Stories With A Marine Corps Dad: Recent Episodes
Jon Shuerger
Guys, I might be running out of ideas.
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My dude, what doest thou?
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The grass ees no greener.
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And his kinda faithful steed until another job opportunity shows up, Bony Nag.
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I mean, what kind of crack am I on?
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The vengeance of introverts is taken in this sordid tale.
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Huh? Plagiarism? What?
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My thirdborn is becoming quite prolific. This is her third published work at four years old.
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This one's for the bros.
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Nothing like this has ever been published, ever.
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He blew in from out of town.
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Tough as leather, until that one day...
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The SWAMCD adaptation. Not official.
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It's a tale of ups and downs. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll pee.
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How lizards and cream cheese saved Christmas. Honest.
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They got no teeth. They got no gums. But they gonna num num num.
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Stealers never prosper. Because of dinosaurs.
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Bullying never pays off.
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My legacy as a storyteller passes on.
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Walking around like regular people.
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This won't end well.
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His day has come.
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Let this be a lesson to you all...
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Everyone has a job.
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Every dad knows this story already.
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Beware that which you do not understand.
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It's fight or flight in the Antarctic. Unluckily for the predators, this bird is flightless.
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Some of us are here for a long time. Others, for a good time. This gecko had neither.
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A real tear-jerker.
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Darkness walks the earth.
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Every mom knows this story by heart.
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It'll be a hit.
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A cautionary tale for us all.
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How did you think they were invented?
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Classic horror.
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They never quit. Ever.
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Plenty of fish in the sea. Just not any like this one.
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Based on a true story.
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Does whatever a spidermunk does.
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It's a problem.
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Buuuuuugs...
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Every dad knows this fear.
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Vhen ze ants pick a fight viss ze Germans...
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The hero we need, and probably the one we deserve.
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A tale of woe.
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Pride cometh before a mow.
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God bless America.
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Come on, we all want one.
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Splendid chap. Exemplary of British adherence to duty. Pish posh.
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A storied hero of song.
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Love and shotguns.
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Struggles of the deep.
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The most fabulous knight in the realm.
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This pig knew and exercised his rights.
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Before the dark days. Before the Empire.
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The untold tail.
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It's me. I'm this cloud.
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Moms, just, like, don't listen to this one, mkay?
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I might be out of ideas, okay?
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I'm begging you, please follow basic sanitation and human decency.
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Dream big, ladies.
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Size matters not. Nor does shameless plagiarism.
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Science has no answer for this.
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You're scared of it, too. Don't even try to deny it.
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I mean, who doesn't?
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A tale of dreams come true, and an athlete realizing its destiny.
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Sure are a bunch of these stories...
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HAVE A HEART.
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A cautionary tale for us all.
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Hey, look, another one of these stories.
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A story of breaking & entering, petty larceny and straight-up murder.
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You never thought of this, didja?
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To boldly go where no red panda has gone before.
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What was I even thinking?
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Let's get a dude in some of these stories.
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Gobble, gobble.
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The story of how one dad locked his mutant kid in a dungeon. Sub-titled, The Dream.
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For the love of all that is good, shut up for 11/15ths of a second, I'm begging you.
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Recorded because my kids always ask for this dumb plate as if it has sorcerous powers.
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No one is safe.
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A heartwarming tale of what happens when you feed trash-eating vermin the size of large dogs.
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When nepotism doesn't work.
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Bee not deceived.
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Gather round, children, and hearken to yon warning tale...
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The untold story of America's sordid past.
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Make your own body heat.
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In loving memory of my mother-in-law's coffee, which she leaves all over the house like Mel Gibson's going to use it to kill aliens.
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It's been eight years of fighting the curve.
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Listen, just because I'm a mythical creature doesn't mean I'm THAT kind of mythical creature, kay?
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A retelling of Aesop's classic fable, with a decidedly not classic twist.
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Apathy elevated to deific levels.
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My six-year-old Aine tells her original story of a sheep that knew kung fu.
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Three-year-old Valerie tells an original story of an ice cream cone who didn't let his lack of corpus stop him from mutilating bad guys. It's like Venom meets Ben & Jerry.
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'Gram this.
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Listen to your mothers, little cucumbers, lest judgment fall upon thee.
Thou.
Thous.
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Maybe don't take advice on where to live from your primary predator.
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Based on a true story. About 900 of them, actually.
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What makes you think werewolves are just a land thing?
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Explicit kissing involved. May not be appropriate for children, or really anyone grossed out by their parents kissing.
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The story that needed to be told.
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They're capable of it. But what makes a drill instructor cry?
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Ol' George ain't got nothing on our hero...
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A day that will long live in infamy...
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We've all had one.
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I used to be a functional adult. Then the children came...
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I've noticed that while we hide teeth under our pillows, we never ask the tooth about its experiences.
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Some of us just need that little extra buzz.
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Not the hero we deserve, but the one we need.
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Not all of us are doing what we thought we were meant to do.
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You've heard of Cupid and Comet and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recaaaaall the most lamest reindeer of aaaaaall?
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Never give up. Never surrender.
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Power plays don't always work out.
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We all want to know where it really came from.
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Everyone needs to be competent. Even in Heaven.
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Baby sea turtles have it rough. But what if one knew kung fu?
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Where do all of our socks go?
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Stories with a Marine Corps Dad is just recordings of Jon Shuerger, Jr., telling live, unedited and entirely improvised bedtime stories to his little girls Aine, Valerie and Talia. He loves hearing his girls laugh, and thought you might enjoy it, too.
This episode is about The Girl Who Didn't Cry Wolf.
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