What Really Matters: Everyday Spirituality: Recent Episodes
Karen Wyatt
Dr. Karen Wyatt shares the life wisdom she learned from her hospice patients as they faced their last days. Learn how to navigate life's challenges and become your best self in the process as Karen shares what she's learning from day to day on her own journey. You'll discover tools, practices, wisdom, and stories to help you figure out what really matters in your own life.
I'm back briefly after a long hiatus! In this episode I describe some health issues that began shortly after the previous episode and how I set out to manage them. I have been listening to my heart as a messenger for my soul and have been making some big changes in my life. You'll hear an update of what's going on right now and what to expect in the near future. I love sharing my own journey of spiritual growth and healing on this podcast so I will probably continue to provide updates from time to time.
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In this concluding episode of the series on my grief travel through Italy I share some insights I gathered on a subsequent trip that introduced me to a doctor who became a saint. This episode includes:
- The life of Dr. Giuseppe Moscati who was later canonized as a saint
- Embracing the fact that death comes for everything and only love lasts
- Why I'm saying goodbye to this podcast for awhile
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In this 10th episode in the grief travel series we visit the city of Sorrento and the ruins of Pompeii for the final novena prayer. This episode includes:
- The disappointment that comes from being attached to expectations
- The universality of loss and grief throughout time and space
- The inevitability of death and the need for self-forgiveness
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In this 9th episode from the series on grief travel in Italy we travel to the beautiful city of Assisi and learn about the beloved St. Francis of Assisi. This episode includes:
- The story of St. Francis
- His message of love, simplicity and care for nature being usurped by commercialization
- How life is not meant to go according to our plans and we have to learn to surrender
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In this episode of my ongoing series on grief travel through Italy I visit the village of Cortona Italy and learn how to carry the guilt that accompanies my grief. This episode includes:
- How an artist portrayed his grief in his paintings
- A patron saint who overcame guilt and shame to bring blessings to the poor and sick
- How nature can depict our losses and grief and inspire us to keep on
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This episode is Part 7 of my ongoing series on grief travel through Italy. If you haven't done so already I recommend you listen to the previous 6 episodes first! Today we travel to Siena Italy where I came face-to-face with the depths of my grief. This episode includes:
- How Siena became "frozen" in time after the Black Death
- Finding peace in an ancient hospital chapel
- Wisdom from St. Catherine
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In this episode of my series on grief travel through Italy we journey to the Cinque Terre region, which is a stunningly beautiful collection of 5 small villages along the Ligurian coast. This episode includes:
- How nature reminds us to be fully present in the moment
- Nurturing the 5 senses can help us carry grief
- Why we need community to deal with death and dying
- Death brings darkness but the light is always still present
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In part 5 of the series on my grief travel through Italy we visit more sites in the great city of Florence and learn about grace, gratitude and growth. This episode includes:
- The great flood of Florence
- The 5 gratitudes
- Sacred geometry at San Miniato
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In part 4 of the ongoing story of my grief travel through Italy we arrive in Florence and learn about the history of the Renaissance which began in this beautiful city. This episode includes:
- How the Black Death influenced the birth of the Renaissance
- The remarkable expansion of consciousness that took place during the Renaissance
- Michelangelo and his sorrow
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Part 3 of the grief travel story takes place in Trastevere, the Jewish Ghetto of Rome, and an island in the Tiber River. This episode includes:
- A funeral in one of Rome's oldest churches
- A 2000 year old bridge
- Heroism at a hospital during WW2
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Part 2 of this grief travel story takes place in Rome and at the Vatican. Be sure to listen to Part 1 if you haven't already! This episode includes:
- Learning about chiaroscuro
- The loving embrace of the Divine Feminine
- Losing my identity
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In this episode I begin a series of stories from a trip to Italy I took several years ago that was "ruined" by grief. I'll share the amazing insights and lessons I learned on that journey over the next several weeks. This episode includes:
- The H1N1 influenza epidemic
- Getting lost in Rome
- The Novena inspiration
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In this episode I talk about the difference between knowing and believing when it comes to spiritual awareness and why that's an important distinction right now with what is happening in the world. This episode includes:
- The "knowing" that comes from consciousness-expanding experiences
- How to live from that knowing rather than regressing to tribal desires for vengeance and retribution
- Why we should be grateful and humble for the opportunity to see life through an expanded lens
- How to keep shining a light and radiating love when the world is falling apart
- The importance of maintaining a center of calmness and stillness in the midst of the world's darkness
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In this episode I discuss the history of a devastating earthquake in Lisbon in 1755 that I learned about on my recent trip to Portugal. The outcome of this tragedy reminded me that even the horrific wars that are taking place right now contain a tiny seed of hope for transformation. This episode includes:
- The devastation caused by the triple disaster in Lisbon in 1755
- How the entire world was affected by this disaster
- How the Age of Enlightenment was hastened by this event
- Why we need to carry all the pain of the world right now and still continue to spread love
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In this episode we explore another theme present in the Tao of Death: life is a paradox. This episode includes:
- What does paradox mean
- How things tend to get worse before they get better
- Why things are not as they seem from the outside
- Surrender is necessary for spiritual growth
- We need to rise about fear of death to make a difference in the world
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In this episode the beautiful theme of love is traced through some of the verses of the Tao. This episode includes:
- How love is like water
- Why we need to focus on "being love"
- Only love will remain because it is the creative force of the Universe
- Choose love over fear
- Ultimately there is only love
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In this further exploration of The Tao of Death we look at another theme that runs throughout the text: finding the "middle path." This episode includes:
- Life is a mystery and you can't control it
- Everything has its own flow and balance
- The middle path leads to harmony and the integration of opposites
- Nothing is left out and nothing is wrong in the wholeness of creation
- How to "Be" on the middle path
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In this episode exploring the wisdom of the Tao of Death we'll take a look at another recurring theme: why you need to pay attention to your inner life (the inward arc.) This episode includes:
- Why healing the Shadow is essential for growth
- Forgiveness is an important part of inner work
- Why we need to "soften the hard edges"
- How to allow Soul to guide the ego
- A new definition of "success"
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In this episode I begin exploring the major themes contained in the wisdom text The Tao of Death (an adaptation of the Tao Te Ching). The first is suffering as a path to transformation and I'll read some verses from the Tao that are based on this theme. This episode includes:
- Illness, suffering and loss can be messengers in our lives
- Why we need to strive to be in harmony with whatever life brings us
- How the difficulties of our lives actually shape our transformation and who we become
- Finding the "precious gems" that are hidden inside of suffering
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In this follow-up to last week's episode I focus in on intellectual humility, which is sadly lacking in our society today. This episode includes:
- What intellectual humility is and why it's needed right now
- The benefits of practicing intellectual humility
- How humility can improve relationships and heal some of the polarization in our society
- How to develop your own intellectual humility so you can embrace mistakes and have a growth mindset
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Today I'm talking about humility and why it largely seems to be missing in our society (especially in the field of medicine.) This episode includes:
- Why humility is not weak or passive (even though the ego believes it is)
- Why humility is an essential part of the inward arc of spiritual development
- 8 different types of humility
- Why we need to understand the workings of the ego before we can increases our capacity for humility
- The difference between humility and false modesty or low self-esteem
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In this episode I'm revisiting the topic of loneliness from a slightly different perspective: many spiritual teachers say it's a necessary part of our path. This episode includes:
- Why we need to embrace loneliness rather than try to fix it
- How loneliness reaches a peak at the beginning of the inward arc
- Pema Chodron's concept of "cool loneliness" and how to recognize it
- How connecting with our higher selves helps us remember that we are connected to all things
- Why gaining integral consciousness allows us to relate to people who are very different from us
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In this episode I'm sharing some insights from my recent re-reading of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This amazing little book was pivotal for me during the earlier stages of my spiritual growth and the lessons it contains are still valuable. This episode includes:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take anything personally
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
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As a follow-up to the previous episode we're talking about success again but this time from the perspective of higher consciousness. This episode includes:
- Why we need a higher view of success to balance out the ego-driven perspective
- How to tell the difference between the ego and the higher self
- How to reframe your own definition of success to include both perspectives
- Why a "successful" spiritual journey may look like a failure to the ego and material world
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In this episode we'll look at an interesting study and questionnaire that help us sort out the factors in our lives that have contributed to our "success" in society. This episode includes:
- Society's definition of success
- Paul Piff's Monopoly Study and what it tells us about our understanding of success
- Some factors that contribute to wealth inequality
- How economic disadvantages can affect every other aspect of life
- The American Dream questionnaire
- How to use small changes to make a difference
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In this episode I revisit the experience of Awe, which I previously discussed in Episode 96. There is a new study available that talks about how healthcare providers (and everyone) can experience awe even in little everyday moments and receive the same benefits. This episode includes:
- The definition of awe as an emotion
- The benefits of experiencing awe
- How the awe study was conducted
- A 3-step process for finding awe in the midst of stress
- Why it's important to remember that there is awe in every moment
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In this episode I talk about resentment as a form of resistance toward "what is" and why it's important to heal our old wounds if we want to move toward enlightenment. This episode includes:
- Why body work is essential for healing old trauma
- How to connect the dots between cognitive work and body work when looking at old buried pain and resentment
- Why it's important to be curious about our resentments and not judgmental
- The need for self-compassion in our healing process
- Using resentment as an ally in identifying where more work is needed
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This episode is a follow-up to last week's discussion on whether or not people can actually change (listen to that episode first.) I discuss what it takes to keep growing and changing throughout life. This episode includes:
- Why we have to be willing and able to look at our past if we want to change
- The necessity of taking responsibility for our wounds, emotions and triggers and avoiding the trap of victimhood
- Why we need to both find an "omega point" for ourselves and be an omega point for others
- Why forgiveness is a requirement for growth
- How to work on managing the ego in order to expand to integral consciousness
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In this episode I'll look at how we change and grow and why it's important to have role models of growth and transformation in our society. This episode includes:
- The four predominant levels of consciousness of people in our society
- Why it's harder for people at lower levels of consciousness to change
- Why the traditional level actually resists and stifles change
- Why it's essential to understand and manage the ego in order to grow to integral consciousness
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In the episode I talk about why we each need to intentionally behave with kindness to counteract some of the negativity in our society. This episode includes:
- The benefits of kindness for our own health and wellbeing
- How both kindness and unkindness are contagious
- Kindness is a self-reinforcing habit
- Practices to prepare for showing more kindness
- The random acts of kindness experiment
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I'm back after taking a week off for self-care! Today I'll share some thoughts about the life cycle of a butterfly and why it's a good analogy for our own process of growth and change. This episode includes:
- The small world of the caterpillar
- Why the "chrysalis phase" of change is so unsettling and even frightening
- Why all the stages of the cycle are necessary in order for the butterfly to emerge
- Tips for surviving the chrysalis phase of dissolution and falling apart
- Remembering to let things unfold with their own timing and not try to rush through the changes
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In this episode I share my ongoing journey of self-healing as I look at my old beliefs about what it means to be a good person that primarily came from my early religious training. This episode includes:
- How our old beliefs can stay hidden even as we grow to higher consciousness
- Why we need to recognize and heal old beliefs that may be harmful to us
- How expanding our consciousness helps us see more perspectives and hold more love and also pain
- Why growing to higher consciousness consists of transcending our previous level and also including the good from that level
- My new definition of what it means to be a good person
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In this episode I talk about learning how to manage our own internal "self-bullying" in order to be more resilient and better protected from bullying behaviors by other people. This episode includes:
- The bullying tactics of the wounded ego
- How to recognize our triggers
- Why being triggered is a good thing for our growth in consciousness
- Finding compassion for our wounded egos
- Stopping the "shame cycle" that occurs after being triggered
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This episode continues my own exploration of getting ill at the same time I released my podcast episode on grief after my father's suicide death. I've been gleaning a lot of wisdom from my own time of illness and recognizing why sometimes things get worse before they get better. This episode includes:
- The metaphor of a backdraft occurring after releasing old painful feelings
- How to get through the challenge of things getting worse
- Why we need to accept the journey however it unfolds without attachment
- Using the self-compassion practice to plant seeds of kindness for ourselves
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As I record this I am dealing with a case of shingles so I'm talking about how I'm using self-compassion practices to cope. I recently released an episode on End-of-Life University Podcast about my grief after my father's suicide death, which was very stressful to create and intimidating to publish, so I think this illness is part of the aftermath of that stress. This episode includes:
- Tara Brach's RAIN practice for self-compassion
- Recognize symptoms
- Allow whatever is happening right now
- Investigate how my mind reacts to illness
- Nurture my body and be kind to myself
- Finding gratitude for all the work my body and mind do for me
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In this episode I share some new insights I've found about the value of "reparenting" ourselves while we are also parenting our own children or grandchildren. This is powerful work that can lead to deep healing. I'm drawing on the work of ShellyRobinson.com so go there to check it out. This episode includes:
- How reparenting might be work that we continue throughout our lives
- How children and grandchildren can act as mirrors for our own trauma and wounds
- Five steps of reparenting (according to Shelly Robinson)
- How being triggered shows us where we need to do some healing and reparenting work
- Why self-forgiveness is essential for growth and healing
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In this episode I share some thoughts on why the spiritual journey to expanded consciousness can cause us to feel lonely and to miss the tight-knit religious communities we may have been part of at an earlier time in our journey. This episode includes:
- The health benefits of being part of a supportive community
- Why our spiritual growth may require us to be lonely at times
- Finding "micro-community" through little moments of connection with others
- How to see humanity as our ultimate community
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I'm recording this episode the day after my birthday and sharing some thoughts about growing older and what I'm doing to shift my attitude about my age from negative to positive. This episode includes:
- Why the term "elderhood" is better than "old age"
- The important health benefits of a positive attitude toward aging
- Traits that predict "successful" aging
- The most helpful habits for a healthy elderhood
- 4 keys to longevity
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In this episode I talk about breaking the cycle of shame and unworthiness that leaves us feeling like we are never good enough. This episode includes:
- We are hardwired to compare ourselves to others and to fear rejection
- How a 4 year old boy is teaching emotional intelligence to adults on social media
- Why we need to develop self-acceptance and find happiness in being ordinary
- The affirmations that will help us accept ourselves: everybody makes mistakes and I'm learning
- How to use the "little bit farther" method to make tiny steps of progress
- Why helping a stranger might be the best way to feel good enough
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In this episode we continue to look at childhood wounds and the idea that healing may require us to grieve and mourn the losses that have occurred. For me this seems to be a missing piece of my healing journey and I hope it resonates with you as well. This episode includes:
- Why we may not be able to heal if we don't recognized our grief from childhood
- William Worden's Four Tasks of Mourning
- How to heal using the 3 keys: Name It, Reclaim It, Reframe It
- Telling a new story about your precious life
"The broken heart that has been healed through grieving is stronger and more loving than the one that has never been injured." - Pete Walker
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This week I'm continuing my mini-series on childhood trauma by talking specifically about shame, which many of us carry into adulthood. This episode includes:
- The difference between guilt and shame
- How shame has been used as a tool by parents, teachers, religious leaders, other adults in our lives, and even our peers
- How shame undermines our belief in ourselves to grow and change
- 3 dysfunctional responses to the pain of shame
- Steps to engage with shame and heal it
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In this second episode on trauma we explore more tools for healing, whether we've experienced trauma in our own lifetimes or are carrying ancestral trauma. This episode includes:
- How ancestral trauma gets handed down from generation to generation
- Top down vs bottom up approaches to dealing with trauma
- Why everyone is carrying some type of trauma in the form of unhealed emotional wounds
- Our mental health system is not currently doing well with recognizing the impact of trauma on emotional health
- How to self-regulate your emotions
- Tips and tools for healing trauma
- Dr. Jamie Marich Resources
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In this episode I share some insights I've had recently from reading Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score. This has been a powerful learning experience for me and I'm happy to share it with you because I now realize that we all have trauma from the past that we need to heal. I'll share more on this next week. This episode includes:
- The ACE Study and the implications of childhood trauma on our physical, emotional, and mental health
- Mainstream medicine continues to ignore the role of trauma in illness
- How the imprint of trauma changes how we think and behave
- 4 steps toward recovery of our wholeness
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In this 100th episode of the podcast I talk about my experience with being still and silent last week as I dealt with a case of laryngitis. This led me to ponder the value of this podcast and to recognize our connectedness and how a podcast might help us recognize the energetic tapestry that we are all weaving together. This episode includes:
- Synchronicities that continue to inspire to create content
- The stories that connect us all
- Why it's important to recognize the bonds between us and the continuing bonds with loved ones who have died
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In this episode I talk about the resistance in some parts of our society to the idea of finding meaning in the difficulties of life. I share my own journey of discovering meaning in life and how I now perceive the tragedies that have happened in the past. This episode includes:
- What people from 17 different countries find meaningful in life (according to a survey)
- How we humans are wired to find meaning in our existence before we die
- Why Viktor Frankl said that people who found meaning were more likely to survive in concentration camps
- Why some people reject the idea that life's challenges could have meaning
- How to see the magic and miracles of existence without being a magical thinker
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In this episode recorded on Valentine's Day I share some stories about love and how we can continue to find the light of love even in times of despair and hopelessness. This episode includes:
- How an anonymous gift can change everything.
- How we found love in a nursing home.
- The "many-splintered" nature of love.
- Self-compassion practice for opening to the light of love.
- The Lovingkindness Blessing.
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In this episode I share some thoughts on how we can actually become wiser as we go through life and why we need to utilize our own life experiences to help us grow. This episode includes:
- The difference between knowledge and wisdom
- The "3 pillars" of wisdom
- Why external sources (like sacred scriptures) are not enough to help us grow in true wisdom
- The inward journey requires us to examine the pain of life
- The 7 lessons that have formed my "wisdom path"
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In this episode I discuss my own longing for awe-inspiring experiences in my day-to-day life and what I've learned about AWE through my studies. This episode includes:
- The definition of awe
- What creates an experience of awe for us
- The 8 benefits of awe experiences
- The most common source of awe as shown in studies
- The daily A.W.E. practice that can remind you to be open to living in awe of the universe
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In this podcast I share some insights I got while reading Ann Neumann's book The Good Death. She tells a story about meeting with a disability advocate who is adamantly opposed to medical aid in dying and how they became friends over time by listening and understanding each other's perspective. Taking more than one perspective is part of our growth to higher consciousness and I share some steps to take:
- Understand how your own "lens" has formed throughout your life
- Be willing to broaden your perspective beyond the one way you are accustomed to looking at the world
- Let go of anger toward others who disagree with you
- Define carefully the terms you use in stating your position
- Listen first with an open heart
- Be curious about the other person and how their "lens" came to be
- Seek to understand the pain and fear that have shaped them
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In this episode I talk about contrasting messages observed on social media: "You're going to die" vs "There is no death." It's important to look at the levels of consciousness from which these two seemingly opposite statements arise in order to see how they could both be true at the same time. This episode includes:
- How people on both sides of this discussion dislike my use of "end of life"
- What end of life means to me as an umbrella term
- What it means to "die before we die"
- Why we need to embrace physical death even if we believe that consciousness persists after death
- What we learn from death and dying and why it's important
- Why we need to help the ego accept death (rather than foster more denial of death)
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In this episode I share some advice that was offered by a teacher of astrology for the coming year. She recommended that we each figure out what is most precious to us and remember to live by that and bring it to the world this year. For me, what is most precious is also "what really matters" and the "ultimate concern" of our lives. This episode includes:
- How I first discovered "what really matters" in my life at age 16
- Why we need to have a core principle or value that informs and illuminates our path
- How to figure out what is most precious to you
- Why love is my core value
- Why I focus not on pushing more love out to the world but on removing my inner blocks that prevent love from flowing
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Welcome to the first episode of 2023! Today I'm sharing a list of 10 strategies used by free climber Alex Honnold to overcome fear as he trained to do a solo free-climb of El Capitan in Yosemite National Park in 2017. Let's apply those strategies to our own lives as we figure out how to navigate the challenges of aging and facing our own mortality. This episode includes Alex's strategies:
- Desire to overcome fear
- Reflect in a journal
- Have confidence in your strengths
- Reframe your emotions
- Work with your doubts
- Control the things you can control
- Expand your comfort zone gradually
- Prepare extensively
- Coach yourself through fear
- Don't be afraid to back off when needed
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In this episode I take a look back at 2022 and share with you the practices I've utilized this year - some old and some new - that have made a big difference for me. Stop for a moment and reflect on this year for you - what have you done that has made a difference for you? This episode includes my top 10:
- Yoga stretches
- Mindfulness
- Journaling
- Breathing exercises
- Walking outdoors
- Strength training
- Macro balanced diet
- 3 self-compassion practices from https://self-compassion.org
Happy holidays to you and your beloveds! I'll see you in the new year (I'm taking next week off!)
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In this episode I dive deeper into the Inward Journey (or Arc) mentioned in last week's episode. This journey is essential for rising above the control of the ego in our lives and the narcissism it perpetuates. This episode includes:
- The Inward Journey is often catalyzed by crisis or things falling apart.
- Why you need to understand how ego operates and recognize its control over your behavior
- Why healing the pain and wounds of the Shadow is an important part of the Inward Journey.
- The behaviors and values of ego vs. higher consciousness.
- How to become aware of your own higher consciousness and empower it to better manage the ego.
- How to use the book The Journey from Ego to Soul as a resource for the Inward Journey and an antidote to narcissism.
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This episode begins with a quote from philosopher Alan Watts who says that belief is almost the opposite of faith. We'll take a deep dive into that comment and what it might mean, particularly for the 4 stages of consciousness that are predominant in our society right now. This episode includes:
- How Alan Watts differentiates belief and faith.
- A review of the 4 predominant stages of consciousness.
- How belief, doubt, and faith unfold with advancing consciousness.
- Why doubt is a necessary step to get from belief to faith.
- Why increased creativity and vision are possible at the Integral level of consciousness.
- Why it takes inner work to dissolve old beliefs and make space for new possibilities.
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In this episode I'm sharing what I've learned about toxic positivity and how to avoid it in our own lives and in our work with other people. This episode includes:
- The definition of toxic positivity.
- Why it's harmful, especially to people going through a time of darkness.
- The vicious cycle of feeling guilty for experiencing painful emotions.
- What to say to someone who is hurting avoid toxically positive comments.
- Why all of our coping tools like meditation and gratitude may not be helpful in the midst of deep despair.
- How to allow all your feelings to arise and just hold them in the "safe container" of your awareness.
- Why gratitude practices might be helpful for expanding your awareness and resilience if you wait to do them after you rise up out of the darkness.
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In this episode I'm answering a listener's question who has faced a lot of disappointment and discouragement in trying to bring their gifts to the world. I'll share with you how I answered that question (which I have also asked a few times in my life) and what I think we need to do to cope with this kind of challenge. This episode includes:
- Why the timing may not be quite right yet for your gifts to be received.
- Why there may be small things you need to tweak or adjust in your "creation" before it is truly ready.
- The importance of looking within for internal obstacles to sharing your gift - things you need to heal or learn in order to be fully ready for your gift to be received.
- Remember to be patient and humble with the timing of life and the Universe.
- Start small and grow gradually.
- Keep working on yourself as you perfect your gift for the world.
- Keep trusting.
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In this episode I'm looking at the quality of resilience and why we need to have more of it right now as we navigate life on planet Earth. With the help of a fun self-assessment from www.resiliencecenter.com we'll look at the factors that determine our resilience and some things we can do to improve it. This episode includes:
- What it means to be resilient.
- How to assess your own level of resilience.
- Why it's possible to increase your ability to be resilient.
- How life itself can help us become resilient through the challenges it brings us.
- Practices to help strengthen our resilience.
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I'm recording this as we face another crucial election day here in the US and fear seems to be at an all-time all around me. We need to learn how to stay in a state of love and not be consumed by this fear so I'm sharing my thoughts on how to do that. This episode includes:
- How our brains are wired to perceive negative events and emotions 10X more strongly than positive.
- Why we have to have practices to move ourselves toward a state of love when fear threatens to take over.
- How Nelson Mandela cultivated love and forgiveness despite being imprisoned for 27 years.
- What if feels like to be in a state of love.
- Viktor Frankl's thoughts on the importance of love for finding meaning in life and suffering.
- Create beauty as a way to move toward love.
- Remember that there is a force of divine love all around us: All shall be well.
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In this episode I'm finally getting around to looking at one of my core issues in life: procrastination (I'm a master at it.) This episode includes:
- Why we procrastinate.
- What I'm procrastinating on right now.
- The positive and negative aspects of procrastination.
- The downward spiral of procrastination and self-judgment.
- Studies show that procrastination and low self-compassion go hand-in-hand.
- How to use a "self-compassion break" to stop procrastinating
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In this episode I'm sharing some thoughts on how to deal with our mistakes both in the past and the present. According to research we humans are not very good at accepting or learning from failure and this is something I want to deal with in my own life. This episode includes:
- People avoid learning from failure because it is too threatening to the ego.
- Reframe past failure into positive stories of growth and learning.
- It's important to feel all the feelings associated with failure: sadness, regret, guilt, shame, disappointment.
- Have a long-term goal that transcends all your failures.
- Use mindfulness and self-compassion to cope with the uncomfortable emotions around failure.
- Break new tasks into smaller steps to lessen the chance of a big failure.
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Today I'm sharing with you a brief little story that focuses on this statement by Confucius: "Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it." I hope you'll find hidden beauty somewhere today and every day!
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I've recently gotten in touch with my own inner feelings of envy, which I've repressed for a long time out of shame and self-judgement. But I do have those feelings at times and in this episode I'll talk about how I'm working through them along with old wounds that have led me to believe I'm not good enough. I've turned to the Greater Good Science Center for some of their recommendations to help me out (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu). Here are the steps I'm taking to work through these uncomfortable feelings:
- Admit that they are present.
- Recognize that it's okay to feel disappointment and pain when things don't work out the way I had hoped.
- Explore my expectations and attachments to a particular outcome.
- Cultivate compassion and joy for other people who are succeeding in ways that I am not.
- Focus on ways that I can grow or change.
- Be grateful for all that I have.
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Today I'm sharing my own inner work on feelings of despair that have been present a lot during recent times because of all the struggle and pain in the world right now. But I've found some ways to rise above despair that I hope you'll find helpful too. This episode includes:
- Why it's important to find our own meaning during times of despair.
- My 6 favorite action steps that help me rise above despair.
- How despair has within it the seeds of hope.
- The mindset we need to cultivate to get through times of suffering.
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You know how people always say "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst?" Let's talk about HOW to actually be prepared for the challenges that life can bring our way. If we devote some time every day to practicing for an unknown future, we can build our resilience and our ability to be ready for growth when difficulties offer us an opportunity. This episode includes:
- Rumi's The Guest House poem.
- Why our spiritual practice needs to take us outside our comfort zone.
- How to "set the table" to be prepared for the future.
- Why forgiveness is a necessary act as part of our growth.
- The 5 Remembrances to help us accept the ultimate challenge of life: our own death.
- Download the meditations here
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In this episode I share the progress I've been making using the tools of self-compassion I learned several weeks ago from Kristin Neff's website: www.self-compassion.org. I also talk about a recent resurgence of old inner messages of guilt and shame about my father's death related to working on an old manuscript. This episode includes:
- How self-compassion has changed how I view myself and also how I perceive criticism from others.
- Why my old stored feelings of grief and guilt have been coming into view recently.
- How self-blame and shame actually discourage us from utilizing self-compassion.
- How old threads of guilt are dissolving away quickly as I apply self-compassion.
- The steps of self-compassion I'm finding helpful.
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In this episode I share some interesting information I've been reading from psychologist and anxiety researcher Tracy Dennis-Tiwary. Her new book is Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for Your (Even Though it Feels Bad.) This research really opened my mind to view anxiety in a positive light and I think it is life-changing for our society! This episode includes:
- How anxiety has been pathologized and medicalized in the past.
- Why rejecting anxious feelings just leads to more anxiety.
- How anxiety is like a smoke detector, encouraging you to investigate something to learn more about what's happening.
- Moderate anxiety actually triggers the release of oxytocin (the LOVE hormone!)
- What to do with anxious feelings.
- How to distinguish moderate anxiety from Anxiety Disorder, which may need medical treatment.
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Today I'm talking about another of those existential questions people often ask Google: Why is life so painful? I take you on a journey through my thoughts of the past few days and how I've learned to live with questions that can never be fully answered. This episode includes:
- How childbirth and grief are painful experiences at opposite ends of the life journey.
- The story of Parsifal on his quest for the Holy Grail.
- The two questions that can help us transcend the ego and find the soul.
- Why asking the right questions is more important than finding the answers.
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In this episode I share how my work on self-compassion has led me directly to confront my inner critic - that awful voice that constantly critiques everything I do. Since all of us have that voice in our head we can all benefit from learning how to recognize and soften the inner critic. This episode includes:
- How to recognize the messages being sent by your inner critic.
- Understanding that fear is the basis for this inner negative dialogue.
- How to have compassion for the critical voice rather than anger or judgment.
- How to use a compassionate gesture to help activate your own soothing calmness.
- Overriding the critic with positive messages.
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In this episode I respond to a recent post on social media that featured an angry obituary a son wrote after his father's death. The obituary revealed the harm the father had done throughout his lifetime to everyone around him as an abusive alcoholic who lacked integrity and remorse. I share the story of a patient named Ralph from my hospice days, who had a similar life story to the father in the obituary, but who found a form of redemption at the very end of his life. While it's important that we be able to talk about and be validated for the pain and wounding of abuse experienced in the past, I believe we also need to hold space for forgiveness, as well. We can only move toward greater love by acknowledging our pain and ultimately finding healing.
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Today I'm sharing with you something I've been working on for the past few weeks, which is "self-compassion." I've been reading and doing exercises from a wonderful website that features the work of Dr. Kristin Neff: www.self-compassion.org. Check it out for yourself if you're interested but I'm sharing a bit of this information here. This episode includes:
- What is self-compassion.
- How self-compassion differs from self-esteem, self-pity, and self-indulgence.
- Self-esteem comes from the ego while self-compassion is a function of the higher self.
- The benefits of a self-compassion practice include increased resilience and decreased narcissism.
- Self-compassion is to treat yourself like you would treat a close friend.
- 3 simple statements to practice self-compassion when things are not going your way.
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In this episode I'll share a list of 10 tips and tools you can use to help you grow in consciousness day by day. Check out these ideas and pick 1 or 2 that you resonate with or that might fit into your schedule. Over time you can learn additional tools so that eventually you will have them all available to you whenever you need them. These daily reminders include:
- Set an intention for the day each morning.
- Have a "learning" mindset.
- Practice healthy eating and exercise.
- Focus on small changes - one step at a time.
- Practice deep breathing.
- Spend 5 minutes in stillness each day.
- Write about shadow issues in your journal.
- Take the Galaxy View when things go wrong.
- Find your balance again with deep breathing and your hand on your heart.
- End each day with gratitude.
Download the handout.
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In this episode I share some thoughts on life and how to have a mindset of acceptance, surrender, and flow so that whatever happens we can meet the moment with grace. This week a poem, a video and a Facebook post have come my way to influence my thoughts and help shape this episode, which includes:
- Live each day to the fullest; poem All the More by Kayleen Asbo.
- Don't wish your life away; video by an 88 (or so) year old woman.
- Everything belongs. Post by someone living with terminal cancer and making the most of each moment.
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In this short episode I share my thoughts on what it is going to take for us to get through our currently challenging times and why it is important that we be wise, calm, loving mentors for all the young ones being born on this planet. Here are my commitments to survive these precarious times:
- Remember that life has always been uncertain and part of spiritual growth is learning to live with uncertainty.
- Remember that new life and growth spring from pain - the world is set up that way.
- Trust that there will be new emergence and answers that we cannot now see.
- Remember that the arc of development for humanity is toward greater wisdom and compassion.
- Love for all things, in all ways - even when others are hate-filled.
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In the process of spiritual growth it is normal to look back at our former selves and feel shame, guilt or regret over how we used to behave. We may not be able to understand how we could have thought and believed in things that no longer hold true for us. But part of our growth to integral consciousness is being able to forgive our own former selves and accept who we have been in the past so that we can move on now. Here are some steps to take toward self-acceptance and forgiveness:
- Be able to look at your old memories and all the negative emotions they hold for you.
- Don't judge your former self but allow your past behaviors to come to the surface.
- Remember that your old way of being was just part of the stage you were in at that time and you were doing the best you could given the circumstances.
- See the whole spiral of your growth and recognize that every stage has been necessary and important.
- Apologize or make amends if needed.
- Know that you are not meant to be perfect and even your flaws and shortcomings are a necessary part of who you are.
- Cherish who you are - there will never be another you!
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In this episode I admit that I am truly exhausted and weary right now - partly from my own personal life and also because of the troubles of the world and our planet right now. But I've been inspired by a new book of poetry (Love Notes fro the Hollow Tree by Jarod K. Anderson) and by the coming birth of my first grandchild and I'll share with you how I'm regrouping and becoming re-energized through a connection with nature. I hope you find it helpful!
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Today I'll finish up this 3 part series on the stages of consciousness by talking about the Integral stage, which we should all be working toward in our own development. If you haven't heard the previous 2 episodes please listen to them first so that you'll understand what I'm talking about today. For reference you can seek out Integral Vision by Ken Wilber or Google "Spiral Dynamics" by Beck and Cowan. This episode includes:
- The characteristics of the Integral stage.
- Integral is the first stage of the "2nd tier" of development.
- The values of a person at the Integral stage.
- Decisions at Integral are (for the first time in development) more motivated by love (higher self) than by fear and greed (ego).
- Why a regular practice is necessary to grow to the Integral stage.
- Why Shadow work is also necessary for growth.
- How the book The Journey from Ego to Soul can help you do this work.
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In this episode I continue a discussion of the stages of consciousness we "grow through" as we develop as spiritual beings. Be sure to listen to Episode 65 to hear more about this concept and then return here for a look at 4 of the stages of consciousness and why they are at war with one another in our society today:
- Traditional
- Rational
- Pluralistic
- Integral
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In this episode I begin discussing a model of the stages of growth we experience as humans, particularly regarding our spirituality and consciousness. Looking at ourselves and the rest of the world through the lens of this model can help us develop greater understanding of others and also appreciate how we have come to be where we are right now. If we hope to keep growing it's important to know how growth occurs and what we can do to foster it. I'll talk more about the 4 most common stages in the next episode. This episode includes:
- How our growth in consciousness resembles an expanding sphere rather than a ladder or staircase.
- Growing to a new stage requires us to transcend and include the previous stage.
- Every stage is necessary and important and no stage can be skipped as we develop.
- We each have a "set point" for our consciousness that we develop to without much effort but further growth requires us to work on ourselves.
- When we have "maxed out" at one stage we may begin to feel discontent, constrained, and uncomfortable as a sign that we need to work on further growth.
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In this episode I talk about the fact that accepting our mortality is one of the keys to spiritual growth because we need to get beyond ego, which fears death above all else. In fact I always remind myself and you at the end of each episode to "face your fear" and today I'll share some practical ideas about how to confront your own fear of death and work toward acceptance. To work on your fear try these 6 practices:
- Think about death daily. Read my book The Tao of Death. https://amzn.to/3zEBLzU
- Journal about death, your fears and past experiences.
- Read about death. Join A Year of Reading Dangerously. https://www.amazon.com/shop/spiritualmd
- Talk about death. Visit a Death Cafe or get The Conversation Project Starter Kit.
- Learn about death. Take a class in your community or online. Listen to podcasts like ENd-of-Life University.
- Work with death. Volunteer at a nursing home or hospice. Or train to become an end-of-life doula.
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In this episode I'm discussing another of the most frequently Googled questions about life: what do dreams mean? As an active dreamer who has had many dreams in the past that have changed my life, I love talking about this subject. I'll share one of the most powerful, enlightening, transformative dreams I've ever had at the end of the episode, so listen all the way to the end. This episode includes:
- Why is dreaming necessary.
- When do dreams occur.
- The benefits of dreaming as "overnight therapy."
- How dreams help with creativity, problem-solving, healing, and memory storage.
- How to analyze your dreams for the presence of current events, past issues, and hidden emotions.
- The importance of symbols in dreams and how to interpret them.
- How keeping a dream journal will help you remember more of your dreams.
- Check out my EOLU interview with Joshua Black about Grief Dreams here.
- Tell my about your dreams by emailing me at kwyattmd@comcast.net.
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As this episode airs here in the US we are all feeling broken-hearted after two recent mass shootings on top of 1 million COVID deaths, the horrific war in Ukraine, and the accelerating climate crisis on this planet. We are shattered and feel helpless and powerless to do anything about the pain that is overwhelming us collectively. Here are a few things to focus on as we process this grief:
- Sit with the pain.
- Write about the pain and anger through poetry, stories, or free-form jibberish.
- Vocalize the grief by crying, weeping, singing, chanting, screaming, or wailing.
- Move the grief through your body by running, dancing or grief yoga.
- Create art.
- Give of your time or money to causes that are meaningful to you.
- Travel to a pilgrimage site or ancestral location that has meaning to you.
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In this episode I'm sharing two practices from the Greater Good Science Center I've been working with to improve conflict in my relationships and I hope they are helpful to you too: taking a 3rd person perspective and making an effective apology. This episode includes:
- Why it helps to take a bigger perspective during a conflict.
- How to use deep breathing to stay calm during an argument.
- Why you need to become vulnerable to improve your conflicts.
- How making an apology is helpful during a conflict.
- 4 elements of an effective apology.
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In this episode I'm answering another one of the most frequently Googled questions about life: What is it like to die? This is a huge question that I actually have enough experience as a hospice doctor to try to answer. It's important to talk about this because we need enough information about death and dying to help us have less fear so that we can live life more fully. This episode includes:
- Sudden death vs. gradual death from chronic illness.
- The stages of the natural dying process.
- How to help a loved one who is experiencing the natural stages of dying.
- Stories of patients near death and their descriptions of what is happening.
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In this episode let's talk about what it really means to face death and why we can't know exactly what that will be like until we experience it. No matter how much reading, thinking and planning we do for death we will still be taken by surprise when it comes for us. But if we can learn to live one day--or one moment--at a time we will hopefully be able to respond to that experience in a creative and meaningful way. This episode includes:
- Tips for living one day at a time from the recovery community.
- Why we need to learn how to genuinely love ourselves.
- How to practice being in the present moment.
- Why "death is life's best invention" as Steve Jobs said.
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As a follow-up to last week's episode I'm talking about how we can actually learn to slow down in this fast-paced society of ours that values speed, accomplishment, and acquisition. First understand why it's essential to slow down and enjoy each moment of your life and then gradually get used to taking "slow dates" with yourself. Here are some tips for doing that:
- Remember that life is fleeting.
- Cherish each moment of life that is given to you.
- Be willing to see the inner aspect of yourself (thoughts, emotions, Shadow) and of your entire life.
- Start with one 15 minute slow activity per day (like a slow walk or slow meal.)
- Add a weekly longer slow date of 1-2 hours (read, people-watch, make a craft, bake)
- Then once a month spend a half-day or more doing something alone like going for a hike, watching a play, visiting a museum or gallery.
"It’s about knowing and passionately loving the things we value. And designing our lives to spend the most time possible enjoying them." - Kayte Ferris
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Today I'm sharing my thoughts on our society's desire to speed things up and take shortcuts to get to our goal. This is a problem that leads to a lack of enjoyment and meaning in day to day life! This episode includes:
- Why giving our time to activities makes them more meaningful.
- We can find joy and love in any moment if we learn to take our time and be fully present.
- The "little bit farther" method for accomplishing a goal.
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Today I'm sharing with you a piece of the journey I am currently walking with a friend who has received a terminal diagnosis. I'm living the challenge of coping with bad news and want to share with my thoughts on how to get through these days and be a support to her while honoring my own process. Here are some of the things that have occurred to me so far:
- Feel my own pain.
- Find my own support.
- Be present but allow space.
- Sit with the uncertainty.
- Manage both the darkness and the laughter.
- Hold hope and reality simultaneously.
- Believe in all sorts of miracles.
I also read the beautiful poem Finisterre by David Whyte.
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In today's episode I'm considering one of the most challenging of all the questions people Google about life: Why do we die? This questions has been considered by poets, philosophers, scientists, sociologists and seekers throughout the age of humankind. But there is no answer to this question. Instead I talk about how we learn to live with the knowledge that we are mortal and share two poems that offer helpful perspectives. I hope you enjoy it!
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In this episode I want to look at compassion from the perspective of YOU: how does it benefit you to be compassionate toward other people. The world needs more compassion right now (desperately) and I want to motivate EVERYONE to show more compassion, even if it's only to get the personal rewards of being a compassionate person. My inspiration for this episode comes from the book Compassionomics by Trzeciak and Mazzarelli and I highly recommend it. This episode includes:
- The definition of compassion.
- How our compassion can heal others.
- Why there's always enough time for compassion.
- Compassionate behaviors.
- Benefits of being compassionate.
- How to increase your compassion skills.
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In this episode I'm addressing another of the most frequently Googled questions about life: Is Karma real? I explore how my lower egoic self views Karma (and really, really wants it to be real) and also an alternative view of Karma from a higher perspective. This episode includes:
- The meaning of Karma in Hinduism and Buddhism.
- Why the ego clings to the simplistic cause and effect idea of Karma.
- How using Karma as an explanation for seemingly bad or good things that happen in life can be harmful.
- Why we need to do inner Shadow work to clean up our own view of what life has offered us.
- Why Karma might actually be how you respond to whatever life brings you.
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In this episode I talk about the true meaning of integrity and why it may be harder to achieve than we realize. Yet integrity (or wholeness) is necessary if we really want to bring about change in the world.
- Why we need to look at our own Shadow if we want to act with greater integrity.
- How our own hidden issues can sabotage our attempts to behave with integrity.
- Why exploring the Shadow is necessary if we want to grow in consciousness.
- To become integrated (at the Integral level of consciousness) we need to be as whole as possible within ourselves.
- How integrity is often cited as a value by corporations and organizations that don't live up to it.
- The more we develop our own integrity, the better we are at discerning whether or not others are acting with integrity.
"You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself. Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, [and] humility." - Nelson Mandela
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Today I'm answering two more questions about life from those are most frequently searched on Google: What is knowledge? and What is wisdom? It's important to know the difference and to learn how to increase your wisdom throughout life, since our society seems to be lacking in genuine wisdom right now. This episode includes:
- Knowledge expands and changes over time.
- We have to be careful of false knowledge that can lead us astray.
- Wisdom is only learned through the experiences of life (usually the painful and difficult experiences.)
- Wisdom shines a light on everything and helps us recognize false knowledge.
- Our perception of knowledge and wisdom changes with each level of spiritual/consciousness development.
- Practices for increasing wisdom.
"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." - Isaac Asimov
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Today we'll talk about the importance of living in a state of love and how difficult that can be when we are inundated with fearful circumstances in our world. As we hear non-stop frightening reports about the war in Ukraine, climate change, political and social unrest, we naturally respond with anxiety and fear but if we can transcend the fear and live with love we have a chance to help make things better for ourselves and for others. This episode includes:
- Why love needs to be a daily practice right now.
- How to create a circle of love for yourself, others and your "opponents" (according to Valarie Kaur.)
- Why you don't have to know all the answers or be good at sharing love right now--it's enough to just try.
- How to look at your own Shadow and recognize that the people you don't like are holding up a mirror for you to see your hidden self.
- Tools and practices for cultivating love every day.
"The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better." - Fr. Richard Rohr
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Today let's talk about uncertainty since it is surrounding us in the world right now. Not only are we still coping with the pandemic that has stressed us for 2 years but now there is war occurring in Ukraine and a potential threat of nuclear war that could affect all of us. These are challenging times and we need to know how to rise above them, since life is actually always uncertain--we just are not always aware of that fact. Here are some tools for coping that I talk about in this episode:
- Stillness.
- Connectedness.
- "Chop wood and carry water."
- Find a way-shower.
- Focus on LOVE.
- Focus on HOPE.
"The future is dark. But is this the darkness of the tomb--or the darkness of the womb? We are a nation waiting to be born and this is our great transition." - Valarie Kaur
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In this episode I'm discussing another frequently searched for question about life: How can I be a better person? This is big and important and also something we can (and should) spend our entire lives working on. Here is a simple (but not easy) way of looking at some tasks to consider as you work toward being a better person. This nomenclature comes from Ken Wilber's Integral Theory but I've put my own spin on these 4 things:
- Wake Up - recognize that you are more than just your ego.
- Grow Up - learn how to manage your emotions and begin to see the perspectives of other people. Practice love and forgiveness.
- Clean Up - work on your own shadow issues and wounds to help you grow in a positive direction. Commit to being honest with yourself and others.
- Show Up - pay attention to how you treat yourself and others in the world. Take better care of your physical, mental and emotional health so that you can bring your best self and your greatest gifts to the world.
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In this episode I tackle one of the biggest and most common questions people Google-search about life: What is the meaning of life? This question seems far too huge to address in 30 minutes BUT I want to bring it down from the vastness of the unknowable universe to our experience of everyday life, moment-to-moment and breath-to-breath. This episode includes:
- Viktor Frankl's writing on Man's Search for Meaning.
- Why it's so important for us to remember that we can always find meaning in the midst of deepest suffering.
- How I came to see LOVE as the deep meaning of my life.
- What other people say about the importance of love, including Viktor Frankl.
"The salvation of man is through love and in love." - Viktor Frankl
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In this episode I talk about my own recent musings over whether or not I'm actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing and why that's a universal and unanswerable question! I had to remind myself of my own writings about Purpose and review how to stay focused on the "inner purpose" of life. This episode includes:
- The difference between inner and outer purpose.
- Why we need to focus on our inner purpose first in order to ensure that our outer purpose aligns with the highest good.
- Practices to stay tapped into our higher selves, even when we doubt ourselves.
"We are only the light bulbs and our job is just to remain screwed in." - Archbishop Desmond Tutu
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As we begin our 3rd year of the COVID pandemic, many of us are undoubtedly feeling emotionally exhausted and lacking in empathy for other people who are suffering right now. But empathy is essential if we want to navigate our journeys here and keep growing spiritually. So we'll look at some tips for improving and expanding our ability to empathize with others who are experiencing difficulties. This episode includes:
- The definition of empathy.
- How empathy and compassion differ from one another.
- The benefits of empathy for us and others.
- The difference between empathic distress and empathic concern.
- Tips for improving our own empathy.
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In this episode I take a look at one of the most frequently searched questions about life according to Google: How to pray. Apparently searches regarding prayer have skyrocketed during the pandemic as people look for ways to deal with fear and uncertainty. I share how I view prayer as a non-religious person and my own personal practice plus some information on why prayer is a practice worth considering. This episode includes:
- Studies on the benefits of prayer.
- Why you don't have to be religious to utilize prayer.
- Why non-directed prayer is more helpful that directed prayer.
- How to practice Centering Prayer.
- The Global Coherence research being done by Heartmath Institute.
“When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray.” - Rumi
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In this episode I consider the 3rd question of those that people most frequently Google about life: How do I forgive? This is an important that signals the timing is right for some healing and growth to occur if you feel motivated to forgive. Here are some things you should know as you start to work on forgiveness:
- Have a mindset that you are willing to move on from the past and no longer want to carry a load of resentment and pain from the past.
- Acknowledge that harm has been done to you and you didn't deserve or cause it, but it did happen.
- Take one step back from the bundle of pain you have just acknowledge and recognize the weight of it that you have been carrying.
- Look deeper to see if there are other emotions hidden within the pain (anger, shame, rejection, betrayal, guilt, fear).
- Allow yourself to sit with that pain until you feel ready and strong enough to begin the work of releasing it.
- Use the 4-View Forgiveness Process (you'll need a journal).
- You can also use Ho'oponopono.
"Forgiveness is letting go of the belief that things should have been different." - Caroline Myss
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In this episode I'll discuss my current project to declutter my house and how it's forcing me to deal with the balance between holding on to things and letting go. This turns out to be an important issue spiritually. This episode includes:
- The ego is primarily interested in holding onto things (especially power and control).
- Spiritual growth involves training the ego to let go.
- But sometimes holding on is what is needed and the timing matters a great deal.
- How I've found the balance between holding on and letting go in my long-term marriage.
- Why we need to rise above the duality of holding on vs letting go to master doing both at the same time.
Check out my episode on Swedish Death Cleaning on End-of-Life University Podcast.
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Today I'm reflecting on another of the most common questions about life that people ask Google: How do I find love? While most people are probably searching for romantic love and wondering what is the best dating app to use, I'm talking about the much bigger picture of Divine, universal, creative love and some of the work I'm doing in my life to increase my ability to give and receive love (which is what we came here to do!) This episode includes:
- We already carry love within us (in fact we are made of it!)
- The lower self (or ego) perceives that we are separate from everything else in the universe and can't recognize our connectedness.
- To find "the barriers within that we have built against love" we have to learn to calm our chaotic emotions.
- Next we learn to open our hearts and become vulnerable and authentic.
- Then we begin to recognize our own true nature.
- And we work on healing our old wounds and pain.
- Finally we become capable of healing others because we can truly carry and share the divine love that resides within us.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
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In this episode I'll briefly share some ideas for non-material gifts you can "give" yourself to help make the holiday more meaningful and less hectic and exhausting. This is part of my own journey to get better at self-care so I'm sharing it with you as I try to learn how to do it myself. There won't be an episode next week because I'm taking the week off to enjoy the holidays (self-care!!) so I'll see you next time in 2022! This episode includes 6 gifts you should try to give yourself this year and that includes starting a journal, if you don't already have that practice. Until next year I wish you and your beloveds a meaningful and joyous celebration. May you find the strength and love and courage to move into the new year and face whatever challenges and blessings await us there!
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In this episode I talk about another pressing question we all deal with about life: how do we find happiness? I'm definitely not an expert on happiness but I have spent much of my life wishing I could be a happier person. So I'll share some poems and Rumi quotes with you and some stories of my own quest for happiness. Here are some of the things I've learned:
- Don't compare yourself to others.
- Trust happiness to come when you are ready.
- Happiness is an inside job so do your inner work.
- Savor each moment of joy that you experience and learn to be present.
- Recognize happiness in all the possibilities of life.
- Remember that everything has a life of its own.
“Ever since happiness heard your name it has been running through the streets trying to find you.” - Rumi
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In this episode I talk about the perennial question of life: Why do bad things happen (to ALL people - not just good people.) It's important that we talk about this because we need to develop a mindset that helps us when unwanted things do happen in our lives. This episode includes:
- The Parable of the Chinese Farmer and how some things that appear to be "bad" can actually turn out to be "good" in the end (and vice versa.)
- Why we should learn not to label events in our lives as bad or good and think of them instead as unwanted challenges or difficulties.
- The 1st and 2nd Laws of Thermodynamics and how they can help us look at these events in our lives.
- A process for experiencing the pain of things falling apart in life.
- Why it may take years before you can see that an unwanted event has contained or led to anything positive.
- The importance of tending to your physical well-being, mindset, emotions and spiritual awareness so that you can be a bit more prepared the next time something falls apart in your life.
"We spend our lives fighting against entropy to create order, beauty, growth and meaning, hoping it will last forever. But, like everything material in the Universe, it too will one day fall apart."
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In this quick episode I share what I'm learning right now and how I'm planning ahead to have a healthy and low-stress holiday season this year (wish me luck!) But to do that I have to work on setting better boundaries and honoring my own needs, which is what I'm working on. I hope you have a healthy and happy holiday season too! Remember to plan ahead, set clear priorities, communicate your needs and focus on the things that you enjoy most!
Watch my 1-hour presentation on Self-Care for the Holidays! https://youtu.be/qXaI7Lr9w1o
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In this episode I share some quotes and poems about gratitude in honor of Thanksgiving Day in the US. If you live elsewhere I hope you'll also take a moment to be thankful and to commit to making gratitude a daily practice as part of your Shadow work. This episode includes:
- Why we need to give thanks even if we can't see anything positive around or within us.
- How the intentional practice of gratitude helps "clean the window" through which we view life and adds more clarity, peace and order to our lives.
- Gratitude is the ability to see each moment of life as sacred, even when challenges, darkness, pain and confusion are present.
- Gratitude can be practiced only in the present moment. (Poem "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris)
- Gathering together with loved ones and with our past memories is a powerful experience of the richness of life and the depth of connectedness. (Poem "Perhaps the World Ends Here" by Joy Harjo)
- What nourishes us is sometimes the invisible and the insignificant. (Poem "The Traveling Onion" by Naomi Shihab Nye)
"To be joyful in the universe is a brave and reckless act. The courage for joy springs not from the certainty of human experience, but the surprise. Our astonishment at being loved, our bold willingness to love in return--these wonders promise the possibility of joyfulness, no matter how often and how harshly love seems to be lost. Therefore, despite the world's sorrows, we give thanks for our loves, for our joys and for the continued courage to be happily surprised." - Molly Fumia
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In part 4 of the series on the Shadow I talk about the collective Shadow and why we need to work on our own internal pain before we can begin to heal the problems of the world that are external to us. Be sure to listen to the previous 3 episodes on Shadow if you haven't already done so! This episode includes:
- The collective Shadow is becoming more apparent now as evidenced by the increasing awareness in society of racism, homophobia, misogyny, genocide, mistreating the planet, and all the other ills of mankind.
- The ego hates change and will resist the external changes we are trying to create if we haven't already done our own work to train the ego.
- Change is an internal process and more about what we let go of than what we grab onto.
- We need to let life itself change us - recognize that life is always offering us new (and painful) opportunities to grow.
- Next we must recognize that we are connected to all of life through our Shadow wounds, our broken hearts. Embrace the role of the wounded healer.
- Use pain as fuel for creativity.
- Learn to dwell in wonder, awe, and curiosity for life.
Eleven by Tanya Markul
The pain
that made you
the odd one out
is the story
that connects you
to a healing world.
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In this episode we continue to look at Shadow and how we can begin to heal our own individual wounds and traumas that are hidden away from view. Remember that this is the most important work you can do if you want to grow spiritually and to increase your capacity for love. This episode includes Ken Wilber's 3-2-1 Process for working on the Shadow and I'll walk you through each step with an example from my own life. Be sure to start by listening to Episodes 32 and 33 to get the background you'll need before trying this process.
- Keep a journal and write about your Shadow work each day.
- Stay humble, no matter how much you know or have already learned.
- Listen deeply to the stories of other people and to your own stories.
- 3rd person: Face whatever you have rejected and repressed in your Shadow that you now recognize from doing work with your dreams or relationships or life situation. (see Episode 33)
- 2nd person: Talk to the rejected and repressed part and ask questions. Invite that part to "write" answers in your journal.
- 1st person: Be the repressed part and take the perspective of the wound or trauma you have rejected in the past. This is when a transformation often occurs
- Remember that Shadow work heals gradually over time--keep pulling weeds and planting seeds and one day they will manifest in a beautiful garden of love and forgiveness.
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In this episode I talk about some simple ways you can begin to get in touch with your own shadow issues so that you can heal and reintegrate them. This is an essential first step in doing shadow work because "you don't know what you don't know." These 4 suggestions will help you explore and analyze the ways your shadow reveals itself in your day-to-day life, which will be tremendously helpful as you move forward with healing work that leads to your spiritual growth. These 4 suggestions are:
- Examine conflicts in your work or daily life and analyze the other people who are part of those conflicts.
- Review situations that cause you to lose control over your emotions. Identify the surface emotions you feel and look for the deeper hidden emotions in those situations.
- Scrutinize the blow-ups you have with other people. Record the details so that you can review them in the future to look for commonalities.
- Analyze your dreams for evidence of hidden issues that your subconscious is trying to push to the surface.
Be courageous as you begin this work because it is important and necessary! Francis Weller writes that "unexpressed sorrow blocks access to the Soul" which is why we must give expression to all that is hidden deep inside the shadow.
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In this episode I discuss the Shadow aspect of the ego or lower self and why the spiritual journey requires us to delve into all the pain and wounds that are stored there. Our Western society shuns the idea of the Shadow and rejects all failure, weakness and loss. But the "shadowlands" as Richard Rohr writes "are good and necessary teachers." So let's look within on our spiritual journey and begin the task of healing what has been relegated to the shadows. This episode includes:
- Metaphors for the rich, nurturing aspect of the shadow (lotus, tulip, butterfly).
- Shadow begins when we turn inward on our life journey and look with honesty at ourselves.
- If we don't heal our own shadow we will project it onto others.
- Why we shouldn't fear the process of shining light on our own shadow.
- The Guest House Meditation as a practice for coming to terms with shadow.
"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular." -Carl Jung
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In this episode I talk about the merging of my end-of-life studies with my spiritual practice and why the two are inextricably linked together. Through the writings of Carl Jung and Ken Wilber it is clear that there is a time in life for many of us when our focus turns inward, toward our spiritual growth rather than toward success in the external world. That shift often occurs suddenly when we become aware of our own mortality or can happen after a consciousness-expanding experience such as taking a psychedelic substance. This episode includes:
- In Tibetan Buddhist culture people contemplate death on a daily basis.
- In Western society more than 2/3 of people say in polls that they are unhappy with life.
- Confronting and accepting mortality helps us stop wasting our time and energy on projects and pursuits that are designed to help us deny the existence of death.
- Why you should start a daily "death awareness" practice in your own life.
- How to use the book The Tao of Death to contemplate death every day.
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"Man ... lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama
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In this episode I discuss what I call the "Garden" and "Galaxy" views of life and why we need to be able to take both perspectives right now. Life in our individual "garden" existence here on planet Earth is under threat right now and we are overwhelmed with stress and uncertainty because of the pandemic. The view from the Galaxy is needed to help us cope and contribute to positive change. This episode includes:
- Pandemics are historical and part of the cycle of life and death.
- Human behavior has been similar in each of the pandemics and plagues of the past.
- Pandemics are great change-makers on this planet and while they cause destruction, they also lead to transformation.
- The Galaxy view encourages us to: focus on the good of the whole, be patient, be in it for the long haul, learn to cope, be adaptable, let go of attachments and expectations, be creative, and make the most of each tiny moment.
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Today I'm sharing a tool I've used for many years to help me stay in alignment with my values and my higher wisdom. These 4 pieces of advice come from teacher Angeles Arrien and her Four-Fold Way - I have paraphrased them over the years and this is how I think of them. I'll talk about each one and then give an example of how to use this tool in any situation such as helping a loved one who is grieving.
- Show up.
- Pay attention.
- Tell the truth.
- Don't attach to the outcome.
Check out my website at www.eoluniversity.com and my other podcast End-of-Life University!
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In this episode I share why it's important to be aware of your own spirituality whether you believe in God or not. You can work on your spiritual growth and the expansion of your consciousness even if you don't or can't believe in a deity. In fact it's essential that we each do this work now in order to become our best and highest selves. This episode includes:
- Why we each need to be aware of our own spiritual nature.
- A new definition of spirituality that doesn't require a deity.
- Three levels of consciousness that are predominant in Western society right now (and at war with each other.)
- How to move beyond our personal spiritual "set point".
- The 7 lessons that can help us grow in consciousness to become the best humans we can be, with or without a belief in God.
Be sure to listen to previous episodes on the 7 lessons for more information! You can leave a voice message for me at the link below! Check out my book The Journey from Ego to Soul.
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In this episode I discuss the 5th lesson the ego needs to learn: You are going to die. This is the most difficult concept for the ego to master because death is ego's greatest fear. I'll share why learning this lesson is essential before true spiritual growth can occur and how to continually work on this concept. Confronting the mortality of the physical body is an ongoing, life-long practice! This episode includes:
- Why this is the last of the 5 lessons.
- Why we can't rush ahead into teachings about the afterlife before the ego has grasped its own mortality.
- How humans create "immortality projects" (Ernest Becker) to defend against the ego's fear of death.
- Practices for contemplating mortality and moving beyond fear.
Be sure to listen to the previous 4 episodes to learn about all 5 lessons for the ego!
"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it." - W. Somerset Maugham
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In this episode we discuss the 4th lesson the ego needs to learn, which is "You are not in control." This is one of the greatest challenges for the ego since its primary desire is to achieve control over as much of life as possible. But that's why this is one of the most important steps toward spiritual growth - helping your ego surrender to higher wisdom and consciousness. This episode includes:
- Why the ego is determined to control our lives.
- The mixed messages in our society (and our own minds) about surrendering.
- The spiritual teachings about surrender.
- Why we actually need to both engage with the world and let go of control at the same time.
- What surfing can teach us about the balance between control and surrender.
- Practices for teaching the mind and ego to let go of control.
"Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything, even when you cannot foresee the outcome." - Deepak Chopra
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In this episode I talk about the 3rd lesson the ego needs to learn, which is "Your life is not about you." This is a challenging lesson for us to hear but an important one. The ego needs to learn that life has a higher and greater purpose than just this human existence. This episode includes:
- We are part of the greater purpose but we don't create or control that purpose.
- We may not even understand or comprehend the role we play in the greater purpose.
- We are actually here to be channels of love.
- The greater purpose of life is to remove the obstacles that prevent us from channeling love.
"On the path of love we are neither master nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the master painter." - Rumi
"Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces." - Rumi
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Today we're looking at the 2nd lesson the ego needs to learn (see the previous episode for lesson #1): You're not that important. This is a challenging truth for the ego to face but essential if we want to truly grow spiritually. This episode includes:
- Western civilization is functioning at an individualistic ego-driven level of consciousness right now.
- How most of our current problems on the planet stem from ego-driven behavior that is not modulated by higher consciousness.
- Why we have to humble the ego with this message before we can begin to learn higher spiritual truths.
- How the ego can hide behind higher spiritual messages and trick us into believing that we are more evolved than we are.
- Why we need a daily practice to help remind our ego "You're not that important" while we simultaneously develop our unique gifts that we came here to share with the world
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In this episode I share the first of a series of "lessons" the ego needs to learn in order to become a better ally for our higher consciousness and for our day-to-day lives. "Life is hard" is not something the ego likes to look at but that realization is the very beginning of all of our spiritual growth. This episode includes:
- The ego divides everything into "good" and "bad" and places blame on others for the "bad" parts of life.
- Why ego-controlled thinking leads to perpetual victimhood.
- How to sit with the difficult situations of life and embrace all of our negative thoughts and emotions without judgment.
- Working toward a place of equanimity with the hard parts of life.
- Embracing what is hard to make space for more light and love and peace.
Get The Journey from Ego to Soul.
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In this episode I share some excerpts from my book The Journey from Ego to Soul and talk about why we need to recognize the ego when it controls our behavior instead of our higher consciousness. This episode includes:
- A description of the ego's common behaviors.
- How to recognize times when your ego is in control.
- Understanding that the wounds your ego hides will always have an effect on how you see the world.
- Why looking at our ego behaviors honestly can help us identify our shadow issues, and healing our shadows can help us "train" our ego.
- Why we need to cultivate compassion and grace toward our own wounded egos.
Register for the workshop Surviving the Aftermath of Suicide.
View my page on Patreon.
Get The Journey from Ego to Soul.
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Today I'll discuss how to experience something new in our relationships rather than replaying old history again and again in our interactions. This discussion includes:
- How the brain's negativity bias has caused us to store old memories of pain and woundedness regarding our relationships (the "box of resentments").
- How our confirmation bias also prevents us from recognizing growth and change in our partners but rather leads us to see what we already believe to be true.
- How we can override our brain's wiring toward negativity and confirmation bias to truly experience something new.
- The fact that we are new in every moment allows for change and transformation to take place.
- Using forgiveness of self and others to dissolve away the "box of resentments" that keeps us trapped in the past.
“When I say that every lesson is the first lesson it does not mean that we forget what we already know. It means that what we are doing is always new because we are always doing it for the first time.” – Chunliang Al Huang quoted in The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav
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I'm recording this episode on 8/8/21 which is the "Lionsgate Portal" - a time of creativity, healing, and a shift toward new "agreements" for our lives. I'll share why this particular moment in time has been very powerful for me and how my own consciousness is shifting right now. Here are some of the topics inspired by an email I received from spiritual teacher Matt Kahn:
- Why right now it's important to shift into our higher consciousness selves rather than our "ego-selves".
- When we make this shift we will be living our "life purpose" even if we don't know in our minds what that is.
- Our timing will be right for our own higher good (and for others as well).
- We will automatically offer others what they need from us without worrying about it or trying too hard.
- We will be able to offer compassion, mercy, kindness, and to be witnesses to the pain of others.
- A feeling of overwhelm will remind us that we need to step back and care for ourselves.
- Our self-care will send ripples of positive consciousness to the whole world.
I also announce my upcoming workshop (September 9th at 1 pm Pacific) on Surviving the Aftermath of Suicide (which I finally have realized my whole life has been preparing me to teach!) Registration information will be available soon.
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In this episode let's talk about what it takes to be a leader for those around you when you are going through a challenging time (like the COVID pandemic we are experiencing right now.) We are all leaders in some way whether or not we hold administrative or managerial positions. Here are some skills to help us ride the waves of crisis like a surfer rather than be tossed about in the tumult:
- Be adaptable and learn to be grateful for change.
- Stop trying to control what cannot be controlled.
- See the bigger picture of life.
- Focus on the present moment and what has to be accomplished right here, right now.
- Be tolerant of mistakes - your own and others'.
- Have compassion for everyone while also holding them accountable.
- Remember that "this too shall pass."
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In this episode we dive into the challenging subject of self-forgiveness, why it's important and how to do it! This is a project I'm currently working on that I plan to continue for the rest of my life. This episode includes:
- The definition of self-forgiveness.
- Studies on forgiveness that show it takes a process over time to complete.
- Why self-love and self-forgiveness go hand-in-hand.
- The "Pillars" of self-forgiveness.
- A 9-step process toward actually forgiving yourself.
Download the notes for this episode here.
"You don't want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up." - Kristin Neff, PhD
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In this episode I talk about grace, which is an essential element of any dance. Learn how the many different of meanings of grace apply to both life and death and discover a daily practice that can help us prepare for the end of life with ease and dignity.
This episode includes:
- The many definitions of “grace”.
- That grace is always given freely, not earned or deserved.
- How grace “finds us” during our darkest times of brokenness.
- Forgiveness as an act of grace.
- How I want to live and die with grace and gentleness.
- A daily practice to cultivate grace:
**G – Gratitude
R – Release
A – Awareness
C – Compassion
E – Equanimity**
"I do not understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us."-Anne Lamott
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In this episode I talk about rhythm, which is an essential element of any dance. Learn how the rhythm of nature and the universe includes both stillness and motion, waiting and movement, and how we can find peace and hope by surrendering to this rhythm as it unfolds in the moment.
This episode includes:
- Why it’s important that rhythm contains both stillness and movement, whether in dance, music, or the written word.
- The power of the liminal space of waiting for an uncertain outcome.
- Why spiritual growth requires learning how to return to the rhythm of nature and the universe.
- How to surrender to the natural rhythm of living and dying and why it benefits us.
- How we can discover our connection to every other being on the planet when we remain in rhythm and open to synchronicity.
"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."-Bruce Barton
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This is part 2 of the series on the intertwining of life and death in a perfect dance that spirals throughout eternity. This episode covers:
- Why we cannot live fully (and in balance) if we ignore death.
- How the medical system perpetuates the separation of death from life.
- How being mindful of death helps us let go of attachments and live with equanimity.
- Practices for bringing death awareness into daily life:
Morning gratitude practice.
Mantra: This day is a gift.
Notice death around you – including tragedies in the world.
Observe the “little deaths” each day.
Practice getting back into balance. * Discover joie de vivre (the joy of living) and practice love through your final breath.
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This begins a 4-part series I call "The Dance of Life and Death." You'll learn where the title comes from when you listen! This episode includes:
- Rainer Maria Rilke’s letters to the bereaved.
- Why death and life are locked in an inseparable dance.
- How we learn slowly about death through life’s experiences.
- How to cope with the unique timing of life’s events when it doesn’t fit our hopes and expectations.
- Why even our mistakes and failures turn out to be perfect.
We must live in both, be intimately at home in both [life and death.]– Rainer Maria Rilke, from The Dark Interval
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In this episode we'll look at why self-love is important and why it's so hard to do. I share poems by Alex Elle, Rupi Kaur and Nikita Gill plus a story of a self-love workshop gone wrong that turned out to be the perfect thing. Here are some suggestions from Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson for working toward healing of our self-judgment, wounds, and shame:
- Recognize the pain and shame when it arises; where is it coming from? what is the underlying wound?
- Cool down the judgment and soothe the pain of your wounds by "bringing in the good".
- Notice the positive around you.
- Experience the positive with all of your senses.
- Let the positive sink in all the way down to your inner wounds.
- Pause to notice the good wherever you are.
- Remember that little moments add up over time.
Leave a message with your comments or your own story!
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This episode tells the story of the mysterious and miraculous lotus blossom and how it grows up from the mud to blossom in the sunshine every day. The lotus is a perfect symbol for our own spiritual journey and why we must embrace the darkness and explore it for opportunities to heal our old wounds and transform our lives. The poems The Well of Grief and Self Portrait by David Whyte are featured in this episode.
The Well of Grief by David Whyte
*Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief,*
*turning down through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,*
*will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,*
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
*the small round coins,
thrown by those who wished for something else.*
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It's challenging when we feel despair or depression hovering around us and we don't really know why it's there. But, like Rumi's poem The Guest House, it's important to welcome in even the feelings we don't like and wish would leave us alone. So today I'm recommitting to accepting my own despair and letting it in the door. I'll stop rejecting this down time, allow it to be present, and receive whatever it has to teach me. I'll also stop judging myself for wanting to push away the negative feelings. If you are feeling down right now too just remember that you're not alone, we all go through these days and weeks, and it will go away someday. I'll check back in when things are going better to look at these down days from the other side!
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In this episode I share a simple model for how spiritual growth occurs based on the work of Fr. Richard Rohr: Order, Disorder, Reorder. We'll talk about each of these 3 stages and how to navigate them with a focus on finding a "thread" that carries you through each time of life, loving the life you have, and learning to cherish change and impermanence.
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Learn the importance of forgiveness for moving forward in society, personal life, and spiritual growth.
This episode includes:
- Why there is so much outrage in our society today.
- Why we need to remember our interconnectedness and interdependence in order to solve the problems we are facing,
- How hospice patients focus on forgiveness as they face the end of life,
- How forgiveness benefits health, relationships and spiritual growth.
- Why forgiveness should be an intentional, daily practice.
- Tools for practicing forgiveness:
Journaling,
the “4-View” Process for forgiveness,
Ho’oponopono.
***Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower gives when it is crushed.
-Anonymous***
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Learn how to let go of expectations and your bitterness over life’s disappointments.
This episode includes:
- How suffering increases when we believe that things should have been different.
- How clinging to the need to control the events of life can lead to bitterness and regret.
- Life flows like a river and we cannot control or stop the flow by resisting it.
- Why staying attached to our expectations keeps us from experiencing what life is offering us in each and every moment.
- How to reframe disappointments by being curious about what life is bringing.
- Journaling practice to identify attachments and resentments so that they can be reframed.
- Bridge ritual for letting go of attachments and receiving the flow of life.
- Untying the knots as a practice for letting go. (Thank you to our beloved angel Megory Anderson and her book Sacred Dying)
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Learn the lesson of impermanence and why it is essential for life.
This episode includes:
- The Buddhist concept of impermanence.
- How everything that is fleeting becomes more precious to us.
- Entropy – the 2nd law of thermodynamics – from the Greek word entropia, which means a turning toward or transformation.
- How life moves from order to disorder, structure to non-structure, physical form to energetic form or Soul.
- The benefits of mortality:
Creativity, growth and transformation are made possible,
Even our suffering and pain will not last (“this too shall pass”),
This is the unifying characteristic of all humans on the planet: we all will die one day and we all grieve over our loved ones who have died. * Rituals for getting comfortable with and honoring our impermanence:
Contemplation and journaling using books like The Tao of Death,Observation of nature,
Mandala creation,
Flowing water ritual. * We are here to dissolve into love, our ultimate destiny.
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Today let's talk about how our greatest devastation can lead to transformation and growth. I've experienced it in my own life and have been excited to read the research on Post-Traumatic Growth. This coincided with reading about Dr. Edith Eger who is a survivor of Auschwitz and wrote about her own healing and growth after the horror of her experiences in early life. She writes about having been victimized but not being a victim and how she chooses to be responsible for her own growth and happiness.
- Research on Post-Traumatic Growth by Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun UNC: Article from Psychology Today
- Father Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation
- Dr. Edith Eger's website
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In this episode I discuss how our greatest tragedies can ultimately lead us to growth through the gift of grace. This is the lesson of Suffering, the first of the 7 lessons I learned from my hospice patients.
This episode includes:
- How my father’s suicide changed the trajectory of my life.
- Why the remedy for pain is found “inside the pain” as Rumi wrote.
- There is no “other side” of the tunnel of grief.
- How our grief journey can only be viewed clearly in retrospect.
- How to “burn our pain as fuel”.
- The meaning of grace and how it arrives as a mystery.
- How sorrow prepares us for joy.
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace–only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us. – Anne Lamott
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For the very first episode of this podcast I introduce you to the 7 lessons I learned from my hospice patients and wrote about in my books: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul.We'll be diving into each of these lessons in upcoming episodes but this is a brief overview to get you started. These lessons are the foundation of all the spiritual work I've been doing and I hope they will help you visualize your own journey to becoming the best person you can be, even in a world full of challenges:
- Suffering
- Love
- Forgiveness
- The Present Moment
- Purpose
- Surrender
- Impermanence
We have so much more to talk about! Check out the next 7 episodes to go deep with me on these lessons!
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Learn how to make the most of the present moment and give the gift of presence to those you love.
This episode includes:
- Presence is an essential skill for working with dying patients.
- Many dying patients seem to have a new-found ability to focus on the present and appreciate each moment.
- According to Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn presence is the ability to align body, mind, spirit, emotions in a single focus on the here and now.
- Being fully present with a patient or a loved one allows us to create a sacred space within which healing and transformation can occur.
- Steps for developing the skill of presence:
Create time (5 minutes) and space for stillness each day,
Tune in to your physical body,
Breathe deeply with intention,
Allow emotions to arise without attaching to them,
Let thoughts drift by. * Practice total focus during small moments e.g. eating a special food, watching a sunset, listening to music, spending time in nature, being with a loved one. * Daily AWE Practice:
I am Awake in this moment
I am Willing to experience and accept whatever life brings in this moment
I am Engaged fully in living my life moment to moment
***When someone is about to die, if you sit with him stably and solidly, that alone may be enough to help him leave this life with ease.
– Thich Nhat Hahn***
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Learn how to find more clarity about your life’s purpose and why it’s not just about choosing the right career path.
This episode includes:
- The difference between “inner” and “outer” purpose.
- Why it’s important to recognize that there is a larger reason for our existence.
- Why we must change ourselves before we try to change the world.
- Steps to discovering your inner purpose:
Awaken to the fact that you are here to learn,
Look for recurring themes in your life so far,
Journal about the pain and suffering you have experienced since they often center around your inner purpose. * How the Japanese concept of “ikigai” can help you find your outer purpose:
What you love,
What you are good at,
What the world needs,
What you can be paid for. * Why your outer purpose should align with you inner purpose. * Why you need to let go of attachment to your outer purpose and accept change in your life.
***If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything.
– T**hich Nhat Hahn*
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In this episode I share how love can transform and heal our lives even during our last days.
This episode includes:
- The story of my “Love Project”.
- The importance of love for those at the end of life.
- How forgiveness makes room for even greater love.
- The many ways love can break our hearts.
- Why we need to remain open to love even after we have been hurt.
- The “violin metaphor” and why we should allow love to hollow us out.
- Practices for opening to love.
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What Really Matters is hosted by Dr. Karen Wyatt who shares the lessons she learned from her patients facing the end of life. She'll share this life wisdom along with what it actually takes to put these lessons into practice in our own lives. She'll be sharing how we navigate the ups and downs of this life and these challenging times while we work to become our best selves.
This podcast makes sure we focus on the important stuff of life and don’t lose sight of What Really Matters when things get tough. Tune in to hear stories and poems, to laugh and sometimes cry and to get inspired to live your own best life. Leave a voice message about your own journey and it might be shared on the podcast.
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