Gary Gripes: Recent Episodes
Gary Crow
Gary Gripes is not for whiners or complainers. Actually, whining and complaining are among my most annoying gripes. If you have a gripe, please just Stand Up, Speak Up, Shut Up and Sit Down.Don’t whine and dilly dally. Just say what’s got your shorts in a twist and stop. Even better, say what you have to say and then be brief and clear about what you think should change and how. Whether I agree or not, I will get it, I understand your gripe.Gary Gripes is my place to gripe and yours too, if you want to Stand Up, Speak Up, Shut Up and Sit down. Just send your gripe to Gary@GaryGripes.com. If I don’t think it is way too outrageous, I will copy and paste it into a post on GaryGripes.com.Thanks for scanning the pitch. I hope you stick around for my version of the gripe game.
Communication is an essential skill set in today’s complex and fast-moving world, where there is too much information and misinformation. If you don’t communicate clearly and effectively, you risk being misinterpreted, overlooked, or even undermined by others. You may lose opportunities, clients, or credibility.But communication is not a single skill. Different situations need different styles, methods, and techniques. For example, how you communicate with your manager may differ from how you communicate with your colleagues, your staff, or your customers. How you communicate in a meeting may differ from how you communicate in an email, a phone call, or a presentation. How you communicate in a crisis may differ from how you communicate in a normal situation.To master the art of communication, you need to learn how to adjust your communication style to different situations and audiences, how to select the best medium and message for your goal, how to listen actively and empathetically, how to give and get feedback, how to deal with conflict and hard conversations, how to convince and motivate others, and how to communicate with confidence and professionalism.To communicate effectively in different situations, you need to pay attention to the following factors:Your goal: What do you want to achieve by communicating? Do you want to inform, persuade, motivate, inspire, or entertain? Your goal will shape your message, your tone, and your delivery method.Your audience: Who are you communicating with? What are their needs, interests, expectations, and preferences? How much do they know about the topic? How will they respond to your message? Your audience will determine your level of formality, your language choice, and your communication style.Your situation: What is the setting or environment in which you are communicating? How formal or informal is it? How urgent or important is it? How much time and space do you have? Your situation will influence your communication channel, your medium, and your format.For example, suppose you want to communicate a new policy change to your team. Depending on the factors above, you may choose different ways to communicate:If your goal is to inform your team of the details and reasons of the policy change, your audience is familiar with the topic and open to the change, and your situation is a regular team meeting, you may choose to communicate verbally in a clear and concise way, using examples and explanations to illustrate your points.If your goal is to persuade your team of the advantages and necessity of the policy change, your audience is doubtful or opposed to the change, and your situation is a written report, you may choose to communicate in a logical and persuasive way, using facts and evidence to back up your arguments, and addressing possible objections and concerns.If your goal is to motivate your team to carry out the policy change, your audience is diverse and varied in their knowledge and attitude, and your situation is a presentation, you may choose to communicate in an emotional and inspirational way, using stories and anecdotes to relate to your audience, and emphasizing the positive outcomes and rewards of the change.As you can see, communication is not a simple task, but a complex and dynamic process that requires careful planning, preparation, and execution. By mastering the art of communication, you can achieve your goals, build your relationships, and improve your results.
Communication Style One of the key factors that affects how you communicate is your communication style. Your communication style is the way you express yourself, interact with others, and behave in different situations. Your communication style reflects your personality, your preferences, and your emotions.
There are many ways to categorize communication styles, but one common model is based on four dimensions: assertiveness, responsiveness, structure, and openness. Assertiveness is how direct and confident you are in expressing your opinions and needs. Responsiveness is how attentive and empathetic you are to the feelings and reactions of others. Structure is how organized and detailed you are in presenting your information and arguments. Openness is how willing and comfortable you are in sharing your thoughts and feelings with others.
Based on these dimensions, there are four main communication styles: analytical, driver, amiable, and expressive.
Analytical communicators are high in structure and low in responsiveness. They prefer facts, data, and logic over emotions, opinions, and personal stories. They communicate in a clear, concise, and objective way, using precise language and numbers. They value accuracy, consistency, and reliability. They tend to be critical, rational, and cautious. They may come across as cold, distant, or aloof.
Driver communicators are high in assertiveness and low in openness. They prefer action, results, and solutions over discussions, explanations, and feedback. They communicate in a direct, confident, and decisive way, using strong language and commands. They value efficiency, productivity, and performance. They tend to be dominant, ambitious, and competitive. They may come across as aggressive, impatient, or insensitive.
Amiable communicators are high in responsiveness and low in assertiveness. They prefer relationships, cooperation, and harmony over conflict, competition, and confrontation. They communicate in a warm, friendly, and supportive way, using polite language and gestures. They value trust, rapport, and loyalty. They tend to be cooperative, agreeable, and accommodating. They may come across as timid, passive, or dependent.
Expressive communicators are high in openness and low in structure. They prefer creativity, enthusiasm, and excitement over routine, order, and rules. They communicate in a lively, colorful, and emotional way, using vivid language and stories. They value recognition, inspiration, and innovation. They tend to be spontaneous, optimistic, and adventurous. They may come across as impulsive, unrealistic, or dramatic.
By understanding your own and others’ communication styles, you can adapt your style to different situations and audiences, and improve your communication effectiveness. For example, if you are an analytical communicator and you want to communicate with an expressive communicator, you may need to add more emotions, opinions, and personal stories to your message, and use more expressive language and gestures. If you are an expressive communicator and you want to communicate with an analytical communicator, you may need to add more facts, data, and logic to your message, and use more precise language and numbers.
Communication is a vital skill for your career success. Communication is not just about sharing information, but also about building rapport, influencing others, and establishing trust. Communication can affect your reputation, your efficiency, and your outcomes.Conclusion
Communication is a vital skill in today’s world, but it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. To communicate effectively, you need to adapt your communication style to different situations and audiences, and choose the best medium and message for your goal. You also need to listen actively and empathetically, give and get feedback, deal with conflict and hard conversations, convince and motivate others, and communicate with confidence and professionalism. By mastering the art of communication, you can achieve your goals, build your relationships, and improve your results.
To improve your communication skills, you can start by assessing your own communication style and identifying your strengths and areas for improvement. You can also seek feedback from others and learn from their perspectives and experiences. You can practice your communication skills in various settings and scenarios, and observe how others communicate effectively. You can also read books, articles, or blogs on communication, or take courses or workshops to enhance your knowledge and skills.
Communication is a lifelong learning process that can enrich your personal and professional life. By following the tips and guidelines in this article, you can become a better communicator and a more successful leader. Don’t wait, start communicating more effectively today!
A Guide to Making the Right Decision — Learn how to weigh the pros and cons of leaving your current job and find out what factors to consider before making a move.
Why You Might Want to Quit Your Job There are many reasons why you might feel unhappy or dissatisfied with your current job. Maybe you are bored, stressed, underpaid, overworked, or unappreciated. Maybe you have a toxic boss, a hostile work environment, or a lack of career growth opportunities. Maybe you have a passion or a dream that you want to pursue outside of your current field. Whatever the reason, you might be tempted to quit your job and look for something better.
Why You Might Want to Stay in Your Job However, quitting your job is not always the best solution. There are also many benefits and advantages of staying in your current job, especially if you have a stable income, a good reputation, a supportive network, or a valuable skill set. Quitting your job might mean losing these benefits and facing new challenges, such as finding a new job, adjusting to a new work culture, learning new skills, or dealing with financial insecurity. Therefore, before you quit your job, you should consider the potential risks and consequences of leaving your current position.
– Do a SWOT analysis of your current job and potential alternatives. A SWOT analysis is a tool that helps you identify the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of a situation. You can use it to evaluate your current job and compare it with other options. For example, you can list the advantages and disadvantages of staying or leaving, the possible outcomes and risks of each choice, and the factors that influence your decision.
– Make a list of your values, interests, and skills. Sometimes, quitting your job is not only a matter of money or satisfaction, but also a matter of alignment with your personal and professional goals. You can use a list of your values, interests, and skills to assess how well your current job matches your preferences and aspirations. For example, you can ask yourself questions like: What are the most important things for me in a job? What do I enjoy doing and what do I want to learn? What are my strengths and areas of improvement?
– Consider the timing and consequences of quitting your job. Quitting your job can have an impact on your financial situation, your career prospects, your relationships, and your health. Therefore, you should consider the timing and consequences of quitting your job before you make a final decision. For example, you can think about: How long will it take to find a new job? How will quitting affect my income, expenses, and savings? How will quitting affect my reputation, network, and references? How will quitting affect my family, friends, and colleagues? How will quitting affect my mental and physical well-being?
– Seek alternative solutions to quitting your job. Sometimes, quitting your job is not the only or the best option to improve your situation. There may be other ways to address the issues or problems that are making you unhappy or dissatisfied. Therefore, you should seek alternative solutions to quitting your job before you decide to leave. For example, you can try to: Change your attitude or perspective towards your job. Find ways to cope with stress, boredom, or frustration. Seek new challenges, responsibilities, or projects. Look for opportunities to grow, learn, or advance. Request a transfer, a relocation, or a sabbatical. Take a break, a vacation, or a leave of absence.
How to Decide Whether to Quit or Stay The decision to quit or stay in your job is a personal one that depends on your individual goals, values, and circumstances. However, there are some steps you can take to help you make a more informed and rational decision. Here are some tips to help you decide whether to quit or stay in your job:
•Make a list of the pros and cons of quitting and staying in your job. Be honest and realistic about the benefits and drawbacks of each option.
•Assess your financial situation and your career goals. How much savings do you have? How long can you afford to be without a job? What kind of job do you want to have next? How easy or hard will it be to find a new job in your desired field?
•Seek feedback and advice from trusted people, such as your family, friends, mentors, or colleagues. They might have a different perspective or insight that can help you see things more clearly.
•Explore your alternatives and opportunities. Do some research on the job market and the industry you are interested in. Look for job openings, network with people, or take some courses or workshops to enhance your skills and qualifications.
•Communicate with your employer and try to resolve any issues or problems that are making you unhappy. Maybe you can negotiate a raise, a promotion, a flexible schedule, or a different role. Maybe you can ask for more feedback, support, or recognition. Maybe you can find a mentor, a coach, or a counselor to help you cope with stress, burnout, or conflict.
Conclusion Quitting your job is a big decision that should not be taken lightly. It can have a significant impact on your personal and professional life. Therefore, before you quit your job, you should weigh the pros and cons of leaving and staying, assess your situation and goals, seek feedback and advice, explore your options, and communicate with your employer. By doing so, you can make a more confident and smart decision that will benefit you in the long run.
Have you ever given any thought to how guide dogs for the blind are trained? This episode of the podcast explains the four primary stages of the two-year process. It is audio only, so please press play and learn.
The Other Other Candidate is a political discussion with a twist that is best experienced. Just press play and listen.
Consider this argument reduced here to three chapters. It has been going on for days and weeks in long form and is condensed here to highlight the conflict.
We have two intelligent, well informed people who grew up together but who have developed irreconcilable and opposing world views and political positions. They represent what we know as polarizing views. They each are committed to their perspective and see no compromise or middle ground.
Chapter One “You can’t be serious, Jake. You’re voting for Smith?” Lisa asked incredulously, staring at her brother across a table at their neighborhood coffee house.
“Yes, I am. And you should too, if you care about freedom and personal responsibility,” Jake replied, his voice rising.
“Freedom? Responsibility? Smith is a selfish, greedy, and corrupt politician who only cares about himself and his cronies. He wants to cut taxes for the rich, slash social programs, and deregulate everything.
“That’s a bunch of lies, Lisa. Smith is a visionary leader who understands that the best way to grow the economy and create opportunities is to let people keep more of their hard-earned money, reduce government interference, and unleash the power of the free market. He respects the Constitution, the rule of law, and the rights of the individual. He’s the only one who can stand up to the global threats and defend our national interests,” Jake countered, his eyes flashing.
Chapter Two “You’re living in a fantasy world, Jake. The free market is a myth. It’s rigged by the corporations and the billionaires who exploit the workers, the consumers, and the natural resources. They pollute the air, the water, and the land, and they don’t pay their fair share of taxes. They buy off the politicians and the media, and they spread misinformation and propaganda. They’re the ones who are threatening our democracy and our security,” Lisa said, her voice trembling.
“You’re the one who’s deluded, Lisa. The corporations and the billionaires are the ones who create jobs, innovation, and wealth. They’re the ones who invest in research, development, and education. They’re the ones who support charities, the arts, and culture. They’re the ones who are making the world a better place. They’re the ones who deserve our gratitude and admiration, not our envy and resentment,” Jake said, his voice firm.
“How can you be so blind, Jake? Don’t you see the inequality, the injustice, and the suffering that Smith’s policies will cause? Don’t you care about the common good, social welfare, and human dignity? Don’t you value the community, solidarity, and cooperation? Don’t you believe in government, democracy, and public service?” Lisa asked, her voice pleading.
“How can you be so naive, Lisa? Don’t you see the inefficiency, the waste, and the corruption that Jones’s policies will cause? Don’t you care about individual liberty, personal choice, and moral autonomy? Don’t you value competition, merit, and achievement? Don’t you believe in the market, personal freedom, and self-reliance?” Jake asked, his voice challenging.
Chapter Three “We’re not going to agree on this, Jake. You’re too stubborn and too brainwashed. You’ve been listening to too much Fox News and too many right-wing podcasts. You’ve been reading too many conservative books and too many libertarian blogs. You’ve been influenced by too many of your friends and too many of your colleagues. You’ve lost your sense of reality and your sense of compassion,” Lisa said, her voice sad.
“We’re not going to agree on this, Lisa. You’re too gullible and too indoctrinated. You’ve been watching too much CNN and too many left-wing documentaries. You’ve been reading too many progressive magazines and too many socialist newsletters. You’ve been influenced by too many of your professors and too many of your activist friends. You’ve lost your sense of logic and your sense of justice,” Jake said, his voice bitter.
“I guess there’s nothing more to say, Jake. You’re my brother and I love you, but I can’t respect your choice. I can’t understand your reasoning. I can’t accept your values. I can’t support your candidate. I hope you’ll change your mind before it’s too late. I hope you’ll see the truth before it’s too late. I hope you’ll vote for Jones before it’s too late,” Lisa said, her voice hopeful.
“I guess there’s nothing more to say, Lisa. You’re my sister and I love you, but I can’t respect your choice. I can’t understand your reasoning. I can’t accept your values. I can’t support your candidate. I hope you’ll change your mind before it’s too late. I hope you’ll see the truth before it’s too late. I hope you’ll vote for Smith before it’s too late,” Jake said, his voice hopeful.
Here’s Your Assignment Start by assuming that both Jake and Lisa are mostly right. You can’t just discount most of what they say by arguing that some of what they say doesn’t ring true for you.
For example, Jake values freedom and personal responsibility. We can likely assume that Lisa cares about those as well. Lisa sees the inequality, the injustice, and the suffering and values reducing those conditions if not eliminating them. We can assume that Jake agrees that the community would be a better place if those conditions were lessened. We likely agree that both Jake and Lisa have a point about the strengths and weaknesses of many if not most large corporations and billionaires.
We also can understand that there is real risk if things swing too far beyond either Jake’s or Lisa’s position. Too much government and control risks suppressing innovation and individual opportunity while too little government and regulation risks chaos on the one hand or a winners take all and losers be damned mentality on the other hand. Neither extreme bodes well for our communities, states, nation, or world.
Both Jake and Lisa argue as if we are caught up in a zero sum game – Which ever side wins, the other side and their priorities are losers. That is the driver of the polarization we see in today’s political environment. We are told that the goal of each faction is to win and further their agenda. Unfortunately, that is less than fully truthful. Perhaps as powerful is the need not to lose, the need not to be losers. Both sides want a shutout and will settle for nothing less.
We are being told by both sides that our very democracy is at risk. Those stakes make it critical that “our side” wins. We can only hope that neither side is correct.
Waiting: “Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.” Is Dr. Seuss right? Are you just waiting? If so, Larry McMurtry had this observation for you, “If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.”
You may do well to recall the words of Hazel Lee, “I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly, Ah! I didn’t know, I held opportunity.”
William James’ advice is worth pondering since you are just waiting and don’t have much to do anyway, “To change one’s life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions.” So you aren’t sure you want to change your life? You are fine with doing nothing? Bill Watterson has found a small glitch with that strategy. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
Ruth Ann Schabacker said, “Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.” However you decide to deal with just waiting and its glitches, Friedrich Nietzsche was nonetheless right, “When one has a great deal to put into it a day has a hundred pockets.” Surely one of those pockets holds a special surprise, just for you.
Waisted Potential: Sometimes the truth isn’t very complicated. Achieving personal excellence is a case in point. Michael Jordan said, “You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson echoed the theme, “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.” Bruce Barton also understood the key to excellence, “Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.”
Mignon McLaughlin likely took the idea too far toward universal incompetence when he said, “We are all such a waste of our potential, like three-way lamps using one-way bulbs.” Even so, he did have a point. Most people stop far short of exhausting their potential. Thomas Edison was definitely right when he said, “If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”
There are doubtless many reasons for wasted potential, but “Chiefly the mold of a man’s fortune is in his own hands,” as Francis Bacon counseled. “Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.
Brothers and Sisters: There is a Vietnamese Proverb that says, “Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet.” Although this isn’t universally true, it should be. As Susan Scarf Merrell said, “Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.” Marian Sandmaier added, “A sibling may be the keeper of one’s identity, the only person with the keys to one’s unfettered, more fundamental self.”
Yes, “Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago…. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we’ve traveled.” Despite this truth from Jane Mersky Leder, “Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply …”
Even so, “To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.” A warm “Thank you,” to Clara Ortega for reminding us. If this simple truth slips your mind, Pamela Dugdale is here to refresh your memory, “Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring – quite often the hard way.” When all is said and done, Marc Brown was certainly right, “Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.”
Children: “I love America more than any other country in this world; and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” These words from James Baldwin may capture the essence of being a responsible American. Adlai Stevenson added to this essence when he said, “When an American says that he loves his country, he means not only that he loves the New England hills, the prairies glistening in the sun, the wide and rising plains, the great mountains, and the sea. He means that he loves an inner air, an inner light in which freedom lives and in which a man can draw the breath of self-respect.” “How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy.”
As President Clinton observed, “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” “What we need are critical lovers of America – patriots who express their faith in their country by working to improve it.” We can start this work by focusing on the wisdom of Walter Lippmann, “We are quite rich enough to defend ourselves, whatever the cost. We must now learn that we are quite rich enough to educate ourselves as we need to be educated;” and that education must include all of our children, as they need to be educated. Only educating most of our children is not nearly good enough, especially if you are the child who is still being left behind.
Angels: “If a man is not rising upwards to be an angel, depend upon it, he is sinking downwards to be a devil.” What do you think about this pronouncement from Samuel Taylor Coleridge?
If you are skeptical about this angel thing, consider what George Elliot said, “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.”
OK, you may still see nothing but sand and are too busy to rise upwards to be an angel. Besides, you’ve never seen an angel and doubt if anyone else has either. Well, it’s just like James Russell Lowell said, “All God’s angels come to us disguised.”
Voltaire added, “It is not known precisely where angels dwell – whether in the air, the void, or the planets. It has not been God’s pleasure that we should be informed of their abode.”
Nonetheless, “Angels descending, bring from above, echoes of mercy, whispers of love.”
It’s like Jean Paul Richter told us, “The guardian angels of life fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.”
“O welcome, pure-eyed Faith, white-handed Hope, Thou hovering angel, girt with golden wings!”
Anger: There is a French Proverb that says, “Anger is a bad counselor.” Although anger compels you to action, it’s like Benjamin Franklin warned, “Anger and folly walk cheek by jowl.” Will Rogers put it this way, “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing;” and Robert G. Ingersoll like this, “Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.”
Should a Korean Proverb be more your style, try this one, “If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.” Wherever in the world you seek your wisdom, indulging in anger is a major no-no. Even Horace gave it a thumbs-down, “Anger is short-lived madness.” Ambrose Bierce said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
OK, go ahead and lose your temper if you must; but at least take a quick count to 10 as you “consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.”
A Tapestry of Life
In the last episode of Audio Tidbits, I discussed Noveling: The New Self-Help. My point was that most of our personal and interpersonal issues are due to mismatches between our roles and the characters we play in the ongoing novel of our lives. Experiences like depression, stress, anxiety and so on are little more than our minds and bodies telling us that there is one or more mismatches. The problem is not us. Rather it is being in the wrong role or needing to play the wrong character in our story. I suggest you revisit that episode for more detail; but I am continuing the exploration of noveling here.
I asked AI to consider Noveling as an alternative to the usual psychological approach to understanding our life stories and how we are or are not coping. That is what I am sharing with you in this episode of Audio Tidbits: An AI take on Noveling in three chapters. Let’s consider the expanded perspective together.
Chapter 1: The Novel of Life Gary (That would be me.) was a man of wisdom and experience, an 80-year-old PhD who had spent his life immersed in the intricacies of human behavior. He had worked in mental health, family services, relationships, management, and leadership, gaining a deep understanding of the complexities of the human mind and heart.
One day, as Gary sat in his study surrounded by books and papers, he had a revelation that changed his perspective on life forever. He had always seen life as a novel, with characters, scenes, and action unfolding over time. But he realized that the psychological issues people faced – anxiety, depression, frustration – were often a result of a mismatch between their character and role in any given scene.
Gary pondered this idea for days, turning it over in his mind like a puzzle waiting to be solved. He began to see how our interactions with others were like the plot twists in a novel, shaping and changing our characters in unforeseen ways. And he understood that we could not change our character role without affecting the other characters in our story, sometimes in ways we could not predict.
It was a revelation that broke the stalemate in Gary’s mind, opening up a new way of understanding the world and the people in it. He saw that life was not just a series of individual stories, but a vast interconnected novel where each character played a crucial role in the unfolding narrative.
As Gary delved deeper into this new insight, he began to see the patterns and connections that bound us all together. He saw how our perceptions and beliefs shaped our actions and interactions, creating a web of relationships that spanned time and space.
Gary shared his newfound wisdom with those around him, sparking conversations and debates that challenged the way people thought about themselves and others. He listened to their stories, absorbing the nuances and complexities of their lives, and he offered his guidance and support with a gentle hand and a kind heart.
And as Gary continued on his journey of discovery, he realized that the novel of life was not just a story to be told, but a tapestry to be woven together with love, compassion, and understanding. And he knew that he had only just begun to scratch the surface of the intricate and beautiful tale that lay before him.
Chapter 2: The Journey Begins Gary sat in his study, deep in thought, trying to piece together his revelation from the night before. The idea that life was like a novel was not a new concept, but the realization that there was a deeper way to understand it had struck him like a bolt of lightning.
He decided to reach out to his old friend, Dr. Helen Richards, a renowned psychologist, to discuss his newfound insight. Dr. Richards was intrigued by Gary’s revelation and agreed to meet with him at a local coffee shop the following day.
As they sat down with their cups of coffee, Gary began to explain his theory in more detail. He told Dr. Richards about the mismatch between character and role in the novel of life, and how it led to psychological issues such as anxiety and depression.
Dr. Richards listened intently, nodding in agreement as Gary spoke. She added her own insights into human behavior and how people interact with one another, building upon Gary’s foundation.
Together, they delved deeper into the idea of the novel analogy, exploring how each character’s actions affected the storyline as a whole. They discussed how changing one’s character role could have ripple effects on the other characters in the story, sometimes in predictable ways and other times in unexpected ways.
As the conversation continued, Gary and Dr. Richards began to develop a framework for understanding human behavior within the context of the novel analogy. They outlined different strategies for navigating relationships, managing emotions, and finding one’s place in the overarching story of life.
By the time they finished their coffee, Gary felt a renewed sense of purpose and excitement. He knew that this journey into the depths of human behavior would not be easy, but he was ready to face the challenges head-on.
Chapter 3: Unraveling the Layers Over the following weeks, Gary and Dr. Richards continued to meet regularly to further explore their newfound understanding of human behavior within the framework of the novel analogy. They delved into the complexities of character development, the intricacies of plot lines, and the nuances of dialogue.
One day, while discussing the concept of conflict in the story of life, Gary had a breakthrough. He realized that much like in a novel, conflict was essential for character growth and plot progression. Without conflict, there would be no resolution, no character development, and no story to tell.
Dr. Richards added her own insights, explaining how different characters reacted to conflict in various ways based on their unique personalities and backgrounds. She pointed out that some characters thrived in the face of adversity, while others crumbled under the pressure.
As they continued their discussions, Gary and Dr. Richards also explored the idea of supporting characters in the novel of life. They discussed how supporting characters played crucial roles in shaping the main character’s journey, providing guidance, companionship, and challenges along the way.
One evening, as they sat in Gary’s study, surrounded by stacks of books and notes, Gary had another epiphany. He realized that just as in a novel, the story of life was not written in stone. Characters had the power to shape their own destinies, to rewrite their narratives, and to create new plot twists.
Dr. Richards smiled, recognizing the wisdom in Gary’s words.
She knew that their journey into the depths of human behavior was far from over, but she also knew that they had uncovered something truly profound.
As they wrapped up their discussion for the evening, Gary felt a sense of peace wash over him. He understood that while life may be like a novel, it was also a story that was constantly evolving, with endless possibilities and endless potential for growth.
Postscript If you are thinking that AI got a little carried away with the drama, I agree. Even so, I think it did expand the Noveling approach to behavior and adjustment some. In the chapters, it’s easy to see that what might pass as psychological and interpersonal issues are better understood as mismatches between role and character in our life stories. Even better is that we each have the opportunity to take some control of those roles and characters. We need not passively accept our role or the characters we have been playing. We have an author role in our story and a degree of responsibility to be proactive writers.
For now, be well, do well, and get busy as the most important author of your future.
Let’s dive into the fascinating world of noveling, the cutting-edge self-help tool that’s redefining the way we cope with life’s challenges. Imagine having a personal guide, a kind of narrative compass, that helps us navigate the intricate stories of our life. That’s what noveling is all about.
At the heart of noveling is the understanding that our lives are woven from countless stories —stories of triumph, struggle, joy, and heartache. These narratives shape our perceptions and, in many ways, dictate how we confront obstacles. But here’s the twist: sometimes, the very stories we tell ourselves can become barriers, preventing us from seeing the full spectrum of possibilities and solutions at our disposal.
noveling steps in as a transformitive tool by helping us to unravel these complex narratives. It’s like having a mirror that reflects not just our outer selves but the inner tapestry of our thoughts and emotions. By engaging through noveling, we start to see the underlying patterns and “rules” that govern our stories. These aren’t just arbitrary guidelines; they’re the principles and beliefs that underpin our actions and reactions.
Think of it as being handed the pen in the story of our life. noveling empowers us to question, “Why am I reacting this way? What plot twists have led me here?” It’s about recognizing that, while we can’t always control the storyline, we have the power to shape our character’s journey.
What’s truly revolutionary about noveling is its role in mental wellness and self-improvement. In a world where traditional coping mechanisms can sometimes fall short, noveling offers a refreshing, narrative-based approach to self-help. It encourages us to become active authors of our stories, rather than passive characters swept along by the plot. In embracing noveling, we learn to navigate our lives with a new sense of agency and purpose, understanding that every challenge is an opportunity for character development and every setback, a plot twist leading to new growth.
We don’t have just one story. We are the product of many stories. Along with shifting from story to story over time, we have participated in many stories at the same time in days gone by and have key roles in multiple stories today. Our stories mostly blend and mix more or less smoothly but occasionally clash and become incompatible.
If things are not going well for us, let’s stop with the something is wrong with us notion. Although we perform well most of the time, in most of our stories, sometimes a story and our role in it is just not working for us. That should not be interpreted as something wrong with us. Right now, it is little more than being in a story we would do better not to be in, having a role that isn’t working for us, or not understanding the role well enough to pull it off.
An element constrains our ability to quickly resolve issues with one or more of our stories and our roles in them. Our stories are not all separate and distinct. We can’t always make changes with respect to this or that story without causing unwanted or unintended disruption to others of our stories. We don’t need to fix us or fix someone else in our story. Help for us comes in terms of changing or rewriting our stories on the one hand or changing or rewriting our roles on the other. Either would be relatively easy were it not that we aren’t the only people in our stories and we usually can’t change or rewrite one of our stories without affecting other stories – ours and those of other people in our stories.
The story of noveling will be continued in future posts and episodes. For now, give some thinking time to any of your stories that are not working for you and to the story’s plot line and your roll. What is the issue with one or both elements causing the story not to work for you. Just keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is with the story line or your role. Help will come with rewriting or recasting the story, not with “fixing” you or anyone else.
The podcast team has three special segments for you in this episode. You hear about annoying people while waiting on a place to park, the missing muse that might not have been missing, and the mystery of modern day magic. Please listen and enjoy.
Do you think optimism and pessimism are a choice we all can and do make? It’s our world and how we look at it are up to us? Would it were true. Listen and decide for yourself.
Who drives you up the wall? The frustration factor comes up for all of us now and then. Mainliners are among the most frustrating of the frustrating elite. Listen and learn how to deal with the mainliners of the world.
The Truth About People:All people at all times have needs, problems, and vulnerabilities beyond their individual capacity to cope. That applies to me and applies to you. Fortunately, many if not most people are more or less self-sufficient. They have the means and resources to assure that their needs are met. They can normally resolve their problems. They can manage their vulnerabilities. Even so, they still require services and resources controlled by others.
Of course, the ability of people to manage, to cope with their reality, varies a lot depending where in the world they are and on local circumstances. Some of us are far better off than others of us. And therein lies the question. What level of responsibility do any of us have to provide for those of us who are unable to manage, unable to individually cope with our reality?
This same truism operates at levels beyond individual people. It’s a fact of life for families, organizations, and communities. It’s true for business from one-person enterprises to international corporations. It is a daily reality for governments from home owner associations to nations. At the most fundamental level, the inability to go it alone is the reason why these social, economic, and political constructs exist. The value of collective support, effort, and participation generally exceeds the value of the associated loss of autonomy and personal independence.
The Issue:For many reasons and myriad circumstances, Some people and groups of people acquire and control significantly more resources and opportunities than other people. Concurrently, for equally numerous reasons and circumstances, some people neither acquire nor control adequate resources to successfully manage and cope with their reality. Just as this inequity applies to individuals, it also applies to families, communities, businesses, regions, and nations. This fundamental disparity prompts several questions that need answers from each of us, from each community, from each business, from each government, from each nation.
• What limits if any should there be on the level or amount of resources and control any one individual, family, community, business, organization, or government may possess?
• What if any rules or restrictions should be imposed on any one individual, family, community, business, organization, or government?
• What responsibility do individuals, families, communities, businesses, groups, networks, or other entities have to share their resources and control with entities outside their immediate domains?
• What authority or power should any government have to restrict, regulate, seize, or enhance the resources or control of people or entities within its jurisdictions?
• What responsibility if any does government have to protect people and other entities within its jurisdiction from risks and jeopardies within that jurisdiction – from outside that jurisdiction?
• What responsibility if any does government have to compensate for the inability of people and other entities within its jurisdiction to successfully cope with or manage their needs, problems, and vulnerabilities?
• What rights and entitlements do people and other entities have that cannot be limited, restricted, or interfered with through government action or inaction?
Policy and Politics:The answers to these questions are policy and the process of answering these questions is politics.
Regardless of how rational and orderly governance and politics are in principle, they are not exempt from the forces and proclivities present within other entities including families, communities, businesses, other organizations, and among people more generally. Resources and control do not distribute evenly. Some politicians gain more resources and control than others. Some are more successful accruing power and influence than others. Some more successfully sustain their political careers than others. Whether focusing on local boards or councils or on state or federal legislatures, the result is the same. A few politicians have outsized authority, others have minimal influence, and others merely pick a side on questions and issues and go along to get along.
Turn attention back to the seven earlier questions. At one extreme, the first six questions could get an emphatic “NONE.” In that case, the last question would likely get an equally emphatic “COMPLETE AND UNLIMITED.” No one has responsibility for anyone else and government has no right to interfere with what people want and do. What is usually called the “conservative” position is much more nuanced than that but does lean in that direction.
At the opposite extreme, the first six questions could get an emphatic “A LOT,” while the seventh question would likely get an emphatic “SOME BUT LIMITED.” There should be regulation and restriction on some personal and business activity, limits on the resources and control of most entities, and support and compensation for people and other entities unable to manage and cope with their needs, problems, and vulnerabilities. What is usually called the “liberal” position is much more nuanced than that but does lean in that direction.
The hope is that the two extremes will meet through negotiation and compromise somewhere near the middle and government will serve its intended purpose: protecting the safety and success of its citizens. Contrary to most of the popular media and most political pundits, Governments at all levels within the United States and likely in most other national jurisdictions are mostly successful with some remarkable exceptions. In those exceptions, there is generally no government present in the sense discussed here.
If one disagrees that most governments are at least moderately successful, the points of disagreement likely cluster around the seven earlier questions. They believe that current policy is turning the relevant response to one or more of the questions in the wrong direction. Much over-simplified, they believe that things are turning too conservative or too liberal. Nonetheless, government is working for most but by no means for all. From either perspective, the community, the state, the country is headed down the road to disaster. Of course, disaster is possible but has been possible for well over two hundred years. It is not something new. Alternatively, it is no more likely than it has been in the past and less likely than at several times in the past. Government and governance is still working.
Just Something to Consider:Returning to an earlier point, political power and control are not evenly distributed either within a single political entity or between entities. A few individuals with outsized influence and control have a disproportionate ability to direct the outcome of political processes. Their conservative or liberal preferences can shift political outcomes more to an extreme than would be the case if outcomes were simply an average of the preferences of the likeminded members of the specific political entity. If all members had equal influence and power, political outcomes would be less extreme.
Focus back on the seven questions. It seems unlikely that most people would not be equally conservative or liberal on all seven questions. Rather, they would lean toward one or the other on some of the questions and less so or perhaps in the opposite direction for others. The net outcome would tend toward the middle. Is this middle perspective reflected in the people who represent them in the political entity? Probably. Are the political outcomes reflective of this middle preference? Almost never. Legislative and other political outcomes are usually significantly more conservative or more liberal than most people would prefer. Of course some people will see them as not conservative or liberal enough, but most people will see them as too far from the middle.
An Unexpected Conclusion:There is no objective truth for any of the earlier seven questions. Answering any of the questions is and only can be based on the values, beliefs, and opinions of the individual proposing an answer. This would not be an issue if civil discourse could lead to consensus action. This is the outcome that should be common if political governance operated as most people have been taught. As seen above though, it does not.
“A few individuals with outsized influence and control have a disproportionate ability to direct the outcome of political processes.” Setting aside the question of who controls the few “individuals with outsized influence and control,” these few leaders have a high vested interest in containing and maintaining their privileged positions. Part of perpetuating their leadership is being as visible as they can, presenting themselves as the personification of conservative or liberal, and – here is the hidden strategy – defending their positions by preventing anyone from usurping their status and positions.
Also setting aside gerrymandering (See Ohio), Three defensive strategies are typical. First, boxing out anyone in the legislative body who disagrees with them. Second, endorsing people who seek to join the political entity. The endorsement is less because of the person’s support of likeminded issues and actions and more because of expected support of the endorsers’ continuing leadership. Third, attacking anyone who seeks political membership. The most typical attack is to characterize the would be member as a dishonest or corrupt person or “Not one of us.” Endorsement means the person is one of us and not endorsing means the person is not and cannot be on our team with the endorser the uncontested leader.
Now focus on the people choosing who gets to join the political entity, on the voter. Why vote for one person and not for another? One might think that it may hinge on how the voter thinks the politician answers the seven questions raised earlier, on the issues. Would that this were generally true but it is not. At lower or less visible levels of government, people are not familiar with most of the people seeking those positions. For example, a minority of voters know the names of more than one or two judges if any in their state and have no idea about how they would answer any of the seven questions. For the few politicians with whom they are familiar, they know little specifics about their positions on issues or the seven questions. What they do know is which team politicians are on and who is its leader.
Here Is the Point:Politics and political leadership – at least in the United States and likely most everywhere else – is not much more than a high stakes team sport with winners and losers, fans and players, head coaches and critics; and definitely not a game for gentlemen or gentlewomen.
I, as is likely the case for you, am but a mere fan, hoping that my team wins. I hear what they say as they seek my vote, but do not know what they really think about the seven questions or how they will act when decision time comes. I think my team leader is brilliant and your team’s leader is probably stupid. Even so, I am just hoping that if your team wins, we are not taken down the road to disaster.
Be well, do well, and while you are cheering on your team, take the time to do something nice for someone. They will appreciate it and you both will have a better day.
In this episode of the Leadership Shop Podcast, the series on adaptive leadership continues. Being organized is the first element discussed. This is followed by attention to the importance of timeliness which is followed by one of the key elements in adaptive leadership. Adaptive leaders are never slow to pitch in and do what needs done. Please listen as you enjoy this continuing series.
Do I have a deal for you. If you’re like me, you are usually on your best behavior, trying to get along, trying to work things out in an environment that is frequently not nearly as considerate as you. It’s enough to make you pull out your hair, if you still have any left from the last time your supervisor came close to driving you to drink.
Would you like some techniques and strategies for rocking that boat, for just giving up on all that counting to ten and holding your breath? The Audio Tidbits podcast team has been there too and is here for you with just the advice you have been looking for. We aren’t quite ready to encourage you to take the tips seriously but they are here for you the next time you have had it, as they say who are at the end of their rope when it comes to patience and making nice.
Please press play, listen and then use your best judgement, if you have any judgement left after having to put up with those people.
In the short-term, “fun” usually does not matter much. You spend time with this or that person and give little thought to it one way or the other. You certainly notice people who are particularly pleasant or especially abrasive; but most people are merely there, doing whatever they do, being whomever they are. In these relationships, you take care not to be unpleasant or abrasive yourself; but “fun” is not a high priority. For the long-haul, though, fun matters. …
Maryanne Mitchell is the office manager for the Koch, James and Hightower law firm. She is meeting with Martin Koch. It is not unusual for Martin to ask her to stop by, but still she gets up tight and nervous whenever he does.
“I am just a born pessimist,” she frets to herself, waiting for Martin to start.
He gets immediately down to business. “We seem to have some problems, Maryanne. Generally, things are going smoothly. The snag seems to be with some of the typing and some of the filing along with the billing. What do you think you can do to clean things up a little?”
Maryanne sighs but does not respond.
“What do you think? Is there any hope for it, Maryanne?” Martin asks, trying to relax the discussion.
Finally, the office manager says, “I’m worn out from trying. It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied. I will try to straighten it out, but don’t have much hope.”
Martin leans toward Maryanne and says, “Maryanne, to tell you the truth, I’m beginning to get some heat about you, about your performance. There is some question about whether you can handle things anymore with the computers and all. I don’t know. I think you can do it, but you need to tell me what has to happen to get things straightened up.”
Maryanne sits motionless, not saying anything until Martin settles back to outwait her. In a small voice, she reluctantly says, “You’ll have to decide for yourself about me. I am working as hard as I can. I’ve given this firm all I have. Things are a mess around here. I’m a nervous wreck from trying to straighten out everything that goes wrong. Everyone thinks it’s all my fault. I’m just one person and can’t do it all. Even you think it is all me, now.”
Maryanne plays bummed out to perfection. Her main strategy is to get Martin to feel sorry for her.
●”I am worn out from trying”
●”It is exhausting, trying everything there is to try and people are still not satisfied”
●”I have given this firm all I have”
●”I am just one person”
●”Even you think it is all me, now”
Let Martin get tough with Maryanne and then give him a guilt check. On a scale from one to ten, he will register at least eight or nine. Maryanne is counting on it.
As an aside, you occasionally see an interesting variation on the theme. The bummed out player makes an alliance with several other players. As a bummed out diad or triad or whatever, the crew supports each other’s bummed out patterns. People who play together survive together. They usually describe their shared condition as being burned-out or perhaps demoralized.
Managing Bummed Out Players:
When bummed out is the game, the player neither values nor expects job success. Should it come, it is only serendipity. His personal priority is being protected and being forgiven – in advance – if things go badly. It is this guarantee of immunity that the player works for.
Going at it with a skilled bummed out player is exhausting but is not particularly difficult. Consider first what the dynamics of the play are. The bummed out player is using the technique to avoid responsibility, to get others to back off, and to avoid work or pressure. In a child, the pattern would be called pouting.
It will do little good to talk with the bummed out player about his behavior, but it cannot hurt. At least talking about the problem puts the player on notice that he will not be successful playing the game with you. Whether you talk to the player or not, there are several steps that will be effective over time.
First, simply out wait him. Bring up a problem or issue of concern and then wait for a response other than “bummed out.” If necessary, say, “I hear all that. My concern is. . .. I’m waiting for your response to the problem.” Patiently go back again and again until an appropriate response comes.
If this does not work, say, “I can see you are not going to deal with this, and I do not have time to play your game. Have your response to me in writing in two hours.”
The idea is first to respond only to positive and productive behavior. Next, set things up so such behavior is expected and required. At first, the player will likely not follow through or do what you expect. When this happens, it is time to say, “I expected you would handle this. It seems to me you are either unwilling or unable to deal with these kinds of things. Since it is important, I’m going to take some other action to be sure it gets done. It’s too bad you are unable to handle your job. We will need to talk about that soon.” Do what needs to be done to get the job done. Even the most dyed-in-the-wool bummed out player is likely to do the job himself the next time.
Now you know and there you go.
The Audio Tidbits Podcast team has collected a series of tidbits incorporating the world’s best advice. These life gems are packaged in six episodes that we are sharing with you in the hope that you adopt them as elements in your personal style as you continue to make a difference to people who make a difference to you. This edition of the Audio Tidbits Podcast shares one of those six episodes for your enjoyment and consideration.
In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, Peter shares his perspective on character and virtue. Our choice boils down to a commitment to doing right or to doing wrong. As Peter concludes, when you get down to it, it’s not much of a choice. The key is consistently sticking to our choice. Please listen and see if you come to the same conclusion. I think you will.
Rod has intercepted another transmission by the aliens among us back to their home planet. They find our system of countries rather strange and report about what they call pods and sub pods. They also report on what they see as the world's ongoing war and how nations and groups war over power, control and exchange tokens. They also continue to update the folks at home about their leader who has infiltrated the power elite in the capital city. This report is interesting and very frightening. Listen and come to your own conclusion.
The Audio Tidbits Podcast team has collected a series of tidbits incorporating the world’s best advice. These life gems are packaged in six episodes that we are sharing with you in the hope that you adopt them as elements in your personal style as you continue to make a difference to people who make a difference to you. This edition of the Audio Tidbits Podcast shares one of those six episodes for your enjoyment and consideration.
Rod has intercepted another transmission from the aliens among us. This time they are reporting to their home planet. The report includes info about their activities in the capital city including focus on health care and the distribution of exchange tokens. Rod will continue to update you whenever he is successful with intercepting their communications.
What do you think about taking a few minutes to remember Christmas? You haven't forgotten? Relax, close your eyes and try really hard to remember. You may recall that it is really even better than you remembered. You are in for a nice surprise.
Hey fellow Earth humans. To my surprise, the Aliens Amongst Us didn’t actually return permanently to their Home Planet. I intercepted them in New Orlins, just hanging out like real people. As you might expect, the setting was pretty noisy and a lot rowdy so listen carefully. The conversation is well worth the extra effort it takes to listen.
Are you a leader or striving to become a leader? If so, it is important to identify your leadership style and to be aware of why you prefer a particular style. As becomes clear, there are alternative and distinct styles and each has its strengths and limitations. The better you understand your style, the more effective you are as you exploit the strengths of your style while compensating for its limitations.Top dog leadership: If this is your style, you value a high level of personal control over and direct management of your followers. You work best with very cooperative followers and have low tolerance for non-compliance. You run a tight ship. Your followers typically defer to your perspective and are eager to do things your way. They tend to compete for your approval and may prioritize getting your blessing over getting the job done.Lead dog leadership: You are a visionary who sets the organizational course. You reject use of power and control, placing your faith in the good will and principled behavior of your followers. You favor followers who function well with minimal supervision and direction and who naturally see the validity of and value in following your vision. Your style is an excellent fit for kindred spirits but is less compatible for those who may occasionally question your vision or who desire more structure and guidance. Your followers may tend to separate into the consonant majority and the small but dissonant minority.Task leadership: Your strength is in getting the job done and depends on having qualified followers who are ready to work. Your followers are expected to bring the necessary expertise to each task and efficiently handle their piece of the project. This works especially well for followers who are expert at what they do and neither need or want direct supervision or involvement beyond their immediate tasks. It works less well for followers whose expertise may not be an exact fit with the current requirement, who value understanding how what they do fits in with the success of the larger organization, or who value social contact and interaction. It also may be less effective in the event the various elements of the enterprise experience minor to major disruption or variance from expectation. …Technical leadership: You know what needs done and how to do it. As the resident expert, your followers need only follow your instruction and direction. Your style is a particularly good fit for inexperienced followers who are eager to improve their skills and demonstrate their value to the organization. It also works well for more experienced followers who are comfortable deferring to superior knowledge and expertise. It may work less well for followers who value more autonomy and want to become experts in their own right, for those who value independence.Motivational leadership: Although you may not be especially charismatic, even a small measure of charisma adds to followers’ attraction to you and to their desire to align. Your verbal and interpersonal presence are compelling and interject energy and “want to” as your followers coordinate their energy, interests, and aspirations with yours. This works well for motivating less engaged followers but may pull weaker and less centered followers into blindly following, with a minimal sense of consequences or personal responsibility.Values leadership: Your strength is in showing followers why what they and you do is important, why it matters. This works well for followers whose personal views and priorities are already near alignment with yours. You have a knack for encouraging followers deeper into the fold. Alternatively, followers who are more diverse shy away from your leadership and over time, your organization tends to become more and more homogenized.THE QUIZ:Although a few leaders may be restricted to one or more of the six styles, most blend all, depending on the situation or particular circumstance. Even so,
Have you ever wondered how frustrated people manage to be so frustrating? Well, it requires a set of skills that most people don't have but can develop, with practice. If you aspire to be among the frustrating elite, here is a full dozen of the most useful techniques for totally frustrating people. With time and concentration, even amateurs can become proficient at frustrating most anyone. The only requirement is to creatively expand these techniques to numerous relationships and to add new and innovative techniques as you go along. Read and judge for yourself.1. Always play it safe; and above all, don't take any chances. If it is not in writing, either get it in writing or refuse to do it until it is in writing. If it is already in writing, ask for clarification. Once you have gotten clarification, check with a few other people to see what their understanding is and then ask for a meeting to discuss the confusion everyone is experiencing.2. Put most of your time and energy into worrying and hoping nothing changes. When things do change, ask for written procedures and clarification. Once you get clarification, suggest that the changes be put off until everyone has had an opportunity to provide input and to discuss the long-term implications of the changes. After everything has been discussed at least twice, take your sweet old time getting with the new program, letting everyone you talk to know that the changes are causing things to back up and nothing is getting done.3. Avoid taking responsibility for anything. Certainly don't volunteer and be reluctant even if asked. If you can't avoid it, ask for written instructions and check back often for additional instructions and clarification. If someone tells you, "If you can't handle this, I will find someone who can," you should say, "That's an excellent idea. I really have too many other responsibilities to handle this right now anyway."4. Don't put up with the quirks and idiosyncrasies of other people. You know how to behave and they should too. If there is anything about them or the way they do things that you know isn't the way people should act, mention it to a few people. Say something like, "I suppose you have heard what people are saying about so-and-so." Not one person in a hundred will resist saying, "No, what?" Now just lay it out, being careful to emphasize that, although you don't feel that way personally, other people are getting pretty fed up with it and that you just want to give everyone a head's up about the problems that are brewing out there.5. Since someone is going to screw something up sooner or later, you might as well just assume that things are a mess. Even if they seem okay right now, all you need to do is wait around for a while. To be on the safe side, you can bring it up in casual conversations now and then. You need only pick a couple of things that could go wrong since they likely will; and if not, something equally bad will happen. As sincerely as you can, say something like this, "Have you thought about the consequences of this or that happening? Don't you think we better think this through more carefully and not be so quick to jump into things we don't thoroughly understand? We have done that before and it looks like we would learn. I would hate to see us end up with egg on our faces again." (If asked, you can mention most anything that didn't work out at anytime in the past.) Now, when something down-the-road does not work out as expected, and something will not work out, you then only need to say in your most concerned voice, "I was worried that this might happen. I will certainly pitch in and help you with your problem but I'm sure not optimistic. It's too bad things are such a mess around here."6. Since most people are out for themselves, never take anyone on an "as is" basis. Just assume that what they are saying to you and what they are really thinking are not the same. It will help support your insight into human nature to o...
Our intrepid hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to a remote desert somewhere on the Earth planet where it appears that the Great Mouse may have finally faltered. Will the Great Mouse once more escape or is this the end of the Great Mouse’s world? Join me to learn the fate of the Great Mouse.
I'll bet you know that person who always knows what went wrong and who screwed up. It's that same person who is quick to point an accusing finger and let everyone around know that they would have never made such a stupid mistake. Big ego? sure. Insensitive? Definitely. Driving the rest of us up the wall? Absolutely. -- So what to do? Press play for a suggestion.
Hackman, Richard J. Collaborative Intelligence: Using Teams to Solve Hard Problems. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2011.A team is akin to an audio amplifier: whatever comes in, be it Mozart or ear-grating static, comes out louder. To perform well, any team must include members who have the knowledge and skill that the task requires; it must recognize which members have which capabilities; and it must properly weight members' inputs--avoiding the trap of being more influenced by those who have high status or who are highly vocal than by those who actually know what they are talking about. The benefits of teamwork come only when capable people work together interdependently to achieve some collective purpose. Face-to-face teams are indicated when creating a high-quality product requires coordinated contributions in real time from a diversity of members who have complementary expertise, experience, and perspectives. We have seen that the five common types of teams discussed--surgical, coacting, face-to-face, distributed, and sand dune--are appropriate in some task and organizational circumstances, but not in others. The social processes the team uses in carrying out the work enhance members' capability to work together interdependently in the future. An effective team is a more capable performing unit when it has finished a piece of work than it was when the work began. …here is the rub: research has shown that leader behavior makes the most constructive difference for teams that are reasonably well structured and supported in the first place. If a team is poorly composed, has an ambiguous or unimportant purpose, and operates in an organization that discourages rather than supports teamwork, there is no way that a leader's hands-on interventions with that team can turn things around. The six enabling conditions are: creating a real team , specifying a compelling direction or purpose for the team, putting the right number of the right people on the team, specifying clear norms of conduct for team behavior, providing a supportive organizational context, and making competent team-focused coaching available to the team. If what holds members tightly together is a shared wish to maintain harmony and good interpersonal relationships, the risks of dysfunction are high. But if cohesiveness stems from a shared commitment to accomplishing the team's task, it can unleash members' energies and talents to generate synergies that never would be seen in a loosely bounded group. One way to lessen the likelihood of purpose-related problems in managerial and professional teams is to establish, as a team's first and most important task, the development of an agreed-upon statement of the team's main purposes. Someone who is internally motivated feels great when he or she has done well, and feels bad when things have gone poorly. It is those internally generated feelings that fuel motivation, not extrinsic rewards or prods from a supervisor. …leaders often put too many people on the team in the first place, either to make sure the team has enough members to accomplish the work or to include at least one representative of every constituency with a stake in the outcome. The perverse result can be such an excess of members than the team has little chance to perform at a level that will please those same constituencies. Psychological safety is a shared belief that the team is a place where one can take personal and interpersonal risks. Members of psychologically safe teams are better able to admit mistakes, more likely to ask for help from teammates, more open about what they do and do not know, and more likely to learn from the expertise of others. The degree to which teams actually use the tools available to them, however, depends considerably on how those tools are made available. There is a world of difference between "We've put some great new software on your desktops that you and your teammat...
Hey folks, there is something I think needs clarified. Since it is going to become an issue sooner or later, we might as well get it out in the open today. World UFO day was a while back and knowing that got me to thinking. If aliens are smart enough to get from wherever they were to where we are, they are also probably smart enough to do that without our knowing about it. They could easily be among us without our having a clue. Would they look like aliens? Of course not. They would simply materialize in ways that let them blend in transparently. We might never know that there were aliens among us. Our only hope is that there are tells that we can detect and then correctly interpret. Tells are little behavioral clues that let us know that all is not what it purports to be. Gamblers talk about poker players showing tells that give away what is going on behind that poker face. Some people claim to be able to read the tells that let them know when someone is lying. It seems likely that aliens would have inadvertent tells that let us know that they are among us but not one of us. The first issue is just how we can be sure who is and who is not an alien. Try glancing around when you are near other people. Do you notice anything strange or peculiar about them or their behavior? Concentrate on picking up on any tells. Is there anything that gives you second thought? As a place to start, limit your investigation to people you know well. Those are the people with whom you are the most familiar and in whom you are most likely to recognize alien tells. You are aware of all of their human traits, their universally human behavior. What you are looking for is anything that causes you to wonder if they are actually human. I don’t know for sure what an alien tell might be but suspect it looks like a momentary disconnect, an instance of weirdness, a since that the other person is not quite with us, is not quite one of us. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. What’s more, I think it is highly likely that you have picked up on these little tells slipping out with people you know but have not yet classified them as alien. You have just wondered if that person is for real. They may be for real but maybe not. The unsettling truth is that they may be an alien trying to pass as human. The alien among us may be in the room with us right now or merely an image on TV or YouTube. He or she may be sleeping on the street or pretending to lead a nation. There is no way to know with certainty who is for real and who is only posing. Our only hope is to learn to spot the tells. I wish I had an answer to the pressing question. I know I am human but are you? My challenge is to figure out the answer to that simple question. In turn, the challenge is yours as well. How can you know if I am human or simply posing.
Sure, it matters what you say, but not as much or as often as you may think. Press and pick one of these things to say and then just say it the next time you are at a loss for words. If you are questioned, just mention that it was just something you were thinking about. By the time you get another turn, you will likely come up with an ok comment.
James is here to assure you that enthusiasm is the key to getting fired as well as to avoiding the employment ax. It's your choice and your opportunity. Which will it be?
This episode of the Leadership shop Podcast shows you the elements of proactive leadership. It gives you the opportunity to consider your approach to leadership and evaluate the extent to which you are a proactive leader. The members of the podcast team take turns presenting the elements so please listen and decide how your leadership fits with proactive leadership.
Give people clear, frequent, and accurate feedback.This unusually complex strategy starts with being as quick to tell people what they have done right as you are to tell them what they have done wrong. That does not sound difficult, does it?What if the order is reversed though?Be as quick to tell people what they have done wrong as you are to tell them what they have done right.Now it sounds odd. It seems like I am suggesting that equal attention needs to be given to both what's right and what's wrong. There you go. That is exactly the point.It is not necessary to go into a lot of detail about leaders who only relate to team members in terms of problems and things they have done wrong. They also point fingers and know every problem is someone else's fault. Their major activity is finding someone, anyone to criticize or blame. You are also well-aware of leaders who appropriately point out problems but seldom point out good work. It is not unusual to see the compliment criticism balance favoring criticism. …I certainly recommend that leaders carefully attend to keeping the balance in balance.For a proactive leader, finding and keeping the balance is based on taking it for granted that people are trying to do a good job. They do not intentionally screw things up, make mistakes, or perform below their abilities. Even more, most everyone on the team consciously and intentionally gives the little extra that moves good work into the excellent category. Their commitment to excellence is a major reason why they are on the team, and excellence is what you get from them, the first time, on time, every time.Here is the rub. With highly successful teams, the expectation is that team members perform at the excellent level every time, no exceptions, no excuses. People are extraordinarily good at what they do. With teams like this, compliments and praise are plentiful and lavish. Even when people are not being complimented directly, they receive indirect compliments and praise from customers and others in the external environment. They are among the best and they know it. It helps to attend to direct praise and acknowledgment of superior performance, but this is merely an extra quality touch in an already self-reinforcing environment. If a team is not doing well, compliments and praise will not, by themselves, help much. If it is doing well, additional praise and compliments will not add much to its success.The real issue here is criticism. Of course, a proactive leader praises publicly and only criticizes in private. He also is very careful to assure his criticism is an exact fit with the problem or issue, not overdoing it or under doing it. Criticism, no matter how well it is managed, introduces a negative element into a fast-moving, stressful environment where people are already on edge and pushing themselves to their limits. The affect is the person who is criticized and those who are coincidentally in the immediate environment become apprehensive and less productive, at least for the moment.The point is that criticism is always temporarily counterproductive. For this reason, a proactive leader is quick to praise but very cautious when criticizing anyone, for any reason.Clear, accurate, and frequent feedback is certainly important.a proactive leader knows as well that providing constructive and effective criticism is the most delicate area of the feedback balancing act. If this feedback is inappropriate or excessive, the person will overreact or withdraw and the outcome is often worse than the original problem. If criticism is not forthcoming when it is appropriate or is not focused enough, the problem or issue persists and likely will get worse. Getting criticism just right, the first time, on time, every time is critical for any leader and an essential ingredient of a winning team.As if the challenge of getting criticism right, the first time, on time, every time were not enough by itself,
Hogan, Robert. Personality and the Fate of Organizations. New York: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., 2007.…all managerial jobs have one important feature in common: They help accomplish the work of an organization through other people. This means that managers are responsible for the performance of their staffs. The word leadership has two meanings. On the one hand, leadership refers to a certain kind of position in an organization--a leadership position. On the other hand, leadership refers to a kind of performance--behaving in a leader-like way. By definition, managers are in positions of leadership; whether they exercise it appropriately is another question. The published literature on leadership is immense--actually overwhelming--and growing daily. Effective leaders tend to be resilient and handle stress well, they promote a vision and develop strategies to translate the vision into reality, they solve tactical and strategic problems, they set high goals and work hard to achieve them, they project a sense of self-confidence, they build relationships, they build teams, they follow through on their commitments and treat people fairly, and they plan and organize work. These attributes are no guarantee of success, but they improve the odds of a person being able to build a high-performing team that achieves results. …bad management is the primary cause of employee dissatisfaction--the best predictor of employee dissatisfaction is poor leadership. …bad managers create turnover--people do not quit organizations, they quit bad bosses. ……perceived integrity--keeping one's word, fulfilling one's promises, not playing favorites, not taking advantage of one's position, and not claiming special privileges. …visionary—they [leaders] can explain why the team's activity is important and how it contributes to the future success and well-being of the members. Leaders are leaders are leaders, even when they are bad. …the primary task of leaders is to build a group, persuade the individuals to work together, and then maintain their performance. Leaders with imagination can project a vision that participants find attractive, morally compelling, and worthy of allegiance, whereas incompetent leaders unwittingly project visions that are distasteful to people. …leaders must be perceived as having integrity, decisiveness, competence, vision, persistence, and humility.
Where and When are Leadership Connections InitiatedAs Figure 3 in Ecological Human Services Management shows, leadership connections can be planned or unplanned, as represented in the left column of the figure. Additionally, they can be Leadership Team member initiated or stakeholder initiated, as represented in the middle and right columns of the figure. The result is leadership connections that are planned and member initiated, planned and stakeholder initiated, unplanned and member initiated, and unplanned and stakeholder initiated. If the Leadership Team restricts its membership to people who do well on the earlier Leadership Team membership assessment, the four types of connection initiations shown in Figure Three are manageable for the members. They are comfortable with all four types.Let's expand on the four initiation types. Planned initiations are those where either the member or the stakeholder decides ahead of time to initiate a connection and then pursues the connection. This may start with a letter or phone call, but may as commonly start with either the member or stakeholder planning ahead of time to introduce himself or herself at a meeting or other gathering.A few cautions are in order when considering planned connections. The Leadership Team member should initiate the connection personally. If possible, do not have someone else make the arrangements. For example, do not have a secretary, co-worker, or another stakeholder arrange for the first meeting. If initiating the connection by letter or phone, do not ask the stakeholder to contact you. For example, if you leave a message on voice mail, let the person know who you are, briefly why you are calling, and that you will try again at another time. You can leave your number at the end, letting the person know returning the call is fine if they prefer. Just do not give any hint you expect them to call you. €“ When calling anyone, take a minute to decide before you place the call exactly what you will say, if you need to leave a voice message. Do not wait until you hear the beep to think about what you want to say.Additionally, never initiate a connection by email. In general, avoid emails with stakeholders all together, unless the other person sends an email to you. Even then, a phone call is better and a face-to-face contact is better yet. Email is just too impersonal for leadership connections. Also, do not stop by someone's home or office without an appointment, expecting the person to meet with you. This is both rude and inconsiderate. …Further, do not call a stakeholder on his or her cell phone or send him a text message, unless he has given you the number personally and asked you to use the number. Do not send text messages to stakeholders unless you are replying to a text message the stakeholder sent to you.For both planned and unplanned connection initiations, there is one exception to the above caution about personally initiating a connection. When at a meeting or other gathering, asking someone you already know to introduce you to someone they already know is usually acceptable to the potential stakeholder. You can then say as part of the introduction you were hoping you would get a chance to talk with him or her. This lets him know you have an agenda beyond the social pleasantry and starts your relationship on an open and honest basis and clarifies the role of the person making the introductions. If it is not awkward under the circumstances, ask the potential stakeholder if you can call him later to arrange a time to talk more. Do not try to pursue your agenda then unless the potential stakeholder specifically asks you to do so. Just give him your card and call later, if he agrees. As we saw earlier, good Team members are never pushy.
Thanks for Joining me.Let me share a story with you. It’s an example of what most of us have been taught about conflict resolution, working out differences, and more generally about working and living among each other.• We have been taught to be more tolerant and less judgmental.• We have been instructed to respect and value our differences and diversity.•We have learned ways to communicate more effectively by being better listeners and more receptive to those who disagree with us, those who do not value our cause and point of view.• We have been shown the wisdom of moving beyond our limited incentives and personal values to embrace the greater good, the collective interest. We might think of this as consecutive subordination: Our interests are subordinate to family interests, family interests are subordinate to community interests, community interests are subordinate to national interests, and humanity rules all.Do we agree on the list? Of course not. We seldom agree on much unless we are associated with the same cause, the same perspective. Even then, our consensus hangs together on a very thin thread.Now for the story. It should work like this. We have been taught that it can work like this. We have been instructed to go along with this approach to harmony and mutual success. But we know that it will not work. Even if it seems to be working it eventually fizzles out. Factions emerge, differences intensify, and harmony retreats.As you consider the story, I only have two questions:• Why do we persist in trying to resolve our collective issues using the same approaches and strategies we have been taught since we were too young to understand, knowing that the chances of lasting success are slim to none?• If our conflict resolution paradigm no longer works -- assuming that it ever did – and knowing that most will not agree to any new paradigm that might be proposed, how will you approach conflict resolution at the family, community, national, and humanity levels without reverting to the faltering paradigm we have all been taught?The Rift Within: Rebuilding Riverton's CommunityChapter 1: The Fractured CommunityThe small town of Riverton had always prided itself on its tight-knit community, where people of varying ages and socioeconomic statuses lived harmoniously side by side. It was a place where neighbors knew each other's names andshared in each other's joys and sorrows. But as time passed, a subtle shift occurred, disrupting the tranquility that oncedefined Riverton.It all began innocently enough, with a group of enthusiastic individuals who were passionate about a specific cause. Their dedication was admirable, but little did they know that their newfound focus would soon consume their lives, altering the dynamics of the entire community.Randy Wayne White's words echoed through the minds of the townspeople: When you hook up with a cause you forfeit your interest in relating to those not associated with the cause.Initially, the members of this cause-oriented group embraced their mission fervently, united by a common purpose. However, as they delved deeper into their cause, they inadvertently distanced themselves from those not associated with it. Conversations became focused solely on their agenda, leaving little room for connection with others.This isolation gradually seeped into the fabric of Riverton, causing a ripple effect that spread throughout the community. As other groups emerged, supporting different causes and rallying behind diverse beliefs, the once unified town became a fragmented patchwork of clashing ideologies.With each passing day, the divide grew wider, and the once- cherished unity was replaced with opposition and hostility.Riverton became a battleground where the original cause waspitted against other causes, and the community suffered as a consequence. Ideas were met with resistance, innovation stifled, and compassion was overshadowed by animosity.Yet,
Thanks for joining me.I am sharing a story with you that highlights both an opportunity and a trap. The opportunity is for great success and fulfillment. The trap is for failure and disappointment.If your dream, your passion requires putting all of your eggs in one basket, please do what you've got to do. It may work out just fine. At least, you need to believe it will.I'm sure you see the trap. Ignore it at your risk; and if all of your eggs are in that basket, the risk is extreme. Better would be to hold back an egg or two, just in case. Since I seem to be into old sayings, here's another one. Don't burn your bridges unless you will never need to go back across; and even then, don't burn them if there is any acceptable way to keep them open.My point is that this story could be true but the odds of its being true for you or me are slim to none. Does that mean that we shouldn't go for it? It definitely does not. We should.Here is the point. Hold back an egg or two and don't burn any bridges if you can at all avoid starting the fire.Now for the story. Just substitute your dream, your passion for those of the guys in the story. Give it your best shot. Just know how you will recover if your shot misses.Chapter 1: A Familiar FaceThe hustle and bustle of daily life in a big city was something that Ben had become used to since he'd moved to Los Angeles. It was a far cry from his childhood home in the small town of Leetonville, Ohio, where life was a lot quieter and simpler.It was during one afternoon stroll, when he was walking along the busy streets of downtown, that he noticed something out of the ordinary. A man walking towards him, wearing a blue plaid shirt and a baseball cap, that appeared very familiar.Ben had never seen this man before, yet he could not shake the feeling that he knew him from somewhere. The man's face was so familiar that it seemed as if he had known Ben for years.As the man got closer, Ben could swear that he recognized his eyes and the way he walked, his mannerisms, everything about him. He was confident that he had seen this man before, but he wasn't sure where.The two men stopped in their tracks, with Ben standing in front of the mysterious stranger. The man looked up at Ben and smiled, and it all clicked."Ben?" the man said, "Is that you?"A wave of recognition swept over Ben's face. It was his old neighbor, Robert! Robert had moved away when Ben was still a child, so he was understandably surprised to see him here in Los Angeles.The two men embraced and shared stories of their lives since then, and Ben was delighted to learn that Robert had come to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of becoming a movie director. With the memories of their old home in Leetonville, Ohio flooding back, Ben saw that his old neighbor was still the same old Robert he had known and loved all those years ago.Chapter 2: Rekindling DreamsAs Ben and Robert sat down at a nearby café, the memories of their childhood in Leetonville, Ohio flooded their conversation. They reminisced about their adventures in the woods behind their houses, their shared love for baseball, and the countless hours spent dreaming about their futures.Ben couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia as he listened to Robert talk about his passion for filmmaking. It reminded him of the dreams they had shared as kids, the dreams that had slowly faded away as they grew older and life took them on different paths."I never thought I'd see you again, Robert," Ben said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "It's amazing how life brings people back together."Robert nodded, a wistful smile on his face. "Yeah, it's funny how things work out. I always knew I wanted to make movies, but life got in the way. I got caught up in the routine, the expectations, and I let go of my dreams."Ben could relate. He had always dreamed of becoming a writer, but the practicality of life had led him down a different path.
Thanks for joining me.I have been away for a while but am glad to be back with you. While I was gone, my website has had a facelift. Check out GaryCrow.net to see how the update went.I have been thinking about what's true and how we can ever know. Although I don't personally have any certainty, I did come across this 3 Dose Truth strategy and thought you might appreciate it. It's just something to consider. Give it a couple of minutes and come to your own conclusion.In these days of fake news and intentional misinformation, it's easy to wonder if anything we read or hear is true. Maybe even more alarming is our inability to know who to believe, who to trust. And of course, that is the point of fake news and misinformation. The goal is not so much to get us to believe false this or untrue that as it is to fuel mistrust and doubt: mistrust of our political leaders and doubt about the intentions and motivations that underpin our government and institutions.In The Fine Art of Baloney Detection, Carl Sagan was definitely on point when he counseled, "Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication and courage. But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought, we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us — and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next charlatan who comes along."It's harsh but certainly self-evident that "If you don't control your mind, someone else will." John Allston points out the obvious, but it has gotten to where even the obvious is suspect. In testimony to this sad state of affairs, William Safire advises, "Never assume the obvious is true." At the extreme, we get to where we mistrust what we hear, what we see, what we think; and if the insidious erosion of trust persists, we come to distrust our personal judgment and our self-confidence falters.There is an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust, but I doubt that many would think it is an easy medicine to swallow. The first dose is to give up our reliance on group-think. "Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path." I don't know who said that first and doubt that it matters much. The value is in being reminded that we are responsible for what we think, what we believe, and just because lots of well-meaning folks have signed onto the trip does not make it okay for us to thoughtlessly follow. Anatole France assures us that "If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." It's also true that if fifty million people think or do a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. It's up to us to guard against being just another one of the fools.The second dose serving as an antidote for this insidious erosion of trust is to give up on our habitual reliance on simply accepting the perspectives, views and opinions of people with the loudest voices or the most followers. Let it suffice to remind us of Buddha's advice, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it — even if I have said it — unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." The third dose is perhaps the hardest to swallow. Grace Hopper argued that "The most damaging phrase in the language is, it's always been done that way." Variations on the point are mental crutches such as "I've always thought…," or "I've always believed…, " or "Everyone knows…." The notion is that once I think or believe anything, that's the way it is forever.Granted, it's being consistent; but as Bernard Berenson cautioned, "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." Or perhaps you prefer George Bernard Shaw's take, "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." Even so, Glen Beaman has a point, "Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow.
Whenever we are with someone else, it’s always a bet. I have posted this here for two reasons. I need a place holder for now and this is pretty interesting and mostly true. Use the player to listen. You may have something else to ponder for about 9 minutes or so.
Thanks for joining me.
When was the last time you had to make an important decision? For most of us, it doesn’t come up very often. We make a lot of decisions and choices; but for the most part, they are not special or overly consequential for us personally. We have the knowledge, experience, expertise and tested judgment to make the decision or choice. They are well within our wheelhouse.
At times though, we have to just take a deep breath and decide, make the hard choice. Those are the choices and decisions I want to focus on. Those are the times when failure is most consequential and success is most important. I’m talking about change, but this time we are the agent behind the change.
I think we all know that things are constantly changing, whether or not we are paying attention to the changes. It may seem that everything is the same today as they were yesterday, but they aren’t. Even if we don’t notice, nothing is quite the same today as it was yesterday. Things change, people change, circumstances change, and we change too.
What this fact of life and living demonstrates is that change is a process and not an event. The outcome may appear to be spontaneous but never is. Fortunately, we can usually understand what happened if we stop to consider it carefully. Even if we don’t understand, we know that the change was a result of a process that is just not clear to us.
At times, we decide that we are not satisfied with the status quo and want things or circumstances to change. The change we want may be for us, our family, a specific relationship, our work team, our company or other organization, our community, or within any context where we think change is desirable or necessary. That is when we consider initiating the change process.
We know we don’t like how things currently are, and we have a notion about how we would like them to be. Getting from where things are now to how we want them to be is an example of the change process that is always chugging away. For this change though, we intend to be the change agent.
Whenever you intend to be the change agent, there are twelve questions you should ask and answer before initiating the change process that leads to the change you want; and the bigger or more important the change is for you and for others, the more critical it is for you to ask and answer the twelve questions.
Here are the twelve questions. Answer each “Yes,” or “No,” in relation to the change process you intend to initiate. For these questions, “yes” is only “Yes” if you are quite sure. If not, the answer is “NO,” until you are sure.
Do you expect the change process to succeed, to make a positive difference?
Do you have a realistic vision of or perception of success – how things will be when the change succeeds?
Are you personally motivated by the likely payoff or outcome of the change?
Do you understand that – in the long run – it would take as much time and energy to maintain the status quo or current situation as it will to get the payoff from the change?
Are you prepared to take full responsibility for your participation and interaction throughout the change process?
Do you understand your active role and influence in the change process?
Do you understand and are you committed to what will be required for the process to succeed?
Are you confident in your ability to do what is necessary to realize the expected change?
Are you comfortable working with the others involved in the change process?
Are you looking beyond simple self-interest in the change succeeding?
Do you see each participant benefiting from his or her participation in the change process?
Are you being realistic about your ability, skill, and capacity to function effectively within the change process?
Did you answer “Yes” to each of the twelve questions?
Gary: Thanks for joining me.
Let’s suppose that we are screening someone for an important role. It could be anything from fixing our computer to becoming a regular date. What all do we take into consideration? Sure, there are many factors that may be important but two stand out. Let’s explore can and did.
It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
Although Longfellow’s pronouncement has superficial plausibility, it’s merely an example of polar logic. One pole is what you feel capable of doing and the other is what you have already done. The judgment reduces to can and did. You judge yourself based on “can” and others judge you based on “did” according to Longfellow. The reality is that such judgments rarely reduce to either can ... or ... did, for you or for others who judge you.
Let’s look first at can. If this is a judgment you make about yourself, is it reasonable to make it without considering “did?”
Relying exclusively on what you think you can do, without considering what you have done, places no value on prior experience. It also acknowledges an inability to learn. Alternatively, if you consider did to the exclusion of can, your behavior is simply repetitive; and you will need to take Albert Einstein’s observation to heart, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Look next at “did.” If others are expecting change, improvement, innovation, or new approaches and strategies, you aren’t the person they need. They can only expect you to do again what you did before. Unless “can” is considered, nothing new or different ever happens.
The conclusion is that can ... and ... did aren’t separable. They are the head and tail of the coin of progress.
Marc: Hey Gary, May I take a shot at this to see if I’m getting your point?
Gary: Sure, have at it.
Marc: Ok, here I go.
How then should one approach success? What is the best strategy for blending did and can? Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, “a man can do as he will, but not will as he will.” The message is that you can’t simply “will” things to happen. You have a wide range of options for doing but no magical powers. Alexander Graham Bell said, “The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion … It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation, persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree.”
Gary: You make a strong point. It really is true that the best clue to how well any of us will do with anything we undertake is how we have dealt with things in the past. As someone wise once said, “Success begets success.”
The basis for judging ourselves or anyone else is now clearer. You and those who judge you focus on both did and can. Success is a blending of the two sides of the coin; and if your goal is to get a thumbs-up from you and from others, you need to get high marks on this short quiz. – Good luck!
Marc: Let me play teacher and ask the questions.
Gary: You have the microphone.
Marc:
Are you carefully advancing, step by step?
Is your mind becoming wider and wider?
Are you persevering in what you know to be practical?
Are you concentrating on succeeding?
Gary: You may have missed your calling.
Let’s move on.
It’s simply a variation on the old story, “Nothing succeeds like success.”
As we imagine our future successes, this is just a warning to take care to be sure that the view behind us is as exemplary as we hope the view forward will be.
Susan: If I can also join in, let me share a perspective that may at first seem to have nothing to do with can and did. On the surface, it doesn’t.
Thanks for joining me.
Are you responsible for making changes in your family, your organization, your community or perhaps your personal situation? There is a formula, but that should never be confused with simple.
There are two facts of life that cannot be avoided. First, every organization or situation is organized and functioning perfectly to get exactly the outcomes it is getting. If you are satisfied with the current outcomes, all is well. You have nothing to do. If not, change is necessary. There is no alternative.
Second, the organization or situation has a history. It did not get in its current state over night. At some point in the past, things were better. Deteriorating to its current state happened gradually, and the circumstances and processes leading to the current deteriorated state are well-entrenched. There are no quick fixes, as tempting as giving one a try might be.
So what are the key steps for any leader or for anyone who doesn’t want to simply maintain the status quo? Let’s think about that.
First, what do you want to happen? There are three possibilities. You may want things to improve or get better. Next, you may want things to change or be different in some way you define. Finally, you may want to prevent something from happening or prevent some danger or risk from actualizing. In short, you want to improve, change or prevent. Sure, you may want to achieve more than one of these outcomes at the same time.
Second, take a close look at how things are right now. List everything that will be different when you achieve one or more of the outcomes in the first step. What will be different when things improve, when things change or when the danger or risk have been prevented?
Third, step two gives you a list of things that have to be changed or modified. For each of those action elements, what will it take to change or modify each of those elements? That gives you a step-by-step strategy for disrupting the status quo by changing or realigning each of the items on the list from step two to align with the new status from step one. It’s much like remodeling a house. You first envision the newly remodeled house and then determine what needs to be changed or modified in the original house, along with specifying what stays unchanged. You then develop a strategy for making the needed changes or modifications.
When we are dissatisfied with the status quo, the temptation to just do something can be very hard to resist. Too often, people can’t hold back. They do this or that, and before they understand what is happening, instead of things being better, they are a mess, are worse than they were before anything was done to improve, change or prevent.
There is an additional factor that is easily overlooked. Usually, we can’t shut down things while we are improving, changing or preventing. With our families, most organizations or other ongoing entities, we can’t put things on hold. Even though we are dissatisfied with the status quo, there are continuing responsibilities that require our attention. Even with remodeling a house, we may still need to live there while the remodeling is happening.
We normally need to be sure that our activities directed to improving, changing or preventing don’t disrupt or destabilize the status quo so much that things stop working or become dysfunctional. The requirement not to cause the status quo to crash means that the order of intervention and how rapidly it happens have to be managed in relation to assuring that the disruption in the status quo is also carefully managed. The simple idea is to cause as little harm or inconvenience as possible.
Let’s summarize.
What do you want to improve, change or prevent?
Specifically, what elements will be changed or replaced once you have achieved what you want?
What is your strategy for changing or replacing each of the elements?
Thanks for joining me. Is it a reason or an excuse? That's the question when we are telling ourselves why we either won't or can't get something done. For the things that really matter, I suspect it's an excuse more often than not. My best excuse is that I can't see so can't. What's your best excuse?
If you have no good reason to not listen, press play and see what you think about getting over it and getting on with it. Without this little poke, I'm sure there are quite a few things I would have let pass on by. Especially since I have such a good excuse: I can't see so I can't.
Let’s Do a Book
In the title, we see the first error many people make when they set out to have a book with their name on the cover. They say they are going to write a book. I suppose there are those creative folks who actually can open their computers and just start typing. The first thing you know, they have written a book. The finished book seems to have simply flowed out of them.
I admit it. I’m pretty jealous. It would definitely be cool to just open the creative hose and out comes a book. But here’s the truth of it. I don’t think there are any people who can do that. Here’s why.
A book is not a spontaneous creation. Having produced a dozen or so fairly successful books, I have come to understand that a book is not a creation, it’s a construction. I doubt that it matters what kind of book it is or for whom the book is intended. Books are much more constructed than written.
Sure, the words, sentences and paragraphs need to be written. There is no good alternative unless you can get a really smart computer to do the tedious job of writing for you. Some folks hire a ghost writer to produce the words, sentences and paragraphs for them, but that does seem a bit like cheating. For us, outsourcing writing to a computer or ghost will not do. We will make those words, sentences and paragraphs appear on our computer screens all by ourselves. – OK, if you really need to do this with a pencil on paper, go for it. Just know that, at some point, it will all have to be neatly typed and double spaced.
But I am getting way ahead of myself. Not only have I skipped over the construction part, I haven’t even mentioned the hardest part of doing a book. Before I can do a book, I have to figure out what I want the book to do. And it gets more specific. I need to figure out what I want the book to do for me. Naturally it will be good if thousands of people want to read the book and all feel better off in some way for having spent the time and energy it takes to consume a book. That’s all well and good, but if doing the book is not doing something of value for me, I’m not likely to sustain the construction process through to the finished book. Even if I do, the finished book is not very likely to do much for anyone else. … Press play to listen.
I suspect you have a superpower, as do I. Does that make us special or perhaps even extraordinary? Let's hear from the older gentleman who is that age when he becomes too old to be taken seriously anymore.
Thanks for joining me.
Sorry, but I’m having a bad day.
I know, it’s unlikely that you care about my bad day. Even so, there is an up side to my bad day. It has led me to a couple of points that may be worth your time. Either way, it is what it is and I’m happy you’re here. Let’s get to it and you’ll see if my bad day turns out to have an up side for you too.
So, what’s your notion of a bad day? I’m not thinking here about big events that foretell major or lasting consequences. Rather I am thinking about those little annoyances and inconveniences that disrupt our otherwise comfortable and more or less predictable days.
You know the kinds of things I am talking about: not being able to find your car keys, dropping your iPhone and cracking the screen, dripping coffee on your clean shirt, getting a phone call that you have to take just as you are leaving the house when you’re already running ten minutes late, remembering as you head out for lunch that you were supposed to be at the dentist two hours ago, realizing that you still haven’t started that report your boss needs this afternoon and you had planned to finish yesterday. (You have the idea. Press Play to listen.)
I asked Petey to share the best and most useful ideas about Women and Leadership. The result is interesting. As you will learn, it got a little tweak or so but the result is true to Petey’s view. Listen and see what your take on it is.
Thanks for joining me. The Question is, “should all blind people be expected to be advocates for themselves and other blind folks?” If the topic interests you, just press play and have a listen.
Thanks for joining me. I sent out a text to a few of my associates to see if they wanted to share their thoughts about something they think is worth everyone knowing. The deal was that they could just record their ideas wherever they happened to be at the time, not worrying about the little recording niceties. Four of them took me up on the offer. I also added a thought or so of my own.
I think you will find something here worth knowing. Just press play and enjoy.
Hey folks, I’m Harlin and am going to tell you a story. Some say that I made it all up but I’m telling you that it’s all true. You can believe it or not, but I’m sticking with it.
I’m just a country boy who happened into a situation. I don’t doubt it a bit that you would have handled things as well or probably better than I did, but there I was and someone had to do something. It’s just like my grandpa told me every chance he got, “When the going gets rough, you have do do what you have to do.” So I did.
Let me tell you what happened and then you can decide for yourself. Did it really happen or am I just full of it?
I have lived down a one lane road off the highway all my life. It’s pretty much what you might expect. An old farmhouse where my grandpa was a boy and my folks and four brothers called home. I won’t go on about that since that’s not the story I am telling you. Even so, home is a place where you can get some good air and raise some hell now and then. If you know, you know and if not, I sure don’t have time to educate you about being a country boy. I’ll just leave it at that.
I still don’t know what got into me but one Tuesday morning I got it in my head that I needed to pack up and take the train to the big city to find out what that was all about. So That’s what I did and there’s where this story starts. (Press play and hear Harlen’s story.)
Thanks for joining me.
Just a while ago, I caught a news flash that said the great mouse was spotted over the city. If you don’t know about the great mouse, maybe you know her better as Sasquatch. Out here in the hinterland we call him Big Foot.
I’m thinking that we might spend our time today getting up to speed for those who may not know the background. Even if you do, you may not know about the city incarnation. That would be the great mouse.
I brought in our announcer guy to tell the story for us. The really cool addition is that he also brought his slide show including a lot of clips of chases by the big city elite hunters. Now there’s a high tech pack of great mouse chasers for you.
At any rate, I’ll also show his slide show as he tells the story. All you need to do is turn up your imagination and the pictures will pop into your mind. It’s true. They will just pop in. If you’re skeptical, give it a try and see for yourself.
OK, here we go. The big city Sasquatch, AKA The Great Mouse. (Press Play to hear the full story.)
Thanks for joining me.
You may not know about the aliens that live among us, but please know that they are here and have been among us for many years.
I have gotten access to a recent recording that raises important issues that are receiving inadequate attention from the Congressman and the country more generally, according to the aliens.
Unfortunately, I cannot disclose how I got access to the recording but am leaking it to you in the hope that you will do what you can to make sure these issues get the attention they desperately require. It is discraceful that our Congress gives lip service but does little to eliminate these festering stains on our collective character and pride.
Please listen carefully and consider what you can do to improve our country for all of our fellow residents. (Please press Play to hear the secret recording.)
Thanks for joining me. In this episode, I will be sharing some thoughts and ideas about being a successful parent. At the heart of it, Parenting, like other interpersonal responsibilities, starts with self-awareness. Yes, it is important to focus on our children but it is equally important to focus on us. How we relate, behave and interact with our children is the essence of parenting and how successful we are as parents.
I have asked a few of my associates to join me to share their perspectives on being parents and the role of self-awareness.
So let’s get started by asking, “Why is self-awareness important for parents?”
Self-awareness is important for parents because it helps them understand their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which in turn helps them better understand and respond to their children’s needs. When parents are self-aware, they are able to regulate their own emotions and behavior, creating a more positive and supportive environment for their children. Additionally, self-awareness allows parents to recognize and acknowledge their own weaknesses and limitations, which can help them seek out resources and support when needed. By being self-aware, parents model healthy coping skills and emotional regulation for their children, in turn promoting their children’s own emotional intelligence and resilience.
But what happens if parents are not self-aware? … (Please press play to hear the full episode.)
Thanks for joining me. For this episode, I have invited a few of my associates to share their perspectives on leadership.
of course, I have included the leader’s perspective but have also asked for input from the follower’s perspective. I think we too often limit our thoughts about leadership to the leader and leave the followers somewhere in the background. Here, I hope to bring the followers out so they can share what good leadership means from where they are in the leadership equation.
Let’s start by asking, “Why is self-awareness important for leaders?”
Self-awareness is important for leaders because it allows them to understand their own strengths, weaknesses, values, and biases. This knowledge helps leaders to better understand how they are perceived by others, which in turn allows them to interact more effectively with their team members and make better decisions. With self-awareness, leaders are able to recognize their limitations and seek help or delegate responsibilities to others who may be better suited for certain tasks. Additionally, self-awareness allows leaders to regulate their emotions and behaviors, leading to improved communication, more effective problem-solving, and greater emotional intelligence overall. Therefore, self-awareness is a key component of successful leadership.
But what happens if the leader is not self-aware?
If a leader is not self-aware, they may not fully understand their own strengths, weaknesses, biases, or the impact they have on others. This lack of awareness can make it difficult to communicate effectively with team members, make sound decisions, or empathize with others. Without self-awareness, a leader may be perceived as arrogant, insensitive, or even abusive, and this can create a toxic work environment that can negatively impact productivity, morale, and employee retention.
In addition, a leader who lacks self-awareness may also struggle to learn from their mistakes or recognize when they need to make changes to their leadership style. This can lead to a lack of growth or development in both the leader and their team, which can ultimately limit success and result in missed opportunities.
Overall, self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership and without it, a leader may struggle to build strong relationships, make informed decisions, and achieve their full potential as a leader.
Now, let’s shift to the follower perspective. (Please listen to the episode for the follower perspective.)
I will be including a new focus along with the usual this and that. The new focus will be on Self-awareness and how it is critical for all of us ebery day, in most all situations. I hope it serves us all.
Thanks for joining me today.
I have gathered examples of self-awareness situations for your consideration. They will help you to see the range of interpersonal snippets where self-awareness is critical. People have expectations of us and our ability to understand the expectation and respond accordingly is essential.
For most of the situations, you can leave your self-awareness on auto. You will likely respond appropriately without giving it any special thought. We cannot be continuously self-aware 24/7. Now and then though, we need to bring our self-awareness front and center.
When might you need to bring your self-awareness to the forefront?
Is this the first time you have been in this situation with this person?
Are you getting a negative vive from the other person?
Are you having an uncomfortable emotional reaction to the situation?
Have you handled this particular type of situation poorly with this person or with someone else?
Are you getting the impression that you are about to handle the situation differently than is your norm?
As you can see, you are on alert for red flags.
As you consider the examples, I suggest you just listen and quickly think about whether this is a situation where you can just keep your self-awareness on auto and let it play out as it will or if this is a situation where you need to turn up your self-awareness. That is a quick Yes or No.
You may also want to listen for examples where you might want to press pause and give the situation a little more thought, give it a self-awareness preview. What about the situation is throwing up a red flag for you?
In this episode of the podcast, I’m going to start with a short thought or so about sticking to the high road and then we will get into the examples.
Thanks for listening. I hope you have a somewhat better perspective on the range and scope of situations where self-awareness can be critical. In future episodes of the On Self-awareness focus, I will be exploring other areas and situations where self-awareness can make the difference for you and for others who need to interact with you. We will also be spending time considering situations and circumstances where other people are not specifically involved but your self-awareness may be the central element of success or non-success.
Be well, do well and take a moment to do something nice for someone else. The cost is low and the reward may be nice for you and for the other person.
There are many ways to think about change: good news/bad news and such. Take your pick. It really doesn’t matter since your only actual choice is to deal with it or just let it deal with you. Sure, I included a cool ear worm to distract you from what is, in the end, an easy choice.
Can you follow as easily as you lead? Do you switch depending on the situation or just be your best you? Do you always know what and why or is it sometimes a mystery even to you? This set of tips may be just what you need to answer the questions. If not, the ear worms will make up for your disappointment.
I make my choices and don’t expect you to make the same choices. I manage my time and include you in my time priorities. Sometimes I am in charge and sometimes you are. Sticking to this is neither simple nor easy. Three interesting ear worms may help.
Self-awareness, Leadership, and Personal Success: A Challenge for Each of Us
by OpenAI with editorial assistance from Gary
Self-awareness, leadership, and personal success are three interrelated concepts that are critical for anyone looking to achieve their full potential in
both their professional and personal lives. In this article, we will explore these concepts in depth, and provide some insights into how they can be integrated
to help you achieve greater success and fulfillment.
Self-awareness is the foundation of personal and professional growth. It is the process of understanding your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations.
When you are self-aware, you have a clearer understanding of your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. This knowledge can help you make better
decisions, build stronger relationships, and achieve your personal and professional goals.
Leadership is about inspiring and guiding others to achieve a common goal. It requires a combination of interpersonal and communication
skills, emotional intelligence, and the ability to think and act strategically. A good leader is able to inspire others to believe in their vision, build
trust, and communicate effectively to drive results.
Personal success, on the other hand, is a highly personal and subjective concept. It is about achieving your goals, both personal and professional, and
finding fulfillment and satisfaction in your life. Personal success can encompass a wide range of areas, including career success, financial success, personal
relationships, and physical and mental well-being.
So, how can these three concepts be integrated to help you achieve greater success and fulfillment? Here are ttwelve key strategies to consider:
-
Develop your self-awareness: To be a successful leader, you need to have a good understanding of yourself. Take the time to reflect on your strengths,
weaknesses, and areas for growth. Consider seeking feedback from others, and engage in activities that help you build self-awareness, such as mindfulness
meditation or journaling. -
Improve your communication skills: Good communication skills are essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you communicate
clearly and effectively, you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision, and inspire others to follow your lead. -
Manage your time effectively: Good time management is important for both personal success and effective leadership. When you manage your time effectively,
you can prioritize your activities, reduce stress, and increase your productivity. -
Build your confidence: Confidence is an important component of both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself, you are
more likely to take risks, pursue your goals, and overcome challenges. As a leader, confidence also inspires others to believe in you and follow your lead. -
Cultivate empathy: Empathy is an important component of emotional intelligence and is crucial for effective leadership. When you are able to understand
and relate to the experiences and emotions of others, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact. -
Be adaptable: Adaptability is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are able to adapt to change, you can remain
flexible, respond to new challenges, and continue to grow and develop. As a leader, adaptability also allows you to be responsive to the changing needs
of your team and organization. -
Lead with authenticity: Authenticity is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are true to yourself and your
values, you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision with greater impact, and lead with integrity. -
Set achievable goals: Setting goals is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you set goals, you can focus your efforts,
measure your progress, and stay motivated. As a leader, setting goals also helps you align your team and organization around a common vision. -
Build resilience: Resilience is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are resilient, you can bounce back from
setbacks, handle stress, and maintain a positive outlook. As a leader, resilience helps you lead by example and inspire others to persevere in the face
of adversity. -
Surround yourself with positive people: The people you surround yourself with can have a significant impact on your personal success and leadership
effectiveness. When you surround yourself with positive, supportive people, you can gain new perspectives, build stronger relationships, and stay motivated. -
Celebrate your successes: Celebrating your successes is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you take the time
to acknowledge your achievements, you can build confidence, stay motivated, and continue to grow and develop. -
Continuously learn and grow: Personal and professional growth is an ongoing process, and continuous learning is essential for both personal success
and effective leadership. Whether it’s through reading, attending workshops, or seeking feedback, making a commitment to continuous learning will help
you stay current, develop new skills, and continue to grow and evolve as a leader.
Becoming a successful and effective leader, developing self-awareness, and achieving personal success is a lifelong journey. It requires ongoing
effort, reflection, and a commitment to continuous improvement.
• Embrace change: Change is a constant in life and as a leader, it’s important to be comfortable with change and adapt to new situations. Embracing change
can help you stay open to new ideas, opportunities, and experiences.
• Foster a growth mindset: A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and qualities can be developed and improved through effort and learning.
When you adopt a growth mindset, you become more open to feedback, more resilient in the face of challenges, and more likely to continuously grow and develop.
• Practice gratitude: Gratitude is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you practice gratitude, you become more mindful
of the positive aspects of your life and the people and experiences that bring you joy.
• Give back to your community: Giving back to your community is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you give back,
you can build stronger relationships, develop new skills, and make a positive impact on the lives of others.
In summary, leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interconnected and require ongoing effort, reflection, and a commitment to continuous
improvement. By focusing on these areas and incorporating the strategies outlined above, you can become a more effective leader, develop greater self-awareness,
and achieve greater personal success.
Let’s shift down a level to bring more clarity to this important challenge that we share. Leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interrelated and can be integrated in several ways:
-
Clarity of purpose: A clear understanding of your personal values and goals is essential for both self-awareness and personal success. When you know
what you want to achieve, it becomes easier to focus your efforts and prioritize your activities. This clarity of purpose also forms the foundation of
good leadership, as it helps you communicate your vision and inspire others to follow your lead. -
Self-reflection: Self-awareness is crucial for personal success and effective leadership. By taking the time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions,
and actions, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify areas for growth and improvement. This self-reflection can help you become a
better leader by increasing your emotional intelligence and helping you to communicate more effectively with others. -
Emotional intelligence: Effective leaders have high emotional intelligence, which allows them to understand and manage their own emotions and those
of others. This emotional intelligence can be developed through self-reflection, mindfulness, and self-awareness practices. By integrating self-awareness
and emotional intelligence into your leadership style, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact.
{Sidebar: emotional intelligence, also known as emotional quotient (EQ), refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions, as well as the
emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is composed of several key components:
• Emotional Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions and how they influence behavior.
• Self-Regulation: The ability to manage and control one’s emotions, especially in stressful or challenging situations.
• Motivation: The ability to use emotions to drive actions and achieve personal and professional goals.
• Empathy: The ability to understand and share the emotions of others, which helps to build strong relationships.
• Social Skills: The ability to effectively communicate and collaborate with others, even in difficult situations.
Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of emotional intelligence tend to have better relationships, better stress management, and are more
successful in both their personal and professional lives. However, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved with practice and effort.
Ways to develop emotional intelligence include:
• Improving emotional awareness: Pay attention to your emotions and how they influence your behavior and reactions.
• Practicing self-regulation: Learn techniques for managing your emotions and controlling your reactions in stressful situations.
• Seeking feedback from others: Ask for feedback from those closest to you and work to understand how you come across to others.
• Building empathy: Try to understand the perspectives and emotions of others, especially in difficult situations.
• Improving communication skills: Work to improve your active listening and assertiveness skills, which can help to build better relationships.
As may be obvious, emotional intelligence is a vital aspect of personal and professional success. By developing emotional awareness, self-regulation, empathy,
and social skills, individuals can improve their emotional intelligence and overall well-being.}
-
Positive mindset: A positive mindset is essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself and have a positive
outlook, you are more likely to approach challenges with confidence and resilience. This positive mindset can also be contagious and inspire others to
adopt a similar attitude, making you a more effective leader. -
Continuous learning: Continuous learning is key to both personal success and effective leadership. By staying curious, open to new ideas, and developing
new skills, you can stay ahead of the curve and become a better leader. By continuously learning and growing, you can also model the importance of lifelong
learning for those you lead. -
Strong support network: Having a strong support network is important for both personal success and effective leadership. Surrounding yourself with supportive
and positive individuals can help you achieve your goals, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and stay motivated and focused. A strong support network
can also provide a sounding board for your ideas and provide valuable feedback as you grow as a leader. -
Communication skills: Good communication skills are essential for both personal success and effective leadership. When you communicate clearly and effectively,
you can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision, and inspire others to follow your lead. Improving your communication skills requires
self-awareness, as you need to understand your own communication style and identify areas for improvement. -
Time management: Good time management is important for both personal success and effective leadership. When you manage your time effectively, you can
prioritize your activities, reduce stress, and increase your productivity. As a leader, effective time management also helps you to delegate tasks effectively
and ensure that your team is working efficiently. -
Confidence: Confidence is an important component of both personal success and effective leadership. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely
to take risks, pursue your goals, and overcome challenges. As a leader, confidence also inspires others to believe in you and follow your lead. -
Empathy: Empathy is an important component of emotional intelligence and is crucial for effective leadership. When you are able to understand and relate
to the experiences and emotions of others, you can build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively, and lead with greater impact. Empathy also
requires self-awareness, as you need to understand your own emotions and reactions before you can understand those of others. -
Adaptability: Adaptability is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are able to adapt to change, you can remain
flexible, respond to new challenges, and continue to grow and develop. As a leader, adaptability also allows you to be responsive to the changing needs
of your team and organization. -
Authenticity: Authenticity is an important component of personal success and effective leadership. When you are true to yourself and your values, you
can build stronger relationships, convey your ideas and vision with greater impact, and lead with integrity. Self-awareness is essential for authenticity,
as it helps you understand your personal values and goals, and ensures that you are leading from a place of authenticity and integrity.
In brief, leadership, self-awareness, and personal success are interrelated and can be integrated by having a clear purpose, engaging in self-reflection,
developing emotional intelligence, adopting a positive mindset, embracing continuous learning, and building a strong support network. By integrating these
principles into your personal and professional life, you can become a more effective leader and achieve greater personal success.
As we see, Leadership, self-awareness and personal success each requires its own skill set along with the ability to integrate the three domains to maximize one’s personal and professional effectiveness. Of the three though, self-awareness is foundational.
Self-awareness is a critical aspect of personal growth and development. It refers to the ability to understand one’s own thoughts,
feelings, and emotions and how they impact our behavior and relationships. A lack of self-awareness can lead to difficulties in communication, decision-making,
and overall satisfaction in life.
However, self-awareness is a skill that can be developed and improved over time with practice. Here are some tips to increase self-awareness:
-
Observe your thoughts and emotions: Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions, especially in challenging situations. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling
right now?” and “Why am I feeling this way?” This practice can help you understand your reactions and thought patterns better. -
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment. By focusing on the present, you can learn to recognize
your thoughts and emotions as they arise, which is an important step towards self-awareness. -
Seek feedback from others: Ask those closest to you for their perspectives on your behavior and how you come across to others. This feedback can provide
valuable insights into how you are perceived and help you understand your impact on others. -
Reflect on your experiences: Take the time to reflect on your experiences and think about what you learned from them. This can help you see patterns
in your behavior and understand how your emotions and thoughts are influencing your actions. -
Practice self-compassion: Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, and work towards improving them. Recognize
that self-awareness is a journey, not a destination, and be patient with yourself as you work towards increasing your understanding of yourself.
Self-awareness is a vital skill for each of us, as it can help improve communication, decision-making, and overall life satisfaction.
By observing your thoughts and emotions, practicing mindfulness, seeking feedback from others, reflecting on experiences, and being self-compassionate,
each of us can work towards developing his or her self-awareness.
In short, self-awareness is the ability to understand our thoughts, feelings, and emotions and how they influence our behavior and relationships. Developing self-awareness
can bring many benefits, including:
-
Improved relationships: By understanding our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we can better understand how we come across to others and improve
our relationships. -
Better decision-making: Self-awareness allows us to understand our biases, motivations, and impulses, which can improve our decision-making.
-
Increased emotional intelligence: By recognizing our emotions and how they influence our behavior, we can improve our emotional intelligence and better
manage our emotions. -
Better stress management: Self-awareness helps us understand our triggers and coping mechanisms, allowing us to better manage stress.
-
Improved personal growth: By understanding our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can identify areas for personal growth and work towards becoming
the best version of ourselves.
To become more self-aware, you can start by paying attention to your thoughts and emotions, practicing mindfulness, seeking feedback from others, reflecting
on your experiences, and practicing self-compassion. It’s also important to acknowledge that self-awareness is a lifelong journey and to be patient and
persistent in your efforts.
Let’s conclude by focusing on the pot at the end of our individual rainbows: Personal Success.
Personal success will be defined differently for each of us, but there are several key principles that can help anyone achieve their personal and professional
goals:
-
Clarity of purpose: Having a clear understanding of what you want to achieve and why is essential to staying motivated and focused.
-
Strong work ethic: Success requires hard work and dedication, and a strong work ethic is essential to achieving your goals.
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Positive mindset: Believing in yourself and having a positive outlook can help you overcome challenges and keep you motivated.
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Good time management: Effectively managing your time can help you prioritize your goals and make the most of your opportunities.
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Good communication skills: Clear and effective communication is essential for building relationships and achieving success in both your personal and
professional life. -
Adaptability: The ability to adapt to change and be flexible is essential in today’s fast-paced world and can help you stay ahead of the curve.
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Continuous learning: The desire to learn and grow is essential for personal success, and staying curious and open to new ideas can help you achieve
your goals. -
Strong support network: Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people can help you achieve your goals and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
It’s important to remember that success is not a destination, but a journey, and that these keys to personal success are not one-time achievements but
ongoing efforts. By adopting these principles and consistently working towards your goals, you can increase your chances of personal success.
Having a clear understanding of your personal values and goals is a crucial step towards personal success. When you know what you want to achieve, it becomes
easier to focus your efforts and prioritize your activities. Having a well-defined purpose can help you stay motivated and keep your eye on the prize,
even when faced with challenges and setbacks.
A strong work ethic is another important factor in personal success. Successful individuals are willing to put in the time and effort required to achieve
their goals. This means setting high standards for themselves, taking responsibility for their actions, and being persistent in the face of obstacles.
Having a positive mindset is also crucial for personal success. A positive attitude can help you stay motivated, overcome challenges, and maintain a healthy
work-life balance. When you believe in yourself and have a positive outlook, you are more likely to approach opportunities with confidence and resilience.
Good time management skills are also essential for personal success. Successful individuals know how to prioritize their activities and make the most of
their time. They are able to balance their personal and professional responsibilities, and avoid distractions and procrastination.
Effective communication skills are also key to personal success. Whether you’re working in a team, building relationships, or negotiating a deal, having
strong communication skills can help you achieve your goals and build a successful career.
Adaptability is another key to success in today’s rapidly changing world. The ability to adapt to change, be flexible, and embrace new opportunities is
essential for personal and professional success. Those who are able to adapt and change with the times are more likely to succeed in the long run.
Continuous learning is also essential for personal success. Whether you’re developing new skills, learning a new language, or simply staying curious and
open to new ideas, a desire to learn and grow can help you achieve your goals and stay ahead of the curve.
Finally, having a strong support network is also important for personal success. Surrounding yourself with supportive and positive individuals can help
you achieve your goals, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and stay motivated and focused.
In conclusion, the keys to personal success include having a clear purpose, strong work ethic, positive mindset, good time management skills, effective
communication, adaptability, a desire for continuous learning, and a strong support network. By adopting these principles and consistently working towards
your goals, you can increase your chances of personal success.
As it turns out, we may have discovered a potential path to leadership excellence for any of us who chooses to follow it. The starting point is self-awareness and all that requires. With this foundation, build your personal success on the strategies and principles included here. The surprising reality is that building on that foundation and sticking to these strategies and principles makes effective leadership nearly inevitable.
Discovery: Leadership is not an achievement, it is an outcome available to each of us.
The charm tip I get even though I think I may not be all that charming. The second tip I’m pretty sure I do not get at all. If that’s not frustrating enough, the tune that goes with it, I get even less. Maybe it will work for you. The good news is that tip three does ring true for me — nothing to complain about.
So you want to make some changes around here, make things better. Of course, there are a few problems that need solved. But even more to the point, there are people who may or may not cooperate. And often overlooked is how you manage your personal space. Check out this episode and judge for yourself.
I make what seems to me to be a rather simple request. Try this and see what you think.
I am blind and will appreciate it if you will put my packages and such to the right of the door as you step onto the porch, under the window. Thanks.
What do you think? Is that clear enough?
95% of delivery people seem to have no issues with this request. I open the door and step to my left and find my packages with my foot. Easy Peasy.
For food delivery, the note adds “Please ring the door bell and hand the food to me so I don’t accidentally step on it or drop it.”
Easy enough you might think. Me too. And most delivery people are fine with this little accommodation. So why does one now and then just set my food directly in front of the door and leave? I’ll let you judge about just how annoying it is to step on my bag of food that I have paid $20 for, plus a 25% tip — and usually more.
Yes, the note is always there for them, right in their delivery app. Yes, at least 95% of the drivers take care to handle my stuff as requested. It’s the occasional driver that just puts my delivery wherever he or she feels like putting it that leaves me frustrated and feeling around to find my stuff. Most grocery delivery people will even offer to set my groceries inside but there is that occasional jerk who just dumps my stuff somewhere and runs. I then have to play hide and seek with my package or whatever else I have ordered.
It would be bad enough if I could see. I might not like looking around to see where my stuff was dumped this time but at least I could look around and probably spot it. Since I can’t see, it is occasionally the next step up on the exasperation scale. I think it’s a gripe well worth griping about.
There isn’t much else I can say, but it feels like I would like to keep griping. Maybe if I gripe long enough and loud enough, the delivery gods will intervene on my behalf. Sure, the right left challenged sometimes put my stuff on the wrong side of the door but that’s definitely not gripe worthy. At lease they tried. I’m just ticked off with the few who obviously don’t give a damn whether I find my stuff or not. For them, I have no kind words. I know that if I don’t have something nice to say, I should say nothing at all. My mother told me all about good manners and being polite. Heck with that! It’s my stuff and I’ll gripe if I want to; and I most definitely am griping about this unacceptable example of just plain laziness.
OK, I’ll settle down. I have it out of my system for now, at least until the next time I eventually find my stuff on the sidewalk and not even on the porch. For now, let’s wrap this up with one of Kevin’s cool toons.
I heard that inflation comes in two flavors: Pull and Push. I may have them reversed but Pull is when there are supply shortages and push is when we buy more than supply can handle. Either way, inflation is when things that cost too much cost even more. So, what to do? Since I can’t […]
When I hear someone mention getting back in shape, only one picture immediately comes to mind for me. That is of some middle age fellow jogging along huffing and puffing, looking totally forlorn and close to collapse. He is like the little engine who could but can’t anymore. Well, that is what used to […]
Over only the past three days, my gripe factor has risen to what is probably an intolerable level. I am going to have to take it out on someone. It goes like this. Driveway Seal: Last week, I talked with an apparently helpful rep at a driveway seal company who told me that they […]
About three months ago, I got a new Samsung soundbar for my deck. My only goal was to have great music when relaxing outside. And great music I got. The sound was awesome. – Definitely nothing to gripe about. But wait! The ad clearly said that my new soundbar would work with Alexa. I thought […]
This is the Grand Opening of Gary Gripes. That would likely make you think that this is the first episode, but you would be wrong. I was listening to a radio commercial for a new car dealer that opened for business nearly three months ago, but was loudly told that its Grand Opening was this […]
A little complaining and a small dose of whining is fine now and then, but both whining and complaining can quickly turn into excuses for not sucking it up and taking care of business. Probably because I can’t see, one example of whining and complaining that truly annoys me is “I’m blind so I can’t […]
I find it pretty annoying when I see what someone has done but have no idea why they did it. Case in point: why is my podcast and blog now Gary Gripes and not Audio Tidbits? Probably you don’t care but someone somewhere might. For that one curious listener, I am repeating this post/episode. That’s […]
I suppose you’ve heard that old advice about not changing horses in the middle of the stream. I guess it’s probably true that changing horses or jumping ship or cutting and running or however else I describe packing up and leaving town, change is never simple. I have had a website called GaryCrow.net for quite […]