Season 4 - Being A Mom: Recent Episodes

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Crying is an emotional release that has so many mixed feelings surrounding it. Growing up, I was admonished for crying and that hasn’t changed in adulthood. As a woman I’m often seen as too emotional for crying and I make people uncomfortable. When I look back on my life, it’s so interesting to see who wasn’t afraid to cry and who was. In this episode, I explore the cultural, gender, and generational impact on crying.

Key Takeaways:

[3:47] Being told it wasn’t okay to cry as a child

[6:23] Society telling boys not to cry and thinking girls are lesser for doing so

[8:03] Crying should be normalized

[10:12] My college boyfriends weren’t afraid to cry

[13:46] Crying a ton after Molly died and making people uncomfortable

[15:23] Being admonished for crying

[18:50] Learning I needed to not cry while my daughter does

[22:23] Young girls being ridiculed for crying and being uncomfortable about it

[27:53] Miriam Bialik and Nora Mcinerny’s discussion on grief

[29:14] Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk about terminal cancer

[31:03] Karen Kenney’s episode on crying

[33:35] Kenny being okay to cry, but generational differences separate us

[34:43] Being given permission to cry

[36:21] Thinking back to how different people in my life viewed crying

[38:07] Panicking about how time goes by so quickly

[39:42] I cry a lot about what I’ve lost

[41:29] The many emotions around crying and what I’ve stopped crying about

[42:55] My kids being different around crying

[44:02] $13,000 in scholarships for kids

[46:36] World events are causing so many tears: guns, abortion, and war

[49:18] Everyone is so different with crying

[50:45] My journey of crying, expressing my emotions, and dissociating

[53:16] How much do you cry?

Resources from this episode: * Death Be Not Proud movie * On Golden Pond movie * The Woman in Gold movie * Libby’s podcast on The Power of Crying * Skylar’s podcast Get Ready to Crumbl * Miriam Bialik and Nora Mcinerny’s discussion on grief * Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Gilbert talk on cancer * Karen Kenney’s episode on crying * My TV commercial

Connect with Barb:

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As I find out more about the energy within my body I am compelled to better myself through my diet and exercise. While I look inward, I also look at the past to see how the people around me have grown and changed. Processing these emotions has been difficult, but I’m learning to let my energy guide me along the way.

Key Takeaways:

[1:28] Adjusting to having siblings so far apart in age

[5:09] My neighborhood has grown up and living the life I want

[7:31] Gracie’s reality and growing up

[9:21] Being an older mother and finding peace with my body

[12:11] My diet and what I feed Jack

[13:32] Giving up alcohol

[14:01] Kenny and I making exercise a part of our daily routine

[15:56] Reading self improvement books and worship

[17:35] Attending a wedding and watching friends grow up

[19:34] Fasting for 40 days to gain fortitude

[20:48] Setting goals and trying not to fall back on old habits

[22:02] Getting my imbalanced chakras read

[23:41] Learning to slow down

[25:19] Growing separately as people and processing my anger

[27:01] Finding the right energy to guide me through life

[29:08] Thank you to everyone that helped me this season

Resources from this episode: * The Body Keeps the Score * Karen Kenney * Lisa Summerville * NES Health * NaviHealth

Connect with Barb:

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Helicopter parenting has become a buzzword that everybody is talking about and I am one of them. Sort of. I let my baby go to daycare when I never let my older children out of sight with someone I didn’t know, but as the world has changed so have I. In this episode, I explore how to be a good role model for my children while still sticking to my values as a parent.

Key Takeaways:

[2:37] Walkability and independence in my town

[7:23] Allowing everyone in my family their own space

[8:13] Breastfeeding my kids is important to me

[11:00] I don’t give my kids chores

[13:01] I’m afraid something will happen to Jack

[14:54] Teaching my kids to advocate for themselves in medical situations

[16:41] The shortage of baby formula

[18:11] What I'm changing about Jack’s diet

[20:58] Teaching my kids the risk of social media

[22:43] Allowing Jack to go to daycare

[23:45] I never let Gracie or Molly go to daycare and my scheduling changing

[25:05] The political realm is shifting from 20 years ago

[26:24] It’s dangerous to go biking in America

[28:02] Being a woman in a man’s world

[29:22] I’m not a goal setter anymore

[32:34] Not having a perfect life and trying to be a healthy role model

[36:08] Writing in a journal and trying to set goals again

Resources from this episode: * In My Humble Opinion Journal * The Desire Map * The Body Keeps the Score * How Successful People Think

Connect with Barb:

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When I was younger, I didn’t imagine my life going like this. Losing Molly, having Jack, letting go of expectations, and having to find closure has had its struggles. As I ponder on how my life is different from what I expected, I also have gratitude for what got me through tough times: running and theater.

Key Takeaways:

[3:05] My love of the running community and timing races

[4:50] Gracie withdrawing from the musical the year Molly died

[8:21] Theater surrounding a dark time in my life

[10:07] RB Productions chooses such emotional, raw shows

[13:56] How I relate to theater and find connects in my life

[17:41] Theater is a big deal in my community and supporting the arts

[21:58] Trying not to recreate Gracie and Molly’s life for Jack

[24:11] Wanting to find piece of mind in my life and loss

[26:27] Trying to find closure and letting go of expectations

[27:27] My life is so different from what I imagined

[28:15] I can’t create an Americana life with Jack

[29:14] How I decided to have Jack and what I would have done if I didn’t

[30:57] Thinking about Jack’s purpose

[31:55] Jack helped save me from the dark parts of myself

[33:41] Forcing religion on your kids

[38:05] My life will never go back to “normal”

[41:08] Creating a very busy schedule

[42:42] What I’m looking forward to next

Resources from this episode: * RB Productions * The Body Keeps the Score * Capitol Center for the Arts * Concord Dance Academy * Glennon Doyle * Brene Brown * Marianne Williamson

Connect with Barb:

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Roe vs. Wade and Molly’s death week happening at the same time sent me into an anxious fury this week. The politics happening in America made me ponder the values I’m instilling in Jack and how that will impact him. In this episode, I dive into what values are important to me, how they differ from when I brought Gracie and Molly into the world, and the hopes I have for Jack’s future.

Key Takeaways:

[1:19] Feeling angry and anxious at the world

[2:07] Molly had 3 deaths

[3:58] Feeling unsupported in raising Jack

[6:17] As a woman I’m told to hide my feelings

[9:20] Shoutout to my friend Lisa for being consistent with CrossFit

[10:41] I appreciate my high school friends

[11:50] Mother’s Day is a memorial day for moms who lost their kids

[13:39] Bob Turner’s podcast about ordinary people doing extraordinary things

[16:14] Jack growing up in a country with political strife

[18:25] A powerful nation denying women healthcare they deserve

[20:49] Losing my baby at 25 weeks

[23:51] Kids go to my CrossFit and are able to see that women can be strong

[26:28] Gracie and Molly were apart of the Baha'i faith and raising Jack with religion

[29:23] Where my family stands politically and how that impacts Jack

[30:33] How LGBTQ+ rights have changed since I’ve had Gracie

[33:27] How America has changed from 20 years ago

[34:33] How Kenny my ex-husband and I were raised differently

[36:15] Struggling with politics and Molly’s death, but pushing through

Resources from this episode:

• Mother’s Day is a Memorial Day article
• Bob Turner’s podcast
• The MollyB Foundation fundraiser

Connect with Barb:

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My family and the support I have has changed significantly compared to 20 years ago. It’s caused me to examine my choices, take ownership for them, and acknowledge my trauma. In this episode, I look to the past and the future to see how trauma has and continues to impact my parenting.

Key Takeaways:

[1:20] Feeling triggered by doctors and struggling without pain meds

[6:48] Almost backing out of going to Amsterdam 6 years ago

[8:53] Molly throwing up and not going to the doctors with her

[9:48] Deciding to go to Amsterdam and my kids being upset with me

[12:04] My family unit has changed significantly

[14:27] My mother not being full time child care anymore and sending Jack to childcare

[18:53] Teaching Jack to be more inclusive than I was with Gracie and Molly

[21:08] It’s not my daughter’s responsibility to care for my child

[23:10] Finding a variety of people to be my village

[24:38] Not being able to sit still and having panic based thinking

[26:28] Recognizing I have to step back and acknowledge my trauma

[28:21] Learning to ask for help and being honest with Jack

[29:33] Taking ownership for the choices I’ve made

[31:56] Learning to slow down and enjoy the moment

[33:43] Please donate to the MollyB Foundation

[35:49] Moving forward in life

Resources from this episode:

• RB Productions
• The MollyB Foundation fundraiser

Connect with Barb:

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The internet is a beautiful tool that has helped me find the answers to any questions I have, but it has also dampened executive functioning in kids. Not only is the internet a double-edged sword, but the tools parents use today are too. From the intense video monitoring to the technologically advanced bassinet things have changed for better or for worse. As I navigate all these changes, I think about the world I’ve brought my children into.

Key Takeaways:

[1:24] Love hate relationship with the Boston Marathon

[2:53] Recreating things in the hopes that they’ll be different

[4:49] The easy access to the internet now

[6:11] The beauty of the internet

[7:44] Kids not thinking through the process of finding an answer anymore

[9:21] Executive functioning and going through steps is difficult

[10:31] Preoccupying your baby and not staying present

[11:51] Baby monitors and jumping to a baby’s cry

[14:16] Social media allows me to find support groups

[15:16] Being well-known in my community, the issues, and being addicted to phones

[17:31] Technology has allowed parenting to be more streamlined

[18:32] Contemplating the world I brought my kids into with 9/11 and COVID

[21:52] Jack going to childcare for his social development

[23:23] I’m much more active than 20 years ago

[24:34] Jack’s world is bigger and smaller at the same time

[25:40] How the concept of gender identity, race, and class has changed on TV

[28:40] Wanting Jack to grow up open-minded and to make his own choices

[29:47] Navigating my emotions around Jack

Resources from this episode:

• Peanut
• Literati Book Club

Connect with Barb:

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As I’ve grown older as a parent, I’ve also gained so much perspective on life. There are so many differences between raising Jack versus Gracie and Molly from childcare arrangements, breastfeeding, and the relationships around me changing. In this episode, I delve into how this perspective has helped shape my parenting journey with Jack.

Key Takeaways:

[2:46] Life is not linear

[5:01] Gaining perspective as I grow older and holding onto things

[7:48] Things don’t stay the same just because I want them to

[9:24] Pain in my body from overuse as an athlete

[12:36] Struggling to sleep

[13:52] Breastfeeding hasn’t been as easy with my age

[16:54] Dealing with bladder issues and menopause

[18:18] Being in fantastic shape for my age

[19:22] Being older when pregnant and having an age gap within relationships

[22:59] Being an older mom with Gracie and Molly

[24:28] Gaining perspective as an older mom

[25:46] Sending Jack to childcare unlike Gracie and Molly

[27:17] Finding the balance of pushing your kids and being supportive

[28:24] Not having mom guilt and Jack spending more time with his dad

[29:25] Kenny taking more responsibility in raising Jack

[30:44] Not being married, but co-parenting Jack together

[32:33] Gaining more patience with having Jack

[34:50] Having a community around me to help raise Jack

[37:25] My platonic and romantic relationships have changed

[39:02] What I ignore for myself in parenting Jack and sitting with my thoughts

[42:25] Realizing where I’m meant to be

Resources from this episode:

• Homeless to Harvard
• Father of the Bride
• Something’s Gotta Give
• The Body Keeps the Score
• Carol Leonard podcast

Connect with Barb:

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My daily life with Jack is very different than with Gracie and Molly. When Gracie and Molly were young we were paying a mortgage and working full-time. Now I have more freedom to spend time with Jack and travel. In this episode, I dive into my day to day with Jack and how that has changed.

Key Takeaways:

[4:46] Not worrying so much as I did with Gracie and Molly

[6:46] Being older and planning more for Jack’s future

[9:42] Working full-time, coaching, and paying bills

[11:25] My mother helping to take care of Gracie and Molly

[12:18] Kenny struggling to adjust to our new normal

[16:21] Family not being around all the time or providing childcare

[20:03] Jack’s siblings and the age gap between them

[23:20] Jack going to childcare is a huge change

[25:26] Having more time and freedom to spend with Jack

[27:47] Breastfeeding Jack with the help of donated milk

[30:09] There’s no right or wrong way to parent

[31:46] My expectations for Jack

[32:57] Kenny going to doctor’s appointments is different

[34:28] Jack has traveled a lot more than Gracie and Molly ever did

[36:01] Starting a conversation about death and preparing to die

[38:50] Wanting to be honest with Jack about my experiences

Resources from this episode:

• Peanut
• Milk Bank
• Nora McInerny Ted Talk
• Nora McInerny podcast
• Jason Rosenthal Ted Talk
• Peter Saul Ted Talk

• Isabel Merrin Ted Talk

• Ok Yup podcast by Libby

Connect with Barb:

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Molly’s birthday will always be a tough time for me and although I can remember the good times, it doesn’t take away the bad. This episode made me ponder Jack growing up in a grief stricken home, the age difference between his siblings, and how things have changed. In this episode, I truly think about Jack’s future and the differences in raising him compared to my other children.

Key Takeaways:

[3:01] Giving birth to Molly

[8:45] Grieving on Molly’s birthday

[10:09] Thinking about how Jack will be affected in a grief stricken home

[14:42] Feeling grateful for Kenny as a dad, but also frustrated

[18:12] The age difference between Jack and his siblings weighing on me

[26:36] Keeping things the same and changing things for Jack’s upbringing

[28:56] Being isolated and my social group

[30:03] How grief will change my parenting, holding onto things, and rushing around

[36:27] How we celebrated Molly’s birthday

[38:40] What’s next for me and ideas for the MollyB Foundation

[43:37] Thank you for the support

Resources from this episode:

• The Body Keeps the Score
• The Body Keeps the Score Workbook
• MollyB Foundation on Facebook
• Ok Yup podcast by Libby
• Karen Kenney

Connect with Barb:

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