John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast: Recent Episodes

John

Are you looking for faith-friendly insights on how to manage stress, anxiety, or depression? Maybe you are searching for ways to improve your relationships or just looking for ways to become more effective in your day-to-day living. John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast may be what you are looking for. With an average running time of 10-12 minutes, John combines his skills as a senior-level clinician, Work-Life Consultant, and ordained minister. The information in Resilient Solutions can improve your personal life, enhance your relationships, enrich your business endeavors.

What does real forgiveness look like when the wound is still fresh? We open with the powerful moment at Charlie Kirk’s memorial and the courageous grace Erica Kirk offered to the person responsible for his death. Her choice isn’t framed as perfection or passivity—it’s a living example of how faith, scripture, and daily practice can turn a crushing burden into resilient strength. That moment becomes our springboard to examine how bitterness settles in, why it steals peace, and how a clear path forward can loosen its grip one honest decision at a time.

We explore forgiveness as a gift you give yourself, grounded in Psalm 34:18 and a trust that God draws close to the brokenhearted. From there, we move on to practical tools you can use today: naming the person you need to release, starting your mornings with a simple prayer, and ending your days by giving everyone and everything to God. We connect these rhythms with cognitive behavioral insights, demonstrating how reframing setbacks, practicing gratitude, and performing small daily kindnesses help rebuild emotional flexibility and mental health. Along the way, we highlight the ripple effect of testimony—how one act of grace can soften another person’s heart and open space for healing.

You’ll receive a straightforward action plan: choose forgiveness, pray for grace, reframe challenges as opportunities for growth, and establish a resilience routine grounded in scripture and stillness. We also share resources to keep you going, including the Bible app for reading plans and John Eldredge’s Pause App for morning and evening reflection. The message is simple and strong: you are responsible for your growth, help is available when you need it, and God is near. If this resonates, please subscribe, share the show with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review to help others discover these valuable tools. Then tell us: what’s one step toward forgiveness you’ll take today?

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When tragedy strikes, where do we turn? The brutal murder of a young Ukrainian refugee and the shocking assassination of Charlie Kirk have left many questioning how hope can survive in such troubled times. These events shake us to our core, yet they also highlight something vital – darkness and hatred may be relentless, but so is the light of faith.

Hope isn't merely wishful thinking or passive optimism. It's a deliberate, daily choice – a catalyst for resilience that transforms our perspective even when headlines threaten to crush our spirit. Drawing from Romans 5:3-5, we explore how trials develop endurance, character, and ultimately a confident hope that never disappoints. This biblical foundation reminds us that hope serves as an anchor, turning despair into resilience and obstacles into opportunities for divine redemption.

I share insights from Dr. W. Warren's influential book "Hope is the First Dose," where he emphasizes hope as an active pursuit rather than just an emotion. As a neurosurgeon and combat veteran who faced unimaginable trauma, Warren's approach to "self-surgery on the brain" offers practical ways to rewire our thoughts toward hope. Through prayer, community connection, and trust in God's promises, we cultivate resilience that withstands life's darkest moments.

When the world feels broken, remember that darkness never gets the final word. God's love shines brighter against the backdrop of our darkest days, filling us with both boldness and a sense of purpose. Subscribe now to continue this journey toward resilience, and share this message with someone who might be struggling to find hope today. Together, we can choose hope anyway – not because it's easy, but because it's essential.

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Have you ever felt completely paralyzed by indecision? That moment when options swirl around you, but taking any step forward seems impossible? You're not alone. The weight of indecisiveness is something we all carry at times – it creates anxiety, frustration, and can even contribute to depression as opportunities slip through our fingers.

God doesn't want us trapped in this cycle of doubt and hesitation. Drawing from powerful biblical examples, we see contrasting approaches to decision-making that speak directly to our modern struggles. King Saul's impatience led him to make hasty decisions without waiting for God's timing, resulting in consequences that affected an entire nation. His story serves as a cautionary tale about what happens when we rush ahead without divine guidance. On the flip side, we explore Gideon's journey from doubt to victory and Peter's bold (if imperfect) step out of the boat during a storm – both stories revealing God's patience with our uncertainty and His readiness to catch us when we falter.

The path forward isn't about perfect decision-making; it's about developing trust through practical steps. I share four actionable strategies to help you overcome indecisiveness: starting with honest prayer, reflecting on God's past faithfulness in your life, taking small steps of faith, and giving yourself grace throughout the process. These aren't just spiritual platitudes – they're proven approaches that have helped countless people move from paralysis to purpose. Remember: "Inch by inch, anything is a cinch. Yard by yard, it's going to be very hard." Small, faithful steps build the momentum needed to break free from decision paralysis and walk confidently in God's plan for your life. Ready to transform your indecision into divinely guided action? This episode will show you how.

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Feeling stuck at life's crossroads? You're not alone. In this empowering episode, we tackle that all-too-familiar feeling when following God's plan feels like assembling IKEA furniture without instructions—confusing and frustrating.

Decisiveness isn't just for naturally confident people; it's a skill you can develop through faith. I share how understanding faith as confidence in God's sovereignty transforms your decision-making from anxious second-guessing to purposeful action. When you build your life on this foundation, you'll stand strong even when storms come—like those that devastated my childhood vacation spot in Mexico Beach, Florida, which has since been rebuilt stronger than before.

We explore three powerful biblical examples—Noah building an ark amid ridicule, Abraham leaving everything familiar behind, and Esther risking her life to save her people. None were perfect, but all acted boldly when it mattered. Their stories reveal that faith-based decisiveness isn't about having all the answers; it's about trusting the One who does. I offer four practical steps to strengthen your decision-making muscles: persistent prayer (your divine guidance system), regular scripture reading (spiritual nourishment), seeking godly counsel (external perspective), and reflecting on God's past faithfulness (building confidence for present challenges). Through these practices, you'll discover that even when the path isn't completely clear, you can move forward with courage, knowing God is working everything—even the difficult situations—for your good.

Ready to transform your indecision into confidence? Write down one decision you're facing, dedicate it to God in prayer, and take that first step. Your journey toward purposeful, faith-filled decisiveness starts now. Visit johnthurman.net for more resources to help you become resilient in your personal life, relationships, and faith.

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What if the transformation you've been waiting for is simply one decision away? This eye-opening episode challenges the paralysis of indecision that keeps so many of us stuck in patterns of unfulfillment and missed potential.

We dive deep into why managing life—not curing it—requires making deliberate choices that align with our purpose. Too many people drift through their days, avoiding decisions about relationships, career moves, personal growth, or faith commitments. This decision avoidance becomes a choice itself, one that surrenders control of our lives to external circumstances or other people's priorities.

The powerful story of Jerry, a Vietnam veteran who refused to be defined by his PTSD, illustrates how intentional choices can transform trauma into purpose. Despite still experiencing flashbacks and anxiety, Jerry made deliberate decisions to seek help, build support systems, and use his experiences to benefit others. His transformation didn't happen by accident—it began with a choice.

Drawing from biblical wisdom, psychology, and personal experience as a therapist and minister, I explore how taking ownership as the "CEO of your life" creates pathways to meaningful change. We examine the paralysis that comes from blaming past trauma or waiting for perfect circumstances, contrasting it with the freedom that comes from decisive action. The biblical story of the man at Bethesda who waited 38 years for healing until Jesus told him to "get up" provides a compelling metaphor for how transformation often begins.

Ready to break free from decision paralysis? This episode offers practical steps to cultivate intentional decision-making: clarifying your core purpose, trusting God's plan, sharing your vision with a supportive community, and moving forward with unwavering resolve. Each day presents new opportunities to choose your path—what bold, purposeful choice will you make today?

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The aftermath of devastating floods in Texas and New Mexico brings a somber reflection on how we comfort those facing sudden, unexpected loss. Drawing from both personal experience and professional expertise as a minister and crisis response specialist, this episode offers ten practical approaches to supporting grieving friends and family members.

When tragedy strikes, many of us freeze, unsure of what to say or do despite our genuine desire to help. The traditional wisdom once passed down through close-knit communities about sitting with those in grief is becoming increasingly lost. This guidance fills that gap with compassionate, actionable advice.

At the heart of effective grief support is the sacred gift of presence. Rather than struggling to find perfect words or filling silence with platitudes, simply being there matters most. Learn why statements like "they're in a better place" or "I know how you feel" can unintentionally cause more pain, and discover genuinely helpful alternatives. The episode explores practical ways to help—from bringing meals to assisting with household tasks—while honoring the uniqueness of each person's grief journey.

Most importantly, grief isn't a sprint; it's a marathon. While communities typically rally during the first few weeks following a loss, genuine compassion means committing to long-term support when most others have moved on. Whether you're experiencing loss yourself or supporting someone who is, these insights provide a roadmap for navigating grief's complex terrain with grace, empathy, and genuine human connection. How might we become better grief companions for those we care about when they need us most?

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Ah, summer break—that magical time when parental fantasies of peaceful days collide with the chaotic reality of kids declaring "I'm bored" every fifteen minutes. If you're already feeling the summer strain, this episode delivers the perfect blend of practical wisdom and reassuring humor to help you navigate these sun-soaked months without losing your sanity.

We dive into seven refreshingly honest strategies that transform summer parenting from overwhelming to enjoyable. First, we explore why abandoning those picture-perfect expectations might be your most liberating summer decision. Your backyard sprinkler may not be a resort water feature, but it can become the setting for genuine joy when we adjust our perspective. We also unpack the surprising benefits of allowing children to experience boredom—that state parents often dread but which actually fuels creativity and self-direction in remarkable ways.

The episode offers practical guidance on establishing simple daily rhythms without becoming your family's entertainment director. Those spontaneous ice cream trips and impromptu blanket forts often create more meaningful memories than elaborately planned activities. Most poignantly, we're reminded that our children are only this age for this summer—a perspective that transforms everyday frustrations into opportunities for connection and gratitude.

Between the practical tips on prepared snacks and the gentle reminder that self-care isn't optional for summer survival, you'll find permission to embrace the beautiful mess of family life. Whether you're nodding along in recognition or laughing at the universal struggles of parenting, you'll come away with both practical strategies and a refreshed mindset for creating a memorable summer.

Subscribe to our newsletter through our website for more resilience-building insights, and remember—this is the day the Lord has made. Choose joy amid the summer chaos!

Link to 7 Ways to Enjoy Your Summer Blog by John Thurman

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Depression silently shadows millions of lives, with over 21 million Americans experiencing major depression annually. Even more revealing is that approximately 7.6 million Christians battle this condition while often facing an additional burden of shame and spiritual confusion. These statistics aren't just numbers—they represent real people struggling to reconcile their faith with their mental health challenges.

Depression stretches far beyond temporary sadness or spiritual weakness. It's a complex mood disorder that can drain motivation, steal joy from activities once loved, and even disrupt your sense of connection with God. For Christians, this often creates a painful cycle where feelings of spiritual inadequacy compound the depression itself. The good news? You don't have to suffer alone, and there are numerous practical strategies to manage depression while honoring your faith journey.

Before reaching for medication (though it can be appropriate and lifesaving when needed), consider these faith-friendly approaches: morning walks that expose you to mood-enhancing sunlight, handwritten journaling that neurological research shows activates emotional processing in ways digital journaling cannot, challenging negative thinking patterns that distort God's truth, and setting small, achievable goals that rebuild confidence. Scripture repeatedly shows that even faithful servants experienced profound discouragement, yet they found hope through their darkest seasons.

Faith offers unique resources during depression: hope when circumstances seem hopeless, strength during times of weakness, a perspective that challenges distorted thinking, and a community when isolation feels safest. As you journey toward healing, remember that self-compassion isn't selfishness—it aligns with Jesus' command to "love thy neighbor as thyself." Whether through the practical tools shared in this episode, the resources on my blog, or my book "Getting a Grip on Depression," know that you can find your way back to joy and purpose. Depression may be part of your story, but with faith and evidence-based strategies, it doesn't have to define your future.

Depressionbiblestudy, #christianbooksondepression, #depressionandfaith, # christiandeppresion,#christianmental health.

Link to Coming out of the Shadows #3

Link to Coming Out of the Shadows #2

Link to Coming Out of the Shadows #1

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Have you ever noticed how your thoughts can dramatically affect your emotions and actions? There's profound truth in the biblical wisdom "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7) – a principle now validated by modern psychological research.

When negative thought patterns take hold, they create what therapists call "cognitive distortions" or what I like to call "stinking thinking." These distorted thought patterns can fuel depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health challenges. The good news? You don't have to remain captive to these harmful thoughts. By recognizing these patterns and applying biblical principles, you can experience remarkable transformation in your mindset and emotional well-being.

In this episode, I walk through the top ten cognitive distortions that commonly plague our thinking, from all-or-nothing thinking and overgeneralization to emotional reasoning and personalization. I pair each distortion with powerful Scripture that offers a pathway to renewed thinking. We explore how Romans 12:2 calls us to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind," and how 2 Corinthians 10:5 encourages us to "take every thought captive." These aren't just spiritual platitudes but practical tools for mental health.

Remember, your past pain doesn't have to dictate your future. As I often tell my clients, "Do not let your pain become your idol." Instead, let God use that pain as a launching point for a meaningful, purposeful life. Whether you're personally struggling with depression or supporting someone who is, this episode offers both compassionate understanding and practical strategies for moving forward. For additional resources, check out my book, "Getting a Grip on Depression," available on my website. Remember – you are fearfully and wonderfully made, valued, and loved by the God who created you.

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Depression doesn't discriminate—even among the faithful. Exploring the often-taboo intersection of Christianity and depression, this episode tackles the persistent question many believers struggle with: Can a Christian experience depression?

The answer is a resounding yes. Drawing from scripture, professional experience, and personal struggle, I unpack how approximately 7.6 million Christians in America silently battle depression while facing the added burden of stigma within their faith communities. This stigma creates a painful paradox where those who most need support feel unable to seek it without judgment or shame.

Depression manifests across multiple dimensions of human experience. Cognitively, it creates brain fog and difficulty concentrating. Emotionally, it weighs down the spirit with persistent sadness. Behaviorally, it leads to withdrawal from activities and relationships that once brought joy. Physically, it disrupts sleep, appetite, and overall well-being. For Christians specifically, depression often adds a fifth dimension—spiritual struggle—where prayers feel unanswered and God's presence seems distant despite intellectual understanding of His love.

As both a therapist with over 65,000 clinical hours and someone who has personally wrestled with depression, I share insights from my recently re-released book "Getting a Grip on Depression." This episode marks the beginning of a five-part series that offers practical, proven tools for understanding and overcoming depression while maintaining your faith. Through it all, we're reminded of the hope found in Psalm 42:11: "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God." Even in our darkest moments, God's presence remains constant, offering the light that guides us toward healing.

If you've ever felt alone in your struggle with depression as a believer, this episode affirms your experience. It offers a pathway forward that honors both your faith and your need for comprehensive support. Subscribe to join me on this journey toward resilience and renewed hope.

Get John's book & Bible Study Getting a Grip on Depression, for Free on Kindle Unlimited.

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What colors paint your mental landscape? Are they vibrant and life-giving, or dull and limiting? In this thought-provoking exploration of mindset, John Thurman weaves ancient wisdom and modern psychological research to offer a uniquely Christian perspective on personal growth and transformation.

Drawing from the profound words of Marcus Aurelius that "your soul takes on the color of your thoughts," alongside biblical warnings against double-mindedness, Thurman creates a compelling case for developing what psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck calls a "growth mindset." He contrasts the limitations of a fixed mindset—believing talents and abilities are static—with the liberating perspective that we can grow through effort, learning, and perseverance.

The episode walks listeners through biblical examples of growth mindset in action, from Deborah's courageous leadership and David's journey from shepherd to king, to Ruth's risk-taking adventure and Peter's remarkable transformation after his failures. These stories illuminate how faith and psychological principles complement our spiritual development.

Most valuably, Thurman provides ten practical, actionable strategies for cultivating a growth mindset within a Christian framework. These range from embracing spiritual growth as a lifelong journey and viewing challenges as opportunities to journaling insights and actively engaging with a church community. Each strategy is grounded in scripture while incorporating evidence-based approaches to mindset transformation.

Ready to break free from limiting beliefs and experience the vibrant colors of transformed thinking? Subscribe to John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast and discover how aligning your mindset with biblical truth can revolutionize your personal life, relationships, and faith.

Link to Morning with Monette, "From Victim to Victor Mindset"

Link to John's Blog "10 Ways You Can Develop a Growth Mindset"

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Discover powerful tools that combine enduring faith, post-traumatic growth, and neuroplasticity to transform trauma and trials into triumph through rewiring your brain.

• Faith serves as a powerful tool guiding us through difficult times, illuminating hope when facing challenges
• Post-traumatic growth allows individuals to not just recover from trauma but experience meaningful life changes
• Neuroplasticity represents the brain's ability to adapt and reorganize even after traumatic events
• Resilience has evolved beyond just bouncing back—it's about leveraging experiences to find purpose in pain
• Spiritual practices like prayer, Bible study, and community support are conducive to healing and transformation
• Avoiding making trauma an idol is crucial—recognize it, address the pain, and move forward
• Personal testimony shared about working as a chaplain in a burn unit while processing brother's death
• Integrating faith principles with post-traumatic growth creates opportunities for spiritual and emotional change
• Mindset matters—understanding the difference between victim mindset and victorious mindset

Check the show notes for a special Bible study resource to help rewire your brain using Scripture, available on my website. Join me next week as we discuss the difference between closed and open mindsets for experiencing growth.

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We explore how understanding brain function can unlock a growth mindset and enhance spiritual resilience, beginning with five brain basics that affect our thinking patterns.

• Our brains are naturally negative with a "negativity bias" that makes us Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good ones
• The brain constantly scans for danger, which helps survival but can create unnecessary anxiety
• Worry becomes habitual when we allow our brains to amplify stress and focus on what could go wrong
• Our minds dislike uncertainty and fill in knowledge gaps with assumptions based on past experiences
• We crave predictability and need strategies to handle unexpected situations effectively
• Romans 12:2 offers a biblical framework for transforming our thinking patterns
• Philippians 4:6-9 provides practical guidance for managing anxiety and directing our thoughts positively

Link to Blog: How to Build a Growth Mindset Pt# 1

Join me next time as we continue this series on developing a growth mindset. If you'd like to learn more, visit johnthurman.net or covertmercy.com or email me at john@covertmercy.com.

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Have you ever wondered why some people bounce back stronger from life's harshest blows while others feel stuck and broken? Tune into our latest episode of the Resilient Solutions Shortcast, where I will unpack the four primary ways we react to trauma, adversity, and challenges. Drawing from my experience as an Army Chaplain, Licensed Mental Health Professional, and Crisis Response Specialist, I offer a unique lens on resilience. Inspired by Dr. W. Lee Warren's transformative book "Hope, the First Dose," this episode delves into the emotional turmoil and psychological barriers we face in times of crisis, providing you with practical tools to navigate these stormy waters.

Join me as I explore the concept of "crashers"—those who find it challenging to regain their footing after traumatic events—and how these reactions intersect with the disorders discussed in "The Character Edge." You'll gain a deeper understanding of the patterns that lead to emotional numbness and learn strategies to break free from them. With the support of expert insights and research, this discussion is designed to equip you with the knowledge and strength to face adversity head-on. Walk away with not just hope but a robust toolkit to foster resilience in your personal life, relationships, and faith.

Link to Blog: 4 Responses to Tragedy, Trauma and Adversity

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Resilience is a complex journey that intertwines the ability to bounce back from adversity, experience personal growth, and foster a sense of community and purpose. This episode illuminates the evolving understanding of resilience and its vital role in overcoming trauma, rooted in psychological research and biblical principles.

• Evolution of resilience as a concept over decades
• Importance of personal experiences in understanding resilience
• Introductory definitions of resilience, resistance, and post-traumatic growth
• Role of community and shared purpose in recovery
• Connection to biblical examples of resilience
• The potential for growth and healing after trauma

Links to Resources:

Link to blog - How to Expasnd Your Resilience in 2025

Link to "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra

First, a Dose of Hope by Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Marty Seligman's three books bundle: Authentic Happiness, Learned Optimism, and Flourish - Amazon Special.

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Discover how debunking common myths can breathe new life into your marriage. Join me, John Thurman, as we tackle the widespread misconception that thriving relationships hinge on shared interests. It's not about forcing hobbies but about meaningful engagement with your partner. We also shed light on the idea that a peaceful relationship is inherently superior, revealing how well-managed arguments can actually foster growth and communication. Lastly, find out why venting every emotion unchecked might not be as healthy as it seems; instead, learn ways to express feelings constructively.

This episode promises a fresh perspective on building resilient and fulfilling relationships with candid insights and practical advice. By reevaluating these myths, couples can embrace each other's unique qualities, navigate disagreements positively, and foster genuine companionship. Personal anecdotes and actionable tips provide listeners with strategies to enhance their relationship dynamics and strengthen their bond. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that encourages understanding and growth in your partnership.

Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 1
Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 2
Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 3
Marriage Makeover: Six Exciting Ways to Energize Your Marriage, Blog
5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship, Blog

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This episode debunks three critical marriage myths: that great relationships don’t require sexual intimacy, that a marriage can’t survive a flawed partner, and that there’s a singular right way to navigate a relationship. The conversation emphasizes acknowledging intimacy, embracing imperfections, and creating personalized paths to strengthen marriages.
• Discusses the significance of sexual intimacy in relationships
• Emphasizes the importance of accepting each other's flaws and vulnerabilities
• Debunks the myth of a 'one right way' to handle relationships
• Encourages creativity in developing unique relational practices
• Suggests practical actions to strengthen intimacy and connection

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Unlock the secrets to fighting fairly in your marriage and learn how to communicate effectively with your partner. Join me, John Thurman, as I share ten proven tips to help you and your spouse handle conflicts constructively. Drawing from over five decades of marriage and insights from Dr. John Gottman's research, we tackle the common pitfalls in relationships where conflicts are recurrent and often unsolvable. Learn how to keep disputes private, prioritize solvable issues, and protect your children from emotional harm while building a more resilient and loving partnership.

Ever wonder why specific phrases can escalate an argument faster than a wildfire? Discover why words like "you never" or "you always" are best left unsaid and how staying on point can transform your disagreements into productive conversations. With actionable strategies, we'll explore how active listening and maintaining respect can bridge the gap between misunderstanding and connection. Plus, find out why taking a break during heated moments isn't just okay—it's necessary for conflict resolution. Equip yourself with the tools to differentiate between solvable and unsolvable issues, ensuring your energy is directed towards building a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Check out the article
5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship, Blog

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We explore practical strategies to enhance intimacy in marriage, discussing the importance of trust, communication, and connection. Couples can reignite their passion and strengthen their bond with ten actionable tips.

• Understanding the reality of no-sex marriages
• The essential role of communication in intimacy
• Importance of giving full attention
• Acknowledging and encouraging positive attributes
• Being assertive without being critical
• Avoiding the critique trap in conversations
• Listening to understand rather than judge
• Practicing active listening techniques
• Skipping the blame game and taking mutual responsibility
• Managing conflict effectively
• Seeking help when needed and knowing when to pause

When you sign up for my newsletter, you'll receive my 2025 stress-busting strategies list for free.

Here is a link to the article Ignite Your Passion: 10 Ways to Boost Intimacy

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Can you imagine what your marriage would look like if you stopped believing in relationship myths that only hold you back? Join me, John Thurman, as we unravel some of the most pervasive misconceptions that could be affecting your relationship dynamics. In this episode, I debunk three common myths about marriage, including the idea that genuinely understanding your spouse is a one-time achievement and that perfect romance is a constant in significant relationships. We'll explore how cultural narratives, generational influences, and social media shape these myths while sharing how embracing differences can fortify your partnership. You'll gain practical insights and timeless biblical wisdom to nurture a more genuine and resilient connection with your partner.

With the guidance of principles from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we delve into patience, kindness, and resilience — essential ingredients for enduring love. Reflect on these attributes as we discuss how they can transform your approach to conflicts and everyday challenges in your relationship. By acknowledging and moving past these myths, you can find joy and gratitude in each day shared with your spouse. Don’t forget to visit my website, johnthurman.net, for additional resources and insights. Check out my blog, linked in the show notes, for a more in-depth discussion on the topics covered in this episode.

Here is a link to the article Revitalize Your Marriage Pt#1

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stopWhat Makes Resolutions Work?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to make resolutions but how tough it can be to keep them? According to one survey, 23% of people will quit their resolution by the end of the first week, and 43% will quit by the end of January. Why does this happen? One reason is that people fail to connect their goals to a more profound sense of purpose. By linking your resolutions to our faith, we are more likely to make them happen. When you and I view our resolutions through the lens of faith, we can focus on what matters. Goals rooted in our spiritual values tend to resonate more deeply. For example, if you desire to improve your health, consider how a healthier lifestyle will enhance your relationships with family members.

Setting Faith-Based Resolutions

Spiritual Goals
Health and Wellness Goals
Financial Goals
Personal Growth
Strengthening Relationships

Building Resilience with Your Goals

Stay Flexible
Seek Support
Embrace Setbacks
Practice Gratitude

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Do you ever struggle with your faith? I have, and after you read How to Forge a Resilient Faith, you will have additional tools in your faith toolbox.

Here are the Six Principles of a Resilient Faith:

The First Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to Demonstrate Active Optimism or a Vibrant Faith.
The Second Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is Taking Decisive Action
The Third Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to be Guided by God’s Word
The Fourth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is Tenacity
The Fifth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is Personal Responsibility
The Sixth Principle of How to Forge a Resilient Faith is to Understand the Importance of Interpersonal Support

Here is a link to the Blog

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One of the questions I ask many clients is, “What is your purpose or mission in life?”

The inquiry usually leads to a pause, and they often say, “I’ve never been asked that question before.” If they have a church background, they say something like, “To love and serve God” or “To get married and raise a family.” But for the most part, they lack a personal mission statement or a clearly defined purpose. They usually need more focus, and a specific point to aim for.

Focus is essential to living an intentional life because it allows us to be mindful of our actions and make decisions that serve our highest purpose. When we focus on doing what is necessary for growth, transformation, and success, we can create a more meaningful existence for ourselves.

To learn more

John Thurman
www.johnthurman.info
505-343-2011

Here are the 4 Tips - Be sure to check out the entire article to learn the right way to encourage your kids.

Tip# 1 - Model Resilience

Tip# 2 - Raise a Problem Solver

Tip# 4 - Praise Your Child Purposefully and Intentionally

Tip# 4- Set the Pace, be the Example because these life skills are more caught than taught.

In the last episode, I discussed 4 points:

We need to help our children become treasure hunters and not trash collectors.
We want to teach and model optimism to our kids, and show them how being made in God's image can make a positive difference in the world.
You and I want to encourage our kids to do their best and to achieve what they can while helping others.
We want to remind them that failure is not final, only an opportunity to learn and do better.

In part two, of this episode, I cover the remaining three points about raising resilient kids.

1. Both teach and model the importance of living a life of integrity.
2. Show your children the importance of taking full responsibility for their actions.
3. Help them understand the power of community and connection.

Link to the article

Next Week: 4 Practical, Proven Strategies to Build Your Child's Resilience and Improved Their Self-Esteem.

Contact info: www.johnthurman.info
Office: 505-343-2011

Point # 1
There are two basic types of people in the world—those who edify and build up and those who detract and tear down. Choose to be the former. One of our goals as caring adults is to teach our kids that the best way to develop a happy, intentional, successful life is through their achievements and contributions toward the betterment of others.
Point # 2
We have to teach our kids to be optimists and believe that as individuals created in the image of God, they have the creative power to make a difference in this world.

Point # 3
Seeking to achieve in your personal life and contribute to the betterment of others is not an easy path.

“Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.”

Robert Kennedy.

We must both model and teach our children that anything worth doing or having is worth potentially failing for.

Point # 4
How do we operationally define failure? First, failure is never final. We must instill in our children that failure is not a lack of achievement. Failure is determined by the lack of effort or refusal to try. Life is filled with scary and sometimes tough decisions; they need to learn how to make the best decisions given the information they have at a given moment.

Don't allow decision constipation to steal your capacity to make wise, life-enriching decisions. Refuse to become a victim of failure.

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

The Apostle Paul – Philippians 3:14 ESV

Link to article

A recent Pew Research study has shown that 76% of parents are concerned about their children’s mental health, particularly depression, and anxiety. This is a worrying figure, as it indicates that many parents are unaware of the signs and symptoms of depression in their children. Parents need to understand how to recognize if their child is depressed or suicidal so that they can get the help they need.

In mid-February, numerous news outlets reported an alarming number of teens are feeling depressed and suicidal, and teen girls are at the highest risk

According to a CDC Report reported by FOX News, released earlier this year:

Fifty-seven percent of high school females reported feeling sadness or hopelessness in 2021, a 58 percent increase from 36 percent in 2011.

Thirty percent of females seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021, an almost 60 percent increase from 19 percent in 2011.

Twenty-four percent of females made a suicide plan in 2021, a 60 percent increase from 15 percent in 2011.

How would you know if your teen is depressed? Listen, read, and learn!

Learn more by reading the entire article with links

Resistance

Resistance is essentially stress inoculation. It refers to the ability of an individual, group, organization, or even an entire population to resist manifestations of clinical distress, impairment, or dysfunction associated with critical incidents, terrorism, and even mass disasters. Resistance is a form of psychological/behavioral immunity to distress and dysfunction.

Resilience
The second is resilience. According to Dr. George Bonanno, resilience is a naturally-occurring tool most people have always had in their psychological lockers, which is enhanced or weakened by experience and circumstances. In a nutshell, resilience is the power to overcome adversity, trauma, and low self-esteem and to be strengthened.
My friend, trauma survivor, and fellow author Danielle Bernock says, “To be resilient is the ability to thrive instead of being traumatized.”

5 Tips for Dealing with Trauma

Tip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.

Tip # 2 – Stop comparing yourself to others.

Tip#3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.

Tip # 4 – Build up others.

Tip# 5 – Get help.

Here is a link to the blog

Blessings,

John Thurman
www.johnthurman.info

Email: john@johnthurman.info

Upcoming Events with John

Feb 26th - Dealing with Anxiety - Sunday, February 26th @ Grace Church 9:00 and 10:30 am. Church is located @ 6901 San Antonio NE, ABQ. This is a public event

March 3rd and 5th - Marriage and Family Conference - Evangel Christian Center 4901 Montgomery Blvd NE, here is the link. This is a public event.

March 25th - Book Signing - Bibles Plus 2740 Wyoming NE Times TBA

April 1st - Mental Health for Church Security Teams - Private event

Every one of us has been injured by life. How to Deal with Old Wounds: A Biblical Perspective is the first of a three-part series to give you some tools to help you become more resilient as you work through life’s challenges with the Lord’s help.

Four Reasons Men Don’t Deal with Wounds

There are several reasons but in this article, I will focus on four common reasons that men struggle with their wounds.

First, culture has trained us to believe that real men don’t cry.

Second, masculinity is under pressure. Current cultural nuances and the innuendos of “toxic masculinity” in the media have scared our daughters and caused many young men to fail to embrace their masculinity.

Third, sadly, some men feel that church life is irrelevant to their needs.

Fourth, because many men don’t have a support system, many will bury their woundedness. The result is various addictive behaviors, drugs, gaming, sexual addictions, food, pleasure, drinking, and even hyper-religious involvement. For many men, if this woundedness is not addressed, it will significantly negatively impact their lives and relationships.

Food for Thought

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains…[Pain] is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”- C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain.

The Lord is more concerned with our character than our comfort; at times, He chooses to use calamity to refine us.

Link to the Blog

There are three final stages in How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt 2: the Lover Stage, the King Stage, and the Sage Stage.

The Lover Stage

The lover needs the warrior to act decisively and restrain his passions.

The lover stage (the 20s to 30s) is the awakening of the heart. This could manifest as a love of poetry, nature, music…and eventually romance.

This is the stage in which men learn how to love themselves by loving others. It can also deepen your awareness of how you are created in God’s image.

There are two extremes of lovers we need to look at before we move on.

The addicted lover becomes consumed by short-term pleasure at almost any cost. This person is a collector of experiences, women, and toys. The addicted lover resists structure and pursues pleasure.

The impotent lover lives in a muted world. His world may be void of color and flavor.

The King Stage

In the king stage (age 40-60), the man is mature, centered, and decisive. He lives with integrity and purpose. He protects his realm and serves his community.

Read the entire article

How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt # 1: The first three stages.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

To grow as a man of faith, you must understand the stages of masculine development. This is the first part of a series that will show you a map as you continue your journey.
A man of faith is someone with a sense of purpose. He knows he has a life mission and understands what it means to be a man. This understanding comes from his faith, but it also comes from the relationships he has with others. He understands a well-lived life is in the context of a community.

A Christian man is a man made in the image of God. If married, he is responsible for being the head of his home and leading his family. He is a man who is faithful to his wife and children, and he makes time for them every day. A Christian man is a man who knows he is created for greatness, but instead of chasing after it, he chooses to live humbly as an example to others.

In this article, my heart desires to encourage you to be the man God called you to be. To help you to become a God-loving, courageous, resilient man with an enhanced ability to lead, love, serve, and leave a legacy in this world. To do this, I will review one roadmap to understanding some developmental markers we men face.

As with any "journey," there must be a starting place. Here is an overview of the process.

The Beloved Son

The Cowboy Stage

The Warrior Stage

Here are four general things about a real warrior, whether single or married.

A warrior is trained
A warrior is humble
A warrior is accustomed to sacrifice
A warrior is connected to others

Read the article

John Thurman
john@johnthurman.info
505-343-2011
www.johnthurman.net

Here are the Four Ways:

What are the results you are seeking?
What measurable actions are you going to take?
What is Your timeline?
What is your motivation for doing this?

Here is a link to the entire article.

Here is a link to the blog;

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is the second in the How to be a Man of Faith in Today’s World series, where we will examine the second half of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules of Life as well as some important scriptural concepts to remember as you and I seek to be the men God has called us to be.
Summary:
7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

8. Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie.

9. Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t.

10. Be precise in your speech.

11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

12. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.Link to my blog

There was a time in recent history when masculinity came with a clear purpose of being a provider-protector (e.g., warrior, contributor, sole breadwinner). Many of us grew up imprinted that men are designed to serve. We are to serve our family, church, the Lord, community, and nation. We were raised with a sense of mission and a sense of purpose.

Today, according to Warren Farrell (The Boy Crisis 2018), “Many men are experiencing a purpose void.” Young and old alike seem to be wandering through life without a sense of mission. Due to multiple factors that, for the sake of space, will not be covered in this article.

In my coaching and work-life mentoring practice, one of the alarming shifts I have seen in the past ten years is the sense that many men seem clueless about their roles, purpose, and mission. I believe the Scriptures guide us clearly on what it means to be a man. I hope you and I will be challenged to look at where we are in our lives and “get back on mission” if we need to.

As I begin this series, I will give you a rapid overview of his first major best-selling book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Don’t be surprised if these remind you of some of the original values of the Boy and Girl Scouts. The bullet points are his; the commentary is mine.

Here are the first 6 Rules, be sure to check out all of this blog.

Stand Up Straight and hold your shoulders back.
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for.
Befriend people who want the best for you.
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
Don't let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.
Get your own house in order before you criticize others.

Get in touch with John. Call: 505-343-2011, email john@johnthurman.info, or send him a message at www.johnthurman.info

The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

There was a time in recent history when masculinity came with a clear purpose of being a provider-protector (e.g., warrior, contributor, sole breadwinner). Many of us grew up imprinted that men are designed to serve. We are to serve our family, church, the Lord, community, and nation. We were raised with a sense of mission and a sense of purpose.

Today, according to Warren Farrell (The Boy Crisis 2018), “Many men are experiencing a purpose void.” Young and old alike seem to be wandering through life without a sense of mission. Due to multiple factors that, for the sake of space, will not be covered in this article.

In my coaching and work-life mentoring practice, one of the alarming shifts I have seen in the past ten years is the sense that many men seem clueless about their roles, purpose, and mission. I believe the Scriptures guide us clearly on what it means to be a man. I hope you and I will be challenged to look at where we are in our lives and “get back on mission” if we need to.

As I begin this series, I will give you a rapid overview of his first major best-selling book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Don’t be surprised if these remind you of some of the original values of the Boy and Girl Scouts. The bullet points are his; the commentary is mine.

Here are the first 6 Rules, be sure to check out all of this blog.

Stand Up Straight and hold your shoulders back.
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for.
Befriend people who want the best for you.
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
Don't let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.
Get your own house in order before you criticize others.

Get in touch with John. Call: 505-343-2011, email john@johnthurman.info, or send him a message at www.johnthurman.info

The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

Laughter is a powerful tool that can have long-term positive effects on your health. It can improve your mood, relieve pain and infuse you with hope. Laughter has the power to enhance your autoimmune system and decrease the risk of heart disease. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, help with depression, lower blood pressure, and increase the production of endorphins which make you happy.

Benefits of Laughter:

It connects you with others
It can smooth out differences
It strengthens and promotes resilience
It increases energy and helps your body relax
I can refresh your perspective
It increases productivity

Here is a link to the article

Here are some links to some great laughs!

Michael Jr

Small Fry

Tim Hawkins

Dr. Dennis Swanberg

Chonda Pierce

Ken Davis

Anita Renfroe

Contact John Thurman. john@johnthurman.info or call 505-343-2011

In this episode, you will be able to identify your "Dad style" and learn how to be a better dad using Faith-Friendly Tools.

Dad Types

The Distant or Passive Dad
The Angry, Abusive Dad
The Inconsistent Dad
The Dependent Dad
The Overindulging Dad
The Balanced and Engaged Dad

The Eight Traits of a Growing Christian Dad

They are learning how to love their wife and kids
They are learning to lead their families
They are working on being better communicators
They provide for their families
They actively pursue wisdom and insight on becoming a better man and family leader.
They provide age-appropriate correction and edification to their children
They demonstrate grace by being ready to extend and receive forgiveness
They demonstrate love toward their wife.

Here is the link to the article

Why Dads Are Important

School Achievement. Grades are better when dd is around.
The 3 Rs. The more involved his dad is, the more significant the boy's increase in verbal intelligence and the better both boys' and girls' math and quantitative abilities are.
School Dropout Rates. The more years children spend with no or minimal father involvement, the fewer years of school they complete.
Employment. While boys from two-parent homes are two times more likely to be employed as young adults.
Suicide. Living in a home without a dad correlates more with suicide among children and teenagers than any other factor.
Drugs. Father involvement is at least five times more important in preventing drugs than any other influence. In addition, it is a more potent determining factor than the child's gender, ethnicity, or social class.
Homelessness. Around 90 percent of runaways and homeless youths are from fatherless homes.
Bullying. The American Psychological Association found in its 153 studies that father absence predicts the profile of both the bully and the bullied: poor self-esteem, poor grades, and poor social skills.
Victimization. Children between ten and seventeen living without their biological dad were likelier to be victims of child abuse, significant violence, sexual assault, and domestic violence.
Violent Crimes. Every 1 percent increase in fatherlessness in a neighborhood predicts a 3 percent increase in adolescent violence.
Rape. Among rapists specifically assessed as raping out of anger or rage, 85percent came from father-absent homes.
Power and Mobility. Children born poor and raised by both married parents have an 80 percent chance of moving into the middle class or above; conversely, children born into the middle class and raised without a married dad were almost four times more likely to end up less fortunate.
Trust. The more contact children have with their dads, the more quickly they make open, receptive, and trusting contact with new people in their lives.
Empathy. The amount of time a father spends with a child is one of the strongest predictors of the child’s ability to empathize in adulthood.

[i] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25518696/
Source: The Boy Crisis

Check out the blog

The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

According to the March 1-3, Harris Poll, the annual “Stress in America” survey found that more American adults rated inflation and the Russia-Ukraine situation as major stressors than any other issue in the poll’s entire 15-year history.

American adults reported feeling emotionally overwhelmed and fatigued, with 87% agreeing it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break for the past two years.”

What is the Antidote?
Gratitude is the thankful appreciation of things received, whether tangible or intangible. It helps you and me connect with something outside ourselves, often transcendent and more extensive than we are. Being grateful for people and other blessings makes me more content and helps me rewire my brain to be more optimistic.

Expressing gratitude is probably the most effective way to push fear, anxiety, and sadness out of your mind and replace it with good things.

Here are four benefits of actively expressing gratitude.

Here are the four benefits of actively expressing gratitude

Thankfulness will boost your immune system, helping your body fight off infection.
Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.
A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.
Thankfulness develops resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.

So, what are some gratefulness exercises you can begin today to build your resilience, improve your health, and lower your stress?

Here are five ways you can use gratitude as a powerful stress buster.

Read More

Here are four critical justifications for listening to your wife’s input to accept her influence.

Her insights will most likely give you increased clarity. Women generally are more mindful of details, intuitive concerning the feelings of others, and may be in tune with certain unique aspects of a given situation. Her particular views might add a refreshing richness and depth to your perspective.
Accepting her influence will enhance your wisdom. I honestly wished I’d caught on to this early in our marriage. The Old Testament book of Proverbs is filled with truth about the difference between being a person of wisdom or a “fool.” As you read through the 31 chapters, you will discover a few important themes. One of the primary themes is a willingness to listen. When you and I listen to our wives, we honor her and our Creator, and we grow in wisdom. Disregard her input, and you could be acting like a fool.
Listening to and accepting her influence will enhance multiple levels of intimacy. Connecting through solid communication does for your marriage what breathing does for your body. When your wife is talking with you and sharing her day, she is craving a way to connect with you on multiple levels. Her need for meaningful communication is as strong as your need for sexual intimacy.
When you listen, you are making love to your wife. When you engage or even genuinely attempt to engage with your wife, you let her know she is loved, valued, cherished, and secure. When you can do this, she can feel drawn to you in a more profound way.

Read the entire article

John Thurman M.Div., M.A., LPCC
www.johnthurman.info
john@johnthurman.info
504-343-2011

Get your free copy of Dr. John Gottaman's How to Build Fondness and Admiration by texting the word Admire to 33777.

The ability to accept your spouse’s influence means that you welcome and respect your spouse’s thoughts, ideas, impressions, insights, and feelings. Doing this allows them to help you make decisions that impact you, your family, and your relationship.

When you accept their influence, you acknowledge that your spouse has a valid point of view and that you value it. It demonstrates that you are open-minded and welcome the valuable insight they bring to the marriage. Accepting their advice and influence demonstrates that they are essential, and their input is important, even when we disagree.

Before reviewing the 5 ways to enrich your communications with your wife, let’s take a moment to compare health and unhealthy influence.

First, do a gut check. Are you trying to score a personal victory or come up with a joint resolution?
Second, listen with consideration to your partner’s point of view. After all, the Scripture reminds us:

Third, remember this vital relational point: the more influence you accept, the more influential you become.

Fourth, actively look for ways to say “yes.”

**Fifth, extend grace.

First, do a gut check. Are you trying to score a personal victory or come up with a joint resolution?

Second, listen with consideration to your partner’s point of view. After all, the Scripture reminds us:

My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart:
Be quick to listen but slow to speak.
And be slow to become angry,
for human anger is never
a legitimate tool to promote God’s righteous purpose.

James 1:19 The Passion Translation

Third, remember this vital relational point: the more influence you accept, the more influential you become.

Fourth, actively look for ways to say “yes.”

Fifth, extend grace.*LINK to Article* John Thurman
505-343-2011
john@johnthurman.info**www.johnthurman.info

Respect His judgment
Show Respect for His Abilities
Be Respectful in Communication
Demonstrate Respect in Public

Here is the link to the entire article.

To receive Dr. John Gottman's free resource: How to Build Fondness and Admiration in YOur Relationship just text the word ADMIRE to 33777. Give us your email and we will send you this relationship enriching pdf.

First, love her, honor her, and respect her. The vows used for centuries have stood the test of time because they are correct.

Second, be sexually and emotionally faithful to her.

Third, listen to her without being judgmental.

Fourth, be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as you were during courtship or close to It.

Fifth, be more affectionate.

Sixth, support and nurture her ambitions in and outside the home.

Seventh, try to understand how she is different emotionally.

Eighth, be honest, and always do what you say you will do.

Ninth, share in childcare and domestic work.
Tenth, do what you need to do to make her feel special.

Eleventh, maintain your appearance!

Twelfth, take the initiative and coordinate some “us time” getaways.

Action Plan:

Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day-to-day frustrations.

Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, devotion, loyalty, stability, intelligence, and flexibility.

Be determined to get better at this job of being a husband.

Learn from your mistakes, and don’t get your eyes stuck in the rearview mirror of regrets.

Commit yourself to the mission and responsibilities of your marital job description and reassess your progress as you go along.

For those of you who are Christ-followers, “Love your wife as Christ loves the Church” (Ephesians 5:25).

Link to the article

Want a free guide on how to Build Fondness and Admiration, as well as join my email list?

just text the word ADMIRE to 33777

Blessings,
John
www:johnthurman.info
Office: 505-343-2011

One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.

Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?

1. Women need love.2. Women are emotional.3. Women want security.4. She doesn’t want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen.
5. “She doesn’t want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me.”
6. She wants to look attractive.Click here for the entire article Feel free to contact me:505=343-2011. email john@johnthurman.info

Marriage is many things, but it is not a Hallmark movie. Whatever romantic notions we might have, real-life always involves more than an hour and a half of easily-resolved conflicts amid harvest festivals or Christmas baking contests. Marriage is both glorious and challenging. A marriage can be a place of burning passion, extreme joy, and strength, and it can also be blood, sweat, and tears. There are seasons of humbling defeats and exhilarating victories. I should know—my wife and I cross the 50th Anniversary mark this August!

Let’s face it, very few movies or television shows reveal the reality of marriage. It’s a mystery.

I think the Apostle Paul hit the nail on the head in the New Testament book of Ephesians.

Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty,

a great mystery of Christ and his church.

Eph 5:32 TPT (emphasis mine)

C.S. Lewis provides some deeper understanding in his book, The Four Loves:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Marriage is two flawed individuals coming together to create a space of stability, love, comfort, and support: a haven in a heartless world.

As an individual with fifty years of experience in my first marriage and as a therapist and relationship coach, I believe when a couple accepts this reality, it enhances their hope, expectations, and faith.

The hard truth is we are all broken, and no one is genuinely compatible with marriage. Furthermore, any two people who enter marriage are spiritually broken, which among other things, means they are intrinsically self-centered.

Timothy Keller clarifies the significance of true love:

“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.”

CHECK OUT THE ENTIRE ARTICLE>

Americans are facing epic shifts in inflation and an unprecedented rise in gas prices!
Researchers with the American Psychological Association report an 80% increase in stress and anxiety due to the current worldwide crisis with the Russian unfounded invasion of Ukraine.

The Scriptures teach us to "cast all of our fear and anxiety on the Lord." 1 Peter 5:7

In today's show, I reveal how to reframe FEAR and Anxiety by using a proven method that comes from my Cognitive Behavior Therapy training and finding ways to blend biblical principles with modern psychology. So much of our anxiety and fear can be managed and defeated by using existing, proven tools and biblical resources.

One of my former teachers you to say that fear means Forget Everything And Run

My Mneumonic for FEAR, which is more of a resilience response is
Face
Everything
And
Rise

How will you face fear?

Here is a link to the article.

Do you have 14 minutes to learn a new skill? You can access my free training by simply texting the word Brain Tricks to 33777. You will be prompted to enter your email, once confirmed you will receive a link to the mini-class.

Check my books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No Fear Entrepreneur

The No Fear Entrepreneur

Get a Grip on Depression

3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and Anxiety

Change Your Perspective On Fear

Fear is only harmful if you think it is. Fear is a natural process that, if left unchecked, will cause us to live timid, restricted lives. Truthfully, in life, there is zero growth without risk. So instead of pushing back fear as an all-consuming, nerve-racking experience, see it as an adventure, a journey that will take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new life, bringing a sense of joy and adventure. If you have ever conquered a fear, you know it can be exhilarating. So why not try to scare yourself just a little today? You might like the outcome.

Adjust Your Perspective On Risk

The honest taproot for many of our fears about trying something new is the possibility of failure. What if I get rejected? What if I lose? Well, you could. But you will never know until you try. If you don't take the risk, you are guaranteed to fail.

Maybe it’s time for you to update your risk criteria.

Act with Courage

Teddy Roosevelt put it this way: “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”[ii] Read the article

For more information on John's Counseling and Worklife Consulting go to: www.johnthurman.info

For information about Resilient Solutions International, click here

Check out John's Books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No-Fear Entrepreneur

The No Fear Entrepreneur

Get a Grip on Depression

The Rise of Anxiety and Depression in Adults

The rates of depression and anxiety among U.S. adults skyrocketed alarmingly to about four times higher between April 2020 and August 2021 from 2019.

Anxiety: 7.4-8.6%, January-December 2019

28.2-37.2%, April 2020-August 2021[i]

Depression: 5.9-7.5%, January-December 2019

20.2-31.1%, April 2020-August 2022[ii]

While this article is primarily concerned with adults, there are some sobering statistics about young people as well. Take a minute to read these articles about how you can help kids:

Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus published by Focus on the Family.

Young People Hit Hardest By Loneliness And Depression During Covid-19 from Forbes.

Nine Ways to Practice Self-Care1. Get your horizontal and vertical relationships in order. The quote from Jesus I mentioned earlier pretty much sums it up. First, love God, and out of that love of God will come to the love of self and then love of others.

Remember, we must all constantly fight the inner poser. We all feel like fakes and frauds from time to time. When you find you’re beating yourself up, calling yourself names, rehearsing old hurts, telling yourself you are a loser or suffering from the paralysis of analysis, stop. Everybody struggles with this from time to time. It’s part of being human. They are just thoughts. You always have a choice to give them a place in your brain and heart or to dismiss them.*

Here is a simple truth, there are only two types of people, ones with issues and those that pretend like they don’t have any. Remember, God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember to let that thought help you fight the inner poser.

Be a buddy to yourself.
Move more!
Use your meals as an act of self-care.
Get the rest your body needs.
Have a time of stillness and quietness in the morning.
Limit your Screen Time and Your News Intake.
Ask for some help.

Read the article

With Valentine’s just around the corner I wanted to talk about one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that is that real lovers appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that the way to have a resilient relationship is to turn towards each other.
Differences are part of what initially draws us to our partners. Have you ever noticed how a talkative, engaging extrovert could be attracted to a quiet, reflective introvert? How about someone cautious being drawn to someone filled with confidence?

While this is the case in so many relationships, these differences often become distractions down the road. Those cute nuances can move from appealing to appalling. Those same differences that first attracted you to one another can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and even alienation as time passes.

Here are some examples:

Planners vs. Flexers:Planners are individuals who love organization and structure. If you were to look into their cupboard, things would be organized because everything has a place.

Flexers, on the other hand, tend to be more malleable, able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of life quickly.

Read more...

Does the name Steve Martin ring a bell? Performer, comedian, movie star, Saturday Night Live Alum, respected banjo player, father, husband, and author of autobiography Born Standing Up. (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend it.) Read the Article
Here is a general idea of where the magic is.

If a person believes there is a reasonable chance of making their dream happen and they have a sincere desire to make it happen, three things occur:

1. Their focus becomes very narrow.

2. Distractions begin to fade as the goal becomes more evident. (However, sometimes they start to pull away from some relationships for a season.)

3. They zero in on activities that lead to the changes they long for. As they make progress—honing their skill set or craft or muscle tone, whatever—they look for the next challenge that is “just manageable.” They find the next task that is difficult but doable on the way to their dream. Victory is not guaranteed, but it is possible as the individual does what they can from where they are to make it happen.

John Thurman

Counseling, WorkLife Consulting. www.johnthurman.info
505 343-2011
email: john@johnthurman.info

Sobering Facts About Thoughts

Here are some fascinating statistics from a study done in 2020.

According to this insightful study, humans average around 6,200 thoughts a day, and they tend to be on the negative side for most of us. No wonder you and I seem to be in a constant state of dealing with damaging “thought worms!”

I love the way Tommy Newberry puts it in his book, The 4:8 Principle.

“The secret conversations you hold in the privacy of your own mind are shaping your destiny, little by little. With every thought that races through your mind, you are continually reinventing yourself and your future. This is either good or bad news because every thought moves you either toward your God-given potential or away from it. No thoughts are neutral.”

If you want to see a significant shift in old habits, change your thoughts and change your life, give these tools a try.

**Tip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.

Tip # 2 Stop comparing yourself to others.

Tip # 3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.

Tip # 4 – Build up others.**Here is the link to the article.

Why do New Year’s Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.

3 Reasons they fail:

First, we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.

Second, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.

Third, we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.

4 Barriers:

Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don’t deserve or don’t have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.

Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It’s the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience success, I might leave others behind, which would be wrong.”

Barrier # 3 — A belief that positive life change and success bring a more immense burden.

Barrier # 4 — The fear of outshining others or, as some of our mothers used to say, “Acting too big for your britches.”

3 Questions or an outline of an After Action Report

Question # 1 – What did I do right in 2021? Think about this in the context of personal growth, business/professional development, relationships, and spiritual growth. NOTE: Make sure your positives outnumber your negatives!

Question # 2 – What did I do wrong in 2021? Be brutally honest with yourself, but don’t get involved in self-flagellation or excessive self-criticism. Remember, do your best to ensure that your positives outweigh your negatives.

Question # 3 – What can I do better in 2022? Be crystal clear here. The main reason most people fail to meet any of their New Year’s Resolutions is that they are too broad, too generalized, and have no measurable outcomes attached to them.

Jon Acuff's suggestions:

Ninety days from now I will have ______________________________________________.
This sounds impossible, but I want to _____________________________________ this year.
This is weird, but I want to _____________________________________ in 2022.

Here is a link to the article and Jon Acuff's links to his book and YouTube.

10 Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief

*Note: Because grief is intensely personal and unique, you may or may not experience any of these. If you feel that your grief is manifesting in a different way or that you need to talk to someone, then don’t delay.

Be prepared for some sad moments or memories. You don’t need to be looking for them, but when and if they show up, give them the time you need to process them.
If you are worried about having too much time to overthink your losses, fill some of your empty holiday holes with good things.
Honor and celebrate old traditions and memories.

4 Be intentional about creating new traditions and memories.

Identify and expand your best coping skills.
Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.
Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.
Have “reasonable expectations” of yourself. How do you think you are doing? How are you feeling? Based on what you know about grief, are you in an ok place? If you are in doubt, ask a friend.
Be sure to set boundaries on your time, expectations, and activities. Be busy but not distracted.
If you need help, get it. Reach out to friends, family, ministry leaders, therapists, online resources, and Crisis Lines if required.

Here is a link to the entire article.

Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard

**Joy Stealing Trap #1 - Bitterness

Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Perfectionism

Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Shame**

Joy Stealing Trap #4 - AnxietyHere is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays

Here are the 5 ways:

Jot down your joys
Count blessing instead of sheep
Stop and Savor
Smile
Give

Here is a link to the article

john@johnthurman.info
505-343-2011

Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.

Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.
Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.
A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.
A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.
Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.
Extending grace to others makes you more likable.
Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.
Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.
Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.

Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.

Here is a link to the entire post

While we cannot make all anxiety and stress go away, we can do some practical things to Reduce Stress, Resist anxiety, and Build Resilience.

With that in mind, here are 25 Practical Ways to Lower Your Stress Today!

Here is a link to the article.

A more recent survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, taken from May 26 through June 7, 2021, revealed that nearly three out of ten adults in the U.S. (28.8%) reported anxiety or depressive disorder symptoms in the past seven days. However, the percentage is almost 60% for those with a disability.

The survey shows that 20.6% of U.S. adults took prescription medication for mental health, and 9.5% received counseling or therapy in the last four weeks.

But there is hope. Later in this piece, I will give you some tools to lower the toxic impact of the accumulated stress of these past twenty months.

First, there are two types of stress.

Eustress is the positive stress response involving optimal levels of stimulation—a type of stress that results from challenging but surmountable and enjoyable or worthwhile tasks.[5] It has a beneficial effect by generating a sense of fulfillment or achievement and facilitating growth, development, mastery, and a high level of performance.

Distress is the negative stress response, often involving negative affect and physiological reactivity—a type of stress resulting from being overwhelmed by demands, losses, and real or perceived threats.[6] It has a detrimental effect by generating physical and psychological maladaptation and posing serious health risks for individuals.

The Two Ancient Practices to lower stress and anxiety are Mindfulness/meditation and relaxation breathing to review a peaceful mindset piece of Scripture.

For this exercise, we will be using a verse from John 14:27 in the Amplified Bible,

“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge]” (John 14:27 AMP).

Here is a link to the blog
Here is a link to my Free Mini-Seminar on November 10th from 9:00 - 9:30 am MT.

Humor and lightheartedness can dramatically improve both your mental and physical health, but did you know it can significantly enhance your marriage.

Here are six things that humor can do for your relationship.

Links you to others.
Helps smooth over differences.
Develops resilience.
Increases energy and relaxes at the same time.

5. Renews perspective.

6. Increases creativity.

Here is the link to Lighten Up! 6 Benefits of Humor in Your Marriage

For fun, here are a couple of links to other articles that used this as a part of their articles on relationships:

6 Things a Partner May Do That Can Prove They are the Right One This is an excellent article from Working Woman.

16 Signs You Married the Right Person by John Rampton

Be sure to check out Dr. Charles Lowery’s video Lover or Loser,

Action Plan:

I help couples enhance their communications and enrich their intimacy by sharing faith-friendly, resilience-based principles.

To learn more, just check out www.johnthurman.info. Please take advantage of a free consult by emailing me john@johnthurman.info or calling me and leaving a message @ 505-343-2011. I will get back to you usually within 24 hours. From there, we can set up a time to talk either on the phone or via Facetime or Duo.

Would you like a free copy of my ebook, 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage? All you need to do is text the phrase 21ways to 33777.

Marital Conflict is Inevitable. But Marital Combat is Optional.

The key to any fight is to maintain control. No, not of the other person. Control of yourself. You do not have the right to be immature, childish, or abusive. On the other hand, if you have legitimate feelings and issues, you are absolutely entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.)

Here are 10 things you can do to Reduce Stress and Conflict in Your Marriage.

1. Make it private and keep it private.

2. Deal with the issue at hand.

3. Stay in the room emotionally. Never allow it to get physical!

4. Eliminate “You never” and “You always.”

5. Avoid character assassination like the plague.

6. Avoid “mind reading.”

7. Stay on task.

8. Be proportional in your intensity.

9. Commit yourself to openness, honesty, and acceptance.

**10. Allow yourself and your partner to retreat and/or regroup with dignity.

Need help? Call and leave a message 505-343-2011 or email me john@johnthurman.info**

Download my free ebook 21 Ways to Improve your Marriage by texting 21ways to 33777.

Here is the link to the entire article

Did you know that 69% of your problems as a couple are unsolvable!

Here are the 3 types of problems couples face:

1. Solvable ones

2. Perpetual, unsolvable ones

3, Corrosive, gridlocked ones

Here are 9 Ways to Solve Relationship Problems

1. Awareness — work on conversations about your solvable, unsolvable, and possible gridlock problems.

2. Keep an open mind as the two of you look consider the types of problems couples face.

3. Please DO NOT try to change the other person.

4. Grow in understanding your partner. After all, you are pretty quirky, so learn to appreciate their quirkiness.

5. Pick the sword you are going to fall on. In other words, Pick You Battles carefully.

6. Fight fair.

7. Learn to communicate clearly and directly.

8. Remember that not all problems are solvable.

9. Pray. It can't hurt, and who knows, it might help.

Here is a link to my blog by the same title

I'd love to get your feedback, so feel free to leave a comment.

1.He knows he can be himself without being judged or criticized. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than unnecessary criticism and being talked down to. Instead, look to encourage and build up.

2.He smiles a lot. He feels that you notice him and appreciate all he does for you and that you do not take him for granted. He feels seen and known, not like being compared to characters on the Hallmark Channel or Virgin River.

3.He realizes you love and accept him for who he is, but he also knows that you will lovingly confront where necessary. He knows that your love is the "real deal" and respects it because he sees it is not based on submissive compliance but a loving choice.

4.He likes that you care about looking attractive in your own personal way. Of course, he doesn't expect you to look like someone you aren’t, but seeing that you care about your appearance makes him feel you value yourself and your relationship with him.

5.He understands that you desire him because of how desire is expressed through physical intimacy. Most men want a wife who loves physical intimacy.

6.He likes to be at home, partially because he feels respected and admired there. There is no love outside of respect. Feeling the admiration and respect of the one you love boosts self-esteem, increases intimacy, and promotes communication and passion.

7.He speaks highly of you. Most men do love to talk about their wives to friends, family, and coworkers.

8.He rarely or never feels belittled, berated, or humiliated by you. While we as men like to think that we have it all together, we don’t. One of the ways you can build your man up is to edify, comfort, and encourage, rather than tearing him down.

9.He sees that you do not hold on to grudges, keep score, or consistently feel victimized by life. It helps your relationship develop flexibility and adaptability and retains the possibility of a rewarding future intact.

10.He is faithful to the vows he made to you in both word and deed.

11.He seeks you for comfort and consolation. When your husband chooses to share his problems with you, it is an excellent indicator that he is happy with you even when feeling discouraged and vulnerable.

Here is the link to the article

Here is the link to my Resilient Solutions Shortcast.

One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.

Here they are:

Be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as you were during courtship (or close to it).
Show her respect.
Be more affectionate.
Understand it is okay if she processes things differently than you.
Support and nurture her ambitions inside and outside the home.
Try to understand how she is different emotionally.
Be honest at all times and always do what you say you will do.
Share in childcare and domestic work.
Help her feel special. Find ways to build her up.
Maintain your appearance!
Plan some “us time” getaways.
Learn ways to maintain romance and specialness in your relationship.

Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day-to-day frustrations.

Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, devotion, loyalty, stability, intelligence, and flexibility.

Be determined to get better at this job of being a husband.

Learn from your mistakes, and don't get your eyes stuck in the rearview mirror of regrets.

Commit yourself to the mission and responsibilities of your marital job description and reassess your progress as you go along.

Next Steps

I help couples enhance their communications and enrich their intimacy by sharing faith-friendly, resilience-based principles.

To learn more just check out www.johnthurman.info. Take advantage of a free consult by emailing me john@johnthurman.info, or calling me and leaving me a message @ 505-343-2011. I will get back to you usually within 24 hours. From there we can set up time to talk either on the phone or via Facetime or Duo.

What is intimacy? One definition of intimacy is an act or familiar expression serving as a token of congeniality, affection, and love. Another is a close or detailed knowledge of a person.

One of the foundational principles of building and repairing a relationship is to understand the foundations of intimacy. It is not about technique, positions, or power but about getting to know someone deeply.

Marital intimacy is about seeing into your mate's heart, soul, and mind and learning to connect with them on multiple levels.

Listen to the word intimacy slowly spoken. Intimacy. “Into-me-see.” Since true intimacy is learning to experience, you must learn to lean into your partner.

To experience this kind of intense relationship, you need to understand both sides of an intimate connection and grow to a new level of purpose and passion. These different levels of connection reflect the differences between a short-term view of relationship, where romance is the primary goal, and a long-term view of marriage, where learning to connect through the realities of daily life joins alongside romance to build intensity, regardless of the circumstances. You need both sides to make your relationship go the distance from short-term infatuation to creating long-term success in your marriage.

When we miss that long-term view, when we limit intimacy to the purely physical, we lose some of its critical components.

Breakthrough research shows there are at least six different areas of intimacy.
1. Emotional Intimacy
2. Intellectual Intimacy
3. Recreational Intimacy
4. Social Intimacy
5. Spiritual Intimacy
6. Physical Intimacy

Take a moment and grade yourself in each area, then ask your partner to do the same.

I hope your life and relationship will be enriched by this podcast. For more information or to set up a free consultation email me john@johnthurman.info

To read the 6 Layers of Intimacy article on my blog

Are you looking for ways to rapidly enrich your marriage?

In this week's podcast, John Thurman shares secrets that he has discovered in over 49 years of marriage and over 55,000 hours in the people-helping business.

1 Demonstrate empathy

2 Catch your partner doing the right things

3 Express love in meaningful ways (check out the free love languages test)

4 Take a timeout when you need to.

Check out this article on my blog

If you need some

You can build a resilient relationship and lower toxic stress by initiating one simple action!

Two simple Secrets for Success

Being Intentional.

Intentional means you are deliberate, calculated, intended, conscious, willful, or purposeful. No matter what you pursue in life it must be intentional and purposeful.

Being diligent.

Diligence is a learnable skill that combines creative persistence, a smart-working effort properly planned and rightly performed in a timely, efficient, ethical, and effective manner to attain a pure result and of the highest quality of excellence.

Based on the book of Proverbs here are some benefits of being intentional and Diligent.

You will gain an advantage other do not have.

In anything, would you rather have a substantial advantage or a permanent handicap? King Solomon assures us that diligence will gain an insurmountable advantage over those who are not. He says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage.” (Proverbs 21:5). Applying this to our fears means we can learn to turn our fears away from things that steal our energy into thoughts that can propel us forward.

***You will be in control of the situation (fear) rather than have the situation (fear) control you.

You will experience true fulfillment.**Your needs will be satisfied.****You will experience ever-increasing success.

Your efforts will be profitable.***

If you want more be sure to get a copy of my book The No-Fear Entrepreneur which is available on Kindle, Audible, or paperback at Amazon.

To read my blog: 2 Secrets Discovered in Ancient Text!

The No Fear Entrepreneur

It is amazing how many allow the fear of success to keep them from going after their dreams, creating their next creative project, or taking that next step. In today's short cast I will give you three proven steps you can take to move through the fear of success.

Here are three reasons people fear success. This is from the research I did for my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur a few years ago.

The fear of appearing to be unspiritual.
The fear of standing out.
The fear of change.

To read the entire post click the link How to Restrain the Fear of Success

If you'd like more information or would like to set up a free consultation call me at 505-343-2011 or contact me through my website www.johnthurman.info

The No Fear Entrepreneur

The fear of criticism is a subtle and seductive fear that will hold you back from reaching your potential if you let it. This shortcast will show you 6 Tactics to Crush Criticiam

This week's podcast is an expansion of last week's introduction to 10 Ways to Defeat the Fear of Failure

Embrace your humanity by recognizing and accepting your emotions. The simple truth is that sometimes life sucks, and sometimes we fail.
Please don’t take or make it personal. The following quote is a line from Rudyard Kipling’s poem If, “If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same…”
Don’t be overly concerned about what others think. Honestly, they don’t care.
Maintain an internal focus of control. Our reactions to stress, tough times, change, and other adverse events depend on our inner resources.
And while we do not have any control over these external circumstances, we are responsible for our response to them.
Stay flexible. If you refuse to be flexible, you can become broken.
Maintain a support system, and we all need a system or systems that provide:
1. Emotional Support – empathy, love, and trust
2. Instrumental – tangible aid and service
3. Informational – advice, suggestions, and info
4. Appraisal – info that is useful for self-evaluation
Laugh deeply and often. Humor, laughter, and joy have a powerful effect on health and well-being. It alleviates tension and stress, boosts the mood, raises creativity, and provides a prodigious, drug-free energy boost.
Demonstrate “self-efficacy.” Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a particular situation. Psychologist Albert Bandura described these beliefs as determinants of how people think, behave, and feel.
Learn to develop your spiritual muscles. Let your faith grow.

Interested in a free consultation? Call me 505-343-2011
www.johnthurman.info

Research tells us that there are 4 key factors in moving through the pandemic and into the emerging "new normal."

Resilient Leaders demonstrate 5 common traits in a crisis. In addition, they engage in at least 4 activities as they lead their teams through tough times.

Resilient people have at least 10 traits that are consistent across most cultures. How many do you have.

The top two traits of resilient people, Optimism, and the ability to experience post-traumatic growth.