Podcasts for Psychologists and Coaches: Recent Episodes
Podcasts for Psychologists and Coaches
Psychologists and coaches are in a unique position to help others. They understand human behaviour and have the ability to relate to people on a personal level. With this podcast, our aim is to help psychologists and coaches develop advanced skills to make a difference in the lives of their clients.
In this post we will explore the NLP Presupposition of "The Law of Requisite Variety" and its application in life and during therapies.This picture quote by Thomas Edison—the inventor of the light bulb—is much more than just a daily motivation shot. We’ve always been taught to see Dr Edison as an example of never-ending determination and perspiration.Often when we refer to the word ‘determination’, we formulate an image of pursuing our goals with a horse-eyed vision. We often assign working hard as being the strict and only way to success, overlooking the need to work smart.Thus, we end up falling into a pattern of consistent behaviours that unknowingly keep us away from achieving our complete potential.Don’t you ever wonder:Why you weren’t able to score well in that particular subject in school?Why that girl never accepted your proposal?Why you couldn’t persuade your boss to give you that promotion?Why you haven’t accomplished all of those things in spite of doing all that you had?The answer to each of the above questions and many more lies in the simple fact that our minds have come to associate determination with a static identity that doesn’t allow us to change our way of doing things but instead lets us settle with whatever result that we get.In short:We become rigid with our behaviours & flexible about our outcomes or results.Thus, the aim is to consciously shift the flexibility that we assign to our outcomes, to our path of achieving it i.e. our behaviours.Side Note: The same quote can also be used to explain another presupposition "There is no failure, only feedback".What is the NLP law of requisite variety?The law of requisite variety suggests that, the most flexible element in the system generally controls the system.Rigidity in behaviour may make us lose control over the outcomes we receive. What good will shooting an email, asking for a raise, to your boss every month does if it hasn’t worked for an entire year?However, instead, if you purposefully choose to try something new — say increase the business you get to your firm each month — to show your boss that you deserve the raise you’ve been asking for, then there is an increased possibility for you to reach your desired outcome.If this doesn’t do the trick, you may come up with another way to impress your boss — say, take up a task your boss has been asking you to do but you’ve been reluctant in doing or maybe just changing the format, that you were using in the email, requesting for a raise.In a nutshell, what is being implied is that if you exhibit flexibility in your ways of acquiring your goals, then you increase the probability of achieving success in comparison to you sticking with the same old ways that are clearly not yielding any results.Therapists NicheLaw of Requisite variety is an NLP Presupposition that therapists can immensely benefit from.It is important for therapists to avoid being too rigid about techniques they use with their clients. At times therapists likes a particular approach and they kind of get married to it.The approach they want to follow becomes more important than the outcome that the client wants to achieve.No matter who the client is and what problem the client has, they are just interested in following that one approach irrespective of whether a client gets the result or not. A good example of this is past life regression. I know of therapists who only use this process for all the clients.It is important to remember that a particular approach will work for some clients, but no particular approach really works with all clients. The therapist needs to be flexible to choose different approaches and processes depending upon the client and the problem.Thus the rigidity should be about helping the client achieve the chosen outcome and flexibility about the therapist’s behavior in terms of what approach and process is followe...
Many counsellors and therapists that we mentor, frequently ask us about the steps in counselling or therapy that we follow with our clients. Most of these practitioners are looking for a framework that can provide them with a structure or step-by-step process that they can follow with their clients.So in this post, I am sharing the steps that we follow and recommend in counselling sessions. Since we follow an eclectic approach, these steps are also very useful for those exploring eclectic therapy.It is important to remember, therapy/counselling is very contextual and not everything mentioned can be applied as it is. Kindly use the steps suggested as a framework and make the necessary changes based on the requirements of the case.Comprehensive framework for counselling and therapyThe key to having a good framework is that it needs to give us a sense of direction and yet be flexible to accommodate the uniqueness of clients experiences. It needs to be eclectic and should include solutions to possible hurdles that a counsellor or a therapist may face while working with a client.Recommended Steps in Counselling Building Rapport:The basics: Dressing, Clinic Space, Cleanliness...Initial chit chatGetting and maintaining the state of Empathy (good to have this state anchored)Pacing & Leading (body language, tonality and choice of words)Client information sheetDefining the problemS from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model*BehaviourEmotionsTriggers In case the client is not able to define the problem clearly, one of the steps in counselling will be to use meta model questions or abstract metaphors to assist the client.Reframing Problem:Use Content or context reframing - (NLP Meta Model)Identifying the Outcome & Defining Future:O & F from SOFT SEA - Coaching ModelSensory specificBehavioursEmotions or StateRequired Skills If the client is not able to describe the outcome, use transformational metaphor process to assist the client.Task list or Plan of Action:T from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model.If the client is not able to describe any conscious steps, use the revelation, introspection or transformational metaphor process to assist the client.Finding the motivation which will drive the client towards the solution:(NLP Core State can be used)Getting a deeper understanding of the problemUndesired emotion attached to the problem (Interview)Any thought pattern or image (strategy) that is stuck in the clients mind. (T.O.T.E, Submodalities)Identify the root cause if required (Corrective therapy, EET, SVIT™, Void...)Is there something that the client can learn from the problem (Regression, Meta Model, Perceptual Position, Levels of transformation, Paris Window, Revelation Metaphor….)Identifying Positive intention or Secondary gain (Unconscious Talk, Meta Model)Past experiences leading to patterns (Interview, Meta Model, Regression)Creating Change / Resolving ProblemInducing a tranceHelping clients let go of –ve emotions (hypnodrama, balloon, regression therapy, EET, metaphor…..)Alternate behaviours to fulfil positive intention or secondary gain (N-step reframing, parts integration, Cognitive interview, levels of transformation)Changing unresourceful strategies or patterns (Chain anchors, Fast phobia, submodalities…….)Developing required skills (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice)Application of skills towards desired behaviour / (s) to apply the learning’s or to achieve secondary gain contextually (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice)Review & Follow upSteps in counselling will be incomplete without review and followup. Review and follow up happens at the start of each session. At the end of each session the client is also given some homework which may include:Maintaining thought dairyCertain behavioural experimentsSelf SuggestionsListening to Recording
In this article we look at the NLP technique of Perceptual Position and how it can help us resolve conflicts and negotiate more effectively by understanding other people and situations better.In one of our previous articles, we have discussed how People function as per their Maps. Since different people can have different maps, the problem arises when people do not understand other's maps.When an event takes place and is of a very high intensity; it gets etched in our memories. If the event is positive, having a strong recall of the same feels good. But, when it is not a pleasant one, it can create some complications and disturbances.What makes it worse is that we don't understand the reasons behind the behaviours of others in that particular situation. We are not able to see / understand the situation from their point of view.This is exactly where NLP process - Perceptual Positions becomes handy.What is Perceptual Position in NLP?The NLP Perceptual Position is a simple technique that enables you to see the other person’s point of view; to gain greater understanding of the other person’s perspective of a certain situation.Understanding the situation from the point of view of other's not only helps in letting go of the negative emotions associated with the situation but also has a potential to provide powerful insights in terms of strategies to handle similar situations in the future more effectively.Using & Mastering the NLP perceptual positions process:Improves your understanding of other people.Enables you to think more flexibly and creatively.Provides an opportunity to stand back and consider issues dispassionatelyHelps you appreciate the influence of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others, and the influence of their behaviour on you.Exploring your performancePlanningDealing with conflictCreating empathyStepping back from challenging situationsBeing your own coachLearning new thingsNLP Perceptual Position Process:Pick an event or episode or conversation that went wrong or different from what you would have likedClose you eyes, observe your breath and allow yourself to relax or center yourselfRecollect that event or episode or conversationStep into your body and go through the entire episode. (First Position): seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through your own eyes, ears and feelings. Replicate the exact episode as far as possible.Step out of your body and step into the 2nd person’s body. (Second Position): stepping into the shoes of the other person and experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation as if you were them. You think in terms of how this would appear or be interpreted by the other person.Float out of your body and observe the conversation standing back from a situation and experiencing it as if you were a detached observer. (Third Position): In your mind, you are able to see and hear yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. Get an objective understanding of the situation and also the knowledge of how you could have acted differently. (since you cannot change the other persons behaviour)Float back into your body and make the necessary changes and then perform againFloat out, see it from an outsiders perspective again (repeat previous step till you get the desired outcome).Note: It is important to carry these steps of NLP Perceptual Positions under a trained professional if you are new to the process. This is to ensure that you get desirable results.If you are a coach or a trainer and would like to learn to use perceptual positions and other techniques from Hypnosis, NLP and Mindfulness more effective, you would love the Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching™ Program.On the other hand if you are a psychologist who would like to develop advanced therapeutic skills with the help of these modalities and even more,
Falling in love is the easy part. Sustaining, nurturing, creating and maintaining a relationship in which love cannot just survive but thrive; that's what creating extraordinary relationships is all about. The first step towards creating happy relationships is to re-look at our understanding of what is relationship.Relationships are like business transactions, wherein giving and receiving needs to be balanced to sustain harmony. The moment it goes off balance; issues surface.Honestly, it is impossible to maintain a steady count on your relationship balance 24x7. There will be times where knowingly unknowingly, problems will arise.For a couple to not have any issues in their relationship is a concept which does not exist; not in the long term at least. After all they are two different individuals with different likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness among other things.So, it is fair to say that even the most successful and happy relationships go through stormy circumstances and their shares of ups and downs, isn't it?A simple and short answer to this is. YES!However, they are still called happy relationships because the partners put efforts, engage in team work, agree to disagree respectfully (when required) which allows them to not only sail through the tough tides relatively comfortably but also create a melodious harmony in relationships which can only happen when the cords are attuned to play in sync.In order to understand how one can create this harmony, let us take a look at the key ingredients of a happy relationships.Key ingredients / Tips for Happy RelationshipsGoals: For a relationship to succeed it is essential that both the partners understand that they may have different goals. As far as possible they can work with their personal goals in collaboration with one another. If partners live in completely different worlds (which we do most of the times) and refuse to see or understand the other persons world; we are digging our own grave.Communication: This is to an extent an extension of the previous ingredient. Communicating (actually effectively communicating) our goals, likes, dislikes…serves the purpose of a primary building block to our castle called relationship.To make communication easy, understanding concepts like Suggestibility, Sexuality and 5 Love Languages can be extremely useful. These concepts bring a lot of insight and add to our understanding of ourselves as well as our partners. They act as helpful guidelines enabling us to enhance the quality of our relationship.Suggestibility is how one receives and interprets information. This concept helps us understand factors that influence our understanding of a message and how can we deal with it.Sexuality is our output. All of us behave differently and have varied preferences. Multiple reasons behind certain traits and questions about relationships get answered here.5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an incredible contribution to the understanding of relationships! This is a must read for anyone who is interested to get a hang on ways of expressing love and how people generally misunderstand each other. This book talks about how we fail to grasp that the other partner is actually expressing love because they are expressing love using a love language that is different from ours.Representation system: Visual (V), Auditory (A), Kinaesthetic (K), gustatory (G) and Olfactory (O) are the five primary sensory modalities that we use to experience the world around us. These modalities are also known as representational systems (rep systems) as they are the primary ways we represent, code, store and give meaning or language (linguistic) to our experiences. Most of us prefer receiving information more through some senses as compared to other.Differences in the way we use these representation system during a conversation with our partner can influence the (lack of) effectiveness of communication.
In one of the previous posts we discussed how map is not equal to territory. In this post we would explore how people respond as per their maps and not as per the reality.Let us begin this post with some imagination. It is okay if you find it difficult to do so, but give it a shot and think about it.Scene 1:Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up having a huge fight. People had to literally pull them apart to prevent them from doing bodily harm to each other. For the next few months they have not seen each other after the class.But then one day they happen to bump into each other after 2-3 months while crossing road. What do you think the reactions would be like?Even if there is no external reaction, wouldn’t there be an internal sense of discomfort which will unconsciously be reflected in the body language, expressions…. At least for most of us?Scene 2:Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up becoming very good friends. But due to busy schedules are not able to catch up with each other for a couple of months.Then one day while walking on a road, they bump in to each other. What do you think their reactions would be?It would probably be something like, Hi! How have you been? There would be a sense of excitement, happiness and comfort. They would try to catch up with what each of us have been doing in the last few months, wouldn’t they?Scene 3:Person A and Person B have never met before. They have just crossed each other's path on the road. How would they react this time?Neutral? No reaction per se; or maybe a courteous smile?Right?Now in which of the scenario was the response while crossing each other on the road only based on the present?Only scene 3 where Person A and B did not know each other. In the first & the second scenario, their responses were based on the past experience that they had with each other. The reactions were not based on what was happening in the present.People respond as per their MapsThe way our mind works is, when we come across something or someone, the mind checks the existing map (information) for past experiences. If there is a past experience it gets triggered. Many a times, the trigger may not be directly in sync with that particular person or situation.For example, you may hear a person's voice for the first time and feel irritated.Now, you do not know why this is happening. This may not necessarily be because of what that person is saying but because that individual's voice may have reminded you of someone else whom you probably don’t like.Thus, this current person's voice becomes a trigger for your irritation. This is completely unconscious, which is why many a times people have no apparent reasons for liking or disliking someone.Once the past experience is triggered it influences our emotional and physical state, which in turn influences our response i.e. our behavior. In short we respond as per our map (perception) and not as per the reality!Self Fulfilling ProphecyTaking it a step forward, our final results are a result of the behaviours that we engage in consistently over a period of time. In most cases our results will either be in sync with our generalizations (beliefs) or we will distort them to bring them in sync with our generalizations.This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecyDifferent People Different Maps Different ResponsesSince people respond in accordance to the map of the world they have in their minds and different people have different maps of the same world, we at times find it difficult to understand a person’s behavior in a particular situation.For example, this was at a friend's birthday party where another friend goes and tells the host (the birthday girl) 'you are so boring; you have called people at 7 pm! Adults start parties post 9 pm'.
Intellectualization is a defense mechanism that many individuals employ to cope with challenging situations. In this article, we will delve into the concept of intellectualization, its purpose, potential problems associated with over-reliance on this defense mechanism, and how therapists can effectively guide clients through it. We will also explore a real-life case study to illustrate the impact of the defense mechanism of intellectualization on emotional expression.Intellectualization: Case StudyDoctor: I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve got lung cancer.Patient: Okay. So what kinds of medications in this case are likely to increase the survival rates?Doctor: There are a few pills I’ll be putting you on. I understand if this has come to you as a shock and you’re upset…Patient: Thank you! I would like to know if I will be put on chemotherapy. What are the side effects of this treatment?Doctor: No, we can’t say if chemotherapy will be required as of yet. However, it does bring about a few physiological changes. If you would like to inform your family and friends…Patient: Sure. What is the general trend of expenditure in the course of this treatment? It would be only appropriate to have a word with my insurance company.Do you notice something out of ordinary here? Isn't this reaction unexpected? Wouldn't you expect some element of shock or sadness instead of the patient’s apparent poker face expression to the news of his cancer?Is it possible that the patient is using 'thinking to avoid feeling? 'In psychology, this behavior pattern is referred to as intellectualization.What is the defense mechanism of intellectualization?Intellectualization, as per Freudian psychology, involves immersing oneself deeply in the rational aspects of a situation while consciously disregarding the emotional dimension. It acts as a shield against overwhelming emotions, allowing individuals to analyze distressing events with a clinical detachment.Another example would be that of a college going student who loses her father but is extensively involved in the funerary procedures without shedding a drop of tear. Instead of being shattered by imagining a life without her Daddy, the 17 year-old worries about getting the right venue for her father’s post-funeral gathering.How Defense mechanism of intellectualization helps?The conscious analysis of a devastating event helps people to emotionally distance themselves from the anxiety-provoking stimuli.Coming back to the above story, notice the words being used by the patient... Survival rates, Chemotherapy, Side effects, Expenditure, Insurance. These individuals deliberately select such intricate words as a strategic choice. The complexity in language serves to advance their objective of adopting a detached and clinical demeanor, effectively mitigating the accumulating stress they might be experiencing.Rationalization & IntellectualizationPeople at times incorrectly use the words rationalization and intellectualization interchangeably. Rationalization is unconscious justification of unrealistic thoughts and consequent actions.While during intellectualization, the person is consciously aware of the situation but simply become "emotionally away", unconsciously keeping their feelings at bay. They neither live in denial nor do they try and justify that whatever has happened to them makes sense at some level.It’s like cutting a piece of cake and saving it separately. At most times the person is not even aware of this chunk lying in the fridge as he / she is focused on the distribution of the rest. It is however important for one to eat his/her cake in time or else it might rot.In other words, it is imperative to deal with the suppressed emotions before they can become too dangerous, interfere with our well-being and cause a breakdown.What is the purpose of Intellectualization as a...
In this article, we'll delve into the intricate concept of catharsis, exploring why it holds significance and, more importantly, why it often falls short in addressing emotional turmoil. Many of us have experienced those challenging days when despair, depression, and helplessness seem to envelop us, leaving us yearning for an emotional release. In our quest for inner peace, we often turn to what psychologists call "catharsis."What is catharsis?Catharsis, as ancient as the Greek philosophers, finds its roots in Aristotle's time. It's a term that simply means "the process of releasing strong or repressed emotions." In layman's terms, it's the act of venting out pent-up emotions, a natural response to the accumulation of feelings such as anger, sadness, jealousy, hatred, or guilt."And how do we do that? How do we release our emotions?Natural process of venting outEmotions that accumulate within us over time, causing distress, naturally seek an outlet. When we haven't learned constructive ways to express these emotions, they may eventually find expression in the form of an "outburst" once a certain threshold is crossed.Following this emotional release, we typically experience a sense of relief and lightness. This feeling of relief and lightness is significant as it can serve as a crucial step in our personal growth and progress in life.This is why catharsis, which involves controlled emotional release in a therapeutic environment, plays a vital role in many psychotherapeutic techniques.The Problem with CatharsisWhile catharsis can provide temporary relief by releasing pent-up emotions, it often fails to address the root issues, making it an imperfect solution.For example, consider the act of breaking objects and shouting in frustration at a coworker. This not only leads to material loss but also hinders the potential for resolving the underlying issues with that coworker.More constructive ways of emotional release include engaging in various activities and creative arts, such as painting, sculpting, dancing, cooking, writing, exercising, or even allowing oneself to cry. While some of these forms of catharsis can be productive (history has shown that great art often arises from intense emotions), they may not offer long-term emotional health.The challenge lies in the fact that catharsis tends to address the symptom, helping individuals momentarily "free" themselves from negative emotions, without delving into the reasons behind those emotions. Consequently, the emotions continue to accumulate, and the need for catharsis resurfaces over time, potentially leading to a vicious cycle.One may become dependent on this technique as a way to feel good, albeit temporarily, ultimately creating a habit or dependency. In other words, catharsis may function like a painkiller, with its effectiveness diminishing over time or requiring increased use.This scenario is less than ideal, and it underscores the importance of seeking more comprehensive and lasting solutions for emotional well-being.If catharsis is not enough, then what is?The best way to help ourselves would then obviously require us to not only treat the symptom (to provide short term relief) but also the cause (to make this relief sustainable in the long run by reducing the chances of relapse).Catharsis, as we already know, can help with the symptom but how does one exactly identify the cause, let alone work with it?One way, that is self-reliant, of identifying cause is "introspection & giving yourself time (to know oneself, people & situations better).You can keep a journal of your emotions with details about when you felt them & what were the triggers that led to these emotions.You could also consider writing the actions that you can take to avoid the triggers or to develop the skills which will help you handle the triggers more effectively.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbUyrw-hV5IDefense Mechanism of Regression: Case Study11-years-old Raj had to relocate with his parents as his father received a job transfer. Distressed yet not in a position to oppose this happening, he dejectedly left behind his school and friends. Waking up with great reluctance on the first day of his new school, he finds himself wet in his bed. After quite a few repeated occurrences of the same incident, the parents got highly worried about their child’s well being, for they were completely unaware of the turmoil he was undergoing and in a way, so was he.Any therapist would claim that the little boy was regressing.What is the defense mechanism of Regression?Regression as a defense mechanism refers to unconsciously reverting back (in terms of thoughts, feelings, behaviours....) to an earlier stage of development.It is a defense mechanism that is used to deal with the current stressors of our lives.People usually regress when they find it difficult to address their issues in an age-appropriate manner or when they feel that they aren’t in a position to intervene at all. As in the case of Raj! Raj, a middle school-age child, started wetting his bed like an infant who hasn’t received any toilet training because he couldn’t bear the anxiety caused by relocation and separation from his peers. Another kind of regressive tendency often seen among children is thumb-sucking. Addressing the underlying unmet need in the child usually corrects the regressive behaviour.However, children aren’t the only ones susceptible to such behaviours.Regression in Adults: Case StudyRaj grows up to be a typical 20-year-old who wishes to study abroad. He makes it to his desired college and begins a new life in a new apartment with new people to reside with. However, he finds it difficult to sleep at night and soon shoots off an email to his parents requesting to send his childhood Teddy. Highly amused by this request, his parents choose to comply. Raj starts sleeping well cuddling with his Teddy.Regression often helps to meet short term benefits, e.g., sleep as in the case of our young man here. He copes with the apparent insecurity of his new lifestyle by extracting some sense of protection from his childhood source of safety: his Teddy.However, a problem arises when we become dependent on such defense mechanisms and refuse to learn from our new experiences. So instead of adapting to his new friends and environment by socializing and knowing his way around, if Raj decides to meet his security needs by reverting to an early psychological stage (sleeping with his Teddy) that provides immediate soothing, Raj is exhibiting the defense mechanism of regression. Usually, the mindset behind such exhibits is to unconsciously receive the nurturance and reassurance provided by an adult authority figure that took care of all your hardships faced in childhood.Now Raj, a 35-year-old, takes up a job and lives with his wife. His boss, an old yet sharp man with greying hair, usually criticizes his work and never shows a sense of appreciation. Unable to take this daily dose of censure and the following pen-chewing sessions anymore, Raj goes back home, curls into a ball of mess and starts crying—rocking back and forth as a baby cradled in his mother’s arms.Does his crying like that seem out of the ordinary? Indeed it does! That is because our fully grown adult version of Raj is yet again regressing. Regression takes place among adults facing unresolved frustration.Resorting to such behaviours as pen chewing is indicative of ‘fixation’ that occurs at a particular point in childhood where our desires have not been gratified or maybe in some cases- over gratified. These disturbances in the normal course of development, in Freudian psychology, become your safe haven to which you return every time you find yourself in a pos...
When two people come together to get into a relationship, they may be looking for a short term fling or a long term serious relationship. It is obviously important that the two partners have the same expectation from the relationship or have Common Goals in Relationship. What is not so obvious is that the partners should also be able to understand each others goals that may not be related to the relationship but to other areas of their life as well.Lack of understanding of partner's goals can become a major source of problems and conflicts in a relationship.Goals in Relationship: Case StudyRohan & Mona, after being together for nearly two years, decided to get married. However it was only within few months of marriage that they started having troubles & issues.It all started when Mona wanted to go for the course of interior decoration & needed money.. Whereas Rohan insisted her on doing a computer course.. rather than wasting both her time & money... over learning things that one can even do without having a degree.This conflict continued for months. Mona, during those days used to feel like a puppet... Merely dancing on the strings... Controlled by her master (Rohan)... Whereas Rohan on the other hand, used to feel frustrated.. that why Mona is not understanding him..? Why is she doing this..?Importance of understanding partner's goals in relationship?This lack of understanding regarding what each of them want & why, lead to bitterness in their relationship. The bubbles of love were smeared by thorns of differences!!!This is a very common problem between partners.Anywhere when different goals or outcomes come in the picture, friction is experienced whether we like it or not.Being in a relationship is not only about sharing "Love". It is also about sharing responsibilities, caring commitments & adhering acceptance for one-another & for each other's "GOALS".You may be wondering... "Is it really that important to understand the goals that partner's have in relationship?"Honestly we undermine the importance of goals that partners have in a relationship.Entering into a relationship means merging of two different worlds. This merge can be difficult if the "walls of goals" become too thick without doors of understanding and adjustment. Which then leaves no way for love to enter in!What do we mean by goals in relationship?'Goals' simply stated, is an aim or a 'dream' that one wishes to achieve.*¹It can be anything like... Getting a degree, a high paid job in MNC, learning piano, getting married & starting a family, establishing a new business etc.It functions as a "motivational force" that makes individual strive hard for its accomplishment.Once achieved it provides a sense of happiness, fulfilment, & satisfaction.The joy is doubled because there is a companion who has a "same goal as ours'' or simply because there is someone to "support" us and enjoy the journey and the success with us.What if partners have different goals in relationship?It's not simple and straight forward at all times after all, is it?There are times when the partners have "different (at times even conflicting) goals".A typical example would be where one person may want to spend more time with family while the other person in the relationship maybe wanting to focus more on career that requires them to spend time away from family.Does this have a potential to create problems?It does, doesn't it?Their lives seem to be moving in two different directions.This could lead to, each becoming lost in their own worlds or even worse, where one "compromises" for another!!They change, adjust, sacrifice & forget to live for themselves.Just so that their partners can achieve their goals!!(btw... this is not a healthy egalitarian relationship, Where one person's dreams are fulfilled at the cost of another)
IntroductionIn most relationships, love or absence of it is rarely a problem. Not knowing how to express love in way a that your partner understands is. In this post we will focus on understanding, discovering & find ways of applying the 5 love languages model to express love to our partners in a way that our partner understands.What is love?"Love" has been the most desired, debated, talked about.., controversial emotion...that many of us claim to have "mastered". We have all experienced it at some point in our life... But ironically most of us are still unfamiliar of its truest essence!People marry out of love.., care for one another because of love... And do all the special things to make their partner know that.. "yes! I love you". However, with time & age, just as things decay.., their love also decays & Fades away..!!Let us consider a stereotypical love scenario...!"A couple gets married out of love.. Initial years are filled with joy and happiness. But then the man gets busy with work.. & ..the wife with family... Even though he doesn’t find time to go out with the family; he never forgets to gift his wife on special occasions.The wife on her part begins to feels that 'he doesn't spend time with her because he feels no love for her anymore. It is because of this lack of love that he keeps himself busy.' She begins to believe that they are together not out of love, But .. Just out of responsibilities'.The man, on the other hand keeps himself busy because he feels his love for his wife is best expressed by gifting her expensive jewelry, buying a better house and giving her everything she ever dreamt of. "What happens next? The same partners who are actually in love begin to suspect their beloved, check their phone calls & messages; experience conflict, turmoil, sexual jealousy which may even lead to infidelity & / or divorce.What do you think is the primary reason for the same?Is it really lack of love? orIs it the lack of understanding of how the other partner understands love?One of the primary reason why many relationships break¹ is... We don't know how to "communicate" love. We don't know what our partner's predominant love language is.² (yes..! You heard right... even love has a language..!)Understanding the Concept behind the 5 Love LanguagesWe, many a times, don’t understand what makes our partner feel loved and what doesn't. The scenario that you read above.. Simply states that both loved each other... But their language to express & understand (feel) love were different. It was this difference that made them unsatisfied despite being together!Gary Chapman in his book has talked about ways to long lasting love & relationship. And based on that... I wish to provide you all a gist, that can help you convey your love in a correct (read effective) way... Straight to the heart of the person that matters to you...! (no more efforts in vein!.. No more struggling..!, sounds almost magical, no?)What are the 5 Love Languages? Words of Affirmation: Simply meaning, saying words that makes your partner feel good, wanted, loved & accepted (& ya... Saying it with the feel) This can be in a form of appreciation, encouragement, compliment, gratitude etc... that makes the receiver feel loved. For example : you are looking beautiful, I appreciate what you did for me, I love you, thanks for being with me...Etc. Quality Time: This simply means "spending time together" by giving your undivided attention, affection & energy to the one you love. This includes going for a walk or just sitting together and talking. It can also include doing absolutely nothing but cherishing one another's presence & company..!There are times when your partner may complain about lack of quality time even after you have spent time together at a party. This may confuse you but remember what they are after is not quantity of time but the quality which means complete and u...
In life, we often face challenges that tear at the very fabric of our existence. One such challenge, universally experienced yet seldom addressed, is the aftermath of a breakup.No university, school, culture, or the law of the state.. really teaches us how to deal with breakup, how to manage rejection & the pain that comes with it. Most importantly how to still love oneself despite being left by the one we loved.This post aims to provide not only practical tips for individuals navigating through the emotional aftermath but also insights into therapeutic techniques employed by professionals to aid in this journey.Tips to Move On After a Breakup: A Guided JourneyGoing through a breakup is undoubtedly one of life's toughest challenges. Here are some heartfelt tips that, while we hope you never need, can be your companions on the path to healing:Life's Ensemble: Understand that people and things are components of your life, not its entirety. You are the lead actor of your life's drama. Live for yourself—immerse in activities you love or explore new passions like baking or gardening after a breakup.Taking a Step for Yourself: Acknowledge that it can be incredibly difficult to find the motivation to do anything. Nevertheless, take that step for yourself. In challenging times, small actions for self-care can make a significant difference.Cherishing Memories: Memories are everlasting, even if the moments are not. Cherish the beautiful times rather than dwelling on the pain of their absence. Reflect on the joy you shared instead of lamenting their departure.The Art of Letting Go: If cherishing memories doesn't bring relief, learn to "let go." Many philosophies suggest that people and things enter our lives for a purpose—to teach us life's lessons. Letting go creates space for new experiences and opportunities.Solitude as a Catalyst: Transform solitude into a catalyst for spiritual growth and self-discovery. Embrace your own company; travel, shop, eat, and read—all solo. This experience can be an enriching journey rather than a painful scar.Learning from Breakups: Treat breakups as valuable teachers. Reflect on what not to follow and what patterns to avoid in future relationships. Every breakup holds lessons for personal growth.Faith and Hope: Maintain faith and hope. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is nature's way of signaling that you deserve something better. Trust in the unseen possibilities that lie ahead.Time as a Healer: Give yourself the gift of time. Time has a profound healing effect. Allow yourself the space to heal at your own pace, without rushing the process.Professional Support: If moving forward seems insurmountable, consider seeking help from a therapist, psychologist, or any professional dedicated to guiding individuals through pain. A few sessions can be transformative, aiding in personal growth and resilience.Remember, healing is a unique journey for each individual. These tips are here to accompany you on your path towards rediscovering joy and becoming the best version of yourself.Note:The insights shared in this article aim to assist you in navigating the challenges associated with the loss of love. If you seek clarity on learning from your past relationships, not only to facilitate moving on after a breakup but also to guarantee that your future relationships are characterized by greater happiness, health, and fulfillment, we recommend exploring our Online Course: "Ultimate Guide to Love, Dating, and Relationships."Empowering Clients Post-Breakup: A Therapeutic ApproachUnderstanding Client Needs: Clients seeking assistance post-breakup often grapple with a spectrum of emotions—ranging from fear and anxiety about the future to suppressed guilt, helplessness, and lingering anger from the past. Addressing this emotional complexity is paramount for effective therapeutic support.Guiding Emotional Transformation: To facilitate ...
The Concept of Emotional and Physical Sexuality from hypnotherapy is probably the most useful concept for understanding relationships and how people relate to each other.‘Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.’Walter WinchellIn every relationship there is some amount of dichotomy.When you sail in the sea of relationships, you may have to go through some murky waters as there will always be differences between partners.The boat sails smoothly till both the partners understand the differences and yet row towards the same direction in a coordinated manner.The key operating words are 'understanding' and 'coordinating'.Understanding and coordination can only take place if there is effective communication between partners. Communication becomes an essential ingredient in any relationship.Since communication includes: giving out information and receiving & interpreting information,for effective communication, it is important to understand both.In our suggestibility article we have already covered how people can receive and interpret information either literally or inferentially. Let us focus on how people give out information in this article.When it comes to giving out information in a relationship, some people: Express more Express lessMost people believe that people express more do so because they feel more and the ones who express less do so because they feel less. This however is not necessarily the case.We may notice, that in each relationship, one partner is more comfortable verbalizing, touching and living by feelings and one who is more comfortable thinking, retaining his or her own counsel, and living by logic and reason. One is heart-ruled, one head-ruled.In reality both are equally capable of thinking and feeling, and both possess an ability to act out logically or emotionally. Yet each is more comfortable with a particular behaviour than the other is.As per the theory of Emotional and Physical Sexuality generally covered in hypnotherapy, the ones more comfortable expressing their feeling are termed as Physical Sexual (or PS) and the one more comfortable with thinking and logic are termed as Emotional Sexuals (or ES). People with Emotional Sexuality may appear not to have any emotions. However that isn’t true, they experience emotions but they don’t express it, they prefer dealing with emotions through logic instead.Note: The term Physical and Emotional used here are not based on how we use them in our day to day conversations. Also none of us are completely physical or completely emotional sexuals, we are a mix of both with a tendency to move towards extremes during conflicts and intense stress.Emotional and Physical Sexuality and its interplay in relationshipsNow that you have a fair understanding of Sexuality, let us also take a look at how these different sexualities function in a relationship in different areas: During Conflict: When there is a conflict, a PS feels the need to talk about it & resolve it immediately. On the other hand an ES needs some time and space to mull over it. This need for space and time on part of ES is interpreted as rejection by PS. Feeling of rejection creates more emotional discomfort which leads the PS to talk more, which in turn makes the ES feel suffocated as they are not getting enough space to think. This makes the ES withdraw even more thereby creating a vicious cycle. Physical proximity & Sex: This is another area where the differences in sexualities is very evident. PS are more comfortable with physical proximity & feel that sex is an expression of love. If they have sex with their partner even during times of conflict, they feel loved & accepted. ES on the other hand perceive sex as a biological need and not necessarily as an expression of love. They generally need less sex and express less physical affection than PS. Also the way they react during and post the act of sex is quite different from the way PS react.
Following is a transcript of an interview on Hypnosis. During this interview we define hypnosis in simple terms with practical examples. Hello Nitin, I am Sabista Hi Sabista, I have a couple of questions about hypnosis and its application. Can you please help me understand what is Hypnosis in simple, laymen terms? Before I answer that, tell me, What image comes to your mind when you hear the word hypnosis? Three different things come to my mind. First, is the image of a man with a pendulum, second, is a state of deep relaxation and third, is a man or a woman acting like a chicken. But I am not really sure if any of this is really hypnosis? Ok, so let me help you with this. Hypnosis is defined as state of hyper suggestibility. Simply speaking it is a state in which the person is more receptive and willing to accept ideas and suggestions. Ok, but receptive to what kind of suggestions and by whom? This in my understanding is by far the most crucial and yet, the most overlooked question! People in a hypnotic state are more receptive to suggestions that they wanted to accept but were not able to accept earlier. What does this exactly mean? Why would I need hypnosis to accept something that I already wanted to accept? To understand this, think of a time when you wanted to do something but you weren't able to. For example: you may have wanted to get up in the morning and exercise. You even set an alarm to get up but when the alarm rings in the morning, you almost on an autopilot put the alarm on snooze.Another example could be of wanting to quit smoking but not being able to. Basically any thing that you want to do but you procrastinate can be considered as an example.I'm sure you can think of more things on these lines. In each of these situations it is as if you are having an internal conflict between two parts of your mind. One part that makes the decision and another part that controls our relatively automatic behaviours & emotional states.The part that makes the decision is what we call as the conscious mind and the part that is controlling the automatic behaviours is the unconscious mind.So, there are many instances where the conscious mind makes the decision but the unconscious doesn't accept the same. This is where hypnosis comes into play. In a hypnotic state the unconscious is more receptive to suggestions that the conscious wants to accept in a way that the unconscious can make the application of the suggestion easier & more natural.In short you can help a person do the things they want to do but weren't able to do with the help of hypnosis. This includes helping them change behaviours, manage emotions, break habit patterns, recall memories, enhance performance, develop skills and a lot more. Ohh… I thought Hypnosis could be used to control people? Can it be? No, not to control people but you can influence them to a large extent. How exactly? As mentioned earlier, people will only accept what they wanted to accept but were not able to. Which means a desire to accept the suggestion is very important for hypnosis to work. What suggestions and ideas are people most willing to and least resistant to accept? The ones that are their own, isn't it? Yes When you learn conversational hypnosis, you learn to communicate with people in a way that you are able to create an illusion, an illusion that the idea you wanted them to accept is their own idea. Since they think it is their own idea the chances of them accepting it increases drastically. That said, you must have a chance to communicate with the person and the person should be willing to listen to you. This in most cases is comparatively easy to manage. Does the person need to be in a deep state of relaxation for Hypnosis to work? Deep Relaxation is one of the ways of inducing a hypnotic or hyper-suggestible state, but it is not the only way. Confusion, shock,
IntroductionMost people set goals, quite a few even create a plan of actions but very few actually achieve their goals. We will explore the different reasons for this and also understand how you can use the NLP Anchoring process to you move from goal setting to goal accomplishment.As humans, whatever we do, we do with an objective to achieve an outcome (accomplish a goal). This outcome / goal could be something material, emotional or it could just be a state of mind that we may or may not be aware of.Yet most of us continue to struggle due to our inability to achieve these outcomes.What stops us from accomplishing our goals?The reason why we are not able to achieve the desired goal, even when we know the goal, is because achieving this goal generally depends on a series of actions (including inaction) which needs to be contextualised as per specific situations or circumstances.Our actions in turn are dependent on our knowledge, our skills and the emotions we experience in a given situation. Acquiring new knowledge & developing new skills would require us to be in a mental state which is conducive for the same.This mental state is itself dependent on our emotions which generally is a result of what has happened to us in the past or what is happening to us in the present.So it wouldn’t be incorrect to say that our ability to achieve our outcome is dependent on how we feel about what has happened to us in the past and what is happening to us in the present.Notice the key words here are our feelings about what has happened to us or what is happening to us i.e. our feelings about external stimuli or trigger. How we act is dependent on these feelings.This is the primary reason for the struggle we have in our day to day life.Which brings us to the question, how do we minimise this struggle and increase our chances of achieving our goals or outcome?Secret to Goal AccomplishmentThe secret to accomplishing your goals more naturally would be to learn to experience appropriate emotions at will.By appropriate emotions I mean the emotions that are most likely to drive our actions in a way that we move closer to our outcome. But this is easier said than done.Our emotions are automatic reactions to stimuli/triggers and are seldom a result of our conscious choice.Researches have shown that the part of the brain that controls reactions and emotions known as "amygdala" works faster than our conscious, rational brain. In other words, experiencing emotions at will would require us to create stimuli / triggers (for different emotions) that can be controlled at will.This is exactly what the Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) process of anchoring also known as installing a trigger in hypnosis can help us achieve.What is NLP Anchoring?Anchoring is a process which, on the face of it, is similar to the concept of classical conditioning in psychology and deals with associating an internal response with an external or internal trigger.This trigger could usually be a gesture, an image or a sound.Once a strong association is created in a person, the person experiences the internal response whenever the trigger is initiated or activated.An example of an anchor could be associating a particular sound to a particular emotion. Whenever the person hears that sound, he / she would experience the particular emotion.One can create different anchors for different emotions. This is almost like installing a switch board where each switch is a button for an emotion. The beauty of the NLP anchoring process is that it could be used with self or with others. It can be used in one to one sessions or in groups for Goal Accomplishment.5 Step NLP Process for Simple Anchoring: The first step in anchoring is to help the person access the mental state that is to be anchored. This mental state is accessed with the help of a past experience or an imagination. Once the person recalls the past experience or creates the desired imaginati...
At first glance, Hypnosis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy seem like distinct therapeutic approaches, each with its own strengths and limitations. However, what if we could combine the two to create Cognitive Hypnotherapy?But is it even possible to integrate the two?Since problems that people face are a result of their thoughts and behaviours which could be conscious as well as the subconscious, resolution of problems require a shift at both the conscious and the subconscious levels. There are different approaches to therapies that focus on these levels separately.One of the most popular approaches to deal with conscious thoughts and behaviours is CBT. And the approach that deals with unconscious thoughts and automatic behaviours is Hypnotherapy. What is CBT?Beginning with CBT first, CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is a systematic approach to Psychotherapy, which is growing in popularity as an effective psycho-therapeutic method to help people deal with various kinds of emotional and psychological issues.Its effectiveness as a mode of therapy has been more extensively researched than any other approach to psychotherapy. Its treatment sessions are brief and highly structured.Where is CBT effective?CBT can help people overcome and deal with a wide range of issues. Some of these problems include:AnxietyPanic disordersAddictionsEating disordersObsessive Compulsive DisordersFears and PhobiasPost-traumatic Stress DisordersSocial PhobiaDepressionPersonality disordersChronic aches and pains, etc.What are the limitations of CBT?CBT focuses on changing the cognitive thought process & behaviours of an individual. It isn’t rocket science and most of the steps are relatively simple. In fact, many of the principles and suggestions may seem like common sense.Requires persistence, focus and hard workThe problem with CBT is that the actual application of the principles & suggestions is far from easy. Using CBT to help yourself requires a lot of personal efforts, diligence, repetition and determination. It is a lot like developing a new skill or a habit. It requires persistence, focus and hard work.Unconscious thought processesAnother limitation of CBT is that there are times when the thought processes that need to be challenged or disputed may be unconscious; that is, the individual may not be aware of his/her unhealthy cognitions (an example of this can be phobias, anxiety, OCD). So in such instances, identifying the negative beliefs and attempting to change them through challenging and disputation can become a tedious and long-drawn procedure which can lead to some of the clients giving up on therapy after a certain point in time.Awareness is not equal to changeAlso, even if the client is aware of the thought processes, awareness does not necessarily lead to change. For example:I may be aware of the fact that I have a phobia of cockroaches, and I may even admit that my phobia is irrational and ridiculous, yet every time I look at a cockroach I still jump!The same could be true for smoking and other addictions. I might be aware that smoking is destroying my health, yet I may be unable to quit. And even if I do quit, the chances of relapse or substitution can be very high because there might be an unconscious positive intention associated with the addiction.So, in such cases, simply disputing or challenging the idea might not work. One can use exposure therapy in case of phobias but it may require a lot of time.So is there a way to overcome these limitations?This is where the usefulness of Hypnosis comes into play.What is Hypnosis?Hypnosis is a state of hyper-suggestibility. In simple words, Hypnosis is a state in which a person is open to receiving suggestions and are naturally able to respond to these suggestions effectively.Thus Hypnosis can be very useful in helping people beco...
I had this friend in college, who had a habit of complaining constantly. She would complain about almost anything and everything. The manner in which she complained was such that she was generally the focus of attention in social gatherings.I kept wondering why was she behaving the way that she did?On observing her closely, I noticed that her behaviour of complaining was unconsciously fulfilling her need for getting attention and support from friends. In other words the positive intention behind her complaining was getting attention & feeling supported. (On subsequent conversations with her, this understanding was validated.)So what do we mean by Positive Intention?Positive intention or Secondary Gain or Payback as some people call it, is the conscious or unconscious benefit we derive of any behaviour.One of the presuppositions of NLP is that every behaviour, good or bad, has a positive intention.For whom is the Positive intention positive?This Positive intention is ‘positive’ or beneficial for either the person or a part of that person who is engaging in that behaviour.Understanding Positive Intention with Examples Aches and PainsNote: Even aches and pains are considered as internal behaviours of the bodyThere are people who suffer from aches and pains for years, sometimes they are chronic. In many cases, there is no medical issue behind it; in other words, they are psychosomatic.For some of them, when their loved ones spend time with them, they get better and their health improves. However, as soon as their loved ones move away, the health issues resurface.Although the person may not be aware of it, maybe the unconscious positive intention is to get love and care from their family and loved ones. Even though consciously the person may want the pain to go, yet a part of him/her is still holding on to it. ProcrastinationSuppose I’m a person who procrastinates a lot, to the extent that I don’t begin working till the last minute before the deadline. When I finally start working, I worry and panic and get exhausted. Yet, despite knowing that, I still have the pattern of procrastinating work.Now, why would I procrastinate even when I know that it will cause me stress in the end?It might be the fact that the last minute completion makes me feel a sense of achievement and pride, and I may even enjoy the ‘drive’ of the last-minute panic.So the positive intention in my head could be something like, ‘Look I made it in spite of the very little time! I’m proud of myself!’In short, this behaviour of procrastination is giving me something, and fulfilling an unconscious motivation that I have, which is the feeling of pride and accomplishment.Note: these are just examples of positive intention behind pain & procrastination, different people may have different positive intentions behind same behaviour.So should we Focus on Positive Intention or on Behaviour?There is a common expression 'focus on the intention, not the behaviour'.This is true when you wish to change the behaviour, but the problem is that people use this expression to justify a behaviour. They keep using the same behaviour, that creates certain problems, again and again but try to cover it up by saying "my intention was positive".When I hear this expression, my response is, really?Just because there is positive intention, it does not mean that the behaviour is appropriate or helpful (for myself or for others).So in the above example, the behaviour is still causing me more harm than good, because it makes me feel anxious and stressed, thus adversely affecting my health.To explain this in a simple way, the positive intention behind a thief robbing a bank may be to feed his family or to become rich, yet the behaviour of stealing (moral values aside) may actually end up doing more harm because he might end up in jail and his family members and children might be left to fend for themselves.
Hypnotic Suggestibility is a scale that was earlier used to understand whether or not a person is "hypnotizable". It was believed that the ones who accepted suggestions easily were highly suggestible, and the ones who didn't were less suggestible. The higher the suggestibility score for a person, the more hypnotizable they were considered to be. Re-defining SuggestibilityThrough his research, John Kappas showed that almost everyone accepts suggestions, provided the suggestions are given in a way that the listener is comfortable receiving.Hence he re-defined the term suggestibility. As per Kappas's definition, Hypnotic Suggestibility is the way in which people receive and interpret information. He elaborated by saying that people can receive and interpret information in two ways:LiterallyInferentiallyThe literal are the kinds who take information as it is, at face value.For e.g. to a literal, even if you sarcastically say something good, they believe it to be true by taking it at face value and feel good about it. They may even say thank you for it.This doesn't mean that they are stupid. It is just that they simply take information literally.On the other hand, an inferential as a tendency to read between the lines. So even when you genuinely give a compliment to an inferential, the inferential might interpret that you want something from them.Having said this, we are not 100% literal or 100% inferential; we are a mixture of both, but we could likely be more of a literal or more inferential is specific situations or with specific people.Application of Hypnotic Suggestibility in day to day lifeThis understanding of suggestibility can be very useful in our day to day life. Let's take an example of a couple wherein the husband has less knowledge and interest in the kitchen. Before leaving the house, the wife tells him to put the milk in the refrigerator. So, he takes the information literally and does exactly what is told, without realizing that even vegetables are kept outside and that need to go in the refrigerator too. As a result of which, there is a conflict in the evening when the wife sees spoilt vegetables.On the other hand, say the husband is very inferential when it comes to receiving information about traveling. His wife is planning to go out of town; she might say I am yet to fold my clothes. He might infer that she needs help and may not only end up folding the clothes but also pack her bags and list the places she could go to.This behaviour (result of his inference) might irk the wife because she never asked for it. Over here, the husband has interpreted too many things already.So at one place he was literal, and at the other inferential.In order to explain suggestibility better, John Kappas came up with two scales. These scales were derived based on questionnaires. Since Kappas believed that suggestibility gets fixed at the age of 14, the questionnaires focus on questions before the age of 14. We no longer subscribe to this idea. In interactions and in therapies, it is observed that with time and depending on certain factors (which we cover in our courses), SUGESTIBILITY SHIFTS!Other Applications of theory of Hypnotic SuggestibilityAlong with improving our ability to communicate and build happier relationships, this understanding of Suggestibility and how it shifts is very useful in other areas like conducting a training program, taking therapies & coaching.For example, in any training program or workshop there are many people who come from different brackets of life and are very different from one another. Some maybe more inferential in nature, whereas some maybe more literal. Thus, to enhance the effectiveness of the program, it becomes very crucial for a trainer / facilitator to be able to appeal to all sorts of people, whether inferential or literal.The content design,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMWNNJNT--IIntroductionIn this post, we will focus on understanding what is the psychological defense mechanism of displacement, why we use it, how it can lead to certain problems and the steps that a therapist can use to help the client who is facing issues due to displacement.Defense Mechanism of Displacement: Case StudyA young girl recently called for therapy. When asked what it is for, she said, "My work is affecting my family life. I lose my temper at work because of my boss, he shouts and insults me like a moron, and I remove all the anger on my younger sister at home, and now, it is affecting my relationship with her. Please help!"Haven't we heard similar stories or even experienced this?Well, this is a classic example of the defense mechanism of Displacement.What is Displacement in Psychology?In Freudian psychology, displacement (German: "shift, move") is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind substitutes either a new aim or a new object for goals felt in their original form to be dangerous or unacceptable.Displacement involves shifting your true feelings from the original, anxiety-provoking provoking thought to a target that is less harmful or non-threatening (based on individual perception).What causes Displacement?Displacement occurs when we shift our emotions and actions from the actual desired target to a substitute target:Based on individual perceptions and beliefs about the circumstances orDue to the lack of skills to handle the circumstancesLike in the above example, the girl gets extremely angry at her boss, but she can't do much since she fears losing her job, so in effect, the anger is directed at her younger sister, who she perceives as a safer target.What is the purpose of the defense mechanism of displacement?The purpose of this unconscious defense mechanism is generally to release the pent up emotions by directing it elsewhere, thereby causing less harm or, many times, no harm at all to the person feeling those emotions.Problem with over-dependence on DisplacementHowever, if we are unaware of this displaced anger, or even if we are aware and the behaviour is often repeated, it could cause serious complications and issues in the person’s life. In the above case, this had already started to happen, as her relationship with her sister was indeed getting adversely affected.How does displacement in psychology work?In some cases, like the case mentioned above, Displacement may involve retaining the action and simply shifting the target of that action. So, the girl wanted to shout back at her boss but instead displaced the shouting at her sister.However, at times, this way of Displacement might not be feasible. So, in this case, the person may change the action along with the target. For instance, if I cannot shout at my boss, I would take a punching bag and keep punching it till I feel better. This way of Displacement is often quite satisfactory and workable mechanisms for releasing energy more safely.Even dreams can be interpreted as the displacement of stored tensions into other forms (dreams are often highly metaphoric), e.g. a mouse hitting a dragon with a hockey stick. Where the dragon is the boss and the mouse is you.Like every defense mechanism, displacement is good in the short run. However, it can lead to major complications when this continues in the long run. It is for this reason very important to channelize it in a healthy manner and come up with alternative solutions.If you or someone you know has been using the defense mechanism of displacement and is seeking help to improve your current life situation, call us on +91-8080-2084-73 or use the contact us form.Therapists Niche: Working with DisplacementWhen a client has been using the defense mechanism of displacement, there are two basic possibilities:
What is the Emotional Empowerment Technique?The emotional Empowerment Technique (EET) is based on some of the principles of acupuncture and Hypnosis.It is a simple tapping procedure that gently realigns the body’s energy system along with incorporating the element of self suggestions to address unresolved emotional issues as a likely contributing cause of physical disease, psychological and emotional dysfunction and personal performance limits.As we understand now, emotions are closely linked with emotional energy. Disturbing emotions create similar disturbances in energy. These can be experienced in the form of;Aches and painsDisturbing recurring thoughtsHeightened emotional pain or disturbancesNegative emotional experiences disrupt the energy meridians that run through our body. When properly applied, EET quickly realigns the energy meridians with respect to negative emotions, disconnects the physical discomfort that we attached to it, and quite often removes the resulting symptoms and induces a partial hypnotic state that allows easier acceptance of suggestions (love, acceptance, healing....) which results in healing on both Physical and Emotional level.This results in improved physical well-being and emotional health as well as higher levels of performance in any arena.EET as covered in this article has been found to be useful in managing both emotional and physical discomfort.https://www.youtube.com/embed/xGucLHFLD1IHow-to use Emotional Empowerment Technique (EET)?STEP 1:Pay attention to the problem in your body or mind (Example: Pain or anger etc.)STEP 2:Get in touch with the emotions/feelings associated with the complaint/problem.(Example: ‘Headache after feeling upset following an argument’ OR ‘Angry when things don’t go your way’)Try and be specific in assessing the feeling. The clearer the feelings become. The quicker one finds relief. Nevertheless, the technique works but may take a bit longer.STEP 3:Now give this emotion or complaint a number on a scale of 0 -10. Depending on the intensity & severity, zero is no pain or complaint & 10 is the maximum in severity.(You may write down the feeling/ complaint with the grade in front of it, for your reference as you work on it further)STEP 4:Making the Affirmation:“Even though a part of me feels/ experiences / has………………………………………… at a level of ................... on the scale of 10, Still I choose to love and accept, heal and integrate that part of me."EXAMPLES: -Even though a part of me has this fear of exams at a level of 7 on a scale of 10, still I choose to love & accept, heal & integrate that part of me.-Even though a part of me has this headache at a level of 8 on a scale of 10, still I chose to heal & integrate that part of me.-Even though a part of me has this stiffness in my neck at a level of 6 on a scale of 10, still I choose to heal & integrate that part of me.STEP 5:Say the Affirmation Three Times, while gently rubbing/ tapping the edge of the palm (karate chop area) OR Knee joints.STEP 6:Then, keep your hands on your chest for seven deep breaths.STEP 7: Check the intensity of the problem.If the problem is relieved totally i.e. come down to ‘0’ on the scale 0-10, then think of any pleasurable event or person and connect to the feeling of joy.If the problem is relieved partially, then mentally give it a number between 0-10, & start another round of EET saying the slightly modified affirmation.If there is no change at all, your subconscious mind is probably resisting the change. In such a situation do the EET by saying “Even though a part of me doesn't want to get over……………………….. still I choose to love & accept, heal & integrate that part of me.”NOTE: Say the affirmation with feeling & emphasis rather than saying it mechanically.EET can be done anywhere,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_4RNmwh3UMRepression and suppression are very similar defense mechanisms which people use in order for them to cope with a stimulus that can harm them.What is the Defense Mechanism of Suppression?Suppression is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual consciously pushes unwanted thoughts or emotions out of their awareness. This coping strategy helps them focus on what they need to do without getting sidetracked by inappropriate impulses or time constraints. It is a way to cope with stress, anxiety, and other negative feelings by avoiding them altogether. However, suppression can have negative effects in the long term, as the suppressed emotions may resurface in unhealthy ways.Consider a scenario where a wife is annoyed by her husband's behaviour while some guests are around. In such a situation, she may choose to control her reaction and postpone addressing the issue until they have left. While interacting with the guests, she may tell herself to focus on them and forget about her husband's behavior for the time being. By doing this, she manages her feelings of anger and controls her actions in the present. This approach can be helpful because it buys her time to take action without causing a scene in front of the guests.What is the Defense Mechanism of Repression?Repression, also known as dis-associative amnesia, is a psychological defense mechanism that involves unconsciously blocking out unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and impulses. This is similar to suppression, but repression is done without conscious awareness. Individuals might use repression to become unconscious about traumatic past memories. Some examples of repression include:A person having no recollection of the abuse suffered during childhoodA man having no recollection of an accident he had met withA woman having no recollection of intense pain she had gone through during childbirthThis is helpful in the short run because it saves the person from the intense negative emotions associated with these memories. However, these memories don't just disappear; they manifest through a symptom or series of symptoms and may continue to influence our behaviour. In the first example above, the person may find it challenging to get into relationships later, or in the second one, the man may develop a fear of driving without knowing why.Thus, the protective purpose that repression has also given us side effects, which may cause hindrance.So, how is repression different from forgetting?While it is common to overlook or forget unimportant information or even routine aspects of daily life, forgetting important information in the absence of more pressing concerns is often more unconscious in nature. Normal forgotten material can be recalled with the help of a trigger. For instance, if I forget to make an appointment with the doctor, a phone call later may jog my memory. Repression, however, involves unconsciously forgetting an idea, incident, or experience. A routine trigger may not suffice to retrieve these repressed memories.What is the difference between Suppression and Repression?Freud argued that Suppression generally produces more positive outcomes than Repression. Suppression involves intentionally dealing with unpleasant but not morally reprehensible thoughts or actions. For example, focusing on one problem at a time and suppressing other issues until the primary concern is resolved, as illustrated in the wife's example mentioned earlier. Counting to ten before reacting in anger is another example of suppression that can be useful in daily life.In contrast, Repression involves unconsciously forgetting an idea, incident, or experience. As an adult, a person who has repressed a particular incident cannot access the related memories through conscious effort alone; the memories are simply unavailable.
The whole point of setting a goal is to be able to accomplish it. Understanding why goal setting doesn't work for those that it doesn't work for can give us insights into how to make goal setting work. In other words the journey from goal setting to goal accomplishment may be easier if we understand what stops people from achieving the goals they have set. That is exactly what we will focus on in this post.There are a lot of people who complain that goal setting doesn't work for us. One of my friend recently told me:Even after setting my goals and creating the plan of action, I’m just not able to accomplish them goals. And I know that the problem is that I am not really able to apply the plans I have made.I should be able to apply them. The plans are very realistic, structured and easy to understand. Yet I am just not able to. Maybe it’s because of laziness that I procrastinate. It is so frustrating but I can't do anything about it.This is the story of not just my friend but many others. Because they are not able to take action, they say goal setting doesn't work.Which brings us to the important question, why people not are able to take actions that are on their plans?People do not apply the plans they have generally because of one of the following two reasons:Lack of motivationResistanceWhy goal setting doesn't work: Lack of MotivationAs far as lack of motivation is concerned, it is generally a result of:Lack of interestA feeling that the returns are not as much as the effortsWhy goal setting doesn't work: ResistanceResistance, on the other hand is generally a result of the feeling (conscious or unconscious) that the changes required to achieve the goal or the changes which will be a result of achieving the goal are not ecological.The word "Ecology" refers to the relationship between an organism and his environment, i.e. how a change in the organism (behaviour of the person) affects his overall environment (different aspects of his life).For example:If I choose to grow my business and for that I have to spend more time working (change in my behaviour), it would mean I may have less time to spend with my family (impact on other areas of my life). As a result my wife and children may feel bad about getting less time or attention. This may lead to problems in my relationships (undesirable outcome).Thus a change in me in one area creates a ripple effect in other areas of my life and in the lives of others around me. If these ripple effects are also positive, than my action is ecological, but if the ripple effect leads to undesirable outcomes, than the action is not ecological, and so the subconscious may resist these kind of actions or goals.In short, a change is not ecological when:It would lead to problems in certain areas of my life or the lives of people around me. Above mentioned example represents the same.It would require me to let go of something or someone important to me. For example if I like getting attention and getting a lot of attention from people around me because of some problems that I'm facing, than I may resist resolving the problem because resolution of problem may lead to reduction in attention that I'm getting.Making Goal Setting work:Now that we know the reasons behind why goal setting doesn't work let us talk about the best ways of dealing with these reasons.Lack of motivation:To deal with lack of interest, as far as possible, create your goals and plans around things and the kind of work that interests you. If the activity itself is not interesting, connect it to an interesting outcome or create a sense of urgency. You can use the NLP Anchoring Process to associate excitement with the different tasks on the action plan.To make the efforts and rewards ratio more favourable, consider not only the main and the obvious benefits of achieving the outcome but also all the other positive...
A few days ago, a friend lost her cell phone. She kept looking for her phone (a good thing to do for some time) for like an eternity. After a point, I felt exhausted seeing the number of times she checked her bag to find her phone. Around this time, her father entered the room and asked her for her phone because he wanted someone's number; she said she would text him in a bit.Her reply sounded like a lie to me. I found it weird but didn't say anything. After an hour or so, the fact that her phone was lost sunk in. She cribbed a bit, went to her father, and told him that she had lost her phone and thus couldn't help him with the number.This was when it struck me that she was not lying but was in denial!What is the psychological defense mechanism of Denial?Denial is a defense mechanism! It is an unconscious refusal to admit or to recognize something that has occurred or is currently occurring.Then, what is lying?Many people get confused between lying and denial. However, there is a difference.Lying is more often a deliberate tactic of impression management, manipulation, and responsibility avoidance. E.g. after a boy was caught shoplifting, he denied it completely to save himself from punishment! Here denying the deed includes purposeful lying. Lying can be conscious and, at times, even unconscious for habitual liars, i.e. they may lie automatically without even thinking.Denial happens unconsciously! Its purpose is to save the person from unbearable feelings. In many cases, there might be overwhelming evidence that something is lost, yet the person will continue to deny the loss not because he is lying but because he doesn't even believe that the loss has happened.Purpose of the psychological defense mechanism of DenialA person is in denial to unconsciously avoid the extremely uncomfortable feeling that he would have to face. For example, after being diagnosed with a terminal illness, the person may completely deny the reports and refuse to go through treatment for the same.Mental healthcare experts place denial at the first stage of coping! Denial is also the first stage out of the five stages of loss conceptualized by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book on death and dying.Therefore, when an unpleasant event occurs, the first impulse of disbelief begins the coping process. For example, the news that an aeroplane in which your friend has crashed may put you in denial. You may feel this hasn't happened and check and re-check with others. Or let us say, in my friends' case, the disbelief that her phone was lost initially saved her from guilt and anger!Denial has sub-typesSimple Denial: In many cases, individuals may deny reality completely. For example, a wife may completely deny the fact that her husband passed away.Minimization: Many times, people reduce the intensity by admitting to the fact but denying its seriousness. E.g. A chain smoker may admit that she is addicted to smoking but argues that nothing will happen to her. Therefore, she denies the effects of smoking. Thus, this minimizing becomes a mixture of denial as well as rationalization.Projection: When in Denial, individuals may accept the fact and even its intensity but may end up blaming someone or something instead of owning up to it. E.g., A husband, after beating his wife, may say, "She provoked me to beat her up" –here, he denies responsibility for his actions.Denial is an unconscious tool, very powerful in nature. It is temporarily adequate but not always particularly healthy to mitigate emotional pain.
Fear is an inbuilt survival mechanism. Like other emotions, the intensity of fear can vary from mild to medium or intense.Fear response or "fight-or-flight" mechanism is activated in our bodies whenever we sense danger or if we're confronted with something that seems potentially dangerous.However, many situations are simply perceived as being dangerous but, in reality, may not be dangerous. In other words, these are symbolic stressors that can activate a fear response, which can sometimes be unnecessary.For example, a person may see a dog at a distance and get scared, starts sweating and trembling. Now this reaction is not needed since the dog is not causing any harm currently. (This reaction may be necessary only if the dog is trying to bite you).However, sometimes fear can be useful as well.E.g. A person who can't swim and feels scared to dive in a pool ensures safety and takes precautions. However, fears become a reason for concern when they are persistent and disrupt our daily functioning.Reasons behind FearMost of the time, our fears are due to certain associations -Past experiences: A girl may panic the moment it starts raining because she was held up at a place for two days due to heavy rains.Learning: A child may observe his elder brother getting scared of lizards and reacting in a particular way. The child may pick it up, thinking this must be dangerous and eventually learn to feel scared.What is the difference between fears and phobias?In most cases, the fears may appear irrational to an outsider, but the person experiencing the fear generally seems to have a rationale behind holding on to the fear.This is where from a therapeutic perspective, phobia becomes different from fears.For most phobic responses, even people who have the phobia understand that the phobia is irrational. People who have phobias may even know that what they feel has no specific reason, but they still feel petrified!Fear is when an individual sees a dog and gets nervous. One is said to have a phobia when a person might not want to leave the house because he hears a dog barking far off.Phobias are very intense fear that the person knows is irrational.So what happens in the mind when we feel fear or phobia?We are aware that stimulus creates a response.What we need to know is that there is an internal world between stimulus and response. This internal world is unique to each of us and determines the response we give to the stimulus. That is why not all of us are scared of dogs, snakes, lizards, etc.Let us take an example from a case: A woman jumped and screamed every time she saw a cockroach. She knew the cockroach couldn't harm her, but she reacted that way automatically and felt very scared.During a therapy session (based on the integration of Hypnotherapy & NLP), she realised that in her mind, the cockroach is enlarged and becomes as tall as a five-storey building that is coming closer to eat her!Her response was appropriate for her imagination. However, this story in the internal world din’t serve her any purpose. Instead, it gave her an undesired response.Therapists NicheNow, if the mind can create creepy stories in the internal world, it can also convert those into funny or pleasant ones. Since the fear/phobia response in most cases is a result of the internal story, as the story changes, so do the response.And that is exactly how the therapy can help, i.e. by helping the client change this internal story in a way which it benefits the client.This understanding is the basis of the NLP Fast Phobia Cure process and also the incredibly powerful yet simple If-Then statements.If you are a coach or a trainer who would like to learn and use powerful techniques like the if-then statement with your clients or participants, you would love the Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching™ Program.If you are a psychologist who would like to work with clien...
IntroductionThe first thing that most of us do when faced with adversity appears is to focus on the negatives. "Why me?" is one of the most common question that we ask ourselves. Somewhere we miss the fact that the main outcome is to actually be able to overcome the adversity. In this post we will explore why it is a better idea to focus on solutions instead of just the problem and what steps can help us shift our focus towards solutions.Recently I came across a message that was shared in some group, it said:Worried about life?Tired of balancing between Income and expenses?Frustrated about the loans and EMI’s?Wandering everywhere for peace and honour?Exhausted with the insecurity in relationships and life in general?Doubting whether you’ll be able to attain your goals or desired outcome?Thinking whether these pains and fears will go away or stay with you for lifetime?So what would you want to do about it?Why Focus on Solutions?I realised so many of us keep pondering about these situations in life and lose out on the strategies to bring about the desired change?Not to say that one shouldn't think about their problems but imagine how traumatic it would be if you were to wake up every morning and start worrying about problems and unpleasant situations in life and wonder why is it happening with you and end the day with distress.In order to demonstrate what I mean with more clarity, I’ll share a case-study with you:Why Focus on Solutions: Case StudyA friend was facing a marital problem in her life and was finding it difficult to be at peace even for a second. She often kept complaining about her husband being so was careless and would always keep abusing her.She kept cribbing about him 24x7 and blaming god for giving her such miserable life and “why me?”Days, months and years passed by but every time she met she had the same old grievance of why god did this to me.After months, I again came across her expecting the same old story from her side but to my surprise she sounded happy and didn’t mention about her husband even for once.On probing further of what changes has she brought about in her life and she mentioned that for long years she kept focusing upon the problem, forgetting that she too can take necessary steps to improve her life.She continued that one day she got fed up of this miserable life and decided to focus on what can she do about it. Finally after nothing else worked she chose to have the courage to move out of the relationship and live a peaceful life.Hence focusing on the problem simply kept her in the problem whereas focusing on the solution helped her reach the solution.Focusing too much on ProblemsIt is often said that “Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but takes you nowhere” so dwelling on “Whys” is similar to this quote, it keeps us updated on how big the problem is without giving us any insight of solution that can be brought about. When focusing on solution, some people grumble about how they lack resources to initiate or imbibe the change.Taking the above example, the lady felt stuck in her problem even after knowing the solution initially because she felt she din’t have the required financial resources for her child’s upbringing. But once she started focusing of different ways of acquiring skills to become financially independent, over a period of time she was able to have the necessary resource and hence was able to move on.Perhaps, approaching a difficult situation by focusing on the problem might be helpful when we attempt to avoid similar problems or mistakes in the future. In most other situations awareness of the problem with the focus on solutions is a more useful approach.How to shift focus on solutions?The simplest and the easiest way to focus on solutions is by asking yourself "How" and "What" questions like: How can I solve this task? How can I address this problem? What would be the first step to solve this problem...
IntroductionAt times people will go to great lengths to attempt to "justify" behaviour that they know is wrong or that they know others regard as wrong. This attempt to justify is what we call rationalization. We have all done this at some point in our lives, and some of us may even be rationalizing daily!What is Rationalization?Rationalization is a defense mechanism identified by Freud.According to FreudWhen people are not able to deal with the reasons they behave in particular ways, they protect themselves by creating self-justifying explanations for their behaviours.Reasons for Rationalization?It could be something that we have done or, at times, something that someone else has done, which causes discomfort.We not only rationalize actions and the things we have done, but we also find a reason for our beliefs, models, values and other inner structures and thoughts.How does Rationalization help?Let us take an example of a person who applies for a job and gets rejected.He may rationalize and say, "I did not want this job anyway".Temporarily this rationalization is helpful because it helps him overcome the disappointment of being rejected. Once he gets over this disappointment, he will go ahead and work towards developing his skills.So what's wrong with Rationalization?There is a possibility that the man is not getting the job because he lacks certain skills. Now if this man continues rationalizing even after multiple rejections, he may not even work on developing his skills. Hence, the same rationalization that was useful for him now becomes a clutch. A clutch that stops him from improving himself.Rationalization ProcessThe rationalization process can range from fully conscious (that is, to present an external defense against ridicule from others) to mostly subconscious (that is, to create a block against internal feelings of guilt). Simply put, rationalization is making excuses for one's mistakes and, by doing so, avoiding self-condemnation or condemnation by others.Rationalization and Self-Serving Bias:Since Rationalization happens after the event takes place, it is connected to the self-serving bias.When confronted by success or failure, people tend to attribute achievement to their own qualities and skills, while failures are blamed on other people or outside forces. For example, a student may blame the examiner for being stringent in grading her rather than lack of effort on her side or say a teacher may take credit for his students getting good results solely because of his effective teaching, nullifying the student's efforts.We rationalize to ourselves and others, at times to even people unknown to us. Let us say a woman trips and falls over in the street and tells a passer-by, "I have recently been ill". Here it is helping her save herself from feeling embarrassed or maybe from being ridiculed by others for not being careful.Types of RationalizationsGenerally, Rationalizations can be divided into two types:One is the "silver lining," an assumption that everything happens for the best, so one should try to find the blessing in disguise. Considering the above example of the person being rejected for a job, the person may say, "I didn't get the job because something better awaits me."The second type of rationalization is the "sour grapes phenomenon," a term that comes from Aesop's fable about the fox who said that the grapes too high to reach were sour anyway. Retaking the above example, the person may say, "I wasn't interested in this job anyway."Now what?Watch out for your own rationalizations. It is important to check reality and be true to yourself. If you or someone you know has been using rationalization in a manner that is beginning to create a problem, do feel free to call us at +91-808020-8473 or use the contact us form.Therapists Niche:
Most of us are familiar with the word "Anxious". We use it often, whether it's a friend talking about her upcoming job interview or your sibling talking about his exams. For that matter, even we have experienced this state of anxiousness at some point of time in life. In this post we will look at all the frequently asked questions about anxiety./! elementor - v3.10.0 - 09-01-2023 /.elementor-accordion{text-align:left}.elementor-accordion .elementor-accordion-item{border:1px solid #d4d4d4}.elementor-accordion .elementor-accordion-item+.elementor-accordion-item{border-top:none}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title{margin:0;padding:15px 20px;font-weight:700;line-height:1;cursor:pointer;outline:none}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon{display:inline-block;width:1.5em}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon svg{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon.elementor-accordion-icon-right{float:right;text-align:right}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon.elementor-accordion-icon-left{float:left;text-align:left}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon .elementor-accordion-icon-closed{display:block}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon .elementor-accordion-icon-opened,.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title.elementor-active .elementor-accordion-icon-closed{display:none}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title.elementor-active .elementor-accordion-icon-opened{display:block}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-content{display:none;padding:15px 20px;border-top:1px solid #d4d4d4}@media (max-width:767px){.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title{padding:12px 15px}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-title .elementor-accordion-icon{width:1.2em}.elementor-accordion .elementor-tab-content{padding:7px 15px}}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-accordion,.e-con>.elementor-widget-accordion{width:var(--container-widget-width);--flex-grow:var(--container-widget-flex-grow)}What is Anxiety?It is a common feeling that many of us experience at some point in our lives. It is a state of nervousness or restlessness that a person feels when they come across certain life situations. While some amount of anxiety is normal, excessive anxiety can interfere with daily activities and lead to deeper problems such as anxiety disorders.What is Anxiety Disorder?Anxiety disorders involve more than temporary worry or fear. The feelings of anxiety do not go away for a person with this disorder and can worsen over time. The feelings can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, studies, work, and relationships. The individual feels uncontrollable fear even when there is little or nothing to provoke it. Research shows that one in every four Indians is affected by anxiety disorders, with 10% also experiencing depression.The underlying physiological mechanism behind anxiety disorders is the prolonged activation of stress hormones such as cortisol and corticotropin-releasing hormone. These hormones are typically released in response to immediate threats, but when stress persists, they can lead to an excessive increase in anxiety levels.What are the Symptoms of Anxiety?Anxiety can have Physical, Emotional & Behavioural Symptoms.Our fight-flight responses are activated whenever there is a threat in the environment. Because of this, our body triggers certain chemicals, and we feel certain emotional states. All of this is accompanied by muscular tension, restlessness, fatigue, and problems in concentration.The other effects may include withdrawal from situations that have provoked anxiety in the past. For example, a person may not be willing to go for exams as exams triggered anxiety in the past. Changes in sleeping patterns, nervous habits like nail biting and increased motor tension like foot tapping are some of the m...
In this post, we will explore one of the most important concepts and presuppositions of NLP, that is Map is not the territory. This understanding is the basis of our Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching™ and Cognitive Hypnotic Psychotherapy™ Programs.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9BCsy77mlUSimply speaking: What we think the world is, is different from what the world really is !!!We are a part of a world in which many things happen simultaneously. We observe this world through our senses, that is anything that our senses are not able to grasp, and we are not able to observe.Wait a minute, why would our senses not be able to grasp certain things?Why Map is not Equal to Territory?Simply because, neurologically, our senses are limited and operate only within a bandwidth. This is why we cannot hear the ultrasonic sounds that bats create.On top of this, our senses are also influenced by our social and individual conditioning, i.e. based on our experiences, we create certain generalizations and certain beliefs and then delete or distort our observations to keep them in line with our generalizations.Now with this incomplete & distorted observation, we create an internal representation of the world which is, at times, very different from the world.This internal representation is the MAP.Why is it important to understand that map is not equal to territory?When we feel there is a problem in our life, in most cases, the problem is in the internal representation (that is map) and not in the outer world (that is territory or reality).The map is not the territory: ExampleOne day I saw a friend walking on a road and called out his name.As I took his name, I saw him begin to walk faster away from me. What I did not see was that he was wearing an earphone (so he wasn't able to hear my voice) and was trying to catch a bus (so he started walking faster). Based on what I observed and my generalization that people don't like me, I interpreted this as him trying to ignore me.For many days I kept wondering why did he avoid me? Did I do something that made him angry, or has he done something because he couldn't face me?Though I thought there was a problem, the problem was only in my map and not in reality.The map is not equal to territory: ExerciseNow for the coming month, I would like you to take up the following exercise.Whenever you think there is a problem, just ask yourself, "Is this problem really real, or is it just a part of my map?"And you may be surprised to know that just this question can make many positive changes in your life.Now that you understand what we mean by "map is not equal to territory", it is also important to remember another NLP Presupposition that people respond as per their maps and not reality.
In this post we will look at how many a times because of our unconscious conflicting believes we end up binding ourselves in loops which are responsible for certain problems that we may be experiencing.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPcAIKe2GygCase Study - Life LoopsThe idea of life loops or problem loops came about because of an interaction with one of my friends. She told me about specific problems she was facing in her life, especially work-related ones.She mentioned that a lot of work-related projects came to her last year, but for some reason or other, she couldn't see the projects through. Those projects either got delayed or cancelled, or someone misbehaved with her, resulting in her leaving the project.She told me that she had reached a point in her life where she quickly lost hope and faith in God. Also, what bothered her the most was that she almost stopped praying. She believed that this could be the reason for her problems.When asked about her reasons for thinking so, she said she had always believed that God gives you what you ask for from him. So, for her, prayers were the way of telling God what she would like to receive in her life and showing gratitude for listening to her.She also said, "I feel very guilty and afraid when I'm unable to pray. Guilty that I'm not doing what I should and afraid that if I don't pray, I won't get what I want."The RealizationAt the end of the conversation, she told me about a realisation that dawned on her.She said "it's incredible that we end up doing things without being aware of what we're actually doing, and how those things are affecting us."According to her, there were two very important things that she understood now after our conversation. They are:Though she thought she prayed to God out of love, she was actually doing it out of fear.This fear had created a kind of loop in her life that could be responsible for her problem with work.The following is the summary of her understanding of the loop she was into, in her words :"I would pray to God about getting work. The prayers would get answered, and I would receive new projects. Since my work is very hectic, these projects left me with very little time for myself. As a result, I wouldn't be able to pray. This would make me feel guilty and afraid. And then, I would create/attract situations that would lead to the projects being delayed or cancelled so that I would get the time to pray again."She said it was amazing how she had put herself in a loop without even realising it.These self-defeating loops end up creating a downward spiral in our lives which we are not even able to identify most of the times.Conclusion:It is clear that life loops can be a significant obstacle for individuals looking to overcome problems and challenges in their lives. By becoming aware of unconscious conflicting beliefs and their role in creating these loops, coaches can help their clients break out of self-defeating patterns and move forward in a more positive direction. If you are a coach looking to learn more about supporting clients stuck in life loops, we invite you to join us for our Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching® diploma. With this training, you will gain the skills and knowledge needed to effectively help your clients identify and resolve the underlying beliefs holding them back, empowering them to make lasting positive changes.If you are a psychologist, the Cognitive Hypnotic Psychotherapy® diploma is what you must be checking out.
"Acceptance" is one of those concepts that I understand yet have found difficult to define. I realised this while writing a post on anger, in which I explained how anger is generally a result of a lack of acceptance.So, in this post, I will define "Acceptance" and how it could be useful in constructively channelling anger. I will also be addressing the many misconceptions that people have when it comes to defining and understanding "Acceptance".What are these misconceptions about acceptance?During discussions when I asked people about their views on acceptance, the responses I received about this topic were more or less along the lines of the following-Wouldn't acceptance make me dormant?Isn't acceptance akin to resignation? Doesn't that mean I'm just giving up?Most people equate acceptance with an agreement, acquiescence, approval, and resignation, thinking that "if I accept things, then I'll have to live with it" or "no change can take place once I accept something".But in reality, acceptance is generally the first step to any change.What is Acceptance?Acceptance means that we look into the face of the present and say, "I see you, and I acknowledge you are here." It is getting in touch with or in tune with reality.It also means realising that everything we think may not necessarily be true. Thus, acceptance requires us to differentiate between "what is" and "our assumptions" about the same.What is Acceptance not?Acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that we agree with what is happening or that we believe it must continue. Also, it's not the same as resignation or helplessness.Difference between acceptance and resignation:Resignation means giving up because you've decided that you can do nothing about your situation.On the other hand, acceptance simply means accepting that the situation happened or that a situation still exists.Resignation is followed by helplessness, whereas acceptance opens up choices.Once you accept that a situation has happened, you can then choose to act accordingly.What does Acceptance lead to?Your actions could then help you to:Understand whether you would like the situation to change or to remain the same.Get a clearer understanding of the situation and the factors contributing to it.See the silver lining if you're able to find one.Understand how you have contributed to making the situation as it currently is.Identify those steps that have not worked for you in this process of creating a change.Decide which other steps you can take to create the required change.Acceptance: Case StudyIn the first case study, we look at how acceptance can help people move on from a relationship that is not working for them.One of my friends was going through relationship issues. She and her partner kept fighting about different things; she would complain about the fights yet insist that there was no problem regarding the relationship.When she complained, people would suggest things that she could do to improve the situation. But she wouldn't try those things or do something different to change the situation. When she finally accepted that something was going wrong with the relationship, then she began to pay more attention to:Her behaviour, i.e. trying to control every aspect of the relationship, and how it was contributing to making the situation worse. This helped her find ways to bring about a change in her behaviour.The fact that she wasn't getting the most important thing for her from her relationship, i.e. Respect.Finding a way to talk to her partner so he would understand her expectations.Once she spoke to her partner, he made it clear that he wouldn't change anything about his behaviour, including how he treated her. Having this clarity and accepting that the partner is making this choice, made it relatively easier for her to move on and leave the relationship behind....
Recently I came across an interesting article titled "Feeling guilty or sinful? Just Wash your hands !!!". The article was about understanding how not only our mental states determine our behaviour but also how our behaviour can help us control our mental states.
Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes — accurately or not — that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.
For a long time in my life, I thought that there are certain things, people, and situations... that are good and others that are bad. Everything that I thought was bad made me feel a sense of helplessness, sadness, agitation, anxiety... and all that I thought was good, made me feel happy, peaceful, calm, joyous...
For as long as I remember, almost everyone I spoke to about meditation has told me that it is the way to a blissful and peaceful living. Some have gone to an extent of saying that it is the solution to whatever problem one has and everyone should practise it as there are no side effects of meditation. And I kept wondering whether this is true?
Most of us believe that anger is a negative emotion and it's 'bad' to get angry. Research results show that anger can lead to behavioural breakdown and health-related issues. But Aristotle thought "anger was good for a person."
One of the most common applications of Hypnosis is in the field of change work. Hypnosis can be applied in combination with different Coaching Models and Therapeutic approaches to help clients achieve their goals and overcome intense emotional issues more naturally, effectively and sustainably.
Operant Conditioning is a method of learning that occurs through rewards and punishments for behaviour in other words it is a type of learning in which an individual's behaviour is modified by its consequences or the response the behaviour gets.
Stimulus-response (S-R) is a classical model of psychology about human behaviour and is popularly known as Classical Conditioning. It would be wise to briefly describe “conditioning” before classical conditioning could be explained.
When we talk about what is hypnosis, we often tend to be either talking about: the relaxed, focused, absorbed feelings associated with a ‘trance state’, or we tend to be talking about the interesting things people can do when hypnotised: such as not feeling pain, or experiencing hallucinations.