all new. They will affect the relationships in your life. They may make you feel guilt, shame, or unworthiness.

All of this will lead to a level of discomfort that you’ve most likely never experienced before.

Which type of discomfort will you choose? The type that comes while you take control, or the type that comes when you’re not in control?

#5 You will make mistakes on this personal growth journey.

The road to growth is not a straight line. There are zig zags, meandering detours, and even U-turns that make us feel that we’re regressing.

It is a complete roller coaster ride. One day, we feel unstoppable, the next, we hit rock bottom because some trigger resuscitates our old, limiting beliefs.

None of that means you’ve failed. It just means you’re still on the path.

#6 You will never fully eradicate self-doubt or any of the uncomfortable feelings that you are hoping to get rid of.

There will be seasons of life where you are extremely joyful. And there will be seasons where you feel stuck.

But here’s the thing: As you progress on this journey, you will become a stronger person in navigating these problems.

You are bigger than your problems. Problems, in fact, are really opportunities for you to further your growth.

#7 Your healing needs to be multidimensional.

There is no one program or one coach that is going to help you “fix” everything or solve all of your challenges.

When you learn how to manage your energy, you improve in every facet of your life. That’s why I have hired experts of all kinds for both my personal and professional life, from business mentors to a hypnotherapist to a massage therapist to marriage counselors to a Reiki master to breathwork and meditation coaches.

Know that it’s okay—and, in fact, necessary—for your healing to be multidimensional.

#8 You are never too old to get started.

The ship has never sailed if you never had the chance to hop aboard.

You choose not to change. Your fear holds you back. But you always have the power to.

You have what it takes to grow today.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share the dos and don’ts of manifestation. As many of you know, I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction—the universal law that says, “What you think about, you bring about.”

So, if you always focus on what could go wrong, those things will in fact happen. And if you focus on the positive, you’ll attract incredible opportunities into your life.

In short, you are in full control of your life.

But if the Universe is truly abundant, why aren’t we getting everything we want, right now? Well, for one, we would be overwhelmed if we were instantly handed all of our dreams. Secondly, we have yet to evolve into the person we need to become in order to receive these desires.

DO make sure that what you’re asking the Universe for is something that you truly, truly desire.

Don’t insist on having something just to prove something to the world, or to prove someone wrong, or because you’re coming from a place of lack and scarcity.

Make sure that you ask the Universe only for things that make you truly happy, fulfilled, and at peace, and not because you feel a need to “look good” or to experience mere external validation.

DO ask.

You can actually talk to the Universe. It’s a real entity. Don’t be worried that you’re asking it for too much. Don’t limit your capacity to receive. We call the Universe “abundant” for a reason.

It’s better to ask for a thousand and receive ten than to ask for a hundred and receive one.

DO fully expect to receive the thing you ask for.

There is no real difference to the Universe between a “big” desire and a “small” desire. It’s we human beings who attach meaning to our desires.

One thing may seem to require more effort than another, but when it comes to manifestation, it’s all the same to the Universe.

DO detach from the outcome.

Speaking of getting a new job, don’t get hung up on a certain outcome, thinking that if you don’t achieve that outcome, it’s all over for you.

That kind of energy is not one of abundance. That’s a perfect environment to create limiting beliefs. And remember that you only attract more of whatever matches the energy you’re putting out.

DO let the Universe do its job, no matter how big the ask.

Your mind may tell you that it’s impossible. But the Universe will literally bring you anything. The second a limiting belief pops up, you prevent amazing things from manifesting.

DO feel as if you have it already.

Everything happens in the present moment. When you desire something, and really think about it, it’s done.

Meditate. Visualize. Engage in whatever ritual or practice you prefer to minimize the noise and get into the unfettered present moment, where you can visualize your desires as clearly as possible.

DON’T be vague.

After two years of COVID, most of us just want to get out and take a well-deserved vacation.

Don’t just ask the Universe for “a vacation”. Get really clear on exactly where you want to go, your daily itinerary, the memories you want to create, and how you want to feel while you’re there.

DON’T flip-flop.

Don’t ask for something then second-guess your desire. Don’t keep asking why it’s not here yet. That only sends out mixed signals to the Universe. It’s as if you’ve got one foot on the gas and another on the break at the same time.

DON’T constantly question the Universe.

Time doesn’t mean anything to the Universe.

Time is a man-made construct.

Days, weeks, months, years—it’s all man-made.

The past no longer exists. The future never will exist.

DON’T let a failed manifestation make you believe that you’re not good at manifesting.

It all comes down to practice. Start something that feels small to you, that doesn’t require you to overcome mental barriers or limiting beliefs to manifest.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share my journey in exploring my sexuality. This certainly wasn’t an easy topic to cover, but my intuition led me to do just that because, honestly, I’m incredibly proud of how far I’ve come when it comes to my relationship with sex, pleasure, sensuality, and desire.

Sexual energy is lifeforce energy.

Sex can be such a taboo topic for the majority of us. I totally get it. Yet, if we stop to think about it, sex is something we all have in common. If it wasn’t for it, none of us would be here today. So, it’s time to own it!

Sexual energy is connected to your vitality, to your power center, to your creativity, and to your ability to tap into abundance.

We are wired to have sex.

This one’s obvious, and yet, the fact that we shy away from even speaking about sex shows that we’ve lost touch of this basic fact.

Sex and *Mindset*

Sex is more about how we think than what we do.

As a Southeast Asian woman, I never had sexual encounters growing up. There was shame attached to sex. You may have had a similar upbringing. You may have even experienced sexual trauma, which aggravates this feeling of shame.

Embracing your body

Another area you may feel shame around is your own body.

While having sex, so many women are distracted by their perceived flaws and attributes that “could be better”.

Sex is meant to be a sensual experience, which means that all five senses are involved. For most of us, though, sex is a heady experience. We think too much, and when we do that, we don’t get the most out of it.

This is so important that they could be telling you that you’re beautiful all day long, but unless you believe it yourself, then none of their praise really matters. If you feel shame around your own body, how do you expect to feel pleasure?

Here are a few ways to feel more grateful in your naked body:

Take a good, long look in the mirror and appreciate every part of you.
Be present with your body when you step out of the shower. Really take your time when you dry yourself off, when you apply lotion, when you pick out your clothes, and every other habitual step that you take for granted.
Do things that make you feel good and confident and sensual. Don’t rely solely on your spouse to turn you on. Explore what brings pleasure to you. Run yourself a hot bath and savor every sensation. Let the steam hit your skin. Smell the soap. Massage your scalp.
Be more deliberate when you touch your spouse. Get even more comfortable with each other than you already are. Hold hands more. Prolong your kisses. Have regular date nights if you don’t already set aside time for them. All of these will create greater emotional intimacy and a feeling of safety in the bedroom between the two of you.

Reconnect with your body.

So many of us are out of touch with our own body and, again, live in our head.

Incorporate daily rituals in your life that help you become more present in your body. One of my favorite practices is breathwork.

Learn how to use your voice.

If you want to communicate better in the bedroom, it’s important to feel safe, first and foremost. Set boundaries using your voice. Let your spouse know what you love, and where you draw the line.

We need to be willing to receive.

You only experience pleasure when you’re willing to receive. Likewise, you can only give pleasure if the other person is willing to receive.

You might be a Type-A personality like me—a perfectionist who is her own worst critic. I’ve always found it hard to receive compliments, support, and feedback. I always want to do things my way, by myself. If you’re like me, you’ve probably struggled with the belief that receiving equals a loss of control.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I dive into why we tend to be overthinkers.

I define “overthinking” as the inability to be decisive. It’s analyzing an issue for longer than it takes to actually take action on it and resolve that issue. It’s imbalance.

What are the symptoms of overthinking?

A few symptoms overthinkers experience are:

Reliving embarrassing experiences over and over again in your head
Having trouble sleeping
Constantly thinking “What if…”
Obsessing over the “hidden meaning” behind what people say or don’t say
Constantly reliving mistakes

Overthinking robs us from living in the present moment, because we live in our head, blunting our ability to make proper decisions—if we actually make a decision at all.

Why do we overthink?

We have come to rely on our “thinking brain” to help us navigate through life. We forget that we have this thing called our “heart”, through which we can tap into our inner wisdom. Our intuition provides a whole new dimension to any paradigm our brains may project.

I believe that our brain, while a wonderful thing, should not get the final say in the choices we make in life. Our brain is not connected to our soul, and our soul is what allows us to live our best life.

We also overthink because of our brain’s tendency to bring up our stored, not-so-pleasant memories in the moment. As humans, we desire predictability. It’s a survival mechanism.

How do we overcome overthinking? Just take action.

The solution is multilayered, but it starts and ends with taking action.

Overthinking makes us move really slowly. We get so caught up in potential mistakes that we hesitate with every step… and yet what we often find is that if we just forged ahead without overthinking, we would have made the same mistakes anyway!

Instead, take action—and learn from your mistakes.

Keep your eyes on your desired solution or outcome.

Whatever we focus on expands. And so if you focus on the problem, the problem will only get worse.

You don’t know what to do? Well, what do you actually want?

If you’re not willing to look at the problem in a different way, the solution will not manifest itself.

Assume that things will work out for you. Assume that success is inevitable. Maybe not now, but as long as you’re taking action and learning and taking action again, you will hit gold.

Shift your physical state

To stop overthinking, you have to get out of your head and into your body.

Exercise helps. Going outside and taking a walk in nature works great, too. Dance. Do breathwork.

Let go of your desire for perfect solutions

There is no such thing as the one perfect solution.

Be content with taking imperfect next steps, because that one imperfect next step will lead to the next imperfect next step; so on and so forth.

Consider it the next right move instead of the next perfect move. Again, this comes back to checking in with your heart and asking what feels right, all things considered.

Connect to your intuition

Our body holds the antidote for overthinking. Our bodies know what’s right and wrong for us.

How many times have we talked our way out of making a decision that appeals to us, that is drawing us, but somehow feels… “illogical”?

Feeling burnt out at work but telling yourself to keep going in order to stay productive? Stop it. Slow down and let yourself recover so that you have more in the tank for next time.

Most of us have forgotten what it feels like to rely on our intuition. If that’s the case, start using your intuition when it comes to small choices.

You’ll find that, just by reading those options off a piece of paper, you naturally gravitate to one over all the others.

With intention and attention, you can start to connect to your body and learn what is meant for you.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Simi Kaur.

Simi Kaur is a mom, entrepreneur & content creator who is on a mission to inspire other moms as they navigate their journeys of motherhood. She loves to bring humor in her content in a way that breaks the traditional expectations of the role of mothers in our society.

Being a survivor of depression, she also feels this space is her contribution towards making a lighter and brighter world.

Listen in as we dive into Simi’s struggles with what she calls “brown girl issues” in her youth and, occasionally, even today. She discusses the catalyst that made her decide to stop acting like a victim and take her mental health into her own hands.

Can you share some of the “brown girl issues” you had to navigate growing up?

Simi: I came to Canada at the age of 15 as an immigrant. At that age, you’re trying to find your identity, but I was never able to because of that huge cultural barrier. I was bullied in high school and had to content with the people-pleasing expectations that people have of you being a brown girl. I suffered because I always tried to meet others’ expectations—to be that “good girl”.

What realizations have you come to through that process of unraveling?

Simi: I’m a huge advocate for mental health. There was a point in my life where I was just at rock bottom. My kids were two and four and I was washing the dishes while they were playing outside. And I remember watching them through the window looking so happy, and suddenly I felt so sad. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t figure it out. I laid in my bedroom and had these unimaginable thoughts that the world would be better off without me.

What was the first step you took towards healing?

Simi: I went to my doctor and just started bawling. He put me on meds when there was such a stigma around medication. Even my parents questioned why I started taking them. I was back with that “brown girl complex”, dependent on other people’s opinions to shape me.

How have you shown up in your community to promote what you’ve been doing for your mental health, and help them realize that they are not alone?

Simi: I talk about it every chance I get on Instagram and on my podcast. It was easier to talk about it when no one was listening to me. It gets very complicated as a mother because there are so many other things we women have to think about. But I always put it out there, and I just hope more people will have a chance to listen to what I have to say, and realize that poor mental health is a real biological issue that we can’t just switch off in the moment.

What are some key issues that you’ve had to unearth and take a close look at in order to really make some big improvements in your mental health?

Simi: That’s a very tough question because I’m constantly trying to heal many parts of my mental health. It’s a messy process. But I feel like I’ve become much better at knowing when I’m trying to people-please at the expense of what I want and need. Now, I’ve shifted to asking more of what makes me happy.

What would you say to someone who can relate to your story and is feeling as alone as you once did?

Simi: First of all, realize that you’re not alone. There are so many people who are going through the same thing you are. The number one tip I can give is to reach out. When I told myself that “no one understands what I’m going through,” I made myself a victim: I was looking for happiness from external sources.

Learn more about Simi Kaur:

You can follow her on TikTok & Instagram at @__simikaur

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk directly to all of my long-term listeners who have been on the fence about getting a life coach by debunking some of the most common myths that come up time and again.

Myth #1: Your coach will fix all of your problems.

…and by extension, that they will fix you.

This is a really common myth, and I have to catch myself sometimes whenever I find an amazing coach and think, “This is the one.”

Never put pressure on yourself or your coach to have delivered this idea of paradise by the end of your time together.

Healing is not a linear journey, and it’s definitely not up to other people to do it for you.

Myth #2: Your coach will tell you exactly what you need to do to solve your problems.

For those who lived their whole lives being told what to do, beginning a coaching relationship may feel really scary.

But the truth is, your coach is a teacher, a guide, but they will never tell you what to do.

Instead of prescribing solutions that they think will solve a problem, good coaches will ask questions such as: “What do you want to do?”; “What do you desire?”; “How do you feel about that?”

Basically, a coach answers your question with a question because, when it comes down to it, you hold all the answers to your problems. Their job is to help you connect with and trust yourself.

Myth #3 & 4: Coaching is only for really damaged people. Coaching and therapy are the same.

I deliberately combined these two myths, because there is a lot of overlap between the two in terms of the mentality of the person who believes them.

Firstly, let’s get rid of the word “damaged” from our vocabulary, because you aren’t “broken” simply because you’re going through a tough time in your life. Suffering doesn’t equal brokenness.

Now, coaching and therapy are not the same. In general, therapy focuses on unearthing the roots of our suffering from the past in order to shed some light on our present suffering and help us navigate the now. Coaching, on the other hand, is more so about using lessons from the past in order to help you achieve your future goals.

Myth #5: Coaching is only for executives and athletes.

Coaching is not reserved for the elite, or those at the top of their game. We can all hire a coach.

We all have goals. We all have ambitions. We all have deep desires. Also, we all have the same potential to grow as every single one of the highest performers in their respective fields.

Executives and athletes are just smart enough to know that they need guidance to help fill certain gaps in their performance. They know that they can break through perceived limits a lot faster with a coach.

Myth #6: Life coaches have perfect lives and have it all figured out.

We all put up highlight reels of our lives on the web. It’s no different for life coaches. In fact, they’d obviously need to focus on the positive as part of their marketing.

But our coaches are human, too. Remind yourself that they make mistakes to give yourself permission to do the same.

Myth #7: Coaching takes a really long time.

Often, the one of the biggest fears clients come to me with is something along the lines of, “I’m almost 40. How is an 8-week program going to undo decades of bad habits and limiting beliefs?”

The myth is thinking that, because it took 20 years to get here, it’s going to take another 20 to get out of it.

Coaching collapses time because you’re doing very intentional, focused work. Not to mention the fact that you have accountability and support.

All of the things keeping you stuck—that whole castle you’ve built on an illusion of who you think you are, starts to fall apart really, really quickly.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about what I learned after walking 100 miles in January.

At the beginning of 2022, I set several mini-goals around improving my general health and wellbeing, one of which was walking 100 miles.

Through this experience, I learned a thing or two about goal-setting, and I’m excited to share these lessons with you today.

Lesson #1: It’s not enough to say, “I want to become happy.”

When we fail to achieve a goal, it’s usually for one or more of these three reasons: 1) It was not measurable; 2) It was not achievable, or 3) We didn’t set a deadline.

I made sure to cover these three bases when setting my January goals. I stretched myself, but not to the point of setting unrealistic expectations.

So, the next time you set goals, evaluate them according to these three criteria: 1) Is it measurable?; 2) Does it have a timeline?; 3) Is it realistic?

Lesson #2: Break your goal down into smaller parts and have a plan to tackle them each day.

My goal was to walk 100 miles in 31 days, which meant I needed to do about 3.1 miles a day.

Break your goal down into smaller segments. It will make it less intimidating and help you maintain your motivation.

Lesson #3: Breaking your goals down into smaller chunks paves the way for flexibility.

If you say, “I want to meditate for 30 days straight,” you leave no room for error. It’s either you make the 30 days, or you fail.

Instead, you can say, “I want to meditate for a total of 300 minutes this month.” That’s 10 minutes a day; meaning, if you miss a day, you can always do 15 minutes for the next two days or 20 minutes straight the next day to make up for it.

There were some days I couldn’t walk due to inclement weather. Life just happens. As much as we want to stick to something every single day, it’s unrealistic.

Lesson #4: Chip away at your goal even if it seems insurmountable.

You only fail if you quit; but, you can always, always make your goal as long as you keep chipping away.

One of the main things I learned from Everesting 29029—a previous endurance challenge I completed—is that you just have to keep taking baby steps towards your goal, because you will be amazed at what you can achieve.

Lesson #5: Think about how you would feel if you give up too soon.

Conversely, think about how you, your friends, and your family would feel once you do finish the goal.

Imagining that feeling of regret that would take over you if you were to give up, will spark that drive to soldier on.

Why do you want to achieve this goal?

For me, it’s as simple as: I want to be proud of myself.

Whatever your motivation, it needs to be wholly true to you and powerful enough to keep you going no matter what.

Lesson #6: Track it.

Never keep it in your head. Put your goals and your progress on paper.

Once you’ve done it, cross it off. It sounds so simple, but there’s no better feeling than doing so. If you’ve ever ticked off items on any type of checklist, whether it’s a task list for work or even a grocery list, the feeling is the same.

Lesson #7: Make it fun!

Some days, I walked with my kids, which really helped pass the time. Another way I did that is by listening to my favorite podcasts while getting those miles in. Other days, I’d talk with my friends on the phone while I walked.

Lesson #8: Push yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient.

You will always have challenges along the way when fighting for something really important to you. If it was easy to achieve our goals, we’d all be doing it and there wouldn’t be a need for discussions like these.

You see, the goals we set are designed to challenge us. That’s why we set goals in the first place—to expand our comfort zone.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about 10 ways anyone can raise happier children.

Lesson #1: Teach your kids about feelings.

I was not brought up to consider my feelings. I was not taught to label my emotions, much less validate my emotions.

We can create a happy environment for our kids by helping them to learn how to feel their feelings.

Lesson #2: Teach your kids about boundaries.

This not only means helping them understand that they need to establish healthy boundaries for themselves, but that they need to respect the boundaries of others, as well.

We all have those days when we just want to be left alone with our own thoughts and emotions.

Lesson #3: Allow your kids to follow their own passions.

This might seem obvious, but a lot of us parents tend to say “yes” only to those things that lie within the parameters of what we believe is acceptable for our kids to explore.

It took me a long time to realize that, “Who am I to be the gatekeeper of which hobby gets to be worthy and which doesn’t?”

Allow your child to be their own person and remove your own agenda about who you think they should become out of the equation.

Lesson #4: Let your kids see you unhappy, make mistakes, and fail.

We understandably take a lot of pride in our kids. We want them to have all the awards and accolades they can achieve.

Failure is inevitable. If you live to avoid failure, you’ll have a very tough time fulfilling your potential and truly feeling happy.

Lesson #5: Accept your kids as they are, even if you are scared that they are failing in life.

We project our goals and fears onto our children, and therefore we don’t allow their own dreams to flourish.

Deep down, we want our kids to be perfect (at least according to our standards of “perfection”). Anything that we consider a weakness, whether true or not, we project onto them and forecast into their entire life.

It causes us to constantly nag, and it eats at their spirit.

Instead, accept your child exactly as they are. Try to imagine how a so-called “negative” trait may actually be one of their strengths.

Lesson #6: Examine your parenting principles.

Are you simply and blindly following parenting advice that your own parents or fellow parents taught you?

Have you ever actually examined why you parent the way you parent? Do you truly believe in the strategies you use with your own kids?

Many of us grew up with overly strict parents who scolded or even physically disciplined us for voicing our own opinions. And with that as our model, we end up using the same approach toward our kids, without even thinking about it.

Lesson #7: Focus on consistent effort, not the result.

Your kids notice and model your behavior. We often tend to celebrate the wins, and the wins alone. But if we only highlight the wins, we give our kids the message that it’s only worth celebrating if they come home with a win.

Teach your kids to appreciate consistency and effort to build their willpower, resilience, and self-esteem.

Lesson #8: Unstructure your time.

Give your kids unstructured play, such as by giving them a blank sheet of paper on which they can draw whatever they want.

Lesson #9: Instead of telling your kids what to do, guide them to their own answers by asking questions.

I believe that one of the keys to happiness is learning to trust our own wisdom and finding the answers that are right for us.

It’s only human to want to validate all of our decisions by relying on other people’s opinions.

Lesson #10: In order to raise happy kids, you have to be happy yourself.

As moms, we want to protect our kids from everything. We believe that sacrificing ourselves is the only way to raise happy children.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Jimmy Wightman, known as “That Meditation Guy” on Instagram.

How did you come to teach meditation full-time?

Jimmy: Back in the day, I used to be into financial trading online. Quite a big change. When I was in my 20s, I was a big party guy. But at the end of my 20s, I started to suffer chronic insomnia. I used to drink a bottle of red wine a night just to go to sleep. That led to depression. I looked for solutions, and that started with guided meditations for sleep. I eventually decided to really get serious and signed up for an eight-week mindfulness course. That really helped me to get to know how my mind works. To be honest, when I finished my course, I went back to my old ways and the insomnia never cleared up.

What was it like to transition into business ownership?

Jimmy: It probably wasn’t as bad for me as it is for some people because I’d already done it before. I had already quit my job and started my online business and went through years of struggle.

Why is it that the deeper you connect with yourself, the deeper you connect to the world around you?

Jimmy: The nervous system is really the source of it all. Meditation calms down the nervous system, allowing us to enjoy what’s around us. We not only become calm and stress-free, but we release all our old conditioning. As we keep all these emotions in, the baggage gets heavier and heavier and weighs us down, making the world a scary place.

What are some popular myths that stop people from getting started with meditation?

Jimmy: The biggest one is probably: “Meditation is about focusing on the breath.” That’s one of thousands of different ways to meditate. If focusing on your breath isn’t working for you, feel free to experiment. Find a method that works for you. You also don’t need to meditate for massive amounts of time.

How do you habitualize meditation?

Jimmy: If you have a deep, blissful experience, you’ll get hooked, and the habit will form easily. The motivation will take care of itself. Make it a non-negotiable, like brushing your teeth.

What are the different types of meditation, and which do you teach?

Jimmy: The four most scientifically researched meditations are: 1) focused attention; 2) open monitoring; 3) loving-kindness; 4) automatic self-transcending or Vedic or deep meditation.

Is there a “right” and “wrong” way to meditate?

Jimmy: I think people will struggle without some guidance. Even an app is a good tool to keep you on track if you can’t find a teacher.

What would you say to busy moms who say that everything comes first and therefore never find the time to meditate?

Jimmy: Find the meditation that feels good to you and do it for 15-20 minutes in the morning and afternoon. Make it a worthwhile 15-20 minutes that you find more engaging than scrolling on your phone.

What are some potential downsides to meditation?

Jimmy: When I teach people, I make sure to tell them that they are going to go through a process. They will go through a stress release as they sift through their emotions.

Why do you take cold dips in the ocean? It sounds like torture!

Jimmy: The first time, it was! It all started in the summer. We kept doing it as it became colder and colder through the months. It sort of took a life of its own. Now that it’s January, it’s freezing.

Learn more about Jimmy Wightman:

Visit his website: https://www.delvedeep.com

Follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/that_meditation_guy

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share how my relationship with failure has evolved over the years.

I believe being afraid of failure has held me back so much in life. Today, I want to talk not only about my own journey, but how the lessons I’ve learned about failure can help you along your journey, as well.

Everyone is afraid of one of two things depending on where we are in life: failure or success. The latter, because we like to stick to the status quo, and success means horizons and, therefore, new challenges. We fear that newness.

Failure, of course, is the fear that most of us are more familiar with. We grow up believing that failure is not an option, that we are useless and weak if we don't win.

But I learned, over time, that failure is the platform to success. You cannot achieve success without failure.

Failure Builds Character

If we don’t fail, we don’t learn.

I never failed spectacularly at anything until after my 30s. That’s not bragging. That’s regret.

I wish I had pushed myself harder throughout my early life. I know I could have grown so much more.

Today, as a mom, I believe that my job is to push my kids—now 8 and 11—to fail. I want to encourage them at every turn to face their fears and take big challenges one step at a time to prove to themselves that they are capable.

The more we allow our kids to fail, the more lessons they take away from those experiences as a result.

Failure builds character. It helps us become the person we need to become. That stronger, wiser person can carry the success we crave, that we in our current state don’t yet deserve. Failure molds us for success.

We Pay Our Dues Sooner or Later

Because I never failed till I reached my 30s, I had to pay my dues relatively late in life, when I was already a married woman.

I hadn’t figured out who I was at that point in time. I was a rebel. It drove my husband crazy.

I wasn’t even close to who I am today. It took a failed corporate career and two businesses for me to finally start growing.

Failure is not an end. It’s a step toward success. But it has to happen sooner or later if we are to grow into who we are meant to become. Perfection doesn’t exist, so we need to take the pressure off to always get it right.

Enjoy the Journey

Every step I take, whether it gives me the results I want or not, leads me to the eventual destination.

I’ve learned to enjoy the ride. That takes the bitterness out of failure.

Marinate in the wins. Celebrate what goes right, no matter how small. That takes the sting out of failure. In fact, I like to say that failure adds flavor to life.

Why do we enjoy hearing stories about the Oprahs of the world? It’s not her successes, but her failures—specifically how she overcame them—that inspires us. We realize that if they can do it, we can, too.

Failure is not a waste. It’s a really important investment in your growth.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share how I’m designing my 2022 for success and how I’m doing it a little differently than in previous years.

I stopped setting New Year’s Resolutions years back once I realized that it’s nothing more than an arbitrary way to design goals. More often than not, we disappoint ourselves a few weeks into January when we fall off the wagon.

When we fail our New Year’s Resolutions, it compounds any shame we have and tends to make us believe that we’re not enough.

You might have listened to my previous episodes where I share my 29029 Everesting experience where I finished the challenge with two hours to spare. It was the hardest thing I’d done to date.

Jesse Itzler, a billionaire partly responsible for the creation of 29029, has another fantastic year-long coaching program called the Build Your Life Resumé. I’ve recently enrolled in it, and I’d like to share the three foundational lessons I learned from taking the program that you can use in designing your 2022 for success.

Lesson #1: Choose your misogi

We have a resumé for work. Why not have one for life?

What if we put as much energy and focus on building our life as we do building our career?

The big things that fill you up, whether it’s charity work or out-of-town trips with your family—put them all on your calendar.

The number one thing that Jesse recommends you put on your calendar is a misogi. This is a Japanese Shinto practice of ritual purification by washing the entire body. For the purposes of this program, your misogi is one life-defining event that you will commit to within the year.

Your misogi has to scare the heck out of you so much that you’re more likely to fail at it than to achieve it. However, the journey to get there is the real gift.

Unbeknownst to me, my misogi last year was 29029.

So, pick your misogi for 2020, whether it’s writing a book, starting a business, launching a podcast, or creating a piece of art.

Whatever it is, it’s a memory that you’ll be telling your kids and their kids.

Life is short. Your misogi is part of your legacy, so don’t be afraid to aim high.

Lesson #2: The Kevin Rule

Named after his friend Kevin, Jesse recommends doing something that you wouldn’t normally do every eight weeks. That’s six experiences a year.

For example, if you have another 40 years to live, you will be doing 240 of these experiences in your life.

Personally, I’ve got skiing, running a 5k, and setting up my own composting system lined up for the year!

Just like your misogi, these are exciting, but smaller, events you’ll be doing to spice up your year and offer you a regular sense of accomplishment for going out of your comfort zone.

Lesson #3: Create a habit

The Build Your Life Resumé program recommends creating a new habit every quarter.

However, I’ll be tweaking it for myself to create a new habit every month.

I know that sounds like a lot, but remember that it takes 21 days to create a new habit. I love the idea of solidifying a new habit for 30 days before starting a new one and really stacking up a whole new approach to life as a result.

Whatever frequency you choose, really take the time to pinpoint the habits that you know, if you end up living them out, can completely transform your life.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, my son Arya is back yet again for another fantastic conversation about life as a tween!

Since you just started middle school, what do you love about it?

Arya: We have more freedom since we get to pick our electives. It’s also a bit more challenging, which I also like. I’ve also made a lot of friends.

What are some challenges that you’ve faced in middle school so far?

Arya: I don’t want to get too specific, but friend drama. Everybody’s also taller than me.

How do you find having to walk from classroom to classroom now, unlike in elementary when you were stuck in just one room?

Arya: It was challenging, but you get used to it after a while. You find the fastest routes to take eventually. I also find it frustrating that not all the kids want to learn anymore.

We also talked about trying to see things from their perspective. Did that practice help at all?

Arya: Not really. I still try to look at things from their perspective, and I sort of did but it didn’t really help. But I do have a little more empathy and compassion for them.

What’s sucked about COVID after three years?

Arya: Literally every aspect of it. But the thing that sucked the most was not being able to see people except my family. For a long time, we could only see each other through Zoom.

What was something that pleasantly surprised you about COVID?

Arya: Well, the fact that I felt more together with people. I felt closer to people when I was away from them. During the first lockdown, every Saturday we held a Zoom call with all of our cousins. We also got a dog, Cosmo, out of it, which was really awesome because that helped me cope a little bit more.

I would say that something that surprised me about COVID was how much we connected to nature. We took a lot of walks and hikes. Cosmo forced us to exercise. So, moving on, what do you see yourself doing in the future?

Arya: I see myself going to Harvard in the future. I also see myself working at the Smithsonian. I want to be a historian. That would be cool. I think Chinese would help me with that because I could specialize in Chinese artifacts.

That’s professionally. What else do you see for yourself in the future?

Arya: Playing video games!

What’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to you?

Arya: Cosmo and our last few Christmases!

What makes you feel brave?

Arya: When I’m around people like my friends and my family. That makes me feel brave.

What do you look forward to when you wake up?

Arya: Getting home from school. But I also look forward to seeing my friends and teachers in school.

How do you show people you care?

Arya: With my family, by telling them I love them and helping them with stuff. With my friends, I joke with them.

What makes you awesome?

Arya: Every single aspect of me. I’m awesome. There’s no one thing.

What are some ways you show yourself that you love yourself?

Arya: Reading, ‘cause it’s like watching Netflix on a Sunday night. Reading’s that for me.

What are some boundaries that make you feel safe?

Arya: Nobody looks over my shoulder when I’m playing video games. Nobody walks into my room or bathroom when I’m taking a shower. With my friends,

What are some boundaries that we, as a family, have a hard time respecting?

Arya: One hour of TV time. I go over it every single time!

What’s a boundary you have that we as a family have a hard time respecting?

Arya: I don’t know. You guys respect my boundaries pretty well.

What do you do when you have a friend asking you to keep a secret that you’re not comfortable keeping?

Arya: If it’s abuse, I’d go straight to you and talk about it. Even if my friend is super upset and ends their friendship with me,

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I go into a timely and seasonal discussion on how to deal with our triggers brought on by our own family—an especially important issue to cover during the holiday season.

While we enjoy the time we have during our Christmas get-togethers with loved ones, many of us experience certain triggers while interacting with some of our family members.

Almost all of us have those parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and/or grandparents who make the odd aside or ask the occasional insensitive question. They’re more often than not well-meaning, but the remark just doesn’t land the way they intended it to. Can anyone relate?

We’re all in the same boat. I want to dedicate this episode to normalizing this experience, because family, by definition, tends to push certain buttons.

It is okay to be triggered.

If you find yourself reverting to old, destructive patterns… if you suddenly feel small or insignificant as a result of being criticized by visiting family, please know, again, that what you’re feeling is completely normal.

We tend to get triggered the most around family because we let our guard down and we are prone to tapping into our not-so-pleasant childhood experiences.

Acknowledge your inner child

Again, let’s make peace with the fact that we will get triggered among family. In fact, let me go a bit deeper and say that, technically, it’s not you who gets triggered, but your inner child.

After all, among most people, we wouldn’t be affected by certain comments and inquiries, because we’ve done the inner child work. But among those who have known us since the day we were born? That’s a different story.

By becoming aware of and acknowledging our inner child, we have more compassion for ourselves, knowing it isn’t the case that all our hard work has been thrown out the window.

Be the most you you can be.

This is already so important in general, but even more so during the holiday season when we’re around family.

Give yourself grace and accept that we’re all in the same boat, and let these experiences humble you to embrace the fact that you’re still a work-in-progress. Consider these experiences as gifts or at least as wake-up calls pointing to how you can continue to improve.

After all, there’s always work to be done.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to set up a sustainable spiritual practice that will prime you for success in all that you do!

What is a spiritual practice, exactly?

To me, a spiritual practice is anything that helps you get in deeper touch with who you are—your soul; your essence.

Your spiritual practice helps you connect to yourself—your thoughts, your patterns, your beliefs, your desires. It helps you get clear on who you really are, and in turn informs us what we need to cut out of our lives so that we can be happy.

Why praying is not a spiritual practice

When we pray, we rely on someone outside of us to effect change in our life.

A spiritual practice unlocks your inner wisdom. Once you know yourself and your own paths and your own gifts, then you can pray to the entity you believe in to help you along your spiritual journey.

Common misconceptions around what a spiritual practice should look like

There are a ton of tools out there that can potentially unlock your inner wisdom, from journaling to meditating to tapping to breathwork.

One common pitfall is thinking that you have to do all of the things. And that’s just not true.

How to start creating your spiritual habits

Pick that one tool that works for you. Say it’s meditation. Block off just ten minutes as soon as you wake up to do that activity.

In fact, again, you don’t have to do it in the morning. Choose a time in the day that feels most comfortable for you. The point is to make the time.

It’s a small commitment than anyone can make; but, guess what? You’ve now laid a foundation for yourself that you can build upon as time goes on.

Starting small and staying consistent cultivates confidence, which empowers you to go further.

Break up your spiritual practices into little activities throughout your day

As you get used to your new spiritual practice, try adding a couple more blocks to do it throughout your day. It may not even be the same practice—if you meditate in the morning, try journaling before bed.

Remember that a spiritual habit helps center you. This is especially crucial if you’re, say, a single mother.

Invest time and money to be able to do your spiritual practice in community with like-minded people

Find someone or a collection of people to stay accountable to. You don’t even necessarily have to join a group dedicated to your spiritual practice. Just finding a friend who you can do breathwork or journaling with on a regular basis is extremely helpful.

By finding a community of like-minded people, you now have friends who expect you to show up, and you now have this shared experience.

So, whenever you hit a roadblock, you have these people who can lend a hand and help you nip self-sabotage in the bud.

Invest money in a group, program, or challenge if you can because it’s harder to stay committed to something that’s free. That’s because we tend to be more motivated to stick to something we paid for since none of us want to waste money.

Ask yourself why you want to commit to a spiritual practice

Lastly, ensure that you’re not only setting up a spiritual practice because “everyone is saying I should.” That’s a start, but nowhere near enough of a good reason to carry on.

Ask yourself how a spiritual practice will benefit you, but also what would happen if you don’t incorporate a spiritual practice into your life.

What will you miss out on if you don’t start taking your spiritual life more seriously?

You’ve got to set non-negotiables for yourself. It’s going to be impossible to keep up your habits without them—and there’s no point starting a spiritual practice if you don’t stick to it long-term.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about some of the habits that may be ruining your life. We always read about habits for success, but just as important to learn about are those habits which harm you and get in the way of your growth.

Listen in as I discuss nine habits that you’d do well to let go of today to make way for real growth in your life!

Habit #1: Comparing yourself to others

This one is probably the most common one. In fact, it’s likely universal.

We compare ourselves to other parents, to others ahead of us in our chosen profession, our house or car to those of the wealthy, our physique to those of IG influencers with tens if not hundreds of thousands of followers.

Habit #2: Not celebrating your smallest wins

Most of us wait until we hit those really big goals before we bring out the champagne.

The truth is, we will most likely burn out before we ever reach those exciting goals if we don’t take the time to celebrate the small ones leading up to it.

Give yourself more credit. Toot your own horn even (and especially) when no one else is around to see it. Be kinder to yourself.

Habit #3: A perfectionist or all-or-nothing attitude

These go hand-in-hand: If you’re a perfectionist, you will also have an all-or-nothing attitude.

When this happens, you throw in the towel immediately after your first mistake or failure.

This is incredibly harmful to your soul, your being, because you’ll be constantly reinforcing the belief in your mind that you can’t be trusted.

The reality for all of us as humans is: You’ll never reach perfection, but you can be way ahead of most people if you commit to small things first, then gradually build on them.

Habit #4: Waiting for the “perfect time” to start

Again, perfection doesn’t exist. There is no perfect human, and there is no perfect season.

Don’t even put it off for tomorrow because, as the old saying goes: “Tomorrow never comes.”

Procrastination only gets you used to giving yourself excuses, which is worse for you in the long run.

Habit #5: Assuming that everyone else has it easier than you

It’s a common thing to look at someone further ahead in their career than you, and assume that they’re just more talented or smarter.

Assuming is a bad habit on its own. Don’t give your brain a chance to diminish your self-esteem.

Habit #6: Wanting to do it all on your own

What exactly are you trying to prove? There is nothing shameful about asking others for help.

In fact, life is not meant to be lived alone.

Ask for help, whether it be from a paid coach or simply someone ahead of the path you’re taking.

Find community. Get accountability.

Habit #7: Telling yourself: “I’m stuck.”

Telling yourself the story that you’re “stuck” only disincentivizes your brain from looking for solutions.

You close the door to progress.

Change your story to: “I’m capable of finding answers.”

Instead of telling yourself why you can’t do something, instead ask yourself how you can.

Habit #8: Not getting enough rest

Life isn’t a race.

If you treat it as such, you accumulate stress. And when you’re stressing out, you won’t be able to think clearly.

Take some time to rest, to slow down, to find joy in life beyond your work or your big goals. Ironically, putting rest in your schedule actually allows you to grow faster.

Habit #9: Watching the news

I don’t need to know that there are more wars happening around the world.

I don’t need to know that there is a shortage of food in this place I don’t live in.

I don’t need to know how dire the pollution situation is in such-and-such country.

Most news programs aren’t designed to inform us (as much as they’d want us to believe that they do), but are designed to make us scared and constantly on edge.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I go into the truths I wish I had known at the beginning of my self-love journey.

I’m sharing these with you today in the hopes that they make your own self-love journey a little less tumultuous and uncertain.

Truth #1: Your self-love journey does not go in a straight line.

The beginning of your self-love journey is going to be scary. There’s no way around that fact. However, it should give you hope and confidence that everyone has to face this same fear.

There is a lot of uncertainty, particularly because we usually don’t know what our final destination is going to look like.

Truth #2: You are the one standing in your own way.

Too often, we blame people around us, the circumstances we find ourselves in, or some other outside force.

In other words, we blame everything and everyone for our problems but ourselves.

The truth is, our problems are a reflection of what’s inside of us. It’s terrifying to admit that we’re the ones getting in our own way.

Truth #3: It’s way easier and much more fun when you have community and support.

The self-love journey can feel really isolating sometimes.

I remember running into the perfect coach. I was obsessed with finding a way to work directly with her, and the only opportunity that came my way was a group coaching program.

I did hesitate, wondering whether I’d really get the value I needed from a group setting. I basically thought that my growth would be diluted.

Long story short, many of my wounds were healed as a result of being part of that group program. I looked to a single woman for my healing; but, I was able to heal thanks to all the women I interacted with during that program.

A deeper form of healing occurs when you allow yourself to engage with a community.

Truth #4: You’ll feel a wave of shame wash over you when you get started.

This is likely because self-love has never been modeled to you, which is why it feels so difficult to get started in the first place.

You are likely to be the first person in your lineage to engage in this journey of self-love. You are breaking free of generational trauma.

Change is always scary. What more if you’re the first in your family to do so with regards to one of the most important areas of your life: self-love?

Don’t expect your self-love journey to feel easy or natural. Our bodies are taught to conform, because that’s what keeps us safe.

But conformity is not what leads us to change.

Truth #5: The only way you’ll become the person you’re meant to be is by embarking on this journey and making mistakes.

Knowledge and wisdom are gained through mistakes made over and over and over again.

The only way you’ll become that wise, calm, patient, and confident person is by embarking on your self-love journey.

Unlike school, life will test you before you learn the lesson.

Truth #6: There is no destination on this self-love journey.

If you’re looking for a happily ever after, don’t bother to get started. You’ll only be sorely disappointed.

But if you’re looking to enjoy this journey called “life”, then absolutely embark on your self-love journey.

Here’s the thing: Life will not get any easier. Life will continue to throw challenges at us. It will take twists and turns. We will be handed heartbreak. We will be faced with really tough challenges.

But what we can do is grow into the version of you that has the capacity to allow all of it to flow through you.

That is when life becomes really juicy.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I give my thoughts on how and why to reparent your inner child. Going through this process myself has been a life-changing experience, particularly as a mom.

By reparenting your inner child, you will learn to be at peace with yourself as a person and at peace with yourself as a parent.

What is the “inner child”?

Our inner child is another identity or persona that lives within all of us. It is that childlike, joyful place within us.

It truly is the child within us.

Obviously, all of us were children in the past; but, many of us, ever since we entered adulthood, have buried that child and haven’t reconnected with him or her for many years.

Our inner child can be of any age. Often, when we are wounded at some point in our childhood and never heal from that wound, that child haunts us whether we are aware of it or not.

Learning to reparent your inner child will free you of those traumas.

Why is inner child healing important?

“I’m not good-looking enough.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I’m not worthy.”

We develop the majority of our false or limiting beliefs as a result of those childhood wounds, whether they were seemingly insignificant or truly significant memories.

We usually don’t realize that a wound has been inflicted in the moment nor in the years that follow. We often discover these wounds when we’re already in the midst of doing inner child healing work, when we’re peeling back the layers of our life.

This work can help you pinpoint the rules you live by as you go about your life.

Learn to Love Yourself for Who You Are

As a child, I thought I was too dark, that I wasn’t pretty enough, that I didn’t belong.

I did all I could to be accepted and loved. Growing up, I lived in constant fear that I would fail school. I went through a good chunk of my career thinking I could be fired at any moment.

My oath to myself was that I would prove to the world how capable I was.

I spent my life chasing whatever I felt would prove that I was good enough.

I now know this because of my inner child work. If you asked me ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to name it.

Once I learned to love myself for how I look, how I think, and how I feel, I began the process of healing.

Notice What Triggers You as a Parent

It’s common to get annoyed whenever our kids act like kids. We parents have a tendency to stand tall and stiff and berate our children for misbehaving without even attempting to see things from their point of view.

If you find yourself doing this, take it as a sign that you’re probably out of touch with your inner child.

We’ve lost our sense of wonder, awe, joy, and curiosity.

Take it as an invitation to look within yourself, uncover old wounds, and learn how to heal yourself to become a better woman or man, and mother or father.

How Does Inner Child Healing Work?

I take my clients through a deep meditation and we try to connect to some challenging part of their life currently taking place.

We then try to surface a memory or set of memories that are bubbling just below the surface. It’s up to the client to discover those memories on their own.

Your inner child may be wary and scared to talk to you at first, because to them, you may be a stranger at that moment.

How Healing My Inner Child Made Me a Better Parent

We all want to be the “perfect” parent but we all fall short.

It is our responsibility to heal. We cannot go back and fix things. The only thing we can do is heal what’s happened.

We slow down to match our child’s pace. We have all the time in the world for them. We learn to be in the present moment, to be right there with him or her, to make them feel safe.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Lauren McFall Gardner, who represented America in synchronized swimming at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece.

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Lauren: I grew up in Northern California. For 16 years, I trained for synchronized swimming (now called “artistic swimming”). In 2004, I was team captain of my team at the Olympics, and we won a bronze medal. There were so many challenges in that experience and I realized that learning from them would carry me through future challenges. I got my first job on Wall Street because I was an Olympic medalist, and my CEO at the time wanted athletes as salespeople. I had kids soon after. But I floundered a little bit as I started to question what I was truly meant to do and be because I didn’t feel that I lived up to the expectations that others had of me.

What were some of your struggles when you decided to work with me?

Lauren: When we finished working together, you shared with me some of the things I said during our first session. I didn’t even recognize that person: I was so insecure and felt that I needed external validation. I didn’t want to screw up the new job I had at the time. I knew that failing would break me.

How did you fare when we finished working together?

Lauren: Soon after we finished our work together, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It wasn’t even until around six weeks ago, now that I’m on the other side of it, when it finally struck me that I had been led to you and we had worked on these tools that helped me in my career… and had unexpectedly helped me with this traumatic disease, too. My life still isn’t “perfect”, of course, but I feel that I’m on a very good path right now.

How did you find your voice?

Lauren: The only way I got my husband and kids to hear me was to yell and be angry. I knew I had to find my voice, because once I could get clear on what I want or need, I could just say it. I felt this need that I had to do everything for my family. Finding my voice taught me that I should only do something because I wanted to do it, not because I “had” to. If I refuse to do something, it doesn’t mean I don’t love my family. It only means I need rest at that particular moment.

You mentioned tools. Which tools have you found to be the most useful to you?

Lauren: I used to get really anxious during a work call. One of the thing you taught me was to do a five-minute meditation.

I also became aware of my ego and the loud voice coming from it telling me why I can’t do something. I learned to listen to the little voice instead telling me why I can.

How has doing internal work changed you as a mom?

Lauren: I remember thinking I was on top of motherhood when we started working together. But that was only because they were younger.

I’m now more in tune with how they feel when they get upset and am more patient with them, whereas before, I would just react in these base, human ways.

I’ve also shifted to regarding parenting as managing myself as much as it is managing my kids.

Tell me about your journey with breast cancer. How did you get through it?

Lauren: In some ways, cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it shed a light on so many things. One of the big ones is asking for help because I didn’t have a choice.

That experience also changed my perception on health.

New me sees that it’s more important to be on the floor wrestling and playing with my kids, and just being grateful that I have these days with them. Love was a huge, huge thing throughout this process—loving others and loving myself.

On the spiritual side, I learned to cope with stress just by being quiet.

Learn more about Lauren McFall Gardner:

Read about her breast cancer journey: https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Artistic-Swimming/Features/2021/September/30/Lauren-Breast-Cancer-Journey

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lgardner3736

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I reflect further on my 29029 Everesting adventure.

Today, I will talk about how I used the Law of Attraction to really help me complete this event.

I wasn’t alone on my journey to climb the equivalent of Mt. Everest. In fact, I was quite literally co-creating with the Universe while I was on that mountain.

What is the Law of Attraction, exactly?

Simply put, we attract what we think about.

When our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all aligned, this invisible force—a higher consciousness, you could say—steps in and does mind-blowing things.

The Universe may send certain people, situations, or resources our way to help us accomplish the audacious dreams or goals that we would not have been able to accomplish by ourselves.

As we co-create with the Universe, we see that it truly has the power to pull strings on our behalf.

Visualize your dream

In making the decision to take on the 29029 Everesting challenge, I knew I needed to use every Law of Attraction tool and strategy that I had in my toolbox to co-create the entire experience.

It started with visualization.

I highly, highly encourage you to get into the habit of visualizing what you want. At first, it may feel fuzzy or vague because you may struggle getting into the details of exactly what it is you desire. At first, you might not be able to access the powerful emotions that you want to feel.

Keep practicing. Keep getting clear on that vision. Keep tapping into the emotion.

Put the intention out there

Let’s head back to the beginning, way before I even took my first step on the mountain.

I hate traveling by myself, without family. I wanted to find a faster way of getting to the mountain, so I simply put that intention out there. I was otherwise completely at a loss as to how I was going to get there quickly and efficiently.

Out of the blue, my husband suggested that I ask the other participants whether someone is already renting a car.

Problem solved.

The Universe doesn’t always have to work through you. That idea had not occurred to me personally, but that’s part of the beauty of the Law of Attraction:

Adopt an attitude of gratitude toward the Universe

One of the other things I kept asking the Universe was for decent weather in Vermont.

I didn’t want to hike in the rain or the snow, and thanks to my autoimmune disease, I have poor circulation in my body. The minute it drops below 72 degrees, I have to put on many, many layers.

I visualized blue skies and weather constantly in the 60s.

Lo and behold, for the majority of the weekend, we had weather in the 60s. What’s also amazing is that the weather plunged below the 40s right after the weekend, when it was all over (thankfully)!

My army of angels

I mentioned the angel that accompanied me on this journey in the form of the kind man who got up an hour early to take me to the airport.

Little did I know at the time that he was to be the first of many.

One of these angels is Tiffany, a physical therapist who worked on my aching hips and legs for almost an hour-and-a-half.

Another is Coach Dawn, who was there on ascent #5 to support me when all I wanted to do at that point was throw in the towel, giving me the confidence and support I needed to do the next 11 climbs.

She was even by my side for the entirety of my 16th climb, and lit a fire in my belly to plow through the 17th ascent as a thunderstorm loomed overhead.

The Universe is Waiting for You

Don’t be scared of asking the Universe for exactly what you want.

You are not too demanding.

No ask is too small or too big for the Universe.

The Universe is waiting on you for guidance.

It wants to know: “What do you want from me? How can I help you? I am here to support you?”

The Universe is asking for you.

Trust, and be open to receiving.

Remember, life is meant to be co-created with the Universe.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I reflect on my 29029 Everesting experience.

Before the first step...

The very first thing that hit me when I began the climb was how steep the mountain was. I felt like I was shrinking with every anxious thump I felt in my chest.

I had grossly underestimated the elevation and the steepness of this mountain.

Fighting through the pain

As I began climb #2, I started to feel a dull, throbbing pain in my hip. It was then that I regretted putting on the back-burner the hip-flexor strengthening work we were trained to do.

By climb #4, I was wincing in pain every time I lifted my leg. By the time I got to the top, I was ready to call it quits.

But after all that time I spent reconnecting with my body, preparing for this moment, that just wasn’t an option.

So, off I went to the gondola back down the mountain. I then headed straight for the recovery room.

A second wind

At the recovery room, this absolute angel named Tiffany worked on my hip for almost two hours. She even helped me get my lunch in.

I’ll be honest. He wasn’t my favorite person to be around on that journey.

But that’s only because he was telling me the truth. And don’t we all hate it when someone gives us the cold, harsh truth?

I met another angel on the way up, Coach Dawn. She asked me how I was doing, and I repeated my mantra that I had been practicing for months: “I’m strong. I’m capable. I can do this.”

Coach Dawn held space for me. She was a witness to my pain on the inside. It was truly a moment of healing. It was medicine to my soul.

My why was to prove to myself that I am capable.

Surrounding myself with winners

All of the volunteers, I learned, were finishers of 29029 Everesting.

That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with a community of people all striving toward the same or similar goals.

Hiking through the night

After 8:30 PM and with dinner done, I decided to trek through the night.

Through the rain that started to pour soon after.

Through the ankle-deep mud.

Through the harsh winds.

Through the low-visibility.

Just be you

I was like a baby going up and down that mountain.

I’d let random people help me take off my backpack and put it back on. Same with my gloves. Same with applying my own ChapStick!

I was nowhere near the fastest nor the fittest. And yet, one of the biggest surprises for me was how many people told me that I was so inspiring to be around.

Best of all, at the end of the whole thing, the entire room full of participants cheered and clapped as my story was told as part of our final meeting together. I was told that I was more inspiring than the first person who finished the event in 15-and-a-half hours.

We don’t have to be anything but ourselves if we want to make an impact.

Be the most you, you can be. Do the very best you can. Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you inspire others simply because you showed up.

Don’t let the mountain bully you

Climbing this mountain 17 times taught me that life is just about taking one step at a time.

When I first looked up those 1,750 feet, I thought it was an impossible task.

But guess what?I was able to conquer this same mountain not once, but 17 times, because I focused on one step at a time.

And celebrate every single one of the steps you take.

I truly believe that I am capable of accomplishing whatever I set my mind to.

Probably not as fast as I would want to. But that doesn’t matter.

Deep down, in the soul of my being, I know that I’m so capable.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about one of my most commonly requested topics: How to become a more confident you.

What is “self-confidence”, exactly?

Self-confidence is your own, personal view on how likely you are to accomplish a goal.

There are areas in your life that you are more confident in than others.

Self-confidence versus self-esteem

Self-esteem is your overall view of your worth.

“I’m a good person” is a self-esteem statement. Confidence in certain areas can boost your self-esteem, but not necessarily.

What self-confidence gives (and doesn’t give) us

The more confidence we have, the more resilient and the happier we feel.

Confidence gives us the willingness to take more risks in life. And when you take more risks, you open yourself up to more rewards.

You don’t necessarily need to be good at something to be confident at doing it.

Confidence is an inside job... and it’s a job that takes time.

Considering all this, it’s clear that external rewards and validation do not always lead to more confidence.

Nor will confidence come all at once. You won’t wake up one morning and feel magically confident all of a sudden.

Confidence comes in little doses and, before you know it, it’s like you’re a totally new person with a fresh, powerful outlook on and approach to life.

So, with all that out of the way, how exactly do you build confidence? Here are my top tips:

Tip #1: Celebrate every small step you take and every small win you experience.

As the saying goes, “It’s not about the destination, but the journey.”

It may be a cliché, but that’s only because it’s true.

If you want to build your confidence over time, you have to stop and celebrate every tiny win, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Embrace the fact that you’re learning, growing, and becoming more competent every step of the way.

Tip #2: Accept your flaws, fully.

It’s natural to want to hide parts of ourselves that we think are imperfect.

I’ve found that it’s so powerful to own who you are by talking about your flaws if the situation presents itself.

Tip #3: Look back at how far you’ve gotten in life instead of looking at how far you have left to go.

I don’t know a single person who has gotten everything they’ve ever wanted out of life.

Be proud of yourself by celebrating how far you’ve come. That will give you the confidence you need to push forward.

Tip #4: You can be confident and still be a work-in-progress.

I think a lot of us are under the impression that, if we have any self-doubt whatsoever, that means we’re not confident.

There’s room for many, many, many emotions to coexist within you at any given moment.

That’s what it means to be human.

Tip #5: Get out of the house.

This is even more important during these challenging times.

Experiencing new things is an easy way to gain more confidence.

Tip #6: Move your body.

I invite you to get out of your head and into your body.

When we live with our limiting beliefs, we completely disconnect from our bodies from the neck-down.

Our bodies hold so much wisdom.

Tip #7: Do something that makes you feel uncomfortable every single day.

This can be as tiny as finishing up a hot shower by turning on the ice-cold water (if this is something you’re not already used to doing, of course).

This is a great practice for shattering limiting beliefs. Notice the discomfort, then do the damn thing anyway.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I get to ask my son, Ashwin, a few questions about himself!

Tell me about yourself.

Ashwin: I’m eight years old. I’m in second grade. I love my little dog, Cosmo. I love monster trucks. I have a great loft bed. And I want to have a better future if I can.

What do you think I do for a living?

Ashwin: You’re a life coach. You make people feel better by doing breathwork sessions. I thought it was really weird, but I got used to it.

How do you like to spend your time?

Ashwin: I like to spend my time playing with monster trucks with my friends. I love to build legos. My dad helps me make things out of cardboard.

What are you good at?

Ashwin: Baseball and making people feel better. I give the best hugs and tickles. I’m a detective in the house.

What do you know how to do that you could teach me?

Ashwin: Learn how to play with legos.

What are some things in life that make you really upset?

Ashwin: Whenever you guys say “no”. It bugs me when Arya doesn’t play with me. He reads a lot.

What are some things that make you feel good?

Ashwin: Playing with my friends and getting ice cream, especially vanilla and chocolate drenched in sprinkles.

What makes you feel really proud about yourself?

Ashwin: Whenever I do something to help my baseball team. I felt proud when I did my math homework this evening.

What are the affirmations you and I say every night before we go to bed?

Ashwin: I’m kind, I’m smart, I’m brave, I love myself, and I can do everything I set my mind to.

Can you walk the people through something you recently learned about the circle of thoughts, feelings, and actions?

Ashwin: Draw a triangle. Write an “A” (which stands for “actions”) at the top of the triangle, and “F” (which stands for “feelings”) on another side, and a “T” (which stands for “thoughts”) on the last side. So, if I lost my toy, I would write “I lost my toy” on the thought side, “I feel really mad or sad” on the feeling side, and my action would be “get angry” and you would feel it.

What will you do based on this information? If your thought makes you act in a way that you don’t want to act, what could you do with the thought?

Ashwin: Change it and write out a new one.

What is a new thought you can think of?

Ashwin: “I’m sure I can find it. Just not right now.”

Yeah, and you would feel “hopeful”. Then what action would you take?

Ashwin: “Ask for help.”

You can change your thoughts about any situation. This is the very basic premise of mindset training. Our thoughts always lead to certain feelings or emotions which always lead to our action or inaction, which then leads to our results. So, if we want our results to change, we always want to start by changing our thoughts.

Ashwin, what do you do when you want to stop feeling mad?

Ashwin: I squeeze a water bottle. I also punch a pillow. If you have eggshells, don’t throw them away. I can crush them with a potato masher! I also listen to rock and metal in my room.

What is a question that you would like to ask me?

Ashwin: Can I please watch TV?

Well as we're recording this episode folks, it is a Friday night and they get screen time on Friday night. I don't know about your kids but my kids thoughts always seem to be, "When can I get the next sugar rush and when can I get the next screen time?"

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share the life lessons I’ve learned from my autoimmune disease and how you might be able to apply them to your own life.

To give you a quick background, it was 2004 when I got sick while I was in the middle of a very intense MBA program. I was also one year into my marriage at this time.

Now, it seemed like your typical fever at first. But as it progressed, it felt as if someone was tying a heavy anchor around me, and the world began to move slower and slower.

I was finally prompted to see my GP. After a week of tests, I got word that something was very wrong with my immune system.

I was sent to a rheumatologist and, eventually, was finally given the diagnosis that I had mixed connective tissue disease (MCTD), which is basically a combination of lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and polymyositis.

Symptoms include immense joint pain, inflammation all over my body, exhaustion, lethargy, mental fog, and difficulty performing simple mundane movements (like taking off my clothes or even picking up a spoon).

In short, I went from being a healthy 23-year-old to being told that I had to live with this debilitating disease forever. Specifically, there were things I could do to manage it; but, there was no cure for it.

There was no other way I could put it: The moment I got that diagnosis, I believed that I was cursed.

That was in 2004.

It’s now 2021. And guess what? I’m doing more than okay 17 years since my diagnosis.

Living with MCTD for that length of time quite literally brought me so many life-altering lessons that I’m here to share with you today.

Lesson #1: I am the expert when it comes to my body and life.

Your job, however, is to define your own future once you hear what the doctors have to say.

Everybody is conditioned in life to act (or react) in certain ways to different situations. I learned to thrive by becoming aware of this fact and taking the reins.

Lesson #2: Your body is meant to calibrate to healing and wellness.

Your body is always, always, healing.

It is always trying to reach equilibrium—a center. And that center is wellness.

Give your body a chance and listen to the wisdom it holds for you. We don’t tend to hear this wisdom because we often live in our own heads.

Stop trying to figure it out. Slow down and listen to your body. Eat as it tells you to eat. Move as it tells you to move.

That’s all the wisdom we need.

Lesson #3: Accept, honor, and appreciate your body wherever it’s at.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

“How often am I angry at my body?”

“How often am I judging my body and how it seems to lack what I need?”

“How often do I actually tend to my body with love, honor, and respect?”

You cannot hate your way to a body you love.

Make peace with your body where it’s at in order to get to where you want to go.

Lesson #4: Try new things.

It seems like such a simple concept; but, don’t we so often overlook what’s simple and yet so profoundly vital?

You see, I believe that your “aliveness” or “beingness” comes from exploring your edges.

Lesson #5: The food you eat is your medicine.

Your food is your “first line of defense”, so to speak. I’ve been on my plant-based diet for ten months now, and I’ve only begun to reap what I’ve sown. During those first three months, my coach and I didn’t observe any changes at all. I was actually feeling quite discouraged.

Lesson #6: Control your diet based on how you want to feel.

When we cut out the things that aren’t good for us, such as sugar and alcohol, we find it difficult because we look at it as deprivation.

We know, logically, that we’re doing the right thing, but it doesn’t make it any easier on our bodies.

Instead, I’ve learned to look at this through the lens of the benefits I will receive as a result of cutting out these unhealthy foods and drinks, instead of focusing on what I lost.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share six mindset perspective changes that have rocked my world and I believe will rock your world.

Mindset Shift #1: Forgiving Others Liberates You, Not Them.

Most of us carry around so much baggage. A lot of us carry chips on our shoulder of how others have wronged us, whether they be family members, friends, colleagues, or old classmates from high school or college.

We feel angry and resentful of anyone who has never forgiven or even just acknowledged our pain. We wait for the day when that person or group of people will own up to their mistakes and apologize. While it’s true that we will feel seen and heard when that happens, the simple fact is: We can’t wait for that to happen. In fact, there’s no guarantee that day will ever come.

By holding a grudge, you give away your power and somebody else has control over how you feel. You never want to be in that situation, because only we can control our own emotions, attitude, and perspective.

Forgiving somebody is not the same as telling them that what they did to you is okay. When you forgive someone, you tell them that what they did was not okay, but that you will no longer let that experience define your life. In short, forgiveness is letting go.

In fact, you don’t even have to forgive. Just accept that this thing happened, and feel the liberation of being able to rewrite your story after leaving behind your spite.

Remember: Forgiveness is not about submitting to others, but about liberating yourself.

Mindset Shift #2: Every Single Thing in Your Reality is a Reflection of Your Beliefs, Your Limitations, and How You See the World

We all think that the world we see is how it really is. We completely buy into our reality. But in truth, that “reality” we see is just a mirror reflection of both our inner world and what we project out into the external world.

In short, the world is not what you see, but what you perceive. Change your perspective, change what you see.

Mindset Shift #3: Who You Are Being, in Any Given Moment, Determines Your Results More Than What You Are Doing

Most of us think that our success or failure comes from the actions that we do. We focus so much on process when we should instead put our focus on being.

Doing is important, but it should stem from being, and not the other way around. After all, if you are relying on the intuition of your fully authentic, grounded, and powerful self, how differently would you act?

Mindset Shift #4: There Are No Mistakes In Life.

Do you remember having to choose which college to go to, believing that would be the most critical, life-altering choice you were going to make in your life at that point?

And while that’s true, didn’t life turn out okay regardless of the choice you eventually made? Well, the rest of life is exactly like this.

The only thing that matters is the choice that feels right to you in that present moment.

Mindset Shift #5: Life is Always Happening For You.

This is the hardest muscle for most people to develop.

Life doesn’t happen to you, but for you. I like to say that life flows through you. Life is not out to “get” you or “trip you up”.

Mindset Shift #6: Your Emotional Pain is Stored in Your Physical Body.

It’s not enough to analyze, rationalize, and process. You also need to release emotional pain from your body.

If you want to embody a more powerful version of you, you need to release the stuck emotions from your body that are stopping you from feeling like you can be powerful and safe.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share seven product swaps I made to live a more sustainable lifestyle.

I believe that spirituality is having a deep, deep connection to yourself and the world around you. You can’t separate the two: Your relationship with your own being is directly tied with your relationship with your environment.

Sustainability is a huge part of my life. I’ve realized that, as I’ve come to know myself better, I have a huge responsibility to have as little an impact on Mother Earth as possible in terms of waste. I’m sure you feel the same, but it can be so overwhelming at times to make these choices.

Why We Feel Powerless to Make (and Keep Making) Sustainable Choices

We feel powerless for two reasons: Either we feel that our actions are “too small” to have any real impact on the world; or, we don’t take action at all, feeling too unworthy to take even the tiniest step toward potentially making a change—compounding that feeling of powerlessness.

Remember, a lot of tiny shifts, over time, will build momentum. Your actions will have a tangible impact on the world.

Swap #1: Razors

It seems so random and insignificant—but that’s exactly the problem. If you actually think about it, how many razors do you go through in a lifetime?

Billions of razors end up in landfills in the U.S. alone. And with plastic waste in most of these products, the sad (and horrifying) reality is that they will never biodegrade.

So, I’ve recently made the shift to a company called EcoRoots that sells exclusively zero-waste products—and that includes the packaging.

I ordered a beautiful rose gold, old-school razor that I absolutely love using, knowing that I’d taken the tiniest of steps toward reducing waste on this planet.

Swap #2: Toothpaste

Just as disposable razors contain plastic that contributes to rising landfills around the world, the toothpaste most people use come in plastic tubes.

I now subscribe to the company Bite, which offers toothpaste in tablet form.

Swap #3: Dishwasher Solution

Again, the issue with dishwashing solutions of any kind is that they come in plastic packaging.

I found a company called Dropps that offers dishwasher tablets in a brown box with no plastic at all.

Swap #4: Single-use bags

Here’s another one we don’t often think too much about. It’s convenient to reach over and grab those single-use produce bags at the grocery store when we’re buying our fruits and veggies. And then we get home, wash the products, and throw away the bag.

It’s so easy to overlook just how much we waste on a daily basis—and it adds up fast!

Swap #5: Laundry detergent

Just like our dishwashing solution, we throw away tons of plastic every year from using mass-produced laundry detergent.

Now, this is a swap that I’ve not yet made, because I’m still going through the stash of laundry detergent that I already have. But once I’m ready to buy more, I plan on purchasing from a company called Tru Earth, which sells laundry strips in a box that you simply place on top of your laundry—one per load—and there’s nothing to throw away afterwards.

Swap #6: Body soap

This one should be an easy swap for everybody. Instead of using liquid soap, which typically comes in plastic containers that we throw away once empty, why not switch to bar soap wrapped in paper packaging?

Swap #7: Period products

From tampons to sanitary pads, women go through scores of plastic products and packaging every single month.

Lo and behold, I eventually found Thinx.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I do a deep dive into my seven takeaways from the brand new Cinderella film.

It’s a bit of an unusual source of inspiration for life lessons, I know. But I couldn’t help but reflect on how this groundbreaking reimagining of a beloved Disney classic had such a profound impact on me personally, and even as a business owner!

Takeaway #1: Familiarity Grows Your Community.

Another recent musical that I love is The Greatest Showman, but I just wasn’t taken in as much as I was by Cinderella because all of the songs were new to me.

Cinderella, on the other hand, was familiar, which led me to be completely taken in by the movie. I fell head over heels in love with it.

One of the things that leads to burnout among many business owners is the urge to always do new things, that they should always be striving for originality over repeating the same type of content over and over again.

This is Cinderella’s secret: By taking what’s familiar (the soundtrack from the original Disney film) and remixing (aka “repurposing) it, the movie was able to create a totally fresh experience that feels like home at the same time.

Takeaway #2: There is always room for more at the top.

It’s obvious that the whole movie is anchored by feminism as one of its main themes. One of the ways they express the empowerment of women is through a soundtrack dominated by amazing female artists.

When you see other women succeed in our field, I hope that you take it as an opportunity to realize that they are leading the way for you to make your own name.

Takeaway #3: It’s absolutely inspiring to see strong female characters in this reimagining of a classic fairytale.

Another thing I love about the movie is that Cinderella’s dreams were bigger than just marrying a prince.

To have strong female characters who aren’t afraid of putting their hands up and taking up the mantle of leadership in their respective worlds is a beautiful thing to see onscreen in the context of such a beloved fairytale.

Takeaway #4: Cinderella never needed saving.

Taking off from my previous point, it’s wonderful to see how capable Cinderella is on her own. Unlike the classic Disney princess movies, she never needed to be saved.

It’s not selfish to choose yourself, because you will inspire others to do the same. If you follow your highest calling, it benefits everyone in the entire world.

You are your own rescuer.

Takeaway #5: There is no magic in the world that can make high heels comfortable to wear.

This one’s a quick aside but the scene was too funny not to mention: When the fairy godmother creates Cinderella’s glass slippers, she complains and asks if he could make them more comfortable, to which the godmother says something to the tune of, “Are you crazy? My magic can only do so much!”

Takeaway #6: Other people’s criticisms of your dreams are not a reflection of you, but of themselves.

The next time somebody berates you for your dreams, know that their criticism is not a reflection of who you are. They have no idea what you’re capable of. The limitations they project onto you are a reflection of their inner world.

If you believe in you, you will be unstoppable.

Takeaway #7: If you have a dream, live as if it has already come true.

This is manifesting. Cinderella is seeing her future self, clear as day. She sees her possibility. This is what fuels her belief.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Dr. Laura Froyen. With a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies (HDFS), she helps individuals, partners, and co-parents become the parents they are longing to be.

Listen in as we talk all things manifestation and the Law of Attraction!

How did your car accident change your life?

Laura: This experience saved me from living an existence that was unsatisfying and unfulfilling and it helped me step more fully into my purpose.

How did the accident affect your parenting?

Laura: As I reduced my overall stress and gave myself the space and time to get to know my true values and goals and priorities for my family and my children, my thoughts began to align with my values. Instead of allowing my conditioned responses to my children’s pain and shortcomings take over, I let them know that disappointment happens. That’s what conscious parenting is: finding your resonance so that your thoughts and outward actions are in alignment with your deep, inner truth.

I assume you’ve done inner child work on yourself.

Laura: I like the Internal Family Systems modality of therapy. It’s the idea that we all have an inner family that is used to being in charge of things. We also all have a core self that is naturally compassionate and curious and confined. Oftentimes, that core self has been pushed to the side so that other internal family members can run the show. Once we start leading our internal family from that core self—our true self—I’m that wise leader that my inner children sit in a circle around and listen closely to. We need to be that wise inner kindergarten teacher.

If a client tells you that they’ve hit a rough patch and all they and their child seem to do is yell at each other, what would you tell them?

Laura: I would like you to really get curious with yourself around those moments of conflict with your child. Curiosity is our biggest superpower.

So, the internal work of conscious parenting is noticing the narrative, not beating ourselves up for it, and asking ourselves what we’re really afraid of. Then, ask what the kindest, most compassionate part of yourself has to say about that fear.

When clients come to you, how much would you say if the self-work versus external directed work with the child?

Laura: Kids do exactly what they are supposed to be doing in their childhood. It’s always us. The two types of parents that come to me. One is the old-school, mainstream type who rely on time-outs, threats, bribes, etc., in which case my job is mainly to teach them about childhood development and arm them with the knowledge to know how best to respond to how children naturally behave as they age.

What five tips can you give to someone who is beginning their journey towards becoming a more intentional, conscious parent?

Laura:

1) Get support or find a community of like-minded folks who are looking to make changes and view children the way you want to view children.

2) Get clear on what your true goals, values, and priorities are when it comes to raising your kids.

3) Come to terms with the idea that your child is not you, and that they have their own wants, needs, personality, and goals.

4) When things get hard, slow down.

5) Be kind to yourself. If I were a doctor, “be kind” would be my prescription for every family.

Learn more about Dr. Laura Froyen:

Her podcast: https://www.laurafroyen.com/podcast

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/laurafroyenphd/?hl=en

Her Quantum Attraction masterclass: https://sso.teachable.com/secure/641356/checkout/3067224/quantum-attraction-masterclass

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I share a very personal journey that I’m about to embark on and the transformation I’m currently undergoing as I prepare for this life-changing challenge.

I’m getting ready to climb Mount Everest.

No, not the real Mount Everest.

Rather, I aim to climb Stratton Mountain in Vermont. Not quite as daunting as trekking up Earth’s highest mountain…

...except that I’m planning to scale Stratton Mountain 17 times—as if I was climbing the real Everest—within 36 hours.

Organizing this event is a company called 29029 Everesting.

What on Earth possessed me—a person who has never been a fan of working out—to take part in this insane challenge?

As it happens with many of the biggest decisions I’ve made in my adult life, it all started with a coach who shared her own “Everesting” experience on her blog, speaking in detail about how this event changed her as a person.

When I read her story, I felt this deep yearning within me to sign up for the same event.

You might call this decision “impulsive”. But if you think about it, impulse, more often than not, is your intuition pushing you in a certain direction. And it pays for us to act on them whenever they come before our mind steps in (which often only takes a second) to tell us why those ideas are nothing more than “silly”.

Intuition is not logical or rational. Rather, intuition is connected to your soul. Intuition is your soul guiding you to do the things that you desire, because that is the key to unlocking your ultimate potential—the fullest expression of who you are meant to be.

And so it was my intuition that inspired me to call the company to book myself for their next event.

What I love about 29029 Everesting is that, unlike a marathon, the only person you’re competing with is yourself. There is no pressure to complete the event. You do as many summits as you can within 36 hours.

29029 Everesting has really designed their event in such a way that you can celebrate yourself no matter where you end up once the challenge is over.

In other words, there is no failure.

There is only one thing that levels the playing field for these endurance events: your mindset. More than physicality, your mental strength is the most important factor to your success on this journey.

Again, my physical ability isn’t as important as my mental capability. While I was super uncomfortable in my training early on, it wasn’t so much that I couldn't physically do the exercises as it was that I would’ve rather done something else.

But I pushed on, even if I didn’t feel like it. I learned to take my mind off of the pain and the time it would take to do the workouts.

I went from telling myself, “I hope I can do this,” to, “I can do this.”

It also helped me to visualize the end result, of how I would transform after it’s all over.

What starts in the mind affects the body.

We cannot manifest a desire or a dream until we make our bodies feel safe with what we are attracting. And we can help our bodies feel safe by imaginingthe things we desire.

At the same time, we can use the power of affirmations to further build on that momentum that began with our visualizations.

Visualizations are a powerful way to attract your desired reality into your life. But getting others involved—collective visualization—takes this power to a whole new level.

Whether or not I end up accomplishing this massive goal, I would be forever grateful for your help in playing a part in it.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the spiritual practices I personally go back to time and time again in order to center and connect to myself.

Practice #1: Meditation

This was my gateway into true spirituality. Once I discovered how to meditate and really commit to the practice of meditation, I was able to tap into a part of myself that I didn’t even know existed.

A mentor of mine beautifully told me that “practice means you’re going to be making mistakes.” There is no destination when it comes to practice, and so we need to let go of the pressure of having to “get it right”.

Practice #2: Visualization

While meditation is the practice of observing the mind in stillness and silence, visualization is the practice of living in a reality that you most desire.

Practice #3: Scripting or Journaling

I admit, this one is a bit of a challenge for me. There are times when I just get into the flow and can’t stop writing down the endless thoughts and feelings I’m having in the moment; but, then there are other days when picking up a pen is the last thing I want to do.

That’s probably because a lot of the steam dissipated after I was able to really define my identity and purpose in those early days of journaling. Nowadays, I journal sporadically, usually when inspiration hits me, but nowhere near as regularly as I did in the beginning.

On the other hand, I have a mentor that hasn’t missed a journaling session in about four years. This made me realize that each person has their own set of spiritual practices that aligns with their unique journey.

Don’t feel bad if you just can’t seem to commit consistently to one particular practice. Find what works best for you and go all-in on it.

Practice #4: Breathwork

As with journaling, my breathwork sessions are pretty sporadic as well. But breathwork has allowed me to connect to my body on a really deep level.

I didn’t realize just how disconnected I was from my body—how difficult it was for me to locate points of pain and sources of strong emotions.

Our bodies hold so much trauma, and that energy builds up over the years. The only way to move that stuff out and write a new story for ourselves is to really feel whatever emotion is tied to the shame, the guilt, and the memory of that unproductive story.

Breathwork is the key to unlocking your ability to feel things on a truly substantial level. And it is “work”. But whenever that work pays off, the catharsis is often so profound that I just find myself going back to breathwork time and time again.

Practice #5: Movement

This can be in the form of exercise or dance.

How can movement be a spiritual practice? As much as we talk about mindset on this podcast, remember that your body is your vehicle for actually living life.

The key is to strengthen your mind, body, and soul with equal attention given to each.

Practice #6: Connecting to Nature

I can’t adequately express just how much Nature soothes my soul, from trees, to oceans, to lakes.

The beauty of Mother Earth never fails to bring me to tears. That’s right: I’ve become a teary-eyed tree-hugger.

When I connect to Nature, I connect to myself. After all, we are Nature, whether we recognize it or not.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

iTunes/Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/becoming-you/id1553921960

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2qHHVHLfCs3K8sAQSqOsNA

Google : https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZC5jby9iZWNvbWluZy15b3U=

Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/podcastdotco/becoming-you-2

Amazon : https://music.amazon.co.uk/podcasts/6ecc08bb-1d0d-47b2-be01-73722441c2e7/Becoming-You

Tune In : https://tunein.com/podcasts/Education-Podcasts/Becoming-You-p1409033/

Deezer: https://deezer.com/show/2327492

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about the nine tips I took to find the light after a recent period of darkness.

How do your emotions get stuck? When you suppress and refuse to talk about them. We need to walk into the darkness in order to feel it, and only then can we release it.

Tip #1: Allow all your feelings to surface without judgement.

How many of us tell ourselves that we shouldn’t tear up in front of our kids or our spouse?

How many of us wake up in the morning with an urge to cry without knowing where that pain and sadness is coming from?

It’s so important to allow yourself to feel sad without judging yourself for feeling sad, even if you don’t know why you’re feeling that way.

Tip #2: Don’t force yourself to snap out of it.

While it’s important to work your way out of darkness when you’re feeling down, we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to rush the process and just “snap out of it”.

Tip #3: Drop everything that is not essential.

The laundry, dishes, cooking meals, keeping the house tidy…

Asking for help is vital. Even if you don’t have a partner, do you have a sibling, cousin, or even a friend who can be there for you, unconditionally?

Tip #4: Let your spouse know that you need space to process what is happening.

My husband and I agreed that, whenever I was feeling down, he would ask me, “Do you want me to leave you alone to figure this out or do you want me to help you fix it?”

A lot of the time, asking our significant other to help us fix a deeply emotional problem doesn’t work, because we each bring so much baggage into the relationship that, if they give us advice, we get triggered to think that they are looking down on us when we’re in that intensely emotional state.

Tip #5: Reach out to your circle to hold space for you.

“Holding space” is when an individual or a group of people allows somebody to share all without judgement. When you hold space for someone or someone holds space for you, there is nothing but safety and love in those moments.

Tip #6: Let your circle hold you in your mess.

There is nothing worse than trying to interpret another person’s feelings for them while they are being expressed. Don’t judge, asking them questions like, “Did you mean this?” or “Maybe you saw it wrong?”

Instead, be a witness to their pain.

Eventually, the storm will subside. The tears will stop.

Tip #7: Let others know how they can support you.

During those five days when I was a mess, there were no questions asked between my husband and I. He already knew that he had to carry the load for us while I worked through my darkness.

All you have to do is reach out and be open to receive help.

Tip #8: Move the energy through you and out of you, physically and emotionally.

I knew I had to do something beyond crying for two days to move this pain, these fears, this darkness, out of me.

Tip #9: Look for evidence of your overcoming challenges in the past.

This is probably not the first time you’ve experienced intense darkness in your life. In all of those previous moments of grief and hardship, remember that you eventually got through them.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

iTunes/Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/becoming-you/id1553921960

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2qHHVHLfCs3K8sAQSqOsNA

Google : https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZC5jby9iZWNvbWluZy15b3U=

Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/podcastdotco/becoming-you-2

Amazon : https://music.amazon.co.uk/podcasts/6ecc08bb-1d0d-47b2-be01-73722441c2e7/Becoming-You

Tune In : https://tunein.com/podcasts/Education-Podcasts/Becoming-You-p1409033/

Deezer: https://deezer.com/show/2327492

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I go in-depth into the six habits you can incorporate into your life to develop your money mindset.

My own money mindset still has a long way to go, but I am proud to say that I have come a long way from where I used to be.

What is a “money mindset”, exactly?

A “mindset” is a set of beliefs that influence your relationship with some area. So, you have a mindset around money, a mindset around health, and a mindset around relationships, to give a few examples.

Your mindset determines your thoughts, which influence your actions, which drive your results. So, if you want your results to change, you have to start with changing your mindset.

With regard to your money mindset, reflect on your relationship with finances. What’s worth noting is that our money mindset is not our own, but the result of the lessons that our parents taught us about money.

Habit #1: Bless Your Bills as You Pay Them

Even if we can afford to pay the bills, many of us feel a certain tightening in our body whenever the time comes to make those payments, whether these are credit card bills, student loan payments, or mortgage payments.

We need to shift from a scarcity to an abundant mindset. And we can do this by blessing our bills.

Habit #2: Give a little extra.

I’ve often said “yes” at the checkout aisle when the cashier asked me if I wanted to round-up the total to contribute a dollar to a charity.

But for a long time, that “yes” was usually nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction. In fact, if I could catch myself before speaking, I probably would have answered “no” most of the time.

I’ve since decided to create a new habit of saying “yes” to giving, this time from a place of abundance instead of a place of lack.

Habit #3: Help your body feel safe when you find yourself constricted around money.

Slow down and tune into your body whenever negativity hits. When you feel angry, try to pinpoint how your body is feeling that anger. Do the same whenever you feel that twinge of discomfort when paying a bill.

Habit #4: Splurge on items that you truly desire instead of buying items just because they’re on sale.

This tip may be a bit unusual to some, but it’s personally been a game-changer for me.

Splurge on items and experiences that you truly desire rather than always trying to cut corners and save money through deals.

Habit #5: Recycle, donate, or trash things that don’t make you feel abundant.

Something that stuck with me from one podcast I listened to was the question, “If you’re a millionaire, would you have holes in your underwear?”

Replace those dying plants, chipped bowls and plates, and worn-out clothes. Don’t settle for broken or subpar things just because you think that you have to save money.

Clear out the clutter to allow energy to flow into your life.

Habit #6: Learn to affirm.

There’s always more of where that came from. If you spend a dollar, you can always find more ways to make another dollar. You might not know how to at the moment, but that doesn’t mean you won’t figure it out at some point in the future.

When you spend money, and fear sets in, remind yourself that there is always more where that came from.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

iTunes/Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/becoming-you/id1553921960

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2qHHVHLfCs3K8sAQSqOsNA

Google : https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZC5jby9iZWNvbWluZy15b3U=

Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/podcastdotco/becoming-you-2

Amazon : https://music.amazon.co.uk/podcasts/6ecc08bb-1d0d-47b2-be01-73722441c2e7/Becoming-You

Tune In : https://tunein.com/podcasts/Education-Podcasts/Becoming-You-p1409033/

Deezer: https://deezer.com/show/2327492

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Katie Wilkinson, a quantum business and wealth coach who guides women to consciously manifest, collapse time, and create unrealistic wealth and business success while defying logic.

Listen in as we talk about manifestation and the Law of Attraction!

What do you do for a living and how old are you?

Katie: I’m 22 and I’m from Melbourne, Australia. I am a manifestation, quantum, and business coach. I help people tap into the infinite realm of the quantum, defy logic, collapse time intentionally, and quantum leap into that next level so you can have all the wealth, abundance, and freedom that you have ever desired.

What are some common misconceptions about the Law of Attraction?

Katie: The Law of Attraction basically states that like attracts like. It is a natural, universal, immutable law. A lot of people discover this law and can’t wait to incorporate it into their lives; but, manifestation doesn’t just happen the moment that you realize it. Time is just a construct. What is and will be is already here. Manifestation has been operating your whole life, since the day you were born. The difference is, now you’re doing it consciously or intentionally.

How would you coach a client who believes that, if they “fail” to manifest what they desire, they are just doing it “wrong” or not working hard enough?

Katie: We’re so used to hustling culture; but, in the context of manifestation, the Universe doesn’t care how hard you work. When I’m trying to materialize something, it’s not my effort that materializes it. As long as you’re in energetic alignment, you will magnetize the specific desire into your reality.

We do things because we want to; because we love it; because it’s our passion. I’m not taking action to “get” there. I’m taking action because I’m already there. It’s energy first; then, take action from that energetic state.

What does it mean to “collapse time”?

Katie: The first thing to know is that, you cannot collapse time if you live in a realm that has time. Time literally is a construct. Time doesn’t exist. Why? Because the only thing that exists is this moment. The infinite now. The past is just a memory. The future doesn’t exist because tomorrow never, ever comes. Once you realize all of this, you’re able to go beyond time, and then you’ll be able to “manipulate” time in the physical world.

How can you practically become an energetic match to your dream if you don’t know everything that your subconscious is doing to make you think or act contrary to that dream?

Katie: It’s just a decision. We live in a world of logic, science, and constructs; but, there are no rules in the quantum world. The moment you try to put rules in place, you limit yourself. You don’t have to meditate or be high-vibe all day. It’s purely a decision to embrace that time is a construct and embody the ideal you have for yourself.

How do you start kids young with all of this?

Katie: It starts with the younger generations. If we can help them break constructs and step out of the old paradigm, life is going to become a much better place. The reason I have so much knowledge of this is because my parents did and I grew up living it.

It’s not so much what you consciously do, but what you subconsciously show them.

Children don’t learn so much from what you say, but from what you do. They don’t need to learn about quantum, but to remember it. They were born with no conception of time and structures of any kind. Our role is just to help them stay tapped into that place.

Learn more about Katie WIlkinson:

Her podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/abundant-attraction/id1508819817

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katie.wilkinsonn

Her Quantum Attraction masterclass: https://sso.teachable.com/secure/641356/checkout/3067224/quantum-attraction-masterclass

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By popular demand, in this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome back my son Arya to get his take on the topics I cover on the show!

What do you think I do well as a parent?

Arya: You’re just really agreeable and I can come to you for anything.

What I love about you as a son is your sense of humor and boundless energy! I also love that you’ve been speaking up for yourself more and more lately. Now, what about your dad? What does he do well as a parent?

Arya: He’s also agreeable and he shares so much stuff in common with me like Legos and cars and computers.

What are some things I need to work on as a mom?

Arya: There’s not much to change. Well, you started to get into biking, which is nice. You’ve also been helping me with my YouTube stuff since you have your own channel.

I think I could be more patient. How about your dad?

Arya: I’d like him to be as patient as you, and for him to not jump to conclusions, which he tends to do a lot.

Knowing what you know about your dad and myself as parents, what kind of parent do you think you’re going to be?

Arya: I’m going to be laid back and do the same things you guys do which is set time together on weekends. I’ll also let them earn TV time and other stuff that they like. I want to stay off my phone and be as involved with them as I can.

You were scared of both of those things, but you were brave. Bravery means doing the things that you are scared to do. Do you think that the person fighting the dragon at the edge of the cliff is scared or not scared?

Arya: Scared!

Right! Brave doesn’t mean that you’re never scared. Brave means you do the thing that scares you anyway! The lesson here is that we can’t trust our mind to always be accurate.

Next question: What’s something that you’ve failed at?

Arya: Many things: riding a bike, video games, and other things. I also had this terrible semester in 5th grade. In 4th grade, we only had half-days. In 5th grade, it was double that. I’d never done a six-hour online class before, so it was a monumental change. I started to slip up and got Bs and Cs when I normally got As. I was tired and there was so much work. I wasn’t ready for it.

Did it ever occur to you to ask Mom and Dad for help?

Arya: Not really, ‘cause you would’ve been like, “Aw, come on. You could’ve done it yourself!” I’m always scared that you’ll keep checking up on me to catch mistakes. I know you don’t really do that, but for some reason, it feels like that.

I’m sorry about that. My intention is to help you and not catch you when you make a mistake. How do you deal with failures or recovering from mistakes?

Arya: When I spiraled in school, I took the experience and I personalized it so that I knew how to be better in the next semester. You can basically use a mistake as a springboard to get better. You can use a mistake to get better or you can keep making the same mistake and not jump on the springboard. I’ve made lots of mistakes over and over again, but a lot of the big mistakes I internalized and used as a springboard.

Do you have any questions for your mom?

Arya: How did you learn how to parent?

That’s a great question! There is no manual. The only manual that exists is what my parents did for me.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

iTunes/Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/becoming-you/id1553921960

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2qHHVHLfCs3K8sAQSqOsNA

Google : https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZC5jby9iZWNvbWluZy15b3U=

Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/podcastdotco/becoming-you-2

Amazon : https://music.amazon.co.uk/podcasts/6ecc08bb-1d0d-47b2-be01-73722441c2e7/Becoming-You

Tune In : https://tunein.com/podcasts/Education-Podcasts/Becoming-You-p1409033/

Deezer: https://deezer.com/show/2327492

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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Today, I talk all about the magic of masterminds and answer some of the most common questions people have about them.

For instance, “What the heck is a mastermind?” or “How is a mastermind different from group coaching?”

Masterminds may be a significant financial investment; but, many times, the bigger risk is what you’ll miss by not making the investment.

I know that masterminds have been totally transformative in my own life. In this episode, I also reflect on how different masterminds I’ve been a part of have changed me and my business for the better.

What is a mastermind?

Just by thinking about the word “mastermind”, you can get a picture of what the whole idea is actually about: a coming of minds to create a single masterful mind.

A mastermind is when a coach handpicks a group of men and/or women for sessions that are many times more intimate than their normal coaching services.

But the real magic of masterminds is the people that you rub shoulders with. Unlike a group coaching program, where modules are very structured and time is limited, a mastermind has a looser agenda and highlights the goals of each and every member of the group.

A mastermind creates a safe space where all members can be fully, fully seen—warts and all.

Whereas group coaching has a very specific goal or set of goals in mind that everyone shoots more, in masterminds, the group members create the goals themselves.

Finally, the coach, who serves as a teacher in a regular group coaching session, is more of a facilitator when it comes to masterminds.

What makes a mastermind magical?

You know what they say: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

The masterminds I’ve been to have opened up the world to me, helping me see more possibilities than I ever would alone.

Again, a lot of this is due to the wide spectrum of people that you have access to in these special sessions.

If you join a mastermind, you become part of that chemistry that makes up the magic!

I’ve met men and women from around the world—some who live quiet, solitary lives in the countryside; others who live a nomadic van life; and yet others who practically travel the world for a living.

If you think about it, the limitations we impose on ourselves are there because we were never exposed to others who show us that what we think isn’t possible is, in fact, very possible.

These communities are wonderful. The contributions of each member expand every other member.

How do you get the most magic out of a mastermind?

The first thing you need to do is show up.

Ask the “dumb” questions.

Ask for help.

Reveal yourself in all your vulnerability.

Use your voice to express all your fears and struggles.

I promise you that everytime you share an insecurity or a challenge, you are inspiring someone (or everyone) in that mastermind. They realize that they’re not the only ones experiencing hardship.

And aside from sharing your losses, celebrate your wins!

Humility has its limits. In fact, the more you allow yourself to shine, the more permission you give to other people to shine their own light.

When we see others celebrating themselves, you gain the confidence to celebrate yourself, too.

You heal. And then you expand.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I give my thoughts on boundaries and why knowing which ones to have can actually contribute to your growth in all areas of your life.

So, how exactly do you define “boundaries”?

In the simplest of terms, I define a boundary as an imaginary, or invisible, line that separates me from you.

There are many categories of boundaries, which we dive into in this episode.

I found that the more healthy boundaries I set in my life, the happier I get. That’s because they are essential to feelings of safety. They are such a basic need.

Don’t so many of us live out our lives without feeling safe on a very deep level? Aren’t so many of us stressed on a day-to-day basis?

Boundaries alleviate some stress because we start to place an “invisible fence” that helps us feel safer.

Boundaries also help us gain a really clear sense of self. We have needs, wants, desires, dreams, values, and an identity. Once we get clear on the things most important to us, the right boundaries that we need to set for ourselves emerge.

I’ll be diving deep into the three types of boundaries you should be setting for yourself today. But before that, let me explain the difference between…

Self-Boundaries and Boundaries That Others Need to Respect

It gets easier to enforce boundaries when you start enforcing boundaries on yourself.

For me, a self-boundary is to not eat gluten or dairy because they wreak havoc in my body.

If you constantly violate your own boundaries, you feel out of alignment trying to get others to remember them.

The more we make it a point to uphold and honor our self-boundaries, the more likely others will respect those boundaries as well.

How others treat you is a reflection on how you treat yourself.

With this context in mind, what are the three types of boundaries you need to set for yourself?

#1 Physical Boundaries

This is the most straightforward type of boundary. Your home is an obvious physical boundary: Strangers can’t just walk through your front door.

Let’s now take this same principle and apply it to our bodies. It’s as simple as being able to clearly tell someone to step away if they cross the boundary that feels right to you, whether it's one or two feet.

We’re not in alignment with what our emotional, mental, and physical needs are at that moment, we end up violating it, say “yes” reluctantly, and then end up resenting ourselves for not having the courage to say “no”.

#2 Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries tend to be easier to set with strangers than with our family and close friends because we don’t want to come off as cold or uncaring to those we love.

One of the things I’ve learned in my own marriage is that boundaries can prevent common arguments from ever happening.

Communication is essential to setting really good emotional boundaries.

#3 Time Boundaries

Honoring your time starts with the word “no”.

As human beings, we naturally feel compelled to impress others, to not let someone else down. We are so scared of the word “no” because we don’t want to make people feel bad.

Your time is precious. Look at every aspect of your life and find out how you can save more of that time and, by extension, that energy that you can now put to better use.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome fitness and EFT tapping coach Jennifer Dadigan. She and her husband Dre are the co-owners of MOC Fitness based in Portland, Oregon.

What’s your personal and professional background?

Jennifer: I live in Portland, Oregon in the Pacific Northwest with my blended family. My family is all about health and fitness. We’re a body-mind-spirit-centered family. My husband Dre is also in the fitness industry and we are very much in alignment when it comes to both our goals and our values. We co-own MOC Fitness. I used to be a massage therapist before getting into the fitness industry, and my latest passion is EFT tapping. As we grow and change in different phases of our life, we learn many different things along the way. Early on, I only wanted to learn and do “the next best thing”. I loved working with people through their bodies so I dabbled in everything in that space. Now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve come to love working with people’s minds and building connections with them. In fact, the whole person interests me now. I realized that I’ve always been doing the same thing throughout my career, and the undercurrent of it all—my life’s purpose—is connecting with people.

What is EFT tapping?

Jennifer: EFT is an acronym for “Emotional Freedom Techniques” and is also known as “tapping”. It’s derived from an Eastern modality of acupressure. It’s Eastern medicine meets Western medicine of psychology. So, what we’re doing is we’re tapping on different acupressure points on the body and you are repeating words and sentences, mirroring me—the coach. During our initial consultation, we connect and you tell me whatever it is you’re struggling with, whether mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual. You mirror me as we tap through these different points in your body, and I take down words that you’re saying. It’s proven that it’s much more powerful when clients hear their own words spoken back to them instead of the coach’s. We do that and go deeper and deeper. There are usually three layers. The first is the venting stage; the second is the possibility stage; the third is the affirmations stage. Everything is client-led and we don’t shy away from negativity because we want the experience to be as natural and as authentic as possible as we dig up their innermost truths. EFT helps you come out of that fight-or-flight syndrome and relaxes your central nervous system and gives you the space and time to release pressure and allow you to see them from a calmer, more impersonal perspective.

Why were you so drawn to this modality that you wanted to become certified?

Jennifer: As humans, we are given tools to navigate life. My reality on this Earth is that people I talk to tend to tell me everything that’s going on with them. I’m really, really good at playing Devil’s Advocate and offering perspectives that hopefully help them look at themselves with a little more love. I love EFT because it gives me a scientifically-proven method to actually help people—not just listen to them. And it’s a vehicle that allows me to step out of the way and let the work do the healing. The most important relationships we have in our life are with our body and mind and we need to be open to communicating with them instead of blocking that communication.

Learn more about Jennifer Dadigan:

Her free Facebook Group: The Body Bank: A transformational Community for deeper body love

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferdadigan

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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The way I parent today is very different to how I used to parent.

Listen in as I share the six lessons that I learned over the years in becoming a more conscious parent.

Lesson #1: Take care of your own needs, first.

When you heal your relationship with yourself, every other relationship in your life transforms for the better.

When you change, the whole world around you changes, if only because you start to view life through different lenses.

As mothers, we are told that we are good parents when we are able to do everything possible to make our kids happy, and the happier our kids are, the better parents we are.

By taking care of yourself first, you gain a more energized body and a clearer mind that can distinguish between your kids’ immediate needs versus those things that can wait.

Most importantly, you’re going to have the patience to take care of their needs.

Lesson #2: Take care of your inner child.

Self-love cannot take place if we are not embracing every part of ourselves, and that includes our inner child.

If you take care of your inner child, you start to see life through your own child’s perspective.

And remember: Connecting with your inner child is not a one-time event. It is a continuous connection that needs to be built and maintained.

Lesson #3: Accept your own mistakes and forgive yourself.

This has been such a pivotal step in improving my relationship with my kids.

The more I have learned to be accepting of my own mistakes, and the easier I have found it to forgive myself when I’ve fallen short of my own expectations, the easier it has become to not yell at my kids when they make mistakes.

Start giving yourself more grace for the mistakes that you make. Start becoming more accepting of your imperfections and your shortcomings. You will then stop putting so much pressure on your kids to get it right the first time, as well.

Lesson #4: Stop basing your self-worth as a parent by your children’s performance.

We regard our kids’ behavior as a reflection of who we are as parents, whether they behave or misbehave.

Are you letting your children live a life of their choosing or a life of your choosing?

Understand that your values may not be the same as your kids’.

And that’s okay.

Lesson #5: Hold space for your kids when they experience big feelings.

Anything that somebody would label as “bad” behavior—whether they’re lying to us or having a meltdown—I refer to as “big” behavior instead.

That’s because, the second we assign the word “bad” or “good” to anything, we are, by definition, being judgmental.

Anytime judgment rears its ugly head, you operate from a place of fear or spite and you put up a wall that prevents you from having open, effective, and efficient communication with the other person.

Diminishing your child’s feelings creates separation. We don’t have to be responsible for “fixing” their feelings. We just have to take responsibility in being a witness to those feelings.

Lesson #6: Guide your kids to draw conclusions of their own.

We are so quick to tell our kids to do things our way.

I still need to keep reminding myself of this every day.

Once parties have calmed down, make a point to go to them and ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Open your mind to hearing about the situation from their perspective. Use open-ended questions and ask them how you can do things better next time.

Then apologize.

Feelings need to be felt. Feelings serve as a compass to tell us what is wrong.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, we discuss the vital importance of connecting with your own intuition and why so many of us struggle with doing so.

What exactly is “intuition”?

Some refer to it as your gut feeling or a sixth sense. I like to define it as an inner knowing or your soul guiding you. Your intuition alerts you when danger lurks; but it’s also there to nudge you toward decisions that can improve your life for the better.

You may call these coincidences. I know I certainly used to. But the more I’ve grown spiritually, I truly came to believe that there is a higher consciousness at play. We’re all energetic beings that are connected not only to one another, but to that Source that created each and every one of us and every single thing on this planet.

Why are so many of us out of tune with our intuition?

Many of us, especially if we’ve found considerable success in our professional lives, are very out of tune with our intuition. That’s because we’re already naturally risk-averse, and the higher we climb the success ladder, our tolerance for taking unconventional actions only continues to decrease.

As adults, our minds take past experiences and crunch the numbers—taking probabilities into consideration—and churn out decisions based on what it thinks is possible and keeps us on track.

Our mind is our ego, and it hates risk. It operates out of a place of fear.

Our intuition is our soul, and it loves risk. It operates out of a place of love.

The soul can teach us things our mind never can.

On the surface, intuition seems like a wild, unpredictable thing reserved for children, that we eventually grow out of once we “mature”.

And it’s understandable. How many of us have followed our gut and later regretted it, concluding that we “didn’t think through” that decision?

But here’s the thing: Your intuition never, ever guides you the wrong way. We simply have not interpreted what happened in the right away.

Why is now the right time to connect with our intuition?

Our intuition is the blueprint for our life. If we follow that blueprint, opportunities that we never saw coming will come our way.

Connecting with our intuition is the gateway to a life of total freedom and ease.

How exactly can I start connecting with my intuition?

First off, if you think you don’t have an intuition, that’s complete BS. We all came into this world with a built-in intuitive system for navigating life.

Now, some of us have an easier time tapping into our intuition than others, but we can always train, nurture, and strengthen what we already have.

Start small and simple.

So, the first question to ask yourself if you want to connect with your intuition is this:

“What do I need right now?”

It’s such a simple question, but how often do we ask ourselves what we need at this particular moment?

Alternatively, you can ask yourself:

“What feels good to me?”

It’s really not that complicated. It could be as simple as satisfying a craving for ice cream. Your mind might step in and warn you that you’d be going against your diet. But it doesn’t hurt to treat yourself every once in a while.

Connect with your body to connect with your intuition.

Get accustomed to how intuition feels in your body by creating an environment of self-love where you feel safe to tap into your soul. The more you acknowledge and get in touch with your intuition, the stronger it gets.

And celebrate once it’s done! If your intuition was on-point, you need to give yourself positive reinforcement to grow that intuitive muscle and keep it up.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Mastermind Link: http://bit.ly/becoming-themastermind

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, we dive into some very simple breathing techniques that will help you respond to situations in life, instead of reacting to them.

Why focus on the breath? Well, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a hard time breathing when caught in an overwhelmed state. When we’re bombarded by a flood of emotions, our mind goes in a hundred different directions attempting to stop potential disasters from happening.

That’s right: When in a panic, in our mind, disaster is a foregone conclusion. We are not in our body in that moment. We feel scattered. We are not grounded.

The reason we always hear, “Calm down; take a deep breath,” is because the very act of breathing helps us to reconnect to our body.

Breathing is normally an unconscious activity. However, if we choose to consciously control our breath, it’s as if time slows down. We gain more control over our next move. We feel safer.

When you find yourself beginning to panic for whatever reason at all, try to become aware of three aspects of your breath:

Intensity: Is your breathing powerful or weak?
Depth: Is your breathing deep or shallow?
Pace: Is your breathing rapid or slow?

Once you take note of these three factors in your breathing, compare them to how you breathe when you’re in a relaxed state. How different are the intensity, depth, and pace of your breath when you’re calm? And more critically, how differently do you make your decisions in this state? I rest my case!

When we have a calm and clear mind, we have greater access to our intuition.

This is so powerful. Whenever we make decisions from an intuitive place, we are so much more confident in the decision as being right for us, even if it is not “right” in the minds of other people. And it won’t matter to us. It all comes back to these feelings of safety, security, and stability which come with relaxed breathing.

After all, when we’re so focused on safety, we cannot focus on thriving.

So, when in doubt, return to your breath, and take in bellyfulls of air. Remember that you are your own healer, and that power comes from taking control of your breath.

Now that we’ve laid the foundation, here are four simple breathing techniques to help you take control of your breath and, by extension, take control of your environment.

Technique #1: Box Breathing

Inhale for four; hold for four; exhale for four; hold for four.

Rinse and repeat this pattern as many times as it takes to find your center.

Technique #2: Continual Conscious Breathing

As the name suggests, this is a deliberate, ongoing breath with no holding in between.

Slowly and deeply inhale, filling up both your tummy and your chest. Exhale immediately after.

I personally inhale and exhale through my nose, but try inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. It doesn’t really matter as long as you do what is most comfortable for you.

Technique #3: Heart Resonance

This breathing technique helps you connect to your heart space.

If you want to slow down a rapid heartbeat, use this pattern to experience heart coherence: connecting your mind, heart, and body in a straight line.

Inhale for six and exhale for six. Repeat this only six times.

Technique #4: Double It

Inhale for a count that feels good to you, and then exhale for a count twice as long.

Elongating your exhale is an incredible way to help your body calm down, because you are exhaling every single ounce of air in your body.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss my mindset and approach to navigating challenges in life, big or small.

Challenges are everywhere and, oftentimes, they come when they are least expected. Obviously, we don’t experience huge, life-altering challenges everyday; but we do tend to run into a number of “micro-challenges” that demand us to step out of our comfort zone, even if just a little.

Because these challenges are often seemingly insignificant (at least in the moment), we deal with the mild frustration we feel by ignoring or dismissing many of these obstacles. Why waste energy that can be best channeled somewhere more productive?

I’m here to encourage you to look at every challenge you encounter, especially those micro-challenges, in a way that may run contrary to what your gut tells you.

If you make a conscious effort to run through the following six steps, I promise that you will gain the ability to turn every problem you face into an opportunity to become a better version of yourself.

Step #1: See the challenge as an opportunity for growth

Something happened to make you not feel great about yourself. You can let that challenge slide and forget it, or you can choose to lean into it and ask yourself, “What can this teach me?”

Why is this important? Because how you choose to respond to challenges compounds over time. Your emotional reactions to anything at all, all build up to the future person you will become.

Step #2: Become aware of the story you tell yourself in the moment.

The most common story we tell ourselves when encountering challenges is that I am a victim to whatever or whoever is giving us a hard time.

Other common stories we tell ourselves amid hardship are: I’m not good enough, or I’m being rejected.

As you can see, it always comes back to some deep-seated, basic need that is not being met.

Step #3: Choose to see the story from their perspective.

The magic that comes out of awareness is that you’re able to immediately take a step back from the drama that is unfolding.

Stop trying to be right. Most of us live our lives trying to prove to ourselves and to others that we are right. Consequently, we fail to see things from anybody else’s perspective but our own.

The thing is, it doesn’t really matter who is “right” and who is “wrong”. Most of the time, conflicts come about simply because of two or more different perspectives.

If you develop the bandwidth to hold more than just your own perspective, it won’t matter to you, either, who is “right” and who is “wrong”.

Step #4: Accept how you are feeling instead of resisting it.

Whenever we feel bad, we immediately try to “fix” that feeling.

What acceptance does is give you the chance to meet that wounded part of yourself. Those wounded parts do not ever ask to be fixed. They ask to be seen.

“Do you see the part of me that feels humiliated?”

“Do you see the part of me that feels small?”

“Do you see the part of me that feels rejected?”

These wounds are screaming to be seen. They just want attention. Meet them with tenderness. Just as we approach a child with a boo-boo with compassion and kiss that boo-boo, we can give those wounded parts of us attention and regard and tell them that everything is okay.

Step #5: Once you see your wound with love, you begin to see it from a whole different vantage point.

Your challenges don’t have to define you. They are just stories from different perspectives that are playing out in front of us.

Step #6: Grab hold of the solutions that begin to show up.

You can’t solve a challenge at the same level it was created. You have to have a different vantage point. You have to be a witness to what is happening. As long as you’re identifying with it, you’re not going to be able to solve it.

You have to be vibrating at a different level for solutions to show up, because the solutions are at a different vibration than the problem.

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Maru Iabichela. Known as the “Queen of Expansion”, she is an executive leadership coach and consultant and the author of Infinite Receiving: 100 Days to Expand Your Capacity to Receive.

Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.

Maru: I did not grow up with confidence. I was born and raised in Venezuela. I remember flying First Class with my parents as a child and asking the flight attendant if I could be put back in Coach because I didn’t want to be in front. This carried over into my foray into entrepreneurship because even though I wanted to work for myself, I didn’t want to be seen. I had these deep “shrinking patterns” where I knew my potential, but I was still uncomfortable around standing out. In 2010, I had my first paid gig to travel and speak and empower an audience with a microphone in my hand. For me to be able to accomplish that is proof that you can evolve. You can change your old ways of being really small, really scared, intimidated, shy.

Talk to us about how the concept of “infinite receiving” came about and how you built an entire business around it.

Maru: This is perfect for anyone who has tried everything and nothing is working. I remember investing a ton of time, energy, and money into my business with few results. I once had 18 discovery calls and nothing came through. Exactly five years ago, I was so fed up with my reality that I decided to go to a hotel for a night just to get away. On my way to the hotel, something strange, but also fairly common, happened. I heard a very distinct voice inside me who said, “Maru, you only get what you have the capacity to receive.” I asked myself, “Am I praying with the doors closed?” I assumed that my capacity to receive was as infinite as the Universe that is continually expanding. What if I started affirming that my capacity to receive was going to grow? I started my affirmations, and within 20 minutes, I got a text from somebody who I had spoken to perhaps two months earlier from the 18 discovery calls, and she signed on as my client. Blessing after blessing appeared after that. I did a video telling my story not long after, and it went semi-viral. I knew then that I was simply a spokesperson or a mouthpiece for this newfound power. It wasn’t mine, but I knew then that I could be a messenger. Within a year, my business brought in seven figures.

How will life change once we’re able to infinitely receive?

Maru: Instead of trying to control what we receive, we need to be open to receiving everything with an open heart and an open mind, which includes the good and the bad. Infinite receiving is more than just about money and fame. An easy example is the criticism that comes with success or even just striving for success. Most of us are trying to receive with a shield. You are capable of handling what comes. You will not achieve your biggest goals and highest ideals without facing the hardship, and ugliness that comes along the way.

What can we do today to start opening ourselves up to infinite receiving?

Maru: Notice the little things. Watch your language. How do you react when good things happen? Do you get defensive when someone offers to pay for your meal? It’s something as simple as that. For any blessing you receive, no matter how big or small, you’re allowed to be shocked at first, but never tell yourself that you don’t deserve it. Embrace it, then say, “More, please!” Also, don’t “save the best for last”—wear those expensive shoes you’ve been saving for a big event; spend your Frequent Flyer miles; treat yourself to a fancy dinner. Get the momentum going! Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Learn more about Maru Iabichela:

Her website: http://www.maruiabichela.com

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infinitereceiving

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome my son Arya to get his take on the topics I cover on the show!

Tell me about yourself.

Arya: I’m ten years old, finishing up fifth grade. My favorite hobbies are cars, reading about cars, and reading in general. I love computers and playing video games with my friends. I also love playing the piano, drawing, and learning my mother tongue, Tamil.

To you, what is the Law of Attraction and manifesting all about?

Arya: I’m paraphrasing from an audiobook that I heard with my mom: Basically, the Law of Attraction is the concept that negative energy attracts negative and positive energy attracts positive. So, get clear on what you want, then start feeling like you already have it, and then have gratitude as if you’ve already got it.

How hard is it for you to feel like you already have something when, in reality, you don’t have it yet? What gets in the way of you manifesting?

Arya: It’s kind of hard for me because things happen in my day that make me feel mad even though I want to feel happy. Negative thoughts like, “I’m never gonna get this,” or “There’s no chance,” or “The Universe is never gonna do its job,” get in the way.

Can you share some things that you’ve manifested in your life?

Arya: Last year, everybody said that Halloween was going to be cancelled because it was gonna rain. I manifested. I said that I want Halloween. I want candy. I’ve been good all year—I deserve my payment. So, I manifested it. The next day, it looked like it was still gonna rain, and I held it off for two hours—just enough time for me, my brother, and my family to go trick or treating and get all the candy we needed.

How do you deal with it when you don’t manifest what you want?

Arya: You’ll probably be really disappointed or crushed because you really wanted it. You should stay calm, but you shouldn’t shun the Universe like, “You didn’t do anything for me so why should I talk to you again?” Just tell yourself that it was in the Universe’s best interest not to give you that thing.

Do you find it easy or hard to manifest things?

Arya: Like I said, I’m not really good at feeling something out of thin air. If I’m angry, I need to sleep it off to be happy again the next day.

What are some ways or tools that you have to work through really tough emotions like anger?

Arya: Sometimes, I just let it out. I scream into my pillow. Sometimes I throw things or just cry in my mother’s hands. If I keep hiding the feelings, they just get worse and worse and worse until the breaking point where it erupts.

How does it feel to have a mom who believes in manifesting and positive thinking?

Arya: It’s sort of weird. It’s good because she’s always thinking positive and she doesn’t get angry as much like my dad does. But it’s also bad because, whenever something bad happens, she always pushes me to meditate. It’s like a pushy librarian telling you to read books.

What changes have you seen in me as a mom since I started practicing manifesting and positive thinking?

Arya: Well, you definitely don’t shout as much and you don’t get angry as much because you’re meditating and, like you said, meditating helps you get your anger out through breathing. You’ve been a lot more patient. You’re really like the peacemaker in the family.

How would you advise our listeners if they want to get started with manifesting?

Arya: My mom said this once: Start small. Start off small and work your way up.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome David Kennet, musician, voice coach, and Intuitive.

How did you get into sound healing?

David: At birth, I was diagnosed with chronic severe life-threatening asthma. It was so debilitating that I really struggled to survive. My mom would rush me to the hospital in the middle of the night just to get me to the ER room when I would have an asthma attack. Ultimately, after seeing many different specialists, she would take me to medical doctors, naturopathic doctors, and healers; but, nobody could really help me. That was until, at 19 years old, I met this extraordinary man named Kenneth G. Mills who is a conductor, metaphysician, and musician who had this acapella singing group called the The Star-Scape Singers. My parents invited me to attend a rehearsal one day and, to my surprise, Kenneth Mills turned towards me and said, “Would you like to sing?” I was shy at first, but eventually my voice began to open up and I had a pretty good range of notes. Ultimately, the asthma slowly went away the more I sang. It was a complete miracle. I did some research and, sure enough, there has been a lot of clinical studies on the benefits of singing, vibration, and music on the body and our emotional and spiritual state. Aside from the grace of God, there is some actual science to back up the fact that I didn’t have asthma anymore. I found out that our sound is our soul. The more we can feel comfortable with our own voice, metaphorically and literally, the healthier and more balanced we can be.

Why is sound an essential part of us and why do we need to express it in order to feel full?

David: Sound can express what is beyond mere thought. That’s why we enjoy music so much, because we feel things that we can’t quite express through words. Spoken language is limited. Sound is its own language, and frequencies have no limitation in what they can communicate.

What made you decide to use singing as a modality to help others?

David: I call it Quantum Sound Therapy, because I’ve found that sound can communicate on multiple levels and dimensions. It can obviously reach us on an emotional level, but it can also reach us on a physical level and a mental level. You can use sound to reprogram your subconscious and reach places that are otherwise inaccessible, because if you use sound with intention, you can carry that specific intention into your subconscious mind and rewrite programs that may not be serving you. It’s really, really transformational work.

What is the instrument you were playing earlier?

David: It’s called a euphone. Ultimately, the instrument doesn’t matter. Your intention, based on love, does. You can use anything, even your voice, and move mountains. It’s about your intention and the intention of the auditor—the person receiving the sound. Those two energies, coming together, can cause tremendous transformation.

What is “sympathetic resonance”?

David: Sympathetic resonance is when you can play, say, a tuning fork and you have another tuning fork that is attuned to the same note. Even if two instruments are not touching each other, they can cause one another to sing the same note.

I saw your post on Instagram where you compare vocal chords to a woman’s vagina. Please talk about what you meant by that post.

David: The main reason I compared the two was that they visually do resemble each other. I found that intriguing because it makes sense: When we make a sound, we birth our reality. When we find our voice, we find liberation. In my work, I help people use sound to manifest their goals. Sound is a creative force. It makes sense that it resembles the organ that we come through.

Learn more about David Kennet:

His website: https://www.soul-sounding.com

Follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/david_kennet

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss life lessons that we can learn through nature.

Now, I’m somebody who never enjoyed being outdoors much. At least not till recently. It was only when my life coach encouraged me to do a grounding exercise (walking outside on the grass, sand, or dirt in your bare feet) that I finally began to discover the value of nature in our personal journey of healing.

Here are ten lessons I’ve learned about myself and about life thanks to the gift of nature.

LESSON #1: We are a part of nature.

The elements that make up the fields, the beaches, the trees, the sky, the sun, the clouds, the rain, the ocean… many of those same elements are inside of us.

With that in mind, how can we feel whole if we’re not connected to nature?

If you’re not spending time outside, that’s akin to turning off the flow of life, because you’re essentially disconnecting from what makes you, you.

LESSON #2: Our natural state is to be outside.

Who has ever chosen to imagine themselves in a small room, sitting in front of a computer?

Our equilibrium—our natural state—is found outside.

LESSON #3: Embrace the abundant nature of life.

Nature never worries about not having or being enough. It never worries about not having enough carbon dioxide, or enough wind, or enough sunlight. The natural state of nature is that there is more than enough.

Take what you need and the Earth will continue to give us more.

LESSON #4: Nature reminds us to slow down.

Nature teaches us to be present, enjoy the moment, and experience the process of life in its fullness.

LESSON #5: Nature makes you feel safe.

I challenge you to give it a shot. Once you get over that initial hump of discomfort and unease, let yourself relax into the experience. Take a few deep breaths and imagine yourself letting go of your tension through your feet into the ground, where Mother Earth receives it all.

I guarantee you, it’s going to help.

LESSON #6: We are connected to nature.

If we don’t connect with nature in its purest form, we disconnect from our source. How can we find ourselves if we are not physically in touch with the things that make us, us?

LESSON #7: Nature is divine.

If you stop and think about it, how the world made itself is a miraculous thing.

The cycle of seasons.

Death and rebirth.

Hot and cold.

Light and darkness.

When I think about the fact that the divinity that created nature created me, that brings such a magical quality to life.

LESSON #8: Nature is patient.

Nature does not rush. Nature takes its sweet, sweet time.

LESSON #9: Nature teaches us the value of seasons in life.

Humans live in a world of materially-oriented success and achievement. We are taught that we need to be expanding and growing all the time.

The Universe tells us that life is cyclical: There are highs and lows. Why don’t we embrace these seasons in our own lives?

During certain periods, there will be shrinking; there will be recalibration; there will be hibernation. And that’s totally okay, because that’s how life is meant to be. It’s better to accept and surrender and look for the beauty in that rather than fighting it.

LESSON #10: Nature teaches us to rest.

Rest doesn’t have to be earned. We simply rest when we need to rest.

Give yourself full permission to rest instead waiting till your tank is low or, worse, till you completely burn out.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss how anyone can find more of that elusive secret sauce to conquering whatever you set your mind to: motivation.

Before I hop in, I want to set the stage by making the claim that motivation is a myth. We all believe that motivation gives us the energy to get started on something. That’s an illusion. It’s just not true.

Motivation does not create momentum. Action creates momentum.

Motivation is an internal feeling that we all want—and expect—to get as a signal that we are ready to do the thing. We believe that, if we are motivated, we will be able to see our task to the end and give it our very best.

With all that setting the stage, what is the key to motivation? Where do we find it? The following are four methods to becoming more motivated today.

METHOD #1: Invest your time, energy, and money into it.

I’ve personally found that I’m way more excited and way more motivated to do the actual work when I have invested my time, my energy, and, most of all, my money into the endeavor.

When you’ve invested all three of these factors, your motivation will skyrocket.

I’m currently undergoing a six-month breathwork facilitation program that I spent money to get involved in, and we’re expected to show up every single Monday for an hour-and-a-half lecture online, do one-hour calls with a peer every single week, submit homework, and attend a live breathwork session.

That’s four-to-five hours of work every single week for six months. Do I have the motivation to go every single week? No! Many times, I have to show up at inconvenient times. But guess what? I’m motivated because I’ve sunk time, energy, and money into this program. I’m going to keep showing up till the end.

Give yourself full permission to go all-in on what sets your heart on fire.

METHOD #2: Have a trusted person keep you accountable.

We need to be held accountable for whatever goal we set for ourselves, no matter how big or small that goal may be—whether we’re looking to lose ten pounds in two months or start a business online.

As humans, we hate disappointing people. We want to be respected and accepted.

Even if it pains us, we will show up for the thing we said we would show up for, as long as somebody is checking up on us.

METHOD #3: Find a community.

Where would naturally you push yourself harder? Working out by yourself at home, or working out in a group setting?

When we see other people, in real life, in close proximity, doing and saying the things that we believe in, or overcoming obstacles similar to our in real-time, it lights a fire under us. It inspires us. It helps us get motivated when we fail for the tenth time.

METHOD #4: Start—and keep going—with why.

“Start with why” is such a common refrain, but most of us continually forget this foundational principle.

Keep asking why until you reach the crux of your goal, which may happen after seven whys, maybe more, maybe less. In this case, a few of many ultimate answers might be, “I want to feel free in my body,” or “I want to be around to see my grandkids,” or “I want to feel proud of myself.”

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss my six best tips to a successful marriage based on 18 years of my own experience.

That’s not to say I have the perfect marriage; far from it. I was a baby when I got married at 21 (my husband was 24). I certainly didn’t know who the heck I was and what I wanted out of life—and to this day, I probably still don’t know!

But my husband and I grew up together, and we learned a lot over the past almost-two decades. I have learned to show up in order for our marriage to thrive. I want to share the down-and-dirty with you, as well as actionable steps that you can apply to your own marriage today.

SECRET #1: Get support in your marriage.

By this, I mean marriage counseling.

Within the first two years of our marriage, we hit some pretty big bumps on the road. This was around the time I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I was also in a country where I knew nobody, having moved from the U.K. to America.

I looked to my husband for everything because I didn’t have anyone else I could talk to, and that put a ton of strain on our relationship during a time we were still learning how to communicate with each other.

There were a ton of times I didn’t want to be around him. We had a lot of fights, many of them passive-aggressive.

My husband was resistant to my initial suggestion that we see a marriage counselor; but luckily he eventually came around to it, and I’m so glad he did.

SECRET #2: Do not try to change your spouse.

Instead of trying to change your spouse, focus on trying to change yourself.

If you want a successful marriage, start working on yourself today. It’s not your spouse’s responsibility to make you happy, but yours and yours alone.

And remember: When you start to change yourself, the people around you will either rise with you or fall away.

SECRET #3: Seek support, not permission.

We ask their permission, in obvious and subtle ways, and when they don’t give it to us, we get mad at them. It’s not their responsibility to understand how important it is for you. It’s up to you to take bold action toward whatever it is you want and, if it for whatever reason does not work out, know that you’ve got your own back.

Your spouse doesn’t need to understand you. They just need to support you.

SECRET #4: Ask for what you want in the relationship.

Most of us are very scared to ask for what we desire in our relationship. We hold back, thinking that what we ask for might hurt them.

“I want more time.”

“I deserve more respect.”

“I need to take some time out for myself.”

“I do not like the way I’m being spoken to at the moment.”

If we want our spouses to better support our wants and desires, we need to take the responsibility for communicating our point of view to them so they can understand what we need.

SECRET #5: Make yourself a priority.

Just as you should never wait for your spouse to change for your sake, it’s never a good idea to wait for your spouse to make you a priority.

Empower your spouse to help you. Empower them to fill the boots that you have been filling.

SECRET #6: Only take responsibility for what is yours in the relationship.

Think about how you can step up and take ownership to help fill the gaps that you see in your relationship, based on what your spouse tells you.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I discuss one of my favorite topics: handling failure.

A lot of us are scared of failure because we never experienced true failure in our life. The thought of failure alone scares us.

The message I want to share in this episode is how important failure is to achieving success. That may sound counterintuitive, but failure is absolutely necessary when going for big goals. Fear of failure stops so many of us from going after our dreams before we even take the first step.

In order to become really good at handling failure, we first need to rethink what “failure” means to us. It’s usually thought of as being unable to achieve a desired result. I want to challenge you today to redefine that.

Today, I define failure as experiencing a different outcome to what you expected. When failure is defined in such black-and-white terms as mentioned above, we put an unfair amount of pressure on ourselves and diminish the lessons that we can take away from those experiences and grow from them.

Instead, I implore you to consider the grey areas that exist when we talk about success and failure. Take the shame and guilt that we tend to immediately feel as a result of failure and take those feelings out of the equation. Look at the situation objectively and tell yourself that this outcome is simply different from the one you originally desired.

Don’t take failure personally. The endeavor might have been a failure, but it doesn’t make you a failure. Refuse to tell yourself the lie your failures define you as a person.

Another important lesson I learned is that a big failure isn’t necessarily a dead-end in your life. I had “failed” in corporate America, in my sleep consulting business, and in my network marketing career, in that I never achieved the goals I set for myself during those three periods in my life. But, if it wasn’t for those “failures”, I never would have been led to finally discover my purpose and live my dream as a life and mindset coach.

If I hadn’t “failed” at all of those things, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And just as we are all inspired by stories of success that were preceded by stories of failure after failure, we, too, can find success by embracing setbacks and plowing forward anyway. Remember: Your biggest failure is going to be someone else’s inspiration.

Give yourself permission to fail, because only by failing will you get to the thing that you will be excellent at.

Nobody becomes excellent on day one. You have to give yourself multiple chances to fail to become excellent. In fact, look for opportunities where you will inevitably experience failure. Get out of your comfort zone and take more risks. Actively learn to fail, and watch as your whole person grows stronger and wiser with each new failure.

On a practical level, start setting “good”, “better”, and “best” goals instead of a single ideal such as your target revenue or weight goal for the month. Give yourself a range of goals to achieve so that, no matter where you land, you’ll feel proud of yourself.

Finally, be proud of your attempts. A lot of people don’t even have the courage to take risks, knowing they might meet failure on the other side. The faster you fail, the quicker you achieve.

Never forget that failure is an amazing teacher more than success ever is.

Vishen Lakhiani once said that “your soul isn’t here to achieve. Your soul is here to grow.” When we attach meaning to something meaningless, we end up pursuing some imaginary goal that we feel is going to fulfill us when it won’t.

“The true reality,” says Vishen, “is that success and failure are illusions.”

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Navjit Kandola, spiritual advisor, educator, speaker, filmmaker, full-time mum, and the Director of the Nizhoni School for Global Consciousness.

Talk about your experience attending the Nizhoni School for Global Consciousness.

Navjit: I started off with traditional education and ended up studying law in England. I knew I was expected to become a barrister and have an arranged marriage. I didn’t find the future spelled out for me all that exciting. As an empath, I was interested in telepathy, past lives, mind over matter, the purpose for my existence, and how it all works. And I wanted to be of service all over the world. I came across a book by Chris Griscom called Ecstasy Is a New Frequency which talks about the soul level of conversation, having a higher self, listening to that intuition, and laying out a kind of a map in consciousness. That’s when I knew I found my teacher.

Why do so many of us live in our heads?

Navjit: If you think about it, a lot of people are in a low-grade fight-or-flight mode, which falls into heightened awareness. Heightened awareness is about survival. When we’re pumping that adrenaline and going through those cycles of cortisol, the body is attempting to get us to safety. We like the feeling of being in our minds because it makes us feel safe and in control and always looking forward in an attempt to control what’s coming. The thing is, though, the body can only live in the now.

How do we connect the dots between our body and our mind?

Navjit: Slow down. The speed of the mind is very different from the speed of the body and the speed of emotions. We know our minds well enough to become enmeshed in what we call the inner critic.

Why does somatic healing, or disassembling unproductive constructs in our subconscious to the benefit of our bodies, work so well?

Navjit: Some part of us is replaying being in that cage and this energy is compelling our bodies. It leads to things like bad posture. We’re totally unaware that we’re following some deep, unforgotten memory or conclusion or belief. Somatic healing takes us back to that state, slows down the framerate, and allows us to pinpoint the instincts that were driving us in those little moments; not intellectually, but somatically and emotionally.

One of the things that I loved as a result of working with you is learning not just to listen, but to trust my body, and to experience change as slow as I needed to instead of forcing it.

Navjit: That’s so true. When we are struggling and want to heal, there is of course a desire to get it done as fast as possible. What we forget is to include the body which is going to be processing all of that. It may not be ready for a full liquid diet or to eat only vegetables or to cut out all sugar.

For listeners who are struggling to connect with their bodies, what would be some good, basic starting points to start forming a connection?

Navjit: One exercise I like if I’m really anxious or my mind is racing is curling up. Curl up and bring your head down to your knees and hold yourself tight. Let yourself be there until you feel an impulse from your body to uncurl. When you feel that voice saying you want to uncurl, do so super, super slowly. If your mind is thinking that it isn’t working, you should slow it down even more until it barely feels like you’re moving. Pro tip: Instead of continuing to uncurl with your upper body, keep it going by uncurling your legs and feet. Stand up and put your feet on the ground, feeling that you can put the weight of your body on the Earth. This exercise will bring you back into your body. It’s going to take time; but not that much time.

Learn more about Navjit Kandola:

Her website: www.TenderLogic.com

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/navjitkandola/

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, we dive deep into how to recover from something that we have been triggered by, whether it’s a certain traumatic event or a particularly hurtful comment thrown at you in the past.

The five steps I’ve put together to work through your emotional triggers are the exact same ones that I personally follow time and time again to free myself whenever something gets under my skin, making me feel sad, angry, disappointed, or frustrated.

Step #1: Become aware of your triggers.

First thing’s first: pinpoint exactly what your emotional triggers are. Once you know what they are, you now have the choice to either stop that train or keep riding it.

Continuing to play those destructive stories over and over in your head only reinforces emotional triggers. It is an extremely empowering moment once you become self-aware and catch your trigger, because you realize that you are now able to break the vicious cycle you’ve constructed in your mind.

Remember that what you feel when you get swept away by that train has nothing to do with the present moment. Rather, it has everything to do with whatever hurt you in the past, perhaps even years and years ago.

Step #2: Forgive yourself for experiencing these destructive feelings.

Forgive yourself for indulging in these low-vibrational feelings; for playing the victim; for experiencing a moment of weakness.

Judging yourself for having those feelings will only fuel the vicious cycle you’re already on. Forgiving yourself, on the other hand, helps you to move on in a peaceful, calm, and loving way.

Step #3: Love the part of yourself that feels rejected and unloved.

When you are being triggered, the questions that I would ask are: “What is the earliest memory of me feeling this way? When did I form this belief? What part of me believes this to be true, and why?”

I guarantee that it’s a memory that you probably don’t even pay all that much attention to because it seems insignificant in the bigger scheme of things; but it has actually left a really deep, lasting impression on you, enough to trigger you over and over and over again.

We need to address the root cause. Trying to change circumstances or the people around you is only patching up the wound; but you need to understand what actually caused that wound in order to begin the process of healing.

Step #4: Once you know what you were aching for in that earliest memory, look for evidence where you are, in fact, already receiving exactly that.

If you’ve always felt unsupported your whole life, look at your immediate family and closest friends and realize that you actually already have people that you can trust and have your back.

The things that we look for in life, such as love, freedom, and money, can be found all around us in so many different ways; but we get blinded to all of these opportunities when we limit our definition of what we really desire. Instagram likes, for example, are nothing compared to the real-life support you receive right now from your loved ones.

Step #5: Clearly state what you desire to attract more of it into your life.

Now that you know you’re already receiving what your heart aches for, even if it’s not in the form you expected, you now have the opportunity to attract more of that desire, and in many different forms.

We can only attract more abundance when we are already finding evidence of abundance in our lives. When you ask the Universe for what you want from a place of lack, all you get is more lack; but if you ask from a place of abundance, the Universe showers ever more abundance.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Vidya Gopalan, part-time fashion and lifestyle blogger and mom of two kids.

Were you born in India?

Vidya: I was born in India and moved to Minnesota when I was six. I’ve lived in America since then.

How did you deal with the dramatic change in your environment when you moved?

Vidya: I was so young that it was relatively easier to adapt. But there were definitely cultural barriers to overcome. I didn’t know any English when I came here. All of that played into my mindset growing up.

What does it mean for you to live authentically and why is it so important?

Vidya: For me, to live authentically is just showing up everyday, being yourself, and not worrying about the outside noise. It’s about feeling confident and powerful in your own voice. That doesn’t come right away. It takes years of time and experience, and I’m still learning to live authentically. It’s not something that just happens. And now that I’m a wife and mother of two, I want my kids to feel like what I’m saying and doing and how I stand up for myself are the right things.

How do not let the noise of social media get to you, especially since you’re in the world of fashion?

Vidya: You can let it get to you or you can use it to your advantage. You don’t have to be like other people; but you can also take tips from their feeds to improve yourself.

What were the early mistakes you made along the way when you were building your business?

Vidya: No one’s checking on you, so you have to motivate yourself. The one big thing I did was set a schedule for myself. But it’s easier all around because I got used to the process, unlike in those first few days when I was finding my groove. When you get comfortable with what you’re doing, you get better at it.

At the beginning, when you got trolled, how did you feel and how did you overcome it?

Vidya: It still happens here and there; not very often. I would say the majority of people are very kind. Every once in a while, you get some fake account that says something that’s not really nice. It hurt a lot in the beginning. But I know myself and I put out forward-thinking content that resonates with a lot of people. That confidence is why I’m not affected as much anymore.

Have you always been so outspoken?

Vidya: I wasn’t always like this. Having this platform helped me use my voice to talk about important topics and issues. That made it hard for me to stay quiet. When it comes to social, racial, and some political issues, I find it hard to hold back and not say how I feel. With everything that’s going on, it’s just not easy.

What are some struggles you have behind-the-scenes that you might not be ready to share on Instagram yet?

Vidya: Just like everybody, I have good and bad days. My Instagram stories are not a representation of my everyday life. They are two-second snippets of me usually sharing an outfit. On bad days, just as it is with any kind of work, you just have to get up and do what needs to be done. You don’t have to share everything in your life, and that’s okay.

What does self-love mean to you?

Vidya: Self-love is just taking care of yourself, whatever that means. If you have to set things aside to take care of yourself, I think that’s so crucial for everything—for your physical health and your mental health.

What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their own self-love?

Vidya: Take the time to focus on yourself and ignore the outside noise. It’s hard to do; but whether that’s through journaling or talking to somebody, find a way to help yourself understand what it is that you’re struggling with and how you can heal from that.

Learn more about Vidya Gopalan:

Her website: https://queencitytrends.com

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/queencitytrends

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I’m going to be busting some of the most common meditation myths. As someone who has been meditating on a regular basis for the past six years, I can say with absolute confidence that meditation has changed my life. If you are somebody who wishes they can be more consistent about meditation, this episode is for you!

Like everyone who first gets into meditation, I struggled at the very beginning. One of the big factors that halted my progress was a whole host of misconceptions around how to actually meditate. Let’s dive right in!

Myth #1: “I’m not good at meditating.”

Many people think that, as soon as you sit on a meditation cushion, something magical is supposed to happen; and if nothing does, then they’re probably not cut out for it.

However, the beautiful thing about meditation is that it’s designed to help you stop judging. The goal of meditation is to sit and observe. Become aware of what you’re thinking about at every given moment, and refuse to let yourself get attached to the emotions associated with those thoughts.

Myth #2: “I’m supposed to feel calm and stress-free after meditating.”

I know that this is the intention of meditation—to help us feel calm. But I want you to think of meditation as an activity that clears the noise and negativity from your mind, just as you may imagine clearing up a pond filled with muck. You’re clearing your mind from judgement, anger, and resentment toward other people, and it starts by bringing those emotions to the surface.

With this in mind, you may come out of quite a few sessions agitated instead of calm. Why? Because the meditation brought something from your subconscious onto the conscious level. That’s not a bad thing. It just means that you’ve unearthed a bit (or a lot) of mess that you now have the opportunity to clean up.

Whatever happens, remember to observe, observe, observe without judgement. This will help you put some distance between your thoughts and the emotions that you tend to assign to those thoughts.

Myth #3: “There is only one way to meditate.”

There are more ways to meditate than the usual lotus position. I’ve tried probably every kind of meditation there is, from walking meditations to guided meditations to Shambho meditations to Reiki meditations.

If you are a novice or just starting out, I recommend doing a guided meditation where someone’s voice is giving you things to do during the session, such as counting your breaths.

This is because our thoughts typically run so fast that a beginner may find it extremely difficult to find that stillness in mind and body that meditation requires.

Myth #4: “Meditation is only for people who have time.”

There’s a great saying: “If you have time, meditate for 30 minutes a day. If you don’t have time, meditate for one hour a day.”

That should give you an idea for how important meditation is, especially for those who are time-constrained.

Telling yourself that you don’t have time to meditate is like telling yourself that you don’t have time to brush your teeth. No matter how busy we might be, we always find those two minutes to brush our teeth every morning and evening.

Myth #5: “I’m supposed to be blank when I meditate.”

Most of us think that we’ve failed a meditation if our mind was so busy throughout the session. If this has happened to you, I say great job! There are few things like meditation that can make you realize just how many thoughts are bubbling deep inside your mind.

It’s not that your mind suddenly becomes busy when you meditate. It simply makes you become aware of how busy you already are. It’s like flipping a light switch.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Nakeia Drummond, founder and CEO of NLD Strategic, a management consulting firm focused on equity, social impact, education, and economic inclusion, particularly for black and brown children, women, and families, as well as those experiencing poverty.

Did you always know that you wanted to do this work?

Nakeia: It’s not a straight line; I’ll tell you that much! I always knew that I wanted to do something that felt impactful. My parents also had careers that were in service of other people, and so I thought that that was what work life was supposed to be like. When I became a consultant, I felt really unfulfilled despite all the perks. I prayed about it. One day I felt that I needed to be a teacher, and that set me on the road to doing work for public education and fighting all the inequities in the system. That’s what matters most to me.

Did you ever feel shame and guilt around leading a sporadic career path?

Nakeia: I never felt shame and guilt, especially since I went through it all when I was young and had a lot of space to land if something didn’t work out. That’s what my mom always said to me. It’s okay to quit something that doesn’t fulfill your soul. It’s actually a lot scarier to think about pivoting now because of how much of a foundation I’ve already laid since.

What does self-love mean to you?

Nakeia: Accomplishing things, doing better than the last generation, and being able to provide for others. Doing everything to achieve for yourself and for others is the truest sign of valuing yourself. It’s not just surviving, but thriving.

How has your perspective of loving yourself changed over the last several months of us working together?

Nakeia: I think it’s more on how I perceive God loves me, with grace and with mercy, just as I am. It’s all about coming as you are and not having to fix anything or change this or that about myself to be loved. It’s about loving myself with more kindness and zero judgement..

Success does not have to be tied to hard work. Where is your mindset currently at with regard to that idea?

Nakeia: To hear that as a reminder is always great because it’s easy to slip back into the old mindset. Now, I don’t put all the burden on myself. From a team of me, I now have four consultants working with me. I had to open my mind to hiring and delegating responsibilities, and now my business continues to grow without me having to be everywhere doing everything all at once.

Why did you find it so hard to believe that you are as amazing as everyone around you said you are?

Nakeia: For the most part, it was that limiting belief that everything requires hard work. You often miss the biggest opportunities because it seemed too easy to really matter. You undervalue it because, since it seemed so easy, you assume that everybody must be able to do it that easily. None of us work for gifts. Gifts are given to us. It’s not our paycheck. It doesn’t matter whether or not you earned it or had to struggle for it. It’s handed over to us freely. We need to appreciate and respect it.

What tips do you have for listeners who are too hard on themselves and don’t feel like they are doing enough or achieving enough?

Nakeia: One is: collect your receipts. So, all the ways you’ve overcome or surprised yourself when things worked out the way they had when you didn’t expect it—document all the ways that your life has shown up for you. And remember how you felt in those moments because we tend to forget our feelings in those moments. Another one is: just be still. It gives you perspective.

Learn more about Nakeia Drummond:

Her community for growing Black women-owned businesses: https://www.thewellnetwork.us

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nakeiabydesign

Resources mentioned:

Morning Pages from The Artist’s Way: https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I’m going to be talking all about manifesting magic in your life. This is one of my absolute favorite topics to talk about. I do a deep dive into, first of all, what manifesting is and why we all need to tap into this power. I also share some very personal stories where I’ve manifested some super crazy things into my own life. Stories like mine and others are really important because we might have heard or read about this concept but have a really hard time believing that it can happen to us. By listening to real-life examples of other human beings putting this power to use, we come to really believe that it can work for us, too!

What does manifesting actually mean? Simply, manifesting means making real a desire or a dream. That’s all manifesting is—when you have a thought or a desire that becomes reality at some point in your life.

If you think about it, that means you’re manifesting all the time, whether consciously or unconsciously. Where you are in life right now is a direct result of the power of manifesting. It’s a law that works for every single person, no matter who they are.

This includes even the problem areas of our lives. And it’s only because we, as human beings, habitually tend to focus on what we don’t want. The thoughts and the feelings attached to those thoughts help us manifest.

Even a negative statement such as, “I hope I don’t run into heavy traffic,” still manifests heavy traffic simply because heavy traffic is what you focused on and placed your emotion in! The Universe doesn’t know language; only thoughts and feelings.

To fix this simple example, phrase yourself this way: “I’ll be on time to my appointment. The roads are perfectly clear.” And really believe it. Put those thoughts out and those exact affirmations will manifest itself!

Manifesting is very real, and you’re always engaged in it, whether consciously or unconsciously. I want you to know, right now, that the choice is yours to make. I don’t know about you, but I want to always be intentionally creating the life of my dreams!

Manifesting is easy, and it adds a magical quality to life. It makes each day more fun. And it unburdens us from doing all the work. You don’t need to know the how. Truly, when we open ourselves to consciously and intentionally manifesting our hopes and desires, the Universe helps us create a life that is wilder than our wildest dreams!

How has the power of manifesting worked for you? Whether it’s something as small as manifesting the best parking space (something I can relate to!) or manifesting your spouse, I’d love to hear your stories!

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

Visit my website: www.visalakshi.com

Follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Join my FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingyou1

Connect with me on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

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In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I welcome Jyoti Chand, full-time influencer and full-time mom to two little toddlers. With a mission to make you smile, you’ll find Jyoti’s Instagram chock-full of content documenting highlights of her days as a toddler mom.

I love your videos. They're all short, punchy reels. And you're also a comedian. Let's not forget that. You used to do stand up comedy, right?

Jyoti: I was born and raised in L.A. I did stand-up comedy at The Comedy Store and all the cool places for about two years in Studio City. I left stand-up comedy because, even though I had a big dream of being a comedian and an entertainer, I had a bigger dream of getting married and being a mom and having a family.

This brings me to one of my favorite topics: the fear that women can’t have it all—the fear that it’s either love or career, but never both. I feel like you've really hit that sweet spot of where you found or carved out a way of doing it.

Jyoti: It took Instagram for me to realize that I can do what I wanted to do, to continue to be a female entertainer in my own way. "I’m doing comedy through Instagram. I don’t need to be on a stage.” It’s comedy because I have an audience that is laughing.

How do you deal with the haters and the trolls?

Jyoti: The trolls are fun. There was a point where they did affect me early on and it had me questioning my content and things like that. I hate giving anyone the power to have that control. It took a lot of self-talk, telling myself that these people are internalizing something you’re doing, and it comes from jealousy. These are very deeply disturbed people, and that makes me kind of sad. A lot of people tell me that they don’t deserve my empathy; but that’s exactly what they need right now. I’ve had a full-on conversation with a hurtful troll and turned the tables for them. I became a confidant for them.

Can you talk more about your self-love journey?

Jyoti: I didn’t have a lot of self-worth growing up. I saw a lot of flaws on my body and compared myself to a lot of women. When I was 17, I was bullied a lot. I had anxiety. I had depression that was untreated. And I was always on the search for a man. For some reason, I felt like I always needed a guy to validate that I was pretty or worth something. I think I was really good at faking confidence for a long time. It took me breaking down and taking a three-month trip through Europe after a relationship ended to start my journey of transformation. But all that taught me how to be who I am today. It took me getting married to realize that I didn’t need a man because I had the space during marriage to spend time working on myself and what I loved.

Learn more about Jyoti Chand:

Visit her website: www.mamajotes.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/mamajotes

Resources mentioned:

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington: www.amazon.com/Sober-Curious-Blissful-Limitless-Connection-ebook/dp/B0796V2RPG

Rachel Hollis’s Start Today Journal: www.starttoday.com

Learn more about Jyoti Chand:

Visit her website: www.mamajotes.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/mamajotes

Resources mentioned:

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington: www.amazon.com/Sober-Curious-Blissful-Limitless-Connection-ebook/dp/B0796V2RPG

Rachel Hollis’s Start Today Journal: www.starttoday.com

Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol

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In this episode of Becoming You, I offer three practical tips for showing up to meetings, presentations, and interviews with more confidence and less anxiety.

Why do we feel nervous or anxious before a significant meeting or event?

Well, I may not feel very confident or passionate about what I'm about to speak about, I don’t believe that I have what it takes to be successful or achieve a goal, or I'm worried about what others will think of me.

When I master self-confidence, it doesn’t matter how much or how little I know.

Ask yourself this question: Who do I need to be when I show up for this meeting?

Believe that you are the expert in the room – This doesn’t mean I have to know every single thing there is to know about the topic at hand, it just means I know more than the average person in the room. This will immediately take some anxiety away.
Make sure your space is inviting, clutter-free, and distraction-free, specifically for Zoom meetings, and clear the energy of the room – I cleanse the energy of my office by burning [sustainable] palo santo and calling in loving beings of a higher vibration to help me through the meeting. This changes the way I feel in that moment and helps me feel energetically supported.
Connect to your body – When I don’t feel safe, I get nervous and stop thinking and speaking clearly. Standing in the power pose, like Wonder Woman does, for a few minutes before a nerve-wracking event is proven to ease stress and boost confidence. Dancing and light exercise help to release excess energy that doesn’t serve me. Lastly, I close my eyes, breathe, visualize the meeting going just how I want it to go, and tap into how that makes me feel.

Release the need to be perfect and to impress anybody. The part that’s out of my control is how I am received by others. That’s the part I get hung up on. The more I can differentiate what’s in my control and what’s out of my control, the less stressed I will feel and the more power I will have to take on meetings, interviews, and presentations with confidence.

Conclusion: What matters is showing up with your whole heart and knowing you did your very best. If it wasn’t perfect, that’s okay, it was meant to go that way! The Universe has your back, always.

Keep tuning in to Becoming You to continue learning how to foster a strong, healthy relationship with yourself with actionable tips to implement in your own life so you can feel free and safe to be yourself.

If you enjoyed this episode and found it insightful, screenshot this episode, share it on Instagram, and tag Visa – let’s start a conversation!

Learn more about Visa Shanmugam and her coaching services:

Visit her website: www.www.visalakshi.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/VisaShanmugamCoaching

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In this episode of Becoming You, Visa dives into the five valuable life lessons that she extracted from the Regency-era Netflix original series, Bridgerton. She breaks down how she uncovered these insights and then applies them to real life scenarios to make them easily digestible.

Disclaimer: If you haven’t watched the show yet and you want to, you may want to skip this episode and come back to it because there are a lot of spoilers!

We all have childhood wounds that are unique to us. Childhood wounds can come in many forms and unless we uncover them, acknowledge them, heal them, and give love to our inner child, we’ll keep holding onto them. If you’ve never thought about your inner child, the time is now!
Forgiveness is our key to feeling free. When have you felt so angry that you make irrational and harmful decisions, especially for the long-term? If you refuse to forgive someone for the way they’ve hurt you, it’s as though you drank poison and are expecting the other person to die. Nothing good can come from life if we insist on holding onto anger and resentment. It’s okay to let things go and set yourself free.
Nobody ever wins from judgement. – Judgement helps us assess where we stand on things. It makes us feel better than or less than but when have we ever felt fantastic from judging ourselves or others? It’s exhausting because it’s a never-ending cycle. If you’re afraid of being judged about something, chances are you’re judging other people too. When you stop judging others, you stop worrying about judgment from others because you realize that it benefits no one. In what areas of your life do you judge yourself and others?
Keeping up appearances and maintaining a façade to impress others is exhausting. What kind of life is that? As long as you’re living your life to please others, your happiness and contentment will not be prioritized and you’ll slowly lose yourself in the process.
Ultimately, we want to be seen and accepted for who we are… and that starts with us. Don’t wait around for someone else to give you that validation. It’s important that you find it within yourself because only the truest version of yourself can set you free in life. Your imperfections, your realness, your failures, and the parts of yourself that you hide away are the parts that make you so worthy of being loved.

Visa cherishes vulnerability and shares her moments of weakness on social media. Those posts are often the most popular ones because she’s being her real, authentic self. That’s what people can connect with. People can’t connect to perfection.

Conclusion: Your truth will set you free! We all have childhood wounds and we all want to be seen and accepted. Acceptance and healing starts from within and so does the release of judgement, perfection, and resentment. Know your truth and forgive yourself because all forgiveness is self-forgiveness.

Which of these five life lessons resonated the most with you?

If you enjoyed this episode and found it insightful, screenshot this episode, share it on Instagram, and tag Visa – let’s start a conversation!

Learn more about Visa Shanmugam and her coaching services:

Visit her website: www.www.visalakshi.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/VisaShanmugamCoaching

Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/VisaShan

Connect with her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC1bDJb2tawEJlLXwWoOceNQ

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In this episode of Becoming You, Visa shares one mind-blowing truth that will set you free in life and bring you back to a state of peace. She’ll then share simple, yet actionable tips you can practice today to improve your mindset and your outlook on life.

You have thoughts, but your thoughts are not always true. You have thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.

We think that just because we are the ones experiencing our thoughts, they must be true and we must believe them.

It’s important to realize that we can have multiple voices inside our heads having conversations which each other. It doesn’t mean you’re a crazy person! It just means that there are several lines of thought that are constantly happening all the time. That’s why we often have conflicting thoughts. It’s totally normal.

Not every thought you have is true and none of our thoughts are original.

“I’m not lovable” “I’m not smart enough” “I can’t do this” “I’m not good enough”

Sound familiar? You get to choose which thoughts you believe and which thoughts you release. It’s very powerful to practice detaching yourself and freeing yourself from your thoughts. Try this just for one day or even one hour and see how it affects how you feel. Meditation is a great tool for putting distance between you and your thoughts.

Every thought you have is based on a memory from the past. Once we believe a thought, we start to collect evidence to affirm that thought. This compounding self-harm makes you believe that you can’t change and that your future won’t look different from what it is today. If you constantly hold onto certain thoughts, then your future is going to look quite the same, unless you look at your thoughts objectively and choose to change them.

So, now what?

Your thoughts drive every action and inaction in your life. Taking action can feel hard to do, but the moment you become aware of the thought that’s holding you back is the most divine moment to change that thought and open the door to the endless possibilities life has for you. You are in charge, so take charge!

“Every single thought you have, it either is helping you become more of the person you want to be or it’s slowing you down or pulling you back from the person you want to be.”

Visa encourages you to incorporate positive affirmations into your morning when you’re laying in bed just after waking up, which will help to improve your mindset for the rest of the day.

Here are a few examples:

“I trust myself” “It’s safe for me to be myself” “I am so worthy and deserving of all that I desire in my life”

Conclusion: You have thoughts, but your thoughts are not always true. You have thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.Not every thought you have is true and none of our thoughts are original. You are in charge of whether you believe your thoughts or not and whether you have positive or negative self-talk.

If you enjoyed this episode and found it insightful, screenshot this episode, share it on Instagram, and tag Visa – let’s start a conversation!

Learn more about Visa Shanmugam and her coaching services:

Visit her website: www.www.visalakshi.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/VisaShanmugamCoaching

Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/VisaShan

Connect with her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC1bDJb2tawEJlLXwWoOceNQ

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In this episode of Becoming You, Visa talks about the dark side of perfectionism, sharing everything she’s learned about her perfectionist tendencies over the last few years.

Oftentimes, we view being a perfectionist as a strength in life. Visa is here to shatter the belief that perfectionism serves you in your life and to explain why perfectionism hinders you from experiencing joy and happiness.

Listen in as Visa declares 6 truths about perfectionism and explains why they may be causing harm to your health and wellbeing:

Perfection is an illusion – Our ideas of perfection comes from unrealistic standards, often portrayed by the media, which aren’t what we truly want.
Being a perfectionist stops you from accepting what is – It keeps you in a mindset of lack, keeping you from acknowledging your accomplishments.
Perfectionism is a symptom of deep feelings of unworthiness – In order to make up for not being enough, we use perfection as a suit of armor. Unworthiness often comes from childhood feelings of not meeting expectations.
Perfectionism leads to procrastination – The need to figure out every step of how to do something delays our initiation of tasks being worked on, for fear of not being able to do it right.
Perfectionism leads to self-sabotage – In the mind of perfectionists, there’s no room for mistakes or second chances, which leads to a harmful ‘all or nothing’ mentality.
Perfectionism is poisonous to your wellbeing – Perfectionists believe the world won’t accept or support them unless they show up perfectly. They don’t feel safe if they show up imperfectly. The people around you are also affected by your perfectionism, causing tension in relationships and even your children picking up the same tendencies.

Perfectionism keeps us from embracing our true, authentic, imperfect selves.

What is the antidote to this toxic perfectionism?

Become aware of the fact that you are a perfectionist, then ask yourself: In what areas of your life are you really striving for perfection? It just might be all areas of your life, but you have the power to break the pattern and reprogram your mind.

“Awareness is always the first step to change.”

Explore why you may have become a perfectionist. Dive deep into your childhood to see where you may have ‘not been enough’ to someone.

Forgive yourself for being less than perfect. Start with small action steps to embrace your imperfections. It all starts from within. Incorporate affirmations in your life to validate your renewed authenticity.

Conclusion: Perfection is not attainable because it doesn’t exist. Although being a perfectionist is harmful to your health, there are many ways you can release the patterns of perfectionism and work towards accepting your true self. You have the power, it just takes one small step to create lasting change!

If you enjoyed this episode and found it helpful, screenshot this episode, share it on Instagram, and tag Visa – let’s start a conversation!

Learn more about Visa Shanmugam and her coaching services:

Visit her website: www.www.visalakshi.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/VisaShanmugamCoaching

Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/VisaShan

Connect with her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC1bDJb2tawEJlLXwWoOceNQ

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In this first episode of Becoming You, Visa tells her transformational story that starts when she was a child, being noticed for all the ‘wrong’ reasons and playing by all the rules, and to be continued as a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser who is thriving as a mindset transformation coach.

After a lifetime of striving for the perfect life, two babies, a great career, and a happily arranged marriage, she began feeling unsatisfied and unexcited about her life. Despite the immense gratitude she felt for the things she had, Visa felt unfulfilled and wondered, is there more to life?

Visa knew she was capable of more and had more to offer to the world, but she had no clue how to begin on that journey. She tried to ignore these thoughts and feelings, which led to resentment, loneliness, and leaving her corporate job when her first child was born.

She thought that starting her own business would fix many of her problems and since making that leap, it’s been a rollercoaster ride of entrepreneurship and discovery. That first step was the step she needed to take to dive deep into herself. She dipped her toes into sleep consulting and network marketing before falling into the personal development and self-help world.

“Every challenge that I had ever had in my life, every obstacle, every setback, and all the struggles I was having in my life… most of that pain was caused by me.”

In this episode, Visa explains what she means by that statement and how that made her feel. She shares the truths that came up for her, evoking an awakening, and what changes when you start to heal your relationship with yourself. And so, her journey to self-love and self-acceptance began.

Conclusion: You don’t need to become someone else in order to experience more success, abundance, peace and happiness, you need to become more yourself! The intention of this podcast is to help you become the most you that you can be because that’s the secret to living a life you love.

Learn more about Visa Shanmugam and her coaching services:

Visit her website: www.www.visalakshi.com

Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lifecoachvisa

Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/VisaShanmugamCoaching

Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/VisaShan

Connect with her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/visashanmugam

Subscribe to her YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UC1bDJb2tawEJlLXwWoOceNQ

Becoming You: Recent Episodes

Visa Shanmugam